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That's Audible.com/crapins or text Crapins to 500-500. - This episode of Watch Where Crapins is brought to you by Gamefly. Go to Gamefly.com/forward-haha for your free 15-day trial. (upbeat music) - Hey everybody, welcome to Watch Where Crapins a podcast all things bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from TVGasm.com, and I'm with Ben Mandelker from B-Side Blog and Matt Whitfield from Yahoo Entertainment. - Wow, well done, Ronnie. - Yeah, I'm sorry for messing up your name, Matt. - Yeah, whatever. - That's okay. Listen. - Well, Ben will speak for me, it's okay. - You know what? It's okay because we haven't actually met each other, so we're not expected to know each other's names. - It was like a blind date. Well, hi everybody. - Hi. - Hi. - Have you been enjoying your Bravo shows? Did you guys catch shots of sunset last night? - Oh my God, I loved it. I thought-- - You did? - How did you-- - How could you not love it? I have something, I have a lot to say about it, so once we-- - Okay, why don't you start with the positive and then I'll be negative after? So that way people can have a nice positive outlook and then I'll crash it. - Okay, well, and before we do, we're just gonna let the listeners know, we're gonna talk about Shahza's sunset, Real Housewives of Atlanta including some news about a shooting involving the cast, and Real Housewives of Orange County, and then we're gonna wrap things up with Interior Therapy with Jeff Lewis. So Shahza's sunset, episode two, I am very happy with the way this show is going. I am very, very, very happy. What do you guys think? Ronnie, you hate it. - Roger said that he hates it. - What about you, Matt? - I think that I hate it too. - Well, wait, you loved it last week. - Well, I love it, but I hate it, and I hate Gigi with all of my being. - Oh, well, no, she is absolutely terrible. Can I tell you what I'm actually really excited about? My building made a cameo appearance on the show because MJ officially lives across the street from me in the same condo complex as the Miz. So all you gotta say is there's a lot of star power going on in this block. I just let that soak in, you know? 'Cause I'm hearing you guys just silent 'cause I know you're too stunned to speak that MJ is just 100 feet to my right. - Okay, well, can we just talk about this? Because, I mean, you know, I love the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills because they're actually rich. Now that I'm watching "Shaws of Sunset," I'm convinced that maybe two of them have money and the rest of them are poor. And that is not a knock on you, Ben, 'cause you live on Fuller. I am just saying that MJ is poor. - In the episode last night, they go to Vegas, they get wasted, they all act like idiots, but I didn't laugh at all, not even one time. - Oh, I'm laughing like the entire time. - As grouchy as I sound, I'm a fairly easy audience. I'm not the one who's never laughing, you know? I'm always laughing. - How could you not be laughing when every five seconds they would cut to an image of MJ snarfing down a mini cheeseburger? - Yeah, they would. They gave her the most unflattering edit of all time. - That group, they love a slider. - Yeah, they love a slider. They love yelling about the sliders, too. If they can yell about it, if they can really yell about anything, Dom, Kristall, sliders, light bulbs, they will yell. - Well, one thing I really love about this show is the editors are super mean on it. - Yeah. - And it's like they hate these people and you can totally tell with the sliders. And there was also a part where the one that you like was a giant eyebrow, so it's that girl's name. - Asa, Asa? - Yeah, they're sitting in that big giant tacky bus on their way to Vegas. And the shot right over her head is trash. It's like trash, tactical. So every time they show her, it's like her with the sign that says trash right by her head. I was like, "These editors are fucking assholes and I love it." By the way, I really liked the way you described her as that one with the big eyebrows, as if that was supposed to narrow it down somehow. (laughing) - It didn't really help me at all. - Yeah, but she is the one in that cast with eyebrow rebellion. She's like, "I'm not plucking. "Why would I? "This is my natural look and this is what I'm gonna do." - She's boho sheep, she doesn't need to. - Yeah, she doesn't need to, you know. She just wears whatever she wants. You know, picking out a ensemble that's just like so below her. She just gets her clothing and just slaps it on. - Yeah, who thinks about what they're gonna pack? That's stupid. (laughing) - I hate it. No, I am loving this show and you know what? I have to say, this is a little bold, but I feel like this is Bravo's most successful man, woman, mixed like 30-something show that they've done. You know, they've tried this several times. Miami's social club, most eligible Dallas, and now we have this one. And I feel like this one is working out. Most eligible Dallas, I liked the way it started and I thought it kind of petered off. This one, I feel like, is really strong. I kind of invested in everything that's going on. - Well, you are in the minority. I mean, I thought that the ratings were gonna be huge. You know, it's Ryan Seacrest's production. He's behind the Kardashians. It seemed like a decent fit for Bravo. But really, if you compare it to other shows on Bravo, the ratings were kind of dismal for week one. I mean, it had over a million, which is great for cable, but for Bravo's standards, it did not live up to them. - Well, you know, that's honestly gets back to what we're talking about last week, which is that I don't think there's a huge fascination with the Persian community outside of LA and Long Island. I really don't think so. And that's probably working against the show a little bit, but there should be because they're hilarious to watch. - I think they're like watching the wild and crazy guys from Saturday Night Live. Like they think they're really cool, but they're just, they just make me uncomfortable. - But that's what makes them great. That's what makes them so entertaining. It's like the glute effect. All these people, they need some. - They need some Steve Martin action up in there. - You know what I want? - Does it make you uncomfortable because you are from that land or-- - Because you are our residential needs for Christ sake. - I said the land. I didn't say the same country. Listen, Ronnie, I don't support earth. I don't see borders. I just see regions and you're from the region, okay? Persian, Lebanese, it's all the same. - You only see terrorist stereotypes. - Before the show started, you were like, yeah, they're my people. And once the show started and you hate it now, you're like, I don't fucking know them. - No, because my father is Lebanese and my mother is Irish and lately I'm just all Irish. - Well, it was St. Patrick's Day weekend. - And you see, I'm not-- - Can you celebrate? - Oh, did we ever. - I'm not Lebanese anymore. I'm only Irish and now I'm embracing my inner alcoholic. - You know what though? But if you were to ask some of these people on this cast, they might also say that they are embracing their inner alcoholic because MJ honestly was a wasted mess. And you know what I loved? That Reza tells us, says that tomorrow morning, she's gonna wake up with a screaming hangover. I'm like, it won't be the hangover that's screaming. It's gonna be you because you scream the entire episode. Did anyone else notice that? - It was his birthday. He's allowed to scream. - And you scream when you're a Vegas. - It's my birthday. We're going to Vegas because it's my birthday. Hopefully people will be groomed there. You gon' miss us, my birthday. - He was literally screaming over every single thing. They're like, here come our menus. That means like, hey, you run Vegas. This guy runs LA together. That's a lot of running. - By the way, did anyone notice that they actually put in a Persian rug on the private plane? I thought that was kind of a funny touch. - I felt the best part was in that restaurant when the waiter approached and they all applauded him. They're like, yeah, we're gonna tip you 4%, buddy. Welcome to the table. - My favorite part is when Ronnie says that he's 100% Irish, yet he has the perfect impersonations. - Well, you don't really have to be Persian to imitate them. You just, yeah, just be loud and say, hey, something, hey, I'm an Ayatollah gay. We are very different here. I look fine. I'm so hot. - How much gold jewelry does that motherfucker have? Seriously, when he packs, the jewelry is out of control. - I guarantee he gets his wealth from owning one of those cash for gold places where he collects everyone's gold but doesn't send them any cash. (laughing) That's clearly what's going on there. - Well, can we talk here a second? - Oh, go ahead, now you go. - You go. - Oh, no, you go. Look, I'm trying to get better about interrupting. - We're talking about your people, so we want you to be able to give us insight. So please speak. - Yeah, you were the category expert by all means. - I was just gonna say, it's odd that he talks about his estranged relationship with his dad, but his dad calls and he's like, "I love you so much on your birthday." I'm like, what the hell kind of, that's a reality restraint relationship that you can cry in your diary room about it. But meanwhile, your dad's like, "I love you so much." - Yeah, the whole estranged thing was not that, you know, the dad dumped Reza on the side of the road. I think it was Reza that was like, "Peace out, I'm going to Beverly Hills." - Yeah, I think that's probably what it was. Now, can we talk about Gigi? I'm sorry, I just told you to switch the subject right after you switch it to this whole strange father thing, but we have to talk about Gigi, I'm sorry. So she is really awful and a bitch, right? We all agree on that? - Oh, yeah. - Now, let's talk about, there was bathing suit gate. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. She started to be a bitch from 20 seconds in when she got on the bus and Asa got on the bus and she was giving her shade. I mean, like back it up. - Yeah, I agree, the Persian shade, you don't want to mess with and it's not cool. - No, she was a monster for 60 minutes, not just during a bathing suit. - And you know what, she will continue to be a monster. For me, the bathing suit part was the height of her monsterness, but she was a monster the entire time. I mean, we can, you know, the way she was trying to make Mike jealous, the way she was acting like a bitter little bitch at breakfast and all that fun stuff. - And I love that she shows up to breakfast and everybody gives her shade and she's like, "I showed up and nobody even paid me any attention. "I'm not going to stay there, people are going to be dicks." - And she's the same thing. - Yeah, and dinner, she marches out of Michael Mina's American fish because she's like, no one's even looking at me at now. - By the way, are we assuming that that restaurant is now closed since every place they go too close is afterwards? - I actually was there in the beginning of December and let me just tell you, the squid ink risotto is to die for. - Really, well, I didn't see them ordering that. They just seem to get a lot. Oh, the sliders was at a different restaurant. - No, they probably had a special request for sliders at a fish restaurant. - They probably wanted like squid ink sliders, you know? - What Sammy wants Sammy gets. - But either way, Gigi, so, I mean, she really was, was a hint of speech and the thing is this, I'm surprised they hang out with this girl Anita because you know what, Anita looks great if you ask me. Even though she is ridiculous for refusing to let her $800 bathing suit get wet, I mean-- - Anita, Anita cannot be in that group because MJ and Gigi and Asa will all be like, wait, we can't have a hot girl like-- - No, Asa, it's an ally for Asa because the enemy of my enemy is my friend. - That is true, but at the same time, it's just like Gigi and MJ are not gonna have it because, but like, not that MJ was ever in the running to be hottest in the cast, but Gigi actually, Gigi sucks compared to Anita. - Yeah, I agree. I mean, I think Anita looks great and she seems like she's actually like a generally nicer person and Gigi, what was she saying at the pool? She was being real obnoxious, making fun of her, making fun of a bathing student and of course, it was the dinner of the night before when she and MJ were making fun of her outfit saying it was, you know, five and a half seasons ago, et cetera, et cetera. But then Gigi later on, when confronted about it, said she doesn't look at labels when she shops 'cause she buys thousands of worth of stuff every week so she doesn't have time to look at labels. Is this girl totally demented? - And then you see her clothes, like when they were packing for that trip, they were throwing all their clothes on the bed. That looked like if you stop at the grocery store and just happened to get there right when the Salvation Army's emptying out one of those giant red boxes, it's like the giant red Salvation Army box of Little Armenia, no thanks. It's all clothes from Vanani, it's like leopard print, you know, leopard print sundresses and shit. Give me a break, woman. There are a lot of dangly things and tassels too, by the way. - Well, if we're gonna start discussing anybody's fashion, we have to talk about the sparkly sausage casing that MJ presses her body into for that dinner party. - You know, call me crazy, but I kind of like that on her. - You are crazy. - I thought, I don't know, I thought it was like sort of fun and I don't know. - It hugged her in all the wrong places. - Well, do many things hug her in the right places? I don't know. - That was like wrapping up a turkey and tin foil. That was disgusting. And then watching, and then watching Reza behind her, shoving his fist up her butt. You know what, that's just enough with that. - No wonder why you didn't have a necklace. - And then watching Sammy, like take her from behind in the club and then she vomits off onto the couch. - And then Sammy then tries to clean up the vomit by wiping a pillow on it. - They're classy. Ronnie, is that what you do in a party when somebody vomits? - I always have my super pillow. - I take their wallet. (laughing) - Well, she thought she was-- - And the keys to their Mercedes. - Totally. - Actually, you know what though? MJ had one of my favorite lines of the night, which I thought was actually a funny line, not like because she was awful, but she said the pre-gaming for Vegas begins, the very second it occurs to me, that Vegas is actually happening. And I was like, you know what, that's kind of a great line because I think anyone here in Los Angeles can totally empathize with that. That's totally what happens here. Although, since I'm always the one driving in Vegas, that doesn't really apply to me. But I still like the line. I'm like, "Dana, what about when they were at lunch "in the beginning of that episode talking about Vegas "and they were talking about, "is that guy's name Mike, the meathead?" - Yeah. - They were talking about that guy and oh my God, I was just thinking about barfing in Ben's car for some reason. Oh, MJ made the comment about how it's gonna be really hard for him to find a Jewish person that's not inbred. Oh snap, what's that, what's that? - Well, you know what was funny about that? I was thinking about that earlier today, that comment, that we were expressing some PC guilt about the fact that it's sort of in Los Angeles, it's oddly socially acceptable to be kind of racist to Persians and we're saying how that's kind of fucked up. But then they say stuff like that and you're like, no, they're kind of, they love making these generalizations. This is like the second episode in a row where there's been some sort of wild and rampant like Jewish generalization that's sort of not cool. I'm like, you know, I'm trying to be open-minded to your culture right now, but. (laughing) - You're not helping. - Well, it's good to know they're like everybody else. Like that Avenue key song. ♪ Everyone's a little bit racist ♪ - Yeah. ♪ Sometime ♪ - I actually didn't, you know, as again, as the Jewish representative of this podcast, I wasn't really that offended by what they said. I thought it was a funny thing and you know, people need to, people need to relax a little bit. So basically that can-- - Inbreeding though, inbreeding is kind of harsh. - Yeah, I guess it is kind of harsh. I don't know, I mean, listen, I just need to see more Ashkenazi Jews and then I'll tell you whether or not she's right. - I mean, that is the thing. There are so many kinds of Jews. - So many kinds, no, but she's talking about the Ashkenazis, which is the Persian Jews. - Right, which is a different story than you. - Yeah, I am not Ashkenazi, I am Sephardic. Most Jews that you know are Sephardic. - Who are the people that live off Pico with the 10 rules? - Those are Hasidic Jews, but that has nothing. Sephardic and Ashkenazi, that's just sort of like based on like where geographically you're from. - Preaches, right, okay. - Yeah, so Sephardic tends to be like European and Ashkenazi is like Persian, so. - And you're all Jews, you're just all Jews, just accept it. - Guys, this is a really educational podcast this week. - One time, I'm dumb, so I need all the help I can get. - We've just lost 1,000 subscribers. - It's Jew time. (laughing) - Gigi reminds me of that, have you guys ever seen that movie over the rainbow, or is it under the rainbow or over the rainbow? It's about-- - Well, you think about the Wizard of Oz and the Munchkins, yes, she does have-- - Yeah, it's about all those Munchkins where you think they're gonna be all really cute. You're like, "Oh my God, it's a little Munchkin." And then they're all drunk and like, horny and screwing in that hotel. That's what I think of every time I see Gigi. I'm like, "Do you look like such a cute little Munchkin?" And then she just turns every time she turns. - She's like in, I never mind, just go on. - The unfortunate thing though is Gigi doesn't drink and she's already, she's a monster without drinking. And like, imagine how great she would be for TV if she were effed up in Vegas. - Wait, does she not drinking at all or just-- - No, well, she said when they were at the pool, like she was not drinking at all when they were in Vegas. And I can't remember in season, in episode one, if she had had anything to drink. But she was babbling on about how she can't tell the difference between Dom and Kristall. - Okay, well she wasn't drinking in Vegas and the point is that fight at the pool would have been so much better and she actually would have kicked and even in the face had she had a few cocktails. - Well, she also, you know, maybe she would have actually enjoyed herself if she was drinking. You know, sometimes