Spirit Talk with Szil & Jay
Traumas, abuse, triggers, and healing
(upbeat music) - Welcome to Spirit Talk. - It's still in Jay. - Welcome back, guys. - I'm Jay. - I'm Sil. - And this is Spirit Talk. - All right, so today we're gonna talk about traumas and relationships of, you know, we're not professionals here and we're just our experiences and hopefully this can help you guys and what we've learned. And, you know, from our traumas and all of relationships. And I know I have been through quite a few. - Yeah, me as well. - All right, well, first of all traumas, they stem way back from childhood a lot of times. I know mine are different traumas than yours. It could be abandonment issues. It could be abuse of many different types of abuses. Why don't you take it off from there? - Yeah, everybody like we were talking about earlier is that they handled their traumas differently. And some may have experienced it, but not as as severe as someone else or whatnot. And I feel that that would be a great show to talk about today is the differences kind of of how we were brought up. And I'm just gonna say this right off the bat is that it all comes down to love and being able to forgive yourself and ask for forgiveness and forgiving others. - Yeah, I think traumas, triggers, you know, they'll all be with you for the rest of your lives, but it can lessen over time. And there are lots of healing in between that. - Yes, because you come into the world loving, innocent, naive, gullible, and you wanna be able to express that to the world. And when things go opposite, meaning your parents mold you or treat you differently in that aspect as far as portraying what love should be, I feel that's where we kind of, are like molded as we grow up. - That's how we perceive the world. - The world. - The people around us. If someone treats us wrong, we learn from that and we have a trauma response. I know that physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, they're all different, but they're all linked. I think there are some are more traumatic than others, but I think it depends on the person. Some people can take it differently. Some people can take it more deeper and it doesn't mean that they were more traumatized, they just took it differently. Now, yes, you can get traumatized by more of a physical abuse, but that goes hand in hand in emotional and basically all of the abuses. But if you don't get the physical abuse and you get emotional abuse, your responses are different as well. - Yeah, because I personally would rather get hit than something really terrible said to me or about me because that stays with you longer where as physical abuse is done and over with. And I don't mean this lightly and it means whatsoever. I just, I feel it has a huge impact on how somebody is brought up and abuse is abuse, point blank. And this show is going to be probably explicit as well as emotional and a lot of comes back to and we'll get into it at the end of what my book is called and whatnot. But. - Well, sometimes you relive it as you're talking. - That's part of the problem with PTSD. And I unfortunately was really traumatized at the age of five and when my father left and growing up and having all this time, I do feel the older you get, the wiser you get and the more you see clearly. And that's what happens with me constantly and where I'm coming from this is that I had two parents under the assumption when they first got together that my mom had her tubes tied and she was unable to have children or bear children anymore. And my father had that assumption too after just coming out of a marriage with four children. And so my father, I feel, believed that, you know, he was going to get involved with somebody who was unable to have any more kids because of what he just got out of or dealt with. And here I am. I was determined. I made my way. Apparently I have some kind of big mission or something in life and I saw my way through it anyways. I feel that this took a toll on both my parents and a bitter taste in their mouth. And they were under like, again, the assumption that they weren't going to be able to have anymore children and here I am. And I grew up feeling very alone, still to this day having a hard time finding a place in the world and loved properly. And I feel like I was a resentment. I feel like to both my parents, I feel like I was a resentment. And I know it's very emotional. I know your mom had her way of dealing with how your father left and she was distraught. When my parents were together, it was great. It was like watching one of those leave it to be of her shows or something as to how a family, you know, and Americans I guess should be, you know, and the dad worked. The mom stayed home and took care of the kids and whatnot. And I, for me, I was the typical mischievous kind of kid that got into things and was curious about stuff all the time and getting trouble. And my father's way of punishment was, punishment was his hand, belt or paddle on the butt and soap in the mouth for swear words. And I don't recall to this day my sister ever really getting any kind of abuse like I did with my father. And I can see when he did abuse me in that aspect, I saw the anger in his eyes. And it was frightening to me as a kid. And I knew as soon as I saw my dad's wrinkles in his forehead going on, I was in trouble. And I was scared because my dad was a strong punishment type. And he was the one that was left handled to deal with the punishments. My mother was a nurturer who took care of us, who was from the country and once in a while I slipped out a curse word. It wasn't until my father left at the age of five that he completely abandoned us. And I remember