Pooty Wooty Booty Tooty Booby Tooby
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#51: Pooty Wooty Booty Tooty Booby Tooby
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And with Instacart helping deliver the snack time MVPs to your door, you're ready for the game in as fast as 30 minutes. So you never miss a play or lose your seat on the couch or have to go head-to-head for the last chicken wing. Shop game day faves on Instacart and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three grocery orders. Offer valid for a limited time. Other fees and terms apply. Hey everybody, welcome to episode 51 of Watch What Crap is a podcast about all the shows we love to talk crap about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karen from TVGasm.com and I'm here with Ben Bside of Bside Blog. Hello, man. Hi. And also the lovely Matt Whitfield of Yahoo. Hi, Matty. Hi, I'm lovely now. That's a surprise. Oh, honey, you're all you've always been lovely on the outside. So we're here. We're here celebrating our 50th episode. We just did episode 50. So don't skip it. If you haven't heard it, go on back there. There were two released at the same time. So go on back listen to it now. It's very important. Yeah, it's in trouble. Yeah, so that was like an hour and now we are skipping on to this week's Real House wives of Atlanta, a million-dollar decorators, and the shots of sunsets. Yeah. That was some crazy, crazy times. Well, which one do you want to start on? Actually, let's do let's start with million-dollar decorators because it's like light and fluffy. By the time this podcast is released, there'll be another episode of million-dollar decorators out because we want to hear tonight. That's okay. Time is not of the essence when it comes to this show. Well, something interesting happened off-screen, which will happen on-screen very soon with this show. But apparently, I don't know if you guys read this in the news this week, but Lindsay Lohan hired the million-dollar decorators and it was like a two million-dollar remodel of some home. Really? She probably didn't even own and then she didn't pay them. Actually, it is a house she doesn't know. Lindsay Lohan is renting a house in the Hollywood Hills for about $8,000 per month and she had somebody. They wouldn't say which decorator come in and read you the house that Lindsay's renting and Lindsay was filming with them and she did like some shopping trips and some, you know, pre-construction filming and episodes and then when it came to the actual reveal, she refused to tape it and now Bravo is having to like, you know, struggle to put this episode together and they're actually still gonna do it, but they're not gonna have Lohan there for the big reveal. That's fine. I think they shouldn't have Lohan there and they should and they should relish the fact they have the Lohan acting crazy. Like that to me should be that that would be ratings gold. They should just walk through the house and say, "Lizz and Dick as many times as they possibly can. You want to know what side bar?" Yeah. I think Lohan's gonna get a Golden Globe nomination for Liz and Dick. No way. It's the Golden Globes. They're gonna nominate her because they won't have her crazy fucking house on the red carpet. It's just like when I'm sorry, Angelina Jolie for the Tourist. The Tourist. Exactly. Wow. So anyway, I don't know what does, by the way, oh two things. I don't know what designer it was, but I wish that it would be Mary MacDonald because Mary MacDonald will fucking cut her. Yes, I agree. And number two, we reached out to Bravo, but they would not comment on the situation at all because I don't even know if they know what they're doing yet with the episode and the footage. I mean, you, like Yahoo, you guys reached out to Bravo? Yeah, we reached out to them because we were like, "Okay, there's like a major story here. You know, what did Lohan do, not do, say, not say, what designer?" And Bravo would not give us any comments. Would it be for this current season? Well, supposedly, I mean, this current season, I mean, all the Lohan stuff was shot over the spring and then over the summer, so it would probably be airing now, but the million-dollar decorator season, I don't know how many more episodes we're gonna have. I think that this is probably coming up in the next few and they probably are still trying to deal with editing at the moment. I don't see what the big problem is. I say to go and they do the reveal about Lindsey and they have the decorators be snarky, which is what they do best, be snarky, make comments about Lindsey and then Lindsey will get all into a tiff and they'll get great publicity out of it and then that's there. It's all solved. How easy is that? And you know what? They could use all the help they can get. I have to break some sadness to you guys. Million-dollar decorators secretly, my favorite Sean Bravo, along with Shaz of Sunset, but million-dollar decorators rating are in the toilet this year, you guys. They're lower than season one and I'm so scared they're not going to come back. It's a shame, you know, I, by the way, I heard this, by the way, some secret knowledge that's pretty obvious to everyone. Gallery girls is officially canceled. No! Sorry, got to bring some sad realness into the situation. Because apparently the girls were all in Miami this past weekend for art Basel and they were not Bravo crews. Like I had a friend that was there from work and apparently there was not camera crews all up on those ladies. Oh my god, our Basel is like my dad's favorite thing. Oh my god, I thought of my thing about Basel. Wow, I can't believe that show is canceled. It was the best new Bravo show in five years. That proves that Bravo hates Watch What Crappins. Exactly, because they're bringing back more fucking Patti Stanger. You know what this actually, you know what this also proves to, you know, Bravo, they may have to change up the way they market their shows because, honestly, this is the same story we've been telling for the past like year and a half. Now we're always like oh this show and then you always come in and you say well they range the toilet and you know it's like and it's like every show is like this. You know, it feels like only a few certain established shows seem to be doing really, really well at this point. Maybe Shaza Sun's really only housewives does well. Yes, it does. I mean they had their highest ratings ever. How much? 2.4 million views. Bravo. But here's the thing though. Shaza Sun said had a lot of publicity behind and they also had Ryan Seacrest and they get exposure to the cast members. This is what happens. Shaza's in addition to being awesome gets the great ratings because it's put after Atlanta. It's always paired with Atlanta either before or after in Atlanta is has forever been Bravo's highest rated show. So it's a good combo and whoever's gonna be packaged with them is gonna benefit. But the other thing is to this Bravo floods the airwaves with a lot of generic shows that come and go non-stop and what it really does is what? Yeah and what I remember there's a show called like I forget what it's called like they was about these luxury travel agents ones you know and what happens is is that a really it dilutes their brand in