Big Blend Radio

Lea Brovedani - End-of-Life Road Trip

Finish this sentence ..... "Before I die, I want to visit _____"

On this episode of Big Blend Radio's SOUL JOURNEY DOULA podcast with death doula Lea Brovedani, Lea talks about fulfilling your bucket list, especially in regards to travel. Even if you are not able to travel anymore, there are still ways to get whet your wanderlust appetite.

Lea's 5 Pillars of Support as a Death Doula:

* Spirit - Uphold beliefs and practices

* Emotion - Honor feelings

* Mind - Life review and gleaning meaning

* Body - Increase comfort, health and safety

* Practical - Create completions

Learn more about Lea's work at https://souljourneydoula.com/

Follow the podcast here: http://tinyurl.com/b6c9jfnu

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:: 48m
Broadcast on:: 20 Jun 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

Welcome to Soul Journey Dula, a big blend radio end-of-life podcast featuring Lee Bravadani. Welcome everybody, it is time to chat with the Soul Journey Dula and today this is gonna be a different topic when we talk about end-of-life. Well we're gonna talk about an end-of-life road trip to really go and kick off some of those bucket list adventures and sometimes people take road trips to see friends and family maybe to reconnect and then there's all those places maybe you didn't see Niagara Falls yet or the Grand Canyon or do you want to do something and when you know it's the end of life sometimes you have more gumption to do things that maybe you were a little fearful of as well so welcome back how are you Lee? I'm good as you can see we're finally in our house we're just slowly getting it put together so that's cool I'm in my final place your bucket list final yes yes yes this is where she's gonna be you're gonna be what you're gonna be composted we talked about this before well you know just wrap me in a sheet and they can dig a hole in my yard because I've got two acres of land and a lot of it is wooded and I figure dig it deep enough yeah me and that's it all right this is good see you know and as we always say there's a lot of humor on this show because you can't talk about end-of-life without some humor but the road trip thing you know it's like we were talking about this with musician Joey Steckey on the show he comes on every fourth Sunday and we were talking about road trip music you know summer road trip music and then we got into the movies and then I started really like you know I love road trip movies obviously you know Nancy and I are in a permanent road trip and then as we were talking I'm like well every time I was explaining the the movie I was like well somebody was dying so they needed to go and do this you know so then it dawned on me we should talk about this because this could be something that someone at their end of life they want to go on that final road trip before they do the road trip to the sky or wherever we go and you know the other side of that is that if you don't have the opportunity to get to every place you want to go to there's also the road trip where you have a relative or a really good friend who takes them in your ashes and lets it sprinkles you on all the places that it's like the big Lebowski after you yeah we're gonna see there we go that's the movie the big Lebowski I mean and they were they did the cremation the ashes everywhere I mean that's something that people talk about a lot is taking you to places and that's kind of cool and it gets and I think it's an adventure for the other person too it's like a shared journey yeah and and the rituals are really helpful for letting people kind of come to grips with the passing of someone they love so it gives people an opportunity to to say goodbye yeah way that honors the person who has passed so yeah you're gonna have a big group tour instead of you know instead of a regular you know as ashes and we're gonna sprinkle around the world get the bus get on the bus let's go you know get on the road trip bus let's go but yeah it's kind of cool but the other thing is the road trip is can reconnecting with people maybe if you had a little rift in the family which we've talked about before and you know it's like you know I don't want to go without seeing them and maybe sometimes you have to do a pop-up because they may want want want to see you suddenly arrive at the doorstep and say hi I'm here and you know so that could be something too right yeah without without pulling the I'm dying give me a break card see that's the other thing yeah yeah you have to kind of do it naturally right kind of yeah who wants to have a pity visit or no no that's not fun now the pity visit isn't good and that that's actually the thing about the movies is a lot of times in the movies people don't know that somebody's dying in the movie yeah and it's like they're like no we really need to take this road trip this is why let's go and then partway through the they start to notice a person isn't as well as what they look like you know so try this movie with Dustin Hoffman and John Voight when he died on the bus and that was to remember that one no oh I have a new one to go and watch oh I'll have to check that out hey yeah well there's weekend at Bernice where they took him I love that yeah that was funny that's one of my favorite yeah yeah and then keep doing things like having skiing at the dead body skiing oh we do have black humor don't we we do well when our friend died the last time we saw him was on like a when you back in Skype days right and he you know and he was living in Mexico and his daughter found him when she went to visit him and we were supposed to be there that weekend and something happened and we couldn't go and she found him and she calls us and just hysteria like obviously right and he had a heart attack and he'd had you know a heart attack stroke and stuff like that before and he was sitting in his chair his chair right and you just do watch the TV and yell