The Morally Corrupt Heffers of Sunset
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#52: The Morally Corrupt Heffers of Sunset
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So prepare yourselves, buckle yourselves in, we're gonna talk Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Real Housewives of Miyjami, Shaz of Sunset, which is secretly my favorite show on TV, and then we'll toss in a little top chef and million dollar decorators, but we're gonna do that at the end because they kind of suck compared to the amazingness of Beverly Hills. But before we get to Beverly Hills, shout out to all of you who listen to us, who download us, who comment, and who participate on our Facebook page, which is Facebook slash Watch what Crapins. You guys are hilarious, you make this fun for us, and while we're at it, let's do a few Twitter handles. Why don't you boys tell everybody where they can find you on the Twitter? Well, you can find me at Beside Blog, and I would like people to follow me because I've stagnated in my followers. Thank you. Thank you very much. My name is Ronny. And you can follow me @tvgasm, and I don't really make ever make a push for followers, but I've been having fun on that there Twitter, now that I've learned how to use it. About fucking time, and I am Matt Whitfield, and you can follow me @lifeontheamless, and you can follow us as a group at What Crapins. Let's dive right in, you guys. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was out of control. Please, please, please. Can somebody smash Fay Resnick and Kyle into Shut Up Mountain? Go. Well, I mean, I don't know if you can even, if you can even smack Fay Resnick without your hand, like melting or turning into fire. I mean, she's so morally corrupt. I feel like looking, I'm looking the eyes of the devil herself. Yeah, Fay Resnick is a horrible human being, and she has a workspace. Actually, someone in the recap comments today said she looked more like jar jar beans, which I think is very funny. That is mean to jar jar beans. Our dear friend, Lisa Timmons, actually this morning, noted that the reason why Fay Resnick and Adrian Maloof probably are friends is because they look exactly the same. At this point, their faces have actually just become just composites of plastic. Yeah, I think that they've both gotten some on surgery from Paul. Paul is probably one of the shittiest surgeons I've ever seen. I can't believe that he loves that piece of work walk around with his name stamped on it. You ever see you ever see labyrinths? There's like some part where there's like a little fox that rides like a dog. I think that Fay looks sort of like that fox now. Her face has sort of moved in that sort of angular, angular direction. And I'm glad that now we have two labyrinth references in the Real Housewives universe, of course the other being, Mama Elsa as Huckle. Obviously. Obviously. Well, to set this up, I think we're jumping ahead to the very end of the episode. But let's just start there because nobody loves a dinner party like the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills where they bring the drama. So they love it so much that they will even have one in a dining room. That's not even finished. Slash that looks like a Bordello slash that Fay Resnick designed slash is she really a designer because I saw her restoration hardware and she looked like a big old hooker. Well, she did. Yeah. She painted it white, which is kind of 80s like to paint brick white. She painted it white with a plastic chandelier in there and a bamboo mirror that she got for free from cost plus. I'm so sick of Kyle getting free shit. Every episode is about Kyle getting something for free. We have to see some party where Kyle shows off what she got free. You know what Kyle, go shopping like the rest of us with jobs. Yeah. Well, I thought I thought Fay Resnick as a designer is sort of like as believable as any of these other housewives as singers, quite frankly, which is that she can't do it. Fay, Fay, we're so angry at Fay today. I love it. Yeah, I think it's really hilarious how we all loved Fay at first because in the first season everyone hated Camille because she was a total asshole. So, we loved the dinner where Kyle showed up with Fay and Fay told off Camille for Kyle. Everyone thought that that was really great. This year, Kyle's a total asshole and everyone loves Camille and everyone's mad at Fay for showing up and yelling at somebody's Kyle. Okay. Well, you know, we all we all I have to say I still kind of love Fay only because she's the only one out of all the women in all the housewives who has like a official title, which is the morally corrupt Fay Resnick. I love her title, but you are the only one that actually laughs her. She is horrible and Kyle, you know, the funny thing is, you know, we all loved us some Kyle and now Kyle is the absolute word. I think she's worse than Adrian to be honest with you. I don't think so. It doesn't get worse than Kyle in my book, but let's talk a little bit more. How did they get to this dinner party? Should we start going back to the beginning of the episode where we were having like the beginning was pretty good at the beginning was really long. I mean, that was the nice. Okay, but let's get back there because my favorite part of the opening, obviously, this is kind of a continuation from last week where Mauricio was having his advertisement slash party and it's kind of where Kim told Adrian and Paul what crap Brandy was talking behind their back and then Paul and Adrian then ended up attacking Brandy and Taylor starts crying in the background and it all just went to shit. So let's start there and I will, I will kick things off with I so love sober Kim getting real with her bitch sister Kyle and telling her you are not the boss of me, bitch. You're not in at the boss of me. That was her fight, which I love like with her hand in Kyle's face. I got a boot. I got here. I love it here Kyle. So be quiet. I want to raise your horse and die. I love me some Kim Richards and I love that sobriety is giving her a memory. I mean, she looks so shocked to be able to form sentences and make an argument. It's hilarious and when Kyle's coming out her, she looks like she's being accused of like doing meth or something like she doesn't really know how to fight properly yet, you know, she's like a little too angry, but I'm loving performing sentences and I thought it was hilarious when Kyle was like, you know, I love that Kim is sober now, but like really, man? Yeah, she's such, she is such a liar and it's so awful. And you can tell like sober Kim is going to reveal so much about their past relationship and how Kyle has been clearly awful to her sister for years and years and years. And I don't know, I just think that we're going to see Kyle fall even further down, you know, the ladder because Kim is going to get real with her and I don't think that she's going to like it. Plus, she also now that she is sober is not going to be able to be controlled by Kyle and Maurice. By the way, is it Maurice or Maurice? Yeah, but but Kim calls him Maurice. You know, Kim also brought up the good point that everyone else brought up, which is that if Kyle hadn't pressed brandy for these to find out what's going on with her and Adrian, none of this would have happened. It was really at the end of the day, it was Kyle. I know, I mean, Ben, that's such a good point. That was where I was like, oh, this girl really is sober because she is making a seriously valid point. And then they cut back to last week's episode where Kyle sh*t stirs and all she does. I mean, she did it in the limo on the way home from Ohai got brandy riled up. She got brandy riled up at the dinner party. Lisa was throwing last week. It's like, she doesn't know. I mean, I feel like she's pretending that she wants to claim that she's not like this evil monster, you know, that's throwing it, but she stirs it more than anybody. Well, it all reminds, I was going to say, it all just reminds me back to our favorite show of the summer gallery girls, Kyle Girls. When Angela went over to whatever her name was, the Wayfish one, and it was like so-and-so Claudia said that you're a delusional liar and they are awful and that you don't work and they shouldn't be part of the business. Why would she say that? It's like, it's all in this guise of concern that is really not there. Well, it's about as mature as the 20-year-olds, too, and about as intelligent. I mean, Kyle's thing is, you know, she reads, all these housewives, my favorite thing about housewives, is that they love reading Twitter. Love it. They're on it all the time. You can see them on their cell phones looking at Twitter even during the episodes. Okay, so I love that they're Twitter fans and it really affects our behavior. Kyle, last year just assumed, well, everyone is going to know that Brandy is a horrible, skanky, white trash bitch. No one is going to stand for this woman. Well, it turns out Brandy was so popular that she became a housewife and everybody was against Kyle on Twitter by the end of that season. So Kyle was suddenly the villain and now she's being extremely careful to not mess with Brandy. She doesn't want to be coming at Brandy anymore. She can't be coming at Camille because everyone's into Camille now, too. So she's trying to get everyone else to do it for her. Unfortunately, we're not as stupid as people who waste their entire lives watching housewives shows should be. And we can see what she's doing. I mean, she's just so blatantly gross about it. And I can't wait to see the reading in 28 episodes. Yeah, and I have to say also that Kyle, you know, she loves to serve the pot because look at even this dinner party. So she decided to throw a dinner party for no good reason, aside from the fact that her dining room is half complete. So, but the thing is she'd already invited Brandy, she'd already invited Adrian what to do. Well, I mean, technically, yes, you don't invite, you don't disinvite anyone. But you know what, if she didn't want any drama, she could have just called Brandyman like, look, I think it's better if you don't come, etc, etc. But she wanted them both there. She wanted. No, it was a setup then she wanted to bring Brandy in so that Faye could slam her. Well, she said her. I mean, they didn't have a signed seating and she did see her right across from Faye with her little snake eyes, her little job with the hot eyes. We all, but we also had a new feature, a new character in the mix, Marissa Zanuck, who, as we mentioned right before the show, what Matt, you didn't like her, but Ronnie, you did like her. No, no, no, I loved her because she was she was on Brandy's side. And therefore, I loved her. Yeah, she seemed like smart. And when she talked about kids, I didn't want to just like roll my eyes left and right. Well, I really liked her because I watched the show