MK040 Sermons
Small Groups (Audio)
called plugged in. And if you're not a part of a group, we would encourage you to, as Jay said, just show up and see what God might do in terms of getting you involved in a group. You know, about 55 to 60 percent of our church are involved in some kind of group. And we believe groups are really meaningful and really, really important. And one of the cool things is, as you saw in the video, is that small groups can be an environment where you can develop some great relationships. We feel like they can help encourage you in your faith and they can help you develop great relationships. And that's the good news of what happens when you get plugged into a small group. But I have some bad news for you. The bad news is that just because you're in a group doesn't guarantee that you're going to have a great, that you're going to build great friendships. Just because you're in a group doesn't mean that you're going to build great friendships. Our hope is that that will happen. Our hope is that you will come to a group, and maybe there will be some people that you know casually, and those relationships will get better, and some people you'll meet that you've never met before, and this person becomes a great friend in your life. That's our hope. But we can't guarantee that that will happen. Can't guarantee it will happen. The reality is, is I think all of us want great friendships. But I realized a few years back that nobody tells us how to make friends. Anybody here go to a class on friendship in middle school or elementary school? I never went. Anybody at that age ever read a book about making friends or have parents say, "Let me tell you about how you make good friends." Nobody ever tells us how to make friends. And there's something about it, and if you begin to have friendships, you realize and you watch people who have different kinds of friends. Some people have friends, and they're there with them through thick and thin, and other people, it seems like they always go through stuff on their own. They don't have any friends. And some people have friends that pick them up when they fall out, and other people, they just struggle. And I wonder, what is the difference between this? What does it say about some people who have, seem to have lots of friends, and some who have none? You know, the truth is, I think that we all want friends that are going to be there with us all the time. Solomon said, "A good friend is someone who's loyal at all times, or someone who loves us no matter what." And I think the reality is, is we all would like to have friends who are like that. But the truth is, we may not. You know, as I think back through my life, I can think of individuals that I was friends with in elementary school, and individuals in middle school, and then kind of in high school, kind of college, and graduate school, and then starting the church here. And most of those people are not, I would consider, they would be casual acquaintances, maybe not even that today. And I realized along the way that I really didn't know how to have good friends. You see, my friendships for many, many years were all about me always pursuing the other person, always trying to be to do things and offer things. And I thought that was just kind of the sacrificial way to have relationships. And I realized it never came back to me. And I thought, I just thought that's the way it was. And then I started watching other people. I thought, "No, they think, give, and then other people give back." And they give, "Why doesn't that happen to me?" I was really confused by that. But there's something about me that long for these relationships, that long to have this connection with people. You know, here at CCC, we talk about our purpose and our purpose is to love God fully and love others deeply. And part of what we continue to learn is that the more I understand how to pursue a loving relationship with God, the more God pours into my life is amazing, unconditional love. And I am able to then just pour a little bit of that into the lives of the people that God brings into my life. And I find great meaning and fulfillment when I'm able to live that out. You know, the second value in our list of values is going to come up on the screen is healthy relationships, healthy relationships. But most of us, even if we pursue relationships, we may or may not be involved in healthy relationships. And what makes a healthy relationship? The truth is, if you're in a group, you want to develop great friendships. And if you're not in a group, I hope you walk away this morning with a long and not only develop great friendships, but to be involved in that experience as well. A few years ago, I was exposed to a book by a writer by the name of Henry Cloud. He and John Townsend have written a lot of good books and relationships, boundaries, and a book that Henry Cloud wrote was called Safe People. And as I began to read this book and explore this book, I began to think about what does it mean to have great relationships and to be a great friend. And this quote that's going to come up on the screen, it says this, it says the only way to have a friend is to be a friend. I thought, well, maybe if