What Crappens in Vegas
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#58: What Crappens in Vegas
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Welcome to Watch what Crap is a podcast about all the things we'd love to talk crap about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from TVgasm.com and today I'm joined with the usual Boiz Matt Whitfield from Yahoo! Hello Matt! Hello Ronnie and Ben Mandelker from besideblog.com. Hello Ben! Hello hello hello! So we just were recording for about 20 minutes and Ben's computer crashed from all the wiener porn so we are giving this another go. Yes so if we sound a little ticked off it's because we're mad at my computer. Yes if I'm talking extra fast that's why. Yeah so we were starting to talk some gossip about Lisa from Real Housewives of Miami suing an internet commenter for suggesting she used to be a call girl. I wonder where she got that idea from or anyone anyone would. Yeah can we all just admit that if the massive cast of Miami were to lose one of the characters Lisa would be the first to go and this is clearly a ploy for her to try and make it on to season three. I would agree although if we lost Lisa then we would also lose Daisy who remains my favorite made slash recovering alcoholic slash preacher slash liposuction enthusiasts. And also I want to see what happened to Daisy I want to see her face. I need to see the recovery folks. Well I don't get it twisted like I don't mind if they cast Daisy but they can still get rid of Lisa. Yes Daisy's by the way Daisy's not gonna look any better because if you remember she went she's like oh doctor I I've had a little post-section three times okay she can't keep it in all right so by the time it comes back so look exactly the same. Yeah I think she will be one of those sad cases. Well Bravo needs to really make an effort to do that show again they did this year about the net Beverly Hills nannies. They need to scrap that because obviously that was complete bullshit but they need to have a show like that with just all the maids of the shows. Yeah as long as Jacqueline from million dollar decorators is there I mean. And Elsa's made who we neglected to nominate in our crappy awards earlier this year. But as everybody knows we made those up on the fly so you know a few people were forgotten along the way. Yeah give us a break people. Oh also don't you hate when you do that you interrupt something and say and also and then you totally forget what you're gonna say. Oh I was gonna say internet don't be calling Lisa a whore she is not a whore she's not a call girl she's just an ex-playboy model who married a rich old guy with no personality for his money. Yeah excuse me you're forgetting. Go ahead. I was gonna say used him to turn her into a blow up doll. Oh my god yes I was yeah I forgot to tell you go on your Google images or Yahoo images. Good catch good catch yeah I need two tries. And Google her and let let image search call her a whore for you okay. There's lots of teeny-weeny bikinis and vagina shots and a man face that she had before she met her husband. Ooh I want to see. But now she has a cat face and I'm kind of thinking the man face was better than the cat face but that could be because I like men and I'm afraid afraid of cats. You don't like pussy. You're more like the chick with a dick than just you know I'd rather just I'd rather just be with one or the other I don't need them in between. Speaking of chicks with Dix we should probably you know I wish RuPaul's Drag Race was on Bravo this would be perfect. And yet it is not. Okay let's get into the shows. There are plenty of other things. There are plenty of other drag queens on Bravo so don't you worry Matt. That is very true. And we miss we miss she by a charade so so much. I was just gonna add one other thing from the gossip world but the divorce between Bethany Franklin and Jason Hoppe to overdrive and so we knew that this was gonna get nasty because there is so much money with the skinny girl line but now Jason wants to have soul custody or primary custody of their daughter Bryn and usually the mom ends up getting it but Bethany you know maybe because of you know how she's been perceived in the public and because she's been on all these you know skanky shows. Maybe Jason has a shot at it. I mean I'm not team Jason I'm team Bethany here but I think that he's gonna try to go for all of her money he's going for the house and now he's going for the kid. And you know what I always thought like a few years ago when I watched Bethany getting married and there was a scene where she like peed in a bucket on TV. I thought you know what that was their wedding night. Yeah someday this is gonna come back to haunt her and you know what I bet they're gonna use that in court to show why she's an unfit mother. As they should. You know her crying because he threw her a birthday party or you know the thing I love is that she's trying to say that he doesn't need me money correct. Right. He shouldn't have any money. We saw on the show how much he worked to help her get that company going. She didn't do that on her own. She did that in a partnership with him. So be fair bitch that man earned the money. And if he was rich you'd be trying to take 80% of his money. So stop being such a fucking lame ass. Well here here's the crazy thing. So he's asking for what do you call it when you want to have somebody give you some money. It's not alimony. Oh I thought it was alimony. Maybe it's alimony. I don't know I'm not a lawyer like Phaedra Parks. Skinny girl alimony. Skinny girl alimony but here's the thing she's also asking for support. She wants him to pay benefits for her and Brynne. He's asking Bethany to pay his benefits and Brynne's benefits but like the fact that Bethany's asking for anything more than the child is crazy to me. I know she's just doing that for revenge. They need to put all that money in a big pot and split it down the middle and call it a day. That's the only fair way that's community prop how community property works. Well I don't know if it's like that in New York. I know it is in LA. So in LA it's a different story. You you are fucked in LA if you don't have a prenup. Yeah it's 50-50 here. So I hope it's there too because that man had to put up with her bullshit for a long enough. He deserves some money. I don't love him. I don't love him but I don't you know. I think but I think he is like boring and like a wet rag and I think he wears mom jeans. He wears mom jeans like Evil Dick from Big Brother and she is uh she's crazy. She's a crazy woman. She was funny. I'm sorry go ahead. Well no she was funny on Real House House of New York City because she had like a different perspective and and had these good one-liners but then once you just sort of see an hour of her every week you realize that she is Michigena and that she and Jill's Aaron ultimately deserve each other. Oh you are horrible. That is that is as low as you can go. Ronnie and Ronnie's book that is as low as you can go back. I'm just furious because we missed the first part of the podcast. This is how I'm venting. This is how this is how I grieve for the 10 minutes that we lost. Can I just say my secret dream would be for Bethany to get custody of Bryn fully moved to LA. Have her talk. Tees Ellen because you know Ellen wants a piece of that and then become a full-time cast member of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She is friends with Kyle Richards. I do think she would actually be very interesting on Real House's of Beverly Hills because as much as I love Yolanda she does nothing on the show. She does. Fight your tongue. Well wait until next week when she starts telling Kyle to shut the fuck up. I know that I'm excited for that. I mean should we just get right into Beverly Hills now? Should we talk about you know the episode opened up in the standard form which was Yolanda walking around with a tray of like homemade food. Like this is what every episode now begins with like I think it is very important that you feed your husband chicken with your homegrown lemons you know. Oh your husband is the king of your house and you need to make him feel like he is the one or he'll be fucking some young girl with a channel. You have to make three sets of souffle's because if the first souffle doesn't work then your husband will leave you. Okay you motherfuckers are making so much fun of her and you cannot say that you would not want to come home to a hot dude who is making you three souffle's and a chicken dinner. Hell yeah. Exactly because all men want sex and food. No no I'm not disagreeing with her. I just think it's funny that every time we see Yolanda it's always she just floats on in with some other like page of Yolanda lifestyle magazine. Okay it looked so delicious. I haven't been a hardcore vegetarian for 10 plus years. That juicy chicken looks so good. I almost went out and just started to like gnaw on the chicken down the street at the Ralph's. Bitch why don't you know how to make us chicken. How about you make some fucking fish. Yeah. I thought she made us chicken chicken chicken. She made hash. She made hash browns and she made spaghetti ones. I actually have to say if we're going to nitpick and this podcast is all about nitpicking is it not. I did not love her presentation of the chicken. She served it with lemons and I think tomatoes like but they're all so closely nestled in there to me it looked like it was right out of the page of like a 1972 cookbook. So she needs to be feeding her husband some water. That man needs to be drinking some water. He does not need any food. Calm down and just give him some liquids. Yeah. Yeah. Why doesn't need let's. Well and then go ahead. Oh no you got it. I'm on such a severe you don't even understand you guys how severe my diet is like it's killing me inside. So what are you eating that is killing you about food where watching food on TV you'll want to make me fucking crazy anyway because she's never done a goddamn thing in her life and she's rich as hell and I have to sit here and look at her feet at some rich man who's got more talent than me and a better job than me. I'm sick of it. I'm fucking hungry. I hate David Foster for getting chicken. Hello if you ate pinkberry for dinner every night it would just like it cleanses your insides. It's like a diuretic. But even more even more important than Yolanda's food is I'd love her sort of her casual name dropping and celebrity like oh it's the best because we get the fourth like look at Heidi and Phil. How amazing was it at the art show where she was like um you need to give me this piece of art for 50% off because you just don't even know the A-listers that walk through my house. Yeah AKA Suzanne Summers. AKA Suzanne Summers with a bag full of drugs. Yeah and Suzanne Summers who's gonna live to be 110 because she takes speed. She wants to sit. How fair is that? Like stop talking about health when you look like you're about six months pregnant Suzanne. She looks like Sally Jesse Raphael with a wig on and no