Also, Jersey Bickering and 'Gallery Girls' Mania
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At bluenile.com, you can find or design the ring you've always dreamed of with help from blueniles jewelry experts who are on hand 24/7 to answer questions and the ease and convenience of shopping online. For a limited time, get $50 off your purchase of $500 or more with code audio@blunile.com. That's $50 off with code audio@blunile.com. Oh my god, I had the best time last night. Ran into old Italian friends buying. It wasn't a group of Italians she was wearing. She was what told them all. Hey everybody, welcome to another Watch what Crapins podcast. I'm Ronnie. Karen with TVGuysm.com and I'm here with Matt Whitfield of EAC with TV. Hello Matt. Hello. And Ben Maggelker from Visa.com. Hello Benjamin. Greetings and salutations. So we are just gonna jump right into it and skip all the dust in today because we have an insane New York in an insane New Jersey and not so insane but still insanely ridiculous and fucked up. What's up girl? Oh not gots up girl. XOXO. Oh wait there is one secret I will tell Ronnie. Can you tell us can tell everyone are where you can find us on Twitter and on Facebook and everything real quickly. Oh yeah that's why I'm not really ever supposed to open the show because I just like saying hi and then I don't do anything. You can find us on Twitter at what Crapins. Ask us any questions you want. Criticize us. Love us. However you like it. We're on Facebook at facebook.com/watch what Crapins and where else are we. I'm on Twitter at TVGuysm. Matt is at life on the M-list and Ben is at beside blog and I think that's it right. Yeah we do love a nice iTunes review I must say. Yeah I live for them. Matt lists for them and also can I give out a very selfish plea which is that I am at like 70 followers away from hitting 5,000 on Twitter. I know this is such a stupid thing to ask for Twitter followers and it's so arbitrary who cares if you're at 5,000 or 4930 but I really want to make it guys so if you're not paying for it yeah if you guys aren't following me on Twitter could you please follow me and if you are could just like tell your friends to follow me I really appreciate it I can brag. Okay that was just disgusting it was it was it was what it's what I it's what I have to do. Okay I'm out of my life. I'm looking right now at our most recent on iTunes our reviews they were all five stars from this past week I'm very impressed with few people giving us the five stars but there are a few requests so before we jump right into New York because I know Ben is putting us on a timer this week. I haven't started the timer yet but when the timer go it's we have 30 minutes to talk about New York and when we're done the theme song to MacGyver will play. Go I feel like I'm on a game show anyway so before we start BK Housewife is demanding that even though the season of million dollar listing is over she needs a Madison Hilda brand laugh every podcast because it is fucking hilarious it's courtesy of Ronnie you know I love me Madison but he is kind of a creepy little gay Joker. Yeah he really and it's basically just a cartman laugh from South Park. He's like a Jack in the box that actually has legs like he actually got out of the box and now sells real estate. I feel like that episode of Friends where Ross got his teeth bleached and you could see them under the black light. He could easily star in his own you know if million dollar listing ever gets canceled please Jesus don't let that happen but if it does he could star in his own straight to DVD horror series. He plays a Jack in the box realtor or he could just play rumple still skin in some strange movie. Guess my name. I really like that we've gone in the rumple still skin direction by the way I'm so proud I really I'm gonna pat myself on the back I think that's what's gonna give me my Twitter followers if I just make more rumple still skin references. I think so I think so and for all of you listeners out there if you make it through the podcast through New York through Jersey and through gallery girls we might even toss in some some Kim Richards impressions because those are in high demand as well. And those are coming up soon guys. And you know what you guys we're talking about for all of our listeners who really don't care we are talking about going out and celebrating Ronnie's birthday tomorrow night and you know we kind of just did discuss where we're gonna go but I do think we should go to sir we've been talking about it for weeks. Well we can arrange it. We can't complain about what's so expensive and then go like give all our dollars to the strippers on Saturday which I know you guys are doing. No I started to drink. I sit in on Saturday I had Peking Duck and I sit in. Well aren't we having dinner with I mean we're having drinks with somebody from Entertainment Weekly let's just make her pay. Yeah I fear that we're I fear that we're losing listeners by the boatload. All right we'll talk about Peking Duck and Rumpelstiltskin. And I haven't even gotten to adammail.com. Oh my god what is adammail.com please explain. adammail.com is a great website where you can go and if you use the words B R A V O those are not words those are letters at checkout you will get a discount and free shipping and you might even get three all mail free DVDs it's really quite an exciting website I will say. I think you can get condoms there I mean people it's like a it's a it's obviously a place for like sex toys and stuff like that but quite frankly if you want some condoms get him it out of mail. I found a used condom on the street outside of my driveway and I live in a classy neighborhood. Well you live in Hollywood Boo. I live in Hancock Park for one more. Well there's there's the problem right there. You have the one Hancock and your neighbor and you almost have hand in there too so. Oh my god well I'm moving tomorrow and we will be neighbors and hopefully I will see many a used condom. I'm about to say you're gonna see a lot more it's gonna be like pennies in a fountain. Speaking of pennies in a fountain let's talk about the pennies from New York City as they splashed into a fountain in St. Bart's all right I'm starting the time of it right now. St. Bart's is it kind of like a beef a beef though where you have that like gay list for is it really just Bart's. It's Bart's but spilled Bart's. Well I had no idea that it was St. Bart's but I was just watching Alex's vlog on stupid houseworms and she starts it off first of all it's so embarrassing that Alex has a vlog. Just give it up get a job. I just want to find a fucking job. Is it more upsetting or embarrassing than the fact that she and Simon would go to St. Bart's in the off season because that's all they could afford on like all the other rich ladies on the show. Oh wow well I think it's embarrassing because she starts off her vlog by going. Am I the only one that loves the plane ride into St. Bart's? That goes to St. Bart's in the summer which is the off season for poor people so maybe it's a lot softer landing at that the the skies are friendlier to her than. Yeah they're not fraught with money. Well it's embarrassing enough that the women on the actual show embarrass themselves by trying to impress us with that information you know everyone's like oh well we oh who doesn't love the flight in? Who does our favorite place? I mean but there at least they're on the actual show you're on a vlog just stop it just stop. If she was really classy she'd be vlogging from St. Bart's but no she's vlogging from their huddle in Brooklyn. Yeah I was about to say probably from some place near the checky cheese or whatever. Oh she's probably hanging out with Chantal and Claudia. She's at a century for Brooklyn Fashion Week. She's staying at like the merry the like the little cheap ass marrying out by the century 21 downtown somewhere. She's in Dumbo. She's in Dumbo. No literally she's in the elephant she's actually in the elephant ride at Disney World. She's not actually sick of her shit he just swallowed. She's going around in circles. You have pissed off the sweetest elephant in the world Alex just be quiet. Take it to the rumpelstiltskin ride. Now that she's not one of Ben's 4,996 followers. He's ready to talk shit about her. Yeah she dumped him on Facebook. Listen there's you know a gay scorned is someone you never want to cross paths with and I'm afraid that Alex may have scorned me by spurning me and so now he could be got rid of you on Twitter. Alex if you just make up to Ben he could be at 5,000 followers. Yeah that however will not stop us from talking shit about you. So I have a question. Can we talk about this this trip though? Yes it's no Morocco. I'll start off with that it's no Morocco. Well but it's still pretty good. I mean what do you know that's what my questions can be. What do you guys think about this trip so far? Amazing. I like that you're like it's no Morocco and then it's like how you like it. Oh it's amazing. It's the whole season. I mean I think it's it's the place isn't as great as Morocco obviously but Luan cheating and getting caught and then getting caught lying. Yeah I think that nobody knows French except for her. That was that was amazing and by the way her French accent is horrific. Mine's not anything great but she's like I took French for seven years in middle school high school and college. I've heard I've heard I've heard my Macintosh speak French better than Luan. Okay like when I've typed in French words and how to speak it she's like "J'emapel Luan de la seps j'eva dear Kelka shows." You know it's so not elegant. "J'evu dre Joni Depp." This is very international now. So Luan cheated with that guy she she keeps saying looks like Johnny Depp. Okay the guy is skinny and dirty and was dressed like Johnny Depp from a movie but he doesn't really look like Johnny Depp. Yes he looks exactly like. Here's what he looks like to me. He doesn't look like Johnny Depp. He looks like the Johnny Depp impersonator. I see on the Hollywood boulevard in front of the Chinese theater every day. He looks like one of those guys who stands outside Home Depot looking for work except he's had a shower in a haircut. You know it's kind of the same thing by the way. Yeah that's what they find all the impersonators. They go to Home Depot. You're like hey you look like Squiggy. For Laverne and Shirley for its natives. Yeah they just they just walk up from the Home Depot and sunset to Hollywood boulevard. It's only a few blocks. By the way the the if you ever want to see the worst celebrity impersonators in the entire world go to Hollywood boulevard. These people who show up there they don't give a shit. You see someone who's 300 pounds and they have a lightsaber and they're like yeah I'm Luke Skywalker. Yeah or like Spider-Man has like a stain on the bonus ass and it's just like you're sleeping in that no. Spider-Man last time I was there Spider-Man had a pee stain on the front of his suit. Spider-Man is always the scariest one. The best the best is when they have to go home. I remember one time walking on Franklin Avenue at night it's like 10 30 and the guy who plays like Bumblebee from transformer he was just walking home sadly alone. It was like there's really nothing more depressing than watching a transformer amble into the night. I can't wait to move into the hood. There is something