Top Chef Is Back, and The Housewives Are Wack
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#46: Top Chef Is Back, and The Housewives Are Wack
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So to help us, we brought in a reverse auctioneer, which is apparently a thing. Mint Mobile unlimited, premium wireless. Have it to get 30, 30, 30, but to get 20, 20, 20, but to get 20, 20, 20, you better get 15, 15, 15, just 15 bucks a month. So, give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speed slower above 40 gigabyte CD-tail. Hey everyone, it's Watch What Crap is the weekly podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we love. I'm Ben Mandelker from vsideblog.com and you can follow me on Twitter at @vsideblog. And joining me as always, Roni Karam from TVgasm.com. Hi, Roni. Roni is @TVgasm and Matt Whitfield from Yahoo TV. Ola. Ola. Matt is @LifeOnTheMList and our show is @WhatCrapins and it's also on Facebook at Facebook.com/WatchWhatCrapins and we post some really fun stuff like videos and there's a lot of people talk a lot on our page so you should really follow up because it's not like some lame page you might follow. It isn't. What? Active Facebook page, you guys. It's active. Mine just my audio just paid, okay. My audio just completely fell out and I got very confused. Mine did too. Mine did too. I'm nervous. I'm nervous. We are starting at it from an awkward place but that's okay because you know what with Bravo, everything is awkward. So, we thought we changed things up this week because we talked about the housewives almost exclusively week in and week out. So, we have a little bonus for people who don't actually watch the housewives which is two other shows that premiered this week that were not housewives. Side bar. Side bar. If you don't watch the housewives but you listen to our podcast, what the fuck is wrong with you? Glutton for punishment. Glutton for punishment slash we love you. Yes. I think we're talking to the husbands in the car. Yes. The husbands in the car right now. Thank you. We'll talk about some NFL later. Meanwhile, by the way, I think a strict guy did either tweet at us or wrote on our Facebook saying that he does listen to our podcast. No. Yes, we do have. I will need proof of his sexuality. So, anyway, let's talk about Top Chef because Top Chef Seattle premiered. Did you guys hate a premiere last week? But of course. But of course. Did you guys enjoy it? It was sort of like a pre Top Chef season episode. It was like a qualifying round, right? Yeah. No. Oh, go ahead, Manny. I was just gonna say for the past few years, they've kind of done this like pre elimination situation where we get down to the real cast. And to be honest with you, I did not love the premiere this year compared to the past few seasons. But needless to say, like, I'm excited it's back because there's been, I mean, I love the housewives, but like every once in a while, I need a classy bravo show in the mix. And this is my, my class act. You know, I actually really enjoyed these qualifying rounds in previous seasons when they've done them. I almost feel like they're bullshit or it's like it's not fair. You get all these chefs and then half them go home. In this case, I really liked that they had to do, most of them had to do really simple things like make an omelet, make a soup or make a salad. And I thought that was sort of great to see some of these people completely screw up a very, what should be a very simple task. And I also think it's funny to see the judges in more of a relaxed mode where they're not so scripted. And especially Wolfgang Puck. I mean, what a misogynist. I love that all of his jokes are like how stupid women are. He's like, this stuff is like a woman, it doesn't listen to you. Never thought what it's supposed to do. All this stuff does is go shopping. Oh my God. Despite the fact that he is a total misogynist, I actually love him. I don't love all misogynists, just a misogynist with great accents. And I really, who can cook? Well, and I do really like the idea of having a few more celebrity, like, I mean, these are like real deal Wolfgang Puck. We're not fucking around with these these real chefs that are that are on the panel this season. I do not like Hugh Atches. I don't know. And his nasty ass Unibrow, but I love me some Wolfgang and I actually can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I like Emeril. Yeah, Emeril sort of has like a sort of like a warm knowledge that he sort of or warm, like a wisdom, you know, a jump a lie of wisdom and experience. Yes, exactly. A oyster, a po-boy of wisdom and expertise. Red beets and rice of I he's like a crawfish of I can't think of any other words aside from wisdom or expertise. I was just gonna say, and I can't think of any more Cajun dishes. So I think we're we're out a lot. Wait, at two feet. He's at two feet. Oh, good. Well, good one. Oh, wait, a muffle lotta. He is a beignee of hope. I love that you're in an accent now too. I still hate. I still hate Emeril because of his sitcom. I still can't forgive him back. Oh, go ahead. No, no, no, you go ahead this time. There was a girl on their name Lisa and Walter and she was kind of funny on it because I actually watched that. I had a roommate at the time and that's when back before there were like 18 zillion channels and so we watched that and this girl Lisa and Walter is now on the radio and I hear her on the weekends and I'm still mad at her. I mean that was like years ago and I'm like she's gonna take you seriously. She is hilarious. She actually had a one-season sitcom on ABC following home improvement that was actually kind of hilarious but that got canceled after like 13 episodes. I loved her. Wow, I never even heard of this woman. I mean she came up with the same class as Heather Dubrow really. Speaking of on the same actually Heather Dubrow was a fill-in for Lisa and Walter on her radio so I forgot to bring it up on this show and Heather talks about parenting and what it's like to be a mom. What the fuck would you know with her staff of Nanny's mother? I hate her. It's really annoying. She one of her big rights was that she went to a kids birthday party and they didn't have anything healthy for her children. I was like bitch what country do you think you live in? Okay yeah it's America. We eat chemicals and stuff that looks like when it melts it looks like melted gum. That's what we eat here. Speaking of if anybody would like to meet for a pink berry after we record I'm in. Ooh maybe later tonight I've got to go meet someone at the happy ending which is a reputable bar. It's not not as dirty as it might sound. It could get dirty. It could get dirty. I mean it is a dirty bar because it's like a sports bar but anyway this is off topic because I still want to talk about Hugh because I you said how much you don't like Hugh and I agree when he was on Top Chef Masters as a contestant he was like funny but ever since he's had some sort of like authoritative role he is just a total asshole and like not in a funny way like smug and sarcastic. I think that he has like a bit of an apoleum complex and I mean he is a well-renowned chef I get it but guess when you're on a panel with like Wolfgang and Emeril like how can you not feel like oh fuck I'm like the odd one out here. Yeah I mean he's nowhere near their level nowhere. Well I remember on his season he was kind of a little bitch. I mean he was funny but he has a very very bad temper and I liked watching everything get under his skin. You know that's a very unevolved person who loses their temper like that unlike me who threatened to beat somebody up at the dog park this week. Guys we are so evolved just the three of us right now like so evolved. This is really pretty much the height of mankind us sitting here talking about these people who are very established in their fields and are on TV. We are watching high art and we are creating high art talking about them. It's Metaheart it's a simulacrum really that's what's going on here. Well I just got that just got yeah that just got a little two gallery girls on me right there. Simulacrum is a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy where you don't even know where the original is anymore. But is it Simulac like something that makes you go poo poo? And there's that too. Well honestly your idea of it's not a copy of it. You drink it it makes you vomit. Yeah. It's an epic peckrum I can't even speak. Okay but now I know how to vomit I'll go to Pinkberry. Are there a cup. Can I talk about like one of the challenges because as you all know I don't eat or cook but the only thing I can cook is an omelet. Yeah all those dumb bitches burned their omelets. I don't make omelets with grill marks what the fuck. Tell me now tell me Matt I'm actually very interested to hear this because I actually made an omelet today and I was one of the few times in my life where it actually turned out it was intact and it folded over and looked nice. What is your trick to making a good omelet. What would you tell these chefs? Okay first of all you get the pan very hot and then you cool it down to a medium after it's been super hot. Oh okay. And then you don't use too much butter you do a little spray. Okay. And then you got a but you know what's