Baconsale

Episode 460: Baconsalia Summer Games Substitutes

Due to a clerical error, Baconsalia has been chosen as the next host city for the Summer Olympics. Prime Minister Bigmustache has tasked Joel, Kent & Zack to make some adjustments to help these games fit our limited budget and space. Therefore, on this episode of Baconsale, we’re going to be cutting traditional Olympic events and presenting simpler, more cost-effective competitions instead, such as four square, freeze tag, and mini golf. We’ll then have to justify why we removed an event and explain why the new event would be better. Don’t hold your breath! Come on down to Lou’s Bowling Alley & Tavern and press play!

Duration:: 1h 6m
Broadcast on:: 22 Jul 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

[MUSIC] >> This is Kate Beckinsale, you're listening to Bacon Sale. [MUSIC] >> Ooh, budget cuts. >> [SOUND] >> My style. [MUSIC] >> It's probably domain. >> [LAUGH] >> So we're right there. >> Kate, this can go on YouTube. >> Yes, yes, now we're fine. >> [LAUGH] >> I mean it's so epic for a minute there. >> I just budget cuts, sorry about that. >> Again, but welcome to Bacon Sale, I'm Joel. >> And I'm Zach, we'd like to thank you for listening to our last episode, our Elvis episode. >> No, you're just keeping that energy going, yeah, for sure. Thank you to everyone who complimented the art and said it looks cool, particularly Chris who said that I looked great as a six-year comeback special of us. >> Yeah, I agree. >> Black leather Elvis would appear. >> Black leather looks fab on you, she said. Thank you for that. But Natalie Nutterl said, this episode gave me flashbacks to high school, listening to In the Gato and being made fun of. Sorry you were bullied too, Kent, they just don't get it. Look, I like the song just fine. >> It was deep. >> I just don't get it. >> In the Gato. >> Hasn't been proposed to me by singing, falling in love with you because I've always loved Elvis. Thank you for the episode, that is so adorable. I'm not, that actually sounded like I was talking about you actually. >> You know who loves the episode. >> Who dat? >> Your mom. >> Yeah, she did, she did. >> I love this episode, I really enjoyed listening to all your pics. And I only wanted to disown my son twice. No, three times, Bacon Sale. It's a great episode about an incredible artist. Thank you gentlemen. So there you go, mama proof of Bacon Sale. >> Yeah, and if you are a patron of Bacon Sale, we've already posted cover art, what do we call that, wallpaper? >> Yeah, wallpaper, we've done some behind the scenes photos, we've done some notes, a lot of fun stuff there. If you're a patron of Bacon Sale, a lot of extra behind that episode too. And finally, something very brag worthy from one of our listener that, so. Tim Hemingway posts a picture and said, why yes, that is me posing with one of Elvis's microphones at Sun Studios, where his early music was recorded, fun episode on far less angry at your opinions than I was in the Beatles episode, because I'm far less of an Elvis fan. But you've been a son, right? >> Yeah, hopefully be heard. >> And hopefully be heard, so change that. >> You've inspired me too, at minimum. Listen to your Spotify playlist, and that's all we ask. Thank you, I've listened to it all weekend, because I was cleaning up my place. >> Nice. >> Yeah, yeah. But that's now we're talking about today. What are we talking about today, Zach? >> We're talking about the Olympics. >> Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. >> Exactly, exactly, exactly. We've already discussed the Olympics on Bacon Sale episode 70, Mary Lou Rhett and the Golden Snitch. And a Bacon Sale episode 314, the Bacon Sale of Summer Olympics. And a Bacon Sale episode 338, the Bacon Sale of Winter Olympics. >> Here's the problem. We got a real issue, and it involves the great land of Bacon Sale, yeah. >> Oh, Bacon Sale, yeah, oh, Bacon Sale, yeah. >> Oh, Bacon Sale, yeah, oh, Bacon Sale, yeah. >> Is that what we came up with? >> All right, today, our lyricist was not great. No, but here in the land of Bacon Sale, where we've done a couple of these, we've represented ourselves. >> Yeah, it's really evolved over time. >> Yeah. >> Somehow, because we represented the sports. >> However, due to a clerical error, Bacon Sale has been chosen as the next host city for the Summer Olympics. >> What? >> And Mayor Big Mustache, do you remember him? >> Ah, did you hear he got elected to a new office? >> Did he? >> Prime Minister Big Mustache. >> Really? >> Yeah. >> We don't prime minister? >> It's our country. >> Yeah, we can be a mayor of the country. >> No, governor, no. >> Hey, it's our country. We can have a mayor if we want. It's our country. >> We can hear a mayor if we want to. >> That's our other theme song. >> [LAUGH] >> But they've made a mayor, Prime Minister Big Mustache. >> Yeah. >> Minister Big Mustache. >> Yeah, he's crowned us the Bacon Celia Olympic Committee. And it is up to us to help make it more Bacon Celia friendly. >> Yeah. >> Because we don't have as large of a budget as say Paris or Barcelona. >> Or the United States, because if we did have budget, we would probably have a suitable costume that would fit our entire body. >> Because our costume in the past episode has been nothing more than a speedo and with the addition of a scarf. >> Yeah, I think it's really aerodynamic. >> It's not for me. >> [LAUGH] >> I could use some more coverage, buddy. >> Wait, so we, I mean, we didn't even do that while at the last Olympics, which was not four years ago, it was randomly three years ago. >> So odd. >> And now we get to host the entire event. >> Yeah, it was a clerical error. >> Okay, that's just what the letter said. >> Paris. >> And so we are going to have to make it more cost effective. Which what it means is we have the current events for the Olympics, for the summer Olympics, it's just too much money. >> Yeah. >> And so we need to make some cutbacks. We need to make it more cost effective. And so we are in charge of getting rid of some of these events and replacing them with more cost effective. >> And we've already talked and tiered about those events. And we talked about which ones are not even that fun to watch. And you know what? We want people to watch the big and sell the Olympic Games. And so we're going to pick games that we think would be more fun to watch, more fun to participate in and cost effective. We're on a budget, like we said. >> And so each of us have come to the table today with six events that we are going to be cutting. And also six new events, more cost friendly events, that we are going to be replacing them with. So that we can host the Olympics in our country. And we're not up to par. >> I'm not sure how much land we have. I think we're going to have to make that up as we go. >> It's already here, Kent. It's already, we just have to look around. >> Look around, oh, we do have a big field. >> We do. >> There's a hill over there. >> So far, so good. >> There's some trees. >> Do we have a swimming pool? >> We do. >> Okay. >> It's inflatable. >> Is it like surfing swim? Basically, we're going to borrow a surfing swim, maybe? >> Well, we'll just have to say. >> Okay. >> Zach, can you run down the events from the most recent Summer Olympics? >> All right, our events are as follows, archery, aquatics. >> There's a lot in there. >> Oh, yeah. >> Athletics. >> There's also a lot in there. Badminton. >> Not a lot. >> Not a lot in there. Basketball. Boxing. Okay, this is where I should be saying baseball. Actually, that's not true. It would have been a couple ago, because this is alphabetical order. However, baseball's gone, because world baseball classics awesome and Olympic baseball sucks. So they replaced it with the equally awesome break dancing. >> Breaking. >> Breaking, what? >> They're just calling it breaking? >> Which we didn't talk about. >> It's the prequel to break in two. >> Electric blue. >> Electric blue. >> Yeah, thank you. >> So confused. >> Yeah, break dancing. >> It's a thing now. >> Yeah. >> We're going to have freestyle rap battles in the next one. >> I don't think, I disagree, I don't think that we are, because we're going to cut it here. >> Okay, well, here we go. >> Okay, what else we got? >> Cycling, equestrian, fencing, football. That's like football, football soccer, golf, gymnastics, handball, hockey, judo, modern pentathlon, rowing, rugby sevens, sailing, shooting, skateboarding, sport climbing, surfing, table tennis, taekwondo, tennis, triathlon, volleyball, weightlifting, and wrestling. >> Yes, and if you want to know more about each one of those events and what we are thoughts on them, you can listen to episode 314, that's where we really go into depth. >> Except breaking, which sucks. Okay, next. >> Half of those just broke into electric blue, ain't bad. >> That's kind of fun. >> So wait, are we on the Olympic committee? Are we participating? >> Are the Olympic committee. >> Oh, we're in so much trouble. >> We got promoted to the Olympic committee for our performance in the last two games. >> So do we get to replace every single sport here? >> No. >> Do we have to keep some? There are some tier one sports here. >> Okay. >> Aquatics. We all gave tier one. I mean gold medals. >> That's yours. >> But no, each of us get to cut six items. >> Oh, that's arbitrary. >> Prime Minister Big Mustache. >> I mean, that makes sense. >> He looked at the budget, so he got to cut events. So we're going to have a total of 18 here. >> Sure. >> That are going to be cut from the original list and we're going to replace them with whatever we feel like that we think will be more cost effective or also he said that if it will draw eyes to the event, we can then get sponsors and we can make money there too. So even if it's just really cool, even if it's not cost effective, but it's cool, it will get people to watch. It's relevant sport to what people actually play. >> Yeah, yeah. >> Because like sailing, sailing takes me away. >> Like who's watching sailing? We've talked