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That's Audible.com/crapins or text Crapins to 500-500. - Please help me welcome to the stage, ladies and gentlemen, with the royal desire. One, two, three! (audience cheering) (upbeat music) - I can't believe it. - No, I need to listen. - Can I need Julie Chen? - I'm Julie Chen. - Yes. - Yes. - I want to be Debbie Montsonopoulos working again. - Oh, so proud of me. - I'm so proud of you too. - All right, well, welcome to "Watch What Crapins." I'm Ronnie Caron from TDGasm. This has been Mandelker from B-side Blog, Matt Whitfield from Yahoo. And today, our special guest is Hannah Lopatin. She's a writer and actor on Stevie TV on gauge one, which I don't know if you've seen it yet, but it skiers all reality shows. - Well, if you haven't seen it yet, it's the season finale aired last Sunday. (laughing) - So, we're going to make it more like we can do a release. - Season two in the fall, and it's little Peyton, but it's okay. - It is? - Yes. - I've known you for so long. - I know. No, I think I correct you all the time. - Really? What's my last name? - Caron. - Oh. - I guess I just said that. I was hoping we'd say, "Cram." (laughing) - Well, we have a huge amount to talk about tonight. I'm so glad you guys all showed up. I'm hoping you guys are all Bravo fans. If you're not, then this will be kind of boring for you guys. (laughing) We're coming here for some like political discussion. It's not going to be happening. We're going to be talking about, we're going to be starting off with some gossip, a Bravo gossip, and then we're going to be talking about Real Housewives of New Jersey from last night, and then Real Housewives of Orange County, and then don't be tardy for the weddings. So, very Housewives-centric, but that's really all that's on Bravo, right? - Yeah. - So, am I crazy for being excited about this? - Ronnie's the only one watching that million dollar listing, right? - Do you guys watch Million Dollar Listing New York? - No. (laughing) - No one. - It's interior theory. - It's a gay porn star from the 80's selling Real Estate New York. - Caron, he was from zeros, thank you very much. (laughing) Not that I would watch. - He doesn't know how to make a deal. I'll show him how. So why don't we start out with some gossip? - So, the big news, oh, look at this. Look at what Matt would feel. Matt would feel, for the people that are listening at home, he is pouring out some skinny girls' margarita. - That's a lot of bring that in here. You know that, right? - Oh, I did. - I'm gonna have a door man of your ass. - It's not against the law to be wonderful, which is what he's doing by pouring some skinny girl margarita right now. - Let's talk Bethany. - So, Bethany Frankel actually has a book coming out tomorrow, and as you know, she's written some books before, but this is her first fictional book, and it's loosely based on her life. It's called Skinny Dipping, and what I think is funny about it is that the lead heroine, it's not about swimming in pools, I don't think. The lead heroine is named Faith Brightstone, and I don't know if you, I never thought of Bethany Frankel's alter ego being this waspy name like Faith Brightstone. What did you guys think? - No, that's a very positive name. - It's like Bethany Frankel, she does this complaint. - Yeah, it should be something like, you know... - Like Joan of Arc, or some martyr, you know? - Or Fanny, Fanny Capatrick, or something like that, but not like Faith Brightstone. That's not Bethany Frankel whatsoever. I don't know if I'm crazy about that. - Like Jesse Christie. - Do you guys think it'll be like a Jesus Christ name, or something that like everyone's always mean to her, and like, putting her up on crosses? - Does she think she's Elsie or something, writing a book? - Well, I mean Elsie, I mean, I would not read Elsie, you mean, "No, no, no cries for literature winning." Elsie's learned on her. - How dare Bethany try to rise to her standard. - I know, you're outrageous for insinuating, possibly on that level. She complains too much for being a skinny, rich woman. I can't approve of Bethany. But speaking of Housewives books, did you guys know that Kelly, what's her middle name? - Tilda Ren. - It's her... - Kelly Benson owned Crazy Face from Real Housewives of New York, wrote a book, and it's called, "I Can Make You Hot." - She can. - The supermodel by it. - And wait, now you, there's some reviews that you, I believe you found. - Yeah, I wanna get it. - When she wrote, shockingly not all positive, she wrote herself, two of them, that are really nice, fun and entertaining. Quick, fun read, this light on solid diet advice. - And grammar. - She, that bitch, has alcohol and jelly belly. (laughing) I could have written that in a paragraph. This is my favorite one, this is the one Hannah wrote. Is this woman truly an author? It was like reading a fifth grade paper. Also, I googled pictures of her, and she does not look healthy for her age. Her skin is bad, and she's not in great shape for someone telling others how to be healthy. There is a hue, different internet comedy. (laughing) There's a hue different in being hot and being living healthy and being fit. The book was a waste of my time. - Now, did this person like, realize what book she was reading before? - Was that on the book? (laughing) - Oh, I thought it would not be waste of my time to read books by Kelly Benson. I thought it'd be really insightful. I thought it'd be like Elsie's book. - It was clearly, that's a Ramona singer coming. - Yeah, it's definitely, or Countess Luan, you know. - Probably. - Speaking about literary things. - Good people don't buy books, it's called I Can Make You Hot. - I agree, the reason I can make you super hot would be the one. - Yay, look at that forehead. - Okay, so now, speaking of literary things, people at home, I'm holding up the latest in-touch magazine, in-touch weekly, and Theresa Giudice, or Giudice, depending on which show you watch, is on the cover, and she says, "I'm sorry I was selfish." She wrote, (laughing) she wrote apologies to all the other women on the Real Housewives of New Jersey, and she wrote little letters. You can actually see, they're in handwriting fonts, which means, (laughing) which means that she wrote them, right? (laughing) What I like about the fact that she sent these apologies is that, as my friend, any Dennard explained on his blog reality, blurred, they have to actually pay to get their apologies. They can't actually get personal apologies, they have to go and buy the magazine to read them. So we thought we'd read each one of these letters. - Well, before we read 'em, do you guys know all this stuff that happened? Okay, Real Housewives of Jersey just came back, and Theresa writes cookbooks, and basically, she steals recipes from some dead grandmother or something, and she takes all the fat and calories out of them, and it makes them terrible, and then she turns them into random house or whatever, and sells these books, and they're called skinny, skinny and all- - Skinny Italian, not because these are skinny dipping, the soon to be best-seller, launching tomorrow. - Yeah, lots of skinny books in the housewives. So she takes these books, and she sells them. Well, this one, she put a lot of personal information, and she basically just slams every housewife. - Yeah, and then on the show, as you may remember, from the premiere, or even from the end of