on HGTV called Selling LA. And it's where they go look at mansions in LA and they follow real estate agents around. And she's one of the real estate agents on the show. And it's not a drama show, you know, it's just they go look at houses, you know. But she's always cracked me up because she's she's like a bad actress even on a reality show, you know, she seems like she's playing somebody really, really poorly. And she's always got really big hair and too much makeup. And she's just way, way overdressed to be selling a condo. Sounds sounds just like Heather Dubrow, a bad actress on a reality show. Yes. And she's also the first one to really have some drama on selling LA. I mean, you know, they always have a little like, oh, the client's really upset. What am I going to do? But her, one of them, she had a friend of hers that she was looking for a place in her friend's like, it's like a raging seaward. And she almost beat shit out of this woman. And it was so funny watching her trying to stay calm when she was just so clearly annoyed. So I'm happy to see her on this because she's going to be able to really spread her wings. Yeah, I actually, I do love her big hair too, I have to say. I love that she walks like I'm ham. There's a linebacker. By the way, I have to say another, another credit against Kyle is that during when we first memorize, I noticed there were a lot of these martini glasses going around. There was zebra pattern. And I couldn't help but wonder if these were taken directly from the posh school of glassware because I don't mean P.O.S.H. I mean, the P.O.S.C.H.E. from New Jersey. I mean, who buys these hideous glasses? I thought they were the exact same glasses that Camille had at the dinner party from hell. Oh, I thought there were much, I thought Camille's were much larger. Because remember Camille, she was like serving like, they're basically like, she likes the big barrels on like stems, you know? Oh, that's true. That's true. I thought they were the same. The Camille cocktail. Yeah. Can we talk before we get to Kyle's house for this dinner party from hell? Part seven. Because they love a dinner party from hell. Can we talk a little bit about Taylor and her reaction to Paul kind of attacking Brandy and trying to make everything about herself again? It was hilarious. She was doubled over as if she just been kicked in the stomach by a camel. And then when no one paid attention to her, she would double over in a different position. And then no one paid attention to her. And so she literally put her hand on her forehead, like the shoe is being tied to a tango. Her little gay had to like be like, Taylor, are you okay? Are you okay? Taylor, why don't you tell everybody how your husband abused you allegedly? I shut up Taylor. Whatever. She's losing her ring next week. She's losing her. Oh my God. That's hysterical. And then she's going to lose her position on this show. I'm honestly believing that the addition of Marissa is to place her on the cast for next season. And Taylor's story is done. Like she's gots to go. She's not even being crazy anymore. Well, I mean, just like, I mean, not like crazy, crazy. You know, she's just drunk and sad. Yeah, exactly. Well, that was the rumor before the season started. There were gossip articles saying that Taylor found out right before the premiere that she was being cut off most of the season and having a drinking fit and drinking all over town and acting like a crazy person because the producers were uncomfortable firing her because she just lost her husband. But they were extremely uncomfortable keeping her because she's such a blatant con man and liar. And so they were gonna give it a little time so they let her shoot the season and then kind of cut her out. Yeah, Marissa is taking her spot. There's no doubt about that. Faye, however, will not be a full-time cast member because she's so awful. But let me ask you many, many questions here. Does anybody else miss the fact that Camille is not a full-time cast member as I do because I fucking love me some Camille? Yeah, I do. I mean, she's getting more screen time than Yolanda at this point. And Taylor. Yeah. By the way, Camille has been hysterical. That whole thing with Taylor, you know, it was really nice that not only did Camille have a diary room session where she was bitching about it not being about Taylor. And then, you know, Taylor trying to compare it to when Camille said, told everybody, "Well, because we said that your husband hit you with any pucker jaw." You know, Taylor to try and make it about her abuse again was so disgusting. And then for Camille to call her out on it, not only the diary room where Camille got so angry that she had to turn away from the cast. That was the best part of the entire episode when Camille got so upset that she just she had to turn away. Yeah, she was like, "Hold me back, bitches." She was also that she said it right too. She was she was gone with the wind fabulous right there. Yeah, when she said it to Taylor's face, that was great. She's like, "It's not about you. I just feel like you're trying to make this about you right now." I can't believe anyone on one of these shows were trying to make something about themselves. I know, I was like, "I can't believe that she's making this about herself, you guys. Look at me. I'm trying." Okay, in the past week, has anybody come to any other conclusions about what actually Brandi said at the dinner party about Adrienne and Paul? Have we come to a final conclusion here? No, but I will say this though. I thought I was gonna get some inside scoop because I was at something on Saturday and Adrienne Maloof was supposed to be there. But of course, she didn't show up. But I did have some of her vodka. And I had so Adrienne Maloof has some vodka called Zing Vodka. And it was the type that they were pushing on this party was red velvet cupcake flavored vodka. Let me tell you something. That sound disgusting. If her shoes are as good as her vodka, I don't predict a long shelf life for the ballofhoof. It was pretty nasty. Well, maybe if drag means like it, then she'll have a niche at least. So Susan, Susan Vodka, they could buy both of them. Exactly. She's horrible. Why does she need to push anything? And if she's such a successful billionaire, why does she have to come out with like 10 different stupid terrible ones? Well, this is why some of the, honestly, these women, they just almost pick a brand at random. And it doesn't make any sense. Like it made, when Bethany decided to make the skinny girl margarita, it made sense because we'd seen her make it for herself several times on the show, you know. Don't even get me started about us on her diamond water. That shit makes so much sense. It's, it's gold, even those diamonds. But like, but either way, I mean, it would make sense if Asa wasn't just ridiculous, you know, but it like these are brands are supposed to be an extension, you know, like it makes sense. Like for all of a sudden, Adrian Maloof to be pushing vodka, like where does that come from? Since when does she known for being a vodka swiller, you know? She doesn't even drink. She doesn't. She's an awful person. You know, it's like watching one of those is what it's, and you see this a lot in LA. It's like watching a rich person pull up in a bins to 7/11 and buy a lottery ticket. Yeah. You know, it's like, do you really need to win the fucking lottery? You're a billionaire. Did you just step back and leave the pot of irony? Dear Ronnie, everybody in Los Angeles that drives a C series Mercedes is leasing that shit just like Gigi and Mercedes Javed, and it's all fake and none of these people have a lot of money. I love when Ronnie gets all occupied Wall Street on the podcast. I know and our listeners actually love it when he starts yelling at me. I believe in people. I believe in the Americans right to be rich, and I would hopefully, you know, even if it takes someone 70, I hope to one day be rich. But Jesus bitch, stop being so greedy. Like back the fuck down, you know, you've already run a casino under the ground. You've already given, you know, like I can't support anyone who gives Lindsay Lowen's sister an album deal. Okay. Oh my god. I've given a bad name to hair tinsel. You've ruined pencil for the holidays. You've killed Christmas. You've killed Christmas, Adrian. Her only contribution is a great new Halloween mask for all the kids. But aside from that, the Adrian Maloof mask. Number one, the Freddy Krueger mask and the Michael Myers mixed together. I think she's a horrible person. Oh, and let's talk about this other stuff that Brandy brought up. Brandy was crying and picking at her face, which I find hilarious because you know that she can't feel the thing on that face. Well, and you also know that picking at my face means that's like the excuse for all the pockmarks from the meth. Do you think she does math? Oh, I think I mean, maybe the devastating rumor to begin. Don't tell. Don't tell Faye Resnick that you're just saying these things. These bitches. You live through in her. Trust me. Next time I see Faye Resnick at restoration hardware, I'm going to give her a piece of my mind. Like I am one of those crazy people. Like if I see like Angelina Jolie, I don't care, you know, I don't care about all these A-list stars. But if I see a D-lister and if you've pissed me off on a reality show and live in L.A. and I see you at the Grove or if I see you at Century City, I'm going to fucking go up to you and let you know how I feel. Yeah, you go up to Faye Resnick. You let her know next time we have restoration hardware that her hardware will be restored in her head. I would. Had I known what I saw on this week's episode of Beverly Hills, I would have thrown my faux fur coyote blanket at her. I would tell her it's time to update her Linda Hamilton weave. You know, this isn't 1992 anymore. It is just today. For Faye Resnick, you really want people to think this about you? Wouldn't you like to apologize? Well, don't you feel you over in a party? Now wait, let me say isn't an org isn't an orchid a flower, by the way? Send her flowers. Oh, don't send her flowers. Send her an orchid. What is wrong with you? I think she's being facetious. Let me, can I just say one thing though? One tiny thing in the defense of Faye Resnick, the morally corrupt Faye Resnick. Her motives, everything she was saying to Brandi, it was totally like she should have shut up. I don't think it was any of her business. But at the end of the day, she has a slight point, which is that if Brandi, like, Adrian may have, like, you know, cast the first stone, etc. And, but if Brandi is truly feeling bad, Brandi should be the bigger woman because she is supposedly enlightened, whereas Adrian, we don't know if she's enlightened or not. Brandi should go and apologize and get over the whole thing. Have you met Brandi? She is the truckstop hooker. I know