about that. >> We've seen that last time. >> Yeah, we did. Okay, so should we just get started Joel, do you want to cut a sport and replace it with an event? >> Yes. This is more of a cost effective than I'm doing because I feel like we can cut boxing. We're going to cut boxing because first of all, cost effective. We didn't, we didn't, none of a lot of us liked it. It was kind of a boring sport, but we're replacing it with bowling. >> Cost effective. >> You know why? >> Because we have lots of bowling alley. >> Because the signage is going to be really easy to change. Boxing, you kind of paint over the exit into a WL and then it's bowling. >> Are you just doing it for that reason? >> That's one of the main reasons I'm doing it. >> Do we have to make new animations like Olympic animations when someone gets a spare? >> No, we can just go down to lose bowling alley and use that. I already talked to him. He said it's okay. >> I hate watching professional bowlers though. I like watching regular people bowl because professional ones, they're just too good. >> Is this fun to watch? >> I think it's going to be fun to watch because lose isn't the best facility and sometimes breaks down, which could be fun to watch. >> We already have a bowling alley here. >> I mean, we have a bowling alley and they can tell you that. >> We all love Lou. >> Little creepy, but we love him. >> He promised me free bowling for a year if I got this one. >> You sell out? >> No. It's above the table. I just told you guys about it. >> Listen. >> Free bowling day for all three of us guys. >> Quiet man. >> Previous Olympic committees for that exact reason you're talking about it. >> I heard nothing about this. >> So I'm looking at the budget. I think I'm the accountant of the bacon celio. >> Oh, I like this. Okay. >> And I think based on that change, we have saved negative $3,000. >> What do you think the bowling alley is already there? We don't have to buy any gloves. >> You think boxing is boxing? >> Boxing is two people with gloves. >> Guys, it's all about the signage. >> Boxing is so easy to change. >> It's been a part of all but two Olympic games, so you're getting rid of boxing. >> That's okay. >> You're okay with it? >> I'm okay with that. >> All right. Our first event replacement, boxing is gone, replaced by bowling. >> Bowling is in. >> Kent, I'm going to cut badminton. Why? >> Why not? >> Zach, he's a fan of badminton. >> Zach, why are you a fan of badminton? >> Because it's awesome. >> I gave it a gold medal last time. I think it's fun. >> Hitting a birdie through the air. You got the long stick. >> But it's the Olympics. Come on. >> If you see high-level badminton play. >> What we talked about, we talked about badminton for Kent, what are you replacing badminton with? >> Flag football. >> Ha! >> Flag football. >> Flag football. >> Listen, because we have football on the list, but it's soccer. We don't have actual football, and in fact, I don't even want to see that, but I would love to see Bacon Celia versus Turkey in flag football. >> But wait, why flag football and not just regular football? >> Because this is a backyard game, and honestly, probably most of my games will be games that people can actually play. And also, we don't want our Olympians to get hurt. >> It's a little bit tender, right? >> That's why I got rid of boxing. >> Yeah, probably why you got rid of it. >> No one gets hurt during bowling. >> But I think to see really good flag football players that have been training their entire lives for this would be actually pretty cool to see. >> Now, are we going to use the professional, clippy flags? >> Yes. >> Or are we just going to have socks? >> A scarf hanging out of the-- or a sock hanging out of the back of their pants. >> Actually, it's going to be a sock hanging out of the Speedos, because everyone's wearing our costumes. >> Hold on. That is our national uniform. And if it's we're hosting, everyone is wearing flag color Speedos. >> Wow. >> Am I wrong? Am I wrong? >> Everyone? >> Everyone. >> No. >> It's a bacon-cell, yes. It's a strategic move. >> What? Why can't we fall to the others? >> Not everyone's going to be wearing jeans at the Paris Olympics, because the United States is. >> No, but can't here's the other issue, is we're trying to cut costs, and-- >> Oh, so we don't want to make Brazilian Speedos. >> Unless it's BYOS, I think we have to just-- >> BYOS. >> Bring your own Speedos. I think we and bacon-cell, you just use our Speedos, and everyone else, come as they are. >> Yeah. >> Come as they are. >> They have their budget, which is way more than ours. >> Maybe it is a little more low budget with the flags, but I think this would probably be teams of five on five, so this wouldn't be like a full football team. This wouldn't be like a team of three, but this is enough to toss the ball around and try to chase people down. >> I just desperately don't want to play a flag football against a bacon-cell, yeah, opponent. >> This is the Speedo? >> Mm-hmm. >> What area of the body gets tugged in a flag football match? >> It's in the back. >> We're tight. >> Mm-hmm. >> It's-- everything's good. >> Yes. >> Play fast. >> But flag football is now an Olympic event in bacon-cell, and this will be elimination, right? We can talk about maybe the rules or how they play, but this is elimination-based. >> Badminton has been replaced by flag football. >> Well, it's my turn in the Olympic Committee. I'm looking through and going, "Hmm, there's a lot that I could get rid of, but what are we about here? Cost-effective savings." >> Yes. >> And you know what's really expensive, gentlemen? Horses. Horses are very expensive. >> They're so expensive. >> They're only for the rich expensive events. >> We are not the rich and elite. So you know what's gone? >> A question. >> It's been a part of all, but the first Olympic games. >> I would not. Zach, why do you get rid of a question? I have been hand-making little saddles for all the dogs in town. >> Oh. >> Just so we can-- >> Wait, are we supposed to ride the dogs? >> I was planning on that, but apparently I can stop now. >> To start off with the dogs? >> To start off with the dogs. >> Joel is the biggest fan among us. He gave us solar metal. >> I did. >> To the equestrian event. >> I just like Singtour Shawage. >> Kent and I did not. >> I don't like this at all, but it's, again, very cost-effective, the large, you know, the large pens that you have to have and all that. >> It's also hard to score, as well. >> We're getting rid of horses. For what? Wait. >> In Bacon Celia? Are we getting rid of all horses? >> All horses. >> Bacon Celia. >> We only have one horse in the town. This is a one horse in the house town. >> It's literally a one horse town. >> They've got all our cheese. >> Yeah. You know what we're going to replace it with? >> Horse. >> That's what we're replacing it with. >> Oh. >> Nice plot twist. >> Because we will play. >> Because what do we have? We've got basketball courts in the form of that church building over there. That works. >> So cool. >> Church building's free. I have a key to it. >> Perfect. >> There we go. >> It's the Olympic Games. We should have a key to it. What if we get locked out? >> I have a key. >> I know, but still, we're in charge of the Olympic Games. >> And it works on every day except for Monday nights. >> Okay. That makes sense. >> That makes me on those nights. >> Oh, so let's talk about horse. Why would it be a cool Olympic event? Because it's going to be, I think, playing horse now, if you don't know. Horse is a game played by two or more people on a basketball court where one person shoots and if they make that shot, the second person and subsequent people have to make the exact same shot from the exact same place. >> And you have to call it before. >> You have to call it. >> Yeah. >> Could you imagine the cool trick shots that people have practiced their whole lives to do? >> That's what I'm saying. >> Yeah. >> I think that horse and the trick shots and everything incorporate trampolines and all sorts of stuff, if budget pending, that would be more entertaining than actual Olympic basketball. >> That's a personal question. >> Yeah, of course. >> What was your go to horse shot? When you were playing horse and you wanted to trip up everyone else, what was your go to shot? >> Hot shot. >> What? >> Faraway. >> Faraway. >> Faraway. >> Hookshot. >> Hookshot? >> Free throw line. >> Yeah. >> Launching over the shoulder like you're holding a bazooka. >> Faraway's boss. >> Faraway's boss. >> Yeah. >> Faraway's boss. >> Joel, what was yours? >> Backwards. >> I'd go faraway backwards. >> That's hard. >> I'd do like a granny shot. >> If you made it, you're like, yeah, I meant to do that. Your horsey shots allowed in the Olympic Games. Where is it? Just horse. >> We don't have any horses to shoot. >> There. >> They shoot horses, don't they? >> You know, like if you get to the end of horse and you're like, I'll give you another chance with the horsey shot. Did you guys ever do that? >> No, what is that? >> I never made it to the end of the game. I couldn't spell. >> Let's play big. >> All right, there's a horsey shot. Horsey shot is like if you just want to extend the game and not play another one, it's like you get another chance and then you're still like you should buy an S and an E. >> Yeah. >> I'm going to get it now. >> Okay, so I love it. That's a great choice and a great joke and very cost effective. As the accountant, I'm very proud of myself right now. Joel, what's your second choice? >> Big and silly is a landlocked country. >> Are we? >> Are we? >> I kind of picture us being in Ireland for some reason. >> Really? >> Anyway. >> What I was going to say. >> Maybe it's just there's a stream and I thought it would wear an island because it was streamed by us. >> Islands in the stream. >> No, what I was thinking is that we don't really have large bodies of water around here. >> Yeah. >> We do not. >> And all of us were not big fans of sailing. >> No. >> So I am cutting