Also, Kathy's Cookies, and Madison's Voice
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LuAnn's Pumpkin Head and Sonja's Toaster
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This episode of Watch what Crapins is brought to you by Gamefly. Go to Gamefly.com/forward-haha for your free 15-day trial. Hey everybody, welcome to the Watch what Crapins podcast. I'm Ronny Karim from TVgasm.com and I'm with Ben Mandelker from Bside Blogs. Say hello, Ben. Hello. And Matt Whitfield of Yahoo TV. Hello, Max. Hallor. Hallor. Hallor. Hallor. I've got my safe wear on. Hallor. We should start every podcast like that. I'm going to. I don't care that she looks like the Joker. I love her. Too soon. Too soon. Too soon. Too soon. Well, everybody, welcome back to another What Crapins podcast. We are on two housewives shows right now. I mean, we're not on them, but we're on one two housewives shows right now because Orange County has sadly left the air. More or less, more or less. Wait, but before we get into Orange County, quickly, our Twitter on our Facebook. Our Facebook is facebook.com/watch what Crapins and then our Twitter is What Crapins. I'm at Bside Blog. Matt's at Life on the M list. Ronnie's at TV Gasm. So follow us on all those platforms and you will be handsomely rewarded with fulfillment in your life. Yeah, that's a big promise, actually. Yeah, and I can deliver it. Okay, I can deliver it. I mean, we did get Jill's errand last week, but come on, we got it. We got to back that up. Oh, yeah, that was kind of exciting until I searched Jill's errand and saw that she's given an interview to like everybody on the internet. I mean, Jill's errand is basically calling like the mom, she's calling the 7/11 down the street seeing if they need a quote from her. Like, shut up, Jill's errand. No one cares. To be fair, the 7/11 has a very fascinating newsletter. So yes, and actually that was a very fun conversation with Jill's errand and I would like to get her take on the two for one pack of Marlboro shorts at the 7/11. So I hope she'll come back. I thought you gave up smoking. I did. I'm still smoking. Can you believe that shit? Good for you. I'm very proud of you. So Ronnie's not smoking. Matt's not eating. Matt, in case you haven't seen the photos, is now the size of a pencil. And I have taken on both those vices, except for smoking. Actually, I don't smoke. I just eat. I eat double to take to take. You eat smoked foods. I eat smoked foods. Lots of smoked foods. I stopped smoking because somebody told me that I could look like Delta Burke if I stopped. And it totally happened, you guys. That's awesome. Miracles can happen. I'm so happy. Can we get into some gossip here? A little gossip. First, just because we're on Jill's errand, I did actually Google her before the show to see what the whole thing is talking about. The first quote that came up on Google is, Jill's errand says it would take a lot of money for her to come back to Real Housewives of New York. Lies. Everybody on the internet and telling them that she wants a lot of money from Bravo for an offer she's never going to get. Jill, enjoy retirement. It's not even about the offer from Bravo. I mean, listen to episode 25, our interview with her again. And it's painfully obvious that she would do it for free. See, even sent out a tweet this week that said, someone just sent me a rumor that Zaren Fabrics is filing bankruptcy. Absolutely not true. Does anybody know who started this rumor? And this website's like, no one started this rumor. It's nowhere on Twitter. So I was going to say I was going to say Ramona, but you know, it's like Jill's errands just what she's on the stupid housewives site the past week, leaving comments like, thank you for being mean to me. I appreciate your support in my businesses. Jill, stop, just stop it. She's going to be dangling herself from the balcony of a skyscraper in New York. And people are just going to be passing on by below. But to be fair, to be fair, she came on, she came on our podcast and retweeted it. So we can't, we can't hear it too much. No, we love her. But it's just like, I don't know, here's the thing, I want her back on that show. I want Kelly Bensmoam back on the show. But reality check is, it's never going to fucking happen. So we need to figure out, you know, she needs to find a new platform, a new show, a new network, a new something. She has good afternoon America. I know, I know. And I've checked her out on that. And she's actually really funny on there. And clearly she watches a shit ton of reality TV. But, you know, I think that she's bringing like, in a weird way, too much attention to the real housewives of New York City this season, which to be fair has not been that good until last night. Well, I don't think she's bringing too much attention to it, because I think you're woefully overestimating the amount of people that are listening to poor Jill's Aaron. I like that she's on our show, but I don't think it's not like she's sitting here, like, like able to like speak to like 40 million people every single day. Yeah, so she's doing it one person at a time. You guys are going to start getting robo calls from fucking Jill's Aaron. She's going to be so mad at us. And I will record them and make them my voicemail ring counts. I would love, wait, I would love a robo call from Jill's Aaron. You know, I like robo calls from anyone because it shows that someone cares. Next time you guys get some lonely mail, all of the coupons are going to have Jill's Aaron's picture. Next time you pass a thrifty nickel, every sale is going to be something of Jill's Aaron's. To stop and sell, leave me alone, Jill. Stop following me, Jill. Okay, so that's enough of that. TMZ is reporting today. Is it today? No, this was actually last week. Oh, late news, but it's saying that Vicki ended up getting the mansion in her divorce. Like that's some big scoop. Don't they still owe like millions of dollars on that home? And why would you want to get the mansion? The coder to cause a home, I think, initially, well, I was on the market at one point for I want to say like, you know, mid to 2, 3. Yeah, I thought it was like two five to two seven somewhere in there. Anyway, 2.695. Okay, not to be specific, but there you go. And look, why would anybody, my main thing is like, why would anybody want to not be neighbors with Gina Kiho? That's all I have to say. Well, to me, it's more obvious than that. I mean, how could you give up a house that has that beautiful caliente sign in the kitchen? You know, okay. Side bar, all of these crazy women love some floor dilies and some oversized rooster accoutrement in their Tuscan village, esque kitchens. I mean, they all look like the fucking Monte Carlo in Vegas with some extra roosters and floor dilies. And it is the tackiest should I've ever seen. I think that they are keeping their single-handedly keeping Z gallery and world plus cost market or whatever. Oh my God. You're being way too nice because I'm looking at this kitchen right now online and it's totally raw stress for less home furnishing section. You know what it is? It's like when you go to Ikea and they've got all their home decor stuff and like there's some really cool stuff that are like, that's like fun. And then there's a stuff that you're like, why would anyone ever buy this? And then you realize it's all in Vegas. You know who actually has all of it? It's Gretchen. When Gretchen's the one who buys that stupid oversized Ikea clock. You know which one I'm talking about? Oh, I know. You go into Ikea and then a clock section. Maybe like the man in the moon and it's like, is winking at you? I mean, it is literally like it has been sawed off of Big Ben. It is so huge. And you always wonder who buys that stupid clock and you look at Gretchen's home and there it is. Yeah. All the other crappy like, she buys that huge clock so she can make Slade look less fat. Shabobaba! It's saving their relationship. One giant clock at a time. So the next piece of news is Carol Razz. Oh, last night's last night on the show. When she walked into lunch, she really went, hi everybody. I went back and listened to it. Oh, I was dying. So I'm reading on these here, internets. They took a little clip out of her blog and she's actually very funny and she does not seem to be taking this so seriously at all, which I really love. And she is talking about Sonya's toaster oven and she says, Sonya was not put on this earth area toaster oven around in a jumi suitcase. Crumb tray or no crumb tray. And she's saying that that little conversation last night between Heather and Sonya about her company, how Sonya was getting all pissed off, is going to become a big huge fight on the show. And she also said that, oh, and Heather's also quoted in here. Let me find Heather's steed quote, dumb bitch. She