Hope Church LV Sermons
Marriage :: On Purpose
How many of you love Romans eight verse 28? Let me see your hand. A lot of you know it just by the reference. We love, if you don't know it by Romans eight 28, as soon as I put it up here, you're gonna say, oh yeah, I love that verse, right? Let's put it up here, Romans eight 28. And we, what's the next word? No, that's an important word. We know that God causes what are the next two words? All things. We know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Now, how many of you love Romans eight 28, amen? I mean, we love that verse. When things don't appear to be the way they ought to be, we grab ahold of Romans eight 28 and we sink our spiritual teeth into that verse and we draw strength and encouragement from that wonderful truth that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose. Now, here's the problem, we don't read verse 29. Everybody gets all fired up about verse 28, but we stop there and verse 29 tells us what His purpose is. That He's working all things out together for our good. The word good in verse 28 means best, meaning that God's working everything out in our lives for the absolute best for us because He has a purpose. And verse 29 tells us the purpose, but verse 29 up there. It says, "For those who me for knew, "he also predestined," and I've underlined it for you, "he predestined to become conformed "to the image of His son," so that he would be the first born among many brethren. The Bible says that God is at work in our lives using everything, the good and the bad, the stuff that I can understand and the stuff that I cannot understand, the things that make sense to me and the things that don't make sense to me at all. God is using everything in my life to accomplish His purpose, which is Christ in me. I wanna give you that in a little phrase, just a very simple little statement, the purpose of God in your life is Christ in me. God is using everything to conform me to the image of Jesus and don't hear that the wrong way. That's not me missing out on something. Here's what the Bible says, Jesus in me is the best possible life that I can live. It's the best possible life in every way, shape and form. The best I can experience this life is Christ in me. And the promise is God is using everything in my life to accomplish that. Now, for the last several weekends as a family of faith, we have been on a journey. Actually, it's been now for months. We've been in chapter three for the last few weekends, but we've been on a journey together as a family of faith studying through the book of Colossians. If you have your Bible, I want you to go ahead and open it to Colossians chapter three, third chapter of the book of Colossians. And we have been on this journey discovering the glorious truth of God's purpose in our lives. That His purpose is the new life that I've been given in Christ and that new life is Christ in me. You see, living the Christian life is not me living for Jesus. Living the Christian life is literally Christ living His life in and through me out of the overflow of my fellowship relationship with Him. And as we've been studying the book of Colossians, that's exactly what we've been unpacking. We've been learning the truth about who we are in Christ and how Christ desires to live His life in and through us. Now, for the last four weekends, we've been in a series called Out With The Old, And With The New. In Colossians three, we have been examining the truth of the Bible, how God desires to change us and what it looks like in general for us to begin to live our new life in Christ. And if you've been here for the last several weekends, you know that now if you haven't been here, let me encourage you to go online. It's free, you can watch what we've been talking about, you can get these truths and get them in your heart because it's so important, it's so foundational to what we're gonna talk about for the next few weekends. But Paul has been teaching us what it looks like to be out with the old, doing aside with anger and malice and wrath and slander and what it looks like for Christ to literally begin to live His life in and through us. And the grand climax of that is verse 17 of Colossians three when he says, whatever you do, in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to Him to God the Father. So that's what Paul has been teaching us but he's been doing it in general. Just generally talking about what it looks like for Christ to live His life in and through us. But this weekend we come to another turning point in the book of Colossians because as of this weekend, Paul stops talking to us in generality about what it looks like for Christ to live in and through us. And Paul gets real specific. Paul literally brings it home. And in starting in verse 18 through the rest of this chapter, Paul begins to talk about what it looks like for Christ to live His life in and through us in our marriage. He talks to husbands and wives. What it looks like for Christ to live His life through us is parents and children. And then he begins to talk about masters and servants and we're gonna bring some principles about the workplace out of that. So this weekend we're beginning a new series that we've simply entitled On Purpose, Marriage, Family, and Work. And for the next four weekends, we're gonna be looking at what Colossians teaches us about God's purpose in our lives, in our marriages, in our families, and at the workplace, what it looks like for Christ to live His life in and through me in the context of those relationships. Now, before we begin to unpack these truths over the next four weekends, what I wanna do is kind of begin with a little bit of a visual because when you say in a church, you're