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It was about the children who are missing place. Hey everybody, welcome to Watch What Crapins, a podcast dedicated to all that crap we all love on Bravo. My name is Matt Woodfield from Yahoo TV and joining me as always are my trusty sidekicks, Ben Mandelker from B-side blog and Ronnie Karam from TV Gasm. Say hello, my lovely friends. Hello everybody. Before we get into all the gossip and there is a shit ton of it this week and then obviously Real Housewives of New York City, Real Housewives of New Jersey and our amazing favorite, our new favorite, Gallery Girls. We need to do a few plugs, so first of all big shout out to our friends at the sideshow network for putting this together. Don't forget to follow us on Twitter. You can follow us at What Crapins. You can also find us on Facebook. We are Watch What Crapins. Give us a like. Definitely go over to iTunes and review us. We had a few haters in the past few weeks. We're not going to call you out by name just yet but watch yourself because next time you will get called out. But thank you all for listening in. Thank you all for all of the other amazing reviews on there. We are at almost a perfect five stars so we'll try to keep that up but anyway shall we move on to the gossip or do you guys have anything else to plug at the beginning? I got nothing to plug. No I'm ready to go but thank you guys. We asked for ratings on iTunes last week and you guys came through so right now thank you. Yeah it's awesome. It's all approved. I'm allowed to eat cookies and not kill myself. My goodness I just you know I'm just so flatter that they give us five stars. I mean what are they listening to? This is definitely not a five-star podcast. It's a six star podcast. This is just three guys chatting over Skype about shows on Bravo. What's wrong with you people? I think a lot of the straight ladies want to be RBFFs and guess what I'm always open to more straight lady BFFs. Me too. And gay lady BFFs too. Why not? If there are any gay lady BFFs out there which you know I don't know that any of them bother with these horrible programs that we watch but if they do I'll I'll power to them. I have a gay lady BFF and she makes me feel completely sexually inadequate. She is so hot and she gets so much poo-tang-tang. I feel dirty saying the kitty cat word but is it is it Jackie Warner? No. No. Damn it. It's Jesse Burshbach. Ooh I don't know who that is. That's like a that's like a lesbian porn star name. Jesse Burshbach. Yeah she's pretty hot. So let's talk about some housewives y'all. Yeah I'm ready. It's leading. I think I think Matt you you you ushered in the podcast. I believe. Okay I will roll with it. I will be on you be on top now. Yes. We will start with my my lady which you guys don't typically enjoy but I love me my Kim Zulciak and we should start off this week another big week for her. She popped out another monster with Croix. This new baby's name is Cash. Very Kardashian likes. Yes. I'm surprised actually that the S doesn't have dollar signs in it because we all know she's a gold digger. She named her baby Cash. With a K. Fine. So it's Cash and Croix. And you know by the way these are also like barely even real names you know. Like soon it's gonna they're just gonna put a K over any noun they encounter. Like Kipod and Kachair or I don't know. I'm telling you nothing makes me crazier than when families name all of their children with the same letter. Do you guys come from one of those families? Yeah I'm a ducker secretly. My real name is Jibin. I'm an only child so you know I'm very judgmental and awful for numerous reasons and we can all blame my mother for that you know. Any problems that you guys have with me blame her. But I just don't understand all of the babies all of the same letter. But anyway do you think that Kim and Croix are done? Is she someone that thing up or are we have more to come? I don't know but I don't think I need to watch her carrying around another damn baby. I didn't even know she was pregnant again. When did that happen? It happened. The last one popped out. Yeah it was a very it was a very like stealth pregnancy. I think that she is basically she's gonna just keep on popping out babies as long as she possibly can. You know here is tied on that man. She she has him tied down. I actually do believe that he's in love with her and I actually like them and their spin-off which I was the only one watching that. But anyway I just think that she's incredibly selfish and she likes to spend money on herself. The more babies she has the less shopping she can do for herself. I think that she thinks babies are like accessories. Like it's like the new like fall bag. I guess like it's the new fall baby that just came in you know. I think that's that's the way she looks at. I don't I don't think she probably doesn't even realize that she still has Crowe Jr. She just thinks she has cash now. Like it's one baby. Well then what about Ariana? Is that poor girl? I mean she's just done right? You know Ariana bless her heart. I've never seen it so I've never seen a girl get thrown into so many pools and shoved into so many hot fudge sundays. And I still have a smile on her face. God bless her. God bless her. God bless her. God bless her little heart. Yeah God bless her little heart getting tossed into a pool like a big old piece of ham. Okay moving on away from Kim Zolciak. Let's bounce into Beverly Hills. We did have some major major news this week. R-H-O-B-H with new housewife Marissa joining the fold. Who wants to discuss that? Well I know this beotch from selling LA because one of my favorite things to do is smoke a giant bowl and watch all the shows on HGTV that feature really large houses in Los Angeles that maybe one day I could have if I ever leave my house and try and get a career. And so she's on there. She's one of the agents on there and she's kind of tragic. She overdresses to show a damn house like she dresses like she's on a telenovela and she's kind of boring. She doesn't really have much of a personality so I'm excited to see her get down and dirty and I hope she comes out of the gate swinging. Well what kind of void do you think that she's gonna fill? I mean obviously Camille is not gonna be back for season three and you know this whole season's obviously gonna be about you know the relationship falling apart between Adrian Maloof and Lisa Vanderpump. So where is Marissa gonna fit in? Do you see her like siding with anybody? What's the deal? I think she's gonna fill like the like a showbiz like wealthy showbiz bitch sort of thing. You know because her name is Marissa Zanuck and she is like married to an heir to the Zanuck family which if you live in Hollywood you know they like started 20th Century Fox. Plus her office I think doesn't she work for Rick Hilton who's married to Cathy who's half-sisters with Kyle and Kim? Yeah and Marissa just quit to start his own company and they were talking last season that that might cost him drama because everything was given to him by Mr. Hilton. So really it might be some drama there because she's still working for the Hilton's and now he's now. Yeah so that's you know I see here's the thing I didn't I never really cared enough to know where Marissa actually worked I just knew he was successful I didn't realize he was was he working for Rick? Yeah well Ronnie just said that they did it they made it sound like Rick kind of really got Marissa into the business and kick started everything and so the fact that he's willing to leave the agency and go start his own might cause major drums. You know I feel like I won't care about any of that drama though because the drama between the husbands is rarely very interesting unless it's on New Jersey. I don't know the the drama with Mario on New York is pathetic but it's getting pretty interesting but we'll get to that later. We'll get there in a second. Let's do one more a bit of Housewives gossip you know my beloved show that is no longer in existence is the real Housewives of DC my my lovely hometown but you know we can thank the Salahis for ruining that but now so for making it awesome. Yeah and also for forget them stomping on grocery store grapes at the venue. They also that's right. The show never would have managed to air if the slides hadn't done it. I mean they were they were amazing. They were. That's true. Taurus running for governor of Virginia. Virginia which makes no sense. But it's Virginia so maybe it does. I hope he gets into office that will be hilarious. Then maybe finally he can get retribution against his mother who sends helicopters after him finally. And then they can get the real Housewives of Richmond Virginia. Oh that would be fantastic. And also you know that he and his wife their divorce I think was official this week. Not that anyone really cares but for those who are completionists with the Salahis timeline that's it. Right like Tom and Katie's divorce got finalized today and that took all of about you know four weeks. The Salahis it took about two and a half years. Well you know there's a lot of stuff to fight over you know fake Redskins cheerleading outfits that had to be you know. Someone had to have this big battle over that stuff. What was her fake disease? She had a fake disease. She really does not have it correct. I don't think so. Does she does she have MS the way Kim Zolciak had cancer? I think so. I think that her whole thing wasn't that like she only ate salad. It wasn't the whole thing. She was like people were accusing her of having an eating disorder. She only ate salad and like Rice Krispies and she said it's because of her MS. Yes I think she just forgot how to spell PMS. Like left off a letter. Oh that makes more sense. Okay before we jump into. This is not really ill. Before we jump into Real Housewives of New York City which was off the chain this week there is one final bit of gossip that we must discuss. Everybody feel free to take a moment of silence of about maybe two seconds. Here we'll start