more depressing than a transformer ambling into the night and that is Ramona trying to pretend she has working sexual parties. Again we had another week of Ramona and Sonya doing their best to convince us all that they're sexy by screaming and yelling and flashing their vaginas at people and then getting naked. Do you ever notice how they laugh so loudly at the most basic sexual puns? Like if you were to accidentally say like penis instead of like I don't know like fern which would be a strange thing to happen but if that were to happen they laugh so hard as if they've never even heard the word uttered before they've only seen an untax. Have you ever noticed that? They just want to say a lot of shit really loudly so that they're on camera all the time. And that's why I don't blame Heather and Carol for running to the bungalows away from the main house. That's probably why Heather broke her nose you probably just trying to run away from Ramona and she was in such a panic she just ran right into a glass window. I love that Ramona is not believing her. Oh what you heard you know how to do that. Oh did you break it? Oh it doesn't look broken. Oh you wish they're gone a long time for that heart nose. Well the thing is that poor Heather her nose already looks like it's been broken about five times so you really can tell. She looks like Mark Wahlberg in the Boxroom movie. I still I'm team Heather until the bitter end. No Heather is definitely on the upswing for sure for sure. Although I think the close-up of her nose grease on the glass was maybe not the most attractive. At least she called herself out on it. Yeah a hundred percent Ramona would have yelled at one of the staff members for putting glass in the door. Oh my god. Actually have Heather go around and put her face against every glass door so no one else gets hurt. I know I would like that. Heather always looks like she's had glass press up to her face. Like she walks around with a window that she holds up. You know she's always staring into a window. She's an orphan little orphan Heather. Would you have rather had sex with the butler or the chef? Chef. I don't even remember the chef but I have to try and stay away from people who make food. But I have to I have to stay away from people who've been molested by Sonia so I have to go to the chef. Smart move smart move. What about you Matt? Oh by far the chef. The chef yeah but it was pretty funny watching Sonia literally like you know she has the clunkiest moves of all time like when she had a plumber in and she jumped up and down to make her tits go. Here she's went up to the butler and was pretty much look like she was trying to like lift him up the way she lifts up Milu who very her very proud and now just sees dog. Oh poor Milu poor Milu. Milu probably committed suicide after he heard that she got that upset with Aviva. Well he's a proud dog of course he would commit suicide. That's true. That's true. He doesn't want anybody to know about him losing his bowels all over. By the way considering that she was that Sonia was in such a tiff that this might be the end of the road for the dog when the blade was bladder control yada yada yada. Seems sort of curious that she was happy to go away for like five or six days to St. Bart's while her poor dog was on the stuff that. That is a note that I actually was jotting down because it was kind of like she can't go to a charity event for children without wigs but she can leave for five days to go to St. Bart's where the dog is shitting and peeing by himself and not being you know spooned wearing a diaper in her king-sized bed. Well it's a very proud dog. It doesn't want her to take charity on her. It's like go to St. Bart's. Go to St. Bart's. Yeah Milu was like I'll be fine. I've already packed your Louis Vuitton for you. Just go. I'm fine nothing's wrong with me. I'm fine. I'm fine. And then Milu goes to corner and tries. Leaking yeah. Facy's out of its ass. Well I'm so glad that there weren't reality shows when I was growing up because I would have been mortified if my mother was on TV acting like these women. That's I mean Sonia running around you know in the previews for next week. Oh well Luang got to fuck him so now's my turn off fucking. Oh my god. No shame. No shame. I agree. I would be mortified. I can't even imagine what it must be like to have a parent who goes on TV and acts like this. Well that's why all of the children of the Housewives will be on a Dr. Drew show and probably offing themselves in the next six to eight years. But I can tell you guys by the way how proud my parents are that I sit and watch these shows and talk about this stuff and Hot Dildos during the show. Go ahead. I'm sorry. I was just gonna say it's really like one of the few things I can bond with my mother over. She loves the New York. She loves the New York ladies. Oh I mean she hates that but she likes to call me and go did that Luan really sleep with that Johnny Depp. She always put that in front of the name. My parents hate reality TV and every time I go home which I'm going back to New York next week and every time I go home and I force my mom to watch the real Housewives because I have to watch it for this sort of stuff. My mom always sort of looks incredulously as if she's seeing like a unicorn but a grotesque unicorn like what is this and she and then she eventually after 30 minutes she goes you watch this and then every now and then she'll turn to my father and she go our son has declined. Yeah my parents watch it from the canasta table which is behind the living room. It's like an open concept place so I won't watch it on the couch and then I have to turn it really loud because my mom is drunk behind me and going oh that's ridiculous. That's bullshit. Put a bunch of hoars. They're all going to hell. Has anybody heard of a Bible on these shows? What a bunch of hoars. Why aren't you inviting us to Texas? I know I want to go. Oh trust me when you do and you will when we go to the South by Southwest Festival for whatever reason we're going to go there one day. Because we're going to be podcasting from there. Yes my mother will insist that you stay at her home and she will drunkenly. Will she call me a whore? Possibly. Depends on the beginning. She'll be very nice at the beginning and then the box of Pinot Grigio will start getting dinner and dinner. Lower and lower. But what I was going to say was this is that when I go to New York next week I'll try to write down the things that my mom will say because she usually has them with her in critiques and I will show them on the podcast. Why don't we all secretly record our moms? I know that that's kind of illegal but because there are moms it's probably okay and we could each you know record like a few seconds of what they think of the New York City cast. I think that's a fantastic idea. That my mom will totally be up for it because she won't know what's happening. Yeah exactly mine too. My mom always is like these women have no class. I love it when my mom does that. My mom is basically Lucille Bluth. Well speaking of people without class let's we need to dive deeper into this whole Luann sex scandal with the Johnny Depp lookalike and you know I was texting you guys during the show last night because I wasn't sure that she actually slept with him in his bravo just making this up to make the season juicier or did she really bang the shit out of him? Well she called she called the lady at the club and said you can't tell anybody that he stayed here. Wait so who is she calling the other cougar lady or not? Yeah I think she was calling that Cat Rool. I don't think I think she was calling some like secret like socialite from the island that runs all the gossip channels. There were two there were two cougar women that we encountered. One was Sonia's friend who is wearing a doily dress and the other was this woman Cat who showed up at the end of the episode. Cat is Luann's friend and Luann called Cat and I think that Johnny Depp is dating the doily woman right or something like that. I thought Cat and the doily woman were the same. No I think they're different people. I think they're different people. It's hard to tell. I think you're right but so here's the thing then. So is Countess's friend somebody that can control the gossip of the island because as Ramona said once it's out everybody knows. I think it was more of an issue that don't come to the party and be like so I heard you brought back Tomás you know. Hey I'm Ryan Reynolds. At mid mobile we like to do the opposite of what Big Wireless does. They charge you a lot. We charge you a little. So naturally when they announced they'd be raising their prices due to inflation we decided to deflate our prices due to not hating you. That's right we're cutting the price of mint unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes of detail. This Halloween ghoul all out with Instacart. Whether you're hunting for the perfect costume. I'm that giant bag of candy or casting spells with eerie decor. We've got it all in one place. Download the Instacart app and get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes plus enjoy zero dollar delivery fees on your first three orders. Offer valid for limited time minimum $10 per order. Service fees other fees and additional term supply. Instacart bringing the store to your door this Halloween. Okay that's when people or when people ask you like if you have to do the interviews or whatever blah blah blah she's telling them to lie but stupid Luan you're wearing a mic and French isn't some secret code that only you and like two other old ladies in St. Barth's know. You can type that into the interwebs and it will translate the whole fucking thing for you. In a better accent. We all got Siri bitch. What did you think though about Luan? She kept trying to force the the notion that she brought a group of her Italian friends back when in fact she was bringing one Frenchman back but it did it did make for a really awkward moment because Heather said that she was Heather thought that Luan barged in with this man into her bedroom while Heather was asleep and she saw Tomah there and so it's kind of like she put Heather in a very awkward situation and then she's kind of like steamrolling it and forcing Heather to go along with it even though Heather's like in the confessional going like um no yeah well it's funny because I was watching this with our friend Michelle last night and Michelle made a various dude comment which is that Heather was sitting here in the confessional saying you know this put me in a strange position I didn't want to talk about I didn't want to like like ruin things for Jacques or whatever whatever and she's saying this but it's like you realize if you didn't want to do any of this stuff you wouldn't be telling everyone and telling all everything on the confessional you know I'm saying like don't talk don't act like you don't want to blow up Luan spot and then talk about the confessional. That's kind of true but at the same time like if Ramona has an inkling that something went on you know that Ramona was going to be the one to spill the beans constantly throughout the rest of the trip and that's we're gonna see that on next week's episode but like you know that the crazy thing is the only two that I like really are Heather and Carol Luan but I and oh and Carol I like the brunettes I hate the blondes