I'm going to have good relationships, maybe there's something about the way I relate to people that need some attention. I think everybody wants to have good friendships. And the basis for every friendship is this one word that we would all probably agree on, that's trust. You can't have a good friendship, you can't have a good marriage, you can't have a good business partnership, if you don't trust, you don't trust that that individual is going to be there for you, that they're going to keep their word, that they're going to have your back. If you can't trust them, you don't have the basis for a relationship. And if for someone that you're going to trust, it has to feel safe. It has to feel safe. And as I started reading this book, I started hearing Cloud talk about some things and he said, if you're in a meaningful relationship, a healthy relationship, a safe relationship, it's going to be a relationship in which other people are drawn towards God. It's going to be a relationship, it's other people are drawn towards other people. And I thought, that sounds like what our church is supposed to be about. And if you're in a great relationship, the other person is going to move more towards what God wants them to be, who we design them, their purpose. As I thought about great relationships, I thought, who's the best example of a great relationship? The best example that I can think of is Jesus, is Jesus. And I thought about Jesus, I thought, what was true about Jesus? Well, one of the things that was true about Jesus is that he chose to come here and be on the earth with us, says this in John 1, that the word became flesh and dwelled among us. Literally, he came to be here on the earth with us. He didn't just stay up in heaven and kind of send these edicts down. He was here present with us. And not only was Jesus present with us, but Jesus was someone who reflected grace, grace. We talked about this and we talked about the gifts of Christmas. What does it look like to have people in our life that accept us for who we are? That when we mess up, when we blow it, they are there with us. They don't shame us, they don't embarrass us, they don't humiliate us, they are there with us. You see, Jesus didn't say to people, "You get your life fixed up, you get all the junk taken care of, and then you can come be with me." No, Jesus was a friend of who? He was a friend of sinners. And he said, "You come be with me, and as you are with me, God will do something remarkable in your life." He didn't say, "You get it all fixed up, and then you come." No, he said, "You come and you be with me, and then God will do something transformational." And the last thing that is true about Jesus is he was full of truth. He said this, "I'm the way, the truth, and the life." And one of the things that Jesus was not unwilling to do was say what was true. He said what was true to the religious people and what did they do? Were they drawn to Jesus? No, they ran from Jesus because they couldn't what handled the truth. If you don't have friendships and you don't have relationships where people are present, where they're filled with grace, where there's truth that is spoken into your life, they're really not meaningful, significant, valued friendships. And as I thought about these characteristics of Jesus, I thought more and more, what does it take for me to do that? What does it take for me to live that way? What does it take for me to be the kind of person that would be a great friend? That's really the starting point to enter those relationships. And so this morning I want to talk about four things that I believe are foundational, or I believe that are very, very important that Cloud talks about that echo the life of Jesus and the life that he called us to live that are critical for you to develop healthy, safe, meaningful relationships. The first one's going to surprise you a little bit, but I think it'll make sense if you hang with me. The first one is ask for help. Ask for help. A lot of you think it asks for help. What in the world does that have to do with being a great friend? By the way, I don't really need help. I'm good at doing most things on my own. And for many of us, we're kind of taught early on that we need to be responsible and we need to take care of especially as men and providers. We need to provide for our family and our spouse and our kids and that's our responsibility. And why would we ask anyone for help? The truth is over 800 times in the Bible, it tells us to ask. Most of those are directed at God. Ask and you will receive. Ask and it will be given to you. And so over and over again, the Bible tells us to ask. It often tells us to ask of God. But in Feynleman verse 21, Paul says this. He's talking to a good friend of his, O'nessynus, about an individual name Feynleman. He says, I'm confident of your obedience. I write to you knowing that you will do even more than I ask. So Paul's asking for help. Why is help asking for help so important in relationships? One of the things that it does is it cultivates a spirit of humility. Cultivates a spirit of humility. Because when I ask for help, I recognize and I acknowledge that I am not self-sufficient. I can't do everything myself. I