she won't. I know she won't. I'm just saying, I think on that point, Faye Resnick wasn't totally out of line to say that. But, well, I'm not out of line. She wasn't wrong in thinking that, but she's maybe out of line and saying it because she doesn't know anything. Well, but the severity of it is so far beyond what we see on the show. First of all, Brandi keeps hinting at some horrible thing that Adrian and Paul did to her that she's still not saying what it is because, you know, she's going to get sued, but she says it. One thing she has said is that they called her, well, first Adrian called her about Lisa to gank up on Lisa at the reunion and was making sure Brandi was on board and Brandi didn't follow those directions. Then the next thing is that after the reunion, Adrian was calling her with Paul on the phone and they were trying to browbeat her into going on to Twitter and taking everything back that she had said. So when she doesn't do what they want, they go to radar online when they know that she's in a custody battle for her children or that she's in danger of losing her children. They go to radar online and start spreading rumors about her being a drug addict and a drunk and sleeping all day. And so there's like a certain danger there that you can't just solve in Kyle's ugly ass living room that some coups shot from the 80s designed to get on TV. You also have to point out the fact, though, that like, you know, Brandi is going up against these rich assholes and Brandi is poor. I mean, we look at her house and yes, she has a house, but in the Beverly Hills league, she is on the bench. She is like in the left field. I'm sorry, but she has no money and she can't open her mouth because Adrian and Paul at that point, you know, when they were hating on her, I know Paul and her have like kind of mended fences, but at that point, they could have sicked her with a zillion lawyers and a ton of bills that Brandi cannot afford to pay. That's correct. Well, Brandi and herself well at the dinner party, she was she actually remained calm. She got a little sharp and then she excused herself. Well, Lisa's training her very well, I have to say Lisa is a very good mentor. It's like my fair lady. Yeah, it really is. I get my slippers, darling. Yeah, but she she is turning her very well and Brandi is learning and Faye really did look like a dumbass. You can tell that Kyle is really revving. She's trying to get Brandi to lose it. So Brandi can be on the losing end of this whole thing again. And it's just going to happen. It's not going to happen. But what do you guys think about? I mean, the crux of what Faye was saying during the dinner party was she was blaming Brandi for kind of being a bully. But did you not just sit there and watch this and go, Faye, you are essentially doing the exact same thing. You are bullying her at a private dinner party. You're taking somebody down who you know is not the most popular of the group and you're attacking her at dinner. While everybody's standing there watching on something she doesn't need to know you. All she knows is that you're some supposedly rich lady attacking her in front of everybody. That's totally bullying. Fuck off, Faye. Yeah, fuck off, Faye. Two other things happened during the dinner party that pissed me off and they both have to do with Kyle being an asshole. So let's start with the first one. She made a dig about her sister Kim not inviting her to Vegas to celebrate Kim's son's 21st birthday. Dear Kyle, you are a bitch to your sister. No wonder she doesn't want to hang out with you. Exo, Matt. I know. I love sort of the way Kim is sort of like she won't full-on tell Kyle off but she doesn't need like really sneaky pass or aggressive ways that are hilarious. Right, like I totally invited you. You probably just didn't get the email. Yeah, it's like, well, like, or wasn't it at Sir last week when she was like Kim was talking about how like, yeah, there are still some people in my life who caused me to make me want to go back to drinking again. Yeah, you know, there's some people who might be at this table. It's like, well, they haven't talked. I mean, when they, after that reunion, they did the special with Kim, okay, where Kim just got out of rehab. She and Kyle were obviously still not getting along. And then they hadn't talked until this season. I mean, they, she said that they were still were really talking or really not seeing each other. So now Kyle wants to be all nice because they're in front of the cameras. She wants to make an effort and be nice to her sister. But that hasn't been the case. Kim has sobered up and done all that supposedly from what we're learning from the show on her own without Kyle at all. So now it's just a fake bitch. I don't think that Kim owes her any kind of, exactly. If she's not, if she hasn't been in her life for like the past year, essentially, why the hell should she invite her to Vegas? Go fuck yourself, Kyle. Okay, another reason why we hate Kyle is at her own dinner party, where she pretends that she is this queen of class and she likes to tell everybody how they're acting inappropriately. Like she did at the dinner table in oh high. She raised her finger and put it all up in Lisa's face. It was so totes in a prose. I could not believe that. Yeah, that's classic Kyle. And then Lisa, though, I'm glad she was like, you can get that finger out of my face right now. Well, Lisa is just trying to say, don't be saying on national TV that I hate Adrian. That's not what I said. We had a fight and she apologized and that's the end. And Kyle's just waving her finger repeats her allegations to keep Lisa on Adrian's bad side because it keeps Kyle in the sweeter spot. And then just totally turns away. And I was really proud of Lisa for just staying so calm. She's really showing Brandy how it's done. She's showing all of like America how it's done. It's like it's so nice to have someone who has a shred of class on these shows. Exactly. And when the crazy thing is when you see her helping and guiding Brandy and by the end of this episode, besides Lisa Brandy looks like the classiest woman in the crowd. You know what, ladies? The rest of you should take notice because that is craziness. Yeah. I mean, and in just the way that Kyle distorted things and said, no, well, Lisa hates Adrian, you know, it's like, the way she does that, you got to imagine that she does that in almost all these interactions. She has the ladies. So she probably exacerbates things, things that are probably small, little tiffs. You know, she probably fans the flames in many ways by saying, well, you know, so-and-so does just not like you, you know, like exaggerating points and really creating animosity. Do you think that she at this point knows now, obviously, this was shot a long time ago and they're watching this. And like you said, they're all stuck to Twitter. Do you think that she knows that she is in hot water now and that the fans have turned against her and that she is no longer the favorite, not that she ever was above Lisa? No, I don't think she knows. I think that she's, you know, at this point, you know, you surround yourself with your fans and you just hear their praise and that's- Yeah, because I think that she knows. I mean, she sees she's what's added her on Twitter or whatever you say, but she's also, you know, most of them just read their fans. It's like whenever they get in a fight on Doreen, it's like, well, everybody says, well, who's everybody? Yeah. You know, the people on Twitter, well, of course, the people following you on Twitter are going to be kissing your ass, dummy. Wait, wait, wait, pause. You lie. You lie. Search your name, girl. Search your name. I follow Kyle on Instagram and on Twitter, but that doesn't mean I fucking like her. I just follow her for her stupidity. So that doesn't mean that I'm a fan. But people who are, you know, sending messages and stuff, there's going to be, if you do a show with three million people watching it, you're going to be getting five to 10,000 tweets telling you how wonderful you are. So even if you get some saying you're a hateful lying seaward, you know, just choose to listen to the good ones. That's what I do with comments. Yeah. I really have blinders on. I only want to hear the great things. Yeah. Speaking of, you should all follow us on Twitter. What? Rapid. Some might say we are gone with the wind fabulous. Fabulous. And on that note, we do need to move on from Beverly Hills. The last thing I will say is Yolanda exercising. Is this why she was cast? Because I am bored as fuck. Now, let me tell you something. I heard some, some real Yolanda gossip. And this is the sort of gossip that's this is, I'm not going to reveal the source or anything. This is like legit. You know me, I'm telling you, this is like a primary source. She is supposed to be the worst, the very worst, the worst, the worst, the worst, the worst, the worst, like mean to the crew. I'm, I really can't elaborate, but and I'm sorry to be vague guys. You are such a bitch tease. I know I'm sorry to be vague. I'm sorry to be one of these people, but you know, this is me. We're talking about here. You know that we're all here in LA. So like, well, this isn't like, like we just, we heard from someone from someone. I heard this from a primary source. She's supposed to be awful, but I like her on the show. So, go figure on the show. I drew this whole house. My see through a refrigerator, that scene with her be rating her tiny, asshole model daughter, like, oh, she seems horrible. And I cannot, like I said, you know, her, the bitch see that's been planted. All it needs now is to grow. Oh, yeah. She'll be convinced that she's still going to pop off at some point this season. Oh, yeah. She'll be on the show. Otherwise, well, I mean, she she needs. Yeah, I've had to say she needs to pop off. Otherwise, she's not going back next year because she's barely even on the show as it is. Oh, real. Well, let's pop off to another glamorous destination. Let's go. Let's travel down. Let's travel down to the dirty South and I mean, and Goya. And I got some dirty, get some good dirty South gossip to go with this. So someone posted this on the wall. I'm assuming it's probably Nicole, because she posts a lot of stuff, which we like. I'm not complaining. And I think she posted this news article about the rumor is that Cordell Stewart is on the D.L. And apparently this has been a rumor that's been going on for a long time in the NFL. When he was in the NFL, like, you know, he had to like have like a team meeting or something like that. And the point is that Porsche is allegedly his beard. What do you guys think about that? I think that he has gay face number one and number two, Ben. Will you be I'll go investigate. I'll go investigate. Ben, you would like to go be the undercover investigator. Let me let me go. Let me go. Let me go. Let me go