Forced Poetry, Poop Trees, and Boots in Ears
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#45: Forced Poetry, Poop Trees, and Boots in Ears
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Hey everyone, it's Washwa Crapins, a weekly podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we love. I'm Ben Mandelker from vsideblog.com. You can find me @vsideblog on Twitter. And joining me as always are Ronnie Karam from tvgasm.com. Hi Ronnie. Hello everybody. Happy Election Day. I'm a proud American. Yeehaw! Ronnie is @tvgasm on Twitter and also met with field from Yahoo TV. Hi Matt. That is @lifeontheumlist on Twitter and then this podcast is @whatcrapins on Twitter. You should really follow it because it's probably the most important thing you can do after this election. And then you can also follow us on Facebook, facebook.com/watchwhatcrapins. So you should really follow us on all social media because we will enrich your lives in ways that you can't even anticipate. Am I right? Yeah you guys. Your life is going to change if you follow us. It will change in so many majestic ways. And I don't know about you guys. My life has changed in the past weekend because we had all our favorite real housewives come back. And we're ready to talk about it. We're ready to talk about real housewives of Beverly Hills, real housewives of Atlanta and our new favorite. There are little underdogs, real housewives of Miami. Speak for yourself. Oh it's my favorite. It's my favorite show on the TV. What you say about me? We had a reader send us feedback on Facebook which is another reason why you should follow us because you can send us feedback. And she requested that we pretty much stop doing the Leo Black and personally shoots. Which means fit right now. You know what we did with her account? We tore it down. She always has to turn down the voices. I can't do that. Only fleet. I can do that. Sorry, Complainer, but that's not happening. Yeah, sorry. I like the air. It'll go away. I like how I'm like, yeah, follow us on Facebook and give us your feedback and we'll listen to it. And then we'll talk to you about you. You have to only tell us that you love us. No, but we respond to criticism. But in this case, Billy of Black voices, I can't guarantee that they're going away anytime soon. Try to say that first. I found her in a pool and I kept her. I put that in her hair. I think it's all really funny personally. What is wrong with this commenter there? The best part of this podcast is you guys sounding like Leo Black. I do it in my real life now, too. And people just looking at me like I'm fucking crazy. Well, you'll be like Whole Foods and you'll just start whipping out Leo Black and Santa Bar. Because I know a bunch of the boys at Starbucks because I'm there every day. You know, I live right down the street from one. So I was in there and I said, oh, tear it down. And they just looked at me like, wow, all right. Oh, the tranche. How's that? Invoice me later. God. And they probably knew exactly what you were doing because it's West Hollywood. Yeah. They didn't actually. I'm actually pretty ashamed of my Starbucks people. Same on these Starbucks people. Shame for shame, massive shame. Well, let's we've got so much to talk about tonight. Let's just jump in with the Real Housewives of Ben Hales. Yeah. It was so great to have the back. And I don't know about you guys, but I was personally happy enough with the opening montage of previously on last season on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. And I was like, gosh, it was such an amazing season. The last season of Beverly Hills was kind of the best thing ever. Just the sheer number of amazing quotes. And then you honestly, the season before, was like the one of the best things ever. It's not a great run. And I hope this season can maintain it. I hope so, but I have to say like I jotted notes throughout the entire episode and middle, like middle of the way through. I just wrote an all capital letters. God damn it, I missed Camille Grammar. Yeah, well, now we have Yolanda, Yolanda, who is a very romantic lady. She said so herself, that's how you know she's romantic. I'm romantic. I forced my husband to write me love letters. And then when I feel lonely, I pull out the love letters and I read them. Why do you have to turn her into like the fat evil girl from Willy Wonka? Because I have to go there. My name is Yolanda. I read love letters to myself that I make other people write for me. Holy. She is glamorous. And she is for real's money. That's why I got sun in her eyes. And she looks like a tired ass Brigitte Nelson or Nielsen after after she came back from celebrity rehab and started drinking again. And they found her on the street outside McDonald's. Whatever anybody anybody that's willing to are smart enough to lock down David Foster 60 time Grammy winner and billionaire smart woman. Yeah. And before that, she was with Mohammed. So she certainly knows who to who was our rich cock when she see those her way around a non working penis when she sees them. Yeah. She knows who she wants having love letters written to her. Yeah. She knows who she doesn't want that getting hard and putting it inside of her. Love letters. Love letters. Some old ass man. Damn girl. I bet like Mohammed's love letters, she'd like open it up in a marble column would fall out. Or something. You remind me of the most supple flatbread. Yeah. She's an uptight bitch. Okay. Here's my little sensitive to, by the way. She's very sick. Why do you say that? Because when Brandy made a course joke when Brandy said, well, you know, everyone, everyone knows each other. Everyone slept with each other. Yolanda then goes and says, she said that I have slept with everyone. I was like, yeah, I'm gonna clue Yolanda. Yeah. And also she, Brandy didn't say that. She said, you know how it is. It's a small town. You slept with everyone. You've this or that. And she's like, yeah. She said, she slept with everyone. And technically she didn't. She said, you slept with everyone. You're dumb. Okay. Look, there's no denying that Yolanda is not the smartest one in the bunch. But let's talk about Brandy for a second. I am glad that she is elevated to full-time status because she's a hot mess. But at the same time, she is so OC. She belongs, partying with Gretchen. And she belongs with Gretchen and Tamara with that shit bow in her hair and her trashy sundresses. She does not. She cannot hold a candle to Lisa Vanderpump. Look, we went to Brandy's house this time. It's a shit check. I know. I called it the set of Roseanne in my recap because I was like, I recognize that house and Jackie was in it way too much, bothering the family. Yeah, we're so cool to that. Where's the Afghan? That's like draped over the couch, right? Or the or the chicken, the chicken t-shirt. Oh, my God. Well, either way, I mean, I'm so happy she's there. It's just nice contrast to the to the wealthy people like Lisa Vanderpump, who by the way, I love her new house. I think it's a major upgrade, even though it might be smaller. Well, I mean, it's smaller, but there's two freaking people in there for Christ's sake. And Rosia, who now she can't run as fast from Lisa, so I always got bruises on her arm. You know that there has to be a spin off of all these like cleaning ladies and like maids who who not populate the show between Daisy and Rosia and whoever else. Adrian Malup's chef, that evil girl. Oh, Bernie. Oh, horrible. Again, I would like to apologize on behalf of Bravo for everything they do to gay people. You do not endorse that here on this show. Yeah, why couldn't they just like plucked in a top chef like reject and just said, oh, that's Adrian's, you know, personal chef? Why not? Why do we have to have Bernie? You guys, why do I have to have the presidential election on mute right now? It is making me so nervous and Roseanne, they're not even showing Roseanne on here. That's who I voted for. They're not even showing her on here. And I it's like nail biting watching this. Do we need to put down a rubber sheet in case you need to raise your pants? A rubber sheet that Brandi gave to Lisa. How tacky is this bitch? I know. Brandi is just that girl. She was the first girl in junior high to give a blowjob. You know, she's just that girl and she just she just wanted somebody to call her. You know, it's not like she really even was craving a penis. She just wanted someone to be nice to her. I kind of want to hug her. And I also wanted to just wipe myself down with wet wipes every time she's on the screen. Yeah, I sort of, you know, like, I don't love the whole thing of someone who usually seems to be girls, sorry to be sexist, but it always seems to be girls who just love like any opportunity to present a gag dildo or a gag strap on or whatever, like don't put intended with the gags. But like, like always like the sex toys, you know, it's like, okay, we get it. Like, it's funny, sex is funny. Like, yeah, everyone fucks. Okay, that's not really a personality trait. That's just like, it's like, my personality traits pooping a lot. Like, everybody does it. Who cares? Stop bragging. Yeah, I don't. People are having sex a lot. I don't think the same thing. Oh, that is not my fetish. How fun is that? Oh my God. There's a poop on my back. Then disgusting, Joe Sanchez, Joe Francis taught me. We love you, Leah. She's cracking up. I'm trying to hear this. You crack