last season, she's like, "Ah, they're jugs, they're funny, ha ha ha ha." I said, "You stole my furniture from the front of my house, ha ha ha." It's a joke, "Aha, I'm kidding." - All right, so we're gonna read each one of them, they're small, you know, they're not long. If you remember from last season, she writes her apologies on, like, size, like 72 thomp with her handwriting on Chanel. - Two words per page. - Two words per page. So why don't you start off with her letter to Jacqueline? - No, this is her former best friend. - What did she say to Jacqueline? What did she say to Jacqueline? - Well, Jacqueline, I think we're getting there, because Jacqueline remembered at the reunion last season. - Didn't show up. - Didn't show up 'cause she was so mad at Theresa. - Okay. - Oh, and by the way, the preface is, the reason why Theresa wrote these apologies is because when she's, because she's on celebrity apprentice, and she's been working with charity, she's realized what, you know, not to sweat the small stuff, and then she should apologize. So it really comes from a great place. - Is that really nice? - A great place. - She's really making that up. - I feel like you're making this. - She wrote these because she got 30 grand a pop, is what I heard. - And that too. - Really? - Her letter? - No, she got six day, I read. - Six day, that's nice. - You guys wrote really on top of her facts, okay? Did you say that? This is a really-- - It's in tight. - Weekly. - I heard she wrote it because she got a unicorn for everything else, facts, facts. - She did. - That's what Joe, Joe, you guys, takes care of the unicorns, 'cause we business. - Well, after the pizza place folded. - Well, yeah, well, we'll get to all this. - The pizza place, we had to be there every day. - I know, it's great. - Sure it was. - It was hard. - Okay, read the letter to Jacqueline. - Dear Jacqueline, I wish we could have resolved things sooner because I'm sincerely sorry for upsetting you, and I'm sorry I didn't respond to your apology on Twitter. - Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's honestly the most defensive thing you could do, is not respond to a Twitter apology. - I feel like things have gotten out of hand, which is sad. - It is sad. - I miss our friendship. I miss being like Lucy and Ethel with you. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - At best, they were L.C. and Heidi, just to bring it all back, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - And I hope we can work through these problems one day when you are ready, XO, XO. - When you, so bad, so bad, so bad, so bad. - Pass her, when you are ready. All right, now I'm gonna read her one. - I'm sorry, you're a horrible person. - No, this is the one to Kathy. Oh, and there's a little thing that says, she'll stick up for Kathy from now on. That's nice. - Oh. - And it also says, no more raccoon comments. So that's a really step in the right direction. Okay, I'm already laughing, 'cause I already saw the first line. It's your Kathy, I forgive you for saying you dread being around me. That's, by the way, already very backhanded. I forgive you for being a person. I know in my heart the good times we have shared over the years represent your true feelings for me. I have nothing but love for you in my heart. Sincerely, Teresa. I did not hear her wish to be like Lucy and Ethel or like Alvin, Simon and Theodore. Which is very distressing to me. - I'm sorry that you stole my patio furniture. I hope you're by this comfortable. - Which one is? - Your Caroline. - Oh, dear Caroline. Okay, you guys, Caroline is gonna murder Teresa. Caroline's like the old one who, like a lot of older people, chat for no reason and stays mad. And she has Bonnie Franklin here from one day at a time. I don't know if anyone works at show, but she has Bonnie Franklin here. - I'm too young. - Dear Caroline, crazy blink, crazy blink, crazy, crazy blink. I'm truly sorry for offending you and you're cooking. Oh yeah, she'd said Caroline was only like one. Wait, she said Caroline was as Italian as the Olive Garden. - Yeah. - It's a joke, hello. (laughing) - Rachel, I didn't get it. - If I pitched that in a meeting, I got me out of it. (laughing) - I miss having fun and letting loose with you. She's never had fun or let loose with you. - No one had ever had fun with Caroline. - Well, they do play the ham game. - Oh, that's sad. - They look through a ham game. - They throw ham at the wall. Is that true? It's classic Manzo fun. - They referenced that, they referenced that actually. - Is that true? - Yeah. - I don't know half of the shit they say on this show. 'Cause they said last night something about throwing ham, I thought it was like a masturbation reference. (laughing) - It was, it was twofold. (laughing) - We had a lot of fun together shared many last. I miss those good times. I just want us all to get along. Exo, exo. Well, you know what, Kathy got us sincerely. - Oh, Kathy only got us, that's right. - And I mean like two exes and Kathy only has sincerely. - Oh, Joe and Melissa get a duel. - Oh, this is, now this is gonna be the most interesting one. - Okay. - I hope. - Really like her. Dia, Joe, and Melissa. - Crazy point. - Crazy point. - I'm sorry I haven't been as enthusiastic about Melissa singing career as I should have been. I'm happy that you are following your dreams. Also, this has been difficult for our parents. It breaks their hearts. I want to make them proud and I want them to be happy. Like, it's too short to live like this. Let's cherish every moment together. And see you later, Theresa. Exo. Exo. - Oh, you know that is totally, you know that was like Kathy only got us sincerely. You know that was intentional. - That's because Jeff Goldblum keeps hitting on her. - Well, we, well you know, this is a perfect time. Well actually, before we even get into our new jersey, our full new jersey coverage, what do you guys think about these apologies? I think they're kind of in this year. - By the last one, I'm gonna make this funny. Oh, let's just do short. - You're gonna talk to your mom now. I was reading to Dries that she doesn't touch. - I don't know, I think it's, I think what bothers me is that now that she's written these things, she's gonna say, well, I wrote these things and I showed it to the world. And now I've done my part. I've been as sincere as possible. And she still doesn't get what she did wrong. - She's Theresa. - I know she did. - If she got what she did wrong, she wouldn't have a career right now. - That's true too. - She's a crazy stupid bitch. And that's why she's on TV. Go Theresa. - Well, then why don't we launch into our full on coverage of last night's episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey. - Yeah. - So, speaking of a, she's really excited. You actually sounded like Theresa had himself a job right now. That's probably something we put on his vibrating offering, which by the way, is reference on the show. I did not make that up. - It's not a classic show. - Matt gets shocked very easily. You can see he's already turning pale over here. Just say, conquering any faints. Anyway, speaking of apology, so Theresa tried to apologize to everyone at this dinner last night on the show. And it's not the worst of all of you ever, though, 'cause she's like, all right, you guys, I wrote a cookbook. I know that you guys read it, did it. I just wanted her to say that the cookbook, I was recipes, it was