Life Chats Podcast
#44 How to Live an Inspired Life with Lewis Huckstep
We acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which we're recording, the Gadigal people of the Eora nation. This always was and always will be Aboriginal land. For me it's a life that you're inspired by, it's a life that you love. It's a it's waking up with a calendar which is filled with things that you absolutely love to do or an empty calendar and you just choose what you do every single day. It's do what you love, love what you do, get paid to do it and delegate the rest. Like have a life where you generally wake up and you're excited by looking at your calendar. If you're like, "Fuck, I gotta go to work. Fuck, I gotta go to do this." It's like that's not a life that I want to live. Lewis Hockstep is a performance coach renowned for his work coaching high achievers to unlock their full potential and create a life on their own terms. Lewis grew up on Norfolk Island and at a young age was diagnosed with Asperger's autism and ADHD experiences which he explains became his greatest gifts. By 22 he owned three gyms and was outwardly very successful but on the inside he was struggling with burnout and a lack of fulfillment. Everything changed when Lewis developed his inspired life method leaving the fitness world to help coach thousands of people get clear on their passion and purpose. Today's episode is an absolute masterclass on self-development. We get clear on values and why they're important and Lewis takes me through a live exercise on limiting beliefs which you can follow along in real time. I know you'll find this episode so valuable. It is such a powerful way to enter the new year with clarity and purpose and alignment. Let's get into the chat! On this podcast we discuss the learnings of life with extraordinary and everyday people because every human being has a story and every human being knows what it means to be alive. I'm Georgia May and this is Life Chats. Lewis welcome to Life Chats. Thank you for having me. Thank you for making the trip to the Gold Coast and inviting me down. I'm so excited to chat to you because I feel like a lot of these conversations that I have are with people that have very interesting skillsets or life stories and I'm like definitely learning but with someone like you I'm sure I'm gonna learn a lot. I just feel that I'm already interested in this space so it's gonna be a pretty amazing conversation. Let's see where we go. So there's a lot of podcast out there in interviews where you speak about kind of your origin story and what's led you to this point. I don't want to spend too much time talking about that today but if people are listening they've never heard of you before give us a little snapshot as to the work that you do and what sort of experiences have led you to being a fulfillment coach. I generally will mention being diagnosed as Asperger's autism ADHD and anxiety later on so had my mental and emotional challenges when I was earlier. But age was that that you were diagnosed? I can't remember but I think I was I was on a podcast this week and she was a speech pathologist and she deals with kids on the spectrum so she wanted me to kind of speak on that so I shared that the same story so I can't remember this my mum just told me about it but it was my first day on kindergarten or preschool or whatever they call it. I'm on I was born on Norfolk Island which is this really tiny island between Australia and New Zealand and supposedly my first day of prep or whatever they call my mum and say come down here your son's like out of control you need to come and get him and apparently mum walked into the room and apparently I was just like pulling all the teachers hair out and screaming and losing my shit so there was that plus other signs and things that they thought was interesting or different I've got two older siblings and they flew me to Australia to get tested they said I've got Asperger's and on the spectrum it's gonna be different limited blah blah blah so those were the seeds that were planted many years ago or the gifts I were given that I opened up later on and self-development junkie I started my healing growth in a work journey when I was 18 I got into the fitness industry opened up I was starting in Burleigh actually so right now my first studio was around the corner and yeah open up three gyms I was very much like overcompensating though I wasn't enough I'm gonna prove my work to the world and show the world how successful I am externally even though I felt like a piece of shit internally and I wasn't enough and built three gyms by the age of 22 hit a breaking point gave one back to a business partner went through COVID or two gyms did a lot more you know work from my purpose wasn't gyms sold the gyms sold the last one last year and I've been coaching the entire time for anyone that's come from the fitness industry or any personal trainers your personal trainer generally comes to therapists and I'll just like talk about their stuff and I'll just have clients I would come down and I look after my health I trained I'm decently healthy but I don't really care too much about protein and calories and macros it's like for me quite basic stuff it's like well why aren't you doing it and what's triggering you and what's going on in your personal life and that's the stuff that I really was interested in so yeah I guess those are the breadcrumbs that the universe was giving me over the years and it just drew me towards where I am today and you have been doing it full-time for about three years I have been coaching people for ten years and yep I love it and have a fun time and you're clearly doing amazing work it's having a lot of impact it's something you just mentioned is that asperger's ADHD and autism were the gifts that you were given how have they improved your life I said this on the speech one the other day but you don't have a disability without a heightened ability you every pro has a kind every content has a program life's always balanced so like one for me as an example so asperger's all my learning style was very slow so like if anyone had a kiddie class that except saying why why why why how does that work like I was out of me so I was in learning to say what classes so because I'm such a slow learner I'm very thorough teacher so there's the balance to those two things so I've had I would just talk about I just had a healing session with so my clients and one of the most common compliments I get is I take quite complex things and break it down and make it simple and that comes from being a slow learner so whatever your downsides are the paradox or balance to that is often your gifts so like for me not understanding social settings that's something I struggle with like sometimes I'll just ask abrupt questions that most people wouldn't ask because people are you not meant to say that like there's an example I was with my brother and his friend Mitch Mitch if you're watching this we're at a we're at a dinner table I think it was like Christmas or something or playing cards together Monopoly deal have you played that yeah it's my god it's so competitive okay George is my wife's really good but we're playing it knows my brother my sister and Mitch which is my brother's friend and I've known him for a while and I was just playing cards and this was only like a year or two ago so I'm in this world I'm super aware of what people saying what they do and he makes this really self-depreciating joke about himself is like oh I'm just like I can't actually remember the words but it's like I'm such like a creepy disgusting old something like that like shit out of him himself and then my brother is just a laugh and I was like out of nowhere just said do you realize that you give yourself shit to connect with others just like most people won't say it but I think that's just say it right so I can pick like very conscious of words energy and people's traits so I can zoom in pretty quickly so like a benefit of I guess not really understanding social cues and social settings is I'll just be honest what did he say he said oh yeah I do that a lot and I didn't like turn that into a healing session by means but I just kept going but I would then follow the vein and go where it's coming from and on a top level why do people do that because I noticed that a lot it's like to relate to you I have to make myself smaller yeah it's every motion has a motive so I would be looking at depends on the person and depends on kind of the flow that I'm going through but it'll be what's the benefits of you doing that so connection with his so he's doing that that's just a strategy that he's developed of how I can connect with people I talk about trauma coping strategies and triggers so it might be an unconscious trigger I don't think it was because he consciously went into that yep so I think it's just a strategy that he developed to how to connect to people so and I said all the time you said you said all the time too and I just there's no right or wrong it's not it's just is that a healthy empowered way is a certain question so and that's I guess the things I'm looking for like why is this person like it's salt I'd say 99% of people understand smoking it's not good for you but why do they smoke this benefits to it's stress connecting with parents or smokers get out of social settings there'll be benefits to why they do it again is it healthy is it empowering is it the way that you want to live what's a healthier alternative and let's lean into that and then we look underneath beliefs trauma triggers and just what's playing out for you so there's never just a one definitive