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That's Audible.com/crapins or text Crapins to 500-500. - This episode of Watch Where Crapins is brought to you by Gamefly. Go to Gamefly.com/forward-haha for your free 15-day trial. - Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Count Just Speaking. We have arrived. ♪ Cheat, they love me, they both, they both ♪ ♪ Cheat, they love me, they both ♪ - Hey everyone, welcome to Watch Where Crapins, a weekly podcast about all things bravo. I'm Ben Madelker from besideblog.com. And with me is Matt Whitfield from Yahoo, I'm at. - Hey Ben, how are you? - I'm just fantastic. And Ronnie Karen from tvgasm.com. How are you, Ronnie? - Hey, I'm good, how are you guys? - That felt fake, though, I'm just kidding. - It did, it kinda was. - Wow, we have so much to cover this week. We say that every week, but this week, we truly have so much to cover. We, my God, we have to talk about not only two of the housewives shows, as usual, and not only Shah as the sunset, but then there was this crazy, crazy thing that we're gonna start off with. Last week, it was the Watch What Happens All Stars Arena. I think it was just called Watch What Happens Live All Stars, right? - That is correct, and I overhyped it on this podcast last week because I thought it was going to be Christmas meets Hanukkah, meets Easter, and my birthday all rolled into one. - And yet? - And yet it was the biggest disaster in television history. - It was, it was the biggest disaster since Andy Cohen thought it'd be a good idea to have the real housewives of Miami reunion live on Watch What Happens. It was a total, total disaster, and it was so, it was sort of so sticky and silly that, but not enough that it was sort of like enjoyably charming, you know? It was just a full out and out of a disaster. - Well, Andy Cohen is just so bad at hosting. He's so awkward, and you know, when it's just him wasted in the studio, that's one thing, like just sitting around getting drunk because he's just kind of like a wasted dork, you know? So it kind of works, but Matt, when he has to run a show, oh no, no. You won't be taken over late, so buddy. - Well, the funny thing is like the poor guy, like Bravo has come so far in the past three or four years. It's become like quality trash on cable, you know? - It's not a well-oiled machine. - Well-oiled machine. It's not trying to be any AMC or FX up in here, but it did reality better than anybody, and then that show took them five years back. It took them into the dark ages before they even had inside the actor studio. It was cheap and crappy. - It was like if we were to invite all of those people onto a show and then put it on the air. - I was just gonna say our podcast, us sitting in your living room is classier than that piece of the show. - No, it was a full-on disaster because Andy Cohen has a hard enough time keeping three people on his show. - Andy Cohen has a hard enough time reading his cue cards. - Well, he's cross-eyed, hello. Here he had not just like several guests, not just a crowd of drunken people, but these were all bravo stars jockeying for time and attention. My mind goes immediately to this epic disaster that was some sort of weird, real housewives, Blond's versus Brunette, East Coast versus West Coast disaster, and that was honestly, that honestly made the Miami reunion look like a tea party. It looked like Miami looked like Downton Abbey. - It was the OC and the Beverly Hills housewives against Atlanta, New York, and New Jersey in some bizarro, stupid contest. And after about two seconds, it just became a screaming match with Ramona and Candy. - And Vicki, Vicki was screaming, Vicki was on a power play. She was the one who insisted that she answered the questions. - Well, Andy, Ramona was going nuts. - Oh, Andy keeps calling her the OG, and I mean, Vicki is. - She is. - Yeah, she is, but her head is already inflated, so it was just a complete disaster, and for the last 20 minutes, the audio was off. - Oh, God. - It was just, it was scratching. - It was someone's mic was scratching up against their shirt, and I don't think that they could tell who's mic they left. - No, he just got rolling with it. - Oh my God, everything was just, everything was so horrific in so many ways, and the thing is that halfway through, he had lost the audience, which was the biggest problem. He was trying to do this show. You could hear the audience murmuring, and just chatting, and it was-- - They were talking above him, and then they kept showing, they would cut away, and they would show the different tables. Nini was sitting there shooting daggers, like my fucking contract is putting my ass in the seat, but I want to kill myself. - Yeah, it reminded me of terrible dinner theater in the Bayou, or something like that. Or that's what I imagined. It would be like, 'cause I've never been to terrible dinner theater in the Bayou. - I think terrible dinner theater in Jupiter, Florida, for an entire year, and trust me, it was not that bad. - Was it like that scene from "Soped-ish" in the beginning when he was flying? - Yeah, it was a lot of candy wrappers, a lot of Robert Goulay talking about his glory days on "Little Bull Down Screen." - Everything was a disaster. You know, their segments, their comic segments went on too long. They had one that was endless. - The game was too long. - Yeah, the endless one about like, feeling like, what happens next? And they had four people on that couch. You know, Jeff Lewis was trying to do his dry humor thing, and it was just, it wasn't landing, the audience didn't get it. - No, because all of these stars, Tabitha and especially Jeff and even Bethany, they kind of need an editor to package them up, and to give them the sound bites properly. - Bethany was a dud. I mean, Kathy Griffin, my goodness. She was the best part. I mean, she was on the first five minutes, and she was gone. She looked like, I mean, you could tell she was taking it all in, ready to repurpose it as for her act, because it was a hot mess. - A hot mess is being generous, but there were a few things that we do need to address that did come out of this all-star disaster. So, we found out a lot of new shows did get picked up. Some of our returning favorites, Tabitha is coming back for another season. Flipping out is coming back. - Yes. - A million dollar listing, Los Angeles is coming back. I don't know why, but it is. - And they had to, by the way, those guys had way too much time on screen during that entire-- - You don't see Madison as a real bravo star. - No, and then you know, he's an idiot. You know what? When he took his microphone, for some reason, this really bothered me. This is Ben's little soapbox moment, 'cause he said something, and in the studio, it sounded really loud. So then he took his mic, and he lowered it down in his shirt. I'm like, you don't do that. You don't get to do that. - Well, and then he said-- - And then he said, I sounded really loud. Like, shut up. He just dumped it. - Yeah, the dumbest thing is, Rosie Pope and that stupid fucking show "Brennan Heels" is coming back, which had no viewers. - Yeah, well, I have not seen that show, but I will watch it now just because of how she talks. What the hell's going on with that woman? - Yeah, she has that weird talk. - What's that? - Like Barney Frank and Elmer Fudd from me. - With a little Mary Poppins in there too. - Yeah. - It's one of Navielle's few successful impersonations on