To Sur Without Love
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#56: To Sur Without Love
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Hey everyone, welcome to Watch what Crap is. A weekly podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we love. I'm Ben Mandelger from Visa Blog who can also be found at Visa Blog on Twitter. And with me as always, we have Ronnie Karam from TVGasm. Hi Ronnie. Hello! Ronnie is at TVGasm and Matt would field from Yahoo! Hi Matt. Hey Ben, welcome back Ronnie. Yes, welcome back thank you everybody. All of our Facebook commenters were really pissed that you weren't here with us last week. I thought they were very sympathetic they're like no no Ben and Matt you guys were like really good but we kind of miss Ronnie. You guys are foolish. Whenever somebody misses they say they miss them. Last time Matt missed they were like that but you guys the new year came with a new diet and I got a little bit grumpy and I could not even bring myself to watch a TV because that's when I eat little Caesars and cry at the same time cut myself. Who's little Caesar and what does he look like? He's so hot. He's a short guy. He's hot. He's oily at all times. He's always ready to go down your throat. Is he Italian? You live in New Jersey? Does he have a daughter has to go to the face? Yeah so I couldn't bring myself. I had nothing to say so I sat out but it's nice to be back. I haven't talked to you guys before. I haven't talked to you since 2012. Well we're glad to have you back and by the way really quickly Matt is at life on the M-list and our show our podcast is at What Crap is but even more importantly we have a great Facebook page which is facebook.com/watchwhatcrapins super super active getting more active every week. Is blowing up y'all. Blowing up you know last week we said we wanted more people to like the page and gosh darn it more people liked it. Guess what they also did. They also came through whenever I make like a request to hurt myself or start eating. The request that I put out for iTunes comments always skyrockets and so we got a lot of awesome new ones. We are five star solid motherfucker. There was actually a lot of there was actually a lot of matte love this week on Facebook because for some reason somewhere it came through that there were some criticism of you Matt but I don't seem to remember. One girl posted a little thing that I think was a joke but a few of my friends on the Facebook page came came and backed me up so I appreciated that. No I nor did I solicit it. Yeah because I was sort of a music. I was like no don't make fight of Matt. We love Matt. I was like wait who's making fun of Matt. I know. They were really making fun of me. I was wondering what you guys were talking about and I thought Matt was going in there and like deleting stuff. No I didn't touch. We all have people's controls. I did not delete anything. I think that they just really missed Ronnie this past week but a few people came in and were like oh well you know sometimes Ben and Ronnie like to go on a tangent and Matt is the only one that reels them back in. I don't want to be the school marm but I think that's my role. That's the Lisa Vanderpump. Yeah I am. I'm the den mother. Well listen speaking of ringing in I have to rain it in a little bit because I have to actually leave in 50 minutes because I have to go downtown on Little Caesar or actually downtown Los Angeles. So anyway we have a lot to talk about this week. We've got Real Housewives Beverly Hills Real Housewives of Atlanta that awful show Vanderpump Rules. We're gonna touch on Top Chef. We'll touch on Million Dollar Decorator. We'll touch on Miami Lost Footage. Excuse me and the bet show ever. Shaz of Sunset. And of course Shaz of Sunset. And there's even you know what I'm actually sad that I have to rush us along here because there's a lot of good gossip that I don't know if we can touch on on this week. A lot of people can do it. Okay okay. I just read something right now like literally seconds ago right before this podcast in the New York Times so we're getting classy that Lenny, Dr. Lenny, Hoxstein wants to tear down a beautiful like 1925 mansion on Star Island and he wants to rebuild it with his own shitty thing. What do you guys think about that? Well he tore down his wife and rebuilt her so he's good at that so we maybe should give him some credit. Yeah he he says well apparently when they bought this house they bought it sight unseen in part of a foreclosure deal. I think they're just so antsy to get on to Star Island. They're just like okay let's buy it and then they discovered that it required a lot of renovations but this you know the preservationists are super mad and he's like well if I knew it was historical I wouldn't have bought it. So once again more idiocy in Miami. I say screw history. I want to go see Lincoln. Screw history. Tear it all down. I don't give a crap. Tear it all down. Was it? I feel like there was like three other really good gossip pieces this week but I can't remember. Do you guys remember? I read a little thing is MJ. Oh yeah that's it. Did you guys read about that? Did you read about that? Yes totally. I mean but how old wash? Oh well we'll get to her age because her age was revealed during this week's episode which was amazing but so what was she said that pill-popping was the worst thing she was ever accused of I was like yeah you forgot it back going to jail. That accusation was probably worse. Yeah I would say so. Well what the basically what happened was she committed some sort of bank fraud and she claimed she was a teller at a bank and she claimed that these guys came in and intimidated her and made her make these deposits illegal deposits etc and we don't know what sort of deposits cash or semen maybe both. Are you kidding? It was sliders. It was a sliders? It was a slider deposit. They were supposed to you know she was supposed to like check in like a good 20 sliders but you know there was some on the side for her. They're always a some on the side. They were now say days. They were representatives from White Castle. Of course. It's Harold and Kumar. They came to see the MJ. Mersej. Mersej. I have one little piece. There was you know this Miss Zana here from the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills who is not getting that much screen time. Apparently she is taking to her bravo blog to trash some of her cast mates and she is hating on Taylor surprise surprise but who doesn't hate Taylor so I'm not gonna falter for that by any means but apparently she's not getting a lot of screen time so she's lashing out on on the web. That's what these ladies like to do. They like to lash out on the web. She apparently gets into it with Taylor because she's she's been saying since the beginning of the season when she wasn't even on it that she hates Taylor so I can't wait to see what goes down. A single girl. A single girl. We have to stay together. We stay together. Where's her plane? I am so fucking sure that that bitch ever had a plane. She never had a plane. Did you notice that Camille and Brandy were both trying to like shake her off of them when Brandy wasn't even on that couch and Brandy wasn't paying attention. Camille was like yeah Celior has Brandy was talking to someone else and letting her hand be clasped. That's all at the entire time Camille was like yeah a single girl's wait I get to go home and get some like big old hot man. Yeah so why don't we talk about Beverly Hills since we've already gone right there. So this week's episode once again it started off pretty much with Yolanda fluttering about picking lemons from her garden in typical. She is the Martha Stewart from Holland. I need lemons for the master clan so I grew a lemon a lemon forest. I'm somewhat I can't help it I'm obsessed with lemons and oh don't worry about the piece I'm making honey. When she said she was making honey