answer I just generally some lenses I'll look through in angles I look through for why someone is being the version of who they are but yeah there's some angles that I'll turn it look at if you had to just clarify like the key pillars of what you teach like and the work that you do what would they be you just mentioned a few trauma and yeah for sure so I've just written a book I should have brought the copy down I got excited two weeks today comes out so it's called my inspired life method and three big pillars self mastery inner work skills and strategies so self mastery or working on self is understanding who you authentically are so values where your authentic values are most people don't know what values are they think they do but they don't purpose which are life's purpose and what's the vision and mission for your life authentically based on who you truly are second pillar is inner work so that's trauma limiting beliefs and blocks there's more that goes into inner work but they're the ones I mainly focus on there's yeah there's other ways to do inner work and then the third pillar is skills and strategies and that's where the more practical like planning execution systems processes skill sets come into it because I'm joking there's like a spectrum on one side it's just sort of spiritual hippies who levitate and meditate all day and have crystals everywhere and I'm very spiritual too I actually don't have crystals on but I'm alone today but those people often are broke your shit and they're not doing anything with their life they're actually avoiding and bypassing the work of actual take an action and on the other side of the spectrum you've got your super analytical head heavy systems processes tactical people those people generally have external success but they're very unfulfilled so for me it's integrated the two where it's like yes be authentic be your true self know who you truly are know your purpose know your values live concurrently with that because there's so many challenges if you're not doing that have a plan and clarity of who you what you want how you're gonna get there what skills and action you're going to take and take action but then address the limitations the blocks that are going to sabotage you from following that so those are the three big pieces and then you can obviously dive into like reptiles within that so you mentioned the book is called an inspired life the inspired life method what is an inspired life for me it's a life that you're inspired by it's a life that you love it's a it's waking up with a calendar which is filled with things that you absolutely love to do or an empty calendar and you just choose what you do every single day it's do what you love love what you do get paid to do it and delegate the rest like have a life where you generally wake up and you're excited by looking at your calendar if you're like fuck I gotta go to work fuck I gotta do this it's like that's that's not a life that I want to live if someone's sitting in an office booth nine to five thinking well my calendar doesn't excite me but I can't quit my job because it's my income and although all the rest where do you start it starts out with where you're at and I used to be very naive when I first started I started network marketing that was actually the business model that we started with and I was super like unbalanced and just know you back then and I'll be like if you don't quit your job and go all in on this you don't you're not you're not in the victim mindset yeah you're okay exactly so I was super unbalanced back then so that was 10 years ago I don't do that anymore you'd be realistic it's okay this is about you're at your pills today you got more with your kids you got commitments great that's where you are where do you want to get to what's your vision well who are you what's your value to what's your purpose what's your mission and what's your vision where do you want to get to then what's your plan to get there and what's the skills what's the actions whether it's you need to learn how to build a business get into a different career whatever the problem is and then again address those limitations that are going to stop you so start where you're at be realistic and as long as you everyone that I've met who is where they don't want to be or they're going through pain or challenge or suffering or whatever it is can handle it as long as there's a light at the end of the tunnel when you have no light that's where you feel depressed you feel helpless you feel useless you feel defeated you feel whatever if you've got that light that I can get there and I have hope and faith and trust that I will get there then you can generally handle a lot of things so that's where I start what is the cost of not living an inspired life I guess it's whatever that life looks like to you so because everyone's answer to what a inspired life is is different because for some people it's having a garden and two kids and a job where you don't have to take your work home with you you can switch off and be present with your kids for some people it's to be a workaholic and just love your work and love your mission and give back to it so what about for you for me my highest values are coaching relationships and learning so I love learning I love coaching and I love having meaningful relationships then health wealth and spirituality so for me it's not been out to embody those and do those and experience those I can zoom in on any of those but it's just a life where I get to give my gift back which is purpose I believe your purpose is your gift to give back to the world and it's an expression of your greatest core wound so whenever you get tears of inspiration you're perceiving or doing or embodying a bit of your purpose so I was only responding I just did a healing session my highest values coaching for me when I'm coaching people and having taken people through a healing process break through that the moment like when the penny drops and that and that heart opens the tears flow like right I get tears flow through me and I feel ecstatic today because I've just come from living my highest values to now here I'm coaching to get now I'm having fun I'm doing this it's not like fuck I'm gonna go do this fucking podcast with your job so it's like I'm inspired to be here so it's just whatever and you don't have to like some people like I used to be in the game of what trying to push people to change it's like if you fight for limitations you get to keep them if you want to stay where you're at no judgment or right nor wrong if it's just what's what type of life do you want to live and if you want to have a really stressful unfulfilled resistance filled life no judgment that's just not a life I want to live that's powerful I guess have you always been like this I I'm wondering when did the penny drop for you or when did you decide I'm gonna start looking into my values and my limiting beliefs and my traumas or have you always been a generally curious inquisitive person curiosity has been definitely been around for a while but why how why why so don't they always ask a lot of questions because I didn't understand things because I look at things differently that's the gift of aspergers is you just think see things differently so you'll see things people don't see so you can do things that people can't do so that's definitely always been there always looked at things differently and was curious of understanding how things work and why things work so it feel like that's been a theme for me for a long time there's obviously many different light little shifts throughout the years getting into self-development Tony Robbins was my gateway drug into self development he's everyone's gateway drug all the secret all the ways I'll hey I didn't do the secret tour while afterwards but have consumed it but yeah Tony was my starting point I was 10 years ago and then yeah just obviously once once you start I love it it's just like the more you learn the more you realize you have to learn yeah it's just like this endless Pandora's box of things to journey into lean into learn and body embrace experience and yeah I absolutely love it very much addicted to it so yeah I don't know if that adds you to yeah definitely something you mentioned before is values you said many people think they know their values but they don't please speak more on that so true warning but everything I ever say yeah so for me my interpretation of values very much modelled off John Demartini Dr. John Demartini and his work I'm a Demartini facilitator as well for people that are curious but for me values are areas of life that intrinsically fulfill you and people have things that they think of values they think traits behaviors emotions of values some of the most common ones is freedom freedom comes up all the time I value freedom I say okay great go do freedom what does that look like I don't know so the example I used to prove that or to teach that if I gave you or you use an example if I gave you one billion dollars I don't have that much money but if I gave you that much money yeah and it's right now in your bank account and you never had to work again never had to do anything again you instantly have time and financial freedom would you sit on your couch and do nothing just watch Netflix for the rest of your life no every single human being I've ever asked will say no then I'd say great what would you end up doing answer that question what would you end up doing yes right so this would be how would you connection or like storytelling is my a really big value for me awesome fantastic what else health bettering my health and learning