glasses. Oh my god and by the way by the way by the wig the wig looks like that busted ass like Muppet one that Betsy Johnson layers. Totally. And she and she looks like she has the wooden teeth that Daniel Day-Lewis had in Lincoln. And her neck looks like a sleeping bag and her legs look like they're on a dip some restaurant. I don't know. But she's gonna live to be 110. And having several is one of those unfortunate people that's gonna die and everyone around town is gonna kind of laugh and go I knew that bitch was gonna die. Didn't you love it when like Lisa Vanderpump was like who the fuck is Chrissy Snow. Well I also liked when Yolanda was like well you know of course I've heard of Thuse Company but no I've never watched it. So like of course Yolanda's never watched it. She's my she's my great friend but I would never dare watch her show. I'm too busy in my garden. I can just imagine Yolanda watching Thuse Company and being totally puzzled by it. I don't understand these people. Why can't they just all just sit and talk. How did the landlord misunderstand what they were saying? It was so clear through the kitchen door. Why can't he just be lovers to both the black-haired one and the blonde-haired one? Why do we have to have a rivalry? Why do we have adults here? She's probably also friends with Joyce DeWitt. Let's not get wrong. Oh I don't think so. Joyce DeWitt looks like she got run over by 10 pickup tracks. Have you seen her lately? I would say I think it's more likely that she's friends with with Priscilla Barnes. A.K.H. or A.K.H. Joyce DeWitt's friends with like Priscilla Presley's daughter. Yeah Joyce DeWitt's smoking dope in the backyard talking about Michael. I would like Joyce DeWitt to show up on these shows that she'd probably be all like New Mexico wearing some sort of like- Oh she's totes Navajo, totes Navajo. She's probably would actually get along great with Asa. I'm looking her up right now because last time I looked her up I was horrified actually. I have a feeling there might be meth teeth in a DUI. Yes it's her it's her last picture and she looks like hilariously hilariously confused. Here the most important question is does she still have the same haircut? She does. Is there someone is there like a door nearby where someone's listening through it? Is there like is this Rover like hearing through the jail to look at her mugshot? God you guys we should totally open up a new regal beagle in West Hollywood to compete with Sir. Oh my god and you're not allowed to come in with your button above your belly button. Hell no. Yeah Joyce DeWitt. So yes she's on summer as a fucking wreck and I love that she's as fake as fakely happy as Yolanda and I I think these women probably go to bed at night in their cold beds alone masturbating and crying. That's what they're like uh with like home grown cucumbers because they're important to have the own cucumber patch. Cucumbers on her eyes and up her giant. It's how God made it. The kids are raising a daughter so have your own cucumbers that you can get can give her so she can eat them when she's riding the horse. Oh what what else happened there? Yeah I love that she she came over to give Suzanne Summers this big plug and they didn't really even get into what Suzanne Summers does and I'm sure that she sat there and made those women listen to her for a fucking hour. Have you ever seen her on a talk show? Do you know what she does? Yeah she she you know they did mention the 40 pills a day which she you know she takes more than that she she lined them up on one of those shows and it was like fucking dominoes for miles. Yeah yeah her ass bleeds let's just let's just get that out of the way and she uh you know the whole reason why she was there quite frankly I think I think I think the only reason why she was there quite frankly was for Yolanda to brag that she knows Suzanne Summers. I don't think there was anything beyond that. No I actually think she was there to sell a product or a book or some pills but they never got around to it and that's on the cutting room floor. Well she also injects herself with estrogen and hormones I mean that's a really crazy thing that she does so that woman is fucking Looney Tunes. I suspect that she has a bloody butt and she's bald under that way completely bald. Oh there's no doubt she's bald. I just don't know why she's not working more. I mean Suzanne Summers for crying out loud. I mean what a great reputation from Threes company. I mean she was a charmer. Yeah real charmer everyone really got along well with her. You guys she does pop up though on Bravo shows from time to time. She was on the final season of Kathy Griffin my life on the D list. Um yeah that's because it's a gay channel and gay people are obsessed with train wreck failures who are still alive. It's like wow you're still alive. Well she lives in Palm Springs it's where they go to die and you have to take a tram up to her house if I remember. That's like all I can think about. That's that tram. There was like when I think of Suzanne Summers I think of her on a tram now. That's my my dominant memory of her. What about when she was like Yolanda wow Yolanda is the most together fabulous most talented person I've ever met. You should have been to her wedding. I mean it was a who's who both Sally and then you turn around and there's Muhammad Ali Muhammad Ali. I was like wow that's one that's one fucked up party. I mean one can't hear that or one can't see the other one. The other one's stuttering all over the place. Was there? You are going to hell. I mean you already were. That's why there were different tents one tent for each type of disability. Oh my god one was a blind friendly tent where and one was Stevie Wonder was playing in that tent obviously. And Yolanda was like on a pedestal above them all. To give fabulous like canes and reaping glasses. And lemons and lemons. She was probably sitting in a throne with a scepter in the crown and people had to come and deliver like baskets from their native countries. She probably she probably emerged before she walked on the aisle out of her own refrigerator full of flowers. Hilarious. So wow okay let's get to the beginning of the summer. We got to get to the beginning of this episode because it was like a continuation of the previous episode and it was really kind of awkward with the men being bitches and Mauricio fighting with Ken. No. No what? That was last week. That was. Yeah. Where did this where did this episode start? I watched them. It started with Suzanne Summers and then it just like after that it was just nothing. Wait so is the part from last week where Camille was in the confessional going Taylor stop making it all about yourself. Was that not this week? No. This week if you need a recap please come to TVgasum.com where I've written a recap of this show but I'm looking at it now to see what the hell. Yeah I can say Fioli. Oh if that one became all about brandy going to swing her giant on a pole to make money. Yeah and then meanwhile Kyle through yet another party or her there if their daughters sixth grade graduation and and Adrienne Paul showed up and Adrienne by the way she has really reminded me of an old lady like her mannerisms are so old lady ish to me right. The whole the whole show she was the one to intro the show today and she was like previously on the real housewives and then like yeah it is previously. I love by the way speaking of the party that Mauricio I totally just interrupted you continue with Adrienne. No no you please you say your point my point and this is exactly why people like Eddie McGee on iTunes comments call me a bitch. Why why? Because I interrupted you. Oh Matt I'm I'm I'm petting my microphone and pretending it's your head to let you know. Oh I like to be pet. Do you say pet? I like to be petted. I like to be petted. Actually this is more of a pet than a pet but anyway I was just going to say that one of our commenters had a great point she was like this is Kelly Hurley she was like oh yeah I was waiting for Mauricio and Kyle to have everyone run out in front for a brand new least car for Sophia sixth grade graduation. They love to give away Mazarati's on this goddamn and that goddamn household even if you can't drive yet. Yeah they're gonna discount on everything that's the cheapest family on all the housewives shows combined. The only reason Kyle even had this damn party was to get some more free food from some caterer and to get some camera time because she's got nothing going on and to have Paul and Adrian over because they're not we're on anymore to bitch him out everybody that Kyle hates so Kyle will look like a nice person and everyone else can trash him behind her back. And since one to six graders get graduation parties by the way like I mean I mean just because you finished the school year does not mean that you deserve some huge party in a special dress. I've never understood children rituals like graduating from kindergarten fuck you you little brat what I took you there I dropped you off you're still sitting in your pants. What do you want no work for? Shut up good a job. Yeah I I agree but it did the this party did bring out Faye Resnick the monster reared her head again. Oh well I want to assure you Adrian and Paul I did everything in my power to let her know exactly what I felt about her. Um and by I mean all she did was attack Brandi she she accused Brandi of attacking Adrian and in reality all she did was attack Brandi for Adrian and Paul. Good job. I love Adrian's reaction. Well you know she does that because she has a strong belief in in what's right. You know faith really you know Faye really believes in what's right. Oh yeah yeah it was it was really right to attack somebody at a dinner party to stand up for your stupid ass who spent a week prior completely lying about your c-sections for an hour while everyone had a listen your gross lies at the dinner table. And then her husband is trying to put a nice together a nice lunch plate for her and she starts complaining about which pieces of chicken he is putting on her plate and proving once again why she's just the biggest nastiest bitch on the face of the earth. Yeah she really is. And what's she fucking that kid at this time is that what broke up their marriage and is that the real secret? I have no idea. I hope the secret comes out and I think I hope the secret comes out and I hope that Faye Resnick looks dumb. Are you guys? She already does. Well she looked extra stupid when she was like I started a design company 18 years ago and then in my head I'm like oh so you started a design company right after you were making money off of your friend's death after the OJ killings. Yes you use your play board. That's when you started to make a design company. Oh you're such a genius. She has some real Aylus clients like Negliche, Avril Lavigne and such. And such. And then they were shopping for creepy mannequins in like the downtown ghetto and it was creeping. That was last week. That was last week. Matt I watched them back to back. You need to like we need to okay you just you keep on you know when you think of a point you say and we'll tell you if it's relevant or not. Okay we'll tell you to us on the end week. Wait so Kyle getting a store was last week? Yes. Oh god where was where was it's Marissa Zannock being mean to her this week or last. That was last week but I want to talk about Marissa because I love her mom. Her mom cracks me up. First of all I love her mad man hairstyle that she's been clearly been rocking. She said 30 years. I think it's been more like 50 years. That is that's a hairstyle we have not seen since the 50s. Oh let me see what you're packing. Let me see what you're packing because I know it's going to be horrible. I know it's just going to be ugly. Let me see it. Oh god that's so ugly. Oh god. Take me with you. Take me with you. I loved her. I thought she was great. I'm probably what else I guess I went to Vegas and then they had dinner and then they acted like little girls not being able to swallow oysters. I can't swallow an oyster bitch. I love an oyster. I can and I'm the fake ass kind of person to do it and act like it's just delicious and I really understand the part of the sea it's from. You know like one of those assholes. Oh I don't understand that. I do because every time I'm with people like that they're just so like oh an oyster. Where's this oyster from? Oh really? The Pacific sound. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. I'm all of a sudden you're Martin Lawrence Balard eating a sir. I know. You have voices. Oh my god. I know oysters. But yeah I love it. It's horrible. It's horrible. I would really like to see a reality show of Martin Lawrence Balard taking a summer off and interning at Red Lobster. Oh my god. Oh it's a bit dreadful. The cheesy bones. I can't eat them any further. I'm just gonna get guts. That's actually a brilliant idea. The other by the way it's being of other brilliant things. Kim Richards is gonna get a nose job. Oh my god that was actually a wonderful scene. We got to see Kim in yet another house. I mean how many houses does she had? Does anybody know? It depends on how many Mauricio leases for her. I know. She has one perfect child that she has. Every season it's a new house and she's always hanging out pictures. Have you noticed that? She is upset. In addition to sticking her hand in managed based salads. This woman's other fetish in life are cheap silver picture frames of her children. I don't wait so long to put them up. I mean she'd always taste for I mean like how many times do we have to watch this process? Because it's a new house every time. It's like she's always unpacking and doing it in my house. My new house, new change and new nose because it's with a change. Hey this isn't a new house is it? Because I went to the kitchen and it wasn't there. If I catch him where'd you go? And she has a house man. I like that she has a house man and she has a psychic and she has a life coach. And she also now has a new plastic surgeon who may be from Transylvania. He was so scary. I was like him what are you doing? He's going to kill you and turn you into true blood. And how pissed is Adrienne going to be that she's not using Paul? Exactly. And they didn't you know they didn't go to the palms when they were in Vegas and she's not using Paul as the classic surgeon. So Adrienne's now going to have to sue somebody else. I think Kim's explanation actually made a lot of sense. And besides how could she not go to this plastic surgeon? I mean as she said he knows noses. Get it? He knows noses like noses noses. That's noses. That confessional was so fucked up. Did you see her? She started to laugh hysterically and they cut it off. She's so funny. I think that you probably rocked back in the chair and fell. So I do a lift and he's like no I can't do that. Look at your face. It's amazing. Are you on the all left? I'm not. I can't do that. Well if I get my ears done or did you get those ears done? Those are the most amazing ears. Yeah I've always heard that I have amazing ears. Emilio asked to this was the first one to tell me and then it was like a flood of people telling me I'm really good. So I get my mouth and he was like maybe okay Kyle called me she has to do your nose. I love how Bravo was so smart to be like because you know clearly they're setting up Kyle this whole season to be like the biggest nastiest bitch which you know she is but you know they're like oh Kim why did you think of getting your nose done cut to Kyle going like oh girl well if you get anything done you should start with your nose. I know at the very least you know she's like wow well that's at the very least she should get your nose done. That would at least help this method. But also Kim Richards who are you kidding? Your forehead is now in the middle of your head. You've obviously had an eye lift a face lift a fucking fillers bow ties get over it come on now you're not covering yourself up with that big old bow come on. Although I have to say I've seen some pictures in the tabloids of Kim's new nose and I actually think it looks really good. She looks amazing I'm not a hater on plastic surgery to be clear. I don't I hate certain plastic surgery and by the way it really amused me I know I'm stepping forward a little bit it really amused me on Shahza sunset. When Lily started talking about how like you know you get the key is to do it in moderation you don't want to be like crazy and do like so much of it. I'm like you know what you look like Lily you've seen yourself in the mirror correct you've seen your giant ass tits. Well you've seen her an elevator so. She looks like three the anime porn. Yeah she does. You know like on one of those websites you accidentally go to when you're just trying to innocently shop on Amazon and you're like oh that's like a sexy avatar person and the Sims world and oh wait they don't have clothes on. Yeah it's like the sped-cut robot with a weave and giant tits. What do you think? Yeah no in total we didn't have to say anything we were on the same page. Like I just make a reference that was too obscure. No no no we're with you that bit that bitch whack okay let's go back to Beverly Hills because Kim wow do you have enough plastic surgery stop front tang please. Stop fronting please do not front any longer Kim. So the girls all went to Vegas and then they did the usual thing where they flocked out on on beds and actually like they were the nicest beds they'd ever had even though they all live in mansions except for Brandy so I guess it was exciting thing for her. Oh you know what I loved I loved the um the uh the teacher the strip the strip cardio teacher whatever her name was she was cracking my shit up oh my god um I forget I just I wish I could remember what she actually said but I remember she was just saying the most ridiculous things like she was telling Brandy to like ripple your feel your tail and ripple it yeah oh it's uh what does that stuff called it's called like s club or not s club seven but um s factor it's called s factor a lot of my like lady friends in LA go and do those pole dancing classes. It was such an LA moment I mean people who don't live here in LA I hope you appreciate that this stuff really happens in our neighborhood you have women sitting here being like just ripple your body back and feel you want to feel sexy for him just roll around and get your heel up and oh yeah you're doing it you're doing it yeah and then she was clapping and like shaking her mane of a horsey hair and it was just like you clearly want to eat Brandy out. She looked like that on none from um father Dowling mysteries. Oh my god. Sister, sister Steve? Yeah what's her naming and she's like the daughter of like fame like she's the daughter. Um it's sister Steve and her brothers are Matthew and Gunnar Nelson it's Tracy Nelson and her father died in the plane crash hello hello she that's what she looked like I actually stopped it because I was like wait a second is that Nelson girl doing strip strip aerobics now it'd be great if she was wearing her nun's habit oh my god I would love to see that I would love to see us we'll do it maybe we'll do a side-by-side on our Facebook page which everyone should become a fan of because we're almost at a thousand fans. Okay speaking of I was just on our Facebook page so sorry I was totally checked out but we're not talking about anything noteworthy I can tell you that that's the worst thing about it is that I start getting on that page and it's just completely zoned but Nicole Jean Ronde um no Nicole Johan Ronde posted a link to BuzzFeed and it says here the seven essential items from Kim Richards online store last night Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Kim Richards announced the launch of her online store is predictably amazing did she I don't remember her saying anything about a store do you maybe I don't remember that either so there's a tie-died shirt that says life is a journey and I'm finding myself every day um we all need it okay go on there's a blah blah blah iPhone case okay 11 my life Capri a life is a journey Capri and an apron that says that's my chicken that's my chicken give me my chicken oh that's a season one callback oh and then booty shorts that say you're a slut pig okay oh and that's it I think all right one that says good thoughts a t-shirt but you're a slut pig please if that's real everybody go order them I was just gonna say if you're if there's really booty shorts that say you're a slut pig I'm going to take that and sell them up and down Santa Monica Boulevard yeah congratulations you all know what you're getting for Christmas that is my favorite Kim Richards quote I think of all time yeah oh no doubt pig with a finger point with a pterodactyl finger point and the mouth right it was fantastic and the old nose remember that remember those days that old nose those those those the days so the end of the show was all the girls being super nice to each other um also I don't really like brandy when she's nice because she tends to just talk forever about nothing that I give a shit about and that marriage was over a long time ago get the fuck over it and I don't like the women being so nice to each other it was like the most awkward dinner ever I was like you guys get drunk well it looks like uh next week they're gonna get all mad at each other so don't you thank god because don't you guys think this season's been kind of boring it has the last 10 minutes it's always boring it has its moments like I mean now this this whole thing with brandy and polyadron has already given the season a little bit of a through line which it needed but it's it's not quite where it should be look I'm not alone a lot of our uh facebook followers and commenters would agree we miss Miami motherfuckers oh yeah Everly Hills and Atlanta are boring especially after this amazing season of Miami well I know but that clip next week of Camille like accusing Lisa of having you know investors or she's going after about her restaurant saying oh Lisa tell us who your