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Greenlight.com/drinkinbros. (dramatic music) - Welcome to Drinking Bros, presented by ghostbed.com. Sit back, relax it, grab a fuckin' drink. - You look like original white, like you look pure. - Yeah, I am. - Thank you for saying that. - Almost clear. - It's a nice, it's more like Viking white. - Right. - You're like, I don't know what kind of, like a loose-- - Are you like a Macedonian English British or some shit? - That's your ass, you know. That's my seventh great answer you're welcome here. - Here's Trump's, the Trump campaign's response to a question about the vice presidential debates. You ready? They said, "We don't know who the Democratic nominee "for vice president is going to be, "so we can't lock in a date before the convention." - Shut up. - To be, to do so would be unfair, to Gavin Newsom, J.B. Pritzker, Gretchen Whitmer, or whoever, Colin Harris, Pix is a running mate. That's from Brian Hughes, his senior advisor. - Yeah, fuck it, fuck it. And we're live, kids, welcome to Drinking Bros. Delco, you can leave all that in. We don't get to see the pre-show a lot. We got Ben Bancus on the show today. - What's going on, boys? - Are you the most, no. I was gonna ask if you were the most famous Canadian. - That's probably Ryan Reynolds still, right? - The most hated Canadian, maybe. - Maybe. - Probably one of the most popular stand-ups right now coming out, but definitely not the most famous ever. I mean, the most famous, I mean, Norm McDonald's Canadian. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - I thought you were gonna say Dave Kuye. - Yeah, whoa. - From Full House, bitch. - Duh! - Sir, Canadian, Canadian, I mean, he's the guy. - Or Rick Moranis or anybody. - Russell Peters. - Alanis Moore's set went down on him in a theater. - Yeah, that song's about him. - That's about Dave Kuye. - Yeah, you guys are older than me. I don't know. - Stop not enough. - Do you not know who Dave Kuye is? - Wait, hang on. - Show me a picture. - Do you know Alanis Moore's set? - Yeah. - Pull up a kind of-- - But kind of Dave Kuye, Bob. - Okay. - I just went through this. We had this conversation a few weeks ago. So I took my wife to see her. She was just here at Moody's Center about three weeks ago and we went, a lot of people were like, I don't know who Alanis Moore's set is. And I was like, are you fucking retarded? Like, I couldn't believe it. - Yeah, I am. - I couldn't believe it. - I mean, Canada, there should be statues of her. - This is the biggest Canadian comedian of all time. - No, he's not. - Yes, he is. - No, Jim Carrey is probably the most famous Canadian comedian. - Yeah. - Kuye had the best and only bullwinkle impression that's maybe ever been done. - I don't think either. One of those things are true. - Ooh. - Ooh. - I understand that he did one. I don't know that it was the best or that anybody would even remember that. - Do you think he was wearing this shirt or a Red Wings jersey when he got it's dick sucked in that theater? - Where's that? - Where's he from? - He's from somewhere in Canada, but he always wears a Red Wings jersey on Full House along with loud Hawaiian shirts like this. - So I think he had some say with the wardrobe department. - Oh shit, basically he's not even Canadian. He's from fucking Michigan. - You're kidding. Same place. - What a cocksucker. - The most famous comedian from Canada. - Hey Ben, you got a lot to live up to, friends. You got a lot to live up to. - I wish I was born in Michigan. - Do you really? - I mean, I wish I was, I like Canada, but being born in Canada is like being just being almost American. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Like it's crazy. - Well you can marry Gary. - Yeah. - And get citizenship. - Do you want to be gay? Do you have any gay tendencies yet? - Just for the holidays. - Yeah. - It's Christmas and Easter. - Get June off. - C&E crowd where you're getting your dick sucked by. - Yeah, Canada is, people think it's really gay and it is, but only in the big city. It's just like here, right? As soon as you leave a big city, it's just all dudes who wear exactly what you guys are wearing and-- - Gotcha. So what you're saying is outside the big city, it's J6, in the big city, it's Antifa. And that's kind of what it is. - Our whole thing is the trucker convoy. That was our J6. - It really was. - Except nothing happened. - No, they did beep some horns, which was-- - Nobody got arrested for, like nobody went to jail for like 20 years right now. - But didn't they lose their bank accounts or something? - They had their bank accounts frozen for like a month, I think at the very most. So a few people had their bank accounts frozen, which was the big controversy of it, which was the most fucked up part about it. And it wasn't as bad as people say though. - Okay, but if I got my account frozen for more than a day, I'd burn down the goddamn bank of America. I just, one day would fuck up everyone. - I would burn down my own house probably. - Yeah, I mean, we had a, here's a perfect example of Juneteenth. And no, I'm not kidding when I say this. It's a federal holiday here in American now. - I'm familiar. - Yeah, with the end of slavery, well, this year-- - The blacks. - Yeah, the blacks. - Yeah, so we brought a black day. And we took him to Red Lobster for Juneteenth. - And washed his feet at the table. - Before or after they went bankrupt. - Who? - Red Lobster. - Well, it was a mid-bank romper. - Yeah, I mean, there's still a few locations open. But that day, since the federal holiday fell on a Wednesday, there was one employee that got paid on a Wednesday. And it triggered something in the holiday system and he didn't get paid on time. And he goes, "Hey dude, what the fuck?" And I was like, "Let me look." Man, I was like, "Oh my God, that's right." We're doing this as a federal holiday in the banks and everything else is shut down. So like, no, it didn't go out. It was treated like a Fourth of July or something. - Well, when I say it wasn't that bad, like the bank thing was terrible, all that. But in terms of the reaction from the people, like the truckers themselves and the people who were protesting, they were pretty like, they could have stormed something. They could have stormed the parliament or they could have, but they just did it. - And then they- - Because they're Canadian? - Yeah, I think they're, well, J6 had already happened. And it was, they were worried that they were gonna do that. And I think they didn't wanna do that because they didn't want to prove the left right. - Okay. - They were afraid of that. - Gotcha. And then how does your government work? Why can't you guys get Trudeau out of there? It doesn't really make sense. - Well, nobody knows. He's been there for almost nine years now. - Holy shit. - Yes, it's 2016, right? - And he said that he wants to keep going. I used to make the joke all the time. He wants to be prime minister for life, blah, blah, blah. He does, I mean, just today, the Canadian government spent $9 million on a condo in New York city for, I believe, like our ambassador or something like that. Like we're doing a lot of these very, Canada's doing tons of dictatorship-y moves in terms of that kind of stuff, the luxury stuff. Like Trudeau spent like, I think it was like $240,000 on airplane meals in like a month or something. Like there's a bizarre amount of luxury going on with the Canadian government and they, it's not like here where there's a fear of losing that like Trudeau just acts like he's never gonna lose. And in a lot of ways, he might not because it's not just two parties. There's many parties and one of the other parties that's called the New Democratic Party in Canada acts as just like an extra liberal party. So it's like, imagine having two Democrat parties and then one Republican party. So even if the Republicans quote unquote, win. - It's the same shit that just went down at France. - Basically, yeah. - That's why when people say, oh, we need a third party, I'm like, I don't know that we do. - Yeah, it's all very strange. - No, it's all very strange. - It's not, it doesn't make it more democratic. - It's just a way for them to get around saying it's a dictatorship. They can just go, oh, it's not a dictatorship. It's just that you'll never be able to have your way. - Yeah, well, I mean, it's getting harder and harder for Canada to pretend to not be a dictatorship, frankly, because six, seven years ago, I think, Bill C-16, which is where you can't misgender people. That's what, what's his name? The guy that flutters his fingers all the time and has a weird crackly voice. What's his name? - Mr. Burns. - The professor from Toronto. - Oh, Peterson. - Peterson, yeah. That's how he got famous for challenging that at the University of Toronto, right? Otherwise, he was just putting his lectures on YouTube. Three, 400 views at a time. It was the students