at it and it was really fun to do that we'd go down just to yell at things it was fun you never needed to reduce stress you just go hang out with him because it got really colorful too but it was really horrible for her and she's on her own and she's in tears right but then what happens she goes in the other room comes back out and he scares a hell out of her because he's still sitting up there like he's there and it took a while for them to come you're in Mexico to come and get the body and now you're talking about an expat in a different country it like that's a whole other thing right and so and his ashes did get sprinkled in places that were not supposed to be so he did go on a on a road trip but so she kept forgetting that he was sitting you know she kept even though she was in mourning that he's dead every time she would go around the corner there he was and so it was this we can at Bernie's moment and we all got the hysterics over it and it's not to be rude but this happens this this weird humor pops out at these times so even now that's all we see is him in the chair like we can at Bernie's and I know he's pinching me right now you know we can hear that so it's kind of funny but it's not you know because we'd like him to be alive but you know he's here I know he is because whenever we see something really insane we know he's watching and laughing you know so that is a week in a birdie's moment of like what so but that for her to keep going around the corner and then it would start over a cycle of you know grief and mix and a lot of crazy emotions you know if we all sat down for just a moment and wrote a list of places that you know here's where I've always wanted to go to and it just hasn't worked out for whatever reason like I've for me I've always wanted to walk the Great Wall of China I can see that that steep incline and it's something I've always wanted to do and my husband has because he's been there on business and so he's been able to do it so there's this you start saying okay so if this is something that's important to me when am I going to do it I did that whole thinking because I always said I always said I wanted to do a triathlon mm-hmm four years ago I went well you know I'm not getting younger it's not the age thing isn't going the other way I'm not getting I'm not gonna get fitter so if not now when and and so that's a good question to ask yourself if not now when and if you don't think you're gonna be able to do it until you know like you slip this mortal coil then who's gonna take you along and and you know do the do the ashes and I'm thinking that there are so many road trip movies that either the person is taking their last visit or so he loves them is taking them to places that they wanted to go to or places that were their favorite Rick and I have this great a huge map with pins of all the places we've been to in one color mm-hmm that he's been to and I haven't in places I've been to and he hasn't but then there's all of the places that there's a dot of places we still want to go and he said which everyone's are left he wants to leave enough money for our kids that we can say to them okay so here's where I want you to go now I totally expect that I'm going to be somewhere planted in my backyard but maybe they can take a clip of my hair and sprinkler who knows who knows but yeah clubs you can donate your clothes in places you know there's all kinds of stuff you can do that you know maybe it's like oh she's got this wardrobe what are we gonna do with it you know donate it around the world go to a different country and you know people need clothes everywhere so you know shoes whatever you can put that in your suitcase like a normal thing you know I know that sounds odd but that's kind of cool people be wearing you everywhere yeah so where would you go like what are the places in the world that you haven't traveled to yet that you say I that's still the place I want to get to for ashes or like do it but you know like what is that being road trip or all thing I want to go to the whole thing well I'd like to go to the middle of Mexico the jungle side of it Micho Khan in all of that area too to see the butterflies but also it's like Costa Rica because they've got slots and Australia the whole thing South America yeah all of Africa the whole continent the whole I know like what I've learned about you where when you say that you want to go to these places for anyone who doesn't know Lisa she's not talking about going to the big city she's talking about going to the jungle and seeing some really cool animals and sites yes so you would be the one who would want to and graveyard you hold the baby sloth and and cuddle it and yeah green here now any anywhere to go around the world for for the parks and that's what we're going to be doing soon there's a whole new level of our love your parks tour coming up wow that got a whole bunch is happening but yeah well you know because Nancy and I have those conversations both of us have big birthdays this year and we're both are like well how we're gonna continue this on like how are we gonna do this and for some reason we expand whatever we say we're supposed to be getting back it goes the opposite way but it's cool stuff and we we take stock of that like how much can you do as as you progress in years and I think you you can and it's about working smarter I mean and I think when we have all the energy when we're really young you go for it right but you know it's that's the thing with this road trip thing it's kind of like the make a wish foundation what they do for kids see I think that's kind of similar and we should do that as adults too we all need to make the make make a wish foundation is awesome where they take if you if you're heard of them oh absolutely you know a lot of kids go to Disneyland for their but the first time at their end of life something yeah you know there's there's all those places that the kids want to go to and they make the