it. I don't still think that Leah Francis, Leah, Leah Black has 30 cents. Okay, so we're glad to see Brandy back. I do feel bad for because she's insecure. It's like her first year. She was upgraded. Nobody likes her. I mean, she's really as we are going to see some previews. Lisa likes her, but she's apparently going to be using her as our hitman. Don't forget, the best thing ever was in the last part of the reunion of season two, where she called out Taylor and she got for real all up on Taylor. Like, oh, your husband's been in the ground for 2.2 seconds and you're already having a book deal, bitch. What? That was my favorite thing ever. Yeah, it's great moments. Guys, there's so much to talk about. My brain is actually the traffic jam in my brain because I'm like, I don't want to talk about that. Do you want to roll through my list? I didn't know. It's not the easiest way to get through this because I am scatterbrained and excited. Well, we're still kind of at the beginning, but so Lisa then went over to visit Brandy as we mentioned in her shithole of a house. And at that point, we should probably talk about how Lisa has decided not to invite Adrian to the anniversary party of the La Blanca and how that all went. Okay. Yeah, let's talk about it. This is great. This is great. Adrian, come on now, Adrian. Okay, first of all, this whole happens when Taylor's like, Oh, my God, you guys, I gained 10 pounds because everyone's calling her a meth head anorexic lush last year. So now she makes sure to tell us all right at the beginning that she's gained 10 pounds, which unless it's all in filler in her face, no, she has like so she meets up with Adrian in that store. And she's like, well, you know, Adrian and I can we can really bond over shopping and website accidentally told her about about not being invited to that party. Is sure feel terrible about it. And then the next thing you know, she's at the party laughing about Adrian while her gay calls Adrian a vicious, you know, calling her names and basically insinuating she's just horrible. Taylor is still fucking horrible. She's a horrible human being. And she saw in the show when Camille isn't is a serious problem. No, you have to have Taylor because she's a train wreck to watch. But here's the thing though, because when Adrian was like, well, I thought I just think it's like, I can't believe the peniness. I can't believe the peniness and Taylor's like, yeah, I know. I can't believe it either. Let's flash back to season two and remember who did not invite Lisa Vanderpump, but invited every single other person to her stupid charity event. Taylor, so don't act like you're above the pettiness when you did it last season. Yeah, I think that she thinks that we have short term memories, but that's just her and Kim because they're both alcoholics. And also, by the way, I love how Adrian's just like, you know, all this pettiness is just so petty. Like, I just thought we should we should be able to move on from it. Like, Oh, yeah, you you actually said that Lisa Vanderpump sold stories to tabloids. And now Lisa Lisa's mad at you. And now she's the petty one. Yeah, right. Adrian said horrible shit. And she can't like fucking own it. And she didn't only say horrible shit. She waited until the reunion. She had a meeting with the other ladies before the reunion, according to Brandy, to gang up on her and attack her. And then even once she was smacked down, she just kept it up and kept it up and was nastier and nastier. She is the one who got a stupid fucking little purse dog, because Lisa's dog was so popular, which is a Jill's errand move, which as far as I'm concerned, that's as low as you go. So I mean, Adrian's pretty much proven herself. She's a horrible fucking human being. Well, I cannot wait till her lies about this. Paul shit comes out. I know Paul is a lucky man to get the hell away from her. Just just based on her taste in topiaries alone, because the hair tensile where you said the hair tensile was gone. I was a little upset. Hair tensile was gone, but in its place, we had a massive distorted grotesque floral arrangement that arrived at Villa Blanca to announce the 30 year anniversary. And it was like a floral arrangement of passive aggression. This giant thing came in with a little... Giant poop cactus was crying tulips or some shit. Yeah, it looked like, honestly, it looked like the sort of the land that like sonic the hedgehog would be running through, you know, like... Okay, I don't know that our... I don't know that our audience is going to get that. It was like a distorted Super Mario Brothers like hell landscape. Once again, you guys, everybody poops. It was just big poop with some fucking stuff in it. It was honestly one of the ugliest arrangements I've ever seen. It wasn't even an arrangement. It was just like, was it an arrangement? What was it? It was just disgusting. It was like it was some old warp logs. Yeah, it was giant poop logs in the shape of fuck you, Lisa. I'm gonna embarrass you a friend of your whole party, which of course, Lisa's not embarrassed because that just makes everyone say, "Oh my God, why isn't Adrienne here?" And then Lisa says, "Oh, because she's an asshole, darling." The end, you know, like, well done, Adrienne's stupid. Right, and Adrienne, Lisa says it with, you know, her accent. And she's like, "Oh, because Adrienne's an asshole, um, you have to go with the accent. Accent always wins." Accent always wins. So authoritative. Yeah, no, I'm really... What do you guys... Well, what do you think, what do you think the, you know, Adrienne's motives were there to be a bitch, to really try and bury the hatchet with Lisa, or do you think she doesn't want to bury the hatchet? No, no, it is classic passive aggressions. That way, if she's called on it, she can say, "No, I was being nice. I was extending an olive branch." But the truth is, she is just showing everyone that she's not there, and she's reminding Lisa, and she's telling Lisa, "I know about your party. It's total pass aggression." Yeah, but you know what, if she was really sorry, she would... There were months between the closing of filming, or the ending of filming last season, and the start of this season. It was not all continuous. She could have called Lisa and made amends, and said she was sorry, but she wasn't sorry. She's stuck to her guns. She's, as we'll see later in the season, because we've seen the preview, we know that she thinks that Lisa did it. She accused her of her on, or she's at least accusing her of that on national television. So what the fuck do you expect? I mean, why would you get invited to the party shut up, Adrienne? Yeah. And then that shitty arrangement arrives at like 8.30 at night at a cocktail party. For one, I don't know when the floral arrangement arrived after 5 p.m. unless you pay, and you want to act like a super-mitch, which is clearly what she was doing. And you know, here's the other thing, this is going to be... I think that she chose that ugly-ass thing on purpose, because she knows what Bill of Blanca looks like inside. It's all white with pink flowers, and she chose something that did not match whatsoever. She could have just sent like a nice like arrangement. She could have done anything. She said, if you guys have been to Bill of Blanca, she could have gone to Z Gallery and gone to the sale bin there and picked up some like nasty-ass like half-ass spray-painted cherubs, because that restaurant is a shithole. And it would have been an improvement on over that long. You're right. That long. It was like a... It was like someone took a gummy bear and like coated it in wood and like made it long and like distorted and put flowers on it. It's just... Well, I think you're just trying to manipulate Lisa into throwing it away on camera, because it didn't go with the restaurant. And then she could say it later, "I sent you flowers and you throw them away in the trash." Oh, you're starting to sound like Jill's Aaron. No, Jill doesn't talk like that. Yeah. With Adrian. Is that Cindy Barcope? She's starting to sound like the little muse-next thing, the little muse-next booger that gets destroyed in the commercials. Shut up, Paul. That's Adrian. That's how she sounds to me. She's like an old-man truck driver put into a weird melted muppet body. Speaking of truck drivers, Kyle got a new Maserati from her husband, Mauricio. What was that about? You guys hating Kyle? Because I kind of hate her right now. I hate her. Yeah, she turned the corner from me last season. She was a bitch to her sister, Kim. Like, really, Kim is a fucked-up mess, but Kyle is just straight up mean to her. And when that was going down last season, I kind of checked out on Kyle. I loved her season one, but now I'm just like, "Stop flashing your money. It's tacky." Not that they all aren't tacky. And I love her daughter, but Kyle is just kind of boring also. I would not call her boring. I mean, the thing is, what I like about Kyle is that she does these really bitchy things, but then she does something that's very relatable. I've always said this, that sort of redeems her a little bit, and it's like that mixture of awful, but also relatable, that I think makes her interesting. Slash, just like us. Just like us. But you know what I thought was really interesting was finally Kathy Hilton had to show up. She finally realized that she was not going to become famous on her own, so she had