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OC Reunites, NYC Goes to London
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This episode of Watch For Crapins is brought to you by Gamefly. Go to gamefly.com/forward-haha for your free 15-day trial. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Countess Speaking. We have arrived. Hey everybody, welcome to Watch For Crapins Live. Well, it's not live, but it's Watch For Crapins. I'm Ronnie Caron from tvgasm.com and I'm with Ben Mandelker from B-Side Blog. Hello Ben and Matt Whitfield from Yahoo TV. Hello. How you doing everybody? Hey everyone. Before we start anything, last week when I was starting the show, I totally forgot my mandate, which was to push our Facebook page and our Twitter is the top of the show and so the end of the show. Oh yeah, so if people get mad at us, they still know where to go. Yeah, so before we even get into anything, you should like us on Facebook. It's facebook.com/ I don't remember it's a forward slash or a backslash. Watch Watch What Crapins. Our Twitter is What Crapins and you guys should all follow our Twitter because we need more followers and then I'm at B-Side Blog. Matt, where are you from? I'm at life on the M-list and you should also follow at Yahoo TV. Naturally and this and at side show network. Yeah and I am at TV guys. And I just I was for my friends forced me to get an Instagram last night but I don't even really know what it is. It's kind of like the best thing in the world. It's just another way to waste your damn life away. Yeah. Oh well then I'm glad I got it. Oh you could look at like people like posting half-naked photos of themselves all the time. It's great. Yeah I started following Chris Crocker and oh my god that boy is dirty. That guy is so disgusting. I met him at a at a reality show awards party and he was in this hot tub and a little bikini briefs and looking like a girl with it was just he's creepy. Leave Brittany alone. He is creepy. He is very creepy. I was gonna tell a story but I'm not gonna get into it because we're short on time today thanks to me because I have to have to be somewhere. So why don't we just jump right into all this junk. We have so much. Well we do have a lot so let's start with Orange County and I posted this on Twitter a few hours ago. I don't know if either of you saw it but I'm already really pissed and I have a feeling that I'm gonna fight with the two of you today so I'm like really really on edge. This is about the bird then Matt you have to take it down because the bird cannot help itself okay. It has nothing to do. It has nothing to do with that tiny little innocent bird and it has everything to do with my hatred for Heather and Tammy Sue aka Tamara Barney V. Listen I don't know what's wrong with Heather okay and how dare you imply that you might be maligning her acting career okay. How dare you. We've only been 20 seconds in this podcast and you're already maligning her acting career. She's had a career. She has done things just like Angelina Jolie has done things. Yeah she's been on TV and she knows Jenny McCarthy. Yeah she has an agent. She has an agent all right. She is legit. We will be seeing her in commercials for things that need housewives with beaver faces. Listen I mean she got she got a call back for the magic bullet infomercial okay. She got a call back for that okay. She don't malign that career. That girl she got asked for hamster wheels with those eyes a durable face. She really should be the new face of PetSmart. Well she wants you know she tries anything. Isn't that what she says. She's a trier. Isn't that her whole thing. She's a trier but now that her last name is Dubrow I don't know what's if that's gonna happen. Oh no I don't know if you noticed but it's Heather Dubrow. Yeah as in Dubrow which rhymes with bow as found on a cake and can be broken obviously. It never stopped talking about bowgate. I mean it will forever reap its ugly head. It's kind of her signature thing now you know it's like she had an acting career but she kind of gave it up. That way she could complain about a fondant bow being broken off her cake. Well C-shirts showed up to the party angry last night. She was ready to kick some ass and it doesn't help that she's got the Botox like the Cruella special on the Botox. Oh okay she should have her own brand approach. She should have her own brand of Botox called Dubrow Tox. I mean there we go. Ronnie hit it out of the park right there. I mean she walked in with a new face last night. She did. She was all puppies. Before we even go any further I've really been excited to talk to you guys tonight because you just seem so enraged all day on Twitter. So I want you to start because usually we're the ones having a fit and so I'm really excited to hear you have fun. Okay I will first of all say that I feel horrible and disgusting and everybody should tweet mean things to me for saying this but after last night's episode I have found myself team Alexis. Oh God that's what these shows do to you. They make you hate somebody and then they make you like love them again. Now and I bought some I bought some jeans from Ed Hardy. I now worship Jesus and it's it's becoming a serious problem because look she's a moron and I cannot stand her and this entire season she's been a complete joke but the way that Gretchen and Heather and Tamara acted last night made me feel sick to my stomach. I was so angry by the end of the episode. I was angry more because Alexis has a head made of wood that does not seem capable of understanding things. That's what made me angry. She likes to have one good point. The entire night she had one good point which was that you know the person that you might be a year ago might not be the same person you are now which was like the first like mature point she's ever made. Well and that was and actually how she said it was hilarious because they were like well one minute you hate Vicki and now you're a friend to her and she's like well people change and things change and you know what maybe tomorrow Vicki will wake up and she'll be a miserable witch again. That was amazing. Vicki has no friends so she just had to nod and be like yeah maybe I will. She's like it is an option. I've always had that in my backyard that I might wake up with you witch again. I keep that open. Matt I know what you're saying. I know what you're saying in that. I mean Tamara she always saves her special brand of cuttiness for the reunions you know and you know it came out again last night. But that being said I think what Gretchen was trying to say and of course Gretchen did not articulate herself properly was like saying like look I wasn't gang up on you I was just trying to help you clarify. That is a lie. She was trying back back and wherever they were Costa