Mom saying to my sister and I to go hide. And I couldn't understand why because I loved my father and I wanted to see him and I wanted to be with him. And I remember being Christmas time and he wasn't around and I didn't understand what was going on at the time or why he wasn't there. All I know and remember is that my older half sibling, my older half brother and my older half sister was there and my father had some kind of problem with them or didn't like them. But at that time I didn't see why until I did to this day. But so anyway, so Mom asked us to hide. And I remember being so excited because dad was coming and I wanted to see him and Mom was crying and everybody was getting like tents and stuff. And my dad came in that door very angrily and I thought, oh my gosh, this is it. My mom clung on to my sister and I very tightly as my dad came towards us. And I remember just wanting to be with my dad and he finally got ahold of me and proceeded to walk out the door to put me in the back seat of his car. And at that point, my older half sister came running out after me to try to get me out of the back seat of the car and that's when my dad got in and put it in reverse and my sister was hanging onto the door until she slid off and went skidding across the gravel driveway. And then I remember just going to my grandparents house and didn't know what was going on. I just thought it was like just a normal kind of getaway and didn't really understand what was going on. And I remember being brought home the next day and Mom just clung on to me for a very long time crying and stuff like this because I guess she was in fear that she would never see me again. Apparently later on down the road, I found out what was going on and that was because my father had an issue with my two half siblings and didn't want them to influence my sister and I because of how they were raised. And the one older half sibling is 16 years older than I am and then it's 18 and then 20. So my oldest half brother is 20 years older than I am. So they already lived a life pretty much before I came into the picture. And they were from a different father, a different childhood and... - That was pretty traumatic for you being pretty much kidnapped. - I was kidnapped and my father can deny it all he wants, but that's exactly what he did. He kidnapped me. And then I remember my mom being in such distraught, here I am five years old, my mom's going through a mental breakdown and couldn't take care of my sister and I and I had to step up to the plate and be an adult and take care of my sister, my little sister who's 22 months older or younger than I am. I'm sorry, younger than I am. And shortly after that, we went to my uncle's house to get away from things and I remember nap time and just hearing my mom crying and I felt so bad for her and I didn't know what was going on. And I just remember saying, I'm here, I'm gonna protect you, you know, I'll take care of you. And that's when I stepped up and shortly after we got back from our visit from my uncle's house, we were forced to leave our home and my dad had stopped paying payments on it and we were forced to leave. And I guess from what I was told, the only way that my father was going to bring me back was if my two older half siblings had left. And what I was told is that my one older half brother lived under trailers that winter time during the cold and my other older half sister went back home. And then I was able to be brought back home, I guess, apparently, but we were forced to leave. And the church that we were going to, we were taken in by a lady who attended there and it was short lived. It was, I remember living in a loft, kind of like a loft and we weren't there for very long. And I remember, I believe it was the year of '83, I believe it was. And it was a really bad winter. Mom had this old, I guess it was a cricket, Dodge cricket or something. I don't know the name, but it was a small red car. And she went backing up and tore the muffler off the car. And I remember just bawling and crying and because I knew we didn't have a lot of money and where we just had come from and I didn't know how we were going to get this fixed. So we can still have transportation. - So you were pretty much feeling like an adult at that time? - Absolutely. And so my mom was dealing with the frustration and the separation of my father. And I got a lot of brunt of it and I would cry and didn't understand why I couldn't have things or do things and I would get hit and embarrassed in public. And malls, public places. That's part of one of my reasons today where I have an issue with public and feeling like eyes around me and I don't like that. And- - Hi, that's another trauma. - The trauma, so a lot of it's then it's, so I feel like a lot of my parents, my mom was a nurturer at heart, but I feel also that she resented me at the same time because I feel like if I wasn't here, they'd still be together. And it was because of me that day broke up and I took all the blame and everything on myself and I always fell alone and very angry at my dad for doing that to us. So I was, here I am starting a new school and to myself having speech issues, learning disabilities. And I remember the first year of first grade, I was just staring off in space and I remember that's where my counseling journey started and that's where I went to the council where I guess apparently diagnosed me as having panic attacks and anxieties. So I was kept back in first grade. I remember when we had to do crafts and arts that my pictures and drawings were very dark, dark black, blue, those are the two main colors that I use because that's how I was seeing reality. Like it was very