looking at him. And all of a sudden, he gets famous for challenging the bill, gets famous while I always start watching. But they criminalized misgendering somebody, right? That's Bill C-16. Now, there's been several more since then on that note, but there's a new one, C-63, which like, this is the worst thing that I think I've ever seen in a Western country, frankly. - It's bad. - I mean, it's really bad. And for a guy like you that's a comedian and you talk shit all the time, because you're a comedian, right? You could, like, I know you've moved to Austin now. It's probably good, 'cause I don't think you could exist. If this passes and it looks like it will, I don't think you could exist there any longer. - I mean, yes and no. I don't know if I'm the specific type of person they're going after who's making jokes and saying, I think my level of truth doesn't pass the threshold, but I could be wrong. But there's a ton of more people that, like, this podcast probably wouldn't be able to-- - No, no, no. We're barely able to function here. - Well, that's why I've got a rifle over here and a handgun right here, right? So I can function however the fuck I want. - Yeah, but as far as them removing us from the air and all that shit, yeah, we're not in control of that at all. - Well, they can't make that joke, right? Like, if I'm doing a show here and like, the audience gets woke or just acts like, whoa, like that's, I'm like, guys, these jokes are illegal in Canada, that's why I came here. - Yeah. - And then I'm like, and then I get here and everybody's like, oh, we were trying to make it illegal too, you know? We're trying to catch up to you guys. - Yeah, we're almost there. - Well, C63, the whole thing is that the government wants to have like basically a board of people that can decide what is and isn't a harmful-- - Hate speech. - Yup. - Harmful material and then they can go over your head and basically talk to YouTube, talk to X, talk to Facebook and say, don't pay this guy. - But they get all, C63 also allows for civil penalties up to $50,000 per incident, I believe. So if you say, I don't like Chinese people or something like that or whatever. I don't know how-- - Here, let me say it. ♪ I don't really ♪ ♪ I don't really ♪ ♪ I don't know ♪ - You do have the best Chinese-- - It's the best. - It's the best. - It's the best. (upbeat music) Boom, that's for you. - That's not just for you, actually, that's always on the board. - Yeah, it's 'cause I used to play violin. - Really? - Well, my dad's a violin teacher, so I was just around fucking Chinese people all the time. - We call them Chinese people. - We call them Chineseers. - Chineseers, they have heard Chineseers so much. - Yeah, meersers, Chinaman, we do, we call them a lot. - Chinaman, I actually like Chinaman. - I generally, or genuinely, like Chinese people. - Yeah, same. - Yeah, there's better or less. - They have tons of Chinese fans, like I have Chinese fans that come to my shows that are like Hong Kong, Chinese and that. ♪ I love what you do ♪ ♪ You need to speak the truth ♪ ♪ 'Cause you're not around to do it ♪ ♪ I'm out of China ♪ ♪ Can you take me like ♪ - I'm a big fan of them. - Why don't you always say that Asians are in superior race? - They are, for sure, I don't think age becomes-- - You can't even do that in China though. You can't, like I couldn't go to China and then just be like, "Oh, hero, I'm so Chinese." Like, they would arrest me, I'm pretty sure. - Oh, yeah. - Really? - Yeah, well, it's getting there in Canada too though, right? 'Cause part of the provision of the bill is if you cross a certain line, like if you were to say, "Get on Twitter," and say, "I hope all whatever group dies," wish death or encourage genocide or something like that, you can be in prison for life under this bill. - Wow. - Yeah. - Fuck, I've been saying that every day. - Yeah, so it's a good thing you're here now. - There's a real goddamn thing you're here. Bob, go to his Twitter page real quick for Ben Bankis. I love this video here on Timcast. Was this in this, where was this here? - What's it, Benio? - That you reposted today on your Twitter feed here, one down from the Neezer video, keep going, boom, that one, play that one. - The fatty? - Yeah, you'd get arrested for this in Canada, right? If you even posted shit like this? - I hope you'd be arrested for looking like that. - Yeah, all right. - Yeah, play this real quick. - Good thing she's got that mask. - Let's create that country. - Exactly. - You guys are out here on the heels of the attempted Trump assassination. Can I get your reaction to what happened the other day? - Well, it's a shame the person missed, but it's ironic that the shooter was also Republican and I am scared about political violence. - Okay, press the false there. All good there, I'm scared about political violence so that I'll have the shooter missed. If you reposted this in Canada, wouldn't that constitute the same thing like how do those rules work? - Well, the thing, the C63 thing is not in law yet, it's still in the writing phase and still got to go through some checks and balances. We do have a Senate, we do have parliament and stuff like that that it's got to go through, so it's very possible that it won't pass, so I don't know what would happen, but you were talking about getting fined $50,000. - Yeah, so the tribunal can assess fines of up to 50,000 and then 20,000 of that will be made payable to people who are complainants, right? So if you turn somebody in, you get 20 grand of the 50. - So they already have, they already have that though, they already have a human rights tribunal in Canada and a comedian has already been tried on his name is Mike Ward, he's a French Canadian and he speaks English as well. He has the biggest French language podcast I believe in the world, like right before COVID, he was selling out arenas in Quebec and I believe in wherever France and Paris and shit and they find him like $30,000. Basically, he called a retarded person retarded or he made fun of a disabled singer. I believe it was a French version of America's Got Talent. - What was the disability just so I can laugh about? - Just like, they were Chinese, no. - Was he on the show, Bob? I feel like he was on the show actually. - I think his co-host on the show. What's the name of his show? - Hang on, I'll open it up. - Yeah, pop it up. But the reason why I wanted to show that-- - Two drink, minimum is the name of the show. - Two drink though. - Yeah, and I think his co-host on the show was on "Jiggy Bros." - Okay, but the reason I bring up that social media clip, if you repost something even, does that constitute it as well? Like, I mean-- - Oh no, he was on the show, yeah, in October of last year. - That's right, dude. - He was making fun of a make a wish person. - Yeah, I do drugs. It's kinda like, you know how drinking and driving's illegal but everybody does it, and then, you know, they only catch like four black dudes. Like it's kinda like that. - Yeah, Bob, it's-- - It's episode 1266, if you're looking for it. - But the people who are actually saying hateful things aren't getting arrested. So, for instance, there's tons of pro-Jihadi people in Canada that say crazy shit every day, that they're like protected 'cause it's like, they basically look at it like, well, that's their culture. - They're just-- - Yeah, but so-- - They just hate-- - They just hate Jews. - They just hate Jews. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's okay. - Oh, let me-- - Are you Jewish? - My dad is. - Oh, gee, you get it, you get it, you get it. - We're pro-Palestine over here. (laughing) - So, if you can grab your shit and get out of it. - I'm actually against both sides. Where's that fucking flag? - Yeah, yeah. - Where's that group? - I want that flag. - I have a joke like that where people, you know, the people who are like with Trump and Biden, they're like, oh, they're both bad options. It's like, oh, that means they're voting Trump. - Yeah, exactly. - People are like, oh, I'm against both. But if I had to choose word of vacation, it would be Tel Aviv over the fucking-- (laughing) - That's the one thing, and I've never even been there and I'm not like super pro, whatever, but I am pro, like, just-- When people fuck with your shit, you kinda gotta blow them up. Like, I don't know. - Same, and I'm also-- - Doesn't mean I think that like, you know, Epstein probably, you know-- - Yeah. - It's like a Mossad and all that stuff. Like, yeah, that's probably true. - But I am pro, nice vacation spots. So like Tel Aviv, let's save that because it actually looks nice and it looks like it's a fun place to go. - They got good food, they got the women are good looking. - Safe Cancun, you know, things like that. - Well, we don't know if the Palestinian women are Ghazan or West Bankian, 'cause Palestine's out of place, but we don't know if they're hot or not, 'cause they're