investors are and Lisa no she sure it says Lisa you need to be honest you don't even own sir yeah and Lisa's just like kind of slack job looking at her so do you think Lisa has partners or does she not really own it I mean what the hell what's going on with that if Lisa were smart she'd be like you're right I don't own it it's a piece of shit restaurant I don't want to be associated with it anymore peace out because it is a sucky awful restaurant um Ben if we didn't have sir we wouldn't have vendor pump rules so you might fuck up right now is that a way to contain all the Persians is that way are we head is this a segue are we going on to our next you know I was trying to you know weave it in but you got to call out the segue listen I love calling that a good segue and that was a great segue really smooth you guys um wow vendor pump rules last night uh I don't even know where to begin I can begin here actually Matt and I mentioned this before we started recording that you know we both all three of us really detest this show I think it's hated I mean I hate it's the worst show maybe ever probably one of the worst shows Bravo has ever aired but in the history of television in history in the history of mankind we're the worst and popular entertainment since we arrived on this planet um but I have to say I unfortunately have now become slightly invested in these awful officially fucking I am I'm invested and it's a shame because there's no one that I like I mean it's like it's more like trying to figure out who is worse than who at any given moment because usually it's always Stasi is the worst but then sometimes like this past episode Ben like I I found out I found myself hating the horse faces more than Stasi for five minutes and I was like maybe I should go hang myself what's going on but then I started then I started to hate Stasi again and then I started to hate Jacks the most and I started to hate Stasi again and then I just started to hate myself really at that point it's so true one of our commenters said it perfectly this show is is why people hate LA like these are the people that make people hate LA this is the reason that God made Noah build an arc and then he flooded the earth and killed everybody on it okay because it was Jackson Stacy okay well let me ask you this don't you guys think that the people like Stasi and Jacks and all these like people that think they're hot and sexy and they're really just all you know servers with 50 STDs are do do they end up like staying in LA and doing anything or do they end up like failing miserably burning out and moving back to Tulsa some stay like you can see Jacks he's he's been doing the same thing basically for 10 years and he's going to be one of those people that you know when you go to Cabo Cantina and you see someone who's like 44 and still dressing like he's 22 and like hanging her out there which is probably what's going to be me and he's going to have like a fat belly but still big like biceps yeah Jacks Jacks will be in there for the long haul um Stasi I think here's the thing with Stasi she calls herself a model but the truth is that she has the face of a young Veronica Cartwright and Veronica Cartwright is the woman in the witches of Eastwick who threw up all the cherries and if you I'm not even being funny she is Veronica Cartwright though having a crazy baby with Chelsea Clinton the point is yes I agree and the point is this Veronica Cartwright is not a look you want to aspire for when you're a legend model okay you don't want to look like the crazy lady in the witches of Eastwick but that's what Stasi looks like so her shelf life is going to be very limited and she's not going to be able to deal with the fact that she's no longer quote unquote hot stuff and she's going to have to get the hell out of dodge well if you ever want to see what these people are going to end up like go to the bar at saddle ranch on a Saturday night yeah Bonnie why would we ever go there actually I would rather go there than the abbey so maybe I should go there I'm pretty over the abbey too where do we go now are you going East I always prefer East I prefer the scruffy hipsters yeah well Matt you're not allowed back in the abbey aren't you band for sort of like there there is there are many unwanted signs okay anyway wait so wait let's wait if there was this show got always gets me so riled up every single week because they're so stupid and they're so obnoxious let's talk about her birthday party because the birthday party is the only thing that mattered so they all were like we need to take off the same two nights go to vegas and then cut to lisa if they all leave at the same time how am I going to have a restaurant blah blah blah boring get to vegas like oh she's like okay well I guess you guys can all leave like who cares about my restaurant wait there's a very crucial point to your mat I think okay okay okay I was gonna say doesn't have anything to do with stasi going like I go to a vegas for my birthday every year and like I can't remember when this photo was from oh my god it's when I was like oh my god I wore that shirt for my 22nd birthday oh my god she's only 24 slash she looks 50 I don't want frank to feel excluded from the birthday okay oh my god no no but so but so when you talked about people getting the time off stasi tells us the way she does it is that she tells like the people she likes the most about the birthday the first so that way they can take the time off and the people that she doesn't really like that much she tells later so that way they that way they can't get the time off so they can't come but she still looks nice for inviting them vital fact this is just setting up stasi's hideous behavior later on but anyway hold on pause isn't that like a really smart well I mean the thing is the way she says I mean is smart but it's also obnoxious getting engaged can be stressful getting the right ring won't be at blue Nile calm the jewelers at blue Nile calm have sparkle down to a science with beautiful lab grown diamonds worthy of your most brilliant moments their lab grown diamonds are independently graded and guaranteed identical to natural diamonds and ready to ship to your door get $50 off your purchase of $500 or more with code audio at blue Nile calm that's blue Nile calm code audio for $50 off this episode is brought to you by columbia sportswear from snowy trails to city streets columbia has you covered their omni heat infinity jackets are the gold standard in warmth pushing the boundaries of innovation feel the difference as thermal reflective technology wraps you in warmth whether you're hiking mountains or conquering your daily grind visit columbia.com to learn more okay because well we'll see why this makes sense later on so anyways that so she tells us this then they go to Vegas um they all oh yeah no one wants to ride with stasi because they're just all just a bunch of horse face concept I'm sorry women of all our female listeners I may have just massively offended you but these women bring it out of me I'm sorry well those women are horrible and the men aren't much better I mean the minute a fight starts they'll take off their shirts to show off their body set up like who are we going wait wait wait you were jumping ahead to the best part of the rest for this I saw that come on what are you taking it off to protect it set up my god I was text our I was emailing with you guys last night but when jacks burst in should we just should we get to the fight or should we get I was gonna talk about how how like get there okay get there drive them there get to the party and then when they check in and the girls won't even like talk to her like at the at the reception desk and then and then jack sends her an arrangement that's in her room and she's okay anyway so there's this party go okay now we're at the now we're at the fight are we at like the mariche dinner place yet yeah they're at a Moroccan restaurant which is is Andy Cohen fucking a Moroccan boy I think so because every single so they're going to every single damn so they're going to hookah I know right oh um so wait what's the what's the what's the what's the star season what's Darcy's new boy's name Frank Frank what a nerd by the way that laugh oh just sit back to the IT department get rid of him well I thought that his laugh was a little bit like Madison Hildebrand just gonna say here's here's what I really hate about Stossie aside from the fact that she's a total idiot and she's a total bitch and she's also one of these girls like it's my birthday like you can't ruin my birthday as if it's like some sacred holiday that everyone has stomp stomp stomp yeah but um I forgot I was gonna say about what I hate about her I mean I can go on but I just can't remember specifically what made me go on this rant well you know what I hate when people are like oh my god you guys it's my birthday and I got a Vegas every year you know what fuck you that's that kind of friend that I hate who every single year they're like hey it's my birthday everyone's gonna blow a couple of thousand dollars this weekend to celebrate it okay yeah like better friends with a bunch of poor ass wait I wish I had more friends like that well it's a bit on pay for it so you have to pay for their birthday yeah you're that's what I'm saying she's asked oh I hate that yeah yeah oh no I take it back oh no what I was gonna say was that um this whole thing with Frank you know how she's like making out with him at Chippendales and all this ridiculous stuff you know it drives me nuts because it's so transparent and also you know that if Jax would do something like that she would just be a bitch on wheels like she would be so annoying about it and I don't know why she thinks she can get a free pass and I don't know why I'm really getting so fired up about this like why do I care why do I care about this wait speaking of speaking of Chippendales my favorite part is when Vicki Gunfelsen leaned over to the guy with the greasy ponytail was like you're a stripper aren't you now I just I just realized the thing you can't call me you're a stripper you're a stripper aren't you you know we almost gloss over the the most amusing part of the episode before even the fight so Jax came to Vegas secretly and as we all know the big rumor about Jax that Frank started was that when Frank when Jax was in Vegas two months ago he got to go pregnant so he's like no I didn't so then we have a scene where he's talking to Scott Peter who seems to be the only like level-headed person and he's like he's like have I done bad things yes have I have I done drugs yes have I step with the porn star yes have I knocked up a girl in Vegas yes did I do it two months ago no I did three years ago yeah oh never mind you only knocked of someone back then oh you were only having unprotected sex with a stranger in Vegas back then how many like horrible things I thought he was about to list off like 50 other things like I killed five homeless people with my car I ran a mobile I mean he was just listing all like I