need someone else's help. Some of you do not like that. And it pushes really hard into a core value that our community that we live and really holds to. And that's I'm pretty good at doing things on my own. And I'm capable. I'm capable. But asking for help develops humility. Peter says this. He says, he says, humble yourself in the sight of God. And what does it say God will do? He will lift you up. He says, God opposes the proud, but He gives grace to who? The humble. And so asking for help is a way that I demonstrate humility. Asking for help is also a way that I cultivate gratitude. And some of you are thinking, all right, John, I can do that. I can ask a buddy for help. I can ask him. But Jesus does more than that. He does far more than that. When Jesus was in the garden with His disciples, look what He said. He says, my soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. I want you to sit with that statement just for a minute. I want you to ask yourself, when was the last time you told anyone what was going on in your soul? When was the last time? He said, this is what's going on really deep inside of me. And notice what Jesus says. He says, I'm overwhelmed with sorrow. He talks about painful emotions to the point of what I don't know if I'm going to live past this. You see, Jesus doesn't just model, hey, can you help me fix this engine or can you help me move this or can you show me how to do this? He models something that's way beyond what most of us have considered. He says, I'm willing to even expose my soul to someone else. Why? Did Jesus need these people? Did he need these? He had God. He need them. I'm not really sure to be honest. Then what does he ask him do? He says, can you just stay here and keep watch, guys? I'm going to go pray. I'm going to go spend some time with the Father. He said, can you just stay here? If you remember the story, did the disciples pass or fail on this assignment? Which one? Fail, badly, right? Badly. So he goes and asks people, then he knows they're going to blow it. He says, by the way, I need to bear my soul. I know you're going to not come through for me, but I need to bear my soul to you. I just kind of let that sit there for a moment. If Jesus is our example, he's our motto about relationships and friendships and being people that have something to offer to other people. And he's willing to bear his soul to people that are going to blow it and he knows it. I'm not suggesting that you spill your guts to everybody. That's not what I'm suggesting, but I'm suggesting, especially for us as guys and ladies for some of you as well, that we need to move beyond just saying, hey, can you give me a hand with something and say, am I willing to tell someone I'm struggling? In my life, there's a couple of individuals that periodically, when I'm facing difficult things, I'll just send them a quick text message, email, call, say, hey, can you pray for me? I don't even always tell them the details to say, can you stop? I need someone to know that I'm facing a tough time right now. And I have great confidence that they deposit and do that. And sometimes we talk about it, sometimes we don't. So the first step is to ask for help. Ask for help. The second one kind of follows on that heels and the second one is explore your lack of need. Explore your lack of need and you're like, I really, this is really hard to track this morning, but let me ask you this question. Everybody in this room was born, I think, right? Okay. So we've all had the same human experience. Just wanted to check. Everybody's born. Nobody was hatched. You know, we're all born. When you think about babies, I came up with three things that babies don't need any help doing. Only three. Let's see how, let's take a little quiz here, see how we can do. What's the first thing that babies need? No help doing that. Come out. What do they need? No help doing? Crying, right? Exactly. They need a little SWAT, some of them. Well, not all of them, but they need no help. Nobody asked. Now this is how you expel all the energy out of your lungs and torture your parents all night long. You know, nobody has to teach kids how to do that, right? They're good at it. They're good at it. What's the second thing that nobody has to teach babies how to do? You can say it louder. I can't hear you. Poop. Right. Somebody that teach the babies how to sleep because their cycle's all mixed up, you know, but poop is the second thing. They don't have to teach babies how to poop. You know, it just comes out, right? There's another one bodily function. What else? You don't have to teach babies how to do what? You can say it out loud in church. P. You don't have to teach them how to pee, right? There may be a few others, but, you know, as I was thinking, I thought, you know, babies need somebody to help them do what? Just about everything. You don't have to teach a baby how to eat, right? You know, they need help doing just about everything. And all of us have that same common experience, right? I don't think any of you came out of the womb, you know, it's being geniuses, you know, you didn't. Some of them may be genetically disposed of that, but, you know, we're all needy as babies. Every single one