Northside Church - Sydney
Impact…Making Your Life Count // Week 4: What Am I Holding Onto?
He was listening to another great message from Northside Community Church. Well he was standing at the exit door of the church, my last church in Adelaide, his name was Fred, not his real name, I'll call him Fred for this morning, and he was a very tall I'd say early 70s guy, and he looked a little bit uneasy and I think I knew why. I said Fred, I said I hope you're made to feel welcome, and he said well yeah, he said you know I haven't been in church for a long while, and I said I know that, his wife and his wife had told me that when she first started coming about two months before, and she said look I love this church, I think this church and you and your team are the kind of people who'll be able to bring my husband back to church, hasn't been to church for a long time, and this was the day he finally made it, so she was happy and Fred was like not giving too much away, he said you know I haven't been for a long while, I said yeah I know that Fred and Lime was getting bigger, we'll talk later, you want to know why? And I could tell that you know whether I wanted to know why or not I was going to find out why right there, he said many years ago a minister told me he would visit my daughter in hospital, he said oh okay, he said he never did, I said okay I'm really sorry, that was 22 years ago, and like apart from immediately thinking of the dozens of ways you could have handled that situation, other than to stop going to church for 22 years, using that as an excuse, I just felt incredibly sad, and thankfully we were able to, it was a work in progress for a long while, but we were able to eventually build that guy back into some semblance of a happy, rejoicing Christian, but it took a while. This man, like all of us at times, needed to deal with Paul's words here in Ephesians chapter 4 verse 31, look at them, get rid of all bitterness, passion and anger, no more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings of any sort, this man wasn't shouting, but there was a fair bit of bitterness, and there was a fair bit of anger there, now Paul would not have been aware of the deep psychological damage caused by harbouring bitterness and resentment, a lot of work's been done on that in more modern times, he wouldn't have known about that, but he was certainly aware of the spiritual damage, the spiritual damage, the damage to our relationship with God, if we're unable or unwilling to move on from situations and from things that have caused us hurt in life. I mean, let's be honest, it's one of the most difficult things we are called upon to do as humans, because it's our natural inclination to nurse a grudge and to harbour resentment, that's our natural, because we don't like to think someone's got the better of us, we don't like to think someone has taken us down, and when we are hurt deeply, our fallen nature is a desire for revenge, that's very strong, that's how we're wired, that's our natural, unrehemed state, why today there's even a top rating TV show called "Revenge", and it's a top raider, and presumably the top ratings are because people love to see someone extracting their revenge on somebody who's caused them a lot of misery and despair. In pastoral ministry, I get to talk, as we all do, to a lot of people who battle with the need to let go, I mean, people hold on to many things, and in some cases this has a huge impact on their attitudes, their level of self-confidence, their willingness to trust others, pretty much everything about them. People hold on to grievances, words have been said, a promise has been broken, and then there are deep disappointments, and these cover a wide range of possibilities. Same with failures, where someone is unable to move on from a failed business or a failed marriage, and they're constantly struggling with, if only, only we've done things differently, and rising out of all of the above, there can be unresolved conflict. Numbers of you have heard me talk about the funeral I was arranging many years ago in Adelaide, didn't know the family, trying to get a response as to what the family thought of mum. You know, she was going to have a funeral the next day, we're going to say some positive things about mum and nobody was talking, and then the daughter piped up, and she said, "Reverend, there's going to be, you're going to find tomorrow, there's a lot of conflict in this family," and that's exactly what you wanted a funeral, isn't it? And she said, "Most of the conflict in this family can be attributed to the lady who'll be in that box," and it was palpable, the tension, and people, you know, choosing sides of the chapel was just awful, you know, unresolved conflict in families, and then of course there are people who hold under the effects of hurtful comments, and they play them over and over again in their minds, comments from a teacher, "You'll never amount to anything, son." You see, I came from an era where that was meant to motivate you, agnew, you are an idiot, what are you? I'm an idiot, that's right, you're an idiot, and you'll never amount to anything, and this was regardless of the kind of big teaching technique of if you told a kid that often enough, he'd get the message, "Well, you know, kids got the message all right, they got the message that they were going to amount to nothing," terribly sad, and people play that over or from a coach or from a boss, you know, you don't really have what it takes, I'm really sorry about that. I once worked with a woman who was unable to receive positive affirmations, and that's just tough if you're working for me because I'm tending to give a fair bit of, and I'd say, "Hey Sally, that's great, thank you." "Oh God, please, don't, please, don't," and what happens in that sort of situation? You keep giving comment, and if they're not received, you start holding back, and some years later I found that her problem was a highly critical mother, probably not a good example of Mother's Day, but she'd had this all over her life, and now she was at a point where she was visiting her mother in an aged care facility, and she'd get things like, "You know, you're late, wherever you've been, you're always late, you've all been late all your life, did you bring what I asked?" You did, right? Okay, what about? You forgot, right? You've always been a