These Football Times
The South America Files: Uruguay 5s
(upbeat music) - Welcome to The Lob, your home of in-depth coverage and analysis by these football times, a movement of journalism you can trust. Each week, we endeavor to bring you the very best coverage of the game, exploring stories from the past and present, with analysis by expert guests from around the world. Find more about award-winning content online and in print. In the meantime, enjoy the podcast. - Hello, and welcome to another edition of The Lob Podcast with these football times. We're back with the South America Files. We're back with, well, I really don't know how to describe it 'cause it was an offshoot pilot. Potentially it's become a series. It might be a mini-series. We're not actually sure where this is going. However, due to the success of the first episode, we are back with the South American Fives. And this time, we are heading to Uruguay for the ultimate fiveside team that will be playing at soccer sensations in whole on a Tuesday night. And that does need to be considered when these choices are being made. We did episode one, which you can still catch, which is Argentina, and there's a lot of controversy caused by the selection of a couple of players based on the location of the game, but you need to listen to that episode. Anyway, so first of all, on with the guests and the people who will be advocating for their fiveside teams. First of all, Mr. Gary Thackett, Gary, welcome. - Got to be back on board. There's two discussion, fiveside, South American style, Uruguay, yeah, I've gone back in, I took a belief I'd have put it back and gone back in history for quite a few of mine. Some of the great days you were going football and obviously the greatest players. So I expect all my fives to be selected, except the Fantas Tista, which may develop a little bit of bias to a certain player. But wait, let's talk a bit less. - No, we don't want to talk about that, but I've already ticked them in, they're already in. But anyway, we'll see, you never know, someone might throw a curveball out there, but I don't think. Next up, Mr. Steven, welcome. - Thank you very much to you, massively looking forward to it. - I do. - Of course you are. - As always, and I think I'm on Brandesmond and as well for once. - So you're fully aware of what we're doing, what we're talking about, what the episode is and why we've made sure you need to have brought to the table. - I have indeed taken note of the prompts. - Excellent. I am expecting a little bit of, we're going to call it patriotic steel from some of your players. - Can we stop? - Where we're playing. - Completely. My team is just kind of like, you know, you can just take it as it is all five. You know, we can all just kind of like put our feet up and go and make a nice Sunday breakfast. - Excellent. And then finally, the man who is going to bring the most unheard of, unknown and yet unbelievably brilliant players from the 14/20s. Doctor Pete, welcome. - It's true. Yeah, well, I think it's very important to bear in mind that Hull and, you know, nowadays and Montevideo in the 14/20s are very, very similar places. - It does feel like 14/20s Montevideo here sometimes. I'm not going to lie. - So I think, you know, I've got people ready for the situation. I've got the kind of people that statues have been built out of. You know, I've got people that are kind of all year agoines, you know, when they wake up in the morning and when they go to bed at the night, you know, sing a quiet song, make a quick prayer thanks to the evening existed. So I'm looking forward to telling everyone about who the really the best five players in Uruguay and football history really were. - Well, that's exactly 'cause I think if I remember correctly, the goalkeeper for Argentina had literally a day named, the goalkeeper's day named after them. - Absolutely. - Like I am that shallow and I am very easily swayed by such. - I've got, I've got historic references all the way for you. I've got, you know, I've got a bloke who, an unheard of trophy that kind of exists. I'm not sure if you guys have heard of them. I'm looking forward to that one. See if that's kind of hit your radar. So that's one to look out for. - Before we start to do, I just, I don't know if Steve feels a sign that's him and me are probably under a massive handicap 'cause we're such a perishing expert here. - Absolutely. But I think our passion and cynicism. - We'll carry, we'll carry us through here, Gary. - That's it for Steve, very good. - Okay, so having gone through all the introductions and we have all the relevant panelists and we're all fully aware of what episode and what podcast we are actually doing, I think it's safe to say we can get started. So each person will be picking a goalkeeper, a defender, a midfielder, a fantasy star, and a striker. So two minutes for everyone to advocate for their player and we'll start with the goalkeepers. So Gary, two minutes, remember, yeah? And go. - Rocky Must Beoli was one time four back-term goalkeeper, helped you avoid when the walk up in 1950 and likely turned to the National College to take control of this list at the age of 79, after a long and successful coaching career club level. If you were to make, he's you're going, you're going to be playing a Debeese young debut with Liverpool the Montevideo in 1939. And no, Andy Robertson was not in that Liverpool team. After one season, John Penner on would spend the rest of his career playing there, 15 years and more than 300 games winning six Premier titles. In his victory in the Guardian, they stated must be all, must poorly, was essentially a shot stopper, brave, flexible, immensely agile and superb anticipation. Like so many continental in the South American goalkeepers, though, it was less affected dealing with high crosses. We can take on that, that he has all the skills required for a five-side goalkeeper, and there's no high crosses in five-size-of-a-side so that's it, but limit anyway. In the 1950 World Cup, he missed a single game through injury, and unsurprisingly, without him, you know, why he shipped two goals. Back with their starts at stopper in the final, though, if he stood the immense pressure of the occasion, because he'd just once against the home team, it would have already plundered 21 goals in five games, powered on by a massive confidence of 200,000 fans in the stadium. After playing on the pitch, you can direct tactics in the fast and frantic world of five-a-side football as a massive test, of course. Retired of the player must probably become the highly successful manager of Panerol. In 1966, it took them to the fall of the couple of hit doors where they'd beat Rip Place at Buenos Aires and qualified to meet Real Madrid in the European Cup holders in the Intercontinental Championship. They weren't too limited in Montevideo, but few expected them to survive the heat of Real Madrid in the return, but they weren't too near the game. A wealth of experience, how is the level of the game, skillset must be distributed to five-a-side football, and even briefly is there for the player, and if it's done the pressure of the Marcanar, it gets done the pressure of the Northeast. But the substantiations in Northern all the states have been right strong in the park. And broke. Wow. Excellent, Gary. That was like the Empire Strikes Back, then. It was kind of like, it was half. It was kind of like the Millennium Falcon being now attacking itself to the star destroyer, the asteroids. It was absolutely everything. God, I think it was that. It was breathtaking. I'm going to... Did you look at your screen at any point, Gary, when I held up my finger? No. No, I didn't think it did. That's okay. That was no problem. He didn't take a breath either. I didn't. The same 100 metres right, but the runners don't breathe. Trust me, at least, I didn't breathe either. I think, you know, like, Channel 4 have found something you can do the horse race in commentary. If anyone knows that. Yeah. That was impressive. Thank you. That was impressive, Gary. You had to be able to do the Jamba Creek, bit with the kind of like that. The odds were changing rapidly as we were going. All the tick-tack stuff going on there. OK, so, next up to follow that, then, over 100 words a minute, is Mr Stephen Scrag. So, Stephen, you're with your goalkeeper. Are you ready? I'm ready. OK. Go. I'm going for the satisfyingly named Rodolfo Rodriguez, winner of the Mundolito in 1980. He was the winner of the Copper America in 1983, captain in these sides as well. He won the Liberty Doris in 1980. He won the Intercontinental Cup in 1980, beaten Nottingham Forest as well in Tokyo. He went on to be, you know, into farming. He took on livestock, agricultural, he looks an agricultural fella. He looks very much, Hannah Bibera Clarkson, like the Scooby-Doo villain, the perceived Scooby-Doo villain. He's got a magnificent facial hair game, a fulsome tash, a lustrous beard. He looks like he could be a band member in Dr. Hook. He played for National League play for Santa. So, he went to Portugal and played for sporting. Now, in being the character that looks like the villain from Scooby-Doo, he clearly looks like he should be a villain, but he's the misunderstood character. He was actually the good guy. So, they spent the entire episode running away from him, scared of him, thinking he's the bad guy. Actually, he's the good guy, and it's the pencil neck and the office, who's the one that's got the mascot. That's what this comes down to. Rodolfo Rodriguez. I mean, look up the footage of him, or there's an iconic image of him with the Mundolito trophy surrounded by his teammates, and it is pure, Uruguayan spirit. They've beaten Brazil and the Mundolito. They will go on to beat Brazil in the Copper America in '83. This