of us. Every single one of us. And we move from being babies to this point of one, we're kind of two and three. And we say, I'm going to say no to mom and dad, no on my own or just me. And we push it away. And, you know, we have fought them and celebrate. Yeah, yeah, exciting. They're taking some steps. They can do something on their own, you know, we're kind of celebrating that. And somehow they move from that to this place way over here to say, I don't need anyone. I can do everything in life on my own. Now, is there a part of that journey that's important and significant and healthy? Yeah, absolutely. You want them to be feeding themselves, you know, you want them to be dressing themselves, you want them to move out and go out on their own, you know, and so there's a part of becoming growing up and being independent. That's a part of life. But at some point in our lives, often because of pain or treatment, we cross this line from independence to prideful arrogance. And we don't need anyone to do it on our own. We don't need to rely on anybody. We don't need to inconvenience anybody. We don't need to put anybody out. We can do it on our own. And the truth is the reality is what's queued at two and three isn't queued at 22 and 42 and 62. And we don't need anybody. Because what God says is you are not designed life to live alone. You are not designed to do life on your own. What did God say to Adam in the garden? It is not good for you to what be alone. Solomon, the wisest man that ever lived talked about this in the book of the Ecclesiastes. Look what he says. He said, the one may be overpowered. Two can defend themselves. A quarter three strands is not quickly broken. He said, if you are on your own, you will lose the battle sometimes. Two people less likely, three, it's not going to happen. You're not going to lose the battle financially. You're not going to lose the battle emotionally. You're not going to lose the battle spiritually. When others are in it with you. And that's how God has designed you to function. You know, Jesus clearly spent time with his father, just he and God. But he also spent time with this group of individuals called the disciples. And then there was three individuals, Peter, James and John, who went up on the mountain with him and saw Jesus in all his glory with the God the Father. They were there with Jesus in the garden when they blew it badly. And the truth is, he invited them into those experiences. You say, John, are you expecting all of those of us that are that are introverts and that people kind of wear us out to just now we got to be with people all the time? And I'll die if that's what you tell me that God thinks I should do that. No, no, no, no, no. That's not what God's saying. I think God recognizes there's differences in who we are. Some of you are energized by people and you're our greeters at the door and you love, you can't meet enough people. And some of you people drain you and you feel exhausted after time with people. And that's part of who God's made you to be. But he's not designed us to do this life on our own. And one of the steps to becoming a safe, healthy person is to explore why you are committed to doing that. Why you are committed to doing that? This is a real struggle that most of us, especially in the community we live in, for most of us, it is very, very magnified. The third thing that is part of a safe, healthy relationship is that you are willing to look and hear about what's true and hear what's true about you. You're willing to face the truth about you. Face the truth about you. If I were to take a poll and ask you, are you a safe person? Are you someone that's safe to be with? I think the majority, oh yeah, yeah, absolutely, you know. Are you a healthy, oh yeah, I am, I am. But the truth is there's things in all of our lives that we can't see about ourselves. I think all of us would like that to be true. Look what David said in Psalm 139, he says this, he says, "Search me, oh God, know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there's anything offensive. And leave me in your way that lasts forever." You know, how does God do this? Sometimes he does it when we sit down and we open the Bible and read something and God just kind of points something out to us. But one of the other ways that God does that is through other people, through other people, and safe people are willing to ask other people, "What am I like? What am I like?" I want to give you a couple of questions for you to write down and for you to take with you to think about. Two questions for you to ask other people about yourself. What do I do that pushes you away from me? What do I do that pushes you away from me? And what do I do that draws you close to me? What is it about our relationship, the way we relate us as husband and wife, as brother and sister, as parent and child, as friend and friend? What is it that I do that just kind of makes you like, "You know, I think I'm good. I just need a little space." And what is it about our relationship that when we're together, it's something that gives you life and breathes life into it and makes you feel fulfilled and says, "This is who I am and I love being in this with you." That's