funny, so, sorry. (laughing) I was like, she dead silence. - She had an audience, though. I mean, she always was performing for an audience. She got them all under one. - Crazy thing. - She did get them all under one roof, but I mean, they could not have, they look like they want to slit her neck, you know? - Well, sister of Malissa is finally coming out of her show, 'cause last year was her first year, and so she was very shy. Theresa was popular at that time, so she was super nice to Theresa, and now she's a flaming seaward, my love. (laughing) - Well, could you really step to Theresa when she's got the Satan as a daughter in Melania? Like, if you know, if you said Theresa, Melania's coming up like Chuckie at night and stabbing on the eyeball. - Daddy, why are you cooking? You're not a cooka. - You're a cooka. - You're a cooka. - Oh my God. - Yeah, she literally said hooker last night. - She's six, she's old. - She's six. - I did not know what a hooker was, and so I was at least 24. (laughing) - Actually, when I was in fifth grade, we had type in class, and I really hated it, so every day I would come in and come up with like a job that didn't need to type, and I thought a hooker was a drug dealer, and I came out and I was like, what about a hooker? And the teacher handled it so well, she was like, well, they need to keep track of their clients. (laughing) - Very organized hooker. - Unique math. - We know when they don't have a pimp, you have to have your own personal own decks that you type, a very modern hooker too. (laughing) - Like, has like a roller. - It's like a great face, a hooker needs to type in. - A hooker, yeah. These days has to know how to run a website, they have to be here now, they got to know how to talk. - They got to tweet, got to have YouTube. Hookers, who's got it going on? - Final pet. - So wait, so Teresa apologized to everyone, and then there was this really weird thing that happened. The guys went downstairs to play poker, and they're all laughin', laughin', laughin'. And then you hear the girl say, what's that yelling downstairs? And then it's like fades out, and comes up like six hours later, and Joe Judas has a black guy. And I was all excited 'cause I was like, ooh, they're gonna show us like, what happened, everyone's gonna talk about it, and we're gonna go back and watch it, but we actually never saw it. - Yeah, why do you think we didn't see it? Is it on air, like-- - It's like the cameras were there. - 'Cause it's not supposed to be about the husbands. - If there's a cat, it's about like, ow, they're just, they're kind of-- - Yeah, I think nuts, let's go back upstairs. - Bravo missed the ball. Now, that's the other weird thing. Are they all describing it? So Joe and Richie started going at it, and then-- - You know, you need to get to the details there. - That's what's going at it. - Well, that's what's going on. - That's what I'm saying, that's what they-- - Earth Day stand up. - Yeah, Joe Judas grabbed nuts. - Who was this ball? - Wait, who's Richie's nuts, right? - Yeah, and then he-- - He grabbed Richie's nuts, and he said, "That guy's got nuts like a, what was it? "Like a durable or something." - You said there were nuts, and I have not been in many fights, shockingly, but forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think grabbing the nuts is not usually one of the first steps in the altercation, right? - Like, also, in the news this week, somebody died because some shit grabbed his nuts. - You, that can happen. Like, it can happen. - You guys were in the Abbey yesterday. Did it happen there? - I think it happened many times. There were many fatalities in the Abbey. Yes, that's it. (laughing) - I was fighting, quote unquote. - A lot of them are dying at the Abbey. - Anyway, why didn't we see the fight? Is it saved for-- - No way, they give it a letter. - So, Joe Judas grabbed his nuts, and then they started doing this to each other. That was the action that they gave him. - And then, I think Richie got the candlestick. - Yeah, it literally became Clue. Like, yeah, it literally was a candlestick in his face. But, you know, he's not, I was unclear, 'cause some were saying he got knocked onto a couch, and then he had a candlestick on the way down, which is kind of weird also. And I'm wondering why there's also like big heavy candlesticks in the basement, too. - Have you seen her decor? - I know, but were you the one who mentioned that looked like a Vegas casino? - Yes, there's a floor to Lee on every surface. (laughing) - Including the asses of all the men's jeans. - Yeah, that's true, too. That's very true. I'm kind of bummed. This is like the, I think, the second big fight that we've not seen-- - So let's explain that, because last season, we didn't see the fight in the Dominican-- - In the Dominican-- - When they were on vacation, and that was gonna be the juiciest, you know, possible fight. - And I think we didn't see that because there was litigation that came as a result of that. But I don't see-- - You guys see what happened there. They went to, who the con it sounds like, the fucking bitch, how was that? - Oh, it's actually supposed to be a resort in-- - They were at the public rock, yeah. - That's a horrible thing to say. - It's horrible. - So they were in some horrible place in Mexico that decoys were made with its name. - It was Dominican Republic, but-- - Whatever. (laughing) - So they were there, and Teresa got in a fight with somebody and beat the shit out of him some part. - She threw champagne at some lady, and then they all felt fighting. - Again, but this was all caught on camera. - No, no exo-exo to that bitch in here. - No, no, no, no, no. - She got this sincerely. That's it. - Yeah. - So now we have this-- - So yes, so that was a big thing that was never shown. And now we have a fist fight, and I feel like the cameras should have been there to catch it, and yet nothing there. - Well, it's like they were showing the men, there was some weird editing that happened. - Yeah. - They were showing them, and all of a sudden, you hear this dialogue, they're like, "What's going on?" And there's like a glass in front of Richie's face as he's saying it, and then it like moves, clearly like they overlaid. - Yeah. - The dialogue, it was very-- - Are your short or like how short are you over there? - Yeah, and all of a sudden, it was just gone. - Explaining football to the friend who's just there for the nachos, hard. Tailgating from home like a pro with snacks and drinks everyone will love, an easy win. And with an Instacart helping deliver the snack time MVPs to your door, you're ready for the game in as fast as 30 minutes. So you never miss a play or lose your seat on the couch or have to go head to head for the last chicken wing. Shop game day faves on Instacart and enjoy zero dollar delivery fees on your first three grocery orders. Offer valid for a limited time, other fees and terms apply. - Credit Karma is your evolved financial assistant, making managing your finances simpler and more tailored to you. Join us at Credit Karma.com to start your personalized financial journey today and continue to grow with our innovations. Credit Karma, evolve your finances. - Are you suggesting that this is not real? (laughing) Is that the fight that happened right there? - Rest check. - I am shocked. Yeah, it was a weird thing, but I liked, I think it was Cathy who made actually a very clever, passive, aggressive