Unlock your imagination with Audible. When you listen to audio content, your mind is free to paint the scenes and feel the emotions of a great story. Audible's extensive catalog is sure to have titles that you'll enjoy, immerse yourself in captivating tales, learn from world-renowned experts, and discover new perspectives all while multitasking or relaxing. There's more to imagine when you listen, and one title that I've been listening to is my friend Neil J. Young's coming out Republican, which talks about the history of gay Republicans. It's super fascinating and super interesting. As an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their entire catalog. New members can try Audible free for 30 days. Visit audible.com/crapins or text Crapins to 500 500. That's audible.com/crapins or text Crapins to 500 500. Hey I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous to your contracts, they said what the f*ck are you talking about? You insane Hollywood f*ck. So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at Mint Mobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes detail. She says she likes my watch, but she wants Steve's AP and she stay up for hours watching QVC. She said she loves my songs. She put my MP3 and so I put her number in my bold BB. I put a black B. Hey everybody. Welcome to Watch What Crap is a podcast about all the crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karen from TV Gasm and I'm joined by Matt Whitfield from Yahoo. Hello Matt. Hey Ronnie, Merry Christmas. Thank you and Happy Jewishness Ben. Thanks and actually a happy Kwanzaa to both of you. Oh, yay black people. Yay Atlanta. So it's Christmas. I'm in Texas. I'm in my mom's guest room huddled up in bed curled up with some blankets because it's MF and cold here. Where are all the screaming children? Oh, they'll be here. I hope we finish this before those little brats get here. I swear, I want to open an abortion clinic after hanging out here for a week. Are those allowed in Texas? I don't think they are. They are. You just have to wear it back over your head or you'll get hit in the head with a Bible on your way in. Everything's bigger in Texas including the abortion. They have like a giant machine. It looks like it looks like a transformer. It looks like making sure it's on. It goes right into your vagina. Well, I'm just kidding. I love my little nieces. But damn, that's a lot of work. It is way easier being single and just hiding in my apartment and watching housewives. I've had to listen to everybody's opinions about what I watch on TV. Because of course, I have to watch it around everybody else. And guess what? I don't need your opinions. I went to church. So you want to shut up? Yeah. Well, last week, I was just like slain with this just bad cold and my parents were in town and they were visiting and they didn't want me to be out walking around doing touristy stuff because they didn't want me to get any sicker. So we spend most of the time here in my apartment and we went through my DVR and you know, eventually, you know, I didn't want to have to submit them to the Real Housewives and Shahza Sunset, but it eventually had to happen. And my parents sat through Real Housewives of Miami, the finale and the Shahza Sunset and they were shocked. Are they now? They're not hooked. They were not hooked. They were, I wish I could remember some of the things that they said about the Real Housewives of Miami. I mean, they were just, they were so amused. They're perpetually amused by, and abused by that I would be amused. Were they saying offensive things about Latinos? No, they weren't. They were. They were actually good. But my mom was here for that. My mom was utterly disgusted. My parents, what was funny was before it, my parents were slightly intrigued by the Shahza Sunset because they were intrigued by the cultural aspect of it. And I said, well, you know, there are actually some cultural things in the show. So, of course, they saw this week's episode, which had no cultural elements whatsoever. But they were with me in an elevator with Lily at CVS. And so they got to see a Shah of Sunset up close and personal as did I. I know you guys are so... Well, tell us how her breasts are. Her breasts are huge in person. Huge. She was very nice. She held the door open with her foot, and that really seemed to amuse my parents. Why did she help the door open with a lubaton? Or was she wearing a flip-flop? Oh, she was dressed down. Her hair was up. She was wearing sweatpants and a tank top. She was super cash. And my mom started talking to her, or my dad did. They were saying, well, that's a very interesting way to hold open an elevator door. They had no idea who they're talking to. In my mind, of course, I knew. It was the one and only Lily. So, yeah, that was my Lily experience. Well, I read that you put something about that on our Facebook page, which is facebook.com/wattwickrapins. And I thought that you said that she chose the floor on the elevator with her foot. So I was imagining this little, tiny, skinny, really high heels punching in floor number three. That's what I thought my mom had said initially when I wrote that. And my mom said that no. It was that she held the door with her foot. And for some reason, my parents were totally amazed by that. They had never seen anyone hold the door with their foot before. I would just imagine you coming from the widest neighborhood ever. I feel like you would watch the Brady Munson be like, oh my God, they've got too much soul. Here's an example. My mom is sort of like Lucille Bluth. If that gives you any sort of... Is she as intoxicated? No, no, my mom doesn't drink very much. My mom has one glass of wine and she's like passed out. But my mom has like certain Lucille Bluth elements to her. And that's why she's a gassed at all this real housewives bullshit that we watch. Yeah, that's pretty much my mom, too. I think our mothers would love hate each other. They'd be so nice to each other's face and then rip each other apart behind each other's back. It'd be Lucille and Lucille Ostero. Yeah, we've got to introduce them. So we have some gossip this week. Bethany's getting divorced. Shocker! Oh, I never saw that one. You know, I saw on a magazine, it was like us or in touch or whatever. And it said, like the headline today said, "What drove them apart?" And I'm like, the answer is very easy. It's her voice. It's her, like, personality. It's everything about her. There's no way that any man could stay with her for more than... The same thing that's made her famous. Her. Yeah, everything about her. What drove them apart? Because she's horrible. Yeah. Her humanity killed their relationship. She is terrible. Remember when we used all used to love Bethany? No, I forgot. I kind of have like a soft spot in my heart for her. I don't know what is wrong with me. You know, among the things that are wrong with me. Matt, you were like, no, because remember like... Are you about to tell me a hypocrite again? Go ahead. I am merely questioning your perspective on this because it wasn't too long ago that you were hating on her, especially because she did like some issue with the tissues to, I mean, tickets to her show. Oh, well, yeah. I mean, her show is horrible. And the people that work on her show were being horrible to me via email when we tried to get tickets to go see it. But that aside, I kind of, I don't hate her. She's just, she's tough. And I can't imagine anyone marrying her, but I honestly think that she is just a workhorse. And she wanted to have it all. She wanted the baby, the job, the husband, clearly, that is not possible for anybody. And at the end of the day, I think her husband just was wanting to be lazy and she wants to work. And if he wants her to sit at home on her pile of money, that's not going to happen. And so she needs to move on. Well, I think it's more than just that she's a workhorse. I think it's that she's like an asshole. Yeah, I think it's really annoying. I think we're going to say an act horse because of that face. I was, I was, I think her face doesn't look so horsey. I think she just more looks like a sort of a strange version. I think she looks like Karen Allen. I'm sorry to interrupt. I thought I think she looks like a person from Whoville. She does. She does. She looks like if there were like a Whoville version of Karen Allen, it would be Bethany Frankl. How the how the how the Grinch stole Karen Allen. I would watch that in a heartbeat. Oh, my God. I would love to know how the Grinch stole Karen Allen. Well, you know, it wasn't easy. Well, we don't honestly know. I mean, we've read this in the news or whatever, but we don't know if this is actually true or if this is just a storyline for the next year of her show. Because for all we know, they could be getting back together at the end of the year. All I can say is that kind of needs it. On one hand, that guy seems like a controlling prick. And I don't know why she married him in the first place, except that she has major daddy issues. On the other hand, it's Bethany. So, you know, it's like anybody who ends up putting up with me. If they're a hairy back abusive gorilla who like murders children, I'm going to just have to take it because they're putting up with me. I think that's how Bethany needs to look at it. Why does anybody like Jason Hoppy? If you watch him on the show, yes, he has to take a lot of abuse