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That's Audible.com/crapins or text Crapins to 500-500. - This episode of Watch For Crapins is brought to you by Gamefly. Go to gamefly.com/forward-ha-ha for your free 15-day trial. (upbeat music) - Watching, watching. (upbeat music) - Watching. - Hey everyone, this is Watch What Crapins, a weekly podcast devoted to all things Baravo. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com, and with us is Ronnie Karam, who also writes under the name Flippet with tbgazin.com. Hi Ronnie. - Hi. - And also joining us for the first time is the mysteriously named Ms. S-H from the website stupidhousewives.com. - Yay! - And guess what? She is an expert on the housewives. She is-- - Politics. - Politics. - That too. - She's coming to talk about the primaries. - I could do that. - Well-- - I could do that very interested, but never the best. - Maybe you can describe to us what's going on in terms of housewives. You can describe the Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum thing, but use it in housewives discussion somehow. Like, would Mitt Romney be, who would he be like Gretchen or Tamara? - Who would Mitt Romney be married to if he were married to a housewife? That's a good question. - Well, I think he would be married to Alexis Bellino, or maybe that would be Rick Santorum. - This is awful. - This is already getting way too political. This is already, we've already alienated the entire audience, okay? - Well, I do want to thank you very much for inviting me, first of all, and second of all, I really hope that I can add something to this, so. - I'm sure you can. Well, you seem to know every little teeny-weeny bit of gossip that comes out of the housewife universe, so I can't imagine that you would not be able to contribute some meaningful, fun, crazy morsels of housewife trivia. - Well, we'll see how it goes. You guys lead the way, and I would be happy to join in at any time. - Yeah, well, we'll call on you, right? Well, we'll be like, no, no, I'm just kidding, but you'll be part of the discussion. I'm saying, I'll just sit on the sidelines for a little bit. No, just, I'll wait until you point at me. - We'll need a footnote, and I'll be like, give me the backstory on this. There's actually a lot to talk about. I guess, let's start with, well, today, by the way, let me let the audience know that we're going to talk about the real housewives of Orange County. We're going to talk about the real housewives of Atlanta. We're going to talk about Candy Factory, which was actually a show, wasn't just a reference to some candy factory. We're not talking about Hershey's here. And then what we're talking about, Love Broker. And we're also going to talk about the finale, the results of Top Chef. So, a lot to discuss. Is everyone excited? - Oh, very excited. - Yeah. The enthusiasm is just ricocheting. - Oh, it's really, really excited. - Especially about Top Chef. I can't wait until we get there. - Well, we will get there, don't you worry. - Okay. - So, let's start with OC, because that was the latest episode, just aired last night for us. So, it dealt primarily with the fallout from Slade Smiley's epic stand-up debut at The Improv. - Yes, but please, let's just go through the episode. Because there was so much goodness in this episode that we cannot just talk about that stupid fight. - Oh, no, I'm open with Slade and big giant sunglasses that he got from the women's section of "Brost Stress" for less. - God bless him. His first-- - God bless him. God bless his heart. Talking about his comedy dreams. - Oh, yeah. - And how he's so free now, because he's discovered that he's coming in. - Oh, my God. Yeah, now he's finally found his calling in life. - But it's interesting, what happened to his artwork? What happened to him being a famous artist? - Well, I would like to see him-- - Now he's just into comedy, I don't get it. - Well, I thought his artwork was his comedy. Oh, snap. - Wow, ooh. - Maybe he can integrate both. Maybe he can be like a new kind, and this generation's next new prop comedian, where he's like Carrotop, except he uses artwork, so he like paints along. That's what he should've done. He shouldn't have like shown pictures of Miss Piggy. He should have painted Miss Piggy and shown who's his art for his comedy. - Does he seem more like Gallagher? Is he Gallagher or is it Carrotop? - Gallagher could only wish to be that smiley. (laughing) - Okay, yeah. - Well, it's pretty frightening, and while I was watching that scene, I was just thinking, you know, that old saying you marry your mother, like at the end of the day, you end up marrying someone just like your mother, and he sure is because his mother does not believe in him for two seconds, and she knows that he's a damn fool, and Gretchen's the same way. She's like, what, really? Oh, God. Where are these dreams coming from? Please stop dreaming. Just stop having dreams, okay? Please. - You would think that Gretchen would open her eyes and realize that she's with a total schmuck at this point, and yet she's fixed with them. Miss Bazaar. - Gretchen knows exactly what she's doing. Don't let her fool you. - What is she doing? - On second. - What is she doing? - On. She and Slimy are in this together. They are joined at the head. - What does she get out of this partnership? He gets to be on TV. He gets exposure. She gets like an STD. That's all I see. That's coming out of her. - Well, she got a gig at the stand-up show, and now she got a gig as a pussycat doll, because he's actually like an agent that's out booking for her. - Yeah, but you know what though? She could be with like a real agent, and still going up with the pussycat dolls, and still do a lot of other things. - Actually, you know, I just put a brand new post on my site with her singing at the pussycat dolls. She sings nothing without you, and she sings it too. She sings it to Slade, so she has nothing without him, at least that's what she's thinking. - Well, that's a shame, because I think she's nothing with him, to be honest. - I was gonna say, what is she with him? - I know. - But then how does she get rid of him? Okay, let me-- - Murder. - Let me just back up real quick. Let me just say that Slade's mother is the best part of Orange County. I love her. - She is hilarious. - I love his mother. - She doesn't love him. - She's hilarious, although I'm a little mad at Ronnie for putting the image of Slade marrying her, 'cause I'm, you know, right now I'll imagine, you know, I'm drawing the comparisons between Gretchen and Slade's mother, and I'm just imagining Slade's mother wearing this sort of bikini that Gretchen might wear, and it's really bumming me out. (laughing) - Well, I think that-- - Well, I think that-- - Has to have a lot of sequins in it, you know. - I think that every time I see a relationship like that of just, 'cause, you know, when you're watching TV, it's usually the parents are very supportive, it's very rare that you see a real honest portrayal of parenthood, where the parent is like, what the hell have I done to the world by dropping you out of me, you know? Like, you are the worst thing that I'm going to hell for what I've done to this world boy. - She must be mortified for her son. I mean, he really is, like, just really the dregs of society, and he represents the dregs of society, and he's a terrible person, I firmly believe, although he's, you know, easy on the eyes, more or less. - But thank God, this is one part of a reality show that might actually be reality, her reaction to him. - Yes, yeah, do you guys ever get the sense that she sort of looks like a white female version of Eddie, Tamara's boyfriend, 'cause she kinda does? - The mom? - Yeah, just look at her, look at her, look at her. - Well, thanks for killing that, boner. (laughing) - Are you saying you had a boner for our Slade's mom? - For Eddie, for Eddie, Sibrion. - No, not Eddie, Sibrion. Eddie, Chad, Eddie, John. - I know, but he looks like Eddie, Sibrion. - He does. - No. - A little bit, yes he does. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - He totally does, he just has, like, bigger, fake teeth, but he still looks like him, look. - Much more than he looks like Slade's mother. - Yeah. - So, by giving me that image, you killed my boner for Eddie, Sibrion, which killed my half boner for Eddie, Orange County. So, a boner is officially just gone now forever. - I have one mission on this podcast, and that is to kill everyone's boner at all time. (laughing) - Well done. - I don't know how you can talk about the housewives and not have your boner killed anyway. - I think we're done that, aren't we? We're fine. (laughing) - So, we're good, right? We're good, everyone's boner's dead, so, we're set. - So, moving on, Tamara finds out that Slade did that comedy show and what he said, and then Tamara had the audacity to say to the camera, - Slade, I mean, I just don't know what he has against me. (laughing) - Really, you know? - This is a classic Tamara. I also liked how she also said that Slade was, I think it was her that said that Slade was up there pulling punches, which is the exact opposite of what he was doing, he was not pulling punches. - I always like to just correct all these women's grammar at all times. - I've started making a list, I started making a list during the show of all the stupid things that they said that didn't make any kind of English sense. - Oh, good. - And I had to stop writing 'cause I was like, I'm not even watching the show anymore. I'm just becoming an English teacher with a giant red pen. - Well, I imagine whenever you got to an Alexis segment, it was just a disaster at that point. - Oh, that's when I started that list, it was hilarious. - She said something in regards to her nose, I wish I could remember what it was, but it literally made no sense whatsoever. Well, I like the idea that she thought, she seemed to actually believe that the doctor was going to take off her nose to face her sinuses. She seemed to really believe that this, this is why she was so scared. - You have to take off my nose. You have to take my nose off my face to get under my sinuses, under pockets, looking at her like. - I hate to tell you this, but I do know a little bit about plastic surgery. Well, I know a lot about plastic surgery, but they actually do when the doctor is doing a nose job, some nose jobs, they actually do cut right under where your nostrils are, and they lift that up. - Well, that's fine. - They do go in that way, so. - But here's a woman who has had maybe like 13 separate boob jobs. - Right. - You know, she has like a vol, it's just volleyball's in her breast at this point. And all of a sudden she's scared, made no sense. - The doctor's look, when she started crying about her stupid nose job, the doctor's look was so funny. It's like, the nose is the only part you haven't touched on her whole effing body. And now you're scared. Like, you weren't scared when I gave you new feet and new knees, you know? You weren't scared during armpit surgery, and I could have totally detached your arm. - His reaction was fantastic. - His reaction was absolutely fantastic. But what about, I mean, she's had three, she's had twins and she's had a little boy, and she's not, why did this freak her out so much? I just didn't get it. - Maybe she was afraid to come out with a Jew nose if you know what I'm saying, huh? (laughing) - Airtime, I think she just wanted some airtime. - Yeah, but her best line was. - But what if I don't come out of Anastasia? - Yeah. (laughing) - Did she say Anastasia? - Did she say it twice? - I don't. - Oh, she lied with dying. - That's a good word. - Aw. - People did take up my nose. (laughing) - She really is one of the biggest idiots that it's ever been on TV, and God bless her. I know, I love that Heather kind of called her out for claiming that she was an anchor when all she does is a new segment. (laughing) And the fact that Alexis doesn't really know the difference between being an anchor and being just a girl who reports to Dr. Booty. - Well, you know that her husband now has his own little sight, and he writes a, his comments about what happened during the week. Do you know that? - Oh, wow. That sounds like the most fascinating sight I could have ever been built. Jim Bellino's take on the housewives. - Yes, yes. - Oh, I thought it was like just his take on what happened, what's actually happened in his life over the past week. - No, no, no, he reviews everything that's happened and his take on the issues. And he connects it to his Christianity. - Oh, good. This sounds like it'll be the place for a lot of insightful commentary. But getting back to your comment about the English, English usage, he just mentioned on his last, he had mentioned that last write up that Alexis is writing a book. - Oh. (laughing) - For ages two to three? - We can look forward to that. - Oh, I cannot wait. - I cannot have a check life book. Like we need another housewives book. - No, I am actually really excited for this, 'cause I'm really excited to see her actually string together some words to form a sentence. That's gonna be a really fascinating experience. - I hope they self-publish so she doesn't have an editor. That would be awesome. - The book will actually be in the shape of a cross. (laughing) - It'll all be written in Twitter shorthand. (laughing) - There you go, yeah. - It'll be like mommy and me references. (laughing) - Well, I love when she went to lunch with Gretchen and she kept on about the nose. Like the whole thing became about her nose drama. And she's like, oh, but my sign is just, look, I can't look. I haven't been able to breathe. I've been on antibiotics for three years. - Well, meanwhile, I think this speaks to Jim Bellino and his quote unquote values, which is that he keeps his wife suffocating for three years and yet the priority is making sure she has huge boobs. He'd rather have big boobs than be able to breathe. This is the Jim Bellino order of priorities. I mean, why is it taking her so long to do this? Clearly she's like not like reticent to go under the knife. Like, why does she wait so damn long? This should have been taken care of like years ago for crying out loud. - For crying out loud. (laughing) - How fun is that? (laughing) - Oh, real housewives of Miami, please come back. - Coming back soon, coming back soon. - How fun is that? - How fun is that? (laughing) - I just love that she's been on antibiotics for three years. (laughing) - Since what, when did that happen? (laughing) - That maybe explains why she gets so wasted when she drinks a little bit of champagne. - So does drinking so much champagne. - I don't know if she even knows what antibiotics actually are. She probably thinks it's just like drinking orange juice. - Oh, these are my antibiotics. (laughing) - She's horrified it's a little