comment about like, how strange is it that Joe Judas, who is a Taekwondo master, got taken down by Richie by accident? You know what I mean? It's true, I mean, if this guy is like, supposed to be this karate Taekwondo martial arts master. - Not this season. - Well, he's a little drunk now. He's basically a drunkard. He's basically-- - He's really been working on his tits. They're like a scene now. - Yeah, they're great. - You would feel like a scene right now. - Alex Fellino should be so jealous, you know? He's got a Drew PC, they're looking pretty good. - Well, you know, speaking of dietary issues, poor Lauren Menzo, she cannot out that way. - All right, you guys. Carolyn Manzo's the worst mother ever, okay? I'm 36 and I still have mommy issues and I have actually a nice mom. I just blame her for a lot of stuff. But Carolyn Manzo's really terrible. She takes her fat kid, like, she's always like, oh, the poor thing, just so fat. And every year, the poor girl gets fatter. - Fatter? - Because she's got her mom telling her she's fat all day. - There's also dating a fat guy who runs a deli. - Yeah, and she was also one season when she was doing a serial diet where all she did was like, you crossed the place. - And lucky charm. - Yeah, lucky charms. Well, so now Lauren Manzo, unfortunately for her, things have gotten really dire. And now she had to go see some nutritionist, who I think may be-- - Dr. Pericone, I love his famous together. - I guess he's famous, who prescribed her with like, here's a jug of egg whites and some cocoa powder. And you can just drink this always. - And berries. - Oh, and berries. - And his whole office was like giant jars of fish oil pills. - What the fuck kind of doctor is this? And Carolyn's like, yeah, poor thing. I wish it was one of my sons. - And they're so skinny. - Yeah, I thought they might have said-- - Well, one of your sons was pretty fat. - But you know, the thing is, Lauren, she's got Vito. I mean, why is she caring so much? - 'Cause she's trying to launch a business. She's a makeup artist. - Well, now that's the other thing. Will she have the commitment to this diet? Because you know what? As we learned, face by Lauren Manzo, which is her cosmetic line. - They shuddered a day after her grand opening. - Yeah, she was just mad about-- - She didn't like it, so she just walked out the day after grand opening. - So now, I mean, honestly, if you cannot make it at Chateau, the art of beauty in Franklin Lake, New Jersey, I have serious concerns about your business acumen. (laughing) - She can probably get a job at pop. - Well, you know, the truth is this, I also wonder how far apart are Lauren and Ashley? Ashley is like the bad seed, but Lauren's not doing that much with her life either. - But Lauren's trying at least. - No, she's not, she's doing this. - She's befriending her mom and her mom's friends. - Yeah. - And she's like a 50-year-old mom. - Yeah, she doesn't know what they're wearing. - She doesn't know what they're wearing. - And dates come due to the deli. Listen, I'm a true believer in that. You sit only lose weight to get somebody to marry you on the first plane. (laughing) The only reason I'm not 600 pounds is because I'm single. (laughing) - I'm following her. The moment we find a veto, yeah. - Totally. - I'm gonna be making mom's arrival at the kitchen shop. - That's all we need. - No, Lauren, I mean, here's the thing. So should we start talking about Ashley? Because Ashley needs to be talked about. Do you guys have been following Ashley and the saga of her awfulness? - What's in her hair? - So now she looks like a porn star. That's the new thing. She's bleach blonde, her lips are out. - Okay, so in case you don't know who this is, Jacqueline used to be a waitress. - A waitress? - A VIP waitress. - And met her goomba husband there at her Denny's job or whatever, make it. - And then we took her in and made her rich. And then she had this kid who's now just a spoiled crack. She's never done anything to this kid, but give her money. So now the kid's like a total drug addict and an escalate and she dyed her hair blonde and looks like a porn star and got new lips and she's horrible. - She's awful. She's been awful every season. And just really think she can't get more awful. You sort of think, okay, she's old enough where she can be a little bit more self-aware. She can read that people think that she's awful. She can see herself on TV, maybe not soon. - She has a winner, right? - And she teaches you what people think about it. - Right, but you're horrible and you're horrible. - It says she just gets worse and worse and finally, to reform her ways, this is sort of an unorthodox method, I would think. Jaclyn and her husband, Chris, have decided to send her to probably the most laid back and simple place. Las Vegas, the picture after Las Vegas, she parted two hours when he sent you to Las Vegas 'cause that'll really-- - Well, it's like, if your parents go to college, they want you to go to college. Jaclyn just wants her daughter to be in the process. - Where she can find a man to support her problem. - So this story line was hilarious. Would you agree, Matt? It's a hilarious story line. - It was the best ever interesting history. - All that had happened. Here's all that Ashley had to do. What do you want? - She had to catch a point. - All we have to do is-- - We have to talk about when she left the house. - That's what I'm talking about. - No, no, no. - You should go back further to where she-- - The first minute you see Ashley, okay? She's up on the stairs and she's like-- - This is so hard. I have a suitcase, it's hard. I can't even pack it. I don't even know what I'm doing. I can't even carry this. I'm applying, it's hot outside. - So they're gonna take-- - And she admits that she's been taking Xanax all day. - Yeah, and then she also says something along the lines. I don't even know if planes could crash until I saw her cast away. (laughing) - Wait, what? - Do you remember she said that? She like, you lost this on "Fast Forward" down here. - She? - It never-- (laughing) - You blocked it out. It was such a stupid comment. You must have blocked that. Almost as stupid as when she later said, "I sit nightclub with a straw." - Yes, it was. Clearly this is one of our greatest thinkers. I can't wait for her book to come out. (laughing) No. - I can make you drop. (laughing) - In a skinny dipping pool. No, she-- (laughing) - She's not gonna have to have skinny in it or have a house last place. - So basically they were just sending her to Newark Airport to get her out of bed. - They just didn't, Jacqueline. - But Jacqueline was not going to drive her. - She didn't even hug her. - Jacqueline, no, Jacqueline said the reason why I'm having Abby, her nephew, Abby, take her is because she's afraid they're getting to a fight on the way to the airport. - She didn't leave it. - Possibly gay son of Caroline, man. (laughing) - And she said, "I just wanna get Asha, "big hug and send her on her way." She didn't even give the hug. - No, she was busy playing with the dog. - She was, she literally was playing with the dog, which is, you know what, honestly, a better entertainment alternative. - She has a new husband. She has a husband and Chris that provides for her that have two children of their own. She's done with that baby. - Not even Chris so good of her. Like, no one took her to the airport. - No, they're done with her. - So, so Abby takes