sailing. >> Yeah, man. That's fine. >> It's a confusing sport anyways. >> It feels a lot like, I mean, granted when you're watching on TV, it's one thing, but I always think about the crowds there. >> Yeah. >> And they watch the boats go out. And it's like, it's like the gobble to fire, you know, when they're doing the tri-wheel tournament. >> They jump in the water and then they're gone. >> They're gone. Everyone's just kind of sitting there like, hey, are there three people drowning? Do you have to say it? >> I don't know. >> You know, the dragon, you're like, I'm assuming, are they going in the hedge maze? >> That was breaking the rules, though. >> Yeah. >> You shouldn't have left. >> But then in the hedge maze, too, I'm like, they're just sitting there staring at bushes. >> Say it for our gobble to fire up, though? >> Say it for our gobble to fire up. >> I said, drive with a drone of an episode. >> My son. >> Are we going to do an episode on Golden Fire? >> Anyway, I've derailed us because what is more, you know, sailing, also not cost effective, all those boats, and have to maintain the water, you're right. We have to get rid of the leeches. It's going to be very difficult. So what I, instead, am proposing is instead of seeing boats sailing, what about a small wooden ball sailing along a ski board platform? >> I don't know what. >> What? >> Okay. >> Explain what you're saying. >> I talked to Lou. >> Yeah. >> He has the bowling alley. >> Zach, do you see what's happening? He's getting paid off again. >> I'm not getting paid off. >> Free bowling for a year. What else are you going to get? >> That's for all of us. >> Oh, okay, cool. >> That's cool. >> How was Joel sponsored? >> Free nachos for all of us for this. >> Lou's bowling is a sponsor. >> Because you can play ski ball with one hand while you're eating your nacho. >> So, ski ball? >> Not just on the left hand if you're right-handed. >> I'm saying ski ball replaces sailing. And I think ski ball is one of those games that everyone enjoys playing as long as you have an unlimited number of quarters. And I feel like it's one that anyone can pick up and do well at. >> Is there a long track or is this a standard-sized track? >> This is the one that loses. It's the standard three. Like there's four of them in a row and one of them is broken. >> Oh, yeah. It's broken. It's always broken. When I play ski ball, it's so satisfying. When you throw that ball and you watch it roll up and it doesn't hit the top one because you can never get those top corner ones. >> I know. >> But you want them to try. >> But you want them to try. >> Olympians couldn't. >> Olympians wouldn't go for the top ones. I don't think I think they'd go for this. >> Oh, they're going for the highest score. >> They're going for the highest score. >> This would be an event where highest score wins. Very simple in that regard. So, you know, no sailing where you're like, "Oh, I dock you a point because the line fell in the water." >> Could you imagine the disappointment on Olympians' faces when they get at 10? Like it just goes in the first loop and they're like, "I've practiced my whole life in this." >> Yeah. >> I just, I didn't even get it. >> For $10,000. >> Yeah. >> But a lot of people go for those corner ones. We really shouldn't. Go for the middle stuff. A lot easier to get and you can rack up points real fast. I say that as someone who has gotten a number of tickets from these machines. >> That's so specific. >> A number. >> A number of tickets. >> The number of tickets. >> Seven. >> You got seven tickets. >> Maybe. >> So, ski ball, I say, replaces sailing to save us some money and it's fun to watch. You've seen it. Crowds standing around watching people play ski ball. >> I'm just waiting to play next. >> Yeah. >> Put my quarter down. I want to get nine balls. >> But you have to, but they'll know you're an Olympian though because we were in the Speedo. >> Just don't stand to close to him. >> So, ski ball replaces sailing. >> Mm-hmm. >> Kent, what do you have? >> Golf. Golf is getting cut from the Olympic Games. >> You're cutting golf. >> Does anyone know that golf has played at the Olympics? >> We have a golf course. >> We do. >> We're going to lose. We've got to putt-putt it back. >> We have to lose. >> Which is why I'm glad you brought that up because putt-putt mini golf is taking over as an Olympic event. >> Wait, did you -- >> This is such a good spot. >> Did you talk to lose well? >> Listen. I talked to his niece. >> Lose niece? >> Yeah. She's a cutie. >> Bernice. >> Bernice. >> Bernice. >> Bernice. >> Yeah. She's a cutie. And I love mini golf. Bernice actually said that she's getting out a few more obstacles to make this more, I guess, the Olympic level tough because, you know, there is like the loopy loop and there's the rocks in the way and there's, you know, the sand and everything. But it's going to be a pretty cool mini golf area granted. We don't have too much money to spend. But I think golf as an Olympic sport is so boring because they play four days in a row of 18 holes and then they go best of. Which makes sense for the sport, but it's boring to watch as an Olympic event. And so I think mini golf, if it were quite challenging, would be cool to see. Because then you can see trick shots and like, you know, if there's a ball in the way, you can knock out of the way. Kind of like curling does, you know? >> Okay. >> Yeah. So, but just imagine the one hockey player goes up and he's like, "You're going to die, come out." And he just starts beating on the- >> No, there will be clowns for sure. >> People will be so mad. >> Yeah. Hey, you know what's going to happen? Is he going to have to pay for that? >> Grease. >> All right. And with that, they got tempers. >> Mini golf replaces golf, much more, much more cost effective. >> That sounds much more cost effective too. >> Yeah. I like that. Oh, and the balls they use. Maybe the colors of their flags? >> Yes. >> At least. >> Yes. >> They have to hand-paint them. >> EYOB. >> We can have an arts and crafts station nearby. >> That's just at the kind of the social hour, where they'll just get to know each other. >> Oh, is everyone like painting their own golf balls? >> Yeah, yeah. >> Instead of getting like the neon pink and neon yellow. >> Yeah. You go there and you paint your own golf ball. >> I love it. >> It's a real confusing show in those countries where they're like the stripes or vertical or horizontal depending which one it is. >> Oh, yeah. I'm very thankful that we've reached this point. I'm making a choice that is not so much cost effective except for the fact that nobody knows what kind of court we need for this event. It's handball. I don't know. I don't know what we need. We can't afford it. So, handball is going because, well, nobody understands it anyway. Nobody likes it. >> Can you explain it to me right now? >> No. I can't. I've watched it. >> It's a court-based indoor team sport whereby two sides of seven players aim to throw a ball in the opposition's team's debt to score a goal. I still couldn't even tell you what happened. >> I don't like soccer both your hands. >> I watched an entire-- >> But with hands. >> I watched an entire match and I was like, why is that happening? I don't get it. So, you know what? We're going to replace this with the event that I thought that handball was, which is wall ball. >> Okay. >> Wall ball. >> I remember wall ball. >> Every time. >> That's the Olympic sport. That's dumb. >> I love wall ball. >> High-level wall ball play. >> High-line? We're talking about high-line now? >> So, we're not talking like racquetball. We're talking literally-- >> Explain wall ball for those who've never played wall ball. >> It's just fun to say. >> The object of the game is to throw the ball so that it bounces off the wall and then again on the ground before being caught by another player. If someone catches it before it hits the ground, you're out and you have to stand along the side of the activity area. >> Is there a part of the game where you throw the ball at someone, like is it a penalty? >> Maybe. I mean, house rules. >> Yeah. >> That sounds like a thing. >> Are we using tennis balls? Are we using the golf balls that people have painted? Like, what are we using? >> Pink rubber ball, baby. >> Okay. >> Oh, yeah. It has a good thud against it. It's kind of close to a racquetball. >> Is this like 2-1-2 or is this 1-1-1? >> There's mixed doubles. I mean, we got multiple events here. This is genuinely what I thought handball was. I was like, oh, yeah, I played handball when I was in school. Nope. >> There's going to be so many bruises. >> I got pegged. >> Yeah. And as far as cost-effective goes, where are we going to play it? Right against the side of lose. There's a big wall there. >> That's true. It's got a nice mural on there. >> This feels so corrupt, guys. >> It's not corrupt. >> This isn't a lumbix. >> A lumbix. >> I don't trust him. I don't know about this. >> You're getting free nachos and free bowling for a year. >> I don't want to go bowl and eat food at the same time. >> That's what you do. >> It's so greasy. >> No, you stick your fingers in the holes, and then you stick your fingers in the nachos. >> Again, you share it with everyone else. >> I'm going to eat freak. >> Wait until I put my whole hand in my shoe to see if there's a rock in there, and then touch the nachos. >> Ew. >> So I'm officially replacing handball with wall ball, Joel, it is your turn. >> Do you guys know one of the most expensive things at the Olympics is medical coverage? >> Is that true? >> I don't know. >> Wait, is this like you getting a number of tickets? >> Let me Google it? Sure, yes. >> Yeah, that's right. I don't know. >> I feel like Hawaiian is a big sail. >> Yes, insurance and coverage is going to be an issue. So there's no way we can have people playing rugby in our town. >> Rugby. >> Rugby. >> Rugby. No way can we play rugby in our town because there's going to be major injuries there. So I'm getting rid of rugby sevens, which, if you