enemy. - I'm wondering why she went to a plastic surgeon instead of having her ENT do the surgery, which is usually what happens. - You are assuming that she knows what the hell an ENT is. She probably, at this point she probably views her plastic surgeon as her general practitioner, okay? She has no idea that there are other fields of medicine outside of plastic surgery. - Well, you know, this is the same plastic surgeon that was just in the news because he did his daughter's boob jobs. - Oh, well, so he really knows what he's doing, huh? - He does, he does, yes. - Well, he made those boobs, he should fix them. - He did, there you go. - I don't know why Alexis, Alexis should have gone to New Jersey and gone and visited Danielle Sob's little surgeon that's in the strip all there. - In the strip hall with a burnt-out sign. - Yeah. (laughs) - Then she would have gone a real good-nosed job. (laughs) - I like when she was explaining her the stand-up thing to Gretchen. She's like, "Oh, no, it wasn't that big a video." You were a really funny Gretchen and Slade, you know, he portrayed his anger really well from the stage. (laughs) She was talking and I love her talking in actor studio terms. - I know, I really felt this. - Anyone did, anyone think that his comedy routine was funny, was anybody- - No, it wasn't funny, like, on top of it, I think that was the most offensive thing. It wasn't, the most offensive part was not that he threw these women under the bus, assuming that everyone in the audience would even know who they were, which is a really big assumption. The offensive part is that it was just unfunny, and we all knew it was gonna happen. - Well, it was just a big, bitter rant, and that's why he's into comedy now, because he's found a way to go out in public on TV and say horrible things about people without getting sued. - Yes, so let's fast forward in this episode a little bit. I mean, there was some stuff with Brianna and her cancer again, which was- - Insurance, insurance, insurance, insurance, insurance, insurance, insurance, insurance, insurance. - So the insurance, oh, my mind is so all over the place. Insurance, insurance, insurance, insurance. So we had the return of Tamara's Bunko Party this week, and this year, she decided to do it '80s-themed, which I thought was hilarious, because I think these women dress like they're from the '80s already, if you ask me. - Thank you. - Well, I love that their only reference is Madonna. - Yeah. - You know, like Gretchen and Alexis. The only thing, Gretchen the whole time, she's getting dressed. This is '80s, right? This is like Madonna, yeah, Madonna. Oh, this is '80s, right? Like, oh, you know, like Madonna. (laughing) - Well, other things happen in the '80s, okay? - Yeah, and call me crazy, but I didn't think Alexis looked that '80s. She just sort of looked like a modified version of what she normally always looks like, you know? - Yeah, they all look kind of normal. They look like they usually do, except for Heather, which I really love the way she looked. She really did that Robert Palmer thing really well. - But she did take the easy way out. I will say, I think if she didn't want to do the Madonna look or the Olivia Newton John look, she should have done, and I just wrote this on my blog, she should have done like a Dynasty, like Joan Collins and Dynasty, you know, with like big shoulder pads, like a big red blazer or something with shoulder pads, and like a hat, you know, a big one. - You can invite Heather anywhere, and she's gonna find a way to wear a little black dress. - Yeah, though she will. - She's just that kind of girl, you know? - Yeah, uptight, fun, fun. - Did anybody get kind of sick and tired of watching the whole, you know, we're watching Heather get dressed, and we're watching Heather get ready. This reminded me of New Jersey, reminded me of Teresa preparing for whatever she's gonna do. I'm getting tired of that. It's just a same old stuff all the time. - Yeah, it's been like, you know, let's see, reality TV, you know, sort of surfaced around 2001, and it's really been since about 2004, 2005, where we've had to watch people get dressed with their friends sitting on their bed. Does that happen in real life? Do people like invite their friends over to sit on their bed while they get dressed? 'Cause it only has to happen on reality TV. We're gonna be-- - I'm getting dressed right now. I'm getting dressed right now. They're out of-- - And you have a friend right there, don't you? - I have three people right here in front of me waiting for me. - And are they like asking you to like-- - This is what we're done. This is what we're done, I can get dressed, but-- (laughing) - Are they asking you to summarize what just happened in your life over the past 24 hours? - Oh, it's an audience. I have an audience all the time of, you know, people in fact neighbors come in at, you know, in the morning, and they wanna hear everything that happened, yeah. - I don't doubt it, I don't doubt it. - Yeah. - You know, I thought Alexis looked really dumb. I didn't think she looked actually that crazy '80s. I thought Gretchen looked the '80s. I was surprised that Gretchen was so reticent to have her hair crimped. I mean, what's the point, you know, of, you know, it's like, did she seriously want to have her big goofy Texas hair again? I mean, you know, like, it's an '80s party. Crimp your hair a little bit, live a little bit. - Yeah, but look at that hair. I mean, that's so much hair and so much work. And she knows she's just gonna have to have slayed iron it for two hours later, you know? I don't blame her. - Oh, really? I don't know anything about hair. I don't know how long it takes for a crimp. - And that's why slayed is there. And that's why they will never break up because slayed does her hair. - Yeah, but she can find another bitch. Although then again, he does do a lot of the things that a gay best friend would do. So it'd be hard to find a straight guy like that who would do, you know, you basically just have to find a guy who's just pathetic enough to want to do all that crap, huh? - Well, how about the main lesson we learned? Don't bring your horrible gay friend. - Oh, yeah. That's-- - Unless you filled him in on the gossip. What the hell? - There are two lessons to be learned here. One is don't bring your gay best friend who doesn't have all the facts. And two, all the gays in Orange County are terrible because we have yet to see at least one redeeming gay on this show ever. They're all awful and they start so much shit and they can't finish that shit that they start. - But that's the housewives curse. - How many good gays are there on the housewives in general? - There are some good ones. I remember DC had some decent gay guys and isn't there a gay guy that we like in Beverly Hills, like Kevin Lee, the wedding planner? - Oh, no. - Wait, no, but there was some other gay guys recently. I remember being like this guy's like one of the first like good gay housewives. - You're probably thinking of Dwight. - No, excuse me, excuse me. - He doesn't say anything. - I would never put Dwight in the gay category. - I think Atlanta has the best gays. - No, they're crazy. - I really do. - You think? You don't think so? - No, they're silly, Lauren. - Miss Lauren, so you don't see-- - Lauren's all right, you know? - You don't like Dwight? - Oh, I hated Dwight. I just like, I feel like the gays in Atlanta are so