dream come true so find it stand in the way yeah and that's something you could do to with a kid is take them on a road trip depending on their health so as a doula my question for you is would you help someone with their end of life road trip would you help them plan it or say okay well let's see who we can you know help them put this together because you always talk about the end of life is like you're you're putting their party you're in a party planner right the celebration of life so this would be kind of part of it you know yeah so so here's my practical side coming in as soon as you say that and this is the training is the doula so the first thing I do is be able to talk to them and see physically are they able to handle the trip and you don't want surprises for a family member because someone would have to accompany them and you don't want someone who's so frail that on the airplane they finally decide that this is their final airplane ride and it's the trauma that they cause everybody else so there's all kinds of practical things that need to happen and then find out how long it's going to take what is the budget what are the what are the medical practicalities now a friend of mine had her god daughter had I was either leukemia or cancer and she was only 17 and her make-a-wish was Italy she always wanted to go to Italy so what they did is she was very frail but they contacted the hospitals over there the excitement and all of the anticipation actually it was good for her because she was able to go over she went through Venice she went on the gondola she had all of these fabulous experiences but in order for that to happen I remember listening and this was before I was a doula how they made sure that they were in contact with doctors on all of those places right if she had a bit of a setback that they knew which doctor who had her records who could give her whatever you know a lot of times it was medication that they can give her so that she was able to go on the trip so absolutely I would love to be able to help someone make their final trip wherever they wanted to go and then coordinate it have everything least gonna go and take me yeah if you're going to China I'm coming with you I'll push the wheelchair up that really steep incline because everybody who tells me about walking on the Great Wall say you don't expect it to be a hill and it's steep and it's really hard to go up and I'm thinking okay you know maybe pick part of the flatter wall yeah because I've seen who I watch this show was a Ricky Gervais show you know we love our comedy right and they had this guy oh I can't remember his name and I can't remember it was a series and he went around the world and he had no I he's never traveled and at all and he's like well what why the hell are they doing this like he had this it was it it was mental because it's British right and he would go around and not understand what these cultures why on earth are they doing this like what's wrong with this there's a travel show right now with Eugene Levy who did shit Oh that's right we started to watch that and honey yeah he's hilarious and he hates travel so it's kind of the reluctant traveler but it's it's exactly that like he goes places and what did they have him try oh like and he's a hamburger French fry kind of guy like that's as complex as he wants to to do and so they had raw oysters oh and so he put it in his mouth and spit it out and went not happening and that's funny that would be as it was the whole thing was hilarious well you've got a seafood allergy so yeah yeah that's what happened I know but it's not happen but even still even if we didn't it wouldn't happen it's weird it's weird we're not even attracted to fish at all we don't even want it we just don't it's like not not happening isn't that weird yeah your body already goes nobody knows no that that's that's not happening it's not happening but those shows I think you know there was the one where our TV series with William Shatner Teddy Terry Bradshaw and what's his name the the oh my gosh he's the boxer George Foreman oh okay and they went all over the world they started touring America they went all over the world and it's like yeah there you know let's go do these things they've been so busy with their careers and you got to think all these famous people go around the world but they never really get the chance to experience these places you know because they're working they're on a press junket and it's like you know when it you're not really exploring as much you know so they did and it's hysterical because they're trying things and they're goading each other on to you know it's it's it's it is fun oh and they had a Fonzi in there Henry Winkler was also in that it's funny you know I just I'd love to listen to people who are listening to the program and here where where it is they want to go yeah let's do a bucket list yeah everyone on our social media type in your bucket list yeah when we post the show which is you know every third Thursday we're gonna ask you what is your bucket list let's let's make a map a bucket list map you know and you know like I've been really fortunate Rick's career has taken us to places around the world and we made a conscious decision that we were gonna travel and my my brother said well yeah that's you know Rick does really well and and part of it was even when we were struggling and had two kids and everything it's where you decide you spent your money so like we would we would make the decision that instead of putting new hardwood floors and that was kind of the joke when the kids were little I kept saying we've got this crappy carpeting that I mean how many times can a dog pee on a carpet before it no longer looks attractive yeah so instead of getting that ripped up and getting hard with floor there was probably three years where we saved every penny and it would be a decision we're eating in we're not going out and we saved money and we went on a trip