crazy I'm just gonna say exactly what Wolfgang did. You got to shake that omelet in that pan you just can't let it sit there and get all crusty you got to shake it got to move. Like a woman's vagina who never gets married. Like an old spinster you have to spin her vagina and you just have to poke around make sure nothing settles make sure nothing is runny. You have to just fold over. Make a good omelet unlike a woman who doesn't work hard. You can't be soft and lazy like a woman in your omelet. You have to make it firm and like a woman. You know how the monad always gets the hot kind of sounds like Adriana Miami. Well at a certain point all our accents just sort of like come together to one universal accent. And there is nothing wrong with that. It's UV guys I'm got a cease and desist actually from the top chef contestants who got kicked off because she didn't like that the recap was making fun of her and she's like this is malicious and this is not that bad that that that and I was like but you won't copy right on her which one which one said that which universal to call my ass I will do that but until then you can go fuck yourself. Are we talking about that dumb woman with the ugly ass spoon tattoo that was like the lesbian BFF of the Asian girl? No but I'm not gonna say who it is because this bitch will probably try and sue me. Oh my god well that would be great press for the podcast. Hey people on reality shows get the fuck over yourselves. You were not put on TV because you're anything special you're put on TV because you're a piece of human debris and we like watching trash float down the river. Get the fuck over yourselves reality stars. Okay. So wait. Excuse me. She didn't even make the main fucking cast. Who the fuck does she think she is? You're asked for wasting hours of my life watching your stupid ass on my TV. Yeah. Are there any are there any of the chef testins that you guys are excited to see and follow? All the hot ones. Yes. I'm excited to see that ridiculous woman who used to be married to arouse whatever I look right now. I'm obsessed with Pellegrino the drink and the woman. Oh my god. She is crazy. And any woman who looks like she's had a lot of Botox. Did you just say Hispanic? She's Italian. Like what the dash? Why? Yeah. I think you did. I think you're more you're more offensive. You're more offensive than Yolanda and her Chinese I comment on Beverly Hills this week. Well, that's how you have to do your makeup. I don't find to look Chinese. I need to be big. Well Hispanic ish. I don't want to say Hispanic because that's offensive and I don't want to say Puerto Rican because who knows? Maybe she's to mid again. Maybe she's black and she's just I think she's actually Italian but that's okay. She could be she could be like southern Russian. You know who's racist Bravo. Hey Bravo. Do you know any black people? Yeah, you know, by the way, I like that I like that guy who's the chef from the standard. He's like so like very cool. Cool as a cucumber. He just seems like a cool guy. He's probably like her also. Yeah. Also, I'm excited because one of the chefs on there is the executive chef of a place called the triple down in Playa del Rey and I've actually eaten there and met her and she was cool and her food is delicious. So I hope she does well but I haven't seen much of her in the previews. So one of my biggest thoughts while watching this show this week was poor Asian people. You know, every time we see an Asian woman, she's got some issue because her parents were horrible to her and she all she wants in life is to impress her parents. Yeah. Right. Like her her feet were bound and she was forced to be a dentist and when that all went to shit, she became a lesbian chef. Yeah. I just want my parents to love me. You know what? I don't want my parents to be impressed with me because their asses will want money from me. They'll be showing up on my doorstep. They'll suddenly take me seriously and want to talk to me on the phone and give me the time of day. How could our parents be proud of us? We're sitting around in our pajamas all on a computer talking about the real lives. My parents. It does not get lower than this. My mom is appalled knowing that she is happening right now. Minds you, my mom cannot believe that that I'm doing this. Like they put me through college and this is what's happening. My mom can believe it when New York is on because that's the woman she watches. She'll call and she'll be like, can you believe that Ramona singer? And then she'll just leave me a voicemail message like that. And then the next day she'll call back and be like, really is this your job? So she's very kind. Every time I call my mom, she's just shocked that I'm still alive. She my mom has this idea of me that I'm like some heroin addict or something in my real life because it's just not believable to her. So every time I call, she's like, Ronnie. Hi. Oh, hi survived another day on the rough streets of West Hollywood. You're still with us? So okay. So anyway, we don't want to talk chef. Yeah. Well, speaking of employment, why don't we talk about Habravo's new show? Lawl work. Did anyone see this travesty? I watched about 20 minutes and then I started to cut myself and then I passed out. It's it's so it's such a mess. It's one of Bravo's biggest misses of all time, I think. I mean, is it a bigger miss than misadvised? Because that is saying a lot. That's that is the biggest miss right there. I think it was to me it was trying so hard to be kind of like a reality version of the office. And but without even being funny, I mean, it was just it was just strange, a strange little show that did not resonate with me whatsoever. Well, Andy, I saw Andy on his show and he was saying, you guys, you should really watch Lawl work because it's so good. It is so good. Guys, it was specifically not good. And by the way, Andy Cohen, when Andy Cohen begs. Yes. Oh, did we lose Matt? No, I'm here. I was just saying when Andy went, Andy, you fuck with Andy. Don't cut your ass off the podcast. He has a free condor podcast. I thought I was going to say when Andy Cohen begs, when Andy Cohen begs, you know, it's bad. Yeah. Yeah, it was really, it was just, I didn't understand what it was doing on Bravo. I didn't understand why we were supposed to care about that. It was just, you know, first of all, and there weren't enough funny accents. Because I think we've discovered that the key to a good Bravo show is that someone has to have a funny accent. Ideally British, you know, like Montenor's Blod. Well, yeah, I've enjoyed these events. I'm one of the premier designers in America. Montenor's Blod, million dollar decorators is actually premiering and airing as we record this podcast. If you're not taking me seriously, it's because you're not noticing that I'm wearing an escort and some crocs and makeup. I went to, I went to Michael's earlier today and bought some sparkles for my bedroom, just for fun. I was feeling stressed out this morning, so I stuck a drumstick up my bum and I feel wonderful now. It's still up there for lunch day. I went to Suplantation. Before you wearing your ascot at Suplantation, I would kill to see that. I was wearing my ascot and an oversized napkin. Were you, were you dining with Joe Francis? I was dining with Joe Francis, and I was enjoying some in a strony soup. Oh, they are so rick. Well, work is a no is a no go, huh? Yeah, low work should be fired. Get it? And it should be hired by, I need more gallery girl. I'm not going to lie. I miss it. Like, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl. Let's suck off. Let's suck off. Who's stuck to my thing? Who's stuck to my thing? It's an Asian, an Asian stuff to my thing. Oh my god. Oh my god. Is that broken glass? Anyway, now we actually have a little bit of gossip this week, which comes from the world of the Maloof, the Maloof nessif divorce. Okay, you guys ready for this? Oh god. Yeah, it's getting, it's getting, it's getting nastier than things on Sesame Street these days. Okay. Nobody, nobody hates Adrian Maloof more than Ronnie, so please unleash. Okay, so the Adrian claimed her six-year-olds on I'm reading this from realityt.com. Adrian claimed her six-year-old son Christian had several broken fingers after being with Paul, and she not only took him to see her son at medical center, but she involved LA child services to investigate the matter. According to TMZ, Adrian told doctors the injuries were sustained when Paul and their son were playfully kicking each other, and then Paul pushed Christian to the ground causing the injuries. Paul denies this, saying he never kicked his child, and the injuries happened at a school carnival. Oh, somebody should kick Adrian in the fucking ugly head. Does anybody believe a thing that Adrian said? No, she lost all her credibility. She's a fucking liar, and to watch him stand up for her, I mean, even though he's been kind of a pig this season, I'm not going to lie, but watching him stand up for half her back, and then her turn around and accuse him of all of this shit, the thing about Adrian that disgusts me the most is she can't even find her own disgusting storyline. It's like, last year she's trying to get a little tiny dog to look like Lisa, and this year she's trying to