forgetful kind of person, why don't you get yourself more organised? Why don't you get a man in your life? He was a single woman. And you see, she couldn't hear affirmations from anybody else because she hadn't heard an affirmation from the one person from whom she desperately wanted one. She wanted to hear from her mother, "I'm proud of you, you're a great daughter." I really appreciate the level of care you show to me, but sadly she wasn't getting that, and as far as I know, she never got that before her mother passed away. Throughout his writings, the apostle Paul talks about his former life a lot. When he was the most active and most aggressive persecutor of the church, he once called the chief of sinners, has that for a self-proclamation, and you get the clear sense that he had many sources of disappointment and regret in his life, he had a stack of them. But in one very powerful statement to his friends in the church in Philippi, he declares his strong resolution to move forward when he says in chapter 3, verse 13, "The one thing I do is to forget what is behind me and do my best to reach what is ahead." It's an incredible declaration of resolve. Now, of course, you don't have to journey very far along the pathway of life before you realize that's a lot easier said than done, am I right? I mean, moving forward from some of the sources I've heard and disappointed that some of you guys have experienced is much, much easier said than done. And it's not just hurts and grievances, by the way, let's just switch the theme a little bit. It's not just hurts and grievances we hold on to, we hold on to good things. We hold on to happy times, nostalgic memories. We're inclined to cling to these as well. I've got a confession to make. I listened to more music from the '60s and '70s now than I ever did in those eras. Some of you don't know this, I've got extraordinary links on Google and on the web sort of track down albums that aren't available in the shops like the best of Billy Thorpe and the Aztecs. Like even the album best of Ray Brown and the Whispers, are you with me, Tom? You know, I mean, I love that stuff. Small faces. I'm currently working through a double album of The Shadows. Wow. This is in between listening to Hope 103.2 of course, it's just flicking the dials. Look friends, I'm a great sentimentalist. I love, you know, reflecting back on memorable and exciting moments in my life. You know, old photos, love them, old videos. I'm with a mate, Phil, who have known each other for over 30 years. He's staying with us this weekend. We're having a great time reminiscing. But if you're inclined this way, and I'm sure many of you are, you've got to keep it all in perspective, haven't you, and you've got to realise that the past is the past. It can't be artificially recreated or sustained in any meaningful form above all, one can't live in the past. It can't live in the past, it's necessary to move forward, to keep going, to adapt to our changing environment. And that can become increasingly difficult as you get older. Anybody noticing that? And here's the thing. Most attempts to try to recreate or to escape to the past, most attempts to escape to the past, for a long period of time, failed dismally. You know what? We've seen this in recent years in the entertainment industry, in television. What are two shows they tried to recreate and they failed badly, just did not rape? One was Hay Hay at Saturday, and one was young talent time. And they didn't last. And everybody thought, "Oh, well, young talent time come back, fantastic." But they failed because most people realised, "You know what, we've all moved on." I mean, Dickey Nee and the Duck were great at the time, but now it's like, "Mm, gee." A little bit corny, we've moved on. Here's something I've discovered over the course of my life and ministry, knowing what to hold onto and what to let go will have a marked bearing on the impact we have in life. You've got to develop the ability to know what to hold onto and what to let go. That'll have a big impact, a big bearing on your impact, the impact we have in life. And all along in this series, I've made the point that I'm assuming we all want to make a positive impact. I'm taking that as red. We want to make a positive impact. If that is so, then the things we hold onto must never be allowed to do certain things. First of all, there must never be allowed to excuse our failures. We'll hold onto some things, we'll let others go, but the things we hold onto must never be allowed to excuse our failures. Failure in life is inevitable. But to persistently blame events of the past for your failure, we see this in our court system all the time, I believe that's an inadequate response. It's a response which tends to seriously undermine the need to accept responsibility for one's choices and decisions here and now because I do that because we're all our way back. There's a story, I think it's just a story, I don't believe this is true, but I've had it with me for many years, a story of two brothers, identical twins, raised in a dysfunctional family, an alcoholic mother, an abusive father, always in trouble with the law. And these two boys experienced a rather sad and very difficult upbringing. One of them received a scholarship and he went on to university and he became a doctor. The other was in and out of juvenile detention centers and eventually drifted into a life of petty crime, very similar to his father. And when these two boys were questioned about the pathways they'd chosen, identical twins, both would use the same line to explain where they were in life. And it was this, with a background like mine, what would you expect? With a background like mine, what would you expect? You see, one overcame the many things that might otherwise have held him back. And he chose, chose to move on, the power of choice, the God-given power of choice. He refused to hold on to the things that might have otherwise held him back. But the other guy, just allowed those things to the Germany's future. Here's the second thing, the things we hold on to must never be allowed to reduce the size of our dreams. One of my favorite Bible heroes is Joseph. You just think for a moment, think about his difficult background, left the dead by his brothers, sold into slavery, accused of a terrible crime, thrown into prison, terrible background. But eventually