dark for me. And not only was I very big, I was the biggest in my class. I always got provoked and antagonized and made fun of as well as buoyed to back to my house. I felt like my home was safe, even though mom would get extremely upset with us. And I remember times where I was really physically strongly abused by my mother and running underneath my covers, hiding in fear of my safety and my life. And just remember being under my covers, praying and asking God to please make this go away, please keep me safe. And I used to get so angry with my mom because after she hurt me, she would come back about, it seemed like 10 minutes later and say, I'm sorry. And I'm thinking to myself, here I am an innocent boy. My dad just left me. I have nothing and I'm getting there. - You didn't know what to say, what to do, how to take it. You were confused. - I felt like I was very intuitive from a very young age and I just didn't know what was going on until later on when I took classes. But I remember being in kindergarten and my parents were still together and it was toward the end. And I kept sensing that something wasn't right with mom and dad. And I just wound up leaving. I just wound up walking off and started walking off the property onto the sidewalk. And I remember either the principal or teacher came and got me. But I sensed something was going on at home even at that time. And I seen what my mom had went through and I was very protective of my mom. My mother even though she abused me and stuff, I loved my mom, she was my mother. And I now to this day, understand what she was going through. - Well, on top of that, she had her own traumas. - Yes, yes. - We don't have to bring those up, but she has her own demons. Everybody does, you know, we all have triggers. - And I was a trigger for my mother. - Yeah, exactly. - And one of the biggest things that my mom wanted me to do was not be like my ancestors. So that's why I strive and I stress on being a generational cross cycle breaker. Now, I didn't realize a lot of stuff. I should say I sensed some things but didn't know exactly until I got confirmation after I wrote my book and I had a cousin call me and let me know from her side. And I never really knew my mom only had one brother, my uncle, who just passed away a couple of years ago. And I never really talked to my uncle. I was never really close to him. I was close to his son when we were growing up, William. And him and I would play together while my sister would play with his sister. And that was my buddy when I was there. And I think I was, I can't remember how old I was. He was 13 and I think I was like two years older than he was and he passed away. And I come to realize that a lot of it stems from ancestry and how they were raised and brought up. And I always sensed that I didn't wanna be bad. I didn't like being provoked. I didn't like being antagonized. I wanted my space, my time away. I struggle with abilities, learning abilities. And I just want my peace and quiet and didn't always understand why kids would provoke me and test me and get me to the point where I would get upset. - Yeah, same thing with when you get involved with somebody, your relationships. Something happens next, you know, you're triggering each other. And it just, it could go downhill. But yeah, your traumas, your triggers. I do believe that the older you get the more you learn about them and the more you understand those things. And you tend to, you know, stay away from all of those things and you don't wanna do those things to somebody else. You might have your traumas and you're triggering other people with the things you say or do and that creates, it's a circle, it's a circle. So you wanna stay away from that but that doesn't come right away. It's almost like you have to learn from your previous mistakes, your previous, whether it's marriages or, you know, relationships of any sorts, whether it's friendship or whatnot. And I think all those things that we think we went through so much and, you know, poor me and poor me, yeah, of course we're gonna say that to ourselves and to other people because we feel it. But those things taught us so much. And even though it still hurts and it'll always hurt, we have to rethink how that's going to shape us because we're gonna get angry. And if we don't try to, you know, figure it out and try to forgive, forgiveness isn't overnight, it's your whole life. It just gets, you know, better and better, little bits at a time. You can't just forgive overnight. - For me, it was, love was tainted at a very young age for me. And I always grew up feeling like I would never amount to anything that I could never do anything right and that everything that I touched turned to shit. I grew up when my mother met my adopted father. I believe my mother told me around in between the ages of like nine and 11 years old that she only married my stepdad for security and stability. That she didn't love him like she did my father. So right there in then I was taught that she basically just settled - To survive. - To survive and used somebody to live. And then the abuses through me for a loop too, because I always felt that love is not hurt and not pain. And I personally didn't like or don't like getting to that point where I feel uncomfortable. I remember being so full of anger and didn't care about life, didn't care what happened to me or anybody else around me because I was hurting so much. And I was very hard on myself. - And it's why you got in trouble so many times. - Well, trouble is also a way of receiving attention that you're not getting from home or the proper attention. I remember there was times in school where I had to hide bruises