The guys discuss why Father’s Day shopping is never complete without a trip to an avian establishment, when it’s absolutely imperative to sleep in gloves on a commercial flight, and how terrible aim lead to the creation of an infamous list of records.
That Checks Out
A Mannequin Graveyard, Heroic Necklaces, and Fossilized Crap
The guys discuss why Father’s Day shopping is never complete without a trip to an avian establishment, when it’s absolutely imperative to sleep in gloves on a commercial flight, and how terrible aim lead to the creation of an infamous list of records.
- Duration:
- 1h 7m
- Broadcast on:
- 24 Jun 2024
- Audio Format:
- mp3
No countdown. Doo doo doo doo doo doo. You're going hot. You're going hot. Coming in hot. Coming in hot. Hello everybody. Welcome to bed checks out. We have David and Chad. We're going hot today. Not even a warning. Yes. Music can go. David, how was your week? Don't care. I'm going to tell you about mine. Yeah. I just happened a little while ago. It wasn't this week. But I went to see-- I did the trifecta. I finally saw Si Amundsen. Oh, nice. Because I saw Chad Daniels and Zaines. That didn't pan out. But I went to Zaines to see him and I saw his girlfriend, Kelsey Cook, at the others Zaines. And this was the third Zaines Si Amundsen. I just want to say it was an amazing show. I think we should reach out before I'm asking if he wants to be on our show because we had his partner Chad on one more. But if he follows his partners-- I was going to say-- She's never coming out. I was going to preface it when I asked him. Look, we had Chad on. We were young. And we were inexperienced. We were garbage. We weren't young. We weren't ready. We were not as a podcast. We were young. Yes. Yes. We were still garbage. We were young. Sorry, God. We're still not ready. We're still garbage. But we're more experienced now. Huge. But it was-- he went for-- God, he must have been up there over an hour. Really? But it was one of the best shows I've seen in a while. But here's the thing. He had a thing on Instagram where he was like, "Hey, this is a text message." Or, "This is a phone number. Text me this." And I'll put you on a list. So that when I come to Chicago, I can send you a-- I'm coming to Chicago. Here's the link in the week out. Reminder, I'm coming to Chicago. That's it. Three texts. That's all you get. He sent that out. Well, he sent out the thing. I sent that to him. And everyone in Instagram gets a direct message. I messed up. That actually wasn't the number. Don't stop texting that number. This is the actual number. So out there in somewhere in the Chicago land is someone who has got a bunch of texts and people to just say, "Show." Yeah. Show. Because that's what we were told to say. I walk up and I have to show it. I'm like, "Hey." He's like, "What?" Like, "I'm the guy you gave the wrong number. That was me." His face just dropped. Like, "Oh, no." Yeah. And I was like, "I'm just kidding. It's just funny." He's like, "Oh, man. But what is your name?" And I was like, "It's Ted. It's so great to meet you." And I was like, "Yeah. This is it. This is the experience I expected from your partner that we actually had at our show." He's like, "It's so great to finally meet you in person. I appreciate all the feedback and the talking back and forth. Please stay in touch." And I was like, "Thank you." Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. This is what I've been expecting the whole time. But then he whispered, he whispered, "But don't ever ask me to be on that podcast." Don't. You know what? It does not. You know what's weird? Yeah. He comes out and first thing he says, "Hey, let me tell you what shows I watch." Yeah. He's like, "He's got a whole cheat sheet from Ted." I watch HGTV like it's going out of style. What do you watch? He did do an entire bit on "Forged in Fire." Did he? He was up to forever. And he's like, "I am going to close it out." You don't really know a weird one. We're going to do a weird one when I don't usually do it. You guys watch "Forged in Fire" and be like, "You just have to be like, like, explain it to other people." But yeah, it was pretty good. Nice. The phrase, "Knife Diamond Phillips" was used. And if you've seen "Forged in Fire," you know what he's talking about. But anyway, yeah. This was shot out. It was great at a great time. The only thing that sucked was a Tuesday. Oh, that's harsh. It was horrible. That's harsh. Yeah, the next day. Yeah. Next day had to be awful. Yeah. Yeah. No, you can't get home soon enough to go to bed. Yeah. Yeah. Well, because we might have been young men when Chad came out. Yeah, we are old men now. We are old men now. We are old men. And you would have hated it, because they got me off the interstate at the south end of Chicago and had me drive straight through all the way. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You would have hated life. I was with you. I would have hated it twice. Yeah. I would have hated it twice. So, hey, you know what? As long as we're talking about your week, all right, I want to know about the size of your blue corn. Okay. So this was a phrase just to trigger a memory. Yes. An mnemonic. The last time we were recording, I brought smoothies. You didn't get one. Correct. Mac and I got one. I had a place called Smoothie King. Okay. They have three sizes, a small size, a medium size, and a large size. I say to them, I would like a medium vanilla meal replacement smoothie, whatever. I don't remember. They have a special name for it. Okay. Okay. Great. What size? Still the medium. Didn't you lead him with the medium? Let him with the medium. She did a medium sandwich. Yeah. So I was like, oh, maybe it's an end thing. So the next time I went there, I was like, I would like this smoothie in a medium. What size? The medium. The 32 ounce. Oh, I didn't know I had to tell you what number is your... You have three. Yeah. You have three sizes. Yeah. I want the one in the middle. Are they in order? Yeah. I was going to say chronological. Are they in order? Middle and medium. Both start with them. You would have gotten there on your own. But here's a deal. The one you chose, even if you were going from the left to the right or the right to the left, you're right. You're right. Okay. Yeah. It's kind of like our buddy Bob when he was younger. It's like, split your name backwards. B-O-B. Split your name forward. B-O-B. And I was like... You're right. I can't... I'm talking to a speaker. I can't tell these people off. I will get a turd in my smoothie. Right. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, you're... This is the turdiest taste in smoothie I've ever had. Mine is nougat. Mine was just blown. Yeah. I would like the medium... Let's just say like this. I want a medium Diet Coke. Okay. What size? Yes. Three words. Yes. Mine was. Somebody... Okay. Whatever. Went out to eat yesterday. I wanted a chicken cordoned blue sandwich. It's chicken with ham and cheese. Oh, yeah. I see what you're doing. All right. Waiter. Waiter. The person who works there. The waiter. The server said, "You want a chicken cordoned blue?" No. I want a chicken... What size? Yeah. I want a chicken cordoned blue and I point to it in the menus. Yeah. This is what I want. Broiled or grilled? No. Broiled or breaded? Okay. Yeah. Does not ask me. Takes my order. Hey. You look like a breaded guy. Takes the order. I was like, "Hey, just so you know, there was an option since you don't seem to know what this sandwich is or that you serve it." I would like the broiled kind. Grilled? Sure. Now you know what kind of term I'm saying. Grilled. Whatever. Just I don't want the... It's like son of a bitch. I'm so old. Yeah. But you definitely look like a breaded guy. Also... You're breaded all the way. I'm not really hungry if you want to go out. That's fine. I'll just get soup and salad. All right. Sounds cheap. Yeah. Orders. Chicken and waffles. [laughter] I was like, "That's quite a step up." And then I get the soup because you get two sides. I went with the fries and soup. Soup comes out. Ah, man. I really should have gotten the soup. You came here! [laughter] You can't blame me! That's awesome. You share your soup? No. You don't share soup. That's weird. Well, yeah, I did. It froze it. [laughter] It's from last week. It's called back. He had eight pounds of soup he got last week. So... Oh, yeah. Just like, "Ah, man, I should have gotten the soup." That was your plan! Yeah. We needed a change. It's not like you went like, "I want to get soup and salad." You went, "I'm going to get, you know, salad and a baked potato." Yeah. You went, "I'm going to get chicken and waffles." But then... And then came out and started eating, like I should