right now. Okay so work of art was cancelled and I'm really bummed out the Sarah Jessica Parker produced art show with Simon Dupillie and was it China Chow or Asia Argento? They're both the same to me as the host. It's gone after two amazing seasons. I never watched any episodes of it. We've all got Photoshop now. We don't need artists anymore. Go away artists. There's no such thing as art anymore except for this podcast. Yeah go bait. Go not bathe yourself someplace else. You're stinking artists. I ain't buying your crap for six thousand dollars and you can take that to the bank and deposit it. You gallery girls. The SWATs ain't spending six thousand dollars on some at. But it was painted on formerly bedsheets and now transitioned onto a cloth and this literally made. He literally made textiles with the paint. There's literally texture that he made. Like Claudia said that with a straight face while I was shitting my pants at laughing. There's one more piece of gossip and that is that Alexis Bellino is refusing to go back to Beverly Hills. I mean yeah right in Beverly Hills. She's refusing to go back to Orange County unless they will hire one of her friends and to that I said they've already hired your friends and they all end up hating you and quitting the show. I know I was like well let's be honest she really does need an ally because Vicki is nobody's ally but her own so. Well can I be back I don't think. Listen I don't understand how they're going to get Jesus to sign that contract if he wants to be on the show. That's her best friend isn't it. I mean if we don't get to see the trampoline park venture unfold on reality TV that is a travesty. I agree I think there should be she's got her boobs are too big not to be documented on a trampoline okay especially a trampoline park where she goes from one to the next. Right what if she has another sinus flare up. Oh my god what if she what if she lands on her nose on a trampoline. Exactly what if Jim's chin and plan falls off with a bad jump. Who is Heather Heather needs somebody to beat up I mean Heather my arch nemesis who both of you like a little too much. She needs a punching bag besides you know her husband. Well it's called anyone who vandalizes a cake it's her she's like the Batman of like cake world you know she goes and she huns she's vigilante and she huns down people who ruin cakes. Yeah she runs the community center against cake rape. Yeah she's like you know that website cake rex she hates it it's her it's like what looking at like it's like looking at pictures of genocide. She came out. She kind of have a face like the Joker go ahead. Oh she does yeah she does she came out this week against that senator who made a stance against religion admit cake rape. Yeah some cake rape. It's legitimate. Some just isn't. There's so politically fine to down there an orange count. We this is this is very topical for our podcast. Look at us delving into controversial politics. Yeah you guys. I'm excited. Let's delve right back out and jump right into New York City. Yeah okay another night of women trying to convince us that they're still they still have working pussies. I'm sorry to be so crass but both of these shows last night or people trying to convince us that they had exciting sex lives and I'm not buying it and I do not want to see Ramona in a bikini bottom every again hopping a table and saying the C word. I almost are you just a little bitter or are you like. I'm horrified. It's like I just got chased through a parking lot by a homeless person and I used to give money to homeless people and now I just want them all taken off the street. That's how her her like her butt and legs they'd like to oversized Vienna sausages there's sort of had that smooth look that's not proper you know the way you know when you see a Vienna sausage you're like that doesn't look like a good sausage you know that's what her legs look like just too smooth and strange and you know what she's she she gives a lot of women a lot of like flack about being you know naked or being inappropriate and here she is with her tuck us hanging out and a vibrator going up her butt and she's squealing like a little girl. She said the C word people. I know she's like yeah that just went up my cut. Really nice Ramona after your first whole year was being anti it wasn't at the first year that she was calling Alex a whore because Alex had something to say for something. Yeah exactly. I mean what do you think her daughter to them I mean her daughter is like this cute nice girl and she must be mortified Avery. Avery's going to go to college and change her hair color and be crazy and she's going to become an artist and she's going to become a gallery girl in her own right because she's going to be rebelling against Ramona. If anybody should be a gallery girl it's Luanne's daughter who had that terrifying art show in a garage in the Hamptons earlier this season my god. She can have like some hedges around the gallery and her friends can come and pass out and then it'll be fantastic. She had a very good art show though don't you think Luanne's daughter she had like some really violent art. I like compared to that. I actually liked it. Compared to that shithole that the gallery girls run in Brooklyn are you kidding? Luanne's daughter puts them to shame. Yeah I thought Luanne's daughter's art was actually very good and legitimate and I didn't care that it was dark. I think I think she she needs to exercise some demons if coming from that household. Let us let us not forget however that she is racist. Oh yeah that's true too. She's not racist just because she said the n-word on the internet. Come on now. I think it wasn't she saying like my n-word is not different than being like it's also magic. Listen when you come from the royal lineage that is the dillaceps family you can say whatever you want. Go for it. I think rap music has kind of put that word in our hands. I've said my n-word before and not felt like I was being racist. I don't say I was being racist. I think about it. Maybe I am racist you guys. Well you're not fully white you're partially lemony so that gives you like a little bit of ethnicity. So maybe wait are you only partially Lebanese? Yeah I'm happy my dad is Lebanese and my mom's Irish. Your mother is Irish I had no idea. Well we say Irish because her last name is Mullins but she's basically just like a patreon dish of white trash from Texas. So basically I was a white people fucked and that made my mom's side. I'm really confused. Here's what you need to know. He has roots in the IRA and in Lebanon so if everyone be careful. Yeah yeah don't don't fuck with Ronnie and if any of you give us a bad review on iTunes don't Ronnie's gonna make you pay. Listen to the perry back drunk is gonna make you pay suckers. The people who already gave us a bad review on iTunes if they only listened to the first five minutes anyway so they're long gone. Oh they're long gone. Which is too bad because this is priceless conversation. It truly is. It truly is. Okay before we get you know delve deeper into Ramona's asshole and her button injections. Let's let's start where the episode started. You know at the end of the last week's episode a whole bruh-ha-ha was going on at this party and we have you know Jacques being thrown under the bus by a Viva as soon as he walks out the door. Mario's in the mix Ramona's in the mix then Ramona's attacking Heather. I mean I'm just dizzy thinking about it still but that's how we kicked off this week. To be fair just to clarify something it was Ramona who actually started off the thing. Went once Jacques walked out the door. It was Ramona who like looked behind and said okay let me think that's about the accent etc. Just a little ombudsman's ship. Anybody who wants to you know point the finger at Ramona I'm all for that so I'm gonna back you up on that but you know this got really quite nasty and you know we thought that Heather and Viva were kind of friends through the majority of the season so far and they you know there was you know calm waters between the two but last night Heather really truly confronted Viva which I thought was awesome because you know seeing a Viva be confronted and you know the way she freaks out and backs up against the wall with her fake leg was just amazing but I'm still team Heather I've been team Heather all season long a lot of people have finally gotten on board with me but I'm sticking by that where do you guys stand. On Heather? I think Heather's a total asshole she wore a sweatshirt with glitter on it to somebody's party which is she always does so don't be able to get past that. So let's play any clown. Oh my god clown she wears a mime base and if she's not going to do the walking down the stairs pantomime I don't want to see her in my makeup she starts too much shit she did leave Ramona out now that I've seen how Ramona has been acting all season I don't blame her and but the most disgusting thing to me was that Mario jumped in and started fighting with a woman I mean that was really Mario has always been disgusting and he's married to Ramona which I mean he has no credibility with me he's fought with Jill in the past remember he's been an asshole to Jill and Luell. Well Jill's a horrible human being I mean I can understand that I would fight with Jill I would fight with Jill if I was like the target you know her target checkout lady I'd fight with her she's just annoying I think you're allowed Jill you get a free pass to abuse but Heather you don't get to just start yelling at some woman at a party what's wrong with you. Ronnie what is wrong with you Heather had all the right in the world Ramona you know smashed her and then ran down the hallway screaming and ran off of course Ramona was acting crazy and all Heather said was your wife is acting crazy. No no no she didn't say that she said your crazy wife she said you got to do some of your crazy wife which I think Heather should not have said that that being said why are you defending Heather that being said