that was the most ridiculous thing. But then like we discussed last week the most important supporting player on the entire cast was there Yolanda's refrigerator. That beautiful refrigerator and her citrus juicer which as I mentioned on Facebook is the same one that I have she keeps it real she gets the same oster juicer that us poor folk have to. It's so funny that no matter which one of us posts on Facebook I can tell who it is by their voice. I know that Matt is never gonna post about how excited he is to see his juicer on TV. I know that that's a Ben both. Because I've even I've given up drinking too I just don't consume anything but air. Well Yolanda I love that she is making making honey and like I'm pushing the master cleanse as if she's like the first one who's ever heard about the stupid thing. Have you guys ever done the cleanse? The master right now. What are you talking about? Of course. I want a master class right now. I'm on a total fast right now. I didn't eat yesterday I just drank liquids. All right I'm on day 14 of a water fast. Thank you very much. Well I love how Yolanda is like it will change your life you will know all your decisions and answers now. All your master cleanse. I love letters to the bees they don't sting me. Yeah that one is ridiculous and the master cleanse is like a thousand calories a day of pure sugar. So I don't know. Yeah I mean that's the thing. I mean people don't realize that the master cleanse is really just drinking water with maple syrup in it which is really not good for you. And it also apparently gives you hella shit son. Yeah that's how you're gonna start yourself. Yeah that's how you're gonna starve yourself. Grow some balls and starve yourself. Yeah well I love I love how she's like oh and as an other benefit you also lose weight I'm like add a benefit isn't that the entire benefit. How is that like the ancillary thing. What's the what's the main thing. Oh and it's also curious cancer. The only thing that cures anything is Kim Richards life coach. What the fuck. Oh my goodness well that scene that also inspired me to go on to Facebook and say that we definitely need to resurrect starting over with the cast of Real House House at Beverly Hills because to imagine Kim and Kyle stuck in a house with Ionla Van Zandt would be my dream come true. I don't put it past them. They were on that stupid Fox reality diving series this past week. They will do anything for a check. Oh I recorded that I still haven't seen it. Let me break it down for you in 10 seconds. The girls didn't dive. All they did was jump off of a diving board and Kim only did like a pike into the water. She didn't dive headfirst. Okay the end. They came in both of them came in last place. Well the best the best part is you probably thought she was at the Olympics and she probably thought she was doing the trampoline. That is that is very true. But the only person ever to trampoline are the Bellinos from Orange County. She's like she was actually starring in the movie swim fan. Which by the way by the way that takes me to one of my favorite moments of the episode which also involved Yolanda when Kyle was talking about like she's like you know I used to think my sister was magic and you know and I was like oh I was like oh you ever see which map escape from which man she's like no. Right it's like it's like the accent died out. Oh no. Yeah she's like all sweet like oh no. And she described the movie she's like oh this is what the movie is about and Yolanda just looked like so bored like you stupid Americans. What kind of movie is this? She's like when I was a child in Holland our children's movie only had to do with death and fatigue. We didn't have movies we would spin it top and watch it and laugh. We would just go to the Anne Frank home and stare. Wow. Wow. Yeah I drew my own attic. I would put on clogs and that would cry. That was my movie. So Yolanda is one self-righteous asshole. I'll say that. But I did love when this episode really got going in the rest in the Moroccan restaurant which Kyle plans this dinner to Moroccan restaurant. No one wants to sit on the floor she refuses to use her hands to eat like bench where you think you are a Moroccan restaurant. And they weren't even sitting on the floor they were sitting on benches. Did you guys notice that when the waiter came around and handed them out chunks of bread all of them looked terrified they all like we're throwing the bread against the wall like oh my god get this away. Taylor's like I already gained my ten pounds for the season. I am not touching any carbs. Oh none of them ate the bread that they were supposed to slap up all that in food with. They're just dumb people. The one actually I have to say kudos to to what's her face the new girl whose name I'm something Zannick. Marissa Zannick or as Kyle calls her Mo Rissa who actually looked like she was having fun. And you know she seemed like a good person and smart and I wish it could have been us having dinner with her at Dharmagreb instead of all those idiots. Why was she bringing her like husband and her brother though. Oh was it oh was it husband and her little brother. Yeah the brother I was like is she trying to set him up with somebody or is he like the new gay I don't know. Here why didn't she live in such a poor person house. I know she's a Zannick what she doing in that. Well I had first thought it was Brandi's house like that Kyle was picking them both of the Brandi's and she just parked her Porsche out front but I was like what is she doing in this like shed where the gardener should live. Well you must have loved it Matt when when talk of Brandi's like Least House was very up like out there because you're always complaining that Brandi has this crappy little house and this is what I love that Brandi she does not hide it at all. I mean that wasn't the whole talk she's like oh I have a crappy Least House. I like emphasizing that for her to write a check for two thousand dollars was like a big deal. I mean you know when you're up against the horrible Maloof Hoof I mean two grand for a poor lady that's a lot of money. How does she not have any lawyer friends that can just like deal with this simple thing. Yeah I mean doesn't she have like lady skills to pay the bills. Come on girl. Yeah why does she like hit up Sheena. I'm sure Sheena is taking a lot of class. Oh my gosh she looks like a Tim Burton character but she would not want Brandi. I don't think she's like into the selling selling yourself. I'm talking about Ronnie. She looks like she's from right before Christmas with that face. Come on now. I love Brandi but come on let's be honest what does that have to do with her house. Everything she can't sell herself. Oh I must have missed that. Whoever said you wanted to sell herself. She didn't get to sell herself. I don't think Ben Kari. Ben didn't catch the drift that I thought that she could. You know it is big for money. You know it is because I mentioned Sheena from Vanderpump Rules and my brain instantly shut off. That girl is dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Everything about that show is dumb but let's get back to Beverly Hills. Okay so everything went down at the Moroccan dinner and everybody's kind of started fighting with everybody else. So right before dinner was served Kim turns to Kyle and decides to have a sisterly moment on camera where she goes I think we need to like spend I can't do the voice so I'm nearly up to you guys but she pretty much told Kyle that they need to have some one-on-one sister time. I think we need to be closer because if we carry around we can't not like each other anymore Kyle because it's not good Kyle. Remember how you're you're mad at me for drinking and I was mad at you from being mad at me for drinking and you were mad at me for being mad at you for being mad at me for drinking. That was dumb. I mean I say this every single week but I'm sticking