because he's married to Bethany, who's undoubtedly obnoxious. But what did Jason really bring to the table? His family was annoying. He was very needy. He was very much like, "We have to pack up our child and go visit my parents every Sunday and go to church and be a lovely, happy family." And she's like, "Look, I'm awesome. I live in New York and I'm a baller, so I want to go have some fun. You know, with your pain in the ass parents, how can you blame her?" Because I always thought he was lame. Yeah, he was lame, but the thing is... Yeah, he wore mom jeans. Yeah, well, the thing is now she's rich and famous and super self-confident, but at the time she met him, she was kind of poor and, you know, couldn't keep a date to save her life. And she felt desperate. I mean, look, we all do desperate things when we were desperate. Well, yeah, when she met him, look, she wanted of a baby. He's a good looking guy. He seemed like he wanted to go all the way with her. It was like everything that she wanted, but then, you know, I mean, I don't watch her stupid show, so I don't know really what's going on with their relationship. But, I mean, he's kind of bland and she's neurotic and crazy and, you know, overbearing, and it was like inevitable. And fun, and fun, and fun. Stop forgetting that she is fun. She's not as fun as she used to be. She's really funny. She's too much. Yeah, she takes herself too seriously. Like, half her show this year or this past year was, "Oh, oh God, oh God, it's so hard being famous. Oh, look, everybody's calling me. Listen to my phone ringing. Oh, look at all these emails. I can't take it." And her neurosis is now... it feels put upon. It feels like it's like her shtick now. It doesn't feel as authentic as it used to. I mean, I think she's neurotic, but I think the neurosis she's giving us is a little much. It's like, but you know who does a great impersonation of her is what's her face, our friend. Amy. Amy Phillips. She really does. She does. Amy Phillips gets the doubt. Empression is very funny. Can you believe I have a talk, so I mean, who wants to hear what I have to say? Listen to me having a talk, so listen to me talking on the talk, so it's crazy. Yeah. Would you imagine after all this, Bethany is going to be left, she will have lost her husband and she will have lost Jill's Aaron. And now what you have, a baby. A billion dollars. A billion dollars. The best vibrator money can buy. Who cares about the rest? Her vibrator's like, "I'm supposed to go in here. It's a little bushy in here. Okay, put me in here. Okay, I got a shake. How much do you want me to shake? Okay, how long am I supposed to say in here, okay? It'd be the Bethany vibrator. Not to be confused with the candy burst, Kegel balls. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, I'm not talking about now. You better hold on to me. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, mama. Mama. I don't know about her. Mama. All right, it doesn't even sound. We should just turn a totally different accent and just say it's candy's voice. Like, hello, I'm Kandi Bess. It's like, what? You're not. Hey, I should love coming out to this island. Piminy. Why are you making candy burst into Red Fox? It's Red Fox. That's more of a fat Albert. It's candy burst. You need some more awkward squawking in the middle of that. Yeah, that's not my impersonation of candy. That's my impersonation of Ben trying to do candy. Hey, mama. I can't do her. Okay, so that's enough of Bethany. We have to put up with her anorexic ass with the gold the rest of the year. Let's forget about her right now. Move on to that. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Do you think Jill Zarin is licking her chops right now? I think Jill Zarin is probably calling Jason. Like, hey, Jason, do you want to talk? Do you want to have a walk through the park? Oh, I think we should talk. We were friends, maybe when we were friends before Bethany broke up. It's just about what it's like. This is how she is. And then she'll report the conversation and try and sell it to people online. Jill is ready to pounce. Oh, my God. We should try to get Jason happy on the show. Wouldn't that be amazing? No, we'd be like, so Jason, what do you think of this need to be like? It's all right. It's good. It's great. My mom's really nice. You guys should respect my mom. Right. What a terrible idea. You should just punch me. I'm going to punch you through this microphone. Oh, you know what? Side note, I finally listened to the Jay Moore podcast with Andy Cohen. Have you guys heard that? No. People have been telling us on our Facebook page to listen to it. Jay Moore has a podcast and he interviewed Andy Cohen. Wow, I really am much less. I was much less annoyed with Andy Cohen after listening to this interview until I saw the Real Housewives of Miami reunion. Then I was annoyed all over again. But the interview was kind of interesting. And he was talking about how he started that show and how everyone thinks that he was just handed this show. But he wasn't really handed the show because he was head of production, but he can't just give himself a show and they didn't want him to do it. And it started as this podcast that he used to have to drive to the middle of Jersey to do in the middle of the night. And eventually he got moved up or whatever. Basically he talked about how he earned his show and how people give him shit about not ever confronting the housewives about anything. But he says he doesn't do that on purpose because it's up to them to dig their own holes and he's just supposed to facilitate that and kind of stand by and watch. It was very interesting because a lot of the stuff that I criticize him for, apparently he does on purpose. Oh, please, don't you think that he's saying that now to cover up for the fact that he is a complete dick? Maybe because when he can't even start the reunion properly, he's like, "Hi, I'm Andy Kome. Welcome to the Real Housewives of Miami reunion." It's like, "Oh, Jesus, you can't even start it right in the first five seconds." It just proves how much they care about Miami over there at Bravo. Well, they do now. Jesus. My goodness. Miami, we've said it like every single week. Miami is on fire. It continues to be on fire. Excuse me. Unfuego. Fuego. Apologies. I don't know how to say apologies in Spanish. Los yanto. Los yanto, Dr. Carranciera. I thought if we're going to just go flash impressions, I thought this was a great reunion. There are some reunions we watch where they yell at each other and they say vicious things and people just mean or boring or redundant. I don't know why. This one, when they were, you know, Adriana was saying some real nasty things and I was like loving it. I just thought it was so funny. All of them, all of them. Also, by the way, I don't normally comment on this. I love the set. I love the way it looked. Yeah, it was lovely. Yeah, it was really nice. It's a lovely reunion. It was lovely and I love that all the women got big hair for the reunion, like big housewives hair. They really made an effort, especially Adriana. She came with her housewives hair. Everyone looked like a disco ball. Well, I was really surprised that it didn't start off calmer because last week we saw the season finale, which we haven't talked about here yet. And it was so, a lot of people online have been complaining about it, but I actually really liked it. I was like, I don't remember a housewives finale that was so poignant. Well, the way they shot it was kind of interesting and seemed like, you know, obviously Miami has a huge cast, but they kind of went woman by woman and gave each one of them about like an eight minute segment where we kind of saw where they were with either their relationships or, you know, whatever was going on in their lives before they ended with my favorite moment of every housewives season. That awkward freeze frame that always paints them in a bad light where they put up some shitty chiron that is like, I'm still a bitch and I'm still getting divorced or whatever. But like the final episode that was kind of cool though, the way we saw it was poignant and we did get to see like five to ten minutes of each of their lives separately. There wasn't like a chaotic dinner party. We saved all that bullshit and drama for the reunion. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I mean, we could talk very quickly about the season finale. I mean, it wasn't nothing really happened. It was basically like two of them signed, you know, well, Anna signed her divorce papers finally, Marisol and what's his face, decided they were officially going to call it off Philippe. And then there was like a reaff, the other two women were... Adriana said told her son that she's going to get married and... Romaine lettuce. Romaine lettuce. We're going to get married also. And then, you know, was there something else for that? Yeah, because Marisol made everybody go to the ocean together and throw flowers in the ocean and make those things on there. They went to the healing gaping hole and the gaping healing hole and they all made wishes. And I thought that that was really nice. And I love when it got to Leah because Leah has no... She's like, "I'm not going to show any emotion of these bitches." It was just like, "Well, I hope that the world keeps spinning and everyone stays wonderful." This is too big! I'm going to do this healing hole! I'm going to tear it down! How funny is the healing hole?! It's like, "I'm not going to try and talk right now." No, I don't want to interrupt the Leah Blackener. I just thought it was kind of funny. Everybody was going around sobbing. And then it got to her and she kept messes on and she was just like grinning monkey. I loved it. That's what I love about her. She's like, "I forgot to bring my passport to the healing hole! Who doesn't bring their passport?!" Slap, slap! Oh, yeah, so I thought that was kind of nice. The whole thing with Mariah Sol and this guy, what's the deal with that? They haven't been married a year. He leaves and gains 50 pounds. What's the story there? Still hotter than she is. Yeah, that's true. That's true. That's what I love. She's like, "We really, really loved each other." I'm like, "We never saw any of that love ever in the past." Yeah, begged for a big time. But really pretty wedding pictures. Yeah, well, okay. Good for her. Yeah, I guess I'm trying to figure. And then Anna tried to make some big drama about getting divorced and her husband couldn't even pretend with her. She's like, "Oh, it's so hard after 23 years!" Why does everybody hate her? I mean, yes, she's boring, but don't you feel bad for her a little bit? No. Well, here's the thing. I liked her, though. I don't hate her. I liked her up until last night. I thought she was great. I thought she was smart. No, last night was a different story. Last night is like season three, Anna. It's a sneak preview of what we're going to be seeing of Anna, I believe. Okay, but leading up to that, I kind of do feel bad for her because she's clearly fucked up and she's still like doing her husband's laundry and cooking him food. Yet he's sleeping around with plenty of other women. He's probably going to get married behind her back, but I don't know. I just feel like she's kind of a sad sack. She is a sad sack. I feel like she wants to be her daughter's friends instead of their mother, which is like the biggest mistake ever because, bitch, you are in your 40s. Stop it. She is a sad... She wants to be friends with her ex. She wants to be friends with her daughters. And on top of that, you know, yesterday I was in Barnes & Noble, and I found this cookbook of hers that I took a picture of, put it on our Facebook page, another reason why you should like our Facebook page. And this poor cookbook, I mean this woman, she couldn't even get her cookbook promoted on her own show for crying out loud. She has a cookbook sitting out there. Does anyone realize she has a cookbook? It does have a sticker on Bravo. The sticker on the front says Anna can be seen on Bravo's The Real Housewives of Mejami. That's true. She does have a sticker. And by the way, she looks amazing on the cover of the cookbook, meaning she was completely airbrushed. You know, I think she looks... Well, she looks very airbrushed, but she looks like she's drunk on the food. And she's like... She looks like someone just hit her on upside the head. It does not look proper. Well, doesn't all Cuban food like get soaked in alcohol or something? Maybe that's why. The comments on this post are really funny. Vanessa, is the recipe for appeasing and forgiving your cheating fiancé risotto that Anna taught Joanna in the book? That was great. I loved that comment. Rebecca, I bet all of her recipes turn out tasting bitter. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly funny. Yeah, no, I think she honestly, she looks almost like she's special needs in the photo. What about one of the comments? I thought she was a lawyer question mark. Doesn't she pen herself like our peg herself as a lawyer at the beginning of the series? Yeah. Well, she says she's a lawyer with food, but she likes to do food. Yeah, yeah. She's a lawyer, but she's a lawyer who likes to take care of her family in the kitchen. But yeah, she, I knew that this bitch side of her was coming because one night I watched the Watch What Happens show because it had some Miami girls on it. And she was one of them. And man, she was the woman she was last night was who she was on that Watch What Happens show. She was just, look, we all hate Ken and Sierra, but not again. It's hard to hate her. DDS DDS. I don't ask anything in my sense. When he last one time, I never thought of him again. I never asked him. I didn't. I hate him so much. I had the worst week of my life last week. You better ask your father, his heart is sick. I hate sickness. I give him ice cream in the cause of eating. What flavor? What flavor? I'm almost dead. I'm almost dead. I hate chocolate. I hate ken. I hate ken das. You are ridiculous. I got asked them and they were like, oh, hey, Andy was like, hey, who's ass is this? Let's choose or whatever. But when he actually did ask the question, it was something about Karen and dating Rodolfo. He's like, so, you know, this guy is hot. He's a Spanish soap opera star. And she's like, oh, he's not even a half span. He said never was. And I'm like, everything she was just kind of over the top mean. And I thought, wow, who's she and why isn't she on this show? Okay. Well, why do you guys, like, what do you guys think happened? Obviously, the real house of his man may finish taping a while ago. And the reunions are always a few months later. Clearly, you know, that poignant finale, a lot of shit changed between that and the reunion. What the fuck went on in those few months? Like, clearly, there is more bad blood than ever. All I can think about is that, you know, Anna is a good friend of Marisol. And this whole Marisol Leah thing, you know, probably really bothered Marisol a lot. It probably really annoyed Marisol that we had a whole season where her company was getting bashed. And I don't personally think that her company probably suffered that much. But she was probably annoyed. She's probably venting to Anna. And then the two of them are probably brewing up a whole anti Leah thing. And it probably just burst on the reunion. Yeah, but it's just, I just don't understand why, Anna, you know, yes, you're sticking up for your friend and everything else. But, I mean, she was really going out. She was nasty. Yeah, I don't get out of nowhere. Yeah, I don't, why was she going at Leah like that? Yeah, and then, you know, she was saying first, like, she was like, you know, mayor of Miami. I don't even know who you are. Like, I've never even heard of you. And then all of a sudden she starts talking about how, like, well, she's from Texas and she sells makeup out of the back of her truck. And it's like, well, do you know who she is or do you not know who she is? And Leah tried to sort of say that. But it was very frustrating. Don't act like you don't know who she is. And then he used to start rattling off information about her background. And furthermore, what I really want to know is who the fuck cares when she says, oh, Leah married wealthy. Hey, look, look at everyone else on the couches. Okay, like, why are you singling out Leah? And who cares if she married wealthy? Yeah. So I got me so mad about the lack of logic. And then also I was talking to our friend Lisa Timmons earlier today. And she was saying that when this all came up and Anna was accusing Leah of not being a self-made woman. And I like, you know, you sell, like, the makeup out of the back of your car, everything. Lisa's husband was like, uh, kind of sounds pretty self-made to me. I don't know. Well, you guys, I mean, do you sell it like you're becoming rich? I don't know. Sounds self-made. Do you think that Anna was, though, like making a play to earn herself another season? I mean, it's so she's just seems incredibly desperate to me. And the fact that the finale saw her signing her divorce papers, like her story is kind of done. So it kind of made me believe that bitches bring in all of her guns blazing in order to earn season three. Yeah, I think she did. I guess so because I don't, Leah didn't say a thing about her. It's like she didn't even know Anna was alive at all. So I don't see where that came from, you know, unless she was trying to make herself look good for another season. But man, it was nice seeing Leah finally get pulled into the fighting because as bad as I felt for her, it was funny to watch her keep standing up. Well, look, I'll see some long, you know, we've loved Leah. You guys obviously had her on a week on Watch what Crapins, you know, the week that I couldn't be there and I was devastated. But we love Leah, but our one concern and complaint with Leah throughout the entire season has been her allegiance to Elaine and not getting pulled into the true fight. It's always kind of playing and maybe saying a word or two from the sidelines, but not really getting roped in. But last night, girlfriend got dragged in by her big Texas hair and she was like in the middle of the fucking flames. And you know what, I thought she did a great job. I thought she came out on top for sure. Anna wound up looking petty and mean. And at one point, you know, there was this great montage of Leah, like saying all these backhanded comments to people, which I thought was hilarious. And, you know, Andy was questioning her about that. And then later on, there was, you know, they're talking about, well, Anna's making all these digs and Anna's like, well, it's no different from you making digs. But I think it is. I think that Leah, she does have little like digs and past aggressive digs. But