You're listening to the Mind Mastery podcast starring Dove Baron, the Mind Master, and I'm the co-host, Scott Patton. Welcome everybody, for some strange reason, the beginning and end of this recording that we did was full of crackles and snaps and pops, so I've removed it, and we're going to join our program in progress, hope you enjoyed it as much as we enjoy putting it together. Well, you know, it's interesting because, as you know, many of our programs are live events that are five days long, five intense days, and they're not five little, like, three hour sessions. They're intense, they're very intense events, and they are immersive, then that's where they are, and I realize that not everybody has time for that, and of course we have some shorter programs, we have ones that are as little as three days, and some that are just a couple of hours, just as an introduction to have a sense of, but you know, one of the things I love about this series that we're doing in these podcasts is that there are wonderful, for two reasons, one for the person who has attended those events that are great 20 minute or 20 to 30 minute reminder that keep them connected, because it's one of the things I've said for years, the most important thing is to stay connected to the material, and we drift, you know, we're bombarded by all kinds of crap media, and instead of doing that, plug into some positive media that really supports you, that's a great way to do it, so that's a great thing, and then the other thing is for people who don't know us. Yes, it's a great way to meet us. Yeah, you don't know our work, and then it's great for them to meet us, and really get a sense of where we're coming from, and how we approach personal growth and personal development rather than it being all rigid. Right. It's a cool way to do it, so today we wanted to talk about compromise, actually we didn't, but you wanted to talk about something else, and I wanted to talk about something else, and we decided to compromise on compromise, and we decided not to compromise on compromise, so what's the problem with compromise? Well, as you know, most of us, if not all of us, have been trained that compromise is a good thing. We've been told that that's how you make a relationship work, right? Yeah, and in negotiations you always have to compromise. Right, and the problem with compromise by its very nature is it's a win-lose, so somebody has to give up something, you know, if it's something else to get something, and what that is is a compromise, and if you look at, if you were to go on to a dictionary and look up the word, you'd see that it actually says to weaken, right, it's one of the definitions of compromise is to weaken, to make something unstable. So we don't want to compromise, compromise is actually very, very destructive, and we've got an event coming up, when we look here, it's coming up on May, no, sorry, June 21st, and it's called the Women Without Compromise event, and it's an evening event, and it's really about how women, particularly, I mean it's true for all of us, men and women, but women have really bought into this idea that they have to compromise to get what they want in life, and in truth what I find is that a lot of them are really pissed off because they keep compromising and they're not getting what they want, right, and so it's a foundation in what it is that we teach in relationship programs that compromise is the most destructive thing of all in relationship. So how do you get to live without compromise? That actually was my next question, is you have two people, they probably have different things that they want, and how does that work? Well it's interesting because if you think about what is it we're compromising on, see I've been asked this a thousand times in seminars and workshops, is how are we going to get along if you don't compromise stuff, and I say to somebody, well this is just an extreme example, but it's worth noting. How much abuse are you willing for your child to go through? None. None. There's no compromise, isn't it? No. So why wouldn't you live in that place if you would be that way about your own child? Why wouldn't you be that about the way you are? So there's no... I'm giving one answer to that question, I don't see it as abuse. So that's the challenge, you got it, right? So if it is abuse then I need to understand that better because I'm willing to compromise on something, and because I'm thinking that's going to improve the relationship, or maybe obviously it's very important to that person, maybe not quite so important to me, but maybe that's in the state thinking that. Right. That's interesting because even, as I said, it's an extreme example to say abuse. But it's a great example, because it puts it in, there's no question there, right? There's no gray area, it is what it is. So I need to be able to understand that in terms of where we decide to go for dinner sort of thing. Right. So I don't think there's any particular danger with coming to what we call an agreement around going for dinner. Okay. That's a good distinction. So we go to, I would like to eat Japanese, my partner would like to eat Greek for dinner, right? My partner doesn't like Japanese, and I don't particularly like Greek. So neither of those things are going to work. Oh, neither of us might be the other person, but I'm not really, I don't really want that. Right. So is there a way for us to find something we're both happy with when neither of us lose? So you know what? I could really Italian. Yeah. Me too. There's no compromising that. That's a mutual agreement. Right. A compromise is when I have to give something up. And