you know things happen these things happen I mean he was just going on he's fucking crazy well I love that Frank I don't really like Frank I think that he's a total slime bag and he was and it came out tonight that he was fucking her before she even broke up with Jax did you catch that part yeah but who cares well exactly why that's that's what's so hypocritical of course pop wiz pop wiz would you rather sleep with Jax or Frank Frank oh god real honestly neither one of them which is it would run age step you have to choose no that's a huge step because normally if somebody works out I'll fuck them like that's my that's how I think of it I'm like oh my god they're thin they have power over me I'll do whatever they want I'll bust for them I'll do whatever they need but I would say I'll bust for them bust you know like bust your table like I'll do whatever I thought you said bust also I was like whoa is that like I knew like a gay phrase that I am not up to you know I've just been a waiter for so long and that's like the total that's the equal to bottoming as a waiter when when there's another waiter there and you're like oh god I'll bust his table he's hot that means you're like really the lowest of the low like like you'll just you'll you're dropping your panties and you're bending over yes pretty much but then we are gonna start using this weird get this phrase out there I would bust for him I will clean your glasses for you it looks sad but no I wouldn't I wouldn't have such a thing I don't think jacks has got every disease in the world and Frank looks like he has a tiny wiener and a really hairy butt here's a thing though Frank Frank has a nicer smile so that counts for something and a tiny wiener and a hairy butt he probably does have a tiny wiener and a hairy butt but you know what though Jack I bet it's one of those really like skinny skinny wiener's like creepily skinny yeah you know what though Jack's probably has a weird skinny little penis too and it probably has growths on it and on top of that he the more I look at him the less attractive he really becomes he looks just really weathered he does look like he did drugs and slept with prostitutes and now has filler and has a horse face yeah and he's face I'm telling you I saw him when he was young and it was not all big and giant like that no he's he's he's a weathered meathead yes well I did love when Frank told him oh you're with some 30 you know you're with some girl 10 years younger than you and living off of her money and like taking her money to pay your bills yeah that's really classy yeah I mean I'm sorry that was a great dig on Frank's part yeah that was good yeah but so did they I love it oh I'm sorry I just want to say one real thing because before I forget stupid scan she and she she and she yeah she's so disgusting she really truly is disgusting yeah I was like where's the rest of the box of those muffins for his birth yeah I was like he doesn't need another fucking cupcake oh but I love when she was like but brother passes me off is that you know I she's mad at me because of somebody I slept with like a long time ago while she just moved on like in a week how's that any different bitch Frank is not pregnant with a baby okay waiting at home for his wife to come home Stossy Stossy also doesn't have a hummingbird tattoo behind her ear so shut up you piece of trash she's also not from Azusa but you know though exactly you're from Azusa you automatically lose you're automatically always trashy for life you can't do anything you are like you're like uh you're like what's your face from the OC if mother Teresa we're from Azusa no take it back girl you lose your title even the story Africans wouldn't take her seriously they'd be like no bitch get that grant away from me see like a black hole of classiness no classiness ever comes ahead of it and not anything that goes in will never be seen again just just like sir yeah oh gosh I actually thought she knows point was relatively valid in that uh Stossy does act all high and mighty but she's not uh the more she's not like some exemplary citizen here you know she's a stupid whore yes I agree but you know I think it still stands at scam she is sheana is a stupid whore and there's no there's no explaining the way that you bone some guys some woman's husband for two years while she was pregnant okay there's just no excusing that you're gonna live with it forever proudly apparently because it's made the bitch famous but there's no getting around it just shut the fuck up okay yeah uh we'll get away with your classy mom so let's bring her on now as our special guest does she sheana we love you thank you so much for coming on oh yeah oh go isn't she supposed to be coming on no I can't I can't ask her I've just called her every whorish name in the book you guys can do it please I hate her please no I like I like her I think she seems like I mean I would take sheana uh sheana over any either the horse faces or saucy and any of those guys by the way I love those two horse faces and we they don't even need names it's just yeah they're just the ponies that's not in a horse face too they're both they both are named star with a K it is they're kind of like a hilarious almost like Tim Burton like creature like you know the two of them they're secretly that two-headed girl from that TLC show but horrible at least those girls are like nice and pretty compared to these two anyway so one of the horses boyfriends who secret they're all by the way the horses both have gay boyfriends oh my god totally okay you know that they've had that drunken straight guy like god I wish I had a blowjob right now two in the morning I know me too well don't tell anybody about right yeah people on the army do it okay and both of their girlfriends are flat-chested with no hips and probably have dicks so anyway back to the horse faces Stasi's having this birthday party a fight breaks out one of the horse faces gay boyfriends called Stasi a bitch she gets up stomps around says how dare you call me a bitch on my birthday grabs somebody there's hair pulling there's drink throwing there's a bottle of champagne directly over Stasi's head well because what happened was that jacks busted in in his white cable knit sweater wait wait wait wait wait wait wait I cannot deal with that look it is so the white cable knit sweater cardigan with no t-shirt under it is so international male catalog 1992 when I was like coming into the gatum and I was like oh maybe I need to get me a white cable knit card again and some drawstring like some of those drawstring and a drawstring thong and a man and a man sandal with a toe ring oh my god oh yeah that's still out do they still have that they're still in there's still a website let me tell you oh my god I need to subscribe I'm going on it right now well jacks came in and that's what got that's what got Stasi all riled up and then that's what caused one of the toms because both both the horse faces are dating someone named tom and so the one that's not tom sand of all whatever that guy he called her a fucking bitch stasi threw a drink in his face so he got up and he took a beer and poured on stasi's head which for me was such a great feeling of it was amazing it was amazing I felt like for for one second all was right in the world and then the guys are yelling at each other wait but then stasi did stasi fight one of the horse girls who was one of her boyfriend one of the horse he said that her hair got pulled and she got beer thrown on her but I don't think so at all I think she's just dumb and doesn't realize when her hair is being pulled and when it isn't being pulled well it's not like her boyfriend's pulling her hair because he's pulling on some man pubes instead oh snap so they all go outside and then they're like all riled up and then a tom of all people he's not even involved in this this is the tom sand of all he just takes off his shirt and starts prancing around in his ass's washed jeans like all right come on I'm so far it up I'm so far it up dude no one's even talking to you like what are you doing you're just taking your shirt off just to just to preen about and act tough it was like one of the more douchey moments of a show that has many many many douchey moments they should just call the show the douche bags of west hollywood guys um just an update I went on internationalmail.com it has moved it is now under care.com thank you can I can I still can I still get my drawstring linen pant I don't know I haven't made it that far as a guy on the subscription page is so amazing but I did just subscribe to a catalog in the mail so I will be getting that in any of you who um needs a boner please go to under care.com and subscribe and we can talk about it next time this one is amazing why doesn't under under gear should start doing ads on our show they should they really should throw the women start contacting you know we need to start contacting um the gays yeah let's get the gays out here let's get them I mean this is pretty much the gayest podcast of all time um yeah and all of our straight lady listeners yeah so anyway so this fight goes on um what's his face jacks jacks tells uh frank like to suck his dick which is how does my dick taste or something like that and then he uses frank of not being classy which is funny because I think usually if you uh impregnate someone in vegas and see with a prostitute and do drugs and then say taste my dick that's usually what I would think is there's actual there's actually there's no i'm not from asuz it's why i don't know these things there's a chapter in the countess uh luanda lassette's manners book that says how to properly ask somebody to taste your dick yeah i think so so anyway so this big fight happens and in the next day you know all of horseface the horse faces are like super angry and stasi is like you know what i'm gonna hang out with my new friends because all the people she didn't want to come through her party they came anyway because they just were so you're to come to vegas yeah poor that poor things too because it was all the hangers on it was like the busters and the hostess is a lower you know what though to be honest they all seem like 10 times nicer and friendlier and cooler than the others and the reason why i feel bad for them is that stasi is going to leave them in a second she's making them feel all cool by hanging out with them it's like a jena george yeah like it was total it was a total mean girl moment because you know she's gonna ditch these people who she didn't even want to be there and now they're her best friends yeah it's i hate this show yeah they're they're really all horrible people and you know what they that's what they well look before i even go on i have to ask you guys sir who hires busboys that look like that i mean that body is stunning i how is that busboy not like are you talking about the one in the little like black boxer briefs that got into the swing pool oh yeah i thought then all the other guys i did a little rewind on there and you know he's not