SNL. - That is true. I will say this, though. My favorite show did get renewed, which I did not think was coming back based on its low viewership. - What? - Million Dollar Decorators with-- - Mom Lawrence, Mom Lawrence, Mom Lawrence. - Yeah. - Did I mention on this podcast that I once saw him at Fresh and Easy? And it just seemed like woefully out of character. Like, to see this guy. - Mom Lawrence. - Well, he is delicious. - He was carrying around a little green basket. Like, I was like, "Why are you shopping here with me in the budget supermarket?" - I think he's-- - I like being fresh. - He's annoying. - Anyway, I tweeted it and he and Katherine Island both tweeted me back. So they seem fantastic. I would love to drink cocktails with them, I have to say. Now-- - I don't think-- I didn't make it through that season. That was boring. It was just people going shopping for stuff. - Like, you're a bad gay, Ronny. Just deal with it. - Listen, I liked it. I don't even like those shows I have to say. - Hey, listen. I'm a good gay. I watch the million dollar listings. You guys don't even watch the same on you. Those are all gay. - I watch the LA one. I won't watch the New York. - Listen, pretty much any show in Bravo that starts with Million Dollar, I don't watch. It's just not in my character. - But all you have to watch the New York one 'cause there's the Swedish porn star. - I know. Or you can just watch as one of those and it's probably just as entertaining. But anyway, so then there's-- So we saw some of the shows that were coming to the new shows. And I have to say, I wasn't totally impressed with pretty much any of them. Although, I think there was one that I think seemed amusing to me. I don't remember if it was the art one or the-- - It has to be Silicon Valley. - No, that one specifically I thought looked bad. - Well, they're all gonna be like-- - They're all gonna be dancers. - 23-year-old millionaires who are just screwing each other and then trying to do big business. - Listen, all these shows are just gonna be variations on Chef Robley and company, let's be honest. - Oh, and the fact that he-- - Oh, Chef Robley Byrne. - Byrne. Wasn't he there, actually? - Yeah, he was the caterer for the night. - Oh, wow. Did he get any screen time? I don't think he got some. He just got a shout out. - No screen time. And Melissa Gorga recycled that goddamn old song of hers and Luann-- - Oh, that was painful. - Well, at least Luann seems to know that she's hilarious. - Um, Luann was the best party in the entire show. - Yeah, her butt bumping and stuff. I mean, at least she's being silly. Melissa Gorga, no, no, no, no, girl, no. - Yeah, well, I mean, it's a sliding scale when we're talking about the singers on the Real Housewives, let's not forget that either. But speaking of like, this was really a low point for watch what happens, but perhaps a high point was the fact that over the weekend, Saturday Night Live totally parodied, watch what happens, and it was a really funny skit. Did you guys see it? - I did see it. - No, who played Andy? - The new guy, Taryn, Taryn. - Taryn, Taryn, Taryn. - He was all right, I didn't love his Andy impersonation. - He was a little too jittery, like Andy Cohen on Coke, which I don't think he does. - Yeah, but I thought he didn't get the, oh my God, guys thing, totally down pat, but the rest was good, and the new girl on SNL did a spot on Tabitha. - It was hilarious. - Oh, that was one of the best parts of the entire show. I mean, her Tabitha was dead on, and then they had Sophia Vergara, and one of the other girls on the show were playing-- - The scene had dropped, we're playing the Shazasun, we're playing Gigi and MJ. - And MJ, and that was kind of funny, but I was just enjoying it because after watching the disaster that was the All-Star event, I loved seeing Andy Cohen get skewered, and he was being night, like the other day on Watch What Happens last night, actually on Sunday night, he thought that it was like really funny, but I thought that he was secretly hiding the fact that he was hurt, because they skewered his ass. - They really, really skewered it, and I mean, it's obviously sort of like a huge compliment to be, you know, skewered by SNL, but I hope he actually took something from it, but I thought it was a funny skid, and also-- - I hope he took something from it, that's funny. I hope he learned something from that skid. (laughing) - Well, it's about time someone skewered him, 'cause he's ripe for it, and people don't seem to really be able to get it down. I can't get it down. - The funniest part to me was like, hey, and we always have two guest stars, somebody from one of the crap reality shows, and then an A-list star that you can't believe knows what a fuck Bravo is, or watches this shit. - That was great, and you know what the audience was laughing at everything, all the jokes were landing, which goes to show it was resonating, and it also, I mean, if I can go on my little SNL soapbox, SNL can be so funny when they parody things, sometimes they get away from that, they just do weird characters, this was ripe for the day. I was glad to see SNL take on Bravo, and I thought this was their best Bravo parody skid they've ever done to be honest. - Really? Did you think it was better than the real Disney princess-- - Yeah, I didn't think the real Disney princesses thing was half baked, I thought it was a funny idea, but it wasn't a great execution. - Right, I'll give you that, I'll give you that, but just the point is, I love Andy getting steward, it's about time, the show has now gone off the rails, and it is a disaster. We'll see if he can get it back on track, but after the last week's show-- - Oh, yeah, it'll be fine, you know, sort of like the show's appeal is just the fact that it's such a mess, so. - Well, and even last week's show really didn't hit the fan until that housewives segment, that's when it really went to shit. It's like when you're in school and one little kid starts talking, and then everybody suddenly, like a circus, he just can't control those women. God bless 'em, he needs a spanker, somebody to just come out and start hitting 'em. - It's like our podcast, quite frankly. - Spanking in the hall? No, just meaning that we're just like kids screaming. - And well, the good news is we're gonna get more screaming next Sunday when we have the first installment of three of the Atlanta Housewives reunion, because three-- - Oh, God. - It looks like a disaster, and you know what? Thank God they're bringing something, because you know what, the finale was one of, probably ranks up there in terms of terrible finales, along with the Beverly Hills Pandora wedding finale. I mean, this was, this was about as boring and as dull a finale. - Well, I have to be honest with you, I watched this less than 24 hours ago, and I don't even remember what happened. - Well, I can actually remember, there were some noteworthy things that happened. - All I remember is there were about four people standing outside of the Bailey Agency, and there might have been a fashion show that was terrible. - I, for some reason, I have very vivid memories of a oily, black, muscular guy's shirtless, giving massage. I don't know why I remember that. I don't know why that sticks out in my mind. - Yeah, you're 'cause you're a category expert. (laughing) - Yeah, no kidding, 'cause you like giant, oily, black guys, probably. - Perhaps, I can either confirm or deny, I'm just