that the sense that if there is a good show that tries to launch amidst this you're just gonna think it's just another one of these forgettable Bravo shows that comes and goes because they greenlight a whole bunch of shit when they should be focusing on a few shows and making them good. Yeah and on top of that they should be trying to push the shows on watch what happens. I mean watch what happens is a success for them and then they put all all their energy into getting the real housewives on there when they should be having they should be pushing their other smaller shows that are really good much harder on there. Well when Andy so has great access to these people and it's called ask them some real questions talk to them you know about the topics that we're talking about on watch what crappins and what our fans are talking about on our Facebook page slash watch what crappins you know it's like he has the opportunity to do this and he has the access but he's wasting time playing stupid fucking games. You know though there was just there was also there was no PR push for gallery girls it was never there were no stories written you know on the AP or anything like it just was no they had no presence anywhere and sometimes once a show faces it's just not their audience either. I mean look Bravo is gay men and middle-aged women right who watch Bravo and that's pretty much it they don't want to watch a show about 20 year old assholes who have more money than they deserve. That's not really what they're after they need to be making more shows about old well of course million dollar listing is about older people and that doesn't do well but that's not if that's gonna be that needs either be a design show or a drama like I don't I would watch that show voraciously I mean I do for this show yeah but I probably wouldn't watch that if it weren't for this show only because I would love to watch a design show I watch a lot of those and I like a lot of silly shows but I don't know I don't like the mix like that. It doesn't make me. I think million-dollar decorators could benefit from a strong lead-in to be honest you know because yeah you know it got a second season but it didn't it didn't really have the same the same following it was like doing this outside I have a lot of more so I don't let's go by it. That was Martin Lawrence Balard he's just arrived. He rides on a side car. I have a $15,000 chandelier on my side car. I have to get to fresh news before Tesco closes down all the stores. That's another sad bit of news from this week that fresh news is closing. I don't know where Martin Lawrence Balard is gonna shop now. It's a real problem. So let's let's let's get back to this show because there's a Martin Lawrence Balard storyline is that he wanted to redecorate his house and I did not realize just how hideous his house was and continues to be before and after. Look I hope that Martin- I hope that he never listens to the show because he's very nice but I don't remember him ever designing anything good. Everything he puts on the show is fucking terrible. Do you remember that thing he did last year for some model where he's like I'm gonna put a poster of the of Rome or somewhere. I'm sorry he did Daisy Puentes's house and it looked so tacky. Yes that was the one where he like got a giant poster of Rome or some shit and he like pasted it to the wall. He crackled a fucking poster. It didn't even match the lines of the ceiling like it was all off. Oh it was just terrible. Like everything he does is terrible and it all looks like his house and this house looks like an old gay lady like an old gay guy trying to impress John Rivers. Yeah and his and his poor partner who with the bad hair piece is sitting there like trying just barely trying to adjust to the last hideous makeover where there's like zebra print and red and jaw tones but then you know and then he puts in all this other stuff like you know I want to have a spirit of India a little bit of colonial excuse me it's Inja. Inja and colonial and you know a spirit of exoticism it's like someone robbed Maharaja or whatever but he I don't know it's like there were so many patterns and so many things going on it actually hurt my eyeballs. It's seizure inducing there is no doubt about it. Yeah and his poor husband just was like can I just have a chair to sit and watch TV and please. Yeah I don't think this is my own. This is my palette. This is a blind canvas that doesn't work in my living room. How will I know if I'll work for a client? Well spoiler alert it doesn't. How will I know if Minty will like it? And you know I think it shows that it doesn't because he had to spend an episode decorating his own house. Yeah that's pretty sad. Everyone else is like you have to redecorate your own house once a month then you know you may not have a good eye for this stuff. Yeah Mary McDonald's like I'm doing something in New York for someone who's wealthy. You know everyone who's got something to do and he's like I'll be doing my living room. Oh you guys run a real piece of gossip right here. Oh yes I love it. Please go back. I love it if you have it. I love a cup of tea. I love a cup of tea. It's delicious. I love a couple of gossips. Delicious gossips. This stuff. Can I get some gossips? That's very devilish about gossip. Please go on. Okay. Oh I can't wait. I'm I'm on thin ice. Let it wait. Pins and needles prickly rather devilishly. Are they from Inja? It's rather harsh pricking but I enjoy it. Um okay. So if you look past week's episode not the one that's airing last night meaning tonight slash you're watching this tomorrow but last week's episode if you still have it on your DVR. Mary McDonald says she's in New York. Right? Yes. Look closely. Girlfriend is driving through downtown Los Angeles and they said that it's New York. What fucking liars are they? Oh I didn't notice that. Well they're going back and taking her ass. He's back and forth. Well they're lying. They're saying like oh she's off to New York to do blah blah blah and it's like um actually that's downtown Los Angeles. Well honey you're not. You could have also just been a pickup shot that they needed. Yeah she probably showed up one time. You're supposed to say yeah that sucks. You're not supposed to say like Matt you're wrong. It's a pickup shot. It's a pickup shot. Don't get a panties in a bundle. Just go to fresh and easy and get a bottle of five dollar wine. It's what they call a pickup shot in the business. There's nothing offensive. I'm gonna go tell my client's auto minty about the pickup shot and then buy her a thirty thousand dollar shimmy. Shami. Whatever it's called. I don't know. Shimi is my fresh and easy points for that. When is that closing? Because actually I do have a shitload of fresh and easy points saved up. I better go spend that shit. Well what is fresh and easy people? Oh it's just a wonderful supermarket. It's a supermarket where everything's prepackaged and there's no one around to help you. It's like you have a bunch of apes walking around. They're just throwing things you want in front of a scanner and being with me. It's a big marvellous recruit sort of way. Is that that like fake like 7/11 that looks like it's the 7/11 of the future with an echo twist? No that's Phamima. Oh