doing as many drugs because his face still looks halfway decent yeah yeah yeah he uh he's definitely my favorite and then i think peter probably um i think this show is horrible and i honestly hope that sir catches on fire with all of them inside and someone knocks all the dorris so that that's my way so you want it to be a brazilian nightclub pretty much pretty much i'm pretty much rooting for the terrorists at this point yeah um all right well should we go on i i have to leave in like five minutes and we have two other shows to do what are we gonna do how do we do this um well we'll just keep talking with that you foo yeah i think that's what will have to happen um so okay it's not like anything happens on the real housewives of atlanta because it's boring no stuff did happen this week um because kenya showed up uh at nini's charity event wearing uh phaedra's bathing suit thing and like a big hat it was just how could i forget that was one of the strangest moments i love how like kenya's response to being called crazy is to do something really crazy yeah i don't have the chemical imbalance be crazy walking in with fishnets and then ass hanging out by the way if you need to see kenya's ass and ass pads please come to facebook i just posted it as our main picture oh fun uh no she's she is i mean she's an idiot this woman yeah she truly is um but but ronnie ronnie is convinced that it's amazing casting well it is i mean she has she has kept this show alive this season she really has she's caused all the conflict even though she is crazy and like nothing makes sense nothing that comes out of her mouth makes sense what about the meeting with poisha oh i like i like the meeting with poisha you want to have a meme with me you ain't got nothing not to say to me i'm not nobody's pawn i don't even know what pawn is isn't that the thing you used to wash your soap with your hands with i don't know i don't like that pawn i'm not an animal come on you're calm you're calm you're chemically imbalanced oh and by the way it sounds like a muppet baby and by the way there was an extended scene at a moroccan restaurant oh my god how is Andy fucking mohammed you probably thought he was sleeping jody foster then he almost on the morning he realizes it's just mohammed but they do have the same haircut they do oh my god oh so let's move on because i i don't have really lana's one of my favorite ones but i just don't really ever have anything to say about it yeah i mean either it's like why we don't recap sitcoms because they're funny already like fuck it yeah um yeah wait didn't didn't Cynthia do something where she thought she was a bottle with children like she had no that was that was last week this week she's decided she wants to go into pageants and i love that how she talks about how busy she is and they show like a wide shot of her agency with a tumbleweed going through it oh exactly i'm expecting to see i see like cobwebs you know oh my god she has the saddest agency we've seen a lot of bad entrepreneurial endeavors on these nothing has been this bad nothing as bad as the barely agency which is now has to resort to doing pageants the miss Cynthia Bailey presents the Miss Renaissance pageant well that's actually good business do you ever watch that toddlers and tiara's god those women spend so much money on that crap it's ridiculous honey booboo came out of that shit mmm i bet she got she got that idea from watching toddlers and tiara's and she found the perfect business queen to hook up with because he's yeah that's amazing he's like okay for them to show up is two hundred and fifty if they want if they want to be entered in the makeup contest it's nine thousand dollars yeah they want to walk down the runway that's that's their college tuition and if they want to wave at people you charge him another seventeen thousand dollars it's like whoa i love that you said college tuition because that is not a factor yeah exactly that's why they're all giving it up yeah yeah you know he's he that guy was good and he is gonna be the one who runs his operations and he's gonna sit there with she'll put on her like big glasses to make herself look serious and won't do a thing yeah she's like i've got a fro look i'm stylish everybody yeah Cynthia still needs to shut up and stop kissing everybody's ass and gossiping she was the one who went and told Kenya what Phaedra said i mean she is such a freaking gossip yeah no she just sits back and watches never says a thing and i can't believe she's never called out yeah except the reunions she is right yeah oh the reunion this reunion is going to be nasty as me craziness oh it's going to be wonderful watching Kenya go off is going to be wonderful yeah it will be great okay so what's next we have shots which which which which guys let me tell you like a little segue here um they actually this past week filmed the Shah's reunion so they are fine after a second season with like such great ratings and he is actually branching out and doing a proper Shah's reunion all other Beverly Hills how are all of the housewives yeah that's gonna be good that's gonna be really good and there's a lot of shit to air and i heard that mj is not speaking apparently on watch what happens she said that she's not speaking with um Reza so wow something went down i guess after the show so that'll be home good like won't talk to me anymore i think it's because i took that slider she was running out to when we were working out like i don't know what the deal is but like homegirl like she has to talk to me so you're accused somebody of being a pill popper with the big deal so she's a drug addict and probably never find another job because of it who cares so i slandered somebody big deal at the end of the day at the end of the day we're a family and it's like my duty to make sure that we're all friends and so even though she's a pill popper and doesn't want to admit it it's my duty to love her and support her no matter what yeah we're a family and sometimes in families people hate their parents and they kick their kids out on the street never talk to them again so it sort of makes sense that we won't talk to gg and then we send mj that's what families do but like you make it very hard for me homegirl i love that he calls his grandma homegirl homegirl looking like drink of vodka tonic like how how Persian is that okay let me tell you how Persian i am when they kept mentioning vodka tonics with ginger ale in them i went and made myself one and it's fucking delicious oh yeah they're delicious those are good drinks never have that before so you know what i actually thought this week's episode was really good and i i actually really enjoyed both therapy sessions we saw even though they were totally kooky one featured gg talking to herself and i actually got part of that because she had to like shuttle so she had like nice gg had to talk to bad gg back and forth they had a conversation and at the at one point bad gg says like i want to kill someone and then like good gg says well i can't respond to that bitch you said it in the first place you cornered yourself again by poller i can't argue with that i wish one of them had told the other one that we was terrible god that we just bad change that thing girl um i also i did enjoy uh mj and her mom their therapy session i thought that was like it's like it's just a nice scene like i don't have anything snarky you don't have anything snarky to say well i mean i thought it was funny which is like i want her to manage her time and less shopping oh yeah i love the mj's list she's like okay you two make a list about things that you want to change about the other one don't talk just make the list and mj's list is like i want to feel loved i want some respect i want my mother to stop being hateful i want my mother to apologize for the horrible life she's given me i want my mother to get down on her knees and pray to god to give her a better soul i want my mother and the therapist like stop and then her mom only has i wish she would stop less and i wish she would be more responsible and on time yeah i know i did love that i also liked by the way um asa recording with like the Persian pop star and like all her all she had to do she wasn't even singing she was just like talking like her thing was to say like i'm driving in my car going down to ph and like he's like can you do like pch pch no pch she's like okay pch like you bitch can't you say you're not even ch you don't even have to say no you just have to do an inflection you can't do that he wanted an inflection on the sea she could not process that she's going to ruin Persian palooza and what's with that ch i'm in my car driving down sunset it's raining and so i get wet what is writing this i think it's a song it also doesn't rain here i also like it rains diamond water i like the beginning of the episode when raisley got her some stone probably from like a chachi shop and she's like yeah i thought of you and she's like oh yeah that's powerful i can really feel i shut up and by the way every rock i now see i immediately put it up to my third eye chakra whatever it's called i'm like walking around and i'm putting like oh here's my mouse i'm putting that up against my what is that i said third eye chakra yeah third eye chakra um i just i like to feel i like to feel the energy as it seeps through my body and tingles at my arm i don't know what is this bullshit i know it's a bunch of new age crap it's really easy to be very peaceful and centered when your parents buy you everything and you have a home that's already paid for and don't have to work a day in your life congratulations on your piece bitch right and and you drive a Mercedes SL convertible that is worth over a hundred thousand dollars and you have a mansion in venice and then your mom has to like work until her bloody hands um can't stop bleeding because her family has no money yeah i mentioned with thirty thousand dollars worth of gold they decide to bury under the foot the doorstep she's a fucking idiot i just can't get on that train i can't get on it i love her i don't care get it meanwhile meanwhile i'm also mad at at mic you know i never really love mic i feel like he's very sanctimonious and he's condescending when he talks to people and i really hate it how all season he's been saying to gg he's like you raise your hand you raise your hand you can't do that we're family we don't we don't raise our hand to people that's like violent we don't do that and then we get to this like dinner party where the whole point is to finally broker a piece between gg and asa and what does mic do he gets his tiny little like five foot three frame up into a tizzy because omede allegedly said something and then mic is the one who gets all you know he's he's standing up and he's the one making sort of violent overtures it was such a hypocritical bullshit i don't mean i hate it so much mic it how say i hate it though like the proper way i i don't understand these people like i just want to make my bikinis and like they're like fighting