Northside Church - Sydney
5 Things We Find Hard To Say Week 4: I Forgive You
You're listening to another great message from Northside Community Church. This morning we go back to a reading right back to the beginning of the Bible Genesis, Old Testament. I think what can we get out of this old, antiquated book? But there's an incredible story in there and it's a basic story. The place here is this, it's a story of a young boy called Joseph who finds himself in prison and then eventually it leads to liberty. He's in prison, he finds liberty and we too like Joseph can end up in prison. Not a physical prison, but a prison of unforgiveness, a prison whose bars are called anger and bitterness and resentment, it's an internal prison. And the question is, when we ask why is it so hard to say I forgive you, it's because we're locked up, we're locked up behind those bars and so when it comes to the story, the best way to take a look at how do we say I forgive you is to have a look at the story. It's a big story, it's a first, it starts at about chapter 37 of Genesis and goes all the way through to chapter 50, so it's a big chunk of this book. If you go all the way back to verse 37, you meet Joseph when he's 17 years old. He's dad Jacob loves him the most, more than all the rest of his brothers and something happens that begins to twist the family and it twists Joseph. He starts having these dreams, dreams about going out in the field gathering stalks and somehow all of the other stalks are bowing down to Joseph's stalks and then he has other dreams about stars and the sun and the moon and 11 stars are bowing down to him, his star. And so here's the thing, did he go and ask for advice as to what these dreams were about? No, he went around and started telling everyone exactly what they meant, he knew what they meant, he was telling everyone, he was an arrogant spoiled little brat, he wasn't asking for advice and the brothers knew it too, they knew he was a brat, they knew he was arrogant, he was being spoiled, he was gloating and as a result the whole family had been poisoned. And so all these coincidences come together, point where Joseph is lost and he's alone with the brothers that can't stand him and they throw him into a pit. They say let's kill him and they throw him into this big deep hole, they sit down and eat and even though he was crying to them and crying to God to save him, they sat there and they ate amongst the screams. Now talk about another coincidence along comes these traveling merchants and Judah, the oldest of the brothers, his smart sort of guy, entrepreneurial sort of guy says why, look if we just leave in there to die then we're not going to get anything, why don't we sell him into slavery in order to at least make a bit of money out of this. And so Judah does that, the older brother sells him into slavery for a profit, they take the Technicolor coat, probably wasn't Technicolor, that was just Lloyd Webber getting a bit creative. Take the coat back to dad Jacob and Jacob literally rips his hair out with chunks of scalp hanging from his hair as his most beloved younger son is lost forever. Now Josh's story continues in the background for many years, he escapes the advances of another desperate housewife and then he gets thrown into jail as a result and it's an amazing story, a story of moral integrity, of business acumen. There are lots of things we could learn about it but the interesting thing here is it's because of his wisdom and his insight and his incredible acumen that Joseph is elevated from a prisoner to become the PM of Egypt eventually rose up, Pharaoh gave him the lodge. And I don't think he had a carbon taxi though when he got there, so he was raised into the PM's position, he had this incredible acumen, he was there and meanwhile in chapter 42, Jacob, dad, this is 20 years on, all the people in Palestine are starving to death and he sends his sons but he doesn't send Benjamin the youngest, his new dearly beloved son. And he sends the boys up again to go and get some help from Egypt, some food. And funnily enough when they get there that Joseph recognises the brothers but they don't recognise him and he puts them through two years of hell, starts to play these sorts of mind games with them while they're up there. And what happens, this is the thing, this is where Joseph starts to weep, when they finally recognise that it's him, when their past is caught up with them, when they're waiting for the axe to fall, Joseph weeps, and in his weeping he says, "I forgive you." How, how did Joseph say, "I forgive you"? How did he say, if it was going to be hard surely it's going to be hard for him, we'll see this morning he says, "I forgive you," we can say, "I forgive you when we identify with the wrongdoer, when we pay the internal debt of the wrongdoer and when we will the good of the wrongdoer." You see, Joseph paid the internal debts, he identified with his wrongdoers straight up. We see that in a couple of chapters on from where we read from this morning in chapter 45, in chapter 50 verses 19 to 20, we get an insight into how he identifies with his wrongdoers. Genesis chapter 50 verse 19 to 20, but Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid, am I in the place of God, you intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. And why in the place of God?" You see, Joseph came from a place of spiritual poverty enough to forgive. And so what it means, if you're having trouble forgiving, then you're forgetting that you're just as flawed as the wrongdoer yourself. Joseph says, "The only way I can stay mad at you guys is if I consider myself worthy to be your judge." And he says, "Am I in the place of God?" And what it's saying to