invariably what is it we give up? And I know this again sounds extreme, but we give up a piece of our soul. We compromise ourselves, so we play small in order to let somebody else have something. And so we compromise our values, we compromise what matters to us. And instead of, we need to stop all that compromise because that leads to abusive situations. Right. All the potential for an abusive situation. Or, and I'm also thinking, potentially the iron fist in the velvet glove. It doesn't seem like seems like everyone's intentions are good, but I'm ending up giving up something that's important to me more and more and more and more and more. Right. Sometimes the slippery slope. Well again, I can give you an extreme example of that. I can remember, as you know, I've been a counselor for many, many, many years. And remember being asked lots of times, so I believe that monogamy is the way to go and all the rest of it. You know, and I can answer that on two levels. The first level of that is, at a biological level, is monogamy natural. The answer's no. Actually, it's no. Okay. So we have a biological for human beings. Human beings. Okay. So biologically, it's not natural. So biologically, man produces way more seed than he needs to produce in order to procreate. Right. Right. And a woman, if she has multiple male partners, has a greater chance of protection in a tribal sense. And in fact, there are some tribes in Africa that still have that, that when a woman wants to have a child, she sleeps with several men during her time. Well, she's fertile, I'm just going to find the right word for it. Thank you. She sleeps with several men, and so nobody knows whose child it is, and they're all protecting. Right. So that at a tribal level, that's it. Right. And so it's a very interesting thing, sort of biological level. However, there is no spiritual or emotional evolution to that. It doesn't let us grow beyond that, because as we grow deeper within ourselves and we have a deeper understanding ourselves spiritually and emotionally, it's that connectedness to another individual that becomes absolutely a spiritual path for us. And we don't get that if we haven't experienced that kind of intimacy with a single individual. Yes. It's interesting you say that. It's just as a sidebar. I have a friend who was a traveling salesman, and his boss taught him how to pick up women in bar the hotel. Right. And he said he'd been with over 300 women, and he couldn't be intimate. He had a really hard, he wanted to be, had a really, really hard time with it. He's actually now, you know, years later, been with the same woman for, I don't know, five, six, seven years, and it's been a struggle, and he's been, and not a struggle in terms of him being loyal or faithful, but just the whole relationship. Just to show up. Just to show up. Right. But I remember him talking about this very thing, it was like it's very hard for me to have true intimacy. Right. So, you know, so the, that level at depth of intimacy that takes place in a, in a monogamous relationship, so that's different than quote, unquote, spreading your seed. It's a very different thing. And so over the years, I've had couples who've come in, and, and, and as I said, I understand that biologically it's not natural to be monogamous. So I'm open minded about that. And so I've had people come in, couples that I've worked with, who are in an open relationship. Who are in an open relationship, who, and I've discussed that with them, and yeah, yeah, he sleeps with other people, I sleep with other people, you know, and I've checked, you know, are you okay with that? And I remember working with a particular couple who did seem genuinely cool with it. But, oh, it's all right, now I'm not saying that it's not true, however, when I dug a little deeper, what did I find that one of them had compromised, that they were somehow led to believe and bore into the idea that this would somehow enrich their relationship. And there was no compromise at that point because they believed it, but the emotional strain on them meant that they were in compromise. They, they thought they'd lose their partner, or they'd lose whatever else it is, you know, if they didn't have this. And so there's this compromise. And so the, the challenge is that sometimes, sometimes we agree to things that are true for us at the moment, but are not true later. And this is a very important point. So one of the, one of the lines I like to teach people is this. I was telling the truth when I said it, and it's a lie now. And because it's an evolution to us, we're not the same person we were, all right? So if you, have you ever smoked Scott? No. We never smoked Camini, though. He's never smoked good. But there are people who don't smoke, who used to smoke. So if you said to them 10 years ago, a youth smoker, the answer was yes. Next, today is not true, as a simple example. So the things that we believe and the things that we take on and the things that we agree to that can become a compromise later, does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. So we need to pay attention to that, too. Well, I'm just thinking I don't have the tools to be able to tell someone in a relationship with, in a way that I think would be beneficial to everybody concerned. Right. This thing that we've been doing, I'm not okay with it anymore. Right. And the part of what makes you uncomfortable with it is part of the compromise you've been taught by society. And that is that you have to be the same. Yeah. And my word is my word is my word forever. Your word is your word forever, right? And, you know, I remember this conversation with somebody