Hope Church LV Sermons
Family :: On Purpose
As a family of faith, we have been on a journey for the last several months walking through the New Testament letter of Colossians. If you have your Bible, you can go ahead and take it and open it to the third chapter of the book of Colossians. And as we've been studying through the book of Colossians together as a family of faith, we have learned a glorious truth. And the truth is this, that living the Christian life is not me trying to live for Jesus. But living the Christian life is literally Jesus living his life in and through me. And there is unbelievable freedom when we begin to understand that it's not up to me to live for him, but that he desires to live through me. He's invited us into relationship, and through that relationship, God is changing us on the inside so that what comes out of us is not just a better us, it's literally Christ in us. Jesus manifesting his life in and through our lives. So that's what we've been discovering through the New Testament letter of Colossians. Now, as we began last a couple of weeks ago, we started looking at what it looked like practically as Christ begins to flesh his life out and through us, and Paul began to give us in the book of Colossians some general statements about what it looks like for the life of Christ to be pressed out in our lives, things like gentleness and patience and forgiveness. And all of those types of principles and things that we looked at, they spoke in general about what it looks like when Christ is pressed out in our lives. Now, last weekend we took a turn and we're kinda in the homestretch of the book of Colossians, and Paul begins to not just speak in generalities about what it looks like for Christ to live his life in and through us, but Paul gets very specific and begins to talk about what it looks like for Christ to live his life through us in our marriage, relationship between husbands and wives. We talked about that last weekend. If you weren't here last weekend, let me encourage you, go online. We started last weekend this series called On Purpose, Marriage Family Work. You can go online and catch up with where we were. We talked last weekend about marriage. This weekend we're gonna talk about family. He begins to talk about parents and children and what it looks like for Christ to live his life through us as parents and children, and then we're gonna look even further outside of the household principle and talk about the work relationships and extended relationships that we have. So Paul laid down the foundation that it's Christ in us, his life, being pressed out through our lives. It's not up to me to try to live up to some standard. It's up to me to, through the relationship with our Christ to live through me, Paul talked in general about what it looked like, and now he's talking very specifically about marriage and family and work. I gave you two statements last weekend that we said of the foundation for everything we're gonna say in this four week series. Here's the first statement I gave you. Family is the foundation of society. Family is the foundation of society. Say that out loud with me. Family is the foundation of society before there was government, before there was even the church. Before any other human institution, God gave us the family. The family is the foundation of society. Let me give you the second statement that we looked at last weekend. Put the second one up there. We said that marriage is the foundation of the family. Read that out loud with me. Marriage is the foundation of the family. Now here's what we deduced from that. So goes marriage, so goes the family, so goes the family, so goes society. Marriage is the building block of the human civilization. God created marriage. And last weekend we looked at many truths about marriage that are so foundational to our understanding of marriage from God's Word, and as marriage goes, so goes the family. Marriage is the foundation of the family, the family is the foundation of society. So now we're going to talk a little bit more detail about this issue of family as Paul begins to shift from talking about marriage to talking about parents and children. Now before I read it to you, let me explain something why this is so important. Paul gives us these in order for a reason. He starts with marriage, and then he begins to talk about parents and children, the family, and then he begins to talk about work relationships and household relationships beyond the parents and children and husbands and wives. Why did he do it in that order? Here's why he did it in that order, because your marriage relationship affects the health of every other relationship in your life. So goes marriage, so goes the family, so goes society. So marriage is the preeminent relationship, but then he begins to shift and talk about children. So let's look at it. Colossians 3, if you have your Bible, verse 20 and 21, if you don't have a Bible, I'm going to put these up on the screen. "Be obedient to your parents and all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not exasperate your children so that they will not lose heart." Now let me remind you, Paul is not just throwing out some random commands here. There is a progression