ridiculous and over the top and just clamoring for screen time. I mean, here's the thing. The women in Atlanta are already taking the role of the gay guys. So the gay guys have to really like go up like times 10. But anyway-- - Who's the gay? Who was the gay in last night? Who was in Orange County? - It looked like it was-- - I was Vicki's friend, but who was it? - The guy who got in the fight, it looked like there was this woman named CJ, I think, who brought him. And so he was actually like, he was not even a true housewife gay. He just was there for the ride. - That guy looks like he was dragged from the 80s on a really bumpy road all the way to that party. - I would agree with that. - I don't believe there was any dressing up. I think they just opened the hatchback, put his head out the door, and drove from 1985's to that party. - Yeah, I would definitely agree with that. So then, so this party's going on. It gets a little tense because the improv stuff is brought up by the gay guy. But then Tamara manages to squash it. And then she has this little surprise where she says there's some hot guys there to come in. She opens the doors, and it's like the boyfriends and the husbands, including Slade. So now, is this crazy to me? Is it like, what's crazier? That Tamara invited Slade, or that Slade, does, you know, agreed to come to this thing after he's bashed these women? - I think that probably Andy invited those men, and Tamara found out at the last minute. 'Cause Vicki looked like she pooped on the floor, wouldn't the men? It was like one of those-- - She always looked like she just pooped on the floor, to be honest. She was like, "And surprise, yo man is here!" And then he comes out, and I'm like, "Oh my God, you's a daddy! "You are the father!" - Yeah, that's a big surprise reveal. And Slade was the only one who looked the most like his true self. - Yes. - I mean, the bullet and the white trash. - I felt like he looked so happy to finally be back in the style that he wishes he could be in everything. - Yeah. - The Billy Ray Cyrus look. - Yeah, the Slade Smiley look. It's not, that's the Slade Smiley look. Let's be honest. - That's truly who he is, right there. - But he was more than happy to be there. He really wanted to get his digs in even more. - He just wanted to be in front of the cameras. And that's why he's such a low life. He is such a camera whore, you know? - And he didn't get the chance. Of course that party's not over, right? - Yeah, we still got it. We have to speak more of that. - That's when Vicki is gonna yell at Gretchen, and they end up screaming match, and Gretchen makes the comment about the boyfriend, et cetera, et cetera. - Well, Gretchen is a little ridiculous acting like, "What, why is everyone mad at me?" So I'm not Slade, but you are. When you date somebody and they act like an idiot, it's your fault too. It's like if my dog bites somebody, I can't be like, "Well, my dog did it, I didn't bite you." - Yeah. - Yeah, but you let your dog do it. - I agree. I think she needs to take more responsibility for it. But I think he was a dick, 'cause she did tell him, "Don't do it." And he still went ahead and did it. Which again, he had another reason why he's awful. - But then she says, "Oh, I didn't have anything to do with it. "I didn't know what he was going to say. "I wasn't there. "I couldn't pull him off of the stage." Well, excuse me, but she went and found the comedians who were helping him with his act, right? - Well, yeah, she knew what he was doing, because before she was saying, "Please don't, please don't." And he was saying, "Oh, I'm going to." And she was like, "Well, I can't stop you, "but it's gonna have trouble." - You know, she can't stop him. - You know, she was loving it. You know that. Oh, she just-- - Yeah, the way that she stops him is that she gets real mad and doesn't talk to him until he apologizes and says, "I won't do it anymore." And of course, conveniently, he offers to not make fun of the women going forward. Well, the damage is already done, you fucking prick. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah, I'm actually like, "I got roasted." - He's acting like he's doing her such a huge favor. Like, "I will fulfill that request for you, granted." - When he goes on his tour, you know, the big assumption is that he has other comedy gigs lined up where he'll be able to, like, potentially, you know, potentially talk about these women. - No, no, we're talking orange county, so potentially is probably-- - Yeah, I'm sorry. - I'm just gonna ask you about it. Did you say "potentially"? - I did, I did. It, like, slurred out, but I corrected myself. I, well, I'm not like Alexis, who actually thought, "potentially," who actually thinks the word "potentially," which is "potential and intentional," is a real word mixed together. - I'm in total agreeance with you on this. I'm in total-- - I don't think it's-- - I don't think it's, you know, agreeance is a real word. - This is as worse like this, but, tensionally, I like that. - Agreeance is a real word, though, and I'm not speaking 'cause I'm under some sort of, like, half anastasia. - No, it is not. - It is, it actually is a real word. It came out after the whole Fred Durst incident with greeance. Irregardless, irregardless. Does anyone have any final thoughts in Orange County, or can we move on to Atlanta? - I have one final thought, I have one final thought. - Please, speak it. - Who wants to live in Heather's house? I was thinking about her house all night. - Oh, yes? - Yeah, I don't. - I don't either. I mean, I don't get it. - Well, I mean, I-- - See anything. I didn't see anything that I liked about her house. - Well, I've always wanted to live in some sort of, like, icy, cold, emotionless mansion overlooking the ocean, so for me it'd be perfect. - You'd love it. You would love it then, absolutely, right. - An elevator, an unnecessary elevator, but you know what, though, here's the thing. I mean, it's so big and everything, but it only has, like, three bedrooms for the kids, and what if I wanna get a fourth one? I might just have to bulldoze the whole thing, you know? - I mean, she could put a couple bunk beds right there on the Foyer, but-- - You should take back those words. She would never, never. There's no such thing as bunk beds in the Orange County. - Yeah, that house is whack. When you have to leave your baby on the kitchen counter, you need a new mansion. Speaking of new mansions, I love Shiree's big-- - Oh yeah, she's doing great work. Someone should call Architectural Digest, 'cause I like the vision she has for that property. (laughing) - Chateau Shiree. - Oh yeah, oh. Chateau Shiree. - That is never gonna happen. That is never gonna happen. - Or Shiree, you know, I love me some Shiree, but she was a little bit off her rocker this episode, I have to say. Well, is there any pressing thing? I'm gonna get right into the black baby gate. - Go right in, go ahead. - All right, so as we all know, when they were in Africa, Cynthia made an offhand joke about, she can't imagine Kim coming on this trip and going to an orphan, picking up a little black baby and handling it, and Candy laughed and agreed, I was like, I can't imagine her coming at all, you know, whatever. It was all totally offhand and jokey. It wasn't, I didn't perceive it to be a purely racist moment, and I didn't see it as actually a very mean thing to say about Kim, they were just joking