Rica Guatemala wherever they were Mexico Mexico where in the deep jungles of Mexico where all the African lines were. She was Gretchen wasn't ganging up on Alexis. She was trying to help understand. This is making me angry because this is taking me back to situations that I've had with my friends before and if I was sitting at a dinner table and everybody was being a dick to me and you two were there and I would expect you to back me up and you didn't. Yeah I'd fucking hate you. Well Matt I would back you up unless you were being a total seaward. Yeah and Matt now you just revealed. See Matt you just revealed it's part of yourself right there which is that you are now the Alexis Bellino of this podcast. You realize that's what you just added yourself. Here's the difference I would never be mean to the crew. Oh yeah but I could see you throwing a nasty fit at Nordstrom's. I would throw a blackberry at your head. What if I was a Nordstrom worker especially I'm sure. I'm banned from the one at the Grove. Trust. I can only go to Nordstrom's rack at the Beverly's connection. Why is that because you went running through the flag that said pray is Alexis Bellino? That's very possible. Alexis hello. By the way before we can enter the dirt I need to talk about their looks. So yes we just mentioned that Heather had a new durable face. Can we talk about Tamra looking like an old lady with like Dallas hair from 1980. I agree. I totally thought I was there. Spoofing these they're spoofing themselves at these point with their shiny ass dresses their boobs up to their chin and that hair. What are they what do they do with what why? I mean why is Eddie screwing Tamra clearly he wants to be on TV but like she is not pretty. I have a feeling that that girl's loose in the caboose because I can't imagine that there's a lot of looking into those eyes during sex. I mean those are some hateful eyes. Every time I pressed pause last night her eyes were in a satanic like a satanic freak. There's not one night again. I'm sure he just turns her around calls her Pedro and just does his business. Yeah let's let's not forget that they had sex for four hours once listen to Lady Gaga. Okay let's not forget that. It took him four hours to come. That poor guy. Probably just like thinking of the late post hours. This is probably the most expensive beard in the history of mankind. He had to fly her to the to Polynesia and give her a ring in a shell in order to convince people that they were in love. Okay no that's the thing you don't have to spend money when you're on love on a bravo show that they pay for it. Exactly. That trip was paid for half that ring was paid for like does that even have a job I don't really know. No. He does something that nobody can really explain like most of the men on these shows. That is very very true. Yeah he works at a Mercedes dealership. He's marketing socks for hamsters. Okay okay speaking of hamsters Heather came out guns blazing last night she was going for the jugular on Alexis and I understand that you know she was a little peeved at the beginning of the season obviously watching back Alexis did kind of make fun of the fact that you know she had never heard of Heather and her career and stuff like that but in my opinion Heather came across as a psychotic bitch last night and she totally was acting like a bully and she's somebody who says things like bullying is terrible and then she was a bully and she and I think she embarrassed herself last night she acted like a total bitch. Well I think she finally realized that if she's gonna keep her job she's got to actually be a housewife I mean she looked like a total it she probably felt like a total idiot when she saw herself on screen kind of not understanding how the game was played the whole season and then getting ragged on by some bimbo who can't pronounce words. I'm sure she was furious by the time she showed up and that's what I love because the first season they never get it. Yeah they have so much fun they're so nice and then they start watching this shit on TV and they find out what people are saying and then they become evil and yeah I think she was just evolution of a housewife. I think that she really glad. I think she was just vying to be get a second season and she looked like she was ready to get some you know be feisty and I quite frankly I think she did a great job in terms of like Ben stop liking her she's mean and evil. Stop liking Alexis she's dumb and evil. I don't like Alexis I feel bad for a lot. No no no you said you're on team Alexis you said you're on team Alexis because she has no allies that are we not reason why. Matt are we gonna have to like talk you down in a cabana in Costa Rica right now with the play the lobster. And guess you there's no stronger ally than Jesus. Why don't you and Jesus get in my private jet we'll go to Jim's birthday and then we'll drive back in the Phantom slash Batman. Well I think it was I think that was the birthday where Alexis got stitches because she sat on a wine glass so you know team Alexis. Okay look so here's my team sutures here's my problem with Heather. Okay her husband Terry called Alexis phony with they really did not know her at that point unless they've been watching the show which at that point they could have called her a fucking moron and I would have been fine with that but again I don't like that Terry got in the mix there and then it kind of spiraled out of control and you know I just think that I think that Heather and Terry don't you know they can't claim to not have any blood on their hands. I will say that Ronnie's last point does make me happy because I do think that she did get herself in another season this is Heather but I if I'm gonna like her she's gonna need to just become a complete raging monster Tamra part two because then I will like at least that will make for good TV. Listen I think Heather has proven that she's best when she is furiously mad and talking down to people and she is great when she's like that she eviscerates people and I want to see just nothing but that all next season but she doesn't fit in because she is so much smarter than these other dumb we need someone like that we need someone who has like like a modicum of intelligence. No but she needs a true sparring partner that can go toe-to-toe with her because that will make for fucking good TV. No I like an actual actress who's working. I kind of like how she steamrolls over people like Alexis and Alexis just had that look in her face like she's sort of like a deer that's been caught gnashing on a flower like what huh now you're in a headlight it's just a deer caught eating flower. I hope that they find a really rich community theater actress to be on the show because still at least be working you know actually they should