in beekeeper outfits or whatever, right? - That's true, that's true. - Some of them are, I mean, they're-- - You gotta peel it back. - There's attractive people everywhere, but the unattractive part, like if you met a Jewish woman in Israel, like they'd have like a personality and stuff that wouldn't necessarily revolve around, I hate X. - Yeah. - Whereas, unfortunately, a lot of, and you know, you can argue why, but a lot of Palestinians, they just wake up and they're like, well, I hate Israel, I'm gonna do it all day. And then, you know, it just becomes like a-- - That's like coffee in the morning when you get up. - My thing's like why people just should want to be prosperous, you know? And if you have a country or a region or a city where nobody gives a fuck about making their life better and having money and having a nice place, then yeah, it's gonna devolve into just crime and people being stupid. - Yeah, it'll be a shithole. - It'll be like Memphis or something. - Yeah, exactly, no, Chicago. - I'm glad you said not me. Memphis is not on the Chicago list yet. - It's not that bad. - Not yet, no. - Okay. Memphis, just, you know, maybe after 9 p.m., get out of there. - Right. - You don't out of there? - Yeah, you've been to Graceland over there? - No. - It's the one last thing that's, that's the Israel of Memphis. And what, if you lose that, then whites lose everything in that city, so that's it. - But I'm like half, like my mom's white as fuck, like she's like British. I make that joke where I'm like my mom's British and my dad's Ashkenazi Jew, so I'm basically just the fucking, I'm the mandate of Palestine, basically. - Yeah, yeah, you sure are. - But yeah, the whites and the Jews and the thing, you know, we've hated each other. I mean, we've killed each other. It's been a rough history to be honest. - It's kind of like, honestly. - It's like every other, you know. - Yeah. - It's kind of boring at this point. - It is boring. - Like I don't care anymore about any of this stuff and shut the fuck up. - Well, you notice how everybody's stopped talking about it? - Yeah. - I mean, it is invisible right now. I don't, we haven't heard Ukraine, Israel, Palestine, guys, that ain't nothing. - Well, that's because Jason Bourne tried to assassinate the president, you know what I mean? - It's true. I think they just killed all the, I think all the Palestinians are dead now. So that ended everywhere. - Remember that one dude, we haven't talked about it in so long 'cause it's not really, and the news much. Remember that one dude that kept showing up in every bombing? He would be all covered in soot. - Oh, the fat. - The same dude? - Yeah. - The same dude that he would be in the propaganda video the next day? - Yeah. - Like, oh, dude, you're getting blown up a lot. - Dude, jeez. - I mean, they do, they do do shit. They have rubber babies and stuff. I mean, not all of them, some of those babies. But it is a weird culture to, like, just, oh, your kid's dead. Let me just throw it around in front of a camp. Like, it's just a bizarre, like, they know what they're doing. They're like, oh, this is my dead kid. Like, look at it. - Right. - Like, it's like, no, people don't do it. Like, in World War II, people weren't holding up their dead kids for camera shot, like pictures. - I mean, if they were spied, they would be draining all the life force out of them, which is what Hollywood was. - Or they'd sell them to, like, Justin Trudeau or something. - Yeah, drink it. 'Cause you wanna crack it. - Crack it right at the top of the fucking spine. - Yum. (laughing) - Take a shot and then live for-- - Get the adrenochrome out of there. - Exactly. - That's what keeps you young, man. Everybody knows that. - We asked a guy in the show, an Iraqi guy about this, swear to God, I think maybe four or five years ago, and I said, what's the fucking story here? It just doesn't seem like you guys value life the same way. And he goes, no, it's not that. He goes, we're all expected to die like at any seconds. So nobody really cares. Like, if you make it to 30, that's your version of 60 over here. So that's why you see those photos and the things where it's just a different expectation all the way around. Now, Israel's different. They don't have that. But the rest of the Middle East seems to be like that. Where they're like, there's a lot of-- - Well, no, there's a lot of-- - They're making the 30s. - It's like the edge of our empire though. You know, the Western, the American empire, the fringes of every empire throughout of history have just had chaos at the edges, right? Like people, that's just how you keep them out. - But there's also quite a few nice places in the Middle East. - Where? - Bahrain is super nice, Kuwait's super nice. - Dubai, baby? - Basically, Dubai. - Oh yeah. - I've never been. - Jordan, all the places that like or have relations with Israel are decent. - If they don't serve booze, I'm kind of out. Like I just automatically shout out-- - I mean, really, that's just Iran, Iraq, and Saudi Arabia at this point. - Even the Saudi's there. - Yeah, Saudi's there. - Yeah, they got one store, right? - Yeah. - They're like, funny. - We're trying to get her. - Give a shit now. - Yeah. - There were restaurants where you could get stuff in Saudi Arabia maybe as a foreigner, but yeah. At any rate. - Yeah. - But I don't even like Utah for that reason. That's fucking dog shit. Have you been there, Bob? - No. - Dude, if you want another drink, they'll ask you. Will you finish with this one? 'Cause you're gonna only have one on the table. - Yeah, you're gonna have one on the table. - They have those governors on top of all the, like it pours out exactly one ounce of booze. Like, come on, man. I know this is a bar rescue. Give me a fucking shot. - That's why there's so many drug addicts there, is because they can't drink. - Fentanyl, yeah. It's bad. - There's not enough fentanyl in Texas, I feel like. Like, the homeless people are too awake. - Yeah. - Like, I'm used to Canadian homeless, they're asleep, they're on the side of the, yeah, they're really lumped over. - Doing the Oxy Shuffle. - Here, they're walking around barefoot, like fucking, like they're on Adderall or something. - I think it's the heat. - Which could be good. Like, I have this theory that because Texas is doing the thing where they're making it illegal to sleep outside. So, and then they don't have safe injection sites. Like, they do in New York or California or all of Canada. And I think that's good. And I notice, and I don't know if, like, I'll see homeless people and then I'll never see them again. And it's like, either that guy's dead or he got his shit together. And I feel like that's, I mean, that's probably the only way to solve homelessness. - I think so. - You either have to get your shit together or you're gonna die. - Yeah, 100%. - Whereas if the government's just like, no, you can sleep in this room and do heroin here. And, you know, we'll give you a bit of money. And what, like, it's just crazy. It's like, it's enabling. - Like, if you've ever watched those, what is it, those addiction shows? - Oh yeah. - You know what I mean? - Yeah, what's that one? - I love them, dude. - Whatever it's called. - I hired the director for the move. - Intervention. - Intervention. - Intervention for money. - Intervention for money. - But what's the yellow one? - And they have those, like, parents give the drug addict money and they're just like, I can't stop. I want, you know, that's what the government's doing in these liberal areas with the homeless population. They're just allowing it and they're, in some ways, they're enticing them to be like, yeah, just be homeless. We'll give you drugs. We'll give you, boy. - Here's what I think we should do. We should give them a Rubik's Cube. And when you complete it, the drugs come out. - Yeah. - No, no, no, no. Here's what we do. You take, you do create a partner program, right? You find adults with Munchhausen by proxy and you pair them up with a hobo. - So Gypsy Rose with a hobo? - Well, she was Gypsy Rose's mom with a hobo. - Okay, great hobo. - Right, so she gets to take care of a person who's constantly doing horrible and she gets to be a mom forever. And then the drug addict just gets to fucking go bananas. - Well, here's my question. How do I make money off of this? - We got to video it. So with intervention. - 'Cause otherwise I'm not in. If I'm making money off of it, if I'm exploiting human tragedy, then I'm in. - Yeah, so it's dance moms, but with homeless people. - Right. - So it's honey boo boo with homeless people. - Yeah, and look, we have a whole series on TLC, right? And then like maybe we cross over with like 90 day fiancee. Those Munchhausen moms are now trying to find love as their drug addict son fucks everything up for them. I mean, it's just endless. - I mean, that's just a not funny version of Step Brothers, isn't it? But it's the