willing to ask what is true about me? What is true about me? And as you ask a couple people these things, I'll tell you what will happen. They will tell you some things that are true about you that you will be grateful to know those things are true. And you want to keep doing those things. But I guarantee no matter how analytical, insightful, reflective you are. I guarantee that when you ask a few people this, they are going to tell you something that you did not realize was true about yourself. They absolutely will. I asked a couple people this recently who were gotten to become friends with. And they said, "John, we love being with you and you're a great leader and you kind of keep us focused and you're always moving us forward." But sometimes we just want you to not lead and just be here with us. Really? Never thought about that. It's kind of taken me down a road to explore and think about who I am when I don't lead. And is that part of my identity? And what am I like when I do that? And what am I like when I don't? I guarantee you, you ask a couple people close to you. They are going to tell you something about yourself that you have not thought about and recognized. Because our heart is deceitfully wicked. We want to believe the best about ourselves. And that is a good thing. It gives us life and motivation and movement. But it helps us sometimes miss the things that are really important that God wants to use to shape us. One more. One more. To be a safe, healthy person, you've got to be someone who forgives. You've got to be someone who forgives. A couple weeks ago, I don't remember what day it was, Tuesday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I thought about something that happened in the lobby. And I've been in a conversation with someone and I talked to on a weekly basis. And I saw someone else that I need to. And I said, hey, I need to go talk to someone. I just kind of cut the conversation off and went over and talked to this other person. I didn't even think twice about it. And then like in the middle of the week, I was like, oh, that was rude. Just kind of hit me. And so I called the person up. And I said, hey, you know, we were talking on Sunday and I kind of needed to go and check in with someone. They're like, hey, I know, we're fine. I know that's what you need to do. No problem. I said, we're good. I said, yeah, we're good. We're fine. We're good. People that enter safe, people that are safe that enter healthy relationships, they are always forgiving. They are always forgiving. One of the things that marks a Christ follower is that forgiveness is ongoing part of their life, ongoing part of that because they recognize they're human and they're going to blow it. There's no place for perfectionism in safe people. Perfectionists are not safe. They are not safe because they will always point out the flaws in you and they don't have any that they can see. So there's a couple ways for me to suggest for you to engage in forgiveness. The first is learn to ask forgiveness. Learn to ask forgiveness. Some of you are fairly good at this. You're able to take responsibility. You're able to own your part. Hey, I made a mistake. I'm wrong. Can you forgive me? Some of you are pretty good. Some of you, those three words, I am sorry. Please forgive me. They don't come out of your lips very often. And when they do your family, runs and grabs their phone so that can we record that, you know, so we can play back occasionally, you know. And so some of you just have got to learn to take and say, I was wrong. I messed up. I blew it. Allow your heart to feel when you've wronged someone. Ask others to forgive you. Don't justify, rationalize or excuse away an action. Yesterday morning, our family went, we were going out to the farm show and we had kind of set this time, the night before, okay, everybody, we're going to be ready to leave at this time, right? Everybody's like, yes. And I was there at the door ready to leave at that time. And nobody was ready to leave at that time. So I was waiting and got a little later. And so we finally got out the door about 15 minutes after the time to stop. And then as we got out the door and we're about five minutes away, we're like, hey, does anybody have money for us to park? And we're like, no, we only have $11 and we need 15. And oh, do we turn around and we're already late and we're trying to decide, okay, this is the last spot. We're on Spur Road. Only chance to turn around before we got again on the turnpike. And I got on 222 heading to Lancaster. And everybody's like, Dad, where are you going? I'm like, Oh, and that moment in time, I could have justified, rationalize, excuse the way my choice to make that turn because of everything that had happened that didn't go the way we had planned for it to happen that morning. And I just stopped and I just said, Hey, that one's on me. My mistake will get off and turn around and be going our way. Now, as glorious as I sound in that moment, I don't always do that. Just ask my family, they'll validate that. And I do less of it now than I used to. And that's actually a good thing. But that's another whole story for another time. But the point is so much of our conversations