as a family so you can decide and and even if you are struggling and it's only paying the bills then me party in your home get them up on the wall one lady and this is something really cool Nancy was telling me about her and she got all into it because you know we love to make maps on our website Google Maps and stuff this one lady went around the world on Google Maps and like made a map of where she she would just go down the road I'm going down and would pull up the pictures look at it look it up and she made this giant Google map just a virtual map because she was disabled and didn't have the finances and she got pretty well-known and she put it up on a website or a blog or something and got pretty well-known about this you know and off she was like every day where I'm going yeah when I get home I think that's pretty cool that's a light footprint - yeah I missed some of my friends in Philadelphia and the other day I did I called my friend Denise and said you know I'm missing you right now so I'm going to where I used to live and I went on Google Maps and went on you know the the personal view the person view and I walked to her place on Google Maps and visited her virtually and then I called her and I said you know I'm just knocking at your door I've walked to your place and and now let's have a visit so there's so many things that you can do if you can't get on a plane and I know some people who won't they travel but they're terrified of getting on a plane so there's places that they can't go to because it means crossing an ocean and unless there's a boat whatever so but there's always a way like I want to know I want to help people get to their list of things and here's the thing about travel right it's never what you have to throw expectations out the window in travel otherwise you're gonna have a crappy adventure and you have to understand that everything can go wrong absolutely everything so if you can't quite get there you're gonna have to find a different way and that is what travel is it's about going outside your comfort zone yeah pushing yourself you know having that adventure how are you gonna get yourself out of some kind of situation you know and things happen all the time you know so it's and that's the fun part of it I mean maybe not at the time but it becomes memorable and you are allowed to laugh in hard situations yeah sometimes the best stories are of the worst moments like I was traveling through Holland and my luggage got lost and and I had to speak at a conference oh and and so like there was I think it was an hour before I had to get on stage my suitcase finally arrived I was without my suitcase for almost a week so it was a conference where I knew some people so they were I had friends lending me clothes oh that's cool that's cool though only women would do this have you ever heard a guy say oh I really like that shirt can I borrow what I've got a party to go to women would do that guys would never do that so I was fortunate in that situation that I'm a woman and all of my girlfriends came up and said well here and you know like I washed my undies out every night for a week yeah thank God for hair dryers in hotel rooms yeah but but those are things that if you've traveled enough everybody has a bad travel story where you're sure and your connecting flight has left by the time you know like you were delayed and delayed and delayed you get and get to the one airport and you run to the gate yeah a plane that you're supposed to catch and it is just taken off I fell asleep in a lounge oh that's funny and I got up to get to my plane and it had taken off and then attended to was there she said we called your name like five times you're like sorry it happens you know we go through this all the time road changes road construction that delays us all the time you know so you know there's things that happen when when you're traveling like the one time we were in one of the parks and it was in Kenya and our van had a flat tire in the middle of the park right these are back in the days where you could actually replace your own tires on the side of the road when you could actually you know and so here we were trying to do this tire thing and on a van and we're all outside going you know just feels like lion country and literally we got the tire on we get in the in the van go not even around the bend and there's a whole pride of lions just sitting there and we're like well that's good you know munchies you know so it was just it's funny but things happen you know and we were fine nothing bad we're not turning people off from looking at the road no but that's right if you can't all of these are invented you can't yeah it all those things are that happens if you can't get there well at least you're at home and cozy or something but I really want to bring up what you say about the knowing the medical side of things there are programs you know for traveling you know there's there are programs or apps for finding doctors and it is so good to have it set up and no hey if I need to have a transfusion or if I have an infusion or whatever it is or maybe it's a shot at you know it could be whatever it is it could be chemotherapy are they able to help you as you go across you know wherever you are and maybe you don't want to go across the whole country it's a long it's a big country maybe only want to do certain areas and then go home or just break it up a little bit too a little bit is better than nothing right yeah so I love what you're saying about being conscious of the medical side of it before you go because it's it's been a whirlwind for hospitals now the medical system is you know working hard let's put it that way so it's good to be prepared and have your records ready you know have them have a records bag like with your passport and all that kind of stuff that you can take with you too I think that's so much is online now you know yeah so much online so it's good to have all that set up but you can do