but it was kind of like you know unfortunate that Heather was gonna have to throw Luan under the bus there. Yeah well it's Luan's on fault she's too she's so dumb to bring back a fake Johnny Depp to a place that has cameras calling all over it and then Ramona Ramona is awful enough as it is demanding the master suite complaining about Mario not being there I mean Luan could have stopped this in so many different ways can we all can we all just agree though that Tomah is hotter than Jacques right oh yeah so if you're not married to Jacques yes you might be in a committed relationship and you know any of my potential suitors that are listening to this don't think horribly about me more so than you already do but like if she can still go get a piece of Tomah fucking go get it girl well I was wondering if they if they had an open relationship because clearly that's what I'm getting at. It's always been rumored that Luan is a sex addict. Yeah she's a swinging sex addict. I guarantee she's in her whole marriage yeah and it was and she even said when she was confronted about it that they had an arrangement or she said something weird you know to make everyone believe that she was open so I'm sure you know what look whenever you work out your hornier if I lose five pounds I'm fucking half the city and Luan is in very good shape so I'm sure that her sex drive is still working with a little ky a little warming ky from adammel.com I mean she was going with a bear midriff while they were dancing like horizontal tables and I think you know she's up there I mean she's like 47 or so I think she looks amazing and I think you know Tomah probably got a good ride she does look amazing and I'm I'm not totally convinced that that pirate costume is actually a costume I think that actually came from her wardrobe I think she just I think she wears that at the Lower East Side when she's looking for some pun tang or whatever you know again I love that you say the word pun tang how crazy is that but the weirdest thing to me is like I have no problem with Luan hooking out and like going on vacation and getting some pain because you know that's what you do on vacation my problem is when Luan thinks that her mic is maybe off and she's walking to the bar with him while the rest of the ladies are dancing like whores on a stage she goes to him you know something blah blah blah well you know I'm an Indian and like I don't fuck around yeah she's like I want to be treated special I'm not just some ordinary pirate woman I'm an idiot don't fuck with me yeah I'm gonna take out my tomahawk and scalp you and you know then we're gonna go like fucking a teepee like why does she keep saying that she's really advancing the causes for Native Americans in a great way first off about scalping now she's showing that there's total like lying cheating sluts I was fine with it when she was just putting on a heavy amount of turquoise jewelry and seasons one and two but now she's taking it Indian to a whole new level here's Mike I want to get back to her and I'm racist and I think that it's making me uncomfortable what does that say yeah that's pretty bad that's pretty bad you know here's my thing I want to go back to her excuse about like oh I ran into this old group of Italian friends my question is this thing she might have got a gangbang with a group of Italians before she got with Tomah I mean she was doing a lot of fucking that night she was definitely walking the blank that's for sure but my question is could she what other excuses I mean that was pretty much the worst excuse you could give that I ran into a group of Italians like what other excuses could you have given that would have been like maybe slightly better she could have said that she was writing a sequel to her best-selling novel class with the whore or ass with the Countess yeah she could have said well you know I was trying to prove that I was Indian so I wanted to make a good fry bread for the Italians I was building a toad and Paul they look like Thomas's penis but I didn't actually but I made it with the Italians it's an Italian turnable it's a submarine sandwich well it has a lot of things that ATM machines they have normal grocery stores but they're just now getting balder - so I thought it would be wonderful to invite some Italians over for some for some board game action so I wanted to buy some Italians over for gelato even though there were no Italians on the island I said hey let's dress up like we're Italians so we all dressed like super Mario brothers and came on over and stuff the mushrooms oh my god see you say things like that and when I and then you do it and then I'm like you have to be her for Halloween you can't be Susie Orman darling maybe I'll be a slutty Luan slutty Luan with fake Italian ghosts because they don't actually exist can I go as your racist artist daughter oh please be very haunting yeah I'm gonna go as Carol ah the Milky Way be picky but I knew Princess Diana Ross Ross is coming so Carol you know is getting a little bit more comfortable with name dropping so last night we got her uncomfortable on the plane because of her friends who she didn't want to mention dying in that plane but she did say John and Caroline who we all know who those are that's right she did well that was oh I guess she did say that she she finally mentioned that last night but you didn't give their last names and just so you're wondering it's their name's Ryan with with Schmanety and whatever was her name beset oh that was a bad rhyme kiss that there seeing my joke all the way through people well today it's all over well not the news you know not the real news but the housewives news darling that she used to date George Clooney okay did you not hear that on the show last night where she was walking with her hot ass little bikini which was showing off a lot of booty and it looked really good and she's getting a lot of water she looks like an anorex she looks like I'm into the emaciated flat chest she look good type she look good for if you don't want if you don't want a lot of booty if you want like a standard like typical like white girls sort of thing okay she didn't have a lot of booty but she was showing a lot of backside skin she had she look good she looks hot okay well I don't know if she looked hot she was like a play-doh statue of an anorexic girl with like chicken skin hanging up okay maybe that's my thing and anyway but Ramona did say last night that she was getting with Clooney for a year and then like everybody started lighting up the boards last night because they're like was she really dating Clooney pre Elizabetha Kanalas and Stacey Kibler former WWE diva and the answers apparently yes right I that's the rumor but there's no like I feel like I've been looking through all of the photos they try to find them together on a carpet but I can't find them of course she did she was on Oprah for crying out loud and thank you to whoever it was who posted that Oprah clip on Facebook was one of you guys I think it was one of our readers right or listeners yes it was one of the readers that was good I was nice that I'm really glad they did that because then I spent the next hour going through a bunch of Oprah slide shows including one that included 30 people 30 guests of hers who died and I sat there near near tears by the end of the hour so thanks everyone thanks really sad so what was the Oprah clip now I didn't see it she just was she went on Oprah and she talked about she talked about JFK junior and Carolyn Bissett and her husband and reality her face looked a hell of a lot different when she was on Oprah a few years ago it did it did a hell of a lot difference but you know though she's got a great body sort of looks like a sexy turnip or or parsnip maybe more am I am I cray-cray for thinking her man is kind of cute he is cute you know though they kind of look similar and he has the same hairstyle as Luan and I have a problem with that I like Luan's hair on a man no I don't like it on Luan or on a man which is kind of the same thing too yeah because she has a man voice I love that they kept making that joke like Luan came home with a man last night you know why we could tell because two men's voices were in the house yeah Carol I heard two French men in the house one was Luan her confessionals are stellar yeah she's getting funnier and funnier her her line about the Toaster oven that this is the most talked about Toaster oven no one has ever seen was really spot on she's very she's very funny she's cool she seems to have a like a brains she has a good outlook and I feel bad that we make fun of her so much but I can't know what you make fun of her because we love her but I like that she snapped at Ramon and was like if Aviva wants to bring her husband who cares or like if I want to go get with my man who actually talking about getting some sex the night before and it was kind of like I deal with all of you and your fucking husbands all season long if I want to get a booty call on vacay one night in my casita shut the fuck up yeah I was really glad you did that she and you know she's so good at it because she's so calm and she's she's just the voice of reason I mean even Ramona shuts up well she called Ramona crazy I mean Ramona was like well I'm just gonna act like myself and she goes don't do that yeah like do me a favor don't say anything crazy yourself because that's a horrible thing but she says it in such a calm way around here right and it's just like Ramona like it's the sermon it's the gospel to her well I liked by the way that same evening how wasted Sonia was at dinner she's talking about once again talking about her divorce she was bringing Grey Gardens to that that house right there at that moment she says she's finally over it I don't believe that for a second she was a disaster oh I also liked how Ramona and Sonia made a big stink about getting pool noodles for some reason I love they go this really fancy you know villa it's beautiful and gorgeous and the first and they ask for like how can we get some pool noodles off again champagne champagne champagne champagne champagne rock glasses of champagne like no we wanted pink champagne but then I love that they never got pink champagne yeah I like fuck you drink your fucking Prosecco and shut up I know they've I mean it gets me mad it gets me mad to see perfectly fine by a glasses of champagne go not to use those on though are really fucking disgusting the way that they talk to the staff members in that house like if they're really not giving them a thirty thousand dollar tip at the end they should you know go kill themselves because they are horrible women Ramona is terrible to those to the staff they're all horrible and Sonia it's like some of the staff makes more money than you could you please like have some fucking respect like stop looking down when you're you know in the gutter yeah there's no there's nothing to look down at you stupid ho exactly they should ask her to go fist the toilets clean at the end of the week she just clog them clog them with her tampons oh cuz she's she's up she's a big bleeder I read time about their food or something and care I was like oh really because I'll fire them you tell me you want me to fire and I'll fire yes so he's like this is the driest spring roll I've ever had I'm like I can't imagine that the spring rolls are too moist over in a great gardens