in the book of Colossians. This is who Jesus is, chapter 1, into chapter 2. This is who you are now in Christ, chapter 2, into the beginning of chapter 3. Chapter 3, he begins to say, "This is what it looks like for Christ to live his life out through you." Now as we get to the end of chapter 3 and into chapter 4, he's very specifically talking about what it looks like for Christ to make himself known in the lives of children and their parents. So what he's describing here is a Christ-like perspective towards children and a Christ-like perspective towards their parents. And what I want to do is kind of unpack these two statements that he gives us, one to children and one to parents, in the same fashion. I want to ask two questions and then make some life applications. So let's take the first one, children, be obedient to your parents. Here's the first question, who's he talking to? Now I know what you're thinking, well isn't it pretty obvious pastor? He said, "Children, be obedient to your parents." Obviously he's talking to children and that is true. But when we hear the word children, what we immediately think about are those kids over in the other building, right? Those kids that are in VIP and hope for kids that birth through up to about fourth or fifth grade. And we think about when we hear the word children, that's what we think about because in our society and in our culture, we've created some other words to describe kids that get older than that. And so when we hear the word children, that's not what we think about. Now, if Paul had wanted to talk about that age group, he could have because there's a Greek word, it's the Greek word pideon. We get an English word from it. We get the word pediatrics from that Greek word and at pediatrics we know is a branch of medicine that specifically caters towards small or younger children, that elementary school age and down. Paul did not use the word pideon here. He's not addressing this statement simply to young children. The word Paul uses, here's the word technon. Now the word technon is also translated children, but it's a word that has no age demographic assigned to it. It's not speaking about an age relationship to your parents, it's speaking about a dependent relationship to your parents. And here's what I mean by that. This word children applies to any child of their parent who is still living under their household in a state of dependence on their parents. I say, why are you making that distinction, here's why I'm making that distinction, because I have heard junior high and high school and college age children who would say, oh, I'm not a child anymore. I don't have, that doesn't apply to me, I don't have to obey my parents. I'm not a child, can I help you this morning just a little bit? Now I'm gonna get to your parents in a minute, so just hang on, but let me help you specifically today. Here's the way the Bible defines this word child, who's paying the bills. As long as you are still, here you go dad, amen, I'm with you, hey, as long as you are still living, we've created a culture of young adults who want all the freedom without any of the responsibility that goes with the freedom. And parents, if you are allowing your young people to have all the freedoms without the responsibilities that go along with those, you are doing a great disservice to your child. Because one of the greatest lessons you will ever teach them is that every freedom has with it responsibility. And so if you are somebody who is still living in dependence on your parents, meaning you're not paying the bills, and I don't mean some of the bills, I mean all of the bills. Well I pay for my gas, no, no, no, no, all the bills, all the bills. When you are totally living independent from the support of your parents, this particular word is not applicable to you until then this word is applicable to you. Now why am I making such a big deal again? Here's why. Because we want to take this verse and think it's for the building over there. But there's a whole lot of folks in here that this verse is still speaking truth into your life today, and you need to hear what it says, but beyond that, even when you no longer fall into that relationship of dependent, the Old Testament book of Exodus in the Ten Commandments says it this way, "Honor your father and your mother so that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you." Now the word "honor" here is a word that means to give weight to. I'm 41 years old, did you know that as a 41 year old man who's living in complete independence from his parents, I still don't make a major decision in my life without seeking the wisdom and the counsel of my dad. You know why? Because the Bible says I'm to honor. I'm to give weight. It doesn't mean I'm now, because I'm not dependent, I'm not obligated to live that life of obedience to my parents as I was when I was younger, but I'm still to honor. I'm to give weight to what they say. You never outgrow that. No matter what stage of life you're in, we should give weight to the parents that God has given us. So that's who he's talking to. Now what's he saying? Children be obedient. That phrase "obedient" is a word that literally means to listen to what they say and respond in