gonna begin to talk about marriage and family and work, what immediately happens is some people in the fellowship automatically just tune out because some people aren't married, some people don't have children, some people are still in school and they're not yet working a full-time job and so they think, oh, this message is for somebody else, right? So they tune out in a series like this and what I wanna do is give you a visual to help you understand how this message series that we're in in the book of Colossians, this on-purpose series really has application for all of us and here's what I mean by that. For some of us, this series is like a mirror, all right? Now, I figured out in the last service that I can put it right in your face if I want to, right? For some of us, this message series is gonna be like a mirror and I want as a mirror. Well, you look in a mirror and when you look in a mirror, guess what you find out? You find out what's wrong, right? And then you do the best you can to fix it before you leave the house, right? I mean, that's what a mirror tells you what's wrong. So for some of us, some of us in the room, you are married, some of you are currently raising your children, some of you are currently working in a job in a career field and so for some of us, this series is gonna be like a mirror where the Bible says of itself that the Bible is a mirror and we get to look into the mirror of God's truth and we get to see areas in our life that don't line up with God's standard of truth and for some of us, that's what this series is gonna be like. We get to do some introspection and some examination in our own heart about where our lives are in line with the truth of God's word and what it looks like for Christ to live his life in and through us. So for some of us, for the next four weekends, this is gonna be a little bit uncomfortable. Just like looking in a mirror, right? I mean, that's not very comfortable. There are very few people that love looking in the mirror and if you do, that's a whole other sermon series, right? (congregation laughing) So for some of us, these four weekends, there's gonna be a level of discomfort as we look into the mirror and take an honest look at where we're living in light of what God's truth says. But secondly, for some of us today, this message series is like a brick. You say, "What do you mean by that?" Well, for some of you today, you're not married, but you desire at some point to be married. For some of you, you don't yet have children, but it's your desire, should God bless you, that one day you would have the opportunity to raise children. For some of you, you're still students, you're still in class and you don't yet have your career and you're not working in the workforce, but someday you will enter your career and you will begin to work in the workforce. And what this series is going to do is it's going to begin like a brick to lay a foundation of God's truth in your life that you can build upon. We have an obligation as a church to lay a foundation in the lives of the next generation so that they can know what the Bible says about these particular issues. So for some of you, what you're doing is you're allowing God's truth to lay a foundation. Listen to me, the only way you'll ever have a successful marriage, the only way you'll ever get everything out of your family that God desires, the only way you'll ever find complete fulfillment in a career field is as you build it on the foundation of the truth of God. So for some of you, this series is like a brick. We're laying a foundation for the future that we're going to be building upon. But there's one more illustration I want to give you. For some of us, this series, it's like an anchor. And really this is the case for all of us. We are living in a culture and in a society that is rapidly drifting away from the divine truth that we have revealed for us in the Bible. We're living in a society that just in my lifetime, we have seen some societal and cultural shifts on some things that some of us never dreamed in our lifetime. We'd even see some of these things shifting and changing. And society is drifting and being tossed to and fro. And the Bible says that as believers, you and I are to be anchored in the truth of God's word so that even if society shifts, even if there are drifts in our culture, we are anchored deep in the inherent infallible truth of the word of God. But here's the problem. We're living in a church culture today where we've lost our biblical worldview. We've stopped allowing the word of God to define for us truth. And we've been tossed to and fro with our culture and with our society. So we're gonna this week and this next few weeks have an opportunity to dig the anchor deeper in the truth, because let's be honest, there's no issue more right now in our society adrift than the issue of marriage and family. It's drifting, it's moving in our society at a rapid pace. We as the people of God need to be anchored in the truth. So as we unpack this series, I want you to ask some questions. I want you, first of all, if you're married or you have family and children and you're working a career, I want you to ask the question, am I living out God's purpose? Am I allowing Christ to live in and through me in my marriage and in my family and at the workplace? Am I seeing the difference Christ makes in those relationships? For some of you, it's that issue of the brick. You need to be asking, of course, in God, am I becoming the man or woman of God that you desire me to be? Lord, am I laying a foundation of biblical truth in my life? And then for all of us, we need to ask the question, is my worldview anchored in the truth of the word of God or is it