over there you could sit in a toaster bench okay okay obviously we know that St. Bart's drama is like just kicking off we haven't even had the touchdown well actually that the major fight between a Viva and the other blondes which is which is definitely coming up but what do you guys think is gonna happen next week with the Luan stuff is she gonna cop to it is she just gonna keep pushing the Italian job what's gonna happen she's gonna she's going to just stick to her party line she's gonna she's gonna have some ridiculous excuse that's gonna be hilarious and I'm actually glad that she's gonna do it because watching her lie will be worth every single penny I mean the Luan especially I mean all of the women on these shows do it but Luan will just stick to a lie yeah and just keep repeating it over and over it doesn't Andy Cohen will play that audio of her on the phone lying grass off yeah it's gonna during the reunion it's gonna happen in their union during the 10 hour reunion that's about to air and she's just gonna deny every single thing she's gonna say that she was just on the phone with her because she didn't want anybody to get upset because he was supposed to be at work yeah they were just chilling out together they weren't doing anything they were looking for noodles so Ramona could have to get some we need to get some noodles they didn't know the Italians they know all about noodles so I thought they could have some pool noodles we got new pool noodles and Pinot Grigio I love that she says Grigio Grigio Pinot Grigio I like by the way I'm slowly turning her into the count I was gonna say you I thought you're turning into Dracula I'm my impersonation of Luan is turning to Dracula and you know what I don't think it's that far off from from what it really is I thought you were starting to sound like that Kevin guy who planned Pandora's wedding she she she she she yeah sucky fucking fine dollar here's that you're turning her into Lawrence Martin Lawrence my lord you have to get the pool noodles I found my Italian friends with Countess Luan we decided to get some pool noodles for Walmart you would only buy his pool noodles from the Mary McDonald collection I'm gonna be wearing a sarong that I made a Joanne fabrics again the fabric would be from Catherine Ireland it would be and I'm not lying when I said I went to Walmart and Joanne fabrics yesterday which is why I made those references because of the first things that popped into my head there isn't Walmart in Los Angeles where the hell were you I was in the hood I was at Crenshaw and Martin Luther King Boulevard thank you what kind of Walmart is it is it a normal Walmart is it a giant Walmart it was three stories high in total disarray full of very interesting people and I bought some Band-Aids why were you buying Band-Aids there there are Band-Aids closer I didn't go there to buy Band-Aids I went there with Lisa Timmons I was gonna say were you on the date yeah I was a date with Lisa and she needed to get some stuff and I found Band-Aids there so I bought some Band-Aids for myself please say if you're listening to this Ben just added you as a Walmart shopper you should probably go kill yourself I don't I think she'd actually be very happy to be added as a Walmart I wish I had a Walmart around here I miss it but I mean now that I've seen the new ones that they're building all over the country like in Texas I need one of those giant Walmart's it's like a whole neighborhood you can go to the grocery store you can go shopping for bed stuff or you could go to the list like a Home Depot well I'm sure I'm sure that Martin Lawrence blard would love a good all-in-one Walmart a super-center I can get some planters for my patio but you guys reminded me of a commercial I saw last night do you know who sounds like Count Chocula who is Mama Elsa hey there's the MacGyver theme song that means I love that the MacGyver theme song was tied to Mama Elsa and by the way I that commercial was actually amazing that commercial made me so excited for Miami I know but she's not even officially one of the housewives but all I want is her that's all we need I need you with my pocketbook pocketbook I don't know about this Walmart I kind of want to be here for Halloween I want to be a union I knew me I need to be a UK woman Halloween like a high functioning downs yeah like Elsa all right so we're moving off from New York now do we are we done did we get any I mean I don't think there is any way to get everything especially when we're talking about Walmart and our mom's opinions of our fucking lives yeah wait okay so does the Viva regulate and call them call Sonya and Ramona White trash next week because I can't wait any longer I think so I think she does it because she's mad about read I get what I'm gonna surmise is that that read feels uncomfortable because they're they're shirtless or they're they're topless in the pool and then Ramona probably says something like why don't you go to a hotel and that probably upsets a Viva and a Viva gets mad and I'm assuming a Viva yells at them I can't wait please choose this well speaking about yelling on vacation why don't we head to the considerably less glamorous locale of some Poe Dunk winery where the luminaries of New Jersey including the CEO and founder of Kefas or Keface or Keface or Keface or I don't know I'm Fauci the man's is the man's oh gorga Judas jamboree and wow was this an hour this was this was basically an hour of fighting over the same things over and over and over again what did you guys think well I was smoking some currently legal herb while I watched that show and the only reason I point that out is because at one point my heart was beating my palms were sweating I was just like my my inside voice was just so negative and horrible oh now it's like you're a horrible person you know it's just getting that like massive depression like go jump off of a bridge kind of vibe and I was like what is affecting me like this and then I realized it's because I'm watching this fucking show why are we watching this fucking show it does nothing but stress me out what are they even fighting about it's like they're just yelling at each other I was in knots I'm still stressed out they're fighting about literally nothing nothing and it did it for an hour an hour long of nothing can I tell you what made me the angriest about the entire episode I know Ronnie was like sweating and you know you know maybe he was catching some shingles or something while he was watching but I'm guessing what guessing Lauren now normally Lauren is a job of my shit list but I will tell you this right now nothing made me fucking matter then stupid ass ball list Jacqueline yeah pretended to be sleeping through the entire thing you are such a bitch and I cannot believe that you would I mean I was like come to anybody's defense at this point just don't lay there like a sad lump pretending to sleep when all this shit is going down when you are clearly involved yeah made me fucking furious yeah and you know who else by the way number two I would say is Albie Manzo who sat there and and let his wife get into a huge tizzy over nothing rather than cutting it off at the past and being like mom or are you talking about Alberts I meant Alberts apologies Albie was just like sitting there like with watching his best friend get into a fight while Alberts is sitting there pretending to sleep like dude I know you I know you claim that you were being a stealth husband and being out of look being careful and they're all like oh you just watch because if he switches the switch turns he's gonna jump up and beat everyone up I'm no that's not enough food coma Jacqueline was faking it Albert was in a food coma yeah he should have gotten his wife out there and like it's not worth it it's not worth it because you know it wasn't worth it no but guess what pays the bills the real housewives so let them fight that's what they're all thinking here's here's the here's if if I were to analyze it as I think things I can I know that's not my forte it would be that Caroline made I think some good points and busted Teresa for sure and Teresa sounded like an idiot idiot as usual but at the end of the day it really bothered me Caroline bothered me the most because she should know better than to engage in this ridiculousness you can't sit here and talk about how you're over it and over and over it and then instigate Kathy talking to Reese to Teresa instigate this instigate that it's dumb and also you can't just sit there and tell some you know Teresa wasn't even fighting back she was just like whatever I said I'm sorry I don't know what you want for me and you then you've got Caroline sitting across from with that fucking bulldog face just going you're disgusting yeah right disgrace yeah red disgrace you're ugly you have the forehead of a tennis ball going on and on like adding on and just criticizing and criticizing because we'll say anything back it was gross well here's the other thing it's like you know yes Teresa did write some snarky little things in the last book and you know what I actually think Teresa is too dumb to realize that those things that she said about Caroline being one sixteenth Italian could ever hurt anybody's feeling she's too dumb to process that so if we are only looking at the evidence here of really why Caroline hates her if we keep just looking at this stupid fucking book that nobody else really took offense to like if if that's all that's really upsetting you stop calling her a disgusting person we know she's disgusting yeah like we all watch the show but if that's the only thing that's really really upsetting you and the fact that she sometimes puts Jacqueline's tummy and knots shut the fuck up I think it's more than that I think it's the issue really is that with Teresa Dina Dina well there's the whole Dina thing but then the issue is also that Teresa is she's delusional I mean she really is delusional she doesn't understand things she is a she's a monster she's ferocious she's I mean she's a wild beast and the thing is it's so frustrating to deal with that I think we've actually all dealt with someone in our lives who you're just like you can't get through to them and you desperately want to because the truth is on some level you actually must care and you it makes you mad and you sit you talk about that person to your friends and it's all you can do and it consumes you and you know you should probably just move on but in the same time there's sort of a there's a there's sort of a like a masochistic joy about keeping that person in your life and I think that's why Caroline is really in such a tizzy it's it's more than just a cookbook well and I think she's also losing I mean she's Caroline's coming from the place where she wants everyone to automatically be on her side and they're not she's got the family now who's supposed to be on her side but they're still filming with Teresa and now they're making up with Teresa and then like last night well there was a couple of things one is her blatant racism against her own people which I thought was really awesome that she loved that show because when she's saying oh she's saying I'm not Italian well that's so that's so off the boat behavior and I don't act like that because I'm an American I'm not just off the boat like her okay my racism love it right that sounds that's actually I didn't I didn't