about that she's a diva and she wouldn't want to get dirty, right? So then Shiree went and called Kim and made it sound like Candy went on a screed about her. So we dealt with the fallout of that this week, and it was probably one of the most ridiculous arguments of all time. And that says a lot. - It was all babies, she loves all babies, black eyes. - You guys, and by babies you mean Chardonnay, yes. - You guys, Kim was a nurse, okay? - Kim was in Afghanistan, she was in the hospice. - Did she really say she was in Afghanistan? - No, okay, 'cause she said everywhere, everywhere a nurse would be, that's Kim with her big old fake boobs and her wigs, I'm so sure. - She's a regular Florence Nightingale, that one. - Nursing is her life. - Yeah, if there's anyone who represents being a selfless, doting person, it's Kim. - Kim, his life is so hard with two maids, an assistant, a giant house, and money for basically doing nothing. - Ronnie, she's really stressed. She has to pick out like, she has to look at color swatches and look at fabrics for her house, and she has to check email, and that's like really hard. And it's like, why, like, isn't that like an assistant supposed to be doing? Like, this is ridiculous, what a life, that's not fair. - And she doesn't even clean up after her dog after he goes to the bathroom at an email. - Everything's a shit, you can say, I have to take the shit. Because that shit represents everything in her life, now that she has a bad assistant. - But, you know what, I will always love Kim because she says such things as, I love babies, bitch. (laughing) - I knew you were gonna highlight that line. When I saw it, oh, Ronnie's gonna say that line on the podcast. (laughing) - Also, what in each one of the Atlanta house wives, why didn't each one of them bring back a baby? They're so entranced by all these kids, and they were acting like, oh, I'm here to save you. I'll give you a, you know, and Marlow goes out and buys hair relaxers for these kids, which is. (laughing) - Which you should have. Thank God someone finally thought of doing that. - Yeah. But, you know, why didn't they bring home a kid if they wanted one so bad? - You wouldn't be poor if your hair wasn't so terrible. Honestly, and lay off of Kim for doing that. I mean, Kim loves babies. Come on, she does. - She loves them. - She's about babies. - And by babies, again, we're not talking about babies. We're talking about Chick-fil-A. We're talking about McNuggets. Those are her babies, and she loves holding them and eating them. She eats babies all day long. (laughing) They noticed, by the way, that Kim's house is overrun by wigs in the strangest possible way. There was one point where she went out to the pool to yell at Sweetie, and there was just a wig on one of those heads just standing outside for no reason. She keeps her wigs everywhere. She's a disaster. - You know, I don't see it ending very well for Kim. That house is leased for-- - Yeah, that was-- - You know how much that shit costs? - That's probably $6,000 or $7,000 a month, at least. I mean, I don't know, Atlanta prices. - No equity, right? Isn't that what they say? There's no equity in that, because she's only leasing it. - It was reported that her man makes like a quarter of a million a year, which to us is a lot of money. But when you're married to Kim-- - And he's not like a superstar on the football field, you know, he's a-- - Right, but he, his contract is coming up right now. He hasn't signed yet, but he was making $555,000. That was his contract, $555,000. So now he is, he wants a three year contract with Atlanta for three to $4 million. - What's gonna happen when he gets traded to like the Rams and St. Louis or something, you know? Then we're gonna-- - What's gonna happen if Atlanta says, "Forget it, we don't want you, Troy." I don't know. - Yeah, is he a defensive end or a tight end? - Yeah, oh, he's defensive, he's a D.E. - Okay, 'cause you don't hear about him a lot, but then again, you don't hear about defensive players quite as much as you do offensive players. Look at me showing my football knowledge. - There you go. - You got a boner? - Yes. - You got a football boner. - And quite frankly though, the truth is this though. I mean, getting back to it, like even at $500,000 a year, he's not in the football league. He's part of just that sort of like that, that sort of football workforce. There's tons of these players out there. They're in a nice amount of money, but they don't really make an impression. They don't make big plays. You know, it's-- - Well, as a football player, your career is only so long. - Yeah, he's got like 10, 12 years in him. If he's lucky-- - Like, you think that? Kim makes reality star money, so that's still money, but again, that's maybe for a few more years, if that. And then that's gone. So, and then the government takes half. So I guess my point is, that bitch has spent it too much money. It is not gonna end well for her. He's gonna fall down. He's gonna fall down on some dog poop or something that was left on the stairs and Sweden didn't clean up, break his back, and they're gonna be living off their Kim and Cory money. No, it's not gonna end well. - How about, how about they need some more-- - They are in love, they are in love. And Kim will follow him. I don't care where, but he's gonna be out of a job and they're gonna move to Montana and they're gonna live on a tiny little ranch. - Yeah, right. - That's the opposite of that. - That's the opposite of that. - Yeah, she's gonna live on a ranch in Montana. I don't believe it. - She wants all day, cutting down possums to eat. - Listen, she is a nurse. She is needed at a hospital, okay? She's not gonna be on a ranch shooting animals. She loves animals, bitch. - I could just see it. Code blue, code blue, staff. - Code blue, staff. - She, first of all, she needs to fire half her staff because she doesn't even need half that staff, okay? First of all, she has this lovely daughter Ariana who loves to help out all the time. She could have Ariana be the freakin' nanny at this point, you know? She doesn't need sweetie, sweetie is useless. It sounds like she's out the door next to episode anyway. She's got two housekeeper/nannies. She's an idiot. She doesn't need any of this stuff. And the fact is this, getting back to the black baby gate, she went and she just believes Shiree, who Shiree just totally misinterpreted what she heard. And she just believes Shiree blindly saying, "This is a woman who would never speak badly about me behind my back." Do we not remember when Shiree was pulling her wig off in front of the restaurant? - Well, the editors did 'cause they put it in there. - Yeah. - It was just awesome. - Like since when did Shiree become like an angel in Kim's eyes? You know, Kim's so dumb. It's basically the first person I got to her is the story that she's gonna believe. Well, Shiree wasn't lying. - Well, no, but Shiree wasn't lying. I mean, what she said was totally true. Candy did say, "I can't imagine Kim being here. She'd come up with an excuse not to be in Africa and blah, blah, blah." - Yeah, but the way Shiree presented it, Shiree lied tonally. She made it sound like Candy was bitching and going off. And all they were doing was joking. And Candy was just trying to say, like, "I can't imagine Kim getting dirty." That's all she was saying. And instead Shiree pushed this whole thing. And then on top of that, Shiree