Anna's weren't digs. They were caddy remarks, you know. Yeah, there were me and they were probably to take somebody down and calling somebody old over and over again. It's just not cool. I mean, first of all, you're a housewife. So you're all old. Like you're all, you're all hags, at least. Like, you may be different ages, but you could be 20 and you can still be a hag. Trust me, I'm in Texas and I see what the cigarette studio faces after time. And those women are all hags. I mean, they're housewives. They have to be. They're overdramatic hags. But Anna was just really mean and calling somebody out on being old is not cool. Like, if that's all you have against me, this is my age. Like, fuck off. Yeah, say old and talking about like, you know, she like made her money by doing all her best work on her back. Like something that just was, it was so, it was really. And this is the real housewives. Who cares how they earn their money? We're here to be entertained. And Anna just made herself look like a fucking asshole. Yeah, Anna's only good moment was when she called out Joanna and Adriana for using bullying and saying, like, stop calling each other bullies. That was a good point. Yeah, but while we're on that, fuck Andy Colin. Okay, here's another thing from Andy. This podcast interview I listened to with Andy Cohen. He goes off on this big thing about he was in college and he was still in the closet. And he went to go see an Eddie Murphy concert with his friends and they had just taken mushrooms. And Eddie Murphy has this bit where everything's faggot. Like he just says faggot a million times. And he goes off and Andy starts talking about having like this nervous breakdown and, you know, sweating through a shirt and freaking out and crying in the bathroom in the hole. It's like, you know what? I get that. I get it. We're all gay here. But can you define yourself by fucking something else? I'm so sick of hearing it from him. It's like, just cut it out. Just go, just become the Trevor project. Please just shut up about it already. Like, warning if you don't want to know anymore about that. Don't read his book because there's a whole lot about that. Like, let's just stop worrying about gayness. Like, you're not the biggest victim in the world. You're a well, you know, you're a well off little rich Jew. Shut the fuck up about being a victim all the time and being bullied and everything else. Like, I'm just so sick of hearing it. Like, there are people with real problems in the world. Okay. But he's like, Oh, no, I want honor to be able to finish because bullying is really for people like me. I forgot to use that word. Shut up, Andy. And by the way, I'm sorry, but bullying is also so 2010. Really, let's get over it. Let's move on to a new topic. Yeah, get a baseball bat. Someone bullies you. Be the shit out of them. Stop your whining. Yeah, exactly. Now, well, I think it's funny. Speaking of bullies, I guess it's not really a transition, but, you know, Adriana and Joanna was funny as we're cute. Like, every time Anna was nasty to Leah, I was like, she's so fucking nasty. What a fucking bitch. Adriana, every time Adriana was nasty to Joanna and Adriana was 10 times nastier than we were loving it though. I loved it. Well, the difference is she has the right and also everything she says is true that she's saying against Joanna and Joanna has come after everybody else so many times. Like, when they were showing that clip of her going after Mary so for wearing fur, I was dying. I forgot all about that. I thought Joanna, she's a stupid guy. Yeah, I think you're right because I think that thing that was so shocking about Anna was that it seemed to come out of nowhere. It seemed like it was just, it seemed mean spirited. Yeah, yeah, but pause because the difference here is this. The three of us fucking love Leah Black and the three of us can hate Joanna Krueba. That is the fucking cut and dry difference. We're biased. We're biased. We can't act like we're biased. True, but at least you can pick a side because they actually have fights with each other. Like Joanna's writing certain things, but Anna has nothing to do with Leah. They didn't even speak all season. So, like her just jumping all over some old lady for no reason. It's like, it just seems mean. It seems like pushing somebody down on a crosswalk. You know, just don't do it. She's an old lady on the crosswalk. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, Leah is young at heart. I love Leah. She's not. She loves Leah. Yeah, I love her. I loved that she had to stand up and keep turning into chicken lady to finish off. I was dying. It's like, tell it, tell it, tell the truth. I know. And Leah, Leah did get some nasty barbs in there, you know, but then, but then even when they were nasty, she was able to explain them away. Like when she was like, well, your husband is having sex with someone for two years. And then it's like, he never cheated on me. He never cheated on me once. She's like, I never said he did. It was actually separated. It's like, oh, okay. She's like, I'm just kidding what you said on the show, you know. This Halloween, ghoul all out with Instacart. 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They weren't obviously BFFs after they had gone on their little trip to the Bahamas, but it was very much like we can be cordial and get along in the same room. And we're not hating on each other. High five were fine. Clearly, not the case. Cut to last night, Adrian, it's going to be like, Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Oh, Anna. Oh, you say I have an accent? Okay, here's my accent. Here's my Spanglish. Oh, Anna. She speaks five languages. True languages, independence. Well, that's in the payments. That's my standards. That was another thing that I noticed on Watch What Crap is because I think it was the same night that the other girl was on, but Joanna was on there. And Adriana comes in because this was the night of that episode where she gets hit or wherever. And Joanna's like, Oh, she was abusing me and blah, blah, blah. And Adriana calls in and she's like, You're the body. You know, she's just screaming. And she's on the phone. And she just does not start stop screaming the entire time. It's hilarious. So I knew that that was coming back because Joanna walks in the press and makes it sound like she got abused on national television. Well, Joanna is well, yeah, and she wants to pretend that like Romaine lettuce is really not cheating on her and they're in love. Guess what? That is not the case. It is not the case at all. They are such a phony fucking couple. And I don't know why for the life of me. I don't understand why he is with her. She has acne. She's evil. She's an alcoholic. She's anorexic. And, you know, he's probably begging her sister. She's a supermodel. But you were in a society model magazine. It's not Cosmo. I'm sorry. Yeah. No, you're right. I can't believe I said supermodel. But the point is, she is like a celebrity model. And like, that's major bragging rights. And I think honestly, I wouldn't put a past to be in it. She's famous. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, for the same reason, he got us Ferrari to ride something that's pretty that everyone will be jealous of. Yeah. Yeah. She's a dumb. She's a dumb hoe. And I'd love that she's just so open with her terrible personality. She's like, Oh, you're just jealous of me because of all the press I get. And you just want to be in the magazine. And the only person who gets press in this show is me. Yeah. I was just very much like Teresa Judiche where it's like they're so dumb and they have no idea and they are just open books and it's pure hilarity because they don't know how dumb they're coming across. Yeah. Like the fact that they met like that Joanna measures herself worth on how much press that she gets. She's like, the only time you ever get press is when you punch me. So that's the only time you got impressed the past year. Like, Oh, congratulations, Joanna. You got press for being a fucking idiot. All the other times. Every time she said something like that. It just made me scream louder at my television set going. None of you are getting press because your ratings are in the toilet. You are not the Atlanta Housewives. Sorry. Oh my God. You know what? The one who got out. The one who got out of all of this, the easiest was freaking Dr. Karen Sierra because she did exactly what she always says. She smiled. She didn't get too badly. And you know what? Everyone else had to like a fucking idiot. And Karen's just sat there in her in her shiny sequin dress and scooted away without a problem. Well, Karen got all the bullshit thrown at her all season long. So it was like I was finally okay with her getting a little bit of time to breathe. I think she's so annoying. No, we still hate her. Don't get as well. She's terrible. And Andy asked her. What did he ask her that he's like, well, what about the fighting or whatever. And she's like, well, it's important because my father was so sick and he almost died. And everyone's like, oh, and then she's not even crying. Like they show a close up of her. No tears, not even well. She just likes to smack her lips and pretend that he's crying. Total Sally Fields in the Mexican soap dish crying. And they totally forget the question that they asked her. It's like that bitch got off scot free from using her sick