to crawl onto her less famous, formerly less famous sisters show. And you could see, she was sitting there with such a frosty smile. You could tell she hated the whole thing. And then she's giving parenting advice to this daughter going to college. Which is hilarious. She's like, "You better watch them. Our next thing you know, she's going to be giving blow jobs and swallow loads on the internet. Trust me, I know." Yeah, Kathy, she looked miserable to me. She looked just frosty like you fucking bitch. But that's her, that's her favorite one. Kathy, didn't you watch that thing, that celebrity or that apprentice? Oh my god, yeah. She was awful. I want to be a Hilton or some apprentice. I want to be a Hilton. It was like, I want to be Hilton. And she said they're a little chair. Yeah, like where you learn to be classy. And meanwhile, her daughter is like getting stuck to tables from doing the splits on them and her, oh gross, they're all gross. Kathy wanted to be the superstar. And the fact that Kyle has become the famous one of her generation, I think that really bothers Kathy. They are different generations, by the way. Kathy is like, I want to say 11 years older than Kim who's significantly older than Kyle. So she's like kind of like their other mom. They are step sisters, I believe too. Yeah, I don't think they're half sisters. They're half. I don't know the difference between half and step. So half means if they share, I think the same mother, you can tell they have the same, you know, the same remnants of the same face. They have the same car wreck personalities. I think Kathy is, I don't see why she would be mad. I mean, Kathy is legitimately filthy rich. Yeah, she is, she is. And I like though that Kyle is, I feel like every season, I mean, how many, how many birthday parties does this woman hold for her kids? I feel like, I think they get like five birthday parties every single time. I all secretly does have nine children though. Like, I mean, she has a shit ton of kids. Yeah, she does. And they all look exactly the same. They actually all have a bunch of kids. And I love that she had this, she's, you know, gonna have this birthday party and she asked Kim to come to it and Kim's like, Oh, she's like, I don't know if I can, I don't know if I can make it. I don't know if the kids are going to, I'm going to have the kids over and the kids are doing stuff. And, you know, I got kids. Kyle's like, yeah, but I'm telling you to bring the kids. Well, you know, they want to do kid stuff. So she's like, yeah, but it is kid stuff. It's a kid's birthday party, Kim. Just bring the kids. Well, party, they hit nervous, you know, it's a lot to, it's a lot to commit to. So can we just take a break for a second right here and just say who your favorite Beverly Hills housewife is because mine is fucking a Kim. Oh, yeah, by far, she's wonderful. I love that whole conversation that she has to herself with herself with herself. She's fucking nuts. Actually, every line was really good with her. But the one where she was with her sisters and Kathy's like, Oh, you know, you're going to have to get a boot in here. And she's like, what's that? What'd she say? You're not serious. Don't you get that? She goes like this, like, Oh, I've got a bit and I got an ear. I got a boot and I got a ear. But Kathy's like, you're crazy and she's like, you're crazy. I love the good news they have at the van. She said, you're not serious. And she said, you're not serious. I love her. Oh, my God. Anytime you can reference the van eyes airport, I guess. I just, I just left the airplanes there. They are great airplanes. There's a blackout. I don't know. Hey, I got you my hair. It's a blackout. Oh, my God. So, you know, okay. She's sober or not. Is that what you're going around? She's still slurring. I mean, she's still, she's still she's still crying over nothing. She's going to claim that that the anxiety medication, making her do all of those things. But I don't know that I play. Listen, you can be addicted to Snickers bars. You're still calling an addict. All right. And God bless her. I think that some people are just born to be addicts. You know, not everyone needs to live to be 90 years old and healthy. And, you know, Kim's had children. She's, she looks, she's thin. I mean, what else can you ask for? She's had a good career. Have a drink, girl. I'm also convinced that in order to keep like Kyle on the show, Kyle is brothel keeps telling Kyle, like, you better make sure Kim will come on the show. Otherwise, the two of you're getting the axe. And it's just like, I feel like Kyle just keeps dragging her sister out there to be like embarrassed on TV and like beaten up and looking like shit. But just just to keep Kyle with a paycheck. But yeah, she'd be embarrassed on TV and yet oddly enough, Kim is becoming like the best one ever. Yeah, I mean, just Kim's opening and not hate her. You know, how they they all pose, they make those poses for the opening. I did a thing where it's like, how many awkward poses can Kim make in two seconds? Because it's like every angle she turns in, it's just horrible and awkward and hunched back and like, you know, she tries to smile and you see a rotted teeth. It's not cute. I love her. I love her rotted teeth. I love her. I don't know why she doesn't have a giant bow around her neck this season. That really pisses me off. I know. I really need that confessional ensemble to come back. At least an oversized boutonniere. So she can talk about boutonnieres again. I was trying to do Kim voice, but I was like burping at the same time. I like him as Leo. So I love how the coming coming this season on Beverly Hills, they just cut the Kim and she's like, I have a hahaha. Yeah. What Kim? So yeah, I love that. Adrian is a total whore and it looks like they're going to make her pay this season because I see any one. Yes. Anyone is going to be on her side. Everyone's going to be kissing Lisa's ass this year. All the husbands are fighting, which I think is that's a bad sign because it is because guess what? They don't deserve as much screen time. Yeah, but you know what? Like, normally the husbands are the ones they're supposed to sit back and laugh at their dumb wives. But no, now they're in the midst. They're in the mix of it. It's a disaster. I feel like it's going to be like when like on the OC, when like Sandy and Kirsten started to get divorced and you're like, no, no, no, you're supposed to the rocks. Like the men are the rocks. Like, I need them to be stable. If they're fighting, I'm going to be totally unmoored. I cannot get Peter Gallagher's eyebrows out of my head now. Thank you. You're welcome. Well, you know something that's super depressing and I hate to be a downer about this season, but that fight where all the husbands are going at it and it looks like all the women are going at it as well is the white party. They're all wearing white and doesn't that always happen at the end of the season? No, no, it's like in the, I don't know. I love that Ronnie is the finale that we're going to have to, Ronnie's so concerned that we're going to have to wait like 18 weeks until we get to that fight. 24. I mean, these are like real shows. Yeah, these are like real network shows now that just never end, you know? Listen, if here's my experience with the real house outside Beverly Hills, both the previous two seasons, they had, you know, trailers coming up on the season. And I have to say both times, I was like, well, it doesn't look like there's going to be that much drama. I remember the first season being like, ah, this doesn't look as good as some of the other stuff. And I'm amazing though. It's the stuff that comes out as out of control. It's ridiculous. Do you think that we do you think that we like it so much because we live around here? Or is it just the personalities are really that good? Personalities are fantastic. I think it's the personality. They seem like actual real people to me. They don't seem like a bunch of phonies. And I think that a lot of the housewife shows like, you know, like the ones that are on right now, for example, Joanna Krupa is a total phony who makes up all of her scenes. Does everything for TV? Yeah. You know, mom and also is the best thing, but they set her up for everything. Yeah. And these people seem like they're really filthy rich and they're shocked that they're actually having conflict. You know, that's what always makes me laugh about this one is that they're always like, I can't believe that I'm fighting with somebody in public. I'm mortified. But you know, what else are you going to do? You're forced to be in a room and they're ugly sides are all coming out and they're kind of mortified by it. You know, it's like they're mortified by their own fame. And I love that. And they also think that they're like super classy, because unlike New York City, where the women in New York City are, you know, higher level than maybe an average person, but you know, when it comes down to like the old money in New York City, it's like, it's so much bigger than what we see in the real housewives because they would never appear on TV. But in LA, right. But Vanderpump and Maluper at the top of the pile in Beverly Hills for real. Exactly. These are, this is the top of the pile, which is why they really act like they are, they, they think that they're immensely classy and they really are not. Yeah. And then you have, and