I mean defending Ramona excuse me because Heather was in the right well Heather I'm saying Mario is a disgusting human being for yelling at a woman. Here's what I think I think Heather should not have said your crazy wife that was rude I do agree with Aviva on that front but I did really like the way Heather defended herself to Aviva because Aviva at that point should you know she was butting her nose into someone else's business it was ridiculous it was stupid and she was actually trying to instigate Mario because Mario was sitting there and like giving the most half ass like defensive his wife he's just sort of standing there being like oh that wasn't nice to say I mean like that's not he wasn't it wasn't a great exhibition of manliness and chivalry if you ask me. Well here was my problem. He started off by saying oh well you shouldn't say that but then he jumped started jumping down and throw well you didn't invite her to the trip and y'all and get a woman at a party I mean what a fucking pig just because you have tits does not make you a woman all right you saggy-titted wax boobied mother truck up be natural woman on national TV here's the thing Mario Mario has Mario knows how to restrain himself but he has not shown that he truly has class that's for sure. No he needs to read Luan's book there's no doubt about that but I will say this this is the thing that really really pissed me off when Aviva started to say well you were really mean by not inviting Ramona to London and then I kind of liked how Heather threw that back at her and said you didn't fucking invite me to Miami and the thing is it's like if Heather is inviting you on a glamorous trip to London and you can't even return the favor by inviting her to Miami shut the fuck up Aviva. Well yeah Aviva probably should have invited her to Miami however Aviva also did have a point which is that it's one thing to invite just two people it's another thing to invite everyone in the group except for one person there's a little there's a difference there's a difference but okay you know Aviva can say that she only invited to that's fine but when Carol was also going to be in Miami which obviously was orchestrated by the producers you know it ended up being four of them there not three of them there and that's just two away from a full house so I'm sorry it just you know the fact that Aviva didn't return the favor by inviting Heather somewhere I think you know Aviva needs to just you know go stand on the asshole and also that Aviva sitting there saying that she can't go to St. Bart's because she's afraid of the tiny plane when she we just saw her take a flight to Miami and then live on like the 80th floor yeah overlooking death and was totally fine with it she that one was a total hypocrite a total wire and she has a sinking Loretta Twitt face I don't want to well I know Ben Ben agrees with me on this one and I you know we're just delving into the episode right now Aviva does by the end of the episode become my secret new favorite at the beginning of the episode I'm hating her because I'm totally together but by the end when she slams the shit out of dumb fuck Sonya I'm all I'm team Aviva for life yeah I agree and and we'll get to that and we'll see I agree I think though I don't remember what I was gonna say something about Aviva something about her being crazy oh here's my question oh with a flying they just sort of casually mentioned that like Carol's best friends all died in a plane crash yeah was that a reference like I was wondering was that a reference like JFK jr maybe or and like JFK jr was at 9/11 related I don't know they just sort of casually mentioned it like oh yeah it was Princess Diana in the in the tunnel and it was JFK in the plane and and Peter Jennings on his cancer bed mama casts on the toilet with the ham sandwich in her mouth I know them all I I was so sad when fellas daily died uh because I'm the cryptkeeper and I take away life yeah we're Carol because she's like so nice but it seems like she's one of those people that you're like oh she's so glamorous I want to be her friend but then you have to rethink it because you'll be like but my life will end in tragedy yeah it's true everything around her dies I mean that's why she doesn't have pets children or a husband or a good gay friend on true blood yeah everybody dies um but you know what though I will say I'm enjoying Carol more and more every week I mean I've always enjoyed her but like she's really becoming she is actually finally stepping into the best in your role a little bit more comfortably and I think it's working very nicely for her she she definitely is kind of like the voice of reason there but she also does give and these are great again I'm not trying to like slam her kind of sort of but she gives the bitchiest bitchiest confessionals oh I like them what I like about Carol is that I don't think she really thinks any of these women are truly her friends I think she thinks they're all like oddities and she just likes to hang around and see what crazy things they'll say and then she'll laugh behind their face she's like instead of filming a documentary and producing a piece for 2020 to win you know um an Emmy award she's she's living it but she's clearly taking notes and she's going to write another uh bestseller about her crazy experience on the show yeah it's like it's like going to the zoo you know it's not like you want to take a tiger home as a pet but you know you'll watch it and you'll look at it and you'll smile and laugh and point fingers at it and yeah probably a product with a stick yeah exactly that's what I always do at the zoo I brought everything well speaking of potting I'll go ahead no no no no you go ahead I thought there was going to be a pause so I was going to go on I was going to go back to um nasty Ramona and her c-word thing well that's what I was getting out with prodding because I was going to say that she was getting prodded in the sea yeah she was getting prodded in the sea and that was disturbing but that came after we had to listen to Sonia make a sexual remark every two seconds it was like rapid fire Sonia my pussy still works like the poem by Sonia you would think that Sonia is and Ramona were like frequent users of our sponsor Adam was it Adam yes Adam mail Adam mail.com where you can go right now and get almost 50% off any item yeah all you have to do is type b-r-a-v-o at checkout and you will get 50% off almost any item yeah you guys can get um blow up dolls and you could melt their faces and they'll look like Sonia or you could get a wipe and spray it all over yourself like Sonia does to pretend that her vagina still works I am not lying in I do not want to see it I don't want to hear her make remarks and she's making a remark to the poor little Asian waxer ladies that do not want to hear it don't run you better not watch next week's episode because clearly she and Ramona are starting to bump you know what's in the swimming pool when they go on their trip I mean I actually think that the two of them have had sex before on numerous occasions what that would be loud shrieky sex it'd be like have you ever heard a rabbit getting killed it's like you would think that a rabbit getting killed would not make a crazy noise I'm a vegetarian not like you well I I grew up in the woods and I every now and then you hear a bird attacking a rabbit and they let out the scariest most shrill shriek you've ever heard and that's what I imagine Ramona and Sonia having sex it's what Sonia would sound like and Ramona would be going oh my god I can't believe you taste like bubble gum oh I hate bubble gum but I like bubble gum I'm so glad you're here oh god are you talking stop talking to me why are you talking to me like that why are you pinching oh I hate Ramona would any of them lose full bladder control like milieu probably that's probably like a steady stream that just comes that that's why that's why it's like from here to eternity of urine so upset about her dog losing its its ability to hold its peace she feels like she's gonna be put down soon you guys that was like I'm a little terrified but speaking of terrifying what did you think of getting injections in her stomach this was Sonia would you guys get injections in your stomach what's getting injected like that I would I mean that looked like a tablecloth that had been used for a week straight and been spelled all over crumpled up and thrown on the ground oh yeah she has tear she has tear a read belly that is bad she looked like so yesterday I was making some of the tomatillos and half my bag of tomatillos were rotten and she really looked like one of my rotten tomatillos it looks like she needs to inject herself with that wrinkle free spray that you can spray on your shirts before you put them in the dryer she looks like mr. potato head who just stayed in the jacuzzi an extra hour and shouldn't have I can feel all right she looks like an unskinned bag of potato chips she looks like when you haven't gotten a pedicure in a long time and you get that white skin on the bottom of your feet and pull it off she looks like someone took a whole bunch of plastic bags and bundled them in the corner to recycle but they never did and it became her stomach sounds like Maggie from gallery girls I mean let me go fold some plastic bags yeah yeah I was like I like for a moment I must have blocked out that now did you see that was like a good segue right there yes I've been I've been an intern for many I had a previous life as an intern for many years you guys do you think that we could get an intern for the podcast I would love that what do we have them do? This Halloween ghoul all out with insta cart where they're hunting for the perfect costume I'm that giant bag of candy or casting spells with eerie decor we've got it all in one place download the insta cart app and get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes plus enjoy zero dollar delivery fees on your first three orders offer valid for a limited time minimum ten dollars per