Blowin' (Joe Francis) Like a Hurricane
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#44: Blowin' (Joe Francis) Like a Hurricane
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One audiobook to consider is, well, I don't know, maybe class with account is. You can learn how to use your forks or you can listen to Andy Cohen's biography about how fun it is to ask women about their plastic surgery on a national TV and make a fight like a bunch of catty bitches. Or maybe Carol's book about being a widow when you're old and having sex and stuff. You can get a free audiobook of your choice at audiblepodcast.com/funny. That's audiblepodcast.com/funny. Get your free book! Reading is for suckers. Listen to y'all bucks! And now let's get on with the show. Hey everybody, welcome to Watch What Crafts and Podcasts about all things crappening on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karen with tvgasm.com and I'm here with Ben Mattelker from b-side blog. Hello, Ben. Hi there. And with Matt Whitfield from Yahoo TV. Hello, Matt. Hola. So today we have a huge double episode of Real Housewives of Miami to talk about the slap head around the world. But first let's get to Little Housewives Gossip. Yeah. Wait, what about our Twitter names and stuff like that? Oh, I forgot. Sorry everybody. Okay, before that you can find me at TV Gossip. You can find Ben at B-side blog and you can find Matt @life on the M-list. Please join us on our Facebook page at Facebook.com/watchwhatcraphens or on Twitter @whatcraphens. Okay. That really demanded a bossa nova scoring in the background. That would have been lovely. Do do do do do do. I can always put it in later. I was gonna say now we have to add it in post. Yeah, we have to. Although my version sort of sounded like a pause screen for Super Mario Brothers. That's okay. Yeah, it's more or less the same music. It's basically the same writers who write the house, the housewives music. They just have better synthesizers now. Oh God, I would love to do Real Housewives. Those do all sound like video games and really since it's about a bunch of plastic people walking around punching each other in the tit. It's fitting. How dare you call them plastic? It's like just like Corinth. Oh gosh, how I wish I could throw a fireball and maybe a spiky object from a cloud or Corinth. Maybe a hammer. She deserves worse than not. Yeah, isn't it funny how last week it went from oh everybody's being mean to this poor girl is just trying to be nice to this week where it's like see word. She has to carry your pizza. Okay, so first I wanted to play you guys some of this audio. I won't play you the whole thing but this is coming from the Kyle and Jackie Osho. A couple of Aussies I guess who are talking about Taylor Arms or who are talking to Taylor Armstrong while she's on a vacation in Mexico and she's wasted. Oh God. So let's listen. Hello. How are you? You're in Mexico. Are you having a bit of a holiday, huh? I'm in Mexico and I'm so happy of no idea. Why are you so happy of the one? It's funny. It's just fabulous. It looks just like Australia. You have a little afternoon of a down there. You gotta love Taylor because suddenly she's Meryl Streep in that movie where the dingo ate her baby. Are you kidding me? She makes Kim Richard seem sane. It's just like Australia. I love Mexico. It's like the Sombreras and the Pueblos. It's just like being in Sydney. I'm gonna come to Australia soon. Chappy, chappy. Hi, yo, chappy. I am like having such a good time not thinking about how I drove my husband to suicide. Where do you think Baby Reagan is right now? I don't know. Wherever snowball is, that's for sure. Probably a little vault. A little vault in Westwood. The worst thing is, you know, everything that's happening to this poor kid. Fortunately, we know that that kid's a brat and she's gonna grow up to be a horror show of a human being. But at the time, you know, for now, she's a child, so we have to be nice to her. And she gets my pity, that's for sure, because Taylor is a fucking mess. And later in this interview, she goes on to say how she's found the love of her life. And she doesn't say who it is. But the rumor has it. She's still dating that John Blue air. I thought I thought the love of her life was someone named like, Stoli Don. Like Don Don web Julio. I think that was his name, maybe. She's like, tank tank array. Yeah, she's a mess. And the rumor has it that she's still boning her married attorney who was getting her through her brussel stuff. Let me tell you mean her attorney slash therapist. Oh, was it that? No, no, no, that was there. Yeah, that was just the bravo therapist. The bravo therapist. Yeah, doctor. Bravo appointed therapist. Now, listen, let me tell you something. So I saw looper over the weekend. I'm not gonna give anything away because of Russell. There's a child. There's a child in looper. And I'm fairly Ronnie, you're terrible. I am. I am. I am. I believe that this that Kennedy is going to it's going to be this child from looper. And if anyone seemed looper knows what I'm talking about. Oh, my God. Well, but and I don't think so because oh, see, this is going to be a well, I don't think it'll be a spoiler alert, but I don't think so because that kid ends up being kind of a hero, right? No. The kid scary as shit. You know what? I really don't understand a lot of movies. But what? I really don't understand a lot of movies. Like, I just don't have that kind of brand that can follow plots. That's why I have to watch housewives shows where it's just like screaming and yelling and hitting. That's all I understand. Now, I would love to see a looper version of the Real Housewives where like the like like current day Kim Kim Richards goes back in time to escape from which mountain can mature they're down, but they're not really trying to kill each other. They're just trying to fight over an electronic cigarette. Hey, little girl Kim Richards, listen here. I'm big Kim Richards. Don't let Kyle steal your house. She's coming. I believe this electronics cigarette from the future. Hey, you see how Kyle has that giant purse? It'll fit your house inside a bit. Watch out, little girl. You're gonna love airplanes at the Van Nuys airport. Just get ready for that. Ask your mom. Ask your mom to stop putting pots and pans on your head to cut your hair in a line. It looks stupid in the future. Okay, here's something for the future. When Maurice has a party in Hawaii, make sure you get the early plane. Don't don't hang out on the bathroom floor looking for your makeup because you're gonna miss the early plane and I'll get to three days later. Hey, it's a pigeon. Hey, in the future, you're gonna take a real ugly guy in the mouth breeze and be careful because you're gonna get