that happens. There's sometimes when people are the sober ones and everyone else is drunk having a fun time and they get really angry and they just wanna rain on everyone's parade because they're just sort of jealous of all the fun times. And if there's anything that we know about Gigi, she's a jealous fucking bitch. - Was that her barking in the background? - Yes. - She's like, "Hey, stop it." - I'm sorry. - I wanna be on the podcast. (laughing) - Viola does not like you talking sit about his little menskin. - And the amazing thing though is like she, and I don't know if this is amazing. So maybe I shouldn't have said that, but she is clearly prone to violence. - Yeah. - And that makes for awesome TV. Thank you, Teresa Jujice. - What was that random like instant replay they showed at one point? Like she like flaring her her leg out and like did not hit anyone, but they still did an instant replay of it. I'm like. - I was just hitting the knee dead and the chin, she almost like high-kicked her to the chin, jump cause and dance style. - So does that like require an instant replay? Like she was almost hit? That means she was not hit. - It was kind of awesome 'cause she probably restrained herself just to come within an inch of her nose. - Well, she's swung a leg. Who does that? (laughing) It's my birthday. - Are we going as them for Halloween because I'm already planning my costume? - Actually, my Halloween costume this year, I just came up with the idea yesterday. I wanna do a group costume where we all dress up as Susie Orman. (laughing) - Could you imagine a pack of Susie Orman's? It'd be hilarious. - I wanna be MJ. I'm just gonna wrap some foil really tightly around me and punch my way out into the world. - It just vomit everywhere. (laughing) I did like, I meant to say it when she was wasted. I mean, I did like how they like just doused her with water and like dropped her into a bathtub like face first. I mean, that was kind of funny. - Yeah, these guys are knocking on 40, but I loved that Reza was just willing to dump her ass into a bathtub and let her drown and then laugh and giggle on a runaway. - And I kind of liked actually, it was very nice of Reza to go up there because it was his party and he went up there and he didn't look like he was upset at all. He looked like he was enjoying it. You know, that's nice. They have like a real friendship. It's, you know, two thumbs up for friendship, Persian friendship. - I was actually happy to see Asa and Reza like kind of mend fences from episode one to episode two because I actually really like Asa and I want, you know, I think in order for her to succeed on the show, she needs to have Reza in her corner and I think the two of them need to battle Gigi. Now he was kind of interesting to see like this stage setup where they all went to get Manny Petty's together. - Oh yeah, their fake resolution. - Which the completely fake and you know, by next week, they'll be at each other's throats, which is great, but you know, in a weird way, I love me some Asa. - Yes, but you know, though, that resolution is like all the other Middle Eastern peace packs that have ever happened, a failure because they're going to be fighting again. ♪ Walking down the road ♪ ♪ See people I see ♪ - Are you seeing her epic Persian summertime? - It's her endless. - Yeah, that's her song. ♪ Walking down the road ♪ - By the way, you know what, Asa, she really loves to push that tea on people. She's like, anyone wants some black tea? Some mint tea, some lemon tea? Come on, you have to have some tea. Like, it's awesome. - Yeah, it looks so delicious that I made myself a cup of peppermint tea last night. - Really, look at you. - She sold me on it. - Did you wrap yourself in a pattern cloth and have like jangly things hanging off of you? - No, instead I squished into a pink cocktail frock like she wore to dinner that night. - Well, anyway, so the episode ended with Gigi went down to dinner. So Gigi was pouting because basically, she went at Anita for the spade things we'd think. Talking smack to her in front of her face, but like the second time this episode. And basically, no one was on Gigi's side and Anita called her out on it. And then Gigi actually claimed that she did not speak talk shit behind anyone's back when she was clearly doing it. So this dinner happened and everyone was like, so upset with Gigi. And she comes in late and everyone ignores her. And then she starts to cry in the corner and then she leaves. And MJ was like, oh, we're all alienating her. Did Gigi deserve that? - Yeah, well, here's the other thing. Gigi's post was also sour because when she brought that dude from Vegas to Mike Jealous, he ended up being BFF with Mike used to live in Vegas. So she was trying to pull the wool over him on that one. And it was just kind of like, you know what, you might be getting some tonight, but Mike is better off without you and you are not the hottest girl here. - This was like Regina George when she had her downfall. This was, it's the Regina, Regina, get it? - Regina. - Regina. - Regina George. - Wow, how stupid is this girl when she's like, "Hey, yeah, I'm gonna meet this guy in Vegas." And, you know, I mean, I don't know if anything's gonna happen, but sometimes you need to get your oil changed when your tank is running low. Like, that's true when your oil is dirty and there's nothing you can do when that oil is dirty. You're not oil. Once your oil is dirty, you're fucked for life. You skanky little midget. (laughing) It's so gross and she deserves that. She deserves way more than that. - And don't be talking about a tank if Vicki Gungelson is not part of the equation. - Don't be stealing Vicki's fucking lines. - Let's get those tanks together and then we'll have a hot time, you know what I'm saying? Either way, you know what, this stupid bitch, though, she comes down to this table, she comes in late, which is already gonna set her up for failure. I think she's there quietly. And, of course, people are cold, but, you know what, though, you were acting like a total bitch the entire day. And, you know what you do? You say, "Hey, everyone, I'm sorry I was acting up." You know, "I was being a total bitch, I'm sorry." And then, you know what, try to engage some people. Don't just sit there at the end. You know, you're gonna sit at the end if you show up late. That's what happens. So, that's up crime. - She shows up late everywhere. - She does. - She's never on time. I hate girls like that, you know? They show up late, they make everybody wait, and then when they get there, they just start sucking your energy dry. It's like-- - Is this kind of like when I was trying to pick you up before we were going to Benz for that party and you made me wait in the car? - No, because if I, okay, this would have been more like that. If I had gotten into your car and been like, "Oh my God, Matt, here's all my drama." I didn't, I'd gotten your car and I was like, "Hi, Matt, how are you?" And then you told me, and then I told you, and we exchanged ideas. - Clearly Matt's been festering on this for two days. He's waiting, waiting to mention the fact that he waited for you. - Look, GC hasn't just gained 30 pounds out of thin air, all right? I had to find things that fit me. That was not very easy. - Yeah, Ronnie doesn't have a stylist the way GC does. - I'm just mad at Ronnie, 'cause he doesn't love this piece of trash show. - Well, it costs you close to home, I think. - It's just one of those shows where I'm sitting there watching it. And of course, I'm watching it 'cause we're doing this, and I really like doing this, don't get me wrong. But I'm sitting there watching it and I'm like, "Yeah, you're a 30-something year old man, and you're in your underwear in the middle of the day, and this is what you're doing with your life." And then I start getting really sad, and I don't even drink that I start crying. - Are you talking about a cast member or yourself? - Or yourself, I was confused. - Myself, no, I'm thinking while I'm watching the show, I'm a 30-something year old man, and this is what I'm doing with my life. - I thought you were talking about Rayza or something, 'cause they're doing nothing with it. - Well, at least he's getting paid a lot of money to do it. - I don't look down on him, I look up to him. - I wouldn't be surprised if these motherfuckers were like, "Yeah, we'll do the show for free." - You know what, at the end of the day, I do have to admit this, but grudgingly, it looked like they had an awesome weekend, and I would not have minded being, as much as we make fun of them, as loud and as tacky as they are, there's a part of me that was like, "I wanna be there, too, with them." - Yeah, that penthouse was out of control. - It was a huge penthouse. They were going, they were skipping all these lines. They were drinking like crazy, getting all this food. I was like-- - Yeah, but let's be real, Ben. The Aria is kind of like a few steps off the strip. - Oh, but the Aria is gorgeous. - It's fine, I mean, whatever. - It's close enough to the strip that it doesn't matter. It's a fun time, and-- - The Aria is gorgeous. You don't need to go to the strip. They've got everything right in there, baby. You know what, those guys should all pull together their money, and the next casino that goes up should be Persian themed. Persian rugs everywhere, gold, dang, leaf, and whatever they can have it. - Yeah, it's called the Aladdin, and they closed it and turned it into a planet