order service fees other fees and additional term supply insta cart bringing the store to your door this Halloween credit karma makes building your credit straight forward and stress free with help from our credit builder sign up today at credit karma.com and start enhancing your financial health credit karma your partner in building a brighter financial future credit builder plan is serviced by credit karma credit builder and requires a line of credit and savings account provided by cross river bank member fdic um I was thinking of some other things but yeah um sexual you don't want to have no no no I'm like can't they just like jot some notes for me or something they the intern can go and like leave leaflets all around los angeles telling people to subscribe to our podcasts yeah they'll be like hey you guys you can get some free lube you can get lube for 50% off if you go to adam.com and use the code word bravo it's it's adam mail but that's fine adam mail adam mail dot com yeah actually you guys buy just something from it because that way we a get to keep a sponsor we get we that means we get like a little bit of money theoretically which means we can eat some like crumbs of food and b we get to keep that the the promo at the end of the podcast which matt read lovely and everyone can listen to that every single week now i'm really glad that my first voiceover work was for sex toys and lube i mean i'm incredibly proud of that and on my headstone i'm gonna be cremated but on my headstone i think it should say proud lube sponsor you know when you graduated from Syracuse you had to realize this was in your future i know i actually i think i'm gonna call up the alumni association and tell them that that's what i'm doing now and maybe they'll print it in the monthly catalog yeah everyone should buy something from adam mail and then post what you bought on our facebook page how about that that'd be hilarious the each the three of us should each be forced to buy something use it in our personal lives and then report back on it or we could exchange it like secret santa last week on the last of new york even though you're a Jew we're definitely gonna be playing secret Santa this year with adam mail dot com product it's a holiday party um wait and speak can we talk a little bit about this that reminded me of louan and how horrified she was can we talk a little bit about um uh aviva's soul cycle yes please drive and please drive the train i did the intro but you're driving okay i have to talk about this i thought it was the funniest funniest thing ever when louan shows up this is like a charity like ride thing on the bicycles for spinning class for aviva's like uh charity whatever it's called step forward or something and wan gets there she thinks she's just gone just think it's just going to take a first spin class didn't know there was a cause normally when louan shows up for a charity event i mean she's in like a ball gown everything is lots of turquoise jewels girl showed up in a t-shirt yeah and then she tells she goes she's totally forgot it was for charity i just thought we were cycling at least she admitted it in her uh you know backstage confessional she was like yeah uh at that totally slipped my mind yeah i i kind of love that and she's just said oops and just sort of laughed it off like it doesn't matter anyway it wasn't like i was going to contribute anything you know she doesn't have any more money so i mean what's there's no expectations there i wonder if her bicycle is made of like blue algonquin jewelry you know oh it has to take a big blue stone the wheel um so now of course this this um event was very important because it set up a a huge confrontation later in the episode because sonya and Ramona did not go to this event and so then later on Ramona had like a little luncheon at her apartment and um and they are a viva sort of start off i think fairly calmly and was like listen you guys made a lot to me this is this is why i'm mentioning this but like it really it bothered me that you guys didn't show up to my charity event okay here's my answer to you beotch um what kind of charity asks me to go exercise for an hour especially it's called a walkathons get on a bicycle that's the meanest charity event i've ever heard yes but you might not have an arm but you can still pedal i mean it's not just about people that are missing legs from the knee down notice every day even if i think it should be like you should let me sit in a wheelchair or something and watch a movie in the air conditioning if you do want me to come to your event that's the kind of thing you need to do not ask me to exercise fuck you and fuck all legless people that makes me just hate all people that are missing limbs okay for the majority of charity events that i participate in actually our sports related band not don't you i mean like the aids walk the cancer run i mean all of these things i don't contribute that's disgusting um so here's the thing though here what a viva doesn't realize is that she dodged a major bullet if she had had sonya and Ramona at her fundraiser she'd never have gotten another dime for the rest of its existence okay because they would have made such asses themselves on the spin thing they would have made dumb dumb comments and it would have made it all about themselves yeah she would have been like look at me i'm on the bicycle look at me i'm doing it with one leg it's like you the bike is going up my cunts it's it's going up my cunts my cow oh oh um but so here's the thing though so uh a normal person if you were if you were if any of us were in Ramona or sonya's position and the viva sang i was really pissed you guys didn't show up you would have done almost actually Ramona did it first which is to say more or less sorry here's a check by the way i'm really sorry oh that's what i always do if anybody if i upset anybody i just write a check i pay them off and it bounces all the time but it's great and then i also make sure to fold it in half in a crinkly old reused piece of mail and then hand it across the dinner table like that was so weird to me you know that was like totally a check that she was going to write to Avery and she i actually think it was like her AT&T bill and there was really nothing and then she was going to be like yeah when the cameras turned off i'll write you a real check but here's my AT&T bill yeah it was like a gift receipt to some shorts you bought maria old navy so then so what a normal person does is the point is this you just say sorry i'm sorry i missed it my bad and you just shut up but sonya on the other hand sonya morgan can never just say sorry and shut up in fact she can barely even say sorry so she goes on she starts talking about her dog and this is when the episode became both infuriating and hilarious now i was so i was so so angry like first of all i am not rooting for aviva and i understand that it was for charity so yeah they probably should have shown more effort than about her charity is about the children without any legs i know i mean i'm sorry but that is one of the best housewives quotes in history maybe tv quotes in history i'm sorry but like nanny telling kim close your legs to married men has now been trumped i think it's right up there with this is not the plaza hotel this is my rocco i know right we needed one for this season and i definitely think that this is a contender but you know what did you guys think of both of these excuses so Ramona is saying that she didn't show up because she was at the dermatologist and it's impossible to get a you know an appointment in new york city and her face started to explode and was all red blah blah blah and then well konya had the whole dog scenario do you think that either of these were legit or do you think they made them up completely i think they're completely made up well here's my thing i i think they are both things that happen but they're also not they're easily either rescheduled or someone else could have done them like the they sort of like hid behind these things that they could very easily not have done you know well editing was tricky so we didn't really know if what they were saying was true or at that day that they were at the pussy doctor together was that the same day that they were supposed to be at the spin class i think it was we're wearing they were wearing different outfits so i think that they were kind of like back-to-back days but i'm not sure like that yeah i think that carol had it right if it had been a party with it was you know an event that they could get dressed up waste didn't photograph that yeah well and more importantly for sonya a place for her to eat and drink because she cannot afford food you know what they probably both these women here's the thing they probably both forgot about this fundraiser because not even lou wann could remember that it was a fundraiser and she probably knows every stupid event you know the opening of an envelope as they say she probably goes to you know so because i mean we didn't even know like where did this event even come from all of a sudden viva was having a charity event there was no sign or anything so they just probably forgot and they just you guys do you guys think that this problem you know and this fight would have escalated to you know the the magnitude that it did had carol at the beginning before viva showed up um not had she not stirred the pot because she clearly put romana and sonyon edge and then they started to clutch hands on the couch which was so awkward it was amazing i mean she she stirred the pot but do you think that it was going to go there regardless yes it would have gone there viva would have said it and this way at least omen were prepared and well romana at least i do think romana actually listened to carol she had a few things she sort of let out but she was actually more or less for romana fairly um yeah romana put ponied up a check and like powdered so she was like ready to say i'm sorry sonyon on the other hand not only wouldn't say