Golan-Globus Theater
Super Mario Bros. (1993)
Hey, Paizano's, it's the Super Mario Brothers Super Show! With the Mario Brothers and Plumbins, our game, we're not like the others who get all the fame The music is in trouble, you can call us on the double We're faster than the others, you'll be hooked on the brothers! Ugh! Hook on the brothers! Give me, give me, give me, give me, give me, give me! Yo, you're in for a treat, so hang on 'til you see You're ready for adventure and remarkable reach You'll meet coopers and troopers, the princess and the others Hanging with the plumbers, you'll be hooked on the brothers to the bread! I said, "huh, huh, huh, huh, don't the brothers, the brothers!" Welcome back to Griffithness in July I think Destiny doesn't want Griffithness in July 'Cause the second week in a row, we're having strange technical difficulties I want to throw so much anger every witch fucking way I shouldn't be starring this episode's wedding, I'm already sweating, Murray This, if there's any episode, any movie that deserves a lot of hate being thrown at it It's the movie you picked this week I want to already put out there, first of all I am so sorry about the audio last week, everybody That was another stressful situation because Yeah, it was very stressful, I didn't get home until two in the morning So any people complaining about audio One, what are you paying for this? Two, you saw the work that goes into this show Not a lot, but what we work and deal, we throw 100% effort into it Right, and the other thing is, I'm sweating for a fucking reason We want to get this shit, we want to have fun, we want to do this shit We watched one of the most bewildering movies this week bewildering, I would say shit Shit movies, I mean, people showed up for it And they stayed 12 weeks longer than they were supposed to as well They needed a paycheck, obviously This is the epitome of someone who had a house payment or an alimony payment And I'm gonna say Dennis Hopper Yeah, had to be hopper In fact, his son went, "Pah, why did you start in this movie?" He says, "Because you needed shoes, kid" That's why I started it It's a hunk of shit, nobody involved with this movie likes this movie Yeah, they must be associated with it, they're worse movies They got a big name, Bob Hoskins Oh man, Roger Rabbit Roger Rabbit Roger and the Rabbit Dennis Hopper Incredible And I think he was clean too I mean, he was on drugs, he totally understand what he was doing Yeah, I think he was clean at this point As clean as Dennis Hopper can be at least And a cultural appropriator, John Leguizamo You were telling me that, apparently Leguizamo is one of these people who says "Only a person of that race can play that race" Yeah, how the worm turned How the worm turned Also, the pest was supposed to be I don't think that was supposed to be a John Leguizamo character ever, either Oh, I know, I hated this movie You know, we've done 317 or 18 to my count movies And about 300, I found something good in it But those 18 Motherfucker was 18 Yeah, this is going in that You think so? Yes I don't There's nothing appealing about this movie It looks ugly Oh, it sounds ugly It is ugly I hate you I think I think what's your problem with this Is very much like when I saw it as a child It made you look inward And you were like I was 19 when this movie came out I had no intention of everything If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't want my whole life without saying this movie Which would have been a viral interest Yeah I didn't even know there was a lore You're the first generation that has fondness for video game characters I could give a fuck less about video game characters I don't know I'm just like, I just want to play a game and finish it They have become the new movies Video games have taken over what movies used to be Well, yeah I mean like my When I was a kid, it was like comic book and cartoon characters That was where our favorite characters Because Pac-Man is barely a character So we don't have an attachment to video game characters from my generation It would make a great movie though Actually, they made a Pac-Man movie No, it was called One Up And it was just some bullshit They had the cartoon Pac-Man That's right They did, yeah But yeah, I was fucking in a root cube cartoon for fuck's sake It just like a Rubik's Cube I got a lot of hate I got a lot of hate Not just for this movie But this is a hate episode You guys have been clamoring 'Cause you love negativity The internet feeds off of negativity Now you're gonna get a good old-fashioned hate episode At least for me I don't know what the fuck's up with Korea Well, I just started this episode off For an hour of trying to fix audio problems For the second fucking week in a row I had to put it out of shit episode That people actually commented and said Your audio sounds like shit Yeah, well, hey, you got an episode No, we listen to it, so I don't really give a fuck This is not how I want to grip this in July to go Like I said, maybe this is fate saying No more griff Too serious a job for you Let bros handle it I pick the movies, everything goes the fuck God damn it, man I'm just saying But griff, there's other things to be hateful for Let's be hateful about other things Wagons in a public space Alright, we all had fun with this this past week Can we put it to bed? Hock to a girl Yeah, enough Enough I'm seeing it everywhere First of all, the most basic of bitches I've ever seen in my life Right Fingernails on chalkboard I didn't even listen to the whole thing I just heard the Hock to apart Right, by the way She's right Ladies spit on that dick But don't Hock a lugee on it That's gross It's spit on that dick Where are the better look I always say So I agree with Hock to a girl What infuriates me is Like we were just saying Griff is literally sweating bullets I am Getting on an episode People just put on when they're Like they don't want to pay attention to their job Yeah And this dumb broad is like Raking in the dough Like people are throwing money at her Because she said she Hock to us on a dick Hock to us I mean that's the memeification of the world I will give her this At least she It seemed like she wasn't like Trying to be an internet sensation No, she was being the dumb basic bitch that she is And that But the Well I'm not my previous with her Like I said I agree with her But I have a problem With the world society Being like Throw money at this girl Is that what we're doing? We're saying throw money either She's already made According to Jim Cornet She already made 65 grand off of merch Oh, did she make the merch though? Probably not And if that's the case Steven P. New Yeah, dude, it didn't work The case All right What did I mean by that? We had our fun Putting it to bed No more Hock to do more Good night Good night Save the Hock to us for the bedroom people Yeah Where it belongs Stream about sucking dick, Hock to us We love you Also, Griff, were you aware This is hot rodent guy summer Excuse me That new is hottest look It's rat face, guys What? All the new Sex models, sex symbols Sex symbols Have rat faces I know exactly what they're talking about And I've always hated rat face, guys So I'm putting an end To hot rodent face Summer No more Fuck you Go to the sewer where you belong You rat face Fucks Rat face fringe fucks See, I want to throw more Fs in there I really I'm really liking this Now that the audio problems fix We're still staring daggers into it 20 minute 22 minute mark That's where it broke last week Three times on us 22 minutes in I didn't get on the two in the morning Two in the fucking morning I had to I fucking drove my car into a ditch the next day And just wandered aimlessly for nine hours To recollect myself Why did you fuck your car up? This is the things you have to do, Murray Look, we put our heart and soul into this Sometimes, yeah It's fucking hard You just wanted things to work You just wanted things to work Especially since we haven't changed anything in five years But that is We changed hardware in the last year and a half Because the other computer Did some stuff and then I did some stuff too You lost your shit I lost my shit on it And it wasn't a good deal You're gonna lose in shit Super Mario Brothers Super Mario Brothers, Murray I once again hated this movie I, there's no redeeming value to this movie Why does the movie exist? Man, I know it's a boring movie Brickneck pace Yet same time boring as fuck You told me Not many people can do that I'll give it a minute It was an hour and 40 minutes 35 minutes I have a 45 And Murray was telling me That it was supposed to be like 20 or 30 minutes longer Yeah, there was a lot of backstory Behind this movie Like I said Everyone of all hates this movie The directors were married couple Who were High on their own supply Thought they were the shit And everybody hated them And we talked shit about them Behind their back Throughout the entire process of this movie Yeah It's Hopper It's supposed to be the five weeks I was there 17 fucking weeks This, this is the Waterworld of video game movies Wasn't Hopper in Waterworld too? He was Yes Maybe he's the He might come and thread it Yeah Yeah, so First of all Question grab Yes Is there a good video game movie? Is it possible to make A good video game movie Because I'm unaware if there is one Shit, I don't know man Um You know They did do They tried to do a Final Fantasy movie That was awful Then they tried to do a Final Fantasy 7 movie That just was not bad It was an animated movie That one wasn't bad But it wasn't good And it also gave us What we see as Cloud today Which he looks like shit I hate it I want pixelated Cloud Tomb Raider Oh I never watched those Yeah, I never watched those Resident Evil There's been like 12 of them There's been so many I think the first one people think is okay House of the Dead Uve Balls Classic movie Where he incorporates Video game POV footage Into his movie That sounds awful Yes Yeah Because video game is Silent Hill Oh, you know what? I watched Silent Hill It wasn't terrible Those are games designed to be movies though Have the fucking thing about those games There's like two hours of you know Like cinematics in it Even The Last of Us Which is the one everyone raves about Isn't that great? I don't think it's possible To make a great Video game movie Yeah We get to achieve that Yeah For the longest time It took forever to get good comic book movie They were all horrible I think it's a good thing You bring that point up Because you talk Like I know our good friend Yacht Rock Sean Always talked about Like when I was going up The Marvel movies You've talked about it You get Hawke for You know Bruce Banner I believe it wasn't Bruce Banner For the show David Banner Bruce 2 gay in it Yeah I'm not saying that TV executives TV Exact guys But You guys always say It's like You gave us the worst Four of these shows And yes I was six when this movie came out I went and saw it I was scared Shitless by this movie I was going to see a colorful Video game movie It was you Was it fair to say It's your Gugzilla versus The Smog Monster movie Yeah Oh there we go Because we're around the same age When we And you told me You made it You overcame my fear Covered by the way I'm a hero I know Yeah Save the Save the lot Guys the flowers Murray Has no more room in his house For the flowers You've set too many flowers Did you overcome your fear Oh I absolutely overcame my fear But I wanted to say You said in Godzilla You got in there For the first five minutes You're like Nope I'm out You're smarter than me I was like Mom this is too weird I can't take this I love Godzilla What am I watching? I'm watching A pile of Shit Hough Smoke stacks Yes That's disturbing Yeah Take me home mom I just want to see Godzilla Pro-Wrestle in other monsters Yeah I got through the whole movie And started crying That's how it worked for me This movie traumatized me as a kid So that's why we got to slay this demon That's kind of what our show Has become about sometimes You know We've done this a few times Where we slay the demon We watch Black Eagle Because I was terrified Of John Claude as a bad guy And then I really enjoyed it as an adult Because Shokazoo He's amazing Right So this is Tarpidity Tarpidity That's from that movie Everybody Oh man So I was shocked Because this movie As stupid as it is To take a simple concept Like the Super Mario Brothers show Which people might remember It had Captain Lou Albana As Mario Yeah, a real Italian A real Italian Like this movie Like I don't know Hispanic I don't know what Juggling with Zama is Bob Hoskin's British guy Yeah They just throw them together They don't even put them in the right colored Outfits They don't even put them in Oh this is This is Again They got this right in the Super Mario show That came out two years prior Well how can they not get it How is it hard to do this? I don't know This is the thing That comic book fans Beef we had It's all through the 80s and 90s We wanted to see If you This is going to shock you But comic book fans are obsessive nerds So they like shit The way it's supposed to be So for years we got like Gives a fuck if superman wears a cape Or whatever And they were just giving a shit And those movies always bombed And then Some smart executive was like Hey Maybe we should consult with the people Who create these things And then Make the movie Like the people want to see Right Guess what Boom Marvel Comics Rules of the world Yeah And then now They're back to Hey I don't want to pay these comic people I got ideas I'm an exact giant robot spider Anybody And the movies are shit now Because you don't respect the source material Nerds demand You respect the source material Oh yeah You get that outrage over Just novels You know novels Turn into movies And all that shit Like it's Fucking everywhere It's infuriating Well it's like Hey People like this Let's change everything Let's change I don't understand that The thought process Behind that Yeah Yeah It's It's pretty sad out there But yeah So they got overalls right They got everything right In the Super Mario Show And then you get to this And I don't know What kind You said there was like Five writers on this There was three credited writers Yeah At least six in total Working Is this a Beyonce single Or we're talking here Or is it It was rewritten So much The actors stop paying attention To the rewrites Yep Makes sense I I mean the story is simple enough It tracks The only thing I'm going to give them credit For, because Once again remember This is based on a silly Japanese video game He's like There's no thought But it's like Hey it'd be cool If this A turtle did this And a mushroom did that And they were like How can we incorporate all these elements To a story And they do it Yeah It would be really Fucking tough They so they try to do And you told me They wanted to make this To be a more adult centric The directors did Okay The directors The studios were like It's fucking Mario, brothers What the fuck are you doing? Obviously they had a license It from Nintendo So the third year is before Everyone's throwing their flowers On Greta Gerwig's their name But she made like an adult spin On Barbie Like adult themes These people, I don't remember their names I don't care They did it 30 years before Try to Give them their Oscar Possumously Oh man Their Life time achievement award For the Super Mario Brother directors But it's so freaky Because of how they tried to Introduce elements of the game Into the movie So I was kind of talking to you A little bit about this And we mentioned this Some of the most iconic things About the characters Superman and his cape The Mario brothers have mustaches Bob has a mustache John Legasamo said No I'm not growing a mustache Maybe you can't grow one I don't know I don't know I feel like there's an apparatus They could strap to his upper lid Yeah they could have But he obviously