Hollywood. - Yeah, that's true. - How dare you bring up that name on a Bravo podcast without talking about Adrian Malus Hotel. You are a terrible friend. - This works in so many ways because she's Lebanese, right? - Have you ever covered a carpet stain with a rug? - Ignored a leaky faucet? Pretended your half-painted living room is supposed to look like that. Well, you're not alone. We've all got unfinished home projects, but there is an easier way. Thumbtack is the app that makes it easier to care for your home. Pull out your phone and ingest a few taps. Search, chat, and book highly rated prose right in your neighborhood. Download Thumbtack and start caring for your home the easier way. - With Credit Karma finding the right credit card for you is easy. Our app analyzes user profiles to suggest personalized recommendations. Visit creditkarma.com today to explore cards tailored to your needs. Credit Karma, simplifying your financial choices. - I think so. - So she's your people. AKA, she's a shots on set. - She's one of my people wearing a mask from the planet of the eighties. (laughing) - So speed of housewives, why don't we transition over to the housewives? (laughing) - Let's do it everybody. - Let's do it. - So let's go from Persia or Las Vegas and go all the way over to Atlanta where breaking news, breaking news, we have some crazy stuff happened and it involved Keisha Cole, Derek J. and a shotgun, or just a gun. - Yeah, so what happened? Tell, tell. - Okay, Keisha Cole's sister went and got her hair did, okay? And she didn't like the way her stylist, her cross town stylist, as they say in the news, did her hair, so she went to Derek J to have it fixed. And he's like, "Girl, this hair is so messed up. "I don't know what we're gonna do to fix it." He's like, "You gotta call up your stylist "and tell them what products to use "that we can fix this." Some sort of argument ensued and the stylist came over to Derek J. salon and they all got into a yelling match and then the guy took out a gun and then shot the floor. And then the question is, who is the shooter? - I heard a rumor that Lawrence actually was the shooter. - No way, it was Lisa Wu Hartwell. - Yeah, I think so. But then there was a rumor that it was someone else. I don't think it was Lawrence, but either way. - It was Keith Sweat or Lisa Wu. I mean, obviously. - Or both of them together. - Right, I mean, it would never be Deshaun's snow. - I kind of would like it to be Deshaun's snow. - Poor Deshaun probably isn't even let into the hair salons there anymore. It's like, "Bitch, you couldn't even have one season." So didn't you just say that the shooter was the rival hairdresser guy? I'm confused. - It was a stylist, a different stylist. So the question is, who was it? And Derek J. was on the news that watched this video clip and he said the thing that he was mad about the most is that now it's floors messed up. So clearly his priorities are really in place. - Well, easier to fix than a ceiling. - I would be like-- - That was a considerate shooter. - I would be like, I'm most upset that someone brought a gun into my salon and now people might be afraid to come here. That's what my concern would be. But, you know, floor is also important too. - And if you can't-- - And if Derek J goes, you should be afraid. - I agree. You know, we don't know for sure if that hole came from a bullet or just from his heels, you know what I'm saying? (laughing) - He's just stomping too, they're all in, really. - He's like, "Rimple's still skin stomping and stomping and stomping until he goes through the floor." You like that? - Oh, Derek J. - I would be most concerned if I was on this show that the most attention this show has gotten all year has been from a shooting at some minor character salon. That's pretty sad. - Yeah. - I mean, what the hell's been going on this year? This week, what happened this week? - There's a lot, I mean, nothing exciting happened. - That's probably got hodgepodge. - Everybody did have a little story arc this past week, so let's start with Phaedra hosting a birthday party for her one-year-old Aiden has, according to Shirei, 50 hours out of Atlanta in the heat and it was a misery. - Now, let me tell you something. When this scene started at first, I was like, thank God someone decided to have an appropriate children's party, go to a water park, even though it's two hours out of the way. You know what, that's what you do. It's a one-year-old, I mean, of course you don't, well, maybe a one-year-old you shouldn't have with bodies of water, but still, it's like a fun silly thing. But then here comes Dwight back from the dead as Shirei put it. And he orders in, he ushers in 12 professional cakes that must have cost at least $500 each. Was that the most ridiculous thing for a presentation to a one-year-old? - Well, the best line of the whole night with Shirei's. - Who could eat all that cake? (both laughing) - I also like when she was like, when she went to her and she was like, and he had a full face of makeup. - Yeah, I love that. Where have you been? (both laughing) - Shirei has nothing going on. Like her daughter's getting married and she's kind of still like struggling with her divorce. And pretty much she has nothing happening in her life, but I am loving her more than ever for her stupid ass, one-liners assistant. - Yeah, well, her, one-liners have always been great. Whenever she looked at the camera and is incredulous, she always, if the question comes out of her mouth that starts with who, what, one, where, how, it's always gonna be funny. How are you gonna do that? - She got a piece by a criminal who's representing himself. (both laughing) - I love Shirei. - Yeah. - You know, I felt bad for her again. I mean, not only is she losing her daughter and how icy was that reception, by the way, to the fiance, the future fiance. - I am with her at lunch. I thought it was nice. - Oh, yeah, it was nice in her icy way, but you know. - Well, she warmed up and she cried. - She's got a lot of crap going on, but also all her shits during his back firing in her face because Kim and Candy were just like, oh, well, let's be best friends again. So glad this all happened. - But you know, I thought you can't deny the fact that Shirei's weave is looking better than ever. Her hair, it looks great. - There's Shirei, it looks better. I mean, hair outfit, the whole thing, like better than ever. But like, instead of worrying about her son-in-law, like having the money to afford an engagement ring for her daughter, do you think that she could tell him to go fix his crusty brown out tooth? - I know, what was up with that? - She has a decaying tooth. Can you get that fixed before you buy a $40,000 wedding ring? - I thought for the longest time that he had maybe bitten into like a brand muffin and no one was telling him to fix that, but. - Oh, no, he has dead teeth. - That's no good. Yeah, yeah, she should fix that as like her gift to him. She should be like, let me take a dentist. - So he'll end up looking like a big hole on the ground if she hires her staff. - Oh yeah. - She'll be like, I'm sorry, I'll fix your teeth. Now you've just got a big hole in your face. What happened to your face? - It's gonna be Lawrence. Lawrence will be like, okay, we are going to fix this. What do you want to do that face? - Let's put some silly putty on that tooth there. - Oh, it's gonna look good. - Okay, let's talk about Lawrence though for a second because there was that like two second clip where Marlow and the F-bomb visited Lawrence and it kind of really bugged me that he let her off the hook. - Well, no, he very nicely was like, stopped saying that and she's like, well, I can't say that about people I don't like, you know? Sorry, that was my Kim voice. - Yeah, but then when they were talking, Red Skeleton voice, I have to work in my Marlow. I don't know if my voice gets deep and manly enough to sound like Marlow. - Yeah, don't even try like it's you. - She's like, I can't say that. She does sort of sound it. I can't say that about gays, I don't know. - That's what Red Skeleton sitting in the junkyard voice. - Boy, come home late. - Well, it's not that far away from Marlow, it's just a shaded way. (laughing) - That guy was a facial away, sorry, Matt. - They were cutting it, they were cutting to commercial and they were still laughing about it and it was pissing me off. - Nobody else was apparently pissed off. - Well, I think that I thought it was, I thought it was, you know, it was good that she went and followed up with Lawrence and I think it was handled appropriately. I think that's actually the way that things like that should be handled. - You are fucking crazy. Are you telling me that you think that she has the kindness of her heart went there and said that bitch? - No. - That she caught on camera. That's why she-- - Well, but it doesn't matter. She still had to go and do it on camera and that was her punishment. And you know what, the way these things should be handled in life is should be a, you know, like it's a warm, you're teaching your friends, you know, you educate them in that way. I shouldn't be a whole yelling thing 'cause then people will be resentful and be like, well, I should've said that word anyway, you know? - That girls a piece of trash, what the hell are you expecting? Marlow, come on now, you're lucky she hasn't sieved anybody yet. - Well, I wasn't saying she wasn't a piece of trash. I'm just saying I like the way that Lawrence handled