that's Phamima. What's Phamima? Phamima? Phamima is a convenience store that came to us from Japan. From the Far East. How simply exotic. No fresh and easy is where you go. It's cheaper but it's because no one really works there. I mean there's like somebody maybe to help you if your credit card gets stuck but no one really works there and the fruits always kind of you know rotten and it's not the greatest store and I don't like this whole decline of service in America you know. I mean I miss the days when people used to take your bag of groceries to your car and let them in your trunk for you. What happened those days? They do that Ron. I've seen them do that at Fresh and Easy. What's good about Fresh and Easy? I have. I've totally seen it. I've totally seen it. Is that there's like the lines are very brief and you self-check out they've got everything back because you just scan you just scan like one after the other and it's a great place and they've got a great variety and it's not annoying like Trader Joe's and I'm just devastated that it's closing down. It's also the place where I get to see Martin Lawrence Blard rummaging about in the produce. Oh and also LA Fitness is upstairs so there is some fine meat walking around the deli. That is true too and there are no kids by the way they're like rarely any ever. Here's the thing pretty much everyone who goes to Fresh and Easy is just like a single person. I don't know why. Oh my gosh you've been shopping there forever. Isn't that so Hollywood though that there's no children whenever I go home to Texas I'm freaked out by all the fucking children. Yeah it freaks me out. It's like families and people pregnant and it's like they're breeding pods everywhere. The other good thing about the Fresh and Easy here in Hollywood is that it's just like a block away from grandma's Chinese theater. So what will happen is sometimes you'll be in you'll be shopping and you'll see like Batman like picking up an eggplant you know. It's just like dirty ass costume. You do not realize how dirty those people are until you see them in Fresh and Easy in their costumes. Closeably horrifying that they look bad man into my local supermarket. Marilyn Monroe looks like she's been gang raped by a biker by a bunch of bikers. I simply refuse to believe that that's served as Presley over there by the Parsley. Marilyn Monroe stop hanging out by the sons of anarchy people darling. Is that a transformer for losing the ride red I can't believe how naughty that transformer. Okay let's get back. That's how exciting million dollar listing has been by the way. Oh and you keep calling it million dollar listing it's million-dollar decorators. I love it. Wishful thinking. I really am so into it. It's just like Ronnie if you're going to fuck up and do that you at least have to give me a Madison held a brand. Okay now now you're forgiven. Catherine Ireland. Okay why is it that everybody she works with she can't work with anybody. She seems so nice but everyone's so difficult. It's you. It's you. It's you who's difficult. You're a client they're giving you a million dollars bitch. He has what I like to call bitches and I would like to take advantage of it. I like how she's trying to do this chef. Catherine you're hilarious but you and your French maid who wears all like a beekeepers outfit. Jacqueline. Jacqueline speaking of something is an exciting car. Like those two are the ones inside. I remember that show two fat ladies. Yes. Didn't one of them die of a heart attack? Yeah that's what Catherine and Jacqueline are like and that's actually a compliment. It's not I'm not saying it in a mean way because I love the two fat ladies. It's Jacqueline. Not Jacqueline. Sorry. Not like Jacqueline Loretta. That's gonna be awful of me. Or like Jackie Harry. Oh it's Gary. Hey wait wait wait some house. We haven't been all in a while. So okay that shows lame and probably getting canceled so stop wasting people's food. Let's go on to Atlanta. There's some crazy shit going down on Atlanta. I hate Atlanta. Why stop being racist? I hate it. I hate me. Matt stop being racist. I hate white people. I hate white people. I love Atlanta. It's my favorite one. I can't believe you don't like it. So I hate the new cast members with all of my being. Even. No I love Porsche. I love Porsche. Hey don't you be me the Porsche. That lady I couldn't even find her on Google. I had to kick it out. I would kick it out two or sixty five days than you if I had to. I've run a charity but I'm not that charitable. Get out. I hate charity. I don't even know I'm doing it. I just do because I want a free dinner. I love poor shop. Love her. I cannot wait to see what she has in store for us in the future. Yeah I have a feeling it's just a lot of stupidity and I'm in. Meanwhile Peter cannot hold in his boner that he has for quite else do it. He is in love with that man. Oh and of course he's like oh you guys should go golfing. You like the golf. He's like well uh you know uh like uh ten years ago I like uh I watched some golfing on TV. Yeah what did he say? What was the answer? Uh that means he doesn't golf. Yeah what was his answer? He's like well ten years ago I went to Hawaii. Like what what does that have to do with anything? Right it made no sense. Peter stop smoking before every goddamn scene with your blurry ass drunk ass stoned ass. Oh my god his eyes are bloodshot every time he's on screen. That guy is such a fucking addict. It's hilarious and and don't you just love how generous Peter is with everyone else's money. He's like the Kyle Richards of Atlanta. You know the only way he gets married is in a donated museum space with donated catering. A donated limo that didn't show up. Like come on now and now he's like oh they're like thank you Peter thank you so much for this trip. Oh yeah you guys I'm sure Peter. I'm sure Peter the guy with no job really went out of his way to make this trip happen. Yeah sponsored by all the profits from bar one and the Bailey agency. Oh yeah because those are just at the top of the Forbes 500 list. He's like you're welcome everybody you're welcome. I know. Um the cheap ass just blurry ass Peter. Oh my goodness. Now this trip to Angola. I mean there were so many things I have to say about. First of all I thought it was one the thing that pops out of my mind the most is when Phaedra actually introduces the Minister of Tourism and the Minister of Tourism is like he's like no I would like to show you our local our local culture and these girls come out this local girl this dance troupe and they come out and they just do some booty shakes some shrimp booty shakes. I was like oh this is what I can call this all about. They were pretending to dance they were just howling out. Yeah they were just like grinding and meanwhile this is also the same island where they had this perfectly nice looking restaurant. They're like all right well I drink specials in our fucking sideways and fuck me in the ass. Fuck you in the mouth then fuck me in the mouth. What's going on? Oh my god I want one of all of them. Dirty Sanchez. Right but you said it was like such a blas they telling that it was just like yeah this is the um you know come in my eye shot. This is the uh two in the pink one in the stink bomb yeah it's just like