is turning up for herself on her side by saying that she didn't have the guy go visit Sonya's website because she didn't want him to see it. See another reason to like Heather. Why would you why would you why would you why would you not want to see Sonya's website? First of all, it probably was like, it's probably like an earth link or something like that with some very basic each in like a flashing like flashing with the twinkling lights. I mean, wasn't this the photo shoot that Kelly Ben Simone showed up to Sonya's dump of a house and Sonya was like Sans Panties slapping her crotch on like a dusty dining room table. I think so, yes. Yeah, okay, that's like so two years ago. Who cares? Sonya's like, come visit my Geo Citya's website. I'd see all about my brand. You might be able to find it through this thing called the internet explorer. You can you can sign my guest book. Well, I have not seen I've not seen this blog of Sonya's, but we can only imagine what it's like. But Heather's quote is, the images of Sonya with the leather gloves and the S and M burnt into the toast. Frankly speaking, we're a bit scary. And you know, if Heather says something scary, you know, it's very scary. Okay, we're going to go ahead. Wait, it's a piece of toast with S and M burnt on to it. Come on, get stands for Santa Monica. Okay, let's see what else. Oh, and there's also gossip that half these bitches are getting fired. Okay, that's no shocker. And I think that's it. I think that's what it was. What about the rumor, the Brianna rumor? There's rumor. Yeah, that's the big rumor of the week is that Vicki and Alexis are both getting fired. We've already predicted here on the show that Miss Alexis is getting the boot. But the rumor now is that Vicki and Alexis are going to get fired and Brianna is going to be joining the. Okay, there is no way on the face of the earth that Vicki will walk away from the show or that Bravo would fire her. Andy loves calling her the OG of the OC. And that is not going to change. And Vicki still doesn't even know what OG means. She's still very confused every time he says that. She just blinks and walks her head. She's still offended that he's calling your old grandma. You can't get rid of Vicki. She is the OG. And she's also still crazy and bad. He is always like there's no reason to get rid of her life. Not like fall off a cliff more so than ever this past season. You don't walk away from that people. Well, I guess what it is is that Andy is trying the rumor in the article, which I think was on star chasm.net is that that they're trying to cast wealthy or women. Maybe like more upscale. But you know, we saw what happened with what like Peggy Tannos. First of all, there's no such thing as a wealthy woman in Orange County. That's it's all a facade. We're looking at the creme de la creme right now. Yeah, you know, I was talking to someone and was it Chad Ocho Cinco? I was talking to Chad Ocho Cinco, but we were not talking about the real housewives. Okay, just clarifying. Just clarifying. But yes, my crush. I did talk to him. But but why is there no Asian representation? Because Orange County is chock full of Asians. How about you get like a wealthy Asian? No. Are you an Orange County expert? Because I have eyeballs and I've driven down there before. And I also I know these things plus I was also talking to an Asian who lives in Irvine. And have you ever seen that movie better luck tomorrow? It's all about the Asian kids in Orange County. No, I just I close my eyes when I drive through Orange County and I'm I probably run over lots of Asian people on my way driving through with my eyes closed. Well, they are terrible drivers. So that's understandable. Oh, you just want that. I am kidding everyone. I am kidding kind of not really. But here's the thing. No, but for real, for real though, they're actually a huge at it at it at it. There's a huge Asian population down there for real. Where's Irvine? Is Irvine in Orange County? Yes. Yes, it's a big it's a big city. That's where they had their wine tasting. Oh, where's Del Mar? Because let me let you know. That's that's not in Orange County. That's South. That's in San Diego. Okay. Well, I think that's the mud run that they did. And there I saw signups yesterday for the Del Mar mud run. And I think that we should go and beat up Tammy Sue, my arch nemesis and her gerbil fucking face. I will gladly go and watch you run around in that mud. You won't do it. Um, I'm not thin A and B. I prefer beating people up on Twitter. Okay. Um, if Gretchen can do it and then go out and have mimosas after, I think that we can all do it. No, I can, I can do it. Don't get me wrong. I can do it. I don't want to do it. I don't want to run around in mud. Okay. I am a beautiful person who does not get muddy. Oh, I don't believe in charity. Oh, yeah. I'm not giving any money to charity. I'm not going to pay someone to go run in mud. Okay. I'm going to go. I can find my own mud. Thank you very much. At least the Girl Scouts give you fucking cookies. Yeah. For crying out loud. How about you cancer people do something to earn this money? Yeah. Make some cookies. Yeah. I want cancer cookies. Talk with cancer cookies. Let's just offend everybody within the first eight minutes. I know specifically Asian people who can't drive. They can't drive because they're cancer. See, it all makes sense. Hey, hey, white people. That's okay. Everyone hates white people. Everyone hates white people, hate white because we're so bland. All we have to do, all we have to do is just sit here and podcast about other white people. Yeah. And also, we're the only people on TV. So who else is there to hate? Yeah. That's true. We're stopping racism. White people are stopping racism by keeping other races off TV. I think we're actually making races look better because we are so retarded on reality TV. That is true. Especially gay white men on reality TV. It does not get worse. Yes, it does. Gay white men podcasting about gay white men on reality TV. We've come full circle. We're the bottom of civilization right now. Absolutely. So if any of these housewives are like, you know, these guys have no life. All they do is sit and podcast about us. We're like, yes, that's exactly correct. Yes. But to clarify, we're not getting paid. So it's not like this is a real job. Yeah. This is a real job. This is a real job. It takes real men to do real podcasting. About real housewives. Judge Judy. All right. Let's jump into the shows you guys. Yeah, please. I'll be doing two shows this week. Wait, what about million dollar listing? Are we going to do million dollars listening later? Well, let's why don't we start with that? Start with million dollars thing. Yeah. Oh, let's just make it quick. I mean, all right. Actually, I actually have gossip about million dollar listing. So I learned that the way that they actually produce the show is that the sales, all the sales that you see, all the negotiations, they're all done. Does they have sold the house? The transaction is over and they recreate it by going backwards. So wait, wait, wait, pause. So are you telling me that the people, the normal, like real life people that are buying and selling on the show are then forced to act even though they're not actors? Yes. So what you are also saying is that this show is now also a sham, like house hunters, which, by the way, when that news came out, my world was fucking shattered. Yeah, this is so apparently Madison himself told this gossip to a friend of mine. And I trust it. Was your friend screwing him? And that's what he screamed out in the middle of him? Could you imagine if that was what his like, when he's like, when math is having sex, he's like, he feels the need to scream out spoilers about her show? 3.5% APR. No, so Madison apparently told this guy this. And apparently, yeah, because normally, you know, I guess clients would be very, they would not like to have their negotiations broadcast, but this way they sort of redo the negotiations, etc. Which makes sense because I think that sometimes Josh Altman sounds like he's reading from a script. Worried about letting someone else pick out the perfect avocado for your perfect impress them on the third date guacamole? Well, good thing Instacart shoppers are as picky as you are. They find ripe avocados like it's their guac on the line. They are milk expiration date detectives. They bag eggs like the 12 precious pieces of cargo they are. So let Instacart shoppers overthink your groceries so that you can overthink what you'll wear on that third date. 