show intervention. - Why do we not have a reality show where we help homeless people? - Oh, we have one. It was called bump fights. You don't remember? - No, oh yeah. - Bump fights are the best. - But we need like a biggest loser, but for. - Oh, I've said this, there's, here's two ideas I've had. One is like a competition to get off the streets and it's televised, right? - Like American Ninja Warrior. - Yeah, American Ninja Warrior, but for bums. And if you win, you're fucking good, bud. And the other one is I want to do a show where I'm the HOA president of a homeless encampment. - Yeah. - Right, so I'm setting rules. Like your tent's got to be the soil. Hey, you haven't cut the grass outside of your tent. Jerry, you fucking cunt. - But it is funny how people get rich, like Mr. Beast, and then they'll build a whole village where a bunch of houses in Africa. And it's like, look how, like what I did. And then, but like, what about the homeless, like if people didn't want to be homeless, like if people, like the homeless people want to be homeless, I'm pretty sure. - Yeah, I think that's the case. - They don't sit around going, fuck, how do I figure this out? - I don't know that they're like, set it out. Like, you know what? I'm going to be homeless and do drugs in this street. I think that whatever they're doing on the street means more to them than trying to fucking get out of that situation. - Obviously it does. - They just don't see things correctly, which is like what I was talking about before where. - For humans to be happy, I think they have to want to be prosperous. You can't just- - Purpose matters. - You can't just be like, I'm this, and I'm always going to be this, and I'm never going to get better, and I'm never going to get thinner, or better shape, or smarter, or richer. I'm just going to, I'm good here. - That's why Chinese people are better than everybody else. - Yeah. - Because they are narrowly focused on success, not just as an individual, but as a cultural unit. They're hyper focused on success. - Yeah, they copy the Jews. - And there's no homelessness over there. They don't allow it. - They don't allow it. If you're homeless there, I actually asked a Chinese person this in Toronto. I was like, oh, you're from China. What do you think of all the homeless people everywhere? And she was like, - Actually, it's nice to see in China. They just pick them up and take them to the camp. - Yup. - And then they have a job. - Right. - And then they got to work and it- - Why the job? - If you're not getting paid, how does that work? Like if somebody- - For your room and board. - If somebody- - Yeah, it's like prison. - If somebody stops by once a month and fucking takes the sleepy people's organs, is that still considered a job technically? I don't know how that works. - I'm not sure, but back to your Mr. Beast point. - I hear incentives and not want to be homeless. - Sure. Hey, look, dude. I mean, you know- - Not that I think it's right. - You could run faster with a lion behind you, I would imagine. - You sure could. And back to your Mr. Beast point, like I think the reason why he does it in like Africa and shit like that, I don't think Americans really give a shit about homeless people, but they do care about Africa where they're like, oh man, if I see a small black baby, I feel really bad. - Is that like- - If I see a dirty fucking Mexican run in the streets with a missing eye? - Yeah. - I don't really feel bad like that. - Is it nimby? Is it not in my backyard? Is that what that is? - Yeah, that's exactly what it is. - Because he does this stuff sometimes and people are like, hey, you know, it would be cool if you did that in the neighborhood that like you grew up in or something. Although I do think he's done shit in his own neighborhood. - He's done a ton of a ton of shit. - But I mean like Raleigh is nearby. They've got a really bad homeless problem as well. You could drive 25 minutes down the road and solve that on your own, theoretically. - I don't think it's, I don't think people want to see that. I don't, is my kids watch Mr. Beast? I watch Mr. Beast. Every new video comes out, I got to watch it. I don't want to see that. - Well, he probably doesn't need to televise it. It's not a non-profit, he could just do it, you know. - He could do it, but I want to televise too. I don't want to see that. I want to see small black babies. - I mean, in democratic cities they do, yeah. Like they just drive around with those photos. - No, they don't actually vote. They just have their names on voter rolls of 30 years ago and they vote for them. - It drops off in a box. - Do you remember when CNN accidentally showed a lady putting like 40 fucking ballots into a drop box? - Yeah. - And notice like, oh, all right. See you later. - That's voting, you know. Dominion voting systems made in Toronto, Canada. Are they really? Congratulations. - You guys are responsible for that. - Congratulations, it's a beautiful thing. That's how, you know, you're like, how come Trudeau is still in there? - Yeah. - We've been outsourced. - I'm not saying it, but. - We've been outsourced to our voting machines to Canada is what you're saying? - We're not even making our own meth anymore. We're getting from Mexico. - That's true. - Is that true? - Yeah, there's no Walter White. That's not even a guy. - Fuck. - Yeah, we're getting our fucking, our meth is Mexican. That's why it smells like that. - That's why Breaking Bad did so well. We felt better that it was a white guy doing it. - Yeah, that's, to me, that's the inverse of Wakanda. I think the idea of Wakanda is so insulting, right? Like, there isn't a functional government in all of Africa, not even a functional government, right? - Yep. - But somehow. - Well, there was, and then, I mean. - Well, yeah, in South Africa, yeah. There was, there currently isn't a functional government in anywhere in Africa, right? And. - There are, there are like weird little countries, like I was actually, I went down this rabbit hole. There are like weird little countries that exist there. - Mozambique is okay, right? - It's the other one. - It's the other one. Indonesia, there's some Molliland, or Lolliland, or some shit. - Swaziland, probably. - Swaziland, yeah. - Lollipop world, big fan of that, wherever the fuck that is. - Well, the Chinese are straightening it out, because the Chinese are basically, they own Africa. - They own Africa. - They're doing reverse slavery, where instead of, like, they're bringing the work to the, like, yeah. America was like, oh, you guys would be great, but get on the boat, we need you over here, whereas China's like, oh, you guys are a great way you are. Just build a highway right here. (both laughing) Otherwise, we use reverse. - Well, I think China learned the lesson that we did and the lesson is-- - And they whip them at shit. - It's Liberia, the country Liberia, right? So, slaves got freed, and they're like, you know what, we're going back to Africa, fuck you. So, they went back to Africa, and then slaved all the Liberians. - Ben, you got a podcast, you know how this works. We got some sponsors that keep this shit wagging on the air. First and foremost, go to spade.com/drinkin' bros. Come on, dude. Twice to say it. Are you gonna make me say it today? I don't wanna say it. Ah, fuck it, I'll say it. 50% off everything in the entire store, all right? Half off. They don't care. We don't know if Joe Biden's alive for Christ's sakes, all right? It's all I have off right now. Ah, why? Why? 'Cause I'm inflation. Fucking sucks out there, the economy sucks. Ghostbed's trying to throw you a bone. We all want a brand new bedroom set in life, all of us do. 