had no respect For the source of maturity He did go method Every Italian has a mustache We don't know that How did I tell people are Italian? Yeah he did go method He lived in Little Italy And he tried to grow a mustache And he ate spaghetti every day Well he still did a shitty job He did a fucking awful job Luigi is a scaredypus That's it He's not a fucking like child Where's John Legasamo plays him to be a child I mean he's like a conspiracy theorist Especially Luigi He's supposed to be in his late 20s or something Mario is like supposed to be 10 years older than him And was his father figure? They're still I'm still They're both plumber In the dark about Are they related? Or did Mario find him on a doorstep? Yes I know Right Because that would make sense That he's not Italian Yes Yeah Yeah that would make a look He found him in Spanish Harlem Or some shit There was one line that kind of linked it together And that was it But I didn't even get that out of it Because they are the Mario brothers after all And they do attest to that And that is their surname That's right That's the one thing Apparently they came up with that And then the guy who created it Was like Yeah I like that idea I like that idea They are Mario, Mario and Luigi, Mario and their names I mean it makes sense if you read the articles How did they Not come up with another brother You figured by now there'd be another one Like Guido, Mario Yeah well They knew better than to add another brother It's like you add other characters around them They did the negative versions While Luigi, Wario, you know They did that shit But you don't add another brother They added a bunch of characters to the cast It's three It's uh Trio? Yeah Like the three Stooges Oh yeah I'm saying Guido, Mario Maybe if it was the 70s They would have added that But yeah Once again, I hated this movie I spent The birth of our nation Watching this movie When I could have been outside Watching the Mexican shoot-off fireworks In my neighborhood I guess you guys love fireworks I'm not making any judgement calls I'm just Pointing something out And by the way It comes with fireworks Because I hate them I hate them My dog hates them even more Yes But here's the thing You can buy like Giant like Contain or like boxes And you light it It's 50 million So These people who live across the street From the junior high I wanted to They had their fireworks They lit them off On the sidewalk On the junior high side And they just left this Fucking shit on the fucking sidewalk It's like three boxes You can't pick them up And just throw them in your fucking dress You fucking piece of shit I You know I hate rich people But I also hate poor people Because this is why you're poor Because you're piece of shit It ain't society's fault You're a douchebag Pick up after yourself What the fuck's wrong with you? It's one of the key components Of existing amongst other people Just pick up after your fucking self Hell is other people Dude That's the- Oh man This is rough They deserve to live in fucking Dinotown I'm the same right now No positivity for me in this episode Yeah, this is- You're gonna get it This is all negative It's like 72 degrees But with the humidity It feels like it's about 90 degrees Like breathing underwater here Why are we doing this Michigan? You see all the hate that's coming out Here's some more hate Going back to this movie Mario Never wears red Where's blue? He wears blue constantly Luigi Where's red? Why not put the Luigi man Who always is in green and green Just green sweaters Green this, green that Mario and red Overalls Overalls? The technology was there in 1993 To make overalls There's like little tidbits of Mario You didn't even have the little cap Until like the near the end of the movie Yes and it was like Oh We need some outfits to sneak in here Just so happens There's outfits to sneak in here I think it was a callback to The arcade game Where it was like the side scrolling I don't remember what that one was called But it was a callback to Color schemes They used in that But yeah, it doesn't make I mean, throughout the movie Griff will point out the differences Between the video game And the movie I'll do my best I'm pretty sure I played up to Super Mario 3 Which was part of the last version Where this movie came out And I just I don't remember I didn't know there even was a lore behind this I thought it was to save the princess That's it Oh yeah So I don't know this shit I don't know the names of any of these creatures I was just like turtle Critter from critters movie Koopas It's the wildest thing And you know I'll throw the trailer after this Because let's just fucking get to this can of worms Um Hold the worms Hold the worms That's kind of stuff So that's the point I wanted to make Throughout the whole entire series Bowser King Bowser Bowser Bowser Bowser And even an IMDB It says Dennis Hopper Bowser I was writing that in my fucking notes And I'm like These can call him Koopa I know It makes no sense Bowser is the bad guy Every Mario game you fight Bowser No Bowser's the king He's the good guy He's the father of one of the characters Also King Koopas now A separate character It's like What? Why did we even do this? Why did we do this? Why did we make this movie? Why did we hire the directors? Why did we watch it? Why are you listening to this? I'm still asking that question, yeah Well We'll contemplate over that While we listen to this trailer Something's coming up the plumbing For Luigi's hit a bite Dry his turtles out to get him Creepy crabs are right behind Bite-a-flies, cheaper shights They're all coming out the pipes Mario, where are you? It's Atari, Mario Brothers With Mario from Donkey Kong His brother Luigi And lots of crazy creatures And it's twice the fun when two play at once Cause you need all the help you can get Mario, where are you? Mario Brothers, new from Atari Wasn't that a great trailer? No, it sucked I mean, I think they got to hear Lou in there Captain Lou? Captain Lou The better Mario, brother Yeah, real Italian Real Italian I am a real Italian You know what I saw today? When I was out at Easter Market A Vinny shirt I didn't know Vinny's was marketing that way Of course It was a beautiful shirt too It wasn't like a bullshit shirt, it was beautiful Of course Speaking of bullshit We open up Just to let you know we're in a video game world We get a nice little 8-bit intro It's a pixelated animation Of dinosaurs, 65 million years ago And we see dinosaurs And like, hey, this is cool We're dinosaurs And then This is disputed by some people But they're going with the whole meteorite Kill the dinosaurs theory Yeah, so it's hip-eye meteor But no, they didn't kill the dinosaurs I don't listen What the hell are we using to make oil? Because it's supposed to be dinosaurs Right That's the mystery in itself Because the dinosaurs were trans- And this happens people When a meteor hits a planet Sometimes it opens a parallel universe Yeah And the dinosaurs are transported To a parallel universe Where they've been living for the past 65 And evolving the past 65 million years What do you think happened to Stephen Hawking? You just rolled one of his little wheelchairs Into a black hole Good Okay And then we get boop boop boop boop boop boop That's the last you- That's the last- That's the last idea you get About the Super Mario Bros. video games When you're on out, it's like we don't give a fuck Super Mario Brothers We're in Brooklyn 1973 Yes Strip Club Church Licker store Every block Just that repeated Rolled with that hell hole Polling Paul Kirsty could tame That's right Until the following year I thought- 74 When the light came I was bored That's right So we see a woman From a rave that looks like Not very- I like- She had spikes on her shoulder She had a weird hairdo Hood up I thought she might have been a lost Jedi or something Uh, Padawan learner Yeah Padawan And she's looking over her shoulders She's terrified Something's after her Yeah She go where do you go When the world's after you go to the church That's right Knocks on the door We've seen this a million times And movies never in real life Leaves a baby at the doorstep Takes off her necklace This is going to be Kind of a McGuffin of the movie Takes off None opens the door Oh a baby They're all Italian Everybody in this movie's Italian Except our two Italian brothers That's why it's good Bring it in But no it's not a baby It is a dinosaur egg Do you remember dinosaur eggs? Dinosaur eggs? It was a candy It was a jawbreaker The center was like a sweet tart Okay I love those as a little kid Okay Dinosaur Dinosaur No Yeah, because it was a sour like jawbreaker Shape like an egg You know what really sucked The fucking dots Just the paper with the sugar on that Yeah, that's poor people Candy Yeah I hated it too Yeah Because you just got paper No thought put into that at all I loved it It was almost a hateful candy But you got that in Someone you hate Yeah, because you're eating paper half the time Yeah Like what the fuck? That suck Yeah Much like this movie Much like this movie So it's an egg And it starts rattling It's something that's going to come out of this egg Murray I'm waiting for the gobbledygooker You see It's like man was involved Wasn't that his invention? The gobbledygooker? The gobbledygooker I didn't realize when I was doing the notes That within the egg Was daisy It was a yes I did it I didn't grasp the idea This movie is trying to say that In this other dimension Reptiles evolved in humans Yeah You think conspiracy theorists would love this movie Lizard people Lizard people This is the birth of lizard people This is I've never really gone down the rabbit hole Lizard people Is their theory that A meteor hit the earth And dinosaurs went to a parallel dimension And then they found their way back Lizard people You know We're out here saying The conspiracy theories Probably love this movie I don't know where they got off with this I know like all of our politicians Are reptilians Now it's probably just the democrats But I remember them used to saying George Bush Was a reptile H.W. Bush Or W Wait is it? Is H.W. the dad and then W is the son? Yeah Okay W W W So We see a baby And we see that necklace A little like Icicle rock shard Yes It's a shard of the meteorite apparently And then modern day Two Nineteen Nineteen Nineteen ninety three We get We get our first shot of General Koopa In the tunnels As Egg dropper off or runs away Played by Dennis Hopper With his great fucking weird hair Gel cornrows Like it weren't technically cornrows But they were in that Shape of cornrows But it was gel Yeah He is basically playing Donald Trump In this movie He has He's got the hair He hates germs He doesn't touch people I love mud So Yeah So we assume he killed This woman Yeah All right Now modern day Nineteen ninety three And Mario brothers Are in their apartment Yep Uh Luigi Hanging out He's got a sideways ball cap With a spinner hat You know Ahhh Nineties Nineties yes You love the nineties fashion I'm not I'm not gonna say there Wasn't some good shit in the nineties For the most part I hate the nineties I hate everything about it I hate the movies I hate the music I hate the fashion It should have been My decade It was my late teens early 20s No I hate the nineties I feel the same way about the 2000s man Yeah I don't know But I hate them Maybe yes This movie was so 90s Like you said All the fashions Just screamed 90s to me And it made me want to vomit Yeah I mean you didn't think that Mario had it together Because he wore like a button up shirt tucked in Well he's an older man So he's not Respectable Yeah Whereas John Legasamo Probably from the legacy Boy Probably from the legasamo collection I don't even want to call him Luigi Because he doesn't represent any aspect of Luigi Not even a mustache Not even a mustache It is the bet It's the bet Oh my god But he's sitting there with like a bowl of peanuts He's just eating the shells Mario already ate the peanuts That's how brotherly loved words All the shells he picked up From uh prison guard to graph When he was a prisoner He did a stint People go listen to death warrant Yeah really It's fucking John Cole What the fuck you want I know it sounds a little weird But once you get over it It's a great fucking trip Um And Luigi is watching conspiratorial TV Lizard people Aliens Missing women It's like in search of A guy was talking about how he went to another dimension And came back Yeah so we know that he believes Anything is possible Yeah He's a dreamer Because Mario's telling him Mario's realistic We got work Let's get We have bills We got bills to pay But Luigi's Anything's possible bro Dreamer Dreamer So he's like Hey I got a job Let's go right now We got a pair of bills That's right And we're going to be driving down there I think Luigi's behind the wheel Mario Take it right here No We're going to take the all the Luigi way Something's telling me We need to take a left And we've got Fucking awful jokes That do not work for adults And definitely don't work for fucking children Because I'm j- I'm going back to being six-year-old Griff Seeing this movie in the theater I think this picture Right there Was taking me for me and my cousins Whittin' watched this movie Look how happy you looked before I know I wish your mom had taken an after shot I know Look you were having my hair After this movie Turned white Yes The cliff has been dying us here For the past 25 years 25 years But then you're cracking up Jokes about like sea turtles Being able to navigate You know 20 miles outside of their comfort zone And he's navigating Brooklyn And he's spewing out his conspiracy shit Anything being possible So they show up late And they got sniped by the Scapelli The competitors Scapelli Well he's that guy That has all the great commercials But they do shitty work But they don't care Because they have so many Too many clients They can afford to work shitty That's right Get somebody else Well Murr it's just like a certain podcast You got to have the name or a condition You know what? Speaking of that One of the you know Brian Lass has his little Arcadia Vanguard stuff Yeah I was looking at that one show He's constantly advertising wrestling news Yeah They do our numbers on YouTube It's pathetic They get like 100 views For like five minute videos Good It's fucking crazy Because I thought it was just a little bit of marketing But no, everyone just doesn't give a shit about Brian Lass Exactly So they get sniped They lose the job Whoever comes for it Apparently it's that first come first serve job Man you can tell us about that That's You got a problem with that Somebody calls you up I need help with this and that Oh yeah We get that shit So now the Scapelli Has his fingers more than one pie He's not just a plumbing business He's a construction He's a builder He is a builder Like one perfect president is I was just going to say We got like parallel world trumps going on here Scapelli played by I don't know the guy's fucking name He's most famous for getting the shit kicked out of him And the godfather by Ray Liota Ray Liota By James Khan James Khan He's the brother-in-law who gets the shit kicked out of him Is that godfather too? No That's original one It's original Because suddenly gets killed in the first I haven't seen a godfather movie in 15 years So he's constructing something But while they were digging They found some bones And dino bones Dino bones Juju bones So they had halted This is more important Than business That's right They actually did the right thing You think they would have just been like Fuck this Let's see whatever the fuck we want Because money talks But no Some Some The bullshit walks But somehow the university found out Including one very ambitious young Greta Tumburg character Daisy Who's Greta Tumburg? Greta Tumburg? Yeah You don't know Greta Tumburg is? No The little girl that's like going around the world