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And she's and she's funny, three bonus points, but minus 10 points because Josh, Josh's boyfriend is like the worst. Hey, what is him? I, you know, I hadn't watched it. So when we first started talking about this, I hadn't watched a season and I was really super depressed and desperate one night. So I did a lot of drugs and just watched like five hours in a row. And I didn't think he was that bad. He just wants a new carpet, you guys. He took Josh to air one that like vegan grocery store by the grove that is disgusting. Yeah, who wants to eat fucking tempe all the time gross anyway? And he's like, Oh, quinoa. I'm just I can't handle him. I can't handle him more than I can't handle Josh's bedroom slippers that he wears in public. I can't hear. Here's the thing about Colton. Okay, is that he looks so brittle and uptight and prissy. It just it gives me this really vile reaction. Maybe he's very nice, but from what he what we see of him on TV. I want them to have their own spinoff and the whole every show could be about him wanting something new for the apartment. Josh, I want to carpet. All I want is a carpet. What do you think about the carpet? Have you been thinking about the carpet? Josh, what do you want to do with the carpet? He's like, get whatever you want. Jesus Christ, well, I'm up. I know he's gonna walk in one day and Josh's brain is gonna be splattered all over the brand new car. He's not fucking killing himself. And Colton will be like, Oh, what a lovely splatter pattern. And then Taylor Armstrong's gonna write a book about it and say how she was almost killed in the murder suicide setup. And then Brandy Glenville's gonna call her ass out on and say, Oh, take a minute. Oh, oh, I love when we take this right now. I love it. I know that's what a horrible term, but I did also read about stupid Taylor when I was googling. They're like breaking news. Taylor was almost killed on the murder suicide. I'm like, A, no, she wasn't. And B, who cares? That was like a year ago. I did also read this week while we're on Million Dollar Listing. And this has nothing to do with that. Brandy is causing all sorts of shit in Beverly Hills this year, of course. And Lisa and Adrian didn't make up. They're like going out at full force and Lisa's making Brandy do all of her dirty work for her. And in return, Brandy is on Lisa's new show, sir. Okay, carry on. Okay, good. Well, now I have a reason to watch her. We're going to be addressing that because that is very exciting. Yeah, that is very exciting. Right. Any way to get more Brandy on our TV screens and into our lives is a good thing. And I don't care who has to pay the price as a result. I agree. I agree. Well, I love Brandy because I've learned that in real life, she's the same way. I've not, I've seen her at some parties. I've not heard her screeching. And I have not seen her fighting, but I have seen her falling that literally falling down on the floor drunk at three out of four of the parties I've seen her at. Was she wearing a see through nipple enhancing sheath? No, no, she wears a lot of like Ashley, Laura Ashley florals. See, you know, you know what's funny is that when you tell when you say that Brandy saw Brandy in a party and she was falling down drunk, we're like, yay, Brandy, she's so fun, she's having a great time. And then when someone tells me that they saw Taylor Armstrong falling down drunk at like Club 11, I'm always like, Oh, what a fucking mess. She's got to get her life together. I know. If I saw Taylor like vomiting on the side of the road, like outside of a club, I'd probably just like step on her weave. But if Brandy was there, I'd pick her up and be like, Girl, let's keep dancing. Yeah. Well, my friend saw Taylor at 11 and said that she was wasting, she got on a microphone and she's like, Where my gaze at cross the street to mother load. I know what a classy place for it to be wasted to 11 on Taylor. I know with all those old queens singing show tunes, you know, make an effort to take. Okay, so anyway, back to a million dollar listing. So it's all fake. It's all fake. Josh flag. By the way, can we talk about also about Josh flag and Colton? Yeah, to be totally 100% caddy. But I'm a little, I'm just going to assume in that relationship, Josh is the one on top there, right? And that is a surprise to me in general. I'm guessing that they've got a double dildy. Right. And I'm sorry. This like as I clutch my pearls, but the fucked up thing is we've gone over this. I want to say with like Madison and Andy Cohen, maybe three weeks ago, and you asked the same question. And Ronnie gave the same exact answer. So basically, basically, they're all just lining up for Josh Altman to experiment a little. They're all bending over for Josh Altman. That's basic because he's, he's clearly on top. Josh Altman. I don't know about that. Oh, he's so juicy, Josh Altman. Gross. I don't even want to think about that. There's something I like about him oddly enough. He's such a douche, but I like him oddly enough. And I like the first year, but I don't like him anymore. No, I've hated him the entire time. And I know the, you know, the two of you, I don't know the two of you hate me and disagree with me all the time, but I secretly like Madison. Well, but Madison. I don't hate you. I mean, I think you're completely wrong. Was it at all the time? I mean, all you mean, all the time? Matt's always like, you know, who's kind of cool Hitler? Well, I was like, Matt, no, I don't think so. Well, it's gonna be so handsome. Madison is a spoiled rotten little fucker. And this is how you know someone's a real gay douchebag. He laughs like this. He laughs like a mean bully in school. He really does. I don't think just because he has a list, and he's like the gayest human being ever put on the face of the earth, that he isn't a bully, you know, maybe getting beat up as a kid turned him into that. I don't know what happened, but he's a bully and I hate him. And I hate how he hated him. No sympathy for him. What about the fact that his ex assistant was totally backstabbing him and screwing the competition? He got her ass on reality TV. So that girl would be stripping on a fucking pole in Irvine without being in Irvine. You don't even know where Irvine is. You don't even know where Irvine is. Exactly. That's why she would be in Irvine. You're, but see, for all we know of what youth know, you think that she's stripping in Beverly Hills and she wouldn't be. She would be stripping in the worst place. All right, there we go. Okay, here's the other reason I hate him. He's terrible at his job and I can't respect anybody who shows up to work in shorts and like a fucking tank top. Hello, you're selling million dollars for Malibu. He is the beach community. It is more casual over there. You need to take off your profile. How about the fact that they took a commission from his dad? How gross was that? And he didn't even do anything. He stole that poor old lady's commission. He did all work. And what he did was bully her. Well, I love that old lady oddly enough. I really want her to come back. Madison's a horrible fucking human being. And I love whenever every season of the show, they inevitably get to the part where he's like, "Now that, nobody ever wants to date me. I just don't understand why no one wants to date me." It's like, um, because you're fucking horrible, okay? Have you noticed that? Have you noticed that? To clarify, I don't want to date him. I just kind of want to pet his hair because it looks like nice golden retriever fur. Matt, that's your version of dating, okay? Be honest. Well, I've had a dry spell, so yes, you're correct. I want to put a tennis ball in his mouth and try and teach him some diction. Oh, if you put a tennis ball in his mouth, I'd be all over that. Yeah, you should see what Matt did to his waffle last week. To clarify, I'm a tennis player, that is not some like F'd up S&M shit. Yeah, you're gonna, you're gonna start calling him Deuce. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I hear the thing with Madison. I actually feel like he actually has a very similar voice to Carol. He sort of has like a, like a gay or slightly more high-pitched, Carol voice. Yeah, he's sort of Carol's down here. And Madison's more up here, you know? It's like it's, I think they're very true. They're two of the same critics, except he has a lisp. Yeah, he has like his, well, first of all, I have to say I'm a total hypocrite. I know I have the gayest voice in the world, but I wear pants to work, okay? I put on pants. So I feel like I should be bullied less. I think you should be, I think you should be, and especially also because you are not smoking anymore. So you're more sensitive and you deserve to have people not bully you. Now, you know what that makes me a pussy. Why did I quit? What a quitter. What a loser. You are a loser. You are a loser. You would never sell a house. You would never be able to sell a Persian palace in Santa Monica the way Josh Flag is trying to at this moment. Oh, no. Josh, he ain't gonna sell it. That house is a disaster. The last thing he sold on this show, I think one time he like rented a, like a garage unit, you know, like one of those storage units. I think that's the last thing I saw him do on this. I think you rented MJ from Shaz of Sunset, her, her classia bode. Oh, oh, your new neighbor, Matt. Your neighbor. Well, my neighbor and soon to be your new neighbor. That's tell people where we live. Don't tell people where we live. All of a sudden, I've been talking about where at how MJ lives across you for me all this time, it's been fine. And now all of a sudden, Matt's moving into the neighborhood. I'm not saying where. And now all of a sudden he's acting like he's freaking the ghost of Princess Diana who can't be revealed. Okay, look, I'll let you stock MJ, but I get Mike the Miz. Well, it's too bad they're in the same building. God, there goes my day. I'm just gonna hurt my ass. There doesn't know any of these fucking people. Well, you're in it. You don't even live on our block. So it doesn't matter. Well, I wasn't gonna say that Matt lives on my block, but now he just outed himself. So there. But we all go to the same country club, the abbey. Can I be honest with you, I have not been there since I got in a fight during gay pride on my when I was 25 years old. So I have not been there. What sort of fight did it was like a Madison Hildebrand type of fight with like what are being sloshed around? It was with this guy that I kind of used to see we weren't like officially be F's, but we got into a fight during gay pride weekend in the abbey and it got really nasty and he threw a drink on me. It was like a Madison fight. It was a Madison fight. So what happened? Why do you throw a drink on you? I can't. It's too graphic. I cannot go there. Did he? Did he? Did he? Can I double dildo? Wait a second. Wait a second. We got I know we have some real house I have stuff to talk about, but this seems like it'll be the perfect segue. Tell us about your big epic fight. That's worthy of Bravo. Okay, here we go. I'm pretending that nobody's downloading us right now. Yeah, your secrets. So we were kind of seeing each other and then it kind of like got bad. And then I think that I wanted him to be my B F and then I was getting the vibe that maybe he didn't want to be my B F and then I was kind of an angry person about it. And then we got into a public fight, but then he was the jerk who threw the drink on me and how could anybody ever say anything that's worthy of getting a drink thrown on them? Not even Gina Kiho deserved it last year. Well, now let's be now let's now let's be honest. Was this person did he realize he was in this relationship with you or was he just like a go go dancer that you were fixating on? Like be my boyfriend, be my boyfriend. I don't go dancers. I only like rich men. So is Andy Cohen is Andy Cohen? I don't I don't do wonky eyes because I have one of my own. Yeah, well, we all do. All of us have a have a little wonky. Anyway, it's borrowed out of control from there. I can't finish because it gets tregraphic after that. But anyway, I've been in a fight in the Abbey and it was not good. And why are we talking about this? Can I get this? It's great. It's great. This is better than anything that's happened on Bravo this week. Well, now the Abbey you basically fight with Persian girls, you know, parting and throwing up all over the place. That's basically what was there now. And they also stand in the way like in an area where people moving through all these girls just stop and stand. They just love standing. If performing a remix of diamond water at the Abbey, that's the only thing that would lure me back. Did you guys by the way you said remix? I had I had to just jump in. Did you see what Joe on Twitter, thanks Joe on Twitter sent us I put it on our Facebook page. It is the tarantulas music video. Did you get in? I watched it five times. Fantastic. Looking down the road. Yeah. Tarantulas. Wow. I love Asa. I love her. I can't wait for that show to come back. I feel like I mean, I kind of feel like we're sort of watching by watching $1 million listing and looking at all these ridiculous gaudy mansions. But every time I drive by chai veranda on sunset, I think of the fight that was there between what's her face with Sonny and Jay and all those all those busy girls. So that shows got a second season supposed to. Yeah, it did really well. The season finale numbers were like over 1.5 million viewers, which is all, you know, a hell of a lot better than a lot of the shit on Bravo. And, you know, Shah's is going to I think they're taping actually right now. They tape in the summer and it will air in the winter. Fantastic. So why don't we move on to Real House as of New York City since we are now just like babbling about anything. So why don't we go on to New York? Where should we begin? Can we? Okay, can we get back to Sonya's Toaster Oven? We mentioned the top of the show. I was laughing last night because the sheer absurdity of the situation, Sonya is sitting here, talking to us in this elegant red gown with a giant bone and talking about how about her Toaster Oven? How is this woman, this elegant woman, hawking a Toaster Oven? It is the funniest thing in the world. It is the funniest thing. You know, Ben, you're a fucking cook. You know, you're going to buy that. You know, I, I would accept it's actually very tall. I don't know. If I could get, you know, if I get a free one because like, I'm in the same financial situation as Sonya. So if sister can help me out, I will toast the shit out of so many things. I was going to say, what's weird are her toast, her hawking the Toaster Oven are wearing the gown because you know that gown smells like 1993. Oh, yeah. She pulled it out from under a damp mattress. That had been so, so through from Hurricane Irene. Honestly, my favorite topic of the entire year has been Sonya's nasty ass disheveled house wardrobe, lifestyle, bankruptcy, Toaster Oven, beak nose. Everything broke down. Vailed hats. I mean, I'm obsessed. Watching her interact with this, this image consultant or whatever he does, brand, brand engineering. Call him what he really is, font doctor. Yeah, Photoshop font taker. Whatever. Whatever he is, he's more qualified than she is and watching her flip out, I thought was layers and also watching him get super testy. I thought it was brilliant. It was because he wasn't just taking her shit and I don't know why anybody hasn't told her yet that she is just using Bethany Frankel's logo. It's the same fucking thing. Has nobody noticed that? Well, I love also that she loves that J so much her sexy J and you know, you put a dot put a dot on it. It's wonderful everyone can see. Oh, wait. No, no, no, but put a star above a star of a dot and then add some twinkling lights and boom magic. I would love to see your previous video. It's for movies because movies have stars in them, you guys. She should not be talking about movies because she couldn't pay the seven million dollars she fucking bankrupted herself. No, why is she in debt? 20 million dollars. Yeah, take movies off your list, you dumb bitch and start thinking about I say quite the opposite. If this woman thinks that the way to have a movie logo is to put a star over your J and have loud twinkly stars in the background, I just can't wait to see what movies she comes up with. It will be full of not just star wipes, but those like rotary, those rotary wipes and crate checkerboard transitions. It'll be like every every abandoned transition on iMovie that no one ever uses. She's going to scoop it up and put it in every single scene. It'll be like you ever see the room I just saw it for the first time. Oh my god, did you throw the plastic spoons at the right point at the midnight showing? I saw it on the, I didn't know you were supposed to throw it. Oh my god, you have to go to the midnight screening because there's props and people are screaming out thing. I'm going to say, I'm going to throw plastic toaster trays at Sonya every time when her movie comes out. Okay, I know you guys are haters on Heather, but can we at least, can I at least get you guys to admit that she is somewhat of a successful business woman and maybe if Sonya wanted to make a fucking dime, she might want to pay attention on what Heather's saying. I ain't never heard of Heather's bullshit until this show, and I'm into shapewear. Is that your fetish? Is your fetish women's shapewear? No, it's my downfall in life. I'm a fat bastard and I need a shapewear. What about Squeeze by Jill Zaren? Sorry, I love that that was Andy Cohen just slapped the shit out of her by herring another shapewear chick. Love it. Sorry, Jill Zaren. So I'm sure she stopped listening to this after I told him to get a life. Right. Maybe she's in my middle of