because my highest value is integrity. Yeah. And somebody was working for us and, you know, we gave that person a month's notice. Some of you we really liked was not a problem, but we, we knew it was time for that person to leave and there were not being of service in the way that we needed. And it was two weeks in and this person came in and I said, uh, called them into my office and sat them down. I said, what's going on? And they said, what do you mean? And they said, you're clearly miserable, right? What is going on? And this person said, you know, well, you know, they were just uncomfortable with certain things. And I said, okay. Why are you here? And he said, well, you know, I've got a month and I've committed to that month and my word is my bond. And I said, and okay. So where's your integrity? And they said, well, my integrity is I said to be here for a month and it's only been two weeks. And I said, where's your integrity with your soul? Because you're actually not being of any service at all. And you're actually out of integrity because it's to be an integrity. You have to be here 100% fully shown up in the time you're here. So you're actually not in integrity. You're actually out of integrity. And so I think I'm in integrity, but I'm not. Exactly. Because the question is, what are you in integrity with, right? So what that person was doing was they were severely compromising themselves. And I looked at them and said, I don't want you to compromise yourself. I want you to be in integrity with yourself. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to let you go today as I know. So it's day, year, and off you go. And because I don't need that compromise from that person, because that compromise is my business. Yeah. Compromise is what it is we're about. Yeah. And we're all unhappy in that situation. Great. And so the challenge with communicating, and this is why there's such a challenge in relationships with people becoming complacent, that they stop talking about things. So whoever I am doesn't mean that's who I will be. There's an evolution to me. And that's why in our relationship program, somebody once said to us in our relationship program, it's okay for you too, because I guess divorce is not an option. And we both said, we both lacked and said divorce is always an option. And the person was shocked. How can divorce be an option? Because that way we never take each other for granted. We're not willing to get complacent, and we always have to talk about the evolution and the changes in us. Because what I agreed to and what I went along with and what was working for me may not be what works for me five months, five days, five minutes from now, five years from now. So it's being uncompromising in holding to your self and saying true to yourself. And it's just what works for you and you communicate that, and you find out what's true for that person. Because it's fascinating to me to watch a couple, for instance. And by the way, a couple doesn't mean romantic. I mean, a business partnership, you see it there too. Who are going along doing the same thing because it worked. Keyword, because it worked past tense. Not because it works, works is present tense. But it did work and people do this in their business. Not just with partners, but they run their business in a certain way because that worked. The economy's changed, the economic climate's changed across the board, the technology's changed, all that's changed and they're going to run their business since. And that's why at the end of 2009, you saw many businesses who had been around for a hundred years disappear because they were doing what worked, but not what works. And the companies that have changed that around are the ones that are working. They're actually starting changing the way they do business. They're changing how they do communities. It's being uncompromising, mostly, in the willingness to own flexibility and change. And it sounds to me in terms of, I've been all talk about romantic relationships, also being willing to say, you know what, we had 10 good years and now we're just compromising too much and it's time to revolve. So the interesting thing we talk about this again in soulmates is one of the very sad things about a society is we are a society that gets divorced when we hate each other. And I think that's really sad. What we need to do is divorce when we love each other and by that love each other right enough to say, this isn't working anymore. I love you, you're a fantastic person, but there's just way too much compromise, there's nothing connecting anymore or not enough connecting anymore and we need to love each other enough to say you should be uncompromising in having a full, blown experience of love and connection with another partner. And if that means we're going to go our separate ways after five years or 20 years, well that's what we're going to do, but we're going to honor each other as opposed to, well, we've spent this much time. And I'm not saying it's not, please understand, I'm not being flip about this, it's not about all kind of fed up and we're not making enough connection, we should go our separate ways. It's have you done everything you can, you know, I always say to people, I really get pissed off at people who stay in relationships that don't work and I also get pissed off at people who stay in, who walk away from relationships without making them work. Right. Because you've got to, you've got to, I always say, if you're going to be in a relationship, give it absolutely everything you've got until you're absolutely certain it can't work and then you walk. Right. That's the most