Like talking about going green That girl? You don't know her? Her name's Greta Tumburg Yeah I know you don't know names So correct graph people Because that doesn't sound right Yeah I've heard multiple people pronounce her name that way Tumburg People interviewing her That sounds off because it's coming from you What? So Klooty She's got The most 90s look shorts with the combat boat That's such an early 90s look She's got a vest Or not a vest That's for so 90s Yeah I never own a vest But that's for so 90s Yeah Yeah She is 90s She's still in the 90s all over me She's talk to in me with the 90s And I'm not I'm spitting it back Remember last year we did a 90s movie too For Griffiths in July The Robert Patrick movie Lot of reflex fit jeans going on Relax fit We had the fucking flannel On the flannel On the flannel Three flannels tied around the waist Fuck you 90s You thought you saw two pop collars You know 10 years ago How about flannel on flannel on flannel So I'm already like This is the villain right? Gotta be the villain Because she starts stopping business That's the villain to me That yeah So she's like ah scapelli This is a dig We have X amount of days The court Your things all tied up in court right now We know We have full rights to this If you want to move things along You gotta move that court This is the court's working over backwards We're used to Certain presidents using the court This is when the world was kind of normal Kind of pre-fox news Yes Oh my god What a time to live in So he's just like Why you shakes his fist Gives a veiled threat That he's gonna fucking kill her And takes off Like any good Italian would do That's right But he does I mean he said the vague threat already Little lady be something Because there's a whole story about It'd be a shame If something happened to you Remember we didn't mention this The whole idea Luigi was talking about it There's missing women Women going missing in Brooklyn Specifically in Brooklyn But they're white Which is why it's newsworthy Yes They actually do say they're white women Except the one Italian woman But that's white Possibly had sex with the dog Sometimes in their life Women Yeah Really into animated dogs Yeah Um So he's making net There's been a lot of Women going missing in a Little Brooklyn here So it'd be weird So it's gotta be supernatural Yep So Daisy's gotta go find a phone now Yeah Cause it's 90s You gotta go find a pay phone Before that We meet our henchmen Spike and Iggy Koopa Koopa It's one played by Fisher Stevens Who is Who play Who culture appropriated in Indian In short circuit The classic robot movie Oh really? Yes Interesting This movie's all about Back in the glory days We could appropriate anyone's culture Hold on Cause it's called acting people Let me write down that time So I can plug in some Bruce Springsteen glory days So Spike has the Upcut like his head shaved in the sides of the bag And it's flappy Oh god Both these They did a great job Just making you hate these guys Because they are repulsive And the other guy Like they inspired The stupid SNL night at the Roxbury bit They inspired that look They had to have Because Iggy's got like It's like slicked back But like braids in the back He had the side slicked back The background long And he braided it Then the top of his head He coiled into four spirals On top of his head And Okay So Allow me You asked me to address these things Koopa What's a Koopa? Well a Koopa is a turtle You know the turtles in the Mario series That's a Koopa So these people represent turtles It makes you ask the question Why did they do a cartoon? Aye So they're watching Daisy from a car Eating some hotdogs You're blending in I hear this is dog That's what they say They both throw their buns away And slurp down on those glizzies So How many glizzies did you have this fourth of July? Zero That makes two of us So yeah So Kinkoopa sent them to get Daisy We don't know why yet Yeah Daisy just so happens She's looking for that payphone Their truck broke down Mario Luigi's truck Broke down They're so poor they can't even afford any freeze They're literally putting water in their radiates And the- The guy- Evian! Yeah It's just expensive Yes It cost them three bucks He said that this is 1993 three dollars Luigi I mean Mario Luigi Gets them fucking any freeze It's 1993 It ain't 1923 The fuck It's even more expensive He wanted to get free tap water But the guy wouldn't sound Because that is how it works in some of the big cities They're like no You pay for fucking water But- Luigi- He tells Luigi You call up our answering service To find out if we have any work waiting for us For answering services We'll- We'll all throw an answering service It's pre-19-2000 Pre-19-2000 Yeah X *laughs* 92,000 XX So Luigi's getting the reset You know he gets through And he hears there's an emergency A large emergency Set back up Set all your plumbers I've got billions- Toilets are exploding Someone put a cherry bomb in a toilet And we need your help I got millions And they left all the debris All over the toilet too So- Porcelain everywhere Porcelain everywhere And so he's listening to this But the lady of his dreams The meatcute moment Daisy walks up And this is what- This is how you wait for a payphone, right? You stare daggers into the eyes of the person on the phone currently Obviously this is the New York they do I mean obviously her problem's more important than Luigi's Just remember Only rich people had mobile phones at this time We had to fucking use payphones like fucking cavemen Think about using payphones during the C-word period Oh I thought you was a con- We gotta say that off Mike Just in case YouTube wants to hate us well they do that you to party does hate us they despise us uh... so he's a hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha looking at her and she is even a change is called collect whoever the fuck she's going to call right back to the university so he hangs up on a job opportunity three months late on every bill everything because he might he he's got a chance they might score that's got a chance this guy's housing this is what i want out of mario i want to see these fuckers bangin but not each other two words pussy and or yes he's deep in it he can't see anything he can see the toilets for the the pipes and she's just like here my lady doffses he was real luigi have a cap to doff he should have a fucking cap up well he did have a stupid hat on actually did have a cat on and she's like oh thanks gravity's like quarter m'lady put the corner in calls up she starts bitchin at the university the scapelli guys fucking with a dig that's right but does university they're like we have no more money this and we can't send you security we can't send you anything i mean come on what do you expect mario notices this he's like this kidding never been lady's got no game mario's the coxman he's bangin every broad dude when you we see mario's lady in a minute here you're like the fucking score this bald little georgia stands a man dude he got big bertha later on too oh my god i'm surprised you can't find a little bit of joy this stupid fucking that was the only scene i liked okay where he he starts macking on big where we learned what mario's all about and this is canon by the way mario's sexual uh... yeah are mario's case actually going to get the game in japan it's called super mario pussyhound and you just fucking broads throughout it it's it's one of those games if you go look at steam right now some of the most popular games steaming all right some of the most popular games if you go look at the steamsore on a not steam sale week are usually like the hentai adventure sex games oh i know those existed they're so what's the adventure he just fucks them i have no clue i don't buy these games you just rent them i just rent them so mario's like i gotta help this kid out maybe if he gets his dick wet or smartnop it started flying straight you know is this really how the dating world work you just had a fucking poon how i'm like mario come up to you just ask a woman hey how about dinner tonight you go come my lady come come my lady you're my butterfly sugar baby and then panties drop rip shifty shell shock i don't know if that got in wonderful we talked about i'm a one of our many intros for last week's episode but rip shifty shell shock just in case we you sounds like a mario character shift shell shock you know what does there is actually a character called shell shock so there we go uh so mario throws an arm over his brother what my brother is trying to ask you hey luigi you trip over your dick again because it's so big four inches from the ground momma mia why don't you just ask the pretty lady for dinner remember we have a van we can take her ride first she's a ride that's right which is what you always do dead bunby style get in the car with a strange Italian man two strange Italian one without a mustache what you know i would be like are you a taillian you don't even have a mustache i get confused for a taillian all the time now that i'm a mustache and she's like oh that sounds good i could do that it's a data yeah so they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna figure it all out six p.m so mario he's like this kid's gonna blow it i have to do a double date with my lady my lady by Tuesday lady yeah i don't want for every fuck dude and it's his girl daniela daniela which okay i i wanted to do a little bit of research muri did all the research on the actual facts of the movie i did some of the video game research because i was like i think i think the woman from donkey kong where you know mario saves the princess i thought maybe that's daniela no it was polina so they could even use polina they were just like yeah fuck it daniela so they're on a date they're asking daisy about what did she do for a living she's like i'm an archaeologist iridium she keeps saying i'm wondering if daniela was actually a taillian because she she had a pretty thick uh yeah she's probably a decent actor they did go get a taillian food of course of course and did we know that checker tablecloth checker tablecloth and they gave they left a wedge of parmesan on their table with their own zester they were just like just have at it mr mario well yeah he's a regular he's a right of course he is this is the original vinny's this is the original vinny's this is the brooklyn vinny's right uh get me some a case so for my spaghetti and so uh daniela she's like oh my god fucking luigi's blowing it i have to like zoom in help him out ring wing woman him wing woman him she's like what do you do for a living so i'm an archaeologist oh yeah what oh you're part of that dig downtown yeah i'm part of that we found some iridium and she's like i'm iridium what the fuck is iridium but you know she's continuing on like lady guys we don't notice any of this shit but ladies notice the details and she's like they're not close to you have it's beautiful what is that yeah and it's that fucking rock shot we saw that fucking dino baby from the beginnings with oh my god daisy is that baby of course of course so you know luigi pipes it oh you're an orphan i'm an orphan too right with it when you're when you're trying so bad with go you're struggling to find any connection any connection so he's like appearance are dead too yeah they're great and yeah then we learned this is where i got confused i got confused because i was like he's like are they are they brothers because he's making it sound like you know it makes sense because mario is 30 years older than luigi in this movie clearly that he would have found and raised luigi like found like i said in spanish harlem somewhere in a sewer like is that a rat oh it's a baby i'm gonna raise that kid now he's gonna have the most beautiful mustache rat face summer oh my god and they didn't have the most beautiful mustache mario got that one wrong that's how disappointed mario is in luigi but he's maybe that's maybe that's the whole growth because the whole story is the growth he matures throughout this movie it should be and he should have this bitch in fucking mustache i agree with you i would have actually liked that as an adult maybe as a child three weeks later at the end there's a lapelog shoot at fuck you should have been working the mustache in the mirror maybe him and danielle have like five little reptile children could be because i mean guys that's canon she's a reptilian woman so and she went to reptilian not danielle oh i'm sorry but we're talking about luigi so i was that's what i meant to say uh uh daisy but does this also mean that uh daisy lays eggs because i have to be yeah i mean she was born from an egg yeah also that egg was fucking 10 times the size of a baby uh well vagina can stretch you know i've stretched a few of my art oh my god i'm just saying this was a kid's movie mary yeah i know this was the dark side that they wanted to have in the movie you know it's fascinating the seat we'll get to later there's thonged women dancing yeah strippers they hired strippers for that thing yeah incredible this fucking movie is so weird all right so they're done with the orphan talk and danielle again just trying to stop up like this your your brother's got no fucking game at all let let me also help mario and danielle i'm gonna she wants luigi out of the fucking apartment because she wants to move in oh that could mario that could be it yeah that's mario's thing with all his ladies like you can't come to my place because my brother yeah you're right oh my he likes to watch and masturbate in the closet that's good it's weird the layers here the layers that are happening here the layers she laid an egg so danielle is like girl you're great i love your hair you got this awful 90s look going on maybe you should tip it up a little bit more oh it's because you don't have a tan i work at the tanning salon right that's very italian thing that's probably too it is this is very jersey shore yeah it's a little too stereotypical so she's like why don't i get you ten free tans make sure to wear something skimpy girl you don't want to tan like go naked yeah she says that you don't want to tan like take that necklace oh i never take the necklace off it's like whoa shit fuck okay whatever so she's they finished the meal right and she's like mario i want to get this guy laid as much as you do yeah how about we take the van let them walk and let them go a little stroll yeah go on a little she'll know where the fuck she lives she can live like like 10 miles from her so i mean are they is danielle is this good at reading the signs that she realized that she that uh daisies into louis ji because that might have been like daisie might have been like get this fucking guy away from me yeah she's just which that's what danielle is thinking like i want louis ji out of the picture so she's just trying to hook him up oh i understand that yeah so she's just like fucking she doesn't care yeah she doesn't care is the point she's like your daisies problem your daisies problem so they take the van they start heading off our uh louis ji and daisie go on a walk and then as uh the van's leaving we see the koopa bros right and they're like hey that's the girl we're looking for but she's got dark hair yes she's in the sky stupid that's right this this also confused me but we'll get into it when we get to it so they where where they go we go to the dig because because louis ji is like hey i like dinosaur bones too yeah could you show me did you ever hear this candy dino sours they're fucking great well do you really think it's neat that i work with dinosaurs yes go running off on a fucking day very go to the dig side it's just showing them around they go down into the tunnels like this the fuck also had a teenage mutant ninja turtle land one thousand percent was teenage mutant ninja turtle lands these fucking tunnels were so big just completely blown out and she