be all abused to look like Taylor, who I don't necessarily believe either. You all get over with your abuse storylines, get a fucking job, get a real storyline, abuse, shut up. I agree, I think Adrian is, you know, there's a period of time when we thought she was like, she's all right, she was on the upper echelon, and she's just spiraling downwards. Yeah, but if anybody has eyeballs that is watching these shows and listening to these shows, Beverly Hills, either season, there should be no doubt in their mind that if anybody in their relationship was abusive, it was her being abusive to Paul, and her being abusive to her children. Paul seems like a really sweet, dopey guy. Absolutely. And did any of you guys like ever like wrestle with your dad or your, I mean like that happens, I'm not talking about like, you know, fighting, but like I used to play WWF with my dad all the time, and yeah, I probably got some bumps and bruises, but I wanted to win the goddamn champion belt. And let's be honest, let's not forget last season, who was the one who had a broken nose? It was Paul, because this kid beat him up, so really Paul did anything. Hey, back is a bitch. And also we saw Adrian kicking ass in her first scene of the entire show, so I'm not going to believe one thing she says. I don't believe it. I don't believe that if Paul was abusive, she would have taken that shit for one second. And I spent, especially after the way she was talking to Taylor last year, when nobody believed that Taylor was being abused. A few guys will all recall that. Nobody believed one word out of Taylor's mouth until her husband killed himself. And suddenly she was a big victim, and everybody started believing everything she said. And Adrian was a total bitch about it to the very end. It would not believe Taylor. And so now we're all supposed to believe her. I don't think so. And PS, I don't believe you either, Taylor. A bunch of fucking fires. Well, let's jump into Real House as the Beverly Hills. And speaking of Taylor, the show opened up with Taylor having a some sort of dinner party, which everyone got dressed up for, and then they got there. And there were these chafers filled with like leftovers from Baja Fresh. No shit, I missed that. It was ghetto. They were like, I mean, they were all dressed up like Paul had a blazer on. And by the way, no one wears blazers in LA. Wearing a blazer in LA is like getting into tails, okay? So when you wear her blazer to a dinner party, that means you're expecting caviar and small plates and like giant goblets of wine. And no, they're probably wearing blazers because they were going to Taylor's. They probably had like cans of tuna or some shit in there, so it wouldn't starve to death. Oh, they were probably all dressed up to go to like Villa Blanca afterwards to have a real meal, not like Baja Fresh leftovers, like you said. My god, chafing dishes. And then she goes, oh, well, in honor of you, Mauricio being some ethnicity, I'm making Mexicany Spanishy shit. Yeah, it's Spanish, you know, Spanish food is the same as Mexican, right? Right, because they're the country, right? I have to expect that you're like spelino to chime in about how they're going to go out, the city of Guatemala and Mexico. She's like, how was that swim over the river, Mauricio? Well, don't worry, I've got a knife string for you here. I wish Kim were there. Marie's, Marie's, just like your childhood. I love your food, Marie's from Barcelona. It makes me shit, my pants, I don't know why, but when she gets real, she's like, it's like when you're like, if you get in trouble and it's like you might become Benjamin or I become Matthew, it's like she gets real with him and it becomes Maurice. By the way, I apologize because I definitely just did my Carol Radzabel voice, not my Kim voice. So I apologize if there was like any confusion and people were wondering what was going on. Hey, Marie's, yeah, I don't know what you tell my beans to show. Those are my beans. They're on my plate. They can talk to me if they want to. Well, I have to beans jumping. Isn't that what Mexican beans, they jumped like airplanes at Van Nye. I love the airplanes and the beans. Yeah, I saw you guys on TV on that airplane. You know, I made love to one of those seats one time. I should have been on that plane. So they had the crazy accents. I know we're not getting to Atlanta yet, but Ben, you better be fucking working on that. I worked on it a little bit, but it's still the problem is that it's not solid. So it's still going to come out like a jumbled mess. Okay, you still have 27 episodes before we get to the end. Every single week I'm going to try. This is like my way in. This is my wait watchers way in. It's my accent watchers way. Like I said, you probably have until April until the season ends, so keep crafting it. Okay, so anyway, so Taylor has dinner and she has people over to her house. Why? Because she wants them to do some abuse thing. Okay. She wants them to do some abuse like hilarious abuse event. I don't think that abuse is the place to be hilarious. I don't know, I think it kind of is. That is the perfect combination. What are you talking about? They're like, isn't it funny? Let's make men walk in heels because then they'll feel abused like we are. I mean, what the fuck kind of sick event is that? That made me sick to my stomach. I didn't like that. Why don't you guys like have a petting zoo or some shit? Well, you know, the funny thing is when they're like, you know, well, we want to see what, you know, this way you men walk a mile in our shoes. Well, you know, how about you beat the men up? That way you really get make a difference. Oh my god. Well, I mean, it's about abuse. I also have to say like, it's really dumb because you could have had like 400 people with broken ankles that need to like then go to the chiropractor. It just, I would never do that. I don't care what the charity is, just I'll write a check. Here's what bothered me about this episode. I swear to God that 80% of it, maybe even 90% of it was watching people walk around. Whether it was watching people up at this walkathon thing walking or it was at Porsche's birthday party, I swear to God, we must have spent 20 minutes watching people walk into the party and watching them walk out. Like every single time I walked looked up, people were walking in. I mean, they got every single person who's ever been on the show to walk in. Even Dana. Yeah, I know. What's up about Dana? Oh, Dana. Did you see Dana fight to get screen time by like glomming on to Kim? Like, oh, the camera's on Kim. Let me jump on her back. Well, the funny thing is that Dana's the only line that Dana got onto camera was her saying like, oh my god, I love your kids so much. I was like, classic Dana, classic Dana. Well, one thing a lot of people are epiting about today in the comment section is that the fact that they go to this abuse charity thing in a private plane. Spending all this money instead of just staying home and donating that shit to the women. Yeah, why didn't they? Why didn't Adrian just cut a check for 50 grand, which she spent on jet fuel and give that to the to the abused women's shelters? Like that is fucked up. I know a lot of times on these shows, we don't actually get to see the women's products in action, you know, like the actual bit. Like, we'll hear Theresa talk about Fableenies, but we don't see that much of it in action. So it was really nice to see Adrian take Paul to that shoe store where all of her shoes were on display. And then he cheated. Yeah, yeah. Those fucking drag queen shoes. Like, what are you laughing at? The only thing those are missing is your initials. Yeah, I feel like half those shoes were actually created from remnants of her old hair tassels. Oh my god, they were definitely recycled glitter strands. No doubt. You would think that she would take that time to promote her the her maloof hoof, which I know it's called something else, but sorry, Maloof hoof just sticks. That's so offensive. I can't believe you would say that horses have hooves. Meanwhile, speaking of horses, I kind of just love Lisa walking a llama through Kyle's house. If you motherfuckers ever try to walk anything on my hardwood floors, I will kill you seriously. I'm going to shove an alpaca into your apartment and then close the door behind it. And then I'm only like, you know what I would do? I would instantaneously die off right on the spot. I would just crumple to the floor dead. Well, you've seen those videos. You've seen those videos where deer somehow like sneak into like a house and then go crazy and destroy the entire house by just running around like craziness. Anyone, you know, you know how things go crazy by running around like crazy? Like a bull on a china shop. You sound like a bull on a china shop, boy. Yeah, let's see what else happened. Oh, so Brandi, Brandi was being annoying this episode. Brandi was also wearing like slutty low-litre sunglasses, which were bothering me. But she was, she got to be like, I just don't want her to be in drama. I'm going to leave. It's like, do you just stand on one end of the yard by the poop and let everyone else stand on another yard, other end of the yard and everything will be fine. There'll be no draw. Why was she so