pregnant with a shoe, a discount shoe. I love lemons, but not like the yellow ones. I like them to be sort of like orange and you call them oranges though. So my boys, by the way, it was starting to drift into Leah Blackfoy. It started to get a little high pitched at the end. It's like it's somewhere between Leah Black and Kyle Razzuel is where it can reach us. We have a few more weeks to perfect this. We're not coming back until what November 5th with the season premiere. A few more weeks, a few more days. Speaking of Carol Razzuel, did you guys go and ever listen to her audiobook on audible.com? I don't know. Could I get an audible podcast.com/funny? Yes! If you go to audiblepodcast.com/funny, you can download a free audiobook like "Maybe Carol's Widows Making Love in the Rain." That's all I have to say about her. So now I also saw I finally saw the Dark Knight rises last night, so I'm very much in the mindset of being like for everything. It's like everything's like loud and intense. That was another movie I didn't get that Dark Knight rises. Were the villains the Occupy Wall Street people? I know, right? This is like not good for the 99%ers because you know what? According to this movie, they're all assholes and they're like in a tear-nounce society. I totally am. They kind of are. And yeah, I was about to say, it didn't really change my mind. Exactly. I am a 99%. I'm like, we're the worst. Yeah, I know. We kind of like ruined the whole city. So by New York, sorry, we were worse than Hurricane Sandy. I hope everybody's okay out there in Hurricane Sandy. Oh yeah, which I would love a news alert on Sonya's townhouse. Okay, I just got one from the website Wet Paint. Sonya Morgan was tweeting All Night Long last night, guys. It says Sonya, whose house was previously damaged in Hurricane Irene in 2011. Oh my god, I didn't know that. Did you guys? Oh yeah, I don't know. I like it. I like it. Sonya should have mentioned that on the show. I know she really should have. She tweeted all night. It seems she was uber prepared. Okay, listen to this. She even filled her tub with water so she could flush the toilet if the water was lost. She even filled her ass with all the plumbers and roofers dicks in New York City. Just in case she needed them to help dig her out. She was probably the one she's so poor. She probably took a job as a crane operator, which is probably what happened to the 57th street crane thing that's going on right now. Oh, because she was operating it in a fella part. Yeah, she's like, oh, you know, I left it. There's fine. It's fine. Well, I have a family. They didn't want to lower the crane. It's very proud. It's a proud crane. You know that when it does finally fall off, it's going to like land on the street, bounce, bounce over like five buildings and land directly on her townhouse. What do you think Aviva was doing last night? I mean, her anxiety is already through the roof on a normal day. Do you think that she like hopped a plane to Thailand or like Canada last week? Or what did she do? She was like a loony tunes like Black Cat that gets scared and it's like clawed onto the roof and like shaking. I think that she is while wearing a gas mask and taking sip, bro. I think that since they're not filming, she no longer has any phobias. I think that's all a bunch of made up bullshit. She's probably like in a corner. She's probably in a corner rocking back and forth, cuddling her leg as usual. I think she's yelling at Hurricane Sandy for not thanking Reed for calming her down. I think that she was considering changing all of her children's names to Sandy because she likes to rotate. She's probably like, oh, Hurricane Sandy, I bet you think you look real powerful when you mash up with a nor'easter. Don't you? That's why you did it. Makes you look real strong to be a super storm. How could you not bring up banner Hurricane Sandy? How dare you? You're disgusting. All these terms, you're all white trash white frankly. Quite frankly. I bet you're pointing out how not dry Sonya is, aren't you? Makes you feel real sober, don't it? This isn't about you. This is about the buildings on 57th Street that don't have cranes. We're all going to help. Oh, thank God. As I always say, the only person in heaven's going to be my meme on that ain't going to be no fun. Okay, let's see. Another tailor. I've got so many tailor windows open because I had to read that tailor interview on 20 different websites. Well, why don't we just go into Miami? I mean, what else is there to say? I mean, we had two episodes of Miami since the last podcast with Leah Black, which, Matt, I'm so sorry you had to miss that. You have no idea. At least she retweeted me when I posted it. That was good. Yes. No, she was fantastic. She was hilarious. Her voice is so sing-songy and to be able to listen to it for like 45 minutes was just a dream. She is the star of that goddamn show. I don't care what anybody says. Her and Adriana. I'm like team Adriana, team Leah Black. I don't care about the rest of those bitches. Yeah. And I'll tell you, I'm like anti-team Joanna Krupa for crying and current. I hate Joanna and current with all of my being. I do love that we call her current, though. That's like my favorite thing. It's either going to be current or Karen T. And I don't want to call her Karen T. Or Karen T. Or Karen T. Okay, that's better. No, I still like Karen to the most. All right, so they're both like awful women. I think that Joanna, I don't know who's worse, correct? Joanna is the worst. Joanna is pretty awful. Where do we begin? Where should we start guys? Well, I like that Karen is a name that sounds like Brangelina, but for care and cunt. It's like a caring cunt. And I think that she's not kidding me. Well, but she acts like it. She's always got that Joker smile. Like she's just caring about you, but she's really just the kind at the end of the day. All she does is drop bombs and then like dust her hands off and step back in the kitchen and let everybody else fight around. You know that bitch goes into an elevator and farts on purpose and then just looks at somebody else and flashes that faux smile. She really does. Well, why don't we talk about this party? So basically the party started on Thursday's episode and the last like 15 minutes of Thursday's episode. And basically Karen started the sort of the pot like right off the bat. The first thing that happened was you have nut job Joanna Koopa there who sees like and sort of before we even go there, you say this Koopa bitch. Okay, Joanna Koopa had leather Louis Vuitton bags just laying on the ground while she was doing that whole fur and people who were fur deserved to die. And this whole thing that she's you know, first of all, PETA kills more animals than the Humane