saying that those scenes really stuck out in my mind, that's all I'm saying. - Okay, well, that jogged my memory, so obviously we had the launch party for the new bedroom candy. - Now, wait, let's get into this for a moment. So, candy, obviously, as you know, is launching her sex toys, and she tweeted out and invited all her Twitter followers to come and check out the goods. And so, they all showed up, I mean, you know, as one would expect, and then Nini and Cynthia and Marlow, the tall showed up, and they had a full-on attitude. They were saying, "Oh, there are a lot of Twitter people here," which was their veiled way of saying-- - Well, my new favorite term is Twitter party. I love that. Oh, that's a Twitter party. I know a Twitter party when I see one. (laughing) - Who loved that? - She probably doesn't realize that people probably have similar euphemisms for her when she shows that bad, so I can already, you know? - Well, here's the thing, like, candy is actually a semi-smart businesswoman. I'm gonna give her credit for that. And the fact is, she invited people who are gonna pay money for her products. - Yeah, and it's like, you know, she still did it even with the shirtless guys. It actually did come off as a fairly refined sort of-- - You are, oh no, I'm not gonna call it refined. - Not refined, but meaning like it wasn't, it didn't seem like a body, like, sex toy thing. It wasn't like a red light district thing. - It was like a-- - It's not a white shirt party. - Yeah, it felt like a-- - It's fine. - It felt like a city tone, which is what it should have been, you know? - Yeah, I mean, Atlanta is still working on getting, you know, the term classy down. I mean, you can't-- - Yeah, classy with a K. - Classy with a K and maybe a backwards K 'cause, you know, bedroom B is backwards. - Do you think she should have had an exclusive event first and then had something for the Twitter people? - No, because guess what? This is all that they can afford, that's fine. She lives within her means. She's not as ridiculous as these other people. However, I do have a problem with candy, as you know. And she's sitting there on screen the other night and she's going, well, you know, I had this idea and then five months later, oh my God, it came to, you know, it came to fruition, I'm such a genius and I'm a baller. And here's the reality of the fact. She slapped her name on a fucking line of sex toys and the company is using her for her name and she's using them because they designed every fucking item. - So? - Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous to your contracts, they said, what the (beep) are you talking about you insane Hollywood (beep) - So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. - Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. - $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes of detail. - You can live out your MasterChef dreams. When you find a professional on Angie to tackle your dream kitchen remodel. (tires screeching) Connect with skilled professionals to get all your home projects done well. Inside to outside. Repairs to renovations. Get started on the Angie app or visit angie.com today. You can do this when you Angie that. - No response to that. (laughing) - I am fine with her making money and I think it is a smart business move on her part. - She's like, you know what I'm gonna do? I've got five months. I'm gonna slap my name on this product that's already going into production and we both benefit. And now five months later here it's working out. - She just can't fool anybody that she designed any of this shit. Like somebody puts like-- - Well, she didn't try to. I mean, they showed the episode with her pickings that I've already had. - No, excuse me. She's sitting there thinking that like she is a genius. - Are you mad that you don't have some sex toys of your own that you can't put the Matwood Field name on to your mat that Candy took you to the inventory. - It's not like you need that handlebar one that also gets your outside. - Apparently anybody can-- - The Matwood Field put stick. (laughing) Now he's watching it for all. (laughing) He's so unhappy right now. You guys should see his face. (laughing) Anywho, I think that is good that she had a big Twitter party because if she had tried to do something exclusive, then that would have actually tried to create some sort of suggestion that this is sort of like an upscale exclusive thing. And it would have, it just would not have worked but like it's sex toys. - Well, if she-- - You know, it's not like a Lamborghini. - If she didn't have this party, we also wouldn't have Nini getting offended and stomping out and then Kim delivering one of the best lines in Real Housewives history when she mentioned that, you know, Nini has a dick in her pants. - Yeah. - Which I thought was just genius. - It is true. And I like that Nini dressed up like the green M&M for the occasion. I thought that was a really nice touch. - With half the shell on, half the shell off. (laughing) - Is Nini coming back? I mean, she's just so over it. She was barely even in the season. She won't film with anybody. And if she does, she sits there with that dagger look on her face. - Yeah, I think that they should drop right up. - How is she gonna be back? - They should drop right up. - I think that there's gonna be a major overhaul and here's the situation. If Nini-- - You know, she already got fired, right? - What? - Well, that's the latest gossip. It hasn't been confirmed, but-- - Well, she wasn't at the All-Star party. - Yeah, they say that before the All-Star party happened, she demanded as much money as Nini, because I guess Nini can probably get the most money out of that show. And they said, "No, 'cause she's not worth it." And she was out there? I guess she played-- - She got fired or she decided to walk away. - Well, she probably said, "I'm not coming back unless I get." So they were like, (laughing) - Day, Bravo does not fuck around. These women start to need to start to take notes. Did they not see what happened to the cast of New York City? - Yeah, and I'm sorry, but like, we have to be honest here. Like, as much as I hate Jill Zarin, she is one of the most prominent, like, recognizable housewives. - Yeah. - They fucking cut her ass out. - They cut her ass out, and you know what? To be frank, they should cut Nini. She, like, Rani was saying, she's not fun anymore. She doesn't record with people. - She doesn't play nice. - She's not relatable anymore, quite frankly. - Right. - She's just like a bitch. She is a character, she is funny, but she is also unpleasant. And you know what, it must piss her off that Kim has a whole spinoff, and she doesn't-- - Okay, well, let me ask you guys this. Now, if Shirei is gone from the Smalls, and if Nini is gone from the Talls, Marlow is not an official cast member, and Cynthia cannot exist without Nini's teep to suckle on. So that would mean a serious rehaul of this cast. Can the show go forward with Candy, Kim, and Phaedra, and three or four new women? - Yes, that's awesome. - Oh god, it can always go forward. There's, oh, it's like terrorism, you know? You top off the head of the tacky bitch, and there's always another tacky bitch, right? - You're growing up, right, up for it. - Yeah, I think Atlanta seems like it's a well spring. For Nini's and Shirei's. I mean, I love Shirei. - You're gonna be really devastated without Shirei. I think I will, too. - I will, but you