oh my god. One thing that trip was missing was a slavery museum with hot ass slaves. Oh oh my tied up in like nautical netting situation. Like last year's trip that was hysterical. I know. So this was a really good one um we got to see Kenya go even more crazy. I mean that girl's delivering too much crazy. I'm afraid somebody's gonna get hurt. When can I talk about my favorite moment of the entire episode? Do it now. Do it now. Okay we'll get to them like picking bedrooms and her being a bitch and all this other current stuff. My favorite part of the entire episode. What's her boyfriend's name? Walter. Her her paid boyfriend Walter. When she starts acting like a psychopath he starts going Kenya have you taken your medicine? Kenya have you taken your medicine? Like he's nervous. If she doesn't take her pills everyone's gonna be dead. Yeah she's like the Hulk. Yeah well I think I think I think I think those are. What is her medicine? What do you guys honest with her medicine is? She needs to like you know what her medicine is? It's food to feed the creature that lives inside her ass that makes it so big. She has like a little goblin back in her buttocks. It's not a little goblin. Yeah it's like a it's like a it's a child. I actually do though think that she could be potentially physically dangerous. Yeah I'm telling you I'm kind of worried for people safety and doesn't she get it too? Who's at Nini next week? Yeah I feel like Nini's like holding her back but then they start getting all sloppy on each other. Oh yeah. Did I see something today that Kenya has multiple personality disorder? Or of course she would say that. Yeah but would you be surprising? That's not surprising to me at all. Yeah now she is she is just a crazy woman like a truly crazy woman. And the way she flirts with everyone in front of all before we knew that Walter was paid. The fact that she sits there and be like oh do you have do you have some semen sort of way somewhere to the guy who's like the head of device Roy or whatever. I mean right that's exactly what you say to somebody who's like oh I don't know it's just that's what I said on my date last night. I said I said do you have any semen stored away that I can use at a later date? Yeah by the way they went over really well. Five minutes later? Yeah. Whatever really well I have to say I was really happy with getting a second how are you getting a second date? I hope so if he's listening and he might be um call me. And that girl's like not even wanting to freeze semen. She's wanting to freeze like an actual baby. Oh no wait that's parent. That's parent. I'm so sorry. Karen wants to freeze baby. She wants to just like kidnap a baby and freeze it until people forget that it was kidnapped. I know he didn't rephrase it. Yeah I would say Kenya's the type that I feel like would actually kidnap a baby or someone should go like raising Arizona on someone. If Lisa is ever able to have a baby on Miami, Karen will be stealing it. There's no doubt. Oh no I was talking about Kenya. I'm sorry. I don't think Karen would steal a baby. Oh Karen would steal a baby. Kenya would steal a baby. There we are. Getting our minorities mixed up. We are racist on this show. We put all the minorities into their own episodes. All the white people can skip it if they want. I mean that's not right. That's part of the casting department. Okay. It's hard. Why? That is the way we treat the collodios. Do you think they're gonna try and replace Kim with another whitey? I hope not. I mean they can't find another white girl that trashy. Oh yeah. Brandi's cast already. Listen it's Atlanta. Don't underestimate the trashy people in Atlanta. I hope that they don't because I think they can make white people look even worse. I mean it's hard to make white people look worse than they already do around a group of black people. Like we should already be ashamed. But it's gonna say Kim just makes it. Go ahead. That's how we need to have a white woman on there. A white woman who's gonna say some stupid thing like oh my god. People love me. I'm like a black girl and then she says something really offensive and then okay. Okay. If you could have one white woman from another Beverly or from another swive's cast to take Kim spot in Atlanta. Who do you think would make for a good TV? Ramona. Is that what you said to you? Jinks. Totally Ramona. 100% Ramona. Yes. I think I think it would be good to put Tamara there because she would say something so awful made straight up kill her. Tamara would actually fit in a little better. Tamara. Yeah Tamara would just be that queen shot. Tamara. Wow. Wow. See I almost said Sonia but I was like no no. It's gotta be Ramona. And so we both said that the exact same thing. In the question Ramona. Can you imagine Ramona being actually like oh my she would turn up turtles. I'm with a donkey booty. What? Not even tolerated. She would be like I'm high class. He's in a low class. She wouldn't be able to deal. So everybody. So if you guys love Atlanta so much tell me else what happened because I can't know. Oh well this was that lunch right. Wasn't this the episode without lunch with Kim or was this the end of that? That was the end of the Kim lunch and then it was the Kenya pushes Apollo in the pool. Well then oh yeah so that happens. But wait a second. Did we see Kim like punch a cameraman or whatever was going on? Yes. Oh my god. Everybody call the fuckers. Yeah. Craig. Craig come from. That's what I want to know. Oh yeah. When did when did Corey grab a pair? But why was he even there? Like like was he just sweating outside the entire house? He was waiting in the Escalade for Kim. Um I like his wife. His wife who was pregnant at or who was five months pregnant. Oh wait eight months pregnant. Oh wait seven months pregnant. Oh wait. I don't even know how pregnant she was because she kept making it up like Phaedra did with her fucking baby. Yeah we talked about this last week right. She was on watch what happens and all that. Yeah well she's like I can't really travel you know I'm like 28 weeks. Well 29 really yeah 31 weeks really. My anger feels totally expired on that one. Okay so we did finish that. The thing is that Atlanta I don't take it as seriously because the drama I don't know it's just so silly. It's like a cartoon to me. So I tend to play games like this week I've been playing stupid zombies where you have to shoot zombies and so I watch that at the same time so I miss some things. Listen here's what what what the only thing left that has to be discussed is that the day after Kenya flirted with Apollo in the pool Phaedra came back with her own retaliation which was to show up in a stripper, tastic, skank, o-rama, black like weird knitted baby. It was a thong with a net on top. Yeah she'd look like she'd been hauled in from the Harbor. She was that was a she did. It looks like they caught some they caught a tuna and an oil slick. She was she was shiny and her ass was hanging out. She's supposed to be a church-going woman and this was not very church-going. And that was the saddest most jealous outfit I've ever seen in my life and the sad thing is that she she hacked this. Let's see what's happening before all the Kenya stuff. Like really the only only thing worse than we've seen on a vacation