MCC Podcasts
Love - Respect
This morning I've entitled the message Profound respect as the catalyst for profound love the The street message title though is orita was right Do you remember do you know and Aretha Franklin is known most prominently for I would argue for her song Respect, you know remember that song Otis Redding actually wrote Did you know that and Otis Redding actually recorded it first I think in 65 then Aretha covered it Otis Redding's sister played piano on Aretha Franklin's cover of the Otis Redding song So that song was originally written actually from a man's perspective not a woman's perspective But we love that song that song called respect and you can all sing it, right? Everybody knows The mother of souls most dominant song effect stand up for a second humor me Don't leave me hanging we have no musical backup on this But you know the song right got the lyrics of the song put them on up put them up, you know Aretha's song She was right what you want come on, right? Baby, I got it. Yeah, what you need You know, I got it All I'm asking is for a little reason and what goes on in the background sakatami sakatami sakatami sakatami sakatami sak Uh-huh when I come right Do not even give yourselves applause for that terrible weekend She would be embarrassed by that When I get home, I just want a little respect all right go ahead and sit down You all understand right these are videoed and then they're put up on The website and you really left me hanging right by the neck right there And all my friends in the covenant that watch our messages will look at that one and say yes art how white you are you are very very very very white But Aretha was right in this sense And and the message of a night's tale in that scene. It's right in this sense There is a connection between love and respect between being loved by someone and Being deeply respected by them There's a connection between those two concepts And sometimes we undervalue the correlation between the intensity of romantic love and the likelihood that it will grow And the level of respect we have for loves intended objects We undervalue that connection sometimes Let me let me illustrate I have a confession sometimes My wife doesn't realize this when she comes to the second gathering. This will be the first time she hears this I sometimes sneak over to meringue general hospital where she works And take the elevator up to the fourth floor where the moms and babies unit is And walk over and push that button to open up and there's this long hallway Down there and the nurse's station is about halfway or more down. I sometimes sneak to meringue general park go upstairs Go to the fourth floor open the doors Don't go in and tell her i'm there and just look down the hallway and watch her And I watch her going from room to room and carrying babies and going crazy and And when I do that, I've done that a couple times I feel feel strong love And I catch myself thinking things like Now that woman and I We've been through some stuff together I wake up. I've told you this before she knows this I wake up just so I can prove that i'm not the only one who snores, but I wake up I Do I wake up sometimes I don't sleep that well. She sleeps well And I just put my head on my elbow and I look at her And I think we've been through some battles together you've been faithful to me You're you're an amazing person. I think these thoughts and I feel this strong strong Romantic love connected with the deep respect. You know what that is? It's love based on respect for someone whose character warrants it A respect that draws an intensified love Out of me or at least gives birth to it or is catalytic for it. That's me being in love and staying in love and in fact growing in Romantic love with someone who had the inner strength to lose for me when that's what was called for To do her worse for me To lay her own need for recognition and the establishment or celebration of her victories Aside when she saw that's what I needed And I tell you straight I'll never recover From the depth of passion romantic passion I feel in response to the level of respect I have for that person There's a correlation. I don't fully understand it. I don't even begin to understand it between the idea of character and respect for a person and the experience of romantic love especially In a marriage now don't get me wrong. I still think my wife is pretty At that almost 58 years old. I think she's beautiful The depth of my love for her however is based not on her physical beauty although I think it's substantial But on the fact that she has stood faithfully next to me in so many battles over the last 35 years Listen now sometimes even when we were battling each other What I've seen That person Stand up to stand up for stand up against Has made my heart swell because of what's in her I love her I realized because I respect her And I respect her because of what I discovered To be housed inside of her I This is one of the little Grecoisms that the part of the lecture that we gave or I gave to our kids as they were growing up Especially my daughter, but not only my daughter. I said to her before she was married I don't know what people fall in love with people People fall in love For all sorts of reasons. I don't know what you fall in love with but I do know what people stay in love with They stay in love with character So I would always tell Becca whatever you do marry character. She did by the way. She married tremendous character And she married a character, but that's for another time I have profound respect for my wife. Aretha was right And therefore I have profound Chilling the cheeks lose my breath can't stand to be a part love for my wife There's a connection between the way we love someone and our level of respect For that person. Does that make sense to you? Whether you've experienced it or not. Does it make intellectual logical sense If you're surprised by that