think that was racist to be honest I felt like that was a it was like a classist thing maybe oh it screamed all of garden well it was a great review for all this well I mean it was classism but guys do you think that the do you think that the Judas is are the Italians that Luann ran into very positive there would be there would be piss all over the walls they only go to the they only go to the Dominican Republic she's like I ran into this woman with crazy black hair dressed like she's from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome and unfortunately unfortunately they raped all the statues sorry about that sweetie darling yeah I thought it was just blatantly horrible and it really showed who Caroline is but also in this whole fight you get Carolina she's like well here I am fighting this fight all by myself like she's such a victim you know what you're fighting about yourself because you're fucking attacking someone in public you stupid bitch well I I actually like how Melissa you know Melissa was barely in this episode but I kind of do I don't like that that she's backing to reason that they all left at the same time but I do kind of like that she threw up her hands and she's just like shut she kind of is just thinking what we're thinking like shut the fuck up Caroline let it fucking go yeah this is Joe Joe Judas behind the scenes and then she sits there in acts innocent when everything's going down don't fire shit honestly Joe Judas was the voice of reason this episode what you mean he's like gone gone drop him oh drop it drop the carol up and and then they're like I'm gonna kick his ass I'm like Christopher and like even see you get out of that chair you hairy backed basting motherfucker I would actually love I would pay money to what I'm not team Judiche by any means but I would pay money to watch Joe Judiche do some fucking karate chops and some split kicks on those manzo kids oh he could he I can kick that punching bag well way too high and he can do a split although Albie did go through police basic training which was really sitting him well for his career in selling blackwater yeah they've done really great in school those manzo children um oh wait I better not say that because Caroline might start crying in the corner again a million fucking children who clearly are all adults and have nothing going on but this damn reality show okay getting let's all get a fucking Lauren that's what we all need is a big fat kujo by our side you can't form a set hey I would like to say something about my mother okay you said nasty things to her it about her in the magazine and that's not cool that's not gonna fly on cafe say and I mean there was a good point but like everyone's also talking about that one magazine like look okay we know that she gets paid money to be on the cover of these magazines because she doesn't have the brownstone or a rich husband that supports her so she has to go out and make the money so I give her kind of you know it's annoying to that Teresa's not telling the truth but she's like I don't plant the story I do plant the story you know whatever the point is we all know that she's a liar and we know that she does it so just put that to the side for a second but when you do actually look in the magazine and you see like when they had those little squares of the four of them which they're all getting riled up about they truly are just twisted quotes from the show yeah no I'm listen I don't disagree I mean they there's a lot of hypocrisy going on that being said I did love when Caroline busted Teresa on this whole thing about Richie where where Teresa said that she didn't realize that Richie was making a joke and then Caroline was able to bust bust Teresa on that I felt like I felt very happy about that point I was very team Caroline at that very distinct moment yeah well the thing is if your argument is Teresa's an asshole I don't want to hang out with her anymore everyone understands that the whole world understands it but when you go on the attack like that and spend a whole year trying to turn everybody against her and then trying to get her fired from her job and then sitting there just criticizing I mean that was only an hour that we saw that was probably six hours of drunken Carol right yeah you know and I think that that's when it becomes disgusting when you make me feel sorry for Teresa you can go to hell I don't feel sorry Teresa I don't feel sorry for her but at the same time I'm kind of like if Caroline if this is causing you that much stress and anguish and causing you a breakdown and all you're gonna do is sit around like a big old lump and just bark at people don't be on this show get your family off the show get you stupid fucking children off this show stop taking the money and stop taking up so much of these hours that I want to kind of enjoy myself and look I love a good housewives fight but this this whole Caroline against Teresa thing and just Caroline just using the same excuses for the entire season is incredibly tiresome and I'd rather than fill her spot with somebody who's gonna bring some more flavor to the show instead of just sitting on her ass barking Kim D Kim D M G Kim D all the Kim all the Kim's every Kim D G and even Z Kim Cole's Kim Cole's Glenn and Tim Fields Kim Fields Kim young you'll from the dead okay oh wait come on oh wait go ahead oh no I was gonna say I wanted to talk about like Joe and Joe Judas and Chris Loretta having their fight and I love the way that they deal with their issues which is sort of to voice it out get a little loud and then just start calling each other cocksuckers and kiss each other on the cheek that's why they can have a real house husband's show yeah husbands are just like yeah get over here you get over here you motherfucker you can make this on the cheek okay you motherfucker you're a little cocksucker you're a cocksucker a lot of kissing and a lot of cocks talk yeah there was but I was reading and I normally don't read the Bravo blogs because I figure I spent enough of my life on this stuff but I was looking at stupid ass wives and because you know I like to get my gossip from there for this show and I she posted Teresa's blog from Bravo and it is hilarious it is so good and it's too long to read the whole thing but I would like to skim it for you guys first of all the picture of her is like you know her eyes half open and that horror is like it's amazing sleeves or whatever the hell she's got going on there but la la la la let me sit I sat down and watched Alice in Wonderland with the girls first of all this is very well written so obviously someone's writing this for her yeah my s is Gia but I think it's Melania and it would just be like bear paw prints and then she then she compared it to the show if you think about it it actually fits really well if I'm Alice of course she is and according to my cast members blogs and interviews blah blah blah Teresa blah blah blah Teresa Teresa it's a Teresa show then it's pretty easy to see who everyone else is Caroline is the red queen I don't think I need to say anything more about that her kids are those playing cards running around trying to make the queen happy so they stay on the payroll out oh snap yeah that's too high level of a metaphor or analogy for Teresa yeah there's clearly a gay intern writing this yeah that's so good Jacqueline is the goofy confusing and very confused Cheshire cat and Kathy is the high and mighty caterpillar with her hookah who insults other people's intelligence but can't pronounce word correctly herself how dare she and Melissa I think she's both we'd all dumb and twiddle D since she seems to think she can play two different characters at once the innocent fun girl who puts on a show falling into a foot of water in a river and pretending to be scared and her real self with her nasty little comments blogs and interviews okay you have any dumb fucks out there think that Teresa actually wrote this I mean seriously probably watched Alice in Wonderland yeah if Teresa if Teresa wrote this it was telling this she's like the she's like the queen one the one with the queen with the in the in a house you know with the common noise with the common they make the with the common and the greetances and they they serve the tea to the guy in the hat the hats is the hats is you know what I'm talking about yeah just like that kind of she wants to cut off my head yeah it's like the the caterpillar the fat caterpillar the 50 50 years was it 50 years old caterpillar okay so that is how Teresa's blog would would properly read yeah we know that a gay intern at Bravo is cranking this out you know during their summer internship for you know college credit to go to you know probably somewhere like I don't know that's our fordom where Albie went yeah exactly so um did you guys buy any chance watch there was a special this week on watch what happens where it was like the housewives come clean and it was a special 15 minutes with Caroline followed by 15 minutes with Teresa and he's not back until I don't think September 9th but um he sat down with both of them it was kind of like a a mini reunion because it's making me think that neither of these women or maybe Caroline is not going to show up to the reunion I don't know what's gonna happen oh they will I think they just probably this is something that they could easily do ahead of time like I mean the ratings were great for it so no surprise I didn't see it as as funny I was gonna ask the exact same question and uh I was I recorded it and then somehow after that hour long episode of bickering about the same thing over and over and over again I just sort of lost the stamina and the will to care look there was not anything there was no anything in life there were no real revelations by any means and I'm sure it's just gonna get rehashed on these seven part uh reunion in a few weeks here but um the point is they fucking hate each other Teresa I think still makes it seem like there is a glimmer of hope but Caroline's done so if Caroline's done just be done with the show girl what did you guys think about um Teresa when she laid her hand on Kathy I wanted Kathy to punch her yeah I thought that Teresa was like that was I mean I didn't think it was a really particularly violent move but I understand why Kathy was upset by it and I feel like Teresa should have said sorry instead of yeah I was trying to make you look I was trying to lift your like this lift your chin up but then I feel like we saw I feel like we saw the truth when they went back to that room wherever she was packing her shit yes and yes they went back there we saw the truth because she's like Teresa and she's like do you know I'm not trying to beat and she kept doing it over and over being and yes Teresa's just fucking horrible and so awkward to watch her but she's like we've done that to each other millions of times we've had these fights and done this to each other and now you're acting like I'm an abuser because we're on TV and I see what she's saying you know what Ronnie am I crazy but like after this episode this week I'm starting to become a little more team Teresa like I get it I get it yeah I mean she's right what she's saying the the family members joined behind her back because Andy wanted more drama and he already could get it from her at that reunion so he went and hired her two enemies so he hires them she doesn't