he became a powerful ruler in Egypt. And he had dreams and strategic visions to enable that land to withstand the ravages of a very severe famine. And as I look at Joseph, I'm really inspired by his ability to retain his dignity and his self-esteem. And these are among the factors, of course, which enabled him to aspire to his God-given potential, along with his reliance on God, his heavenly Father. The word is dream big, aim high, don't allow the negativity from the past to hold you back. Here's something else. In making choices about what we hold on to, what we let go, the things we choose to hold on to must never be allowed, must never be allowed to quench the level and the intensity of our faith. And we're still in the Old Testament to illustrate this point, the children of Israel, and their desire to return to Egypt. When the going got tough, that's what they wanted to do. And the strange and almost inexplicable way, they were ready to choose the deprivation and the desperation of their former life in preference to the hope and the promise of a new life. It's extraordinary. Yes, the journey would be arduous. Yes, industrial, strength, faith would be required. But the assurance of God's presence and power were there for the asking. That was their choice. And friends, one of the saddest stories I've ever come across in ministry, happened again many years ago in Adelaide, a young man who I'd helped a mentor and I'd been part of his decision to go to college. He was posted to a church in Adelaide in the inner city area. And initially he started to go really great in that church. About 80 months we'd have lunch together, he'd talk about it, we're starting to come together, very traditional church, a lot of old people, but he was doing something with it. And at the two-year mark they had the opportunity to merge with another church just nearby, like we did here. Three churches came together and he started talking to another minister and the opportunities to merge and to combine resources and get a new church happening were just huge and he was so excited when this news came through. And then he had the task of trying to sell it to his congregation and he met with fierce resistance. We've been here for so many years, we know each other, we don't want to get with another group, we don't know, where's that going to go, we've got to lose our control, we've got to lose our power, some of the board members, they wouldn't say, that was the message. And you know what happened, this young man, this young man went on to minister in a rural church in Victoria which attracted hundreds of people, he was a very gifted young man. This church chose, he said, look, if you're not going to do this, I'm going to have to leave. It's not long term future, we're not going, we need to merge. They let him go and they retain the church and it lasted, they went into sort of drifting into you know weekend ministries and gradually that church kind of, I think it lasted maybe five, six years after that decision then shut the doors. And I've never forgotten, that's just purely not willing to pay the price of faith and trust and more, let's just see where God takes us, it was the memory of yeah, we've always been, you know, it would be together, it's fantastic. Well very, very sad, friends here's the thing finally, it's a really summary of the previous points really. When making choices about our past, the things we hold on to must never be allowed to inhibit the effectiveness of God's work, that's a baseline, I'm referred to both the ministry of the church and his ministries with the Holy Spirit within our lives individually. You see, we worship a God who is always on the move, oh yes, he's the same yesterday, today, forever, that's his nature, but in terms of his activity and the impact he wants to have in our lives, it's all about growth, it's all about reaching forward, it's all about moving on. You know I look back on my years of ministry and I'm 40 years since I entered the hallowed halls of the College of the Bible, 40 years this year and I'm staggered when I think of all the changes that have taken place in the life of the Christian church and how churches do ministry. I'm talking about worship format, I'm talking about governance models, I'm talking about leadership styles, I'm talking about how we engage the community, it's all changed, much of it. And I realize now that my role as a senior pastor, which I've been to most of those years, has been that of a change agent, helping congregations, team members, board members, helping them to negotiate the shifting sands of time and all the different sort of changes that have taken place in society. That's largely the ministry and the work of a leader, a change agent, a facilitating change and how you do that determines your effectiveness in ministry. You can do it by saying this is what we're going to do, like it or leave it, this is what we're going to do because I'm the boss, this is what we're going to do because I've got a private parking spot that says senior pastor, you can do that or you can bring people along with you. Now here's the thing, that takes longer. That's why I've only had two churches in 32 years because it takes a little time to build a church relationally and to bring people from those things that they really want to hold onto but you know they've got to let go if we've got to aspire to our full potential. Well friends here's the thing, look I want the Bible, I want the Word of God to have the final Word this morning and it's God speaking through Isaiah, who he says, "Do not cling to the events of the past or dwell on what happened long ago, watch for the new thing I am going to do." It is happening already, you can see it now. Now I realize that you'll have interpreted this message in your own way, you know what it is you've got to move on from it, it'll vary from person to person but my prayer is that the message will get through to each one of us, choose carefully. There are some things you've got to hold onto, there are some memories and some experiences that have shaped who we are as individuals, as a congregation, we don't have to let those go but we are talking about exercising discernment about what do you let go and what do you hold onto for the future journey. May God give us the guidance we need through the Holy Spirit to make those critical decisions.