it. - Yeah, it's a piece of trash, so, I mean, she talks like that, I kind of expect that from somebody like Marlow, I don't worry about it too much. - Okay, we need to switch to a lighter topic 'cause I'm getting, like, riled up now. - Oh, do you want me to really piss you off? I went to Chick-fil-A this week and I had me some waffle, some gay-hating waffles, right? - Well, you know, there's that video that came out today of all these drag queens singing about Chick-fil-A. It's hilarious if you've seen it. - It is. - You guys haven't watched it. Look it up, it's, I think it's one of the guys, William from Drag Queen. - Yeah, Drag Race. - Willem. Willem. - Whatever. - And they do Wilson Phillips singing a song about Chick-fil-A. - It's awesome. - Yeah, it was funny. I actually don't normally find drag queens to be that funny. I actually thought this was a funny, funny clip. But the only drag queens I find the funny are the drag queens are on Real Housewives of Atlanta, quite frankly. - The Marlos of the World. - The Marlos, the Charais. By the way, you know what I like about Charais is that her face sort of looks like it could be one of those British claymation things, you know? I really like that. (laughing) I mean that in a best way. - I think she's got gymnast face. You know those girls who were in gym and they were all manly looking? - I like a manly face. - I like how every week. - She is a brown my little pony, please. - I like how every week we have a new classification of faces. Last week I think was Persian midget face or something like that. This week is whatever it was that you just said. (laughing) Gymnast face. (laughing) - I can't wait to see what I see. - She's got a box of Wheaties that one. (laughing) - She's like a very Lou Rhetton with a weave. - Do you guys have any more housewives of Atlantic 'cause I was bored with it? Do you have anything more? - I thought it was like pleasant, like whatever. Like Nini is like maybe a divorce, maybe not. I liked Candy and Jody Messina. I thought that was really fun to watch. - I'm sorry, like everyone is up Candy's ass, but like she-- - Oh, here's some catey raid. Here comes Gigi, here comes Gigi. What do you have to say? - She strolls into Nashville and she's like, "Wait, you guys have a band?" I just drop a beat after every sentence and then I stop. (laughing) And then I take a break and I smoke a blunt and then I might come back, but I don't know. And then she shows up and she's all like, "Oh yeah, well, it was my dream to work in country music." It's like you wrote half of a shitty song and Jody wrote the other half and then Jody's band is doing all the work and not your entourage that showed up. I'm like, "I just don't get it." Like I don't think she's that talented. - Well, but that's the difference in music making. I mean, hip hop is all electronic. They don't need to use any instruments, but it's so funny that she's a professional recording artist and she's like, "What? A band?" - Yeah, that was the song. That is crazy. - It's like musicians. - What about if we're playing a live that you're in front of people? What is that? - Well, listen. - Oh, Matt. - Sad at that. That's where music has come to. - Matt, but I have to rebuke Matt's ridiculous statement that Candy has no talent. - Well, I'm not even going to talk about no scrubs, okay? What I'm going to talk about. What I'm going to talk about. What I'm going to talk about. Listen, I have to talk first. You can, I'm holler louder. I will, like Gigi, I will always holler louder, but I am going to exhibit A, exhibit A, which is Tardy for the party, okay? She turned a turd into a gem. Or she polished a turd. She made a great song out of an idiotic, idiotic song. And there's, that's like case closed, case closed. - Okay, now I get to talk for a second. First of all, she did not write the lyrics. Tardy for the party, she came up with a beat. Guess what? My Casio fucking keyboard can come up with a beat. - I didn't know what it was fucking good beat. - And now for single, and I'm not done. And number two, No Scrubs was written by 19 fucking people. - Listen, I said we're not even going to talk about No Scrubs. The point is that-- - I just did. - I said, okay, listen Anita. Okay, this is Anita versus Gigi right here. We are going to talk about the fact that Tardy for the party, regardless of the lyrics, it has a catchy ass tune. The reason why it caught on so much was because she literally made this great little pop song. - Okay, excuse me. Do you think she made it? Or it's always these dudes that are sitting in the studio with her, it's not her. - Where's it gonna end for you, Matt? Who's next? If I'm gonna say-- - You know what, I've got it above-- - You're gonna say the janitor came in and did it and not candy. - Whatever. - Listen. - Well, I thought that song was really nice that she made in this episode. - Actually, you know what I hate? I hate when super rich singers sing about what it would be like to have money growing on trees. - Yeah, I hate that. - That's one thing that country music and rap has in common. Well, country music, usually they're complaining about being poor, right? - Yeah, well, that's what I remember growing up in Texas. - If I had money growing on trees, I'd have like three cars in a garage. I'm like, as they cut away to Jodie Messina's ranch with like, Bentley's, well, she doesn't have Bentley's, but the point is this, it's like there's something that feels a little insincere about it. I know it's supposed to be an empathetic song, but-- - Jodie, she seems kind of like a bitch, no? Like every time-- - Little past aggressive. - I actually love her. I love her, I love country music, I love Jodie Messina, and she is not that rich 'cause she has only sold 5 million albums. - What? - What? So that makes you not that rich? - Compared to Faith Hill and Shania Twain, no. - Well, not everyone can be Shania Twain and Faith Hill and Celine Dion, but she, I'll tell you one thing, Jodie Messina has certainly has more money than I do. And I feel like-- - Well, I feel like-- - It's everybody listening to me. - Yeah, actually, I think the homeless guy downstairs has a little bit more money. 'Cause I saw someone giving him 25 cents, so-- - The homeless man, probably has more money than MJ. That's why we all live in this neighborhood. - Totally. - Yeah, we're all equally as poor, probably. - The point is this, I like candy and I like watching her work with these musicians and I think that it was fun. And I'm not a hater, okay? I'm not a hater. - Okay, I like her too. - Okay, fine, but before we move on to O.C., we just have to put out some hate. You guys have to back me on the hate for Cynthia. What a-- - Oh, yeah. We almost blocked her out. We almost blocked her out. She's a bitch. - Oh, yeah. - She's a bitch. - I don't hate, like, she doesn't bug me enough to hate her. I just kind of cross my eyes a little bit when she comes on the screen to start fast forwarding. Because what's that whole thing with her and Peter? Like, I just don't understand what's wrong with Mallory. What's wrong with her? All I do is I'm just nice to her. That's all I care. Really, 'cause you called her out on the microphone twice publicly at a party. You don't do not remember that. You bleary-eyed alcoholic. - Well, and neither-- - Exactly. - And Cynthia obviously forgot that that happened too. He was being a total dick in front of everybody. - Well, she was-- - Cynthia's-- Oh, I'm sorry, go ahead. - No, I was gonna say she's like this classic, sort of this, on one of these wives that, you know, will defend her husband's awful ways. I mean, Mallory was not innocent to any of this, but still, she didn't deserve that. - I'm still-- - Cynthia. - Yeah, I'm Team Mallory. Don't get me wrong. - Cynthia did it all to herself. She's one of those girls that complains and complains about her boyfriend. He's mentally abusive. He doesn't take care of me, right? I'm gonna blah, blah, blah. All this shit before she married him. - But now that she's married-- - She's very good Paris. - Just shut up and go to Paris, okay? - Yeah, go to Paris. - Yeah, I think the reason why I think I hate Cynthia is 'cause she's boring, but she also represents terrible things that women fall into, you know, in terms of their relationships with guys sometimes, and terrible judgments. Oh, and by the way, did you notice how the Bailey agency was? - It was bustling, it was like-- - It was bustling. - Bustling, you know, Mallory had to push past crowds and people lighting up. - Oh, it was like, it was four models up in there. - Oh, yeah, I mean, it was just like, I mean, I felt like I was really at the forefront of the fashion industry at that moment. - She was fucking filing her nails behind a desk. I mean, it was like-- - And it was so quiet in there, you could hear the echoes of her filing her nails. It was just, it was a terrible, terrible scene. - That scene. - I'm disappointed. But you know what wasn't quiet was the El Adobe restaurant of San Juan Caprano in Orange County last week. Where-- - Oh, Lordy, Lord. - Vicki Gumbelson was a screaming mess against Gretchen Rossi. Who wants to summarize this? - Well, Vicki done got busted. She has been calling Slade out and being as nasty as possible with her little Fentammer now for a couple of years about what a slime bag Slade is, and she's not wrong. He is one, obviously. - Yes, a huge slime bag with that. But then when she's called out on it, instead of just saying, you know what, you're