know what, though? I think I'll be okay. I think I'll actually be okay. I mean, I like Shirei. - Do you think that one of the reasons why they, you know, one of the reasons why I, you know, this is just coming to mind that she may no longer be part of the cast. You know, at the end of the finale, when they give like two or three sentences for each person, they kind of do something nice for everybody, but for her, they kind of slammed her by saying that Chateau Shirei was still under construction slash, they still haven't really broken ground. - Yeah. - Well, what else did she do all year? She didn't do anything. I mean, this was the second season in the row that she didn't do anything. She didn't have an acting. - She brought her, she stirred the drama with the black baby. - Yeah, she did, I mean, she didn't do stuff, but she didn't have any really major arms on her body. - And do I need to reenact Marlow versus Shirei in Africa? - That was great. And you know what, the truth is that there were only two arguments all season long and Shirei wasn't both of them. - That is true. You know? - Yeah, but if you know what, those were terrible, terrible arguments. - They were, and you know what? Ronnie, you're right. She didn't have any major arcs going on or nothing too interesting, but I'm not. - I'm sorry, she was more important to the show than fucking Cynthia. - Oh yeah, Cynthia is almost, Cynthia is almost becoming important to the show in that she's so awful. It's almost entertaining to watch how awful, how much more awful she can get. Case and point of her model search. And I put this out of my blog. They call themselves the Bailey Agency School for Fashion. So is it an agency or is it a school? And if they're an agency, why are they placing them with other agencies? - Well, agencies are supposed to rep people and schools take your money. So I think that she just wants to take their money and then maybe send their resumes and photo shoot, like, I mean shots off to New York. And then when nobody takes them, then she's really sucked them dry of $2,000 and they have no jobs. - Yeah, I mean, far be it for me to question Peter and Cynthia who have shown like wonderful management skills and business, you know, acumen. - Oh, with us, 50 cent words. - We are very smart. - We are. - Clearly we don't belong in Atlanta. - Yeah, you know what though? I think Aussie, Phaedra and Candy are so funny together. When they get together, and it's just a whole bunch of girl, mm-hmm. - I love the hat, I love her. - They came out as a show between the two of them. - They should just make Candy's mom Joyce, a cast member and Brielle, and we're good to go. - Yeah, I think I'm happy. You know, the problem with this, you know, now that we're looking back on the season, you know, it's suffering from what all the seasons, except for the first half, which is that it starts off all blustery and full of like fighting, and then it just mellows out. And you know, there's really not much going on with these women. - The show, and this happens on all of these franchises or these editions, when the show continues and a line is drawn in the sand, you have two separate groups of friends and they don't wanna tape together. And in reality, they don't, you know, hang out. So it's all forced when they are together. And you know what? I think that's why you gotta stick with one crew or the other, chop the rest off and move forward. That's exactly what they did with New York. And at that all-star special, they, you know, showcase the three new women that are joining the cast. - Oh yeah, we have to talk about that for a second. Let's just get back to that for one moment. Unless anyone has any more pressing thoughts on Atlanta. - I'm just excited for the reunion because I think that Nini and Kim are gonna go at each other. - Yeah. - So Ray is gonna go at me. - They're all going at each other. - It looks like they, I mean, Candy is screaming, Candy doesn't scream and Candy is screaming, bloody murder. - Who is the one was it? Was it Kim who said something about measuring your whole? I thought, whoa, this is gonna be good. - Well, right there, I mean DVR said. So we'll have three good weeks of that. But let's talk about the three new New York ladies. - Yeah, how did you guys, what did you guys think about these three new women? One of them looks like she doesn't even have a whole leg. - I mean, what's up with that? I mean, how did you not have a whole leg? - This is an amazing race. - I didn't even notice that. Is there a peg leg on there? - Yeah, well, no, she just has a big wheel that squeaks. No, no, they show really quickly in one of the previews that she takes off her leg or something. - And surprisingly, it's not Paul McCartney's ex-wife. - No, it's not. It looks like there's a lot of screaming. It looks like the drama will be there. They all have like weird teeth and lips and they scream, but quite frankly, at the end of the day, I'm just happy to see Ramona and Luann going at it for around 400. - You know, I'm fine with that, but I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm excited for the new Susan of New York because it secretly is my favorite edition. However, I really am already missing Crazy Kelly Ben-Simone and Nasty Evil Bitch Jill and even Cindy Barshop. - I don't miss Cindy. I honestly, I kind of-- - Or Alex, she didn't even make it into your subconscious. - I know. - I like out. Actually, Alex and I were tweeting together today, just to brag a little bit. Actually, she accidentally dropped me and I called her out and then giltered her back into following me. - Oh, because you guys are besties. That's what besties do. - Yeah, so that's how high I rank and that I just get dropped by reality stars. - You'd have to admit though that like, these women are not gonna bring the Crazy the Wake. Nobody can ever bring the Crazy Ben. - Oh, come on now. - Excuse me, have you seen the previews that they show? - I have seen the previews, but can you like, take a rewind in your head and remember how crazy Kelly Ben Simone was? - Here's the thing, the New York cast has always benefited from having an absurd surplus of crazy. Like, no other cast has ever been able to touch the New York cast because, you know, each cast would be lucky enough to have just a Ramona. - Or half a countess. - Just a half a countess, half a countess. Or even, you know, honestly like a quarter of a Kelly Ben Simone, you know? They have not only a Ramona, they not only have a Kelly, they not only had Luan, they had, you know, Bethany at one point, Sonya, Jill, Alex. I mean, everyone, it was like these were like varsity members that every cast would be happy to have. - Okay, so I'll just say this. I have a hard time with change, but, you know, so I'm a little nervous and I really did not like seeing in the preview that the three new women are their own click. Like, I don't wanna see the three of them just battle Sonya and Ramona all season. Like, if there's no interaction, I'm not- - Well, one thing that's gonna be really good about that is that it looks like Sonya is on continuing on her spiral downward C word path. It looks like she just becomes like the Wicked Witch this season, I can't wait. - And her face always looks more and more buffed down. Like, someone took out like a wooden, like one of those wood buffer things. Like, something you put over a floor to smooth it out. That's what it gives doing into her face. She's losing more and more