submission to what they say. It's a compound word it means to hear, but it also means to place oneself under. You put those two words together, you hear and place yourself under. I'm listening, I'm hearing what they're saying, and then I am submitting, I'm coming under their authority and submitting, and here's an interesting point about this word. It means to yield to the command even without necessarily being willing to. It doesn't mean that you're always going to want to do this, but it means God's desire for you as a child is to submit and yield to the authority of your parents. Then he adds this phrase, "Be obedient in all things." That's a broad sweep. It's a word that means the whole or every, each individual part, here's what it means. It means that if you're living in a state of dependence on your parents, you're to submit to their authority through obedience in everything at all times, school, relationships, boundaries, standards, choices, responsibilities, in all things. Here's what he says, "Be obedient to your parents for this is well pleasing to the Lord." That phrase, "well pleasing" means it's acceptable to God. Here's what that's saying. If you're here today and you're somebody who's living in independence on your parents, either a young child, you're a student, maybe even a young adult who's still living in independence on your parents. Listen to me, here's what he's saying, "For you to please God, you must live in obedience to your parents." He said, "Be obedient," why? Because this is acceptable. This is well pleasing. And then he adds this phrase, "This is well pleasing to the Lord." It's really, I think, better translated in the Lord. This is well pleasing in the Lord. Here's what he's saying. This is what it looks like for Christ to be in you and through you. When a child is walking in dependence on Jesus, let me tell you what that looks like in relationship to their parents. Let me tell you in one word, obedience. Now that's what he's saying. Let me give you some life applications and then we'll move on to talk about parents. Here's the first one. A life of obedience to God begins with a life of obedience to your parents. A life of obedience to God begins with a life of obedience to your parents. It's your relationship with your parents that teaches you to trust God and obey Him. God is using your parents as a model. God is using your parents as a laboratory, if you will, to teach you how to trust Him and how to obey Him. I mean, think about it. Anybody in the room get to pick your parents? They just came with the deal, right? I mean, you just woke up one day in their house, right? I mean, you didn't really even know at that point how you got there. When you start asking that question, that creates an awkward conversation in the home, right? How did that get here? Well, how did this happen? Well, none of us got to pick our parents. That just comes with the package. You just, you don't know these people at all, right? And you just wake up one day and you're there in their house under their authority. And the Bible says you're to be obedient to everything they say about everything. You know what that sounds a lot like? You're learning to trust and obey through the vehicle of a relationship that God has established in your life. Now, here's what that means. Obaying your parents really is not about your relationship to your parents. Obaying your parents is really about your relationship with God. You see, when you obey your parents, what you're really saying is God, I trust you that you're sovereign and you're in control and you put me here in this family by your design. Because here's what I know. Not everybody in the room has got perfect parents, right? Not all the kids that are here have the ideal situation, all right? But God is sovereign and you can trust Him. It's not necessarily about you trusting your parents as much as it's your trusting God who's sovereign and in control. And it's your relationship with your parents that teaches you what it is to trust and obey God. Here's the second life application. You can't be right with God and be living in disobedience to your parents. Let me say it again. You cannot be right with God and be living in disobedience to your parents. So obeying your parents is disobeying the Word of God. Listen to what HA Ironside said about it. He said for young people, professing piety to ignore this principle of obedience is to manifest utter disobedience to the one they own as Lord. Let me translate that for you. If you're walking around thinking you're all spiritual and you're coming to church and you're engaging in worship and you're leading small groups and you're as a young adult or a high school student or you're serving and using your gifts and you're putting on this big spiritual front and your relationship towards your parents could be described as disobedient. Here's what HA Ironside saying, you're living a lie. You cannot be living in constant disobedient to your parents and be living in obedience to God. The two go hand in hand. Throughout the New Testament, disobedience to parents is a defining mark of ungodly living. In the book of Romans chapter one, Paul is describing a society that is rapidly spiraling away from the authority