Unlock your imagination with Audible. When you listen to audio content, your mind is free to paint the scenes and feel the emotions of a great story. Audible's extensive catalog is sure to have titles that you'll enjoy, immerse yourself in captivating tales, learn from world-renowned experts, and discover new perspectives all while multitasking or relaxing. There's more to imagine when you listen, and one title that I've been listening to is my friend Neil J. Young's coming out Republican, which talks about the history of gay Republicans. It's super fascinating and super interesting. As an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their entire catalog. New members can try Audible free for 30 days. Visit audible.com/crapins or text Crapins to 500-500. That's audible.com/crapins or text Crapins to 500-500. This Halloween, ghoul all out with Instacart! Whether hunting for the perfect costume, eyeing that giant bag of candy, or casting spells with eerie decor. We've got it all in one place. Download the Instacart app and get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes. Plus, enjoy zero-dollar delivery fees on your first three orders. Offer valid for a limited time, minimum $10 per order, service fees, other fees, and additional term supply. Instacart, bringing the store to your door this Halloween. This episode of Watch What Crapins is brought to you by GameFly. Go to GameFly.com/forward-haha for your free 15-day trial. [Music] Hey everyone, it's Watch What Crapins, a weekly podcast about all that crap on Bravo. Crap that we love, incidentally. I'm Ben Mandelker from Beads at Blog.com, and joining me, as always, are Ronnie Karam from tvgasm.com. Hey, Ronnie. Hello, everybody. Hello, hello. And Matt with Field from Yahoo TV. Hello, Matt. Hi, you're kind of interrupting my face yoga right now. Okay, well, I'll let you get back to controlling your face and getting that tongue all, getting that tongue all hard there, Matt. And while you do that, let me just remind everyone that we have a Facebook page that you can follow, facebook.com/watchwhatcrapins, and then I'm at B-side blog on Twitter, and Matt is at life on the M-list. I'll speak for him since he's, he's doing something weird with his neck, I'm sure. He's, he's basically his lips are inside out, and it's just nothing but his teeth. I'm practicing. And practicing. Ronnie is at tvgasm. We got all that busy, all that business out of the way. Let's talk about some Bravo stuff now. Is everyone excited? Everyone enjoy all the tv shows? I'm moving their mic around a lot. Stop that. Oh, that's probably me. That might be me. Stop it. Calm down over there. I'm so excited. I, I just can't hide it. I have to thrash my, I have to thrash my microphone around to be so excited. Could the three of us go as the Pointer Sisters for Halloween? You've got me on like this new amazing thought. How many times do I have to tell you, Matthew, I am going to be Susie Orman. I am going to fight you on this every single week. I'm going to come every single week with a great idea until you decide. I mean, we have a few months until Halloween. I'm going to get you to not be Susie Orman. Well, the thing is also, I'm not, it's not just I'm going to be Susie Orman. I want to get a bunch of people to dress like Susie Orman. It'll be like a roving pack of Susie Orman's. I want to be fired Cedric from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and I'll just be all fat and sad. And will you be like a, will you be like a street urchin, you know, asking people for alms and stuff like that? Yeah. I'll, I'll walk around taking people's candy and then talking about my horrible life and my mother who was on the streets. Right, I kind of want to be your dead whore mother. Who left you in a, who abandoned you in a telephone booth. Someone should be the telephone booth. And Ronnie will just sit inside of us. Jill Theron, Jill Theron, she could be the phone booth. That would, that would just be out. Oh, sorry. Just move my microphone again. Yeah, you're moving your Michael. I can't help it. It keeps it swiveling like crazy. I don't know what's going on with it. Okay. That sucker in. That's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to, I'm sorry to everyone who has to hear both my microphone and everyone yelling at me about my microphone. Sounds like you're on a Coke binge over there. What are you, Brandy Glanville? Oh, Snapple. Okay. Well, that takes us to our first piece of gossip. Brandy Glanville having sex in the bathroom at Kyle's white party. Oh, yeah. Okay. Let me just say this. What do you think happens at a white party? I feel like it's happened on your face. I was gonna say checkers and back at them. And then P2D shows up. And then there's like a lot of, I don't know, flour that gets tossed around because it's a white party. I'm telling you, when people wear white clothes, they think that they're like almost naked and I don't know white clothes make people extra horny. I know like, for instance, every time I see Ku Klux Klansman, I'm always like, those guys got to keep it in their pants. It's in the KKK and you're like, boners. Oh. So anyway, thank you to Alex Asbellino, do you guys follow Alex? I love Alex Asbellino. Alex Asbellino follows me. Does she follow you? Yeah, congratulations, Matt. Who doesn't she follow? Yeah. Well, speaking of Alex Asbellino, when I said tonight, like, I want to watch a horror movie, I'm thinking I'm gonna watch maybe like The Descent or Sleepaway Camp, Lex Asbellino on Twitter tweeted me a shirtless picture of her husband Jim and thought that that would make a good alternative to a horror film. You see, you got a little hurt. You got a lot of it. Thank you guys. But yeah, so Brandy is apparently sledding it up at the white party. There's actually a lot of good gossip, but that was the first thing - and whoever's reporting it. Whoever's reporting it, I'm assuming greater online, so they're like the least one. It's probably Kyle. It's probably from the Kyle Richards newsletter. This just in Brandy was having sex in my bathroom. I want everyone to know. I think it was called this just in for season three. If I don't fight with Brandy, no one's going to care. I want to know what Kim was doing during the white party. Okay, she probably was making out with like a topiary or something. She was searching for another bulldog in the back alley to date. She's like, "Hey, you're looking pretty leafy. I kind of like that." Bullmaster. Hey Brandy, what are you doing in the bathroom? How come you're not inviting me in there? How am I smelling? Here's smelling. I don't drink anymore. That's not my must drink out of our noses. I love Kim, I can't be perfect to come home to be on my TV. God bless her. Yeah, so that happened, which you know, the report says that Brandy's totally mortified, but I don't think that there's a soul on earth who doesn't believe this. Brandy would not be mortified. I was going to say that is a badge of fucking horror on her. Yeah, she sliced her ex's tires and was happy about it. She'll be more than happy about hooking up in the bathroom, unless it's with someone that she's embarrassed about. Who could it be? Who would she be embarrassed to hook up with in the bathroom? That's been Mauricio. Russell. I'd better say the skeleton of Russell. Yeah. Also known as Taylor. Snowball. Oh, I think she was doing a snowball. Kim was doing a snowball and Brandy walked in and then all everybody's clothes came off. By the way, and when I refer to snowball, I of course mean the coconut treat that we all enjoy from our youths. I wouldn't know what that is. Of course, you don't eat anymore. You're going all Taylor Armstrong on us. No, what I was referring to is I didn't get treats as a child because I, you know, my mother was evil. Oh, well, actually, I've never had one of those snowballs either. We are off topic. Okay, we are going we're going blissfully off topic. Well, the point is this, there was cocaine and semen. What? Yeah. While we're on Beverly Hills, this week is the ending of shooting for the Beverly Hills ladies of season three. They shot them. Yes. They're all dead. They finally, they finally hunted down the last one and she's been shot. I blame Faye Resnick. She did it. Oh, you know, she did. She probably she and Du Bois. They're like trying to get a new series like Rosolian Isles, but it's really Resnick and Du Bois. She she has just a big old-fashioned musket, chasing them all down. She wearing some like writing pants or whatever. Oh, my God, tonight is tangent central. Anyway, Ronnie, where were we going? Well, the end of the third season. And of course, since last season, Lisa enjoyed that limelight towards the end with the Pandora's stupid boring wedding, she decided to do it again and have her own wedding. And this time, she's remarrying her old ass, Phyllis Dillard looking husband can. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Please tell me that she she she darling is involved. She's got to be. He's got to be. Yeah, I'm sure that he's back that weird Martin Asian Martin short guy. But yeah, that's part of last season. That's the season's recent alley, apparently, is that Lisa is getting remarry to Ken. And of course, she did it the same week that Adrian got announced her separates him from Paul. Oh, snap. Things aren't going very well this season with Lisa and Adrian and Adrian refused to go to the reunion taping according to the same. No way. Are you serious? Yes. Why are they why why why they filming the reunions? So early, that's what I want to know. Well, my guess and it's just a guess because they don't say why. But my guess is that they're probably going to do that New Jersey thing where they just keep shooting roll right in roll right in keep all that drama going and then they'll probably shoot another reunion for the next season later on once they've all seen the footage. But this season sounds like a total fucking mess. I mean, there are reports about all the drama the season pretty much since they started shooting there have been reports. It seems like every week we've got what is the what's the deal going to be? I mean, obviously, we we started to see major cracks in the relationship between Lisa and Adrian, former, you know, neighbors and really tight friends. But what other drama are we going to expect this season besides that? Well, that's all we need because now Lisa is teamed up with Brandy. Right. You know, like we talked about last week, you mean the new star of sir? Yes, she's using Brandy to cause a bunch of shit. And you know, Brandy will go there. So yeah, apparently it's mostly Brandy versus Adrian. But my friend went to I guess Adrian had a launch party of some sort for vodka that she's doing. And and so Adrian had a party at her place and my friend went and he said, aside from the fact that there was no music playing because I guess they can't play music when they're in production, which I think is sort of an interesting thing. He said that all the housewives were there except for Lisa. And that seemed like it was intentional. So let's just take a wild guess here. Kyle Richards will play a backstabbing ping pong ball who just goes between the two of them all season until she's frazzled and boring. And Taylor will be totally confused what to do because Adrian's got the money, but Lisa's got the British accent and she doesn't know who to kiss up to. You know, it just really upsets me. I mean, I'm just still bitter about Camille not being on this coming season. I know she's going to pop up at a lot of the events, but you know, she's not a full-time cast member anymore. And it just really upsets me because goddamn, I love me some Camille. Maybe she just swing through on a trapeze. I would love that. Just airborne Camille. I just think of a violent IBS shit. You know, she and she did that by going on to Oprah. That's the first time I ever saw her was on Oprah. She was with Kelsey Grammer, her phrase. And I don't know why he even brought her stupid ass on, but she was pretending like she was the first lady or she had to have an issue that she needed to talk to America about because she was married to a famous person. And her issue was IBS. And she sat there on Oprah and talked about her leaky, violent ass for an hour. Look, people who don't want to have sex with their partners and our boyfriends or girlfriends claim to have IBS just like my first boyfriend when I moved to Los Angeles told me he had lies. Oh, is that why you threw a drink at him at the Abbey? No, that was boyfriend. That was the guy I left him for the guy who threw the drink on me at the Abbey. And he was like, you dated someone with IBSU. I don't know why I did. I really don't. It was not. It was messy. It was very messy. Sounds messy. I think one disease that attention doesn't need to be brought to is IBS. Like, keep it. Keep it to yourself. Jesus. I don't want to know about it. Thanks a lot, Oprah. Yeah, literally keep it in your pants, in your own pants. Please do. Keep it in your diaper. Oprah should start having lots of IBS specials because nobody's watching that next chapter bull shit. Well, you know, IBS will fix it. IBS always fixes everything. Maybe that's what Brandi was really doing. Maybe that's why she's so embarrassed. Maybe she had maybe she had just had some very severe shits and she told everyone she was having sex in the bathroom because she was moaning in pain. But the truth was she just had some massive shits. No, it was apparently during filming and people caught her. Well, maybe she was maybe she was having sex and the sex caused shits to come out of her. I'm throwing up. Maybe she was having anal and now that we're talking about violence shits, let's move on to Teresa from Newhousewives. I mean, the old hags of hers, whatever it's called. So anyway, before we get to Jersey, Joe Judiche, Judas, Joe Dichy's was in court this week and they him a five year plea deal. Okay, is fraud charge because he used his brother's idea to get a driver's license after has taken away due to drunk driving. It's a plea deal. Teresa's probably like, no, why does he have to take the plea the please deals? Why does he have to please anyone? We don't we don't please anyone the deals. We make our own deals. No deals deals is deals like ingredients is is that's that's when you when you say please and it's windy, right? It's the windies. Well, she is going to be loving it soon because he's going to be in jail probably. And that's I think it was last episode when Caroline was saying, Oh, well, watch now Teresa. You know, I predicted Teresa's gonna, you know, he's going to go to jail. Teresa's going to be on her own and she's going to get a, you know, she's going to write a book about how hard it is to be alone. Mark my words. You remember, she said something like that like last because of the week before. Yeah. And I think she's right, you guys. You're going to watch Teresa spin off. I don't know. I mean, I probably will. If it features Melania on bath salts, I'm in. I think that girl was born on bath salts. Oh, no doubt. And by bath salts, I mean, the devil inside of her heavy heroin heavy, heavy, heavy heroin. Can we talk about the new, the trailer for Real Housewives of Miami? Please. I have to say, guys, I'm really excited. I am, I feel like based on the trailer, this is the Real House as a Miami that we always wanted, you know, a bunch of Sofia Vergara's and Gloria Stephons are running around slapping each other, throwing people in the tools. Did you guys tell me, you guys, like, be honest, what did you think of that first season? Because I am shocked as shit. This is coming back for season two. The first season was not the greatest. It had, I thought Elsa was hilarious. I thought there was an uber bitch in Larsa Pippen, but she was so nasty that I just, I'm glad she's not coming back. And I thought, believe it or not, I thought that the last episode, the season finale, it was really good. And I thought that that half of the episode prior to it was really good. Like, it was just starting to find its voice. But I think it needed, it still needed to be revamped. It needed to have crazy Latinas. And it's too big of a city and too big of a stereotype to be ignored. And so I'm glad that they're giving me a second chance. But, Ronnie, don't you kind of think that like more than any cast, maybe in Real Housewives history, that these Miami chicks on season two are going to be so beyond fake because they're trying to make a go for it. And the fact that they are even getting a second chance means that they have to just up the crazy to like a ridiculous, like, not even