right, I fell in love with this guy, I guess he has the same problems as you, fine, I'm sorry. You know, just do it that way, you don't have to sound sincere. But when she gets called out, she doesn't only say that's none of his business, she starts going ape shit, and she's so in the wrong. She's so in the wrong. - Wait, can I say something controversial? - Please. - I think that Vicki articulated herself incorrectly, and I actually think I understand where she's coming with. If you let me give me a moment, I'll explain. - Oh no, I am not gonna give you a moment. - Please, please. - Can I guess what you're gonna say? I wanna guess, I wanna guess. - Yes, please. - That what Vicki was saying was that she's not supporting her husband, she was saying that Gretchen was supporting Slade, and she's not supporting her husband, so it's totally different. - Sort of. - No, this is what I'm-- - I thought you were gonna say some bullshit like Vicki was screaming, you don't know what it's like to have children and not get support, and I was like, I was on Team Gretchen there. - No, I mean, I think Vicki totally contradicted herself in that argument because she set up her initial argument, you know, Slade's a deadbeat, Slade's a deadbeat. Really, I think what she was trying to get at was not that he's technically a deadbeat, but as we all know, Slade is an asshole, and he really does just mooch off of Gretchen. He just wants to be on camera or whatever, and I think what Vicki probably should've was maybe trying to say was that yes, Brooks did fall behind, but he's doing whatever he can to earn money to support his kids, you know, like he is going out and working, and I know that Vicki always likes people who work, but where Slade is just sort of like a mooch, you know, like, you know, he's, you don't get the sense that it's a priority for him to be trying to earn somebody to help his poor kid who's in the hospital, you know what I'm saying? I think that's probably what she meant, but because she went in with this whole thing that Slade's a deadbeat, Slade's a deadbeat, then when Brooks is a deadbeat, now she looks like an idiot, you know? That's all I'm saying. - Yeah, she sure does. - And I think that she has a point, actually, in a weird way, I think she has a point, she just did not articulate it properly at all, 'cause she's a crazy idiot herself. - Yes, well, Slade is a deadbeat, and he is a total mooch, but she is also dating somebody who's been to jail, so she's a hypocrite and he's shut up. - Exactly, all she needed to do was get a piece of dick from somebody else. - Yeah, and you know what, Gretchen had going for her with the indisputable thing is that, you know what, like, if it's none of Gretchen's business to talk about Brooks, it's none of Vicki's business to talk about Slade. That I agree with Gretchen on that one, for sure. Although, at the same time, someone did mention to me, not one of you guys, someone else I was watching with, is that Vicki is actually a little allowed to talk about Slade because she has a relationship with Slade preexisting Gretchen. What do you guys think about that? - That's bullshit. - You think? - Yeah, just because Slade was on the show earlier with Joe, that means that she gets to talk more shit, no. - Well, see, the thing that really is bothersome about Vicki is that she even puts us in the position of standing up for Slade at all. Like, the fact that we're even arguing in Slade's, like, I refuse to argue in Slade's defense. - I will never. - All I'll say is that Vicki is an embarrassment and for her to walk around in her only argument to be, well, my daughter might have cancer. Like, what kind of argument is that that's horrible? Like, her daughter could be dying of cancer, which, spoiler alert, she's totally not. She's fine, of course. But, you know, that's Vicki's argument is like, oh, I have nothing, I've been screaming for an hour now and I have nothing to say except that my daughter has cancer, that's horrible. - Wait, you guys think that they're disgusting for putting that on the show? I mean, yes, I know it's reality TV. We expect disgusting things. But like, I love Brianna. Like, I like her more than anybody else on that damn show and part of me was like, this has just made me too personal. I actually thought it was okay because I think that was actually a very, sort of a very real moment and, you know, if they were down with it, it's fine. I think that actually what was great about having Brianna going through the surgery is that here she is relatively strong. You can see that she's scared, but she's keeping on a strong front. And then first you have Vicki, who's being the worst mother in the world by being like, I'm so nervous, I'm so nervous. I think I'm gonna puke. Like, a mother should be like, I'm gonna be strong for you. You'll be fine, you'll be all right, don't worry about it. - Right, and then it comes to Brianna. And it comes to Brianna going like, yeah, I know I'm about to, you know, have surgery for like cancer, I might be dying. But, you know, my mom makes everything about her. - Yeah. And, yeah, of course. - What was even better about it though, what was even better, I mean, this poor girl, she's having some serious surgery. The thyroid going out, lymph nodes, this would be hours. And then the counterpoint is dumbass Alexis getting her, you know, her nose job getting done. And she's sitting there crying, balling, you know, 'cause she thinks they're gonna take off her nose and she'll look like Voldemort. - But as long as Jim and the Lord pray over them, they will be fine. - So, wait, can we talk about it now? What was great about this episode was that it started with this Vicki and Slade thing, but then it moved into a Alexis versus the world thing, which was also equally hilarious to me, that do you guys think that like they were making, I mean, they were saying we weren't making fun of Alexis, you missed her to Alexis, did Alexis sort of have a point? - Well, they were, the point is that that stupid Heather girl didn't know that Lex meant Alexis. She thought it was a different girl. So, she was talking shit about somebody named Lex, but she didn't know that it was Alexis, so. But the thing about Alexis, it's so great is she just doesn't understand the English. So, there's like, there's always a communication problem 'cause she doesn't understand English. It's hilarious. - She doesn't understand. - I was trying to explain to her and all Alexis can do is say, no, no, I heard it. I heard it, period, I heard it 'cause it's like Spanish. Like proper English is like listening to Spanish. She doesn't know what the hell's going on. - Well, it was great. - It was great watching both Heather and Gretchen attempting to employ some sort of logic with Alexis, you know? That's just like, that's never gonna happen. That's like one of these Greek mythology things of like, you know, Prometheus having to like, have his liver eaten out by a bird or whatever. It's just, it's an exercise of futility, you know? - And again, Tamara, you know, I love her stupid little one-liners when she's like, I've said it before and I'll say it again. You can't argue with stupid. - Well, how about Tamara who's like, yeah, you need a nose job. Good for you, you need one. - And this was, as one of my readers pointed out, this comes only, you know, like minutes after them being angry at Slate for making fun of someone's looks. - Yeah, exactly. And they turn on one of their own. - Yeah, but then I also loved how Alexis was mad at Gretchen for not standing up for her. When, last time I checked when Vicki and Gretchen were going at it, I think Alexis was just sort of sitting there doing nothing? - If Alexis fucks with her ally being Gretchen, she's just done because nobody else is gonna save her ass. - Yeah, but luckily Gretchen is smart enough to know that Alexis is too stupid to understand anything and Gretchen just wants to put her asleep and, you know, go off to Foxlade, you know? - All right, you don't know. I guess that shocked everyone into silence. (laughing) - I was drinking some Starbucks. - Oh. (laughing) - But you know what, I have to say, I kind of was loving Heather. I loved when she suggested that Alexis perhaps needs a brain lift, I was like right on that. - Yeah, and I hate her. - I hate her. - She just gave away the high road with that comment. She was saying, look, we didn't know we were talking about you. And you could almost believe her. And then the second Alexis leaves, she's like, well, can you go in for a brain transplant? And no one laughed. And then she looked at her husband and was like, well, can you? And he was like, hi, I'm laughing at that. (laughing) - There's no such thing as a high road with these women. You know, she didn't give up anything. She just gave up maybe, not the high road, maybe like the map to the high road, but she's never been on the high road. - She's just on the wrong cast. She needs to be on Beverly Hills. - Or, she's on the wrong cast, she needs to be on Beverly Hills. - Oh, God, oh, woo. - Look, I think she's on the right cast. I think she's a good counterpoint to these idiots. Get a little brunette in there, see what happens, you know? - This cast is frightening, and I love them. I wanna make, I wish I just had more time to just watch it and take every little clip of Alexis and just put it on a rotation and just watch it and watch it and watch it. What if I don't come out of Anastasia? (laughing) And then Jim praying