is a man that would fit into Hull absolutely 100%. He looks like a refugee from the 1970s. Again, that would suit Hull down to the ground. He had no problems whatsoever fitted into a five-aside pitch in Hull. Rodolfo Rodriguez is absolutely the only answer to this question. Amazing. Absolutely amazing. Before we go on to do we, having lost this Stefano lose no to two hairdos in the last program, if my mug guy loses out to a Scooby-Doo who went down to work on all my thoughts, what on Uncle Nippee? All right. I've got the right answer coming up, so don't worry about you. Just remember, this episode started off with the caveat that I am just that shallow. Please be aware, I don't need to be swayed by historical fact and silverware. I've got an eyebrow-hand of a bird. Exactly. Some people absolutely get this, and understand what it takes to get a player selected. However, Gary, don't forget, the yours did win the World Cup, so that was all right. One tip, so that's not bad. I mean, granted, he obviously hasn't got a villainous massage, but that's okay. Right then, so no pressure on to the expert. Pete, you said you've got the right answer. You've got two minutes to give us the right answer. You ready? I am. Go. Okay, so the correct answer for the best Uruguayan goalkeeper is Ladislal Mazurkovic, known as El Chiquito in Uruguay, the little one, not because he was small, but because he was the youngest of various children, known by Kenneth Willsdale in 1966, World Cup as Ladislal Mazurkovic. You know, that was basically what he said. So, you know, it's pretty much like Gary. I think that's why Gary didn't pick it. But anyway, in 1971, Lev Yashin played his final game. He invited who he considered to be the best goal group in the world. And at half time, he came off to be applauded by all the Muscovite fans, and who should come on to take his place symbolically as the new best goalkeeper in the world, but Ladislal Mazurkovic. A fellow goalkeeper wore black or dark gray because he thought it made him look invisible to opposing forwards. This is the goalkeeper in 1970. Was the best goalkeeper of that World Cup? Not set mire, not Gordon Banks, not whoever is in goal for Brazil. You know, they didn't need a goalkeeper. It was Mazurkovic. Now, you'll probably only know him because of that kind of dummy by Pellet that kind of left the goalkeeper in his wake. But then Pellet missed. Mazurkovic was that good that he came out quickly to make Pellet miss. And he was the best goalkeeper in that World Cup. It's also worth remembering that in 1966, in Wembley, Uruguay played England. Mazurkovic kept a clean sheet. It was the first time in something like 30 years that England had failed to score at Wembley. That's how good he would. Let's look at it as it was. Let's look at his trophies. Coppa La Bortador is 1966, beating River Plate quite good. Intercontinental Cup that year, beating Real Madrid, two-nil Emont of Deo, and two-nil Emburner Beo, two-nil. Who's your response for that? Mazurkovic. Winners of the titles in Uruguay with Peña Rol in 1965, 1966, 1967, 1968, 1981. The man who was undoubtedly for all Uruguay and to the best-keeper ever, Mazurkovic. Wow, two minutes.01. Classic pay. Oh, Vydiz, Vydiz. See, Vydiz, Vydiz. - Yeah, one is very important. Vydiz. - I have a discount all that you've heard, listeners. Yeah, I have to tell him I didn't look like a mannequin. - Oh. - And in my Pellet miss, because he was laughing at him, that's right. - Oh, he's getting school. - Did he score Gary? - No, he didn't. - Actually, it did think defenders are what he didn't go in. - Oh, that's great. Play nicely. We're only at the goalkeeper stage. - I think that'll come out there, really. - Oh, the top of the ball. Oh, the knee-high tackles were in South America. OK, I'm going to come to why I have a little think about this. Pete and Steven, let's have a think. No, I'll come to you, actually, Gary. Gary, if you weren't going to pick yours, which, quite clearly, you're very passionate about, and you had to pick the Hannah Barbera villain or the mannequin for Pellet, who would you go with? I mean, I didn't look at Missouri, which I have to say, and he was, you know, top goalkeeper in 1970, but that's one tournament. And Pellet didn't make him look like a morning fairness. But, you know, I mean, at the other guy, I can't even consider it. You know, and it was probably down in the farm. I was doing my research, sort of gathering the crops, and they could turn into gold, and then become the villain and scuba dealer, the mascot. I don't know. I'd have to go with Missouri, which... Although, he's second choice to mine. OK, Stephen, for you. Would you go with, Gary's well-cut winner, or would you go with Pete's choice? I'd have to go with Pete's choice. That was a stylish way in which for Pellet, not to score, and to be the punchline of that moment. No matter, and throw in everything else that Pete impassionately says that he's done across his career. Yeah, I did put him down on my short list, to be heard as well. Although, I was relieved that you didn't hand me that one, because I couldn't have pronounced it. I'd have to do with Kenneth Wolf and Owen, that one without a shadow of a douse. I hate to break it to everyone, but that one's not going to win because I can't pronounce it. So, that's a right answer. It's something else you wanted to think about when you're making your choices, how easy is it for me to say? I'm kind of confused. Just kind of check it out, it's easy. And for you, Pete, obviously, if we weren't picking the right answer, who would you have picked? Yeah, I mean, I had two other goalkeepers, but I thought of Mass Poly was one for 1950, very highly regarded in Uruguay. And the other one that actually didn't come up was Matt Ali from 1924 and 1928. He didn't play in '30, because by your stare, it all took his place, but for the ones we picked, again, the 1970s was a slightly bleak decade, despite great mustaches for Uruguay. So, I think I'd have probably gone with Mass Poly as the second choice to the inevitable winner. Wow. So, you've not made that easy at all in the slightest. You've all just picked a different one completely. So, that's not even helped at all. OK. Ah, far. See, there are merits and there are downsides to everyone's here. The main downside about yours, Pete, is pronunciation. I'm not going to lie. And I also am just out of shallow. Had you not have mentioned a bit about Palais, I think I'd have picked him, because... It didn't score. It didn't score. It's laughing too much. You're laughing too much? As I said before, because I am so shocked, as a kid, I've paused it so many times at that moment to see where he's looking, when the ball's gone one way and Palais gone the other, 'cause I'm a big fan of that, and I just love that. So, it comes down to the villain or it comes down to... And I can't look past this, this victory in the 1950 World Cup in the American act. I can't imagine that the pressure had been an incredibly low-endly person in that Uruguayan goal. So, I am going to give it to you, Gary. I am going with Masswoli as the choice for the goalkeeper, I'm afraid, guys, which I've surprised myself. I'm not going to lie. Yeah, your goalkeeper's in, Gary. Congratulations. I've surprised myself. Sorry, guys. - I've stood silent from being Pete. They're stood silent. - I understand that, however... - I'm silent. - I'm tired of the verdict. - I'm tired of the verdict. But now, the next one is the defender. And I'm not going to lie. There's one person in here that's been chosen by one of you. I'm so excited that they've been picked. I'm not going to lie. I was really hoping that somebody would pick this person. Fingers crossed that they put forward a good argument. So, defenders, it is. Are we all ready? So, we've got our goalkeeper. And now, we're going to the defender. Bernie Mann are playing in hole on a Tuesday night. I'll say no more. Stephen, you're up first. Are you ready? - I am ready. - Go. - I don't need two minutes for this. I need around about 56 seconds. That's all it took for Jose Batista to get himself sent off against Scotland in the 1986 World Cup finals. A work of Malif Lewis art, it was utterly magnificent when he sighed down Gordon Strachan. This was a challenge that has... It's rattled through the ages. And even in the summer of 2024, it has gained even more luster after Strachan sold himself out to the sun, advertising for that rag on ITV between the adverts of what have been largely very poor football matches, along with Harry Redknap, Jurgen Klinsman, and Jack Wilshire, he needs to go through every single one of them. And he can do that in hole on a Tuesday night, on a five-a-side pitch and take them all out. There is no doubt about it. This is the only man for the job, and there's definitely no other answer. Redknap, it should be no problem whatsoever. He's an old man now, and I'm sure his son, Jamie, can sort him out with a pair of sketches for the game. But anyone playing in sketches in hole on a Tuesday night deserves to be taken out. Klinsman, he'll be diving before he's even got onto the pitch. Batista's there and fallen over. Jack Wilshire and his ankles of Rita Bix. They're just not gonna survive whatsoever. Batista, the only man for this job, he will absolutely lay absolute havoc across this football pitch. No one will wanna go near him. And then I'm sure, given his temperament, he'll probably be able to go and work on the door, put one of those kind of fluorescent arm bands on, and then go and tell the students to piss off at the student union and, you know, sort out a few fights. - Outstanding. He was my defender of job that I was hoping somebody would advocate for. Yes, I've got a lot of time for Jose Batista. Excellent, well done, Steven. - Thank you, Adam. - Pete, you're