then you have, and then you have Faye Resnick walk in because we can't live without Faye goddamn Resnick. Yeah. More likely too. Like you can be the richest bitch in the whole city and you still have to deal with fools because this, this town is a chain of fools. Like everybody in it's a fake asshole who came here because somebody in their childhood told them they were pretty once, you know? Yeah. I mean, honestly, even just look at the the trail of reality shows that swirls around all these people. Okay, you have, let's start with Brody Jenner. Well, I don't even know where to start. Yeah, let's start with Taylor, who is friends with Linda, who used to be married to David Foster, who's married now to Yolanda, and David Foster of course, and Linda, Linda, the, the mother of Brody, who is net, was on the Hills a lot. And then now he's like the step brother to Kim Kardashian. And then, you know, it's like, it just, it's sprawls. It's like a, it really is like a reality sprawl. It's like that poop tree that Adrian gave Lisa. It's like a big shit tree that goes from Laguna beach to LA to Malibu and everywhere in between. Yeah. And then of course, you have Yolanda was with Mohammed and Mohammed was on shots, the sunset. It really is the poop tree is a perfect metaphor because you have these little flowers and the little flowers are the reality shows that we get. That's the fun that we get. But it's based on a giant log of poop. Like their lives are poop. Welcome. Okay. Speaking of shots of sunset, were you guys not super excited when they dropped that promo in? I love that fucking show. I'm so excited for it. December 2nd declared a national holiday. I will, well, it is. It's my father's birthday and Britney Spears's birthday. So for me, it is a national holiday, which I guess means it's not a national holiday. It's a birthday. Game vocabulary. Yay. You should go out and have some diamond water that night. I'm going to get some Persian food that night. I'm going to go to Westwood and go to some place called Shahirza or whatever. I think it's called get some rice with persimmons in it or pomegranate seeds and I don't know. Or you could just be like, or you could just be like MJ and order some sliders because she doesn't even eat Persian food. She just likes some sliders and some prize. I'm going to go across the street and stake out her door. And when the delivery comes, I'm going to steal it and bring it up. I see her all the time now. Really? I've only seen her once. That girl loves a tight, skinny, inappropriate gene. She really does. I sort of like a wedge heel. Like, you know, girls that wear like those nude peep toes that are like from Aldo, they think they're like sexy, like expensive Louboutin, but they're really from Aldo and they're only like 60 bucks and they're nude and they're peep toes and they put their foot in it and they look like extra sausage casings. And then they were like a bright, tight, blue, skinny gene that makes their ass look big. It's just it's not good girls. Stop it. Yeah, stop doing that, you guys. Stop it. It's okay to be fat, but that's why I got invented jogging pants. Which is what I'm currently in, by the way, before anybody gets all incensed. I know skinny jeans either. Okay, I feel like more happened on Beverly Hills. Yeah, I'm looking at my notes right here and we covered pretty much everything except my other moment with Kyle's daughter Porsche imitating Lisa and slash mocking her by saying bye darling on the phone. Hello darling. By the way, here's the reason why I will be a terrible parent and because during that scene Porsche was like supposed to be talking to the phone and Kyle's holding up the phone and Porsche has got her head turned away and like playing on the chair. I'm like speaking to the goddamn phone. I've learned some goddamn manners. You're not facing the phone. The audio is not going to carry it while your voice is already problematic. Oh, for those of you wondering, Roseanne is pulling ahead in the presidential election, pulling ahead. Okay, go on. This is America guys. Let's have some patriotism. Go Roseanne, be the president. Yeehaw. I want you to write me love letters every day so I can feel sexy. And I am going to bring dollars to do with your coffee. I want some romance in my goddamn life. Why don't I deserve somebody? You know, we all deserve that. If that's what you want and you can get it, get it. That's not when you make somebody. He's like, Oh, she doesn't demand it. She commands it. Okay. Stay behind the piano. Please don't talk because that was the dumbest thing I've heard all night. And if you're that's like poetry rape, you can't just force somebody to write you a love poem. That's I mean, what is even right? He probably just like starts writing about the first thing he sees. He's like, the fly on the window could never leave a mark on that window like you've left on my heart. D grammy is $1 billion. Who gives a shit? $1 billion. He is the richest man in music. Yeah, the richest man in music and his very romantic with me. Oh my gosh, just not sound like that. He reminds me of being back at the dikes of Hollanda. Yeah, he doesn't like he doesn't like dirty, skanky, disgusting truck with him. No, he does. And I cannot believe that Brandy would say that I slept with everyone in the city or did she see that she slept with everyone? I don't know. I will say that I'm kind of maybe going to be a fan of hers later because I love in the coming this season on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills when she was like, Who is this Adrian Maloof woman? Who is she? I mean, that was the best part of the preview. And she was like, Who the fuck does this bitch think she is? I was dying. Yeah, she is someone's gonna finally go. Everyone kisses Adrian's ass because she's right. But this woman this woman will take she will battle her and it's gonna be amazing. She also, by the way, I don't know if you noticed, she had a little bit of a Dana streak in her because she like bonded instantly with Kim over water. She was like, I think we're going to be best friends. I love you so much already. I just know it. Well, because Kim is Kim is drinking water. That's why and Holyanda thinks that she's all smart and she's so good. She's one of God's creatures. I'm like, bitch, you got yourself a naked poster of yourself in your house. I mean, that is the worst. Having a picture of yourself is the worst. But having a naked picture of yourself. Oh, please, like you don't have that on your iPhone. No, I'm not that kind of a gay. Oh my God. So one of my neighbors is really cute. So me and my other neighbor are always talking about him. And he saw him on some dirty site on the internet and sent me pictures of it in his wiener. And I was like, Who does that? Who puts them? Who puts their wiener on the internet? Can't do that. Where have you been? You guys don't do that. And he shows his face, too. Yes. Oh, no. We'll see hot. Oh, yeah, it's gorgeous. Yeah. We'll get on the photos. Give myself give myself off or I'll put the pictures up on the Facebook. Yeah, please. We get our cover photo on Facebook, backslash, watch what crapping. I know suddenly it's going to be like 20,000 likes. Yeah. We're okay. So do we have do we have anything else? No, we need to get we need to head to Hotlanta. Okay, let's let's let's let's go there right now. All right, Hotlanta. So they've got some new desperation going on in Atlanta. Oh, I guess Shirei. The desperation is missing without Shirei or something. There's no children sleeping on the floor on a mattress on the floor. So they had to get some more desperate girls. And what is this? Who's that girl, Kendra? Is that her name? Kenya. She's awful. She's awful for the first minute. Why is she awful? Oh, I will tell you right now for the first minute. I was like, oh, I sort of like her. And then all of a sudden I was, Oh, wait a second, Ben. No, she's awful. She's a hideous human being. She's absolutely terrible. When she went to, okay, first of all, she made me have sympathy for Cynthia, which is no. And this is where I'm gonna fight you because anybody that makes Cynthia, I mean, she made herself look stupid, don't go me wrong. But anybody that also like makes Cynthia look extra stupid, I'm all for them. Well, I mean, I see what you're saying there. I do get that. But the thing is the worst. But the thing is, she wasn't making Cynthia look stupid by sort of like, by sort of schooling Cynthia with some logic. Like, for instance, the way Cynthia's daughter schooled her by wanting to go to school instead of being homeschooled. After Cynthia made this whole big thing about how she wants to homeschool the daughter. And the daughter's like, no, I want to go to school. You guys, how creepy is that that she's homeschooling her daughter? And she's like, Oh, well, she's just not happy at school. Nobody likes her. She just doesn't feel like she can be who she wants to be. And then the daughter walks in and she's gorgeous. And she's smart and she's well spoken. Like, what the hell kind of school he's sending me to. I think Mallory should swoop in and steal her. Yeah, I think so, because the kids. Cynthia should not be teaching school. That's ridiculous. She can. She knows the Bailey modeling agency. Well, yeah, which is which is, let me tell you a few of them. Number one, maybe you should get a lower bag of tramp stamp. And then you should shake your