perfect learning awesome what else a sense of independence like time I understand the freedom the freedom thing but trying to make that more tangible would be like I'm in control of my time and my money and I usually use your time to do though great great so the common thing is is can you do it if inside independence do independence yeah it's like people say integrity do integrity or control is funny and so you'll have control or want to control your values yeah you want to be independent within your values so true and then generosity as well as a big one generate but again generosity is an action how do you do that yeah because are you generous with going in luck mowing people's lawns no like empowering people empowering them in what areas of life their health and their was already a value like their mindset and almost like coaching I guess so you want to find it and I'm just dancing with you that's cool yeah there's um there's 13 questions you go through the amount but it's what do you talk about what do you think about what do you spend your money on what lights you up what do you research and read about um what do you talk about there's I forget all the questions I've told my head but so you'll see the theme and you go to dial it into an area of life if you can't do it it's not a value it's what people think about is like honesty freedom loyalty integrity control those are character traits if I said go fill your calendar full of control what the fact is it sounds weird it does it sounds weird to say go fill a full of freedom okay now do it it's a bit weird right but if I I can have coaching all through my calendar I can have relationships all through my calendar learning wealth wealth me it's like investments seen wealth increasing income probably learning about wealth as well about wealth you want to learn about your values so best measuring stick to understand if you are living concurrently with them low self-worth is feedback you're not prioritizing your values because if I let's use you example say I think you said health learning I think you said coaching or mentoring or something like that say let's just use a three say those three's areas of your life we're turning to shit how do you feel terrible like I have no purpose and you do it for long enough time it actually just spirals into depression just becomes your life yeah so if you're struggling with self-worth biggest check-in is go back to if you don't know them go figure out your values and yeah you just literally look at them be like okay I'm not prioritizing my brother's a great example so my brother has attended suicide before been depressed been anxious been on all the medications and took him like five years to listen to me because I'm his brother and he finally listened to me and we sat down went through his values I told him all the stuff we're teaching and then it was only it was early this year he gave me a call I didn't know sorry I caught him just a check-in I said how you been what's new is what's going on he's like oh honestly I got I felt really depressed again at start this week and I said thanks for being vulnerable what you do about it he said I remember what you told me and it's like when you're depressed you're not living out your values so I went back to my values and I looked at them and I saw that I wasn't doing any of them so I went and did them and now I feel great like wow crazy it's like just live a life according to your values whenever you hear you have to you ought to you got to you should you're supposed to you must or a version of that someone's projecting their values on to someone else if I say you should be a coach you probably like that yeah there's someone who hates coaching if I say you should you got to you must be a coach I'm just projecting my values onto you where it's like the best question to ask if you ever say that or receive it is according to who and it will be whoever is the person or religion or society or entity that's projecting the values well you don't have to do jack shit you could right now quit your job go live on the street be homeless and smoke as much drugs as you want to I'm not saying that's the life I want to live and I'm not going to judge you if that's what you want to do but you could do it there's no one stopping you from in there so if you listen to this podcast right now no one's forcing you to do it you're doing this or listening to this podcast because at some level this podcast is going to benefit your values or learning might be one of your values yep so interesting because that understanding of values like you might not even be aware of your values therefore you're living a life that's not in alignment this has just been my journey like I was speaking to the previous guest for 10 years I've been in corporate media like marketing media storytelling all those things feeling really unfulfilled not really knowing why knowing that I had more inside me and I had a better life to live but chasing the next promotion and the next pay rise and then eventually moving to LA that was like the top of my pinnacle of my mountain and then I literally got to LA sat down and thought I don't even want to be here like I actually hate this place and this is not in alignment with who I am at all so now I'm transitioning and pivoting more into like the health and wellness space and sharing my gifts and storytelling whatnot so I think values can change because at a time I probably would have told you that a really top value for me would have been I don't know it's hard work a value like hard work a lot while you were could be career yeah it was career it was just career it was like I wouldn't date anyone in case they would derail my career I knew I wasn't gonna have kids in my 20s because it was like not for my career and now I'm like that's just not where I'm at values to change and that's why you'd redo them so every three months I redo them I'm actually doing mine tomorrow so I'm gonna go back and every it's like how our business does a quarterly review do a quarterly reset best thing I've been doing it for seven years best thing it keeps me aligned gets me checked in gets me from burning out is redo values purpose mission vision and your master plan for your life and use goals attached to those values master plan is the goals right so master plans is your purpose value values first because there's because they tie into your purpose so values first let me do purpose and purpose is your gift to give back it's what lights up the absolute most it's an expression of your biggest core wound so it's aligned with all of your values mission is a five to ten year goal which is a measurable goal which comes from your purpose so my purpose is to heal and expand consciousness a measurable goal of that is to coach 10 million people to live a life that they love and then your master plan breaks that down to how you're gonna get there so three-year goals two-year goals 12-month goals quarterly monthly weekly daily so then you've got clarity on what to do and then you address the limiting beliefs and the bullshit that's gonna stop you from doing that what if you don't have a plan that is that detailed what if you're just like in 10 years time I want to be doing xyz and you can kind of see it in your future but you don't have the daily and the weekly plan everyone's different like the way my mind operates and I enjoy structure but like I've found I listened to Chris Williamson and he said something recently on his podcast of like he hears people talk about goals and planning and all that stuff he's like mate I've got no plan I'm just taking this day by day but if I was to speak to him which is on my vision board I want to get on this podcast one day but sure you will one day we're gonna but I would say he has thought of it like he's not just like oh let's do this today because why not it'll be like I want to take it here there'll be a vague one he might just not have written it down but from 90% of the mentors I listen to having clarity having structure having discipline success love structures success loves discipline so for me I like having more structure but obviously being okay to not have structure as well and be able to flow with life so everyone's different but if you're like I don't know where I'm going I don't know what's the feeling to me I don't know where I want to go of my life then I would probably lean into a bit of structure and just find your happy medium I'm probably on a spectrum one to ten 10 being insanely structured zero is none I'm probably like an eight I do like to freedom to do whatever I choose to do which would be my values but I do also like have instructions so I know how I'm getting there I know how I'm planning do you know Natalie Patterson by any chance you know that name so good friend of mine something so she I'm in a mastermind with her and she runs events she's doing she killing it making like a friend of grand a month like she's doing really really well really really well she's running events and I'm about to start running more events next year and she's like well we just spent like three days together and she's like oh so when you're on any accident I'm like oh like February so February I'm like yeah I need to plan it out and the instruction to have it ready I'm like and she has like an Australian tour starting today actually it starts kicks off today I'm like oh well are you ready for your Australian tour so oh no I haven't thought about it I'm like what the fuck I'm just like it's tomorrow but um literally you're starting like this week so I just trust it will come through me I'm just like epic because again like there's