to it. I'm not sure that she's necessarily fully sober there very well could be some of Mercedes's pills in her purse but Kim not drinking alcohol really has made her see the light to realize that Kyle is a horrible fucking monster and add to the horrible fucking monster list. Mauricio who I'm now hate. Well no so here's the other thing so Kyle's whole thing is you know I sort of want to do a dinner party do over because I was so upset with the way the last one turned out turned out. Why does she want to she wanted to prove to Marissa Zannik that they got that they could all actually get along that was not the case. Yeah that's that's real I think that Kyle did that on purpose because she wants to throw yet another party where Brandy has to leave in tears because if Brandy leaves every single social event she has to get fired from the show like she can't stay on the show if she can't run it's like really good possibility. Kyle's a manipulator man she is terrible and then she has Marie's show up to yell at Brandy it's I mean she's just so painfully obvious well she sits back all calmly like oh that's just Brandy. Where was Faye Resnick was she just was like the nice thing to do like invite Brandy but not invite Faye like I don't understand I'm surprised she so was Mauricio playing the attack dog this time instead of Faye. Yeah okay exactly. Well the whole thing was a total shit show I mean everyone was wasted which was hilarious and I but you know what I loved I loved when Lisa sort of called everyone else out for saying how about Adrian and how Adrian when the agent was hacking her no one came to Lisa's defense you know or Adrian is also the one who said let's not sue people and now she's fucking suing the poor lady. Yeah give it to Taylor for for for pulling that one out Taylor actually coming to Brandy's defense I was shocked it was kind of hilarious and because they all maybe she was on her own side because Taylor was the one who was going to be suing people yeah but how but how fucking funny was it it was like as soon as that came out everybody went around the room going well I'm still bitter about this. Yeah that's exactly what I think a lot of those wounds are not healed. Yeah and a lot of it came from that lawsuit last year that fucking idiot Taylor started that you know I love that Taylor is such a liar that she doesn't realize even after watching herself on TV what lies she's told last year she said she had no idea about a lawsuit. She had no idea Russell was sending papers to anybody she had no idea and this year of course she knew she's like standing up for herself for being able to throw you know throw a lawsuit at somebody. Right and so nasty. Camille is not having any of it and I am so sad I've said this a million times Camille should be a full-time house housewife she has more screen time than Marissa and Yolana combined and I just love that Camille like will pretend to be nice to Taylor and then Taylor will say one thing and Camille is like put me in the confessional cuz I'm gonna talk shit about this. Camille will be a real housewife again she's just not this year because she was going through her custody and her settlement hearings. Right and as soon as the kids are like out of the picture in the sense that like that's all behind them I think that she can come back into play but Ronnie you made a point like five minutes ago that was really good is Kyle trying to make Brandy walk away in tears every time therefore no screen time therefore she has to go. No we have not seen any fucking Adrien Maloof all season long again last night we saw her for four seconds on screen. Yeah no I don't I don't think it's Kyle is trying to drive Brandy off the show because what I'm asking is is the end near for Adrien. Yes I think so. I think people don't like her and she's not that she's actually not that interesting to watch and now she's barely making it onto the show and she's making it difficult for Bravo because now Bravo can't air certain things without having litigation going around and then on top of this this divorce that they're going through while very messy and probably good to watch on TV you know when you know no TV network wants to deal with the litigious duo you know. No I'm telling you right now that she is on the chopping block for next season and they are going to try and up Zannick and make her start fighting with like Taylor and then maybe bring back Camille as a full-timer but I think that Adrien has fucked herself right off this show. Well Adrien really the only thing she ever did on this show is promote her business and now that they've all failed she doesn't really have much to do and she's apparently threatened to sue Bravo you know from the looks of it so. She and Jill Zaren need to go crash a car and to shut up Mountain and go away from her. Shut up. Shut up. And add Maurizio to that so let's get back to this fight because there was some good shit in this fight so Taylor starts I love it in the middle of it Taylor just starts going on her rant. Hey I'm Ms. Russell I hated Russell. God Mrs. Oh my mommy where's my plane it's so hard I feel like I'm cheating when I date. Bitch you are you're sleeping with a married man with three children are you fucking kidding you brought him on air last year everybody knows you're a man stealer and now you're sitting here she is horrible oh and this is another thing I have to say to you too someone in the comments said that you guys were sticking up for Taylor last week no what are you talking about I don't remember what we talked about last week someone in the comments said you were sticking up for her in some way and I was like oh hell no no I mean don't get me don't get it twisted and if we need some clarification right now I'll say it I think it's hilarious that she had to sell her diamond ring or give it up for her to settle that lawsuit and that she still has a ton of money to pay on top of it guess what she shouldn't want that ring he was a terrible disgusting person she's a terrible disgusting person and all she does is walk into every one of these parties guzzle down three goblets of Sauvignon Blanc and start rambling about shit that nobody gives a fuck about I think Taylor is going to be out next season I don't see here's the thing Taylor's starting to get to that point where I now I kind of love when she shows up on screen because she's always a wasted mess I mean she did that whole thing when she said us single girls we gotta stick together we don't have the Met like that was I was dying of laughter a voice for me because I thought that the way she started to talk about like we're not going to cry ladies we're not going to cry it was kind of along the lines of Kelly Ben Simone on the trip with Alex McCord like we're not talking no be quiet be quiet ladies we are not we are not going to cry I can't do it I can't do it I'm not from the south I haven't tried it before starting about weird I just stopped it she's come too far to go this zip code she's a horrible horrible person I cannot wait to see her get everything she deserves I hope she just gets sued by everybody yeah everywhere she goes I also like a little okay go ahead no there was also like like Kim Kim stood up first off a little bit this tonight at the dinner party first when Yolanda tried to step to her and say like we will wait if we want the juicing party and Kim's like uh I'm not doing that I can't my body I can't I can only raisins and chicken and chicken salad had tossed with her talons I can only have jean and with couscous and stuff but no she's already given up her main food wine yeah stop making her give up everything else let her give up one thing a year for crazy but when but when she and brandy started to get into a fight like that brandy I thought actually could have won that argument easily but it became just like well you start it no you start it and you start it now you start first it was it