like why do we fight i don't want to fight i want to go and talk about my ex what's with the dude who came to lily's office and was like listen here i don't like you doing this bikini this is disrespectful to your parents you think they're like this you think that your fiance is not embarrassed this is why he's embarrassed you need to go back to law i thought i was all staged to be honest i'm gonna i'm gonna call the stage flag on that yeah that was totally staged and i'm obsessed with lily so don't talk shit about her yeah i like lily although like i said before when she talks about like moderation with plastic surgery it's sort of like i don't know i can't even come up with a good analogy all that talk about Vanderpump rules has officially destroyed my brain what gave him the idea that she's looking for respect i mean she's got fucking two toddlers on her chest yeah and as she talks to her co-worker like oops it breaks it keeps you have fun with your husband okay you have a good one you love you i'll take them i'll type in people not a flatter funner cat or cat or cat or cat or cat or cat or cat or cat or cat or cat or cat or cat or cat or cat or cat or cat or cat or cat or cat or cat or cat or cat or cat or cat or cat you guys will take them over the dead horses on Vanderpump rules oh yeah i want to take them over horse space one and two dead horses i love dead horses so anyway we are we're left with a with a cliffhanger which is is gg gonna stab everyone at the dinner party i think the answer is maybe and you know what they were serving at the dinner party moron pomegranates mom moroccan food i think i think someone noted on crispy rice god they love some crispy rice that is like Persian crack that's like so Persian like like white people are like i don't want my cubs but persians are like give me some rice with saffron in it and some pomegranates and once i'm lavash homegirl like give me that lavash girl family i was like trying to make a julia child recipe homegirl only cooks french whereas you were Persian recipes um so let's end with a little tiny bit of talk about top chef did you guys watch i like the asian girl i love her and she won last chance kitchen again of course because it was against stupid josey oh dude you know it's like we're making chicken and i'm like i'm from the south and like i can make a chicken you guys like i'm amazing no one's gonna be here just chicken challenge josey reminds me of like that big junkyard dog that was the bad guy on the cartoon Heathcliff mixed with goofy see mad another reason why i was sad that you weren't here last week was because i think ryan and i went on a big tangent about uh something about cartoon hippos and tutus you did and i was very sad to be part of that i still i still listen even though i'm not on don't get it twisted oh i don't i know you don't bitch you can say whatever you want about me when i'm not here no i mean i give a shit well i'm checking in to make sure shit is not being talked about well i like to leave a shit talk well you did talk about me a little bit but i prefer my shit talking to come from from eddie mcgee our number one iTunes uh commenter who says quote great show guys like it way better when bitchy mad is gone thanks eddie mcgee thanks bud you're you're proving you're not bitchy the same way can you approve she's not crazy yeah i mean don't call don't call me out on that shit i'm just like i just took my bitch back to a whole another level listen we had we'd love you because you're bitchy okay never change okay oh okay yay i think i think my microphone again man but what but watching josey my girls watch josey get kicked off her barbecue is fucking amazing especially since she kept saying she's from the south and she's from miami has ever anybody ever heard that that's the south because i've not heard that well the fact is yes it is kind of southern but miami is not known for its barbecue no it's not the south give me a praise miami is known for its barbecue as much as josey is known for her cooking hey yo hey yo so that bitch is gone and it was amazing to see her get axed in uh tries in a row and the kitchen the last chance of the shell burns the but also oh god that was what michael oh oh she's the biggest c-word in the world and i thought i was gonna say but you love her yes um actually i worked at a moroccan restaurant for a long time called chemo and michael bernstein came in there with two other famous chefs who've been on top chef i don't even remember who the hell they are right now but they came in and then they opened a restaurant called it's where la sports club is social it was called social with like half of our menu on it oh they're pretty slimy but anyway she's a c-word but she's a very funny one so what's the deal um when you're watching uh bravo and last chance kitchen you get to see who's battling to come back to the show right that's the surprise of last chance kitchen if you wait right back to the show but then they have another thing called fan favorite and whoever wins fan favorite gets they get another chance to so and when and when are they bringing the back i don't get it god bro you don't need your shows to be six months long okay stop it well they want us to watch they want us to watch like all this extra shit on their website and nobody wants to do that and i think a lot of top chef fans are kind of like i don't give a fuck what's going on like all i care about is the show yeah i've never watched it until this this one because i really want to see christian and it was lovely to watch her beat that arrogant asshole cj god i hate that guy i hate cj also one balls one ball cj one one not cj even in this one he's not oh that was me um who plug in your headphones whoever took out their headphones that's obnoxious um but yeah i got i gotta go actually okay you guys you guys keep talking bye everyone we'll finish it okay bye talk to you later bye um so cj in last time oh you need to pause for a second where is he going um i don't know but he stayed later but i don't know where he was going he never says like some mystery some mystery foodie thing i'm sure is what he does foodie thing i think it's a grinder thing no i think it's like a foodie thing where it's like he has a dinner or something to go to i feel like grinder should probably be our other sponsor grinder oh my god i know except i don't need a sponsor it's like you don't need to advertise water because everybody has to drink it except for diamond water it's ever diamond water yeah but i feel like all the gays already have grinder like even if you look at gays on dates you know you'll see them in restaurants on a date and they look at their phones you see that yellow shining onto their face and you know their ass is on grinder why do you think i don't wear my glasses on dates ronnie because people will see the reflection oh my god that's so good i don't use that grinder i've talked about that before but i still wait you prefer scruff you scruff no i don't do any of that in that phone fucking i just i'm i was raised approved you know i'm a i'm a homo so that's i know kind of a conundrum because clearly we're talking about the housewives yeah yeah oh it's okay break Ben's gone okay you can turn this off now Ben like but yeah i'm not really a big internet fucker like i believe in meeting somebody you know says the guy who was like yeah i'd bus for jacks well yeah yeah well anyway speaking of busing top chef is really kind of good this season the ratings are mediocre um i don't know if people think it's running out of steam but i'm kind of i'm kind of enjoying it i'm loving top slash i will not enjoy it unless christian wins i you know i i'm kind of rooting for that little hawaiian guy but it looks like he's in trouble this week they oh he's totes in danger i i feel like the top chef previews always give away exactly what's going to happen yeah they are not tricky are they no it's like we are a little more savvy hello we are not your average like nbc viewer this is bravo people yeah oh agreed and i i hope that someone good wins i i just hope it's not like the bacon guy fuck the idiot with the handlebar with the greasy handlebar mustache yeah you know like i'm not against being fat obviously because i am fat but i'm so anti like fat people always like oh bacon oh that's my personality i'm gonna wear a bacon shirt it's like what the third guy on top chef who's been like that and then i know it's like it's like all these people were growing up like you know six years ago and they all saw that like one bacon shirt at urban outfitters and they were like oh that's my fucking life's motto yeah like identify it with something other than a dead pig that you murdered okay like not to be you know on a soapbox because i do have a vegetarian soapbox i do i love it when you do that mmm well i've been watching you know because tv i only have so much tv i pretty much watch these bravo shows for this and then i watch some dramas but they're all all on hiatus right now so i've been watching a lot of netflix and man you watch one healthy documentary on netflix and everything they show you after that is like some vegetarian bullshit and so i'm getting brand i'm totally getting brainwashed by watching all these movies like which ones well i saw food ink and then um that changed my life yeah that was good and then that led into food matters and then that led into the gerson miracle and then that led to oh my god i can't even name them i probably watched like 11 of them trying to brainwash myself into not being fat and um i think it's working i think that the key to success is um lemons from yolanda's garden totally poop out some lemons the only animal i'm gonna kill now is my dog dealer don't say that he's too cute yeah he's kind of cute so i think we're done with all the bravo shows did we miss one um yeah we did miss um patty stanger show which all of us have decided collectively not to watch and that is saying a lot when we've decided to watch vanderpump rules over anything else on bravo people patty out stassi in there's a problem yeah that people love that show though it does pretty well doesn't it you look at ratings yeah i mean patty has done well for quite some time i think this is her actually her sixth season so um you know i think that she's now hanging out with denise richards and trying to hook up denise richards dad i mean there's yeah i mean it's just getting desperado up in there or as the atlanta housewives would say oh she thirsty oh she might have i didn't think she was just there say oh she's hot she's thirsty and she's starving oh so you're gonna bite now oh so there's some new ones coming out um there's this one with two old queens and like cute hefner jackets who run a thrift store on melrose that's frightening i do not ever want to accidentally wander into that store we are so gonna accidentally walk in there and their cameras will be rolling it's gonna be a fucked up mess the other new show that's coming out is called like LA therapists like we need another fucking show like