is but I've been selling Teresa's outfits you know. Yeah that's been mad. At least we didn't have to see Joe fuck her up against the tree. I know these credit karma makes building your credit straightforward and stress-free with help from our credit builder. Sign up today at credit karma.com and start enhancing your financial health credit karma your partner in building a brighter financial future. Credit builder plan is serviced by credit karma credit builder and requires a line of credit and savings account provided by Cross River Bank member FDIC. Hey podcast listeners great news. All your favorite comedy podcasts can be enjoyed ad-free on Amazon music. Listen to your favorite music plus top podcasts completely ad-free on Amazon music included with your prime membership. Dive into a world of laughs by downloading the Amazon music app for free or go to amazon.com/adfreecomedy that's amazon.com/adfreecomedy to catch up on the latest episodes without the ads. We've got to at least we've got to apologize look at. Oh my goodness. Do you know the good lord did a good job with that one but he always he'll give you one thing but it'll take something away. Of course he makes that guy talk like Mike Tyson. Yeah because you know he can't just be gorgeous and talk like good hey baby yeah he's like hey hey hey hey hey hey hey talk about sex me yes. I think we need to do some fitness now he talks like Porsche actually. Yeah. Did you imagine those two at once? It's kind of like Porsche and then like David Beckham like you're like David Beckham you are a hot piece of man and then he opens his mouth and it's like a little four-year-old girl. Yeah it is that's exactly but you know I like Apollo so much and that may be just because he's very attractive but he's like a good guy. I didn't mean he keep calling him like a little man. Is he short? I think he's probably like five eight or so because she's you know Phaedra's short you know and Phaedra's short and Nini is a lumberjack. Yeah and let's talk about Greg by the way. Greg's like well Mike I told my left eye to close and then then my right eye. And so I said why don't you close right eye I said hey I didn't do nothing so I close my right eye and then the left eye looked again. Oh lord and then everyone's like ha ha ha Greg so funny. I'm like what? This is like the this is like the same same sort of humor is like Miss Jay on America's neck Tom Ollie. You know Miss Jay is not actually funny but all that all that Miss Jay does is go girl. She needs to work on her. She needs to work on her. You're like that's not funny that's just noises and I love it. I was just gonna say like there was a part on the show where like Nini was saying something and Greg could not understand her sitting right next to her and he was like my back hurts and I can't remember when he was saying when that was so funny because Nini was starting to feel all sexy because it's a couple strip and she's wasted so she's starting to hit on Greg and she's laying down next to him. She's like what? He said baby you know something like baby you know I love you and she's like why you hold back then? Yeah and he's like my back doesn't hurt and he's like my back when? She's like no why you hold back then? What why I go back there? Why I go back where? No I said why you hold back there? I know I'm black baby. I grew up looking at myself my whole life. Oh never mind Greg. And then she just flips her silk scarf and is like forget this shit you're not you're not you're not getting in tonight and then Nini blew away there and the end of the night happened. I actually thought that he was fucking with her. I think he heard what she was saying. Oh you really think that he just wanted her to like keep begging for it? I think he thought he was being funny. Well he was. He was right. That's it was hilarious. Oh he right. He right. He right. Yeah so so that was I think that's pretty much it for Atlanta. I can't remember. Atlanta. Kenya was a flaming bitch to everybody and in the previous we did not this week's previous but in general in the previous we do see Kenya freaking out that she's not with Apollo right? Like that is coming. Yeah. Oh you know what I also by the way you know what I really like about Portia this week. So you know Kenya hates Portia and they they have this bad blood and when they all are at the airport they all are over the airport and Kenya says hi to everyone except for Portia and then Portia and the interview she's like okay I'll let you get away with it for a little while and I was like oh yeah yeah Portia you're an idiot but you're also a little bit of a bitch. I love it. Go for it. Yeah you're going to tell somebody out of the worst English. Oh she will. She will. She came outside and kicked her out. I loved that. That wasn't so far that was my favorite. She didn't fucking kick her out. Kenya left that shitty ass party. Portia is an idiot but she she has a little bit of an edge to her which I like. Oh my god there's no edge. Yeah there is. Portia has had her ass kissed her entire life for being born to a rich famous person and she is not going to like being mistreated by some z-lister as we used that term before. She is not going to take that for very much longer and I can't wait. Yeah I like Portia. Portia is like right at the top of my Atlanta list right now. I love me some Portia. Yeah I'll let you get away with that for a little while now. No I'll let you get away for like 233 days of the month. You best write yourself a letter to Google and ask and why you ain't on there. Yeah you better teach us some history. So that's what it is. Be Mama Joyce for one more second and just tell Riley to go clean her glasses. Riley get out of here and go clean those glasses. Now what you say about Riley I think she too fat. What did she say about Riley when she was after room? Oh my god. What did she say about her she was something kind of weird right? She called her a man's own. You need to stop giving her so much Excel now. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god I got some okay old balls and I'm a dad. I'm serious. Come on Mama. Come on baby. You keep this my house mama. Give some nasty things about my house. See Kim's got an excuse for everything. Man mama. I love that she was like what the fuck is now with Kim? Yeah she's just what she's saying now for herself. Well I like actually I I can't even bother to do this. Not bother. I can't do the impersonations whatsoever but I love whether we're talking about Kim candida mom and talking about like how Kim's like like about the nanny or something like that and the mom was like she got to walk around man the schedule since we don't want to work around that nanny schedule. Candy that don't sound right. It can't he's like she do. That's not right. I'm gonna be. I love them. I love Joyce. Yeah should we should we go on to Shaz? Should we feel ready to go to Shaz? Yeah. I feel like you're so much more than happened. Okay let's move on to Shaz. Oh my god. I love Shaz and Joyce that's all I have to say. So Shaz we got to we got this week we got to learn a little bit more about the Persian Barbie. What's her face again? She's doing so many wonderful things for women in business. She is. She's a eradicating kuchi juice. Oh my god there's