We all worry. It's a uniquely human activity. Maybe it's something at work or an argument about who loaded the dishwasher last night. I don't know. Maybe you're worried about the state of American politics. Or, the recent attempt on a former President's life. It's all a little unsettling. But, here's the thing. None of it matters. In 100 years you and I will both be dead. So will our children, our friends and everyone else we ever met on earth. Yes, it's a short existence on the big blue marble. So, let's not waste our time here worrying about silly things like politics or the dishwasher. I hope you enjoy this though provoking conversation.
Wit & Wisdom with Tom Greene
Why Worrying is a Waste of Time
Welcome to "Witten Wisdom" with Tom Green, where each week we pose thought provoking questions to start thought-provoking conversations. So let's jump right in. It's a universal human trait that we all worry, especially if you're a parent. But have you ever stopped and asked yourself the question whether all that worrying is really worth the effort? Does it really change anything? In this episode of "Witten Wisdom" I'm going to give you some reasons why all that worrying is a waste of time and I hope when we're finished you'll realize you waste a lot more time worrying than you need to. How do I know this? Well I know this because 100 years from now you and I will both be dead. But don't fret my friend, everyone you know and everyone you've ever met will also be dead. That unfortunately includes your children, your friends, and your family, everyone. Dead. That's not morbid and upsetting enough. After the funeral the physical things that you cherish and hold dear will mostly be given away or sold. That's why they called it an estate sale. The home you live in today will be inhabited by total strangers or maybe even torn down to make way for something new. And I have a great example of this. Many years ago I bought an aging home and I tried to renovate it on a limited budget. We scrimped, we saved, we spent weekends at Home Depot and I finally found a way to buy some Corian countertops. About 18 months later I sold the house. While I was driving home from work one day I thought I'm gonna swing by the old house and just see how it's coming along. As I drove down my street there they were. The Corian countertops I'd spent so much time scrimping and saving to buy. There they were lying in the front yard my top of the line Corian countertops waiting to be hauled off to the dump. It was a moment of sadness but a great lesson. You've probably heard this before but everything on earth will either rust or rot. And that's what happens to most of the stuff you've covered today. Lots of it will be rusting or rotting at the bottom of a landfill or maybe even owned by a total stranger. That priceless record collection you've spent a lifetime procuring, dusting, ensuring and protecting. It's called priceless because most likely it's worthless to everyone else but you. Why? Because in reality nobody wants your stuff. Nobody. That automobile you work so hard to afford the one that tells your friends and family and neighbors that you've arrived. It's been crushed into an 18 inch hunk of rusting steel at the bottom of a landfill. The only evidence of your ownership is the few dried French fries you dropped between the seats years ago. They went down with a ship. But what about my legacy you ask? What about my grandchildren and my great-grandchildren? Surely they'll remember me, right? Let's assume you die at age 80 and you have a 10-year-old grandson. It'll only be 70 years before he'll be the last person on earth that ever knew you. If you're lucky, I'll have saved a few iPhone videos of two of you together in happier times. Yes, my friends, nobody on the planet will remember us or remember anything that we did on this earth. Nobody. Our grandchildren's grandchildren will have never even heard of us. They won't know our names or anything about us. Don't think so? Okay, here's a question. What's your great-great-grandfather's first name? What did he do for a living? Have you ever even seen a picture of him? I found my great-grandfather Robert Francis Green born in 1856 on Ancestry.com. Apparently, he was a painter in Massachusetts. Until this very moment, I didn't even know his name. And he died less than a hundred years ago in 1935. As another example, my father died in 2000 less than 25 years ago. If he was alive today, he'd be 103. He lived in the same city that I live in for over 35 years. He worked the same job for 37 years, but not a single person his company even knows he worked there. And only a small handful of people on earth remember meeting him. And that number grows smaller every year. My daughter, who's 23, never even met him, or any of his four brothers and sisters. And again, he's only been gone 24 years. There's only one thing I can find on the Internet that proves he even existed. On Ancestry.com, I found his World