i'm sorry but went on and on about how her dog is almost dead and it was wetting itself on the bed and she had to you know set up on the bed and you know that means that the dog's gonna die soon so she had to take it to the bed and well listen your dog doesn't just automatically die like it will pit um this happened on my last dog and it was horrible and traumatizing so i do understand where she's coming from but it's not like one day you wake up and your dog suddenly peeing everywhere and count and is old and catch up on the bed like she also made it sound like she spoons it and i mean like there yeah she spoons it in a diaper every night before she goes to sleep i mean it's kind of fucked up right she has to because the dog i mean the dog would not accept anything less it's a very proud dog it's a very proud dog it needs to be held and it's embarrassed when it crud when it pees everywhere it's just it's mortified we have a finally breaks down and says the it's not about you it's about the children with no legs line and sonya's response killed me because to sonya the diary room or whatever going all right lesson learned she's not a dog person i know it's so fucked up like i know that sonya's ex-husband will not let sonya's daughter child be on this show but it really does make it sound like she does not give a fuck about children and all she does is care about dogs well i i agree i i feel like she does like milieu more than her own daughter you know clearly clearly i mean i love it i loved it when she was just bawling and she was like this is not about me this is about milieu i'd like died i felt i was ripping my hair out because i just think sonya is you know she's just the worst i mean not only is she offensive she's she's the dumbest by far and that is saying a lot but here's my thing she is the loser in the fight with aviva however i must say that if i if i sat down to a lunch and somebody wanted me to apologize but they framed it with let me teach you a lesson i'd be like fuck you bitch and i would throw a glass of wine on her and i'd rip her fucking hair out well i don't think that she talks to me like that i don't think she i don't think she asked to for i don't think of eva ask for an apology i think that she just um she stood as a lesson like she's fucked like she's talking down to these two women who are clearly older than her and it's like guess what it's just way of saying it like a teenager like you guys um i wouldn't be saying this if i wasn't your friend i wouldn't be giving you this lecture if it wasn't for me really liking you but when someone says something's important you have to show up to their thing and then and and then it's like shut are you 13 because your face like your face just multiplied that just shut up just stop i thought the whole scene was brilliant well no the scene was brilliant but i mean were you not thinking that like you know last season Sonya really put Cindy bar shop you know one season wonder Cindy bar shop in her place with the whole pecking order situation i thought she was gonna bring that back up again and be like bitch you're the new one shut the fuck up yeah the order goes um it goes Luan then Ramona then Milu and then Sonya that's clearly what we have to realize here i mean nobody else matters i i mean i was like that there were so many amazing quotes that came out of this thing and the fact that also while Sonya is going on and on about this that that Ramona sort of like at her side doing these like little like stereotypically like new york things it's a pill it's a pill let's let's keep it hot it's the pill it's the pill it's the pill or like i love personally my favorite part was when Sonya at her most album oh i know what you're gonna say say it just say which is she's literally crying and she goes when a dog loses their bladder function that is the sign they are about to die and i i was about to die i swear to god i lost my bladder function at that moment and i peed all over my couch because it was such an amazing moment and look i don't have a dog so you know i have you ever had a dog because Ronnie is a current dogster and i have had a dog in the past i haven't had a dog i've had a hamster and a cat i understand you know like i understand what she was going through my dog went through that it was horrifying i it was traumatic but i would never use my dying dog as an excuse i think that's so cheap and low and mean to your dog you know i mean not to get too not too animal crazy but that's not cool using your dog's cancer whatever the hell's going on with it especially a proud dog especially a proud dog especially a proud dog it's humiliating it's humiliating to a very proud dog to be wearing the diapers now i did use that as an excuse to gain 80 pounds and chain smoke and do a lot of drugs and fuck strangers that said i did not just need legless people so i'm a better person yeah you are if anything mila would have wanted sonya to put on some some riding pants and some riding boots and maybe a veil with a hole in it grab her blackberry grab her blackberry out of the powder room toilet and go to that charity event oh yeah me lu would have liked that do it for me lu there were a couple of other things i really liked in this episode one was that sonya wouldn't trust her purse in the waiting room with the nurses i thought that was really hilarious i wouldn't either i wouldn't either and then she calls them thieves well she's making a joke yeah no she's called people thieves before in the past because she's racist because when they went to maracco don't forget when she was having her suitcases taken out of the car she had to watch the men bring the suitcases into her bedroom because she thought oh they have different colored skin than mine therefore they're going to rob me of all my clothes that have holes in them plus you also know that after after hurricane irina you know she had to have had like at least six or seven squatters that moved right into that house you know they're like oh look it's it's a damaged huddle we have to move in it's our new home probably where she got that fucking purse yeah exactly true one of them left it behind it's actually just uh two shingles from her roof that fell into her dining room that she put together and made into a purse yeah a little hot glue and you're good to go um did you guys notice there's one other thing i mean this is like it took like two seconds from the episode but it's something that really pissed me off back to the beginning when um rimono was talking shit about heather and she was actually in front of carol but she was talking to another one of the party goers and the party goer kept going like yeah fake people are awful fuck fake people i hope yeah i wrote that down to you i wrote bitter old lady screaming what was that it was like some crazy bitter old hag trying to get on the housewives yeah that's what i'm thinking she was like trying to make her ten second play to get on this cast which was never going to happen a la kim ji and you know i just wanted carol to slap her a moment that that's the other thing like i like carol ban and i know that you really really love her but you know as much as she is the voice of reason and she talks a lot of shit in the diaroms i really just wanted at that party carol to pull rimono aside and go you are being a fucking crazy bitch and you need to calm the fuck down yeah yeah i kind of like it when she's just talking behind everyone's back though i think it's so funny when they just got to carol when she's like well rimono was acting like a crazy person she's like i've never had more chose in my life than i have with these women oh and then how about like when aviva was like well excuses are like assholes everyone's got them let's cheer to that i was like i don't know it's like you're like this rich wasp and you're talking about assholes i was clutching my pearls by the way it's a weird thing i don't know what what this is i always think the funniest thing in the world is when women call other women assholes i think i think the funniest thing don't disagree like i pretend that women don't shit like i still don't believe that happens they don't they don't shit they don't they don't never don't ever let go of that because they don't shit that's where you know babies come out of that whole area there's no asshole for a lady things go in and the only thing that comes out are babies it's true and sparkles and rainbows and if you're sonya maybe a spider but generally you imagine like one of those halloween cartoon spiders that just sort of droops droops down like hmm comes down it's like happy halloween they goes back up that picks up a few crumbs to snack on from her toaster up you know like those cartoon spiders you know it's her just hold on come on down uh well we're talking about shit we skipped over in notes one of the things that i love what another one of the best lines of the year it was don't fight my bottles for me oh my yeah i don't need you to fight my bottles oh for a proper Mona and then she crack then she cackled at herself okay so let's do last call for new new york because we have spent okay this is my last call for new york these are this is my notes and this is my slam poetry okay go through it the needle feels like a penis my psychic says i have a penis sign on my forehead welcoming penises the jokes get worse and worse then Ramona pulls off her pants and turns over and she says she feels something going up her cunt Sonia you're making me horny hug Sonia please stop all caps everyone on this show is trying way too hard to be sexy thank you oh my god clap clap clap snapping snapping i'm being a beat nick i wish we had like a base you know what maybe i'll go back when in post-production and add a baseline to that you definitely need to add that in post ronnie do you know what you deserve for that what you know no you definitely deserve a 50 percent off item from adammail.com does he ever he deserves a big old dildo for that before we talk about jersey if i could buy you any sex