like there's like AIDS on a speeding suit. Oh my god. Do you guys okay look none of these shows should surprise us but I seriously clutched my pearls when she said that. I think she had to apologize the next day. I think I read that somewhere. She had to apologize to like the gays of the world. First saying that there's AIDS on the bathing suit. Why would you have to apologize to the gays of the world? What would the gays have to do with this? Because no three people are watching this show. Why would the gays care about a vagina having AIDS? If anything it's evening the score a little bit. Well I like to go over the course of the of the episode. Lily's hair just got bigger and bigger and bigger. You guys that has to be at least 75% weave right um and at least 75 pounds. Yeah I think she's smuggling in some like pomegranates from the motherland inside that thing. That picture you guys put up her on Facebook was hysterical. Who did that? I did that. That was so funny. Did you actually put all those pictures together? Did you find that somewhere? No I know I made that. I took all those pictures. I thought when you put Ralph in there I died. So it's like who wore this who wore this hairstyle better? Lily Rolf from the Muppets. Um who else is on there? Slash and weirdo. Because what happened was there was a shot of Lily talking and her hair. Her hair was so huge. I mean it was like it was beyond weave. It was like it was unbelievable. It was like like you would have to be at cafes for hours upon hours by hours to get one third of that hair into someone's head. I don't even know where that hair came from. It was she is from Texas Ronnie. I know. Her boobs are huge. I had to say. That's how we like them. We like them skinny with giant hair and giant fake boobies. I do have to say I am impressed that she um actually has a law degree. That's that's actually kind of cool. I actually think she's kind of badass where she's like um yeah so um they didn't really like it so much when I was on Judge Judy with my pussy hanging out. So I just had a law isn't for me. Yeah I I actually was totally I thought that was great and I thought that the only bad thing was when she was in the office and acting like a total idiot. You know not an idiot but she is but those girls it's like those girls have a pact with each other that that's just how they're gonna talk to each other like dumb dumb baby boys. I always talk to - Do we carry my baby boy? - Yeah, it's just like, it's so, I feel like it's so bad for women. - I gotta go home because I have a husband waiting for me. Oh, you sure do, booty, booty, kunty kunty kitty, kitty, kunty, kunty, kunty, kunty. - Are you calling her-- - Pooh for another-- - Pooh for another. - Pooh to Kent-Tay. (laughing) - She's-- - I would say this though. Like, I really do like Lillian. I just, you know, for all of her, like, horribleness about, like, AIDS, koo-choo juice, you have to say, well, she's at least not GG who has no job and is a ghetto piece of trash. - Oh, tongue, yeah. - Or at least she's not like Asa who's become such-- - By your tongue. - An asshole, she's such a-- - By your tongue, Tima. - She's a Persian pop princess, she has a PhD. Her PhD is Persian pop princess. You dumb idiot, you couldn't even say, like, a good acronym for PhD. Persian pop princess is PVP, it's not PhD. Like, what is wrong with you? - There's nothing wrong with her or her saffron rice. And Ben, by the way, you're a chef, I would like you to make me some saffron rice 'cause I want some crusty crust. - You know what, there's a recipe for that rice in my Persian cookbook that I love. - That shit looks delicious. - Well, it is Persian. - I love that. - I love that her mom is like, I love that her mom's like, you need to get job, you need to be doctor, lawyer, computer, computer, computer, I love it because computer. You love to be computer. - Psychologist. - But I also like when she's like, I am a Persian pop priestess and his mom's like, what the hell is that? - What is this? What is that? (laughing) Like, exactly. - Yeah, Aisa, and then her big fake Louis Vuitton bag, come on girl. - Yeah, and can you imagine? Her mom's probably like, come on Aisa, we gave you $30,000. What did you do without $30,000? I buried it under my steps. - And then told the entire country about it on national TV. - Well, at least Aisa. (laughing) - Aisa's house in Venice is like multiple millions of dollars, but her parents don't look like they're living in like the life of luxury. - Well, that's why persons are rich. They know how to save their damn money. They're not just gonna be spending that money all over the place. - Unless you're a Persian pop priestess and have the endorsement of the Persian barber Walters on the Persian view, at the Persian Oscars, I don't know. Aisa, so here's the thing. I am really just starting to dislike Aisa. Anyone who makes me take Gigi's side is-- - You better not be on Gigi's side. - Gigi's side, what are you nuts? - I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why I'm on Gigi's side. I mean, Gigi and Omid were obnoxious at the restaurant. (laughing) But this has nothing to do with that and at this point. At this point, what happened was they went to his party and Gigi pulled Aisa aside and actually very politely and calmly explained why she was offended with when Aisa-- - No, no, no, no, no, excuse me, excuse me. And so, like, you know, 'cause Aisa did make that pretty obnoxious comment about the nose and Gigi was just saying-- - She did not mean it to be rude. - That's fine, that's fine. But Gigi was at least trying to explain why she took it the way she took it. And I think that she was entitled to say it and she was saying it in a mature way. And Aisa just was obnoxious. Aisa, who was supposed to be Earth's mother and open-minded and like non-materialistic, didn't even give Gigi a, like, didn't even, like-- - She gave her a chance-- - She wasn't empathetic, she wasn't ever known. Aisa wasn't obnoxious. Gigi has not earned the, she should, Gigi has not done anything to earn anybody's respect, so nobody should have to look her in the eye or take her seriously. And number two, I love that this was all about Gigi. If Omid was fucking upset, he should have pulled Aisa aside. It's not Gigi's battle to fight with her fucking dick and her. - It was stupid argument. What a stupid argument that she's like, oh, well, I had a nose job, so I'm very offended about you as a nose job. - No, but she's not right. All she does is pretend to cry and it's like, it doesn't matter. - You're not really crying. - I'm not arguing about whether the argument was stupid about the nose or whatever. I'm just saying that I thought that, whatever was that Gigi was saying, she was actually speaking in a normal tone, a normal polite tone. - Oh, that's true. - And Aisa was just, like, fully dismissive. - Okay, okay, so Ben, if Gigi did that and it was, you know, and Aisa was rude, that's all fine. And Aisa should be, you know, reprimanded for being so rude. - Yes. - And Gigi became a ghetto, psycho fucking bitch and is like, I'm taking out my earrings. If you do that in real life, that shit only happens in movies, like when you do that in real life, there is nothing that is more tacky and classless. - Well, look, that