up next. Quite a tough act to follow there. Are you ready? - I'm ready. - Okay, go. - So when most countries talk about their great leaders, they'll look to the presidents, or kings, or prime ministers. But in Uruguay, they talk about their football leaders, and they will always start with Jose Nasezi, as the leaders that all other Uruguay leaders have had to follow and emulate. He was a marble cutter by trade. He probably could have made his own statute. But he is the guy that probably best encapsulates the football identity construction of Uruguay, the Garachalua, you know, in terms of fighting, spirit, courageous, never-say, diatitude. He was the guy that fought the German Hoffman in 1928, and beat him up and got sent off in the 1920 Olympics, when it was hard to get sent off. That's exactly how hard he was. He was known as the Great Marshal. He has won more tournaments than any other Uruguay on a national level. Captain in 1924, 1928, and 1930 for the Olympics. He was captain in 1923, in 1924, 1926, and 1933, I think it was 1935 for the South American Championships. He was best player in the South American Championships in 1933 and 1935. You know, this is the guy that all Uruguay is based on. You know, he has a stadium named after me. He did even play for Peni Rolland and Nacional and the Hardiers. He did it tough and played for Bea Vista. Their stadium is named after him. In Uruguay, they do it properly. They don't name stadiums after crisps or airlines or insurance companies. They named them after the great footballers, and Nosazi was the greatest of these. You know, he was a guy that could score goals as well, and we need that on these kind of, you know, five-as-side pitch in the hole. On the European tour, when again, he was captain, but Nacional invited him to play. They were that desperate for him to play. You know, he scored something like 10 or 14 goals on that tour, showing he could play anywhere. If you watch him playing in 1930, he's wearing a white beanie hat. The guy's a legend, Cossing Assazi, the great marshal. Wow. Two-second shy, well done, Pete. You made up time on your 0.01 over from year of one. Oh, that's not bad, actually. Come back to Jose Fantista. I do get, I have a lot of times, what he did in 1986 or 56 seconds. But to be fair, that's really good. Yeah, he's probably in with a chance. He said that's really good, still, right? And if the guys didn't pick his number one choice in this category, the guy I'm going to put forward, they need their bumps felt. As I should prove, as I should prove shorter. I'll tell you what, this is God be good, guys. I'm not going to lie, Pete was really good. If it doesn't really turn it because of me, not because of him. He's going to Sebastian Quattas. That's what he's doing. [LAUGHTER] He was really good for sporting lists, but last year, it's, you know, it's got to be said to be like this. [INAUDIBLE] Right, then. So two minutes going on, Sebastian Quattas. Are you ready? Go. OK, well, if Stephen for the devil, I've gone for the God. I'll do a little bit lower. The inspirational Captain of the Unicorn saying that won the 1950 World Cup. Nick Nand, Elle Nick Gross, F.A., the Black Chief. Throughout your uniform, the wider South American football community very least commonly regarded as one of the greatest ever classic defenders. Composer and uncurried ability to read the game and form one skid and possession. He's truly the ideal defender of five side team. But he's not even regarded as one of the best plays in South American history, but also probably the greatest captain in South American history. After five years of Montevideo, one of his joint pederals in 1943, for 12 glorious seasons, when he's six year repeat at the Unicorn Championships, eight, fifth, fifth, fifth, and two on their donut, and a half of them come with the competency of Tony wins as well. It's here on the international stage where very less talent came most and most of the four. After winning the Copa American 1942, where he was named as the best player of the tournament, he took things further eight years later, facing that goal from Brazil attack in 1950, and a uniform fell behind and could be swept away by the way of his technical support. In the group's state, Viril had already rescued his team from when they fell behind to Spain by scoring a later equalizer. And now this team facing an even bigger mountain to climb. Viril had demonstrated his game there. So he grabbed the ball, prevented the game from starting. Took the pressure out to the moment. He'd had to the moment to allow this team to gather compulsion and fight back. But still on victory, the ultimate walk up tripod, much so on to the talent of Viril at every way the team leader, with the ball and win defending. But also he's bringing tight the floor of the game too. Ahead of the game, however, Viril had already lead his team, but he had news plans for climbing. Their team has win this game before kickoff, and Viril had gathered his team together, put the news back to the floor, and he thought he were to piss on them, to show their independence. And as Peter would say, the much elg had a chariot. At the end of the game, with a well-coupled lifted, Viril had not only pissed on their newspapers, it rained on Brazil's parade as well. But Viril had money in the defense, Uruguay's barberside team that have not only the great defender captain, the Uruguan football history, but also a man who knows how to get things done. Simply put, he's the, not any other winner in this discussion, he's the winner. - Oh, nicely done, Gary. One minute 58.5. - Boom. - Nicely played. Okay, Stephen, obviously, it's not, we can't pick yours, which we all really want to, I know we do. But if we can't pick yours, where are you going there? - Both, fantastic arguments. Obviously, not Batista, fantastic. - Yeah, it's just, no. - But I would say, Viril, I think the anger and the shit I was already has to win out. It's true Uruguay and comic book stance. Yeah, I will take a nod towards Gary on that one. - Hey, I'll come to you next. So obviously we've got 50, literally, in real time. So Stephen did it a little bit like an episode of 24. But just did it in real time for Batista's time on the pitch against Scotland in '86. But where would you go with those two choices? - I mean, in many discussions of Uruguay, they talk about being a country built on two Virilas. So, I mean, Abdulio Virilas is a great answer. Arguably, he was more of a defensive holding midfielder, some would say. So, I mean, I actually might have placed him in the midfield category. So I think he certainly was one of the great leaders. I mean, obviously, he did copy Nasezi in that. So I think it's important to put Varela in that context. But Varela is a legend in Uruguay and football without any doubt, Nasezi would have been proud of how he copied him, I think it's fair to say. - Excellent. So where does you have to avoid Pete on the goalkeeper for going 0.1 over? I think you've got to avoid Varela over the ambiguity over whether he should be in the field or a defender item. - No, I'm trying to influence the situation here. - No, that's okay, oh. - In father's side, flexibility is massively important. The fact that he could do two jobs, he did a bad thing, he's a fantastic asset. - I mean, Nasezi scored goals, you know? I gave that point to her. - All over Europe. - I play Nasezi up front, and yeah, somebody will play it. - Nasezi, Nasezi, Nasezi, Nasezi. - He played a star. - He could put a volley game, yeah. - He could put a volley game. Volley, why? That's for sure. - Gary, where would you lie if you were choosing between Pete's and Stevens? What would you go with? - As I said, you know, Steve didn't pick the devil compared to my garden, you know, there's a great bit of talent there in whole father's side. You don't want to get rid of that guy, that's for sure. But no, as Pete says, this is the only second place to Varela, so I'd go with Pete's guy I'd have to. Just on pure talent. It's great to say that, you know, Pete was sort of saying that, you know, my guy was good because he, he's still in the shoulders of Pete's, but you know, he's done the shoulder, you're right. (laughs) - Guys, you have two minutes for a reason. You can't start extolling the virtues and condemning others. You've got to play Nasezi. - I didn't get it to Chancellor, but I don't know if you guys know about it. Have you guys heard, this isn't to do the argument, but have you guys heard of the baton of Nasezi? I don't know if this is something you guys are aware of. So this is probably a South American thing, this. But basically, there was a kind of alternative World Cup winners idea in that whoever has most recently beaten the World Champion is known as, you know, is, and whoever is the holder of that is the holder of the baton of Nasezi. So, yeah, there's just, I don't know if you guys know that story, but he was the original holder of that, so. Weirdly, the Dutch East Antilles once were the holders of the baton of Nasezi, of Nasezi, sorry, I'm saying Nasezi. The baton of Nasezi. The Dutch East Antilles held it on one random occasion somewhere. - I think that's a win. We would have gotten the Euro semi-finals into it. I think that's the way that everyone is going. I think that's in their dream to play in the semis. I feel like Pete, that was a lot. It's a great story, but I feel like that's just a little, a little extra push beyond player. - And I think that's just a fact interesting thing. However, I'm gonna say, Pete, you didn't need it because I like what you said about yours. I have a lot of time for the information. I don't know what Gary said about standing on the shoulders of giants, but. - Jesus. - It was a lot easier to stand on someone, than to be stood on and bear the