her to the airport and drops off at the curb. And she's like doing her thing where she cries with her pinkies in her eyes. And she's like, "I don't even know what an airport is." (laughing) She goes, "She doesn't actually." - She literally was going back. - She's like, "How about I do this? "How do I know what plane it is? "My dad didn't even tell me what plane to get on." - Yeah, so she goes in, "She's at the airport. "I'm assuming many hours early." - Tweeting the inside. - Tweeting, she's like, "LOL, where's the dog got done? "That's LOL." And literally, I'm not joking, I'm not joking. (laughing) And then she announces that she missed her flight. Even though she was in the same airport, (laughing) and she was there many hours early, she somehow missed her flight. - But not only did she miss it, she's like, "Stupid airline employees." - She's like, "I hate my--" Yeah, they were so mean to me. This is, and she is the classic thing. She's like, "I hate my life. "This stuff always happens to me." (laughing) Yeah, 'cause you understand that you didn't walk from like, through the gate onto your airplane. - Well, meanwhile, her parents have planned this party because this bitch is gone. (laughing) (laughing) - They're like, they're learning a plane flight? - She's leaving. - They're like, everyone's had a good thing. - Yeah. - They're like, they're like-- - They're like drinking, they're tossing-- - You know how much they hate-- - They're tossing a ham at each other. - They're actually so much, they even invited Teresa to this party, and they hate Teresa. They're like, "Yes, Ashley's gone." They're getting more Teresa now. - Yeah, and then Porte actually comes back in in every woods, it's like all-- - The record scratches. - Yeah, the record for these scratches. Like, oh, the porn stars back. But she did eventually, Chris the next day, did drive her to the airport. - This stuff is making me drunk. - You know, it makes me-- - That's Vanessa, I need a martini. - Yeah, I don't like this colored stuff. - Well, you know, speaking of this, Ashley, I think that we were-- - Sorry. - Brings the drink comment. - I didn't mean it like that. It's artificially colored. - Speaking of Ashley, it brings up a question. Like, we have a question, which is, what can Ashley do? If she cannot literally just take the few steps it takes to get out of an airplane, what mundane things can she or can she not do? What do we think? Do we think that she's capable of returning a DVD to Netflix? - No, no, no, I can't do that, and I'm a fairly smart person. I found soap dish when I was moving. I found it by him right now. - That's a great feature. - They charge me like $40 for a copy of soap dish. - No, it's just like you lost it. - Work every penny, I had already done that. You can only do that one time. - All right, do we think that she can open a bag of Cheetos by herself? - Definitely, she's like Brittany. - Yeah, that's sort of her diet of the Cheetos. What about climbing up a ladder? Do we think that she can climb a ladder? - No, no, no. - No, she'll step up that little, that part, that you're not supposed to step on, there's a flip over that. And she'll be like, this is my life, I hate this in my life. Things happen like this in my life. - Why would they put the slanted like this, this is so dumb. - Why do you need a ladder? - Why do you need a ladder? - She'd be in a circle. - Do we think she actually even understand the basic principles of gravity at this point, or is that like the opposite? - That's how she goes to bed, just half the time. (laughing) - Gravity will get me to bed. - She's like, I didn't even know you could fall asleep until I saw sleeping with the enemy. (laughing) - After an apple in the air, and it fell on the ground. - That's stupid. Why didn't you stay up there? I hate my life. The apples never space spent in the air. Okay, so speaking of other idiots. Okay, Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo Jo - I just wondered what would happen if Demi just opened up her arms? And now I know, it's just Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo, Gigi, not, oh, can you pretend it's before eight and get me a martini? I don't like this. - We're talking about the waitress, we're talking about the wizard. - If not, put it on his car. - Yeah. - So anyway, so it's pizza place. - Oh, we have to talk about it's pizza place. - Yeah, so I closed. - Her lazy ass, Teresa's lazy ass has been, he's been arrested because he was drunk, he ran into a train drunk driving. - Yeah. - And he was like, ah, it wasn't even drunk, I just had to train. - And then so his license was therefore suspended, as it would happen if you didn't drunk drive. And then he went to the DMV to get up with his brother's documents to get a license from somebody. - Yeah, she tried to speak with her license. - And so, yeah, so guess what? He got caught 'cause he's also on TV and people know who he is. And then he got into real trouble now. - And now he has a driver to take him to the construction site for where he is. - So I'm gonna take him to the pizza place, that he doesn't have time to go to. - Okay, so Teresa bought him a pizza place to keep him out of the house. And all he has to do is go make pizza. - Yeah. - This tour guy can't even do that. He shows up in the beginning of this episode, I'll bleer at stone out of his mind, like I'll puff you in the eye. And he's like, I just can't do it, Teresa. I gotta be there every day, you know. I think this is good, I think this is good, to be honest, because I don't know if we'd need Jojo Dyson's pizza inflicted on the world. - But do we need him to build a hospice center across the street? - Yeah, he's gonna tear down a gas station and build a retirement home. - 50 and older. - Those old people, I swear to god. - I know 55 and older, I'm like, that's really, he has to be a hospice center. - That is going to be under cover by you. - It's probably gonna be a new bravo show, thank you, and you come. - Could you imagine? Come stay at a retirement home, formerly a gas station. All the wonderful amenities you could ever want. It does make you wonder though, who is worse? Who is worse of a husband? Jojo Dyson, J, or Jim Bellino from Real House, as well as Chad. Do you guys know who that is? - This is our little segue. - Wait a minute, you can't go to OC yet. - What do we miss? - We have to talk about Kathy's hot song. - Oh wait, this is gonna be Matt's soapbox corner. Okay, Matt, tell us, tell me your thoughts on it. - I'm carrying out a bottle of it. - There are only things I haven't paid a file, so let's move on. - No, no, no, no. - What, I don't want them to take out. - The camera's attention's for 15 year olds, but we do agree that he will be hot once he becomes up age, but he's 15 right now. - Did you not sex when you were younger? He was gonna-- - No, we didn't have-- - He was gonna have soapbox, how long are you? - How long are you? Never mind, one day at a time. - Matt just turned 19. So anyway, so who is worse? Jojo or Jim? - Let's let's-- - Jo, by far. - Jim, at least Jo's fuckable. - Admit it. (audience laughing) - Well, Jim's got that new chin, you know? - Yeah, he has a new attitude. - New chin, new attitude, right? - I don't want some guy boning me and then lecturing me about Jesus. I can't. - Yeah, but I like that. - He at least has a little bit of money. - Jojo has nothing. - What does he even do? He's opening a business where he's gonna just