shows him proof of reptoids that's right because we see a lizard man which makes no sense because they evolved in the other universe unless this came over somehow they stayed here because we do learn that if you try to put the shard into the meteor you will be fossilized yes we see that at the end of the movie this guy got thrown into our world he opened the door for a second maybe that's a character we see later in the movie maybe this time is not a flat circle all i know is it's like okay reptoids and he's like that's interesting they're having so much fun cut back over to mario drop and then yellow off she's like are you sure you can't come up i'll suck your dick i got i got some pipes to clean if you know what i mean we did just eat maybe another he ate 14 people you don't want to get a dick sucked in a full stomach you know what's gonna happen oh my god yeah oh my god they're just horror stories you know i'll say before you get the hot tour let your stomachs out yeah no never fuck on a full stomach all right you might fart or something you want that i mean it's gonna happen like shit yourself you can laugh it off but yeah you don't want that kind of situation you want to be you want to be all the first day all mobility you get a salad you don't get the heavy shit the carbs lean yeah lean yeah the post-sex is when you really fucking tack it on right you know because you need your carbs yeah yeah back up that's when you call for the hoagies well before that you eat light you get a little ice cream you know is that light well it's lighter salad i'm not saying it like four black caesar salad hey we just celebrated the hundredth birthday of black caesar salads i thought julie caesar invented um she shouldn't be a two thousand years old well the weirdest thing was they're like oh the cesar sad which came up it the country that it was invented in i did not expect at all where was it i forget i i i passed i had i went to a fancy Italian restaurant and i had a guy that he was like our waiter his job is to make the cesar salad oh yeah the fucking table did you like it's like banyana it was one of the best cesar salads i ever had really yes iceberg lettuce it was one of those guys that like i don't even i was in canada for some reason i don't know why but the guy was all those guys who worked he was a vinnie he like worked there forever dude old decrepit guy knew his shit dressed well Italian guy yeah made it like this because he didn't use a chovie paste he was anchovies and like mashed them up and shit man you watch this man mingle it and you were like gimme that i was that is that's a professional dude job and it was one of the best cesar salads i've ever had in my life man i love that so you just brought so much joy to my heart i do with this cesar sales trash yeah so we're back at the dig site we see in another world water just spewing out yeah did we mention daniel got kidnapped yes she got kidnapped everybody mario didn't see it like the koopa bro because mario's going back he's clenching his butthole right now he's got he's got a possum meatballs out yeah he's you know he's gonna destroy her fucking bathroom and there's there's no sex if you need to sleep how could you you have to shower for an hour after that you can't feel good you need to be comfortable we need to go back to this talk he's putting a cork in his ass running home kids have to wear feelings of the world everything is shit really oh my god getting stuck in traffic back into my road days man oh my god that had happened to me too many times because i would eat Doritos and drink coke that was like all i would do no not at all flaming hot Cheetos a lot of time oh my god man so jesus christ i was asking back in the dig site water starts spewing these little guys scurry out that he had with shirts the scapelli on it yeah you probably don't wear the fucking scapelli outfits when you're doing some fucking larceny kids movies we have to be a little silly yeah that's true so like god damn it the scapelli's did it again well and of course he doesn't know anything because he's you guys heading the clouds he's never paying attention to parenthesis plumber mary the only thing luigi's worried about is how do i kiss a girl how do i hide this boner right because he's that level of a child so she's like you're a plumber i am i'm an apprentice i could call my bro just happens to be a phone in the fucking sewer system would be which a minute ago she had to leave the sewer system to find a phone right so mario high writers what mario must have been home because he doesn't have a cell phone that's a good point that's a good i mean we did say he was going back home right so he's out of the toilet it's a good thing they have a photo of the toilet maybe maybe danielle call them and they were phone sexing phone sex is that you taking a shit no no no so he shows up and like the pro that he is he says like sixteenth and two eighth inch spanner this wrench that and for a pinky i'll give luigi props he least knew the tools he did this is true by fucking measurements he knew him in metric and standard right i like that where we're like we'll call our measurement standard fuck everybody else standard for us yeah he's just like all right if you i have to do like tighten two fucking they didn't really do a good job you should have broken the pipes there's a loosen the pipe they just loosened them uh that's all they did they didn't steal anything they didn't make it irreparable uh nothing they just fucking turn a couple vels so here's where i get confused so they were positive danielle was daisy in disguise so why do they then go after daisy uh because they were confused i don't know they're they're supposed to be so fucking stupid and it's also their plot device to be like wait why did we do this who cares they're stupid like they're they needed for some reason because i guess mario wouldn't want to help his brother because i think the reason is they had to have a reason for mario to go to dino hat because he's got to find his lost love too right maybe i maybe it's somewhere in that 20 minutes of footage we'll never get to see yep good call good call you know now i'm reading your syndrome but you know the 20 minutes is all about sex that's all right that's what you guys are about over price sex but sex overpriced yeah we'll do the commentary over it we'll explain all the motivation and everything so while they're finishing up the cleaning their pipes out uh koopa brothers grab daisy and they take her to like uh it looked like something out of the goonies all this sudden they're in the cave system or like a fucking river like 20 feet below them yes there was giant chasms and everything that they were skirting down these were not part of the excavation tunnel system this was just for you know how the land formation was here and so they're spelunking there's like a little ledge that there's always this and they're crawling across it and then they we hear daisy talking like luigi save me where are you daisy oh i was asking is there cgi in this movie here's where we had some awful CGI of her face made out of rocks coming out of the side yeah like pink floyd's the wall when he's stretching his face out and it's like daisy it's like save me luigi reaches out to her and rips her necklace off this is what i mean the face is giant yes so i'm assuming it was just a manifestation but no it's got to be her face because she's got the necklace did you yeah yeah for sure so why wasn't it just a normal size face and like she's trying to get out this is the portal to dino hatton yeah i think i never dino sore version of man man hatton i like what you did there you got to point that out you ever had dino hat and chowder it's the best shit dude i don't know if it's lizard or if it's turtles it's turtles oh man turtle soup turtle soup turtle chowder chowder so he reaches out to kiss her because he's such a loser and he snags on or or necklace and pulls it off yeah i did like he man did you notice they did it which makes me think that you would need the necklace to get through i thought that was the bit i thought mario was gonna try to go through and get knocked back exactly what i thought i thought there's something with the necklace that allowed them to go through but no yeah i guess we're just taught is anything's possible in wages world so he just leaps in yeah it's just the mcguffin being passed he goes through mario's like ah mama mia what am i supposed to do uh do i go do i stay i don't know should i stay or should i go now so singing some clash and he leaps he takes the leap of faith himself and they want trips into it and they start they fall down this giant chasm with nothing to more bad CGI that's kind of hellscape they're going through and they wind up in dino hat you see the world trade center of dino hatin being built because one of them is in construction or maybe maybe in their world the plane set in 93 i don't know yeah maybe ten years earlier they built it pretty quick back you know built it up pretty quickly though yeah and so he's like where am i if he was a if this was the accurate movie that's how he'd say that's how we're about hey oh hi i'm bob uh so we're watching they're they're immediately on their heels even though they went through you know seconds ago they should have a little bit of a head start like i said breakneck face yeah boring as fuck but breakneck boring oh my god just bazaars fuck bazaars fuck so we're in a world ugly obvious set nothing real about it we learned that all of their vehicles are powered bumper car style it's cable car system no it's bumper car because it's like it's got the electric grid like a bumper car has and you have like my cable cars because it's connected to it's not connected to a cable it's like a bumper car in that there's a little like thing that touches the electric grid to make it move to make it move yeah so that's weird it's so fucking weird it's like it seems very complicated i mean it's just like dumb dinosaurs are i wish this movie weren't so bad because all the shit in it is so weird and yet it's still so boring so it is a mind fuck all right i mean some people believe us not me that we came became for primates we came from apes so in this what god made us for christ sake i was gonna do a good question bible well it depends after this heathen of a movie well griff we're because so in this world they believe in evolution which shows how does evil this world is but it's a bizarre i mean i guess because the whole argument is evolution can't exist because why do we still have monkeys right because in their world we still have dinosaurs but they're like like rats yes like instead of rats they have little dinosaurs they had tiny dinosaurs we do get to see Yoshi Yoshi's a big dinosaur yeah people that are a hybrid mix of dino and human yes and then we have human-looking people you get the full spectrum like it is a weird kind of evolution like it would be it would almost be like if chromagnet men still existed in with us yes good call i i don't know if this is part of kupa's devices that we're going to get into in a little bit here yeah because it's super advanced repair not in some world not for the other cars they're super backwards but they're super advanced in other aspects hey i mean that kind of makes look i've got damn this fucking movie is so weird it's so weird oh all right they catch sight they see daisy being taken off in one of those taxis on the fucking bumper car grid system this is elan's fucking future this is what elan was grids all like ten feet above yeah this is what he wants you know what it reminded me of uh one of those uh highlighter movies where there was just a train in the middle of the roof i was thinking the exact same thing i think they use the same set same set it's just they draped it with boogers and shit because this is when i was a child and i saw this movie one of the things they do because guess what everybody it's called the mushroom kingdom that's the world mario lives in it looks identical to our world but for the city they said we need to make it look like god blew out some fucking boogers everywhere and eventually constantly there's fungus growing all over the city and when you're a kid you don't pick up on that little context i wasn't thinking about that kind of thing it's fucking it well there's a disturbing scene later on oh there's so many this the scene that made me cry and by fungus i mean like just like sheets of rubber with holes in yes that's all it is yeah it's all right now we see in the back koopa for president and we see deshopper kissing a baby oh i say i says make dino hat and great again i oh my god i saw black on black make america great again hat today and i was like i wonder if that guy didn't want to be too obvious about his because you're in a your downtown Detroit it's not going to be very popular to wear that hat down there contrary to what some people might say cut to this is where this is our big bad king koopa really bowser it played by denis hopper like i said he's got that strange gelled cornrow hair going on i i love this is very much i forget his name plays bison in our street fighter movie raul julia i feel like i feel like he brought something to this i was called i need to check i know but he i like his scenes i like his scenes murray well he's giving it he's letting us know his motivation right off the bat he's like we've been here 65 million years man i'm sick of this shit our world is the earth yeah and we're gonna reclaim it planet of the ape style yeah he was saying i hate this fucking earth he's a dictator he rules his fucking world how is he a dictator he obviously he have democracy we have a fair elections yeah it's a Putin level dictator uh a democracy down there um but he's like i got to get back up there i don't want anymore this fucking bumper car bullshit i want clean air i want clean water i want fucking humans wow see that's how bizarro this world is the conservative guys admitting yes they have pollution yeah and then something needs to be done about it jesus christ i want clean coal man i need that clean just book clean it from a fossil fuel and it's basic clean man that's it that's all you do run it on our whole time and he's got his lady laina redhead so you know she's a sociopath well she's that's what i love like it's just like we this like i don't need her back story i see red hair i go she's crazy she's got that they like did that style with their air too that remind me of roger's woman i've seen this woman everywhere now okay like 30 years ago i never knew that all this woman was she's been in a bunch of shit lately they also put her in a very tight dress she's very dominate trust oh my gosh she's she will walk on your face with some heels on yeah which we'll see later on yeah we do actually see that later on so this is a kink movie he all right is this a scene where he's putting his hands in the melted wax like i don't i i was like what is going on he has like these pools it's like melted wax he puts his hand and he gets he covers his hands with wax maybe i didn't write in the notes i don't know but yes there is the scene where koopa's thing is he's sick of this dirty fucking world infobic like a certain great president we are uh and yeah he's dipping him in there have you ever done this no why would i do that my mom worked for rich people for a while to be just clean houses because that's how you exist in middle trash it's like you have to do fucking odd jobs so you can actually take your kids go see a fucking movie right uh and so she helped out this rich woman and she would just throw everything away as rich people do they're like i don't know what who cares experience yesterday yeah and so that woman did have a woman like your mom whose job was to doesn't just be there do everything personal system all mom that's exactly what it was yeah this is how we exist people middle trash