making sense kind of level. Yes. Well, I think that you, if you, after I say this, and you look around in real life, you're going to notice that this is true, like it's going to sound horribly racist at first. But here, yeah, you notice that, you know, here in the modern age, we've kind of integrated the races, you know, we all talk to each other. What are you talking about? Are you not? Are you not? Are you not white? Latina women mostly hang out with Latina women because they're so fucking crazy. A lot of it is that they've grown up watching Telemonellas, which makes them all, they're all insane on these shows. And so I think that it just makes them crazier and crazier and they start to be like that in real life. You do one thing being a waiter or being in the service industry of any kind, you know, you do not. I would not know anything about that. Probably not. But maybe you've, you know, seen waiters crying after this has happened. I get room service in my house. I don't even know what you're talking about. I've never even seen a waiter who brings you room service, Donda. Only white service people. It's the giant spider in the corner of his, of his office that comes in with a little, it comes in with a little tray and says, you're, you're denoser. It's Vegas still twitching and I'm really nervous, but I'm, I'm staring it to death right now. Why, why did you, why did you kill your spider butler? That's why I'm going to be for Halloween, a spider butler. Okay, I can get behind that. Anyway, Miami season two, I'm really incredibly skeptical, but don't get me wrong. If this turns out to be like one fraction as amazing as like a crystal carrington like pool, Melrose place, hair pulling, bag throwing type of extravaganza that they're promoting it to be, I'll totally be in. Well, I couldn't tell a lot of what was going on, but it seems like one guy is either sleeping with multiple people. Oh, definitely. He's dating one of them and cheating on her and then they all team up against him and it's, it looks good. Yeah, I think one of the guys I think is Kim's friend, Kim Zolciak's friend from like two seasons ago or something like that and then, and then Joanna Krupa's on it. It's kind of sort of like a random, it's a random mishmash. I think it's going to be really good to be honest. Do you think that we're going to get like a full 18 or 20 apps out of this one? Because I believe Miami season one was only like a trial six. Yeah, I think we'll probably get like 13. Here's the other thing, you know, it's been over a year since the last one wrapped up. I feel like they probably were like, let's not put this on until it's ready and let's make this good. Like we only have one more shot at this, you know? Exactly. I mean, after so many misadvides of the world, Bravo needs a new hit. They need another hit. They really do because all this bullshit that they have been airing in 2012 that is non-housewives related is utter shit. Well, I want to see gallery girls. That looks like a big caddy mess of Brooklyn girls versus Upper East Side girls being bitchy to each other. I just hope the Lena Dunham's of that cast rip apart the Olivia Palermo's and if none of you out there understand what I'm talking about, stop listening. I know who Olivia Palermo is. I don't know who Lena Dunham is though. She's the star. She's a Brooklyn girl. She's the star of girls on HBO. Oh, I, you know, I don't have a spider butler and I sure as hell don't have premium cable. Can there be a show on Bravo that's not about women fucking being assholes to each other? Very good point. Very good point. Yeah, it's called million dollar listing. Think of it. It's like, oh, now they're young, you know, now they're younger women being bitches to each other. Well, that's the original Bravo thing. Women being bitches to each other and consignment store, women being bitches to each other in an art gallery, women being bitches to each other in every major metropolitan city in the country. I actually think the problem is that these women aren't bitchy enough to each other. I think if they're a bitchier and like interesting, we would watch this up but instead what happens is we think they're gonna be bitches to each other and instead they just sort of like sort of like lie around and sit around and mope and cry about how they don't have a love life and then we were like, why are you watching this and why don't I have a love life? I was just gonna say that sounds a lot like the three of us. So we're sitting around watching this shit. Who wants to hear this on a date? Nobody. So speaking of other Bravo stuff, I have some like sort of like I want to say it's gossip except there's nothing gossip and nothing educational about it except that I went to an event on Sunday and there were a lot of Bravo liberties there and I saw... Do not tell me that you were at that Top Chef thing in Hancock Park that I did not RSVP to. I was. That's exactly where I was. Okay, why don't we discuss these things so that I can go with you? Okay, so let's discuss it. Next time I get invited, you can come as my plus one. Okay, let's talk about how hot Madison Hildebrand was at that event in his thin cotton v-neck tea. He looked good. He looked good. He looked short. He looked like very proud of himself. He looked tan and rich and that's all the matter. I took a picture of him from afar and then I saw Josh Flag there. I didn't speak to any Bravo Liberty. Last year when I went, I talked to Lisa Vanderpump and this year... Vanderpump was back this year in a full-on hot pink ensemble. She certainly was and so I actually was there with Lisa Timmons and at one point Lisa and I were like... Oh, wait, pause. Ronnie, Ben also does this podcast thing with this Lisa Timmons character and she gets invited to a party with Ben, with Bravo Liberty's, but you and I don't and we do a podcast about Bravo. What the fuck? See, why would I ever invite this to a party? I was talking to Ronnie, not you. Why would I ever invite this to a party? This is what I'm saying. I'm gonna act like Brandy Glanville. I'm gonna act like Brandy Glanville up at a Bravo party. Yeah, I think you actually would. I would have had sex with Madison Hildebrand in a port-of-party. I'm just putting it out there. I would have. Okay, here's number one. You haven't eaten in like five months and you would have gone crazy. Number two, you also got invited to this thing and you didn't invite me, so how about that? Oh, shit, you're right. Or me. What the hell? I'm actually in your mirror. Ronnie, don't. My problem or you asshole. Ronnie, we would never invite you. You know why? Because you're Armenian. I'm not Armenian. He's Iraqi. It's because I'm fat, doesn't even lie. No, Lisa was supposed to be my camera girl because I was gonna do this whole, I was gonna do a video and I'd do it off my blog. I was fucking lied to get in by saying that you were gonna cover that shit and you so didn't. No, I did. I covered it on the other podcast and I'm covering it right now. Look at all this attention it's getting because now all our followers are gonna be like, oh my god, this glad event inspired so much drama. I can't wait for all three of those guys to get invited next year. Did you see Fran Drescher there with her mom or her TV mom, Renee Taylor? I saw Fran Drescher and I was gonna talk to her about her brother being on Real House as in New York, but then I was like, I was too lazy to talk to any bravo celebrity. Oh my god, you parked your ass at the open bar and we're like, Lisa Timmons, go take some photos, but you don't really have to because we're just gonna get drunk. Yeah, that's actually pretty much exactly what happened. I totally wish that I had gone to town. And you know what, there's also several people from mom million dollar decorators there. They're like, monlons. What was I mean, monlons below? And then the very next day I saw them at Fresh and Easy and I just, that's just like the second or third time I've seen that Fresh and Easy. I love the idea of this guy. I'm going to guess that this glad event on mom's blog and then the next day being like, I'm gonna have some discount produce. I will tell you this right now. Speaking of million dollar decorators, my favorite show in the history of television, I just did by Mary MacDonald's Coffee Tablebook because I'm