anxious? It's not like any of those women are like going to be mean and scary to her. Well, except for maybe Taylor, who by the way, it was the biggest idiot gossip at that party. She got to pull me over every single person and be like, hey, hey, did you hear? Brandi told you, Alonda, that she slept with every single girl. You're doing that way too, so really. She was wasted at a fucking place. She was slurring. Hey, party. She had my sleeve of Brandi. She said she slept while everybody in town, you guys. She sounded worse than Diane Sawyer on election night. But you know what? Also like shame on her for being such a blatant gossip, you know? I mean, here like Brandi made a joke to you, Alonda. Yolanda was already an idiot enough to take it semi literally and then someone even correct her at the time and Taylor happily goes and tells every single person the most blatantly gossipy way. What else does this bitch have to do? Her husband is dead. Her child is a freak that like runs and hides and she serves beans and rice out of chafing dishes from Taco Bell. I'll tell you what she's going to do. She can do her hair because it looked terrible. Oh, that was the bitchiest gay thing you've ever said. Listen, once we start with the chafing dishes, it's all downhill from there. A chafing dish shows up on a real house, so I have show and it's on, okay? There's no place for chafing dishes. I mean, let's be real. Sonja Morgan wouldn't even put that shit out. Yeah, she would just have paper plates at the very least. Yeah. You know what? I like either to be high class or low class, but nothing in the middle. No chafing dishes in between. That's how I feel about TV. It should be for the real housewives. It should be for the wire. And I don't have time for that two and a half men bullshit in the middle. No, no, no. Well, I would say that's on a low end, but you know. What else happened? Yolanda's daughter looks like a Russian bride. Oh, yeah, she was like, she was about to be married off to some old man. She has a great body, but like her face looks like young Cindy Loper, which is-- I'm sure Muhammad has his eyes on her. You know, I'm sure they can on her a fun one of those men in Bev Hills. Well, she's a very pretty girl, but she's gorgeous. Seeing her mom, I'm not a stage mother. Watch her mouth. I need to see what she puts on, and I need to see where it is, and I need you to eat something less, and I need you to lose some weight. So you can go to Milan and Paris, and I need you to not put her eyes like that, because I don't want her to look like a chinky, chink, chink. That's like, she's a girl. Are you-- are you Yolanda or Wolfgang Puck right there? It's getting very confused. It's a little bit of both. I can't have them both on the same mind, because they're like, basically their voices are doing it in my head, right? That is the way that Yolanda speaks. I just try to make her sound like she's yodeling all the time, sort of. Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo. Does she talk as more of a crowd in his voice? Yeah. And Yolanda is more like, on Schwarzenegger. With a lilt, with a feminine lilt. She needs to calm the fuck down, because I'm sure that everybody watching this show hates her ass right now. I'm interested-- I'm not interested enough to actually do this, but I'm interested to know what they're saying about her on those bravo blogs, you know, where the fans come and tell you what they think of you, because I'll bet they're not liking Miss Yolanda. She'll probably have her moments soon. I feel we're just warming up with her at the moment. Well, next week-- I think it's going to be a total villain. What do you guys think? Well, I think next week when Taylor gets wasted at David Foster's house, I think we're going to see another side of Yolanda. Oh, that's going to be fun. A non-romantic side. Oh, I just finished my readout. So I have my own mind, my own scene in mind for that, and I cannot wait to see it. I'm excited. Did we lose Matt? 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The Echo Dot Kids is here to help your child learn and develop positive habits. You can have peace of mind knowing that Alexa always provides kid-friendly responses. And the Amazon Parent Dashboard allows you to view and manage the content your kids access. Shop the device now at amazon.com/echokids. Matt, did you leave? So awkward. Why is Matt so mad? We lost Matt. Matt? Actually. I can see on Skype he seems to have lost his connection. He's going to be freaking out. Uh, well, should we pause and go get him? All right. Everyone, hold on. Hey everyone, Matt's back. Hi Matt, welcome back. Hey, I was doing blow in the bathroom with Kim. Yeah. Hey. Hey, that's not called blows, go, go, go, go, go. I thought it was, I thought it was common. I was cleaning countertops. Oh, she doesn't clean? You know, I was trying to clean the mirror because it's a filthy mirror. I was cleaning the mirror with some comment. I love it. In my nose. A filthy comment. Was anybody else like sad to see, by the way, Camille, I'm, I was excited to see her, but I was sad that she's not a full-time cast member. Yeah. But more importantly, I was just feeling sad for her because she has to have Dee Dee as her plus one wherever she goes. I know. And did Dee Dee do something to her face that made her face that, uh, refreshed? Her hair was, her hair was much better. I think she finally started reading recaps and realized that she needed some conditioner. She, she got a VO5 hot oil treatment thanks to Ronnie's suggestion. And then it looks like she got one of those, uh, liquid face lifts. Ola Jilzerin. Yeah. And, uh, by the way, there's a lot of poop on that yard. And I wonder if the morally corrupt Faye Resnick had anything to do with that. Oh my god. That poop all over the yard was disgusting. What the fuck do you think is going to happen when you get animals walking all over the place? It's like inviting Taylor over to your house and being shocked that she is like barfing in the bathroom and like trying to hunt trees and stuff. And crying and then crawling into a suitcase. That being said, um, it still looks more attractive than the log with flowers. The Adrian sent over to Villa Blanca the week before. Nothing will be uglier. Nothing. Not even Yolanda's teddy bear thing that she sent. You guys. He always a teddy bear. I went and had some, some blow in the bathroom, aka when my audio cut out. When you were talking shit about Yolanda, I actually really like her. I don't think she's a terrible stage mom. And I actually think that she was like supporting her daughter. She was. I mean, I, I, I like Yolanda, but I feel like we're, she's gonna, she's gonna turn. It's like the way Kelly Benson mo in her first season. She's just like fine. The first half she was fine. Everything is fine. She just sort of boring, whatever. And then all of a sudden she became evil. Well, I think next week her husband, David Foster, is going to get into a fight with drunk, slurring, uh, Taylor. So that should, you know, start the excitement for the Yolanda train. Exactly. That's actually what we mentioned when you were, uh, doing coke with, uh, Kim Richards in the bathroom. Oh, yeah. That's gonna be good. She was going to come out of the closet. There's a full on C word very soon. I'm so excited. And look, I don't hate her. I'm really glad that she's on the show because I feel like the other women right now are a little boring. Lisa doesn't want any drama. So what's her effing point? Yeah. Kyle is trying to be like the saint of the year because everyone turned on her last year for being a biatch. Plus, well, Kyle's trying to get some drama going. She keeps drawing real hard. That she's not involved in. Yeah. Yeah. So. Yeah, I thought it was sort of a dull episode to be honest. I'm, I'm, I need this. I need something more exciting to happen. I need clarification though, you guys, because Adrienne keeps saying like that she is owed an apology from Lisa. And don't get me wrong, they were all stupid on that reunion. But Adrienne made the claim that Lisa is putting stories in these magazines. I still, for the life of me, don't understand what Adrienne thinks Lisa should apologize for. I don't either. And I think I'll say that she doesn't need to apologize. Yeah, everybody knows that she doesn't. But Adrienne was coming after the reunion because she said the Malefa. And she said, you know, she didn't like Bernie's cooking or something like that. She was mean to Bernie. Yeah. You know, all this really petty, stupid stuff that didn't even- Wait, that's what she wants some apology for? Yeah, that's what she was bringing up with the reunion. I mean, she- Oh, she is fucking ridiculous. She is ridiculous. She's the one who keeps on saying that Lisa's petty. And yet she's the one sending like moldy logs to restaurants and making all these like stupid like things like she has to apologize to me. She has to apologize to me, you know. Stupid thing. Yeah, no one owes you an apology, Adrienne, except the guy who did that to your face. Oh, I think that's Elsa's surgeon, right? Here's the difference when you see these women on these shows like, you know, go from being a fan favorite to, you know, the hated one in the cast. And then you see like it often becomes