like open a backyard full of trampolines for children to jump on. - Who does that? - What kind of business is that? - That's Jim Bellino's business. - That's a business. - Did you catch that? - Somehow I missed that. - It's a trampoline. - Somehow I missed that in Forbes. - Oh, he's-- (audience laughing) But what he's working on is a new family business where people come and jump on. - Wait, wait, actually, to be fair, I've heard of those things. - I'm in. - And I heard they're good. - And it's fucking awesome. - I would go. - Like Jim Bellino just went so high up in my ass. - He went up on an emotional trampoline. - Trampoline perks are so fun. - I wanna go. Although, I don't know if I'd go to Jim Bellino's trampolines. - No, they're-- - Every trampoline would look like Alexis's boobs. You'd just be bouncing on her boobs the entire time. - But Jo, you deep'd whatever. It's such sweet. - She's like, "It's so, I'm so happy to have him home "and taking care of the kids." Then they show the little ones bleeding. He's like, "Ah, she's fine." And then, "Oh, she's fine." She's gonna be bitter. What's all this-- - Yeah, oh yeah. - Yeah, it's gonna be so bitter. She's like, "Oh, take care of it." She's like cleaning the blood off her skin. - I know. - And he's like pouring wifers all. He's like, "Ah, she's fine." She's like, "He is such a horrible, horrible man." - I think he's actually a terrible father. - Yeah. - Actually, don't like the way he talks to his kids. - No, but we're all in agreement here, except for Ronnie's. - But then again, Jim though-- - But Jim is awful. - But Jim is awful though. - No, I'm not saying Jim is not awful, I'm just saying. - Well, here's where Jim is stupid, okay? Jo at least has the foresight to realize that he's not making any money, and so Teresa's gonna have to bring in the money. Now, Jim, I don't think he's making any money either. And Alexis now has some weird opportunities to make like $5 at Fox News or Fox and Diego. And Jim wants to shut that shit down because he's just jealous and he thinks that she should be home with the kids. - I know, that's because the real reason is because Alexis-- - She has a picture of anchoring. - She's just like Katie Curric. - She is. - No, no, not Katie Curric. That's not even a real person, it's Katie Curric. - Curric. (laughter) - Curric. - I think it's because that job doesn't pay her enough. Alexis can only do so many jobs to support Jim. - Yeah. - And Fox 5 News, how much is that gonna happen? - And she has the nurture of Alexis Couture because she should neuter that shit. - I'm kind of upset that we don't have some pieces from the Alexis Couture line here to show off. - It has nothing on she-by-she-ray. - Oh, that's true. She-by-she-ray has even-- - And a few lines of all lines. - It will be, when it comes out, it will be amazing. - It's coming back. - It is coming back. - No exception, except we're not. - Yeah. - Actually, it'd be funny if just like a dress showed up. You know, it's like, oh, she raised yours, just like a dress on her hair. You're sad. It'd be like, you know, broke like now. Very random dress. - I take it to a dark place, a dark place. - Well, the shirts are singing. - A dark place. - The girls are about to end the day. - If it goes to charade, it blows. - I mean, he will just smell it and be like, "Oh, you're such a bitch." (all laughing) - So let's talk about the real houses of Orange County because we need to start talking about it. - Gretchen is an artist, you guys. - Yeah, let's talk about Gretchen. Okay, let's talk about Gretchen in the singing. - We've been waiting for seven weeks. - Seven weeks. - Guys, I love you. - Guys, I don't know if you guys heard. She lost her voice, guys. Did you hear her? I don't know if you heard. She lost it. - Like, who has loses her voice for that long from one day of shouting? Like, and losing her voice doesn't mean that you can't hit the right pitch. - Yeah. - Thank you. - Thank you. - Pitch burn. - Doesn't mean to hold down. - No. - Bam, you totally got it. I think someday Gretchen is just going to have to accept the fact that she has no voice. - I kind of feel like, though, that she does have some sense of herself. - Oh, I've got to go like that. - And you're like, "What?" - I feel like she kind of knows she sucks. - Yeah. - Like, that's why she's so nervous. I feel like Slade pushed her into-- - I actually agree a little bit. - I think she kind of knows. Like, she has no-- - She's created a lie. She's created a lie. She's created a lie because she knows she sucks. - Well, I like Gretchen because she knows that everybody sucks, and she knows that she sucks. Like, when Slade wanted to be a stand-up comic, she's like, "You can't do that, you're terrible." - The only one she doesn't realize-- - She doesn't really want her to be a singer. She's like, "I can't do that, I'm terrible." Like, she knows, please. - The only person she doesn't realize who sucks is Slade. - She does, but Slade's her agent. - Exactly. - Look, that's my agent of sucks, but I want to be in commercial, so. - Well, Slade to the phone. - You know, but do we really think that Slade got her the gig with Missy Cat dolls? I mean-- - Yes. - Or Bravo. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Robin, you think Slade did that? - Uh-huh. - All right, fine. Fine. You go work with Slade. - You go work with Slade, and we'll see you. What opens up for you? - No pun intended. - Yeah, she didn't turn down the Fox 5. - She did. - Oh, okay, we have to shut that off. - 'Cause these BFFs are falling apart. - Yeah. - So, Gretchen was BFFs with Alexis. - Booze for Jesus, in case you don't watch the show. - Yeah. - BFJ. - Yeah. - And Alexis has been all proud of her hard-hitting news segment where she interviews people like Dr. Booty and various women dressed like nurses. And so she's showing-- - So, you're right here to talk about sex and-- - Chilton, sexing. - Chilton, sex. - They must have been so excited when they saw her on camera. Like, it's such a train wreck. - Yeah. - I would get up so early. - They're like, "I'll be watching every week." - Yeah. - You know the Fox people are like, "Yes, we are totally getting on the show now." 'Cause she's been-- - She's been out for one sentence. She's been out. - And those poor people who were there to talk about teen sex didn't even know what to say. - Yeah. - She got their name wrong. - I had her chest was falling out of for sure. - What is that? What is that? - She called one lady, Dr. Ariola. - She did. - She did. - She did. - She did. - Yeah. (laughs) I think she doesn't even know what an Ariola is. - My name was Ariana. - Yeah. - That's okay. - But then she's proudly showing this hideous segment off to Gretchen. And Gretchen being the bitch that she is is like, "Oh yeah, they offered that to me first." But I turned it down. But I'm so glad that you're doing it. (laughs) I love frenemies. - Oh, it's amazing. But the fucked up thing is Alexis doesn't even realize how terrible she is. - Yeah. - So shouldn't that be Gretchen's job is her BFF to tell her that? - She did. She was like, "Get a coach." - She did it in like the nicest way possible. - She actually did it. - As you really did. - But that's the advice Gretchen gives everybody. - You shouldn't do it. You have no talent. - Don't even try. - Yeah. - It's the same advice she gave herself. - Yeah. And unfortunately she's not totally following it. But that's okay. Oh wait, I