different personality types so there's no right or wrong I prefer more structure but having absolutely zero no clarity no future no vision no clarity at all I think would it would serve most people to have something and then you find I guess to what degree you want to take it to yeah amazing I think I'm a bit of both I love structure especially when it comes to like my week just because I want to be able to carve out time to learn to connect to grow all these things but then in the grandest game of my life I'm like okay well I know I have the skill set no I'm constantly improving and I know what I want my life to look like so if I just keep showing up every day doing all those things then I trust that the opportunities will come so that's my approach them but flexible that was the last time flexible yeah I'll leave one something else I heard you say in a few interviews was knowledge versus embodiment yes can you expand on that I generally use it when it comes to like learning from people um so like I have a lot of people say all like how do you heal and then that's generally the question I'll answer so how do you heal you need to have the right tools the right processes and the right coach mentor or therapist or whoever you're working with and then the three steps I recommend checking off for who you're going to work with is number one are they an embodiment of the work that they do so do they actually I'll sorry I missed the first step first step do you feel safe in their presence because to do any inner healing work depending on the modality you're using but for most modalities there's a level of vulnerability that's required and that requires trust that requires safety so if you don't feel safe within their presence it's going to be very hard to do inner healing work so that's the first one do you feel safe in their energy in their presence in their space second are they an embodiment of what they do because I've come from the fitness industry and with all respect I don't even know who this person's name is but I was hiring a trainer I was looking for a position for a trainer put up an ad on seek and they came down and this guy was 140 or 150 kilos and not fit like overweight and he's like well I've got my cert 3 and 4 and fitness I'm like so you got some knowledge like with all and I couldn't say that legally I would have got to find if I did that he got sued if I did but I had to politely decline that application because he just wasn't embodying the stuff that he was trying to help people with so for me it's like I have a lot of people that come to me and said look I tried this coach I tried these therapists I tried this stuff but the person that was trying to heal heal me and help me I thought they needed their own therapist and I still heal I'm not saying I'm perfectly healed I've still got shit to work through I'm still working on the work never ends it's always more to heal through so for me embodiment is actually being an embodiment being an example taking your own medicine walking your own talk and actually doing the things that you preach yeah participate in your own rescue because I find you can intellectualize as much as you want and you can read a fucking book and regurgitate back to me if you want to I used to do that too but being able to actually get in the trenches and actually work on yourself do the processes I'm obviously referring to coaching right now and healing but whatever you're doing whatever your passion is whatever it is you want to help people with like be the embodiment of who they want help with and what they want help with so yeah so interesting I also interpreted it as like knowledge versus embodiment you almost need both like for example my something I'm working on at the moment is I've done all this therapy and like mental work on healing trauma which has been amazing changed my life EMDR all these tangible things and then I'm like there's something missing like I would still get triggered by my partner I would still feel like this it's just there still like I know intellectually all these amazing things that have helped me but why is it still there oh the other puzzle piece no embodiment like hadn't done any somatic work hadn't done any body healing so now I'm working with a few different people for that but I just think yeah we need both we need the intellectualizing and the understanding of our problems from that angle and then also the other angle to come in through the body 100% there's five bodies there's the mental body which is what you're referring to at the start which is beliefs trauma mental trauma perceptions memories judgment resentment anything mentally consciously or unconsciously that you can work on that's mental body there's physical body which is somatics which is the body work which is physical massages breathwork can fall into that depends on the modality I've been getting massage like there's actually spots in my body that have so much resistance and I've automatically like one is what's the person away and he knows that and so he's very trauma aware and yeah we're doing that yeah there's um oh you might not be long enough to get it there's a lady on the Gold Coast I guess um coherent massages from so they're Hawaiian Hawaiian emotional massages essentially they're essentially massaging emotions out of your body like I've dislocated this knee six or seven times through football and literally when she came to my knee I literally knee-joked and I'm aware of this option oh fuck there's a lot of shit in there it's interesting though like logically telling it I tell my back and my ribs like it's okay so if you trust this person but the body's like no yeah the body keeps the score um yeah that's a medical uh so yeah so that's uh and body that's a body somatic tool there's emotional tools so my main forte is mental and emotional they're like just my strengths I don't do I work online yeah I don't really see many humans besides podcast so uh mental and emotional so emotional is your nervous system and stored it in suppressed emotions so those are my two forte's so mental physical emotional spiritual so that's your connectedness to God source spirit whatever it is that you are divine and wholeness and completeness that's where plant medicine's meditation is generally coming to it and then the fifth is the one I don't understand the most about is energy body so the energetics I worked with a Reiki healer for six months literally just to experience it to see what it was like and it was really awesome like she was doing things it was funny because she went to my knee again and she's like what happened to you like I was on the floor eyes closed breathing and I don't know what she was doing but she was like had a hand still or something and she went to my knee and she's like what happened to you when you're four years old with your dad and like something just came up to me I was like oh shit this happened she's like breathe out scream make the noise shake it out then like went away I was like holy fuck yeah like that was that I don't understand it because it's not my forte but um yeah that's so powerful down the spectrum of spiritual wubu stuff but very open to it but yeah not my my forte of teaching so yeah they're the five bodies and the thing is most people get trapped in one of them because it's when they started it's like I did therapy changed my life but I'm intellectualizing I had a actually I just after my group call I had this morning I had an onboarding call so when people try my community they get an onboarding call and after the group call one of the ladies that was on it was the person I had to call with so I just went to her twice and I said oh how you go and we did the process she's like oh and she's a doctor and she's very intellectual very very intellectual she's like oh I just struggle with it I've like I was just in my head and because my process is mental and emotional I get them to feel emotion so I just struggle feeling it and that's okay that's just you've been caught in the mental body which is cool I was there too NLP Tylen therapy team maintaining all that shit whereas I that's just something to lean into exposure therapy practice it I practice feeling emotions and especially as a feminine most my clients are women and what I see is the gift of the feminine and one of the greatest strengths is your ability to feel like you are so emotional not in a negative way just that elusive and attractive repelling that dance of the emotions is so powerful within women I want to say this to my partner I'm like you are very quick to move through your emotions I need to feel them like I actually need to I need time to just sit with it and let it process and then when I'm ready it will release but I was like you can't rush me you'd have I have to feel it yeah and I'm very similar in that sense so I think that's why I attract a lot of women with my clients but what we're saying is mental body is very intellectualizing and it's actually a big form of dissociation well all of them are if you just get caught in one you get stuck there like I've got mates who are smashing ayahuasca every weekend and they're smashing mushrooms all the time so I've done it 27 times why like why do you do it I do I was actually going to have a trip tomorrow for my reset I'll generally do it every six months and just have a big reset and reconnection mushrooms with mushrooms and I'll do that every six months if that I've done it in about eight months but if you need any of the tools or you're stuck in one of the tools that's where you actually have resistance and that's where I actually lean into the other ones maybe it's time to try breath