features every time I see her. (laughing) It's amazing that Sonya used to be my favorite house life of all time. There was her first season- - She's horrible. - Her first season was just like- - She was like Daffy and sort of aloof and just like, "Oh, I don't know why everyone just doesn't have a drink." You know? - And then Girlfriend realized in order to make it onto a second season, I'd better crank up the crazy. - Oh, and she cranked it up like a toaster on overdrive. - And then she fisted her toilet. - Yes, she did. She had a lot of- - Oh, that was so pathetic. God, that was so sad when she called that plumber over and- - My other favorite- - I wanna cry for her. - My other favorite thing is that her townhouse is totally Grey Gardens. - Yes, yes. - And it's a complete shit-hold on. - But she said she's selling it. Did you hear her say that? - Because she has to. - Yeah, she has to. Honestly, my favorite- - Yeah, by selling it she means the bank has put a lock on the door. - Yeah, that's pretty much right. - I still love the Luan accusing Ramona of blackmail and then saying, "What other crazy lies "you have your Pinot-filled ass?" (laughing) - We have to bank on Luan to carry this now because Ramona can't just carry this torch alone because she really is insane. - She's like orange juice concentrate. You need to dilute her a little bit in order to enjoy her. - It's significant, like with a little greege, but Luan, I think, took a page out of Bethany's book and she has mastered the craft of the one-on-one confessional interview and it's going to be filled with bon mots all season long. - Yeah, you know, when there was a period of time when I thought Luan was the best housewife of all time and then when I did a ranking on my blog about a year and a half ago, I put her on the worst list, but now I think I'm moving her back up to the best because even though she can be just, honestly, the biggest cunt of all time, I'm saying it. - Uh-oh. - It's just the most magnificent thing when she is. She's just like-- - She's the best. - The best. - She's the best, she's the countess. I mean, like, it's like, you look forward. I mean, like, she makes the show. I mean, you can't help but feel warm things towards her. - That's true. - I'm not excited yet because I don't get too excited until it's right in front of my face, but one thing that is on my mind is what will Ramona be plugging next? I can't wait to see where her next product's gonna be. - There'll be a new Jesus inspired something from Mario's dying crystal. - Like true, true religion or a true, is that which, one of them is real. - True religion is true. - What? Why are you guys saying religion? - Mario's business is based on selling like crystallized cross-pendants. - Yeah. - That's awesome after she tried to have a sex scene with him last year. - Yeah, I mean, they're good for their good Christians that do it on live TV. - They're called, it's called true religion or is that the gene? - True religion is the genes in the shoes. There's is like true faith. - True faith, yeah. - Something like that. - They love a bedazzled, floor-de-lee, baby tea. - Well, speaking of true faith and religious zealots, why don't we move down to Orange County? - Okay, Alexis Malino. - It was Easter this weekend that our friend Lisa Timmons, by the way, went to an Easter service yesterday and saw Gretchen enslaved there. - Stop. - She took a picture of them, the picture with the back of their heads. (laughs) - Wow, I'm jealous. - Yeah, I wish Alexis were there. So we also, we had a new episode of Real House of Orange County last week. It was off for one week. So in this episode, does anyone remember what happened? Alexis got her bandage off of her nose. - Yeah, she cried. She got her bandage off. - They went on a mud run. - There was a mud run and everybody got hurt. - Yeah. - We did see Tamara's creepy son from her first husband there. - Oh yeah, yeah, Ryan. - Ryan was part of the mud run. - Heather congratulated herself many times for getting herself dirty. She's like, I'm a joiner. I'm a joiner. Is that what she says? Is that her line? She likes to join. - Gretchen is worried that she's now, she's lost her voice after fighting with Vicky. - Yeah, by the way, how long is her voice gonna be out? It's now been like about four episodes. She's like, I can't say, I've lost my voice. - She's setting up our expectations for the Pussycat Dolls derailment. - Oh yeah, and now she's hurt her ankle and she may not be able to dance on stage, which I kind of think that Gretchen, perhaps Gretchen with a bad ankle, might dance better than Gretchen with a good ankle. (laughing) Although I take that back, I actually believe that Gretchen probably is pretty slinky up there. She's got a great body. - She does. - Well, the Pussycat Dolls. I mean, come on, you're bending over and touching your toes. How hard is that? - Yeah, you're throwing back your hair. - A few yoga classes and she's good to go. - It's more than I do. You don't want to see me do a Pussycat Doll dance. It's more like-- - Isn't that what your P90X is all about? - It'd be very awkward. It would just basically look like an old person trying to pick up a coin from the floor. (laughing) This is what I do at all times, by the way. - Okay, back to Orange County. What else happened on this show? Was Tamara getting her boobs reduced? We're talking about it. - We're talking about it. She finally signed her divorce papers and cried. You sent me a text afterwards and you said something about how much you hate Tamara and she's like a viable person. - What did she do? - They'd be so angry. - I don't know, I don't know. You were really mad about it though. - I don't know. She really pissed me off. - You're furious. - I get furious when I watch these people. - I text, it's like damn. But I hadn't watched it yet, that's why they didn't text you back. I liked the biomass of it. But yes, she was being a big fake phony, but that's Tamara, you know. - Yeah, I feel like something exciting happened during the mud run. Like, I mean, Gretchen Wreckle. - Heather's pervy husband was watching Tamara like hose off her crotch and he was getting off on it. - And why would they not like hose off with the other people? I mean, what's going on with these housewives? - They're celebrities. - Were they like, it's a Twitter shower? Is that the problem? - Probably. (laughing) - I don't know, I mean. I'm sorry, I got that late, sorry. - It's okay, welcome to the party run. - Briana has cancer free. Vicki had to make her phone calls, which her first phone call had to be to Tamara, obviously. - Yeah, yeah, exactly, there was that. - I mean, how to love Tamara. This is Tamara's response. - Oh, oh, oh, okay. Bye. - Oh, I remember why I texted you guys. - Oh, thank God. - So Tamara goes to sign the divorce papers. - Yes. - She's out, and she starts crying on the phone to Vicki after she was crying in the office before she was going to sign the papers. No tears fell out of her eyes, not one tear. And you can't tell me that that's plastic surgery that is fake bullshit, I hate her. - I also, I love the way when she cries, she looks like she's just about to throw up too. You know, she's like, lurges forward and puts a hand over her mouth. Like, she's either gonna cry or yack up a spinach salad. - Excuse me, but like, you either cry or you don't cry. - You know, there was no like bubbling on her eyelids. - You know, I don't think, I don't think I've