was so it was so not wait wait argument remember they were like because they're saying that brandy just says things and she doesn't think about it right like the way Kim was essentially bringing up the fact that brandy said that she was doing meth and brandy was like actually I said you were doing meth but I really meant that you are an alcoholic and that was the truth and was like but you can't just throw things out like I do meth well then well so then so Kim said you said something that you said it was untrue and brandy was like no I said something that was incorrect and then they went back and forth and then it was like Kim was like well you guys I mean brand is like well you guys were coming at me first and then she said but you said it and then you said it first but you said it first it was uh it was the height of maturity that Kim still to this day cannot admit that she was a bitch has she seen the show I mean she was so nasty that night she was horrible horrible horrible she was the worst she's ever been on this she's also she's also being a terrible she's also being a terrible recoverer because the first the thing that you have to do is apologize to everyone and you have to accept responsibility that you know people things that may you may be mad at you have to understand that because of your problem you know you you have a role in that and you have to apologize isn't that the rule good good luck with that yes uh yeah isn't that the rule you have to apologize everyone yeah yeah well but she doesn't even see this she's doing it like we should know yeah Ronnie you were a heroin addict tell us isn't this how it's done now Ben I didn't appreciate you calling me a heroin addict but I'm sorry that I was drunk and offensive enough to bring you to that point and then I opened Ronnie's man purse and black tar heroin came tumbling out it's for the dogs also that's for the dogs let's let's let's just be frank don't you think Kim was probably doing math I mean where would brandy just pull that out do you think that brandy was just making that up or do you think that she really smelled it or that she really heard that was doing that Kim looks like she has wooden teeth from the set of Lincoln and you don't get wooden teeth from the set of Lincoln just by drinking gin and tonics yeah she's a little bit of meth mouth uh but you know it could have just been pills just your standard like oxy cotton ambient valium cocktail well we haven't even gotten to the best part of Kim last night which was when Taylor was when Taylor was whining about Russell and more he said oh you didn't have a choice and Kim said yeah she does she could have left that marriage yeah that was what she was just throwing a zinger I mean what a great dinner party oh and by the way Mauricio bebreath up something interesting Mauricio is so wrong because brandy cannot just call up and say I'm sorry I'm sorry because Lisa and Ken had the right point which is like if the lawyer is saying don't contact don't like these people are trying to sue you and you're gonna call up that's like the worst thing like how about she shouldn't have to apologize for anything because it's fucking bitch Adrian Maloof and guess what Mauricio your friends with the Maloofs brandy's not friends with them and she doesn't need to call them the end the Maloofs just don't need to be suing obviously he's just obviously going for Maloof money because they've got so much of it and he wants his commission check I mean he's just so everything he does on this show is to get money from somebody or something that's the only reason he ever appears right he is doing exactly what the Maloofs wanted brandy to do last season after the reunion they paid him to say those things and to make brandy look bad on tv the same way they were going to be willing to pay brandy to kind of you know make their fight against Lisa kind of either go under the rug or just to make her join their team to fight Lisa it's exactly what happened Mauricio got a check for that well I think that if he didn't like literally get a check he's getting it in in money from home sales I mean he knows that you know but um anyway what was I gonna say about that horrible horrible man well let's talk about him and how Ken started to defend brandy which I thought was really in a weird fucked up way and I don't know why I'm saying this but I felt it was kind of like admirable and I do like and I that Ken is old-fashioned that he does you know make a swing for Lisa after 30 years of marriage and that he does come to brandy's defense and say look she doesn't have a husband or a partner there to kind of back her up and when you're up against the Maloofs who are both fucking pit bulls with all that money yeah somebody needs to stand up for her and Mauricio was just dogging her and I thought it was disgusting and disrespectful the exact same way that Paul just brandy I feel like all these people treat brandy like trash just because she's an attractive woman who might have sledded it around doesn't mean that these other men that are married that pretend to have class can walk in and treat her like such garbage they are filthy dirty nasty men and the fact that she told him the buck off was amazing and you know and and the truth is this I mean should she have said this thing probably not but you know what though had Adrienne just like waved it off and they're like you know what she's a fucking liar that's ridiculous moving on um that's what that like even you normally even give any of this any like crease or ratio's wife is Kyle and every time that brandy has gotten in trouble this season for opening her mouth it's because Kyle has been prodding her to do it on camera right but what I'm saying is that Adrienne could have nipped this in the bud by not reacting as as ridiculous as she did and you know it should brandy said it probably not but you know what like what makes you know she probably wouldn't have said something that's libelous and she probably thought like she is in no legal danger by saying it and she probably didn't realize she's starting a shit shit storm yeah but also Adrienne shouldn't have shown up on screen talking about how hard it was to give birth like and go on and on in minutes because the more that we hear that's what it is the more I believe it because remember when they showed that dinner how closely they showed that clip I mean they showed her going on and on and on about giving birth and they showed everyone's face is being so disgusted by it and this and that and it just really makes me think that that's what it is now and if she doesn't want people calling her a liar then she shouldn't show up on public lying about shit yeah guess what it's fucking horrible she's actually after accusing Lisa of selling all these stories and doing all this and then turning around and doing that to Brandi why is nobody bringing that up? Because she's not Lance Armstrong yeah she just needs to go on Oprah and air all that shit out and she will be forgiven all right well she's got bigger nuts than Lance Armstrong that's a damn sure I ate all right well we have to move on so shall we move on should we just continue on from last time should we go to Vanderpump rules yeah okay can I just say before we even start I am begging you guys I'm begging you not to make me watch the show again I can't take it it's two miles it is really one of the worst shows of all time first of all I didn't realize last time that when when we talked about it last week someone on um on our Facebook page mentioned this and it's actually in her bio to Stasi the awful twat on this show and I'm sorry to use that vulgar language but it is totally valid she was on amazing race family edition and I remember exactly who she was um she was a spoiled brat then and she's a spoiled brat now she is an awful woman family they were horrifying they she she's an awful awful girl and she at 23 think she's got