then had the gall to pull the semantics card being like, "Why'd you have to say black baby? It could just be any baby. It's like it's so stupid." - You guys are so wrong about this, though. You're so wrong. - Oh, yes. - I'm sorry. You're absolutely wrong about Kim having to lay off half of her workforce. - Oh, okay. - She is a vocalist. - Yeah. - She just came out with her new son. - That's right. - She needs other help she can get. - She needs to be signing those CDs. - What? Exactly. ♪ He loved yourself ♪ - Wait a second. Wait a second. Why have I not heard this song? Did this happen when I was away last week? - Yeah. - You see? This is why people hate Fran. So is this on the internet? I have to hear this. I have to hear this song. - Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous to your contracts, they said, what the f*ck are you talking about? You insane Hollywood f*ck. So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes of detail. Expressing your love can look many different ways. And with the right jewelry gift from Blue Nile, it can truly sparkle. Blue Nile's collection of classic diamond jewelry makes for the kind of gift that speaks volumes without saying a single word. Or switch things up with a sapphire piece sure to spark conversation. Either way, Blue Nile's diamond guarantee ensures you get the highest quality at the best price. Express yourself with Blue Nile and get up to 30% off at Blue Nile.com. That's Blue Nile.com. - Yes, sir. - You have to hear it. You really do have to hear it. Yeah, you just have to hear it. - Yes. - Wow, I'm very excited to hear it. Now, the other stuff that was going on in the episode was Peter and Cynthia, Snorfest 2012. So now they want to have a one year anniversary party. Am I crazy to think that's the most excessive thing ever? Maybe you have maybe two people over, three people over at max, but they're going to have 150 people over for this one year anniversary party. - And there's no money to spend on, for this thing. - This is another reason why Cynthia has been named the 2012 stupidest housewife. Because she is so stupid, it's unreal. - She really is stupid. - She doesn't realize. I don't know if you guys saw any of Peter's Twitters from the past, maybe a couple months, but he is actually asking people on Twitter to invest in bar one. Now that's pathetic. That's sad. That's sad that you basically have no other investors, so you just have to hope that people on Twitter are going to invest in this shitty ass little bar. - And it is, and it is. - It is shitty. And you know the thing is this, you know, he was going to start opening up a smaller little bar because his last one, the upside down club or whatever it was called, was like too big. So he like, this bar is the size of the house. Like if you want to make a small bar, you make it like a tiny little corner. - I don't know that it was too big. It just wasn't paid for. - Well yeah. - So I didn't make one to eat and actually afford. - And he's going to use money he doesn't have to spend on a party that he doesn't need to throw. He really does. - That's our boy. - And this guy. - That's his dad's. - And so this guy, who is clearly is of sound mind, then he takes it upon himself to deliver advice to Nini about what she should be doing with her son, Bryson, who's in jail, getting rapes every single second. - Oh, I don't think Bryson's getting raped. - You think she's doing the raping? - Have you been in jail? Huh? - Bryson's getting raped. Someone wants to tap that, I'm sure. - I know that. Come on. Did you get in trouble? Nini going to come after you. - Allegedly. No, Nini, you know what, Nini has been, honestly, Nini has done, I feel bad for her because, you know, as much as she's a diva and she's a bitch or whatever, I do think that she really tries with her son, and he is just a mess. He's a huge mess. - It is. Someone on my site mentioned that he might be slow. I don't know. - Well, he is slow, but I don't think that he's mentally slow. I think he just moves very slowly. - Well, I'm not quite sure, but I don't think he's slow. - I don't think he's slow. You know what it is? You know, he grew up in a broken home. You know, right because he's not Greg's son, right? - Right. - And so that's already sort of a strike against you. It's really, you know, it's hard. Like kids act out. And then on top that you have a mom who's now famous and this and that, and you know, he's just, he's acting out and unfortunately he just-- - He is not 12. He's 23. What do you mean he's acting out? - He is acting out. And unfortunately, it doesn't sound like he's getting any better. I mean, he's just a mess. - He's not acting out. That kid's a spoiled brat. She just bought him and Nini's car. - Yeah, she should not have bought him that car. - She still gives him somewhere to live. She says it's tough love. He should have been kicked out on his ass a long time ago. - Yeah. - She's been a bad parent now. She has a terrible child. - She is, I think she is giving him tough love. That's why she wanted to sit in jail. And so, I mean, Peter does have a point to a certain extent, which is that like sometimes if you stay in jail too long, bad things will happen. But what about Apollo? Why don't they talk to Apollo about this, huh? He was in a slammer. And you know what? He looks like he learned his lesson and he does not look like he got turned to the dark side. He looks like he came out learning his lesson. - Yeah. Apollo's, you know, a good example, but Peter is not. I think that if Apollo had said something, she might have listened, but Peter's a loser. He's got bloodshot eyes all the time because he was a drunk or high. - Yes. - And he's telling her, oh, just forgiven because he's a kid. No, that kid's in jail all the time. - Yeah. - Have to give him and take his ass to your house and let, you know, leave your unopened check boxes around him. - Yeah. - Fine. - You go for it. - I like how Peter's saying that he learned a lesson when he was in jail for like, for like two days. What lesson was that? That you have now gone on to like have like 15 kids with 17 women and you have bankrupts. You have these bankrupt businesses. You don't know how to invest your money. You spend money you don't have and you're an asshole to your wife. Great lesson that you learned. - Yeah. - And while I'm on to some woman who's, who's just got a teeny. - She's stupid. - She's stupid. She's so stupid. She could do so much better. She could do so much better. She looks great. She's generally nice. She, she could do so much better than Peter. - Well, my favorite thing. - I don't know with Peter and Neenie though. There's something going on with Peter and Neenie. - I don't know. Peter was spotted at a hotel in Miami over the weekend with some girls that were not Cynthia. I'll tell you that much. Yeah. - Well, my favorite part of what happened last night was when the guys started to break out and Phaedra just stayed quiet. And then in her testimonial, she's like, one thing I know is that's a losing battle. I'm concentrating on my muffin. And then they like show a close up of her beautiful muffin. She's like, I ain't getting into this. I love Phaedra. - Phaedra is great. - Phaedra is great. It's really nice because she could have just like settled it and been like, this is all it was. But she just sat there and let them go at it. She was having fun. She liked it. Phaedra is fantastic. I mean, she