visit the stewards down in Atlanta and see what I can figure out. See what I can get my hands on. I was going to say maybe you could go kiss the blackest part of his ass. Well, I'll say this much. If he found a beard, then he found the perfect equally as dumb. Yeah. And innocently, wonderfully stupid beard. I mean, those two are perfect for each other. Can I tell you something? My favorite part of the entire episode was how we had this retarded, stupid, like wedding renewal thing. Okay, we saw we watch this whole segment for 10 minutes. Oh, well, they got some more free shit. Yeah, exactly. I'm glad they got to like celebrate their wedding for the third season in a row. So they this whole, but it's like this, it's, you know, the editing is nice. The music is nice, and everyone's being thoughtful. And then it says coming up and you see, can you go, I'm going to punch her in the face. I'm going to tell you guys the truth. This season to me has sucked. And I've been complaining about it every single time we tape an episode of Watch What Crapins. But this week, ATL is so back in the mix for me. There's like 500 points that we must go over. So where do we want to be hilarious? I don't want me to start with that big fight. That was just a great fight, you know, between Portia and and Kenya. Who do you think was on? I knew that Kenya was crazy, but I was really shocked to have Portia came out swinging. I didn't think that she was going to be such a bitch. Right. I didn't think that I also didn't think that she was capable of, you know, getting all I mean, she got crazy. I mean, Kenya takes the cake in the crazy department, but like, I didn't think that Portia was going to stand up and getting somebody's face and like, yeah, wave her big old fingernails up in somebody's face and call somebody a crazy hefa. Nothing makes me happier than. And I think that I don't see I think that Portia actually started this fight. I know everyone, everyone was big old hefa. Big old hefa, big old hefa. Call me bitch one more time. Call me bitch one more time. Call me bitch one more time. It is like, uh, sweet going after Oprah Winfrey and the color of birth ball. You just knew that she was going to get her ass punched down, but it was so fun to watch a little fly, like banging up against the light, you know. Yeah, I think that I mean, Portia, Portia, you know, she's she did start to take digs. I thought Kenya was right when she said that Portia was taking digs. But of course, Kenya's crazy. Yeah, but when you run her up, she then is like, absolutely bonkers. And then it was just hilarious watching these two girls go at it. But don't you think it's weird that like one of like the big things that Portia keeps using as her like ammo is, Oh, well, you were you are Miss USA in like 1807. And it's like, guess what? All the other women are in their 40s, except for candy. And maybe Phaedra is in her 30s. But like, Nini's in her 40s. Um, Cynthia, you don't want to be throwing that kind of old age this language around the housewives. Yeah, because Nini will punch you down. Well, they're too dumped to even notice that she's doing that. It seems like, you know, I don't know, Nini really, for me, this is like the first time in two seasons that I was so team Nini because, by the way, the entire episode, she was questioning Kenya's relationship. And I was loving it was like old bitch, Nini is back. But I agree. I feel like Nini was likable this this episode. She was like, not a diva. She was fun. Actually, it's almost like since Kim is gone, Nini's been able to be a little bit more normal again, which is like the new normal. And she didn't really see Kim last year, either. And she was from bearable. I think that she, you know, again, she read about herself and realized that everyone hated her for being a monster. I also think that, you know, not having her arch nemesis Shirei in the mix to helps and also not having Marlow as her like nasty ass drag queen sidekick is making Nini, you know, it's giving her a chance to breathe and do her own thing and get back to to square one for Nini. She's just making a big old pot of shit. And I think it's hilarious. Well, she can stir her that pot of shit with the makeup brush that she was cleaning her dirty ear out with. Did anybody know? It was amazing. I did not notice that. I'm sorry. I didn't see that. Oh my God. I mean, Nini is just, you know, you can take the girl out of ATL, but please, like she is still a mess. And I love it. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. What else happened in the story? By the way, I'm sorry. I'm like coughing up like coughing. Like I'm like, I'm like a tuberculosis patient over here. I'm like Fantine from Lamas. Oh, did you? Did you watch that Matt yet? Yes, I did see Lamas and it is terrible. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, Christmas. How are you guys saying? I want to start these glamourness. Yeah, we're just awesome. It was it was long and boring. It's brutal. And let me tell you right now, Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman and not fucking sing. No, no, Hugh Jackman can sing a little bit, but Russell Crowe. Oh my goodness. He makes Kim Zolciak look like frickin Beverly Sills. You guys should be tardy for your screenings because you should stay home and listen to our podcasts and do not waste your time and three hours. Are you kidding me? Well, man, I'm so happy that you with that we thought we were gonna have to have a fight when the best part of the movie is Amanda Seafried. There is a fucking problem. Amanda Seafried sound like she was under water. She's like, she's a spark. Amanda Seafried is a snore. She sound like a mermaid from a 1920 or 1940s movie. Okay, from like Esther Williams or something like that, she should be swimming around. The movie was terrible. Maybe she could be in the movie Aqua Marine starring Joe Joe. I just can't watch it because of the extended preview with Hugh, like, oh, well, you know, doing it live. It's just such an amazing experience. You know, to be on the set and have to do every take live like you're on. I was like, shut up. Listen, this is how Russell Croes sounded like. Like the very first time he's like, Oh, I am. You'll know how I sound. You'll remember my face. Like, Louis sounded like that. Like, I'm not exaggerating. They needed some candy burrus up in there. You know, I know to fly. So, I mean, there is some beautiful music in that show that needs to seriously be saying it cannot add people who don't sing. I don't understand it. I cannot be watching Anne Hathaway as Patty LaPone. Can't say that enough time. So, it's just wrong. Now, I know Patty LaPone's like too old, but couldn't she maybe? Let's see who who could who would we want if we were going to cast Les Mis with the Real Housewives of Atlanta? Who would be who who'd be Fantine? Oh, my God. Let me think here. I'm talking to a prostitute who dies in tuberculosis. I think the count is I was thinking more just Atlanta, but we can we can go we can go. Oh, we're going into like the vault. I'm going to go into the vault. I don't know. No, I don't know. I've seen as the one who died with like syphilis or some shit. I was like, Tamra. Oh, yeah, Brandy. I think Tamra or, you know, she's. Oh, no, Tamra's Tamra is a hell of a bottle. The Tamra is the one who runs the in who who pick pockets everyone. Yes. That's the house. Master of Orange County. Totally. Neither. By the way, Heather, we're not, we're not having Heather anything because you know Heather wants to be in our fake Les Mis because she named her daughter Cozette. But no, she can be the understudy. Yeah, she's the under she's not allowed in fake Les Mis. Okay, and then who would be what other roles are in there? I just know the girls parts. Okay, who's going to be Cozette? Cozette, weird way I kind of want to make it Vicki, even though that doesn't make sense. I would say Gretchen. Gretchen, wait, wait, I don't know. She's so dumb. And I feel like she's selling handbags and jewelry. Like, what about Adriana? You know, when she's sweet, like, there is a castle on a flat hour. Can you imagine that Adriana singing that in her five languages? First of all, we have two, we have, we have young, Cozette and old, Cozette don't forget to. So we have, we have two. Gretchen can be young, Gretchen is young, Cozette. And then Leah Black. It's like, how fun is that? We're fighting the revolution. Give me the flag. Where's Marius? You know what I'm going to do this barricade? I'm going to tear it down. Okay, who's Eppenine? Eppenine could be... Lisa Wu Hartwell. No, no, I would say. Eppenine has to be someone who's like super jealous, never gets the man. Always, always forgot anything. Kim Richards? Kim Richards. I love, I love bullies. I love them, but only on my own. You know what's Ramona? She's like, I think, totally Sonia Morgan. She never gets what she wants. She only gets the blackberry out of the toilet. See, I was originally going to say Ramona, because she's like, I never want to rely on a man. I always want to be able to do things on my own, but you know... Yeah, except that Eppenine does want to rely on a man. She just can't miss you guys in the rain. Which is exactly what's going to happen with Sonia, with Hurricane, whatever Hurricane is going to take her hands on. Yeah, well, you know what's going to happen? Everyone's going to be at the barricade with guns, and then Cindy's going to show up with a toaster oven. I was like, what are you doing? Which one's the criminal? Manage pharmacy benefit plan costs? For even more value, you'll need true cost introduced by CVS Caremark. Now you can get simpler pricing at the drug level, so you and your members get more predictability. It's a new CVS Caremark model you can count on, to help you make more strategic decisions. And because true cost from CVS Caremark simplifies drug pricing, you'll be able to create a plan that your members actually stick to. Go to cvs.co/truest to find out more. That's cvs.co/truecost. Things will go wrong for your customers, but your business can make it right with what's an ex-assistant. AI that can help resolve problems by understanding your customer requests with 90 percent accuracy. Let's create customer service in service of customers with what's an ex-assistant. Learn more at ibm.com/assistant. IBM, let's create. -What do you mean the criminal? -Who's Zavair, and who's the other one? Mijon Valzon. -Yeah, Jean Valzon is the criminal, and Zavair is the cop, right? -I feel like Lisa, maybe Lisa Vanderpump as our hero or our grand hero. -I think Ramona would be the cop. She'd be like, "I know you did it. I know you do it." -Yeah, she would do it. Ramona would 100 percent be Zavair. Ramona is Zavair. -Don't you think Aviva would? Aviva likes the rules to play by the rules. Aviva would be like, I don't know, Aviva would be like a vroesh or something. I don't know. No, Aviva, you