dad, you know. Oh, God forbid when he dies. They're never going to make anything stick. Healing hole all over again. Healing hole. What did you guys think about? What did you guys think about Adriana accusing Romaine lettuce of being a racist and, you know, because the slums are hilarious. Because he said there's lightness and darkness and I'm the darkness. That's racism. Adriana, that was so funny because Adriana was so really, she really had no like to stand on in this case. And it was hilarious to watch her being so convicted. Like she should go back to slums of rio racist again. Like what? No, that's not like saying to go back to slums of rio is actually like a reference to your head. You can't talk about Brazil. I won't let you talk about Brazil. Let me tell you about the slums of rio. There are women there who work so hard all through the day and all through the night. So you are racist. Nothing that women make sense. The only time that that woman makes sense is when she's yelling and saying horrible things to Joanna. Every other thing that comes out of her mouth makes absolutely no sense and I don't care because it's hilarious. When you throw slums of rio there are angry birds that are mad because pigs throw their eggs and so you take the pig and you put him on a rubber bank and you pull it back and you try to kill the pigs. That's about the slums of the angry birds of rio. That's the angry birds in the in the slums of rio. Okay, they got lamps and the lampshades are made from old fortune cookies that people throw away from their Chinese takeout. And then make a lampshade and the lampshades fall apart after about a day and you have to get a new one and it costs a week salary but you work for it. And that's a slums of rio and that's racist if you have a nice lampshade. Well, here's the other thing. He probably is racist. Yes, he is French after all. I guess very French group here. Oh my god. It's a lawyer. No, it's a lawyer. Well, look, he's not racist against people from here. It's probably racist against black people. That's what I was getting at because he's probably just one of those like meat head assholes. Oh my god. Hilarious. Adriana, it is funny. The funny thing is I actually do feel like Adriana is a smart woman. I feel like she's smart. I feel like she's bright and totally unhinged. And why is she smart? Why is she smart? I don't know. For some reason, just from like, I wish I could pinpoint anything about the things that she talks about. I don't know. I actually do feel like she's smart. Her life and her son onto that fucking boat. That is not smart. That's okay. I will give you that. Well, it is because she's making sure that her husband doesn't spend all of his money while he's alive. She wants him to save some so that when he dies, she is going to push his ass overboard after there's a, you know, there's there's not going to be a preenup. She's going to murder him at sea and then they're going to move back into onto Star Island. Maybe she is a genius. Well, the yacht has to live up to her standards standards. Yeah, one of the reasons I do like her is last night was a good example where she said Andy said, you know, you're the only one who sticks up for Leah all the time and people say you're on her payroll and she said, you know, she helped me when I was down and I'm not going to turn on somebody who basically saved me. You know, Leah found her sleeping on the floor of some gallery or something and gave her a life. And she said, I'm not going to turn on. I'm not going to turn on the person who saved me and I respect that. You know, I really do. I got to give a very rare. I do too. I thought it was a nice moment. Next week, it looks like Leah's sobbing because Adriana throws her under the bus or something. So we'll see. But for now, I think they will. The two of them, I think, will actually be fine always because they can be haunted. They can say things, but I think they actually understand each other, understand each other. And I think they'll be good. By the way, you know what was funny was the one remark that I remember from my parents watching the Real House of Miami was last week when Adriana showed up at her son's school wearing like a green dress with no bra on her boobs, like side boob, boob, hangout. And my dad was like, oh, I see what dress appropriately for school. By the way, I kind of loved that moment. Yeah, I was like, I like her son. I like Leah Black's son. I think that they're like fun, good moms, even though her nipples were hanging out. I mean, she could sit behind that piano and, you know, I'm suppressed. Me too. I guess the thing with Adriana, the reason why maybe I assume that she's a little smarter than maybe the other housewives is that she can play a musical instrument. Well, she seems to have an appreciation for arts, for the arts, like music, painting and stuff like that. And I, you know, there's not always a correlation that people who appreciate the arts are smarter, but I like to think that there is. So therefore, that's where Adriana is. I think she's just a nice change. You know, she seems to actually appreciate what she does. She's not doing it for money. She actually seems to like her homely old rich guy because she's not just marrying him to get his money. You know, it actually took him a long time to get her. She's just kind of the opposite of what these women normally are. You know, I really feel for people like Lisa, who all she does, like she totally ruins her entire face and her body. She's like a walking piece of rubber. And it's all to get some homely old dude who probably left his family for her. I mean, now that's total guessing. I don't know, but just looking at allegedly just looking at him. I mean, he had someone, you know, go get his young trophy bimbo and she's terrified that he's going to leave her. If she doesn't give him exactly what he wants, you know, she has to terrifying. Do you think there's any possibility that, you know, repeat plastic surgeries and unnecessary surgeries and breast augmentations and all of that? Is there any chance that that could affect the fact that she's... What I've always said is that that's what it is. It's because she's got too much rubber inside of her. It's like, it's like trying to give birth when your body is filled with the chemicals that make up a diet coke. Yeah, for your side, like a diet coke right now, serious. Her uterus is probably like a bouncy castle. The eggs just like ping around back and forth before falling off. They can't attach anything. Yeah, nerf. It's like all nerf. Like the sperm's just keep bouncing off. It's like bong, bong, bong, bong. Sperms come out with bloody noses, trying wanting their moms. But I kept trying to break the window, but I couldn't do it. God, if only if it was Carol Radzewild's womb, that would be a nice soft place to snuggle up in. I've been thinking of a way to slip Carol Radzewild in at some point. Thank God I did. Oh, I know. Thank God you did. I was going to say about it. You know, the other thing about speaking of children, et cetera, the only thing Adriana said was the reason why she wouldn't turn against Leo too is that their sons are best friends. And you know, it was a small thing. But if you think about it, that's such a, that's a noble thing to do. Like my children, like our children are best friends. It's like, we are not going to fight. Take a, like contrast that with Carol Radzewild and Theresa. I mean, yeah, Kim G. I mean, Kim G is a character or whatever. But Caroline Manzo was a real asshole to Kim G. Kim G just wanted to be friends and Caroline would not let her in. You know, that's just shows. I think there's a little bit of a class issue there too. Well, I think it also goes to show that Adriana has this crazy temper and this crazy personality, but she can, she can control it. Yeah. Which is kind of rare because no one, you know, she doesn't control it except when it comes to Leah. But, you know, I just wanted to know that she's not completely psycho. And I love, go ahead. I was gonna say, I love those two sons because they're both totally like awkward, socially awkward. I love that they're best friends. I think it's great. I love that they, I love these women have socially awkward. So what was with on a criticizing Leah's son too? That was not so awkward. That was, that was not okay. That was, that was not okay. You don't attack someone's child. Do you know how lucky Leah was to have a baby that, that old? It's like a miracle. We should be holding that baby up. Line King style. Totally. So I love RJ. I love RJ. Okay. Can we, you know what, we, we cannot, just because we like Leah does not mean we can skip over at what an asshole she was to because no facial surgery, Leah, really, because last year, you look like a dry cleaning bag that was left on the heater. When you came back to the reunion, you look like someone learning to make a drama out of goat skin. You were so tight. Do not tell me that you've never had surgery. And also Nicole Jean Ronde, or whatever on our Facebook page was like, bitch, please, your face doesn't move. And when you get mad, your veins bulge out of the side of your head. I know that that's about talks because that happens to me. And it's so true because that does happen. Like that Hulk rage. Like when you get so pissed, the veins start popping, but it's the only part of your face that can move. It's like Thomas Kramer, but