because I didn't want my mom getting in trouble. I remember feeling like there's something wrong with me when I got held back and saw all my other classmates go above me and beyond me. And I always felt like there's something wrong with me. And a lot of it was feelings and things that I would talk to my mother about because I felt like she understood and come to find out runs down my mom's pretty much my mom's side of the family. I was able to talk with my mom very openly and felt comfortable with her. And that's when I grew up with not much money at all. I grew up on secondhand clothes. I grew up very poor and I still struggle to this day and I don't know how to get past it. And I want to do something for myself but I don't want to be a ripoff or do it for greed or do it for ego. I want to be able to do it because I want to help. And I remember going to the mall at the age of five when dad left. And we would just go there not to spend money 'cause we didn't have money to spend. And we would just sit on a bench and mom and look at me and we would watch people walk back and forth. And that's when I feel like she started really besides seeing the spirit that I had when I lived with my father and my mom together. That's where I really feel like my abilities kind of took off as far as being able to classify characteristics and things of that. And nature and behaviors and patterns because that's what we did because we didn't have money. And mom would ask me questions like what do you think they're up to now or what do you think that person's thinking or what do you think that person's going to do next? So that's what I grew up with. Besides counseling nonstop from the age of six all the way up until I think I was 20. And then I had like counseling sporadically throughout my adulthood as well. But I've had so much counseling and I've been in rehab and been in jails and institutions. So I've learned people and I've learned to be observant as well as protecting myself too. And I am very guarded and I feel like I was hardened at a very young age unable to express who I truly want to be because I never felt really accepted. - Be accepted, yeah. 'Cause you never felt accepted from the very early age. Same with seeing a spirit. Your mom was saying how you don't want to tell people these things because they're going to lock you up and they're going to think you're crazy. So I grew up knowing that I was a bad seed. My sister was the baby. She was nurtured, she was taken care of, she was spoiled. - Hence why she doesn't understand you. - Yes. - 'Cause she never went through the same things. - And I'm kind of envious of people that are able to like block bad parts of somebody or something and only see the good or wanting to see the good for something or someone. I envy those that don't remember traumatic experiences. Like for me and how it was explained as PTSD post traumatic stress disorder is like a broken record, right? And you have a crack in it and the needle just keeps hitting a crack over and over and over again. And that's how my thinking is and it gets stuck. So I remember being in my 30s and going to counseling for a couple of times and the counselor said to me, says try to take your thoughts and think of it as like a cloud. They're just passing by or even a trained rail car or something, you know, just quick. And that's how meditation is for me too. I know I'm pretty OCD. I've never been tested for ADHD and any of that kind of stuff. So all I know is I had a very hard time in school when I still to this day, like I get easily distracted and it's hard for me. And it was very hard for me when I started meditating because I would see a bubble in my thought, you know, and then go chasing the bubble like bubble, you know. And so I had to learn to just let that bubble go and really try to focus and calm my mind down and focus on the breathing. 'Cause the breathing is tech or crucial. The most crucial thing about meditating and about being a human is breathing. And so it took me a while to meditate and focus on that because my mind, a lot of times it's all over the place. And folks don't seem to understand a lot of them that just because you're a psychic medium doesn't mean you're psychic medium 24/7. I'm not that way all the time. Yes, I get impressions all the time, but it's not like you would go to Home Depot and see a plumber and say, "Hey, fix my plumbing." Or a comedian and say, "Tell me a joke." 'Cause that's just not how I am and I know when to turn it on, when to shut it off. - You should be able to, yeah. - So a lot of it goes back to, you know, having time for yourself and feeling the feelings. A lot of people don't like doing that because it's tough and actually facing them and looking at them and having that time to yourself to do that. - They're there for a reason. And you have to deal with them one way or another. Otherwise, there's just gonna get worse and worse and worse. - It does and it bottles up inside of you and eats at you and it can create havoc in your life. And one of the things that I've always felt was for me is anger is a major disfocencer and I've gotten to a point in life now where I crave peace and love and security and stability in my life. And I don't want the chaos and the drama and I'm tired for this anyway and I don't want it anymore. I'd rather be alone with my person and live life quietly and peacefully and behind the scenes of things and not being. - You know, it's funny that you say that because all these years, I'm a hairstylist and all these years, I have had to adapt to being this outgoing person that's always talking and, you know, and I'm not, I don't like big parties. I don't like going places that has