work maybe try time to try a somatic process or a spiritual process or something else so incredible a quick break from the episode to speak about our reviews now live chats has recently hit over 30 000 listens which is honestly incredible so exciting but we only have 18 reviews on apple podcast which is a bit sad so it would mean the world if you could just take one minute out of your day to leave a written review for us either on apple or spotify there is truly so much time and care and effort that goes into these episodes I research edit host distribute do everything all by myself and I don't make any money from this show I do it because the stories deserve to be heard and I truly love it so if you could do that review that would mean the world you can also follow us on instagram and tiktok at life chats podcast if you don't already the goal is to build a bigger community so I can continue producing these inspiring conversations thanks so much for being here back to the episode um i'm sure this is all in your in your book as well there's so many tangible activities let's talk about limiting beliefs because that's a big part of your work why is it so important i start from the top so your ego is the identity of who you view yourself to be people think ego is a bad thing ego is just you it's we have meet suits that we engage in life with with senses that we experience life through but all of your beliefs all of your memories the identity of everything that you have gone through experience and who you are that's your ego and people think it's a bad thing it's got your positive and negative beliefs best example is a computer you're gonna computer right there you when you got that computer did it come with default programming so it operated of course and when we're born as kids we have that so and without that we wouldn't operate so you need that but if you downloaded viruses on that bad boy it would shut down it would malfunction it would not operate optimally it would self sabotage itself and that's what limiting beliefs do and you download them i say you're born limitless but you're programmed out of it i've never met a baby whose first words were i'm not enough either of you are so we're not born like that we're born created think of like i haven't got kids but i don't know when they start talking two or three quite never they start talking and they're like i want to be an astronaut i want to be this i want to do this i can do anything but then just like you're too much get you head out of the clouds be realistic funny it's hard to come by all these things and they're all the limitations you download and the challenge with that is your ego has two main traits there's three but two of the main ones is one it avoids pain so that's where if i ask you something within trauma or wounds or things you're you're insecure about you're gonna deflect attack defend disassociate just not want to go there so that's why it's stopped you from healing so that's why it's challenging and the second part is it makes itself true this is the confirmation bias of you find things to reaffirm the things you believe if you believe you're not good with money you will make it true if you believe you're not worthy of you'll make it true if you believe all the good men are good women are taken you'll make that fucking true wow so they're the two big reasons why the third one is it gets addicted to accumulation so it always wants more more more more more more more i'm never satisfied that's where you kind of mentioned that with your career where you're like got to the pinnacle and then like oh is that all there is yeah so that's the third one i don't talk too much about that one so it's essentially bringing awareness to where do you have those limitations this really gets a little bit slippery because you've got limiting beliefs in trauma for me limiting beliefs are very powerful and they both have their place and purpose but it's kind of like the right tool for the right time so a lot of people have most people that have done some formal self-development have done some Tony Robbins some NLP some thing to do with beliefs and it's very powerful and i've got a unique way of how to get rid of them but you want to get rid of them but the thing is when you have a trauma a moment in time when something was too much not enough you'll often create limiting beliefs from that so say you got rejected or you were abandoned you got hurt you got criticized or something and then in that moment where it was too much not enough that's a imprint in your mind of something traumatic or something that was lopsided from that a moment you also created beliefs that i'm not worthy i'll use one so we can keep it congruent say rejection so you had a moment in time where you were rejected then you also created the beliefs that are not lovable but i'm not good with relationships that men are assholes or whatever you can take care of those beliefs and that's actually not that hard takes me like five ten minutes to do that you can once you know what you're doing you can do it super quick however this is where NLP has its limitation or belief work has its limitations you get rid of the beliefs fantastic you have shifts you elevate you'll be more more authentic you'll have a better quality of life but if you still don't come back and address the moment in time that was traumatic you will still get triggered by it and it's where a lot of people like i did NLP and i experienced the same thing is i've done this i've worked through all these beliefs i can be i can self reflect i can internalize i can understand it but i still get triggered i still have resistance i keep self-sabotage and i've like what's what am i missing well you haven't integrated the wound jet so that gets pained out so what if you can't remember at the moment uh you just you will attract people and circumstances to reveal where you haven't healed so if you just be aware when you triggered nothing triggers you it reveals what's inside of you unless you're in danger if someone walked in here with a gun you and me would get triggered we would either go fight flight or freeze so outside of physical danger when you get triggered it's revealing either a limiting belief or a trauma it can be both because they can go together or they can be different i'll use examples so say i'll use rejection again so say i rejected you say that was a wound of yours say i rejected you right now or you something happened and you perceive someone rejecting you it would trigger you which is then activated coping strategy to you dissociation fight flight freeze anger frustration drinking smoking whatever yours are so that could be it or it could be a limiting belief where it's like i'm not loved so say someone you go to do something or someone says something to you that goes against your belief or challenges that believe it will start with you i normally use i like to use extreme examples so people get points religions a good example for this for people if you've you've only met them that have super hardcore religious beliefs it's like god jesus whatever beliefs they're believing in and they're super rigid with those beliefs and this is the truth if you get someone who has the complete opposite beliefs to that and put them in a room together they're going to trigger each other yeah because they're challenging what their beliefs are so whenever someone reveals or displays something that reminds you of a trauma that will trigger you yeah or someone either challenges your beliefs that will trigger you so you've got a discern between the two and that's part of the game it's like i'm triggered the goal is to discern is this a limiting belief being challenged or is this a trauma being revealed now it can be both so this is why you can do processes on both because the thing is you can have a moment in time of too much and not enoughness which is a trauma with limiting beliefs attached to it or you can just have limiting beliefs that you just got conditioned with that money doesn't grow in trees it's like you didn't have to have a huge traumatic moment of money to get that you just got conditioned that so that's why you want to be aware of both and have a tool and a process for both both of those are in my book and that's what i teach so depending what it is if it's a limiting belief it only takes sort of five 10 minutes to do the process to do the trauma process to do it properly 45 minutes to 90 minutes to do it properly um amazing should we do the limiting belief activity yeah let's just rock and roll okay let's go so it depends just because on what the individual is in this context i'm just going to be super super broad and i use you yeah perfect so for the people listening you can use anything the goal is i'll teach you it then we'll go through it so the goal is to find the moment where you downloaded the belief because most of it will be in childhood because intellectualized people like you and me we will intellectualize things to the cows come home so for example when you're six years old you come running home from school and you've made mum and dad this great painting that looks like shit but you say hey mum look at this painting look how great it is and they're like sorry Georgia i'm busy i've got something on oh that means i'm not worthy of love i'm not enough i'm unseen one needs don't matter it would be something simple like that but then that can be intellectualized to like this big elaborate belief later on so we want to find the foundation coding the default coding because when you find the root cause of it the deck of cards is a good analogy for it so you got a deck of cards the