everything figured out she's nothing but a cold bitch and I'm sorry if this sounds misogynistic but she is just a cold bitch and she's evil and jacks is an idiot for sticking with this stupid girl in the first place not that guy's fucking his rent well that's that's true but that's not stupid at all you good point good point good point good point right here that's the only reason I want to work out is so I could be a jacks and get some idiot bitch to take care of me but you know but you know though jacks jacks could jacks could like fuck the rent of so many other girls like there's so many other options um and she are you guys not at all disgusted that they go to places that we go like they were at stout having drinks and they were at the grope and they feel dirty and embarrassed my favorite part was that they go to stout and he's like well I guess I'll get a cheeseburger yeah congratulations that's all that there is on the menu yeah it's beer and cheeseburgers you asshole and then they go to they don't just they go to mixology which is this awful bar in the grove um tacky tack and they go he goes he shoots he does seven shots next scene he's got his car keys out he's like okay I'm gonna drive you home and like this is like not even like mention like your drunk or whatever he did seven shots unless they were like fake shots I mean it was no i'm not sure he did seven shots he was slurring every line that came out his mouth and he was ready to go drive off i mean this is and this is what idiots in la do unfortunately this is not like some crazy thing that we've seen uh in that stupid empty bar where that stupid party was uh too bad that the the birthday boy on that I actually think he seems like a nice guy but um these guys are always i'll never be on this show yeah these guys are all douchebags do see how fired up i am right now they're all douche bags the girl's all idiots when they had the gay pride float and she now puts some lotion on on jax's back and then all the girls get into this whole tizzy over it oh my god i want to throw them off the float and get have them run over by every single float and every single like every single like marching group of gays in that festivity that would have been gay pride right there because we would have taken away some awful people and not gays hate awful people it took a lifetime to find the person you want to marry finding the perfect engagement ring is a lot easier at bluenile.com you can find or design the ring you've always dreamed of with help from bluenile's jewelry experts who are on hand 24/7 to answer questions and the ease and convenience of shopping online for a limited time get fifty dollars off your purchase of five hundred dollars or more with code audio at bluenile.com that's fifty dollars off with code audio at bluenile.com hey i'm ryan riddles at mid mobile we like to do the opposite of what big wireless does they charge you a lot we charge you a little so naturally when they announced they'd be raising their prices due to inflation we decided to deflate our prices due to not hating you that's right we're cutting the price of mint unlimited from 30 dollars a month to just 15 dollars a month give it a try at mid mobile.com/switch forty five dollars up from payment equivalent to 15 dollars per month new customers on first three month plan only taxes and fees extra speed slower above 40 gigabyte cd tail. yeah those i mean those three girls first of all i i wasn't here to talk about the premiere episode and i won't go into it too much but one thing that one of them said that horse faced one she said that we're all hot yeah the one talking about how hot they are i'm like oh my god you know she looks like that girl in the loony tunes and the loony tunes cartoon he said it's a man you know what you know i'm talking about i don't know her name but she's like hideous she looks and i see that girl looks like it's like you are not hot you are thin okay people in LA stop confusing thin for hot that's actually not bad to be thin but your face is ugly go back to indiana and get a real job that's all we said about stoste last week actually we said that she's actually not not that hot she just didn't and i'll give her credit she looks a lot better than she did on the amazing race but um she is she still has a stupid face and she has an evil awful personality um i can't i'm trying to remember some of the the terrible things that she did last night there i mean there were so many but she did say this she said that she's like i'm an amazing catch and i deserve so much better so we asked on facebook what do what do people think that stassi deserves and we have a we have a lot of quick responses um emeritus Sullivan said that she deserves a swift kick to the head which i think we can all agree with yes Anna says that she deserves lice um bev says that she deserves slayed slayed smiley um uh alisandra dryer says that she deserves herpes which i think she probably already has no doubt she works at sir i like this one's dating jacks yeah exactly uh i like this one mark says that she deserves a cat face egg salad sandwich i like amanda daily lectures from romana singer about not depending on a man hala um tammala says that she needs an std and ride to shut up mountain i can't watch that show well in that to watch van der pump rules over and over and over amen yes um herney of feedback um let's see someone kind enough to pull that entitle stick out of her ass yes i think that she needs to get a clue because when she was there saying like why would my boyfriend of two years just decide to sleep in his truck instead of getting bed with his girlfriend i'm like he's not in his truck he is fucking he is fucking that other male model yeah i also like when she said she was like um she's like you know i'm like asleep and you're out like having fun you're going out like you're having parties i don't get to do that i'm in bed i'm like well bitch they get out of bed i go do that what the fuck no one's holding you down i like savant stassi deserves to be on ee's fashion police with chelsea clinton for a bitch stole my look so on the money chris chris this says that sassy deserves to listen to ossa sing everything annoying that she says um by your tongue because ossa is a persian princess whatever i like i like this one stasa deserves to meet 42-year-olds stassi a chain smoking overweight hash slinging waitress at the waffle house oh yeah i like this one too stassi deserves a quote-unquote fat ready uh oh wait no i messed that one up sorry never mind i just like using the term fat ready sorry okay well we need to we need to ask this question i think that our um our listeners right now hate vanderpump rules i don't know anybody that's watched it that likes it ronnie clearly wants to jump out the window every time it comes on i can't um are we sticking with this shit i'm not i mean don't we have to first for some lisa moments here i would normally wait for a vote but i will sit here and talk to you about it but i i'm out like here's the thing i hate i hate it so much but it gets me fired up so i think i will watch it at least one or two more episodes yeah i mean i'm committed i'm committed to make it background noise i mean it really is such a vile show i mean when you when you have to sit and watch shina and her mom from azusa get matching tattoos yeah don't even get me started they are like the white trash Gilmore girls with that nasty ass little okay ladies if any of you have tattoos behind your ear just end it just be done just chop off your ear van goes that is worse than a tramp stamp i'm sorry tramp stamp for your mouth um yeah and i love that she's like oh wow i'm from azusa i'm from LA so i have a no bitch your mom who's okay that's in azusa is i think a car dealership yeah i'm probably like a roller skating rink and a hot dog stand right that are totally like in dilapidated states yeah by the way shina um enjoy