painful. That's the difference. As opposed to most of them who just stick around and go, "Oh, I didn't work." You remind me of a previous relationship I had with a wonderful woman who was totally committed to making the relationship work. Absolutely 100% committed to making it work and I remember calling up one of my friends after having some issues come up and I had to hang up. I couldn't finish dialing his number because the conversation I was going to have was the same conversation I had had the previous Friday and fighting for that and fighting for that and fighting. Right. And I was like, we're banging our heads against the wall and we've done, I mean she did everything she could think of to do and I did everything I could think of and we did everything we could think of. Right. And at the end of it, I said, "You know, you're a wonderful person. I really care about you but we just can't be in this relationship from not the right person." Right. And she agreed, you know, and so now we're friends, which is the wonderful thing about it. Right. Is that actually what happened before either? Yeah. I always waited till we hated it. Exactly. But you see, that weighting thing is part of the societal conditioning as its permission. Well, I can't even stand the person's face anymore or you should leave. Yeah. Right. If I'm looking for sure. But look at them, I want to vomit. Well, you should leave. Yeah. Okay. But you know, I'm looking at this person and I think I'm going to love them and they're a really great person but we're just not going down the same road. Oh, we should find a way to work it out. Yeah. Well, we've tried all these things. Yeah, but we should try how to. Why? This doesn't work. It's okay. I love them. God bless them. So how do you make the distinction between the ego always wanted to be right and what's, let's say, an integrity on that position? The simple level is you've got to know what your own mechanisms are, what is it most important to you and can you hold to them? Because you know, I'm not right about my maximum/my values, they're just right for me. So integrity is my number one. It shouldn't be everybody else's, everybody else's number one. It's just my number one. And so what that means is that if I'm in a relationship with you, whatever it is, and I'm going to always check in my integrity in this relationship, and I can't hold you to integrity, but I can hold you to when you break your integrity with me. So if I see you out of integrity over there and over there and over there and over there, it's not my business. But if you're out of integrity with me because that's a high value for me, I'm going to say, listen, this really rubs me the wrong way because this is multiple to me. And the bottom line of it is I don't get to hold you to it unless I can alter it. Now you can say, well, I found you to be out of integrity with this. Wow, you're right, aw, really, that's interesting because here's how I say it. So it's really knowing what's important to you, what's of your highest values, your highest maximums to yourself, and do you hold to that? And for me, we need to be uncompromising in holding to our maximums. I can't go away from those. Right. So, and you may have answered this before, but I think it's worth repeating it and if you haven't answered it, then the question that comes up is, good luck. This is real, folks, we are unrehearsed. I should have just asked the question instead of compromising. What did you say just before that? Hello? If you're in integrity, and the other person isn't in integrity, hold them to the integrity and they see it differently. Oh, we'll just have to continue on. I'll ask that. I guess it wasn't an important question or you must have answered it. Right. No, what's the consequence of that? What's the consequence of what? Of holding, you hold to your integrity. Yep. So, yeah, so, most of the time, consequences, in my mind, is a negative thing, but I think this is a positive thing. When you hold, what's life like holding to your integrity, when integrity is your high style? Okay, so, it's interesting because you bring up consequences, and one of the things we teach in our soul mix program, in all of our relationship programs, is the need for agreements and consequences. Agreements and consequences. We must have both. So, we have an agreement to love this, but if you break the agreement, that's the consequence. And if you don't have a consequence, there is no agreement. People say, "Oh, we've got an agreement." What's the consequence of that? Well, you know, he knows I'll be upset about it. That's not a consequence. Yeah. Big one. That's not a consequence. Right. So, you know, I'll give you an example. Do you have to wear a seatbelt when driving in Canada or the U.S.? Is there a law that says you have to? Yes. Okay. Are you free not to? By your own choice, can you choose not to? Yeah. If you don't wear one, even though it's the law, by your own choice, is there a consequence? Yeah. Okay. So, you get fined, you get points, or whatever it is, right? That's right. You get those things. Okay? So, by virtue of that, there is an agreement with a consequence. It doesn't mean you have to keep to it, but you will have to pay the consequence. Yeah. Because you're going to pay the consequence. That's it. Yeah. So, an agreement without a consequence. So, you know, I'll give you another example coming back to monogamy. I remember when my wife and I first got together and I said, "I want you to know, we've been together for a while." And I said, "I want you to know that I'm going to be exclusive with you." And she goes, "Oh, my God. I've even said to another people." And