for, Jim praying to Jesus that the nose job goes okay. Like, Jesus doesn't have enough to worry about. He's like, "Oh, busy, bitch. "I'm fixing noses and dart for, okay?" - By the way, was it me or does Jim's basically a little different? Is it just 'cause he might be losing weight or does his face looks a little different? - Jim's definitely lost weight, he is looking better. And he's kind of decided to get rid of the, you know, what is that, a hardy and hardy gear? - I think he's replaced it with equally douchey outfits. I mean, he's got, he had some stupid hat on. He was dressed like he was like 23, you know, like. - Yeah, he's fillers and bowtocks, just like the rest of it. - Wait, and we also talked about, oh. - Go ahead, oh, I was just gonna say, I'm used to seeing the fillers and bowtocks on the women, but just being a man, I can't forgive it on a man. - Yeah, he's ridiculous. - It doesn't look like he has some fillers, but his cheekbones are a little bit more prominent or something, and his chin or something. It's like not quite right. - Or what about when Alexis is trying on clothes and her daughters are with her and she, he's like, "Oh yeah, babe, that's hot." - Gross, you know, like all your three kids look. - Yeah, but you know what, I have to say, Alexis came in for her surgery and she was not in any makeup except some lipstick. I thought she looked 10 times cuter, she looked younger. - Oh my God, what are you talking about? She and Gretchen, we've seen both of them this year. We've seen both of them this year without makeup and both of them look fucking frightening without all the pain. - No, I, Gretchen and I did not look great without her. She did not look good without her makeup, but I thought that Alexis looked much cuter. I mean, her skin is not great, her skin is not great, but I thought she looked, she looked younger to me without all that makeup. - They all look better as drag queens. - Well, they are drag queens. Gretchen looked a little hamstery, but I think that Alexis, I think is a very beautiful girl. You guys don't think she's pretty? - No, I do, I do think she is. I think she, I think she is hot for sure. - I'm distracted by her monster breasts, I'm sorry. - Her breasts are too big and her fashion sense is a little horish, but I don't know, I just think that like less is more and I don't think that that's something that Alexis can grasp. I mean, she can't grasp anything. What am I talking about? I mean, she literally thinks her nose is gonna be removed. Okay, she thought it's gonna, she does an amputation. Okay, she probably thought they were gonna like ship in, she probably thought there was gonna be a helicopter that's gonna airlift the nose off of a recently deceased person and put it onto her face. (laughing) Like, the time has come. You're at the top of the list, Alexis. The transplant is ready. - She is a news anchor, she is a news anchor. - It would be, it would be kind of amazing if there was sort of like a new version of face off that involves Alexis and the swapping of noses and like, she got the nose of like a terrace. - They should ask the guest judges every week, are you kidding me? - That'd be fantastic. - Before we move on, before we move on, were you guys surprised to see Don hanging out or the fact that Don was even on this season because I was not expecting that? - I was surprised. I was also surprised, you know, maybe we just didn't see it, but I would have thought that like, he would have been at the hospital and also maybe Brianna's biological father. I would have thought like that's a, that sort of surgery, the whole gang should get together for that, you know? - Well, they might have been, they might have met them there, but you know, Vicki has the cameras in her car. - Yeah. - So we can worry about fucking Vicki saying nothing except, oh, this is gonna hurt me so bad. - I feel like I'm sorry that your counselor has to hurt me so bad. Poor girl, I feel bad for Brianna, that's not a pleasant thing to do. Even if it's, even if she is perfectly fine, you know, she'll probably on meds the rest of her life, right, without a thyroid. - Yeah. - I don't know. - I don't know, but our thyroid, she could be almost on meds. - Our thyroid's evil, doesn't everybody blame their thyroid for being fat? - No. Well, yes, but gallbladders, I think are also evil. Listen, there are a lot of evil things and they're all in our bodies. And they all come with the OC. - All right, so what else did you guys watch this week? Did you watch Jeff Lewis? You guys did watch it, Jeff Lewis. - I did watch it. - Did you guys watch it? - I did. - Yeah, it was like flipping out, except with less Zoila, so I don't approve. - This is, my impression of it was that I surprisingly really enjoyed it. I thought the therapy angle was weak. I mean, there was no therapy that happened, you know? - No, because if there really was therapy, Jeff would have said, "Folice, you were the biggest bitch "ever to walk the earth, and you should be killed." - She was awful. She sort of looked like Heather, actually, from OC. - I think she looks like Bill Lawrence's wife that's on Kookertown. - Yeah, like a mixture of both. - I think, and with an addition of Perry, what's her face from-- - Perry Reeves, yeah. (laughs) - Just a smack of Perry Reeves. But I thought, you know, I enjoyed watching them read you this house. You know, it's sort of like a harken back to like the trading space's days, you know? Which, 'cause it's Jeff Lewis, it was actually funny and interesting. But I thought the therapy thing was sort of like just added on. - Well, I bet they made up that therapy thing later in the game, to call this show something, because they probably start doing it a little more later, 'cause this was not therapy. - It didn't look like they were even trying. I mean, what can you do? Like, the woman's a stone cold bitch, and her husband is obviously gay. That's not one of those-- - Yeah, like, we talk about that, by the way. I was like-- - Yeah, that guy was like a screaming queen. - Yeah. - And he's a castrated queen. It was just very awkward when they went shopping. - Yeah. - Oh, no, he stood up for his bed. He's like, "Can't I just have one thing?" "Oh, I asked you the one thing in this marriage, "and it's a bed that I like." - Mommy, but my feet can't touch the ground, Mommy. - I love that. I never occurred to either one of them that maybe they should have a bed that was directly in between the heights that they wanted. And then maybe-- - They needed separate bedrooms, because he's a homo. - But, you know, here's the thing. There was like, there really was, you know, it was like, okay, so she's demanding he wants a bed. Okay, we changed things around. They're both getting agitated at Jeff. And in the end, they liked their remodel. And that was it. There was like no sense that there was no breakthrough. There was no moment where the two of them sat down and really hash things out. It was just, that was it. Even tapping the text over has more therapeutic moments, you know? - Like, enjoy your sterile new bedroom for your sterile marriage. See, yeah, we're out. I think that it's weird that he's designing in the exact same style that he normally designs in for people that already have that style. - Yeah, I mean, Beth Lewis, pretty much. I mean, he's really good at house flipping because he has five tiles that he knows are good and five carpets that he knows are really good. And he just uses them over and over again. - He can place a shower drain like nobody else. - Well, you know, I think in a weird way, this might sound sacrilege. I kind of enjoyed it a little bit more than flipping out, because-- - Bite your tongue whore. - No, I mean, I do agree. There should be more as well. You know, I enjoy flipping out, but I sort of like the one-off nature of this. You know, Jeff and Jenny are great characters. Jeff is great TV, and he plays well off of people. And I think putting him in like a high-stress, high-intensity situation like this every week, I think that's fun. I like it. - I'm gonna fire you, Jenny. I'm gonna fire you, Jenny. I'm so sick of you. I'm so sick of this. This is good. I'm firing you. How is Zoila rich and famous now still working as a maid? - Well, because if she's not working as Jeff's maid, then she won't be rich and famous anymore. - Exactly. - Oh, good point. Good point. But I just need a little more. Shut up, Jeff. - Well, I'm sure it will be coming. I wonder why they chose this one as the season premiere. - It looks like one of those that they were just like, "Yeah, let's just see what Jeff can do. Let's just keep it rolling." - Yeah, I mean, there were a lot of problems that happened with the leaking ceiling and this and that had to do the wall stuff, you know. - The sad thing is the ratings for this like "Shaws of Sunset" very disappointing. - So wait, now here's a question. Okay, "Shaws of Sunset" disappointing ratings. This had disappointing ratings. You know, they're a big thing over this last summer, the jewel and carrot, the platinum hit. That had terrible ratings. There, they've had some high profile things that are not doing well with the ratings. Is this a bravo marketing issue at this point, you think? - I actually think they're-- - I think they're there. Go ahead. - No, no, go ahead. - I just think that they're green lighting too many shows. I mean, you need to stick with what works. You don't need to have two new shows on four nights a week. Watch what happens does