that yeah are we crazy oh my god the therapists are the crazy ones oh oh all i want is for the real housewives of orange county to come back because as much as i hate tamara vith barny with all of my being i need her back on my screen well you know you can always catch her on her podcast tamara don't stop giving her props i can't stand that one yeah she's pretty horrible but you know this season's gonna be so good uh vicky left a tweet uh i i might have said this already on the show i'm sorry if i did um i'm i'm the son of of someone who likes to drink a lot and so i tend to repeat my stories just send my family but um your breast mouth is really just a white russian totally i smell like froncia that's my clone but she um she tweeted when i or she tweeted in the daytime i'm so excited to go see the girls this is going to be so fun and then at night she tweeted i'm heart broken and something you know i saw that which is wonderful um which means it's gonna be a great fucking and she breaks her neck and what i mean we already know it's going to be just so so good um but i wanted to give an update we were talking about the real housewives of everly hills and kamil accusing lisa of not even owning her restaurants and all this so i did google it while you guys were talking earlier um and twitter apparently comes through again lisa admitted to only owning 51 percent because her partners who are the managers that we've seen on the show on the other 49 well we've already known that so yeah we knew that so what is kamil trying to do and and this is coming from reality t by the way kamil said uh kamil explained herself on twitter and admits she got it twisted quote i did feel really bad for saying anything i was a bit misinformed i stand corrected oh gee i wonder who misinformed you hmm kyle oh i was gonna say a drink well it's always a drain and kyle because the two of them are nasty team of horrible monsters yeah they are horrible so someone else wrote uh to kamil they tweeted her how do you think uh they wrote her how do you feel about lisa following everyone except for you of course it's twitter so the actual sentences how do you feel about lisa following everyone expect you it was too many characters yeah twitter is like a damnation of our school system i know i'm an i'm an editor trust me it makes me want to kill myself and kamil wrote back how do you think i should feel sad face um why would someone want to be your friend if you just accuse them of like being in line with terrorists for their funding for their restaurants um excuse me don't get me riled up at the end of the show after ben his left so he cannot back me up here but we fucking love kamil grammars so don't you talk to her about her okay i said it in season one and i'm never gonna let it go kamil bitch is an asshole well done just just because she has iBS doesn't mean she's an asshole well she's she's an explosive asshole in that case but she is an asshole she she in season one she was a horrible human being then in season two she knew she was a horrible human being so she kept her fucking mouth shut and this season she's been doing the same thing but we're um no let me tell you back on the scene you have to give her some props for when she's in the confessional because she gives good confessional where she's like um dear taylor shut the fuck up bitch we don't care about your husband who hung himself stop talking about your story you're irrelevant and even though i'm just a friend of the housewives now and you're a full-time cast member everybody who's watching the show knows that i should be on it not you bitch that's what she says and i love true i do love that too i'm not saying i want kamil to be so essentially you love anybody that's willing to punch taylor in the face oh my god for sure okay me too sure yeah i even like kennedy because i know that at one time she came out of taylor and made her feel extreme pain exactly um but yeah i want kamil on the show i enjoy an asshole oh and by the way what happened to taylor this week she was conspicuously absent i don't know but i think that i mean look she's kind of like lisa hoxstein it's kind of like once your story is over how are you still going to remain yeah she's done i think that we're our prediction is going to come true about old taylor and she's going to be off the show next to your failure i fail her but the the big fail is i mean we fucking hate fey resnick and that bitch is going to take her spot no she's not going to be a regular she's going to be a friend of i think she was made a regular friend of but not well then maybe my dream is really going to happen and i you know if people were look again we taped the show on tuesday's and i was looking at my instagram earlier today and bethanie was having some meetings with andy coen in new york they were having lunch together and snapping photos so i don't think yeah but their friends member jill zaren said it in their interview she's like oh really you're friends with bethanie you've got a dinner with bethanie happy me never went to dinner with me you went to dinner with bethanie all the time well okay that's true they may be friends but you can also you know not count out the fact that andy coen with dollar signs in his eyes and his cross eyes is probably thinking like okay bethanie's going through this nasty divorce how can i make this happen in on a tv show whether it be a new show or an existing franchise oh yeah it's going to be bethanie you know bethanie alone again with her and cookie oh god yeah because bethanie is never going to be a housewife again she'll do she'll do another spinoff but i don't think she's ever going to be a housewife ronnie i want her to be on Beverly hills yeah but she's not now she's a solo act you don't go from being a solo act to back to an ensemble she's never going to do it no um nanny's going to as soon as the the new normal gets canceled i got picked up for their back nine so that's promising i mean i like i like the show it's just the ratings i'm just nervous well nanny is not an idiot first of all she's the highest paid housewife because that's the highest rated show and she's the star of it so she's not she's not no she's not i know she's not a dumb woman i mean she's not gonna leave that behind she will always keep her closet and that's why she's like um yeah i'm going to hollywood if your ass is want to follow your star bring a camera crew girl oh yeah and i love nanny like suddenly all rich and famous with her like stuck up ass it's so funny yes well will you do our house to do other homes because we just moved to the heels it's like yes nanny they know where the hills is right exactly she said that i was like you are so get out because like interior lusions is right down the street from both of us and i'm like um yeah i've been in there and yeah they know where the hills are bitch it's called up the block yeah please don't brag about living in extorted don johnson or whatever delistor you've got up your sleeve okay no one cares right in your least house okay micky roark shut up anyway um we you know again this was our second podcast of the day because ben fucked up and deleted our first womanist computer crash so at the beginning of the episode we did not um give out our um twitter handles so follow me matt at life on the em list follow ronnie at tv gasm follow ben at b side blog and follow us as a podcast at what crappings and don't forget to get in the mix with us on facebook it is so much fun we're at facebook.com backslash watch what crappings the interaction that you guys uh provide the photos the commentary it makes me laugh on a daily basis i love it thank you for that and thank you everyone except for eddie magie for your amazing five star reviews on itunes we really do appreciate it we love you guys um we have a few cool things in the works um potentially for 2013 so uh keep your eyes peeled and um continue to follow us and listen to us we really appreciate it yeah guys thanks so much and if you ever want to buy ad space just contact us uh ad us at twitter tweet us um because we are now tweet us darlings because we will now be selling ads that's right we're gonna buy mansion um we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna lease a mansion we're gonna lease we're gonna lease one range over for the three of us and um yeah then we're gonna ask Bethany to uh pay for our medical bills as well totally oh so thanks a lot you guys for listening and we will be back next week we'll talk to you next time bye bye you you you you you you you're a good friend oh kiss grandpa but we'll play the rattle and you're on with that for help you add the auto map make more cold as girls grow old and we all lose our jobs in the end of the war that's claimed your code hey shake these rocks don't lose their shape you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet the folks behind the side show network of launch the new youtube channel called wait for it it's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts Todd Glass lies a slice finger slicing dragon friends with it for 10 years one of the funniest people out there and I still have a hard time with the last name wasa our very own own Benjamin that's me takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more you don't have to wait any longer just go to youtube.com/waitfortcomedy there's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and I love you a few days ago Brooke to Dean posted an inspirational quote on her wall that got 17 likes and three comments thumbs up Brooke Geico also wants to make a comment in just 15 minutes you could save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to Geico and nothing says inspiration better than saving money well except for those posters that say things like teamwork excellence and make it happen hashtag keep climbing hashtag savings Geico 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance if you like watch what crappins you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcast prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon music before you go tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com/survey in a quiet suburb a community is shattered by the death of beloved wife and mother but this tragic loss of life quickly turns into something even darker her husband had tried to hire a hitman on the dark web to kill her and she wasn't the only target because buried in the depths of the internet is the kill list a cache of chilling documents containing names photos addresses and specific instructions for people's murders this podcast is the true story of how it ended up in a race against time to warn those who lives were in danger and it turns out convincing a total stranger someone wants them dead is not easy follow kill list on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts you can listen to kill list and more exhibit see true crime shows like morbid early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery plus check out exhibit see in the Wondery app for all your true crime listening