vagina cleavage on the runway. There we've had our days lesson. Yeah, the end. You know who embarrassed themselves? Jet magazine for associating themselves with the fucking Bailey agency. How ridiculous is that? It's a shame, because I always thought jet magazine. I love jet magazine. I always thought it was so classy. Right, because they used to didn't they used to have like, Felicia Rashad on the cover. And now they have like, dirty vaginas hanging out of bikinis. Whenever I think of jet magazine, I just think of Billy D Williams. That's really all we're with a Jerry Kerr, right? Yeah. Oh, by the way, for those who are listening to this live, which is no one because this is taped in advance, Obama just went up to 228 electoral votes over one. He's 244. Yeah. That's like, he's taking it. Well, they just called Hawaii. They just called Hawaii for Obama. Now all the blue states are coming in. So yeah, now I'm just going to take it. Callie Hallo a lot of yellows, though. Anyway, um, the point is this. Cynthia is dumb. We all noticed Cynthia is dumb. Cynthia is dumb. Moving on. Okay. The episode started though, um, with the star of the show, whether you love her or hate her, it is Nini. I'm a big ass bitch, Leaks. And the beginning of the episode was kind of talking about her and her ex Greg. Will they get together? Are they going to, you know, stay divorced? What's going to happen? And Nini is also obviously on the new normal on NBC NBC Universal, which also owns Bravo. The synergy is ridiculous. Do you think Nini and Greg are back together? There's rumors that they never really were even apart. Um, you can follow this one in. Things that Ben does not give up and we'll never care about. Well, I think that you can really tell how vile Nini leaks is that she is rich and famous now, and she still can't get dick other than Greg. I mean, yeah, that's how we're a good woman. She is. But you know what? That is true because Greg is not a hottie and Nini is like rich and famous, and nobody still wants to put it in her. Yeah, I mean, she's in a sitcom. She could be doing a PA right now. Like, there is no reason she should not have some 20 year old stud right now. Like everybody else in Hollywood. She should like, you know, Candy, she did well. She got herself, although the guy's older than her, but she got herself a cute guy from the only three years older than her. That is not like old. I'm not on the show. Isn't he someone that works on the show or something? Oh, didn't you love how they like totally like swept that shit under the rug? He was like totally a cameraman that was filming with him or a producer that was filming with him when they were in Africa. And she, you know, she wanted that and he wanted her. And so they hooked up. I mean, back in the day when this should used to happen, like on the real world season one, yes, I'm taking it back to 91 right now. When Becky started to sleep with, you know, the guy that was a producer on real world one, they fired him from the show. Yeah. Well, you know, the difference is nobody cares. It's fine. Because now they also allow punches on the, you know, on real house. The real house just not follow those rules. They do not follow real world rules. You can not feel I mean, if anything, they're becoming bad girl club. Thank you, Miami. Yeah, thank you. Oh, I was gonna say, I don't know. Are you guys happy about candy? I like, I am sing her in love. I love, I love, and now this brings me to my weekly attempt to do her voice, which is always it on her family. This is always a mess, man. Because I never practice and then I try to like, try to do it live. And it's always horrific. You know what, candy, aka Ben, fly above all the haters and do your thing fly above. All right, here's the attempt. We're gonna, and over the course of the season, I'll try to get better and better and get it to a place where it's usable. So I like, I can't even do it. No, that's it. You're gonna do it like the, like, mammy. I know every time Ben starts my skin starts to crawl because I'm like, oh my god, somebody's calling the end of my head. I hear exactly how it's supposed to sound. And then somewhere along the way, it just, it comes out all wrong. No, it comes out, you know, I don't know where we see it doesn't stop. I did want her to push Kim down the stairs. Kim is so fucking rude. She goes to Candy's new home, which is huge. And it's two homes, which is crazy. And she's gonna redo her home and make it all nice. Oh, this is only one gate opens. This is so ghetto. Oh, welcome to the hood, honey. She goes in, she's on her phone texting the whole time, bitching as she goes through, criticizing every little thing. Meanwhile, this bitch is getting evicted. Okay. Yeah, I'm about to say, she's not paying her bills. She's not getting evicted because she's paying the bills is because that evil decorator is like has her head on the chopping block. No, because she wouldn't pay her. She refused to pay the decorator. It's because no, because that woman wanted to be a full-time star of the Real Housewives and Kim put the kabosh on that. And now she's going after Kim. This is one of Kim's redeeming qualities, which is that she did not pay for that hideous design job because no one should have to pay for what Kim's house looks like. Oh my god. And Kim, speaking of the one not speaking to her parents since the wedding, since she wouldn't let her mom pee in the house. Like a fuck. Oh, her mom is horrible. I am team Kim. Fuck that mother. So she doesn't even speak to her own parents anymore. They send a check to the baby for $25. Like, why does a baby even need $25? And she's like, well, I guess that's okay. They don't have much money. I fuck. Oh, that's going to get your money from your fucking coups. Shut up, Kim. You hoe. That woman is doing nothing but hoe around her entire life and live off other men. And the only reason she's popular on this show is because she's a fucking joke of a wig wearing blowjob. Oh, you better watch your goddamn mouth. If anybody started talking shit, why don't you be talking some shit on kroy and other men in the world who love him? Because guess what? You can't be hating on a woman that doesn't get her shit taken care of and gets those wigs and gets those diamonds and has somebody else fucking pay the bills because she's not paying and I give her props. Wait, can I offer up a third alternative? Can we just hate all of them all together? What has to be one or the other? See, it's all idiots and they're all trash. She's a poor human being. And you know what was really sad? We didn't get to see Brie L. or what's the other one? Rial! Rial! Rial! I'm doing Adriana. Ariana. Ariana. The first gotten one. The forgot one who gets shoved into pools and stuff with, you know, Cheetos and stuff like that. Poor Ariana. She's the only one who seems sweet and like a good girl. She brings out the best in her mother. Okay, we need to talk about Phaedra and her dream in life to become the baroang of funerals slash she's going to do pet funerals slash she told that sad veterinarian that her dog was kind of like her child but not really. That was some fucked up awkwardness because that woman really did think that her dog was her child. Yeah, I totally forgot about that. You know, Phaedra did not make an impression on me this week. I totally forgot about you. There was not enough donkey booty. You know what though? I will say this. You know, again, you know, I hate kids so much but I did think it was really cute. That little scene where Aiden was like riding in a car with like a little toy car with the other little kids and stuff. But that was cute. What is wrong with you, Ben? I don't know. I'm hungry. What can I say? It's election night. The country's changing. What could I do? I also love that she was like, Oh, I'm glad Apollo didn't see Aiden getting that gay pink little bicycle. Like what is your is your felon of a husband going to beat up your two year old son because he may have a gay tendency? Listen, you know, when you're when you're born to Phaedra Parks, you're going to turn out gay. I'm sorry. If your mom is drag queen and your dad's like a gay masturbation idol. And you're going to turn out like Lawrence and you're going to get your nails did and wear a man brooch and a hound tooth chappo. Here's another reason why I don't like Kenya. She sits and talks to us and tells us who Lawrence is. I'm like, bitch, we've been watching this show for four years. We know exactly who Lawrence is. You don't have to tell us who she is. He's like, he's a bigger star than Phaedra. Let's get rid. Yeah. What's wrong with Lawrence's neck? That it's got terrible accessories around it. He, no, he also had some scarring like an additional like gouge on his cheek. I was like, this looks like a bad well, you know, he's got a rough side to remember. He knew who Apollo was. You know, remember that. So you know that. Are you suggesting that he likes to get raped in prison? I'm saying that Lawrence probably runs with a rougher crowd than we might ever imagine. So by rough crowd, do you mean he might hang out with Cynthia's husband, Peter, who has a restaurant in the ghetto? By rough crowd, he means that he's no stranger to having a fist in the stomach. He's no stranger. He's no stranger to have some have some poop on his back. Did you guys, by the way, think that it was a little bit of a slap in the face to our former lover. She