drifting in the changing sands of culture? Now, before I read the text that we're going to unpack this morning, I want to give you a little bit of a disclaimer, all right, right up front. Here's the disclaimer. Some of the things that you're going to hear me say and some of the things that we're going to read in the Bible are going to sound so counter-cultural. We're going to have a hard time even hearing them. Our culture has drifted so far in many ways from the divine standard of God's truth. Even in Christian circles, when some of these things are said immediately, we want to rise up against them because we've not let our worldview be shaped by the truth of Scripture, but we've let our worldview be shaped by our culture. And in many ways, we've lost our moorings, but I want you to understand God is God and we are not. And what that means is we don't get to pick and choose. This is not a buffet where you take what you want and you leave what you don't. But here's the balancing side of that. Everything that's in here, it's for our best. We've let culture and society make us think some of this is backwards. Let me tell you what's backwards, culture and society. God is God and we are not. And it will simply honor and discover the truth that he's given us in this word, then we find freedom. It's also important that you understand the context of the whole book of Colossians. If you hadn't been with us, this is important. Let me catch you up. In Colossians, he first taught us about who Jesus is. The whole first two chapters deal with this issue of the person of Jesus and all that he accomplished for us. And then Paul began to talk to us about who we are because of who Jesus is. And then Paul began to talk generally about what it looks like when Christ begins to live his life out in and through us. And now Paul is getting very specific. Paul isn't just shifting gears here at the end and throwing down some rules about marriage and family. No, let me tell you what he's doing. He's reaching the climax of everything he said in the letter. And what he's saying is, here's what it now looks like for Christ to live his life through you as a wife. Here's what it looks like for Christ to live his life through you as a husband. Here's what it looks like for Christ, to live his life through you as a parent or as a child. This is the life of Christ in and through us. So with that, I wanna read Colossians 3 verses 18 and 19. That's all we have time for this morning. We'll look at the rest of it in the weeks to come. Verse 18 and 19, Colossians 3. Wives be subject to your husbands. Everybody all right so far? (congregation laughs) It shows you just how far we've drifted in our culture when even the very words of Scripture. We can take offense to if we're not careful. This isn't the words of man, this is the word of God. And yet our culture has so shaped our view towards some of the things that are in the Bible that we get offended by the very truth of God. Wives be subject to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. Let me give you first of all two kind of foundational statements, two umbrella statements under which everything else we're gonna say over the weeks to come will be built. Here's the first one, family is the foundation of society. Say that out loud with me. Family is the foundation of society. We are a world made up of nations. Nations are made up of states and provinces. States and provinces made up of cities, neighborhoods, made up of communities. And communities are founded upon families. So goes the family. So goes the world. Think about it. Before there was a government, there was family. Before there was ever a judicial system, there was a family. Before there was even a church there was family. The first institution established by God at the creation of human beings. The first institution established is the family. Everything we know in society is built on the family. And that's not just conservative Christian rhetoric. As a nation, historically it's been the view of our nation. The nation that we live in, let me read you a ruling from the Supreme Court in 1885 in the case of Murphy versus Ramsey. They said the idea of the family is the sure foundation of all that is stable and noble in our civilization. That's a pretty strong statement. The Supreme Court in a ruling in 1885 said that the stability and the health of everything that is noble in our civilization rests on the family. It's not just an American ideal. I want to read you a quote I came across by David Cameron. David Cameron is the British prime minister. Listen to what David Cameron said. Families to me are not just the basic unit of society, they're the best. They're the ultimate source of society's strength or weakness. Families matter because almost every social problem that we face comes down to family stability. There's a lot in that statement. If marriage rates went up, if divorce rates came down, if more couples stayed together for longer, would our society be better off? My answer is yes. So I will set a simple test for each and every one of our policies. Does it help families? So goes the family, so goes the world. But I want to give you a second foundational statement because it gets even more narrow than that. Marriage is the foundation of the family. The foundation of society is the family, but marriage is the foundation of the family. We said, so goes the family, so goes society. Well, guess what? So goes the marriage, so goes the family. So goes the family, so goes society. So you know what that means? All of our society is founded upon the institution that God created called marriage. Is it any surprise that our enemy who came to steal, kill, and destroy has zeroed in his target on