very cyclical. And then they rise to the top and then they burn down. And then they, you know, a phoenix from the ashes, blah, blah, blah. Adrienne is just so hard and bitter that she is never going to recover from this. I just truly don't think that she can ever get back in the good graces with the audience. And I think that that's going to eventually lead to her like departure from the show. You know what? Here's the truth. We've seen people who have started off in a terrible place. They're like the worst. And then they redeem themselves like Camille or Phaedra and then all of a sudden you like them. But the people who start off as good and they're good for like one or two seasons. And then they go bad. There's no coming back. It's almost like you're saying the real serum. You're seeing the real side of them. You're seeing how fame has affected them. Nini Leakes, Teresa Giudice, those three are like three of the biggest names in housewives history. And they have all gone to the dark side. I mean, Nini was already on the dark side. But they are never coming back. They are never going to be loved. No, Nini may have a few homos throwing some beads at her at a gay pride parade. And she may be crying, but she's crying just because she's getting paid. She's not crying because people love her. So let's go right into Atlanta. Well, I think that people, I mean, look, I like Nini. I think she's a horrible human being on the show. But I like her, you know, I like watching her on the show. And I believe that all those gay pride people really liked her. But on the show, she's definitely never going to be liked. I mean, those women, it's like she turns on them so fast. Well, I love that she's all shocked that Kim left her party. Like, have you ever seen yourself on TV? Right. Excuse me. Have you not like in the previous three seasons tried to choke her five times per season at least? You think that this woman who has been physically abused by you wants to be at your party? I'm not surprised. But you know what they're both fucking morons because the truth was that even though Nini is a monster and does go for the jugular quite literally, she was actually being very friendly to Kim and Kim should have just risen to the moment. I feel like Kim was busy going TT. By the way, it's called PP, not TT, stop it. Or Kiki, if you ever watched Big Business. Or wait, or Kiki, if you're a fan of-- I love that movie. Before Jake Shears and the Scissor Sisters, Kiki was a party from Big Business. Really? I've never seen Big Business. I've only seen-- Big Business is a fantastic movie with Bette Midler and Lily Tomlin and there's a part where they refer to the bathroom as Kiki. It's not like a big joke, right? They just quietly say, "I've got to go Kiki." So it's not like RuPaul Jake Shears wanting to get a Kiki? No. The new Kiki? I never used that new Kiki expression. I don't even know how to use it properly. I may be able to bitch out about chafers on the Real House eyes, but there's a limit to how gay I can get. Ronnie, is a Kiki a gay sex orgy? Is that just a code for a gay orgy? A Kiki? Yeah. I've never heard that. Yeah, it's a song called "The New Scissor Sisters." There's a new song on the Scissor Sisters album that's called, "Let's Have a Kiki." But I think it means like-- It means like go into a room and do Coke and have a fun time. I don't think that's what it means. I don't know. If any of you know what it is, post it on our wall and teach us how to be gay, because we don't know. We're terrible. So anyway, so Real Housewives. So Nini went to the gay pride parade, which is, you know what's funny? Is that Lisa Vanderpump was in the exact same parade, like maybe a few floats down. And so this is a great chance to have a crossover, and Bravo did not do that. And I'm sure we'll see. I know for a fact that we'll see Lisa in the parade, because there was a camera crew with her when she went by. I think there's probably something in Lisa's contract that says, "I do not mingle with any of the bitches from OC or Hotlana." Yeah. Wouldn't it be funny if Adrienne's log had a float? Like it just came by on wheels? Like, "Hey, congratulations on your parade. Thanks for the non-invite. Here's a log." And it could be wearing a hoof. She should just send it to anything she's not invited to. Like the inauguration or, I don't know. I'm going to send one to your birthday party. Oh. Yeah, she's not invited. Not invited to my birthday party. You guys are. Yay. I'm going to be there. You know, honestly, I thought Atlanta was really dull also. Until like the last five minutes, right? It was a total snooze fest. And I'm sorry, but like nobody, I mean, look, I like the new normal Nini sitcom. But if this entire season is just going to be about like, if they're going to call Nini goes to Hollywood really, let's just promote an NBC sitcom that's probably going to get canceled. I am going to lose interest really fast. Yeah, she had too much screen time with Ryan Murphy last week. This week, it's like, I'm sitting in a car that says NBC, Universalana going through the gay pride parade promoting this show. She should be promoting the real housewives, not the new normal. Yeah, I agree. But so I guess Kenya provides some sparks this week. Because first, we met her frumpy boyfriend, Walter. Right, that's his name, Walter. Why is she banging that dude? If she has big money, why is she doing that ugly dude? He's like, oh, praise is Kenya, first of all. She is an idiot. How crazy is she? I mean, I like her. I like her. It's a psychopath. She is not right. She is so desperate to get married and have a baby bitch. You better get to the baby store and start looking around there, because those ovaries are not going to do it. It's not going to cut it. Go shine with a baby and leave a man alone. I like to think that her eggs have like little little asses on them. You know, it's like an egg with like a little shelf that comes out of it. A shelfy donkey booty. A shelf. She, I mean, she's ridiculous. And I didn't buy her whole freak out when Walter said that he had asked Kenya and then she had to like leave the table. I didn't buy it. I think she was doing that for the cameras. I think that everything she probably does is for cameras, even when there's no cameras around. She just seems like that kind of a woman. Her defining moment was when Cynthia was hosting a party for Nini to celebrate her new normal, whatever. No, no, no, no, you got to clarify. Cynthia is too much of a dumb bitch, where she can't admit that she's throwing a party for her successful friend. She's doing a women's empowerment cocktail. That's what I was going to say. So that's what I was going to say was that it was it was for women in power, which included like some woman who was like an accountant or something like that. Some woman who was a accountant of an accountant's friend, neighbor, sister's wife, and Cynthia Bailey, star of the Cynthia Bailey modeling agent. If that is a fucking women's power empowerment event, you should all go home and kill yourselves. Yeah, it was it was pretty miserable. And the fact that Kim Zolciak is there, and the fact that she's like, if Kim is somehow a woman in power or a powerful woman, or a woman who represents some sort of expertise in something in her life, then this entire event is. Or if a giant must be powerful because she gets lots of diamonds. Yeah, she, uh, her eggs, her eggs know what's, know what's up. They she's a fertile lady. She she knows if if someone's wealthy, I'm surprised that big pop. I never got never impregnated her, to be honest, because if if if someone's like million dollar penis goes into that vagina, she gets pregnant. Is that should be a that should be a new spin off million dollar penises. I would watch it. I agree, million-dollar turkey basters. But anyway, so Cynthia gave a host for seat for Nini saying, you know, congrats. You're wonderful. You're the best. And then Phaedra takes the microphone and says- No, no, no, no. Kenya. I'm not sorry. Kenya. And so- Oh, they all look alike, don't they? Braces. They just all have ridiculous names. And so Kenya who's like, okay, enough of the clown show. Thank you all for coming. As if she's the host, it was the most amazing thing. I could not believe what I was seeing. Stop hating on her. That was the best part of the episode. And I'm like, I love that she's crazy. And I love that she's gonna fucking fight with that dumb bitch Cynthia all season. I hate Cynthia. I mean, Cynthia's bad, but you know, it was fun watching Cynthia go at. Although, Cynthia's- Her retorts were really bad. She's like, wait, Kenya said, you're just a face. She's like, I'm not just a face. I'm not just a face. Maybe it's a pretty face. Oh, no, talking head. That's what it was. Either way, I'm about as, I'm about as eloquent as Cynthia. So don't mind me. Oh, that was hilarious. And I love that she didn't know that Vanessa Williams was the first black Miss America or whatever. Hello model. Bessay, goddamn it, get it right. Well, I like that that became different. That became a, like an insult, you know, like, you know, Vanessa Williams or whatever it was. Oh, and I love how Cynthia, who is clearly in her 40s. And again, in your 40s is not old. It's like, so what year were you crowned? It's like, bitch, you are older than her. Why are you like, if this woman is beautiful and in her 40s, why are you trying to put her down at a women's empowerment event? Exactly. Good point. And I love it. And he's like, where? Cynthia, Miss Cynthia, she know how to read. And I don't mean read. I mean, read. So basically, Cynthia can't read. Thanks. Thank you for sticking up for Cynthia. And proving once again that Nini is nothing but a drag queen. She is. I wonder if these women were so empowered, why weren't they forcing men to run around in heels? Oh, God. Where was Taylor in all this? She's probably like on a pool float drinking a margarita. Oh, my God. Anyway, did Phaedra do anything this week besides have like a serious hilarious? I love when she had lunch with that stupid girl. And she's like, oh, girl, you've got a donkey booty girl. Look at that boot. I love your booty, Miss Ken. I love that booty. Like everything she said, she's like, I like you girl. Whatever she talks like that, it's like you can imagine her like sucking on like chewing down on a succulent beach. I know. It's like when she talks about dogs, how much she has some. No, dog. Bit me chaaad. I love that miss goes and Christmas. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. I was just saying, I love that everybody calls Miss Nini. Miss Phaedra. Everybody's a miss. I think there's jewelry. Look at that. Jewelry. I love your jewelry. I'm like, what? I don't see any menores. Jewelry people jewelry. Jewelry. Judea. Let's save some money. I absolutely love the conversation that Phaedra and Candy had, like after they worked it, like after this workout thing, where I actually recorded it and put it on our website when they, I can actually play it right now. How about I play it right now? Because their voices were ridiculous. I worked out the other day with Nini and Cynthia. You did? I did. Roll back. I know, girl. Cause I remember. Cause I remember. Girl, how did Chad. I love it. You did? I did. I did, girl. The real housewives of Atlanta is the only housewives show that every single time I watch it, even their worst episodes ever, I laugh every single time I watch that show out loud. I love it. Phaedra, thanks for goddamn good TV. She does. She used to be so awful. And now she's pretty much my favorite. She's wonderful. She's always been wonderful. You are crazy. Yeah. What do you guys think of the return of Sweetie? I really don't give a shit. I feel like everything that's going on in Kim's story lines is just boring. It's only the same thing as last year. I don't give a shit. She has to move out. Who the fuck cares? Yeah, and stop saying you're a homeless bitch because that's getting offensive at this point. You're a fucking rich bitch millionaire who sucked dick to get money. And now you're going to complain that you're homeless because somebody who owns the house wants to kick you out for being a bitch. Shut up. Matthew, you're usually sticking up for Kim. I don't know. Ronnie, I went over the edge this week. I used to love him, but I am at the point now where I do not understand why people like her. Well, I've got Scott says. Yeah. I have a friend who is a airline stewardess, and Andy Cohen was on the plane. And this is her tweet message. It says, "Holy shit. Friend had Andy Cohen on the plane, made her grow him." Said Kim Z was one half fired and one half quit mid-season because of a contract issue. Wow. So I guess we've got that look forward to. Yeah, because Miss Kim is a little too high. Well, she's a little too high on her horse. Is that what I'm trying? I'm such a, I'm probably a little too high. Does that mean, yeah. Way too snotty. And she's really, I like always, but she really has no reason to be. She used to be so fun. And ever since someone told her she got elected prom queen, she's been nothing but an asshole. And I was really excited to see her husband show up this episode with gay hair because it gave me hope that one day. It's not, it's, he's from Montana. It's like, it's not gay hair in Montana. It's just like they finally realized, like Will and Grace airs on TBS or something. Well, it's been in a lot of showers with some athletic men since the Montana days. I will just say this. Like, I, I would be sad. It's about blowjobs way too much for him to be straight. Okay, go ahead. I will be sad if, if Kim leaves a show, like you said, she used to be so much fun. When she and Nini were on top of their game, drinking down a bottle of Chardonnay before going out in a sparkly low cut top, that was the height of Hotlana Real Housewives. It was amazing and nothing was that good. I just think that Nini is high on her horse riding, you know, out to LA and actually having a career. And Kim thinks that she's the shit when in fact, all she did was lock down a rich football player who's like on a good team. So guess what? When Kim starts acting like a bitch, they're going to cut her off. They are going to be so done with her because they do not need her ass. What do they do with Shirei? Of course, right? Yeah, of course. Shirei had no money, but like... Kim had a successful spin-off, so I think that Bravo's kind of dumb if they do get rid of her because she does deliver the ratings, unlike LOL or whatever, law work, but back, you know, we're coming full circle, but I don't know. The show without Kim would be a problem for me. It would not be a problem for me. It would be like the best thing ever. But yeah, me too. I don't need Kim. I think she's just not entertaining at all. I thought her show was disgusting and despicable. I think she's disgusting and despicable, and watching her spend all her damn money is making me laugh because I cannot wait in 10 years to see her poor, broke ass. Like those Kirstie Allie photos, somewhere at R.B. is like scarfing down 20 hamburgers at one time or some shit. Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie. That is not going to take 10 years. I seriously give it three. Like, you know, I don't hope anything bad for Croi, but let's say he like busts out his ACL on the football field. His, you know, contract is canceled with the Falcons. He's not bringing in the money. Kim is not bringing in the Bravo money. Brielle is going to be swinging from a pole in Tallahassee, trying to get some dollar bills, and they are going to be begging to get into like our rental house in Buckshead, Georgia, or whatever the fuck where they all live. Like they are not going to be able to live this lifestyle for more than like another two years. There is no way. Yeah, now that's when I'll be fun to watch. Then they'll recast her and go, "Okay, you can make $4 an episode, but you got to be white trash." Yeah, she'll do it. But wait, so is like next week is another new girl joining the fight with Kenya? There's some girl, yeah, because I guess she calls Kenya Miss America by accident, which is like, God forbid you should ruin Kenya's pedigree. And is her name like Porsche or Porsche Allah, Kyle Richards' daughter's name? I feel like we saw this in the preview. You know what, by the time the episode came to an end, I was so ready to dunk my head into a vat of acid that I just cannot remember the details, except for the fact that Kenya got into a fight with yet another girl. So to sum up the Real Housewives of Atlanta this week, snore factor. Snore factor. Now, can we move on to Miami since we've been, since we're going long here? Not we're not going long, but we still have a lot to talk about. I fucking love Miami. Miami was good. There was no else of this week, but that's okay, because Karen's mother returned in search of vanilla ice cream. She's like, I want to have two spoons for five vanilla ice cream. She's like, mom, you have to keep this place organized, because look at it. It doesn't look good when it's not organized. She's like, you're right. I want to eat some ice cream now. Your mother is 80 years old. Oh, yes, you blame this all on my father. Oh, yes, I see you're blaming it on father again. Uh-huh. I see. Not going to lie if you were to bring it. Mother, how do you think you're going to lose weight if you're eating the homemade ice cream? It's homemade. You're right. You're right. I want more spoons. I love that it was homemade. Slash it came in a bucket from the grocery store. It is for your father. I hate you. You know, I hate Karen with all of my being, but I don't like when people mess up the cans of soda in my fridge either. They almost be facing forward and be all pretty. The way I deal with my stress is that I smile because I'm current. That's all I have. That's all you need. That's all she is, really. She just smiles. She's a talking head, just like Cynthia Bailey. If you have a problem with me because I smile, then that is your problem because I like to smile. I like to smile. I'm sorry if I like to smile. If that threatens you, I am so sorry, but there's nothing I can do about that. Because I'm not that current. I love that, my aunt. Go ahead. No, no, I was just go ahead because I was going to change from her. So go ahead. I was just going to say that she kind of talks like Celine Dion with like a Hispanic. Yes, she does. I love to have sex with Prudolfo all night long on Thursdays when he returns. And then I smile. If you made that French, it would be Celine