not need to be on five nights a week. There's not enough content there. It's called Spread It Out. Pick the best of the best and stop green lighting all this bullshit. And only, the only thing that matters is that other decorating show that I'm obsessed with. Bring that back. - And million dollar decorators? - Million dollar decorators-- - That's good. - With Martin Lawrence Bullard, but it had terrible ratings. - But Matt though, Matt. But you know, you say stick with what you know or stick with what works. - Jeff and Jenny remodeling a house that works. - No, no, no, I know. The problem is people want Jeff Lewis to be off the rails. Crazy. We want more Zoila. Everybody's obsessed with her. The dogs are shooting all over the house. He's screaming at Jeff. There's that dumb blonde girl. There's that little gay assistant. I mean, living out is the second highest rated show on this network. - Matt, your argument, I agree with your argument, but that shouldn't that suggest that there'll be a strong premiere and then the ratings would fall off 'cause they're not getting what they want. This was a premiere where people were, it looked exactly like flipping out and you would think that the premiere that all these people who love Jeff Lewis, whatever, are gonna follow him and they didn't. - I think the time suggests to me is that there's a lack of awareness or, I mean, I agree they are diluting their brand look but it's like how many realtor shows can they have, or how many, you know, you know. - Well, not only that, but with the quality of the Real Housewives shows, basically those are just telenovelas in English. They're cheap, like, telamundo shows and they're fun because they're soapy shows and they work, but everything can't be shot like that. I mean, everything is shot the same way, it's all the same diary room, the same shallow, idiot people, like, vapid, morons, and I think the world's just getting sick of it. I honestly do. What was the last successful show like this to come out? It was a housewives spinoff and before that it was to be sore and that's gone to shit. - Popwives is like a really low ramp version of these though. - Yeah, but I mean if people talk about it, you know, but the thing is, you know, I also wonder if maybe Bravo, I mean, they rightfully should put in a lot of attention under the housewives because everyone still washes it and everything, but you know, watch what happened live. I feel like it's just, it's a housewives after show and all they talk about is the housewives I feel like. And, you know, maybe they should be putting more attention and strumming up interest and buzz on these other shows because to me, if they talk about stuff like Tabitha Salon takeover, which yes, I do love, if they waste their time talking about that shit on Watch What Happens Live, nobody's gonna watch Watch What Happens Live because people watch that because Andy brings on his friends that are dedicated housewives fans and it's like, Kelly Ripa wants to talk shit about Gretchen, you know. Bring in Sean Avery, he wants to talk smack on Bethany Frank. Like it's just, that's what people want to talk about. - You know who they should be using? They should be using the fact that they should be happy that our little podcast here, which is not so little anymore, I'm happy to announce. - No, they should put us on right after Watch What Happens. - Well, they should be happy 'cause we actually are talking about some of the shows that, you know, not as much as we talk about the housewives, but shots of sunset were giving a whole lot of time too. So, look at us. - Talking about the shows that the broppos have shamed to talk about. (laughing) - Oh wow, we really have the live. - We really have the bear tag line. - Hey, let's watch a super low rated show and talk about it for half an hour. - Can we almost see it? - For a second that none of us are gonna bother with this love broker shit 'cause after the first two, I'm out. - No, I haven't even bothered watching in the first show. - Oh, no, no, no. - If you're listening to us right now, sorry, but we're not talking about love broker anymore 'cause it's that fucking bad. - Can I just say real quickly also 'cause we're about to wrap up, but real quickly, tap at a slum take over last week with the-- - Oh my God. - There's lesbian dog rumors. That was, oh man. That was amazing. - How could two lesbians not know anything about grooming pets? (laughing) - You know, it's a weird world, strange things happen. Have you ever seen how lesbians groom? (laughing) What an odd question for you to go? - There, there comes a whole fresh bag of hate now. - Well, come on, okay. Let's not even say lesbians. Let's just say those lesbians, those two. - Yeah, those two. - Do you see their grooming? I mean, come on now. - Why are them wearing Chola shorts the entire episode and the other just-- - Do you guys know that that place is on Beverly right across from Swingers? - Yes, 'cause they showed that. - We need to go see if it's still there. I know, you know, I feel like all the places they go to on top of that it takes over are like in this general area. You know, I think we should just, you know, we can go to the Froyo place up in Ventura. We can go to ripples, we can go to this place. And then I think we can go to Torren, so to the college, the beauty college. - LA does have a lot of privately owned businesses. It's a little unique in that there are still so many mom and pop type places around and they're so badly run. I mean, it totally makes sense that she would be here. 'Cause she can just go door to door and be like, all right, what's fucked up with you guys? - Yeah, I mean, she could go block away. And honestly, there's a hair salon that's blocked away that the LA arsonist lived above. And I'm sure that would be great to have it that takes over. - You had an arsonist living above you. - I would see her visit him in jail. - Oh my God. - To have it that takes over an arsonist, that's fantastic. (laughing) - Well, all you have to do is read Yelp and our zip code to see what people think. Like every review is like, they were so mean to me. I just like, like every review has at least three of those, how rude the staff is to them and looks down on them because they're fat or whatever reason I love it. Even the dog part. - They just like load up some sort of specially-made like slingshot and just put Tabitha in it and then just aim it somewhere in the city, just fling her into a shop and see what happens. - Just have Tabitha help out everybody. - Tabitha needs to help out me. She needs to take over my life. Yell at me a little bit. - How clean up your neighborhood. It sounds like you need some cleaning up over there. - Yeah, we got MJ, we got the Miz and we got an arsonist all in a one block radius of here. - And we're going to call it Beverly Hills, even though it's not. - Yes. - Clean up on aisle, mental girl. - Oh, modeled my life. All right, well, I think we've been going for about an hour now, more or less. - Let's wrap it. - Let's wrap it up. So this was really fun yelling at you guys today. Mainly Matt. - Yeah, you too. I'm glad that Matt was the one on the wrong side today. - Whatever, I won that fucking fight. - No, you didn't. - Yeah, I said, you know what? I gave you a GG kick to the face, bitch. - No. - Who does that? A kick in the face? - Who does that? - You have to go running away from the table. - Oh, you run LA, I'm a piggy. - Oh my God, you don't even look at the brands on your dress, Matt. Oh, he does. - All right, well, it's time for me to go get a hamburger. Yell. - It's time for me to go make some shrimp. Or maybe join Ronnie for a hamburger, we'll see. - It's time for me to rock in the fetal position and watch Bethany Frankel. - Oh God, good luck with that. - All right, well, thanks everyone for listening. You can catch us at the sideshownetwork.com or at tvgasm.com or besideblog.com. If you want to comment and if you want to tweet us, you can find us on Twitter. I'm @tvgasm and personally @slippet. Matt Whitfield is live on the M-list and B-side blog is @b-sideblog. - It has a great week. - And there's also what Crapins are Twitter handle. - Oh yeah. - Is somebody updating that 'cause I totally am not. - I haven't been, but I'll make an effort to do that. - Okay. (laughing) - All right, I do want to thank everybody. Thanks for listening. We'll talk to you next time. - Bye. - Bye guys. - If you like Watch what Crapins, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey. - Are you in trouble with the law? Need a lawyer who'll fight like hell to keep you out of jail? - We defend and we fight just like you want your own children to defend it. - Whether you're facing a drug charge, caught up on a murder app, accused of committing war crimes, look no further than Paul Bergren. - All the big guys go to Bergren 'cause he gets everybody off. - You name it, Paul can do it. Need to launder some money, broker a deal with a drug cartel? Take out a witness? From Wondery, the makers of Dr. Death and over my dead body, comes a new series about a lawyer who broke all the rules. - Doesn't it funny how witnesses disappear or how evidence doesn't show up or somebody doesn't testify correctly? - In order to win at all costs. - If Paul asked you to do something, it wasn't a request, it was an order. I'm your host Brandon James Jenkins. Follow Criminal Attorney on the Wondery app, wherever you get your podcasts. 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