actually seen an actual tear drop when I need these women in any of the years I've been watching this show. - Oh, Taylor has had plenty of tears. - Well, then there's-- - No, those aren't real. She just scrumches up her face weird. - Yeah, that's just reserved sweat that she's collected. But she keeps him in a little set of her eyeballs. - Yeah, that's because Botox kills your sweat glands. So you can only sweat out of certain parts. You start sweating out of weird parts. Maybe she's like sweating out of her eyebrows now. - Okay, so I think that we-- - She's what's out of her elbow. - We can all admit that the last episode of Orange County was kind of lame, just like the finale of Atlanta. However, thank God for Shah's of Sunset. - Yeah. - Which unfortunately is wrapping up its first season next week-- - Yeah, oh, wait, wait, that was a really professional switchover, but before Orange County, I wanna bring up that it's all over the news today that camera went on. Let me see what shows. She went on the Dr. Oz show to discuss her booby operation. And she said that she had lumps in her breasts. And so she went to the doctor and found out she had, I go to the doctor and I have lumps in my breasts and I had cervical cancer that had to be removed. - How do you-- - How do you have cervical cancer in your breasts? - I mean, I'm not a lady, I mean, I'm a lady, but I'm not a lady. So I don't know, like, can you tell that you have cervical cancer from lumps in your breasts? I don't know. - Maybe not. - I mean, I guess the doctor did the whole thing, but she had lumps in her breasts and cervical cancer on her-- - Pooch. - On her hoodie poop. - Okay, but-- - But here's a question. If she had lumps on her breasts-- - Because don't you think that shit would have been on TV? You know Tamara, like, dreams. She probably, like, creatively visualizes cancer so she can get more airtime than Brianna. - This is like the return of my chaos law. He's saying that she suddenly suffers from MS. - I mean, what Ronnie just said was kind of the most offensive and genius thing I've ever heard because it's so true. She is such a camera whore. - She maybe has the vagina on her chest. (laughing) - You never know, you never know. But lumps in her breasts are those, like, cancer lumps, or just like-- - The doctor probably told her, listen, I have a circular answer for you, and she's like, oh, cervical cancer, okay. - Well, I'm reading this on people, and, you know, the only reason I really read this trash is so I can read all the horrible, horrible people commenting on it. It sounds like my hobby. I love just swimming in the pool of human, horrible vitals. - The tables will give us a few that are talking shit on Tamara. - Well, they're basically all saying, and I mean, this is like 90% of the people who are like, that's bullshit, she just wants attention, and PS, cervical cancer is warts. (laughing) - Is it? Is it really? - So, real cancer is a real cancer. - It can cause, you know-- - So, she's an STD riddled hoe bag. (laughing) - What else do you do? - I just think it's so funny that everyone on the internet is so anti that someone comes out and says, they have cancer, and they're like, yeah, whatever, STD slag. - Okay, while we're on the topic of Tamara, this just jogged my memory, and I'm super excited, so I have to share. But Andy Cohen last night, I'll watch what happens live, showcased like the celebrities that are gonna be on this week's show. - Oh, no. - Tuesday night, Gina Kehoe returns to the Bravo love house. - She'll be all past aggressive, like, I guess I could come on here, you know, I mean, I don't know. - It'll be right after OC, though, I cannot wait for my girl Gina Kehoe. - Oh, she's gonna-- - She'll like, talk shit on Tamara. - She's gonna bring some realness, some Kehoe realness to it. - Some Kehoe realness. - I can't wait. Also-- - Thought we won't let her talk the whole damn time. He'll be like, we have another game! - I know. - This one is guess what number I'm thinking. And then I hope someone splashes wine in Gina's face again, 'cause that's-- - Oh! - Maybe Gina's like, awful gay can come out and throw a glass against the ground. - Maybe Quinn Fry and her terrible wig will be the bartender. - I'm so excited. - Or Tammy knickerbacher. - I'm about to faint with excitement already, I have to say. But let's also talk about Shah's sunset, because Matt did give us a wonderful transition that we have since, you know, put to the side. - Yeah, let's pretend we're back there. - Yeah, let's pretend that it's a very post-modern, the structure goes back and forth. - Okay, well, the show was all about two things. We'll start with the fight and then we'll end with the tears. - So, first, Gole Nessa, also known as Gigi. She got into a fight, surprise. She got into a fight with a girl. With Asa's friend, Asa, by the way, he was looking like she was kind of like a storybook version of Aladdin. - I don't care. I love Asa's, I mean, I'm like a question for you. - She was looking tarantulous, like crazy. - Where were they having dinner and has it closed yet? - Oh, I'm glad you brought that up. It's a place called Chai. - Is that on Sunset, right on the street? - It's down the street from me, and it's been open for about two years, and I've always wondered who actually goes there. 'Cause there's one time where I wanted to go there and I walked up those little steps and I saw Hookah, and I was like, "Oh, hell," to the no. I'm not going into any restaurant that has Hookah's on the veranda with an H, okay? - Well, you know what, they were probably there because MJ lives across the street from you, and she could just roll herself down the hill. - Yeah, exactly, so we did not, I have not gone to Chai, although now I kind of want to go to Chai before it closes down, like all the other places you would go to. - Just in for closing. - This cast, wherever they go to, it's like the grim reaper. They go to an establishment and they close it down. - Right, they eat the last sliders that are left in the kitchen, and then it closes. - The Ariacostino is already closed. - They love a sweet potato fry, and they love a slider, and you know what, I didn't think Chai served those, they got 'em. - Well, it's good, I always called Chai, Chai, Chai. I didn't even know how to say it, X-I, I didn't know, but it's Chai. So they went there. - For a girl's night. - Girl's night. - 'Cause Gigi's really good at girl's night. - Yeah, and these girls get along so famously. They really do, you know. So they all get together, and Gigi's hoping for no drama, and so far it is a drama-free night, you know. Gigi confronts MJ about her being charty, and also has no-- - No, but she says to MJ, I really want to talk to you about this at the right time and right place, so I'm gonna talk to you about it now in front of a table of six women, with a camera rolling. - Yes, with booze flowing. So, you know, it went over well, there was no big problem, although Asa brought a friend named like-- - Sunny. - Sunny. And Sunny sort of had one of these great, sort of like, quivering voices that I kind of love. This sort of voice gets really shrill when it gets loud. And so Sunny made some remark that Gigi didn't like, so already like the bravo, like, boom of, of, you know, that boom of the boom, you know. It's like the boom of terribleness happens. - Well, she did bring up the, she said that at least, you know, I am a businesswoman and my daddy doesn't pay for