yeah this is our this is our this our station in life yes um but they had this little apparatus this little machine and it would warm up wax and you would put your hand in it and she just gave it to us and so we know that was even a thing yeah we had it for a while what's the point of it uh it's supposed to clean your hands off because it's supposed to like it's warm it's hot hair off your hand knowing it well i didn't have hair back then i was like eight nine ten and so yeah you put your hands in and then you peel it off it's very satisfying it's incredibly satisfying it's like kids who would put elmer's glue on their hand peel it off yeah yeah yeah really dumb but yeah really dumb but pre-internet that's what we did people put glue on our hands so i i even did that so uh the like koopa's come in they're like we got that daisy broad even looking for where's the necklace man that's all i want it was the necklace uh necklace uh now i told you to get it well i told you to get it yeah there's a lot of constantly slapping each other very three stooges two stooges um and so of course the mario brother oh no he said the plumbers because they said this in IMDB they they're never called by the bad guys mario or louis you know the plumbers plumbers so the brothers yes plumbers have it man so he puts out an announcement like and this is a nice little touch to the back to the video game like two thousand koopa coins which are the coins we get in the fucking game to whoever finds the plumbers all right so now we're back on the streets with the plumbers and they're just trying to exist in this mad world this isn't broken it looks like it could be down river bro they happen upon a kindly old lady and ask for her her help that's all right and she's like did she ask like you have a gun or something yeah she stops them she's like oh you poor boys are you are you okay out here you seem lost and they're like yeah we're doing okay we're just trying to figure out where our friend is oh okay well do you have a weapon on you no why would we have a weapon on us good and she fucking sticks them off right it's got like a lightning rod or something it was some kind of weird start like cattle prod thing it's really my favorite weapon in the mario series by the way the cattle prod give me all your shit motherfuckers and then a very large rotund they say yes black woman shows up with very dominatrix outfit on two spikes under boobs and everything spikes on boobs big old boots yeah and she like grabs a lady by her ankles it's like shaking her yeah and we're like oh she's a good guy she's taking care of the fucking menace white woman right and she drops the the the necklace and birth though that's her character's name the black or tongue black woman picks up the necklace and they're like hey thanks for getting our necklace back this is my necklace motherfucker she fucking puts it in her mouth and sucking on it drops in between her cleavage come and get it and then she's got a little rocket boots on that's right she'll come back up later you're from the game uh no not not even fucking close but we know if the mario brothers game he can jump very high exactly so this is their way of showing like yeah they're next they're not what the fuck are they are they you could sometimes they're like rocket boots they can fly with them and sometimes it says you can jump with them yeah they're they're like the spring boots sometimes but then they also have canisters you actually have to put in them to rocket away and you can either jump really high or hover sometimes it there's no consistency she jumps really high lands down says come and get it sucker and takes off so our boys are licking their wounds you're like oh man this woman just came we got robbed by an old woman and we're getting fun this is awful and then they happen on but it's supposed to be the character toad from the game you know the little guy with a toad stool head or whatever laid by oh shit mojo nixon oh who's that if you don't have mojo nixon your store could use some fixing as a dead milkman said dead milk man mojo nixon as he even describes in his the IMDB uh trivia about him they wanted tom wates oh my god and then mojo nixon says i'm a fucking low-budget version of tom wates mmm okay so hire me only song and i don't i think he actually recently died i think he died last year mojo nixon uh he had the song offices everywhere it's the only song i know i don't is he actually in the dead milkman or no okay you just mentioned in the song punk rock girl oh punk rock girl yeah i don't know it doesn't sound like that at all and uh it's that punk rocker am i thinking of a pavement song i am thinking punk rock girl you look so nice i'm thinking of a pavement song yeah well yeah you guys have been doing that mojo nixon that you're starting yourself fixing so maybe we'll open with that and so now maybe we'll play it right now that's what we'll say that's what toad is playing you know what we're just gonna play tush again that's all he's been in my head for the whole week by the way we didn't we mentioned in one of our openings i don't think the opening you got we open with tush because we only got a little bit of tush and we wanted more tush we wanted more tush we were just driving back to my house if you're wondering why are we playing tush because john claud gives us the glutes gives us the butt every movie except that one he gave us that side butt anyway toad is one of those guys that plays like a acoustic guitar with harmonica on the side of the street begging for money oh yeah but he's also he's got like short hair but he's buzzed a spiral into it yeah just like from the just like from the video game but we're living in a fascist dino hat in here so the police roll up no singing i think bust up his guitar and everything mario being mario you know arbiter of peace he's just like whoa this guy's just singing a song what are we fucking doing here and he's like what plumbers well who do you think you are we're just plumbers plumbers you what it happens to be brothers would you and they're arrested and thrown in the the little uh cable or bumper car bumper car yeah so now we're going to be taking the bumper car in daisy what she up to is she gets tossed in the old morton joe harem that koopa has we has all his jersey house that these are all jersey hoes you got all flavors of uh the bronx and brooklyn and these are all the missing girls in the newspaper well they're all from brooklyn except one is from the bronx or queens okay this is a joke later on yeah and yeah so you know that's where uh she bumps in a danielle said danielle right and so we get the fact that those two are together because that's important so remember this is a kid's movie say it's a kid's movie so we get some slapstick driving where you know and there's no breaks on these cars either oh yeah that's right there was a little like elastic bands that catch the fucking this is where it gets into kind of the roger rabbit world where it's just like anything can go we're gonna splat against the wall accordion and then put our thumb in our mouth and uh re inhale ourselves but the the band stops them they're pulled up there's prostitutes everywhere in the bullpen they're not everywhere but they there was this the guy whoever he's with that guy is at the front desk i don't know what the proper yeah i don't know that name either there was like a foot like a woman's foot like on his shoulders that was some weird kind of SNM type shit going on this movie i don't know how it's as boring as it is with this much weird say she's like sucking on some toes he's like what do you guys want right oh my god so we get the whole uh mario brook well he's he's mario mario and i'm Luigi Mario we're the mario brothers can't have two first names that's crazy well that's how our parents named us so much like in real prison they get delouse they get the dicks the fumigate the crabs are falling off that's right and they get thrown into a little dog cage together well no first they get thrown it's like it looks like uh uh what do you call it uh what are you gonna line up people to shoot them what they're firing squad yeah and we're like oh my god they're gonna kill them because there's laser kill we know laser scopes yeah yeah it's death no that's just how they shoot the mug shots that's right that's how they do the mug shots and then they're thrown into their tiny dog rates this is very judge dread like iso cubes this is the or very ice if you will very ice yeah hopefully next year is coming back we're gonna have more children taken away from their parents they put into cages but all the problems are gonna be solved as soon as we start putting on the cages again i mean we get to fennels over uh rat boy summers over m16 m16 over ms 13 uh yeah think it's all over so look we know the whole meteor theory but our boys the mario brothers don't so toads get a filament because he's in the cage next to him that's right you have to be an artist to really understand this to stretch your mind because they're like where the fuck apparently everyone in dyontopia knows about our world but they don't know we don't know about theirs that's so fucking weird yeah how does that happen because toad seems to trial the megahertz here he just kind of go not toad uh koopa kinkoopa he just kind of seems to go wherever he wants to explains about where another alternate dimension because of the meteor that's allegedly killed the dinosaurs right and this world kink koopa is our devolved leader our de evolved leader so now our bros are brought in they're thinking they're talking to their lawyer and it's kinkoopa i mean there's so many parallels to our dimensions so they're like yeah we want our fucking lawyer they got our lawyer and he's in a suit and everything he's got sweet fucking hair right and he's just like feeling them out wanting to get the information from them about where the snack list is that's right you guys really don't want to meet the leader of this world kinkoopa dangerous man kick your fucking ass oh ham it up with you but he won't drink hands he only drinks paps blue rivet he's trying to keep it under wraps and he starts to see any i don't know rock shard maybe something all right yeah just anything like that and Luigi he's just like what the fuck are you talking about like like a meteorite or something because i don't know what you're talking about and he's like we're getting nowhere stun gun these motherfuckers tasers these are taser in louis jeeps cal pride in his dick that's right and then he's got to go over to his goons and you notice daddis is always koopa always holding kinkoopa always holding his hands kind of up like he's still a t-rex yeah he was always doing that so he's going over i think they brought him drago for that dude i kept thinking it i kept thinking it i gotta check the credits to see him hand-consulted billy drago guys if you watch some of our favorite old movies and you go through the credits i know boring there's no scene at the end of it you'll certainly there was a scene at the end of this that i didn't watch really yeah oh weird oh but yeah you will see billy drago as a consultant hand consultant yeah uh so yeah he gets his hand sanitized by one of his boys comes over with the wife nobody has the c word and then uh dino hadn't they didn't get affected by it at all yeah it's true they just have the fungus they just have the fungus so yeah he's just koopa's like cuts of the chase like i tried to fucking like like get it out of you now i'm just gonna torture you now i'm just gonna torture you i'm gonna show you what happens when people do don't koop operate because he's kinkoopa there you go yeah so they're in like this chamber the d evolution chamber we see toad is strapped to a chair and this is where you get some nice some other great early 90s CGI work something like there's like a helmet thing that goes over his head and we're looking we're seeing inside the helmet at his face this is a button that says evolve de-evolving you know yeah it's a knob that turns on or off goes to 11 of course of course evolves yes and they turn it down and they start and we also see like these creatures they're called in the movie goombas graph explain what is a goomba so you probably remember the short little guys that are basically a awkward dickhead with little boots their critter that scooter around krites if you will mario is supposed to be four foot ten he's a short king and yet these goombas are shorter than him so what did mario's official height four four ten and then louis g is five eight i like louis g i don't like mario anymore yeah i know right neither do i i get it i get it um so these they yeah that's it they're small they're tiny they're little tiny fucking creatures for some reason in this movie they have decided that goombas need to be 14 foot tall broad-shouldered fucking m bison like uh s s suit wearing shoulder spike epilots whole fucking outfit with tiny little lizard heads that's a goomba this is nightmare fuel i still have nightmares about these guys so this is how kupa supplies his army he devolved criminals into more pliable kupas because when they have the little brains you can tell them what to do that's right it they even show they don't just tell us that they show us that later with the kupa brothers we even see like a little like read out on the the machine the brain like shrinking yeah the brain sides yeah and yes so we see uh a toad face the bad CGI turned to a lizard tiny lizard face it comes out and they do give them two different kinds there's the one that has the long like dinosaur snout and then there's the one like toad is where it's just like a flat face yes he had a flat face but they had to do that because they weren't he's cruel but he's not super cruel because he's still wanting toad to be able to play his harmonica right his little bob dylan around the shoulder harmonica so we can lean into it so basically the only reason that's there so we go oh that's toad that's toad yeah all right so again the boys are going to be abros are going to be threatened you're gonna get fucking in there unless you tell me where to be that rock man oh fuck you we're new yorkers they grab fucking koopa throw him in in the chair because the chair is like like for some reasons that a track where you have to go backwards yeah it's very time-cop where it's like the machines make no sense so yeah they strap them in they push them back his head pops into the total recall fucking deva the evolution machine so much sci-fi it's turned off after a few seconds he's slightly devolved meaning his eyes turn the lizard eyes for one second one second that's it and then he pops back out this is not my wife timing this is fucking i didn't know there was so much sci-fi and mario so they go running they're out like where the the cages are and there's like it says fungus everywhere and hanging from one of the fungus is a little creature they call a bob um bob-omb you're supposed to say kind of fast because obviously it's stupid if you say bob-omb bob-omb and this is what's also funny to me okay because it's the size of a fucking quarter machine little toy yeah it's the old-fashioned cartoon bomber to circle with a wick on the end and then it's got a clock crank on the back and it's got the two it's got the little two feet that go over each other why is this so small these bombs in the games are the size of the mario brothers but they decided no they should be fucking microscopic almost they're so small i believe it's a gag because so i'll pop even though they're how power actually they're nuclear bombs they're really not that powerful yeah yeah but they really did sell the fuck out of that for it to just be a fucking uh what does jim like to say a pillow fart or something like that a popcorn pop clarin five so it's almost like the fungus is talking to like use this but they they know they ignore it