weight of others. So, I'm gonna go with yours, Pete. I thought it was a great, I thought it was a great pitch, and I liked what you had to say. They've now lost all your groin listeners. They're all picking their laptops up or their tablets and throwing them against the wall. - Well, I think I'll say that. - That's right. - Yeah, grandkids are listening, so they're at least you've still got a couple. - Oh, oh, what? - You're a big wise man, Stu, and I think that's the whole of you. I will be standing with you here. - Thank you. I highly agree. I desperately wanted you to go. - I desperately wanted you all to play, just because out of badness, I would have loved, and I was really hoping that Pete and Gary would put rubbish pitches in, but there will be quite decent players. - I apologize to Vera, I must have let him down with my argument, 'cause he should have walked up. I mean, you're in the distance to second and third place. There's stuff to second and third place behind me. - I think a lot of it had to do with, obviously you're a wise golden age of the 20s, and obviously this man was captain, the size was captain throughout all of that, and that's where you're a wise history, heritage is built, and I can't look past that, I'm afraid, Gary. - Well, nobody else is playing. - Well, Gary, we can't be bitter about it. That's all we can. - We can, no, we can. - You have to remember that Argentina didn't play in the 1950 World Cup, so, you know, but they were there in '28, in 1930s. - Wow, and there's guys, okay, we're gonna move on because I feel like this is gonna turn nasty, but I do like that. (laughing) Okay, we're coming to the midfielders now, so now we're starting to get to the players that I'm a bit more interested in. So, Pete, we're gonna start with you first. Two minutes, are you ready? - I am. - Go. - So, we have to go with the guy that provides the brains, the guile, the style, the dynamism, if we've already got the power of Nasezi, and we've got to go with Jose Leandro Andrade, the first global superstar of world football. A man who basically was part of the team that the French Le Keep journalist described as thorough beds compared to Farmhorse, Leandro Andrade was effectively the black beauty, known as the black marvel, the black pearl. He impressed in France with an elegant style of play. He also loved the carnival, he played the violin, he played the tambourine, you know, he loved the nightlife, you know, he enjoyed life. So, not only was it, you know, a great player on the pitch, he would always, he would also have suited into the whole nightlife after winning the game on the pitch at half eight in the evening. Richard Hoffman, a German international who played against him, described Andrade as a football artist who could simply do anything with the ball, a tall guy with elastic movements who always preferred the direct elegant game without physical contact. Now, that might not be best for Hull, but he didn't need to do the contact. He could avoid it just by his movements, but he could put his boot in, if you watch some of the footage remaining from the 1930 World Cup, you will see a phenomenal sliding tackle made to disrupt an Argentinian move in another great block played. So, he could put his boot in when it mattered. Academic Hanzorik Gumbrecht believes that Andrade was responsible more than anybody else in the first third or 20th century putting football on the map of international sports. Everyone was enchanted with the elegance of his movements. This is a guy that has to play. He was a pioneer for football for black players throughout the world. He, you know, fought racism. He was an element and an identification point of a modern society. Intelligent, honest, never celebrated his goals. The kind of player we all need in every team on a five-side pitch. Jose, Leandro, Andrade, the black marvel. - Wow, I'm not gonna lie, Pete. I've struggled to get past Gile and style in rhyming after each other. (laughing) The thing of that, I thought that was absolutely beautifully poetic. - Wait, you say that too? I thought when he was gonna pick the sign, he played the violin, he played the tambourine. I thought he was gonna say he brought the boogie as well, but he's gonna play it. - Yeah, go that way, shake on that way. - You're just concerned that you think that a violin player is gonna fit into whole's nightlife. That really worries me. You need to spend more time here. - Lisa, can you use just in case as well, you think? - Yeah, that was probably more like it. Okay, good pitch. I liked that. Gary, are you ready for your mid-fielder? Play nice, you remember? Ready? And go. - In 1955, seeing Milan laid out a world record for you to bring the best forward in Uruguay across to Italy and the San Siro. And so many occasions, such play-note of brass, false-plotted face, but not with this guy. The capture of Juan Sciviano from Penorol was guaranteed to be a success. It just scored more than a century of goals and created just as many for Penorol and his skills at ease. They wanted out of the club to hatch up a tank of titles. Joining the Rosinari would lead to further glory, three Skidetter titles, Latin Cup, and one of some spot in the European Cup against a rampant Real Madrid team. The 1950s, final saw Milan, pressed the Imperials lost one cost, a very limit for the game going to extra time after Sciviano, now captain of the challenge team, had given them the lead. At this stage, Sciviano would follow the Rundi route, take advantage of the Geno E's heritage and switch the agency as to the Azalean national team. I've scored nine times in just 21 games for this list. And we're not in the all-important equalizing the decisive game of the 1950 World Cup. It wasn't a little else from to do, so we moved to Italy. A whole of trials for Snackalade, such as being described as Uruguay player of the 20th century by the IFHS, including the 100 greatest footballs wartime by Will Sockamagasy, an accession to the Azalean Hall of Fame, are all well and pretty damn good. But there are other things that makes it the honour uniquely suited to be Uruguay's five-to-side team. Superb that balanced, he could seemingly do up us plays with ease, and it's will the Whisper parents gave him almost a surreal aura that has drifted ethically past opponents, dismissing the muscular chance with nonchalant grace. He's decepting the frail frame, delighted at Iron World determination, which meant he was never muscled off the ball and gave him the time and ability to pick passes, to take games and prompt those further playing forward. And our extra quality possessed, one that many creative mid-players think beneath, there was an eagerness to trap back and defend right possession. In all body terms, he was the ideal inside forward. Hard work, receptive with an eager wife of a goal. In light of life, he would also be deployed a sweeper role. That flexibility just rounds out the most comprehensive CVs and firms, while once if you honour, he's surely nailed on for this team's midfield. Wow. One minute 59.15. Boom. Excellent gallery. Excellent discussion, excellent points, well made. I like the idea of him coming across to Europe. That's going to stand him in good stead, for if he's lucky enough to be selected here, to play next Tuesday. Yeah, it's beautiful. Beautiful. Yeah, good choices. Milan Hall, very similar situations. And very, very similar, culturally very similar. Stephen. Yes. I'm not going to lie, the two guys have caught with some really good players here. But I am holding out great hope for yours. Well, yes. Again, you've all got the answer to goalkeepers and defenders wrong. Yeah. Yeah, the midfielder is nailed on basically. It's nailed on. Yeah, this is where I think you're going to come good here. You ready? I am ready. OK. Go. Alcedas Gehear, the only possible answer to this one. Kind of a, I don't know, suave, sophisticated. A little bit of the Clark Gable about him. I mean, in luck, Suarez, Rodolfo Rodriguez has got an incredible kind of facial hair game. You know, this is a bit more subtle. No, there's the fake whisper of a mustache there. You know, a man who came of Swiss heritage, Italian connections, haven't spent the best part of a decade later on in Serie A. You know, a Renaissance man. You know, absolutely everything about him. You know, dripped iconography. You know, and he's a man that is responsible for breaking the heart of a nation, not even his own nation. But Brazil, the man who scored the decisive goal in the 1950 World Cup is shrouded within, you know, iconographies. He's the hero to Uruguay is the ultimate villain to the Brazilian nation. You know, there are only ever, you know, even by his own words, there are only three people that ever silenced the American are. One of those was the Pope, one of those of Frank Sinatra, and he was the other one himself. You know, the journalist Roberto Mouliert, he described him as, and then this moment has been zaprudresque. You know, there was the footage of him scoring that winning goal is only comparable to the assassination of JFK. He assassinated a nation, basically. He assassinated Brazil in the summer of 1950. You know, and Clark Gable, you know, he does look, you look at him and think, well, yeah, you know, he is a player that's, you know, designed to be, you know, Wilkert winner at 3 p.m. And on and started and gone with the wind at eight. He is the red Butler football, the only answer to this. Brazil are gone with the wind. That is brilliant. I don't know if you can see my phone. That was your timing right there. There we go. I think I've broke it now. I've broke it. Obviously, they went from, from the skate video, a villain to Clark Gable, and I can't believe they're all going to date gone with the wind, cos Frankly's got it, I can't give a damn. [LAUGHTER] Again, I was hoping someone would pick this one as well, because I wanted to see how they would advocate for it. Excellent, excellent job. Gary, where would you go with Pete Osteven's choices? I'd like to read Pete's first if I can. You did? I don't know, I don't know. You did? No, please. Gary, why do you not offer this podcast? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, because he said in his message, he's going to mention somebody else extra, so I thought he was going to chuck somebody else in the house, I thought it was for him. OK, OK, OK. Well, there must be Stevens then, that was the last thing I've done. I'm very sorry, there is there. No, I mean, I'm sorry. I thought, when you said a bit, you're going to chuck somebody else and I realized it's forward, so ignore me. I mean, I actually stated to myself, going through the golf score, as the, in the 1950 World Cup game against Brazil, and, you know, both got made. But I think, you know, sea past Andrade would be, would be very difficult, and, you know, the record he has, and the sort of impact he made as well, especially on those European teams. But Pete mentioned so, I think, you know, with, you know, certainly given a nod to, I'd have to go with Andrade. Only if you remember, he'd have to be spoken about. Yeah. Well, he did not. I thought he'd put another one in. Don't invent it. Pete used the word Galen-style. How is that? What do you think? I thought he was going to put another one in. Jesus. I'm really sorry, Pete. I feel like I should pick yours anyway. But if we couldn't pick yours, which clearly we're not going to, but if we couldn't pick yours, Stephen's on galleries. And feel free to not remember what Gary's just said. Yeah. I mean, I almost didn't recognize it, because he didn't pronounce it right. But yeah, it's the Kenneth Wall's home of the pod. Now, I mean, I'd go with Sceafina. He was a magnificent player. Yeah, I think he was nominated as the best Uruguayan player ever of the 20th century. I mean, I actually had him for my creative midfielder. That's where I'd have played him. He was kind of like a version of Laudrop and Bergkamp, but better. Watch the footage of him. He's a beautiful player, Pepe. You know, he was part of the Esquaddría de la Muerti. You know, one of the great, great penier all sides of Holberg and, you know, Verral, all those kind of people. So Sceafina was a legend. Gidgia was a fantastic player. The longest lasting of the Uruguayan 1950 team. The silencing of 200,000 people is a remarkable achievement. I think that must have been a pretty bad gig by Sinatra. He also managed to play. LAUGHTER It was never in tune, Sinatra. LAUGHTER I mean, even if he had Andrade playing the backing music for me, probably wouldn't have been that good in that stadium. I mean, Sceafina is a legend, you know. Thank you. I've played as a backing singer. You're very much the bigger person there, Pete. Considering Gary couldn't remember yours, that's very magnanimous of you. I'm not going to lie. Stephen, for you, where would you have gone with these two? I don't know. I'm waiting for them both to kind of say who they picked there. LAUGHTER I won't go for Sceafina, but, you know, again, you should be playing as a playmaker. You can't have an LCR that deep. No, no, no, no, no, no. And Andrade again, I've already forgot what Pete said now because of Gary. LAUGHTER I'll go Andrade because we've got to feel some sympathy there for Gary. For Gary, for Gary's Sonality on this. Yeah, yeah. You can't record Gary's not great on this particular series. On the Argentina episode, you switched off at the end and you thought we'd finished and we hadn't. Whatever. OK. See, this is a really, I do feel really bad for Pete because Pete was really good and it rhymed and he managed to get a reference to Paris and the Caribbean in there with the Black Pearl as well. So I've got a lot of time for what Pete had to say. Oh, you're a wise player at the century. That's quite a pitch. It's not a bad moniker to have. Obviously, there's some discussion about where Gary's playing him. But Gary seems to be very, she won in his players in all over the place to make them work. But... Square... Square pegs him round, I was there. I'll just throw it over. Jesus. He is your wise player at the century and he would be... Well, I don't think it is actually. I think the next player is, but there you go. However, yeah, he is your wise second best player at the century, so he probably should go in. So congratulations. Well done, Gary. He's in. The plan works. The plan works. Yeah, well done. I can't believe you didn't listen to Pete at all. That's terrible. Okay, so now we come to the fantasyistic position. We don't have to do this if you don't want to. No point is there. But, Will... Will... Will... Will... Let everyone have a go, even though we know the answer. We'll start with... I think we'll start with Pete first on this one. If that's okay, you're right to go with this one, Pete. I mean, good luck, but yeah. Are you ready? I'm indeed. Okay. And... Go. Okay, every five aside team needs a crazy player. We need a local. This is South America we're talking about, so I've gone for the original a local. Angel Romano, another player of the great generation of Uruguay. When Uruguay were the best team in the world, let's remember that. The bloke that someone else is going to pick was not part of the best team in the world. He didn't win the things that matter. Let's just make that really clear. Anyway, Angel Romano could play all over the front five, and he did. You know, he was that good that popular junior signed him when he was only 18 from his year at Guainte. And then Argentina tried to play him for them as well. You know, they were that desperate to play him. He was described as the star of stars. It is impossible to get further in football activity than Romano has achieved. That's how good he was. He was known for being a phenomenal dribbler. We need that in a five-a-side pitch. He was a deadly strike of the brawl, a brilliant finisher, good with either foot. It was a uniquely sound, hard to get the ball off him. So hard, in fact, in 1924, Jose Nasarza used to say that, right, we're all tired. Let's give the ball to Romano. He'll keep it for a while. And when we've recovered our energy, then we'll get it back off it. That's what Jose Nasarza said, who we've already picked. We need to have that kind of player, so our other five-a-side players can just kind of wander around and have a bit of a laugh while Romano is taking a mick. That's what this kind of thing needs. That's what Hull needs. Again, the trophies for Nasunel, 1915, 1916, 1917, 1919, 1920, 1922, 1923, 1924. He played more times for Uruguay than anyone else until 1985. You can imagine all the players that could have played for Uruguay on that team. And he was playing all the time of that era. You know, he was leading scorer for Uruguay at one particular time from a kind of left-winger, right-winger-centre-forward role. He could do anything. He even wore a white hat as well. You've got to remember, you've got to wear a cap and look casual. Angel Romano. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. And the fact you threw a hat in there, right, at the end. Well, well recovered. Yeah. Excellent work. I felt like it was going nowhere until you threw that hat. It was really good. Okay. Gary, you can go next. You ready? Not really, because of these teams. It's just like two. We'll just drop the mark and make a copper today. But we'll give it a go. We'll give it a go. Yeah. We'll give it a go. We can't all think like that. Oh, what did you think to peach peach then? Did you listen? Yeah, I mean, that's a great pick. Oh, okay. Right. Are we ready, Gary? Yeah. Okay, go. Fantastic. Fantastic players. Fantastic players. I'll just start with a lot of their teams. And that's sort of often the highest-paid players. It's therefore appropriate. My choice for this important position was not only the highest-paid player for the team, whether you want to brace a Serie A titles. The same number of copper italia titles and the super copper italia as well. Plus it, you are ethical. It was also the highest-paid player in the world for a time. My fantastic step is Alvaro Ricova. His talent shone through so bright after just a single season at 20 goals in 47 games. He was spotted by Marcel the star of the great Interteam of the '60s. He was then convinced Marathi, the owner of mainland, to sign him. And he did. Ricova went on to play in Italy for a good many years. Never turned into a uni-going domestic football for a dozen years. Marathi's debut for the Netherlands early, sorry, for Milan Inter. It was a late substitute game against pressure with his team of gold down. He rather did a brace to turn the game and win the game for his team. He set the scene for what had become the glorious years of the Sancien, where Ricova's substitute goals and greater number of assists fired Inter to the hall of trophies described above. His first goal was a rocket from 40 yards out. His second was one of those dropping free kicks that defied the laws of gravity. Dropped like a stone to the net, it was a great goal and a glorious stunning debut. His left foot only packed a massive pair of precision. It also possessed exquisite touch too. Beautifully balanced and deceptively flaccid was a classic fantasy stone to dribble on the lethal turner box. Inter fans described him as "Maradorn reborn". After leaving Inter, Ricova would also have a brief but prolific period with Vicenza, scoring 11 goals just 19 games for a runner in his career in Italy with a layover in Torino before returning to Uruguay. Ricova would also win 69 caps for the Celeste, where the talents were spotted. The talents spotted by Betsil that would prove invaluable