hire Jenny McCarthy her former co-star yeah well she's working at the moment that show is getting canceled it is yes which show is she on again she's hosting some dating reality show on NBC The Summer. I thought it was something love it a while you guys have some respect. Oh I think I thought some sitcom about how how like vaccines are like the worst things in the world ever. Oh my god what a fucking moron and yet look what she puts in her face have you seen her face lately. It's just on the cover of "Light Boy" for the 14th time or something. Well guys need to really up their limit I mean up their taste level for masturbation I mean that's that's horrible that's a horrible thing to look at while you masturbate. Yeah it's like she got attacked by Dr. Freeze. Okay here's one of the other big things from the reunion obviously all eyes were on the relationship between Vicki and Tamara which is clearly disintegrating because Tamara's new bestie is Gretchen. Do you guys think that the relationship between Tamara and Gretchen is as fake as Vicki believes it to be or what do you think happened or do you really blame Brooks for the the meltdown between Tamara and Vicki this season. I think I believe it or not I know you're gonna hate to hear this Matt I think that Vicki is actually to blame because in this case I think Tamara became friends with Gretchen and that was fine I mean I don't know how real it is but it seems like it's actually like legit and honestly Vicki cannot deal with shit like that she really can't as awful as Tamara is and I'm not saying she's not awful she is I mean Tamara is an awful awful person but Vicki for as awful as Tamara is Vicki is right up there with her and Vicki does not handle these things Vicki is the type that would become friends Alexis despite Tamara you know. Well how she was talking last night about the reason that she's so upset is because her and Tamara used to be evil together which is basically what she said yeah and you know I think that there was so much truth in that and she doesn't even understand what a C-word she sounds like when she says that because she's absolutely right you know she would she's she's got a partner in crime with Tamara and now that she doesn't have her she's just a C-word on her own little island and there's no one to stand up for her when she's dating some guy who refuses to support his children oh and then did you hear last night oh well I've known Brooks five years and really why don't you dig that whole little deeper while you're still going to court with your husband you fucking idiot yeah I know I completely agree with you I mean Vicki cannot handle any of these terrible situations but she did she did cop to a lot of the bullshit last night you know she did admit that she is a hypocrite fine well no I didn't really admit that she's here she said she did it no no she was like she's like if you want to call me hypocrite fine then I'm a hypocrite that's not really yeah that's not a she didn't truly understand oh you want me to say I'm a hypocrite you want me to say I'm a fairy I'm a fairy you want me to say I'm Obama Obama okay yeah why why'd you give her Jules Aaron boys in addition to doing that she also did admit that she was a mean girl with Tamara I mean a lot of shit did come out and in that process yes it's kind of like a a cleansing of the soul if you will but at the same time like Ronnie just said it really just makes her it just proves that she is a horrible bitch she is she is I thought she did cop to a lot of things but I found it crazy that she still could not cop to truly cop to the idea that she's a hypocrite she was here here here's a conrudgingly big rudgingly if she didn't have Brooks in her life and everybody including her daughter fans of the show and her cast mates didn't think that he is the crook that he really is if she were admitting all of these things and semi apologizing for them and Brooks were not in the picture I think people would have sympathy for her and be back on her team but Brooks is bringing her her down completely well Brooks is bringing her down but she still honestly there were things that like very hypocritical I like she she was okay like she did well when when they said like how is it in the past you're always like girls only girls only and now you're like bringing Brooks around and she's like look to be honest I was in a bad place like that was an honest moment but then when they were saying so you can see why we thought you were being hypocritical she was like no I don't see that you know well like do you know what makes me crazy in the whole hypocritical argument is Gretchen saying oh you're a hypocrite because I'm dating a deadbeat dad and now you are too but it's okay for you and it's not okay for me you know what bitches it's not okay for either one of you yeah they're both doing pieces of trash and her dating a pizza trash doesn't make Slade any less of a piece of trash and there's still a wonky-eyed asshole with no job who won't pay his child support and a little asterisk attached there but Slade's child has brain cancer well he probably just figures why pay for it yeah you know it's like it's a rotten piece of fruit why put it in a refrigerator that is what he's thinking but I mean that's sick that's a sick thing to say but you know that that's what's going through his mind also the other thing about Slade is that he's a piece of shit yes oh and also and I'm a piece of shit for just saying that so I'm sorry but sometimes I don't think well I actually never think but hey did you guys watch that 2020 episode about Brooks did we ever talk about that no we didn't talk about it but he was part of a special I want to say was like two weeks ago what well you know our friends stupid housewives mrs. stupid housewife she's been getting all this correspondence from one of Brooks's ex-wives or ex-girlfriends or something really and so this has been going on for weeks of 2020 contacted her and asked if they could use all her dirt and they put together this big expose a on Brooks and it was awesome do you remember that when 2020 was like a classy Emmy winning a show those days are long gone those days are long gone because you know what actually they recently I think put a video of me on an airplane on the on 2020 when you know what the video of me crime the baby crying whatever so this is how far it's come that they're having expose them Brooks and they have my stupid YouTube video as content on their video on their show yeah it was pretty sad but what did they say that's really good and the woman that I wouldn't be surprised if Andy went and got this woman and put her on the show because she does have that scrunched up plastic really ghetto ass bargain been plastic surgery face yeah but is she from the bayou or can she relocate