remember, it's like a smaller-- >> Smaller rugby. >> Rugby league in rugby. >> And there's still big guys, but-- >> There's fewer. >> Wait, but I understand. >> But what's-- okay, go on. >> I understand people love numbers, though. So instead of rugby sevens, hear me out. Four square. >> Oh. >> Explain the rules. >> So four square. So if you've ever played four square in elementary school, there are four squares, hence the name, and you have a ball, and when you take that ball, you have to bounce it into someone else's square. >> Okay. >> And if they're unable to catch it or get it before it leaves their square. >> So it can bounce once. >> Yes, it can bounce once in their square. >> Is this kind of like a wall ball ball, is that we're saying, or is there like a kick ball? >> Well, I'm thinking-- >> A wall ball ball. >> I think we need it. >> Oh, it's got to be a traditional, you know. >> Like how big is it? >> It's like the big rubber ball. >> Okay. >> We get one of those. I think we have one. >> So it's a kickball. >> Yeah, it's a kickball. >> Yeah, it's a kickball. >> It's a kickball. >> It's a kickball. >> It's a kickball. >> It's a kickball. >> It's a kickball. >> It's a kickball. >> Same sound. >> A country representative in each of the square. >> That's what it is. >> That's what it is. Do you imagine? >> It is amazing. >> I remember standing in line. You're waiting outside the square to go in. >> Yes, you're waiting along the edge of the square. >> Until you get to the king square. >> Yes. >> And I remember waiting and just being enthralled with what was happening there. I thought that could be an Olympic event and cost effective as well. >> That's what it is. >> It draws people in. >> International relations opportunities here. >> Yeah, yeah. I can just imagine Japan spiking the ball on Russia and then yelling in their faces. >> All right, Joel, you have removed rugby sevens and replaced it with medical reasons. >> I'm kind of sad about it. I mean, I know there's great rugby teams and leagues. We just don't get to see them here in Bacon Celia or the U.S. very much. And so it's kind of nice to see other countries play it on a big stage. >> It's not like back in Utah where they apparently have a professional team, I guess. >> We do. >> Yeah, we do. >> More years. >> Thanks. >> More years with two Z's. >> We're replacing rugby sevens with four square cost effective choice Joel. >> Thank you. Kent, what do you have? >> I'm going to get rid of the modern pentathlon. >> What? >> What's the modern pentathlon? >> I never know. >> It was introduced in the Olympics in 1912 and it was originally created to simulate the experience of a 19th century soldier caught behind enemy lines. >> What? >> And so it's a combination event, numerous stages involves, actually maybe this is kind of cool. >> It is a cool one. >> It's a cool one, but it's a good one. >> But it's fencing, swimming, jumping, pistol shooting, which is like the most notable one people kind of make fun of it for in cross-country races. So it's running to spots, doing weird obstacles. It's like a Ragnar race, but with guns. >> Yeah. >> I know, because you guys made me. You made me the champion for this in the bank until summer. >> How did you do, by the way? >> Great. >> You did? >> Yeah. >> In my mind. >> Oh. >> I was very proud of myself for actually finishing. >> Eighth place. >> I just did. When we did that episode. >> Three years ago you started. >> Yeah, and I just finished. >> Yeah. >> So I'm going to replace the modern patentathlon, which I wasn't even sure what it was before I chose it to cut, and I'm going to replace it with kickball. We're going to hold on to those kickballs that we were playing four square with. >> Yeah, I just used it, so that makes sense. >> And so it's extra cheap, and you know what's nice? We have a baseball diamond at the local elementary, and we're going to use that baseball diamond to make kickball teams, and Zach, you mentioned this, they cut baseball from the Olympics, which is kind of weird, because it's been around for a long time. But we need something like that. We need something with out-fielders, and back-wonders, and all that kind of stuff, and so we are going to form kickball teams, and I would just love to see kind of like the awkwardness of Olympians trying to like really like highly skilled kick a kickball, because you know, you may be the best player ever, but it's like boom, and it will go sideways or hit the pitcher. Or you can catch it. It's going to end up in the mud pit, maybe, but it's always kind of unpredictable when you play kickball. Hopefully we're not last picked. I think kickball has like the PTSD of like I got last pick for kickball. >> Are they going to do picks like the Olympic teams are going to be picking Olympians to be on their team? >> Yeah, that's actually part of the sport. >> Oh, like even though you have a team, you're like, you know what, that person, they're not going to play. >> Poor Bulgaria is like, no one peeked to me, from walk away. I'm sorry, Bulgaria is any Bulgarian listening, but yeah, I think people would be pretty cool. >> Think of what be cool. >> Yeah. >> And I'm not mad at with getting rid of modern pentathlon because I still don't really know what it is. >> It sounds like a math equation. >> It does. >> The pentathlon theory? >> Sure. >> All right, Zach, you need a cut one and add one. What do you have in mind? >> All right, my next choice. There's no theme, there's there's no logic. This is just spite. We're getting rid of football. >> Okay. >> Food's ball? >> Food's ball. >> Tell us why. >> Cuz I hate soccer. >> Oh, I don't want to deal with it. There's too much attention, there's too much anger around the sport. >> I actually think football in the Olympics is kind of pointless. And because they just like literally a week ago have the European League play. >> True. >> And it was huge, right? >> Right. >> You've got the World Cup, which people only care about that. And now a sense like, hey, everyone get, go back to your teams, go back to your country's teams and playing the Olympics that you're honestly, it's kind of like an NBA All-Star game where they don't really care to play rough. >> No. >> And so it's just recreation. >> All right. >> And Ronald is gonna take it for Portugal every year anyway. >> A human Pele, right? >> Mm-hm. >> Yeah, sure. So, now I admit that- >> Human Pele, Pele was a human. >> I said him and Pele. >> Oh. [LAUGH] >> Human Pele. >> And Ronaldo was a human Pele. >> The cyborg. >> Jeez. [LAUGH] >> Now I admit that association football, as it were, soccer. >> Yeah. >> It's a fairly cost effective sport. >> Okay. That's why it's probably the so popular across the world. So there's not a lot that I can do to save money here by removing soccer. >> Right. >> But what are you doing when you watch soccer? You're watching a bunch of people run around and on grass, sometimes they kind of slide in between people's legs a little bit. >> Yeah, that's right. We're going for freeze tag as our placements for soccer. >> Explain how freeze tags are gonna be played at the Olympics? >> Yeah. >> The bigger the teams, they're, again, mixed. We've got five on fives, seven on sevens, because that's the perfect bacon sale number. >> Yeah. >> And then- >> Even though we're choosing six. >> We have mass chaos. It's your entire country's every athlete, because everyone can participate. Every one of your athletes will go at the same time. >> Not the gymnast. >> The gymnast. >> The gymnast are like four foot three. How are you gonna go between them? >> How are we scoring this? >> Because that's the challenge. How do we determine a winner? >> You actually, that's the- >> It's like last man standing. >> It's like soccer. >> That's what I'm saying. That's why I said nobody knows. >> But the last country standing, the last one unfrozen is the winner? >> Yes. >> If the country gets there. >> If everyone else is frozen. >> Okay. >> Yeah. >> Because it has to be a little bit of a- >> It has to be your play to freeze tag rules, not tag, right? You're not gonna tag them. >> Freeze tag. >> To clarify, in freeze tag, when a player gets tagged, he or she freezes and with their legs spread open just enough that you could have another player go, you know, the shoulder with the part. >> Sure. >> Another player has to go through the open area to unfreeze the person. So it takes a lot of effort and if- >> So it's not toilet tag, we have to like flush their arm or no. >> No, I forgot about toilet tag. Second I'm not gonna lie, seeing the slow-mo videos of the cool trick plays in freeze tag would be the coolest stuff, because think about it. Someone's being chased down and they're about to get frozen and then all of a sudden they slide and as they do, they unfreeze their partner who then freezes the person chasing the original guy. That's so cool. >> There's so much opportunity here. >> Ironically, have you guys seen like professional tag? >> Yes, it's insane. >> Very intense, very cool. And so I think this is what actually would be more fun to watch than soccer, which is not super hard to do. >> I feel like this leads the way into maybe the next game's having hide and seek, but I don't know, maybe we can have that. >> Stop. >> That kind of cool. >> That kind of cool. >> Yeah. >> That lose only so many places to hide. >> Yeah, he definitely wins the medal because we haven't found him since the last Olympics. >> All right, with that freeze tag or places, football, Joel, you're up. >> So on episode, well, the last episode, we do the Summer Olympics. We talked about how none of us liked to wait lifting. We thought it was kind of not as exciting sport to watch because they sit there and grunt to lift something above their head and then drop it. Boom, done. What if we take those weightlifting Olympians, bring them here, give them a rope, put them by the mud pit, and it's a tug of war between weightlifters. No longer is it one man versus a barbell. >> Because when you watch weightlifting, you're kind of bored, right, because