that's what happened to his face. What's so embarrassing about getting surgery? Everybody has it there. Leah still looks more normal than most of them. Right. I mean, she doesn't look like a freak show. She might as well just say I've had a little bit here and there. But guess what? I mean, compared to, you know, I mean, I'm sorry, the rest of those women, Mama Elsa, let's just start there. Oh my God, I wish just once at the beginning of these reunion shows, I just wish once when Andy starts, oh, so let's talk about your boobs. Oh, well, what kind of, what have you done to your tits? What have you done to your face? What have you done to how much money did that cost? I wish someone would just say, you know, that's really sexist, Andy. Can we just move on and talk about something else? Right. All I want to do is like, you know, you know, say stop bullying and gay rights and all this other shit. And I'm like, you're a sexist pig. You're a total misogynist. Like you don't even hide at all what a misogynist you are. And on top of that, there was what there was one moment. I think he was asking maybe Lisa, and he was asking about plastic surgery. And he goes, oh, I don't mean to be tacky, but he asked something else. And like, all of a sudden, for one glimmering moment, Andy Cohen is concerned about being tacky. You know, when he's asked everyone else about their boobs, their breasts, their faces, their noses, you know. I noticed one other thing. I'm going, I'm all over the place today. I'm sorry. But I did notice that Andy Cohen was really holding Leah's feet to the fire. And normally he doesn't do that. He usually just backs off and lets them find him. You know, I think he knows that she can take it because Leah, I think, actually can, can take. Yeah, Leah can fight back properly. And I think that's one of the reasons why that Dr. Karen Sierra DDS was, you know, not at the forefront of all the fighting because Andy was just like, look, this bitch got punished all season long. Leah can handle it right now. She'll make for great TV go. Yeah. What about what about Marisol? I mean, I like that Marisol did finally speak up and was like, your fucking big mouth is ruining my business. I mean, she does sort of have a point, but it was sort of amusing to me when she got mad at Leah because that Leah didn't like apologize or whatever it was. Whatever that Leah did, she did it off camera and not on camera. I mean, you know, Marisol, you can't have your cake and eat it too. Like, if you want an apology, yes, she does. Yeah. And she'll also eat your cake. Yeah. That's why, well, not Philippe's cake, though. He ate all this. She'll steal your cake to feed it to Philippe to keep her to come over one more night. Yeah, that was a lot of cake and a lot of cake and a feeling cool. That was very interesting because she did say that didn't she was like, yeah, but you apologize, but it was off camera and Lee is like, what the hell. Well, I think maybe she's trying to suggest that she caused damage on camera, but she didn't fix the damage off camera. I don't know what she says. She said she apologized, but it was on camera or something. No, it was off camera. She wanted her to apologize on camera because she said she wanted this to be on the record too. Personally, there is no fucking way that her business has been injured by this show. They're all now bigger names and more of a celebrity than they've been before. So she needs to drop this shit and fast. Yeah. And I think that honestly, anyone doing damage to her own business is Marisol because quite frankly, Marisol comes off looking squirrely and she looks like she doesn't want to confront things. I mean, look, my mom's in PR. If someone were saying this stuff about my mom, my mom would not just sit there and be like, I don't want to talk about it. My mom would say you're being, you're incorrect. We talked about this. If you want to talk about, we'll talk about this off camera, but stop saying this about me. Sidebar, can Ben's mom start her own fucking housewives out of wherever they live in New York? My mom would never. My mom, actually, they tried, believe it or not. So my parents were in Westchester, New York, and there was a group of like six or seven women in New York and Westchester who tried to start something called the working women of Westchester. But they wanted to show that like, that these sort of household women could be like, you know, professional and classy and smart. And guess what, it didn't get picked up. Oh yeah, no one wants to see that. Yeah, no one wants to see like real, like, armor. But the thing is this, according to Lea, when Lea was on with us, she basically said, like, look, she never would have said any of this stuff on camera in the first place, except that Marisol was going around saying that, you know, she was basically accusing Lea of taking whatever was basically Marisol started. And Lea was like, look, I wasn't going to say anything, but if you're going to drag me into it, I'm going to open my mouth. But why, for the life of me, I do not understand why is Lea friends with all of these unsavory fucking characters? I do not get it. She said that she likes, she finds them interesting. Well, also look, Lea, like when we're used to her at this point, but if you really look at all those clips they showed and how her personality is, it's not like she's going to be invited to hang around the classiest people in the world. Because you can't act like that. It's why I can't keep a job. Every time I get hired to do some kind of job, they're like, well, he's too mean. Like, we can't have him commenting on shit because he's too mean. It's just how I am. I have to hang out with weirdos like you people because no one else will hang out with me. It's too much. Like, it's too extreme. She's got to just calm down. And also, her husband's a fucking defense attorney. I love the story she's telling. She's like, oh, yeah, he calls me from jail all the time. He says, I have more time than he does. Again, proving the point that she is having a good time with the show and she's not taking it too seriously on like all these other hags. And if she's going to have fun with it and they're all going to be so, like, abysmal and just evil, then fuck them. It's all about Lea anyway. Yeah, I agree. I agree completely. Look, Lea's never pretended. I mean, Lea can pretend all she wants. And I can see some of the stuff that Anna says. It's just that she says it in a way that's critical that I don't think it is. I mean, Lea is, she's never lied about the fact that she met her husband when she was in jury duty. First of all, that's fishy as hell. She starts sleeping with the defense attorney. Okay. Oh, I'm sorry. Have you ever been on jury duty? Because when I'm sitting down in that courtroom and I'm wasting my entire day. When I get bored, I start looking some crazy eyes at some boys up in there too. I mean, Jesus Christ. Let me tell you something. I had jury duty today. Well, I mean, I didn't have it. I didn't have to go in, but I actually didn't have jury duty today. And I could not wait to go and be stuck in a room full of so many people who I would never ever want to go with because I have never found one hot person on your jury duty ever. Yeah, jury duty. I never get hot guys. Sorry. You must have gotten a good jury pool. I always end up at the criminal court and I always feel like they're just like, you know, like rich business men. I like it. Oh, oh, I see like the big thuggy, you know, gang members with tattoos all over their face, but in a nice suit. That always cracks me up like, Oh, you're totally tricking me. I hope I get on this jury so I can set you free in my neighborhood. You big fucking tree trunk of a man. Well, one time there was, I was on jury duty and I was like up there, like during the wardier process and the guy, the defendant, you know, it was just like that. And the lawyers come through and they ask everyone in the sitting in the jury box, like, you didn't automatically think this man was guilty first innocent before proving guilty, right? And everyone's like, Oh, yeah, no, I did not automatically assume it. It got to me. I'm like, well, I kind of thought maybe you might have been guilty. Yeah. And I was totally kicked off. Yeah, I will never serve on a jury because I'm too honest. I'm like, yeah, if you have a tattoo on your face, you should be in jail. No one in the car. I don't want to run into anyone like that on the street. Okay. Get in jail. Yeah. So anyway, Leah admits that that's where she met her husband. So that's a little fishy. And then it's not like she was rich or anything when she met her husband, you know, she meets her, this rich guy. And then she starts a charity. And it's not like for cancer victims. It's for people who have been thrown in jail, most likely to pay their legal bills. So it's like, she's got a charity, possibly allegedly. What is wrong with that? To pay her name, Star Island bill, to tear it down. So I like it. I like it. I like it. And you know what? There needs to be more charities for rich people that are suffering. Yeah. Thank God. I'm glad someone finally said it. But, you know, that said, I mean, I like that about her because I like that she's kind of unsavory. If you look at it that way, you know, again, she's hanging out with all these people. You know, she's sitting there teaching her son about that drunk driving guy