of God. And I want you to listen to the way Paul describes this society. Listen to it. Romans 1 verse 28, you can follow along on the screen. And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind to do those things which are not proper. Being filled with unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil, full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice, they are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil. Now read the next phrase, disobedient, how'd that get in that list? The same sentence where he says they're haters of God and they're inventing evil that we hadn't even thought of yet contains the phrase disobedient to parents. You know why that's shocking to us? Because we've so downplayed and in our society and through many sitcoms, make jokes and scoff at the idea of children living under the authority of their parents. But I want you to see the list that God put it in. That's a pretty serious list. Let me give you a third life application. A life of obedience to your parents is a life of freedom. I know what you're thinking. Let me show you what I mean by that. I'm going to freak some of you out by just doing what I'm about to do. Right? Get over your superstition, God's in control, we're all right. There was no gasp in heaven when I opened this umbrella, all right, we're okay. God gave you parents as an umbrella of protection and guidance in your life. As long as you obey your parents, you are submitting to God's umbrella of protection and blessing. And God is responsible, you're not responsible, you don't have to worry about decisions and choices. No, as long as you submit, God made it real simple for you. If you are living in a state of dependence on your parents, it's very simple. Just clear instruction, you obey them. And in obeying them, you're saying, "God, if they're wrong, I trust you to change them." Now, obviously, I'm not talking about a situation where a parent would ever encourage a child to do something that is contrary to something revealed in the truth of Scripture. At that point, you have to submit to a higher authority, which is the Word of God. But I'm talking about application, convictions, choices, decisions that you're going to make in relationships about school, about career, about job, all those kinds of things. Here's what you're saying, "God, I trust you that you gave me these parents." And as you submit to them, let me tell you what you're doing. You are welcoming God's protection and God's blessing and God's guidance and God's favor into your life. But the moment you disobey your parents, let me show you what you're doing. You're stepping out from under God's umbrella and you're saying, "God, I think you messed this up. I can do better on my own. God, I don't need your protection. I don't need your guidance. I don't need your blessing. Lord, I can do that on my own." Let me show you this principle in the Bible. Look at Psalm chapter 71 and verse 3. Psalm 71 and verse 3, "I was reading in my quiet time this week." Look what it said. He said, "Be to me a rock of habitation, be to me a rock of habitation, to which I may continually come. You have given commandment to..." What does it say? Say it out loud. "Save me." You hear what he said? "God, I realize that you've given me commandments to save me." We think it should say, "God gave me commandments to rob me of the joy and the pleasure of life. God gave me commandments to steal away my freedom. God gave me commandments to make me miserable." But that's not what the psalmist said. The psalmist said, "God gave me commandments." Why? To save me. The word save is a Hebrew word that means to lead into a place of safety and to lead into broad and open pastures. Here's the principle. As we submit to God, when God said do something in the Bible, God was saying help yourself. When God said don't do something, God was saying don't hurt yourself. And as we submit to him, we walk in the freedom that it's not my responsibility to make all the right decisions. God, I'm submitting to what you say, and now it's your responsibility to provide and bless and guide in my life. Let me show you the flip side of this verse. Proverbs, chapter 30, verse 17. Look at this on the screen. The eye that mocks a father and scorns a mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out and the young eagles will eat it. That's kind of gross, right? I mean, here I am getting all ready to go to Mother's Day lunch, right? And you give me that, pastor, what are you doing? What is he describing here? What did the ravens pick at the eye? You know why raven picks at the eye? The raven does that to determine if whatever it's messing with is dead. When the raven would come up on that dead animal or carcass on the ground, it would pick at its eyes because if there was any life left in the body of that carcass, as soon as it picked at the eyes, it moved. But if it could pick at the eyes, it was a sign that that animal or that carcass was lifeless. And then the Bible says the ravens would pick at it and the vultures would come and they'd eat away the, what's that a picture of? It's a picture of death and destruction. You see the first half of that verse? The young person that mocks and scoffs at their