writing an email to you right now. I'm going to get the email because I'm going to get the nasty email from her. Ginger, ginger. Oh, blame me. Um, wait, no. So Heather, no, Heather, it does seem successful. I mean, I think Sonya isn't here. Okay, what's the name? What is the name of Heather's shapewear company? Yummy, honey, Heather, yummy, shapewear. I'm going to see if she's successful. No, look, she has she has overseas distributors that already has a step up above almost any housewife entrepreneur. That is true. Well, how can I tell she's successful? So I just, but Heather, yummy, successful question mark? Sure, why not? If that is the way you do your internet, it starts. They are all like all of the gossip that you bring to the table each week is all fucking, you know, it's all fake. Yeah, discount everything that you've said if that's like what you do a Google search. I always wonder sometimes with those Google suggestions, I'm like, who who makes these suggestions? How do you get on the Google database? I'm like, oh, no, no, it's Ronnie. Anytime you Google something by the snake and it comes up with something fucked up and weird a blank Ronnie. It's Ronnie. But, you know, so, um, wait, um, I also, I was, for some reason, I was really amused at watching Countess Luan get her eyebrows done and how, how, uh, how an agony she was over the whole thing and how furious, you know, she was because she probably had her makeup done and everything. And then she had emerged from the scene with like her eye all red and swollen and it made her her her pumpkin head extra pumpkin. It was. And by the way, I've seen her pumpkin head in person. I think maybe Matt, you have to. Yeah, it's huge. It is the pumpkin head. It is huge, but she carries it with such grace and elegance. Uh, how do we feel about Luan, uh, tricking Ramona and tasting her own wine? Before we, before we move on to that, I think that I need to stick up for eyebrow waxers everywhere. That eyebrow was not treated with respect by Miss Countess Luan. That she was being so rude. Just get your fucking eyebrow. Yes. Why do you have to be such a nasty bitch about it? Of course your eyes are going to be around, okay? Wait, can we talk about the brows waxed? Yes. I've never gotten it done. Can we go do that? No, I can't. My eyebrows are perfect. So I don't need to. Yeah. Really? They're perfect. I'm looking at a photo of you on Skype right now. And I see a few errand terrors. Well, well, they're intentional years ago. Oh, me. Who are you talking to? Ben or me? Me, exactly. Wait, by the way, can we also talk about that, that eyebrow woman for a second? I don't know if I would trust anyone to do my eyebrows who has those two giant caterpillars over her eyes. Her eyebrows were so huge and out of control. I would have gone running, running into this river. You know what I also don't trust when you walk in someplace, and there's nobody else in their fucking buying or using the services. Well, I think that they cleared her trust. I mean, I didn't mind her eyebrows, but I wouldn't let a fat person touch me. So especially if it's called it was called boom boom. I wouldn't trust. I wouldn't trust the place empty because they probably shot it at 3 a.m. when they could get in there. And I love how Heather was like, oh, let's just casually pop it here. And the camera crews are waiting when they open it. Yeah, exactly. That drove me now. They literally had a shot from inside the store of like Heather and Luan chatting. And Heather's like, oh, can we just like, wow, I've got this great idea. Well, I'm just pop in. I'm like, bitch, we're not idiots. There's a camera crew in there. Well, one of the big things that happened in that scene is that we didn't discuss is that Heather actually took Luan there to not only put her in pain and fakely laugh at her for an hour, but to also tell her that everybody's been talking behind her back because she's her friend and that's what friends do. Friends do not do that. That's not true. Well, they're not real friends. They're reality TV friends. And I do think that she actually does have a point there. And, you know, I really, you know, Ben and I love us the countess. And, you know, she can rarely do wrong, but Heather is really trying to make a good point here. And Luan is just not getting it. Okay, Luan's not getting it. But also because, you know, Heather though, she delivers these things about these women. She says like, well, Sonia says this. And Luan's like, what? So I'm supposed to just hang back every time. And then Heather's like, yeah, I know, right? It's like, what side do you want, Heather? She's on Heather's side. Yeah. You guys suck. You suck. I like Heather. Well, Heather's gotten better, but she's she's not the best. You know who's the worst fucking Aviva? Well, Eva is just, you know, what Aviva? Guess what I don't want to hear about your sex life, your husband's sex life, your fucking father's sex life. That being a sex life while they're having sex under the pictures of you and your husband and your kids. That that being said, I thought Aviva's father and what's his face's mother, Fran Drescher's mom, I thought the two of them together were hilarious and they immediately need to spin off. And if possible, why not bring in Elsa from Real Housewives of Miami? They're all down there together. The three of them would be a riot and I'm not even saying this as a joke. I literally think that they should get their own little half an hour show. I think it would be brilliant. The real old people of Boca? Yeah. People love the Golden Girls. Why not have these these three? Yeah, I hope that they leave their mics on while they have sex and it will just sound like a tree being sanded down slowly. I will say that Aviva's dad probably gets more crotch than Blanche Devereaux. So, you know, I'm all for that. I don't know. She got around. She got around. She did. R.I.P. Rue. R.I.P. R.I.P. So I was so tired of my wiener when I was like 30. I can only imagine how that guy feels. So it's like you're still fucking doing this. Just calm down. He's in Miami. There are a lot of a lot of hot ladies, a lot of hot like Sofia Vergara types down there. Whatever. I'm in West Hollywood. There's a lot of hot ladies down here too. My penis is still tired. I would like to, I would like to see those two old people have their own show because they're a lot more interesting than, than Aviva. And Reed is that his name? Reed? Yeah. Yeah. Although. Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. No, I was just going to say I do love the fact that Aviva has very waspy inflections to the way she she speaks. I love that. I think that Aviva is so enamored with herself and thinks she's so fascinating and she has nothing interesting about her except that she got caught in a conveyor about. At age six and she's still milking it. She's still milking it. By the way, she gets, but she's like, oh, look at me. I'm in hides. Oh, which I'm suddenly not afraid of the heights, but I was afraid of the heights. Oh, I'm so wacky. First of all, you're making up fears. Right. Excuse me. Yes. What? They did not drive to Miami from New York. They flew. Reed was with her. Reed calmed her storms. Oh, God. I hate her. Okay. Here's the thing. I don't hate Aviva. I don't think she's the best, but a I'm going to say nice things because I want her to invite me to her awesome condo in Miami and I would like to go there. Second of all, from the previews of the season, it looks like she is going to start. Don't start. Don't start with that because that is the whole I have a tirade. I'm like, so ready to go there, but we have to discuss the other things in the episode first so that I can make you hate her before we like her. Okay. So that's now when she had dinner with Ramona and Mario, when she and Reed had dinner, do you not think that she just sits there and stirs that fucking pot and the pot being the fight between the ongoing issues between Ramona and Luanne? I think that I think that was right. I think Aviva was actually correct in this instance. I thought it was actually nasty of Luanne. Okay. But that is something for Ramona and Mario to handle. But there's nothing for Aviva to do. You know, why not everybody who hasn't seen the episode, Luanne had this wine tasting thing where he had to be blindfolded and Ramona couldn't even not only didn't even recognize her own wine, but totally distanced it and said it was bland and needed more flavor. Yeah, more body. And then boom, it was Ramona's wine. That was so embarrassing and so fucking delicious. And Ramona took the rest of the episode to talk about how wonderful her palette was to realize that her wine is like the kind of wine that would be sold on a target shelf. But congratulations, you've got a great palette and a terrible wine. Great advertising. She