obsessed with Coffee Tablebooks and it's the best coffee table book ever. Why is it the best? Because Mary MacDonald is kind of an icy bitch and all of her designs come from this icy bitch place and it makes for a better design. Well, I'm sold. I am sold. So, speaking of icy bitches, speaking of icy bitches, it's time to start talking about the Real Housewives, I believe. Yes. Let's talk about the Real Housewives of New York. Wow, what an episode this week. Oh, God, squirting orgasm. I'm still squirting over here. Oh, yes. I actually believe that. Well, I'll just talk about Madison probably got you all hot and bothered. Well, yes, that's why we podcast in separate locations. Yes, that was too much. I love how Ronnie is now silent all of a sudden. Like, that's too across the line. No, you didn't cross the line. That damn show crossed the line. That squirting orgasm has had me deserved all. You know today, I was thinking, why am I such a bad mood? I'm medicated. I'm happy. I've got laid recently. Oh, who? No one. No one important. My last blood. His name might rhyme with Fat and Doris. We saw each other in the Meats department of fresh news. Why are there two onions? I've never seen onions in a package. Does anybody work here? Is it just me? I see some plastic wrapped cantaloupes. I like to scan it out myself. That's over fresh and easy. I'm slowly turning him into Dracula, by the way. I thought I would miss the thought I would miss checkers, but I don't. It's the monster mash. Oh, yes, I am using my own bag. Ronnie, are you still not smoking, by the way? I'm going to check with you every single week. No, I'm still not smoking, but you know what? Everyone asks me that every day. Are you smoking? Wait, wait, wait. Are you pissed that I care about your health? Are you pissed at me for caring? No, what, I'm just trying to say that. Get out of the pool. Dry out of the pool. Dry out of your leg. Oh, my God. All I can think about is smoking. And everybody just keeps saying, are you smoking? I can't believe it. I didn't want to ask you because I figured you were smoking, and that's smoking, smoking, smoking. All I hear is people saying smoking, smoking, smoking, smoking. So you had to go wrap your mouth around something else? Yes. A squirting orgasm, which brings us to Aviva's father. Poor guy, man. When I tried to light that thing. My favorite day ever, darling. Let's get back to Aviva's dad. Wow, we saw, I thought we saw a glimpse of him. I thought we saw the craziness of this man last week. But no, this week, he does not stop. No, and you know what, his boner is even more rock solid than Richie's. You would think he's wearing like white clothes while those boners hanging out, you know what I'm saying? That's true. We're throwing into old people's sex, and Bueller, my dog, is prison raping a pillow. Like, that's his Bueller having a squirting orgasm? Not yet, but God, please don't. Okay, sorry to set it up. Ew, tell me to put that orange lipstick away. I hate dog cock. It's so gross. That stinking. It comes out at the most inopportune times, too. It's like, you're talking to Martin Lawrence Bellard, like, as you're walking the dog, and you're like, put it away. God damn it. He's like, look at that horny dog over there. Over by the baked goods. And it inspires me to make a lipstick themed living room, dog. For Kelly Osbourne. No, let's have a squirting orgasm. Did somebody just drop in a sound effect right there? That was so fucked up. I just heard somebody drop in a sound effect right there. It was hilarious. There may have been a sound effect. Oh my God, it's like we're on Stern now, and you're Jackie, and you're dropping in the sound effects. I love it. We can listen. Every time there we mention squirting orgasms, you just might hear something like this. Ew! Permanent traumatization. All right. We have not even talked about this show. We just keep on measuring squirting orgasms. This is a good thing for us, though, because it proves that if there ever is not a new housewives on during the week, we can still keep this shit running. Like Camille Grammar's Bells. Keep that shit running. Keep that shit running. Okay, New York. There's an old man that's orange with a boner. All right, he's got teeth like that one muppet, who's in the band, in the muppet band, you know? I think he's docked something or another. That's what his teeth look like. He's horny all the time. These women seem to have no problem with it. That's interesting to me. Aviva, by the way, I'm really enjoying watching her getting pissed at Ramona. The change is coming, people. The change is coming. She's going to become the super bitch now. Well, Ramona is such a fucking bitch. I mean, set up Ramona. Just shut up. She is a terrible big Ramona. Yeah, she was awful. Mal, you know, she's on Aviva about her leg. Then she's matted them because Aviva's saying bad things about her ex-husband. What do you care? Shut up, you cross-eyed bitch. Yeah, and how about she goes, during this dinner party, she goes into the kitchen, starts telling the staff what they should be cooking, whatever that is. It's not your dinner party, you silly hoe. Well, I will say this. All I want is protein and vegetables for dinner, and sometimes you just need to skip the salad. Well, it was not Ramona's place to tell anyone that we're skipping, that unilaterally we're skipping the salads. I would have got the salad. I mean, look, going on vacation with her is probably my worst nightmare. She is the worst possible type of house guest. Mario never puts her in her place, and you know, she just is so, she's beyond inappropriate. When she gets together with Sonya, it just always becomes a disaster. Just ask the countess from the Morocco days. Oh my god. Ramona, that's a great call back, because that was one of my favorite housewife trips of all time, was when they went to Morocco. When Ramona was going on and on about the leg, I wanted to shove her off that balcony. I'm like, Aviva has been living with his leg for years and years and years. She knows how to take care of it. Shut up, Ramona. Well, what is Ramona even trying? What is she doing? Is she trying to be funny? What is it? Because she's just so fucking rude. I can't even imagine what she's going for with that. And why doesn't Aviva just grow a pair and tell her to shut the fuck up? Well, sit her with the leg. Take it off and shove it up her stoop. Aviva does need to put her in her place. I do though think that she is very concerned about rocking the boat, still being one of the new girls, even though I don't feel like her job is in jeopardy. But I do like in a weird fucked up way. And I don't know why I'm like getting to that zone where I'm starting to care. But I like that she did have a moment with Carol. And she let Carol know that she could have used some backup there. Granted, she should have said something on her own. But I like that Carol is going to get to the point where she's going to back her up. And I have a feeling that the old crew and the new crew are all just going to start clashing in about two weeks. Yeah, I think so too. Carol was very cool this episode. I thought she was cool. And I liked her friend Rajna, who I like to affectionately call Indian BB Newworth. I like her. Nothing but affection. Nothing but affection. And she does look great. Considering that she's 56, she's great. She seems like she is like graceful and elegant and classy. Everything the countess wishes that she truly were. Okay, truth time. When you guys are watching that episode, whether you watched it five minutes ago or last night or whenever, did you not start doing facial yoga while you watched? Because my god works that shit out. I did it for a little bit, but then I felt weird. And so I stopped. And then I remember that I'm a man and men age gracefully. So I don't have to do face. That's true. We are not screwed. We are not screwed in the facial department when we get older. I am. You should see my necks. They're ridiculous. But one thing I was thinking while I was watching that is blowjob face. I think that that's why gay guys have such nice cheekbones. Oh, yeah. That was definitely one of the things. But also when they first started talking about this facial yoga was when we first saw BB Newer Sing Song Song. I guess that's Chinese, not Indian, but I'm