Society. Do you guys know that? They don't they they kill so many animals at PETA that is fucking ridiculous. And all you have to do is Google that to look these celebrities are such morons. They get up there just to show their tits in like a new and interesting way. And that's really all they're doing. They don't give a shit about animals. Look at all that leather on the ground. Give me a break. I got it. I got to say something and this is going to make me seem like a total hypocrite. But you know, what's new? I'm a diehard vegetarian. I am against people wearing fur. But I do have leather seats in my car and I just ordered a glamorous new leather leather couch and I don't give a shit. Well, neither does she. But you're not threatening to murder us if you see us. No, but I kind of want to murder you if you eat like a hamburger in front of me. But at the same time, I'm like, if you're already eating the hamburger, I might as well take the pretty flesh and make it into a glam couch. Well, I'm only a month long vegetarian. So I haven't really built up the judgmentalism that I need to do it the Krupa style because that because that's crazy. Don't we think the real problem with her though is her drinking problem and her crazy problem. It's less about the fur and it's more about she's mentally unstable. Hey, she's just a Polish immigrant trying to get a plate of food. That was that was amazing. That was amazing. I'm going too far ahead. So let's let's recap. Well, so so basically Joanna, she's decided that her whole thing in life is that she hates fur and she hates and they're for Mary Salza. Right. And so Marisol comes in with this, you know, basically a dead animal wrapped around her shoulders. That was TBD. It did not look so real to me. Yeah. Thank you. I agree. Actually, to me, it looked like it looked a little forever 21. Forever 81. I think it was say I'm being very generous. Well, wasn't it her great grandmothers? I mean, that wouldn't have been like during the depression or some shit. I'm sure it's probably an alpaca from, you know, 1804. He's probably like expired cheese. That alpaca was probably like fucking kill me. Skin me. It's probably just a distorted version of George Washington's wig. Just got torn out of place and turned into a stole a nightgown that Elsa's grandmother spilled some yogurt on, you know, 50 years ago. And it's just grown a lot of hair. It's probably just some poor bunny that accidentally stepped into Sonya's toaster and toaster. Like the toaster actually like squashes thing. It's like a Peony Press inside, probably. It's a very proud bunny jacket. That's a proud anime. So, anyway, I love so like Marissa walks in with this thing. It's fine. And Joanna's like, I can't believe you'd wear that. Like, I'm here. I can't believe she would do that. You know, she knows I'm here. I can't believe she would do that to me. You know, I love animals. That's fur. You know, that was skinned alive. Only terrible people. She deserves to die. Stupid bitch. I'll kill that bitch. I'm like, whoa, Joanna. No, she gets a little, she gets a little Scarface up in there. I mean, Scarface is Miami, but she's like, um, wait, you're from Poland. Yeah, it's more like Cokeface. But anyway, what then Karen, of course, is like right up Joanna's ass because, you know, Joanna is like the most famous of all these women. So, Karen is like, like, okay, I would go around the interference. So, she goes up and then she's like, oh, you know, I don't, I just don't want you to hurt anyone's feelings to Marisol. And it's like the most ridiculous thing of all. I mean, it's so presumptuous. It's so not Karen's place at all. And now all of a sudden, now we have a few that's brewing there. But I love how current does it. She goes up and she's like, um, is this fur? What is this? Is this fur? Is this real? Is this fur? What is this? I love that Marisol was like, I don't even know. She's already like, wasted herself. And you know, and you know, by the way, and you know that, like, if Karen were ever invited to some famous Furrier's house, she would show up head to toe looking like an Eskimo. And demanding photos and then tweet them before Adrian and piss everybody off. Exactly. Like she would she would show up to George Lucas's house, buying one of those beats that Luke Skywalker, like, kills and steps inside to for warmth. That's what that's what Karen would show up in. I don't know why I went that play. So I think it's because I just read that Disney bought Lucasfilm. It's on top of my mind. I'm sorry. Very topical. All my all my metaphors and jokes are gonna be Star Wars related. So just get ready. Makes sense. Okay. So any of the talks like Jar Jar Binks. Marisol though kind of doesn't give a fuck that Karen is trying to stir the pod. She's kind of just like brushing it off. But then Joanna, I mean, does Joanna lose her shit because she's an alcoholic? You can live out your MasterChef dreams. When you find a professional on Angie to tackle your dream kitchen remodel. Connect with skilled professionals to get all your home projects done well. Inside to outside repairs to renovations. Get started on the Angie app or visit Angie.com today. You can do this when you Angie that. With Credit Karma finding the right credit card for you is easy. Our app analyzes user profiles to suggest personalized recommendations. Visit credit karma.com today to explore cards tailored to your needs. Credit Karma simplifying your financial choices. I think she or she's just a lightweight because clearly she's also in her exit. She loses her shit for I think a variety of reasons. I think it's she has the hurricane hurricane Sandy of reasons for why she ever loses her shit. It's just a lot of different things going on all coming to a terrible head. It's just her nature. You know that that's the thing if you're going to say Hurricane Sandy is just her she's a horrible whore. Naturally she's horrible. When she makes somebody like Joe Francis look like a God. Thank you. There is a serious problem and he came off looking amazing last night. He really did and by the way we're trying to get Joe Francis to come on the podcast. He said he was down for it and then I'm just working with his assistant to get him on here. But I think he may have thought this was watch what happens not watch what crappins. So we'll see. Hilarious. Yeah, but you don't know if you really want him on this show because my only question is so you basically admitted raping a child on national TV. How do you feel about that? She was 17. No, that was funny. She wasn't. Joanna Krupa was actually let's let's switch over to watch what happens really quick because after this Corrent and Joanna were both on what what happens. Did you guys watch it? Yes. No. So basically