everything, and we know how that said to Gigi. - So Gigi was controlling herself, and then later on, fast-forward, and Anita decided, maybe because a producer got into her ear, let's talk about Vegas again, and so Anita says to MJ, you know, I really felt like you instigated this thing, or whatever, and Gigi's like, thank you, all I was saying in the nicest way possible is that I just happened to be wearing your top five months ago, and then Sunny chimed in, and she's like, that's a mean thing to say, and Gigi was not about to have it, and all of a sudden, they were screaming and yelling at each other, and next thing you know. - Well, Asa was great, I thought, and she actually got up, and she was, you know, talking to her friend to calm her down, Sunny, who was really upset, because Gigi did go into attack mode. Sunny was calling her a mean girl, yes, but Gigi is a mean bitch. - And to prove, to prove Sunny wrong, and she was not a mean girl, she got up, and started yelling about how she's about to get real, and she's gonna bring it, et cetera, et cetera, which is, you know, things that very lovely people always say, you know. - And here is the best part of that entire episode. Then Gigi, the next day, is walking down the street with her sister, who is like, you are acting like a middle school psychopath, you need therapy, you are a crazy bitch, and it sounds like you're in the wrong. - Yeah, and you're like, I don't understand why anyone can take my side, it's 'cause you're always in the wrong, you stupid bitch, but the bigger part of the episode is that Reza went to see his dad in Great Neck, Long Island, and as I've been saying all along this podcast, that the Persians are in LA, and they're in Long Island. - Can I just tell you, I have never been to Long Island in my life. I had no idea that that community existed there. - Oh, it does, no idea. - My grandmother lived in Great Neck for the longest time. I mean, that's where she lived for a huge amount of time. I have cousins that are in Manhattan, which is the next town over. I was in Great, I think they were, I don't know when they were filming this, they were talking about Passover, par for Passover. - They said it was super warm outside. It looked like it was like a September thing. - But Passover was April last year. Either way, I was in Great Neck last year for Passover. I could've been crossing paths. - You could've made up with a bracelet. - That place, Bruce, I've been to Bruce's, okay? Yeah, the Long Island Persian as a whole, Reza is 100% right, so he went there to talk to his dad. They went to the cousin's home, which had a living room, sort of unlike anything else, a Persian carpet, Persian rug, as far as the eye can see. - Gold? - It was the biggest lady in my day. - It was the biggest lady in my day. - And they're all sitting so far away from each other, they could literally have had like, they could have had like a game of volleyball right there in the middle. It was a huge amount of expansion, the space that was going on in there. And so Reza wanted to talk to his dad about why is that left, why don't he resolve all these issues? - Well, the dad left like 16 years ago because apparently he cheated on his wife with probably multiple women, and he felt so bad that he needed to get out of town so that he didn't make the situation worse, not realizing that him leaving his children was really the biggest mistake of his life. - But then the bigger problem was that he also wasn't communicative because apparently he has this crazy, overbearing Jewish mother who was basically forbade him. Basically what happened is a huge amount of creepy details about this family came out this episode that made you realize there was some real shit going on, and it was very emotional, and Reza and his dad were crying, and I was moved, I thought it was actually a funny episode. - It was crying my eyes out. Reza's dad is Jewish, and Reza's mom is Muslim, and when they got married and they had mixed babies, and I'm using that with quotes right now, like quotation marks, the grandmother, which is the father's mother who is a Jew, was not having her grandchildren be not 100% Jewish, and therefore when her son Reza's father left his family, she encouraged that because she wants nothing to do with any Muslims. - And we saw it, we saw it, she was staring Reza down, and Reza said he's like, look, I'm more Jewish than I am Muslim, you know, I've never been into a mosque. This woman was staring him down, and like-- - She was like, what was she eating? She was eating something, and she was getting him-- - She was like corn, or something, it was weird. - She was like an old bitch troll, I mean, she was like, she was like a villain in a horror movie. - Yeah, and you know, Reza, you know, we saw a very humble side of him, he was saying, like, underneath all this stuff, he said, I'm a hot mess, except minus the hot, and three times the mess, which was a great line. - Great line. - That's how I often feel. And you know, there was a lot of sick and daring stuff, like he said, he would give up all the things that he'd accumulate just to have two parents in the same home that would love each other. It was like, it was so sweet, it was very-- - No, because then you know what, you've got two loving parents, and they turn on your ass, and then they've got each other on each other's side. You don't want that, I have it, it was horrible. - I always wanted my parents to be divorced and hate each other, so I would get more stuff. - Well, I mean, I don't understand the Middle East, certain perspective, but perhaps you do, being that your love moves up on you. (laughing) I know we should go to our category expert here. (laughing) - Either way, either way, the point is this, it was actually a very moving episode. It made me, you know, I started to really like, Reza last week, and this week. - Whole new level, right? - Yeah, Reza and MJ, I do think that they're great, and in fact, I spin off, they should have a spin off. - If you see them driving around New York City in that BMW, searching for Twink's, I was dying. - That was hilarious, that's, you know, that's, I hear Ronnie, you've been wanting to do that as well, or no. - Category expert, what? (laughing) - Been there, done that. Hey, I obviously did not watch this week's episode, but from the previous, from last week, what I really liked was when he started crying with his dad. - He started talking like a muppy. (laughing) - I told him to just not call me, he never called me. So I thought that was so cute. - He's like, I'm up it, meets Zoe Deschanel, meets Peewee Herman. - I think that's about right, he wants. But also, since I didn't watch, I wanted to have something to add, so I just searched the news, the Google news for him, and I've been reading comments on the Daily Beast on some shots article they did. And someone named Jazz left a comment that said, "Reza works out at Goldson Hollywood. "He's let's perfusely on the equipment "and doesn't wipe it off. "He does not use a towel. "His very hairy body exudes odor. "He has completely shaved wax for the show. "He is an ass at the gym and extremely chubby." (laughing) - Well, there you have it. - Whoever that person is needs to come on our show. Sign, who did they leave with their name? - Andy? - Jazz, their name is Jazz. - Jazz, you need to be on our show. - No idea, we're gonna reach out to MJ. So actually, I got tweets from MJ and Reza today, because I tweeted at