your youth right now because you know what you're gonna look like when you're 38 your mom finds it's not pretty it's not pretty but it is very feathered don't ever i think that's why she's dating a fat guy i think this is the one she's like maybe if i date this size he'll marry me and then he can't be working at a sunglass hud mother she's gonna be working at a sunglass hut in azusa with two facial piercings and four children by the time she's 35 i fucking guarantee the sunglass hut is like vaguely upmarket i'm thinking uh i'm thinking like uh mrs fields or maybe a build-a-bear she'll be doing inventory of build-a-bear in the bathroom oh my god one of those like weird like harness back braces yeah yeah exactly and she'll be dating some guy named like snake she's she's not Mindy kon from uh facts of life oh okay can we move on to a better show called the shaazusa slash the diamond in the the diamond of bravo programming at the moment so let's give it up for asa's ass that was one and impressive she got cakes she got wedding cakes those are like like someone called the guy from food network whose name i can't remember which is a shame because it would have been a great joke the cake boss no not him dot the dot no not duff you know the guy who like the israeli guy who has a weird cake show no i only watched the women chefs on the network oh isn't that sexist i'm like men cack um let's see this ass i was kind of shocked and uh happily surprised by mike's comment about body images and i loved how everybody was so shocked that lily is so obsessed with her body and how asa was like girl you need some curves or whatever i mean i've really white people could be like that because i'm starving and i would really like to not live the in my entire life like this that's like that's like so Persian so like have curves and like not care like that's what Persian people do like white people are like oh i can't eat this and Persian people are like put some pomegranates and some butter on it um clearly mj does not care about it because i thought last week when she was modeling the different bathing suits i thought that that was like the shame level oh she took it to a whole new level this week oh yeah always taking it to the same level when she walked in from smoking a cigarette on the porch and she was wearing that strapless black bathing suit and she and asa are and she and uh resa were wrestling on that couch and like her inner like thigh i mean it was just it was all on display and it was not in a good way melissa gorga gorga style the depths of shame that she plunders on a regular basis i mean she's like a shame spelunker she just keeps going down further and further a cave of shame she is there anybody in bravo history that has embarrassed themselves more in a season and a half no not even not even judice i'm going there not even luan no this woman takes the cake this woman takes the cake eats it and then vomits it up and eats it again for extra calories that's how much cake she is making smoky look classy which is really impressive so are we gonna have to like sit through an entire season of mj's a drug addict storyline i think they've killed that i think you know because they don't think so because they laugh it off thing of pills in her they know they left they left it off there were there were for her dogs her you know her dog her dogs that need valium they're very stressed that are really ten pounds actually that that pill would kill those dogs wouldn't you be stressed if your owner was mj and you thought she might fall over on you i would be stressed if i was having 25 year old birthday parties when i'm actually 41 yeah oh my god how old was her birthday party it was in 72 well i don't know if she was saying that she was 30 or what the hell she was saying she was 37 oh really something like that either way either way she's liar liar that's a guy she's truly a big fat liar um so lily i kind of love that lily has such a stick up her ass it doesn't want to get her $15,000 per sturdy i thought that was really funny i wouldn't like to do like not spill up this this is like an airmouth bag oh at least he got all the cans of everything these people are like they are so fat and out of control i like don't want to be here anymore i'm gonna go to sleep now i don't like the way drunk people look because they're all sweaty and they stumble around and they smell bad i like to look like this i'm gonna go back and just look at my dog running circles instead now um what is that in the middle of her chest it looks like she's got like a gps tag in that i saw that i saw that actually in person when i saw lily it's like a big it's like a big sort of like rectangle and i wonder if she had some sort of surgery or maybe that's how they got into filipity um i wonder how if she had surgery been really come on well i mean like chest surgery i had a clavicle implant i had i had a valve put in so i could just go in there myself and keep refilling so i don't have to go to the doctor that's where i keep my law degree oh my god well one of you please buy her crazy um tina turner beyond thunderdome necklace because i'm obsessed with it um you have to buy it yourself oopie doopie goopie um Ben can you please just just work on this voice because it's like so 99 there and i'm obsessed with it and you really should just abandon candy you just need to abandon the candy all right but i feel like i've made such progress with candy someone said my candy was sounding good i'm gonna have a birthday party smile uh well i'm gonna have a birthday well i'm losing it i'm losing it i'm losing it higher there needs to be some higher squeaks in there hey i'm gonna get in that helicopter and we're gonna have right up to the tods birthday party i love when you said rag i thought you were gonna say riley because she loves to have riley riley what are you talking about riley? riley you're just a kid i think kids get in my house it's that there's touch of reality hey hey hey riley right see if i bring someone over here riley you gonna be like why aren't you bringing someone over here mama how do i do that riley i don't i don't even know what i'm saying anymore you know what if she just recorded these sayings or we took them and just took them from the tv show and made an album out of it would sell better than her last record because i would fucking buy five copies riley i got kegels and then riley oh did her record not sell well uh-huh no how's kenya's how's kenya's record gonna do kenya has a new song out doesn't she kenya's gonna have a new song kenya's gonna have a workout tape she's gonna have anything that anybody else has she's gonna have a wine she's gonna have a jewelry line and a skincare line because if you want to have it she's gonna get it first well you know what okay yeah let's move on to real how so i was a bit like that so i was way away excuse me we have to talk about alcoholic no we need 30 seconds about gg's extensions she added how her ex-boyfriend is hot and her current boyfriend is hot and i want to be in the middle of an omeade and that london boy sandwich listen there must be something about munchkins in like persian lore that draws these guys to her because i don't see anyone else liking this girl but even more importantly she was so proud of her party that could not have been the uglier ballroom it was like this brown room it was cheap and hideous just like her and the saddest part of the entire episode was at the end when she said i think that's the first time i've hugged my sisters since i was five years old wait i don't even think i hugged her when we were five just a touch dramatic um it was it looked like it was in an airport lounge quite frankly it looked like it was at burbank airport it looked like it was in the room adjacent to candies boyfriend's birthday party oh and congratulations you got jenna jameson which means that yeah gg's extensions are great for porn stars