implies that there's some elements of class anywhere in this show. - Yeah, they're in a backyard playing horse, hot dogs. - And actually, what I love is that, like, Aisa, like, they have this whole fight, whatever. And, yes, I agree, Gigi was a total ghetto bitch at that moment. Gigi gets, like, pulled away. And Mike's like slamming down on Bannisters. And Aisa's like, yo, I'm going back to my basketball game. Like, she was in some, like, early '90s movie or something. And she's like, all right, come on. She throws the ball. Doesn't, like, barely even hits, like, the backboard. And she's like, yo, I'm winning. I'm like, shut up, Aisa. - She was just doing that to get under Gigi's skin and clearly, because Gigi kept running all over the backyard like a freak. - Well, Gigi's a nutcase, okay. And her gay boy and her gay boyfriend should have held her down, not Mike, but-- - We're forgetting about the best part where drunk MJ starts to pull Gigi off and they both fall on the floor and then MJ can't get up. - Well, MJ thought that Gigi was holding on to a slider to be fair. She's like, give me that. - Give me that slider. - Well, before we even go to that, we should go to MJ's therapist. Okay, bravo therapists, making stupid faces and having skunk hair and wearing gypsy pants. It does not make you a therapist. What was that, therapy in our kitchen? - It was, like, what? - You know that once? - It was, like, Corella de Vil and Debbie Harry had a love child and I became a therapist. - That's not even a real office. That is the condo building that is on the corner of Larchmont and Melrose that is empty and a few people rent those as condos. That is not an office building. It was a fucking fake setup. - Oh, well, you have to look at that show. - These people, these people that, you know, the only people that watch these shows probably are, like, in New York and LA and I'm like, all these bravo shows are cheating and pretending that places are New York when they're really LA or they're pretending this is an office when I know it's, like, an empty fucking loft. It's like, you're not going to fool me. I'm watching all these shits with a magnifying glass. Motherfuckers. - Yeah, when MJ was, like, two or a therapist, she's like, "Hello, doctor," or whatever. I was like, "Oh, MJ, your precious estate." To think it's an actual doctor. - She's not a doctor. - Don't you be silly. She used to work at Fresh Neezy until they closed down the stores. (laughing) - Well, I love that MJ is in there crying about how her parents' divorce has killed her self-confidence and then we see her chunky ass in a bikini. Listen, if you had low self-confidence, you would never ever be in that. And if your mother actually did give you low self-confidence, I would have been thanking her during this episode. Get yourself a wrap, MJ! - Exactly. I will say she did have one redeeming moment, which is that I thought the scene where she was sort of grooming her dad and giving him terrible hair color was actually very sweet. I thought that was a lovely moment. - Oh my God, you're making fun of me for saying that, like, Lisa with Ken at the hospital was ridiculous. And now you're like-- - You didn't cry. I didn't cry. - You're cooing over MJ painting her dad's hair green and then chopping out his nose hair. Ugh. - That was a little gross, too. But I appreciated the sentiment behind it. (laughing) It was a little gross as you hear, like, the sound of, like, the hairs, like-- (slurping) - It was disgusting. (laughing) - You can only imagine what sort of person really she has to do. - I had to look away. I mean, the sounds of sunset is-- I can't watch American Horror Story when I eat. And shots of sunset is the only other show on TV that I just cannot eat. I mean, I can eat during anything. I can watch a house burning down. I can eat. But I cannot eat while I watch shots of sunset. There's always something disgusting on that show. - Meanwhile, then Asa, like, talking about-- And then, a spin of disgusting, there's a fortune teller, sort of like a weird, like, man-woman fortune teller named Shoray that Asa brings Reza, too. And she's like, "Oh, you have a bad relationship with Father "and you disconnect out of relationships." And he's like, "Oh, my God, that's amazing." - That's crazy! She's like, "You like penises." "Oh, that's not! "I can't believe she got that about me." - You like having a mustache? "Oh, my God." She's so good. Like, I can't believe it. The best part, by the way, here's a funny story. So Asa says to the woman, Sophie, and she's like, "Literally, you Google the woman, "like, you Google Persian fortune teller. "She's the one who shows up." So, of course, I had that very moment. - I Googled it, didn't you? - She didn't show up. - I Googled it, and then she didn't show up, so then I went on an image search, and I'll tell you who did show up. Naz, who I guess she filled in on an episode, like, two weeks ago, she showed up instead. - Who's Naz? - Nah, I'm sorry. - Oh, Naz? - Oh, Naz? - So, I went to, yeah, I know, I went to, I went to talk to somebody, Naz. I got Naz. - That is hilarious. - And Nadine showed up. - That is so funny, Nadine from the Silicon Valley podcast. - Yeah, so she showed up on Persian fortune teller, and you know who else showed up? A poster for that, so Raven. (both laughing) - You know that Mads will show up on any Persian search. She's like a very famous Persian. Aces is probably very jealous. - Is Naz really famous? Oh, Naz is, is she like-- - Yeah, Naz has done a lot of stand up. She does a lot of stand up comedy, and she does those VH1 best week ever shows. So you'd probably know her from a lot of those stuff. So she's, yeah, she's like a little famous comedian, now she's a TV producer, but yeah, before she was like the Persian comic or whatever. - She was-- - The Persian Joan Rivers. (both laughing) - Sure, she'd appreciate that. - Sorry. - Nadine. - Yeah, I don't know that that's a compliment. Have you guys, are you either of you suffering from a gay life crisis like Reza? - Oh my God, that's like so close to a gay life crisis. Like white people are like, I'm fine. And people are like, oh, what's going on with this? - People just want to sleep with everybody and get away with it. That's a person to disrespect a nice boyfriend and cheat on him the whole time. I mean, come on, you've got a nice boyfriend who will put up with your lame, sweaty ass, how can you be cheating on him all the time and acting like a jerk and calling him boring on national TV? That's not nice. - Exactly. - And he's way fucking cute or two. - And all of Reza's jokes in that cooking class were so annoying. They're like, all right, we're gonna-- - Wait a minute, we're making something flaming because I'm gay? What? - I can't believe it. I can't believe it doing something that has fire in it 'cause actually 'cause I'm a spicy Persian. I can't believe it. - I would say that. That's such a white thing to say is so not Persian. - I can't believe you. Is that a word with G in it? G as in like in gay? I can't believe it. Oh my God. Is it 'cause we're gay? - I'm gonna go out on a limb here. I loved Reza in season one and he still makes for good TV but I think that he is at the top of the list of gay, making gay people look bad on reality