us this morning, it's anyone who's staying bitter, deliberately staying bitter, is saying, "I'm in the place of God, I'm the one who's got the right to judge here." And what's Joseph saying, "Joseph remembers his arrogance, Joseph remembers his spoilt little brat, Joseph remembers he was the one goading his brothers into chucky him into the pit." Joseph remembered that, and why is this so important to point out? It's because the minute anything happens to us, the minute anyone wrongs us, we begin to accentuate their differences. There's this thing, if you're not a Mac user, you'll have to bear with me, but you'll see it. If you go to the Mac store this weekend, pay it a visit. There's a funny little thing called photobooth. And teenagers and kids all around the world love it because you go to photobooth and there's a little camera on the computer and it sees your face and you can do all these sorts of weird effects. It can sort of stretch your face right out, so it looks disgusting and twisted and distorted. It makes your nose look huge, it just sort of goes right out there or your eyes that can be too close together in your head, you see, that's what you're doing when you accentuate the differences of a wrongdoer. You're distorting them. You're taking that feature of them and you're blowing it right out of proportion. You're photoboothing it. Not only that, you're turning them into a one-dimensional, two-dimensional picture. You're forgetting that they're a person. And that's what we do when someone hurts you. They tell a lie. You say, "Well, they're a liar," but you tell a lie. You say, "No, I'm complicated. I'm nuanced." You know? There's depths to me. You see, you two-dimensionalize them and you 3D yourself. You don't identify. That's exactly what you're doing. There's a little sort of self-justification engine going full bore in front of you, right in the depths of your heart saying, "I wouldn't do that." That's not me. I would never do that to someone. You see, we've got to remember this. I love the way the theologian, Miss Love, Volf says, "Forgiveness flounders because I exclude my enemy from the community of humanity and I exclude myself from the community of sinners." That's what you're doing when you're two-dimensionalizing people. You're pushing them out there. You're excluding them, and Joseph identified with his offenders. He said, "Am I in the place of God? In comparison to God, what he was saying, in comparison to God, I've got a heck of a lot more in common with you than I do with God." So to muster a genuine desire to forgive someone is to say, "I'm not that different from the person that wrongs me. I've got my flaws. I've got my challenges, and therefore I choose to find the commonality." You need to identify with the wrongdoer or you'll be in the jail of your anger. The second thing that Joseph does is that he pays the inner debt of the wrongdoer. Now maybe you've been there before, invited around to someone's place. They have the most beloved crystal glassware out there on the table. It's a tables fall. It's a great night of excitement, laughter in a big fit of laughter. You swing the arm, and the beautiful crystal glass falls off the table in slow motion filled with some sort of substance that is going to really stay in the carpet, but that's not important right now, and it hits the floor and it shatters everywhere, and he says, "I'm so sorry. This was grandma's best glasses." You say, "Please forgive me." Why? Because there's been a cost incurred. See the word forgive, it's a term used in economics all the time, isn't it? You forgive the debt. You see, when there's a loss of some sort, someone has to pay. You broke the glass. So either you pay, or the person that owns a glass pays, right? There's a debt, there's a cost involved when forgiveness is involved. Now how does this work, when money is not involved? How does this work if your grandmother's best crystal is not involved? You see, if someone's wrongdoer, there may be a literal debt, but there's always an emotional debt, and the currency is pain. The currency is pain, and what it looks like for us when someone wrongs us is we want to go after them, we want to make them suffer, we want to make them pay. Here's how it works, whenever we see them in pain, whenever we see that happen, we feel like bit by bit, come on, it's common sense here with me here. We feel like bit by bit that the debt they owe us is being paid back. What's fascinating, two years, Joseph puts his brothers through hell, sends them back down to debt again, holds to keep Simeon captive. They first come to him, they don't recognise him, he says, you're not brothers together, you're spies, and he throws them in jail. Then he says, okay, he can have some grain to take back home, but I need the hostage, he keeps Simeon, gives him a big feast, he then sends them back with sacks full of grain, and then he deliberately plants a silver cup in young Benjamin's, the beloved son, in his sack on the way back, sends his men after them, and plants it on him. This is crazy. First glance, it looks like Joseph is trying to make these guys suffer, but here's a question, why does he keep weeping? You see, I tell you what happened, one commentator says something really important happens about the whole process, he says, he says, "First hand, the rough handling looks like vengefulness, but nothing could be more natural, but further from the truth. And the rough pose was a deep, almost uncontrollable affection, as you can see in Joseph's continual weeping, running out to cry at every encounter, and after the ordeal is over, there is an overwhelming kindness." You see, if indicative Joseph would have sent the boys back home with nothing in