it I mean depending you can do those bucket list things about where you want to go what you want to experience maybe you want to go see friends and family you know the the movie Kodakrome have you seen that no so what is it called again Kodakrome you know film all right yeah yeah so it was about a photographer and he's a grouchy dude man and they went off and he made one of his family I think his son or something it's been years since I've seen it and gets him and you know we've got to go across country this is my last photography thing or whatever and he was using film of course everything's digital now right and he had some exhibit to go to and through that this road trip people didn't know he was dying but he was and he was able to amend relationships you know between which I thought that's kind of a lot of those movies have that part there's one where there was a comedian I think it who did it have in there oh my gosh it was so funny it was Dryfuss Richard Dryfuss was the other one and they go across country and doing standup shows oh fun one gets them out of the nursing home and why do you remember that yeah and they go and do like it's hysterical and they were hooking up with girls and all kinds of stuff you know it was fun it was fun so you know those kinds of things and people didn't know how sick they were one the guy was but he was having a blast doing what he loves you know so I think you know you like you're saying you don't do it as a pity trip don't don't do that but go genuinely to have to make amends or have an experience and then you know people can find out later or whatever or at the end of it you know kind of like what Helen Marin said that someone asked her if what would you tell your younger self mm-hmm and I probably wouldn't but I got a chuckle out of it she says I tell a lot more people to F off mm-hmm and so I think part of what you get as a freedom if you know that there's only a certain number of days left to your life is that if you are a people pleaser and I am mm-hmm I think you get to a place where you go oh I'm gonna please me and I'm not trying to please I'm not gonna try and do things that tick people off but I'm not going to try and do things just to please people mm-hmm so when you're traveling you have this freedom I can show up as myself I can be authentic because if they don't like me I'm never gonna see him again I'm dying yeah well but there's something about also traveling with the right people yeah God to be of the wrong people that sucks like you know because you want to do things often from experience oh man yeah you that's how you know you have the right friends and stuff like that I'm I'm always like I don't know if I want to do on a trip with you you know I'm very yeah because I'm adventurous and I want to go do things and it's it's I can't just sit in in restaurants the whole time like a lot of people travel and it's just restaurants and I can't do that I mean I'll do a little bit obviously and I want my wine time but you know I want to go play around in a graveyard you see this pull over yeah I mean we do all those runs I'd like to shop and I'm I'm not a big copper I shop online because I go up quick I need this I go type it in I look at a few things and I make a selection I am not someone who's good at going through stores and rack after rack after rack and travel with people who love that experience yeah nothing nothing again them it's just not something that I enjoy no no but if I see something weird that's cool like that if I see you're walking by a store and you see something that catches your eye or going into a gallery or something then I'm like yeah or if it's a music yeah see I don't we don't buy stuff really well I mean we're on the road you have to put everything in the car like yeah so I mean we're terrible like even right now we're like we have to go and reduce clothing and it's like oh really like you know you have to realize you've been wearing the same clothes out of a suitcase for like a year and you're like they're a little old now you know you got to go in and start shopping and it's odd because it's like here we are in zoom and then we're playing with animals and we're in you know a swamp with alligators you know that's you know but anyway but it's fun I think people doing a road trip and seeing all the crazy wacky things on the side of the road the largest ball of twine things like that that's cool but I do want to say this too you know as we pets it as so we could do our work in between our park adventures we talk a lot with travelers because that's what who we're taking care of their animals for and lately you know we're seeing a trend of everyone's doing their bucket list right there there a lot of times it's mostly hey we're retired now newly retired and we're gonna go see the world you know and what we're finding out is you know there's a balance of who you're traveling with what you may not you may want to shop and he may not you know it's like okay well make sure you have activities that suit you know come together on the things you want to do but it's okay to go do an excursion on your own and meet people like if you're on a cruise and there's an excursion and you want to do that and he wants to go and do this other excursion split up you're gonna make friends and it's okay to have that independence and it's okay to travel solo there's no reason for you to not have that solo adventure if that's what you want to do you know so what we're also seeing is people you know make learning as they go as they get back into the swing of travel right and one thing we're seeing is people go into a place and they jam-pack everything they can do and then they are exhausted on the trip and then they start to hate the trip and I'm like and see now to me I can sleep when I'm dead that's okay I'm in a jam pack as much as I can I am but I do want to have my time where I can have a cocktail on the beach heck yes thank you very much I will do that yeah