TV. Like he's up there with the cast. - That's like so personal. - That's like so personal. - That's like so personal to make gays look bad. Like people make gays look good, but like versions are like, okay, let's do something to make them look bad. You know what I'm saying? - Look at Matt pausing afraid that I'm gonna go to. I'm not gonna go. - Not like, but not not. It makes it all look wonderful. It makes it all look devilish and handsome. - I think we should be proud at how we keep those voices separate. They're very similar if you really think about it. - Very similar. - It's rather exquisite. - It's a fire. - It's a fire baby. - You say about it? - Persians would never do that. It slipped from my voice into Martin Lawrence. What's his face is? That's a lot Persian. - Persian people just like take one voice and just like go with it. Like white people are like, oh, let's do this voice. No, let's do that voice. That's so white. - Persian people don't care about voices. All we want are good hot dogs at a party in a backyard. - Oh my God. I can't believe you talk about hot dogs and the gay person here. That's so Persian of you to do that. Oh my God. This is like so Persian right now. - Ronnie went to, hey, it's Ben's birthday. I'm on Facebook right now. - Yes. - And you take care of his. - Yeah. So Shazu sunset. So I really love that fight because Gigi, when she went crazy, she got Theresa crazy blank. You know when Theresa start finally loses it and she gets the rage blanks? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Oh, I love seeing Gigi get the rage blanks. She just starts blinking like really fast and wide. - Yeah. - And Steven Omri is like carrying her out. And you guys read that they're getting married, right? They're engaged. - Yeah. - That's gonna be a great Liza Manelli situation going on there. - They're kidding. She's gonna beat him upside the head with a vodka bottle like Liza did to David Guest. And I hope that nobody says anything funny at that rehearsal dinner. (baby crying) - I guarantee you that that's happening because she wants to get, okay, I'm done. (laughing) - You made Matt quid. - No, Matt, come back, Matt, we love you. What are you gonna say, Matt? - That I think that she's just trying to like get a spin off Ola, Kim, you know, just getting a spin off from Atlanta. And I just don't think that's gonna happen. - I think she just scared off all the good straight men that are left. So she has to go with the closet and gay ones. - Yeah, she's gonna be drunk. I do hope that we get to see a nice finale at that. Well, no, 'cause they probably already shot the finale, right? - Oh, they definitely shot a finale. But like, I think that they're definitely gonna get a third season. - Yeah, that's good. I like it. - And she'll be a bridezilla the entire time. It'll be awesome. - Oh, that will be great. She'll be a horrific, horrific bride. - You know what would be really awesome if Lily's dog coconut were the ring bearer. (laughing) - I was trying to figure out where Lily was living out. She's like looking out her window. It looked like she's in Hollywood somewhere. - She's somewhere in Hollywood. I think that it was fairly obvious that Gigi is now somewhere. She's on somewhere on Burton Way with one of those buildings that used to be like nice and clean and beige, but they're all city now on the outside. - She would live in a city building. - So, Burton Way, AKA Beverly Hills Adjacent. - Oh, yeah, there's a lot of that in Beverly Hills. One thing is LA, I guess, is showing its age. People don't really build new homes. They just kind of take the old homes and maybe power wash them on the outside, but-- - No, they're not even power washing them. I drive down Burton Way and I'm like, "I need to power wash all these dirty ass buildings "in the 9.0.048 Gigi's house." Fuck it. - That's so Persian to power wash. You know what I like to power wash and asshole, huh? - Good girls, speaking of, I don't want to think about the blackest part of Kenya's ass, okay? Thank you. (laughing) - I'm missing my head. - Ew. - You mean anal? - You can kiss that blackest part of my ass. No, thank you. - No, thanks. - I don't even want to know what part that's gonna be. - Thanks. (laughing) - So, are we done with these people on the shores of sunset? - I think so. I think we are quietly running out of steam. - Yes, late here is 12.21. I'm reading Facebook and playing with the slap bracelet I got from work for a show called King of the Nerds. - Oh, I think that's what we are, King of the Nerds, and in here podcasting After Midnight. - King of the Nerd Fagito Barritos. - Yeah. - How fun is that? - How fun is that? That has a double. - Well, we made it to our 51st episode. Sorry, I was watching Project One. - Give me some more lists. - Give me some more lists. - I was watching Project One. We all started with Amelio's early earth, so I've got the list going on. Gay people take some voice diction classes. I'm going to, let's do it together and learn to cook at the same time. - That's a person. - That's a person. - I've had a devil. - Thank you so much for listening to Watford Cropping and getting us to 51 episodes. - Well, we're gonna have a 69th episode party. Maybe we should do like a live show than after a party. - Oh my God, I better lose weight if I'm gonna have someone's wiener in my mouth while they have my wiener in their mouth. Why is it now suddenly a Bukhaki podcast? - If you guys met, it's a 69th podcast. What the hell else are we gonna do? - Serve. - Very good point. - You know, serve oysters? No. - 69. - 69. - Well, thank you everybody for being here. So, Persian of you. - Good night. - Good night. - Good night. - Good night. - You can find me, Ronnie, @TVgasum. You can find Ben @BsideBlog. You can find Matt @lifeontheendlist. You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com/watchworkcrapins. You can find us on Twitter @wetcrapins. And please go to our Facebook. I just posted a new read up of "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills," as well as my latest recap. And Ben has posted his latest recap of "Real Housewives of Atlanta," which is hysterical. We will see you next time, everybody. Thank you for being here. - Bye. - Love you guys. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - If you like listening to comedy, try watching it. On the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network of launch the new YouTube channel called "Wait for It." It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleisinger, slicing, driving friends with it for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitfortcomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here, and it's funny, and I love you. A few days ago, Brooke Todine posted an inspirational quote on her wall that got 17 likes and three comments. Thumbs up, Brooke. Geico also wants to make a comment. In just 15 minutes, you could save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to Geico. And nothing says inspiration better than saving money. Well, except for those posters that say things like teamwork, excellence, and make it happen. Hashtag, keep climbing. Hashtag savings. Geico, 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. 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