know it so they're suddenly in her life and she has to deal with these fucking people and now Caroline's turned on her because she knows that Teresa's unpopular after the last reunion and so it's just all so fake and phony and now all these people are trying to act so sweet and they're really bitches I mean I like Kathy but Kathy and Melissa are obviously shit-string bitches have you know anything else but Ronnie Ronnie they're all shit-stirring bitches okay this is like this is a moot point oh upset you upset Ben because you called Kathy a shit-stirring bit this is true no they all are shit-stirring bitches the difference is that Teresa I feel like is actually delusional and I think that's what makes her a little more hateable and I think she's also a little bit more malicious like also the differences they came on specifically gunning for Teresa exactly Teresa started this show well within a regular cast member these women came on to fight her well wouldn't you want to do that too if you've been dealing with like years of Teresa being awful and then almost on a show and being celebrated for being so funny and wacky it's like no we're gonna show people what the real Teresa is actually what I mean yes she's dumb as a fucking rock but she was funny and wacky I'm not calling her the Lucille ball of Bravo but she was funny and wacky in those first few years I actually never liked her from starting from season one I always thought she was I thought she was trash and not like a little trash don't get it twisted she okay she is trash no one's gonna deny that but that's but I get I think this is why I don't like her is that given that they're all trash and given that they are all shit-stirring and they're all bitches and they all have ultra motives from one reason or another and they all have like family things going on Teresa is the only one she's like she's incapable of reason she's okay okay that makes an analysis point and that's what drives me nuts about okay but at least she's consistent she's consistently retarded you know she's consistently evil and she's consistently uh a shit-stirring bitch that's that I think that I think that more people would be on her side you know I know this isn't a big brother podcast but one of the best lines from big brother this week with the bimbo got kicked off and she was trying to explain why she shouldn't get kicked off and she said well obviously I'm not articulate and then she just stopped talking because she was like I can't talk so why try why not that that's yeah and I think that that's very Teresa because she can't she doesn't know how to form into words like Kathy it's not it's not a it's not about how to properly form hold on I've been reading a lot of history on this shit she does not know how to properly form and say look my brother married this trashy girl with these evil sisters who were always mean to me and always making jokes behind my back and they're hideous bitches and we haven't talked in ages because we hate each other's guts and now there's bitch shows up on the show and she's trying to be trying to pretend we're friends I think you saw the real Melissa in the very first episode she was ever on at that christening when Teresa came up and she's like hi guys and Melissa was like oh now you want to say hi because there's cameras here and then Joe started pounding a table and throwing things in I mean that's the real them all this other shit is Disneyland don't believe it I agree I think yeah I'm team Ronnie I'm team Ronnie yeah I think this I think that they're all in articulate though because this all could be resolved it's not just Teresa who is insane things properly you know Melissa and Joe and the other Joe they if they were all articulate they could vocalize all this stuff here's the difference at least with Melissa I do since there is an attempt to try to fix things despite the fact that she clearly hates Teresa she's but is she doing it only for her husband and not for herself or for Teresa why is why is that not good enough just for the husband I mean it should be just for the husband and ideally for her too but I mean if it's just for the husband then that's good enough I think I would agree if it was true but I think that she's just doing it for the TV cameras because if she was really trying to make up with Teresa she wouldn't be saying but then you could say that but half the stuff that Teresa's doing is for the TV cameras too so again it's like again it's the moot point because they're all doing stuff for the TV cameras will you also can't be you can't be a bumping pop star and be an evil is that MacGyver again that's MacGyver okay you know what I know that we said at the beginning that we would talk about if I liked that or not I officially don't like it yeah well never we'll never do it again especially because it's coming right now in the middle of the actually note that's like that's like when Joe came up to Teresa's like we're going home she's like yay I can't wait to see my girls oh that was so quick a quick exit out of the intensity here look Ben here's my point everyone accepts it Teresa's a monster in a wildebeest in a horrible human being we all accept that that means you love it is being included you know she doesn't even know how to pretend she's not I mean she actually said last night after lying for 45 minutes straight she goes she goes cat I don't even know how to like cat I don't even know how I mean we know that she's a horrible human being and she's gonna rot in hell and her husband will be in jail and they deserve everything they get and I'm gonna laugh the whole time but Melissa's pretending she's a good person and people are buying it and I'm just saying don't buy it she's on this show I don't buy it I don't buy it growing down money she's trying to become a pop star and you can't become a pop star if you're a big nasty villain on tv and she's trying to make herself look like an angel so people will buy her shitty music but that's not happening I don't think she I think she's probably a monster too but I think that Teresa is a bigger monster I think Teresa at least an delusional monster like Teresa's a scarier monster because people that don't know they're crazy are the craziest yeah and and I feel like it's like the ring she's just gonna pass it forward you know she's gonna pass her crazy forward I think you're absolutely right but Teresa's a gorilla in a zoo and it's like that little kid who jumps into the gorilla cage and gets dismembered I don't feel sorry for that kid his parents should have kept him out of the goddamn cage right and in this point it's Caroline and guess what go home and go to the aquarium bitch because if you go to the zoo you're gonna wrangle with some orangatangs you know actually Caroline said the truth Caroline said the truth I don't even think that was funny and he's laughing well he's don't because I love it no I'm not but I love it like he'll just take it and run with it I like it too I mean it was working for me well here's the thing that no one else no one else realizes that they're in the zoo too and that's the that's the biggest problem Caroline thinks she's a spectator but she's really just she's just in another cage she's another animal in another cage right yeah well I the thing that disgusted me the most I think about the whole episode was Lauren oh yeah and the kids I mean not Albie Albie's really sweet and kind of hot so I usually leave a little he's a little too serious he's a little self-righteous he gets it from his mom he is but he at least tries I mean the other ones are just he's at least humorous and stuff in his and why is Greg there really to give like sort of vaguely effeminate glares at women that's true he's also team Kathy yeah yeah he's there to say a bunch of stuff in a really gay voice so everyone laughs because it's said in that voice everyone assumes it's funny but it's not really yeah all he says things like well that's not right but he should look fabulous in that gown he's there to happen to pick up magazines where Teresa bashes people again but it's all stupid Caroline's family and the Caroline family adjacent folk that it's like stuff and like Lauren I'm sorry but you're not a housewife I have to pick up on my mother you are a supporting character if there ever was one you are not going to be elevated to a full-time cast member the way that Brianna showed on OC Bravo listen up she's just there for the craft service table man you're just there for the craft service and it's really tragic yeah wipe the wipe the fucking cheeto orange off your fingers yeah did you guys see the video that she posted this week of fatface that like her walk through through fatface oh no and face Ashley tape for her oh my god oh my god I posted it this week but I forgot to send you guys the link it's just it's a ten minute video oh ten minutes of the first of all videos on the interwebs should not be more than three and a half minutes you're kidding but podcasts should be four hours yeah I guess she just never ends well you don't watch videos in your car you can listen to podcasts while you're driving really far right you guys right do you know how many people we probably sent over a cliff because they're so sick of hearing our voices they're all still sitting on the ten or the four oh five right now they might have made it like from the Robertson exit to like uh sent to Nella but that's it um so it was just her walking through her store okay she's got makeup piled on all these fucking tables like so much makeup in this small room and then she's got like three makeup chairs with shit covering everywhere then she's selling dresses and then she's got a spray tan area it's like five different stores in one little store nothing fit she can barely walk through that place as Kathy is Kathy selling can only is in the back corner no but she is one of the products that she was uh showcasing is poop porey which would help make your poop smell better you spray it on your poop i don't want any floss your poop friends who went through all the different kinds of poopery and i was like you're really selling this you really really elevating the kaface brand yeah oh my god see it all goes back to the man's house thinking they're shit don't stink oh because they got pooper poopery um wait do we have any i feel like we should actually start moving towards gallery girls if we don't start talking about the favorite person on tv liz from gallery girls i'm going to explode okay so any last thoughts on new jersey i hope caroline explodes yeah i hope that we actually get to see Albert try and fight if start a fight with somebody and get his ass whooped i hope that Jacqueline finally wakes up from her fake slumber and gets um split kicked in the jaw by joe judice i hope that caroline uh finally looks at the makeup that lauren's been doing for her on the show for which she has a credit in the ending credit closing credits and realizes what a trainee she looks like now i i hope that the bravo cameras catch joe gorga eating out vito i hope the bravo cameras something and now i'm done i'll just say i hope the bravo cameras catch vito eating out a giant think of mozzarella which i think is probably the most likely of all these situations yeah okay so let's move on to gallery girls i love the show i love it it's the best thing on tv why aren't more people watching it it's so good i don't