to OC I think she's in Phoenix oh even better well what is this OC same thing what was some of the dirt that came out the dirt the basic dirt was that they showed they showed clips of an online interview that Brooks did it was some some blog or whatever and they were asking him hard hitting questions about his you know you never see your kids you don't pay your child support and he's saying oh I talk to my kids every day we are so close and blah blah blah and she's like he hasn't spoken to this kid ever like he's never spoken he's never sent any money I mean it was just basically calling him a deadbeat dad but ever they just broke it down in his interview they broke down his interview line by line and she just talked about what a liar he is and how he used to speak to her in the language of greeting cards to and you know he would be like there ain't no you know love you can't spell love without oath you know or whatever I guarantee you that Bravo Andy has her on speed dial oh you're so right that she is in line for casting look we saw how great this gets when you you know you bring in the family situation on Jersey it just makes it even juicier sounds like a great idea I would love that okay well we need to move on friends well I don't know about that but we need to move on for a second but before we wrap up Orange County I do want to ask you guys like look we do still have part two which is gonna be even better because Brooks is gonna have to come out and face Tamara's evil eye Brianna is gonna come out and fight with her mom Vicki but after episode one after last night's hour where do you stand on each of the women do you think that they're all still gonna come back for the next season do you think Alexis is on the outs like give me your give me your thoughts on every one of the women that's still on the cast right now I think it depends on how much Andy shops at Nordstrom's because depending on that that will that will dictate whether or not Alexis has a future job because apparently she is a terror at Nordstrom's but aside from that I think they're all coming back hey I'm Ryan Reynolds at mid mobile we like to do the opposite of what Big Wireless does they charge you a lot we charge you a little so naturally when they announced they'd be raising their prices due to inflation we decided to deflate our prices due to not hating you that's right we're cutting the price of mint unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month give it a try at mint mobile.com/switch $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month new customers on first three month plan only taxes and fees extra speed slower above 40 gigabyte CD tails you can live out your master chef dreams when you find a professional on Angie to tackle your dream kitchen remodel connect with skilled professionals to get all your home projects done well inside to outside repairs to renovations get started on the Angie app or visit Angie.com today you can do this when you Angie that yeah you know I've said week after week that I think Alexis will get the boot but I think she might have saved herself with this last minute I'm being gang raped or whatever her thing she said gang bangs gang bangs stop gang banging Alexis you guys I love how Tamara gasped at that as if she doesn't get gangbanged constantly yeah I think that Alexis might have saved herself but honestly you know as much as much fun as we have dissing this show we can really get into it it's not very good I don't think this one's very good oh my god what are you talking about I loved OC this season and the reunions though nobody is nastier than them that well New York New York was the nastiest last season well I think OC I thought this season was better than last but it still has a ways to go from its glory days okay well let me ask you this right the last question on OC before we move to New York I brought this up a few weeks ago is there any chance in hell Gina or Brianna are gonna make it onto full-time cast member status I don't think so I think I think there's a shot that that Brooks's wife will X wife would I do too for sure that's gonna be my guess is that they move this bitch from Phoenix yeah they need it they definitely need a sixth cast member the five is just not working I need one more bit of you know I need another fighter in there I think Heather really doesn't fit in so I don't want to see her come back but I think she will I mean she doesn't really do anything she's too smart for anybody do anything none of them do anything look she would pay she would pay Bravo ten million dollars to keep her on next season I guarantee you if that she would take she would work for free I think she's only worth two million just whatever I think I think just like every week a pastry should come to her house and then she get destroyed in some very minute way she should flip out we can have a croissant drama yeah and they Claire and a Claire issue someone squeeze the filling out of my a Claire Sarah I think Sarah should get plastic surgery from Terry's like arch nemesis in the plastic surgery world so that she's disguised and then she should apply to become their nanny and play him that rocks the cradle with Heather's children oh my god she should totally get Heather's face could be like face off could you imagine to face off with these women that'd be great okay well let's talk about laymo New York because this week sucked and frankly the whole season has sucked yeah yeah this week's episode was not it was very average you know there was like literally not much happened although I did take a I did have some joy watching Luan try to posture with Carol you know I don't know if you noticed I mean they they they highlighted a little bit the way she gets on trying to either one up or act like she was in the know and every time she like she sort of bragged about something she sort of was like huh huh she she literally said huh I rewound and washed it she was like she's like oh it's funny like we we travel the same circle don't we huh huh the highlight of the episode was Carol's confessionals where she really just talked shit on Luan yeah but you know do we feel do we really feel like this is a rivalry that's going to bubble over or they just sort of trying to generate some sort of tension because there's nothing going on no Luan is just so pathetic at this point you know they're they're measuring her baby zones she's getting acupuncture she has nothing going on like and Luan has Luan doesn't have like you know they're there she can't put the counts against the princess like she she knows that's a losing battle Luan is so eager to win over these new girls that she's willing to be called pumpkin head and laugh about it okay that is that is that is that is no that would never happen in the history of mankind