Corrent is still stirring the pot. She's still sitting there talking really like making Joanna crazy while she's sitting right next to her. But Joanna basically just came on a screamed and yelled the whole time. Adriana came on the phone. She they screamed and yelled the whole time. You couldn't hear a thing. But one thing that Joanna did point out is that Jo is saying that he boned them both right when they moved to Miami and that would have made Martha 13 years old which is no direct that yesterday and say that she moved there when she was 17 and she probably turned 18 very quickly after that. Yeah, I mean he probably had on the show. You know, it's funny. I thought the same thing when she said yeah like I was 17 when I moved to Miami. I was like oh wow. So so Jo Francis was involved with some potentially underage Jo Francis. Jo Francis has like a penthouse at the port. So when young girls get off the boat, he's ready to roll. I'll be sure to tell him that. I was like, yeah, so come on the podcast. This is what we've been saying. Hey, hey, I like him. I like him and I'm glad that he did both of them. And I think it's hilarious that he said it in front of Romaine Lettuce and upset Joanna because guess what? Anybody who wants to upset Joanna is a friend of mine. And you know what? Romaine Lettuce, what did he do? Nothing. He just sat there and you know I sat there because he knew it was the truth. He knows it's the truth and he also hates his girlfriend and realizes that she's an alcoholic anorexic bitch and he pieced out when shit hit the fan last night and I don't blame him. Well, also notice that he has no problem fighting with Adriana because she's a woman. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Listen. So, you know, Joe Francis, you know, Joe Francis got Leah Black's big seal of approval both on our podcast and on the show. So you got to give him some credit for that. You got to give him props. He's a smart businessman. Any response to emails? You know, he responded. I emailed him. I said, well, come on the show and he emailed, it's back. And not everyone does that. Not everyone does. I think he's hot and I'm going to just put it out there. Yeah, you know, hot, hot, hot. He actually is, he's not bad looking. He's not a bad looking guy. But you know, though, so his claim was that he mentions that he slept with both the girls, like both the group of sisters. So let's take a let's take a pause right here. Who would you rather sleep with? I think Marta is way hotter than Joanna. I think Joanna has better bragging rights, though. And let's be honest, that's the only reason why because she's a she's a Peter spokesperson. No, because she's on Dancing with the Stars. Oh, and that makes her a class act. I would sleep with Joanna because Joanna would get the hell out of my house next day and pretend it would never happened. And Marta would never leave there. Yeah, she never leave. And she's where orange eyeshadow the entire cry. She'd cry the entire time. And she'd pretend that she speaks Spanish so that she could be consoled by a by a by a made made a made slash pastor slash future boob job. Yeah, slash slash the pastor with the nicest tits. If any parish ever slash alcoholic. But anyway, so so Joe says this stuff. So Corrent immediately goes and she doesn't even just tell Joanna like, Hey, look, you know, Jo's been saying this. She just brings them both together. And it's like so so Joanna Joanna, Jo's been saying that he's up with you. Like, what the fuck is she doing? Right in front of her boyfriend as well. What like, who does she think she is for doing this? Not her place. Yeah, I'm not her place. She's horrible. She's a horrible human being. And this episode was actually really good because we finally got to see that she really is a horse. And she deserves everything that she's gonna get. And I love it. Yeah, I mean, doesn't doesn't current thing for one moment that maybe like if she brought this up to Joanna, it'd be hugely embarrassing to her. If she has up with Joe, it'd be embarrassing to Joanna. She hands up with Joe. It's just it's just all it is. It's just gonna make a fight. Like, what's the point? I'm sorry, Matt. Go. No, go ahead. Go ahead. I was just gonna say she obviously really slept with him. Yeah. Obviously. Well, she did. And you can see that in like the preview for the next episode. And it's just Adriana. And she's throwing her hands up in there and she's going, why would she get so worked up about it unless she didn't bone him? You know, clearly she did. Yeah, like she would have like, honestly, I think if they hadn't had sex, I think that she would have just like laughed it off and been like, whatever, Jo, you wish or something. But on the other hand, then you have Marta giggling drunk and totally drugged out of her mind going like, I'm not gonna answer that question. And then five minutes later, they show her in the kitchen with Jo and they're holding hands. And I love the Bravo cameraman kept zooming in on him holding her hand because you know what happened later that night. Oh, yeah, they'd had to rekindle that romance. They rekindled that shit all night long. Oh, yeah. Of course, Marta, Marta wants those bragging rights too. Just like we want the brag or I want the Joanna Cooper bragging rights. I stuff with someone from Dancing with the Stars. She wants to sleep with Joe Francis again. Well, I can't believe that Joanna is acting like, oh my God, we're all going to be so shocked that a swimsuit model who started as a host on Girls Gone Wild was a whore. I mean, hello. That's the American dream. You've got those dead to use them, girl. I know. I'm like, for Ronnie, you just made me like her for a second because part of me is like props to her for like making it happen. But then she's horrible. See, it's horrible. I mean, you know, this whole I went for 12 years. I went for 12 years in my career. Really 12. You work so hard at 12 years. You're a fucking bikini model. Get over your ship drive magazine. Yeah. Not in everybody's living room coffee table. Not even on the cover of it. Okay. Well, thank you. Well, you're you got passed up and put in the middle of the mag. Mm hmm. Well, you know, who else is awful? Bo from Big Brother Six. Don't eat his triumphant return to pop culture on this episode. Bo, I couldn't believe after after all those weeks of seeing someone getting thrown in the pool that turned out to be Bo from Big Brother Six. Oh, wait. That was that guy was from Big Brother, that little queen. Yeah. So for people. So for people like Ronnie, who don't know what I'm talking about on season six of Big Brother, there was an alliance called the friendship and the friendship was one of the most hated if not the most hated alliance in the history