they're all very strong. >> Yeah. >> They all do the same thing, and it's only the judges who can look at it and be like, ah, they lifted cleanly, but they hang clean or whatever they say. >> What do they say? >> Hang clean. >> Okay. >> Yeah. >> Anyway. >> Yeah. >> Also, do you know how expensive those weights are? >> We, and here in big and silly, we've got a couple of them target, actually. >> We have a couple of fire. >> We have a couple of fire pound. >> They're like 20 bucks a piece, Joel. >> Yeah. >> We can't afford that. >> No, we can't afford that. >> And that's for a dumbbell. >> Yeah, exactly. And don't call me that. But we only have those little exercise weights, like five and ten pounders in, you know, in the gym over there at the school. So I think this would be a great way to be like, you know what, show your strength against each other, pull over the mud pit and whoever falls in loses and then the winner moves on to the next person. >> Could this be like squid games where like there's like a big castle? >> There is no like event sharks, can there be sharks and spikes underneath? >> Maybe have some leeches in it. We're not sure. >> Actually, yeah, leeches for sure. >> Yeah. >> So in keeping with the theme of last week's episode, Joel, yeah, it took one of mine. >> Ah. >> That's where we were headed next. I think this is a fantastic choice and it does make sense. >> It's so decisive, right? >> It hears the, maybe the controversy of a lot of our choices are the athletes don't necessarily transition over from one sport. >> If you've been training your whole life in rugby sevens and now have to play four square. >> Yeah. >> That's kind of awkward. >> Sure. >> But if you've been training for weightlifting, he's thought over the tug of war just fine. So now we have tug of war replacing wrestling Kent, your next Tommy Olympic Committee. >> I hope this is not too controversial for mine. I'm gonna cut the triathlon. >> Why? >> Why? >> Is it not a good one? That's the running, swimming, biking one. >> It's pretty good. >> But I'm feeling like I want to cut it. >> It's hard to watch. >> Yeah, it's hard to watch. >> Yeah. >> And you want, no one's really, this jack of all trades master of none, it's like, oh, they're all competing, they're all doing well. And then you're like, oh, which round is this? Oh, is this cycling all come back in three hours when they're running, right? It's just a little kind of. >> Running's where it's at. >> Well, I think that's the last one because it's swimming, cycling, and running and granted if they're swimming and there's like something in the water, like Barracuda or something like that, that could be pretty cool. >> While established, water's a struggle or leeches. Who knows? >> We don't have water to swim. >> I think it's not a very fun thing to watch and this was introduced in the 2000 Sydney games and we're going to replace the triathlon with the triathlon. >> You just said triathlon with a triathlon. >> So how do we replace triathlon with triathlon? >> Hold on, triathlon, because these are lawn games. >> Oh my gosh. >> And maybe I'll have to choose three of these because we have Bocheball, croquet, horseshoes, cornhole, ladder ball. >> So we just have to pick three lawn games. So I'm going to go for cornhole. >> Obviously. >> We'll be the first one. >> Home run. >> Croquet is going to be a major one. >> Ooh, strategy. >> Yeah, yeah. >> Yeah. >> And then ooh, okay, let's see. Ladder ball is... >> Horseshoes and Bocheball are basically the same game. >> Yeah. >> And all similar to cornhole. >> I don't know what ladder ball is. What's ladder ball? >> It's where you throw the rope with the ball and-- >> Oh, with the string? >> Yeah. >> It's the two golf balls that do the string. >> Yeah, that's fun. >> We're going to do, let's do Bocheball, croquet, and cornhole. That is our triathlon. >> And so listen, you need to be really fit in order to play these games like I guess. >> Don't think you do. >> So yeah, once again, just for the joke, the triathlon replaces the triathlon. Zach, what do you got? >> Oh, I don't know at this point. I want to... Well, you know, water is a problem. Canoe is gone. We're just done. >> Yeah, good ball. >> Where are we going to do it? We don't know. We're going to replace it with, I still want a water event. So we're going with slip and slide. Downhill slip and slide is replacing. >> Ooh. >> Canoe. >> Is this a race? >> Yeah. Well, there's two types of points. >> There's two types. >> There's two types. Because it's all under the umbrella, right? Like aquatics as much. >> Wait, do we... >> Okay, go ahead. >> Okay, so you have a single lane race, you have multi-lane race. >> So it's like a slalom kind of a thing. >> Yeah, yeah. There's going to be obstacle race. >> What's the origin for the word slalom? >> From the previous episode, find out. >> Slalom, there's an obstacle race. And then there are, we'll call it the otter racing, where you have to have two people holding hands. >> That's cute. >> And then finally... >> That could go really poorly. >> That could? >> Yeah. >> And maybe disastrous. And then finally, there is a synchronized slip and slide. That's strictly for style points. >> I would watch. >> And so it's downhill. >> Is it just water? >> Or like they put soap on the slip and slide as well. So you go over to lose a hardware store. >> Yep. >> You get tarps. >> That owns everything in this town. >> You get tarps. >> Is it secretly making mustache? >> Yes. >> They're brothers. >> Yeah. So you get some of the blue tarps. And it's just... >> Wait, we don't even have Crocodile Mile. We have tarps? >> Yeah, tarps. >> That's it. >> It's cheap. >> And then, yeah, you just kind of soap and water. >> I've seen it before where people will take, you know, billboard signs. >> Yeah. >> They're actually just big strips of paper or paper, but like a material. And they've taken those and put those on a giant hill and then slid down that. >> Wow. >> Pretty entertaining. >> See, I feel like this is a controversial choice. And I feel like... I don't know if you remember the last Olympic Games where they had downhill slip and slide, but there were rocks. You know, they thought it was just a grassy hill, but there were some rocks. >> So last one? We were going to be the first ones to do it when we were talking about it. >> No, yeah. That's why they actually removed it. >> I can't say again. >> From the Games. >> It wasn't in the Olympic Games. It was just international competition. >> Ah. >> Yeah. >> Was it one of those pre- >> Ah, yeah. They're qualifying. >> Argentina was furious. They got cut up. They got welts. [Laughter] >> They were insulted. >> That's awful. Well, nonetheless, downhill slip and slide. >> Hey, can every country wear speedos for this one, at least, they've got to have to. >> Okay. Do you like how we want everyone to wear speedos? >> That's a little weird. >> It just does. >> It's a little weird. Joel, what do you have next? >> We discussed we don't have large bodies of water. Now, I did figure out that we... >> But we do, however, have large bodies set. >> The Henderson's, they do have an in-ground pool. So we can't use that for some stuff. >> Sure. >> Okay. >> But that's not going to be enough for surfing. So I don't think we can do... >> Oh, but surfing is cool. >> No, it isn't. None of us scored surfing very high last time. >> But surfing as a thing is cool. >> Oh, I gave it a bronze, you give it a gold. >> This was introduced at the Tokyo Games in 2021. >> Yes. But I feel like these Olympians, these athletes are going to come here and they're going to want to show off their skills and they can't if we can't do their event, right? >> Do we not have a flow writer in the city? >> No. >> It's really cool. >> Who are we? Ogden? [laughter] >> No, weird as they ever said. >> We don't have. We don't have. >> Yeah. >> But we do have these athletes who want to show off their talents and surfing always takes so long and they have to wait for their right waves and it's just it's time consuming which costs money. Time is money. >> Yeah. >> You're right though. Time is where I'm going because instead of surfing, these Olympians are going to be holding their breath. >> What? >> Who can hold their breath? >> Wait, the longer. >> The Henderson's are hosting. >> No, no. The Henderson's are holding your breath. >> I just found out the Henderson's have, I was texting to people during the recording and found out the Henderson's will be cool. >> So would you kind of combine this into the aquatic section? >> Yes. >> Okay. >> And so they're just going to go under the water and hold their breath and whoever comes up last wins. >> You know what's so great about this? >> It's probably the easiest one to score. >> Yeah. >> Right? Because the judges are just sitting there watching. >> It's like the first. >> And you know what's cool is there's going to be some players where like you're going to see tiny bubbles and like, oh, they're struggling. >> Well, originally. >> That's a test of appointments. >> And then I texted Henderson's was because I was worried. >> What's the mom's name? >> Felicia. >> Okay. Sure. >> So I thought about well, we'll just have them hold their breath on land, but then I remembered, you know what, a stand there and hold their breath, but some people could cheat. >> Yeah. >> Some people just sit there and breathe through their nose and be like, I'm holding my breath. >> And that also happened at the International Games too. >> Yeah. It's a huge scandal. >> There's no fun without the risk of death. >> Yeah. >> So then I said, you know what? I texted the Henderson's. They said, yes, you can use our pool for the Olympic event. >> How big of a breath. >> How long do you hold your breath for? >> Me? Who do you think would win here in holding the breath? >> You don't know how bad I want to do this right now, but I know I want you as well. We love this stuff. Zach, can you hold your breath pretty well? Not on land. >> We're not doing it. >> We don't want land