first card is the original download and then you have the confirmation bias so then you find all these references to back up and support that belief and then it like builds itself up you've got all this evidence of why you're so fucked up essentially yeah so we're going to find the earliest moment okay now you can use anything you can use triggers so if someone triggers when someone gets triggered depending on the person what i feel that it's coming from if it's a belief or it's a trauma if it's a belief i'll use the trigger and say go to the first moment you experienced the trigger so say i use the client she felt embarrassed so say go the first moment you remember feeling embarrassed and she was like four years old in school something happened whatever so just for now so go this back but the people watching the easiest one to start with is the first moment that you felt like you weren't enough so close down your eyes for me and take a big deep breath in and go to the first moment that you remember feeling like you weren't enough it's gonna sound so ridiculous but i feel like when my brother was born okay and then i was go to that moment now how old were you when that you perceived that three three now through the eyes of your three-year-old self what is it that you saw and experienced oh just that my parents were like busy with my with my brother fantastic so brothers born they're busy with with brother and my mom was really sick after his birth so she was just like battling her health fantastic beautiful now i normally do um emotional peace here as well but i don't know if i want to fuck you make up up so um so we'll try we'll try so go back to that moment get into the moment when it happens so you're three years old brothers born you are not getting the attention he's getting all the attention in that moment what was the core emotion that you felt um i don't know if like forgotten is an emotion like uh sad sad beautiful can you do me a favor and just feel the sadness of what you felt back then right now just breathe into it and let that little three-year-old who felt this emotion who probably suppressed it and actually let that emotion be felt breathe it into your heart and breathe it out of you beautiful now through the eyes of your younger self so when you're three years old saying what it is that you saw feeling what you felt what is the decision and meaning that you created in that moment about yourself or about the world that i have to prove that i have enough beautiful and what does that say about you though i'm not enough beautiful now and just for the lesson as well the first one you said was an intellectualized answer that's the second tier one i have to prove my worth because it means i'm not enough makes sense beautiful so what i want you to do there's a concept of what people refer to as a universal law oh sorry a universal truth and a universal truth has to always be true gravity on earth never turns off every human meat suit will decay and die it has to be true 100% of the time for it to be a universal truth right i want you to find me three references of you of this belief of you not being enough i want you to find me three references of this not being true and if you find resistance into it which i think you just did that's the ego trying to hold on to itself right i'm like okay so three references where i am enough beautiful yeah so in my beautiful loving relationship where i'm completely authentically myself and my partner loves me for who i am in the way that i'm showing up and sharing my truth is that yeah like i feel like i'm enough to be able to speak my truth and use my voice and do this work and that it's enough one more and this is not specific but i just feel that i am now go to a moment where you are could be right now right here if it is yeah right now beautiful now if i was to cut you open let's see like a doctor like a surgeon would i find a manufacturing stamp inside of you a physical one saying your name georgia born where we've gone in north gosford north gosford and she is not enough would i find that that's so sad no why not because i just innately am because i'm a human and we're all enough beautiful because you weren't born with this belief run you just downloaded it so i'm better ask you a question i want you to let your heart feel it and you let your heart answer right take a big breath in i want to ask you a question three times in a row again is it an absolute truth that you're not enough no beautiful i want you to say it with your nervous system your heart this time is it true that you're not enough no beautiful one more time right then is it true that you're not enough it's not fucking true beautiful now what i want you to do this is the magic question let your heart feel it and let your just let everything flow through what comes through how does your whole life and your whole reality change with this belief not there anymore it's so expansive feel into it how does your whole life change with this belief not there like i can just do anything yeah like what like is specific like do whatever i want for my career make whatever money i want leave wherever i want how does your relationship change my relationship with my partner yeah how's the change with this belief not there anymore it actually i don't know if it does change because i feel enough with him what else changes um the way i show up like i feel like i can just be myself and i don't give a fuck on anyone else thinks and there's no judgment because i know i'm enough so i'm just going to do it anyway beautiful and that there's no limits holding me back and i don't judge myself fantastic what else i feel like my work matters and it has impact beautiful what emotions become available to you with this belief not there anymore it's like safety can you feel that right now for me pray then to it through your heart feels good nice what else another emotion comes to you calm beautiful generally lightness calmness safety oh good now with that belief not there anymore because it's not true right what belief replaces it i'm always enough can you feel that for me right now how good it was not so so good beautiful and that doesn't take that long to do the magic is fine in the moment and i just use a general one because everyone has a moment of not feeling enough it might be smart enough beautiful enough intelligent enough or whatever i'll use an example that i use to the client so she got triggered and for me it felt like it was a limiting belief so i'd use this tool i didn't use the other tool she had resistance to the degree your resist reality is the degree that you suffer so wherever you have emotional resistance there's a belief or a trauma plane out so if you just zoom in on that and come in with curiosity and like i just believe this is a trauma what's going on anyway so he's just like that same tool on her and she had resistance to talk into her sales team because then i said well what's the fear she's like embarrassment i don't want to be embarrassed that's fantastic so i said drop in what was the first time you're embarrassed so i just used the belief or the trigger find the first time you remember experiencing that because you want to find the the most default belief not the intellectualized like elaborate one now yeah it's like you want to find the real real cool one so i said go the first time that you feel like you're embarrassed and she found it started crying from out straight away she was in prep school um kindergarten whatever and she the teacher did this really cute exercise the teacher handed out all these cards with two lines on them and you had to write down how you view yourself to be and give it back and then the teacher wrote it out and you have to guess who it is i thought it was really cute and then my client though she wrote down i'm pretty nice to people on different lines and the teacher only read out the first line so she said i'm pretty and then the whole class starts laughing my client at this time was really overweight and she was like the opposite of how she saw herself so she started crying and ran out the door i said in that moment what did you decide my needs don't matter and then so when she got up to speak in front of her team that resistance of being embarrassed was revealing the belief that she believed her needs don't matter went through this process cried felt lighter all that good stuff and i'm like when's your next meeting with your sales team so it's tomorrow i said how do you feel right now actually i don't feel any resistant to it because you're not trying to protect yourself from that belief anymore because the belief's not there anymore so powerful i love doing that because i've always been aware that i've had maybe two or three limiting beliefs that i can like very clearly identify and i know how they're holding me back in life and also how they've informed my life like that belief of not being enough has caused me to overachieve work ten years in a career i've hated constantly try and prove myself constantly have three jobs like it's crazy how that manifests yeah it's just a lot like i knew it was there though i was like i fundamentally am doing this to prove something like why why does that exist so i feel like if anyone's listening and they're kind of aware that they have beliefs that are holding them back literally just rewind and go back through that process because i'm going to do it a few times in a few others i have yeah just insert whatever the belief is with the trigger yeah and just go back when was the first time i felt like i was too much or i felt like rejected i felt embarrassed i felt stupid well let's go back i