I said, "No." And she said, "Oh, why did you say that?" I said, "Are you monogamous?" And she said, "Of course." And I said, "It isn't, of course." We live in a society that says the monogamy is, "Of course. It's not, of course." Right. How do we know? We know because 70% of people who get married feel around. Yeah. Not sure. Not sure. Not sure. Not sure. But, you know, we're going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. I'm going to be like, "Oh, my God. It also gives you power. I have a, I have a pendant, and in the pendant is a little gold circle in the center of the circle of the diamond. I bought that when my daughter passed away for my wife, who was down the next way. And it symbolized the law around my daughter. Yes. And through a series of events that came back to me. And I had the tangy on a nice little side. It's not even trying, but I guess someone can look. Anyway, it's a nice little thing on my dresser, right? Yep. And a gal that I know came in and was looking for something to put around her neck, which actually, I've got a whole bunch of stuff you can put around my neck. Hanging around, you can see what's around my neck. Nothing. I never wear anything around my neck. He actually comes and naked to everything. Well, he wears shoes and a thong, but you know. So anyway, there's all this stuff. If you want to put something around your neck, grab it, right? This thing is separate, right? And she looked at it, and she went to pick it up, right? And there was, I didn't think. No. No. And she jumped back. She didn't know what it was. No. I said, "You know, it's just a shiny sparkly thing to it, right?" No, you don't touch that. And then I told her the story about everything else. But she was, I mean, if I had handed her over the head with a two-light horse, she wouldn't have looked a surprise. Right. So now let me ask you this question. At any time, will she ever go back and put that on? No. Because there's a really clear boundary. Yes. Right? Very clear, no gray area. Yes. Like, it's not, no, don't do that unless it's Tuesday at four o'clock. No, don't do that unless you've kissed me and covered me in petals. No, don't do that unless... There's no one less. No. It is what it is. Right. And people often say, "You know, it's really hard lined up, you know, and I don't want to live like that." And they go, "Okay, don't live like that. Tell me what your life's like when you're not that clear." Because if you want to find out about who is living happy lives, people who are clear, they're really clear. When I go in a restaurant, people say, "Oh, you know, you're so picky." No. When I go in a restaurant, I say, "If I'm going to order the burger, I want nothing on the bun. I want no mayonnaise. I want no mustard. I don't roast raw tomato. I want any of that. Thank you very much. I want this and I want this and I want this." And they go, "Oh, you're so picky." Why? That's what I want. So then let's say the burger comes and it's got tomato oil. So this is full of tomato oil? No. I want me to remake it. Well, you're really picky. No, I'm not. I don't like wet tomato on a burger. To me, it wets the bun. I don't like the soggy bun thing. It doesn't work for me. You're so picky. Okay. I'm paying for the burger and I'm allowed to have it. Oh, I want that. That's right. Thank God. I don't eat them that often. If I do, I want it to be the way I want it to be. That's right. For me, that's how I want to live. I want to live with that level of clarity. Yeah. And most people are walking around, as you said, in this fog of vagueness about what it is that they want. And it's really about getting absolutely clear. Then you can have really clear boundaries and consequences. Otherwise, you're living in compromise with what you think they want. Yeah. I mean, if this gal came back the next day and I wasn't paying attention and she walked in, and she's got my pendant on there, like, happy pretty of sassy. Of course. And then if I swallow it and compromised on it, that would be a cancer that would just eat away. Absolutely. And I think that's the beauty of what you've been describing today. Yeah. It's really cutting out the cancer that undermines all our relationships. And the way we describe compromise in relationship is that it is relational cancer. Yeah. And for one simple reason, it creates resentment. Yeah. And there is a bunch of scientific and psychological evidence to show the number one predictor of divorce is resentment. Ah. Refresh resentment. Cool. So with that, you've got lots to think about. Remember, you can find us on iTunes. You can find it. You can go to freemindmasterypodcast.com. You can go to dogbarron.com. And if you go to there, you can click on the tab that says podcast. You can leave your comments. You can leave your feedback. Please remember to tell your friends about this series. Let them know about the series. And leave us your comments and your feedback. Because after all, we're just too bloke talking about interesting stuff. That's right. And you can go and download the dogbarron app. And you'll get all of his blog posts, his tweets, and our audio and video podcasts all delivered to your iPhone for your iPod touch. All your iPad. All your iPad. That's right. All your iPad. You can go to the iTunes app store and just look for the dogbarron app. And you'll be able to find all of that stuff and stay really updated. Yeah, and I just know what you think about it. Please let us know about it. Thanks for joining us. Until next time, live with courage. [MUSIC] This podcast is a part of the C Suite Radio Network. For more top business podcasts, visit c-suiteradio.com. .com. (chimes)