know it's really sad i hope this doesn't go you know down the route that misadvised did which was not such a good decision bravo well um one of the gallery girls maggie she actually tweeted at me and i i can tell you my little exchange i had with her didn't didn't we talk shit about her last week um maybe it was just ronnie uh actually it was uh it was it was you too and okay i have a problem with people that speak like babies it's an issue yes you made you made a big you made a big to do about her baby voice which was not unmerited i also like wispery baby it's like creepy wispery baby from like a horror movie and ronnie suggested that she might be a cutter i think you know even if she's listening i think ronnie and i are sticking by that claim sure well here's the thing you know what i was pulling your hair out jesus cry oh right so this is what so this is her hair so this is what she said um so i my thing my my twitter tweeted out that there was new podcasts out and she tweeted back and she said i actually love this dot dot dot said in my baby voice so she has a sense of humor oh my god that's like embarrassing slash we're famous and then i said then i responded to her i said ha ha ha you don't want to stab us with brooklyn glass oh man that was good except for the part where you wrote ha ha ha well i thought it was funny and it was polite uh every tweet i know he loves uh he loves uh uh i always do ha ha ha it's just a good way to start this good way to put someone here your listeners if you messaged me with an lol just stop i can't fucking handle it lol um and then she said i do actually really like maggie maggie and liz um and they have like this budding friendship i kind of am enjoying the two of them whereas the rest of the girls in the show make me sick to my stomach and i never think that i would have it i never guess that i would have admitted this i am so team upper east side i cannot stand those brooklyn monsters the brooklyn hipsters are hilarious i think i just about like died of laughter i was crying on the floor i had to watch it five more times when uh shantal was talking about their new the new artist that they have and they're exhibiting she's he is a genius like his artwork is literally mind-blowing i don't even understand it and they show his artwork one is a wooden frame and the other is pretty much just like clouds on a blue canvas i secretly like i liked the wooden frame but not for 1300 it was not mind-bloggling that's like i could have made it with a trip to michaels and watching a little bit of tori spellings craft wars which i watch um i also say it's amazing and we should have a podcast dedicated to tori's craft wars just like craft wars it's genius is this like the franco prussian war but with crafts it's actually like chopped but with crafts oh that sounds very so you're in everything i am i'm not opposed i'm not opposed i mean i did just go to joann fabrics so okay that is true but okay let's get to this is maggie currently sleeping with or formerly sleeping with eli klein chinese contemporary genius artist curator oh she's probably blown in i mean sorry maggie if you're listening to this sorry maggie this would be what i'm guessing just from what what i see on tv she's probably had some drunken sex with him and expects that that's gonna mean she doesn't have to answer the phone anymore but now because you know you should listen to your mother when they said you don't buy the cow when you get the milk for free because he's already drank that mill i know but like she's she's and now i have zero respect for her and she's gonna run her around like a goddamn slave but she's cute and he is disgusting i just if maggie if you're listening to this eli is gross you can do better she has the better way no i'm just thinking i agree i agree wait i'm just saying this and her boyfriend who in the next episode or maybe was this last week i don't even know but like he looks like he's about to go off the rails and act like a fool at some party i think she can do better than any of the other girls i think she's probably more talented smarter and cuter than the rest of them why is she going out with these creeps well look at least the boyfriend is hot for crying out loud give him that then he has muscles but that doesn't make your face hot i thought he has a cute face too oh and by the way here's another thing from that twitter exchange you last last week why she has such a crappy apartment uh it turns out she like addressing all the shit i talked uh well this case he did and and he said it was it was actually um it was actually his apartment oh okay well if he lives in a huddle fine she's too glamorous for that shithole yeah and uh she also said um she said more there was more i i didn't get to finish oh my god they're gonna show up on my doorstep and murder me no they were being nice they're being funny and she also said um like she said uh because you said how much you hated her ponytail mat i think i didn't hate her ponytail or ronnie did whatever you guys i like a pony i like a side pony just like ashley and julie chan she said uh maggie explained that the cute asian that blows out of her hair warned me about ponytails so she uh she's aware and i i wrote back beware um oh my god ben see you know what's happening you're going down that road again where you think that you're becoming besties with one of these brava reality stars and then they're gonna spurn you and burn you just like Alex McCord or just like you and jill's arin oh girl wow she never followed me i never followed her either shit you just told her that you loved her for an entire hour oh i i did love her for the entire hour and then i remembered why i don't yeah i don't think the haze went away podcast so shut up jill's arin just so oh yeah yeah ronnie you got the right ronnie that was a good point you didn't have to get that in okay can i tell you a few other things about galorels i'm obsessed with oh wait i want to i want to finish about uh maggie and fucking that guy okay um here's the thing i believe that we are looking at it differently because we're gay guys but girls don't necessarily look for looks they look for power and she thinks that you like house power so i think the only way out of this is to find another gallery owner who's not a complete fagito burrito um and doesn't have a legion of penguins that he orders around the city with little missiles on their back yeah basically work for free for somebody who doesn't have a dog bowl out front save yourself because you should not hate yourself that much and what do you she should not be counting rocks in a bowl she is too good for that i didn't think that was uh i thought that was totally staged by the way you've got an art degree and you're sitting there counting pebbles for this danny devina look alike cut the shit girl get yourself together yeah maggie right i'm sorry real talk real talk if amie if sad tragic drunk mess amie can be working for that actual like ark lady maggie should be doing at least that i know maggie this actually is listening just should we're empowering this is an intervention maggie rise up maggie you have to address something in you if you if there's if you're still an intern while amie is working in a legitimate capacities at somewhere that's not mcdonald's you have to really think about your what you're doing wrong amie's an intern too oh yeah it's not filling our mind i'm counting rocks yeah that's true we're not going to just you that badly to suggest that amie's actually doing rather than you so yeah we would we would never we would never go there okay can we talk about liz yeah i'm obsessed yes liz is emperor vice-class touching your hair okay matt matt's gonna explode let him say this i just want to talk about how much more i love liz now that we know that she is a former miami socialite coke head go uh i actually agree because i feel like her her comments are cutting and whatever but she actually seems okay and i sort of like how she has the daddy issues our tv gold plus i kind of love how she has this tiny tiny tiny apartment and she's sitting in there with her mom eating lobster and it like she does that kitchen it doesn't look anything like maggie's boyfriend's kitchen let me tell you yeah liz is clearly like her dadically does not like her because she is living in basically like a galley in an airplane are at least it's a glamorous galley i did like the betting on her on her part the stripes on the uh to die for to die i'm telling you those those king size pillow shams oh my god that's the gayest thing i've ever she better she better not let any of her classmates in because you know they're gonna put a big old footprint on that bed you know it's true oh my oh my god can we also talk about how she was talking all the asians yeah oh my god i love her blatant racism she's blaming all the asians oh my god that was so uh will they're all quiet and they're not willing to stand up some asians that's in my artwork okay can i say i have a friend who goes to the pastadina art college whatever the hell it is are they some big art school out here in in california are they allarts no but her she says she's telling i won't say her name but she's told me you know it is all the racism that you hear against asians you really start feeling when you go to art school because everyone there is asian and it's like you're the minority and they will run all over you they talk literally on your canvas they uh they're really rude blah blah blah and she just went off on asian so i was like i've never just like the shaws of sunset i said i've never heard such blatant racism about asian people i really haven't i mean i've heard mexican i mean i've heard everybody else but i've never heard that against the asians she's like everyone everyone well thank god for liz on gallery girls because she is going to bring the asian rage and if she doesn't bring it angela will inspire it in the rest of us that's how i hate her angela okay oh go ahead i'm sorry i have to i'm i'm i can't say angela because because number one she's not sexy stop it you are not sexy put away your ugly tits her put away your puritan slut costume but here's the thing here's the hand drives me nuts is that this girl she left orange county she's like she hates the blonde she hates the face editor all she does every episode is talk about how she wants to be surrounded by beautiful people she's she goes on a date with a guy who has some interesting life experiences maybe a little doll yeah like way too good for her way too good for her she like dismissed him immediately i mean look i don't know if i would take him either but you know what like she the point is this she is just as shallow and caddy as the rich girls she claims to not be shabell get the best shabell off my wardrobe my favorite part from the entire episode last night was when her gay friend came came over and this guy also was tweeting at me today i i i think i've got a corner on all the gallery reasons why i cannot stand going out in west hollywood because that is what is the there yeah that is what thinks that they are hot with their little cut off jean shorts and their button shirts all the way up to the throat with their faux mohawks and there he had their three-day old scruff and i think that they're hot shit and they're gonna tell their asian lady friend that she looks sassy and hot in her puritan