that John Goodman guy who killed somebody when he was drunk driving and she's like, well, he just couldn't get a fertile really because he was drunk. And he killed somebody. So what? You know, so this I can see on this point, but Jesus Christ woman, don't be such a seaward about it. Yeah, I agree. So, is there anything else on the reading that we have to talk about? I feel like so much happened that we're just not going to be able to get it all. We have a whole other episode of it, a whole other installment next week. What about Alexia? Oh, my God, Alexia. She's going to get into it with Dr. Karen Sierra. Okay, you talked out. You talked about it. So now I get to talk. Okay, it's now my turn. Okay, it's not a conversation. Because I worship at the feet of Alexia. I love her too. Yeah, you picked right now because it's my turn to talk. Oh, yeah. Well, I heard you talk to us. My turn. No, you're not talking because it's my turn to talk. Okay. Yeah, I love Alexia too. And I Oh, wait, we didn't talk about the whole explanation for Karen T. Sierra's boyfriend cheating on her that it was all publicity because the TV shows. They like to set up the publicity because the actors need to the people who watch the show need to be entertained by who the actors are kissing. So it's just all made up and it's totally normal. And the girls are just being jealous of my relationship. So delusional. How does that make any sense? Do you guys think that that's true or do you think you know I have to say I'm actually getting to a place with Dr. Karen Sierra where I'm actually going beyond. I'm not really even annoyed with her anymore. I actually feel bad for her. I actually feel like she is a sad woman. And I think that she really wants a family and she wants to have a baby. And she does you know she wants to have famous friends. She wants all these things. And it's just it's she doesn't have it. And what did Bethany Frank prove that you can't have it all. You can't have it all. Of course you can. Los Yanto. No mas. No mas. You can't have it all. How dare you. Don't be depressing. Bethany decided she just wanted better. I just I don't know. I'm trying to feel just bad for Karen. I feel like she says I don't know. I feel like there's this ultimate sadness behind her eyes and her fake teeth. I have a good feeling. And her and her cat. I have a feeling that all of our opinions are going to change after next week's episode anyway so it's totally fine. Yes they always do. Ever changing. Ever changing. Ever spinning. Ever growling. Do we want to move on to Shah's sunset real quickly? Yes please. Okay first of all as I've mentioned a zillion time so sorry if you've heard this a zillion times but for people who haven't heard this I'm half Lebanese. I'm Lebanese and my mom's side is white. So my mom has like a natural kind of hatred for the Lebanese side. Now Persians, Iranians are very different than the Lebanese. But as far as my mom and Ben and Matt are concerned all these brown people are the same. There's nose hair, ears, hair, back hair but sweat. We're all basically the same. When this show came on just the drunk and disdain pouring from my mother's mouth through the whole thing was just delicious. It was like it was like every wrong that had been done to her and this family was up on that screen. I thought she was going to break the fucking TV. It was the most beautiful racism I've ever seen in my life and I wish you could have all been there. That's all. I would love for you to have your mom. You know if Ben's parents are going to be watching these shows I think that we should rope our parents in to watch them as well. Oh yeah, she did. She watched Miami. She said disgusting about 20 million times. She said, it's supposed to be showing people that they're, I mean, this is disgusting. Look at those boobs. Why don't you just take off your shirt? You might as well. The only thing missing is her nipples. She was going off the whole time. You know what? I'm putting this on the books right now. Mother's Day Spectacular. Our mom's involved. Just put it out there. We should never. My mom would never. No, no, no, I'm not saying that they're going to have to be on the show, but we might have to each watch or Skype or do something with them in order to get their reactions because at that point, OC is going to be on and my mom fucking hates Vicky. Oh yeah. That's the last one my mom watched with me. I'll see what I can do. I'll see if I can work with my mom. It'd be a tall order. Your mom is too busy trying to work on the working woman of Westchester Season 2. Yeah, exactly. What was I going to say about? Oh, you know, so what was awkward for me was I was watching this show and, you know, Reza goes to Resputin, which is the gay club here in West Hollywood. And there's like a big long scene of like Reza being drunk and like sniffing armpits at at at Rasputin and my dad was like, so does your dad ask you? Is that what you do on a typical Friday night? Yeah, he was like, he's like, um, he's like, have you been to a gay club? And I was like, yes. And he was like, is this what they're like? And I was like, uh, I'm like, yeah. Did you tell him that? Did you tell him about Big Fat Dick Night at Phubar? Oh my God. Did you show him grinder? No, no, no, I didn't. But I was like, he was like, is this really what I was like? And I was like, yeah, I was like, oh, that's my friend in the background on the screen right now. Well, you know, I was kind of mortified because I was thinking, of course, you know, my mom, who's trying to be so supportive of God Blaster, but you know, they were like super Christiany. And, you know, I went to church, and of course, after church, I'm always like fuming. I'm like, whatever, I was ridiculous. So then for her, for now that this week, and then to have to see Reza explaining gay life, which I don't know what kind of life he lives. I don't like his, yeah, he, I do not like his explanation of gay life. I mean, that is the most depressing thing. So basically gay guys, what they do is they don't like monogamy is like you walk out the door and you come back and you don't have herpes. That's basically gay life. If you basically get a blowjob from somebody, and then it doesn't count if don't us don't tell it's like the army, but with blowjobs. It's like, it's now Indian when Ronnie does Reza he's now Indian. He turned a little Indian Kermit froggy down the day, so I'm getting the same effect. That's so Persian. That's like so Persian. Okay, that's better than it's so Persian. That sounds like so much better like homeboy like at first it was like it did not sound right at all. But now it sounds like very funny, like very, very funny at that person. And then there's that somebody else. I'd never realized my friend was so fat and stupid until until I had dinner with her in that hotel. You're laying back down again. It's now Kermit Kermit from this job per. I've eaten too much when Reza is all you today. But that whole like, you know, when you're a gay person, you shouldn't be going to clubs after your 50. There's like a time when you were like, there's like your 40 and like you're supposed to like be going home. But I don't want to do that. I don't want to go home. I want to go out and sniff armpits. I sort of have a thing. That's normal, right? It's not only armpits, it's twink armpits. So I'm going to smoke twink armpits because there's these kids when they're really young and skinny, they're called twinks. And I like to make out with them when they're drunk. I was, by the way, I was so glad my dad did not ask me what a twink was. I was like, oh my God, I could not. I am dying. I'm mortified right now if that were to really happen. That word got thrown around a lot, a lot. And I was like, do you think he didn't ask because he already knows? No, I think that he, I think he probably just assumed it was slang for just like a gay, like a boy or some like, not a boy, but like a guy. But he didn't, he probably didn't realize a specific type of guy. Like that's so Persian. That's like, a white guy would never ask, but a Persian would be like, what's a twig? I just want to know who is willing to sleep with Reza because I do not find that hot. Oh, God. He thinks he's, you know what, he's just got such a self-confidence. You know, ugly people get laid all the time because they're self-confident. I mean, look at him in this episode coming out in a towel. Like really, nobody wants to see you in a towel, Reza. Okay, on national TV. Stop it. Last year, he had to take a shower in front of everybody in his glass shower. Yeah, like nobody needs to see it, buddy. Put it away. Thanks. Yeah. But yeah, he seems to think he's pretty fine. And that whole gay club thing was the most depressing fucking thing ever. And it really did make me want to join match.com and just settle. No, I'm on there and you don't want to be on there. It's a waste of money. Really? Oh, big time. Well, what's the free one? But on the free one, don't you have to like meet poor people? I would rather meet someone who pays. Oh, you can look. You can search by salary on OKCupid, but you're not going to get too far because everybody on OKCupid for the most part is a flake and everybody on match.com is ugly and a creeper. So basically, I'm just going to die alone. Get your grinder on. I'm not doing that. I'm not doing mobile phone sex. That's just not OKCupid. And you're going to die alone with