parents. You know what he's saying there in Proverbs? The most foolish way to live your life that absolutely leads to destruction and devastation and ultimately even death is to live a life of disobedience to your parents. But as long as you honor them and obey them, there is freedom and blessing and the favor of God. Let's shift gears. Let me talk to the parents for a minute. We'll be finished. In verse 21, he says, "Fathers do not exasperate your children so that they will not lose heart." He shifts gears from talking to children to talking about their parents. He uses, someone asked the same two questions here, number one, who's he talking to? Well, obviously you'd say he's talking to fathers. He says, "Fathers here." The word he uses here for fathers is a word that is also in Hebrews 11, 23 translated "parents." So it's not a word that only means father, it's a word that can mean father and mother or parents. Now, I believe he chose this specific word here because in this context, he's writing about the ideal design of God. And in God's ideal design, a family is a husband and a wife who loves Jesus more than anything else and they love each other and they're raising their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And in that ideal design, the father is to be the spiritual leader and the pace-setter for discipline and instruction in the family. So Paul used this word to communicate the ideal design of God, but he also used a word that was applicable to all parents because we understand that not everybody is able to enjoy God's ideal design. And what Paul, I think, is communicating is even though you may be in a situation because we have single-parent moms, single-parent dads in our fellowship and what happens in that situation. Well, what Paul is communicating here is that under God's grace, God has given principles that regardless of the situation that you find yourself in today, if we will simply in our situation accomplish God's plan, if we'll carry out God's plan of what he's saying here in this verse, he will accomplish his purpose in the life of our child. So it's a word that's applicable to all parents, moms, dads in a loving relationship, moms or dads that are single parents, all of this is applicable to every one of us under the grace of God. So what's he saying, he says, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children." The word "exasperate" means to anger or to provoke or to irritate. You're exasperating your children when they have the attitude that they'll never get it right or they can never please you. Exaspirating your children when they say all he or she ever does is criticized. You're exasperating your children when they say, "My parents will never love me. I can't measure up to them." John MacArthur and his great commentary on the book of Colossians, he gave a list of ways that parents exasperate their children and I'm not going to expound on it but I do want to read you the list because I think there's some eye-opening things in this list and it's in his commentary on the book of Colossians, if you want to go read it, he expounds these principles but look up on the screen and look at this list. MacArthur said, "Parents exasperate their children by over-protection, showing favoritism, appreciating their worth, setting unrealistic goals, failing to show affection, not providing for their needs, a lack of standards, criticism, neglect and excessive discipline." Oh, moms and dads, to take a minute and just look at that list. Are any of those descriptors of the way that you relate to your children? If so, there's a high probability that you are exasperating your children and the Bible says as a parent, that is never to be the way we relate to our kids. So let me give you some life applications that we're going to be finished this morning. One, your relationship with your children is the training ground for their relationship with God. I said a moment ago when I was talking to children, I said that it was their relationship to their parents where they learned a life of obedience to God. Well the flip side of that is true, moms and dads. If you understand these principles, your relationship to your children teaches them how to have a personal relationship with God. One of the principles that we have been laying down in the book of Colossians is the principle of identity. That as a follower of Christ, it's important that we see us as He sees us. It gives us a right identity in our relationship with God. And it's only when we begin to see ourselves the way He sees us that we'll begin to live the life that He's called to live identity always impacts and affects behavior. Because in dads, you have the opportunity to shape your child's identity in Christ and their identity in who they are as a follower of Jesus. And in many ways, it is your relationship and the way you relate to your children that will shape their perspective towards God. There are some of you in here today who grew up in a home where your mom or dad did not know the Lord and they didn't live out these principles and maybe they had a situation that was a very difficult childhood and you know the identity struggles that you have even to this day that spill into your marriage and your parenting