know who Aviva is? Aviva is one of the factory girls who tells on Fantine who gets her to lose her job. -Totally. -Yeah, Aviva would be the one who's like, "At the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing." -You're all white trash, quite frankly. -Okay, okay, okay, okay. -Wait, wait, give Rose. Wait, wait, little give Rose. -To Anguilla, back to Anguilla, let's get this back on board. Can we talk for a minute about my arch nemesis? -Yes. -Well, I thought you guys should know at this point, but I really don't hate anybody more than I hate Cynthia. Except Cynthia and Peter, they were trying to make me cry this week. What's that about? -Oh, please, will you really? Oh, wait, no, my favorite, you know what I love is that Cynthia was so preoccupied with the prime minister of Anguilla being there. She's like, "Where's the prime minister at? Where's the prime minister? Wait, the prime minister's not coming, we just have a minister? No prime minister?" -You could tell she was so excited to part with the prime minister of Anguilla, as if that was like some major leader on the global team. -Yeah, that's a big get. That's really a big get. -Here at the Bailey Agency, we mixed Mingle with all sorts of world leaders, including the prime minister of Anguilla. -Let's get to the point. How disgusting is Peter? Go. He's super disgusting. -He's showing up to his own third wedding, wasted. I'm so sure he's crying. Give me a break. What do you want, Peter? -Oh my god, he's wearing those sunglasses because he's high as a kite. -High as a kite. -How many times does he have to commemorate their wedding? They did it last you within the anniversary party. Now they're renewing their vows. -And who bought those rings? That shit is either cubic zarconia or somebody gave them some because he doesn't have any money. -It looked like someone cut off the top of a Coke bottle, a plastic bottle. -Did you just say Jared of Anguilla? -Yeah, they went to Jared. -Yeah, they totally got that shit for free. Oh, Jared, you know that that was like one of the little credits at the end. Jared of Anguilla. Yeah, he is annoying. And I was even wondering the whole time, like, who donated those little things that they set on fire and put into the sky? -Well, maybe who donated the sand they're standing on. Who donated that tent? -Was anybody else? -Maybe it was from the minister of tourism, the Filipino minister of tourism. Who, what's your face? -I'm sure Fager has him in her phone. -Well, Portia, you've been saying like, "You got flute with that Chinaman. You got flute with that Chinaman." -I'm like, "You know, he's Filipino. First of all, it shouldn't matter that he's Chinese. And second of all, he's Filipino." -She is so uneducated. It is so disgusting. -Ere godless. Ere godless. Okay, can we just talk? Was I the only one that was hoping that a Mallory would parachute out of the sky and land on the beach and take over their wedding with, like, you know, fire, you know, flame throwers or something? Because Mallory, not being there with Cynthia's mom to fuck things up, really upset me. -I was hoping that instead of parachuteing, she'd just be hiding under the sand and rise up like a monster. -Like her head would just pop up and grab Peter's leg and drag him under the sand. -That would be fantastic. -I wish Joyce was there to say, "Get third wedding! That's wrong! Why you got to have three wedding! You see the way she do her mama?" -You know, Ronnie, what do you think mama Joyce would say about Candy's little two-minute interlude of her man like taping her in a bikini? After sex. -Why you wearing your bikini on the TV? I didn't praise you like that. What is he making? -You doing that naked on a camera like the text tin? Oh lord, that's a rock! I'm leaving! By the way, Memo to Self, if Candy ever comes back from a beach and offers you some seashells, do not take them because you do not want to know where she's been throwing them. -Exactly. -Her Kegel shells. -Kegel shells. Who sells Kegel shells by the seashore? Candy birds. -Candy, candy. -Candy, I can't. Wait, now is the time when we attempt it. -It's time to do it, candy birds. -I am candy and I really, I saw some shells and I put them in my vagina. -A little more Kermit. -A little more Kermit. -I can't, I cannot do this people. -Come on, a little bit more, a little more Kermit. -I can't, I can't. -Kander burst. -Kander burst. -Mama! -But I'm gonna go back into her to mama and just put some balls, put some balls in my vagina mama. -See, why you gotta do that mama? -It's very difficult. It's like the hardest impersonation in the world. I would like Meryl Streep to take that on because she is the woman of a thousand voices but she's not a thousand and one and that last one is Candy burst's voice. -I cannot do it. -Well, candy is kind of fun. I mean, I love that candy just reacts to everything. You never really have as much of a storyline. She's just done the one who reacts to everything. Like, so what'd you think of that candy? Great. You can go home now if we're done. -Yeah. -Can we talk a little bit about Phaedra? One of our fans on Facebook was posting about this and it was so true. Like, I went back and kind of fast forwarded through the episode. She was eating her feelings the entire episode. -Phaedra? -Yes. There was always something going in that mouth. -Good first. She needs something to go in that mouth. -That's why I want to come back as a black woman. There is no shame in that community about anything. They will fuck. You know, gay people, we feel guilty about fucking, we feel guilty about everything we do, eating. Black women are the exact opposite and I want to be one so badly. -You kind of are. -Well, you know what community has a lot of shame when they do things like eat and marry people outside of their community. The Persian community. Does anyone want to go on? Does anyone want to go on to the show on the sunset? We're doing it. Let's do it. This is a big episode. Gosh, there was lots of fighting. I'm still, I think I still like the Persian Barbie. What's Lily? I do like her, but man, her voice. Her voice. Oh man, sad voice. 88. I'm very bad. -It sort of turns me on when people think I don't, they don't like me. Are they turns me on? They really think I'm really hot. -Yeah, they really, they own the enemy because it makes me realize I fucking fabulous. I really am. -Hey Lily, before the model comes, why don't you, why don't you come over here and model? -I'm not a model. Oh yeah. I'm not a model. -That was the point where she laughed. It was like the time I went, I went and saw Aretha Franklin at the Hollywood Bowl and Aretha Franklin started thanking all these people in the audience. And then she's like, and I'd like to thank a very talented young actress, Ms. Halle Berry. Ms. Halle Berry comes on stage and she's like, "What? Who me? Me, Halle Berry? I can't believe it." I'm like, "Should have Halle Berry go back on the backstage." Take back her Oscar. Go back and do Bap's too, straight to DVD. -Yeah. But I still think I like, I actually do like Lily. I think she does seem to have a brain in her tiny little head. -She does. I mean, she did go through law school, so she does know something and I don't care what anybody says. She might sound like a, you know, inflated air balloon, but she's no disgusting fat, sloppy, barfied. Don't say it to my face. -I'm not calling you MJ. I'm just saying I hate MJ/I hate our neighbor because she lives across the street from me and Ben. -You know what's so funny about MJ is that, like, white people, they like show up at the office at like 9 p.m. Homegirl is like, "Where are you, homegirl? Like, where is she, is she showing up?" She had like a nail play with that soap version. -Stop talking for a second because I'm going to just, I'm just going to shower you with praise right now. I'm going to say, first of all, I'm going to preface this with your Candy Burris is a hot fucking mess and you still need to work on it, but your Reza and your Lily are so amazing. -So, I found my sweet spot. I can do, I can do Reza, I can do Lily, and I can do Thomas, the German from Miami. Those are my three. -Those are your three. Own it, own it, and love it. -That is like, so funny. Homegirl, homegirl is trying to do all these voices and can't do it at all, but, but Persians, they're still the same. Yours is actually improved. Have you been practicing your Reza? That's so wide of you. Persians people don't practice. -Persian people are like, "Let's go and have saffron rice." It's like crack, but like white people are like, "Let's go look in the mirror and try to do Persian voice." And I don't understand how people can do that, because Asa is like my homegirl, so that's that. -That's amazing. And it's so embarrassing when my homegirl's there, trying to make an effort, and MJ shows up late. Max, like that, MJ. What is wrong with her? -She's all everything. -Listen, MJ. Think about all those other fat girls in the world. You know, everyone's afraid of fat people, because this is how you act, or this is how we act. Someone prettier and thinner comes in, and we got to hate them for being thinner and prettier. Listen, there's no rule against you doing a couple of push-ups and closing your mouth a couple times a week, MJ. And just being so angry at somebody, you can get size double F boobs if you want to, MJ. -And just because you forgot your pita in the oven, doesn't mean we don't think you're always thinking about food, okay? -Yeah, and just because she burned one loaf, doesn't mean that she didn't eat 17 more. -Yeah, no kidding. She's like, "God is so, the God of bread is so mad at me for wasting so much bread." How about Africa's so mad at you for eating as much as could feed their entire country for a month and one night sitting in front of TLC? -That's so Persian. That's so Persian to like eat all the food in front of you and then to like not eat a food and burn it. Also, that's so Persian. White people are like, "Oh, I don't want to eat." But Persian people, like especially MJ, like homegirl, all she does is eat and eat and eat. I have never heard the word homegirl. -Homegirl, just hold me bad. -Homegirl, just say I'm going to die alone and gay. That's not cool. Like, I'm looking out for you homegirl. -I know and I love that she thinks of it as, "Oh, if you're not going to be friends with me, you're going to die alone." Like, that's such a sad friendship. Like, let's just be friends because no one really wants to marry either one of us and we can die together. Like, that's just so horrible with it. -Let's go there because the traumatizing moment, I mean, there were many traumatizing moments from this past episode but the biggie was that Reza actually revealed that he and MJ back in the day, probably back when they were friends in high school, ended up having sex twice. -Like, my penis just like touched her thigh and like, I got turned