of brother and and maybe in the history of reality TV. It was loathed and Bo was right in the middle of it and Bo was awful. Well, let's be honest, Big Brother and most reality shows are notorious for casting only the most offensive, horrifying, disgusting gay human beings on the face of the earth and he is definitely one of them. I mean, I've really been okay with being gay since I was 15 years old and I never hated myself as much as I hate myself while I watch housewives. Exactly. I mean, I would sign up for a church camp. I would do whatever I can to stop liking weiners after watching that little queen and the drag queen who pushed him into the pool. They're both disgusting. Yeah. Well, Bo is even worse. Bo is terrible because he was there and he starts going off on Leo. He's the worst because he's friends with Corrent. Yeah, exactly. What a tag team that is. Yeah, exactly. Corrent and Bo. And of course, she distanced himself herself from him afterwards, but he is a terrible person. Like, and we have literally two and a half months of documentation on CBS of how awful he is. This is not what we saw on on Miami. It was not him playing for the cameras. That's how he is. And he was mad that Leah didn't recognize him for crying out loud. I mean, now I'm mad that I recognize him because I'm feeling as I know like I'm embarrassed. I wish that I hadn't even addressed that. I know. I wish I was Lee at that moment just so I could say I'm sorry. Webster hasn't been on the air on ages. I don't know who you are. I just thought you were aware. Some of the different strokes for different folks. How's Mr. Drummond? Where's Kimberly? I don't know where she is. Why hasn't she come on any parties anymore? How fun is that to have a different choice reunion? I represented her before she swallowed some dream. Oh, how great is that? He's a dear friend of mine. He stole myself and where last time he came over, but he's a sweetheart. He's had this little house and I went over to her and I said, tear it down. But I made a good voice me. Well, that little thing was hilarious. He's like, you just walked right past me. You don't even pretend you don't even know who I am. And I can't believe I don't know who you think you are, but no one treating me. And he's like going off like he was just upset because he wanted to be wearing her purple boa. I mean, for reals. Obviously. Lee handled it like a pro. She's like, well, I'm sorry. Okay. And then she takes a call on her blackberry and he loses his shit again after they've smoothed things over. Oh, fine, Miss Lee, black. Yeah. Now look at your phone. Now look at your phone. Okay. And she's like, well, I have a 10 year old son. Sometimes he needs me. But the best part about Bo and this happened in big brother and it happened in Miami is that he starts these stupid ass fights and he always gets served because you know what? In big brother, Janelle stepped. He stepped to Janelle and Janelle took him down. Janelle was like him in his place. Do you remember the line? She said she's something like you're just a big pussy or something like that. Yeah, it was the best thing ever because I'm team Janelle. She was like, she said something that should have been like totally offensive to all gay people. She's like, you're going to just, why don't you just like go back and get some ass up your fucking, like get some penis up your fucking ass and something like that. And you and I were probably hiding on the couch going like everyone. That was totally disrespectful, but go Janelle. Yeah, every gay person is like, yeah, that's right. Like, I think she can't even use the slur, but it was like, yeah, standing ovation, you know. Hey, you know what? When there is bad as Bo through all the slurs you want people, even you straight vote. Yeah. And so then here comes Bo starting up a fight. And what happens? Ronnie, you said it all along. Don't fight with a drag queen because Bo gets tossed right into the pool. Oh, yeah, you do not mess with the drag queen. I mean, that's because drag queens are typically six foot seven as that one is. Yeah. And Bo, you know, you can tell that Bo's such a huge pussy because he gets thrown into this pool and he just sort of like comes out of it and just like yells a little bit more. You're forgetting a key element. As he gets out, he tries to pretend that he's Tyra Banks on a runway and rips off his wet clothes. Yes, there's that too. And then he, but you know what? Like, honestly, I think if it was any other guy with any sort of balls, he would, they would have like gone and like thrown a punch at the drag queen, right? I mean, am I crazy? I'm not saying that I would have necessarily done that. But if you're going to like start a fight and then get thrown into a pool, you're going to like go back. Oh, if you throw me into a pool, like I'm going to make sure you bleed. Yeah, I mean, if I'm saying if you start, yeah, it's like you think the fight would essay from there, but he was like, no, no, no, that's it. You guys are tough. I just make up face Facebook accounts and terrorize people that way or like break their ride or something. I'm a I'm a fighter. I would like, I would like swim away and like hide in the pool drain until everyone left the party. I would just act like I jumped in. Yeah, speaking out. So like that kind of like ruined like the music at the party and I got with you equipment wet. I was, I thought it was so hilarious that Lisa was like, I wish that when I grew up, I can be like Leah Black because she would not put up with this bullshit at one of her parties. Well, what's it do with Lisa coming in and being nice and then being evil about Leah? It's like she can't make up her mind. Like one minute she's saying horrible things and the next minute she's like, I really admire her. She doesn't know who to align herself with on this cast yet. I think that and you could see that especially in last night's episode because she would, you know, flutter from group to group and scream and then be happy and then scream. So I think that she is kind of like a no man's land. Well, Lisa's an idiot because first of all, after that fight happened, she should have thrown out both those guys immediately rather than letting them like hang around. But she didn't. She started screaming like she started having a hissy fit. It was like no big deal. She got way up in. She got way too up in Leah's face like Leah can't control her drag queen. That's not her job. And then but what I liked was that once the music went out, it sort of like began what I like to call the parade of nipples because then it seemed like every single woman started appearing on screen with one nipple hanging out while simultaneously announcing that they were very classy women, you know, like like