a ton of people but I don't even want to be the center of attention. So for me, I had to adapt to this. I've been hairstylist for 30 years and in the beginning I was extremely quiet but I was also quiet. There are other reasons for instance, I was born in Hungary. I, we left as a family when I was about 11 and we had to escape to go to Austria to apply for citizenship for the US. Now, when we did that, we had to stay there and live there for a whole year. So I lived in Austria. So here I am at a young age. I'm barely not even a teenager yet. Hormones are starting to kick in. I'm in another country, no friends. So I had to make new friends. I don't know the language. So I, all I had was whoever that was living in that area, a lot of them were Hungarian. So we, we tend to, you know, become friends and, you know, so I did that. A year comes and we get a letter saying we're ready and we have to get ready to go to the US. So a bus comes, takes us to another place, stay there for a couple of weeks or a week. I don't remember exactly. This, this is, this is a long story, make it short. I'm trying to make it short here. We, they fly us over to the US. So the first place that we go to is, we had to have a sponsor. So it was my uncle and his family and that they lived in Florida. So we went to Florida. Miami. And it was midnight. We got into the country. We waited for him to come and get us. He had a van, no AC. And it was midnight. And it was June 25th. And it was my father's birthday actually. So we arrive and as soon as the doors open and we walk outside, I couldn't breathe. The way that the air was, it was just so humid. So here I am in another country. Also not knowing anyone. Now, at least we're with family, but that's it. I had to go to school. I had to go to ESL school 'cause I didn't know the language. So here I am, ESL school without my brother too 'cause my brother was younger so he couldn't go to this one. And I have no friends, no way of communicating. And I have to basically survive. So survival instincts kicks in. So you make your friends if you could, if you wanted to. And a lot of times I just didn't want to. I wanted to, but I really didn't want to put the effort in. I felt like I had to stay quiet because of my accent. I hated my accent, I wanted nothing to do with it. And I worked very, very hard to get rid of it. So that's another thing as a kid, traumas. So I was made fun of. And then also we had stayed in Florida for one year and then moved up to Virginia. Another place, another new school, another new everything. So my traumas are different. My family was wonderful, they treated me right. It's different. Let's just say, every life is different, every traumas are different. You either have siblings, you don't have siblings, you have friends, you don't have friends. You know, your abandonment issues, whether your parents abandon you or whatever the case may be, traumas at a very young age, they take you through life. So long story short, those were just a few of my traumas. I was gonna say that, you know, that yes, the earlier trauma happens, the more it's hard to... Sticks with you. And forget about. And one of the things that I can do is I can forgive but I can never forget. And it's like I can see it like it's here right in front of me, like it happened yesterday. Which is why it's very hard to forgive. Yeah. Very hard. Yeah, yeah. And a lot of times you have to really look into that person. Why are they that way? A lot of times, it's because of their own issues, traumas, triggers things of the nature or they were just not brought up correctly. They were not good people. There's always a chance for most people that they can turn around but it takes a long time sometimes. But the thing is, folks, if you are with somebody and you can't make it work, don't stick around, that's not your person. Especially if there's abuse of any sort, you gotta be very careful with that. You have to work things out. If you can't work things out, there's the right person is out there for you. But these are meant to be soulmates for you to learn from. I feel right. It takes many different relationships, especially growing up and being abused and not showing up properly. It took me several, several relationships and learning something from each and every one of them. Basically, I grew up self-taught. I learned from life on life's experiences. I took what resonated with me, what worked with me, what made sense to me. And that's what I applied to my life. So I think what it all comes down to is you learn to be guarded, to walk on eggshells around certain people because of how you were brought up. I also realized too, now that I'm an adult and I can clearly see things better as to why things happened, why my parents did what they did. And it comes back down to forgiving, self-nurturing, taking care of yourself. Just because your family members doesn't mean they're good for you. Because of the things that have happened in my life, I'm very quick to close somebody off because I don't want that in my life. And I don't want to be around it. I don't want to be provoked, antagonized, any of that kind of thing. So I exit out and I'm, I guess, a typical tourist where once I'm done with something, I don't look back and it seems cold and hard, but I'm hurting too as well. But for me to deal with the pain, I need to walk away from it and heal. - I think that's smart. I think it's smart that you recognize something that there's no way of controlling somebody or a situation. You have to accept it. And if it's someone that's causing you trouble, causing you a hurt, and there's no way out, you know, and that just keep continuing and continuing. Sometimes you