doesn't even have a good palette. All she was able to do is smell floral water and lemon water. Shut the fuck up. I don't care. And she also was able to figure out that there was cilantro in her ceviche. What a shock. Oh, my God. So it's not, you know, cilantro is a very subtle flavor, too. Oh, it really does. It's not often recognized going right. And it's not often on top of like all the salads or in ceviche or in Miami. It's very rarely used in Miami. It's never in Miami. It's more of like a Montana. Yeah, it's barely even makes a dent in Latino food. So it's so true. Could you imagine going to dinner with her? Here's the menu, which you can probably, you know, alter, you know, if you want the fish cooked well, whatever. No, why bother to give this bitch a menu? She should be able to go into Burger King and order filet of soul. She should be able to go into Lisa Vanderpump's restaurant and order a big Mac because this bitch makes it up because she's Ramona and she should get whatever the fuck she wants. Can you believe that when she when she demanded that the Church Minos be cut in half. That was amazing. Villa Salle did not even exist on the fucking menu. She's crazy. But I don't know, there was something about the way she ordered it. Like, so you have Heather in Orange County, who does the same thing. But when Heather does it, it seems so pretentious. When Ramona does it, you're just like, oh, she's just a wacky crazy bitch, you know, and there's something sort of like, you know, okay. Ramona is just driving so hard to be important. And you know, she's just she's like competing with everyone's competing with Bethany. I feel like everybody on these shows now Bethany is set like the standard of what everybody wants to be. And they just need to stop it. Just just sit down Ramona, uncross your eyes and do a crossword puzzle. Please, please. How? I mean, the only the only other thing from that scene that was memorable is the disgusting meal that Aviva ordered. And I just really wanted them to show somebody taking a bite of it because that would have been that would have been TV gold. How did they miss that one? I don't know. By the way, I didn't I didn't think that looked disgusting. Just was it was very like suggestive. But I'm like, I love hot dogs. I'll have a Kobe hot dog. I don't care if it's giants. Oh, oh, by the way, sidebar. Did you I can't deal with Aviva another reason to hate Aviva when she was like, um, I don't normally eat hot dogs because they're filled with nitrates and nitrates gives you cancer. Guess what? Everything gives you cancer, bitch. Shut up. So does rubber and you've got that on your leg. Oh, snap. Oh, snap. She's going to get knee cancer. Oh, no. I look, I wouldn't wish I'm missing like on anybody, but I also don't. Because turtle time on one stump would be hilarious. Well, maybe we'll get to see that later in the season. So why can you tell us why why you're about to go on a tirade about the the the the previews for the season? Because those previews look great to me. Okay, so I'm watching this episode last night. Everything was pissing me off because Aviva's talking shit and stirring the pot. Carol is talking mad shit behind Lou Anne's back the entire time. Like she's some fucking saint herself with her nasty, as shriveled up mouth and mad. This is why you get into fights at the Abbey. You realize? This is why. You should have broken up with Carol at the Abbey. Yeah. She threw a glass of Ramona Pinagrigio on me anyway. I will say, you know, at minute 58 got swept aside when I love that we've already had like eight episodes, but for some reason last night, Bravo decided to deliver us a special special treat, meaning a remainder of the season preview. And this shit looks like it goes off the rails into the deep end completely crazy. And I think the show desperately needs that the rare things have sucked so far this year. And I kind of wonder if the editors and the network were like, dig up all the shit, string it together. I don't care if it makes sense or not. Yeah, definitely. We need to go to crazy town and we'll reboot the season. Yeah. And you know, by the way, Matt, you know, who seems to be in the middle of all the craziness? Aviva. Aviva. So she's clearly going to snap, which I'm very excited about. Don't I snap? That's too hard for her leg. Oh, my God. I don't know why I'm thinking of snapped now. I was thinking of crazy women going crazy and killing somebody. That led me to think of Alex and Simon getting the getting onto a new show. Did you guys hear about this? I forgot about the gossip section. What they're coming back to TV on VH1's couples therapy. Why do they need therapy? They love each other because she's married to a gay guy and he's married to someone drawn by Tim Burton. Oh, yeah, I can't watch it. It's one. I just forgot that in the gossip section. We don't have to talk about that. That ending of New York really did make me kind of want to watch it again. That whole thing about when what's her buns, Aviva says, I did it for all the girls with one leg. You tweeted that last night and I pissed my pants. I'm excited. I'm very excited. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was just rude and cut you off, but I forgot the most shocking part. What? What is this situation where Luan bangs somebody that's not a shock? I mean Johnny Depp. She bangs Johnny Depp looking young and sexy from Pirates 1 from like 1992. Well, it's been said on the reunions when they get into these fights and they almost start revealing each other's secrets like happen on Orange County this season about Vicki cheating on Dawn. That has happened in the New York reunions where they've hinted that Luan's cheating was what got her marriage in trouble because she was the split of the Hampton. Well, here's the thing though. Luan though, do you think she would be so careless as to cheat with the cameras? Yes, because in a way, yes, because it makes her feel younger. I mean, that guy's like 20, what, 20 something years old. So, yeah, you've been a 20 year old guy. It's going to make you look at how it's going to make her feel a lot better in the long run. So probably in her mind, you know, Jacques will probably forgive her. I mean, he's French. Yeah, yeah, he will. That's true. Like he's not like he's not cheating on her, please. Yeah, he looks like he's a guy. He's a straight man. And of course he's cheating on her and he is bulky mixed with Adrian Brody. Besides, she's got she's gonna have his baby, baby. She's basically he's basically doing the whole house has been thing and getting his business promoted on national TV. She can do whoever she wants. Right, she can go off and fuck Johnny Depp while he raises her fucked up children who are going to become, you know, mental institution patients. Yeah, we're going to be like lobotomy. They already aren't they both kind of lobotomized already? Her kids are they were lobotomized from the get go. And once I saw that art show, I was just like find find that girl a padded cell stat. Well, or at least throw her in the hedges with the other drunk girl. That's true. And hopefully, you know, hopefully they'll be found by Luann at some point before, you know, the alcohol poisoning sets in. Hopefully when she gets back from New York, she only has a mother on the weekends, you know. Well, if Luann has like this gorgeous pumpkin head, do you think that she has like a pumpkin crotch? Like, I don't know, like, are all the men like wanting to get in there? Like, it's a Halloween special. What the hell is a pumpkin crotch? That is what it makes. What's pumpkin head? What is a pumpkin head? A pumpkin head makes sense because, you know, if your head is like big and circular, it looks like a pumpkin of vagina is does not have a big is not look like a pumpkin. In any kind of a general problem? Unless it's a crop pumpkin. Per vagina probably feels like when you put change into a Coke machine and the Coke doesn't come out and you stick your finger up the change return thing. And at first, it feels like it's going to be tight, but then it's just like a big vacant slot of nothing. And then it's not like wet Michaels after. Are we going to go there? Are we going? Is this time? No, let's move on. Let's move on to New Jersey, New Jersey. We've been doing this a long time and so much happened on Jersey last night. So much. Okay, so we'll have everything on New York about whatever. I don't care. Kathy, you too. I mean, we talked about it. We talked about New York for 25 minutes, Matt. If you could if you couldn't find another point in there, then it's not worth thinking. It's my fault. Okay. Well, then let me at least say my favorite part of Jersey before I forget it because it was a very two second thing that I thought spoke volumes. And you guys just mentioned a few minutes ago about