have to say something now. - Yes. - You guys, Gretchen can kind of sing. Admit it. Admit it. Somebody, Admit it. - She can kind of sing in the way that like Lindsay Lohan like kind of sing. - Lohan's first album is amazing. - But it's awesome, it's an honor too. So like, you know, there's all these starlets who are like, "Oh, I can kind of hit notes and you can auto tune it." And now I'm gonna sing it. - I don't know. Well, considering that Bravo. - The impression of that, like that. - Considering that Bravo has like teased out this pussy-got-dollas performance over like five episodes. - Yeah, we really didn't even get to see anything. - We haven't yet to see the true performance yet. So that's gonna happen. - My God, we didn't talk about Melissa Gorgas song. - Oh, yeah. - Does anybody know it? - The new Ballet. - Anyone have it on their iPod yet? - No. - No. - No. - That's something. - Little one happens, "Ginny Girl." - Yeah. - It's like, "Joe, Joe, I love you, Joe. Thank you for everything you give me, Joe." - And he's like, "Yeah, I'm gonna put my poison in you, baby." And then they went, "What about..." - Yeah. - It's good song. - I hate this. - Watch it. - BVR. - So... - Can we talk about Biki Thompson? - Yeah, let's talk about Biki. - Okay, so can we talk about the Brooks? - Okay, so Bix has this new boyfriend named Brooks, who may or may not be a grifter from Biki's Sydney or Alabama or whatever, whose way of course it was to say, "Your eyes are so beautiful. What are your assets again?" - There's a daily affirmation via text. - Oh, yeah, daily affirmation. - What does that mean? - It means he's like a good lover. - He's like, "What's the affirmation like?" - Well, he shared one. He said, "I'm like a man, tell us what's the woman. I want to tell everyone in the world that I love you." And she says, "Okay." And he whispers, "I love you." And it's like, "Oh, 'cause she's the world." So think about that. - It calls Justin as an awkward silence on the show as it did right now. - Did it move as emotionally as Teresa's apologies to Jo and Melissa? 'Cause I can already see that she was welling up in your eyes. - I just want a band to say that to me. No, I really know. - No, you don't. So do we think Brooks is a good guy or a grifter? - No, no. - Look, Biki has a beaver face and boobs card. You guys, she got boobs when they were still square. You remember when they would put squares on the people? So she had these big scar boobs. - They had scar boobs. - And they didn't stitch that part, so she's got two-inch scars here under her boobs. - Yeah. And I've actually seen them up close. - Like mother like daughter. - I've actually, believe it or not, I actually saw Biki in person. As you're wearing this weird dress where you can actually see, like, underboob. And the scars are, like, hideous. - Look, and God bless her, you know, insurance insurance insurance insurance insurance with Biki. But I say, unless you're dating somebody uglier than you, chances are they're using you. - Yeah, this is why I date ugly people. - I don't know. I think there's definitely a chance that Brooks could be a grifter, but I don't know. I feel like maybe he might be not a grifter. - He sends her cards. - He sends her, like, all those shoebox breathing cards. - No, shoebox readings are matching with a crown on it or something like that. - Like, you suck, haha, I love you. - Before we move on, can we please talk about the makeup debacle? - Yes, makeup gate, two thousand and five. - Okay, Alexis, this week, Alexis showed up in black face, you guys, on the Real House as a Warren's counter. - So, Alexis had an issue because obviously she has to go anywhere she goes. She used to have a makeup artist, because who doesn't? I already, I had mine backstage. And this makeup artist in Vegas shockingly put on too much makeup. Which, by the way, says a lot of people put on too much makeup. - But it wasn't only, okay, it wasn't too much makeup. Alexis got a nose job because she had something blocking her sinus. It wasn't a nose job. It was, like, it was for medical reasons, you guys. - Yeah. - She just, she just ordained it. - And she still got bruises here. So, this don't have to make up artists try to match the bruise color. So, she made her whole face on her black face. When Alexis didn't want to tell her, but she can't go out like that. - So, Alexis was all embarrassed and she's like, "Gosh, now I look like a drag queen." I'm like, "I hate to break it to you, Alexis." It's not the makeup that's doing that. Although, she looks like, you know, she looks like the most womanly woman next to the real house. That was a bit of a lanta. Those are real, those are the real drag queens. - Yeah, those are girls. - Actually, no, but, you know, we were going to talk about, uh, don't be tired of the wedding. Speaking of Atlanta, but I think before we get to that, I think we have a question for Hannah about the housewives of Orange County and New Jersey. - Yeah. - Because since you are our expert from VH1, which makes you very famous. - Yeah. - We're supposed to let you talk. We're supposed to see parody. - Yeah, well, so our question is this, which is if we threw the housewives of New Jersey and the housewives of Orange County into the Hunger Games, who would die? - And who would emerge victorious? - Yeah, put them in order. Okay, you have to put them in order. Like, who dies first? - Tell us how the Hunger Games would play out. - And who killed them. - Tell us how. - Yeah. - It's normally, like, I spend a while time writing a sandwich. So, I'm just doing it on spot. Um, God. - No, sing it. Sing it. - Can you dance it? - Yeah. - Can you sing me a style? - Um, I think, I have to say it in Caroline Manto. - Would be the, would be the victor. - She'd be the Katniss. - You think Katniss ever been here? - Yes. She's like the strongest woman. - She kind of looks slow. (laughter) Like, I don't think you're asking her. Do you really see her getting up a tree? - Yeah. - Getting up a tree. - Yeah. - Mental games. - Nothing. - Yeah. - She's, I think, the smartest. - Yeah. - She's definitely the first one out. - Yeah, she's the one who gets to the bumblebees. - She would kill herself. - Yeah. - She'd be going into the-- - Actually, I take this off but Gretchen would win. - Yes. - Gretchen would win. - She'd be in good shape. - Yeah. - She and Tamara, I think, would have like an alliance. - Yeah. - Let's take it to the end. - Well then, who would win? - Melissa Gorga would be like a good third place. - She would be, yeah, Melissa would come close. - Yeah. - She would be the go with the daggers. - Melissa even has muscles in her boobs. - Yeah. - She's got muscles in her boobs. - She's jagged. - Yeah, yeah. - And I don't think she's that dumb. - Yeah. - No, I don't think so either actually. - She's smart. - I think she's smart. - But she's not Gretchen smart. - That's smart. - Vicki would be out pretty early, I think. - Yeah. - I think Vicki just would refuse to play. She'd be like, "I don't do this." - Yeah, I have to work. I have to work. I have to work. I have to work. - She's like, "Do all these kids have insurance?" - She's like, "Do all these kids have insurance?" because this is what they're doing. Those are even families behind with no insurance. - A helicopter would just keep coming and dropping her back into the game because her insurance is so good. [laughter] - Well, sir-- - Teresa. - Teresa. - Teresa. - Teresa. - I