great you're playing a porn star and putting gg's extensions hey here's a glass of wine hide that sperm breath and come back and try on some extensions jenna what the hell kind of star is that get the hell out of here jenna james and she's the star of zombie strippers an amazing film you should see it yeah she's also the star of like um put it in my face let's move on to atlantic because we're running out of time rapidly okay last week ben you and i said that atlanta sucked and it was done and we got some haterade on the facebook page oh my god i'm really happy to say that this week it still sucked it still sucked and ronnie now you can come back and fight us oh um that is the only that that is the only housewife show that doesn't hurt my feelings it doesn't make me hate humanity i smile i laugh it doesn't have a lot of drama but it's so fun how could you hate that show and can you so crazy you guys crazy but i'm not even i don't find her like entertaining she's just like an awful person who's just crazy that's all that she is i'm glad you jumped Walter because there are all these rumors that Walter's gay and in fact one of our listeners michael sent us that link that uh Walter on his twitter he follows someone called like dat fine as who is like a dl bro um which is not i don't think most straight guys follow i love that our listeners and thank you for that michael our our secret investigators on the side of doing this the doing this like undercover brother work for us i really appreciate it yeah i think it's great um what happened in this episode i mean just like oh there was the all i was is fajra having a donkey booty video with with her man and it's like um can you just gave a ridiculous quote and candy's boyfriend swooped in at a quarter of the price and they're gonna work with can well i wasn't i also wasn't totally sure what the deal was i think i zoned out for part of it was that they they were going to shoot this video for a with a hundred thousand dollar budget which is also hilarious and by the way okay investigator listeners can someone pull up some of kenya's producing credits because i would like to know what she's produced i feel like it's nothing but straight to dvd movies during mario van people's i was gonna say it was jenna jamesons uh put it in my vagina but yeah fuck my elbow which energy incident um yeah she they were she was gonna try and charge a hundred thousand dollars they thought it was ridiculous so they were gonna bring it down but she got this distribution deal together and she wanted ten percent of the distribution deal which is actually fair and she got the deal i think that she's very fair yeah i actually was not sure what the problem was i i actually thought i mean i don't know these things to well fajra was in the wrong van fajra wasn't in the wrong because guess what just because just because she thinks that she can do it all and be a lawyer and be a mom and be a wife and you know be a cemetery person i mean uh she it does she can't do everything and why not give this woman ten percent to go hoe it out yeah i was shocked why she turned her nose up i thought ten percent seemed fair um i mean i don't i don't know what fajra was expecting for kenya to to get in terms of money well i think she was thinking the hundred thousand dollars was so high that a lot of that was going to go into kenya's pocket which it will and that that was going to be her payment right so why is she gonna shoot it kenya was probably gonna shoot it for 25k pocket 75 why should she pay her ten percent on the back end in addition that's true because by the way a hundred thousand dollars is an absolutely ridiculous budget for a stupid little donkey booty video yeah you pay the models a hundred bucks to be there for a day uh fajra and her idiot husband are there for free and you just have a set that's like fucking what five thousand dollars tops to build and a couple cameraman give me a break like ten thousand ten thousand twenty thousand dollars in posts you're done but by the way i did enjoy this episode because i feel like there were a lot of shots of apollo's arms which i appreciated um this season they've let apollo speak more and i just can't be attracted to him anymore hey dasia look at the we're gonna do uh work out for the old teacher yeah we're gonna work out any okay look here's the fact which was like he's like David Beckham it's like keep your mouth shut and put your hot crotch on a billboard the end he's still super hot she's keep your mouth quiet take a shirt off yeah i agree um what else had a nini went to hollywood and she got her own trailer and she was happy and i have to say nini completely palatable this season so nini goes like she goes from my favorite to my most hated to my favorite again so uh she's not my favorite no there's no charay and kim to get her riled up and i'm getting really this a rally i'm getting really tired of like her and gregory kindling fine i get it but greg is creepy i am sorry there's no way to cut that he's creepy i agree he's a man who saved her from the strip and pole he's her daddy forever she's got to stay with him yeah i don't know nini's gone from being like an awful diva to just plain on boring plain out boring totes boring um and there was not enough porsche this episode you need much more porsche yeah oh my god hey how come there's no pictures of candy when she's young uh it's not her birthday party ah so what is she she like uh four hundred years old or something i love when i accidentally do my Audrey voice for most of ours hey mr mochik i'm porsche hey there's a plant we need to get more customers okay so fuck that so let's move on to top chef are you guys watching top chef i am but i am uh i'm an episode behind around the new year i got i fell behind and i have like a backlog i'm she she is the androgynous asian with um foreign oh we're on tattoos yeah she's a badass i'll tell you what i hate i hate the one who looks like a little gnome uh the one who can't cook pork uh he's grossed with a little picky mustache oklahoma yeah yeah he's a problem well that's you know they showed a picture of him in his past and man like i was gorgeous i mean that really just goes to show you you think it's just a pizza but that's what it turns into don't do it you guys stay cute that's a pizza and before you know it you're wearing a floppy hat you're growing out of beard you're twisting up your mustache you're getting an inappropriate ugly tattoo on your forearm are you just grabbing are you just grabbing mj or are we talking to this guy now mj mj mj never had a chance this guy was actually she does have a mustache that's twisted up she does have a twisted mustache so does that girl from saws of sunset sina they showed a close up of her face singing and i was like wow what is this a western oh yes yes she knows well she is from azusa she is from azusa it's all a rage there to cake your makeup interest ash yeah they they grow him hairy out there gross the top chef i am absolutely loving this here i think it's one of their best in a really long time and i'm loving the women this year they are kicking ass i love this i'm an african woman i was so scared when she almost kicked off i don't know i hope she survived last week since i'm an episode behind well her dish looked amazing i mean it looks so good that italian whatever that north and italian cheesy bready i mean granted i'm starving but god don't look hungry and i did not like gail simon saying it looked like there was just a piece of you know cold cut cheese i know it was my first time that i was like gail shut up bitch but i will say i did not like the most recent episode where they didn't do restaurant wars the way we're used to them where we have two teams of four battling and out they kind of did individual restaurant wars wait isn't restaurant wars this week it's a two-parter oh did anyone go home last week yes who did go home last