the sanctity and the sacredness of the institution that we know as marriage and the family? You see, he came to steal, kill, and destroy. It just makes sense that he would start at the foundation. The foundation is the marriage, which is the foundation of the family, which is the foundation of society. This means that truth about marriage and family, listen to me, it's a big deal. It's not just where you may happen to be living in a season of life right now. Everything else in society is built on the health of these principles. So out of the verses that I've read for you this morning, I want to give you a few defining truths about marriage. I don't know how many, I'm not going to say how many because it depends on how long it takes me to say them. I didn't get through all of them in the last service, we'll see how we do in this service. I want to give you some truth about marriage. Here's the first one. Marriage is a relationship designed by God. Say that out loud with me. Marriage is a relationship designed by God. Let me tell you what that simply means. We didn't come up with it. It's not our idea. It's not an invention that we made. God made it. Let me show it to you in the Bible, Genesis chapter 2 verse 18. Then God said it is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. It didn't say Adam said, it said God said. What an Adam's idea, we as human beings didn't come up with it. God created the institution of marriage. Now here's what that means. When you're the designer, you know best how it works. When we read in the Bible, things like we just read in verses 18 and 19, that's not some super imposed idea that will rob us of the joy and fulfillment of marriage. No, it's the designer saying if you want to get the most out of it, here's the way I created it. Here's the way I wired it. Here's the way I put it together and if you're going to enjoy it to its fullest, you need to enjoy it within the context of these parameters. It's God's design. Let me give you the second statement about marriage. Marriage is a relationship between a man and a woman. 2 Timothy chapter 3 says all scripture is inspired by God. Here's what that means. Every word of scripture is God breathed. That means that when we read this book, we're not reading man's opinion about God. This book says of itself and if this part isn't true, then you can have no confidence in any of it. The book says of itself that every word of scripture is inspired by God, meaning that God chose every word himself through inspiring men who wrote these words down to write down exactly what he wanted them to write. So here's what that means. The words are important. In Colossians chapter 3 verses 18 and 19, he says wives and he says husbands. Did you know that in the Greek language, there's really not literally a word for wife and husband that these words literally are man and woman? Gune is the word translated here wife. It simply means an adult female. It's gender specific. Being there is the word for husband here. It's a Greek word for an adult male. It's the same two words that are used in Matthew chapter 15 when they're talking about the 4,000 people that had been fed by Jesus at the miracle. Jesus said we fed 4,000 men not counting the women and the children. Men, women, children. Same three words used right here in Colossians chapter 3, meaning specifically adult males, adult females and children. Marriage is between a man and woman. Now understand today that this is a major topic of conversation in our culture. And unless you've been living under a rock this week, it's been all over the news media this week because of a sports celebrity that made a declaration. Normally these kinds of conversations, at least in the public arena, are on Fox News or CNN or MSNBC. But this week, because of the arena that it's been in, this has been on ESPN. It's been on every major sports broadcast. It's been all over websites. It's been everywhere. This has been the topic of conversation in our society this week. And listen to me, Church, we have a responsibility to the next generation to lay a foundation based on the word of God so that our worldview is not shaped by the shifting sands of our culture, but our worldview is rooted in the truth of the word of God. And God in His sovereignty chose very specific words. Now somebody would say, "Oh, but that was a long time ago when they wrote this down." Do you realize how insulting it is to talk of an eternal God? Now you do understand when we say God's eternal, you know what that means, right? Eternal means He exists outside the parameters of time. That means He sees 30-13 as clearly as He sees 20-13. That means He can see Genesis 1-1 with the same clarity that He sees Revelation 21 at the end of the book. He exists outside the parameters of time, meaning that He sees all of time at a glance, the beginning all the way to the end. That's what it means to be eternal and to be sovereign. How insulting to a God who exists outside the parameters of time to say that He was too short-sighted to inspire a word that could be relevant in 2013. Now I would submit to you because of the eternal character of God. This is as relevant for us today as it's ever been in the history of the world. It's the truth of God, marriage between a man and a woman. And listen, this is not just a political issue, and it is not just a social issue. It's a theological issue. Say, "What do you mean by that?" Here's what I mean by that. This is not just an issue of sexual preference. It's an issue that deals with the very character and purpose of God. Let me explain what I mean by that. It's important that you know these things as you have these conversations in society. First of all, marriage reveals the image of