ever again if anyone were to call her any sort of gourd refer to her head like squash head pumpkin head I don't know rubig ahead it's not even a gourd but either way she would flip out and she would she would in her interviews she would be a gas and say would you believe that would you believe that she referred to my head as a pumpkin I think it's quite nice actually but here she's like ha ha ha ha ha it's an algonquin pumpkin so you'd be like can we go to lunch I'm gonna need you to come to the Hamptons I hope you don't mind take a bus out to the Hamptons and we'll go to lunch and then we'll talk for five hours about how you called me a pumpkin head and then I'll make you pay for lunch it's true it's true it's true yeah you know she's never gonna go through with this artificial insemination because she's too cheap to pay for it she won't even pay for lunch she won't pay for anything she does what are they gonna donate a baby to stick inside of her no I think she's gonna use Victoria's eggs oh my god they're gonna come out high bloodshot eyes about the end racist don't forget her racist daughter oh yeah baby's gonna call the doctor the n-word it's gonna be its first word as it comes out of the womb this is a this is an interesting an interesting theoretical situation I'm enjoying it quite a bit I was thinking more like the baby would come out being pretentious and speaking French because like no it'll come outside the n-word no way you think that Luan was born with a silver spoon in her mouth no that bitch clawed her way to the middle but the egg but the egg will be impregnated by Jacques and they will have to get a baby they're gonna be like we got to cut your vagina open a little more because the hook noses it's up to your upper vaginal wall I don't even know forgive me he looks like a toucan we can't deny that we can't deny that too can so maybe like if Ross if Ross you know bread with a toucan it would be Jacques Ross from friends David Trimmer we got it yeah I guess he have you said that David Trimmer thing before because I think he's like maybe David Trimmer having sex with Balki he's got a little Balki going on well there's also some Adrian Brody up in there oh my god I'm getting a boner all right what else happened on that okay so this episode was really about the ladies going to London for Heather's business conference and the ladies that were invited were Sonia and Carol and Countess Luan while Aviva who's afraid to fly stayed in New York along with Ramona who was not invited and there was just like a back-and-forth you know bits and pair our bits in London and then bits in New York and the funny thing to me was Ramona is sitting there at the table with Aviva and they're having dinner with their husbands and Ramona's like I bet those girls are not having fun because Heather can't shut the fuck up cut to London they're having the grandest time ever I know but I also love how Aviva like the missed little askers or what SS Ramona said that Aviva just goes I know it's like you're such a fake bitch Aviva okay guys hate Aviva I hate her yeah I don't like her but you know she's gonna fall over next week which will be kind of funny that's awesome that's true like she did that every week she'd be my favorite she crazy falls over too it's not like right it's not like she knows how to do it like Jim Kerry she just falls she falls all the way down staircase she's like rasping for things she's going down like it's gonna be a great moment I think the last time someone fell down I was Vicki I think Vicki Gumbel some of the last like wonderful fall on the housewives she did Vicki Vicki knows how to think she wiped out while she was being celebrated at some sort of thing in her backyard so in New York Ramona and Aviva went shoe shopping and it was kind of hilarious because Ramona had never seen Aviva's fake leg before but only as Ramona could you know her way of complimenting Aviva is saying you know something to the effect of oh well your fake legs looks so much better than your nasty real normal vein I mean it was so rude and disgusting the way she acted but it was so Ramona so I guess that wasn't that shocking to me uh that's so Ramona and you know what's so funny about Ramona doesn't she have a glass eye like what is she so disgusted she doesn't have a glass eye she just she's just doesn't have anything she doesn't have great she's not great I think she's like a closet sandy Duncan she's like a double glass eye yeah when she when she gets worried that she's gonna get fired she's gonna whip out the well I have a glass eye you know what I have a glass eye you know what's hard for me to do see out of both eyes because I don't have both eyes I have one I have one eye that's made out of glass and one real eye maybe that's why she's so concerned about that table when it went out with the umbilical cord wrapped around her her neck when she was you know born still born one of her eyes popped out yeah in shock she couldn't even believe it well that's why thank god she has two and you know why she has two because her mother always said you always have to have two eyeballs because you never want to rely on a man for your second eyeball oh you know what you guys you know what we have to do I'm so sorry because I know that we're not in the planning stages but I actually watched four hours a million dollar listing so let's hurry up with these housewives that's just talking about okay we're talking about Sonia's hat a tea at a high tea she wore this poor woman it's like another display of her of her poverty and like you know she's very up for her have her shimmerness your her havershamerness yes she like she had like a giant hole in her like 23 year old cap that she just did out that she found probably under a pillow that Milsaps probably sleeps on. Milsaps on the pillow and rats had eaten the veil and she was wearing it and then she was like oh look my beak sticks out of it it was called guess what you're too poor to buy another hat yeah like literally you know that she was using that hat to bail out water from quote-unquote hurricane Irene she's a big hurricane Irene and on top of that she's wearing this ridiculous hat and if you look at anyone else in that restaurant everyone was just like in t-shirt and shorts like that she could not have looked more ridiculous if she's Carol Carol might have been in a t-shirt and jeans but she was also wearing her have the biker gloves because she's so hip at 59 oh yeah yeah she's like yeah look at my style I love this at ABC News. Look at my purse can turn into an umbrella because it rains and land in. Being a widow is like being the new virgin have I mentioned that before hello darling well and love that yep her face looks like that when she takes off her pants what do you think it looks like it probably looks