Adriana was like she now so she's like, I wanted to wear something that was sexy but not slutty and they cut to her and her boob was hanging out. And then you have Lisa saying like, this is a party for classy people only at her boob is blurred out. Look at this house. Look at this place. This is for classy people. I mean, yeah, that's yeah, that's very classy. It's all like wrapped in gold foil. It looks like a dream blue dining room. Exactly with Tamara Barney decor. I know maybe they put less money into going into Ashley furniture and instead put it into Daisy's boobs. We'd have a refined place. No, I think that they're cheap on all of it. Her boobs look like stones. They look like boulders. It looks like the boulder that Jesus pushed out of the way to rise from the dead. It looks like someone took a Baywatch like little pontoon thingy that like they run into the ocean with him stuff it in her chest. Hashtag Sandy. Hurricane Sandy. It looks like Hurricane Sandy is going on in her breasts and she's like teaming to get out. Yeah, so I loved how like everyone had their boobs out. And then at that point, everyone was just sort of like yelling at everyone. They were all smashed into the kitchen and by smashed into the kitchen, I mean orchestrated by producers to be in the kitchen together. So then they were all in the kitchen with a guy who had a broom and Adriana decided this was the time to continue the conversation with Corrent. Perfect timing. Perfect article because I guess Corrent in the Thursday's episode, I came out that she she spoke to a newspaper about the other women. I'm going to guess it was Ocean Drive magazine. I don't think it was even that classy of a magazine. Well, why is Adriana the only one getting pissed off about this newspaper article? And no one else is mad? I mean that's ridiculous. Well, Anna was kind of mad too, but she took it more as like a joke. Adriana, I just think had more alcohol in her system the other night. And Adriana, as she already has an axe to grind, you know, and she's already mad. She already hates Corrent. So as she should, as she should, I agree, as she took me to the tweet. Oh, man. She is hilarious. How she just she is like, Joanna, how she just gets angry. She just keeps going on and repeating herself over and over. That was hilarious. She just kept saying after she fought with Joanna. She's like, Oh, well, you know, Jo Francis was right. This girl, you know, all I can say is this girl was mad at me because of what your Francis said. And it's like nothing to do with anything. But she just wanted to say over and over as loudly as possible that Joanna grew up as a whore. Well, the funny thing is that Joanna had nothing to do with this argument initially. And it's that Joanna came into the middle. She's like, I don't like the energy ever here. I don't have the energy. And then that's when Hadriana started going, but off, but off, but off. Well, as she should have, I mean, look, it was not a smart idea to like corner current and have like a confrontation in the middle of this party that has already gone to shit. But then when Joanna did butt in and should have butted off, I mean, Adriana was in the complete right to say, get the fuck out of here. I'm having a conversation. You are not part of it. Because guess what? She was not attacking current and Joanna's sitting back going like, Oh, but you're bullying her. Guess what? That ship has sailed. They are having a conversation. Get the fuck out of their conversation. I mean, well, by the way, let's talk about the fact that that was a very small kitchen for what for a big mansion. That was a tiny kitchen. They were probably just in like the butler's pantry zone of the kitchen. The Daisy's pantry. Yes. So then so then, of course, this is when they're they they certified. That's when Romaine lettuce came in and then promptly left. Yeah, then promptly left. He screamed at Adriana and then got the hell out of there. And then the moment we'd all been waiting for Adriana goes storming off and Joanna comes following her doing her whole thing. I've been in this business for 12 years. And what have you done? That's an Adriana puncher. And I'm sorry. I feel like that was very satisfying. Well deserved. Well deserved. I feel like everyone got what they what was coming to them this episode. Look, I feel so disgusting when I watch these shows, especially when we're sitting back. And I don't know how other like straight women are like sitting at home watching this and like loving it because God, this is just bad for humankind and women and women fighting is just so tacky and gross. However, Joanna deserved a big fat lip and I'm so glad that Adriana sucked her in the mouth. She did because on normal reality shows, at least the ones like real world and you know, stuff like that. I think Bad Girls Club has that rule. Like if you hit somebody you're out. There's no there's none of this like oh well. Okay, let's see you next time. I think Andy Cohen made it very damn clear when they were signing these contracts that these women were already like at the point of physical violence and he was making sure that that was not, you know, one of the little asterisks at the bottom of the contract. He was like fighting is all fair game fair game and watch what happens Joanna was saying. Oh, you better wait for your letter from my lawyer bitch. Okay, it's a little late for that. I mean, what was this shot? Like, well, okay, but can you can we just talk about this fight for a little bit more because part of me was thinking like, yes, Adriana was clearly drunk, probably not as drunk as Joanna, but she actually was like, I am done and I am walking away and I'm leaving the party as she was walking down the hallway. Yes, she stormed off and yes, it was dramatic, but she was trying to remove herself from the situation. Joanna is the one that chased her down and you know what, it didn't look like she pulled her hair, but I think if you had given it another two seconds, she would have snatched Adriana's weave and you know what, I think that it was totally deserved. I would have slapped the shit out of that bitch. I think she would have because you know what, I don't know if you saw it. There was one brief and during all this melee right before it, she actually shoved Marda away pretty violently. Well, she also said Marda, be careful. You're going to lose a sister. She loves to threaten people. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that thing. Yeah, she talks so much shit to her boyfriend, Romaine Lettuce. She threatens her sister constantly, no wonder none of these people want to be in her life. And then she sits back and she's like, I was left alone, all alone in that kitchen. It's like, because everybody hates you. Yeah, and Marda's like, it's so hard. She's a complicated person. She's so hard. Okay, what was Marda on? What was Marda on last night? Because that was not just champagne. She was on a penis for one thing. She's on a penis and some kweiludes. Yeah. Marda just made a special cocktail. You know, if Marda would just get some fucking marketable skills, she wouldn't have to follow Joanna around all the time, you know, learn to tie it, bitch. Get out of there. Please. Also, Marda's looking more and more orange every episode. I'm looking at my Jacqueline earned on my on my shelf here. My Jacqueline, I'm a Ramona singer, by the way, that I made and Ramona, I tweeted at Ramona and she tweeted back that she said, I'm not loving it. But anyway, it's honestly my because it wasn't wearing a cheap fake diamond necklace from her line with Mario or blue. Put that up on the Facebook page because I had to say that. I put it up. You did it up. Yeah, it's amazing. But here's the thing though, I'm looking at this Jacqueline and it's actually less orange than Marda's face these days. Marda is purely, it's just becoming just a shade of orange. She has nothing better to do than sunbathe and put on makeup all day. If that could be my job, I would do it. She didn't even help poor Lisa pretend to set up this thing. I like that Lisa act like she was doing anything also. Yeah, exactly. It's like welcoming the caterers in and telling them where to set up. That's really hard, bitch. It's like when Alexis Bellino would throw a party and be like, I'm so stressed. I have to go take a nap. I do not see a pumpkin on her Facebook page. I had to paste paste post it as me, not so make sure you look at people's posts and miss it. You'll see it as Ben Mandelker answer. Oh, for Christ's sake, I'll share it. You see it? Yes, and I think it's brilliant. Why doesn't she like it? Because it's probably not like the nicest photo of her, I guess. I'm very pretty. I don't know if anyone's heard this, but I'm very pretty. You know what? She's very sexy and she's a deadly pumpkin, deadly in the business room. I think that's hilarious. She does look scared. It's like she looks like a frightened Frankenstein remote. It is sort of like a Frankenstein remote. It could use a little true renewal. It could use something. You know, I made one of Taylor Armstrong last year and that one was even better than this one. That one turned out really well. This one turned out pretty well. I'm just looking at it now and laughing. I'm in a post mine. It accidentally looks like Mama Elsa. I think pretty much that goes for all jack-o-lanterns. Speaking of, that was the best scene of the episode. Thank you. We have to discuss that two-minute interlude that always happens at the 40-minute mark of Mama Elsa stumbling through her house. I pissed my pen. Oh, here I am all alone in the world, the husband, the friend. He asked me alone, talking to myself, "Hi. When will I die alone in my murder story?" I wonder how Elsa appreciated all that rice being used to restore the life of Lisa's phone. I love that Karen thought, "Oh, I just stirred the pot and fucked up this entire party, but I'm going to put her cell phone in a bag of rice and she's going to love me again." Well, that's like typical ingratiator. You cause shit. You cause division amongst people and then you come in and beat the helper. Stupid current. Stupid current. I hate him so much. I hate drove him. This is so much, Karen. Where do you guys think, though, that the season is going now? I mean, clearly, I think that Anna said it right, that she doesn't think that Joanna and Adriana are ever going to be able to mend fences on this. And clearly, if they're still fighting about it on Watch What Happens, it's still an issue, but where do you see like the rest of the season? Oh my God, they hate these dollars in Atlantic groupa. I mean, she's just the worst. No, we all agree about that. Joanna Crouper told her on Watch What Happens. Why don't you go take your $2 boat and get sucked into the hurricane, Irene, and maybe it'll take you back to the slums of Rio. It's like, "Oh my God, man." Says the woman from Poland. I know, just trying to get her played. Glamorous Poland. Well, according to Leah, Leah says it's just been nothing but trauma from here on out. Yeah, I mean, nothing's going to be okay. Now they're just... Can I just tell you, though, last night's episode was one of my favorite in Housewives' history. I'm not going to lie. I loved it. Yeah, you know, it's funny because I was wondering why the episode prior, I was like, "Gosh, why are they starting this crazy night, uh, crazy party so late in this episode?" And it's because it wasn't that they were starting it so late. It's just that there was no room left in last night's episode. I'm sure we'll get an extended director's cut at the end of the season. And thank God these ladies are finally going to probably get, like, the best reunion ever. I know. Oh, and by the way, this is nothing to do with the reunions, but can we also talk about Romaine Lettuce when they interviewed him? How he had a giant portrait of himself right behind. I didn't see that. Oh, it's awesome. It's just like, and it's like, it's like this, I mean, he's already pretty hunky. It makes him look even hunky, but it's just, it's so Miami. And it's just, it's almost like a parody. Reminds me of, like, an 80s movie when they have, like, a really tacky, rich person who has, like, a ridiculous portrait of themselves, sort of like all the Housewives, I guess. But it was-- Every time anybody says Florida or Miami, I just find myself smirking and shaking my head like, "Oh, no." It's just anything, just bad taste. I'm just, I'm just shaking my head. I guess it was just funny because, um, you know, usually we see the women have these ridiculous portraits of themselves, but we don't normally see the men have one, you know? And I just watched soap dish again last week, like, the umpteenth time, and there's this, you know, Sally Fields apartment is a big portrait of her in it, you know? Oh, yeah. Like in beaches. We should have somebody have portraits of us and put them on our, watch what Crapin's Facebook page. We have some artists. We have some artists listening. We do have artists. That's what I'm getting at. Like, we would like a portrait of the three of us that we could slap up as our cover photo. Somebody get on that. Yeah, and make sure that if you're going to include bodies, I would like mine to be muscular. Thank you. Yeah, me too. And I don't want, I don't want five chins. Maybe give me one. Yeah, just make us all muscular, unless it wants to be like hipster thin. And give me a giant wiener. I want to be emaciated with cool glasses. Okay, so, um, Matt will be like Silver Lake and Ronnie