with one another, with our spouses, with our children, with our friends, with our coworkers is to justify, to rationalize, excuse away all these things instead of just saying, I was wrong, I made a mistake. Can you forgive me? And so one of the first things is, can I offer, can I extend that forgiveness to others? Can I extend it? And the second is, can I receive it? Can I receive it? Speak glad you're inside. When something comes your direction, can I receive it? The truth is forgiven people forgive people. Say that again, forgiven people, forgive people over and over and over again. Look what Paul said in Ephesians 431, he says, Forgiving each other just as Christ, just as in Christ, God forgave you. You see, forgiveness is really not about the offense. It's actually rarely about the offense. Forgiveness is about my willingness to let it go. Forgiveness doesn't require two people. Reconciliation requires two people. Forgiveness requires one person. That's why Jesus on the cross could say, Father forgive them because they've repented of their sins because they have taken responsibility because they're going to turn over a new leaf and go on different drugs. Is that what Jesus said on the cross? No. What did he say? He said, Father forgive them for what? They don't have any idea what they've done wrong. You know, in my own life, this passed over the last couple of weeks. There's been a situation that God has surfaced in my life about a wrong that took place decades ago in my life, decades ago. And I had to decide what am I going to do about this? And God brought this verse to my mind and He said, John, you don't have to go and confront that person. There may be a time and place for that conversation. You have to decide if you're going to let this thing go. And He brought me this verse to my mind. And so people who are safe, people who are healthy, are people who are extending forgiveness and receiving forgiveness over and over and over and over again. So you take a few moments and you think about this whole idea of being a safe, healthy person in relationships. I've given you a lot to think about this morning. A lot. And I don't want you to walk away feeling overwhelmed. And so I want you to take in these next couple of minutes and say, God, what is the one thing? What is one next step that you want me to take in relationships? What is one thing? That's all I want you to walk away with, even though you might have got a lot rolling around in your mind or scribbled down a lot of notes. What's the one thing? Maybe for you, it's asking for help. Maybe for you, it's exploring your lack of needing that. Maybe it's dealing with forgiveness. Maybe that's what it is. But ask yourself that question. Can we put up that slide with those four things on the hen at the very end there? What are those four things that those four things that God wants you to do? There we go. Face the truth about you. Maybe there's two questions that I gave you. Those two questions, if we can put those up as well, put those two questions up. Maybe these two questions, maybe you just need to be willing to say, I'm going to ask a couple of people these two questions and have the courage to do that and just listen to what they have to say. You see, I think if I asked us this morning, I think most of us would say, I want to love other people well. That's what our church is all about. I want to have healthy relationships. I want that. But it's not just going to happen magically. It's going to require some work on my part to pursue the kinds of relationships and live in such a way that I have something to offer to other people. That's really what God wants us to move towards. I want to give you a couple minutes just to sit quietly, close your eyes, think about the things that I've said this morning, maybe talk to God and say, "God, what is that one step? What is that next step for me in this arena?" Then I'll close in prayer. Let's pray. [silence] [silence] [silence] [silence] [silence] [silence] God, there was something about the life of Jesus that just drew people towards Him. Sometimes people, it's surprising that they came to Jesus. Yet other people pushed away and were repulsed by Him and wanted nothing to do with Him. People that really had little heart for God, even though they're outward performance, tried to reflect that. I pray for each person who's here this morning, whether they are in a group or not in a group, that they would give attention to the relationships and the way they relate to other people in their lives. Lord, help us to take a step that reflects our heart desires to love you and love others. Take a step that's going to require some courage, some risk, some uncertainty. Because God, when we're willing to take a step of faith, often you're willing to meet us there. And in meeting us there, do things in our lives that oftentimes surprise us, just like you did for Jay in his story earlier today. God, thank you for your incredible love. And for Jesus' example for us to look at and learn from and follow. Help us to be men and women and students who develop amazing, safe, healthy relationships that point people to urge you and change their lives. Use this, God, we pray in your name.