have just gotten the waffle. [laughter] So... This is just mind boggling. Now, here's the deal. You can be on board with that, because you know me. I'll be like, "I'll just get soup and salad." And then they come up and say, "What do you get in? This isn't gravy." Okay. No, you would not have been shocked at all. You've been like, "Listen. I knew he's never going to eat a salad." Okay, he's not going to eat a salad. Yeah, I would have ever seen you enjoy his chopped salad from Portillo. Chopped salad. Delicious. It's the best thing they have at Portillo's. But my point is... Okay. I like your face, nodding. [laughter] Actually, I would have... They're delicious. I would not disagree. Yeah, they're delicious. Yeah, some of their stuff's highly overrated. Okay, still never had a chocolate cake shake, but everybody says those are the best ever. I can't do it anyway, but... Yeah, no, I'm good. But my point is, I would order like that. I'm like the ninja, like you don't see it coming. You're like, "Wait, he says..." Like, when everybody goes, "They're ready, and I've already said what I'm going to get..." I'm not going to order what I already said, because I have 700 things in my head. What's going to happen is, I'm going to spin the wheel, and whatever it lands on, when it comes to me, I'm going to order. I do not understand. What are you going to get? Why is it not what I say it? Yeah, like, why is it... I usually be like, "Oh, you'll find out." Does it get mad at me? Why? What is it? Yeah. Because, like you said, right now, just the exact second, I want this. Yeah. By the time the words are out of my mouth, I might want that. I might want something else by the time, you know... Before you walk away, I'm like, "Oh, hold on." By the time Gordon Blue gets over here, I might want a fourth thing. Yeah. You know what I would have done? I'll have a soup and salad with a side of chicken and waffles. [laughter] I mean, you usually get being great. B and G is an appetizer. Understandable. That's understandable. It's a solid move. Solid move. But yeah, so you were just thrown off ahead. You've been with me. You probably would have been like, "Yeah, I saw this coming." Yeah. But I guess it depends on who you're with. You know? So, but no, I do that. I think everybody orders that way, too, because I have three, four, five different things in my head. Unless you go somewhere like Portillos, I know I'm going to chop salad. I know I am. Now, if I'm really, really, really, really in the mood, okay? I might get the smaller beef and a chop salad. Oh, there you go. All right. And the only reason, because it's like, man, I really can't decide what I want. I don't really want the big beef, and I don't want it so wet, you can't pick it up. I hate when they do that. It's like, look, you can baptize it, but pull them out of the water. Right. Don't drown them. Right. Okay. That's how it works. Don't drown the baby. Just get it wet. Yeah. Just get it wet. It's like some sort of magic talisman in a movie where you're like, no. Yeah. Just like falls through your fingers and disintegrates into nothing. And you're like, no, I have to eat it with a fork. And I didn't order to eat with a fork. I would order a plate of beef. I wanted it on the bottom. I wanted to eat a sandwich. Yes. I wanted an edible plate to get it into my mouth. That's what I wanted. So, but no, I kind of, I can, I can like that. So, but you're like, I like the theme was stuck with. I want it. I want a thing and a thing. Yes. Yes. So that was good. Sure. I would like, no, I would like a thing and a thing. Soup and salad. Nope, actually. Chicken and waffles. You know what? Dinner Mad Lips. That's all that happened. Dinner Mad Lips. Okay. But here's the thing. Yeah. Need to announce. Came by, you know, what I love about this place is they don't care if you're ordering soup. They're putting down a bread basket. Right. I appreciate that. Yeah. I will use that because I'm going to be ordering soup. You didn't know that. Yeah. We thought, we thought she was going to order soup. Curveball. But set like, so brought the basket, brought the drinks, brought all that stuff. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. 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I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. I'm going to show you what I'm saying. [BLANK_AUDIO]