like the holland tunnel with like construction tarp over it i think it looks like a cheese board that's been sitting out with a variety and including like an apricot chutney for 10 years i think i think it looks like i think it looks like i'm an airplane turbine gearing up to take a flight i think it looks like Alex McChord's backyard in Brooklyn i think it looks like a pothole that a turtle fell in and got run over in i think i think it looks like i think it looks like that portal that uh that happens in the Avengers where all the aliens come out of and the sky it looks like the wardrobe that leads Narnia i think it looks like Steven Tyler's vagina i think it looks like um if you're at a gas station and there's like an oil slick and you're like oh look there's sort of like rainbows in that but it's oil okay i'm not even going to try to control oh shit okay i like how i don't know why we just railed on our vagina for so long like i don't know something every week with fun comparisons it'd be like people to tweet in what they think carols vagina will look like you know i would like to hear what everyone thinks but that i don't think of a vagina looks anything like that i i think it looks like a snow cone anyway um two last things what did we think of Ramona's learning annex because i thought it was the most tragic thing ever uh well it's one of the learning annex not tragic i didn't watch it so i need i need impressions okay there were about 17 people there who were all yawning and if you remember about three seasons ago Bethany had one and it was a packed house and it was madness okay so here's here's the thing with Ramona she said the same thing at every single talking gig that she does and we see it like every week she's like i had to do everything by myself i didn't have any connections i didn't know anyone i had to do it by myself and it's like the same thing so it was it was like nothing the only thing that was intriguing about this one was what what table they were going to find for her and i found myself oddly in suspense about that you know it was it was a good moment i mean the table was not to her liking so she actually snapped at one of the event organizers and said well i would have bought you a table at pure one on my way over oh my god okay well did they actually explain what Ramona does no she's she does it all she does it all she does it all i don't think that bravo i mean i'm sure she talks about it but i think bravo leaves it on the cutting room floor they don't want to hear anymore about uh true renewal skincare or uh true faith jesus charms or any of that shit i think they're done by the way oh i'm renewal i'm renewal i'm renewed it's like a fountain of youth i've been renewed wait hey how's that sitcom was it renewed because i'm renewed renewal okay wait by the way i just want to mention real quickly heather this episode overall i enjoyed her but when she drops she would you brag that her friend oh in polaroid i was i just wanted to smack okay i you know she's obnoxious go ahead no no i was just going to say does your friend call you crying and depressed because polaroid is going down the fucking sinkhole well that's why she was because because she and louan were one-upping each other and then um you know because she was talking about heather was saying how she uses a polaroid for work and louan's like well louan of course makes a dig and then covers up by laughing she's like well stop talking about work and so that is so her haughty laugh that is and then and then and then heather just is like well it's funny because my friend owns polaroid so he'll be very happy that using his cameras i was like this is coming from the guy who just mentioned that he was on a 20 do you know as i mentioned as i was saying it i was like how do i back out of i just check yourself before you wreck yourself i was like well i i wasn't on 2020 just the mind of stupid video was but um but as i soon as i started saying i was like oh i am being a combination of heather and louan at this moment well here's a thing like heather is completely obnoxious but i will say this like she actually you know she does have a real business none of these other people really work and i do think that she is kind of the most legit of all of them even though that's not saying that much but if you were at that dinner party that she was throwing what would you bend because you watched the episode and ronnie feel free to chime in here too but everybody had to go around the table that worked for heather and stand up in front of everybody say who they are and why they liked yummy tummy so much Ben what would you have said when it was your turn at the table i would have said i like yummy tummy because uh it makes fat girls look less fat and i hate fat girls and they're older than mad and when everyone's mad i was sat down eating i would have said i like yummy tummy because i have a fear of success and if i was a part of spanks i would be embarrassed that everyone was always congratulating me on what a great company i owned so i love working for a second rate company where no one knows who i am thank you thanks for paying for this dinner all right we have stood up and i would have said please send uh at least 40 of them to laurin manzo for her fat ass and her fatness i don't care fucking talk anymore segue okay perfect segue is grand for laurin manzo's giant face okay can i i have to get right into this right away on a scale of names we're going from she by charin one corner and gretchen christine butte and another where does cafe's fit on this first of all what the hell is airline doing insisting on her daughter owning a food themed makeup store and calling her fat the whole time chubba woba international totally um so wait we're on a scale of names where is it how bad is cafe i think it's i think i'm gonna say this i think it's even below below um ed and lisa wu heartwell's t-shirt line oh closet freak closet freak it's it's it ranks below that i think it is i think it's actually the worst the worst one i've ever seen like i actually think closet freak is okay but i think this is worse than she by charay this is worse than gretchen christine butte this is cafe's which is like a career fun it's just it's just all it's gonna be is laurin manzo sitting in the break room eating like 600 calorie scones and yelling at some little intern to like restock the tacky ass shoes that they're selling for four hundred dollars that cost nine ninety nine and korea town i couldn't i can already see the tabatha takes over crossover because oh amazing because this is the exact sort of business where tabatha walks in and is like well you make up well all your all your cafe i because i make her i make all her mommy did you call her mommy she's not your mommy she's your business