God. Listen to this verse in Genesis 1 verse 27. It says God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created Him, male and female, He created them. I think it's interesting that in the same sentence where the Bible says God created human beings in His own image, it also says He created them male and female. Now, I want you to lean in close because I want to tell you a secret this morning, all right? Everybody lean in? I want to tell you a secret this morning. God made men and women different. I know what you're thinking. Wow, that is some serious revelation this morning. I'm glad I can go home today and say, "Ah, know the truth." God made men and women different, but listen, it is the truth. You knew it this morning as soon as your alarm clock went off. You don't even have to get out of here. You know God made us different. Men demonstrate the image of God. In a way that women do not. And women demonstrate the image of God in ways men do not. You see, if God made us different for a reason, if both of us were the same, one of us, it necessary, right? He made us different for a reason. It's by design. There are aspects of the character and nurturing nature of God that we see in men. There are aspects of the character and nature of God that we see in women. God has chosen to reveal Himself to make His image known to us in His creation of human beings, both male and female. And when you see a husband and wife come together in a loving marriage relationship, you see a more complete picture of the image of God in humanity. God gave us marriage to see His glory. God gave us marriage to reveal the depth of His character. And it's only in the context of marriage that we get to see that. This complete picture. The image of God. The second marriage portrays the gospel. It's interesting that God chose the marriage relationship to use as His example. In Ephesians 5, He said, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Intimacy between a man and a woman is the closest illustration in humanity to the intimacy that exists between Jesus and His bride, the church. God gave us the marriage relationship to teach us about who He is. And He gave us that relationship to teach us about the relationship that He desires to have with us. And when we dishonor marriage, listen, we are marring the very character of God in our society, and we're marring the very picture of salvation that God's given us in His Word. This is not just a social issue, it's not a political issue. It is a theological issue because God in His sovereignty chose to use the male and female relationship in marriage to demonstrate His image, to reveal His gospel, and to help us understand the kind of relationship that He wants us to have with Him. So our understanding of God in many ways is wrapped up in our having a biblical understanding of marriage. So as our view of marriage erodes, guess what happens? It erodes our understanding of God in society. Isn't that just make sense then why the enemy would so open his attack on marriage and the family? There's nothing the enemy wants more than to mar the image of God and the gospel in society. So how do you do that? You go to the very foundation, which is marriage. Marriage is a relationship between a man and a woman. I'll give you a third truth this morning. Marriage is a relationship with clearly defined responsibilities. Marriage is a relationship with clearly defined responsibilities. Before we unpack that, let me make one more statement about what I've already said. I understand today that there are people who have deep struggles with issues that are not in line with what the word of God would say about these types of relationships. I understand that. I understand in our church and in our community, there are people that have struggles. But listen to me, we all have things that we struggle with. Our struggles do not give us the right nor the authority to begin to redefine what God has established in his word as his truth. And that's across the board to all of us. Listen, I got struggles in my own life that I do with. I got struggles. We talked about them. All this stuff that we had on the board up here last week, all the junk that's from our flesh, we all have issues that we deal with that are contrary to God's desire for us. But those struggles and those issues do not give me the latitude to begin to redefine the truth of God. I'm to bring my struggles and issues to the very cross of Jesus Christ and to die to who I am that Christ can live his life in and through me for his glory because that's why he's made me. And here's the beauty of that. That's not to my detriment. That is for my best. It's for my good. So let me give you the third one again. Marriage is a relationship with clearly defined roles. Paul makes two statements here in verses 18 and 19. They're very simple statements. But what I want to try to do is give them to you in a way that's a life application. And what we read in verses 18 and 19, wives, be subject to your husbands, husbands, love your wives. Can I just say something real simple here? If we would simply take those two truths and let them be the governing principles for our home and marriage, God would radically change our home and our marriage period. Let me give them to you in two application statements. Here's the first one. I'm going to start with the wives because that's the way that's the order Paul did it, but wives don't tune me out. I'm getting to your husbands next. They're coming. Here's the first one. Wives are to relate to their husbands in Christ-like submission. Wives are to relate to their husbands in Christ-like submission. It means that the defining mark of the relationship for the wife in relating to her husband