your dog. OK, just breaking it to you. Yeah, I can. Well, listen, back to Reza. So the big thing with the episode, there wasn't that much that happened, but they had this friend come into town named Tehran. You know, you know, Asta's like, Nip's got like hard at the name of someone I'm sure. Yes, he's like his parents named him after my song. So, well, Tehran was interesting because he's half black, half Persian, which I've not seen a lot of. But so there was like, he had like a little like get together. Does this happen in your culture? Yeah, do people of the Middle East have sex with black people? No, actually, I'm trying to think if we have one black person in our family and she's adopted and she was so uncomfortable being Lebanese. She's like a raging bull dyke. Like, I mean, she's really taken like she's taken every minority she can possibly be and shoved it into one package. So just to like rebel so hard against the labs. Did you just call all one of your family members or raging bull dyke? Yeah. Well, we've got a couple of them, actually, one of them looks. You sound like Gigi, you'd fucking cut a bitch in her face, even if she was your family. That was the best part of the episode last night was Gigi talking to Mike. He's like, look, I just want you to know that no one wants to be out with you anymore because of your rate. It's like, listen, here's, here's what happened. She hit me. And then I was like, and he's like, she hit you. I didn't say she hit me. Yeah, you did. You just did. When did I say that? You just said it. No, I'm like, I hit her. Wait. Oh, wait. So you hit her. I didn't hit her. Who said I hit her? That was like a Kim Richards level of drugs. Skinny, skinny people on drugs never goes well. I can't wait for next week when she kicks her, like, punching bag. That he brought her as a joke. I love it. But the big thing, though, was so, of course, Reza and MJ continue to have, you know, they're falling on. By the way, MJ is on the cover of Star Magazine right now for being so overweight and bikini. No, no. They have a splotch over her face. It says, guess who? And if you open it up, it's MJ. Oh, my God. Wait, is she like the center of the cover? Or is she like hidden in the top corner? It's like, it's one of these things like on the left is like, look who looks hot in the bathing suit. And then on the right side of the cover is, and look who this is, guess who you won't be able to guess who this is. Is it our former cover photo from our Facebook page of her and I'm bikini drinking a beer? Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's the picture. It's the, on the inside, that's what it is. On the cover page, it's her standing with the beer. Oh, it's of course that. Well, I think she actually looks hot and it's interesting because the Internet is the most horrible place in the world. And usually comments, I mean, even if it's a video of like, you know, the Virgin Mary, you know, giving birth to the baby Jesus. People are like, fuck that kid. That baby's ugly. You know, the commenters are just so horrible. But comments on that, on all the posts I saw of her were actually, of course, there were a lot of people like, please buy some Spanx and put on a robe. But a lot of people were like, I do her. She's hot, you know, yeah, good for a big woman, so on offer curves. Yeah. A lot of curves. Well, yeah, you know, good for her. I've been in the bikini three times since. She needs to go to curves, shit. It looked like a Buddha had fallen over. Anyway, the point is this MJ. So MJ and Reza were at this. You just refer to her as our neighbor. Our neighbor MJ was at, we're at this function to say hi to Tehran and MJ walks in in full bitch mode. She tells Lily that she and her sister should have changed, like not worn those sort of dresses. And Lily's like, well, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You should have worn your dress in the first place. What did she say to Lily? Because I missed that part. She said to Lily, she was like, oh, hi, she's like, she was like, oh, you should have worn that dress instead. And Lily was like, well, I don't think you should have worn that dress at all. There's something like that. Some girl who, some big girl who's wearing an eighth-waiter's dress should not be telling me how to dress. I'm sorry. I still love Lily and the way that MJ treated her in the previous episode when they were dining at Villa Blanca was so disgusting that Lily, for me, has a free pass to be a fucking horrible bitch to MJ for the rest of the season because fuck MJ. Oh, no, I agree. I agree. And MJ was mean to you too. And fuck MJ for being rude to me at the Shaws of Sunset season two premiere party. MJ was rude to you, and Lily was nice to me and my parents, so we all see who wins. We see who wins. You just need to keep some pigs in a blanket in your purse. It's hard to feel sorry for MJ because once again, she walked in and she was a total bitch to this girl and her sister. This girl complains about her mother being so evil to her, and the fact of the matter is she is turning into her evil mother. She certainly is. And then what happens is that Reza gets up and delivers a major piece of passive aggression. He's like, first of all, I want to give a shout out to my home girl, Lily, who looks awesome in her dress tonight. Like, oh, great job. Great job, Lily, for being so pretty and skinny and having a mother who loves you, we need Cheers to Lily. It's like, I want to give a shout out to my favorite person in the room, Teran, and to my second favorite, Asa. And to my third favorite, Omid, and to my fourth favorite, the bartender, and my fifth favorite, he goes through everyone. The guy in the bathroom who took a dollar and gave me a mint in return. Thank you, great job. You're wonderful homeboy. I want to thank the Twink, who let me sniff his hairless armpit at Rasputin the other night. That was awesome. That was so Persian of him. Oh, and then GG just, I mean, not GG. MJ, do you guys hear that noise, that buzzing? Yeah. That is the garage door. I'm sleeping above the garage, and I'm going to go slash the tires of every car down there. I thought I was like MJ levitating down and some sort of flying saucer, search of sliders in Texas. It's MJ just blending ice cream with French fries and pizza. She does not love it. I know, she comes in on a wagon. Yeah, no levitation. I can do it on the whoever, the poor, the poor left over Twink, so I have to pull her wagon. Yeah, the saucer sunset is annoying to me because, you know, yes, MJ is being a bitch, but then presses an even bigger bitch. And then Lily, who you kind of want to be on her side because everyone's being a bitch to her, is a bitch and says it, you know, makes a comment about MJ's weight and that fat bitch shouldn't be in a dress that small. And it's like, listen, you are skinny and gorgeous. You are not at liberty to make fun of anyone's weight. Do you understand that? Only fat people can do that. Like only black people can say the N word. Only fat people are allowed to talk about fat people wearing dresses too small. Like skinny pretty bitches cannot do it. Just stop it, stop it. Yeah, well said, Matt's head explode. If only black people can say the N word, don't go see Django Unchained. Yeah, I've heard that be bad. I think actually Matt is so fierce right now that your garage door is actually going up and down because of his Carrie S telekinesis. I feel like my family tortures me like they know I'm up here recording something. They're like close it, open it, open it. Oh, I forgot something outside, open it, close it. All right, well, I think we should wrap it up because we got a, we got a, I think we're going on nice and long and we've only covered two shows. So this was lots and lots of fun. So, hey, Ronnie is @TVgasm on Twitter. Matt is @lifeonthemlist. I'm @besideblog. Our show is @whatcrapins and you should follow us on Facebook, especially because on our next episode, we're going to have our first annual crappy awards. The 2012 crappies are coming out and we have a bunch of fun categories and nominations and a lot of the information was called from Facebook. So if you're not a fan of ours on Facebook, you should that we get involved in things like this. Yeah, you guys can give us some material so we don't have to sit and come up with stuff. Yeah, exactly. Do our jobs for us. And while you're at it, leave us a comment on iTunes, you people. There have not been enough in the past few weeks and it hurts my heart deeply. Yeah, and tell all your friends and listen on Stitcher and iTunes, all that stuff. Yeah, thanks so much for being with us and we'd love to hear from you and we will see you next time with the 2012 crappy awards. See you guys, party on! If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the Internet. The folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new YouTube channel called WaitForIt. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleisinger, Slicing, driving friends with it for ten years. One of the funniest people out there and I still have a hard time with the last name Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down Internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer, just go to youtube.com/waitfortcomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore, because it's here, and it's funny, and I love you. 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