and I will be WeHo. Yeah, but with the giant wiener. I don't want some like steroid wiener. I want a huge one. Yeah, but make us also dressed cool. Don't put us in like some stupid like leather chaps and rich. Like make us like rich and make us have money coming out of our pockets. I'd like to be dressed in like, um, cool H&M or something, which I know isn't rich. That's not cool. It's very cool. It's so cool. That's so bebsen. I like those styles of sunset. No, Shazza sunset would. No, don't you remember? Asa Asa butter H&M and, you know, right, they only show up at Starra. Oh, that's true. Yeah, it's very good. And bathe in diamond water. Anyway, um, let's talk quickly. Um, in the coming weeks, we have the premieres of the Real Housewives of Atlanta on the fourth. We have the premiere of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on the fifth. I want to say we have top chef on the seventh out of Seattle. And then we have the Silicon Valley show. And then we have that LOL bullshit. What are we watching? What are we covering on this show? I think, um, all of the above. No, no, because we have two housewives. Law. No. Can we just get rid of law? I just don't want to deal. Yeah, let's, let's do like house hunters on house centers. You have to pick the most hideous house first and just get rid of that and negotiate. Yes. Let's say, yeah, that is the. It's very far away. It's too small and it smells like cat pee. So, well, we give, we give Silicon a trial run and debated after episode one. Correct. I will be watching that one for sure. I think it looks, here's the thing. But I'll let you guys watch that one first. Because, and we'll let you know, because here's the thing. Like Ben, I just don't think it's going to be anything. I mean, it can't be anything nearly as good as gallery girls. So like, obviously, gaga girls, gaga girls. I think that looks really good. It's young people trying to get rich and fucking, like, yeah, but they're not, but they're not like Brooklyn hipsters or upper side bitches. So that's like all the appeals. I know, but that's why it's good. Who is young and hot and lives in Northern California? Hello, there's more billionaires over there than anywhere. You guys, I mean, they're like sensible. They're like sensible and smart. They'll drive Priuses. They're not like self involved idiots. Like you find them in Manhattan and Brooklyn. Whatever. I'll tell you, I'm still watching decorators. It's coming back also. So I have to watch that. Can I get a Martin Lawrence B in the house? I don't know that we need to go. I'm going to dress up as a candy corn for Halloween. Finally, I can just take off my shirt and go with my mangs. I look like a corset. Oh, I can't wait to have some smarties. Yeah, I'm going to watch that kind of, I crapped out in Matt in like the half of the season. It was just nothing really happens. It's like they don't really design homes that it's enough and they don't really have enough of a storyline either. What is wrong with you? That's not what it's about. All we care about is another trip to Palm Springs where Catherine Ireland gets drunk by the pool and passes out while Martin Lawrence Boulard does nothing. Yeah. I just want more. That's a great episode, Martin Lawrence Boulard eating chocolates that he bought from fresh and easy. Yeah, that's all we want. That's all we want. And Mary MacDonald consoling another divorcee who can't afford our renovation unless she gets a lot of alimony done. Yeah, 60 minutes of joy and heaven in my life. I feel like we got a lot between the two housewives and top chef. And by the way, Miami will still be going on. Please, as if we're going to have a lot of work and Silicon Valley. We're going to have three. Unless we do two episodes a week, but I don't know, that's too much for me. Are we good? Three housewives and top chef and silicon. Oh my God. A second TBR. Oh, get a hopper. A dish hopper. This fucking spammers are all over TV gasm putting their Oh, my dish hopper records a tune show the one time. Thank God for that. And I'll fuck you to be gasm. Don't forget to follow Ronnie at TV gasm Ben at B side blog and me Matt at life on the M list. And don't forget to leave us an awesome comment on iTunes and follow all of our happenings on the watch what crappins Facebook page backslash watch what crappins. And now the podcast is over. I got a meeting in 60 seconds people. We got a wrap. This is where the fuck just ends. All right, we are done. Y'all go get your books on audible.com/funny and it'll be free. I might suggest that Andy Cohen biography, whatever it is because I will not be reading it and I really love it. I read it on audible and I'm the only one you didn't listen to it. I listened to it on audible and I didn't and you guys didn't even like pay attention. Oh, I got a cell phone there. I'll listen to it. I got the seven habits of highly effective people and I'm still very ineffective. So don't waste your free book on that bowl soon everybody. Okay, Andy's butt. Okay. Okay. Bye everybody. See you next time. Bye y'all. Bye. [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the side show network of launch the new YouTube channel called WaitForIt. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleisinger, slicing, driving friends with it for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there and I still have a hard time with the last name Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitforaccomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and I love you. A few days ago, Brooke to Dean posted an inspirational quote on her wall that got 17 likes and three comments. Thumbs up Brooke. Geico also wants to make a comment. In just 15 minutes you could save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to Geico and nothing says inspiration better than saving money. Well, except for those posters that say things like teamwork, excellence and make it happen. Hashtag keep climbing, hashtag savings. Geico, 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. If you like Watch what Crap-ins, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey. Are you in trouble with the law? Need a lawyer who will fight like hell to keep you out of jail? We defend and we fight just like you want your own children to defend it. Whether you're facing a drug charge caught up on a murder app, accused of committing war crimes look no further than Paul Bergrand. All the big guys go to Bergrand because he gets everybody off. You name it, Paul can do it. Need to launder some money, broker a deal with a drug cartel, take out a witness, from Wondery. The makers of Dr. Deaf and over my dead body comes a new series about a lawyer who broke all the rules. 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