kind of racist. BB Newer Patel. Yes. Okay, that's better. So when we first saw her and she talked about that, I thought that they were saying, oh my god, look, she's 76. And she's she looks so and someone said, oh my god, you look 56. And it's because you do this facial yoga. But now that I find out she's 56, she doesn't look that good. I mean, please, she's an Indian. That's how they all look that good. She doesn't look young. She looks 56. I want exactly. Do you not think that a schwarai, a dogaloo, or whatever her name is from the House of Sand and Fogg? A schwarai. Whatever. She could be 97 and she looks 47. I mean, she's permanently 47. Here's the truth. She looks damn good. Here's the truth with Indian women and Asian women. If we're going to get racist, okay, I make generalizations. They look amazing, amazing, amazing, amazing. And then one day they look like they're 85 years old. There's like suddenly something happens and it all goes away. Yes, well, you know, Jesus, who's that? Yeah, what's that? Was a dog barking for ugly people? Was that your spider butler telling you that your macaroni is ready? I don't eat fucking carbs, Ben. No macaroni. Stop talking about it. The spider butler walks away sadly with the tray of macaroni. It worked on all day. It's like, oh, I forgot. Okay, well, it's happened during this episode except for the fact that Ramona is a horrible person. We barely saw any of Heather and Luan. Okay, those were the two that were not invited to Miami. We did see brief snippets of them, but... Is Heather headed for divorce? She and her husband were like, yeah, we only see each other for 15 minutes every day. And then we're on our Blackberries. Ha ha ha. I'm like, that's not good. Okay, confession. I think her husband is hot. Yeah, that's why I said last week. Her housewife, her housewife says when he's, yeah, he's funny. He's cute. He's really cute. I like a nice Jewish doctor that's rich and cute. And awkward in social situations. Yes. And if there are any of you out there listening and you make at least six figures, you can find me on life on the M list on Twitter. We will find something new. This is becoming misadvised. It is. Three of us. Starting you because we were not participating in that level. Right, because you go on hot dates and Ronnie had sex last week. And I'm the sad lonely one. Exactly. I'm like, I'm not even going to deny it. No, but what I was going to say though was something about, I don't know, is it something about Indian people? It's not going to happen. Okay. Okay, Sonia. Sonia, do we think that Sonia and Aviva's dad would ever have a future together, despite everything that she said? Well, she needs to see his bank account before she decides to ride that train. You know, I was thinking about Sonia today. And I was thinking that really what Sonia is, is she's pretty much like a homeless woman who has a lot, who has like money, even though I know she's broke. But like, like if you think about it, she carries around a toaster in a bag. Okay. Which seems like a very homeless person sort of thing to do. She sort of like makes these weird statements about her boobs, and she sort of mutters to herself and talks all the time. And I don't know. Do you guys ever feel like she maybe just sort of stumbled out of a homeless shelter? Well, yes. When you, when you're wearing a ripped veil on your head, I mean, you're like freaking gray gardens. Yeah, and she talks about like, oh, my papers. This is how I learn my, this is how I learn my stuff. I read the papers is how I find out about my friends. You know, it says that homeless people say that. Yeah, she's going to be standing outside Whole Foods by those newspaper containers, being like, oh, I can't wait to read about all my friends in the newspaper. Someone buy me a newspaper so I can read about all my friends. But wearing a ratty fur coat that's like totally like, it's supposed to be white, it's supposed to be white rabbit, and it's really like brown and dingy and Ramona never fucking helped her when she ended up on the streets. Oh, it's going to happen. Yeah. Ramona'll be like, well, I used to have a mansion, but you know, Hurricane Irene came and it attacked my house. So I have to get out. I have to come to the street that live on the street here, and they'll saps over the oven. I have an intern, okay? All right. Let's talk about a few of the other things that happened during New York. And one of them is, why is Carol such an uptight bitch and rude to Luan? Luan is annoying, but Carol needs to get off. I protect my friends like they're my family. No, I don't know. Do you ask for that dress? No, no. Here's what it is, okay. Pumpkin head. The protectiveness thing is bullshit. What she's basically saying is that like, like, Carol's like, I have some friends who are like really cool and really super important, and you're not. That's super important, and you're trying to step in, and I don't want my cool friends to drop me. So could you like-- That is exactly-- Could you just step away? And I wish that she would just say that, and that Luan would turn back to her and say, guess what? I'm more famous than you, and I actually look good in dresses. I'm like, you're a nasty little bony, shriveled up asshole. I was sticking up for Luan. Yeah, I was on Carol's side, 100% on this. Oh, Luan is like the bottom of the bony ass crazy bitch barrel. She is disgusting. How could you even stand up for that woman? You introduced your friend to somebody. That's like, what have been introduced to me to you, and I was like, hey, Matt, you know where I'd look good on the front page of Yahoo? Why don't you put me there? Hey, Matt, would you blog about me in Yahoo? Oh my god, guess what I did today, Matt? Maybe you should put it in a blog on Yahoo. Yeah, well, then you could have turned around and said, well, you know what, maybe you need some extra traffic, and I'm going to deliver amazing traffic to your website. Just like Luan by being on the cover of Life and Style in the bottom corner, what have I said? Gown by Naeem Khan. You know, I think it's not even about, I think it's not even about the gown. I know that thing when it's like, you have like, you know, you have like a friend? It's called Carol is an evil bitch who thinks that she is some A-lister and that Luan is not A-lister. Luan and Luan is an A-lister? And Luan's like an awesome interview. Okay, excuse me, like three weeks ago, you're sitting on this podcast, bitching about like, oh, can Carol shut the fuck up about like working with Diane Sawyer constantly? But that's like all she really does. Well, okay, she keeps also talking about this dumb-ass widow book of hers. Is that on anybody's fall TV schedules? It's fucking not. So shut the fuck up, you fake writer. Let me tell you something, okay. Carol, tell me something, you better tell it to me in her voice. Okay, first of all, you need to have, you need to eat like a piece of bread or something because you're going crazy right now, all right? She's like, fine, get your spider butler and say, you know what, don't throw out that macaroni just yet because you were losing your mind, Matthew. All right, Carol Radzewell, she may not be at the level of Michelle Obama, but she certainly is more established than Luan Della Saps' account. She hated it if he didn't ask my friends for things. Build all the tactics. I'm protective, I'm protective of them. It's weird, I don't want you to ask for dresses. You love, you got to love that Luan was about to lie to her like five times and say, no, go ahead. And she stopped herself and I was like, whoa, I would, I, oh, so he was offended. (laughing) She knew she could not lie and get away with it. Yeah, no, Carol, what do you think, bitch? Like, you are on a housewife show. It's not, you've seen the show. I don't know what you thought you were going to come on here and suddenly everyone was going to be classy. Yeah. Why would they change? Like, give me a break. Yeah, now, I mean, Carol should realize that, you know, when you, when you're swimming with a trash, you might get a little stinky, you know what I'm saying? I just made it up, I made it up. And then she's like trying to say at the end, like, yeah, well, you know, if we're still talking to each other in like six months or whatever. And then she was like, I'm just