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Save 30% off your first subscription owner and receive a free six pack of ketoneIQ with ketone.com/drinkingbros. - Isn't Liberia the American colony, like the American? - No, it was started by, it was started by - Freet slaves. - Freet slaves and they went there and then they enslaved all the people that live there. - How do they think they're gonna have a good country when the country name just sounds like a disease? - You gotta change it, switch it up. - I like it. - I agree. - Where you live. - But I like Sierra. - But I like Sierra Leone. I like Sierra Leone. That's a good name. - That's a good name. - That's even worse in Liberia. - I have hope for Chad. - Yeah, I did too. - If we put a dude named Chad in charge of it, like Giga Chad was in charge of the country Chad, then it would turn around pretty quickly. - And then you made the country white, yeah. - Well, if you're white and you go to Africa, they treat you well. - Oh yeah, 'cause they want your money. - They want your money, but they don't want you to die for something, like if you're white and you walk through a really black neighborhood in America, it's probably less safe than walking through just like an African village. - Unless you're in South Africa right now. - Because they're crazy. - They're crazy. - But they don't like to be white there. - There's so much of a retaliatory shit. Yeah, but more or less the rest of Africa, you're probably right about that. Bad PR. - Really? - Nigeria, Kenya. - It's not, I mean, it's bad, but-- - And even you, do not go on this side of it. - But it's more like terrorism stuff now that it is like-- - It's just robbery. - White people, yeah, yeah. - It's just like, give me your iPhone away, pull out your eyeball. That's pretty much what it is. But even you, you're gonna have to rebrand with a stubble and shit. Like, you look like if the attempted assassination guy grew up and you're gonna have to shape, yeah. Have you seen him? - Wow. - It's, you're what I picture, if he made it to 35, you're what I picture, you might have to rebrand. I'm just saying. - I don't see, what do you mean like go blackface? What are you talking about by rebrand? - I would shave your head, maybe go skin head. - Yellow face, yeah. - You didn't get in trouble once we were dressing up. That's actually how you got popular, right? Is dressing up like the mayor of Toronto? - I did put on a wig and sunglasses into a Chinese accent, make fun of the mayor of Toronto, Olivia Chow, and there was a Korean woman on TikTok with a million followers who basically played my video with her sitting in front of it. And she didn't realize how unintentionally hilarious that was. It was just me behind her going, "I'm a tiny poodle, roo roo." And she was like, "This isn't comedy, you have to quit." And then. - Is that video still on the internet? - Yeah, can we find it? - I would die to see this video. - Her name is like Sugia, like U-S-O-G-I-A. - Now, do you have a Rob Ford impersonation? - Yeah, just smoke crack and have a heart attack. What do you mean? - Yeah, do you do a Rob Ford impersonation? - I mean, I can do a Jamaican accent. - Look how it's here. - Well, you never saw Rob Ford's Jamaican thing where he was just drunk on crack and he's like, "Yo, I'm on your bull my crack, your bull my rock's crack." - I didn't see that. We can pull up all these videos today 'cause I wanna dive into it here. All right, let's see this one first. ♪ Her eyes pop up up up ♪ ♪ Leave me alone, they got five months for me ♪ ♪ And try to tell me no way ♪ - Oh, is he talking to Jamaican people? - He's hiding here? - My hiding here, oh we don't know. - Fuck God. - How much money does it cost him? ♪ I said, bro, just cut something ♪ ♪ No, no money money money ♪ - It's the world's job, bro. - This is a fucking shit. - This is a Trump and Hunter Biden. - I swear to God, man, honestly not? - It's the goal, man. Rob Ford's walk. - Seriously shit, man. - His brother's still on the wall. He's a murderer. - We don't have any guys that can do work. - Yeah, he's a freak man. - Yeah, he's a beast. - He's a beast. - No, no, no, no. - Our first guy was a straight up guy, you know? - I always got him go before him. - I know, I know. - We're so good. - I mean, they got their start selling when you're doing high school. - We're not doing that. - Them fuck. - This is amazing, by the way. - Holy shit. - One of the craziest things about Doug Ford, who's his brother, is he owns a company called Deco Labels, or he threw his relative owns it, and they were the company that printed all the COVID signs on the ground, and. - Oh, the six foot signs? - Yeah, all that stuff. - Wow. - It's weird how that works. - And they went rich then. - Oh yeah, he went from being worth like whatever, a couple million to like 30 million over COVID. - Jesus Christ. - Same with almost every politics. - I mean, look again, I'll bring this back. If you can't profit off human misery, what's the point of you being in power? - Agreed, agreed. What happened to Rob Ford, by the way? - Heart attack, dead death. - Oh, he had cancer. - Oh shit. - Yeah. - AIDS. - Yeah, it's even more sad than is it? - It was pretty sad when he went. He was just hammered on crack until like cancer just took him out. - Well, if you had terminal cancer. - I would smell crack too. - Why not mean Gary does it and he's just a piece of shit. - And I think I found the video. - Gary, give me a water. - Can I get a water? - Yeah, yeah, you can't get a water. Just the way you said it was pretty fucking slave-onery. - So naturally out of curiosity, I go to check it out. This is what I see. This guy, who's fancy some kind of comedian, doing this bit, making fun of, you know, the mayor of Toronto, you know, Olivia Chow, which is fine, political humor, whatever. Judging from her last name and what he's dressed up like, I kind of already know where this is gonna go. And I was exactly right. - Thank you guys. - Carole, it's me, Olivia Chow, and I am a mayor of Toronto. I appointed Mayor of Toronto for some pro-baging groups. - So not being Canadian myself, I don't know a ton about Canadian politics, and I know nothing of Olivia Chow. So I go, you know, to check her out and see, you know, if she's anything like this. And this is what she actually sounds like. - I have a violence. It's harder to see, but just as deadly. - I feel like it's exactly the same. - I can't tell the difference between the two of you, to be honest. - A woman or a girl is killed by the partner here in Canada. - So that's what she sounds like. And this is how you portray her. And I get it, you're doing comedy. It's just such the corny, like obvious, lazy, low-hanging fruit kind of joke. It just, it just makes me think maybe comedy isn't for you. I don't know if that's the right career path for you. You know? And I'm not basing this off of just this one little bit. - Just a side note. I just feel like all people who sound like that should be put in concentration. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Not race-based, just like, yeah. - No, just like the, like, you know, that Destiny guy that was on. - Oh yeah. He should really. - Just that tone of voice where it's like, I don't think you should actually do this for, it's like, I think you should be behind bars. - Yeah. - For just sounding like that. - Yeah. - Does this woman know what you've become now? - Let's reach out to her. Where is she? What's her name again? - Yeah, what's her name? - Where does she live? - Like we could get her on the show and be like, hey, you made him happen here. This was all, I mean, do you think? - She posted more than one video about it, I believe. - Ah, she's doing okay. - Yeah, what do you got? Like two million views. - Two million followers. - Two million followers, which is great. - She's just some dumb cunt. - Yeah, you just described social media. - That's so good. - Everyone who's famous on it. - Everybody. - Yeah. - Yeah, including us. I mean, we're all fucking lost. - Does she have an OnlyFans at all? - Yeah. - You don't see that only Asians on OnlyFans, which is interesting because it's a real big fetish. - Great feet too. - Nah, there's plenty of OnlyFans. - Oh, OnlyFans. - It's O-N-R-Y fans. - They keep misspelling it so they can't log in. - ABG fans. - You get most of the Asian feet on boundpound.com. - God damn it. - Oh shit, I didn't know that bound season. You know we're gonna get rated at some point and all this is gonna get fucking taken. - That's fine. - On boundpound, is it to make the foot smaller? - Well, their feet are bound and you're pounding. - Oh, got you. - Now, do you come on their actual feeders and on the binding on the outside of the foot? - Well, I mean, it's a website. So you can do it on the screen if you want. It's just the amount of cleanup you feel like doing it. - Why do it on the screen and I take a picture and post it. - If you were in person, Bob, what would you do? - Yeah, you on the feet. - Yeah, okay. - Yeah, but on the feet are on the binding. - Oh, well, I guess it just depends on the day. - Yeah. - What I'm feeling. - I'm sure sometimes you feel like a nut. - Unsitting. - Sometimes you don't. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. - Somebody famous said that. - I think George Washington Carver. - I think that was Jesus. - Oh, wasn't it? - Actually, yeah. - Yeah, big fan. - Yeah. - Of Jesus or the phrase. - I know. - Jesus. - He did it right. - He did some good things. - He wasn't a great carpenter. - What's his follower? - It's fine. - People on both sides. - Three billion. - He's got a huge TikTok following. - Five million, yeah. - He's got a huge TikTok following. - Have you seen his TikTok following? Is there a Jesus account? - Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah. - Oh, no, they took that down. - Off it up. - Didn't they take that AI Jesus down? - I didn't think they took AI Jesus down. - They took AI Jesus down. - There was AI Jesus. And it was like talking to people and giving them spiritual advice and shit. - It was awesome. But it was Jesus, man. But it was different forms of Jesus. So it was like, some look like Kevin Sorbo. Others look like kind of Daniel de Lewis. - If Jesus was around now, he would be like one of these guys with a cat profile picture with like 20 followers. - Are you saying Jesus low T? - Yeah, no, he wouldn't have wanted to be like. - Famous? - Do you think he would have wanted to like have 500 million TikTok followers in just every day being like, yo, what's up, guys? This guy did a bad Chinese accent, we gotta do. Like, I just feel like he wouldn't want to put himself out there. - But once you get a taste of it, like if he saw Joel Osteen, do you know what pissed off he would be? Then he would want to do his own thing like that. I think it branch out. - Maybe, yo, like to make the money. - Well, he was Jewish, so he'd probably try to profit off it. - Yeah, is the AI Jesus still up on TikTok, then? - I'm having trouble finding it. - Oh fuck. - TikTok, Google is not, TikTok has a bad search function on its own platform, and then Google is not good at finding TikTok. - But when that happened, when that Asian woman posted that, her followers emailed like every venue that I was going to be performing at and tried to get them all canceled, half of them did cancel, and then, you know, we sold out a different venue. - So it didn't really fuck me. - Okay, here's TikTok Jesus. - Oh, here we go. God, he's still there. - Let's see, oh. - This is a jar of like. - Understand that the rush to achieve our dreams can blind us to the fact that everything must occur. - Why does it sound like a fucking prince to Chaka? - Yeah, I don't like that. I need a white male voice. - And remember that patience is essential to achieve all that you desire. - That's definitely a black man's voice. - Your victory is on its way, amen. - Amen, dude. - I don't like that. - Oh, man. - Here's a sexier one. - There we go. - This is the Jesus I like. - Jesus, God, it will work out. If it's his will, it will happen. If it aligns with the divine purpose, it will flow naturally. Rest your mind and heart. For if it's from God, it will reach your hands without obstacles or delays. And when that moment comes, embraced with faith and gratitude, the miracle he has prepared for you. Therefore, trust in the Lord, even when the winds seem contrary, and the circumstance is challenging. Remember that God's plans are perfect and infallible. - They should just push out of them. - Yeah, she's never failed. - She's never failed. - All that fucking murder. - Play this set of goddamn Ohio State game, dude. Are you not juiced off, I'd be? They threw that on the scoreboard, dude. And they were walking out of the tunnel to that. That's the fucking Jesus I want, dude. White, deep voice, blue eyes, tan. Because let's face it, all of us, all of us white people want a nice tan, a nice little bronzer on us. That makes me run through a fucking wall. That's my Jesus. The other one sucks dick. - Jesus was probably less than the end. He was not, he was white, he had blonde hair. He had blonde hair, or he had some highlights, and he had blue eyes, so, okay? - Right, yeah, I love that. It'd be sick if he was, just the one blonde-haired blue-eyed dude and like, Tel Aviv and like. - There's always one. Everybody's met the one black guy with clear blue eyes, and you're like, "Oh shit, you pull pussy." - That's an Aborigine. - Is it? He's had blue eyes. - They pop up from time to time. - Maybe he was an albino. - You not know. - Albino, Jesus. - This is like some weird fucking-- - Can we search albino, Jesus? - Yeah, can you look that up? 'Cause I would wonder what it would look like. I would wonder what Jesus would do today. - Whoa, Bob, that first picture top left. Why do they give him that hairline? I don't like that, Jesus. - That's a classic. - You have seen that one. - Pop it up. Pop it up on screen, let the people judge. - Just a picture of a guy stocking shelves at H.E.V. - Come on, man. - Jesus was 33. He wasn't going bald that quickly. - You don't know that he didn't have a big forehead though, right? - I guess. I mean, I have a big forehead, but I'm not Jesus. - If Jesus was doing this whole sermon-- - That kinda looks like the shooter. - A little bit. Yeah, more than he does, for sure. - No. - I'm still offended by that. - But I do have a shooter at the glasses. - You've got a shooter vibe to you. - Really? - A little bit of wine, yeah. - Pull up the guy who shot John Lennon. - He put-- - Pull up Mark David Chapman. - Oh, yeah, Hank Lee was Reagan. - Pull up Mark David Chapman, and then we'll get to Hank Lee in a moment. Fuck. - What? It's not that far off if you just shaved a little bit. You know? - It's got different glasses? - Hank, this guy's got like a fucking weird peg note. - It's just 'cause I'm fat. - It's not that dude. - If I lost 100 pounds, I would not look like that. - It's not, but if you lost 100-- - If you lost 100, you would have like a shooter from this weekend. - Maybe. - Yeah. - And it's the Tony of your voice a little bit. It's real laid down. - It's a hangover. It's the hungover. Hung, hangover. - You're a fucking killer. Like you're gonna murder one day. - If you wanna murder somebody, we could make it work. You're an American. - Give me your gun. - No, I'm not doing that. - Who would you murder in this room first? - He has met us today. You know Gary, but you just met himself. - Yeah, yeah. This is like a game of fuckberry kill, but it's only murder. (laughing) - And you choose to end your life in there? - Yeah, I don't think I would kill somebody. Maybe it-- - Really? - No. - And Canadians do like suicide, the maid. - They're depressed. - But I don't think-- - I'm having a bad day. Do you guys have any pills for that? Like, I don't have any pills, but I've got a chamber you can step into and you'll die. - No. - It's like, sign me up. - That chamber looks really nice, but it's more like-- - They look pretty good. - I think I need sunglasses to be on a show like this, 'cause I do look too retarded to-- - No, you're good. I'm just saying it looks like a little Mark David Chapman. All right, now pull up the guy who shot Reagan. Bob, real quick. And that's just do it. - Are they all just fat with glasses? - Well, dude, we'll let you judge and see for yourself. The younger version, please. Bob, not the one who's out playing concert venues. - Oh, is he a musician now? - He is, yes. - Wow. - He is a musician. - Oh, this is Hinkley. - Yup. - Pop him up on screen, there we go. - They actually-- - Who doesn't like-- - Who doesn't like, bro? - He doesn't look like either of these guys, but Hinkley and Chapman look really similar. I never even thought about that before. - It's kind of, you've got that look, man. - I'm sorry, Ben. - No, I appreciate it. - I've met you, but I love you. But you do kind of look like you'll shoot a killer. - Yeah, you'll shoot a president somewhere, fuck you know? Like, if your picture showed up and it was Trudeau or something like that, I'd be like, "Ah, yeah, he was on the show." - Well, at least you know that about yourself now, so you can get all your affairs in order, right? - Yeah. - 'Cause you don't want to like, you want to delete your browser history, for sure. - Yes. - 'Cause who knows what's on there? - Yeah. - And then run up credit card debt that you're never gonna pay. - Yup. - And then fuck over anybody that you really want to, but you have it because you don't want to run into them later. - Mm-hmm. - You know what I mean? - Just go ahead and fucking ruin that. Burn that bridge to the goddamn ground. - Yeah. - So now you know, it can be liberating, I think. - It can be. And there's a difference between a murder of like, people like the president or like an OJ. - Yeah, you can just go strangle people too, right? - Yeah, I think it's just the evil Jew side of me. - Oh. - Are you Jewish? - Yeah, we've, that was-- - My dad is, yeah. - 40 minutes ago. - Yeah, but are you declaring that or do you practice and doing it? - You don't even get clearing it. - It's not like bankruptcy. - No, it's kind of like when you enter-- - Do you sell out all your forms? - Yeah, like when you enter customs. It's like, do you have fruit, animals, anything to declare? And it's like, yeah, I'm half Jewish. Then people go, oh, get 'em out of here. Fuck it, you know? - Yeah. - I don't think that's how I do it. - But do you celebrate any of the shit? You got any Dratals? - I have a Dratal. - You good with money? - And-- - I like money. - I understand that. - Are you good with it? - Not great. - So, what's your problem with money? - I like spending it. - Yeah, I know, but like-- - Wait, what do you buy drugs, cars, prostitutes? - I bought a car after I started selling out some theaters in Canada. - What kind of car? - Mustang, GT, oh boy, man, that is-- - Do you bring it down here? - Yeah, that's some American shit right there. - At least you still got it. That's something that privates in the army here in the U.S. do. - But I