i mean what is she doing walking around calling her mommy mommy won't let me do it how i want to do it how about this here's my theory or here's my suggestion for laurin how about you move out of your mom's home maybe you go to new york city you work on some tv production sets or whatever you do some makeup you work in some salons and then you find someone through your networking to business to partner up with don't partner up with your mom okay yeah how about you take all your feelings by a loaf of white bread put your feelings in between the the two pieces of white bread and eat them eat those feelings and stop making me listen to them and then sell those feelings at cafes after you have hate fucked vito while rolling in bed full of sausages well you know so here's the thing i like that image uh here's the thing cafes is spelled c-a-f-f-a-c-e so anyone driving by is going to think first of all in new jersey they're gonna be like oh kaface that's exactly how i was just about to pronounce it and i thought you were gonna laugh at me but that's totally how yeah because it looks like oh is that a pizza reel let's go to kaface oh it's makeup and sandwiches this is exactly not what i'm looking for i honestly did not realize that it was called kaface i thought it was cafe face which is pretty bad kaface it's a very literal thing it's like oh it's a cafe and it's a face website right now yeah the website has like imagery it's like an eight seven imagery face that would be an improvement i would go to someplace called cat face but i would not use a place called kaface i would go some i'm like cat face what's in there are there cats well why is it a cat cat face beauty bar coming soon and if they're using the rent font and why is it coming soon how long have they how long does it take to order some fucking makeup you lazy ass well clearly posh is putting the kaboch on this you know clearly kimd is like gone to like the the town hall and is trying to stop i will say it would be interesting if they were able to lure um ashley jacklin's daughter back to be the store manager that would make for really good scenes oh and and then have tabitha come and yell at her yes and make her cry and want to cut her inner thigh well it looks like ash she did the artwork on the on the website so yeah i think she did it looks like that artwork yeah i'm looking at their facebook page right now and there's some homely ass motherfuckers on this page okay we we have seven minutes left we have set we have we have seven minutes left so can we talk about albie's girlfriend seven minutes and heaven seven minutes but this is super important readers if you're hearing this and anybody knows the facebook page of all the north strums complex uh north strum employees complaining about alexus please tweet it at us i'm trying to find like yes okay move on sorry okay so uh albie has new girlfriend uh she's a cheerleader with the jets she's way too hot for him coming way too hot i'm not sure she knows how to speak she seems very quiet um is lauren wanted to bite her face off without without taking bath salts lauren wanted it lauren wanted to take her and put her in a sandwich that she'd sell it could face it's totally um lauren with some extra with some extra spicy mayo because you know she likes a spicy mayo oh yeah well you know what i do too so god bless her if she if that's true but um let me tell you something lauren the way she's so backhanded when she when she turns when she's like you know i never would have thought someone like you would have been coordinated i mean like don't take that personally i just never thought and the girl's like yeah yeah i know i mean that poor girl is a goner she's not gonna be able to last let's just get that straight so it sounds like it's pretty typical it's like some dumb good-looking bimbo marrying a fairly slubby non-talented poor guy who tends to be rich but you know caroline what they all do in that town caroline will not stand for another woman being the most important woman in albie's life do you see she's already trying to cock block no there are there an incestuous fucked up needy greedy whiny ass family and it makes me like the judeis is more which makes me feel sick it doesn't make me like the judeis is more but it was it did it did repulse me a little bit first of all apparently you have to be at the spawn of billy joll to get a caroline's approval okay it's true second of all she's like well albie needs to be focusing on work not romance why can't he focus why can you have a relationship while he's wasting time with a stupid black water thing that's never gonna get off the ground here's the real toilet water isn't a real job okay yeah why are we even talking about these people when they're not even the fucking housewives or the children of a boring ass old mean red-headed uh ox yeah that's the word um yeah i was trying to like reel it in i was happy i know i'm happy i like i like all the melissa gorga does is act really fake and try and sell her terrible music i have no interest in that fate itty bimbo bitch agree trisa has nothing to do except wither away into the tree bark that she's turning into um like she can talk about her like can we talk about her daughter for a second her daughter right was it stripper when nasty evil melania called out her dad i mean melania who is like four when she was calling um her dad like a piece of shit and he doesn't want to spend time with his children i was like oh fuck she's only four watch the fuck out she's a disaster she's a disaster she's she's too smart and too evil for her own good yeah she's pretty awesome by the way speaking of those kids uh this might sound woefully inappropriate but at that birthday party they have this giant inflatable caterpillar that they're all hiding in and like the kids get like popping their head out of like these creases i don't know if it was just me but to me it looked crazy like a vagina it totally did it was so disturbing and they were to go in and out of it i know so much about vaginas i have no fucking clue listen it's like when you see your first horror movie and you can never forget it yeah there's some things you just can't unsee okay the other like mini storyline was um we got to meet rosy's new lesbian lady that she met the cubby whole bar and i was bored yeah this poor i mean that's pretty intense to bring your your girl over first date meet the entire family including my mother and my sister and my sister's family here's my problem rich has bigger breasts than rosy's girlfriend yeah they're lesbian they're probably too scary though i like i don't i like i know i can remember her name it's like anvil from the rest of development her she funny or something what about reanville what about uh little tiny mid-adjo taking off his shirt for big gay