right but while we do not she's like leaves like maybe the fungus trying to tell us i think this fungus is trying what are you talking about it's fucking fungus we got to get on these zip lines and there this happens to be a zip line right next to the cages and they go sliding down and so okay we all know fireballs are important part of the mario brothers games too you got to jump over me at dot com so there and you use them and their version it's it's just they have flamethrower guns but they try to give the illusion of fireballs by firing it and then like like getting off the trigger so it's just a spurt of fire yes exactly so that's their way of showing fireballs right so we got fires going off we're going on the zip lines we end up back in the police garage where of course there's still more of those bump cars waiting around so they're gonna hack into it you know they're just because there's 50 million gear shifts on this thing right mario he just intuitively knows how to work mario doesn't know how to work louisian knows how to work how it works and he goes how do you know how it works how you sit at play a lot of video games anything is possible anything is possible as well but it's the video games so we get another slapstick chase we get a scene where normally you just have a head on collision but no the mario brother's car gets flies on top of another car yeah and there's gonna you know we're getting like fucking gagity sacks playing classic they get surrounded by two cars they hit the brakes the two cars hit each other lunch the melachi crunches in there fawns jumps in there he's got a tiny little reptile head but great hair you can never take the fawns of hair so they're like hey we need to find the holland tunnel the dino holland tunnel right and so louisie gives them the bait and switch where he's like yeah go right here call back to earlier yeah and then mario goes i thought you told me to go right there this is the wrong okay this is the actually where i wanted you to go but i told you the wrong thing so you go the right way that i wanted you to go it's like fuck are we in goddamn elson wonderland now what the fuck is this they are in a tunnel that's not finished it says the sign do not go unfinished tunnel don't go 55 they go out they fly out the tunnel into the goop koopa harry desert and i'd like that that's a fun play on words and they this they they go oh shit because we're gonna crash and but no the fungus grabs the car and bungee jumps it cords it so they're like five feet off the ground but here's where it gets smart they can't drive the car anymore because there's no bumbler car system over here right they're in the desert alone on foot and you know this is always a landscape of the mario games is the desert we just like look the fungus save this i saved us what are you talking about always got to have credit all right kinkoopa and lina this is the first time we see no a second time we see lina i think and again just pour it into that skimpy little dress well they're in a fucking mud oh this is the mud bath scene oh i love mud so they're talking over their evil plans and everything i need you to go get our princess daisy for me it's like i love mud mud is so dirty and yet so clean and i just and they just pass in the mud i know it's shit but it's just it's just like bison and street fighter i he worked it out hopper is great here so he after he gets his mud bath he calls in eggie and spike the koopa bros yeah he's still yelling at them like how did they get away man yeah they're well we know they're in the desert well why aren't you chasing after them and he decides koopa decides you guys are fucking too stupid for this mission well i think no i think at first he kind of implies you need to be punished and then to run holy shit they're gonna de-evolve these guys yeah but no he puts he's like spike goes in first and koopa and eggie's like oh no i'm gonna miss you bro and then we do we do do the machine thing yeah and it comes out and he looks exactly like he did before right and they're like oh okay i don't have a tiny little dinosaur and then he looks up and he goes koopa he looks he is a kinkoo he goes seepidity and we're like oh my god sky's a genius he used the word seepidity hello to my benevolent detator he says it with a fraser axe and he turned into a fraser crane and anybody wants some salad and scrambled eggs oh toss salad is there any other so now we're gonna send the other brother through right so they've been evolved people it goes both ways uh Murray would you say they went woke it sounds like it's later on yeah yeah they went woke which is why you have to keep the populace dumb yeah exactly the the message of this movie is if you're going to be a fucking you know Putin later you got to keep your population stupid look man if you blow it i'm going to kill you next time go get those plumbers all right so now uh lina she goes to daisy remember she was he told her to go get the princess that's right she tarts her up you know makes her look slutty like her immediately recognizes daisy amongst all the prince princesses that have been stolen or captured and everything it's just you got those eyes she reads eyes yeah of course she does takes her in dresses are up got to hoe her up toss the hair up a little bit tells her that you're from this world your mother in fact is very important person you smuggled you out you may find this to be a little fucking weird you were a birth out of an egg um like a giant fucking egg they should have had birdo in this and they mentioned she mentions the rock and that you need there they have they have the meteorite that caused the dinosaurs to go quote unquote extinct we know they're in another alternate dimension right and there's just one shard missing you plug it in somehow the meteorite it's a magical meteorite yeah completes the circle and once the circle is complete you can just traverse between the world yeah even though we just saw they could just plop right through koopa well no i thought they they they've dropped the idea and then they throw it away i thought the idea was they melt the world yeah merge the worlds together should we play that song now too i stopped the world to melt with you no okay but yeah no it's supposed to be like merge the world yeah i think that's the only way that really makes sense but obviously but she's implying that this is in a way a bizarro world in that there is a version of of koopa in our donald trump in our world scapelli everybody has yeah scaramooch the guy that worked for trump yeah yes okay yeah it's it's pretty much the same name yeah god damn man so yes she's filling in uh she's doing an exhibition dump for daisy yeah tell her you are actually the only person oh well kinkoopa believes you are the only person capable of plugging in the final shard emerging the world all right back to our boys they're just lost in the desert they're going crazy through the desert uh oh i yoshi with no name we got appropriated here these are quick cuts people so sorry we're going back over to kinkoopa who's got now he's got a superscope right now did you know about the superscope okay good they just painted it all one color but it is a super what this is a good little way to introduce a prop from like actual video game uh but he talking no the police chief it literally looks like a cop and the cop says that they finally made the evolution guns for all the koopas right have they been doing target practice on cans out back well of course sir and it's like well what happened to be here one of those plumbers well they heard it that apes or yeah he's like they would they would devolve yeah remind me what are the apes evolved from something just or what are the humans evolved it's something disgusting right uh like uh chimp chimp ape sir it was apes it's like oh that is hopper again just chewing it up i loved it so now that she's all tarted up she's ready to make kinkoop you roll daisy you roll then daisy roll and uh we see that there's a little dinosaur yoshi from the this is yeah they they do name drop here because at this point super mario world had to be out because Yoshi gets an oh maybe Yoshi anyways Yoshi the dinosaur is Yoshi just the dinosaur of the thing or do you talk Yoshi is actually a dinosaur in the mario canon Yoshi does not talk all it does is stick its tongue out it wears little boots and uh it's adorable so if this is canon this is this is one thing they got right it's almost canon yeah they pretty much got it right which like it's like it's it is fun it gets it like it makes sense but it's the people who have like chimpanzees and pets so you know they're kind of evolutionary related i guess it's okay yeah Yoshi technically would be this like as big as people it's a horse basically it's as big as a human it's got a little saddle so anyways so everyone's telling her like be careful about that Yoshi that dinosaur Yoshi there it'll fuck you up but daisy she resides she also is reptilian herself so she's like tell this is a fucking bleeding heart right here just yeah she wants to be a free man a free yosh a free dinosaur is there an iron made in equivalent in dino hen yeah sorry i don't have a great bond i know it's fine this is called infra people no script i don't know i just fucking joke lined up i don't fucking you come up with me please send us in your jokes then that could be that could be kind of fun yeah so fossil uh he's kind of creepy fossil father said iron maiden fossil father no okay okay okay you go oh yours okay it's awful too all right daisy gets her chance uh to learn about her father from kinkupa trying to at least uh but kinkupa he's just revealing he had the balls uh does he mention it right here i don't think he does but what he is he's what he is doing is fucking creeping out her so hard what do we know about kinkupa so far he loves mud he loves clean he loves clean mud he loves paps blue ribbit so he's walking in here he's sniffing her he's just like oh my god you got it oh it's incredible because he's combining our awful recent old presidents because he bitons her he gets in that hair just breezes it and loses a couple hairs into his nostrils and he's got a mushroom dick much like trump but then he's got that problem too with the cleanly the germaphobe because he's looking down at her hands and he's like you're so clean my late and that is again getting way too into this and i loved it what's the lizard talking at or you'll never forget the first time you went full lizard thank you kinkupas have a little like fucking bureaucracy or some vehicle and they're getting ready to capture our boys and they immediately fall off the cliff and go watch that that's right even though they're highly intelligent woke now uh they still can't figure out trippity oh it was a stick shift yeah that makes sense it's actually an automatic internal head so they captured by our boys they landed a month ago help us please we're sinking in the quick sense let boys help from time off that's right they started asking about the rock not the wrestler but you know the rock everyone's the mcguffin return why do we need this rock well i will tell you what they got kinkoopa's whole motivation and they're like yeah but how did he get through to begin with scuffily had to have done it why why exactly what what how is this traverse between the dimensions work and they're like well you guys have the chart right when we did not really a big brother of tund and freaking american lady talking that's got to be big bird thought that's the only black person in this movie it actually is um and she loves subs and i don't mean to say it and guys this is what the koopa brothers are telling us i know exactly where she hangs out are you guys willing to be cool bros now because we're bros too yeah we'll be cool bros we'll help you out i'm not kidding they actually do they just they're friends now from ever oh dude pain and ecstasy i don't remember yeah i think it was pain and ecstasy that sounds right it works for us all right we get the daisy getting friendly with yoshi right our bros are hashing their plan with the koopa bros and they're you know figuring out they're going to get back to the city how they're getting back to the city uh this is where they jump another this came in mario super mario too which was not designed as a super mario brother's game they bought out the rights for another video game did you know that about super mario too so that was a completely different game super dokey clubbers no that's a different game but it it was a completely different game Nintendo bought the rights to it and just put mario like pastiche over everything and it became mario too shy guys were introduced into that game and that's what i think these guys are supposed to be shy guys exact that's the only way you would know them but again the shy guys in real life they try to live action this fucking like goomba sized tiny little things so they they use the only tools they know plumbing tools so we give thing where uh assuming mario fixiate somebody with plungers yep oh yeah definitely they dress up like the shy guys and they drive back to that i don't have all right so and then now that we're in the city again breakneck fucking speed man we got no time to waste here so they are already arriving at pain in ecstasy and they mary this is a stupid movie make your own rules for this fucking movie why why why are they not wearing red and green suits first of all one is wearing a red suit and it's not mario because we can't have good nice things what the fuck this is a layup this is a layup no yeah they decided that mario should be wearing mustard yellow and was it very seriously yes oh wow okay interesting and then you got louis g of course wearing ketchup red so they're gagging on the kupu yeah wow when they would g straight strip it everywhere it's incredible it is a fucking s&m bar we're in an s&m bar now and birthday is the bouncer they do a little gag where they uh she's gonna go to the co-check girl and they put their tools belts that's right yeah it's disgusting yeah uh but of course we need to get away because birth is not just the bouncer she also likes the fucking dance and so mario you know he's like i can't bother her on her job that you got to see some you know by the way he's just like i'm gonna get a ball I know i loved this scene this scene was i mean first of all we actually got to see some good peaches there's no princess peach which is a cannon in the series but we got to see some peaches and they were good asses g-string asses and assless shafts of course chapless asses so bizarre world watch how big bro do gets out there hey miss birthday big if you will and he gets the five finger death punch to the face that's just a normal punch he had step up balls too he heads back to his bro because they're like i don't think your moves work anymore bro and even the cooper bros are doging on mario when he's like no fixes his jaw and makes some Nintendo sound effects i got this one i know just what this woman is all about i've been with a few like this so he lays in front of her and he lets her walk all over and stomp on his balls with spike heels that's right babe that's the way to her heart i noticed when you punched me it just emptied every little emotion in my head i need you to occupy it with your heels yeah she starts walking on them then she pulls them up because a slow song starts up you know they were it's for all of 20 seconds 20 seconds kill the moves and they uh you know yeah and they don't use any Nintendo music you think they would try to use some Nintendo music and just like fucking dance it off or something now we're into slow music and mario's trying to get her top off she's got the necklace necklace in her cleavage he's doing all these moves trying to make it look like sexual he's just really trying to steal it i i do like that and the laser dispersion i didn't get