said something when they were like walking into Kim's house. I don't remember what it was, but she just has all these funny little lines, just nonstop. - She's really good. Hey, let's stop over by Shoure's place. It's on the way to Kim. And you know, Shoure is very lucky that those people aren't as horrible as her because Shoure would have shown up and her argument would have been, "Well, your house is a big hole in the ground." And that would have been the argument. - Guys, Shoure's house is invisible. It's just very modern. It's like a first of its kind. It's like an invisible house. - Yeah, it's so fancy you can't see it. - Yeah. She just hasn't mowed the lawn. So speaking of candy, by the way, so Ronnie, you watched the candy factory? - I watched about 15 minutes of it because I didn't know it was going to be coming on. - Yeah. - Because I'm a bravo professional. - Yeah. - I have no idea. - I was traveling. So I listened entirely. - Yeah, it was one of those that was on while I was thinking about cleaning. And so I was flipping around and I was like, "What's this?" Wow. It's like American Idol with even less talent and someone who cares even less. I mean, candy. Candy comes across this very nice on the show. But she's not very supportive. - Really? - Like one of the girls was sobbing and she's terrified. She's on TV. She's in the vocal booth for the first time. She's sweating like a pig. She's sobbing because she's messing it up. And Candy's like, "Well, just use that. Just use that emotion." - I love that. That's right, I love that candy. - She kind of pats her like she doesn't want to be talking to her at all. She's like really lightly patting her. And she's like, "Yeah, just... You know how candy always gives that... - Yeah, she gives it that face. Like, "Well, just, you know, go do it again." - She's a songwriter. I mean, what do you expect her to do? I mean, she can't deal with this other crap. She writes songs. Let her write songs for God's sake. - I'm sad that I missed the show because I've always said that I always thought one of the most fascinating parts of Real House of Atlanta was when we get to actually watch Candy writing music. I think it's really interesting. And I think I even once said, you know, it was so funny watching her, like, polish a turd with Kim. That, like, it would be fun to see her do that with other people, and it's sort of cool that they actually have a show about that now. And I'm kind of bummed that I missed it. I don't know when... It was just a special, so I don't know if we're ever going to see more of it or if it was just a pilot that they were testing out. - Yeah, I'm pretty sure that it got very high ratings. - Really? - Yep, unbelievably. Yeah, it got high ratings and it will probably be back. - Because it's nowhere. It's nowhere. It's very... It's hard to find on the Bravo website. - You don't want to find it. Did you see the finished single, the video? - No, was it good? - Oh, my gosh. - Of course it wasn't. Of course it wasn't. Why would I ask that? - The poor kid is singing about the father who left him and is just raging on about the father. And I thought to myself, "Wow, this kid does not want his father back at all. I mean, if I was the father and I looked at this video, I would say, "I'm not coming back to that in a way." - Was the father Peter? Peter was the father, wasn't he? He was like, "Oh, man, I'm going to go hide out and bar one." - Oh, my God. - Well, finally, some confirmation that I made the right decision. - I don't know. I would like to see it. And I like to give Candy some chumps that don't really know how to sing. You know, that's the challenge. - Did you see Kim? She had Kim. And if I were Kim, I would have paid Candy $1 billion to help her with her new single that came out. - Yeah. - Because Kim's single is so bad. - Well, I would like to finally see the radio release of "The Ring Didn't Mean The Thing" personally. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - Whoa! - I've mentioned it before, and I will mention it again. I think that Candy is fantastic for writing the first ever passive-aggressive song. A song that would make Kim look so awful, that Candy didn't care how bad the song was, because it would make Kim look worse. I love that. - Whoa, we still know it. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. ♪ The Ring Didn't Mean The Thing ♪ - Oh! - You're welcome. - By the way, did you guys see on Saturday Night Live this week, they had a parody of the housewives called "The Real Housewives of Disney"? - Yeah, it was fantastic. - It was very funny. I didn't think it was fantastic. I'm going to say I did not think it was fantastic. I thought it was a little... It could have been a lot funnier, but I still appreciated that they did it. - Compared to what Saturday Night Live is offering, it was fantastic. - Yeah, it wasn't a great episode. - Sorry, but yeah. - Yeah. Ronnie, you watched "The Love Broker"? - Yeah, what's "The Love Broker"? - Did you watch that also, Ms. S.H.? - No, I did not. - All right. - You know, the stanker has me so turned off. I just can't get into that genre of that category of reality. - I see. I see. - Well, she's very similar. It's like a Pushy New Yorker lady, you know, who's like pushing people around. It's kind of the same thing. - You're kind of selling it on it. - I kind of liked it. I mean, it needs to be half an hour and not an hour, because I thought... How long is... I thought... Is this three hours? Like, I looked at my watch notes in 45 minutes. So, a new Bravo showtime. That kind of made sense. But yeah, it needs to be half the time, but I thought it was kind of fun. - But her thing is she takes... She takes people and does it the old-fashioned way and does it on a blind date. So, she doesn't interview like a hundred hoes. - So... - She made it very clear. - So what the hell does she do then? - We don't let Craig's list like Patty does, you know. - So what does she do then? What does she do then? - She walks up to people at parties and is like, "Oh, my God, are you single? Oh, I could totally hook you up." - Oh, I see. - And then, like, puts her card in her purse or whatever. And then, she meets these loser guys. I mean, the guy was just a total loser. First of all, he's probably gay. - Yeah. - He had really bad dyed hair. He was like 50, but wanted to be 14. So he was wearing, you know, like baseball capture headbands. And, you know, just one of those guys. Like, living in LA, especially, we see that a lot. Just those guys who are always 14, even when they're like 70. - Yeah. - So he was one of those and he was super insecure. And she hooked him up with this girl who was really sweet and had it together. And the girl was like, "No, no, no." The girl seemed a little pissed off. So I don't really know where that show's gonna go, but it was pretty fun to watch it. - It's sort of like just one of those generic bravo shows that comes on. Now, one of the shows that's not generic, and I'm sorry to move the topics so quickly, but we're running out of time. But we have to talk about Top Chef here. Top Chef finally anointed its winner of Top Chef Texas. The winner was, thankfully, Paul. I have to say, I thought Sarah was gonna pull it out there at the end, because Paul messed up one of his dishes. - I thought the same thing. - I was so nervous. I was so nervous. Were you guys happy? - Thank God Beverly didn't win it, but I was so-- - What? You