week wait didn't when when did bart go home a few weeks ago wait don't tell me because i haven't seen it yet so oh mg this is a podcast about bravo honey fine yeah spoiler alert you're on the show with spoiler well because the thing is we talk about top chef only like here and there and of course now we're talking about it more than ever as the one time like the one time i'm a week behind but you know it go ahead it's my fault this week they had to come up with restaurant concepts and they had to you know all cook for their concept and then the best concept what did the guy who was like i'm gonna make everything raw go home mica yes oh thank god and he's a loser first of all what a raw restaurant on top chef yeah people were like this is the show where you're supposed to bring your skills not just throw some raw food on a plate you dumb fuck yeah but also first of all he was so arrogant i was really glad to see his ask it handed to him but also you know raw cooking is not easy like it's not just throwing a carrot onto a plate if you've ever been to a raw restaurant there's like so many ingredients that go into it and so much preparation let me tell you it's an all part no and for him to just like cut up some fucking fish and throw it on a plate what are you talking about idiot yeah i used to date a raw foodist and i can't tell you how many different like dehydration machines were run in the house at all times of the day and he was busy doing that instead of me and it was the reason we broke up yeah you know it reminds me of um that case yeah it reminds me of actually a few seasons ago on top chef masters when they had to cook for Zoe Deschanel and she was like she pretty much just wanted vegan you know and or vegetarian esque and so instead of like vegetarian but i like better food than what they're serving they like i remember they just like served up a whole bunch of like crappy salad it's like you know there's a way to like be do the raw thing the vegan thing the vegetarian thing you will watch this mica all he did was throw five nasty different fishes on a plate like raw chunks of fish and gale was like um i don't want all these five fish flavors smushing together in my mouth this is nasty good for you i mean that guy was so bad that he saved josey and josey has been ready to go home for a few episodes now god bless her heart i mean i don't hate her oh yeah josey's from miami and she's the one that pretty she's the one that like came out and brought no she didn't come out like jody foster she kind of came out and said uh mica by the way you're gay yeah she came uh she's a returning player uh that looks like fat goofy no i know and she's totes fat goofy is fat fat goofy but everybody hates her i don't really hate her i don't find her hateable as much but god she really i mean she served like really dry pork crap and that laugh i can't even do it without going into madison but it's a really really hideous for we could do it anyway all our impersonations sort of flow into each other not trust me it's better i don't okay so um if you final notes um million-dollar decorators part two the finale and then say hello man over here oh what a dashing thing we did to that pub i wish Lindsay lohan would come to this pub instead of getting into car accidents oh my god and then walking into um what's her buns uh her remodeled house what is her name why can't i remember her name right mary mcdonald yes when they walked into her remodeled house and he was like hey it's like old baby chic yeah yeah yeah yeah i i thought actually for a season perhaps series finale it was a little doll like i didn't really care about mary's house you know and also it was hideous her house ended up being really ugly it was like her worst work i've ever seen you guys though you still want the show to come back right like i'm so worried because the ratings are not good but i fucking love this show when it's when it's good it's great and when it's bad it's just boring but like it needs another season i agree i want to i want a little more million-dollar deck graders yeah i've enjoyed it more this season than normally um normally i just i used to just i couldn't finish the first season so i finished it so that's good i mean the whole lohan thing was totally staged and fake and this car accident oh my god whenever i'm in a car accident the first person i think of to call is my decorator um what do you think about what do you do about kathryn what an ass kisser god it was disgusting that's the problem because we love her same thing wow limbie oh kisses ugh get rid of her um ronnie that was an amazing impression impression it was beautiful excuse gross um yeah i love kathryn but i'm tired of her ass kissing um we need to not have any more celebrities next season if there is a next season okay let's talk about um we're none of us are watching patty stanger right are we done with that yeah we actually have to start wrapping up so i think i mean we could talk about my ami loss footage but was there anything i mean i saw i saw part of it i saw Adriana doing uh some acting she is starring in a horror film and i can not wait for us to screening of it and we're all going to get drunk and make a drinking game you know it's got to be a good horror movie because it's got to live up to her standards standard standards standards all i'm going to say is this half of the show was about her and half was about mama elsa and it's really a shame that this didn't make the regular season because they are the two best people on the show um i actually love her too i love her son i think that adriana and her son are just an adorable combo and then mama elsa putting out her own coffee line and driving around in a coffee truck i could watch it on an endless fucking loop i already miss that so love you miami come home miami all right well on that note uh hopefully miami will come home to us and uh in the meantime we'll have lots of bravo to talk about next oh yes miami's been renewed you know that right no girl yes it's officially renewed yes yes all right yas well this was delicious boys it was great talking to you we should go to sir and celebrate you know what i actually i thought about today you know what i'd like to do i'd like to go to sir only so that way i can say to them i do not want to be seated in stassi's section oh my god you guys let's just go next we can do that i think that bitch actually works there uh we should go we should go investigate we'll let our online users dig for trash about walter's sexuality while we go have drinks at sir we can at least go to sir lounge which means we don't have to have any of the food we can just have some of the i imagine super sweet drinks that uh jacks makes well they're sexy you know it i know they're sexy unique restaurant drinks served um anyway okay so everyone uh follow us on twitter i'm at beside blog matt's at life on the endless ronnie's at tv guys and our show is at what crappins and definitely follow us on facebook like us on facebook facebook dot com slash watch what crappins it's a really fun facebook page for lots of commentary and as you can tell we read a lot of your stuff on the show um fun photos go up and everything and leave comments for us on uh iTunes we love that and you should subscribe and iTunes or stitcher and um just uh just be have a wonderful week guys just do wonderful just do wonderful things you do you right you do you will do we and we'll do some we'll do some pills with mj's dogs love and light it's gonna be great great love and light love and light gone with wind fabulous yeah all right bye everyone bye y'all if you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet the folks behind the side show network of launch the new youtube channel called wait for it it's got interviews with comedians like reggie wats taught glass flies a slice finger slicing dragon friends 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