greg's birthday party and having him do shots i think that he secretly wants to do greg do you know um he does it would be like a very fascinating doing a saint bernard but i would still think that uh greg would allow it to happen well my dog is a chihuahua pitbull mix and he's really cute i think it would make i think a big for an interesting sociological experiment to have those two get together yeah okay that we're gonna quiet like okay let's then let's stuff them into the caterpillar vagina okay which looks not unlike which looks not unlike carols jersey brought the shout out of me this week but i have high hopes for it to still pick up steam new york has officially put me to sleep and all i can wait for is oc reunion part two because i cannot wait for brooks to be eviscerated yeah i cannot wait i can also we're we're ending now but uh everybody watch million dollar listing because hopefully we'll talk about it next week it's so juicy and trashy i did i'm enjoying it i have to say i never like the show and now i like it oh i like i'm about it too and i'm secretly like i don't know what's wrong with me but i kind of want to touch madison oh he's so disgusting oh madison he needs he needs a smooth therapist you want putt mathan he actually makes rosy pope sound like he's internascio now people he's not he doesn't have a list he's internascio now i'm madison he's like that episode of rosborough uh friends where ros bleached his teeth and they turned on the blacklight and the teeth were glowing and no one would date him do you remember that he's secretly like scandinavian or something oh my god that guy he's just like he's just like a pretty rainbow that's all he's not he's like he's not real he's not even that pretty and it really bugs me when it switches to commercial and it's him his clothes being ripped off because it just makes me think of how he's probably getting up the butt from andy yes you do not think that andy gives it do you i think that they probably have it up so i think uh i've heard that andy likes him young which makes me think that he does he does i think he's i think he's asexual i don't find him to be a sexual being and you know you know he's like a model he's gorgeous i looked him up online last night he's really beautiful and they say that andy is in the closet and which i know sounds ridiculous but they say that when he checks in the hotel with his boyfriend he checks in first and then he makes the boyfriend come in five minutes later right about andy coen yeah you said he's in the closet what that well he's his relationship is secret oh his relationship is in the closet yeah well he's clean if he has so doing that boring ass coming out story like anderson cooper where we're all like young girl we knew when you were five years old and the purse fell out of your mouth i don't care well can i just tell you i typed in andy coen's boyfriend and a lot of hot guys popped up and they're different they're different guys right he's a matter of that makes me want to like have some success in my life because that wonky-eyed motherfucker is fucking some models wait i have a wonky eye are you telling me that if i get rich and successful i can screw anybody i want yeah pretty much i have a wonky eye too you know why because i sleep on my side you should never sleep on the face i sleep on my side i sleep on my face well don't know we're gonna do a cup face we're gonna be three on my cup face with wonky eyes so we could be rich excuse me do you think we're not already three old bitties because we are reality we're sitting here talking about reality first i can't just give up all right job people i have to leave out now right i have to leave i'm sorry i'm so sorry but i won't go get your makeover like a face we're sort of something like conface upset fast yeah um anyway you guys should follow us all on twitter at what crappins yes and i'm at tv gasm and fems at beside v-side vlog and how does it my father endless and we will see you next time twitter's any question that you guys want us to talk about love you mean it call us bye bye everyone bye everybody don't forget to go to gamefly.com/haha and get your 15-day trial from gamefly they have over 7 000 tiles to choose from for all game systems and handhelds no late fees free shipping cancel anytime that's gamefly.com forward slash haha to get your free 15-day trial gamefly games delivered if you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet the folks behind the sideshow network of launch the new youtube channel called wait for it it's got interviews with comedians like reggie wats tat glass lies a slice finger slicing dragon friends with it for 10 years one of the funniest people out there and i still have a hard time with the last name liza our very own own benjamin that's me takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more you don't have to wait any longer just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy there's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and i love you a few days ago brook two dean posted an inspirational quote on her wall that got 17 likes and three comments thumbs up brook geico also wants to make a comment in just 15 minutes you could save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to geico and nothing says inspiration better than saving money well except for those posters that say things like teamwork excellence and make it happen hashtag keep climbing hashtag savings geico 15 minutes could save you 15 percent or more on car insurance if you like watch what crappins you can listen ad-free right now by joining wonderie plus in the wonderie app or on apple podcast prime members can listen ad-free on amazon music before you go tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wonderie.com/survey are you in trouble with the law need a lawyer who'll fight like hell to keep you out of jail we defend and we fight just like you want your own children to defend it whether you're facing a drug charge caught up on a murder app accused of committing war crimes look no further than paul bergren all the big guys go to bergren because he gets everybody off you name it paul can do it need to longer some money broker a deal with a drug cartel take out a witness from wonderie the makers of doctor death and over my dead body comes a new series about a lawyer who broke all the rules doesn't it funny how witnesses disappear or how evidence doesn't show up or somebody doesn't testify correctly in order to win at all costs if paul asked you to do something it wasn't a request it was an order i'm your host brandon james jinkins follow criminal attorney on the wonder app or wherever you get your podcast you can listen to criminal attorney early and ad-free right now by joining wonderie plus in the wonderie app or on apple