by Shiree Whitfield that they would bring Lawrence out because Lawrence was Shiree's gay. And now they're trotting him back out. I think it was a slap and dreze face. I thought I thought so too. And I was like, you know, shame on Lawrence for not being more loyal to Shiree. Well, shame on Shiree for not figuring out that that now was not the time to be fucking with Nini. Wrong time, bad timing, boo. Yeah. I want to say a true and thing about who are we just talking about. I'll fade from a fade. Before the fade. Okay, luck. Faedra, hilarious. I will always say faedra. But she's actually going to have real drama this year. I liked on the coming this season clips when I mean, does this Kenya girl fall in love with Apollo? What was that? It looks like Kenya is like crazy. She's crazy. I think I think that Obama may have just won the presidency. I'm not sure. Well, I'm showing him at 240. No, I'm sorry. He just he just went on Iowa. Sorry. Just Iowa. I'm showing him at 249. And this is old. This is old news for everyone who's in three. I know. They're like, yeah, this was really nerve-wracking last night. Glad I'm listening to this man wonder and that she's going to go down and fucking blame that we've done. What's going on with Matt? What's going on? You just turned into Satan. It sounded like you were on like another like a phone line like we're sitting on a conversation with you saying just so you all know right now. That make sure your snowball is on. It's on. Something you're on a telephone. Well, Malmeth fixes that. I want to talk about Kenya again. I'm sorry. I keep coming back to her because you know what we keep getting sidetracked off her. She's the new one. She is crazy. The way she eyes at the at the Bailey Agency was ridiculous. At first, I thought that she was just playing it up for the cameras, Joanna group of style. But then I started to really think that she was just a crazy bitch. Who Kenya Kenya? Yeah, Kenya's crazy. She comes off as crazy when she's talking about being a model and they show we're all chunky. I'm like, come on now, girl. And she's definitely made 10 films. And they have all made me money. I'm like, honey, and then you looked at the box and it was like starring Mario van Peebles. Yeah, it's like Kellogg's the movie with with Keisha Knight Pulliam and Tempest Bledsoe as Tempest Bledsoe. I'm so far totally down with this movie. I think it's called the Cosby Show. I know, right? Yeah, she comes off as totally nuts. I think I'm going to like candy. I'm not really seeing where the drama is going to come in except with this crazy ass Kenya, right? She's crazy. She's sitting on the bill of all the fights. I think it's weird. Like, you know, I like candy, but she was kind of giving me. He's better over here. AT&T customers switching to T-Mobile has never been easier. We'll pay off your existing phone and give you a new one free, all on America's largest 5G network. Visit T-Mobile.com/carrierfreedom to switch today. Pay off up to $650 via virtual prepaid master card in 15 days, free phone up to $830 via 24 monthly bill credits plus tax, qualifying port and trade and service on Go 5G next to credit required. Contact us before canceling entire account to continue bill credits to credit, stop and balance and require finance agreement as due. This Halloween, ghoul all out with Instacart where they're hunting for the perfect costume. I'm that giant bag of candy or casting spells with eerie decor. We've got it all in one place. Download the Instacart app and get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes. Plus, enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Offer valid for a limited time, minimum $10 per order, service fees, other fees and additional term supply. Instacart, bringing the store to your door this Halloween. What? The silence? No, I was just saying like, it seemed weird to me that like, candy, um, candy seems to be like flashing her dollar bills more now. And it just seems like so not her. Oh, whatever. Because you know what though? She's, I don't know. I think she's allowed to. Yeah. Candy's thing has always been like, I work for my money and I own it. It's like, okay. DJ Max, y'all. I say my money because I earn it. This money ain't given to me by some man. This is my money. I made this money. Hey, Candy, where'd you get your money? I made it. All right, Candy. Geez, babe. I wish I could do my candy voice. I just don't have one. Oh, more try. One more try. I do not have one either. The only one I've really had was Shirei. And Shirei is gone. Yeah. So funny. So funny guys. Shirei. I love me some Shirei. But why don't we love Shirei? Do we have anything else to say about Atlanta? I guess we do. Ryan Murphy. What do we think about meeting with Ryan Murphy and all about you? Ryan Murphy. Oh, that was Ryan Murphy. Yeah. Yeah. I've never seen him talk before. I thought he was just some really flaming assistant. No, no, that's Ryan Murphy. They were just like, well, he sure didn't get anywhere from second day. That's funny. When she was like, let me go my BFF Tyler Perry disconnected. Yeah, that was great. That was good. But she laughs about it. That's good. She was dying inside though. Yeah, I don't know what to say about him. I will say that he's got a second season of a show that's actually good right now, which is very rare for him. But I'm watching American Horror Story and that shows effing crazy. I wish there was a show called American Horror Story. I would watch that. You already are. I think this is fun. It looks like Obama just won. I think they're going crazy on TV. Yeah, CNN's being I'm watching CNN and they're being very Ohio is now officially Obama. Oh, it's yellow on CNN. CNN's being conservative. They're being they don't want to know that Fox News is calling Obama. Oh, yeah. Well, Obama's at 262 on Fox News. I hate that I'm on the news channel that's behind. They're being so considerative. Come on, CNN, switch it over. All right. So wait, let's go on to Miami because we're running out of time. I got to be real. Before you go to Miami, Atlanta kind of was boring to me. Yeah, it was totally boring. It was a hundred percent boring. Okay, I'm glad I'm not the only one. I'm still totally invested. People are screaming outside. So I think Obama won. Yeah, I'm sure the hunks are going to start happening soon. I think that it was probably MJ getting some getting her sliders on. Okay, now let's just hope that the Republicans take this time to stop hitting gay people and trying to decide what women should do with their bodies. Okay, that's not for that. Okay, so what's up with a Housewives of Miami? This was a long time ago. I don't remember. Really? The big part about this, there were two things that happened that were there were no worthy. One was that Leah's dog got sick and Leah started to cry. And I don't want to make fun of Leah because we love Leah. Oh, we love her. But like, he's no milieu. No milieu. He was he's not a proud dog. By the way, I've got my windows in because these people are screaming. This is like in here, though. It sounds like you're right. It sounds like a guy that sounds like a meadow bomber headquarters. No, milieu. Yeah, I mean, this poor dog is nothing compared to milieu. But so that happened. And then this weird guy who recites the vowels to sanctify places or to make them pure or whatever. Those are vowels. I know. That's all he was doing. In case you didn't know. Yeah, that's just vowels, buddy. Do you got anything else? Are you channeling a dead muppet right now? I'm so distracted by the people screaming right now. I can barely even focus on it. I mean, like, okay. Excuse me, everyone. My God. Can you hear it? Can you guys? Yes, but you live a block away from me. What the fuck is that? It's people on MJ. MJ is running in the street. Take it. Oh, my God. And lap read. She's gonna put some pomegranates in there. He's gonna stop her face. Get your hummus girl. Get your hummus on girl. She's like in a shower of saffron rice right now. She's running through the streets carrying a bowl of meat. She's making hummus angels. She just poured a that. Oh, my God. I want to make a hummus angel in the road. Okay, it's a bit Romney won the story. So anyway, side bar side bar. So here's actually, here's what I really liked about Miami this week was that it was pretty much like the recap episode when everyone told their side of the story of the big fight. And Adriana, the way she told her story was like, you know, I was just, you know, I was trying to get away. And you know, she pulled on my she pulled on my shoulder. And you know, I was like, she took a knife and stabbed me in the heart and then shot me in the head. And you know, I had to stop her. And I said very politely. And you know, she she came into my conversation with Karen, and I had to be very, very polite. And I was like, could you please the conversation? I really do not, I don't want to glue you in this. I like you too much for you to be in it. What really happens to her being like, but I'm sorry. I agree with every single thing that Adriana said and did over the past two weeks. And I hate Joanna. But when she started to say that like tapping me on the back of the shoulder was like shooting me in the head and stabbing me in the face. And in the heart, I was like, that's, you know, I like drama, but that's just a tad dramatic. It was like, it was. I was assaulted. Yeah. And then Joanna, of