that is an activity for me but but so you see this balance of people over packing it in but so you've got to kind of think of who you are and you were talking about the people pleasing that's what happens oh he wants to see this or she wants to see this I'm gonna do it I'll do it I'll do it and then there there's a you want it to be happy for everyone yeah but especially if it's your last trip and this is a bucket list trip you're at end of life and you're planning it it's okay if it's all about you yeah okay and if someone says well you know I've never really liked the Grand Canyon then don't go oh who does want to go because this is about me and so I really encourage people to if you're thinking of doing this last trip then make it about you it doesn't it doesn't mean that you have to be nasty to other people but like you said make sure you're traveling with someone who likes doing the same things if you're gonna be dragging the last one your last trip no you want the right oh no winers no winers allowed no no if you're stuck in a you know a traffic jam you need to have someone that's gonna let's play some music play a road trip game do whatever do something silly you know you need someone you can spend time with if you're you know yeah that's that's crucial for an end of life thing also when you're talking about if you're gonna spread people's ashes do no it's illegal to do in some places without permission or a permit I just want to put that out there I think you can do it legally and I could be wrong national force check it out national parks it's a no-no to just sprinkle someone's ashes but you know people do it anyway and just kind of sprinkle and who's gonna know really sorry we just had a friend just are you still there I am that was it you saw there's a little black cat yeah well he's not that little is it anyway that was that was well done Zazzle's he wants to be part of the podcast when when you with the sprinkling of ashes like the Grand Canyon you get a permit they have like a whole ash area and burial thing there's a whole thing it is actually one of the biggest graveyards in the country and because people do end their life there too a lot of times that's a huge it's a it's hard and it's not necessarily good for the canyon just saying oh so we're talking about people throwing themselves off the lots of cliffs yeah it's a good place to do it I mean it's a for sure thing when you do you know when you jump off a bridge always go you know what if you're you you halfway make it like you know you you either do it or you don't like if you're gonna jump jump and know that it's you know but if you get mangled and you're still alive that kind of sucks yeah so yeah so suicide happens in these parks but that's not what we're talking about we don't want you to do that but no don't do that as a bucket please don't do it we don't know but the point is a Grand Canyon is a popular place for people and so I think there's permits or permissions and all of that but or if you're gonna do it legally just you know make that part of the adventure you know so I'm just saying don't come after me but I don't need a little sprinkle here or there you know a salt shaker full like we're talking about limiting we're not talking about you know like a whole shoebox so yeah well you know what Timothy Leary his ashes they mixed it with wine Susan Sarandon drank his ashes at Burning Man festival a little bit of wine I know she's all like oh I drank Timothy Leary and Nancy I listen to this going I don't want to drink anybody no no that's not something that I want to do but it does you and I always know it is how our conversations it's like there's so many off ramps and then it comes back on the highway goes off back on the highway it's a lot of fun hopefully everybody is aware that we're talking about what's your road trip where you're gonna go this is a life being bucket list something that you want to do item but the thing to yeah and that but on the cremation side like you're saying that's the other side of the road trip so yeah just be aware be aware of some laws on that kind of thing too but now would you help like a member you know person that knows it's end of lifetime and going hey I didn't get there and I want them to go sprinkle ashes do you help them connect with their family and say okay this is what you know he or she wanted is for you to do this do you do that as a doula well I could I haven't but I could and there is a place in Seattle where you can actually be composted we've talked about that in another show so if you really want permission to have now it's not no longer ashes you're actually compost your nice healthy soil you can have a box of nice healthy soil instead of a box of ashes and you can plant you can help sustain a tree or plant a flower anywhere in the world with your box of composted that's cool yeah so just another just another idea one of the things that you learn about is doula is all of the the different things that people do at the end of life and there's a place in I think it's Alabama where if you can take some of your ashes so you've already been cremated but you can send in your ashes and get it put into bullet casings well that's a whole so it's kind of one of those things you can shoot your mouth off even after you've died literally that is a see that's a thing I mean there's yeah this show we're always gonna derail right but I mean but it's really up to the person at their end of life and and the fact if for them to have the opportunity to even look at how they want to end their life and that's what I think is so good about this show is to think about it and and to live your best life while you're here yeah and that's the whole thing about being a doula it's not about dying it's about living until you die and if you're listening to this program even if you're ill you're still alive and there's still things that you can do so there's never a point during life that I think we should quit living