was in whatever and it can be this most subtlest things it could be like that example i said you run home with the painting you know oh my god look at this mum and out of stress because i just got bad news and they said sorry george or were busy go away yeah you make it mean that you're rejected and then that's the first card and then you find all the shit to the supporter and evidence to confirm it and then you live life living it absolutely not a good time yeah it's just profound work though when you when you do do this work i guess kind of want to change pace a little bit and talk about another very pivotal part of life which is relationships you speak a little bit about the three stages of relationships what are they uh the honeymoon period yeah the triggered stage and the conscious growth stage so what is happening in the triggered phase because i feel like we have these people that are stuck in these perpetual loops of either yeah they love the honeymoon phase and then it all gets too much or they just want stability and certainty and they want to be in long-term relationships they can't be single i guess what how is this impacting our lives yeah so when you first meet someone like everyone not at all times very very very often throughout their days well we're in masking for sonyas so like we've just met each other i think we're quite quite authentic people yeah i don't feel like the mass of ego with you but there would be parts that like i haven't shared with you my deepest darkest trauma today so we're we're showing parts of ourselves to each other we're not showing us like the full depths of each other so to some level we're putting on a persona it's the part of us that we highlight and we look that we're proud of but we hide the shit we shame and we're not proud of so in the honeymoon period that's when you generally get the highlight reel of like the like the good sex the effort the pride this all my achievements look how great i am and i'm going to avoid all that bullshit because you might not love me if i have those things but the reality is everyone has shit everyone has trauma everyone has has shadows everyone has things to work through so that's where the honeymoon period is generally the highlights and the electricity and all that good stuff and then the trigger stages where you start to see those parts if you just start to reveal them you start to trigger each other you start to see parts of each other you start to see the skeletons in the closet and most people just aren't willing to work through it it's too much it's do they just not know how to i'll say sorry they just say everyone's doing the best what they have like i didn't get taught how to regulate my emotions but i was like oh i didn't learn about them it's a really so trauma or perception or anything like that i got taught take medications and that will that will solve the symptoms and suppress the problem so yeah people just aren't aware of so once you you can't be held accountable to something you're not aware of so once you become aware of it with great power comes great responsibility is then you have the awareness to work through it nothing triggers you it reveals what's inside of you so when your partner triggers you in that moment of trigger the moment of snapping or whatever your coping strategy is your partner or whatever's going on is revealing a part of you you haven't worked through it's either a trigger sorry a trauma or a limiting belief what we've been speaking about this whole podcast so nice people aren't aware of it and they're doing the best they can and they're just blaming projecting whatever but then when you become aware of it you then have to be willing to obviously sit in the fire and go through it like we still have triggered moments like we had a little one i think like couple days ago i was about to ask you how does this look in practice with your partner yeah in general i'd say eight times out of ten they don't really blow up anymore like we had one literally two days ago where i come out of what it was i was about ordering UberEats i was upstairs i was about hey i'm like i didn't communicate very well so it was very much my fault this one and i pretty much i'm upstairs i'm i yelled downstairs like hey babe i've gone out of the core can you order UberEats but i didn't tell her what i wanted all that stuff and she's like what do you want i'm like i'm busy take care of it and we had like a little debacle we kind of got a bit snappy at each other but within like five minutes we apologize take ownership what did i do that triggered her what did i do that triggered what did she do that triggered me what did i do that triggered her take ownership of it ask the questions sit with it breathe through it regulate through it happy days but then sometimes when you're fucking deep in your wounds it's like it gets nasty and we've had a couple of those we haven't had one of those in a while maybe like 12 months we've had one of those but they come up like they certainly come up so best recommendation become aware of it as best that you can regulate your emotions so breath work you can do a diaphragm reset we push into your diaphragm and breathe into your diaphragm and sometimes you just sit in the fucking fire like there's no real magic pill just deal with it once the storms pass then you can have self-reflection and go okay what did your partner do or not do that triggered you what did you do or not do that triggered them bring that to each other's awareness and then hold each other accountable and support each other to work through it that's where you need to have the tools to go do the tools so that's where find a coach or a therapist or someone to do the tools with and do the work with but yeah at what point is it your work to do and not your partner's work like i understand that partners have to support us through our own healing but i find that line hard it's like okay this is my work that i've got to go do but i need to do it in practice with you so yeah how do you navigate that look there's a difference but the difference between the question i heard just said is what's the difference between a boundary and a trigger so say for something say i do a behavior that you don't appreciate in a relationship say i just come home say we were data and i said fuck you daughter you'd be like what the fuck so um it's like that's not okay so there's a difference between a boundary of someone your partner doing just a way of doing that just fuck you did you feel like getting that out yeah just why not why not express yourself right so yeah yeah say your partner does something and the behavior itself is something you just don't appreciate you're like hey look i don't appreciate you doing that versus it triggers you so the trigger is yours the trigger is yours your work to do your work to lean on however if your partner's doing something that so for example say you do something to me and it triggers me that's on me but you could do the same thing and it doesn't trigger you is it's a overstepping a boundary i say hey i hope you're okay i'm not sure what's coming up for you but i'm just letting you know that's not okay how did you handle the difference between handling each of those is whether you're triggered or not so the trigger is yours own that and take the gift of the reflection so okay thank you for revealing a part of me i haven't worked on let me go heal through that but at the same time because you kind of have also someone who's triggered you and also overstepped a boundary so it can be one of one of the same so it's like the trigger that's yours own it so go reflect on it go heal through it and at the same time communicate the boundaries can be so challenging in the moment i feel like i'm working through this at the moment my partner and i we have like a pretty crazy story we were long distance for six months like we built at the whole first half of our relationship was long distance and then i got home from america and we moved in together three days later after i got home so it was like literally zero to a hundred and then we were doing all these things that were triggering each other and bickering and having fights and whatnot but also not having the tools to i guess do what you just said is like step back express your boundaries become i was just reacting all the time like reacting left right and center so i feel like i'm becoming better and we also have this tool where we step back and say like what is this actually about or what does this actually mean what did what i just do make you feel like how what does it mean yeah and that just seems to kind of deescalate any argument we've been having because the first few weeks was just me getting triggered me making up reasons that he did things having certain beliefs that weren't true but he wasn't aware that i was feeling that and it just becomes a mess yeah everything you're saying is perfect and that's perfect and it starts like that you can't be held accountable exactly not aware of so take awareness and it's just like that kind of knee jerk reaction if you like you get it and you reflect and just react back to it that's great and then the next time ten seconds pass and you still react that's okay at least you got ten seconds in there and then you get to a point where it's like you choose how you respond it's like okay because there's still been times where she's done something can i still feel my nervous system activate yeah that's still a trigger the more healing you do the more subtle self-account as well it's like it'll just be like you'll be just be walking down the street or just talking to family members and they