shouldn't be because the bible implies that same connection all over the place Love is often As we read scriptural references Often attached to the character of a person or the respect that we have because of that character that we've seen Romantic love or love in generals often connected those two concepts Are actually inseparable in scripture Let's look at just a couple of examples And that's really all I hope to do this morning to make that point to invite you to consider that in your own marital relationship And then see how scripture So dominantly presents it Let's look first at first krentians 13 because here's the first Argument i'm going to make for that connection the bible's love chapter That's first krentians 13. It's called the love chapter casually Is also the bible's character chapter Love and character love and respect are connected Every mark of love presented in this chapter and we're going to stand and read it together in just a second Is a character trait that makes a person worthy of respect And love i'm going to list them, but first let's read the chapter Would you stand together for the reading of god's word? First krentians 13 want to read the whole chapter It says if I speak in human or angelic tongues, but do not have love. I am only a resounding gong or a clanging symbol In other words if I present the best intellectual argument in the world But there's no love in me or it doesn't sound like love. It's a clanging symbol If I have the gift of prophecy and confound them all mysteries and all knowledge and if I have faith that can move mountains But do not have love. I am nothing If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast but do not have love I gain Nothing and then listen to these traits because the bible's love chapter is also the bible's character chapter Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It's not proud. It does not dishonor others It's not self-seeking. It's not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects always trust always hopes always perseveres Love never fails Where there are prophecies they will cease where there are tongues they will be stilled Where there's knowledge it will pass away We know in part we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes What is in part disappears When I was a child, I talked like a child. I thought like a child reasoned like a child when I became a man I put the ways of childhood behind me for now. We see only a reflection is in a mirror then When that which is complete comes we shall see face to face Now I know in part Then I shall know fully Even as I am fully known and now these three remain faith hope and love but the greatest of these is love They got at his blessing to his Holy word his fully inspired message to us. Go ahead and be seated The bible's love chapter is also its character chapter. There is a correlation between respect for a person and love for a person even romantic love for a person even marital love for a person All of these traits of love are really marks of excellent character, aren't they? I mean stop me when you hear something that wouldn't promote respect in a spouse or a potential spouse as I work through again These traits that are identified are attached to love patience Kindness Contentment does not envy Emotional security does not have to boast has nothing to prove Humility or is not proud A sense of benevolent compassion Does not dishonor others does not seek its own promote itself by putting down others There's this confident sense of benevolent compassion toward others Generosity in every way financial and otherwise Not easily angered in other words calm under pressure stable Committed to mercy the text says love is forgiving. It keeps no record of wrong Mercy Pure-hearted text says that love hates evil. It's grieved by evil prefers truth Love and a person who loves is a protector In other words, this is a person who's willing to receive a noble wound For the object of love This is someone who's willing to risk someone who loves character trait trusts And finally someone positive and faithful someone who hopes This is the bible's love chapter And in describing what love looks like it offers a list of traits that invite us into the deepest levels of respect Where we define those traits in a person. Why? Because god understands what Aretha saying There's a connection Between our ability to love in this case a spouse And the level of respect we have for in this case A spouse the bible's love chapter is also its character chapter should be knows the chapter should be no surprise to us Second argument and this will be the final one It comes from the Old Testament the book of Ruth A couple of weeks ago been in katie our pastor to youth And and children overseeing those ministries and his wife katie stood up here and they said Uh, and it was a great message. He said we don't really want a biblical marriage Remember that and that because they said because so many biblical marriage aren't so biblical I mean they're marriages of the bible, but they're not marriages by the bible, you know But there are a couple of marriages in scripture that are profound and healthy and encouraging The the bible's best marriages Although there are many that show uh dysfunction that we don't want to repeat But the second reason we shouldn't be surprised that Character or respect and love are linked in scripture is that the bible's best marriages have respect As their foundation. It's the foundation of their love now. I don't i'm not talking about our respect you there I won't therefore I won't park my car on your side of the garage Our respect your turf or your territory. That's part of it. But I mean i'm talking about there when I look at you And I See our history together. There's something in me that whoa That's attractive to me That's the kind of respect we're talking about and in the bible's best marriages respect is their foundation I want to point to