toy ronnie what would i buy you what would you want like if you could have got anything your birthday is coming up maybe some gloves is that a love some rubber gloves that sounds like that's what you're a serial killer like your deckster what's going like i don't know maybe like a song some gloves and some plastic tarp something like that i think that's it on cpo.com that really turns me on or maybe some of that antibacterial hand hand sanitizer this is why you're not getting laid if you only want a saw and hand sanitizer i just i'm not really into toys my favorite thing about sex is just getting it over with and then having someone make me something while i watch tv that's really the only reason i even have why don't you get like a sling but then give it for the dog have the dog like hang out in it well the sling actually have you ever been in a sling they're actually very comfortable i used to know a stop in a sling well not sexually but i used to know a bear and he had all that kinky shit in his house would you go over and like watch housewives just sitting in slings um we did what i watched the color purple over there for like the fifth time in a sling well i i was he was showing me all his toys and i was dying because to me like really who wants a fist in their butt like that sounds horrible to me but wait is that slings or slings or swings or though they only for butt-fisting i that's what i'm guessing i mean that's how i think anyway hooks to this thing on a banister in his in his house actually and so he hooked it there and i sat there and it was it was a lovely way to watch tv like your legs are uh very comfortable because sometimes sitting on the couch my back starts hurting but it sounds like you could air out your crotch really well this sounds like the sort of thing i can imagine lewann talking about it like in an interview like it turns out jock has a sling it's very comfortable you know like i'm trying laughing it's like masturbation you just want to do it a little like she is ever masturbated please okay so now um on that note by the way do women masturbate oh all the time really and they should go to add a mail because i'm sure they could find something there for themselves too but really no do women and masturbate oh they don't masturbate they don't poop they don't burp you heard Ramona never had an orgasm because she doesn't masturbate that's why she's an angel all right so speaking of sexually active things why don't we go to real housewives of new jersey gross so let's talk about the big thing that everyone's been talking about the bravo has been teasing for like three weeks which is joe judeis judiche and his phone call to a stranger who wants to discuss this ronnie take this away i feel like you know the most about this well joe walked away from the table and got on the phone and was really didn't say that much i mean he was like yeah whatever i'm uh was celebrating carolina's birthday up here so it's someone who knows them right so it's got to be somebody who's familiar with their stuff and then charisa was coming over because she thought that was fishy and he was like um my bitch wife is coming she's such a clown i hate her so the c-word was very prevalent last night on the matic elements disgusting was that like first of all like i i really don't say the c-word because it's horrifying to me however unlike the two of you um but for for a man to call his wife that is disgusting yeah it's i mean for us to call a housewives cast member that fine but for a man to call his wife that no yeah no i i agree actually i think it's actually vile i mean the thing that this guy is matt she is the breadwinner she's doing so much for him she's defending him on in public forums and he calls with bitch wife and and says that she's a cunt ooh that man that man i hope i hope he gets put away in jail and gets raped with things that would remind you of sex toy but are much bigger and much scarier and are free and not just 50% off and i feel like uh you know first of all he's married to charisa so again i think he gets a free pass it's kind of like no abusing uh who were we talking about in the last one he got a free pass anyway i already forgot sorry can't tie things together because my memory okay do you guys think though that like you know so all over the interwebs the past few days it's been you know said that charisa was begging begging begging bravo to either re-edit the episode or pull the episode or something because it's it's horrifying you know it's really incredibly embarrassing but do you believe that to be the case or is this all just good for charisa's brand and like building her up she probably wants to so she was begging to get this taken off but not because it embarrasses her but because she didn't want joe to look bad because he doesn't really mean it he just talks like that to be funny and just like he doesn't mean that he is a uh you know a gay bashing uh racist well the whole time she she defends him all the time and it's disgusting whole episode he was saying shut up stop being a retard you're an idiot i hate you get off of me i mean the whole everything he said to her was horrible then you know meanwhile you've got her like hey joe you want to stick your finger at my asshole joe i mean i mean look at who we're dealing with it's kind of hard to pick a side here yeah i mean there they're really like two awful people who probably deserve to be thrown into a volcano and sacrifice for all of humanity because i mean charisa raped him in the vineyards yeah is anyone ever gonna drink wine from that vineyard ever again knowing that they're like her vaginal juices and his man juices may have sprayed all over the vintage wine grapes let me tell you the last thing i'd want to do is stick my finger up her asshole what does wine taste like ass and like axe why does it taste like marinara sauce and semen oh i guess uh joe and tressa were having sex in the grape leaves again why does this taste like mexican best way to pizza joint and like veat why does it taste like old pizza and cardboard like a pizza box you think that's what he calls her his little box a retard stop being a yeah i was just saying he calls me your pizza box yeah he calls her retard or he calls her the c word or he calls her a bit she doesn't he doesn't call her anything nice just those three i'm horrified for the kids to be totally honest i am i cannot even imagine you know you know clearly that um jia is watching this shit and i mean yes she's like eight years old or nine years old or ten or whatever and it's totally inappropriate but you know she's watching this because the way she's been affected by um the fallout between her mother and her uncle so you know that she's watching her father treat her mother this shittily and i honestly believe that that's then even getting back to people like you know her younger sisters even melania who's five this is beyond this is like seriously fucked up shit and i think that's why the kids say stuff to joe like oh well you hate your family and you hate your kids and like rar you don't even want to hang out with us because i think they actually know that their father is a dirt bag and they're way too young to know it but they know it yeah they definitely have and he actually doesn't want to hang out with them or like them yep well to be fair i mean melani is it sad i mean i know this is like a comedy show and we're talking about their housewives but like i feel like it's funny i think it's very funny very funny you know it's bad but it's no satter than the kids i see in whole foods with cloth diapers that you know are never properly washed and terrible haircuts and parents who use rock deodorant i mean humanity is fucking disgusting all right go to a mall and look around and see who's breeding here's my question pretty anywhere i mean yeah it's probably worse that you're on tv but here's my question oh yeah that's what god flooded it's don't so honestly who is dumber is it is to reach a dumber for me excuses for this guy or is this guy dumber for literally having a mic pack on and going off and having this conversation on camera without even realizing it i mean how does he not realize he has a microphone on because they're all severe alcoholics and they all forget that they're on camera and that they have mics on them they're just seriously drunk and uh joe gorga is high constantly and you know you know he's like a 35 year old man yet he still walks around humping things like and i'm not meaning people i mean like statues yeah they're morons they're all morons and i think every statue is a penis that statue did not even look like a penis and joe jews are like oh look it's your penis it's your penis the thing looked like it looked like a shield or something i don't know what it looked like or it looked like a big wooden dress form or something yeah exactly it looked nothing it didn't even look barely fat like i mean this and this by the way goes back to joe jews' whole strange backstory about how he uh whooped out his penis with his friends and and all the gays and he got into trouble and now he thinks everything looks like a penis and it's not i'm telling you you know what he might be gay you think yeah he might be but we have to move along to uh tressa's toast because we are rapidly running out of time because we haven't even touched gallery girls um so that deserves four hours of its own i know i know so um tressa's toast um do you guys think it was mallet a mean toast as caroline said or was it just like dumb and thoughtless she's just dumb i think she probably included kathy in the everyone part yeah um everyone knows that she's kind of mad at kathy and kathy hasn't kissed her ass yet so she's gonna keep that up so maybe she was being a bitch but i think that tressa's already so paranoid that caroline hates her which she does and that albert hates her because he had just yelled at her husband and that everyone is against her would say are so i don't really steal the corner oh that was a great argument the kfc