Addendum to the previous episode
Into the Void
Peaceful Barb
Hello and welcome to another episode of Into the Void. Today is Monday July 22nd. It's 11 18 p.m. I'm your host, Annie Kay. I think I'm gonna start tonight's episode by reading an email that I wrote to some members of my family earlier today and I guess in part I wanted to share it because I have a mixed feelings about having sent it and about about a lot of things I have mixed feelings. So I sent it to some family members, including my mother. Hi everyone. I just thought I'd update you and share some wisdom that's helped me move forward. I love this instagram lady and thinks she and her daughter do such a great job together with advice wisdom. Anyway, I won't restate it for her link below. I feel such a profound sense of loss around not having a family for all intense purposes. But at the same time, I've seen my life grow and expand in such wonderful ways without the family in my life. Fallen in love, it made real friends. My work is exciting and rewarding, if not lucrative, and I've got a beautiful home. That I plan to have for the rest of my life. I'm putting down roots. I'm creating family and community. I've met a lot of people from a lot of different walks of life and a lot of different social circles. It's all interesting and fun, but the most important piece has been learning to love myself and be kind to myself the same way I would another person. Sorry, I lost my place for a moment here. Okay, okay. So that I know on some level that I will always be okay, because I will always have myself and I trust myself. I saw my father in the hospital recently. It was really hard, but I was glad to have gone and done it, if not for him for myself. It was a reassertion of my own values and way of being in the world. I really know I have nothing to be ashamed of and that if abusive treatment provoked big reactions from me, well, those reactions were appropriate in context. I'm a strong loving kind woman who was subjected to a piling on of abuse because she spoke out about abuse in her childhood. Her mother annihilated her social circles and support system with lies and misrepresentation, whose family abandoned her in her hour of need. I'm still here, I'm rebuilding, and I'm so proud of my progress, which is the result of a lot of very determined, dedicated, hard work. I don't wish any of you ill. Just wanted to share my truth with you all. Best Annie. And then I had a link to this Instagram account that my cousin Michelle had recommended to me and I'll just tell you her name is Peaceful Barb, Peaceful Underscore Barb, B-A-R-B. And so the first thing on the particular link that I sent from Peaceful Barb was, I want to start at the beginning here. Let's just say, okay, um, okay, it was three things to remember when you tell someone that they've hurt you. One, you don't need their apology to heal. Often people will say sorry, then repeat the same behavior. Don't wait for someone else to give you permission to move forward in your life. Two, forgiveness doesn't mean you have to let them back into your life. When the pain is deep, make sure that something significant has changed before reconnecting, so you don't experience the same pattern. Don't put yourself back in harm's way. Three, don't waste your emotional energy trying to have someone validate your own feelings. You can't make someone understand or take responsibility for their actions. Often the people who hurt us the most won't admit they've caused harm, so don't allow them and their denial to set you back. So I really love that. And, um, I guess I'm looking at another thing that she posted recently that says here are five reminders for coping with difficult family relationships. One, you're not obligated to have relationships with family members who are not good for your mental health. Two, don't dwell on those who let you down, cherish those who hold you up. Three, no one talks about how exhausting it is moving through your day while grieving, sad, angry, anxious or depressed. It requires a lot of effort. For if you feel certain way around certain people, remember that it's valid to be anxious around somebody who's traumatized you. It's equally valid to be anxious around people who support them after you've spoken up. There is not one person walking this earth that is worth you lying awake at night feeling like you're not good enough. Remember that. So I love that. I just got a bag of popcorn, FYI, a few hair crinkles in the background. So I think I'm going to leave it at that. It's very short and maybe I'll post this as an addendum to the previous video. Um, a lot going on in my head, it's late, it's 1.31 a.m. Um, it's, uh, it's been a long several days. It often is on the weekends and, um, Yes, today's, today's Tuesday already. Look, whoever's out there listening, I'm sending you some love hanging there. Everything's going to be okay. You're going to make it. You have a gift to share with the world and you have something to offer and I love you. Good night. This has been Annie Kay into the void.