can't believe-- I just watched couple celebrity princesses. Like, I can't believe she's less than that long. - She's gone. - Wait, wait, wait. I haven't seen less nights. Don't tell me if I was her. - I didn't see less like you. - She's totally going to win. - She cannot win. - So stupid. - She has a-- - Oh, God. - She doesn't mean to anybody. - Because she's, like, intimidated by-- - She hasn't had to spell any words. That's why she's not a real girl. - Actually, a career. - And she intimidated, like, Aubrey O'Day. - Yeah. - But Aubrey knows more Twitter followers than everybody on my show. - Okay. - Okay, so we don't have that much time left, so why don't we just get right into Don't be retarded for the wedding, okay? Is this show any good? Do you guys like the show? - I think-- - It's the show with Kim Zolciak on to her wedding. - Aw, I'm the only one who likes it. I know Ronnie wants to kill him, so. - I thought it was the snooze best, personally. - It's like, you know, when poor people win the lottery, and they're like, "Yeah, win the lottery!" And then, they're kind of cute to watch, but then they end up in a box somewhere. - Yeah. - Just a glimmer of fun in that. That's how I feel. She's gonna be in a box somewhere. - I think-- here's the thing. Every now and then, Bravo thinks it's a great idea to put on a show about planning someone's wedding, and I don't tune in to Bravo for weddings. I'm sorry. I feel like you go to TLC or to oxygen for weddings, but for me, I tune in for caddiness and wedding stuff. - Okay, as bad as the show is, she did pull higher ratings than the candy factory, which-- - Whoa. - Whoa. - If you watch the candy factory, that's Candy's American Idol. - I would watch that. I wanted to watch that. - I know. You're a candy fan. - Well, I like it, you know why? Because she wrote no scrubs, and I stand behind that song. - She was one of nine. - And I know there's some people in the audience right now. - Nine! - I would be like, I would be like Candy Bursts. I would be like Candy Bursts. I would be like Candy Bursts. - Nine people wrote that fucking song. - Doesn't matter. It was Candy's genius that took it over the edge. - Yeah. - I love candy, you know. - I'll watch any shows she does. - Okay. - Candy Factory. - Here's a question. Getting back to starting for the wedding. Do we think that Kim's mom may have an eating disorder? - Yes. - Do we see her? - That was not pleasant to look at. Her mom was trying on dresses, and it was like skin and bones. - Yeah. - In a big, tool, white, whatever. - Well, what about Kim's youngest kid looking just like the grandpa? - Oh, okay. - Okay. - Can we talk about this the most of the time? - Okay. Poor Ariana. Poor sweet Ariana. This girl is an angel. She does everything for her mom. She cries out of joy all the time. And you know what? She gets her turn. Her mom shoves her into a pool. Ariana, you're the fat one. You know, it's cruel. - Camera is so rolling. - Kim knows what she's doing. She's making good TV. - Do we think she will become corrupted? Do we think that this will-- - No, the little one? - No, the little one? - No. - The real is a different story. - She's going to rub her. - Real is a zester. - Yeah. The little one's going to be the new Andy Come. - I hope so. - But the other one, that girl's going to be knocked up. - Oh, the real drag around here. - Real is going to have a kiss. - That girl's going to be a mess. - Real is going to be pregnant at the same time as her mother. I'll tell you that much. - Now what? - She's going to get pregnant at the same time as her mother. - Teen pregnancy. - Her mom's pregnant again, though, already. - Yeah. - Is that right? - She's wearing social commentary here. - Here's a comment. - It's working. It's working. - Everyone has three children and lots of implants. Don't be wearing a wedding dress. It's showing your boob folds. - How come-- - At least it was her wedding dress. Her boob's up here and her skin's down here. She's like, "Yeah, tighten it. - No, Kim, don't do that. Don't stop. Come on a shirt. Hashmina. Hashmina wedding." - She's not known for necessarily her most logical decisions in life, you know? - Now, here's another question I have. She brings in Colin Cowie, who shows up in every reality, showed a wedding. - You must be a category expert. I've never seen him before. - Are you having either? - She had a show. - He always is coming on to things. - Are you watching TLC? - Yeah, and he was on-- - I feel like he had that guy. - He did Rob and Amber's wedding. - Oh, well, excuse me. - The fact that you don't know that shocks me. Shocks me. So anyway, they're just planned where they're going to end. - Oh, we're going to-- so they're going to-- okay, you know what? It's not even an important point, because you know what? The show sucks. The show sucks. Who cares? I'm not even going to talk about it anymore. Do we have anything else to talk about? - I don't think so. I'm so sorry I shit on your Kim story. - It's okay. - I just watched that so I couldn't see anywhere it was going to go. - No, it's awesome. - Kim, all I can think about is one boob here and the rest of it then. It was like when you're trying to cook a chicken and you marinate it in some lemon, and it starts separating from the bone. - I don't like that. - I just want to know why-- - Speaking of, are we going to watch around the world in 80 place? - I'm going to watch it, yeah. - That was a good segment. - I like it. I like around the world in 80 place. - I already know that. - Oh, I think this is good. It's like amazing racing food. So that's sort of how I'd like to-- - Rosie live season two? - No, no. I don't care about Rosie Pope or anything like that. So yeah, I think that's pretty much it. That was the only exciting stuff on Bravo this week, I think, right? So I guess-- - I think. Do you have anything? - I like how the podcast just sort of like comes to a scene. - I can sit on your-- - I do that at the end of every one. I'm like, that story is stupid. All of our-- - You do say that. - The app, why? - Apathy is set in. Apathy is set in. You know, 'cause you can only talk about Bravo for so long where you want to shoot yourself in half, right? - That's true. (laughing) - So that's the one. (laughing) - So everyone, so next time we do a live show, that's it. Look forward to shooting yourself in the head. Everyone here in the audience is crying, shuffling out sadly like, you're a big crush. - Don't let your fake boobs go over your beautiful. - Okay. - Well, I want to thank everyone so much for coming out. We actually have a crowd here. - Yeah, thank you so much. (cheering) - Thank you. (clapping) - Hopefully we'll get to do this again. And it was really fun. Thank you so much for coming out, Hannah. - Yeah, and we love you. - We love you. - We love you. - We love you. - We love you. - We love you. - We love you. - Three years of it calling your lips. - Soon everyone's going to know how to pronounce it. - Yeah. - We love you. - We love you. - We love you. - We love you. - We love you. - We love you. - We love you. - We love you. - We love you. (clapping) (hip hop music) (hip hop music) (hip hop music) (hip hop music) (hip hop music) (hip hop music) - If you like Watch what Crap is, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. - If you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey. Are you in trouble with the law? 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