sex get up guess what those guys make me fucking ill too you know what he had the best line of the night though which is when he said he's like did you google yourself again she just got that's just because i got my favorite moment yeah and then now what he was sitting down in her laptop to google himself right after and then somebody said off screen um wait you're not a cast member he did google himself and then that's that's probably why you tweeted at me because i know you're dating him via twitter good job then we are in a torrid affair and angel is going to try to come between us but i won't allow it well here's where i did for a little bit from you i like that girl i think she's very funny and i like what she said i can't date a guy with them without an iphone or a gmail email address i thought that was hilarious and i also there's something about this show where i can't hate anybody on it because they're 20 like that's true to me i just want to hug them all because i remember being 20 and like insecure okay look for my birthday now i'm gonna be 14 and insecure you have to hate Claudia my ass sent me this birthday card and it says man i wish i was as thin as i was back when i thought i was fat and that's how i feel about this show like these girls are so much self-hatred i mean i think maybe it's in being a girl but it's also just being that young and insecure and i just want to hug them and be like you guys are prettier than most people and you can form a sentence and you're thin like be happy and go make some money and stop just giving yourself a way to gross people and i feel that way about maggie and liz and the rest of them i couldn't care less about what's her face uh Claudia she seems all right because she's oh Claudia is tragic and cancel a spucking pain to save her fucking life she's sweet but tragic i mean she should she should definitely be not doing what she's she's now i mean if she's you working in a library she would be the first one eaten alive i mean they just she's the first to go well we just found out why she never sells anything so how much she how much she want to sell my art for um i don't know it depends on the art it's like oh okay well what kind of what kind of cut do you take um it depends yeah i'm sorry i fucking hate shantal but when shantal was like um bitch can you sell something she was not she was not out of it she was definitely right i mean shantal was right in that case she's an idiot she's an idiot the right the whole episode but she was right in that moment even though she had lipstick on her teeth um and poor uh gosh Amy can we talk about Amy being drunk and like her costing maggie in the bathroom well it's funny first of all it was funny first of all it was funny first of all when Amy's like that guy he's so hot and maggie's like he's got a great apartment like why is that like the next line and then Amy's like it's important but then i liked how Amy was like does he does he do you know who i am like i don't care about any of that stuff i look deep inside i come from a good family you know who i am i don't care where i got enough money if there's a guy who's bored of these you'll sweet i don't care and then it points to my favorite confessional the night where it's maggie going um she is a hot mess pause but not hot yeah that was great hi hi it was bowing to the tv one that happened maggie good work maggie um i also liked when Amy said that this bar dorians was like her cheers i was like does that make you norm because i think that does make you norm maybe she walks in she knows 45 people that she's given blow jobs too and she has diseases from all of them but that's fine because she gets her hair blown out four times a week isn't me or does Amy belong in Alaska like i i listen poor sweet Amy she's she's but i think doesn't she belong in like some bar where there's like lumberjacks you know she doesn't belong in the art scene in new york she's a ghost murder where she could point in guys to one girl she needs to walk into a place where she can wear jeans and a plaid shirt and like a little like plush like vest and not look like a lesbian you know uh she dresses well because she's from the upper east side don't get it twisted no but i think that like really i think the elaska would be more fitting for her in a good way i don't know i could see her like she could be like one of those people like remember northern exposure she could work at one of those stores and have like whimsical adventures with people like rob morrow um except i would not want to watch that and all i want to do is watch gallery girls i kind of i kind of want to carry for a second i'm just like yay carry you do everything and you work 27 hours a day and you have nine jobs and you're making it work girl i don't care she has time for everything but a personality thank you or uh horses i like how she's like the nicest person and we're like oh therefore we have to just basically attack her she's nice but i'm like whatever i think she thinks she's hot shit and she's bringing like the you know any gay that wears a sleeveless furry outfit like that maybe wings like i'm sorry that is so like goth gay 2005 i did it for halloween stop and i remember she's like you know they're all nice to him but i could see when our backs returned they were like looking at him i'm like yeah free yeah exactly he's dressed like the black swan and and Angela did that last week it didn't even work with Angela did it okay and when you out freak Angela and shantal guess what people are going to stare and they should probably even throw stones if you look like a creature from labyrinth then that's a problem exactly that that's the kind of gay that my mama's afraid of like she thinks that when you say oh i'm gay it means i'm that you know like when i'm here in LA that's what i'm doing well and the unfortunate thing is every time you see a gay on reality tv that's what they are well bravo especially yeah exactly but you know where you might find a different type of gay at at mail dot com oh workland which is same thing same thing well if you do like that kind of gay you can find giant double-dilders kyad at a mail dot com and i actually think there might be even some dvd's starring shantal's boyfriend spencer because he's totally gay that's true yeah um but i don't think i don't i hate the way she talks about it i don't think he's gay oh i'm sorry we all talking at once but the rumor about kerry is that she's actually a high-priced call girl and not uh shopper because and i think that people are um and i don't know if this is the word on the internet or just in the comments section of tv guys and but everyone's like oh she's like she's a high-priced sucker and everybody knows it and i think it's because her apartment is so nice i mean i think unless you've really lived in new york you don't understand what an apartment like that first is nicer than lizzes and lizzes is like she's got money she's eating lobster in her apartment but she has like five square feet yeah so i don't know if that's true i'm gonna what's her last name does anybody know she's just she's just kerry like madonna yeah just carry um listen guys we actually probably should wrap this up because uh oh is someone giver like bomb gonna go up in the back no i decided to to get this mantle that i dismantled it much like my giver would but that being said i'm looking at the time and we are massively over but i i see i could talk about gallery girls forever and ever and i you know we should just have a gallery girl's podcast we should because you know these podcasts are getting so long and people want more than one a week so maybe we maybe next week we'll do two on the housewives and one on gallery girls maybe you never know you never know ronnie might want to kill himself but you and i might just do it mm-hmm uh-oh ronnie says no we don't even get to talk about top chef masters which apparently i'm the only one watching and i like it oh it's so bad oh well you brought that up because i do have one thing to say i finally realized why i hate top chef masters life because they're all actually famous chefs or they're successful chefs and they're too nice i can't watch it they're not art smith art smith is the worst art smith is a man bitch yeah okay the worst and that's what makes it good they have to do a challenge at the grand canyon every one of them's like we are so blessed to be at the grand canyon amongst the wonderful native american with a blessing and an honor whereas the way i know the man's like don't fuck with me yeah don't fuck with me i'll scallop you at the grand canyon native americans we're called indians don't fuck with me dolly i thought a bunch of it i thought a bunch of italian's eating at the grand canyon i feel like we were drinking pino gree joe i felt good normal top chef cast would be like the grand canyon is fucking hot out here fucking india porraz indians oh great we'll make something with corn that sounds really fun great challenge bravo i think the issue i think the issue is more that top chef normal top chef has a whole bunch of like fat lady chefs who get cranky and top chef masters all the women are skinnies so they don't get cranky for some reason exactly i like a fat tattooed lesbian chef that is mean i'm like the wine cook from applebee is over the owner of patine okay oh it's Susan Finnegeron in this season no she's not i can't stand her restaurant which one street street sucks streets i think she's good i think she's good i border grill is much better oh my god border grill is gross the margaritas are good the rest is bad no i had some very good food there just a few weeks ago um i have to say border grill i think the food is better at like carlos and charlie's it's like thank you thank you i brought a good big taco where jina kiho's daughter works at sentry city mall i i am going to defend the honor of border grill and say i had a very good meal there recently they can't get your own right i'll take jar i'll take jar over Susan Finneger any day well jar jar is obviously better but okay i think i'm glad you realize recognize border grill is good it's done you bet your red neck and ass red neck and ass oh my god we have to stop if we could only do a honey boo boo podcast my life would be complete um i am starting our fall podcast at the other so at tv guys i'm soon so i'll make you guys come on and talk all this shit with me um i would hope so you better red neck last all right all right supposed to be signing this shit off so you can follow me ronnie at tv gasm find matt at life on the m list find ben at b side dot i mean b side blog well you just fucked it up now he's not gonna get five thousand uh we get four thousand nine hundred ninety nine he didn't fuck me in math this week this week please just follow ben he's got he's got he's got to get some meaning in his life i haven't i'm so excited i need numbers to make me feel popular it's true i don't have anywhere near that i'm pathetic you can find this also on facebook um backslash watch what crappins or you can tweet all three of us at what crappins we will see you next time and please if you need anything sexual head on over to adam mail dot find yourself some lube guys yeah let's listen to what matt has to say about it bye everyone bye hey boys looking for something to rock your world have you been 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