on. Like, that's what happens. So, like, we had sex and we're very late for a Persian party. Like, that's so Persian. -I didn't even think of it as being a man or a woman. All I thought was my hairy ass is sweaty and her hairy ass is sweaty. So, we should get together. -It reminded me of the time when I was a kid and I tried to have sex with the beanbag in my playrooms. -Does that come from, I mean, Ben, really, you're revealing too much. -It's like the time I went to McDonald's and tried to have sex with Grimace. -You're being mean to Grimace. MJ getting told off and then broken up with was pretty hilarious and as he left a room and she's like, "And you can come right back here." -Door slam. -Door slam. -Yeah, she is, she is full of shit and I don't really hate MJ. I mean, any more than I hate the show. But I don't really hate MJ or see really anything wrong with what she did. So, she's trying to be nice to Gigi. She's got a common enemy, the skinnier one. Like, yes, Gigi's skinny and crazy but her boobs are smaller than the model. So, of course, she's going to be nice to her. -Okay, well, can we, can we? -It's just that girl thinking, stop it. -By the way, by the way. -By the way, it's like about the scam artist that is Mike because Mike is there trying to partner up with Reza and take over Keller Williams, your sunset at Beverly Hills, whichever office they work for and it's like, they're the sunset one. Okay, so MJ and Reza have been working together in that office for quite some time, obviously, slash, slash, she does not do anything and those hideous glass desks from 1991. -Reza's glass, his desk is so small, it's hilarious, he's like big and puffy behind it, not puffy but he's just like this big guy and then it's a tiny day, it's a tiny little glass desk. It looks so weird and she's got like a normal size desk but he's got like, it's like, his was wielding from Kmart or something like that. -Well, what do you guys think though about Mike, like, trying to weasel his way in? I feel like Mike is a loser in life and has never been able to make money and all he wants to do is glom on to people and I feel like his commercial real estate business has gone to shit. You saw him a few episodes talking to some dude in Orange County trying to ride his coattails and now I feel like all he wants to do is get on the Reza bandwagon because Reza actually works and makes money and part of me is like, hey, how do you think you can get away with that you fucking fraud and be, why would Reza even want to bring that up in there? It's not like Mike is hot and like gonna lure in all these ladies. -Hello because Reza is a gay and it's the same thing with fat girls except gay guys are opposite. If we find someone younger and hotter, we want to hang out with them because younger and hotter people will come to us. -Yeah, exactly. -I'm still learning how to play this game. -Well no, here's the thing. My thoughts on Mike are really not as severe as yours. I think he seems like whatever. Here's actually, he seems to me like he actually has like a good head on his shoulders in terms of perspective on how people should treat each other but he's a little high and mighty. Like, I hate the way he's always, he talks down to a lot of his friends, you know? -Well, when he talks down to Gigi but somebody needs to talk down to Gigi, nobody else has guys said you think Oh Mead's gonna tell her how to properly act. He's a crazy lunatic animal. -Whatever he's telling. -A Mead's going off to Crabtree and Evelyn to find a good sale. -He's like handles. We should set him up with Madison Hildebrand. That would be some fucking hyenas. That entire day will be sounds. -I love how Madison Hildebrand is kind of like monthly from like the laugh Olympics that people, little dog. You know Gigi is a disaster. When she tells, actually both those, those her and her sisters are both disasters. Her sister seems like she's smart at least but their dad, like, why doesn't her dad say you guys shut up, you guys are not talking about business right now. Like, they are just idiots. That entire crew, all bad. -Yeah, well the dads, like, why don't you guys that'd be nice to each other and maybe because you raised two horrible, horrible human beings, that's why. -Yeah, and give them some more money. And I love that the pregnant bitch is like, "Oh, well you spoiled her and you didn't get spoiled." My ass, you didn't. You just married some dude, some rich purge. I'm sure he's not spoiling you. Give me a break, lady. -Yeah, and meanwhile Gigi was like... -Oh, are you kidding me? I'm so team sister, not team Gigi. It's a disgusting dog. -And Gigi was also dressed like a chola for one of the scenes which I thought was quite hilarious. Did anyone else know that? Is that just me? -Of course. No, I mean, that's just like given with her at this point with those drawn-on eyebrows. -Oh yeah, she's looking worse and worse. What does Omid think? Can he get a better beard than that? -Well, he probably doesn't even pay attention to Omid. -He probably likes her because she has a flat chest and he can pretend that she's a dude. -That's true. I actually think... I mean, I still tell him by my assertion that I think Omid is crazy hot. -Oh, I do too. I love me a big nose. I'm like Asa. Like, I'm not gonna lie. I'm gonna say it loud and proud. I like me a big old nose. I'm glad he didn't get it done. -So, let's talk about Asa for a second here. How does this woman exist in life for real? -How does she have a $2 million house in Venice and then cut to we're sitting in her family's ramshackle living room and her mom is crying because she has to work until she's 95 to pay for her dad and brother. What the fuck? -Yeah, I agree. Like, her dad and mother and brother are sitting there like barely like hand to mouth and Asa sitting there with $30,000 of gold coins buried under her stoop. -You know, she's wearing a round of Louis Vuitton diaper bags of hers. And then she's like, "Oh, mom, you are the rock. You're the hero of the family." And one day I wanted to take one day. I wanted to pay you back. Thank you. -Yeah. -Viewlers back all. -I can hear. I want to give you one day. I want to take care of you. It's like, "Man, how much you take care of her now? About $30,000? That $30,000 could probably pay you rent for 10 years in that. -Asa's Mercedes is actually an SL, which is worth over $100,000. It's like, sell your fucking car and help your parents. -Yeah, exactly. One thing that drives me nuts about Asa is that she can wear friggin fluorescent green pants, like spandex pants with holes in them, and then drive a fancy-ass car. Like, I don't, I'm all for high-low, but this is more like retarded and high. Or, I think everything's wrong about this. -What did you think, Ben, were you not clutching your pearls? Like, I was when you saw them hiking in our backyard at Runyon Canyon. I was like, "Why would be not there?" -Oh my god. They could have gone and said hi to MJ. That's so Persian to go hiking and not invite MJ. Like, it's only for like the fabulous skinny people. That's the Persian way. -Her ass could not get up that hill. -No. She would, she would get three steps and roll the way down. Roll the way down to Melrose. -Okay, back to Asa. When you talk about diamond water, I am a horrible snob and I will not. Okay, what is the clicking? -Who is masturbating? -Feverishly. -I'm assuming that's the dog's tail. -Now I'm drum rolling on my knees, trying to get my dog to come over to me. Give me some love. -Anyway, back to Asa and Diamond Water. I am one of those horrible people who will not drink tap water. I am a snob and I would totally pay $20 a bottle for diamond water. -I actually don't think it's the worst idea in the world. I mean, I would not buy diamond water, but I think- -It's swallow glass. -I think there are, I think there were idiots out there, no offense, Matt, who would see like diamond water. -Oh, I'm an idiot. I would buy it. -You would say like that, you know? But my goodness, she's so dumb when she goes and they're saying that she makes it with like water, diamond, and was it like love energy or something like that? -I believe it. I mean, here's the thing. -She says she's a straight face. -Yeah, but here's the thing. That makes it better because she's just truly crazy. Like, she's not acting like all these other women on these shows. She's just fucking nuts. -She's a Persian, she's got a Ph.D. Persian pop princess, you know? Ph.D. -Yeah. -Pree piece. -Pree piece, I should say. The three piece. -Yeah, she's kind of horrible, but I don't know, she does not really bug me as much as she's kind of like ridiculous. I like the way she talks with people. She seems like she's probably generally a decent human being. -She definitely is. I mean, I actually prefer I prefer Reza when he's around her because it makes him less of an insane mess. You know, when Reza's with MJ or with Lily, he is not a good scene. But like with Asa, he's kind of somewhat normal, dare I say. -Yeah, I would agree. Is there any other vital things we have to cover on Shazza Sunset or should we move on to Miami? -Yes, we need to talk about how she threatened to cut her pregnant sister's face off. -Oh, I thought we talked about that. -We didn't talk about it enough because she's crazy. I mean, she needs to be locked up. Can we all agree? -Well, she's just a spoiled brat. She's a spoiled brat. She needs to take her chola looking ass out to East LA with some real cholas, get her ass kicked and come back to her lead and then she'll be fine. -You're so right. She needs a for-reels beatdown. -She needs to feel like she's one of those needy girls who never got a hug in high school from their dad or whoever, their uncle, who just needed to be tough because they had no other personality. -She's a munchkin face. -She saw some YouTube video that was like, "Oh, no, she was probably watching a bad girl's marathon." She's like, "Oh, they take out their earrings before they fight? Okay, now I'm going to step up my game." -Yeah, I'm going to keep some Vaseline in my purse. -I love how awesome it was just like, "Oh, please, she rolls her eyes. She's like a snapper, like a crusty cracker." -It's true. Here's the thing, you can't be complaining about H&M being super cheap. You can't be complaining about being accused of wearing H&M and then taking out your earrings and get all ghetto on someone, okay? -Yeah, her door knocker earrings from Claire's, please, bitch. -The way she acts, you think that she shops at Pareres, which fires Pareres, which, if you live in LA, you know, is maybe not the most glamorous clothing store in the world. -Well, let's move on from these tired-ass purgings. -Yeah, let's move to the spicylatinas, down in Miyami. -In Jami. -In Jami. -Only one episode left, guys, to her. -I am devastated. This season's been phenomenal. This is a great episode also, by the way. I know you guys are saying before