to watch the full thing but i did watch this scene on laser disc because it's so important louisie taking notes he's learning okay that's very important that's right he has a mustache at the end of the movie hero's journey so uh he's like trying to like he's actually going to suck on her tits we try to grab that bucket she's trying to work some some apparatus into his back pocket let's say over the door get on the floor so she's just locking too hard and the necklace actually just kind of pops off but she's in such the rhythms got her so you can't do anything about that Mario goes grab the necklace the goomba's barge in and they're like fuck we gotta get out of here birthday in love with mario down with diaper that's right i know how to i know how to follow me they go to like some back room i mean she's exotic in this world she's the only black woman she's got a man who's into her that's you know that maybe that's hard for her to find but then he's also an Italian man in a world without Italians they're two fish out of water of course and also come on she's he's a foot and a half shorter than her and her thing is doming on dude so it's a match made in heaven of course she would be in love dino heaven so this is the room where they keep their flomp flomp is uh the large cinder block things in mario three that would just drop they had eyes and they would just drop from the ceiling and rise back up you know you remember those they were early on they were all throughout the game so i thought you might but that's what they were called flomp boots and there's a little like thing you gotta put into like a fucking carbon dioxide like a whip it type thing dude it was like the gauge of grenade launchers like imagine Arnold a commando loading up a grenade launcher that's what this reminded me of so was there like a this goes through the roof like because it's like jump out of the blue blur we're in a blur we're in a fungus right now i don't know what's happening the fungus there's another bomb bomb angling from fungus and lily did you grab it just throws it in his pocket throws it in his uh brother's pocket oh two of them that's right all right and then of course in their escape they got to go right back into those dumb trucks all right we're doing a couple quick cuts here we're checking in on king kupa nauseating scene this is what made me cry you get to see what king king bowser this is supposed to be bowser that's bowser so uh yeah what in the keys is there a king of this character made for the movie dude you know what in mario three they really introduced kings because obviously peach is a princess and that you're saving princess peach but they never really talk about kings until mario three and there was never a king i mean bowsers is bowser they did call them we're gonna call him bowser just because king kupa is what bowsers call in this not john bowser from that band uh so he will be known as bowser the rest of the seppers and it's just it's like something that john carpenter is a thing it is serving with this slimy snotty sludge like it's like the ball of the grossness comes out of the chutes yes i totally understand why it was traumatized i've been watching it now dude it freaked me the fuck out why what in it i was like i want to go home i want to go home i wanted to be out of that theater my mom was like no you made me come watch this movie look at that face that that was me at six years old seeing this movie hair white oh i was so glad back then oh man so he is taunting the king i'm gonna get you necklace man and then i'm gonna merge the world and rule everything there's nothing you can do bowser our brothers of course they're being dropped off at bower bow bow oh god king kupa kupa's tower and you know they're gonna make the ascent up there we check back in on king uh kupa who's ordering up a pizza because it is a kids movie we got to put some keep going back to yeah what do you want on that pizza sir and he's always pointing a gun at the tv did you notice that well because that's how they don't have mouses yeah they're talking about not it's all it's supposed to be a light gun yeah it's kind of funny though so yeah so you they have the gun technology much like uh yeah light gun that's what i was saying yeah so the you point you click you communicate through the light gun and i didn't realize that until uh uh uh daisy later on in the movie and you're like give me extra lizards man no worms yeah hold the mammal hold the mammal uh did you want that spicy well done absolutely do you have any past lizard ribbon i don't know i'm so sorry it's a ratchet all right now what a boy does no all they know is plumbing to go back to their roots like we need to feed these guys to the plumbing so they go down to the toilet yeah how we get to get up a lot fake it till you make it and the best thing we can fake is plumbers and they're like man look at this place it hasn't been maintained in here it's falling apart we're not union job so this movie is pro-union it is yeah i'm just surprised one time we were pro-union we actually cared about the middle class that's incredible man so uh they know we know he's like you knew this Luigi i don't have any tools in my belt i'm gonna print it i'm gonna print it there's a whole time it's like Luigi come on man we want to see you man up here so they start fucking tinkering whether they turn the boiler off remember these are reptilian people need heat yeah that's right i don't know why is it winter time and i know because all of a sudden they turn it off and ice starts forming everywhere it's kind of like uh when you get introduced to blade runner there's nothing outside of the city everybody is just gathered together in this desert oh in the desert you would apply that it was hot desert doesn't eat cold in place no yeah it absolutely gets cold because there's not the moisture in the air to keep you know yeah that makes sense actually wow they really thought this one through six people right at first these valves again you were saying because it's keeping the heat going and everything so that makes sense i at first i was like why but this makes sense well how do we get out of here now we get out of here like come on how do they get out of there they just find an elevator oh this is when they disguise themselves right yeah i don't know where they find they're just a locker why do they fit humans i don't know okay okay here we are here we are it's supposed to be the big reveal it finally would come yeah Griffin what's happening are you talking about the scene where they actually get into the elevator with all the shit so this is the only scene i remember liking as a kid and they get on these elevators Mario's got it's like full red with some blue accents the pockets are blue Luigi full green blue accented caps i know why these are cover all zip up jackets yeah this isn't like how do we make a comic book characters superhero costumes look real i understand there's difficulties yeah right this is just fucking overall green shirt red shirt that's it again super mario uh super show the mario super show we kept in lu albano and whoever the other Italian guy was they fucking nailed it they nailed it on on a quarter of the budget you got damn right you got damn right we could so this makes me angry no i like i said i think this was kind it almost and i know if they even did this it was accidental but there was like the arcade mario brother games where it was it wasn't levels it was just the one level and you kind of you could fight each other and everything it felt like the color scheme from that but it's still so fucking stupid overalls red green the hat that's it that's it boots that's it mario brothers you nailed it anyone can do this mustache you can get that right you would think john like azamo at this point would be like it'd be kind of funny if my character put a mustache on because we're in disguise no no he can play in italian though the longest elevator ride ever captured um so that oh my god giant frayed elevator so the two goombas walk in began to get the first floor right but they're so big and they're so stupid you know they're trained to they're the elite guards so they're supposed to be getting the mario brothers but the mario brothers are able to stay behind them so big they can hide by it exactly and so we're going through the whole elevator ride and more goombas are getting on and they're just continuing to hide behind all them and you know eventually the goombas don't even pay attention i think we cut away before we get into the gags and you learn koopa bros turned on them they're fully in they listen to the union talk they make sense man that's right and so they're like they're all in with the mario bro and later she is like she wants to be the second and commit she wants to rule along with koopa so she's like hey you know how about we fucking that mud pit again yeah let's dress down let's get in the mud pit murray her pickup move was i know you like the mud pit but i've got this new contraption i hear it's hot in brooklyn hot keyword it's called a sauna it's called a hot tub she's got the ladred maybe and you're related to the elite scene like i got a month before you meaning she didn't give her ass up and that's what king coop wait what did that be with the the bizarro the inverse is that anal is like the common currency they go that far okay i'm so sorry i'm so sorry still fuck you know vaginally with their lizard with the but yeah she's like when he gave up the whole he's the whole how can you do a fucking man we need that fucking shard i've got an empire to rule i have a world to meld i'm going to stop this world and meld it with the other one and you're worried about my dick my reptile dick and then we forgot to point out at the club that's an m-club lay it right alien's president i heard club yep she showed up with the goombas and she got the she managed to get the rock chart yeah and so she's like and she's like fuck i was going to rule with coop but fuck him i'm gonna rule by myself i'm gonna put this into the fucking stone and rule the world yeah okay we're going to our our bros and now we're into the full gag of the elevator there's elevator music of course there is again perfect perfect place for more nintendo music instead they decide to go with you know luigi and my you're crazy what are you doing and luigi's like don't worry bro i got this and he's we'll learn from the classic vlogs morning episode that's true sous thank you right yep so all the goombas start dancing the del elevators open later that's right daisy of course she has been asking for food for days now and toad our good old boy lackey shows up bop dill and harmonica oh yeah dino manatee dino might be uh and he shows up with two plates of fling steak raw dripping all over the place yeah yeah and then in the middle of the vegan explanation lina bugs and barges and slams the door shut with toad on the other side and gets in close to uh princess daisy and just like oh you fuck you fuck god you think you're gonna unite the world i'm gonna unite the world i'm gonna teach you everything you want to know about your death so gets her in close and then gets like a little fucking uh uh shiv she's got it's going to death warrant again she like screwed it together yeah ice pick that she had a screw together yeah and she's threatened daisy and Yoshi their friends their best friends their captives together he's got the little frog tongue grabs fucking laina by the ankle gangster it starts giving her shrimp in her it's sucking up so well Yoshi is a freak this is established in all the games actually Murray that's right Yoshi that's right Yoshi uh is glutton for punishment though so he gets a few invincibility frames and runs away now our gumbas have finished their dance our boys have escaped and we're going back to daisy running away just going down the hallways toad is in toe helping her kind of get away because that's right and these are legit vegetables this could have been another mario too call back because you throw a lot of vegetables around no parsnips on that plate that's a big thing in that game no tomatoes on that plate fire because when goopah show up and just tighten them on fire that's all right he's no selling like he's like looking at the undertaker no selling it our cooper brothers show up and they're like we gotta get you out of here yeah the cooper brothers are being brought to like their cell yeah everyone intercepts each everybody bumps into each other the cooper bros in the all the panic of the fire and the gumba on fire they're like princess we gotta get you out of here we've been defecting you know we've been yeah we've been uh uh uh royal servants of the king the whole time we were just too stupid to realize it but then we went woke now we're cool and so they're like let's get out of here and she's like no wait and she finds a fire extinguisher which was green because it's the opposite of bread and she goes no doubt they're not totally different though that's right so now our bros are like in a shaft well because they're in the elevator and they're like shit we gotta get down there right he's doing he's doing his anything is possible speech and luigi runs and jumps and mario closes his eyes and then we as the audience open with mario and luigi's just suspended in midair and he's like oh cool magic and then mario okay there must be something doing this shit i'm gonna do it and then we see that luigi somehow got himself hooked on a hook with his hanging there he's really not floating up and he didn't realize it he's just too stupid to realize it so mario leaps up and then thankfully there's fungus meaning rubber fucking sheets at the bottom of the shaft and he just gets caught in there that's right now they're bouncing up and down luigi gets to say hey i should really try out for the Yankees all right now yo she is also catching up to daisy and crow guys i i this movie moves at a breakneck speed it's still boring and it's still boring so weird so fast it's still boring well we had the layers to it i mean there's no thought somehow and yet there was thought it's because they yeah they're uh the unintentional things you know the background anyways yo she knows about like a technology so he brought him like they're meeting up in bowser's room and she's like what the fuck oh because the koopa brothers were like we're gonna introduce you to your dad and she's like no that's a fucking booger i've seen that before yeah that's a that's a collapsed asshole right there whatever prolapsed yeah here we go prolapsed asshole what are you fucking and so he's like no use the console and she picks up the light gone immediately knows how to navigate it unlike me in this fucking audio software fucking an hour just working on that today and she has to be front there's one in the elevator shaft you know there is a full closed circuit tv again another symptom of the big brothers uh king koopa world closed circuit tv's everywhere there was one that they flipped through on the laser just that was lina's butt plug you got to look up lina's asshole oh is that what oh okay what did you say they were rebuilding it for them and it just felt out actually is a natural disaster oh they use all we know this for a fact so she's like mario lead me in the snots the sensation and walk king koopa's also watching things he did his own life that's right i know where they are man and then it's just as he's it's taunting on him he's like where is everybody headed where's the lina but lina has the rock all right so the bar your brothers meet up with lina and she's like luigi i really want you to meet somebody and she gets in there with their fingers this is my dad it just sounds like putting boogers into ligi's hands it's like she made you mr. boogers and then he was the king and so king koopa the ball demanded this fungus so luigi's just like oh you've been helping me the whole