and your work relationships because of the way that you were raised and how in Christ you've been given freedom in that in Christ you've been given victory over that but it doesn't mean it's not an issue that you've had to deal with and work through as you've pursued Christ. Moms and dads, you don't want to lay down those kinds of scars. Moms and dads, you want to use that relationship to nurture and foster their understanding of God. Let me give you a second life application when it relates to parents. Your primary responsibility as a parent is to shepherd the heart of your child. That's your primary responsibility. That's why Paul said, "Bothers do not exasperate your children so that." It's the word Hina in Greek. It means here's why, here's the purpose. Don't exasperate them why so that they won't lose heart, meaning that the primary responsibility we have is to shepherd their heart and let me give you two keys to shepherding the heart of your child. Here's the first one, setting a good example, setting an example. Moms and dads, listen to me, the greatest thing you can do for your children. If you don't hear anything else I say today, hear this, the greatest thing you can do for your children is love Jesus and walk with Him daily. It's the greatest thing you can do for your kids. Let them see you love Jesus more than anything else. I grew up, my dad was a pastor and when you grow up a preachers kid, they call us PKs, you grew up around a lot of deacons kids, right? Preachers kids and deacons kids always had bad reputations growing up. I mean, I've heard all the jokes about preachers kids and deacons kids from where I grew up in the South. Now, let me tell you why there's so many stories and jokes about preachers kids and deacons kids and why so many of them go astray. Let me tell you why. Because who they see at church and who they see at home aren't the same person. The greatest disservice you can do for your kids is to walk in here and be all Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, worship, serve, talk about the Bible and then you go home and who you are at home is not who you are here. There's not a greater damage you can do to your kid than to do that. I'm thankful that my mom and dad, my dad was a pastor, my mom was a pastor's wife. My mom and dad were not perfect, but they were the same imperfect people at home that they were at the church. What I saw in them was genuine and real people who love God and who are pursuing Him and who are growing in Christ. As moms and dads, the greatest thing we can do is love Jesus. The worst thing that you can do as a mom or dad is push church and religion down the throat of your child and then not live a loving relationship with Jesus before them. Everything will drive a wedge between them and God quicker than your hypocrisy, nothing. The greatest thing we can do is set an example and that's why in the Old Testament in the book of Deuteronomy, when God was teaching us the law, listen to what He said, look at Deuteronomy chapter 6 verse 5 on the screen, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words which I am commanding you today shall be on your heart." Now often when we're talking about parenting, we focus on the last half of this verse. Look at the last half. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, when you rise up. But go back to the first half on the screen for just a minute. Go back to the first half of that verse. Look what He said, "You, moms and dads, you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your might. These words which I'm commanding you today shall be on your heart." Here's what He's saying, "Man, you live it. You love God. You pursue God." And then He said, "Man, when you're walking by the way, when you're laying down at night, when you're getting up in the morning, when you're sitting around the house, here's what He's saying, "As you love God, as you pursue Christ, then in every moment of the day it becomes an opportunity to let your kids see a love for Jesus in you and every moment becomes an opportunity to pour into them the truth of what it is to follow Jesus. The first thing we do to shepherd their heart is set an example. Let me give you the second thing we do. We set boundaries. Moms and dads, your children don't need buddies. They need boundaries. Now, I know that's not politically correct today, but listen to me. Your kids' greatest need from you as their parent is not to be their buddy, it's to set the boundaries." And listen to me, if you'll set boundaries, when they grow up, they'll be your buddy. They'll respect you. I'm not saying we don't establish, obviously, what I've laid down as a foundation. I'm going to give you one more principle in a minute to kind of bring this to a close, but we're to love our children and we're to have a relationship with our kids, but the primary motive of our relationship is to shepherd their heart. And one of the ways we do that is by setting boundaries for them. God and His infinite wisdom gave parents to children because as they grow up, they don't have all the wisdom yet that they need to set appropriate boundaries in their life. And our responsibility is moms and dads until they're able to set those boundaries on their own. Our