fight like what that was up there the link in debates she knows now that everybody hates her so i don't really see her you know throwing a sword at kathy i agree i thought it was it would be a dumb move on her part like ronnie was saying like kathy in some fucked up way still keeps using this whole she's my cousin i'm gonna try to forgive and forget and you know at that point tressa just tressa can't cut kathy off completely because you know once you have that bulldog carolines you know chomping at your feet you you need to have as many people on your side as possible here's my thing i thought it was like i thought it was like a like a whatever chose you know she was she was basically saying she's having a good time with her brother because that's where her biggest rift was she didn't mention kathy but she didn't mention jack you know i i didn't think it was really that mean it was maybe a little thoughtless but i think that caroline was she just trying to she's just trying to instigate and i here's the thing i just wish caroline would say i hate tressa and i'm still it's still so raw i'm still so mad she keeps on saying i'm over it i'm over it and yet she keeps on trying to instigate and turn people against tressa and i hate tressa but caroline just be honest and be honest and be like that you are actively heard or angered by and then she sits at that table and under her breath to like greg who by the way should not be on the show says something like i don't raise my glasses to mean toasts shut up bitch you are so boring this season all you do is complain and sit on your ass just like your dumbass daughter laurin and bitch bitch bitch moan moan moan eat a sausage bitch bitch eat some cheese moan moan moan shut the fuck up i want to see dina i want dina to come in here and i want dina's party hg tv style to fucking regulate her i'm sick of caroline i think that caroline did something amazing the season which is that she um has provided the seed money for the future empire known as kaface or a face and finally i think you should apologize to caroline because she did something no amazing for all future entrepreneurs they can now see kaface well we're never gonna we're never getting gift certificates to fatface no that's true but that family i'm sorry is so fucking egotistical all they like to do is sit around when the camera is pointed on them and say stories about each other and fucking cry and all act like little bitches because they're all best friends and none of them ever flown the coop and gotten their own goddamn real lives all they do is act like you know five-year-old oh we're all best friends let's cry i'm sick of them do you think albie wants to have sex with his mom oh yeah i kind of do i kind of feel like he kind of wants to do like i kind of feel like just like ginger ninja i mean everybody wants to you know go go red go big red one did caroline grow a penis and no one told me i i think whoa i personally i think albie may sort of uh he's like you know maybe i'll get one of those sexlings from adam male 50 percent off and uh invite mom over and see if she wants to garage yeah i know i do not think they want to have sex with this mother that's horrible you know who i'm like you know i'm watching this and i'm i'm kind of like hating caroline and her whole family i'm actually missing you know you're allowed to punch me in the face next time you see me for saying this i miss ashley she at least brought some good drama she didn't really bring drama but what she brought was um the sort of idiocy you don't feel guilty about making fun of like right now what i just said about albie and his mother it was just a joke but i kind of feel bad because i think you know but in some way this could they could conceivably hear this and i would feel bad and they would be like that's tasteless etc and i get that but actually at any of these people are actually listening to our podcast you are more egotistical than the entire man's open hello we got we got jill zaren on here we know at least jill zaren hey jill what's up jill i think i think she turned tuned out when ronnie said that she was horrible either way i know thanks for thanks for making my business is more successful by bringing me up on your podcast um i just like to reiterate shut up jill zaren just shut up just shut up jill zaren okay don't say that don't don't make me laugh when i'm taking a drink that almost came out my nose um i have to say that at least once once an episode shut up jill zaren just shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up that's my favorite Whitney Houston moment by the way when she was on being bobby brown and she starts singing shut up by black ip is oh yeah and by the way what a great reference because that's relevant to bravo how nice it's true i was on a season a one season wonder which is very possible for our new favorite show on bravo gallery girls lovely transition thank you watching the show but the three of us and five hundred forty seven thousand nine hundred and ninety seven other people because the ratings are shit well i think i mentioned this last week but those redubs that i do on tv gasm i've looked at the statistics on youtube of who watches these and it's like seventy five year old women i think i told you that right like that's like the eighty percent of who watches them are like seventy five year old women and so i'm looking at gallery girls and i'm thinking yeah they're probably not going through the right audience i think they need a skew older i think instead of like going to the twenty year old version of housewives they need to go to like the ninety year old version of housewives or it's just like they're fighting over who's gonna piss in the pot you know i personally by the way running i in all seriousness i think that's a great idea because i've i've always felt first of all that old people may for great tv and i feel like bravo has actually cultivated this small army of like elders who are like charming and funny and hilarious on all these shows and why not put them all in a house together or follow them all around i think yeah fuck a viva's father needs a spin-off elsa elsa pattin viva's father um yeah children's mother yeah there's like ton of these people but anyway let's talk about gallery girls um and my my question for you guys um is who do you think is the biggest bitch on this show shantal hands down fucking hate her okay i don't know their names yet she's the she's the affected hipster with the squeaky voice she's the one with the haircut the one she got a haircut and she has a gay boyfriend named spencer and she yeah yes thank you thank you i was like wait a second the boyfriend i was like thank you i think i think he's like albie he's dating albie manzo he has a very strong credit line at adammail.com i believe you use this to use the word bravo get yourself a toy that looks like skinny hipster boyfriend. there's a dildo on there called the shantal i'm sure oh my god nothing sexual should be related to that woman she is so repulsive actually really like her she's the one that wore the like funeral half yeah she says she says some funny things they all say funny things i mean they're all bitches they all say funny things but i mean honestly when she refused to drink pinot noir from Oregon i mean that was from Oregon that was beautiful like what are you telling me she was not she was not kidding she was not kidding she's like oh the pinot noir there's not good she's like you probably don't even know you've probably been drinking manachevitz all the time i love she shows up to the gallery the day after the party and her little sucker friend has been there cleaning for four hours and she shows up and she's like well it doesn't look that bad it's like just like the saddest most pathetic little thing you've ever seen Claudia i think seems to be the most no the most pathetic is Amy by the way but Claudia thinks that they're gonna sell enough crappy jewelry and ugly art made of bed sheets to pay $15,000 back to her parents for the down payment investment she's fucking crazy yeah sad just poor girl i mean she seems to actually have a head on her shoulders and she's like she's like a faux hipster and that she wants to do the whole like i'm from Brooklyn and i'm a hipster but you know what though she's not a hipster in her soul because she's not if she were a hipster in her soul she'd be as idiotic as shantal and her Asian friend i think her name is Angela or something like that where they are just like self-involved and retarded yeah and also that girl you know something that kind of switched last night was this girl's been crying about how her parents put down all the seed money for this place and these other girls aren't taking it very seriously and then in it and you're kind of feeling that for because she has those big dough eyes and it seems like she just cares so much but then yesterday we find out that she's well i guess we found out last week but it made more sense yesterday that she is the one in charge of the art the other girls are in charge of the clothes well the clothes and the jewelry are selling she hasn't sold one piece of goddamn six thousand dollar hat funeral hats that's made out of it if anybody should be feeling bad for anybody it should be the other girl who's the co-owner that's really not one of the six featured players in the shot yeah lara who gave that guy that hipster and in Brooklyn some serious sass although he deserved it when he stuck his finger in their mac and cheese wait so are you saying that if i stuck my finger in your mac and cheese you would freak out on me oh a hundred percent i would have kicked oh why don't this is what i do i put up my hand and i i wriggle my fingers and i go go just go away just yeah yeah um those guys went Angela screamed though like how dare you get bechamel sauce on my wardrobe i was like oh like seriously i think i wrote down about 27 quotes in a in a 48-minute episode i know like i i my favorite quote of hers i think of the of the night the