don't spend, like, I spend most of my money on just living-- - Stupid boys, family. - You married with kids? - I have a kid, yeah. - Oh, you do? You're not married? - Yeah. - No, we're engaged. - Oh, congratulations. - Oh, congratulations. - When you're gonna get married? - I don't know, I probably never. - Don't do it. - It's expensive. - Ask Gary, man, I mean, he never gets to see his kid, so is it worth it? - Yeah. - Does she live here, she up in Toronto? - She's here right now, like, she goes back and forth. - Yeah. - It's kind of like painting, yeah. - 'Cause if I go on tour, she doesn't really have friends and stuff here in family, so she lives. - And you don't bring her on tour with you? - I would, in Canada, sometimes I do. Just be, you know, if it's a driving distance and stuff. - And if you ever play on an immigrating here, you gotta be careful about the dates too. If you overstay and stuff, you can get barred for a certain amount of time, it's just a-- - No shit, yeah. - Like, I'm allowed to do whatever, I think, with my visa, I can't back and forth, but yeah, she can only stay six months unless we get married and that she can stay. - Yeah. - It's weird. - Yeah. - It is, yeah. - But if you were, like, fucking Latin America or Africa or something, you'd just walk right in. Nobody cares. Same with your country, actually. - The funny thing about that is, everybody thinks it's so easy to immigrate to the US, but once they get here, it's like, try going and getting a cell phone plan or, like, a bank account. And they're just like, "I need to get the bank," like, they're just like, "Yo, get the fuck outta here, bro." - Yeah. - Like, it was hard for me, like, I had to show all this paperwork and that and, you know, what, sit numbers or whatever you guys call it, the Social Security numbers and all that shit. Like, it's not, people act like it's like, you just show up and start collecting money from the guys. Canada's way easier. Like, our immigrants show up on an airplane. They don't fucking jump over a fence. They just show up at the airport. They're like, "Hello, can I get the house and the money, what are you?" - It used to actually be really difficult in Canada. - Yeah. - 15, 20 years ago, like, you had to get a sponsor and the sponsor had to sign a piece of paper and said that they were financially responsible for you for 10 years, which means that the incoming immigrant was not eligible, if things went wrong, you're not eligible for government assistance or any of that stuff for 10 years. You had to sign. - Well, now it's like, what I-- - They actually would, like, take money off of, like, they were like, "This is how much you just cost us to immigrate here and you owe us this amount of money." - No shit, so every paycheck. - I mean, it sounds like a good job to do it, but yeah. Like, they would just, you had to pay back the government. - Where did he immigrate from? - Lithuania. - Oh, nice. - Yeah. I mean, you got a bunch of weird shit in your past, man. - Yeah. - You're lucky to be alive right now. - Yeah. - Or you're lucky, you haven't killed somebody, you know? I mean, let's face it, you're headed there. You're definitely headed there. Now, with Austin, did you move here because of the comedy scene? - Yeah. Are you at the mothership? I've done some spots there. I pretty much performed at all the spots in Creek. I get on here and there at mothership, but I'm not like a regular yet. That's kind of what I'm working towards, yeah. - Gosh, yeah, 'cause everybody's moving here. I heard Roseanne just moved here. - Yeah, she's doing her podcast. - Is that true? I think she lives like two hours away. - Oh, from here? - Yeah. - I didn't know that. - Gosh, she lives like a little nowhere. - Yeah. - I mean, a lot of people. Pella's here now. He'll be here Friday, yeah. - Brent's here is on Friday. Roseanne made so much money in other arenas. - Shane Gillis lives here, Matt Newhusker. I think even like Matt Reif has a place here now. Tim Dillon. - You big Matt Reif fan? - I mean, I don't hate him. - Okay. - But I'm not, like a, you know, I'd follow a shit. - There's a lot of comedians that have a strong feeling about him one way or another. - Yeah, I think it's good for comedy because he exposed like all the dumb 20 year old girls that wouldn't even know what stand up was now do. So like if you're like, oh, I do stand up. They're like, oh, that's like Matt Reif, you know? So they, now they're, there's like an interest to young people for stand up, I think, from Matt. And I think that's a good thing. - Gotcha. I think he's funny, like he's just not super fucking edgy. - I mean, he doesn't write good jokes or anything, but his crowd work is really good. He's funny, he's quick. - It's entertainment. - Yeah, it's like, isn't he doing a Netflix special where it's all crowd work? - He is, yeah. So he sent out for one that's all crowd work for an hour and then one that's an actual stand up special for an hour. - That's, I mean, I don't know that I could do that. It's a lot of stamina, like intellectual stamina. It's just to be sharp for a full hour like that and go back and forth with people that would irritate the shit out of me. - It would be hard for me to talk in a black accent like that for an hour, like he does. - How long could you do it? - I could do it for 15 minutes and I give out. He can do it for hours though. - Bob, can you set a timer for 15 minutes? - Hey, man. - No, that's my standard black man's accent right there. So for, I'm good for 15, then it's gonna be hard on my voice at that point. - I think he sounds it. - He's talented guy, he's, you know, he's good looking. He's thin. - Yeah. - That's, that's my goal. I need to be thin, I think, now. - What are you doing to achieve that goal? - I just like eating less and working out. - What kind of, what kind of working out are you doing? - It's like regular working out, I don't know, like rowing and funk and running and-- - Is there a big rowing community? - Running's not great, rowing is really good. - Is there a big rowing community in awesome? - I mean, I do it for like 10 minutes. - I mean, if you're gonna do something like that-- - And then I'll do like the elliptical for like 30 or 20. - Elliptical is pointless. Like do Tabata, look that up, T-A-B-A-T-A. - Yeah, I don't like that, it's too hard. - It is, it's Asian too, so-- - That's this thing, right? - No, no, no, Tabata's like a hit training base of like high intensity. - Yeah. - Very quick, it's like 15 minutes, maybe. - I'm probably gonna die fat. - Have you ever had your testosterone levels checked? - No. - You should look into that. - Yeah, you think that's why I'm retarded? - That's probably part of it, I would say. I mean, most western men, particularly North America, because of microplastics and toxic exposure to chemicals and things like that. How old are you? - 32. - By the age of like 27, you see a precipitous drop into testosterone, like really bad. - Wow. - And it's pretty much across the board. So the average, I don't know about Canada per se, but in the United States, the average 21 year old today has the same level testosterone that the 65 year old had 20 years ago. And it's a big problem. Like, no matter how-- - And what's the solution you have to like shoot up? - You can take TRT, but you could also take supplements like those-- - But then you become like psychotic. - Go do those epic, dude. You can be Matt Rife in like two months, if you want to. - This epic is gonna eat your internal levels. - I feel like that'll make me a little die. - Yeah, you'll die. - You're gonna die anyways, Ben, let's face it, dude. - Yeah, I got it. - I've known you for an hour and I can tell. - I can tell. - No, you almost died two years ago, what are you talking about? - I'm sure it was gonna come up for 11 days, what's done? - Yeah? - Before Jimmy. - Yeah. - I know, before Jimmy Carter. - Oh, Jimmy Carter's gonna outlast everybody. - So Jimmy, by the way, Jimmy's down to like 70 days until it's 100th birthday. We're almost there. - Wait, how about-- - Why were you in a car? - We were in a car boat. - pneumonia and then I got COVID on top of it and then actually just signed up with a new doctor and they were going through the charts and looking for everything. Trying to keep on the up and up. - So you think it was like a rare form of bacteria? - Yeah, yes, COVID is real. - Absolutely, it didn't come from a bat market or anything. What was it, a wet soup? - Wet market, yeah. Didn't come from any of that. - No, it came from a Chinese man. - Wait, you almost died from COVID? - No, no, pneumonia. - Well, pneumonia and then I got COVID on top of it, so yeah. I mean, that combo almost nuked me out. - It's pretty soft. - Isn't it? I would've been a shitty way to go out. I think about it all the time. - Yeah, I would not picture you with the kind of a-- - Fuck no, Rambo, I exactly-- - COVID in the last group. - No, I