job is to teach them how to take the Word of God and establish boundaries in their lives to shepherd and protect their heart. Now so that you get this, I want to give you one example from my family. Now I'm not doing this to say my family's perfect, we're not. We're growing just like everybody else, but I want to give you an example of boundaries and I ask my kids, they gave me permission to use this example. They just said, "Don't mention anybody's name." So we're not going to mention anybody's name, but I've got, here's an illustration from my family. My wife and I understood when God gave us kids, it was our responsibility to shepherd their heart and to set boundaries, and part of that is in the area of personal relationships. So we decided that up until 16 years of age that our kids could not date, period. Don't ask, don't talk about it, don't tell me anything that's happened until 16 years of age, not even a conversation. We don't have to talk about it. We don't have to sit around and ask questions about it until 16 years of age, no dating relationships, period. From 16 to 18, they could begin to pursue those kinds of relationships, but under what we called courtship or group dating, where they could begin to spend time pursuing somebody that they were interested in, but they always did it in the context of a group. You said, "Why would you do that?" Well, let me tell you what I learned. Between 16 and 18, there's not anything that you can do one-on-one that you can't also do in a group that you should be doing. Now that's the truth. And listen to me, if you're a student today and you don't have parents that get this, you need to set this boundary for your own life. There's not anything between 16 and 18 you can be doing alone that you should be doing that you could not do in a group with other people. And from 16 to 18, my strong encouragement from my kids is that I'm always in the group. That didn't have to be. If they would tell me who the group was going to be, I could approve it, but I like being in the group. And let me tell you why I encourage that. I encourage my kids to go on double dates with my wife and I. You know why? Because I want to set an example of what a godly day looks like. I want to teach my kids, especially my young boys. I want to teach my young men how to love God and how to love and honor a woman and how to be a gentleman and how to live the kind of life that God's got. I want them to see it. I don't want them to just hear about it in a laboratory. I want them to see it face on as they're living out that relationship watching mom and I. My wife and I will gross our kids out, man. We'll hug, we'll kiss, we'll hold hands, we'll grow some out because I want them to see what real genuine love looks like in the context of a relationship that God has given us. In 18 group dating courtship from 18 on, then they can date as they choose. They can date one on one because then they can begin to look towards marriage and pursue those kinds of things. Should God lead that? So 18 on, they can begin to date and build those kinds of relationships. Now, some people say, man, if you set that down, there had to be some uncomfortable days in your family where your kids were disappointed with those standards. And listen, there were some days where my kids were disappointed with those standards. There were some days when you'd hear about what their friends were doing and what other moms and dads allowed, but let me tell you what I live for. I can live with disappointment today because I'm living for a celebration one day at an altar when my kids are being married to the spouse that God had prepared for them before the foundation of the world, that person that God's. And on that day, I want my kids to look at me and say, dad, thank you. Thank you for guarding my heart from the mistakes that I could have made so I can live with some disappointment today because I'm living for a celebration that is to come. And that's the motive behind boundaries. You may disappoint them a little bit today as you set some boundaries, but you're not living for today, you're living to celebrate what is to come, what God has for them in the future. Your responsibility as a parent is to shape that and to shepherd their heart. Does that make sense? Let me give you the last principle. As a parent, rules without relationship always leads to rebellion. As a parent, rules without relationship always leads to rebellion. Max Anders said it this way, it's a great quote, Christian fathers should be sure their children are as sure of their love as they are of their authority. Rules without relationship always leads to rebellion. In our home, in our kitchen, my wife is the creative in our home and she and our kitchen took a little section of a wall and she turned it into a kind of an old chalkboard. She took the paint that will allow it to be magnetic and she turned into a chalkboard and she writes notes and reminders and all kind of stuff up on the chalkboard for us all. But at the very top of that chalkboard, she has written a little statement and here's what it says, "No other success can compensate for failure in the home." "Moms and dads, no other success can compensate for failure in the home." [BLANK_AUDIO]