joking slash no, you're not. Yeah, Luan looked horrified. Luan's like, wait a second. I have like a classy friend who is a princess and she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. Yeah, well, wait until she sees the show, whoops. Uh oh, that big old pumpkin has going to be real, offended real soon. Oh, at least she has cock de la jock. Oh, yes. Um, you know, never mind. I was going to say something that had no bearing on anything. And I'm going to say on top, I'm going to say on topic. I'm going to be non tangential. Okay, thanks for shitting in the middle of the show. I know. It's my IBS. I just Camille Gramard. Sorry, guys. So what else happened on this stupid show? I'm my favorite, my favorite part. The old fucking, the old people, hard-ons, the old people, squirting, just stopping old people. And guess what? I don't want to hear about young people doing it either. So people on the line at Starbucks, I don't want to hear about your shit. You see how I just said I got laid and didn't talk about butts or anything like that? Keep that shit to yourself. I don't want to hear it in my while I'm waiting for my Tupac. Number one, it's called in line, not online. Okay, we're we're in California. We're not on the East Coast. And my other favorite thing. Eat a candy bar, really, just for something. No, be quiet. So here's my favorite thing. Aviva's body is fucking rocking hot and I love to her bathing suit. And then I loved when she is in the hot tub, not having the balls to say anything to Ramona but then in her confessional, she's like, and that bitch didn't want to hear what I had to say about her bathing suit. Yeah, I can't wait for Aviva to totally snap. Aviva is teetering on the edge of I'm going to fucking murder you. And not just because she has one leg. She's teetering because she's mad. Exactly, it has nothing to do with the fact that she's on a stump. One thing remotely did that I did kind of like was when she was giving Aviva shit about her leg and because it made Aviva say, "Look, I just don't want the attention. I don't want attention." Really, because you've talked about not having a leg probably five times in episodes since you came on this show. So yeah, yeah, Aviva. If you don't want people to pay attention to your one leg, how about you stop falling over at your own parties? Yeah, you get a hot glue gun and keep that thing stuck on you so we don't have to deal with it. Okay, do you think Sandy Duncan walks around talking about her glass eye all the time? She doesn't. I wish she did. All over the room in like 10 different places at once. I wish she would talk about her glass eye and the Hogan family because honestly, I would just sit there like a kid. Family? You mean Valerie? It's got five names. It was started Valerie, then Valerie's family, then the Hogan family. I want to know how long it took her to fly for Peter Pan. I want to know if she still eats wheat thins. They're baked, not fried. She really knows how to endorse things, doesn't she? She does. Where is she now? She all agreed that we don't want to hear about old people squirting anymore. We don't. So why don't we move on to middle-aged people squirting? And by that, I mean the real house was in New Jersey. Okay, done. Let's go there. So they went on a trip to, it was supposed to be a trip to Napa and yet they went to Half Moon Bay, which is an hour south of San Francisco. Let me just say that, Ben. How excited were you to see that we had some major synergy with Hurricane Irene, not just affecting Sonya? I know, I was seeing the same thing. I was like, I was like, well, all this is happening. Sonya sitting there drunk with martini glasses capturing like water coming in through her wall. She's probably, oh, wow, look at that. It's raining outside. I must get my, I got my toast rubbing ready. Or something like that, you know, I don't know. I didn't know where to go with that. Something to the effect. Yes. So I lost it. I lost my, I lost my chat, I thought. Anyway, so for the past like nine weeks on the Real Housewives of New Jersey, we've been waiting for this massive trip to Napa. And we finally kind of got there. It took the ladies and their families and their extended families and all those friends and Caroline's annoying children who have been elevated to regulars. On the shows, flying, driving, blah, blah, blah. And all they did was end up in a shitty ass parking lot RV park. I was, you know, I agreed with Teresa. I would not fucking want to go camping there either. Yeah, I, I have to say, I agree to you. But first of all, I love the random like animated sequence showing all these families going from like New Jersey to Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh when I cry out loud. That's the closest airport they could get that was open. They go to Pittsburgh. Hopping by to visit, um, Abby Lee Miller from Dance Moms. I thought that whole sequence of them getting out of New Jersey was actually pretty hilarious. Do you not pause your DVR like a thousand times and take pictures of that animated like airplane with their heads? Because I did. I love that it reminds me of America's next top model when they go overseas, you know? It's so true. And then like Tyro, like always plants like a Union Jack and then does some smizing. Yeah, and they go on like Tyra Air, a little airplane. They put their faces in that. I feel like it was the same people behind that. I always want Tyra Air to go down. I love the way Teresa described a hurricane. I think she said it's, um, it's, it's a lot of rain. And what does she say? It's like a lot of rain and maybe wind, right? And maybe she's like, it's a lot of rain and a lot of windy. Something like that. Like I mean, it was like a really strange use of incorrect words, more so than usual. 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That's B-Y-T-E dot com. Start your confidence journey today with bite. Has Ronnie fallen asleep with a fuck? I think so. No, I'm reliving the episode and this is my reaction on the whole episode. What did you guys think of their extreme shopping trip for camping supplies? That was absurd. One of them spent $5,000. Placing on cheetah placemats. The whole thing was like $4,000. I think the producers were like just go in and get anything you want and be silly about it. It was ridiculous. They bought 19 grills. I will say they had some nice RVs. Made me want to go on RV. Why don't we take this podcast on the road? We should ask SciShow Network to pay for it and should go around to all of the Housewives City. We'll start obviously in Beverly Hills. We're here. We'll drive down to OC. Make our way to Miami. We'll hit Jersey and New York. I think that we should do it. What do you think? No. Yeah, Matt, we'll see you there tomorrow at the depot. Yeah, we'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. Who would drive? I would not drive. I think you would have to drive because it'll be hilarious when you clip other people's cars. I would run over everybody. I sure as hell wouldn't drive. Ronnie, it's you. No, no, I don't drive. Yeah. Well, it looks like our tour has come to a quick stop and end. And okay, so can we talk about a few other things that happened? There were some actual like funny shenanigans and by funny, I mean, horrifying and let's start off with Richie's morning wood and shaking it in everybody's face. I am so embarrassed for our beloved Kathy sleeps with that nasty, dirty Jeff Goldblum who sticks his erect penis in people's faces. It was so gross. Well, she didn't seem to mind because she said that she likes to bone in more than once a day, which I really just don't need to know all this. Like too much old people sex. And they're kind of, they're not really that much older than me. I don't think, are they? Kathy's like 46 or 47. Well, it's 49. So I have a question. Why wasn't Rosie on this trip? Because they're friendly to lesbians when they don't have to be in confined spaces with them. Just like the rest of the world. Yeah, I feel like Rosie and an RV would be like. It's called safety issues, all right? You don't want to fit those crazy stuff. Man, listen, you don't have to convince me I've been watching a lot of the Olympics and some of those ladies up there. Wow. No kidding, just put, just stop picking things up all the time. Gay ladies, just pick