to his team. His gripping skills, ball control, pace, the student passing and ability to create time and space would not seem to exist, making it ideally suited to the five-a-side game and the fantastic deposition. A man who runs on his scores, individual goals, but also creates a host of chances for his teammates. Oh, nice Gary, great work. And I'm not going away, a really good choice. When they came through, I was very happy that he was selected. I mean, it's not a winner, but I was really happy that he was selected. I've got him for second voice too, I mean. There's nothing wrong with that. You can be the Jürgen Hinksen of this episode. Okay. And now, with the right answer, Mr Stephen Scrapper, are you ready to let everyone know who's going to be picked? Absolutely. Excellent. How long do you want for this? I need, well, I could speak about him all day long. We could just put your feet up lads, and I'll just, yeah, turn down all rules. I'll try and keep it in two minutes. Okay. Are you ready? I'm ready. Okay, go. Okay. My choice is the daily Thompson of You're a Hawaiian playmaker. None of this Jürgen Hinksen are, none of this, you know, the, I don't know, the Fatima Whipped Red to Petra Felker, you know, all of that. You know, we're not having a, it's the one and only Enzo Francesco. I've said, there's only one answer to every single question that I've been put forward, but, you know, my answer has not been the right answer, apparently. But this clearly is, I'll print the, the prints himself, you know, a star of, of just skilled football in what was an angry Euro Hawaiian national team era. This wasn't an era in which, you know, you could, you could point to a wave of other, you know, skilled and magnificent free flowing Euro Hawaiian footballers. This wasn't, you know, he was, he was the ring, he was the diamond of this, this ring made of barbed wire. That's where Enzo Francesco was. He was just, just the most beautifully balanced two-footed play, not one-footed. You know, you, you know, Diego Maradona clearly didn't know cut, cut it with his one-footed, you know, just for Argentina. Here's someone who's balanced, skilled, two-footed. He has all the control in the world, just beautifully gifted, elegant. You know, the fluidity, you know, the ball just attracted to him. You know, the dribbling skills that everyone else has mentioned. You know, you can take it wide, you can go through the center, you can push up, you can drop deep. You know, he just had the whole repertoire so good with a football at his foot. The zidan himself named one of his sons after him. And not just that, you've got to consider the, you know, the kits that he could bring along as well for the team. You know, he could deck everyone out in, in River Plaiket. You know, Ross and Paris, those, those incredible, you know, blue and white hoops. You've got, you know, Caliari, Torino. You know, this is the only man. A Liberty Star is when there's three copper Americas, Enzo Francesco. Perfect. Absolutely brilliant. You know, not, not a bad player. Gary, if, if you had to pick between Stevens and Stevens, what would you pick? Sorry, glad to put you in Stevens and Pete's. What would you pick? You wouldn't pick the new button. That's for a certain. I can't, I mean, I can't remember what Stu says. Other than the fact you got two feet. He's got two feet and a more invasive shirt occasionally. I mean, Francesco is a great player. I mean, you've got, it's difficult to compare it over. He was, of course, what you were trying to do here. But, I mean, Romano, just absolute legend, absolute legend. You know, and I know, you know, the trophy is the, the sort of, kind of no trophy is one. But, you know, Romano didn't really have that chance. He wouldn't have done it. I've got to go with Romano. I mean, I know, Francesco is going to win. And that's fine because he's decent. More than decent player. Fantastic elegance. A playmaker, as Stevie said. But I've got to go with Romano, but happy to have him. That sounds like a protest vote to me. Yeah, that's, yeah. You're trying to split the vote there, guys. I've just blew a second place, haven't I? That's like voting for reform, man. Hey. Steady. There's things, there's things, I stand there. I'm on the work there now, Tiger. Pete, for you. Well, obviously two of them are modern day players, should we say, for the fantasies to roll. What do you think between those two? I think, I think the public has to be deprived of a skier female versus Francesco early fight off. There, that's the fight. That's the fight we all wanted to see. This is, this is kind of like, you know, the heavyweight boxer as, as, as kind of fought some, some thug in the pub role. The real playmaker of Uruguay and history. Ricolba is a, is a score of spectacular goals. Wonderful player. The El Chino, you know, scored some a great free kicks. And anywhere out of the area, he's, he's lethal. But, you know, I think that Latin American football is defined by the playmaker. We're looking for people who define football. Francesco Lee is the player who defined, you know, Latin American football in his era. You know, you have the likes of Valderaama, Francesco Lee, Liquelme. You know, the kind of the strolling, glorious playmaker that we all want to see. And Francesco is the prince. Zadan loved him. He named his kid after him, you know. And again, you know, when we remember that Zadan obviously is the kind of person that would head, but perfectly innocent Italian defender. But even so, you know, we have to pick on that Francesco Lee. But skia female Francesco Lee was the fight we all wanted to see. Sorry guys. I was just, yeah, I'm just speaking. There's a lot of it around, there's a lot of it. And obviously Steve, but you don't need to worry about who you would pick between Pete's and Gary's, but just for a life. But would you have chosen? As ever with Pete, with the, you know, there's names that you've heard of, and then Pete just puts the flesh to the bones. And he just leaves you wanting to know more about these players, more and more about these plays. So I'm going the mountain. Okay, but there's no need. Yeah, okay. So for this one, after careful consideration, due deliberation, when we decided this podcast was going to be done, I went with, I went with Enzo Francesco Lee because to come and watch him play for free in whole on a Tuesday night is just priceless. And for me, yeah, in my top, it probably makes into my top three favorite footballers of all time. So for those of you who didn't have, and actually for the record, all three of you picked Francesco Lee as your number one choice, which is why we're all such good friends, or why you're all my good friends. So well done on that, but yeah, it's Francesco Lee was only ever going to be, was only ever going to be the choice there guys, but, but well done on coming up with somebody else. Okay, skikers. Now, this one is up for grabs. There is no preconceptions here. So this is all to play for. So we're going to go back to the beginning with you, Gary, I think first. Are you ready for your final pitch for this? You're a blind side. Are you ready? Go. In all forms of game, you need your forward to banging the goals and my selection in this royalty, but it's such regularity that you go under the nickname, Artie Leiro, meaning the Artie Le Mantle, the Gunner, he's of course the greatest girl score in unicorn football history Pedro Petroni. Some might dispute that wide acknowledge operation, but such discourse is surely folly, and here's why. Between 1924 and 1931, it scored 146 goals in 128 games to nothing else. Yes, that's right. A high ratio for the goal per game. If they're moved to Serie A, joining Fiordentina, scored 37 goals in 44 Italian league as for return to Nacional, and once again, it ragged the net in 30 goals in 20 league outings. This goal is going to prove so ever was not limited to football, a two time gold medalist in 1924 when he scored six goals, and then in 1928 as well. Petroni also won the 1913 Royal Cup with Uruguay, and he was 19 years and one month old, but he received the 1924 gold medal. The tournament top goal score reward, and still to this day, the youngest gold medalist in Olympic football. He also scored 29 goals for Uruguay in 29 games, scored 24 goals for Uruguay. On this one, two Primera titles in Uruguay, two Olympic gold medals, two set American champions at the FIFA World Cup in 1930, three times set American championship top scorer. South American championship player at the tournament 1924, Olympic tournament top scorer in 1924, and Serie A top goal scorer in 1931-37. Yes, I know that's massively compelling argument already, but let's break cherry on top of the obviously of this cake. Fyberside football is a game for smaller, powerful and pacy players, especially in the forward role, and on a bit, that just fits Petroni like a glove. Five foot eight inches tall, he had the build of a middleweight boxer with a knockout pair of a super heavy weight. Ah, but was he quick? He was, well, you better believe he was. While he was Italy, he was timed for the 100 metres at 11 seconds, was set to be the fastest player in the league. What was that player going by? That was Petroni. Where's the ball? It's in the back of the net, of course. If anyone wants to kill this argument, then Petroni, you know, I'll tell the role, but blow your argument out of the water. Wow, Gary, that was impressive. This guy's winning, and if he ain't with him, then we'll recount. Yeah, it's not a bad opening argument. Yeah, some good stats and a little bit of physicality thrown in there as well, just I like the point, I like that. Well, Sooty for Hall on the Tuesday evening. Yeah, absolutely, yeah. He ain't going to get bullied, even by Batty Stater would be scared of this guy. I