time you've been giving me the bah-bahms at one point maybe this isn't a minute here you gave us a bullet bill which is also tiny microscopic for some reason and then mario realizes he promised to take daniela to wrestle mania and he says this out loud why does he have to say this out loud for daisy to go daniel is here so mario now has to go save daniela they need to separate they need to need this mario's motivation always if you get hit so daisy tells her he doesn't have been morton joe where i'm roving all right i'll go gather yep so luigi and daisy immediately captured mama later by that's right so now laina she's going to go to the room that has the meteor that's right the restricted air all we see are going into the boughs of the building first we're just scaffolding everywhere he frees there with his trainee that's right and he's like please can get you in anything and i even a rock so i guess koopa put out the thing finally you know so his guards grab her you should get the rock that's right mario go to the morton joe chamber find daniela and i'm jerry the girl he's doing his whole fucking like a sleuth act he's climbing across the cat yeah catwalks everywhere he's telling that you know he's telling daniela shush but the one girl who oh my god so mario might be involved with all the kidnappings because if we were brook on cotch we were like wait you fucked all these your dna is everywhere in their house you need to like put a rubber on because your dna's on their ashtray on their fucking bed on their couch on their tv the radio what's going on ice cube tray throw some flames at them and they just they just knock them out that's it there's there's nothing this could have been the head squash moment you know because that's what you do with the goomer you squash it on the head okay so now king koopa he's got all his ducks in a row but where's that pizza man mario we're back to mario did all right everybody get the match is this i'm gonna fuck all of you and i'm like no we gotta get out of here and so he's just like hey buddy there's a giant fucking sewer line right in this room oh well he does say the only way i can lay pipe to all you women is if we go down this pipe together so they go down this ice cold pipe because they turn off they turn off the heat and it immediately frozen yeah this is this is an illusion of all the games because you do like at the dock like icicles i remember that being part of one of the game probably three that was when they finally introduced ice to the game was three all right you know what they did do in ice world in two so they're going down this shoe googba's following them they put it together they got their own mattress they're following them you get the gag with the duck and they dock and googba's doll so they had yeah uh it's a good action scene it's real great the bed happens to flow right back out to dino hatton what is it called dino hatton one set they had built this right where they crash into more goombas knocking them out luigi walks up hey bro what's up he's just out there now like what is there it's goopas there again we got to keep this movie moving cannon production oh my god if cannon did this movie so coopas like i got the plumbers your pizza there sir put it on hold i'm going to devolve these guys man turn them in a little monkeys that they are so mario going into the classic wrestling bit because coop was already there he gets down there in a second and he's got everybody surrounded yeah oh okay well i'm saying coopa was yeah yeah okay and so we've got them all surrounded and this is where we get the pay off with the belt and the fucking bullet bill cartridge or whatever one of those rockets would be there other than the stations randomly put around the city he can meet a rocket who can rent them so mario rocket would store it yeah that's what it was and the glass was broken out from them crashing into it so he does the classic wrestling he loads the boot and he uses the fucking bullet bill and launches it and managed to create enough diversion where we got some skirmishing happening here it's just chaos i don't know how to explain this he launches but we're not wearing a bullet yeah he just launches it and then there's like oh that's right they're in the scaffold and it goes there's there's a thing you see like in a foundry where yeah like molten light metal in it it's like straight out of termator two but it just happens to be in the middle of this fucking street and it's just full of gunk and someone gets in there and he's just in the gunk and he's just hanging out but we've got a flamethrower so he's but kupa is he's not going to do it and then this is one of the things kupa does have a flying apparatus and he shoots fireballs out of it so maybe they're trying and mario three i think they introduced that maybe this was supposed to be an illusion of that maybe if these people did any research at all well we grasp mario with bro trust the fungus and then they take some edge yeah this is great really everybody's tripping balls the rest of the movement and luigi grabs like her tarsand swings onto fungus onto that little like whatever that thing bat just got a hanging bat and he starts climbing up kupa is trying to fire at him but he's like i can't see him so he must be gone he's got no object permanence that's their evolution here apparently remember kikupa has the rock that's right when it gets knocked out by mario lane that happens to be on one scaffolding sees it reaches out for it falls on the fucking bumper guard grant and that's right gets electrocuted her hair turns into frankenstein frank yeah as you said though it's fun it's fun it is a kid's movie her hair gets fucking recovers and runs off to the rock and now she's going right back to that meteorite site luigi on the other hand has all the girls he goes out to find uh lina or he yeah he takes all the girls to go find lina because he's trying to get the girls back through all the rescued brooklyn girls and the other one from queens or whatever so he starts sending the girls back through before he goes to deal with lina she's like i rule the world all i need to do is put this rock into this hole yeah and the rock is like an ice pick it's a little butt plug and so she's just trying to plug up that meteorite and as she's doing it it is creating a super storm of magic which is straight out of mario this is all you do in mario as you plug holes with uh magic rocks into a fossil and this is what i was saying at the beginning of the movie maybe this is why there was fossils like at i don't know it's stupid let's never do this uh mario he's still continuing the battle with king kupa who thinks he at mario as the rock mario is pretending he's got a little leather strap which i won't tell you what that strap is to and he's letting it dangle like he has the rock in his hand so kupa is fixed on him they're like out of catwalk facing off kupa's got the gun mario's did nothing right all he has is the rock in his hand right and then he's also got his uh tool belt apparently or they yeah that's that's that's how he has what really is so what he reaches or what he fucking fondles with here is a bomb and like kupa the holy shit man and he winds it up and like lets it think all he wants to think think think right into a crack and like falls out of the street a guy like well shit himself he's gonna run over it that's right fuck this must be like a new weird fucking bomb all right so oh my god so much to this movie it's so much the two they're headed straight in their head dead they're straight up they're disintegrating just trying to pull the shard out yeah the world is starting to merge right and we're seeing that he's got mario's belt which is all the tool so apparently because the shard is so close in there that it's starting to merge start to merge so mario and uh kupa are face to face and they start just pixelating and then disintegrating and they're gone and then they just appear in our world so uh remember kupa's got the fucking devolved cappellies there like is it they're on the fucking uh excavation site and i don't know how uh kupa apparently he's been down there for 65 000 years 65 million years and he goes oh my god this is brooklyn i guess you would notice the sun yeah okay anyway so this is my world man you feel like hey buddy this is my world fuck you man badly rivet shoot fuck this you feel like now we already talked we made this better yeah tie it in make it even a greater super mario brother agreed should it evolve into gimme gimme no he just evolved to do a chip they're scaffolding they're scaffolding everywhere barrels everywhere you're gonna climb up a couple levels of scaffolding nice little callback donkey cone could save the fucking world uh scapelli could have had his girl there Paulina another call like come on he's fucking people man that's right king gupa turns his focus back over to mario mario who was told to trust the fungus he's got he's got he's like oh man am i microdosing he's actually just dosing he's just fucking taking whole shrooms at a time here uh he holds up a mushroom to the debo god as it blasts him and the mushroom exploit like expands absorbs yeah absorbs the whole blow well no maybe it doesn't absorb it evolves into its true state of gigantic or maybe that all right so Luigi he has mario's book now he's finally all this shit as well as Moses because remember he never pays attention to their apprentice that's right knows what they need give me this tool give me that tool and he's like working and pulling the shard out and turning off the dust which wakes mario and king gupa go back to die always have a hat hey remember the papa what's still working its way slowly through area oh my god this movie and it's still gags on gag cars crashing all this shit happened finally underneath king gupa and then popcorn bar it just it's like it just makes him jump up and he goes back into the vat right back in the vat he was just in and now he comes out of the vat and he's coated in fucking like tar or whatever so k uh kupa is just bursting out he's completely uh don't they start blasting him with the debo guns? yes Luigi and Mario blasting with debo guns yeah dueling to default into his true state a t-rex that's right of course so a t-rex like you go i'm melting and he goes down and then t-rex pops up oh shit yeah they eventually yeah and you turn him into primordial goo it just goo yeah and he crashes splatters all over the pavement the city cheers out because they got rid of the trump they're pooting or whatever that's right tell us what to do mario and so what they do a little fly around where we get to see the thwamp boots also just do a hovering projectile and they're able to fly around and get their cheers get their flowers because he doesn't get hit with an evolved gun bowser it falls back to his human form and it's lance henriksen! the fucking alien did a lot of other great movie near dark fucking lance henriksen was in jesus christ man yeah really they're they're like the stranglehold over this is the jesus christ so shouldn't he just keep evolving and turn turns he just dies or something like got this movie i know i know we've done some of the movies from your childhood but six years old i saw this movie what the fuck is this movie what is this all right so now yeah it's not over yet everybody what's near the impact of it a browser ready to go back to their world and movies come on it's easy it's like no i have to stay here a lot of work it needs to be done and i want to get to know my dad that's right so luigi just lays a big fat one on r.e.s mario luigi stay he doesn't seem really happy in yeah no exactly he's an apprentice he could still be a plumber over here he could be a fucking uh what's it called prince and princess yeah well whatever the married end to prince would be prince consort sure whatever you could you could still be royalty dude but no he loves his brother that he likes watching his brother fuck he's like i would miss he doesn't want to fuck he wants to watch his brother fuck yeah he's more to learn it's a commentary unlike when you're growing up you didn't have a brother you watched your big brother play video games video games being women and sex and so he's thinking like i can't play the video games only my brother can play the video games this is not right i want to watch my brother fuck daisy is what i'm trying to say yeah i know i know so you see that's a classic thing it's kind of like did it just said anything is possible his whole mantra yeah yeah i got more to learn always more gotta learn trial by fire just like we saw with the media when he was doing everything for himself three weeks later we're back in our world mario cooking a little bit of the gabagoosh of course and yellow with him and we see uh luigi's watching that fucking pad white show and it's like they're telling the story of what happened with uh scarip sicali getting devolved they report the real news and the sky's like these mario brothers no they these super mario brothers save the war that's right and so they start celebrating and then suddenly daisy returns and kicks open the door with they go nade launcher clothes are all like charred and stuff dirty that she's been in a fucking war and they're like what the fuck daisy is like i need your help we need to make a sequel to this shitty movie and thankfully we never got it and supposedly i didn't go back to jack there's some kind of anti-credits scene i don't know i didn't watch it i didn't watch it watch my hands in this movie i'll let keep goofing on y'all here i'm putting my hands black never let me fuck this movie uh i got a first guy to be something better than the dog shit you gave well after this 90-minute fucking slog of a mo- 40 uh we're 45 slog i know you did you see i do this i have to do this 11 months of the year with some of your movies you don't always come up with great ones and i'm not always expecting you too we're here as historians we're here as journalists we're here to do the hard work that some people appreciate earned our non-living you're goddamn right we did and i gotta tell you next week or apparently maybe doing another meetup on a weird day so we might be having a uh a wednesday recording original wednesday recording that's right i'm assuming we're gonna shift on technical difficulty i'm not going to get up to one more i'm gonna work the next day i'm gonna be making sure i'm gonna i'm gonna do my best to make sure we get this shit running right when we get in i found us i did a little bit of a pre-watch i didn't i've got some broad strokes here this is usually bad for us yeah nope but i wanted to do this one because it's got names it's got length our 25 probably a 90-minute uh you know on the feed there but i'm talking about fred williamson i'm talking about one of my favorites henry silver i'm talking about chuk god damn conners and bo's fenson who's been in quite a few movies so murray this is maybe a killer exactly uh so this is just a little straight to video fred williamson movie is this a main killer reunion because both ones have answered yes they were i don't remember and i didn't notice and following so this is like in 1992 or three we're staying in '92 or '93 your favorite era uh and it's a little movie called three days to a kill yeah no exactly and i thought i was gonna link that in there somehow with the outro here but i'm not and just know that for the next week until you actually start downloading fucking death warrant i guess i'm listening do the mario swing your arms are from side to side come on it's time to go do the mario take one step and then again let's do the mario all together now you got it it's the mario do the mario swing your arms are from side to side come on it's time to go do the mario take one step and then again let's do the mario all together now come on now just like that
Griff has a childhood goomba to slay