Dion. I swear to God. It is. That is Karen Sierra. She is the Celine Dion of dentistry. I am the greatest singer in the world. I love that these stupid women, they are so funny on this show. Could you come to my house, please? Because I wanted to have a talk with you. I'm all the ladies. Oh my God, are you talking about you? Are you talking about Alexia's phone conversation? Yeah, she's like, I love my guy. And Karen's like, how may I help you? Yes, she's like, I have to be honest with you. I'm really worried about being in this situation. Oh no, it is not to attack you or anything like this. Just to get together and talk everything through. And then the second she walks in, they're like, well, I hate your ass. I love to talk about it. I love to have the entire time when Alexia was talking to Karen on the phone. They kept on cutting to Karen's mother eating the ice. She can be like, and her reaction is always like, well, it sounds like a good idea. Or no, it's not a good idea. It gets like going back and forth between those two. And that ice delicious. And what about that fight that they had? Do you, what do you think about all this? Because Karen does come off as a giant seaward. But that being said, she didn't let her speak. I know, that was the problem. Like going into this, I was like, put her on a spit and grill her. I fucking hate Karen. But by the middle of that, you know, fucked up dinner party. And I mean, I love Alexia would not let her speak. I was starting to turn to Team Corrent. What is wrong with me? This is not a conversation, okay? This is not a conversation. Yeah, this is not a conversation. This is a confrontation. I said I had something to say. I didn't say I wanted to hear what you had to say. She literally said oh, I love that. I love how there can never be a civil dinner party on any of the Real Housewives franchises. It's impossible. It's whenever they announce that there's going to be a dinner party, I just get so excited. And Leah was just sitting there in the corner, just enjoying the whole thing. With her sunglasses on having a grilled shrimp. I love this. I love this. Oh, and what are these girls even fighting about? They're so full of shit, both of them. Neither one of them can tell the truth. You guys know that there are cameras there, right? Yeah. Exactly. I mean, it was shocking to me that Adriana and Joanna actually apologized, even though it seemed to last for all of five seconds. There was no apology. Anna said it best in her confession. She was like, I don't believe that shit for us second. Yeah. Tear down. Tear down that apology. Yeah, we're gonna do it. Free down. Free down. Free down. Where is my wife? Why? If we're gonna talk about that, can I just tell you my favorite part of the episode? Then I will let the two of you talk for 10 minutes in. A Lea Black voice. All right. My favorite part is when she was talking like after her dog, you know, was getting ill, Lea Roy, and it was all sad. And she's trying to call, what is it? Frida, or I don't know how to pronounce it. Frida. When she was like, yeah, well, I think, you know, you know, I pay this woman a lot of money. She can't even answer the phone. I think I put a wing on the church that girl goes to. I lost my mind because she didn't even say that with like an ounce of sarcasm or hilarity. She was like, oh, no, I put an extra shack on the side of that shack. And then you know what I did after that? I invoice them. If they don't pay, you know, I'm gonna do that wing. I'm gonna tear it down. Tear that wing down. I love the way that she speaks in Spanish. And when she walked into Frida's room and was like, she snatched that Bible and flipped it over. I was like, you don't snatch the Bible like that. But you do it. If you're really a Black, you can do it. No, reading the Bible. You listen to all that religious music up in my kitchen. I hear it. Yeah, Frida. I know you read the Bible. And it's a really good book. I know. I see you reading it all the time. I know you love Jesus' music because I can hear it. But come on. I know you love Jesus, but no oblong as the housekeeping. Oh my god. I was. I mean, that was part of the entire episode. It was better to me than the dinner party. Well, I love it. I'll see I love anything that Leah does. And you know, the funny thing is that when you compare the saga, the sad saga of Leroy, and you compare it to the sad saga of Lulu, like me, like with Sonia, we just laugh at her. But with like Leroy, I was like, oh, poor Leroy. No, and I'm not trying to get all like serious for a second, but like losing a pet is really terrible. And it is like the most awful thing ever. But Leah had a few friends over, buried her dog with a little teeny ceremony in the backyard with a cute plant and a nice little send-off. That is how you do it. You do not act like fucking the Sonia Morgan with that sob story bullshit about, you know, that Mulu. I, you know, Mulu is in hell. Leroy is in heaven. You know, and I love by the way, in that funeral, first of all, Adriana shows up wearing a flower pot on her head. And then on top of that, they kept cutting into her. With a bale. With a bale. I loved it. I think they kept cutting to her. And she was like, there was like this branch in her face. You guys are brushing. Oh my God. That palm tree was attacking the bucket hat. That was not like the hat. That was one of my favorite cutaways of the entire week. Like I think it's so funny, but like Leah's son is a carbon copy of her. Carbon fucking. I love Leah's son because he's weird and awkward and does strange little voices just like I did when I was a kid. And when she said that Leroy was about to die, the sun started laughing in the kitchen. It wasn't fucked up. Actually, you know what I really like about Leah? To be serious for like a one second. I really like that Leah talks to her son like an adult. I don't know if you noticed that. She really, she doesn't baby and she doesn't condescend. She talks to him like an adult. And I think he's gonna turn out really well. He's in an awkward phase right now, but I have high hopes for him. Oh, he's hilarious. He's a good kid. He's a good kid. She's a mom. We slept with the dog every night. Didn't we, honey? Well, except when he slept with Frida. Or except when he slept on the couch. Or except when he just didn't want to sleep with him. Or except when he really didn't like to acknowledge your existence and he would just sleep on the floor. Or except the times when he would sleep with me. Or except the times when he would run away. Or except the- Did I like going on to that? And I loved he did like a little like weird British accent during the funeral. Like I love all that quirky shit. Yeah. He's a good kid. Can we talk about the fact that Leah named her dog Leroy? That is the funniest shit ever. Why? That's amazing. Leroy. Leroy. Someone named my little dog Leroy. Oh, oh, I get it though. You know what? I bet it's because it's Leah and Roy. How fun is that? Don't, don't tear that down. My name is Leo. My husband name is Roy. So I decided to name the dog Leroy. Leroy Jenkins. Speaking of, I don't know, there's no segue there. But I just want to talk for a second about something else that offended me this week. Okay, let's talk about it. That'll invoice you later. Okay, Lisa is sitting down having a conversation with her new bestie, Karen, and I just think that yes, it's reality TV. And yes, these women are all fucked up and we're fucked up for watching these fucked up people and their fucked up lives. I find it just slightly despicable to talk about your miscarriages on TV. I don't know if that's me being some crazy prude. And I understand that it is a horrifying thing that women go through. I just cannot imagine you putting that business between you and your husband out there on TV. I just think it's gross. I actually don't have a problem with it. I think it's like a, it's one of the few real things that's going on in Lisa's life. I think it's a little weird that she airs out the fact that Lenny blames her for it. I think that's a little strange. That's what I'm saying. Like if I were Lenny, like I would not want my wife on TV talking about this kind of stuff. Like that very, you know, at some point, like something needs to be between you and your spouse or your partner and it shouldn't be on the TV. And I think, you know, the difficulties you're having with your husband about, you know, the unfortunate miscarriages you've had. I think that's stepping over the line. Listen, let's, let's get to the crux of it. There's the real story with Lisa this week was not about the miscarriage. It was the fact that Daisy finally had her examination with, "Oh, doctor, doctor, yes, thank you, doctor." And the fact that Daisy's already had liposuction all over her body. Um, can I just tell you that the site of Daisy's stomach makes me vomit. Daisy, Daisy is a piece of work. She is really a peculiar one. She is a total grifter. You know she's a grifter. I love how she walks in every room. Oh, yes, Miss Lisa. Oh, doctor, oh, so thank you so, so much for having me. You know, she's like sealing the silverware. Oh, Miss George, so wonderful, you serious? So she's a good doctor. Oh, you are my hero. Maybe you'll do my eyes. It's like, have you ever, have you