War II draft guard signed in 1942. He was 21 years old. See, after we die, we'll only be remembered for a few short years. Depressing, huh? Few people, if anyone, will ever visit our graves. Maybe it's the reason why a recent study found that 23% of Gen Z kids want to be famous, but is being famous the key to avoiding eternal irrelevance? I seriously doubt that today's social media influencers will be remembered after their death. Some new, younger, hippier influencer will take their place before the funeral flowers are even dead. The English philosopher and writer, Alan Watts, who lived between 1915 and 1973, described life like the course of a ship in the ocean. The ship plows forward, breaking through the surf. It crests waves some small and some so enormous they appear to almost sink the ship. But the ship travels on. Behind it lies the wake, the evidence of its journey. The fern of the boat travels. The harder it is to see where the ship has been. And time that wake just disappears into the ocean. It's the same way with the memory of our lives on Earth. Time is not our friend. Of course, that doesn't mean we can't visit our children and grandchildren after we're dead, right? According to a recent Pew Research Survey, 53% of people say they had been visited by a family member who is dead. And 15% of them have had dead family members communicate with them directly. I know this really has nothing to do with the story, but I just thought the study was fascinating. So why on earth am I taking you down this depressing path? Why am I trying to bring you down? Because right now, there's something eating at you. There's something keeping you up at night. Maybe it's something at work, or an argument with your partner about money, or how you loaded the dishwasher last night. I don't know. Or maybe you're worried about the tone of American politics, the recent assassination attempt on a former president, or how we're going to move forward in this crazy tumultuous time. Maybe your kids or grandkids are struggling with something, or maybe you're worried about someone close to you getting sick. I get it. But here's the thing. If you contemplate today's worries in the context of your entire life, one thing becomes clear. None of it matters. It reminds me of a quote I've read recently that's really stuck with me. I don't know who the author is, but it goes like this. "A society grows great when old men plant trees under whose shade they know they will never sit." Perhaps if we had greater perspective on how short life is, and how quickly we're forgotten on earth, we wouldn't be worrying so much about trivial things. Things like who's going to be president, or who loaded the dishwasher wrong last night. The truth is that it just doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. My dad used to have a really annoying saying when I was a kid. Whenever I was worried about something he would say, "It's not going to make a difference 20 years from now." I absolutely hated that saying. But in hindsight, how true that is. I mean, do you even remember what you were worrying about back in 2004? Me either. So what's the secret to living a life of meaning and substance? What is the best way to ensure that our lives have significance after we're gone? Well, it isn't being famous, whatever that means. A few weeks ago I wrote a piece called "The Secret to a Meaningful Life." You should check it out. It's pretty good. So here's the punch line from that article and the answer to the question I just posed. "The secret to a meaningful life is a relationships. It's family and children and friendship and memories. That, my friends, is the secret to living a meaningful life and deleting a legacy that exists long after we're gone." So let's stop the worrying about truly trivial things like who's going to be president. Let's refocus on making the best use of our time on Earth, focusing on family and children and friendship and memories. The other stuff really won't make any difference 20 years from now. Will it? I think we're both here for thought-provoking conversations and I hope this conversation raised some questions in your mind and maybe gave you some different ways to see the world and to think about life. That's what we're here for and I hope you'll come back in two weeks when we have another conversation and I hope you'll tell your friends about Witten Wisdom. We're available on all the major podcast platforms and of course you can always visit my website at Tom Green with an e.com. You'll find a link there to subscribe to my bi-weekly newsletter Witten Wisdom. It's always free. So thanks so much for tuning in. I hope as a result of this conversation you'll spend a little bit less time worrying about trivial things like who loaded the dishwasher and I hope you'll come back in two weeks and we'll have another episode of Witten Wisdom. So thanks so much for tuning in and remember nothing beats nice. you (soft music) [BLANK_AUDIO]