the podcast, you can't remember anything that happened. Let's go back. So they're in the Caribbean also and they're shitty ass rental homes. And let's see, so the big thing was that, really, the centerpiece was that Leah and Maris Olganto, a big argument at dinner. -Because Maris all sucks. Because Maris Olganto would not own up to anything that she'd wrong. And Leah schooled her. Leah, it was like a masterclass on how to school someone in an argument on the Real Housewives. Leah just went at her, went at her. And not in a mean way, she just sort of like, she just came at her all the facts. -She was presenting the facts. -Yeah, all the facts. And actually, to me, what impressed me as was the situation of miscommunication. Because Maris Olg had some facts, too, and it seemed like they just didn't, no one was reporting, it's just stupid, stupid. But Leah totally owned her. And in the end, they made up, which was actually nice. -Well, not really. -They didn't really make up, because they're going to be fighting again. -No, they got drunk. And then Maris Olg started crying and saying, "I miss your friendship." But we know they didn't make up, because we talked to Leah. -Yeah, that's true. I forgot. And also next week, Maris Olg makes a stink about Leah on the coming attractions. Also, I also, what I also liked about this episode was that Mama Elsa, they spoke to Mama Elsa on the phone, Alexia did, and was saying what they told Karenne and how they confronted Karenne. And Mama Elsa schooled all those women, too. Mama Elsa was like, "Why are you gossiping?" "Why are you gossiping?" "Why do you do these on your weekends and you bring out their girls?" "My ami is not a big enough city. You have to take the gossip to the Caribbean." "Why?" "It was funny that Maris Olg was like, "Yeah, you know, sometimes she loves it and sometimes she wants to judge more. It just kind of depends on her mood." -Yeah, it just depends on the day. Come on. -But Mama Elsa was right in this situation. Mama Elsa knows everything. -Oh, please. I love me some Alexia. I mean, this girl was not really a full-time cast member this season, because of the shit that went down with her son. But she is not going to just sit by on the sidelines and get bumped off this cast. This girl is so back for season three. She was so, like, nice and almost forgettable. Season one, it's shocking how much of, like, a crazy lady in the best way. -She's a player. She is a player, and I love it. -Well, they give her an enemy, that's for sure. -Yeah. Dr. Karen Siata. -Oh, Dr. Peter, DDS. -DDS. -So sweet, her dad is sick, so now we all have to like her. Oh, shut up. -I know. Well, I was actually, it was really nice to see Karen sort of coming out of her shell a little bit when she was sort of screaming at the end of the episode at Leah, and, you know, do you remember that? -Yeah, but do you, like, trust me, not. Here's the thing with you, Karen. Sierra, you don't say what's on your mind. I just want to take your facade and tail it down. -Yeah, but you know what? I didn't like that, because her response wasn't, you know, Liam, mind your own damn business, it wasn't anything real. Again, it was, oh, really? Well, you, Nagger, has been about buying diamonds and all you care about is diamonds. Like, what are you even talking about, you know? Like, why do you have to assassinate someone's character, which is just trying to get, she's trying to have a real conversation with you, and you're being a total asshole and a return. -Exactly. -I mean, to be dragged away. -It makes you look like an idiot. It makes you look like an idiot, and you really end up not defending yourself, which is, you know, anybody in their right mind would actually try to defend themselves, not just go on the attack. So she made herself look a fucking clown. -And you have a valid point, and just say, listen, I don't want to talk about my relationship with you. It's none of your business, and if he's cheating, I'll figure that out with him. I'll leave it alone, lady. But instead, she's like, oh, really? Well, this is how you are with your husband. Listen, how was your day? Are you going to buy me diamonds? Oh, how was work? Oh, then you're going to buy me more diamonds. Oh, my son, how are you? Oh, you're good. Then your daddy is going to buy me more diamonds. It's like, bitch, really, you chose to be a dentist. You could have been fucking some lawyer, too. Just show up for jury duty once, and why I'll stop being jealous. -Yeah. -How fun is that? How fun. And by the way, I'm getting a little sick of housewives going on vacation and driving around on golf carts, like that's supposed to be the most amusing thing we've ever seen on our lives. Yeah, guess what? It's so not that funny. -And they're all produced by different people. Like, how is this happening every single housewives? -Why is it like the greatest novelty in the world to get onto a golf cart? -Well, probably for legal reasons, they can't let these women get drunk and get behind the wheels of real cars, but golf carts, by all means. -Yeah. I'd love to see them get into golf cart crash. Just saying. Just saying. -Can we all across America stop saying just saying, please? Just saying. Well, I like to say it because it reminds me of Danielle Stop because that's what you choose to say. She'd be like, "Well, all I know is, you know, Carolyn Manzo may have five nipples, just saying." -Oh, I hate just saying. I'm over it. That's like, in every comment, it's like nasty. And we're like, "Why, Ellen?" -Just saying. -Oh, shut up, you hick. Learn something else. -Just saying. -Not you, sweetie. -I'm not you, not any of you. I'm really excited and sad for the Miami finale. I hope it comes back for a third season. Well, the ratings have been steady. I'll give it that. So, they are hovering around about a million viewers per episode, which is about a little less than a third of what Atlanta does, and about a little less than half of Beverly Hills. But, I don't know, it's perking up, and people are talking about it. So, I really think that it's going to happen, and I do hear rumors that they are shooting the reunions. So, that's good news, or that they already shot it. I mean, they must have shot it at this point. -Yeah, something like, I don't know, I guess. -Yeah. It's on, of course, like Christmas weekend. I was just looking at the TV guy. It's like Christmas. It's like the day after Christmas or the day after New Year's here. -Oh, great. So, it'll get fantastic ratings. -Yeah, it's going to get shit ratings. They're just throwing it away at this point, which is what worries me about it, you know? -Yeah. Well, I don't know. I think it'll come back. I don't know. I think it was good. It just has to be put at the right time of this the year, I think, with also like, it's hard to, you know, it's got two other housewives on at the same time. People have actual fatigue, you know. People are going to watch like the heavy hitters Beverly Hills in Atlanta, and then they're going to be like, I can't deal with third one, you know? They should have an on with the OC. I think that would be a good pairing. -Yeah, they didn't time it properly. It should like, I like Atlanta paired with Beverly Hills. That's totally fine. I think that New York can stand alone because it's the shit. And then I think pairing OC in Miami at the same time during the year sounds like the best bet. -Yeah, I think it's actually sort of nice because it's sort of like, it's like a suburban city with each one. If you have New York and New Jersey, suburban city, you have Beverly Hills in Atlanta, even though Atlanta is a city, it's really a suburban show. And Miami and OC, that'd be perfect. -Well, here's the scoop on that TV guide. It says the scoop. You see I'm a reporter. I look at the TV guide, you guys. I've got sources. The real housewives of Miami is going to be on December 27th. And it only says reunion. It doesn't take part one or anything. And it's only power. So this is not looking good. -This is not looking good, you guys. -Yeah. -Well, let's just hold out hope. Speedy of not looking good. As we're wrapping up our podcast, I would like to go on a little rant, a tiny rant about Top Chef. -Please do so because my god, Ben, I'm going to say it right now. This is the worst season ever. -Oh, no, I'm happy with the season. I like the season. -You, well, you're wrong because it's bad. -No, I am right. No, I'm happy with the season. I don't. But they've made a few tiny little tweaks that I hate. So it's really two tweaks. It comes up with the judging. They've taken out the judges' deliberations. So now the people in the bottom come, they plead their case, and then it goes to commercial. It used to be they plead their case and their deliberations. Now what happens is after the food is served, we see some deliberations, which is what it always was. And that's it. And the only time we saw judges' deliberations was the episode where everyone did so badly that there were no winners. And so they used the time, instead of celebrating winners, they used that time to show some deliberations. I hate that. I love seeing the deliberations. The other thing I hate is just a stylistic thing. And now before they go to commercial, and also when they enter the Chef Testants, the camera does this thing where it zooms in on their face, each one, and they say a little thing like, "I can't lose." The stakes are too high. It's so annoying and stupid. -It's overly produced and it's ridiculous. It's called, guess what? This is the crown jewel. -Yeah, why you doing this? Like, it makes no sense. -Why are you doing this to the show? The show has won an Emmy before. I mean, my god, a Bravo show won an Emmy. Why are you trying to F with it? It is, it does not need an update. It needs to go back to Gail, Tom, Padma, and one rotating guest, um, Judge Celebrity Chef, and stop with all of these stupid antics and bringing old people back. I just want a fresh cast, take them back to New York, or take them back to LA, and just get back to basics. Yeah, and you know what? Quite frankly, if they are concerned that the stakes aren't high enough, how about you cut down the size of the cast and spend more time developing their, their personalities, and then we'll actually care about what's going on? And by the way, I also, I like the guy that's supposed to be the one we all hate, and I hate the guy that's supposed to be the one we all like. Like the little gnome one with a mustache, I don't like him who can't cook pork, even though his restaurant's called The Divine Swine. But I like John, the one who's supposed to be the most hated. I have some real, I'm really fired up about this. Well, I don't see why one is hated and one is like they're both kind of assholes. Yeah, that's true. He's supposed to be an asshole, knows he is. I mean, the New Orleans guy is just over the top. I mean, he's horrible. I kind of would