their sacks, but no, there was tears, and as he stands face to face with the brother who laughed while he was screaming in the hole, he was holding back tears, why, why are the tears? Because Joseph had already forgiven them. Joseph had already forgiven them, and in the physical prison, we can read into it, we can guess, we can speculate, but in the physical prison, I believe Joseph realised that the only prison that could ever keep him trapped was the prison of unforgiveness. Of course there was a debt, of course there was a loss, of course there was pain, but forgiveness is choosing to pay the debt yourself, rather than making the offender pay the debt themselves. That was the decision that Joseph made in that physical prison in all those years when he was still dreaming about Pharaohs affairs this time, and let's be real guys. There are debts that are hurting you this morning. There are debts that are more than broken glass. You know what I'm talking about, parents that have treated you badly, a person that's broken your heart, someone who's turned a business deal upside down on you. What are you going to do? There's only one of two things you can do. You can make them pay. You can slice up their reputation. You can slander them behind the back. You can withdraw their friendship, and at least in the very depths, if none of that happens, you're going to keep cheering on that maybe the bit of pain is going to come into their life and start paying down your internal debt of pain, or the alternative is that you pay. When you want to slice them up, when you want to cut them down, when you want to slander them, you don't. When they come along and there's this chance to get retribution, you don't. You pay. Why? Because according to the Bible, forgiveness is always granted before it's felt. Remember in the Sermon on the Mount Jesus says, if you're in the middle of worship and you sense that there is someone unreconciled in your life, there's unforgiveness, go back and forgive them. Forgiveness is always granted before it's felt, and so forgiveness is to pay the inner debt of the wrongdoer yourself. That is, it can never be forgiveness unless someone's willing to bear the cost. There's an offense. There's a debt that's been incurred. Someone has to pay, but if you choose to, you'll begin to melt away the bars of anger and of bitterness and your heart will begin to soften. You choose to pay, Joseph chose to pay, and finally, Joseph willed the good of the wrongdoer. Now, after all this had happened to him, what was his approach? Was he like, get out of my sight? Now, at the end of it all, Joseph wanted the relationships back. Joseph was seeking a reunion with his brothers. The question I had asked you this morning, when there's unforgiveness in your heart, are you really seeking forgiveness, or are you seeking justice? Because here's what's going on, you know, if you've paid the debt internally, if you've identified with the wrongdoer, then when you go up to them, you're not going to be trying to seek justice, you're going to be trying to seek to get the relationship back. And this is a test. If you've identified, if you've paid the debt, when you go to that wrongdoer, you want to wield their good, you want to love them. Many people say, I don't want to forgive, I just want justice. But here's the irony, if you want to go after justice, you're not going to get either. Because if you don't forgive, you're not really going to them for their good, you're actually trying to hurt them, trying to get up close to them again, you're after vengeance, you're not after justice, and unless you forgive, you won't be seeking justice in that way. Not the right kind of justice, not the God kind of justice. And secondly, the irony is, unless you forgive, then you won't get justice, because when you go up to someone and you're willing, they're good. Really, what you're wanting to do is you're wanting them to wake up. You're saying, hey, this is not good for me, this is not good for you, this is not good for everyone else around you. You want them to wake up, they're problems. But if you go and add them up with vengeance, then you're going to get up amongst them and you're just going to blow up at them again, and they're never going to wake up, they're going to shut down. So here's the thing, unless you're free from the prison of unforgiveness, you won't get justice because either you're not really seeking justice or you won't get it because the way you go on about it won't wake them up. Now, what did Joseph do? He wanted to wake them up, he reassures them. Genesis chapter 15 again, he says, and don't be afraid, I will provide for you and your children, and he reassured them and spoke kindly to them. Joseph didn't want to harm Judah, Joseph didn't want to harm the ringleader, he wanted to wake him up. How did that happen? What happens in the chapter, just before we read this morning, chapter 44, as the brothers are standing there, young Benjamin's red face, he's being caught red-handed with the silver cup. And can't you see one more time? The father has a favorite who he loves more than the others, and if they sell this boy into the slavery to get something, last time it was silver, this time it was freedom. They were in the same position as they were 20 years ago, and instead of selling the youngest brother out again, Judah stands up and he says this, Genesis chapter 44 verse 30. So now if the boy is not with us when I go back to your servant, my father, and if my father, whose life is closely bound up with the boy's life, sees that the boy is not there, he will die. Your servants will bring the grey head of our father down to the grave in sorrow. Your servant guaranteed the boy's