how everyone is just like competing with the Bethany Frankel Skinny Girl brand. Yeah. How bitchy and stupid was it of that dumb hooker, Teresa, to say that, Oh, I'm making a Fabolini man, but I don't like it to taste all diety, like a skinny girl cocktail. You had 85 million dollars. You wish. Yeah, shut up, Teresa. Well, you know that that means that Bethany Frankel was probably rude to her in the green room of that stupid watch. What happens thing? You know, it was like something that Bethany was mean to her and now she's getting her revenge. I'm not going to suggest that Bethany is not mean because in order to get her where she is, she had to be the nastiest bitch on the face of the earth. I am not ever going to buy a Fabolini. I'll tell you that right now. I will never have one. Dom liar. First of all, I don't even like Bellini's because I don't like peach flavors. And second of all, I don't want Teresa's Bellini. It's first of all, Teresa's Bellini, that almost sounds like a weird sexual thing, you know, like, oh, and I don't want her Fabolini. And I don't trust, while her and Joe are seeing there in the cellar of this poor winery that thought they were getting some good publicity until these two mooks showed up, they were sitting there chasing these things. They didn't know what the hell they were doing. They don't even know what Bellini is getting splashed. And then I love how like the uptight lady who worked at the vineyard or the wine tasting room order was like, yeah, we rented you a designated driver, hint hint, because we know you're an alcoholic who crashes cars and don't have a license. No, no, he's not an alcoholic who crashes cars. He just, he just sometimes he crashes cars and he gets so rattled. He has to do like five shots afterwards. That's it. Oh, right. To calm his nerves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's all. He's not an alcoholic at all. That was, that was painful to watch that whole thing. You know, what else? Also that bitch fucking Caroline shut up Caroline. Everything Caroline has to say is something nasty about Teresa and that granted, it's all correct. It's all correct. But why should Caroline be sitting around there and talk about like, I don't want Caroline talking about like Teresa's marriage. We're allowed to talk about that. Yeah, we are on a bitch. You know what Caroline had her flam out. She said, I want to be friends. And now it's time for her to shut up and move on. Exactly. Now go start to face, let it bomb, and then put Lauren back on a diet. Can we, can we, by the way, can we have a moment of silence for Chateau, the art of beauty, which has now gone out of, gone out of business. It starts now moment of silence. Okay, that's all it gets. That was great. Um, wow, what a, that is like a landmark business for that. You know who should move in there? Not cafes, posh, part two. Well, you know posh is probably behind it. Actually, you know, I think the man zos and their mafia connections probably bullied Chateau, the art of beauty out of that space. That way, kaface could come in and take a thought chase going to go in and then they're going to have a little stand in there selling nasty ass brownstone ragu pasta sauce. They're going to be washing everyone's hair with black water. I won't drink it and I certainly won't let that touch my mane. No, you should not. You should definitely not. Um, by the way, um, someone who can always touch my mane is dearest Kathy because she can do no wrong. And I thought when she had a tasting, she actually mentioned it. I wasn't sure if she was going to mention it. And when all of a sudden in the background, you notice that there's like a cemetery? There's a cemetery behind her tasting. I thought that was the funniest thing ever. I love Kathy. And I think her desserts look amazing. And I think that she is like real and honest. And I just, you know, all that. But the background being like, it looked like final destination five in the background and a big sale at a cemetery is what it looks like. A big sale at a cemetery with like creepy tassels and her, um, artistically challenged children making like posters that were drawn by Melania. I mean, it was just kind of weird. I was really resentful because earlier in the episode, Teresa had the balls to say that her, her autograph signings have now become classy affairs. And I was like, I was like, fuck you, Teresa, you're absolutely wrong. And then you go look at Kathy's and you're like, Oh, I guess I can see what she's talking about. But by the way, I went a hundred percent, a hundred percent by any cookbook that Kathy would make. And I'm not even joking. I would literally buy it to have like a skinny recipes in it. I would buy the full fatty ones. And by the way, and fuck you, Teresa, for being like, who wants to buy a cookbook that only has like desserts in it? It's called people who like to bake you dumb idiot. Yeah, who wants to look like an emaciated burnt pony you, Teresa? Yeah. And your stupid friend Linda. Okay. An emaciated burnt pony. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, by the end of that episode, she's talking about how her next, her next book is going to be a dessert book. So, yeah, starring Kathy's mom's recipes. Yeah. And by the way, these two idiots, oh, it's really not Kathy. It's more like Teresa. She's like, she's like, that's not your mom's recipe. It's my mom's recipe. Hey, do you ever think that maybe it came from both of their mothers? It came passed down? Did any of you dumb fucks ever think that Betty Crocker designed every dessert ever and that she should be the only one getting credit? That's it. The end. Yeah, I agree. Teresa is an idiot. She continues to be a huge idiot. And her husband is also a huge idiot because that's so disgusting. Let's talk about the husband's summit and how Joe starts airing his grievances, which apparently stem back to a missing tool set from a Mason job gone awry. When the other Joe was all of 19 was trying to break into the business and clearly, you know, he's still holding this grudge. Yeah, I really do feel bad for Joe Gorga because I feel like when you see him and Joe Judas go at it, you I feel like I see in Joe Gorga like a little kid who oddly enough kind of just wants to be accepted and just has this guy like coming down on him for every single little thing. I don't know. I feel like I see sadness in his eyes. I think that you want him to cry on your shoulder and then you want to tap that. Gorga, you see sadness in his eyes is called marijuana. Yes. That's true. Oh my god. That dude needs to do like bi-zine commercials. My god. Yeah, that's true. He's always after. He really is always always. How about Joe Judas? Joe Judas taking credit for everyone's career like Richie, like when I'm you were doing your pumping gas and she's like, yeah, six months ago, you were flipping pizzas and now you're doing nothing. Yeah, and you're getting you're getting chauffeured in an Escalade limousine over to Casa de Jacqueline and like drinking wine and sweating. Yeah, they really all have like big rock hard boobs and sweat and red wine is dripping out of all their pores. I mean, they are not a pretty group. Poor Chris Loretta. How did he get into this mess? He deserves so much better and what's what's happened with his life? His apparel business has gone down the drains. He has the stupid he's marketing a water that will never never sell and his marketing team is a bunch of kids off of the Jersey Shore. And now he's going to be stuck on an RV trip with the world's biggest idiot. I feel this and his stepdaughter spent his money on lip injections. Yeah. God, what a tough life for him. Yeah, it was kind of a sad one yesterday in general, I think, watching this show. It made me feel grateful. I wanted to just hug my family. Well, you were just with your family and Austin did everything. God, I couldn't wait to get away. But then after I saw the show, I was like, I love you. Mom, it's Ronnie. I love you. How about how about Jacqueline's um, Jacqueline's encounter with Teresa at the, uh, at the tasting? Well, let me ask you, who was that? Who was Teresa's friend and was she clearly trying to make, uh, you know, a move so that she can be hired on as like, obviously, her name is Linda. Have we seen her before? What do we know about her? I don't think so. We know that she's a cheerleader for Teresa, but then she turned right around and told Jackie that Teresa lost something. So Teresa's going to see that and probably get rid of her. And then she also does not eat desserts. And yes, we did a total scene word for coming into an event that she's not even invited to and criticizing the hostess of the event and everything that she just put together. Yeah. Pretty much anybody that is rude to Kathy, we want to hurt. Yeah, I will. I will hurt