holding your breath. >> We don't want it out of the podcast. >> We can do it very well. >> I can do it very well. >> We do it for a Patreon video. I think I can win you guys my lung capacity. >> You really think so? >> I think so. >> You're a full of hot air. >> I am. >> Oh. >> There we go. Trash talking about holding your breath. Okay, I feel like, do you guys ever like go through bridges like tunnels and hold your breath? >> Yeah. >> But then you kind of cheat as well? >> Yeah. >> There's no cheating in water. >> Zach, breathe, please. >> No. >> He already did. I heard him laugh before. >> You can, you can, you can exhale, but you can't inhale. >> Listener, tell us what you think would win in holding the breath. >> I can't, I can't keep laughing. I love this so much. So this is like, there's going to be like the top two or three players from every aquatics team to hold their breath and they're going to represent the country. >> Yeah. And whoever can hold their breath along, this gets the gold medal. >> I like this. You kind of combine a couple of mine together. I kind of wanted weightlifting to be replaced to hold your breath, hold the weight, hold your breath. >> Yeah. >> But you know, everything has to be a joke. >> But the other two, we don't even have to do like, we don't have to wait for each person to go. We have all the Olympians do at the same time in the pool. And whoever comes up first is out and they get them out like that. It's quick. It's easy. Do we have a lifeguard on duty? >> No. It's a pool. They have a sign that says, "No lifeguard, no one holds their breath too long." >> And then it says, "And then they have a sign that says, "Welcome to our ool. Notice there's no P in it. Let's keep it that way." [laughter] >> It's right there next. >> It's so professional. It's the Henderson's, you know, they've got a funny humor. >> Yeah. They're hilarious. >> Kent, what is your next move? >> I want to get rid of tennis. >> What? >> Yeah. >> Tennis is good. >> Tennis or table tennis? >> Tennis. >> Table tennis is great. >> Wow. >> Table tennis belongs at our Olympic Games. >> But tennis is-- >> It really does, actually. >> The Christians have a great ping pong table. >> Yeah? >> Yeah, it's awesome. >> Uh-huh. >> Newly refinished. >> They've never invited me over since they were in the middle of their house. >> Yeah, it's slightly uneven, but just don't play on the left side. You know? >> Okay, but you're getting rid of tennis. Is this just because they're vastly superior tennis events? >> Absolutely. >> Okay. >> No one really watches tennis at the Olympics. >> No. >> And there's Wimbledon on the ice. >> I'm going to replace it with--oh my gosh, I can't decide what would be the most fun, but I'm going to go with Red Rover. >> Red Rover? >> Red Rover. >> Red Rover. >> Hold on. >> Send your way right over. Hold on. >> [laughing] >> I don't understand how you win this game as a single person. Is this a team event now? >> It's a team event. >> It's a team event. >> So-- >> That's allowed. >> But it's tennis. We're replacing tennis with a team event, like a single person to give the team event? >> Fire! Listen. >> What? >> Former tennis team? >> Yeah. There's no rhyme or reason to why I chose this. I just couldn't choose. But it just imagined, like for example, Uruguay against Czechoslovakia, is that still a country? >> Sure. >> Who even knows. So, they are opposing sides and they must know the other players of the other teams because they are choosing probably who they think is the weakest performing member of the Red Rover team to come on over. >> Red Rover. >> Yes. >> Okay. >> And they have to break. Did you explain how people play Red Rover? >> So, Red Rover, you basically join arms. >> I mean, I didn't explain hold your breath, but I think people get it. >> It's kind of in the name. So, Red Rover, you're just best buddies. You're just holding hands with your best friends. >> Or a girl you like. >> Oh, yeah. >> That was my secret. >> And you hold on tight. That's your secret? >> That was my secret because I thought you were always flirting. >> I would not let go. >> And then you have someone run over and this weakest player may choose to run through the weakest handhold. And if they go through, that's a point for them. And what happens? >> Don't they then join the chain on the other side? Is that how it works? >> No, it's just a point. >> Okay. >> Yeah. But if they get closed-lined, if they get blocked, if they can't break that chain, that is no point gained. >> Okay. >> And so, Red Rover is now an Olympic sport. Okay, Zach, you've got another choice. >> I do. >> What are you gonna cut? >> All right. The reign of breaking has gone too far. >> Wait, it hasn't even started yet. >> No. To explain breaking, by the way, please do, because I don't get it. And there's a longer explanation, because we never talked about this in a previous episode. It comprises two events, one for men and one for women, where 16 B boys and 16 B girls will face off in spectacular solo battles. Athletes will use a combination of power moves, including windmills, the six step, and freezes as they adapt their style and improvise to, this is literally on the website for the Paris Olympic Games. And improvise to the beat of the DJ's tracks in a bid to secure the judges' votes and take home the first Olympic breaking medals. This is the debut. I'm confused, they're dressed as bees. This isn't a Joel Halloween costume. Be boys and be girls. >> I'm picturing like yellow and black stripes. What's happening? Be boys. >> But can you believe this is an Olympic event? >> I don't know how it became Olympic. >> Do you think people are gonna watch it? Heck yeah, they are. >> Will then? >> Yeah, but walkies are gonna be there performing. Probably. >> Maybe. >> You guys remember them? >> Oh, yeah, with masks? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> There's a strategic change I want to make to this. >> So you're getting rid of the breaking. >> Getting rid of breaking. >> Mm-hmm. >> You know what this event needs? A small round bag usually filled with plastic pellets or sand kicked into the air as part of a competitive game. >> A hacky sack. >> It's a hacky sack. >> Oh no. >> We're turning. >> We're turning. >> Breaking. >> Stinky corner over there. >> Into hacky sack. Basically, the same event, but they're gonna be kicking a bean bag in the air. >> How many teams are playing at once? How many countries are playing at once? >> There's gonna be three. >> Intermingling. >> So with hacky sack, if you don't catch it with your foot. >> Yeah. >> And kick it to the next person. >> Done. >> You lost a boy or you're out. >> You're out. >> And you know, you don't want to just look at one at a time. >> Yeah. >> So we're gonna, for efficiency sake, three teams at a time. >> Mm-hmm. >> And then once those three are done, we rotate through. >> Are you choosing hacky sacks because we have a whole bunch of hacky sacks, like from the lost and found it lose? >> For sure. >> Okay. >> Yeah, they keep showing up. We don't know why. >> From 1997. >> There was one hacky sack tour that came in. >> And they're all to make in colors. >> Yeah, for sure. >> Sure. >> Yeah, three eleven comes every year and so, I love it. >> We have plenty left over. >> Fine. >> What a beautiful disaster. >> All right, Amber, just get a name song, a name song, don't say home. Don't tread on me. Okay, hacky sack replaces breaking because they're basically the same thing, Joel, they're more or less. Joel, you are headed toward your sixth and final pick. >> My final pick. Yes, according to the Olympic committee for my final pick. And speaking with the Henderson's, they said there's no way we could do rowing in their pool. >> Sure. >> Sure. >> Is the mud pit going to be sufficient for? >> Oh, yeah, no. >> I'm getting rid of rowing. >> We got rid of canoe as well and sailing. >> Because there's the water. >> You can't do it. >> A lot of the water things. We can't build an Olympic sized pool. The diving is going to be really worth it though if any of you keep that because I don't know how they're going to pull off in the air so it's basically diving off the edge of the pool over and over again. No splash. >> I am getting rid of rowing and I am replacing it with rowing is a lot of kind of repetitive movement. >> Mm-hmm. >> Stroke, stroke, stroke. So what I'm going to do, hula hooping. >> What? >> It's aerobic exercise much like rowing. It requires a lot of upper body strength. >> A little core right there. >> A little core strength. You have that. So hula hooping. We're going to have these Olympians come in and hula hoop. Once again, similar to the holding your breath, we're going to have them do it together. >> Very similar. >> We've got this gore. >> Cindy Henderson said we can borrow her collection of hula hoops. >> She's so nice. >> She's adorable. >> Yeah. >> And she said we could borrow her collection. She's got like 25 of them. >> Some have been stepped on. So they've got the bent corners. We'll give that to this advantage. >> We'll give that to Bolivia. >> We do. They have the beads in the hula hoops. >> So we do. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So they're not all the same size. >> No, we're not all the same size. >> Are there points for a style or is it just a length of time? >> That's up to the judges but I definitely think style for me, style would be impressive instead of just, you know, the normal thing if they're doing, like, going to the body and then going on their other arm, that would be impressive to me. >> That would be pretty cool. >> As long as you keep the hula hoop up, it's good. >> Yeah. >> So I'm replacing, growing and making those same athletes do hula hooping. >> I love it. >> That's your last choice. >> That's my last choice. >> I feel like this is like a great school's assembly. >> Dude, we're saving so much money. We're saving so much money. And I think I think hula hooping would be a fun Olympic sport to watch personally. And it's not just because I love the Huddsucker proxy, which I do. >> Can't. >> What is your final choice? >> I'm going to get rid of Taekwondo. >> Oh. >> Wait, but that was the more interesting of the two. >> Wait, is it? >> No, you're going to get rid of Judo. >> They got rid of karate for the recent ones. >> Did they? >> Am I getting rid of Judo or Taekwondo? One of them. We'll need one. What do you guys think? Shaker rid of Judo or Taekwondo? >> Isn't Judo the slow karate? Isn't that what we determined last time? >> I think Taekwondo is like defensive kicks. >> Taekwondo, we gave higher scores. >> Yeah, there's more kicks. >> Okay. >> We're going to get rid of Judo. >> Judo. We're getting rid of Judo. So instead of breaking boards, we're going to be making boards because the event at this year's Olympics is the Pinewood Derby. >> How is the Pinewood Derby making board? >> Because you're making sure you make cars out of the wood blocks. Do you get what I'm saying? >> But you're not making the board. >> The second way. You're kind of work Joel. >> Pinewood dervies. >> Do it. >> So the Pinewood Derby, listen, we already have the- >> You're going to have the one dad in the bathroom. >> I mean, like- >> Are you legally weighted it? >> Yeah. >> Too much graphite. >> No, listen. The judges will be watching that like crazy. And there was the one track that we got from the local church and you have like the nails go off. >> They're not usually going to be more. >> Yeah, right? >> Yeah. >> We saw basketball. >> But I think to have each country make their own type of car. >> They'd paint it. >> They'd paint it. >> We have the paint from the golf balls. >> They'd paint it. >> From the golf balls. >> Totally. >> Like obviously we could test the cars like as because this is the Olympics, like it's going to be a big deal. And it is a car to represent the entire country. There's going to be races and there will be qualifying matches, you know, much like the Olympics. Much like downhill skiing. It's like you got to get a few practice runs in and then there will be the finals. And it will be a nail biter. >> Pinewood Derby. >> Do we have all those automated tracks that will like electronically track what's there? Or is it one where like just things pop up? >> Things just pop up. >> So it's mechanical. >> Listen, don't get crazy. >> We're going to eyeball the winner. >> We're going to eyeball the winner, okay? >> Probably. >> So Pinewood Derby will be the Olympic Games. >> How were you guys at the Pinewood Derby? Did you fare pretty well? >> No, because I followed the rules. I didn't weigh it down enough. I always went for a little. >> You mean fella was just supposed to weigh? >> Yeah. I always went for looks over speed. Like I said, I don't think I did it right. >> Never once participated. Never once. >> Well, wait till the Olympics come back. >> Joel, are you going to say you would you win the Pinewood Derby? >> When I was a child, no, it was not a very good experience for me because I would like do, I'm a wolf. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> And the pointy ears would kill the drag. >> Right. It's like, I made the Batmobile. >> Yeah. >> You lost. >> Yeah. >> But then I watched the Mark Rober video. >> As an adult. >> Yeah, as an adult. And helped my son and we ended up placing first. >> Really? >> Yeah. >> Good to see you. >> Oh, you're feeling pretty good. >> I'm just going to represent the country. >> Of baking soda. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> You're organizing the games and playing in them. >> If I can watch the Mark Rober video again, yes. >> Nope. You can't. >> Had to borrow my dad's saw. >> All right, Zach, you have one more choice. >> I do. >> Make us proud. >> You know what, there are several events on here that I don't really care for. Come on, wrestling is still here. I'm not a huge Taekwondo guy. >> Yeah. >> There's all sorts of basketball is making fun of earlier. >> Yeah, basketball is interesting, but I think everyone likes to see like the US kinda sweat. >> It's like a football. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> But you know what's been included ever since the modern games in like 1896 is shooting. I'm getting rid of shooting. >> But it's shooting. You watch people shooting. >> You say that. >> What is it? >> Actually that entertaining. >> It's like a pellet. >> Okay. A pellet gun. >> It's air pistol, air rifle, double trap pistol, rapid fire pistol rifle, skeet and trap shooting events. >> Skeet and trap shooting fine. We're hitting some targets. We're hitting some things flying to the air. But what if instead of that, we were running around in body armor, shooting paintballs. >> Oh. >> Oh. >> That's such a good idea. >> This is a draw. >> This will get us, here's the thing that is a little more expensive, but that will get viewers. We can get sponsorships. >> Yeah. >> Imagine everyone wearing like the body armor says a loose bowling alley on it. >> Once again. >> I'm gonna go in for the free mozzarella sticks. >> If we do that. >> Yeah. No, we're gonna, we're gonna have coordinating, you know, colors for the concert. >> To explain people that didn't, weren't raised in the 90s. What is paintball? >> Paintball. >> It's where you and a bunch of smelly guys. >> It's your country. >> Yeah, your country. >> Yeah. >> You gear up in body armor that doesn't really work all that well, including basically a dirt bike helmet. >> Sure. >> And you're running around with high pressure, like CO2 BB guns full of balls loaded with paint. >> Little plastic. >> Yeah. >> And they, when they hit you, when they hit you, they hurt. >> They hurt. >> They hurt a lot. >> Personal experience. You do not want to hit with people. >> But one team goes out and they hide. >> Yes. >> At one end. Or maybe they both just run out. It's been. >> Yeah. >> Since 1995. >> Generally some kind of obstacle course. >> Yeah. >> We're gonna have to build that. This is probably gonna be the most expensive new event. >> No, we're just gonna, we're gonna do it. >> It's plywood in trees Joel. >> We're going to essentially do it. >> We have those. >> That's expensive. >> Yeah. >> Then we're gonna do it through other events while they're happening. >> Oh, they're going to be playing paintball. They're gonna be playing paintball on the same court as the hacky sack at the same time as the event. >> This can be mayhem. >> This is gonna be absolute me. >> What have you done? >> We can do it during the hold of your breath thing too. >> Hold your breath. >> So it pops up. >> Yeah. >> You're out. >> I'm sorry. >> You guys have played paintball, right? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> How are you at it? >> I was 14 years old. I felt like I was pretty good. >> Yeah. >> Wasn't John Wick or anything. >> I am more of a laser tag man myself. >> Oh, that's funny. >> As far as skill level. >> You could have chosen that one. >> No. Well, paintball is probably going to be more entertaining. >> Yeah. >> Right. >> Yeah. >> Laser tags in the dark. >> Not cost effective, but it's going to be a hoot to what? >> I remember one time we went to paintballing and we didn't know what we were doing. And I've been a few times with this. One of the first times we went in the forest and it was just like a place that we're doing it there. >> Yeah. >> Wasn't like just us by ourselves. And we get there. And I'm like wearing like, I didn't have camo or anything, so I just wore a leather bomber jacket like a brown leather bomber jacket. My dad was wearing like an orange hunting jacket, and then we had to run around with these guys who were like shrouds of camo over their face and were like hanging in trees and stuff. >> Geez. So out of my element here. >> A lot of fun though. I think it's a fantastic choice, Zach. >> I think it's actually an upgrade. And they should do it immediately. >> Because we didn't cut hockey. We didn't, we didn't cut field hockey. We didn't replace it. >> We have a field. And we have a pot. >> Field hockey. >> But we have the burgers that are really charred from, you know, you don't use a ball in field hockey. >> Fine. Can't you know what? Perfect number seven. You hear one more. >> What? >> Let me get some more. >> Breaking news for the Olympic Committee. You can now pick seven to get rid of Zach Attack. >> Because it's kind of fun. >> What that means is we're getting rid of one solid event for one of our choices. You say solid. I say expensive. >> Okay. Can't think about your seventh pick. >> Okay. >> I pretty much have it. But it's all going to start. >> Oh, you go first. >> You want it to happen. >> This is Zach Attack. Let's go out of order. >> Yeah. >> Because Zach's getting rid of a tier one event. I kind of want to do that too. That sounds kind of fun. Should I do it? >> Yeah. Because I want to get rid of field hockey. I think it's weird. Like why is that an event? And we're going to replace it with street hockey. Like that just doesn't make sense to me. >> I don't know. >> Right. >> Right. >> Are we going to have roller skates or are people just going to run around? >> Oh, listen. If you have roller skates in your country or roller blades, but honestly for those people like, you know, the poor kids, they're going to run around in sneakers. >> That's what they have to do. >> And also this kind of like when you play street hockey, you're dodging cars too. >> Come on. >> Come on. >> Come on. >> We're going to use one of those pink balls that they use for wall ball as the street hockey ball. >> Sure. Yeah. Once we're done with the event though, it's a two week deal. >> Oh, yeah. Absolutely. And people will get hurt. People will get road rashes. They're playing street hockey. So good luck to everyone. I know that's kind of out of order. Joel, do you want to go next? >> Yeah. Joel. >> Sure. I'll go next. So I feel like fencing is one of those. >> I was going to go for fencing. >> Yeah. It's a good choice Joel. >> No, I feel like fencing is one of those that we talked about it last time. It's a little confusing, the point system. And I feel like the event may not be as exciting as people and it's more expensive. >> It's been in every Olympic Games. >> It's better. >> One of the first plays ever. >> It is. And like the points happen so fast. >> It was a die. >> Yeah. >> Another day. >> Yes. >> That's cool. >> Instead of trying to stab each other with little pointy swords, I'm thinking we throw little pointy swords at the wall because I'm saying darts. >> Oh. >> Darts. >> Straight up darts. We could throw daggers or like axes and you're going with darts. >> I'm going with darts. >> All right. >> Because I feel like darts is, once again, you're throwing darts at a target. >> Yeah. >> Very easy to score. >> Okay. >> And I think that could be a fun thing. You know, we could do all sorts of bar games. >> Okay. >> Go on. >> It's like, you know, because we have the triathlon. >> Like the triathlon. >> Yeah. >> Kind of like that. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> So it would be like we could darts or foosball or billiards if they want. >> Okay. >> That's whatever's, whatever's in lose tavern. >> Dang. >> What the low again? >> Is pong involved in any way? >> We already have table tennis on. >> Root beer pong? >> Root beer pong? >> Yeah. >> Sure. >> So we want the Olympians to stay sober, obviously. >> Yes, yes, yes. It's good. >> I kind of like this idea. >> Yeah. >> So it kind of bar sports, bar games, instead of-- >> So we got rid of soccer, but we have foosball. >> We got rid of soccer, I got rid of soccer every year. >> I respect this. >> Okay. >> Actually darts would be really cool to watch. >> Yeah. >> It'd be like Robin Hood. >> It's not. >> We watched it on TV. >> It's not good. >> Then watch the billiards, you know? That'd be fun. >> Yeah, there's always things. >> Trick shots. >> Mm-hmm. >> Well, what's your pick? What's your bonus pick, Zach, since you Zach attacked us? >> All right, I want to put an actual full blown game in there. >> Okay. >> But this is, you brought this upon yourself. I like games, I like races, I like anything in which there is a clear winner. >> Yeah. >> You do? >> Gymnastics is going. >> No! >> That's like-- >> Gymnastics is gone. >> Zach, that is the pinnacle. >> Of a gym floor. >> A saw horse is not a pommel horse. >> Boy, this-- >> It can be, if you know. >> By the sacred name of Dominic Mochianu. How dare you? It's gone. Gymnastics? Gone. >> Are you kidding me? >> Who put him on the Olympic committee? >> That gets rid of rhythmic gymnastics? >> Oh, thank goodness. >> Trampoline. >> Oh, bleh. >> Uneven bars. All that good stuff. >> We have a trampoline. >> Done. >> Give me clear winners every time. And what's more clear than knowing how many runs you score in Wiffleball? >> We still have baseball. >> You could have placed-- >> The baseball's gone. >> Baseball's gone. We have kickball. >> Oh, with kickball. >> You put kickball. >> That's right. >> The Wiffleball. Because both in an Olympic level are better than baseball. >> Wait, can the gymnasts now play Wiffleball? >> The gymnasts can play Wiffleball. >> They can't run with their tiny little legs. >> They can play Wiffleball. >> They can play Wiffleball. >> They're tiny strong legs. >> Wiffleball. It's like small baseball with-- you know about the Wiffleball. It's a tiny plastic ball with a bunch of holes in it. And you actually bat with more like a stick. And a good Wiffleball pitchers are kind of insane. Because you can really get the ball to move all over. And rather than like throwing it to a catcher, you're just kind of throwing it against a wall. It's really strange. And you play-- this is why we can pull it up. You play Wiffleball in very confined areas. >> So you do it on the same place with your kickball. >> We could probably do it in the bacon den. >> You could be as small. >> Like sometimes you could fly a mile away. Sometimes you play it in a really confined space. You can probably play it inside loose. >> Yeah. >> Like this is going to be a big upgrade. >> That's so mean to gymnastics. >> That's what we get. >> We flew too close to the sun. And now judge sports are gone. >> I don't like how Zach attacked us. And then got rid of one of the most popular summer Olympic sports and left wrestling on the table. >> Wrestling is-- it's weird. >> It's got a net. >> It's staying. >> We couldn't get them all. >> Okay. Okay. >> Couldn't get them all. >> Fine. Can you tell us what our 32 events are in the Bacon Celia Summer Olympics? Just in case we do a winter show and make up a minute. >> Now I'm just going to read this in our 32 events. Your new 32 events are aquatics. >> Hey. >> Which is what? >> Diving. >> In the Henderson swimming pool. >> In the Henderson pool. >> Archery. >> I guess. >> We have big darts. >> Big darts. >> I think we like archery. It's pretty cool. >> Yeah. >> Athletics. So, you know, they're running. >> Yeah. >> Black and pink. >> Yeah, that's awesome. >> Yeah. >> That's right. >> You can get rid of that, gymnastics. >> That's not very expensive. >> But now we have bar games. >> Yup. >> Yup. >> Darts, bar games. Big, tiny archery. >> There we go. >> Well, basketball stays. >> Sure. >> We've got bowling for burgers. We keep cycling. >> I can't win them all. >> Yeah, BMX is pretty cool. >> Ride a bike around. >> Yeah. >> Downhill slip and slide. >> Super fun to watch. >> Yeah. >> Flag football. >> Love it. >> Four square. >> Mm-hmm. >> Freeze tag. >> Hacky sack. >> Hold your breath. >> Hold your breath. >> Horse. >> The basketball game. >> Mm-hmm. >> Hula Hooping. >> Oh, hula Hooping. That's great. >> Yes. >> Kickball. Mini golf, replaced golf. >> Okay, love it. >> Paintball. >> Yeah. >> Replaced shooting. Proud of that one. >> Sweet red rover skateboarding. >> That's an actual event. >> That's not one of ours. >> Yeah. >> Skateboarding. >> Yeah. >> Skateboarding. >> Yeah. >> Skateboarding. >> Yeah. >> Skateboarding. >> Yeah. >> It fits. >> Skateball. >> Not part of our game. >> Bowling. >> It's independent. >> Bowling and small bowling. >> Okay. >> Sport climbing stayed. >> It's kind of fun to watch. >> Yeah. >> Street hockey. >> Yeah. >> Restfield hockey. >> Makes sense. >> Table tennis. >> Yeah. >> That confused. >> Let me just say carefully. Triathlon is in there. Tagowar volleyball stays as a good sport. Well, yeah. Beach volleyball. Have you seen it? I have obvious. Wall ball. Whiffle ball. And wrestling. >> So there you go. There are the Bacon Celia Summer Olympics. Would you watch listener? >> Yeah. >> Would you watch these events? And what events would you have picked? Playground games or other things? Would you like to see become Olympic events? Let us know on Facebook. Let us know on Twitter. Let us know on Instagram. We love hearing from you. It's how we know you're hearing us. And before we go, we'd like to give some love to our patrons. Those to help keep the lights on here in the Bacon Cave. Including the I am listener here, which has Taylor Sanderson. Some guy. Stern, Madam Hicks. Shannon West. Scott, bottom bottom sprig. Ryan and Marley. Rocky and Steph. Lady Terri A. Finley. Jennifer Guchowski. Kayce Cummings. Angela Plots. And Adam and Rachel Crump. And then we have our Bacon Council, which includes the other Brit, Johnny English. The one, the only Chris Anderson. Stephen, everyone's favorite Ross. Star Wars expert, Kyler. Our favorite couple, the Mansons. Nicole D. Kale. Harelle, Hynis, Jessica Terri. Glo, Clint Daniel. Debbie Foster. And Beaker. >> Thank you, Patrons. >> Thank you, Patrons. You are the triath to our lawn. >> Yeah. >> That's a terrible pun, but I enjoy it still. But if you want to find me, you can find me @76jole on Twitter. You can find me at Performing with Quick Quit. So you can find me at the Midville Performing Arts Center and the studio at the Parker Theatre. For more details, go to qw.com or go to the Quick Quit's Facebook page. You can find me on Twitter and Instagram @Kenny3DD. You can read my movie reviews at showtimeshowdown.com. If you'd like to connect with me, you can do so on Twitter and Instagram @tumblingmustered. But more importantly, make sure you're following Bacon Sale. Please like that Facebook page and then go to @baconsale on Twitter and Instagram. After you've done that, go to tpublic.com/baconsale, where you can get yourself some merch. And then if you like what's going on here and want to support us further, visit patreon.com/baconsale, where you can get all sorts of behind-the-scenes stuff. We had a lot for our Elvis episode. That was kind of fun. And we also have those bacon bits, which happen almost all the time, except for when we're rushed for time, then they still happen for some reason. I don't know. >> Yeah. >> Why? >> Sure. >> patreon.com/baconsale. >> So until next time, thank you for listening to this episode of Bacon Sale, which was sponsored by Loose Bowling Alley in Tavern. [MUSIC] You know who else loved the episode? Who dat? Your mom? >> Oh, Bacon Sale, yeah. Oh, Bacon Sale, yeah. >> Oh, Bacon Sale, yeah. >> Oh, Bacon Sale, yeah. >> Hey, it's our country. We can have a mirror if we want. We can have a mirror if we want to. That's our other theme song. It's really aerodynamic. It's not for me. The BYOS, and I have been hand-making little saddles for all the dogs in town. We're getting rid of horses. I never made it to the end of the game. I couldn't spell. I say that someone who has gotten a number of tickets. Yeah, she's a cutie, and I love mini golf. This isn't a Lumix. >> Is that true? >> I don't know. >> Am I right? >> Am I right? It's like a Ragnar race, but with guns. >> Poor Bulgaria is like no one picked me. >> That's for a dumbbell. >> Yeah, exactly. And don't call me that. >> There's no fun with how the risk of death. There's no cheating in water. >> Zach, breathe, please. >> No. >> Welcome to our ool. Notice there's no pee in it. Let's keep it that way. >> Red Rover. >> Red Rover. >> Hold on. >> Send your way right over. >> The reign of breaking has gone too far. >> By the sacred name of Dominic Mochianu. How dare you? >> Who are we, Ogden? [laughs] [BLANK_AUDIO]