just do something weird they roll their eyes at you they say something odd and you get a little twinge a little bit of judgment don't react regulate and but so the more work you do do the more subtle you do have to be so i find people more high level that come to me who have done a lot of work like you need that like microscope to really zoom in on that so yeah don't know where that came from in terms of your microscope on yourself like what work you've done so much work you've invested so much money in courses and mentoring and guide guidance like what are you still struggling with that you want to work on for me i just let life happen the way it's meant to happen so whenever i do a process now like i'm referring to my balancing process whenever which is the trauma integration process when you first start i recommend do both your parents first do a partner or an ex-partner first and then whoever your life abuse awards and it might happen to be one of those people you've already done i've done the process 15 times already so done done a couple times mum a couple times georgia a few times and then i just let life happen so whatever triggers me that's the opportunity so if i was to use georgia oh and the thing is your partner is going to do the most of the reflection his wife is named georgia by the way we never clarified that yes i didn't clarify that so yeah that's probably confusing for you Lewis' wife is georgia my wife's name is georgia and our beautiful host name is georgia so my wife georgia when she triggers me i look at what is the trait that's triggering me so one that's come up recently that i haven't done a process on yet is malicious so that's one so i've had the trait because whenever you judge someone think of someone that you just judge either a lot or just a little like you just don't like them for some reason if i was to say tell me in one word what's the trait characteristic or behavior you judge them for there's a wound in there so i had this a lot and transparently i had it with women who were really confident yeah now that and it took me so long i was sitting with this face somewhere in the show i'm like what's the i'll meet someone they're super nice but i just don't like you what is it something about you what is it i couldn't find the trait and then me georgia my wife georgia had a conversation where she really triggered me and and the trait was more obvious and then i'm like oh that's what it is she just said something that maliciously hurt me like she said you deserve to be hurt that's what she said we were super true i said some nasty things too yeah that was a mid-argument that was a mid-argument i had already done some things in her so this is like this was one of the big ones about 12 months ago but she said that and that really got me yeah i'm like that's malicious and then i'm like oh that's what i see and that reflection of me judging those women for being like that is the strong malicious trait i'm like oh so i have not a process on that yeah so it would be one of them it's just whenever you trigger that's right when you have that wound because i'm literally just remembering a moment in time where i had a massive argument with my mom she said something similar but what she said was just like throw away comment but it honestly sent me into like three days of hysterics i just could not believe how hurt i was by it when you discover that wound and you know it's there then what is it is it the limiting beliefs process i would do it depends on it my favorite one's my balancing process that's the wound part the goal is to find the trait it's to find the action so i can hold that person i can find it right now with you one so just remember you're intuition always knows the answer your intuition is your own body's homeostatic strategy what i mean by that it's constantly trying to bring you into balance so someone punctures off and tells you how fucking great you are you're like oh but i'm a piece of shit i'm not that good i don't know your intuition is trying to keep you humble and if someone's like giving you heaps of shit your intuition will bring you back up i'm not that fucked up i'm actually doing okay so just keep that in mind so i want you to get into that moment you said mum just said yeah so get to the moment where mum did this and whatever happened tell me when you're in the moment yeah so in that moment tell me what she did what she said i was telling her that i had like texted her something and she said i didn't and i was like yeah i've definitely texted you and she said it's okay to be wrong sweetie okay but she said in front of my whole family so get present in the what's the word at what word did she say dismissed i felt like when she said it's going to be wrong go dismissed yeah that's it so you have a dismissal word and this is the this is how trauma plays out so dial yours uplessness is whatever trauma you have is essentially a trait or an action or an inaction that you have judgment towards that was too much or not enough what happens is you actually attract it because you're trying to not look for it because you're trying to avoid it it will also trigger you so when someone would dismiss you it will trigger you that will also activate a coping strategy i'm not sure what yours are but you would have a coping strategy that would be activated and you'd also shame yourself when you do the same thing so when you dismiss that one you feel like a piece of shit and you'll shame yourself and beat yourself up for it and that will keep playing out until you integrate that piece so my answer to that would to be to do a balancing process on that i could start doing that on you now if you want but probably probably need more time yeah it probably do the process sort of 45 to do it outside of the party awesome yeah so it's that and this is getting super deep for people that can handle it when you do a process when you are triggered it's the concept of wholeness and wholeness we live in a wholeness world a completion world a connected world but we've experienced life through duality we experienced life through separation like through my eyes and senses i see you over there and i see me over here so i perceive separation but in reality or depending on your beliefs around it is we are all connected and wholeness it life is always balanced into complete and whole but we need to experience duality to come back to wholeness so you need something external to reflect back to you a piece of you that you haven't integrated yet so you can learn to love and integrate that part of you my my current mentor i love him Cody he said beautiful line when you're triggered or when you are reflected or when you judge something it is a piece of you that's been scheduled to be loved so that dismissal part is a part of you that you get to now work on if you choose to go work and integrate that and learn to love that part of who you are and then you'll stop judging yourself for it you're so intrigued by it amazing feel like i'm so excited to get my hands on your book and delve more into this work because it's interesting how you can know the work that you need to do but just also feel a bit stuck like you don't know where to start so obviously for anyone listening who's like oh my god i have so much work to do i'm reactive i'm this i'm that i'm whatever judgments they're putting on themselves step one by a book step two where else can they kind of get resources and connect with you and and consume what you're teaching yeah for sure thank you and for having me it's been beautiful it's been amazing i've got one more question but yeah yeah so lewis hackstep i have a website i don't think it's very good but i have a website i instagram instagram facebook i'm on most social medias i'm most active on instagram i have a conscious community where i go deeper because in the book some of the i've had to shorten some of the exercises in the book just because of the limitations of the book because i use like videos spreadsheets pdfs to teach the fullness of it so i've done the best i can to put it into a book but yeah conscious community where you can come do some healing shit work on yourself um but yeah incredible i have to finish this episode by asking you the same question that i ask every single guest you can interpret it however you like as many words as little words as you like that question is lewis what is the meaning of life meaning of life for me is i've got a couple of means to it but the one that came true for me is to honestly discover it's the statue of david to remove the part on auntie it's to come back to who you authentically are and give your gift back and for me that's your purpose so it's about finding the authentic version of you which is underneath the layers of parts that you've downloaded that aren't you and to be able to give that fullness of who you are back to the world when what you do is the fullest expression of who you are you will do your life's best work that's so beautiful and feels so aligned i literally journaled the other day my goal is to find my way back to myself like just constantly be finding my way back to myself you're back home yes thank you so much you've shared this has been a masterclass in all things self development and i think this is going to really change people's lives and perception of what's possible for them so thank you thank you so much for listening to today's episode please let me know who you'd love me to chat to next or if you have a story of your own you'd like to share you can connect with me directly on instagram at live chats podcast one word until next time i'm georgia may and this is live chats [BLANK_AUDIO]