them. Yeah. I'll hurt them with my words. So anyway, so we had, um, Jacqueline and Teresa, um, kind of bumped into each other there. Teresa is, you know, I'm trying to put everything in the past. And, you know, pretending that nothing ever happened. And Jacqueline is totally like brushing her off and saying, I said hi, but I didn't say hi, but I said hi. And, um, I don't know, like this is the beginning of the end, clearly. What bothered me actually most about that scene was, you know, they had their, their little interaction, but then Caroline and Lauren are standing there in the corner, like just staring, you know, trying to eight a dessert, by the way. Oh, she ate a bite. She ate a bite. And then perhaps a whole tray, but then Caroline is staring. And the thing is this Caroline acts, she's over it. She's over it. She's done. I just want to make sure Jaffin doesn't get hurt. Bullshit. You still want to be involved in this drama. And you're staring like a hawk. And, uh, you have to get over it. You have to get over it, Caroline. Oh, and I'm glad we had another moment of Caroline sobbing because her daughter's fat. Shut the fuck up. I know my daughter's in there somewhere. Oh my God, you're horrible. It's a bit of a hug. Just ate her daughter and she just wants her to be free again. Yeah, you know, I talk a lot of shit about Lauren just because she annoys the shit out of me. And I don't think that she should get as much screen time as she does. But at the end of the day, Caroline is a mean, mean mother to her. Like, if all you do is talk about your daughter's weight, clearly you're going to give her many fucked up issues. Like, stop crying and saying, I know my daughter is trapped under all that lard somewhere. I mean, how fucking awful is that? Well, my mom complains about me being fat, which she often does. And I tell her, you know, the doctors tell me that I'm fat because of my mommy issues. And then it just stops. And that buys you like three more weeks before she brings it back up. It buys me a pizza. You know that bitch is going to order a pizza after I say that. I love you. I love you no matter what. Okay. Here's a pizza. I want a pizza right now. I haven't eaten anything today. I'm starving. I don't, I want to go Lauren Manzo on something. The end. I would offer to take you to lunch, but I don't eat, so it's fine. Yeah, I know. Damn you. Um, does there anything else about Jersey or should we start wrapping up this podcast? Um, I'm trying to wrap it. I don't have anything except that I cannot wait to see these people in a fucking, uh, next week. Let me just bring that up. I don't know who either of you or any of our listeners have been to Napa, but I've been to Napa with another ex. We might have thrown some wine on each other in Napa. But anyway, um, I flew into San Francisco and then we drove to Napa. It is not something that you need to get in an RV to do. Yeah. Yeah, this is not like going to Yosemite. It's called like, you rent a car and then you get a bed for five minutes. We had like a driver take us like maybe less than an hour to some vineyards. Yeah, Napa is only, well, let's see, San Francisco airport is probably about half an hour south of the city. Napa is about an hour north of the city. This is not a great American road trip. We're talking about 80 minutes. We're not talking about some Thelma and Louise, some smoking in the bandit bullshit. We're talking about like, they're going to be in there for 60 minutes. Let's get as much shit as we can on tape. But like, this is not a fucking road trip. Well, they want to do it because they know that maneuvering those giant ass RV. So they look like more like buses, but maneuvering those giant vehicles is going to be hilarious because all these people are going to be idiots. Well, you know, what's super hilarious? Joe Giudice, by the way, I know Teresa still doesn't know what her last name is or how to pronounce it. She's still asking her husband for confirmation. Um, he can't drive. So I know that Teresa is going to get herself behind that wheel. And I know that she's going to run over people and cars and babies. Joe Gorga will be doing all the driving because they're all in the same RV. His feet can't reach the pedals. That's true. That's true. Um, so anyway, uh, we have that to look forward to finally the Napa trip. And we have hopefully exciting things on, uh, New York next week and, um, apparently there's a behind-the-scenes Orange County episode tonight, which is footage, which they really didn't start promoting until, um, yesterday. So we'll clearly check that out as well. How about to close the show? We each predict a couple of scenes that are going to be on the lost footage special tonight. Okay, you start me? Yeah. Okay. I predict they will show, um, Alexis confessing at church, but instead of being in a confessional, so like have accidentally walked into like a broom closet or something. I think that could happen. I would like to, I would like to see that. I like the idea that there is a broom closet anywhere she is. Like she lives in some old Victorian house all of a sudden. She's in a horror store. She's in a haunted house. Now that I would like to see, Alexis and a ghost. Okay. What do you think is going to be on the last footage special? Me? Yeah. Um, I think it involves Heather. Um, she is blunking and she's in a cave. She has a flashlight and she's looking around and she's all excited because she's a doer. She does, she does things. She does. And she's, she's looking around and then she's horrified to find a pile of about like 200 broken fondant bows. She, she realizes you can't let it go. This is an epidemic that is far larger than just her party. You just like sing fondant. I do. I do. It's a great word. Bo gate was my favorite thing that happened in the entire season and I will find any way to bring it back. Oh, and then Sarah will be down in that cave and it turns out she's some sort of cave monster. And when she's in a dark, her eyes turn green and her teeth become like, um, you know, like Mumra in, um, in, in Thundercats. You know when Mumra is like, like in the crypt, you know, and has a weird mouth thing. That's what Sarah looks like. And for all of our listeners out there who have no clue what you're talking about, go Google it, but don't Google it the way Ronnie cools things. Is Mumra successful? I love how this has just become us making fun of each other and the two of you calling me stupid. Matt, do you have a hidden footage that you would like to see? Um, I don't know that I'd like to see it, but I wouldn't be surprised if we got some behind the scenes footage of, um, maybe Peggy fucking Don in a swingers club. Okay. Because, you know, Peggy does, Peggy does all the husbands. Hey, you don't think Taylor will, I think Taylor will show up on the show asking somebody to be her step, her baby's, um, God parents. What Taylor Armstrong? Yeah, in the Beverly, in the Beverly Hills house was lost footage. It was, it was Taylor like, Oh, Adrian. So your, my daughter's grant, God child, God mother and Adrian's like, uh, I'm not going to be. She's like, well, I was just thinking it would be nice. And Adrian's like, um, that was amazing. I like my, uh, my shoe line more than I like Kennedy. Sorry. Oh, oh, man. We sure love you out there. Thank you so much. Thanks for listening to our podcast and downloading and sharing. You can always tweet us @WhatCrapins. You can find me, Ronnie at TVGasm. You can find Matt Whitfield at life on the M list. You can find Ben Madelker at beside blog. And we love you. We'll see you next week. Bye. And on Facebook, China on Facebook. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Facebook slash watch more crap. Goodbye now. Bye everyone. Bye. Don't forget to go to gamefly.com forward slash ha ha and get your 15 day trial from Gamefly. They have over 7,000 tiles to choose from for all game systems and handhelds. No late fees, free shipping, cancel anytime. That's gamefly.com forward slash ha ha to get your free 15 day trial gamefly. Games delivered. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network of launch the new YouTube channel called wait for it. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, lies a slice finger, slicing, driving friends with it for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there. And I still have a hard time with the last name. I was a very own Owen Benjamin. That's me. Takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to YouTube.com slash wait for it comedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here and it's funny and I love you. A few days ago, Brooke to Dean posted an inspirational quote on her wall that got 17 likes and three comments. Thumbs up, Brooke. Geico also wants to make a comment. 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