because so you've been given you've been given a date yeah not any of us are given the gift of having a date of one accident so if you've got that date you can say okay I've got you know like when my dad was told he had two weeks and that was a big shock for us but in two weeks there was such intense love that came from him and was given to him that was a gift because if we wouldn't have had that date I doubt if some of the things that needed to be said would have been said and they were all beautiful lovely things that's cool the date does help you know there's a movie on one of my ultimate favorite movies is Breaking the Rules and it's called it's called Breaking the Rules yeah it has Jason Bateman Justin Bateman Bateman Justin or Jason Bateman yeah it was really young really young and it any parts is in it and a couple other guys that you'll recognize it was in it was a 1992 film and they went across country Jason Bateman was dying I think it was cancer leukemia or something like that I mean it's been a while since I've seen it but I love this movie and he went go to LA to be on Jeopardy and that was the whole thing and so they go across they get you know go camping he's you know they haven't done the camping and they haven't seen sequoia trees they have you know that kind of thing they got chased by a bear fun stuff they ended up on a paddle boat I think in Mississippi or something they went anyway they found some little town and they met any parts and and he married him they got married because he'd never been married meantime she was really into the other guy but they were close close friends and so he they married so that he can say he got married before he died because he was very young he was dying young and he did make it to Jeopardy so but he was really going down at that point illness wise but it wasn't a pity you know we were talking about that it wasn't a pity thing it was I'm doing this you know you're either coming with me or you're not and if you don't you suck when we look at all of the movies that are kind of like I'm dying and so I'm going on the trip there was one and I so we're not I'm not being helpful but it was a guy on an Indian motorcycle and that was he did a trip on an Indian motorcycle bought it he had always wanted to have a motorcycle and I think part of the backstory might have been oh no you can't do that that's too dangerous and then he found out he was dying he got the Indian motorcycle and did a road trip across America and all the places that he wanted to go to it was really cool yeah you know that's a thing there's um oh there's I mean you look at all the boys on the side the one girl was dying of AIDS and then her and her best friend go and next you know they they're at a restaurant or something and Drew Barrymore's in it whoopie Goldberg and what's the name Mary Elizabeth Perkins Perkins Mary Perkins I may have her name backwards she was in weeds that's okay I know what you mean and it's not yeah yeah Elizabeth yeah it's anyway she's cool and so she was the one dying and they go it's called boys on the side and they end up in Tucson and they filmed a lot of the movie Matthew McConaughey's first role was in that and he was a young hottie and was it him or Brad Pitt or whatever it was you know the 90s had good movies but they go across and they pick up Drew Barrymore because she's you know swinging a baseball bat at her boyfriend or whatever is abusing her and so they she's in the car and I think she was running from the cops it was crazy and it was a road trip movie yeah yeah it's a good movie yeah it's highly recommend boys on the side it's one of my favorites too but but those movies show like the adventure and how things can go wrong but brings people together and that's the other part of it and then there's a guy who got on his John D Attractor and drove the tractor to see his dying brother who they'd always had a rift but he wanted to make it meant before his brother died or something like one of them was dying but he didn't have a driver's license because he was too old so he got on his tractor and he drove all the way across the Midwest to his brother cool yeah I was gonna say walk and tractor but you just yeah yeah so there's there's always a way yeah you know and you might as well go out with a bang of doing something you know yeah a little unordinary and at some point you have to be able to say like if not now when if you're not gonna say yeah now when are you gonna do it mm-hmm yeah yeah yeah and you know so if you've been given kind of this date what what could you get rid of that would give you the money yeah to be able to take this trip yeah it makes you have a better life plan you know so you make decisions accordingly yeah everything would be your decision would be okay is this gonna help towards this or not you know yeah decision-making is huge it's huge so everybody have a good road trip no matter where you are yeah happy travels for all of it and even the final one absolutely so hopefully you can't hear this in the background but one of the things that we we're in a new house fire season last year was pretty brutal in parts of Nova Scotia so what I've done is I've hired someone and I love this she's a woman who is a woods person like she's a woodsman I don't know what you would call number like jackets lumber jackets that doesn't sound right number jane jacket lumber jane whatever but she has her chainsaw and she's taking down these huge dead trees on our property so we'll have a fire barrier all around our house so if fire season comes we'll be protected so very cool that in the background that's what's going on everyone keep up with Lee go to soul journey doula calm and we'll see you next month I wonder where we're gonna go thanks Lisa thank you for listening to big blend radio soul journey doula show featuring Lee brova Danny you can keep up with Lee at soul journey doula calm follow our big blend radio podcast at big blend radio calm (gentle music)