also love to see a throwback season to the way it used to be. Back in the day, it was like, here are people who are, who have culinary experience in different realms. You know, you had people who were line chefs, you had people who were caterers, you had people who were home chefs. And now it's just like chefs. Yeah, like everybody has to come from like a Michelin star restaurant. Like, no, it should get back to the basics, people. Yeah, it's kind of fun seeing like watching like caterer or sort of like shake it up with someone who wasn't. And I'm assuming that every time you say caterer, you're meaning my girl Carla. Of course, Carla, but I'm even going way back. I'm going back to like season one, when they had like, there was like a vegetarian caterer and you had a candace who was like a culinary student. You had a some all yay, Steven and some all yay. Stop like that. Villains Steven, I loved Villains Steven slash hated him. Now they're just basically taking people who are like line cooks at giant restaurants. Yeah, right. If you're a line cook in a four or five star restaurant on the Vegas strip, they're just plucking you right out. Yeah, Mikey, who like made the poochito sculpture from season two, wasn't he like an Applebee's wait, like an Applebee's chef or some crap, like bring some of that on, you know, now I want a balloon and onions and snack. I want to see the guy who works a snack bar at the bowling alley trying to make something fancy, you know, they should just mix it up just a little bit, you know. So that was those are my rants on it. And then do we have any thoughts on million dollar decorated before we wrap up? I don't think I was. I won this. Oh, that's not very delicious. Modern lawns, blood, what did he do? I don't even remember what his I don't know what his goal was this episode. Does anyone remember what was that even on this week? It was he didn't was on this week. It was he didn't decorate his home. We talked about that last week. It was this one because I know that with like the boring gay guy, he installed stuff in La Jolla and Mary MacDonald, she. Pretended to drive through New York, but she was in downtown Los Angeles. Right. No, but that was the week before when she was. Yeah, we were he talked about that. No, no, this week, she had like all those dogs. She had like the guy moving in with her for a little bit. And then, um, what was, what was, what was that guy? Who wasn't that guy? Oh, oh, oh, yes, he was. I have here's what I have to say. Martin Lawrence Balard hit. This was all season long. We were waiting for this moment for the girl to drop the mirror in the antique shop. And it finally happened. Finally happened. And you know what? It finally happened. And it was so staged. I mean, I guess we all had to expect it was staged because he was designing a house for Stacey Dash, who also could not have been more over the top and like preening for, for screen time. Also side note, she looked fantastic for being 45, however. Oh, she looks beyond amazing. She looks fantastic. Her legs amazing. But so what happened was so Martin Lawrence Balard's assistant drops this mirror. They all gasp. And then he goes, well, can we fix that? And the guy goes, yeah, and we cut to commercial. Like that, that's, that's literally what happened. That's how he could tell with stage because if it was real, you know, they would have had a reaction shot of Martin Lawrence Balard being like, well, somebody could not believe it. It was a, it was a moment of excitement. And I was, I was mortified by this experience. There would have been a whole big to do. He would have had reaction shots. He would have said things. He would have gone on to a phone. No, they just dropped it, broke it, moved on to commercial. We're going to have to shut down. Grace to the entire city to get a new mirror in here on time. He also, by the way, by the way, excuse me, this is the Stacey Dash episode. Congratulations for realizing that when I said Stacey Dash, it's the Stacey Dash episode. It just, it just, I'm so fired up right now. He ruined her house. He ruined her house. He ruined Dion's house. He destroyed it. Oh, she's, it sounds almost like Martin Lawrence Balard is absolutely clueless. I mean, that guy is what a cute personality, what a terrible designer. Ooh, if I'm waiting to see one thing that looks decent come out of his design. I never hire somebody who wears an ass guy. Yeah. Thank you. I like one, we all can agree, Mary is the best, right? Yeah, and I like, um, I like what's, I like, um. I like Catherine Ireland, Catherine Ireland. She hasn't really been on the past episodes. Her design is just kind of old lady-ish looking. No, but she has rock and pillows and, you know, she has a lower ample rug. It's crazy. Oh, it was Jacqueline, Jacqueline. Oh, well, get me, get me a cocktail, Jacqueline. And I need to get a pillow over here. But here's the thing. I like, I like, I think she does her, her, her thing, she does well. I think that the other, the two gay guys. I cannot deal with Jeffrey Allen Marx. Yeah, it's like, jam. Jam, his stuff looks, it looks nice, but it's a little boring. It's a little safe, I find. I just want Jacqueline and Catherine to have a spin-off where they travel in a Cadillac convertible, a la, Thema and Louise. And they drive around the country giving home's makeovers slash while they're drunk. Wait, didn't we say, did we say- No, I paid them on fucking Chili's waiters. Disgusting. Wait. I do not want to see those two talking about their vaginas anymore. They're stopping. Didn't we say last week that they should be in a side car? Because I think that's what it should be. Oh, that's right. It's like the two old fat ladies. It's like, definitely they have to be the side car and nothing else. All right. All right, let's wrap it up. It is almost Christmas time, everybody. All right. This isn't the good news is in the next week or so, the three of us are going to reconvene and possibly tape one, if not two, countdown episodes where we reveal our favorite moments from the housewives, bullshit craziness, and even maybe a few other bravo moments outside of the housewives might make this list. But it's going to be tough to crack the ladies and get into that top 10. But we're going to do that in the next few weeks. So stay tuned for those. And you know what? We welcome all your suggestions. Go onto Facebook and write down what your favorite bravo moments of the past year were. And also, but you're not nominate some of your favorite characters and least favorite characters of who you think are the best. Right. And by favorite characters, we mean people including the Jacqueline's of the world. Every cent, anyone. Anybody goes this if even the morally corrupt Faye Resnick is an option for you. They don't have to be a full-time cast member. It could even be Jeff Lewis's dead cat. I'm just putting it out there. You know what? I think what we should do is we'll do a countdown of the best moments. And then I think we should do the episode after that, like an award show or award of best of like a like most outstanding drag. We're doing awards. We're doing awards. We're definitely 100% doing awards. So what happens? Awards show get up on our Facebook slash watch. What crappins please give us some suggestions. We want to have you guys incorporated into our final shows of the season. A lot of the shows on Bravo are actually going to be on hiatus until January. Beverly Hills does not come back until it needs to pimp out Lisa's new show. Vanderpump rules snore, but we will be back in the new year with that. But keep an eye out for a new episode or two. Like I said in the next few weeks and in the meantime, you can always follow us on Twitter at what crappins you can follow me. Matt Whitfield at life on the M list. You can follow Ben at Beside blog. You can follow Ronnie at TV Gasm. And please leave us some extra comments on the iTunes page. Shout out to Apes Grape. You wanted to shout out. I'm giving you your shout out. We love you. And do you guys my fellow black angels dressed in white? Do you guys have any final things to say? Happy holidays, everyone. Yeah, America X, you guys. And until 2013 or until we get our asses together and do our final episodes of the year, the countdown. We're literally putting our asses together back back. We are gone with the wind fabulous. Ladies, flip your maxi dresses. For listening, it's been fun. That's so Persian. Like white people want to end the podcast, but like Persian people want to keep on going and going and going and going. I might, by the way, listeners, I think that we also need to do a top 10 countdown of all of the impressions that are down this show. I clearly don't do any, except for a little Martin Lawrence Bellard and a little Phaedra. It's all about Ben and Ronnie. So maybe we'll do a kind of favorite impressions. Sounds good to me. Okay, guys. Thank you so much for listening. Bye. Bye. Bye, y'all. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network of launch the new YouTube channel called "Wait for it." It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleisinger, slicing, driving friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes, and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitforaccomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here, and it's funny, and I love you. A few days ago, Brooke Todine posted an inspirational quote on her wall that got 17 likes and three comments. Thumbs up, Brooke. Geico also wants to make a comment. In just 15 minutes, you could save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to Geico. And nothing says inspiration better than saving money. Well, except for those posters that say things like teamwork, excellence, and make it happen. Hashtag, keep climbing. Hashtag savings. Geico, 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. If you like Watchbook Crapins, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery App or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com/survey. In a quiet suburb, a community is shattered by the death of beloved wife and mother. But this tragic loss of life quickly turns into something even darker. Her husband had tried to hire a hitman on the dark web to kill her. And she wasn't the only target. Because buried in the depths of the internet is The Kill List, a cache of chilling documents containing names, photos, addresses, and specific instructions for people's murders. This podcast is the true story of how it ended up in a race against time to warn those who lives were in danger. And it turns out convincing a total stranger someone wants them dead is not easy. Follow Kill List on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Kill List and more exhibit see true crime shows like morbid early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Check out exhibit see in the Wondery App for all your true crime listening.