least only one that i can remember was when amy poor sweet amy ordered a leechy martini which to be fair is kind of out of style but amy good uh Angela it was like sweet and syrupy was in five years ago if at all oh my god he looked that she gave her for ordering a cocktail that had um a faux like sugary substance mixed in with the alcohol she i mean that was like the most horrifying thing that could have ever happened to her you know it was in uh two years ago dressing like the black swan okay Angela so shut your trap shut your bird trap and by the way she would be lucky to get a piece with that um that aussie photographer i mean she is turning him off so quickly by buying by being such like a stuck-up bitch i'm sorry he is wasting her he dumped her he didn't they were not officially dating she just was rude to him at that opening well well the none she said they were over she said that that had fizzled out okay well whatever he was hot okay so now what about this girl carrie who more or less has been sort of like forgettable but she was she was a little bitchy because she she made that comment about the upper east side to poor amy and then she left without paying her bill uh not cool um guess what everything she said about the upper east side was fucking true that's true that's true um but yeah also carrie was the stealth bitch she seems like she's on ice but she's the one who left her bill and criticized everybody at the table and then just walked off with her horse mouth and you know what part of me is like she got a horse mouth but smart girl she dissed them all walked away and didn't even have to spend a fucking dime that's true um and now let's talk about maggie who is also in strong contention for being secretly in my favorite oh really maggie she is just like okay there are things that she's horrible to clarify because she's horrible anybody first of all that speaks with a baby voice should be murdered if they're over the age of five um and then her fear of broken glass on a sidewalk i mean she needs to have her own episode uh you know she needs her own tlc show about her phobia of broken glass she needs an annie lennox moment that's what she needs she does i love that she brings this douchey guy to this auction this guy taps claudia on the shoulders like um your shirts on backwards what an asshole who does that and like and then like of course maggie's like smirking like oh my god we totally got her and then when and then shuntal turns to claudia and goes is he wearing a muscle tee i was dying because he totally puts one of those dudes at where it's like those really tight like our money exchange shirts that says our money exchange across the chest and you're like we know you don't have any money because you're wearing that you know what like in in girl world this is the equivalent of watching 300 okay like for guys watch 300 watch epic fights you know like ah this right here this showdown between like oh i think your shirt's on wrong oh are you wearing a muscle tee that was as exciting and as bloody as 300 for women i think exactly go forward i like when when she keeps i love it she was like is my shirt on backwards no she got she got very concerned my other favorite thing is when maggie always brings up that girls from brooklyn get red lipstick on their teeth like i think that's gonna i mean it's been in both episodes i know we're only two we're only too deep that needs to be a continuing theme yeah now speaking of other bitches it's funny the first episode this girl Liz was a huge bitch but she was actually like a little less bitchy but she had my favorite line of the night which was when she was talking about maggie and eli the uh the gal your owner who looks like the penguin having sex yeah and so uh she's like well i hope they just go off and have little midget babies with like back hair i was like you want me over there you just want me over Liz is Liz is secretly my favorite definitely more so than maggie because let me tell you why she reminds me of Heather Locklear on Melrose Place aka Amanda Woodward she likes to wear a short mini skirt a power blazer and she does not give a fuck she's not gonna lift a heavy thing she's just gonna talk shit and she's gonna you know drink some coffee which probably has a cocktail mixed in with it and she is just going to stomp all over these bitches and she has a very down market arm tattoo by the way which surprised me i know she needs to go see dr tat off okay so okay last but not least and oh my god pours it doesn't get it nothing is more pathetic than Amy nothing gets faster or least she looks like the mom from that 70s show she does and never chose i can't unsee it she really looks like a mom by the way like i want to tell her like listen sweetie like i know you care about your internship and working for this in this art world you can get knocked up and just be a mom for the rest of your life like you already have the mom pants like ready to go we can tell we see it Amy sure he has the mom alcohol syndrome too i mean like the moment the moment that she finds that she's pregnant she's literally gonna like rip off her clothes like a stripper and there's gonna be a mom she's gonna have like the mom jeans already up there and she's gonna have like some stupid sweater on you know i love that she is so threatened by horsey carrey and she is going to stop at nothing until she demolishes carrey even though i think that you know the alcohol will put her in the hospital before that happened i love also how when Amy gets mad in her interview she sways back and forth like one of those things in front of like a car dealership she gets really mad and agitated she's like damn nothing coming no i'm sorry i'm from the upper east side and i dress nice yeah that's a really good one yeah that's that's your best one liner of this season you might was well you know find yourself another reality show because you're not going to be invited back for season two too many leechy marchinies for her okay one question about maggie because i kind of love her slash hate her um i thought that she was like the heiress to like a major fortune and then they showed the inside of her apartment and her kitchen look like i shit you're confused it's it's um the other one liz is the heiress no i know that liz comes from a rich family but maggie said that her grandfather was like a mogul of some sort as well oh i feel like i missed that i don't strange uh somehow something to sink in maggie is supposed to be one of the upper east side rich bitches and compared to liz and Amy she po like if you look at her apartment she po oh although all these girls are insecure but that girl that maggie girl has serious issues she's got uh she's fucking the fat squiggie guy who's cross-eyed he looks like he looks like he looks like the penguin from batman i'm sorry he really is and she does that hair pulling thing where she's always pulling her own hair which is a sign of abuse or something like she's gonna stand i don't even mean that as a joke that's like when people do that i mean she's balding like they showed her in a ponytail and she's getting that balding thing on the sides because she's pulling her own damn hair out of her head like she's probably also a cutter yeah i was gonna say she probably goes home and cuts herself i know that's horrible to say but i've known a lot of those girls and they're usually abusing themselves but on the other hand hot boyfriend hey it's all working it's not horrible Italy no no he wasn't on this episode that was the friend of the hot boyfriend oh okay well you just she has the hot boyfriend who i think uh liz called later calls a commoner creature commoner anyway that seemed to bring everything to a halt which is good because you know what we are uh really long this week because we have a lot to talk about so thanks everyone if you made it all the way through and yes if you guys made it all the way through and you liked it why don't you go to iTunes and download this if you haven't already and please leave us another stellar review um find us on facebook at watch what crappins give us a big old like on there feel free to interact with us and uh don't forget to find us all on twitter i'm at life on the amless ronnie is at tv gasm ben is at beside blog and you can find the show at what crappins yeah so i'd like to add um don't forget to go get your 50% off from out of mail everyone can use some lube and also caroline monzo just gone so manzo whatever man of hands um she just got a book deal uh and her book already has a title but this week go tweet us what you think the title of her book should be okay yeah and if you want more information and if you want more information about out of mail just hold on about a few more seconds because matt will tell you all about it bye everyone ready bye guys all right here it comes call you said come what sweet and syrupy hey boys looking for something to rock your world have you 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the wonderie app or on apple podcast prime members can listen ad-free on amazon music before you go tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wonderie.com/survey are you in trouble with the law need a lawyer who fight like hell to keep you out of jail we defend and we fight just like you want your own children defended whether you're facing a drug charge caught up on a murder app accused of committing war crimes look no further than paul bergren all the big guys go to bergren because he gets everybody off you name it paul can do it need to longer some money broker a deal with a drug cartel take out a witness from wonderie the makers of doctor death and over my dead body comes a new series about a lawyer who broke all the rules doesn't it funny how witnesses disappear or how evidence doesn't show up or somebody doesn't testify correctly in order to win at all costs if paul asked you to do something it wasn't a request it was an order arm your host brandon jane's jinkins 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