is Christ-like submission. Paul says here to be subject. The phrase be subject means to voluntarily. That's an important piece of the puzzle. To voluntarily place oneself under. Before you jump to the wrong conclusion, let me tell you some things that submission does not mean. All right? Number one, submission does not mean inferiority. You see, we've let our culture shape our view towards this principle. And culture says, well, if you're to be submissive then you're inferior, that you're not equal, that you're not as value, that you're not as important. Nothing could be further from the principle of submission, and let me prove it to you. Everything that we believe as Christians is rooted in the doctrine of the Trinity. God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit. One God, three distinct persons, equality in the Trinity. God the Father is no more God than God the Son or God the Holy Spirit. One God, three distinct persons, and yet within the Trinity the Son submits to the Father and the Spirit submits to the Son. This is not an issue of inferiority. That's why the word here that's important to underline is the word voluntary. It's somebody who recognizes equality. Somebody who understands, I'm equal, I'm just as valuable, I'm just as gifted, and in many ways more gifted. But as a voluntary action of my will, I choose to be Christlike and submissive to my husband. It doesn't mean inferiority. Number two, submission does not mean obey. I knew we weren't going to get a lot of amends through this section. I knew the women wouldn't want to and the men would be afraid to, so I didn't expect a lot. But it doesn't mean obey. In the same paragraph, he talks about children and parents and he says children, you're to obey. This is not that word. The word obey means to hear what they say and do what they say. That's what some husbands think submission means. You hear what I say and you do what I say. Listen, that is not submission. Submission is not hearing what somebody says and then doing what they say. Submission is a different word. It's a voluntary, Christlike submission. Here's a third one. Submission is not absolute. What do you mean by that? Well, ultimately, this issue of submission, it's really not about your relationship to your husband. It's really about your relationship to Jesus. Because what we've all been called to is submission to him. Where to live submitted to him? And submitting to Colossians 3, 18 is not about submission to your husband. It's about submission to your God who's given you a responsibility in how you relate to your husband. You may be in a marriage relationship where your husband is trying to lead you to things that are contrary to the word of God. Listen to me. Submission is not absolute. Ultimately, your submission is to the highest authority, which is God himself. So don't walk out of here today and say, Pastor Vance said, if somebody's living in an abuse situation or somebody's living in a situation where their husband's leading them to do things that aren't godly, that they just have to submit. That is not what I'm saying. Submission is not absolute. There is an ultimate authority and that is God. And we are to live submitted to him. Anytime anybody in my life is leading me to something that's contrary to the word of God, I'm not to live submissively towards that. I'm to live submissive to the will and work of God. So what is submission? Let me give it to you in a statement. It's not on the screen, but here's the statement. Submission is living out Christ-like humility towards your husband. You know what's interesting? If you go back up in Colossians 3 verse 12, Paul began to talk to us about what it looks like for the life of Christ to be fleshed out in our relationships. You know what he said? He said so as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness. Did you know if you take humility and gentleness, the dynamics of those two words and put them together, you know what you got? You got submission. Humility and gentleness. So here's what Paul said. Really, this attitude of submissiveness is the attitude we're always supposed to have for everybody. I'm to live with Christ-like humility towards everybody. What he's saying is when he's speaking in the context of the home, when he's talking specifically to the wife, he's now zeroing in and saying, yeah, this is the attitude you're supposed to have towards everybody. But specifically because of the way God has wired your husband, you're to live out Christ-like humility towards your husband. What is humility? We said last week, humility is not thinking less of yourself. It's thinking of yourself less. You see, when a wife is submitting to her husband, she is choosing voluntarily as an equal with gifts and talents. She is choosing voluntarily to put the desires and needs of her husband ahead of her own. Let me show it to you in another letter Paul wrote Ephesians 5 verse 24. Look at it on the screen. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. As the church is subject to Christ. Now, that raises a question. How are we as the church subject to Christ? What does that look like? Let me tell you what it looks like. It means that we've died to our wants and our desires and our pleasures and we live for the desires of God. To live as the church submitted to Christ means I'm dying to what I want, that I may live for what he desires. And Paul said, just like the church is subject to Christ, I'm dying to my wants. I'm dying to my wishes that I may live for Christ. Paul says the wife is to die to her wants and her wishes and put her husbands ahead of her own. And I love what Paul added here at verse 18, as is fitting in the Lord. The word fitting means becoming. Here's what he's saying. Here's why you're to do this. Because this is now who you are in Christ. This is not you, Trent. It's who Jesus is. Jesus as God left heaven laid aside the privileges of being God became a man. Lived in humility serving other people and gave his life and died on a cross for the sins of the world. As you're living out Colossians 3 18, you know what you're doing? That's why Paul says wise be subject to your husbands as is fitting. It's who you are. It's just who you now are in Christ. Let me give you the second statement. Let me talk to the husbands for a minute. Husbands are to relate to their wives with sacrificial love. Now I know what some of you are thinking, especially some of the ladies in the room right now, thinking, man, they get off easy. We get the word submissive and they get the word love. That's not quite fair. Well, the problem is we grossly misunderstood the word love in our culture today. You see, we've cheapened the word love. We'll say I love a ball team or I love a good steak and then I love my wife and my family, right? We just use one word and it's lost its significance. But in the Greek culture, they had many different words for the word love that defined and gave distinction to the word. First of all, they had the word eros. Eros is a love that is a sensual, passionate, emotional love. It's the romantic kind of love that we talk about around Valentine's Day. That's the word eros. It's not the word Paul used here in Colossians 3. He's not here simply challenging the husband to romantically pursue his wife. Another word that they use was the word filleto. We get our city Philadelphia from that word filleto. It means brotherly love. It described a friendship and a partnership and a companionship. That's why Philadelphia is called the city of brotherly love. Paul didn't use that word here to describe the kind of love that a husband. He's not just to be a friend and a companion. Paul used another word. It's the word that is the highest expression of love in the Greek language. It's actually the very same word that is used in the Bible to describe God's love for you and me. It's the word agape or agapeo in verb form. Agape love is a love that finds one's joy in something as an act of the will. And it's the same word that Paul used in verse 12 when he said you and I are beloved of God. Now man, I want you to think about that for a minute. God's love. Let me tell you some things about God's love. Number one, God's love is initial. Here's what that means. I didn't love him first. He loved me first. His love to me is not a love in response. His love to me is a love based in his choice. He chooses. Here God says, well, you know, I just have fallen out of love with my wife. Listen, you understand what love is. Love's not a feeling, it's a choice. The God love that we have been given in Christ is a volitional choice where I am choosing to find my joy in someone or something. To love my wife means that I've chosen to find my joy in her. God didn't just love us initially. God loved us sacrificially for God so loved the world that he gave. But God demonstrates his own love toward us and that while we were yet sinners, Christ died. It's a sacrificial love as husbands we are called to love our wives sacrificially, which means I die to myself. I die to what I want that I may live to love my wife. Hey, God's love is unconditional. You know what that means, right? God's love for me today is not going up and down based on my performance. Hey, aren't you thankful God loves you unconditionally? Aren't you thankful today that it doesn't matter how you perform or how well you dot the eyes or cross the teeth that God in His sovereignty has established you as an object of His love and there's nothing that you can do to change that. You are loved by Him. Listen, you and I, as husbands, are called to love our wives unconditionally. That means that today it's not her performance that dictates your love. You choose to love her as an act of your will and submission to Jesus. In Ephesians 5 Paul said it this way, "Husbands, love your wives just as." He didn't say kind to like, "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church." You know what I found out? In 24 years of pastoral ministry having done a lot of counseling, a lot of premarital counseling, a lot of working with couples. You know what I found out? I've never seen a wife have a submission issue when there was a husband that loved like that. Let me tell you something, man. If you're sitting here thinking, "Well, I got a wife that's got a submission problem," let me invite you to do something today. We're going to be honest. It's really about my love for my wife and me modeling what that looks like. Now, I know that we're hearing these things this morning. I know what you're thinking because I'm thinking it too. It's impossible. If you're a wife, how am I supposed to daily, moment by moment die to what I want and live for what my husband was? How am I supposed to be consumed with loving my wife, denying myself, sacrificing, dying to self and living to love? It's not possible. Hey, you're right in your old resources. Let's see what we're really talking about. What we've just described this morning is Christ in you. Let me give it to you in reality and we'll finish with this. The responsibilities for husbands and wives can only be honored out of the overflow of Christ in me. So what that means is the greatest thing you can do to have a successful marriage is just pursue Him. Pursue Jesus above all else and let Christ moment by moment demonstrate His humility. Let Christ moment by moment manifest His love in a way that's not possible left to ourselves. Christ in us in our marriage. [BLANK_AUDIO]