course, was like, you know, I just wanted to go and just like, just see what was going on. And then she kicked me in the nuts. Yeah, John, a group. Which she does have. And she did reach for her and try and yank her around as she was following her berating her. She deserved to get smacked in the face. I mean, people did not like that last week when I was when we were whoever were saying that she deserved it. Yes, he did. I will say it again. She deserved to get punched. Yes, he really did. By the way, CNN has now finally officially projected that Obama is it has been reelected. So that's way to go CNN. You're really, uh, you're really on it. You're on the. Where's Wolf Blitzer standing somewhere? I like some wolf. I feel like MJ is gonna run in the studio any second now and knock him over and shove hummus down his throat. I love that. Watch what happens announced before CNN did. Oh my god. Are there any states that haven't called it yet so that we can call it right now and say that we really did beat it? I don't know. There's no like footage from Africa right now in CNN. People like dancing. Oh, that's not offensive. That's more offensive than you trying to sound like Candy Burris. Oh my god. That's always have to be like a special needs fravel because she sort of if you listen, she kind of does sound like that. Hmm. Oh, above all the haters. It's candy. My sister in law, by the way, says thank God for gay rights. So thanks. Thanks, Carrie. Um, um, but anyway, speaking of gay rights back to this. Real house was in Miami. Um, I did. I was at Leah who was like, wow, I just can't believe how these two stories can be totally different. It's like it's because they're both crazy bitches. And that's the problem. Yeah, exactly. Like could you imagine if they were testifying on a court of law? I mean, you have a missed trial every single time. So what do you think about this, um, party or the Leah gala or whatever that they all went to? And the black gala and they were set next to tables next to each other. And they drew on it just the whole time. I was like, Oh, look at that stupid slat over there. That's right. Yeah, look at that stupid whore. Um, but that's like any time I go to the Abbey in West Hollywood, like that's just how it is. Like if that's how it is in a gay man's world and a gay man's world is the same thing as the Real Housewives of Miami. It's actually, it's very similar. It's, I mean, it is a hundred percent true. Like, do you not have a little dog? You have a little dog. He's got a drink. He's kind of a fuck actually. Okay. I've gotten a drink thrown on me in a bar. I've been pushed in this swimming pool. Like this is just how we roll. This is, you know, this is exactly like Real Housewives of Miami. It's like everything that you'd find in a gay bar. Flashy clothes, flashy people, women who look like men, men who look like women and Gloria Sefan. Or yeah, playing on a loop. Yeah. And Joe Francis just showing up without a shirt on. Exactly. Which I have no problem with. FYI Joe, not a problem. Um, meanwhile, I also liked, um, how Alexia continues to absolutely hate Corinne and like, wow, Alexia was talking to someone and a friend comes over and she's like, well, this is what she does. She comes over, she wants to interrupt. That's okay. That's okay. That's what she was going to do. And she's, I was like, I love where Evil Alexia came from. I mean, I love Evil Alexia, but like last season, she was such a wallflower. She has reason to be evil now. She is just like a super like uber protective mommy. And like, if you ruffle her feathers, she will fucking bite your face off. And they all know that Adriana is fucking crazy and they just don't care. They're going to stand up for her anyway. Oh, regardless, regardless. They know she's nuts. No, it's even pretending that that's not happening. So what else happened on this stupid show? What happened with Marta, this, this go around. I totally forget. She looking, what she looking glassy eyes in the back corner. All abused. She kept staring at the floor and avoiding everyone's gaze. It's really still so tact to be an actress in Miami. Yeah, it's really hard because I'm not as pretty as Joanna. She is 90 times prettier than Joanna. Daisy and I are going to have a one woman show, even though it's two women, it's just going to be one women and we're just going to be like, she's going to sit on my shoulders and we're going to read the back labels of mayonnaise. Did Marta, by the way, I don't know. I'm sorry. I just, I just was, I was like, I have to finish this somehow. I'm just going to just wait till the next word comes out of my mouth. And that's going to be a wrap on that weird, weird tangent. I'm not going to pretend to know Spanish this time. Or was that the previous episode where she was like, they do. Yeah, with like Lisa's like made lady. And Marta was like, Oh yeah, I'm from Poland, but I'm pretending to speak Spanish. Yeah, it's another Polish immigrants trying to fill her plates. So do we have anything really more about Miami? Because I don't even remember any of it. I think it's going to be good. Because I think that's when Elsa gets yelled at. Yeah, I I remember there when I was watching Miami thinking like, Oh my God, there's so much funny stuff. But at this point, I'm like my brain is fried. I'm distracted with the TV and people screaming in the streets and MJ pouring on this over everything. So I'm really useless. I'm used to this is finally coming to an end. Thank God. It's been so obnoxious. Oh, I can't deal with all those face posts enough people. Oh God, enough Facebook. Guess what? No one cares. I've had to stop looking at Facebook. Do you know how much my porn consumption has gone up in this past three months? A lot through the roof, right? Ridiculous. And I don't I don't like babies. And I now miss seeing my friends, like obnoxious baby photos on Facebook. Bring those back. Get rid of this election. You guys are talking about your baby that you think is cute. Like doing something stupid that I don't care about. You know what this all tells me? I got to get off Facebook. That's what I got to do. Well, then you'll never know what's going on. I mean, Facebook is a necessary evil. It's only way, you know, when someone's got a birthday or, you know, blah, blah, blah, you got to know you got to stay on Facebook until something better is there. Uh, what a world. What a world guys. What a world. Okay, before we go, I want to talk about some parts of Silicon Valley. Yeah, yeah. I actually really liked it. Oh, with with Camion and how she lives in Silicon Valley. And I'm doing a really great acting. I don't even know. I'm just like, I can't do anything. They are no gallery girls. Yeah, I was, I thought it was pretty awful. It was maybe they would put in some of the gallery girls I'd watch it. The only, okay, first of all, they're trying to make these kids seem like they were somewhat cool or like the San Francisco lifestyle. It's cool. Look, I have a lot of friends who live up there. San Francisco is awesome, but it's not a cool place. I'm sorry. It's just not. It's not, you know, there's good restaurants and there's good shopping and it's not cool. Yeah, it's like farm to table life. Okay up there. It's that, you know, cool places are LA, Vegas, Miami, New York City. I'm sorry. Those two cool places. And that's it. And you forgot to mention Atlanta and Orange County. Those are all the cool places where all the housewives are then was like reeling off like all the cities and I was like, Oh, they're secretly all the housewives. No, not Las Vegas. Not Franklin Lakes. Not for. I'm sorry. Franklin Lakes is the coolest. I mean, Chateau. I mean, cafes. The epicenter, epicenter of fashion and beauty. It is an egg salad. But I don't know. I just thought like the people, you know, I like that there were two British people on there, you know, so when I was watching, I was making British jokes and the stupid girl has the union Jackson or pillows. She's very on the nose, but I don't know. Yeah, I mean, I'm gonna watch it, but I am more excited for the return of Top Chef Seattle. Oh, yes, Padma. Well, Padma dancing in that. Oh, in that fucking hilarious first, using the moves she learned on glitter. But I think that Silicon Valley is actually good, but I did worry because there was not anybody that I was like imitating. That's usually that's usually a sign. That's a sign death. Yeah, there's not really a camp factor. Listen, I watched it. Yeah, exactly. That's I watched the first half with Michelle Collins and Lisa Timmons. And if I'm watching with those two women and we're not like still having the best time because you know, it's like they're so funny and you can sort of like watch crap and still have like be cracking up. It's, you know, it's a parameter. That is the barometer. That is the pole. Yeah, I think it's super interesting to watch because I'm not familiar with that life at all. So I like seeing that. And I think that it's so funny that these are supposed to be these brilliant kids and our business ideas are like an app. Okay, one of them is an app that tells you if you do good things and eat good things and you get points and you get more more lifespan. So you're like trying to achieve a good it's a Tom Gucci for your goddamn phone. Yeah, for yourself. And that guy, by the way, has had crazy plastic surgery, which was shocking to me. Who the British guy, the