do have to close that door, whether it's temporarily or permanently, whether that situation calls for that. - And that's where it goes back to like, I felt like I was self-taught and learning things on my own, relationships were trial and errors. I've learned things that didn't work, what does work. And I utilize the things that do work and take them with me. And I try to really focus on what didn't work to try to break that pattern and not do that many more. And I feel like that's part of spiritually awakening and growing and finding your person that grows along with you too, so you don't grow apart. A relationship is work. A lot of people don't like that word. They just automatically have this assumption that it's like a fairy tale that two people fall in love and everything works out. There's a lot of ups and downs, bumps. It's sticking together, it's figuring out, it's communication, it's trust, it's- - Compromise. - It's compromising, it's a thought. But it's worth it. And I suggest that people don't settle to take your time to find a person, be with many people, because this way you're learning about yourself and what you do and what you don't like. And that's how I've lived my life, majority of my own figuring out things what doesn't and does work. And I don't want to be a repeater or a repeater of those things and I try to always feel and pay attention to my intuition and how my body's feeling. That's my biggest thing for me. If I start feeling like something isn't right, I pay attention to it because it's not. I'm getting that feeling for a reason. So I pay attention to those things. - Yeah, that's very important. If something doesn't feel right, that's your intuition, trying to tell you something. So pay attention to it, absolutely. I don't want sympathy. That's not what I'm here looking for. I wanted to bring this point out because when I speak, I'm hoping to help somebody else out and to also let them know that they're not alone. And I just want to quickly touch on this subject of what I grew up so people have a little bit more of an idea of how I am today. And that is my father was, again, strong punishment. So when he knew the CPS was getting involved in the picture between when my father still had custody over us before I got adopted, he wouldn't hit me. He would deliberately throw, like for me, a football in the field where there was poison ivy and he knew that and I caught it twice. So that was his punishment for me. So I always felt like a bad apple, a bad seed and unworthy of love. - Yeah. That's your father and your parents opposed to love you and care for you and I know that hurts sometimes. - So I kind of feel like a modern day George Carlin. And the fact is I agree a lot with a lot of his ways of thinking and I can't stand fucking ignorance. I can't stand inconsiderate. Judgemental, egotistical, kinds of people that are out, that doesn't have common courtesy, lax empathy, those are like kind of triggers for me. And once I see those and kinds of people, I beer from them. I don't want anything to do with them and that's just what I pay attention to. And my ears really ringing wild 'cause that's like a sign that I'm getting so. - Absolutely. Yeah, it's very hurtful when somebody looks at you differently because they assume something from something either they see or hear and they don't want to get to know you. - And that's one of the things going back in high school or school, throughout school is my size. I've always been bigger, I've always been intimidated or I should say. - You look intimidated because you're too tall. - Yeah, intimidated but provoked and antagonized. That's where I was trying to go with it. And then people wondering why I would get upset and I was always afraid of my own strength and I didn't want to ever hurt anybody. And I never meant to hurt anybody like that. And I know for me, if somebody gets me to that point, that I don't need them in my life. That I don't need to be around that because I don't like that and it scares me and I don't want to be around it. And I choose again, I create peace and I'd rather sit behind a microphone and help people out and try to guide them in some way. And I'm looking forward to the day that hopefully this show grows and we can have guests on. - You have fun with this, you know, just like help each other and we can have guests on that have gone through things. - I would like to take in callers too to do some readings and stuff too. - Oh, I would love that. Yeah, I would love to hear that, absolutely. Yeah, maybe, I'm getting to that, you know, we're gonna try to get that going soon. So, and if you have any questions or you would like to be on the show, feel free to go on the website or Jay's. - Jay Bowers, intuitive medium, Hans, Facebook. - Yeah. - Please, I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for the ones that are following and staying with us and supporting us, thank you. And I also want to leave it to that and an advertise that I have a book out there and it's meant to help people. It helped me out a little bit I just touched the surfaces of my book. I didn't mean to be, you know, glamorized or anything. I wanted to go out there to be able to help people to write their stories whether to have it published or not and to be able to help people and let them know. And I think the biggest message, I feel the biggest message is to let people know that they're not alone. And. - Absolutely. And on that note, we will close the show for now and we will see you next time. - And take care, have a great week, everyone. - Have a great weekend. (upbeat music) - And that concludes today's segment. I'm Spirit Talk, I'm Jay. - And I'm so. (upbeat music) You