take that back. You take that back. - You take that back. - Iisha went into the Top Chef, what was her name? It was Iisha, right? - No, Iisha. - I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Nisha. I'm sorry. I left out the end. - That's okay. - She could have potentially been her name. - She got booted over into the, you know, she had to fight for her life. She had to lip sync for her life. And she won like eight times, and then Beverly gets it. - Listen, I'm sorry. - Nisha should have been in. - It was fair process. No, Iisha won maybe like five. And then Beverly won like three, three or four. So Beverly held her own as well in last chance to teach it. And she's great, and she's sweet, and I love her, so. - Oh, I hate her. I'm sorry. I just hate her. I hate her. - Listen, what's most important is that Sarah did not win. But that being said, Sarah's food did look amazing. She served up, it looked great, honestly. - The best part of the episode was the end when she lost and she went. - I feel like I deserve to be the option. - I know. - You're such a cry, baby. - Finally, a reality. Finally, you know, part of reality. Why not? They all think that. Why not say it? - I loved when she picked the bad chef. The most named Tyler or something like that. I loved it when she picked him as a new chef. I was like, yes. - Was Tyler, wasn't it Tyler, or was it Tyler? It was Tyler and Tyler. - Oh, no. - Well, see, someone got Tyler boring, Tyler boring. - Yeah, that was Paul. - Paul got Tyler. - She was trying to pick the other big girl. - Yeah. - And she picked a dish specifically thinking it was this other girls. And it turned out to be like the first guy you got to be tall. - Yeah. Who like never even got to show his food to the judges because he butchered that meat so poorly. That was great. I love that. That was a fun twist on the sous chef thing. And then the poor, like, master chef didn't even get chosen. That was great. - Well, the reunion looks juicy. - Tell me about it. Tell me about it. It looks like they're attacking Beverly, right? Again. - Well, they attack Sarah. - Oh, really? - Sarah is having to defend herself, which I cannot make. - Beverly should be attacked. Beverly should be attacked. - For what? Being too good, I agree. - Just because I just don't like her. I don't like Beverly. Get rid of her, please. Oh, my God. - No. - Stay away, Beverly. - She has a cute smile and she cooks good food. - She's so obnoxious. I could see why those girls were annoyed with Beverly. - Yeah, I mean, I could see why she's-- because she probably is a mess in the kitchen, you know? - Because she's annoying. - Yeah, she's an everyone's way. And she's, you know, taking everyone's stuff and, like, moving everyone. She's just never doing her job. - Wow. - And, you know, last night I actually-- - I like her. - I like her because, you know what, her dishes are interesting and they're good. And I feel like she gets-- I've said this before. She gets attacked for always doing Asian stuff. But yet Sarah, who always does Italian sausages, gets a free pass and I don't think that's fair. I think actually, I think it's slightly racist. - And that's why she didn't win. But I bet you she loves babies. - Especially black babies. - Yeah. - She wants to hold them all day long. That's all she wants to do, hold babies and cook food. Cook food for the babies and then hold them while they're eating them. All these shows kind of, like, intertwine. - It is crazy. - It is crazy. Well, I think we're running out of time. I'm glad to have been back. I was in Paris last week. Oh, you know what? Can I tell you something? This is my second time going to Paris. And the first time I went was like four years ago and you know who is on my flight? - Who? - Who? - Vicky Gunvelson. It all comes full circle. That's right. I was on a plane with Vicky Gunvelson to Paris once. And now we're going to leave and you have this and now this is it? - This is it. - You had Vicky Gunvelson. You have a whole bunch of stories to tell about how she went to the bathroom, who she was sitting with, where she was sitting first. - I didn't see her. - Whatever. - I think Tammy Knickerbacher was with her. They were ahead of us. This is before I started to watch Real Housewives. So it was really like only one season had aired because I didn't really watch the first seasons. I watched it enough that I recognized her. But I didn't see her on the plane. I just saw her boarding and I saw her afterwards when we de-plained. That's it. - Did you take photos? You have photos? - In my head. She was wearing a shirt that said Prada on it like the Jeweled. - Oh God. Of course she was. - Yeah. It's a great time. Good memories. - Front times. Front times. - Yeah. Yeah. I thought I got to work that story in here. - All right. So don't forget, you guys, before next week, we have to watch the show. I'm so excited for that. - Thank you. - I am so excited. And the commercials have been showing so much that I keep walking around saying, who are you? Who does that? I was doing that way before the Shahza sunset came around. I'm so excited. - Can I just give you a little food for thought here? - Please. - About Shahza's sunset. Every time I see the commercials for them, I wonder what is in their bathtub drain pipe. - Hair. Hair and splooge. I'll just say it. And I'll leave some pomegranate seeds too. - I mean. - Yeah. It's going to be great. So anyway, thanks so much for joining us, Ms. S.H. And as a reminder to the readers, you are from stupidhousewives.com. Stupid spelled with two O's, S-T-O-O-P-I-D, correct? - Because everyone is just so stupid on these housewives. - Well, they are potentially stupid. - Thank you very much. Thank you for inviting. I had a very enjoyable time. - We had an enjoyable time too. And you can also follow us on Twitter at WhatCrapins. It used to be WW Crapins, but it sounded too much like a British businessman. So we changed the Twitter handle to WhatCrapins. We'll start up a Facebook page one of these days. And thanks everyone so much for listening. And we will see you all next week. - See you next time, guys. Thank you. - Bye. - Bye. - Bye, everyone. Bye. - If you like Watch what Crapins, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey. - Are you in trouble with the law? - Need a lawyer who will fight like hell to keep you out of jail? - We defend and we fight, just like you want your own children to defend it. - Whether you're facing a drug charge, caught up on a murder app, accused of committing war crimes, look no further than Paul Bergren. - All the big guys go to Bergren because he gets everybody off. - You name it, Paul can do it. Need to launder some money, broker a deal with a drug cartel? Take out a witness? From Wondery, the makers of Dr. Death and over my dead body comes a new series about a lawyer who broke all the rules. - Doesn't it funny how witnesses disappear or how evidence doesn't show up or somebody doesn't testify correctly? - In order to win, at all costs. - If Paul asked you to do something, it wasn't a request. - It was an order. - I'm your host Brandon James Jenkins. Follow Criminal Attorney on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast. You can listen to Criminal Attorney early and ad-free right now right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcast.
'80s Bunco, Black Babies and the Top Chef Winner
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