up. I feel like if you put Rosie in an RV, she would be like the Hulk and she would scream and like grow really big and green and like explode out of it and go running down into the ocean and like find a salmon and bite it in half. That sounds delicious. I actually would much prefer Rosie than the manzo boy. Then all the manzo's actually really Caroline. Why doesn't Caroline just quit the show? We know what I liked. Actually, so another example of our favorite CEO of Keface, also known as Keface. Laura Manzo. I hate her. So her boyfriend Vito brings this box of like cheeses and stuff like that, which is cool. And you know, people are just fooling around and they take the box and they take stuff out of it. And Lauren's like, that's not funny. Okay, I brought that box and I wanted it. That's not funny. Okay, can I just ask you this? Like I'm a vegetarian and I'm not pretending that I'm like superior, even though I am because I don't eat the flesh of dead animals. How much fucking sausage can these Neanderthals inhale? Seriously. Aren't you on a protein diet? Yeah, but I don't eat like, I don't eat, I don't eat in case to meats. You know, Matt, Matt don't, he don't eat meat, but he sure like the bone. No, I'm a, I'm a prude. I don't even know what's happening. But anyway, like every scene when Lauren Manzo or like Joe Judy or on screen involves a rock hard dried out piece of sausage or bacon in a skillet. Like what the fuck? And what's the problem with this? Everything. It's like, you're like, every scene has something amazingly delicious in it. What is wrong with them? How much of delicious food could these people eat? Don't they know? No, this is the notes that I have written down in front of me for Jersey. It goes like this. Number one, Carolyn is still a bitch. Number two, she's horrible. She's a horrible person. Hurricane Irene. Number three, boner exclamation point. And number four, what's up with all the sausage? Those are my four notes. So I was actually very appreciative of how Bravo can really find ways to make us realize how stupid these people are. Episode after episode season after season. I mean, driving in a bus and going, what are those cows? What do they do? What do cows do? Why are the mountains here? And it was like the first time they'd ever watched a bestiality video on YouTube. What took them so long? That explains the boner. But they're like, well, look at the cows. What do the cows do? And how come there's mountains there? And Greg's answer? Because there's earthquakes here. I will say this, despite being completely dumb as fuck, the only people that I could ever stand going on vacation with are Greg and Kathy, and they need a fucking spin-off like Thelma and Louise style. I think at least just Kathy does. I think Greg, all his comments will just be very obvious things. They'll be like, oh, this was him, drop barber straws in. That's like barber straws in his boobs. That's like Lars Manelli, huh? The rest of the gay and the jersey stereotype song. One of the surprisingly, Albie's new girlfriend did not go on the trip. She had to stay back and batten down the hatches and survive Hurricane Irene while the family left. She was conducting her internship with Sonny and Morgan. So she couldn't get out of that one. So do you think that they're going to last, or is she too hot for him, or is she just a gold digger and she wants to get on TV? They're going to last that bitch has already worked her way onto the show and into the apartment. They will last. She's smart. She's a holistic. She's going to be knocked up in two weeks. And what about her eyebrows? Anyone knows her eyebrows? Yes, I did. Made me pine for the days of last week of that eyebrow lady at the boom boom spa, or whatever it's called, in New York with the two caterpillars of her eyes. Oh my god. Back alley waxing. That should be a new Bravo show. Back alley waxing. Million dollar waxing, I think, would be more of a Bravo thing. That's true. What about that? What about when Teresa was talking about how much she hated half moon bay? Tell the people that were sitting there in their little chairs. You mean the toothless folks that could not even properly say the word moonshine without stumbling over it? They were hardly toothless. Those look like they were actually like people who like were... They wear fleece vests in public. They are toothless. If you've ever been to the Northeast, you know, who wears fleece vests in public, they're wealthy people. I left the North. I left the North. Yeah, you ever go to Vermont? That's what they all do. I'll Vermont the epicenter of Tae Starring. What's New England? It's wasp in New England. If you're going to say that, you better put on your Martin Lawrence Belard for that one, buddy. Oh my lord's blood. It's been shopping on the fresh nieces. You get some bublano peppers that are prepackaged. Well, I would say that if they had fleece here, I wouldn't be shopping here. Okay, so I have a question. Yes. We, it's a very important question. As you all know, the Olympics are going on. And we're in the middle of Olympic madness. Oh my god, I'm in love with Marta Coroli just putting it out there. Who's that? The coach of the women's gymnastics team. Oh, I wasn't even watching gymnastics. I was watching some men's gymnastics and they were falling off the... Yeah, they're falling off the bars. They could. I was like, what's going on? I was like, men could not rock that pommel horse. I know. I was like, I just rode them. I'm like, what is this? This is like the Matt Woodfield Olympics. Oh, it was like a commercial for 1-800 dentist. Um, all like so many of my friends used to work at 1-800 dentist. Oh, really? Yeah, we probably have a lot of the same friends. I have a lot of friends who work there too. Oh my god, totes weird. Well, the other countries need to have friends who work at 1-800 dentist because those other countries... Look, if you can afford to go to June at gymnastics class every day and pay for spandex outfits, you can afford a cleaning. For Christ's sakes, stop sucking your thumb. Children in other countries. Searing commentary on the state of dental hygiene. Really think 2012 Summer Olympics. Yeah, I really think that we should have... Ronnie should get like a 10-minute segment on 60 minutes. I know, I know. So that being said, if the housewives were competing in their own brand of Olympics, housewives Olympics, what do you think some of the events would be? What do you think some of the housewives would excel at? Well, I think that they should have an event where you have a squirting... You have a squirting orgasm out of a vagina that hasn't been wet in over 15 years. That would be interesting. It would be like an orgasm shot put. It would be like a meal? Yeah, a whole lot. It would be like a splooge javelin. It would be like the white water rafting, except on a river of semen and Camille Grammar's shits. They could do three-legged races. Oh my god, don't let Gia into the Olympics. She would get very competitive. Gia would be like the Japanese delegation contesting the... No fair, no fair. She would not be happy. She'd be going up to those judges. Theresa would probably... And then she turned into a werewolf. Oh wait, Chardi looks like one. I could imagine Theresa doing pole vault, and she has the big pole, and she just runs, and she probably just runs right under the pole. She's like, well, I'm supposed to put it in the ground? Why would you put the pole in the ground? That's stupid. I just run through the gates. She gets a gold medal for stealing Kathy's mom's recipes. That's for goddamn sure. I bet Lauren Manzo would be in some sort of... Oh my god, can we just take the next two minutes to talk about Lauren Manzo and the Olympics and things that she could, you know, compete in? Sure. Yeah. Okay, I'll start scone gobbling. Scone gobbling. Monster tire pushing. Hot dog vault. Marie calendar trampoline. Egg white avoidance. Rhythmic mozzarella making. Canole-y balance beam. That's when you balance on a canole-y, like it's a balance beam, and then you eat it. I got one. I got one. I got one. Floor non-exercise. She just slights on the floor. She just slights on the floor. It's the floor exercise, but no exercise. They can just time it. I'll be like, yep, she's still late. I think she's breathing in now. I