them saying how much I like them. And they tweeted back. So I'm gonna start tweeting at, I'm like, "M.J., come on over. "Join the podcast and refute these vicious rumors "about your friend Reza being sweaty." - I mean, honestly, like, you know what else is-- - Come on our live show. - The other funny thing was, Mike wasn't even on this episode. - Yeah. - And Sammy doesn't need to be there. - Oh, Sammy was there for like one second to be like, "Hey, hit them earrings." - Yeah, all we need is MJ and Reza and Asa and Gigi for the fights. - Yeah. - So Mike and Sammy gots to go. - Yeah, they gots to go. We all need four. If they're having money issues, they, at Bravo, it's too expensive, just cut out those two people. - Exactly. - Maybe keep Anita, even though she's not a full cast member. - Oh, she can be a friend of the housewives? - Yeah, just 'cause she's so pretty. She always have pretty people around. - Agreed. - Printer than Gigi. - And sliders. - Yeah. So, you know, we were gonna maybe touch on interior therapy, but we're coming towards the end. Any thoughts on interior therapy this week? - Love it. - I didn't watch it, but was it the guy? Was it the gay guy from the Jay Leno show that was awesome? - Yeah, Ross Matthews, they lived down there. - Yeah, it was him. - He always felt like a blue guy. - Slowly losing air. - It's kind of, his house was kind of, you know, either off Melrose or Beverly Down, like Midwell Shuri, totally my old hood. I thought Ross would've had some more money to be honest with you 'cause the house was not impressive. - For more tastes. - Oh. - No, I'm not saying anything bad, just like-- - No, it was tacky. - I wouldn't think that he would be needing to be on the show, just to be on the show. - Well, he and his partner, Sal, you know, whatever. It was fine. I still like it. I love Jeff, I don't care who they're talking to. - I really, really like the show a lot, I have to say. I mean, the therapy angle is very thin, but I enjoyed the makeover, 'cause I like the way he interacts with these people. And not quite frankly, it was nice to have someone tell Ross that he comes off as fake. Like, I've been waiting maybe a decade to hear someone say that, and Jeff finally did it. - Well, I guess-- - Oh no, what did he say? What was his response? - He said, well, Ross kind of was shocked. Jeff said, I think you are, he says-- - You were dominating in this relationship, you were design dominates, you were suffocating your partner, who has no say in this house, and you're a bit of a diva, and it's gotta stop. - Yeah, and you're a little fake. And Ross was taken aback, and then they had to have like a whole like, Kumbaya and Jenny had to like intervene. You know, you know, gay guys having drums. - Yeah, especially after they've, you know, worked to Jack Hammer, and then, you know, it's all good. - Yeah, exactly. - You guys, does Jeff Lewis hate Bethany? Because on that watch what happens all starts thing, he was like, oh, I'm just so proud of Bethany for not plugging herself once. She didn't promote herself either once, and he got no laughs, so he repeated it and still got no laughs. - Yeah. - And he just seemed really nasty. - I think he's a little gel, I think he's a little jelly. - He's probably gel, but I almost kind of feel like it means that he actually likes her. Like, he knows he can like launch that bar because they're gonna joke about backstage or something. - I don't know, part of me is like, you don't fuck with Jeff, Tabitha or Bethany. You know, like, those are like, and Kathy. Like, that's like the holy trinity. - Yeah, and you know, Jeff, he wasn't getting laughs because he had a bunch of morons in the audience. That's why. - That's true, I mean, you have to realize. - Also because he was just, he was being vile. He wasn't being funny, I don't think. - Yeah, I don't think he was on his game. I don't think he was on his game. - He can't handle the live situation. He needs to be edited and packaged into a nice, pretty program. - Well, I think he was hoping, he wasn't on top of his game. I think he was thinking he would come out there and be hilarious and light up the crowd and he didn't, and that through his timing often. - Well, look, the whole thing was a dud, so nobody had a chance in Hell. - Right. - Definitely got some laughs. She was kind of funny. - Well, she's cute. She works to jumpsuit. - Sliding scale, sliding scale. - It was funny that she made fun of the fact that her marriage is going to shit on TV. - This whole thing truly reminded me of the NBC special I saw on YouTube where they gathered all these stars, like B Arthur and Nell Carter. - All right. - And had them all sing the praises of NBC on the 25th anniversary. They sang Dream Girls. They sang Dream Girls. - We have Dream Girls. - We have Dream Girls. - It was amazing. - Oh my god, I would kill the CBR singing that song. - Yeah, I would kill her if you're seeing anything. We could ever back for one moment. - As you just say, you'll have to have Phaedra digger up. - Ah, if only. (laughing) - Okay, well, we gotta wrap this up. So, fun week of Bravo. We have a live show coming up at the Improv Olympic on April 30th that everyone should come to. And we'll have more details as they become apparent. But definitely, if you're in Los Angeles on April 30th, you definitely have to come by. It's gonna be live and we're gonna have a lot of fun and it'll be us and I mean, who isn't that enough? - I'm gonna be drunk, a beyond drunk. That's the only one to deal with this. - He is gonna have a heroin needle in his arm shooting up. - That's gonna be so much fun. I hope we get a good guest for that. We'll have someone live there as our guest and we'll also be you streaming that night so everyone can listen live. - It's gonna be fantastic. - And it should be a really good time, you guys. - Yeah. - If you're anywhere near Los Angeles, come out. - And in the meantime, you can follow us all on Twitter. Ronnie is at TVGasm. Matt is at Life on the M-list and I'm at B-Side Blog. And of course, we have our, the show's Twitter, which is what crap is. So, check us out and thanks for listening, everyone. And subscribe on iTunes and listen on the side show network. So, that's it. - Okay, thanks, everyone. See you later. - Thanks, bye. - Bye. - If you like Watch what Crap is, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey. Are you in trouble with the law? Need a lawyer who'll fight like hell to keep you out of jail? - We defend and we fight just like you'd want your own children to defend it. - Whether you're facing a drug charge, caught up on a murder app, accused of committing war crimes, look no further than Paul Bergrin. - All the big guys go to Bergrin 'cause he gets everybody off. - You name it, Paul can do it. Need to launder some money, broker a deal with a drug cartel, take out a witness. From Wondery, the makers of Dr. Death and over my dead body comes a new series about a lawyer who broke all the rules. - Doesn't it funny how witnesses disappear or how evidence doesn't show up or somebody doesn't testify correctly? - In order to win, at all costs. - If Paul asked you to do something, it wasn't a request, it was an order. - I'm your host Brandon James Jenkins. Follow criminal attorney on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast. You can listen to criminal attorney early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcast.
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