Ruth and boas now. There's a lot going on that's a historically dependent and understanding everything that happens with Ruth and boas, but The story in a nutshell is this Ruth and her mother-in-law Naomi Move to Naomi's homeland Naomi's son has died Ruth commits to following her mother-in-law Naomi taking on her culture Taking on her worship loyalty to her mother-in-law It's almost immeasurable And while she's there and they're struggling in that foreign land two women Unconnected disconnected there's all sort there's instruction from Naomi go and lay in this field do this do that You can glean from the fields. There's a lot going on there that's historically dependent for understanding But the short of it is this Now Ruth catches the eye of her kinsmen boas And they end up getting married falling in love and being married. I have this question What is it that scripture? Presents as that thing About which boas was initially impressed. What did he see? That caused him to say wow It's found in verse 11 of Ruth chapter two She bows down with her face to the ground as she sees Boas Now we're jumping into the middle of the story here, but trust me on it And she asks him in verse 10 of Ruth chapter 2 Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me a foreigner and listen to Boas's response Boas replied I've been told about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband Do you smell characters sneaking up on this story? Do you hear roost our boas starting to say heard about who you really are inside What you were willing to lay aside And i'm impressed I heard about how you left your father and mother and your homeland And came to live with the people you did not know before May the lord repay you for what you have done May you be richly rewarded by the lord the god of israel under whose wings you have come to take refuge i'm arguing that Ruth no doubt was a beautiful woman, but what boas fell in love with was her character the catalyst for his love certainly had something to do with family obligations and the in the family connection they had But what really what really drove him was that he saw a woman he respected and he lost his breath The best marriages in scripture have respect As their foundation there's a connection between our level of respect And our ability or our level of love Which begs all sorts of questions for our marriages for our future marriages Even for our single relationships The bible's love chapter Is also the bible's character chapter isn't that interesting There aren't very many super healthy marital relationships in scripture that you would want to emulate from start to finish there are pieces but But in one of those that you would love to emulate Respect is the foundation of the love Just food for thought I asked permission to share this with you and I share it in closing Some of you will be getting updates from kim and from kim daus edwards She had kevin dealing with some hardship in their family right now over the health of one of their children And i'm getting those updates and I was reading the latest one And kim was catching us up on their battle the new battle with juvenile diabetes and one of their sons and uh, some of the challenges they're facing But at the very end of this update in the midst of all this turmoil That no doubt is in their household with the new challenge that they have before them She wrote a brief paragraph that seemed almost out of context About her husband And I asked her if I could share it today. I said I if I promised to do it anonymously Can I share that she said no need to be anonymous we have nothing to hide Listen to this One last nonquoting her letter now one last note to encourage you I have always known I chose a good husband But at times like these I am in all Of the character of the man god brought into my life Kevin is an unbelievable man of god And he strengthens me and his family. I hope you're hearing some of those Things in first grinthians 13 protector He blesses me And so many who have the privilege of being around him Thank you for praying for him And for us we love you and are so filled with gratitude. Do you do you hear what kim is saying there? I'm in love with a knight Who has enough internal strength to sit at the top of his horse And in a public context of strength Purposefully do and purposely do his worst in order to win my heart Kim is saying my spouse is my hero I respect him so much that i'm in awe of him And ever so deeply in love with him My spiritual director father Tom just last week when we were meeting Said Something that stood out to me Said he said this pain and struggle can actually consummate a union And I believe I know why it's because pain and struggle reveal character They don't create character. They reveal character and character attracts respect And respect Is the catalyst for me to her love Do you respect your spouse? Does your spouse Respect the person you are inside if not Maybe some work needs to be done there on the person we are becoming inside And on the inside of the person where God's called us to live with and love Aretha was right folks She was dead on there's a connection between respect And love We're going to give you a chance to just pray about that a little bit Think about that a little bit We like here at Marin Covenant when we gather for worship to have time of reflection sometimes it's silent Sometimes there's some music behind it. This is a chance for you just to say hmm Be quiet And listen to God Listen to God saying you guys really have that right I'm so happy with your marriage because you work on that Or listen to God say let's take a journey together and think through the connection between spousal respect and spousal love Maybe God saying it would be good if there was a little more grace while your spouse Kind of caught up to things or whatever the message might Be for you for your marriage for your future marriage and for your relationships