agree. Steven, over to you for your choice. Are you ready? I'm ready for this one. Okay, and away you go, sir. Only one man to play in front of Enzo Francesco, and that's Lewis Suarez. The man who will bring skill and shit-hours-ery in equal measure. We spoke Rodolfo Rodriguez earlier on, who was the villain who wasn't the villain. You know, he was the Hanna-Babura villain who didn't turn out to be the villain. He was actually the good guy that helped solve the crime at the end. But here is Lewis Suarez, who is the actual Hanna-Babura villain. You know, he's got all the shit-hours in the world. He adds bite to the team quite literally. He'll put the head on the referee before he's even reached the pitch. You know, he will, and to go along with all this, he's got the excellent goal-keeping skills. See, Garner, you know, hopefully the playing Garner in this world. You know, there is no depth to which he will not stoop in the pursuit of victory. You know, we're not talking about a gentleman here. We are talking about a focused, ex-asset vision of we are going to win this game. And he will do it in a beautiful manner as well. Fast, incredibly skilled. I've seen so many other people players over the years, out of them all, that quickness of mind I've never seen anything quite like Suarez. For what he could do with a football drop, he could drop to him from absolutely anywhere. From the Sky, left, right, you know, it bounced to him awkwardly. He was just absolutely everything that a five-side player should be. No, here is a Houdini of football as well. He could get out of any tight squeeze. You know, if he was in a corner, crowded by, or five of his opponents, he'd add them over. He'd take the wallet on the way through. He'd add the car keys of one, and they'd add the ball on the back of the net. He'd escape in no time whatsoever and add the ball past the part ranges before they've even known. Lewis Suarez, easy to dislike, so easy to dislike, even when he plays for your own team. But the prototype five-side football without a shot over those. Excellent. Good work and a great choice. Gary don't look happy about your choice, but I've got a lot of time for players like that. I mean, you're right. I don't like you because it comes across as a horrible player. Oh, don't play for my team seeing him play hundreds. I'm still counting on them. But I do mind God, I want him in the five-side teams. Yeah, but I do like the fact that we have actually watched... We have some of those watched players in real time, which has been obviously quite difficult with a lot of the choices in this one, but yeah, excellent. Okay, Pete, you get to round out this episode with the final choice. You now have Blusher, the entire back catalogue of Uruguay and Strikers, obviously other than the two that have already been picked. To stay your case is who he's going to be at the sharp end of this five-side team. You ready? I am. Okay, go. Okay, I mean, we could go for four-land, you know, it would be wrong. We could go for Scarone. He was the wizard. You know, great decision, probably a better player than Petrodie, if we're honest. Probably the wrong call either. What we're going to do is go back to the era where Uruguay were the best team in the world, and that's 1950. We're going for their lead striker, the phenomenally brilliant Oscar Miguez. When Gary was talking about a bloke that scored more goals than games, you know, let's be honest, they only had two defenders playing, you know, it was pretty easy to do it for Petrodie. Miguez scored 330 goals in 442 games in his career. He scored 218 goals in 295 matches in Uruguay. He scored 27 goals in 30-spect, 39 goals from Uruguay, and you have to do it when it matters. He scored eight goals in, I think it was six or seven World Cup games in 1950 and 1954, winning the World Cup in 1950. They might well have won it in 1954 if you haven't got injured and been dropped from the side, because basically in the game against England, rather than scoring with a year ago, winning 4-2, he decided just to take the piss and dribble past everyone instead. He couldn't be bothered to score. He's the man that knows what it means to take the mick on a Tuesday night in Hull, where it matters. That's what five-side football's for. Suarez and Petrodie didn't really dribble a ball in their life. Both good scorers know how to put the ball in it. We want someone who can do that and dribble as well, so Miguez is the man. Let's remember what he did. He's part of the team that silenced the manna canna, didn't score in that game. Probably because Ski Afino and Gigi were free because everyone was trying to mark Miguez instead, because he'd been scoring all the goals in the tournament so far. It's worth remembering, once again, it was part of the squadron of Death of the Great Penier Allside that won the league in 1949, 1951, 1953, 1954, 1958, and 1959. Oscar Miguez, goal-scoring legend. That is some impressive work. I know what's gone into that. That is some impressive work. Anybody who plays for the squadron of Death, clearly, is welling with a shout. Okay. Gary, where would your choice lie here? Well, the second place beyond Petrodie, because there ain't no arguments. I mean, Miguez is a good pick, but it's great. It's a great debater. And the fact that it can sort of say scoring less goals than Miguez scored was some kind of advantage. Really weird. But there you go. You know. And when did the defenders that they're holding the flock there? And also, also making it a boon out of not scoring in the 1950 World Cup. So, I mean, for not doing things, Miguez is pretty damn good, I guess. I mean, I ain't having Suarez. I ain't having Suarez. So, I'll go with Miguez to come in second place beyond Petrodie. Okay. Okay. Stephen, obviously, you're not a popular player amongst the rest of the crew. But that's okay. I like it when people are alone wolf and go that way. Your thoughts on Petrodie or Miguez? I've got to go for Miguez on this. A, because Gary's kind of like not gone for Suarez. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. Okay. For all of Dave Bullard's magic work on editing the podcast, there might be a slight disjoin there, because, for those of you who've been listening, Stephen made a great point and Gary decided to cut the recording out. And we were tantrum. This is now three days later. And it's typically three days for Gary to come down and get him to come back on the podcast. The alternative description is Stephen said about, is that furious? I threw him at the laptop and broke it. So, yeah. I'm not sure we can do many more of these episodes. This is how you're going to behave. You literally broke the podcast. You went to the podcast. You went to the podcast. You went to the podcast. I know. I know. But I can't be intimidated by those tactics. I've got to follow my heart. Stu, you've got it. You've got to pit Suarez. It's got to be empty. It's got to be empty. He's the devil incarnate. I feel like Gary would literally explode online. Just imagine. You've got to do it. I mean, we haven't even mentioned a guy that actually won a World Cup. You know, I mean, I think we need to stick with that. Well, like I said, Pete, I'm just going to come to you because I know you're a lot more consider than Gary in these emotional, highly charged situations. So, if you had to choose between Suarez and Patronae, where would you go? I think I mean... I used to enjoy listening to Sid Lo describing Suarez as having a great bum for football. It would kind of nudge people out of the way. You know, if he wasn't biting people, you know, and again... I mean, the success of the Fiverside team really depends on whether the referee spots him kind of biting some plate called Sid, you know, early on in some of the game in Hull. Patronae was, you know, a man who defines the striking position for... for Uruguay in the 20s and 30s, you know, and the early days, you know. But I think, you know, it seemed the kind of rage that he inspires in some of the people who promote him and that kind of dictatorial, you know, kind of authoritarian type of behavior. I think it'd be unfair to go for Patronae. So, I'll probably go for Suarez for this one. Wow! What? What? Stu, you know, you know, the right answer to this. I just wanted to see if Gary would throw something else. That's why I didn't have yet. Well, you see, I'm... Come on, you know the right answer. Ditch Verrella, it kicked two hairdos over Deystifano. They can't possibly knock people, you know what I mean? Oh, my God. Stu, you know, you know what needs to be done. Yes, she does. Yes, she does. What we've got to remember is, and we've mentioned it quite a lot, we've got to remember the context that this five-a-side team is playing in. It concerns me that we've not really got much devil in this idea. I'd like... Exactly. You don't remember the defender. You don't remember the defender. Yes, I do. I do, but he also brought a bit of class as well, though. There was a lot of class there as well. And a lot of that was because he had stadiums named after him, Pete. I'm not going to lie. You thought he thought he fought a German when it mattered? Yes, in Europe. I understand that. I understand all of that. I understand that he punished him. But I've played five-a-sides in Hull. I know what goes on. You need a player that even his own teammates don't like that. Yes. You do need that little bit of, oh, my God, thank God he's playing for us. Trust me, I've played multiple years there, and I know what goes on, and I know what's needed within the make-up of a five-a-side side. The needs to be just a little bit of unpredictable devilry, and I've also played against sides and been in sides where you think, yeah, we've lost this already, because you know who's going to walk out, because they've only