ever had any surgery? Oh, yes, I had them in my boobs and lifted. And I had my underarms liposuction. And I had my scalp taken aback. And I had my ears feeding on. And I had my toes uncut from each other. And it's like, how much surgery have you had, bitch? And I love that Lisa was like, you're fucking kidding, man. Oh, my God. She wanted to be the most nipped in tux. All right. And then I love in front of her. In front of Daisy, they start going, don't you dare make her hotter than me. And then her husband's like, she could never be hotter than you. And she goes, yeah, right. She could never be hotter than me. Because she's an ugly dog, right? And he's like, yeah, right? She's ugly, right? Yeah. And then Daisy's like, oh, doctor. Oh, doctor. Lisa, Lisa. Oh, you're a doctor. Oh. You were so funny. I think our goals are a little too lofty. I want to be a maid in Miami. What the hell is in the water in Miami? Our maid got to sleep in the laundry room with like a pillow made out of old t-shirts we couldn't wear anymore. OK, I just had a brilliant idea. I think that we should start writing a comedy spec script called Made in Miami, M-A-D-E in Miami. About three ladies who move there to get rich and get their plastic surgery done by becoming maids of rich people. I think there is a maid show coming out. It's in devious maids, pretty much. Bevious maids. I cannot wait. Didn't that boot it though from ABC to like Lifetime movie network or some bullshit? Because nobody would want to buy it. And I hear it's, I hear it's, and I heard from some gossip that it's not so good. Sorry, Mark. Sorry, Mark Cherry. XOXO. Well, you've had one good season. You had Desperate Housewives. It was good for one year. But you know what, I'll always like Mark Cherry, because he wrote for Golden Girls. And he slapped Nicolette Sheridan. So, yeah. From this episode, is it that women empowerment? So, yeah, I was just gonna say. I mean, speaking of misogynists, I've called two women who claimed abuse liars. And now I'm saying- You were glad that you beat up Nick Lechardin. Yeah, I'm sorry, you guys. You know that I'd be nothing without women. I wouldn't have any friends. I wouldn't have a life. I wouldn't have nothing without women. For everything I've said. And aren't you Taylor? I hate him for what he say about women. I hate him. Speaking of women, we also need to talk about Joanna Krupa and how she had a fake. At the beginning of the episode, there were the fake celebrity volleyball tournament, including no celebrities. And I don't include Joanna on the list of celebrities. And Lisa and Corinne showed up to show their support. But after the match, which really looked miserable and sad and why they were considered celebrities. I don't know. She had a chat. Guys in the background, though. Very hot guys. Hot guys in the background, yes. But then Romaine let us showed up in a pair of white pedal pushers. And they went and had a little chat on the beach. And I have to tell you that I actually really like Romaine because he tells her that she is a sloppy drunk bitch. And he's going to dump her ass if she keeps drinking because she embarrasses herself. And he's not going to put up with it. I loved it. Good for him. I don't know why, but you understand that sometimes it's just because of the alcohol. And sometimes the alcohol does that. And he's like, then don't drink. Well, OK, then maybe I'll calm down a little bit. You just did that to torture me. You just didn't talk to me to torture me. It's like, yes, I had to teach you a lesson. Yeah, and then he goes-- And then stop texting me so much, you bitch. Yeah, you text me too much. She is crazy. He should get out while he can. I think that he should dump her and start banging Marda and get her pregnant and move in with her. Well, Marda's coming back next week. I want Marda to play like single white female, kill off Joanna and just assume her identity. But you don't understand, acting is so hard. I don't have time to kill people. I don't have time. I'm not a beauty queen. So it's hard because I'm not a beauty queen like Joanna. So it's really hard for me to clean stuff or get acting work. OK, you don't understand me. And it's like, you just don't like me. It's like, auditioning is like, it's really hard. And you don't understand. It's like, I don't go to an office. Like, it's hard for me. And I've had a lot of time. And I too got grocery shopping. But I can't always. Yeah, like, I've been to a grocery store. You're making it sound like I've never gone to a grocery store before. And I've gone to one before. So just stop. I'm not a beauty queen. It's hard to go into the store. You're so mean to me. I'm like, I'm sorry if when you ask for celery, I got altoids. Like, I'm sorry. That's an honest mistake. OK, like, give someone a break a little bit. Like, I'm just trying to make it. Love, her stupid ass. This is the reason why I like Mammy the most. Because they all have ridiculous accents. They all do. And then can I tell you, like, when I watched that dinner party, I think I hit pause on my DVR like nine times. Because I was like, OK, let me reassess. Are they all there? This is the biggest cast on the face of the earth. Plus you have Marta. Plus you have Alexia. That is nine total women sitting here on that table. They just needed Mary Saul to make like the perfect 10. Are being sorry. Mama Elsa to make the perfect 10. But that cast is so out of control. And they are all disasters. Except for Anna. Well, Anna was a sort of a disaster because she was crying about and packing up her practice. But Anna sort of a snooze fast. She's so smart. Anna's smart and normal and has no business being on this show. Yeah, I'm kind of confused as to what the hell she's doing on the show. She does seem very out of place. But I do like her. I do like her too. I like her too. I like her too. And I actually do feel a little bad for her. I mean, that's got to be tough when, you know, she's crying and packing up all of her shit after, you know, her ex-husband and her are no longer going to be in business. And he's just sitting there with a big old grin. Like, yeah, get your fat ass out of my building. Yeah, yeah, she's still in love with him, obviously. Clearly, I mean, he's cute. They're like a weird couple. I kind of like them. I want them to get back together. Yeah, I wonder what went wrong. Well, he's sort of like a douchebag, though. That's probably what went wrong. Yeah, but he's also like a nerd. And like, you know, I feel like when he got her back like 20 years ago, that was probably like a really good get on his part. Yeah. But now that she's aging and he has an age, so, you know, he's looking, you know, men, you know, he still looks young and he's still with it. And he can, he's probably rich now and can bag like hot young models. It's just kind of getting sad. Yeah, well, it looks like Anna gets into into it a little bit next week when there's another crazy dinner party with Thomas and Elsa. And she says this thing like, I am a stupider person for coming here. I was like, who invited you? I mean, that guy is fucking horrible. Do you see the way he's the Anna? Why did you see what he says to Elsa? Yeah, it's like, you'll get out of my house and shut up. I'm sick of diabetes. It's out of control. I'm so excited. It's awesome. Miami is the most entertaining housewives that's on right now. Beverly Hills has not taken off yet. Atlanta is in a rut. Now, everybody else will take off. It's just everybody comes back and they're still scarred from all the nasty, you know, shit people were saying about them and tweeting at them last year. And they're trying to be nice. And then, before you know it, they forget the cameras are there and they're horrible, true selves come out. Yeah, they're just talking to you, Kyle. They're just jockeying for position for the first three to four episodes. And then, like Ronnie said, they forget that they're on camera and their true bitch selves erupt all over the screen. We have our first dinner party coming up this week on Beverly Hills. So, that's something to look forward to. Oh, yeah. All right. Well, we're going to finish up. Yeah, I think we're wrapping up. Does anyone have any other final thoughts? Can we please shut the shit down so I can go watch some Katherine Ireland on Million Dollar Decorators ASAP? Yes, all right. So, everyone, thanks for listening. You can follow the podcast on Twitter at @whatcrapins. You can follow us on Facebook at Facebook.com/watchboardcrapins. You can follow Matt @lifeonthemless on Twitter and Ronnie @TVasm and me @bsideblog. Yeah, and I've got full recap of "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" and a readout of "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" and both will be posted on our Facebook page. Okay. And be sure to subscribe on iTunes and leave a comment and give us five stars. Even if you think we're just a two-star podcast, give us five stars anyway, because it's a nice thing to do. It's a holiday season. Yeah, round up, round up. And if it's only a two, put a five. Don't go to three. Yeah. Round up from zero to five. You guys get it? Yeah, no. Okay, everyone. So, um, all right, it's been fun. Thanks guys. See ya. Y'all. Bye. 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