think, oh, she's stuck the eye, the eye twitch. Her level of difficulty is zero. She could walk from one end of one end of a mat to the other end and just take another dollar out of her mom's purse. Mommy told me to read late. As she just writes, she's just going to write a face. It's a steady walk to Caroline's purse. That's the angle across the floor exercise. And then her brothers would make fun of her for not doing cartwheels. And she said, I don't want to do cartwheels. Why should I do cartwheels? You guys always get to do cartwheels. I don't want to do a cartwheel. I don't need to be like you. I don't need to be handsome like you. And then she would take her dad's money and go get lap band surgery and then die. Okay, next. What else happened? It'd be the big scandal. Lauren Manzo caught doping with salami. She'd feel like the jello 200 meter. Where she eats 200 mios worth of jello. Okay, let's get back to Caroline for a second. Because every time I now watch it, I'm like really excited because I know that Ronnie hates Caroline as much as I do these days. And when they would just point to like the camera to Caroline, she would just be sitting there like a big old bump on a log with like a grouchy bulldog face that she has. Just still talking shit about Teresa. It's called Caroline. If you're going to be on this show and collecting a paycheck and all of your goddamn family members are going to be there collecting a paycheck too, you got to do something else besides just sit there and snort and going, I hate Teresa. That's all she does. That is all she does. I mean for no reason. And then you've got Melissa, I don't know, Jackie's like, well, we're actually getting along really well. And Teresa's been really nice. So, you know, I don't really see a problem. And Jacqueline's like, well, until you meet, I mean, Caroline's like, well, until you admit your faults, then it's all bullshit. Yeah, how about you admit your fault? You fucking kuzo. Yeah, how about you? How about you admit the fact that your sister Dina thinks that you're an evil fucking bitch. How about that? Let's start there. Yeah, yeah. How about you stealing the gay wedding from Dina's show so you can have it on your show, your tramp. She gets gold medal of reality show stealing. She's horrible. Oh, and that was in my gossip section today too. It's rumored that Caroline is getting her own talk show just like Bethany. Oh, please, nobody's going to watch that. She's just going to be on public access. And it's going to be sponsored by Posh. And everything I confuse because they're going to think it's Bonnie Franklin or Mary Lou Rhetton on screen. And they won't realize it's actually Caroline. You're being mean to Mary Lou Rhetton during these Olympic times. I know it's very, I shouldn't say anything, I'm sorry. Yes, moment of silence. Okay, now we can move on. Is she dead, Mary Lou Rhetton? No, we just killed her soul though by comparing her to Caroline. Exactly. Honestly though, if you put Carrie Strugg and Mary Lou Rhetton together, you would get Caroline. That's true. And a little Marta Coroli to be honest. Yeah, and a little Bella Coroli too, why not? I don't know, but throw in a little Bella, maybe even some Dominique Dawes. Oh, wait. Maybe even some Paul McCartney with his big jowls. Or some donuts. Dominique Mochianu. Since I don't understand sports or lesbian references, I think that we should end the show with a game of It Smells Like. Okay, what does it smell like? And tonight's topic is Caroline's Vagina. What does it smell like? Go. Smells like Riceroni that's been left on the stove with old mushrooms. Okay, it smells, I think it smells like when you leave flowers in a vase so long that the flowers die, and then you throw the flowers away and they're covered in that slime. And then you go outside to empty the vase out and that water smells. I think it smells like that. Matt. I am just picturing a bowl of dead flowers right now. I need a second. Um, I was going to say something along the lines of, you know, lighter fluid. And, uh, Ragu. Um, I think it smells like, um, when you open up a game of Monopoly for the first time in 10 years. Oh, that is a good, that is a, that is a great smell. And it's also a hair of it just smells like, which is sort of like a mixture of like cardboard fake money and little metal trinkets. I think it probably smells like an old motel eight room that a lot of people have smoked in and then a big fat cat came in and peed all over it. I think it smells kind of like she went and rubbed some crystal light up in there because it made it tingle. I don't know if that would actually happen, but I kind of like it would. I'd like, I kind of like get the sort of thing that would happen. I think that's something that they should probably sell it. The crystal light tingle. The crystal light bag tingle. Yeah, I was just about to say like nobody wants to vijazle anymore. Everyone wants to just shove some crystal light up there. I think it smells like an open tin of secreted cough drops. I think it probably smells like one of those rubber band balls that a really nervous person makes and gets the ham sweat all over. I think it smells like a water gun that's been filled with rice vinegar. I think it probably smells like the dressing room of a dillards. I think it smells like a peacock that just went waiting through a little pond that someone had spilled apple jacks into it. I don't know. Now you're just talking around you're fucking apart. I'm back to my apartment. There's a peacock in here everyone. I'm sure there's apple jacks. I don't know if you have a new roommate named Peacock. My question is what we got you thinking about clue and Mrs Peacock, but regardless we're done. Yeah, I don't even know why anyone would spill apple jacks into a pond and why a peacock would walk through it. But if it did happen, I might smell like Caroline's vagina. All right, well, I guess that brings us to the end of another thrilling episode. So that was a special episode. Yeah, thanks everybody so much for listening. We'll be back next week. Tweet us @whatcrapins. Any questions that you might have or new suggestions? Like Alexis Bellino and Custer 74 did. Thank you. And our BFF shout out to our BFF Tammy. We love us some Tammy. We love us some Tammy. You'd be brave then. Yeah. She needs to come on this show. We need to work that out. We need to go at least have a cocktail with her or do something because I love her. Okay, let's make that happen. If you want to come have drinks with us or something. Yeah, because we're sad and we're free. Rapids, you can also find us. I'm @tvgasm. You can find Matt Whitfield at life on the M list and you can find B-side @bsideblog. Please everybody tell your friends. Do not forget you can also download this on iTunes. You can stream it on tvgasm. You can stream it on B-side blog. But the downloads on iTunes are what matter and what really matters. Are your amazing reviews and comments on iTunes? I look for them every day and I want to say we're at like 84. And if we don't have 100 by the end of the week, I'm going to kill myself Russell style. He might eat like a cookie. I had like five bottles of champagne this weekend and gained 1.5 pounds. So I will just go off the rails unless we get some more iTunes reviews. Yes, and that's what does this show then. Please keep it to yourself. Only good reviews only please. Yes, like Jill's Aaron. Say nice things about me guys. Hey Matt, I came on your show. Be nice. I'll retweet you if you're nice. She didn't even really retweet it. She retweeted Ben and then she really didn't even promote it properly. Yeah, fuck off Jill's Aaron. That still stands. Okay, thank you so much. We'll see you next time. Play nice. Be nice. Bye. Don't forget to go to gamefly.com/haha and get your 15-day trial from Gamefly. They have over 7,000 tiles to choose from for all game systems and handhelds. No late fees, free shipping, cancel anytime. That's gamefly.com/haha to get your free 15-day trial. Gamefly, games delivered. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the side show network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait for it. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleisinger, Slicing, driving friends with it for 10 years. 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