got three fingers and stuff like that. Honestly, I've been there. I've seen it. Oh, guys. I feel like it should be a German elephant. I've just won it. Before we throw it, I've got to say, your pitch was unbelievable considering it was very last minute. It was outstanding, for which I do apologize for. I checked it loads of times, don't stand. Well, because it was three positions back, I think that was probably why, on my chart. Obviously, couldn't concentrate for that belive barrier. I couldn't concentrate for that one on Louis back. Yeah, and I think the touch in the tight areas is what's going to win this. I'm going to go with Louis Suarez. Yeah, I'm going to go with Louis Suarez. In the tight areas, in the devil rate, with, I'm glad he's playing for us, and man can finish. You realise that Steve just picked a bunch of guys that should be in jail for his entire phone. But that is what a five-side team's all about. Watching the European Cup with his dull and horrific plan, we're picking that kind of side. What you need, this team needs to be playing their games. I don't know, early evening, because they've all got tags on you. It's 7 o'clock. And that's what I like to think that I have brought to this. I can't believe Steve's picked his team from the legs to 11. Shit, how's it looking? Whoa, we picked Frances Cole, you guys. I'll give you Frances Cole. I'll give you Frances Cole. I mean, yeah. I mean, Frances Cole, but you're standing there thinking, "The bloody hell's this, are you?" I think we've got a great side there. You've done the right things, Steve. Thank you. I think that's really going to please the listeners, that. I just want to say, Steve, before we go any further, in the Argentinian one, you've picked two people with fancy hairdos above Elflader, D. Stefano. Well, yeah. And this one, you've picked a guy who's looking not to be in jail or even have a rabies when a repeat is being over, the greatest gospel in Uruguay and football history. I mean, you know, leaving Pete's good to one side for a second. It's an honorable point, but I can't believe you picked Suarez. But the point, I mean, we've got to remember, Gary, this isn't Mount Rushmore, remember. This is-- I know. This is also the day on a Tuesday night. I know. I know. I know. Well, I've got played neatly as well and scored massive goals in Syria. This is akin to picking the Tasmanian devil over Bugs Bunny. That's funny. You don't-- [LAUGHTER] Bugs Bunny in five-aside games in Hull is going to go missing from time to time. As late as he is, yeah, as great as he is, definitely going-- No, he's sorry, Steve. --Taz is never going to go and miss it on the five-aside pigeonhole in Tuesday night. No. [INTERPOSING VOICES] What we've got to remember is that, I mean, Miguel's didn't leave Uruguay. He played footwear as hard. I mean, we're picked. I mean, Suarez played in Liverpool, soft city. Played in Barcelona, soft cultures, cut a feminine city. You know, these are places that play soft football. Miguel's played football where it mattered. Montevideo, 1940s, 1950s. If you're not going to get picked for that, we're picking a team for Hull. I mean-- [INTERPOSING VOICES] What a-- What a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what a-- what add to this as well. After these three players, Suarez is the only one to have actually played in Hull already as well. That's a good point. Oh! Oh! What a recommendation! He knows how to get to Hull. It'll never let this team in. Yeah. The guys-- the guys got previous, literally. It's all over it. So, just to confirm, Rocky Masbali, congratulations, Gary. Gary, it's OK. You go and keep us in. Jose Nasazi. Well done, Pete. Congratulations. Defender's it. Gary, you can't disagree with him. Just 'cause it's not yours. No, I was agreeing. I was agreeing. Oh, OK. I mean, I can't believe. I mean, I can't believe Virrell that wasn't Pete's first choice. I can't believe that. It's a midfielder. It should have been midfield. So there we go. Sorry, why's your first choice? She, Athena, is the midfielder. Congratulations, Gary. Obviously, it's a bit of dubiousness as to where some of these players are playing in terms of the five-aside line up. You picked that one of mine. You picked that one of mine. You didn't pick Virrell here. Didn't pick Virrell in. But that's OK. I'll take two and five. Yeah. Obviously, Enter Francesco was always going to be picked. So it didn't really matter. So we need to bring a little bit of silk to this side. And then we just stop now. Stop now. Stop now. We've finished it with Louis Suarez. Oh, my. He's going to get the goals, but not only get the goals. He's either going to leave us playing with four. Oh. He's going to get one of their players sent off, which we've also got to think about as well. We've got to think about how we can rattle the opponents. And I think there's nobody better. Nobody better. Yeah. What we've done here is prove once again that experts are no longer needed in society. This is what happened here. Well said. Two neo-colonialists who think they can talk about South American football. It's an absolute travesty. I've only got one selection in. Yeah. Sorry about that, Pete. I thought you would have had more. I mean, obviously Gary didn't listen to you. But that's, I feel like you've been really, I've done two in this one. But that's, that's okay. I mean, unfortunately five is an awkward number. We could have gone down the route of a manager and I could have got you all to pick a manager as to who was going to look after this side. But I didn't. Be also. Be also. Yeah. We'll throw a Be also in there for, yeah, we'll let Be also come along for the bringers. Pete, do you want to, do you want to throw someone in Pete from? I mean, I mean, are we going to pick a year ago? And there's, there's a question. That's a great shot, Pete. Good recovery. I have to think about that. You know, Be also, you know, currently, you know, obviously at the time recording, we've got probably what should be the real find of the copper America between Uruguay and Colombia coming up, you know, it's going to be a great game. I'm not just saying that to annoy all the Argentinians out there. But we all know Messi just gets touched on this apparently. So, I mean, I think Uruguayans and Columbus, the gamer, wants to see. So I think we'd have to think carefully about the Uruguayan, the great Uruguay manager. And of course, the problem is, is that when they were, when they were winning everything, you know, it was the, it was the leader on the pitch that was the real, you know, the real guy, you know. So, NASA and Varello were the people that take the credits. It's not, it's not the coach. So, it's a good question about who the greatest Uruguayan manager would be actually. I'd have to think about it. Well, if we ever do another one of these episodes, which I'm a bit reticent to think about, but I'm sure, but I'm sure we will at some point. We'll, we'll have another go with it and you can come back with your, your, in fact, actually, while we're here then, we might as well go and pick the Argentina manager and we'll just work one episode out behind every time. That's clearly how we seem to work. So if you want to throw your, your recommendations for who was going to look after our Argentinian side, we'll, we'll, we'll make a selection. Menotti. It's got to be a Menotti, hasn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Menotti. Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, I was pretty old. Why can't we be like that for the rest of the episodes? Why can't we all just get a little? Yeah. Well, thanks, guys. As always, I was in the privileged position of just setting the timer and listening and making sure Gary was paying attention. And it was, it was another highly, highly enjoyable, enjoyable episode. Gary, over the loose ones, you enjoyed it? I just pulled it there by saying that man again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I was in the studio with the American, South American football. He's the ideal show, get for a bit of banter, get the ball out, have a kick about. Dave Lewis Wallace is about that. Kick him as well. Pete, as always, I'll, I'll stand in knowledge and like say, you're right, we could have picked all five of yours for the way you advocate for your players. That would, one, that would not be fair. Two, Gary would have just shut down the record and after the first three. But yeah, the, the guys did well with their recommendations as well. But have you enjoyed it? Very much so. I think, I think the thing is, is testing me to the impact of these European players that, you know, that they've created this, this wealth of knowledge, you know, that Steve and Gary can, you know, can unjustifiably talk about a great player. It's, it's a challenge. That's so well. No, it's, it's, it's as well. It's a global game. No, it's just amazing that these guys have become, you know, world legends. And there's a lot of players that we, that didn't even get on the podcast, you know. You say Castro, Scaroni, you know, Falan, Aguilera, you know, didn't even make it. So even the great Victor Esparagus, Victor Esparagus, didn't get a mention. Oh, I picked him based on his name. You should have gone with that. I know. And Steven, obviously, you've just turned up to stir things up a bit at the sharp end of this podcast. Yeah. I like to think we broke new ground today and Gary has literally broken the podcast bar. So all the time, which was absolutely magnificent to see it was a, yeah. You, I, I, there's, there's a brutality, but a beauty to this podcast. Well, I think that which is very becoming for a Uruguayan episode. Beautiful mentality. Yeah. Good summary. Good summary. Okay. Well, thank you for listening. 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