young guy? Oh, wait, I thought you're talking about the game. No, the gay guys got a different one. He's got another health one. Yeah, that's a goal thing where you set a goal and it's like you guys, they already have these apps. I mean, yes, Christ, come up with something original. Those are horrible, horrible, horrible ideas. You get lifespan. So what God's going to check your iPhone to make sure that you don't have any points left before he takes you from cancer, stupid. And will they refund the app when people die? The whole thing was just like way too dark. Here's the thing Bravo needs to understand what it's good at and what people want from it, which is that we want to see middle-aged people who could be caddy and tacky. Okay, like Mars, I think it'd be and if they're going to be young, they got to be caddy is all hell like gallery girls. Okay. Well, don't you think they should just why? That's all they need. That's all they need because that's why the shots of sunset is coming back in December, which gives us our young tacky. And then our middle-aged tacky is the million-dollar decorators. And I could not be more excited for those two shows. Yeah. And shots of sunset, quite frankly, is myth is is for TV, it's middle-aged tacky because they're all like, they're mid 30s. Yeah, they're like friends tacky. Well, they all say that they're 22, but they're really all 47. Yeah, like friends. Yeah. Yeah. You know, by the way, they got rid of Samia's not on the cast anymore of shots of sunset. Tier. Oh, tier. Maybe he's buried in Muhammad's backyard. Maybe he's doing stand-in work for Danny DeVito now. Maybe he's doing stand-in work for Dom de Louise. Oh, RIP, RIP, or Paul Provenza. Oh, too soon. Paul Provenza died? But isn't Paul Provenza the chef that looks like Dom de Louise? Oh, is that-- Oh, is Paul Provenza the media's comic? Yeah. Oh, yeah, sorry. He's a comedian that has a show on Showtime. Never mind. He's still alive. Don't anybody worry. He's not dead. But Samia can still do stand-in work for him. See, we call the presidential election before CNN, but then we fuck up Paul Proven. So, while our credit is shot. Who are we? Could imagine Paul Provenza actually listens to this. It's like, "Oh, my God, I'm alive." If you're a straight man and you're listening to this show, please leave a message on our Facebook page and tell us what you think. Oh, wait. No, wait a second. Guys, there's one thing we have not talked about whatsoever and we have to talk about it. Say it in Leah's voice if you're going to do it like that. We have to talk about it. It's really important that we talk about it. The three of us, over the weekend, went and saw the real drunk step-- us-- real drunk housewives at San Fernando Valley, which is playing here in Los Angeles. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we were, you know, our-- We got the VIP treatment. Yeah, we got Natalie, Natalie, who set it up for us. She's on our Facebook page. She invited us. We went. We had a really fun time and not only that, you know, who was in the audience? Well, you guys know. It was Vicki Gumbelson. She was there. Yeah, a little Vic was there. We had like a-- we were like-- we were interacting with a housewife, the three of us, live. And we-- I got too nervous. Oh, I got nervous and I was like, I'm not talking to her. I did. I just said hi. And she said hi. And then she posed with the poster of the show. Yeah, we were off. And then she posed for some other pictures. And then she posed for some other pictures. And then she posed with-- that's the kind of woman to go to the zoo just because she knows people are there who are going to take her picture. Yeah, she-- Right, when the show goes off the air, she will be going to the shopping mall into the zoo every day to get her photos taken. You're going to do the soap dish scene. Totally. She had a gay with her who I thought was so cute. And-- What? Yeah, the Filipino is sort of looking one. Oh, Ben. Yeah, I like him. So if you're listening, Filipino man. Yeah, thanks for the show. That was a really fun show, you guys. Thanks for having us. Vicki was cracking up like crazy. She was having a time of her life. I liked that girl, Ricky. I think that she runs a housewives blog or Tumblr called Housewives Rag. And she is the star of that fucking show. Yeah, she was great. Yeah. Yeah, see you guys. And check it out. Just Google Real Drunk Housewives at the San Fernando Valley. And it's playing in Hollywood for the rest of the month, I believe. They keep getting extended over and over again. So they'll probably be around for longer. Yeah. And they serve Takate Light. And maybe you'll have a real housewife in your audience with you because I guess Tamara went and saw a rehearsal and Aviva left a recording that gets played at the end of the show. If Tamara had been there the night that we were there, I would have gotten into a fight with her. I'm not even fucking kidding. She would have thrown some wine in your face. There is no housewife I hate more than Tamara fucking Scank Bitch Barney. Larissa Pippen, I think, is my least favorite. I'm Teresa. Wow, Larissa Pippen, she didn't really even have time to do that much bad stuff. Yeah. Well, yeah, it's funny. We were having this conversation earlier. The reason why I hate Larissa Pippen so much is that she's hateful and vile, but not even in an entertaining way. Like there was nothing. She doesn't even make an impression. So she's a waste of space and she's vile. So what's she's like a terrible, terrible example of humanity. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, that's great. And the podcast on, huh? Yeah, I know. It's like silence. We all agree. We hate her. How fun is that? How fun is that? I'm going to go to Chicago and find Larissa Pippen and invoice her for the basketball. She left on my property. I gave it the freedom. She made it into helmet. How fun is that? That one, her braids are ruined. So I got to curl her hair. Hey, you guys, when does Top Chef begin tomorrow tomorrow night? Yeah. Wednesday. For those of you who may be listening. Oh, yeah. So tonight, if you're listening today on Wednesday. Yeah, then it's tonight. Okay. And definitely talk about that. Maybe we should do something just for that. I'm Miami. I think the scale and Miami this week is on Sunday, I believe. Oh, okay. Just okay. Well, you guys can find me Ronnie at TV Gasm on Twitter. You can find Ben at the side blog. You can find Matt at life on the end list. I'm recapping this season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills for TV Gasm. So go there to read my recaps. Or I will post them on the Facebook page. I'll also be doing coming next week, redubs for the show all season long. So again, go to TV Gasm or come to our Facebook page. Watch what crappins forward slash watch what crappins or follow us on Twitter at what crappins. Okay, everybody. And I'll promise I'll work on my candy burst on personation. By the end of the season, I want you to sound just like her. It'll get there. This is like, it's gonna get there. It's okay. You commit to candy and I will commit to Phaedra. All right. Oh my God. And I'm just gonna commit to still being like the bitch in the background. Yeah. How about you commit to getting your penis off the internet? Because if I ever run across that, you're in big trouble with me buddy. How will you know? I don't put my face with it. Oh, okay. Then never mind. Keep it on. Okay, everybody. Thanks so much. Talk to you next time. Bye. Bye. I said I didn't need your baby. I said I'd get lost. I thought I could make it without your baby. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the side show network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass. Lies a slice finger, slicing, driving friends with it for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitforitcomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here and it's funny. And I love you. A few days ago, Brooke Todine posted an inspirational quote on her wall that got 17 likes and three comments. Thumbs up, Brooke. Geico also wants to make a comment. In just 15 minutes, you could save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to Geico. And nothing says inspiration better than saving money. Well, except for those posters that say things like teamwork, excellence, and make it happen. Hashtag keep climbing. Hashtag savings. Geico, 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. If you like Watchbook Crapins, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey. In a quiet suburb, a community is shattered by the death of beloved wife and mother. But this tragic loss of life quickly turns into something even darker. Her husband had tried to hire a hitman on the dark web to kill her. And she wasn't the only target. Because buried in the debt to the internet is the kill list. A cache of chilling documents containing names, photos, addresses, and specific instructions for people's murders. This podcast is the true story of how it ended up in a race against time to warn those who lives were in danger. And it turns out convincing a total stranger someone wants them dead is not easy. Follow Kill List on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Kill List and more Exhibit C true crime shows like Morbid early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Check out Exhibit C in the Wondery app for all your true crime listening.