safety to my father. I said, if I don't bring him back to you, I will bear the blame before you, my father or my life, and he says this to Joseph, now then please, let me remain here as my Lord's slave in place of the boy, and let the boy return with his brothers. How can I go back to my father if the boy is not with me? No. Do not let me see the misery that would come upon my father. And then Joseph says, get out, get out, and he screams at him, get out. And as everyone leaves, there is this weeping aloud, and people can hear him on the other room, and as he comes back from the other room, he dries his tears, it would have been tough Egyptians, they had a lot of mascara back in those days. And as a door shut, and when he gets back face to face with them, what do you expect? What do they expect? They expect to hear what they deserve. They knew now for the past two years that they're being punished, for the past that has haunted them for 20 years, and when they've come to realize they've been punished for what they've done, and the very pit they dug for Joseph all those years ago, they're falling into now, and they expect to hear now, you're condemned, but instead, Joseph comes back into the room crying tears down his face, and he says, guys, it's me, Joseph, house dad. And after all this, what do we see in the end, Judah, Judah doesn't sell out again for the second time. He doesn't do what he originally said, he doesn't say, the boy's life so I can profit. He says, my life so the boy can go free. Judah completely changed his character, and at that point, it's when Joseph said you can go free. You see what happened? Joseph's willing the good of his brothers changed them. It changed them, not just into a better person, not just into a freer person, not just into a happier person, but something more amazing than that, something more wonderful than that, something that goes beyond that, Judah became the same pattern of person that Joseph had become the pattern of a deliverer, the pattern of a deliverer. You see, what had happened in Judah was Joseph just trying to get him to say, sorry, no, it goes way beyond that. If you read close enough, Judah was sorry ages ago, instead of, instead, Joseph's trying to get Judah to be a deliverer himself, to get him to live, not by the way of the world, your life or mine, but by the way of the cross, my life or yours. And as a result, Judah was changed by Joseph through forgiveness into a mini-deliverer, a micro-deliverer, a mini-human-deliverer. And here's what I got out of this passage this week when I was studying it. Has it ever occurred to you, as the way it's occurred to me, that the fruit of God's intended fruit of forgiveness is not just resolution for us personally, but redemption? Now, Joseph had paid the debt and willed the good of his wrongdoers. So there it is. Cool. Go do it. Monday's going to be a tough challenge. And it's, yeah, it would try really hard. And I wish you the best of luck. We can't, we can't in there, can we? We can't possibly in there. You see, it's a tough thing. It's so tough when Jesus talked about forgiveness in a New Testament that the Bible said, "Lord, increase our faith." It's just impossible. How do we do it? God's desire is that through forgiveness, you will be a mini-redeemer this week for the person, or the persons that have hurt you in your life. How do I become a Judah? How do I become a mini-redeemer this week? You need to put your story inside of the bigger story. Your struggles with saying, "I forgive you." You need to put inside the bigger story of forgiveness this world has ever seen. You see, to be a Christian is to remember that you too have an older brother who took your place. Joseph doesn't just point the God in general. Joseph points to Jesus in particular. It's the pattern of all deliverers that was in Moses. It was in Joseph. And it's in, they all point to the ultimate deliverer. You see, there's a son who was with the Father before the depths of time. And he saw his heavenly Father literally pulling his hair out, so bits of scout were hanging for it. He's hanging his hair out over lost sons and daughters. And as a result, he said, "Father, I'll do it. I'll be sold into slavery. I'll go to prison. I'll be humiliated in my life for theirs." And the Father said, "Go." When he was on the cross, it wasn't enough that he was just born into this situation and the dungeon that is human life, but on the cross, he said, "Father, forgive them." And on the cross, he said, "Father, it is finished." The Greek word to "telestite" meant, "I've paid the debt." Are you having a hard time saying, "I forgive you"? Are you having a hard time paying that internal debt? The only way you're going to get over acting like a vengeful brother or sister this morning is to see the beauty of your ultimate brother acting as your deliverer. When you place your story inside the biggest story, it becomes easier. When you come up against the internal pain of canceling, someone else's debt to you, you realize you reflect, you wonder at the cross, at the picture of your older brother in his eternal pain canceling your debt. Hard to say, I forgive, have you identified with your wrong deal with this morning? Have you chosen to cancel their debt? Are you willing, they're good? It's the example that we see in Jesus Christ. Have you placed your story inside his story, the biggest story, the biggest story, break free from the prison that is unforgiveness this morning? He offers that to you in faith. If you don't follow him, it's available to you this morning. We can pray at the end of the auditorium. If you're a Christian, remember, reflect on what your older brother has done for you. My life for yours, let's pray.