was great, you're thinking Rambo on your mind and so is I, where I'm just like, no, and I'm fucking people up. - Right. - And then boom, I get hit with a weird shot, not COVID or pneumonia or something like that. But yeah, and I appreciate that. - Yeah. - I think it's how you see your friends die is very important. - I feel like you guys are really misunderstanding one another. - I don't think so. - Yeah, I do, 'cause you think that he's gonna go out and murder people, he's Canadian. They don't do that. - No, it's not that. I think he views me as a powerful person who is gonna die murdering people or saving a village or children or things like that. - See, he's wearing my sunglasses now, so you can't see his eyes, but I know for a fact just by looking at his eyes from my angle that he doesn't believe what you just said. - I think that he's gone blind within the first hour of the show. - Well, no, he's just hung over because he and a guy that a lot of people know got black fuck out last night. - Who was? - What happened sometimes? - Who wasn't a Force Whitaker? - Yeah, that's Force Whitaker. - It's the head of Hamas. - Yeah. - Oh, that guy. - Yeah, he came over from Qatar. - Sure did. - On an American jet, probably, 'cause we fund the whole thing. (laughing) - But he's snuck in it, he'll pass. - Yeah. - Right with that, that opening is down there. Just to do it. - No, I think it's a Canadian thing that, like, we're a bit quieter. Like, we're quieter people than Americans. - But then how do you explain Jim Carrey? - I mean, he's cookey and weird. That's not really-- - Yeah, he's the exception. Like, he's not the, if somebody said, pick out the average Canadian, I don't-- - Dave Coyote. - I think he would pick Dave Coyote, who's not even Canadian, by the way. But Northern Michigan is basically Canada, come on. - But it's like, kind of being, it's like, everybody's a little more retarded there. - In Canada? - What do you think it is? - The weather. - I think it is. - Is your brain fucked up for the cold or what? - It's just a laid back place. Like, people aren't, there's not as much of a fight for a tent. Like, there's no possibility. Nobody grows up in Canada going, I'm gonna be somebody. - You're a house cat. - For the majority of people. Like, I mean, I did and wanted to go to the States and stuff, and a lot of people do, but, you know, if you're just gonna have a normal life in Canada, you're not, like, super. - That, what he's just said is the Midwest, by the way. - Yeah, yeah. - With the Midwest, you're just like, you settle and you're like, "Hey, dude, that's what it is." Let me find somebody else, as long as we can go to the football games together, eat and have cheese soup, be a cheese soup or good. - Like, if you're in Austin, Texas, doing comedy, like, any night, there could be somebody really cool, or at the show, and they could change your life. They could come in and make things different for you. Whereas, in Canada, that's, you know, in Canada, the comedy scene, the way it works, is everybody's vying for working for the state-run comedy. - CDC? - Like, they run, that's the top of the line, what you could do comedy for money. - Wait, what is it? - Yeah, what is that? - CBC comedy and CTV comedy, they have TV shows that you could write for, they have something called This Hour's 22 Minutes, which is like their version of, like, a shitty S.L. But it used to be S.E.T.V. right back in the day. - S.E.T.V. was good. - But that doesn't, that doesn't really exist anymore. - No. - But that kind of became, like, all those guys became famous. - Yeah. - They just kind of. - Went to America. - Yeah. - Rick Moran has actually got punched in the face in short in New York. - R.P., is he dead? - No, he's not dead. He just got punched in the face, no. - How's Herschel doing? - What about-- - What did you guys think of the shooter, though? Which one? - Like, the most recent one. - Totally kidding. (laughing) - I think he looks like an older version of you, obviously, and no, I'm kidding. I don't know. Interestingly enough, before you got here, we did a show with a friend of ours in the Secret Service and it's odd that we only have, like, two pictures of the guys, so I don't know. Like, I can't really tell. The high school photo that they show, to me, is always bullshit where it's like, dude, you change a lot from 17, 18 up until 20 years old. So, like, show me a good, sweet photo. We just haven't seen one yet. - Of him. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I mean, we see as the little kid one. Yeah, show that, that's it. Bob, that black and white one. - That's one of them, and then there's the one with the fucking side profile. - Can we put that beside my face? - Yeah, please take off those sunglasses, though. - I don't think it looks the same. - We don't look the same at all. - Well, hang on, blow it up, Bob. Holy shit, that looks like a younger version of you. Yeah, that's your high school yearbook photo. - I'm not seeing it. - Look, let's go back and forth from Ben to this guy. - I'm not gonna lie, holy shit. I fucking retarded for saying that. - You have the same glasses, dude. - This guy's like, has an underbite, has acne, and a massive chin. - But he was 17 years old when this photo was taken. - Yeah, he died 20, bro. That's three years. - A lot happens in three years, okay? - I mean, yeah, you had a coma, and then you... - Yes. We have a seltzer company that's in 2,500 stores. You guys have the same glasses, though. - Yeah, they are the same glasses. - Similar hair, and if you add 10 years. - I think it's just the glasses, bro. - The hair's really not at all similar, though. - Yeah, no. - If he wet it and combed it over. - This is just Elizabeth Warren. - It does look like Elizabeth. Have you seen that side by side? - Did somebody done that? - Put that on Twitter, or go on Twitter and find that body out. - It's actually really good. - It looks like she looks, the nose is the same. That's what's given people problems. - Delica, I'll give you credit for that. Are you the one that came up with that? - No, I saw it on Twitter. - Oh, I didn't see that. - There it is, yeah. - But it's just similar vibes. - Holy shit, right. - The nose especially looks the same, but the eyes are the same. - Definitely be I need new glasses. This is a big issue. - Yeah, I'd probably look into that. - You've got some serial killer glasses. - Yeah, I mean, imagine how people felt after Hitler. It's like, oh, I can't wear this swastika anymore. - I know. - Yeah, we're the mustache, probably more, so. - Yeah. - In the Marine Corps, a lot of people wear that mustache. - Chaplin had to get picked. He was probably pissed. - Yeah, Charlie Chaplin was, but Hitler stole his whole look. - Sure did. But he was a fan. - He looks like a happy kid in that picture. - Chaplin was a fucking gypsy Jew, wasn't he? I believe, I think he was Jewish. - Jordan brought it back though. - Yeah, Jordan brought it back for a little bit. - For the Haines commercials. - Yeah, and then the Marine Corps, they wear a Hitler's dash from time to time. - Why? - What's the significance of it? - Yeah, the regs say you can't have hair outside of the corner of your mouth. - Okay. - Like you can't extend beyond the corner of their mouth. So like, okay, cool, you wanna play fucking stupid games? Girl wanna Hitler mustache, fuck you. - That's real fun. - Because technically, there's nothing against the rules about it. You know what I mean, and Marines are assholes. - I love that. - Speaking of assholes, I don't know what to think about this shooter 'cause the information is sparse and what an information we have is very odd. I think it's very odd that a 20-year-old walked for a mile from Home Depot to the best place to shoot a person from in that area, walked right up to it, put a ladder up on the side of the building climb up there. - Sounds like something a Mexican would do. - Yeah. - Yeah, I mean, they usually just use it. - Our mic with the ladder from Home Depot? - Yep, in this heap, fuck yeah dude. - They're the best at it. - They're the best in the business. - Then he like kind of sloppily crawls onto the roof, not very well, kind of on board. - Did you see that he had a detonator? - A detonator range finder. - Yep, yeah. - All sorts of stuff. - And he had a Roku remote, which is interesting. And then the-- - And a flush light as well. - Wasn't there a shorting of Donald Trump's social media stock? - Yes. Yeah, we talked about that earlier. - Yeah, so that's not good. - It's not great. - Now for the last two weeks actually, it's the same thing that happened before 9/11 and COVID in America. - Right. - So that's always something to look into, I suppose. - It's nice to know that, at least they have a plan for us, you know? - Isn't it? - Gods plan. - Yeah, just like-- - Sometimes you think they forgot about us and then they're like, "No, no, no, we're working on it." - Yeah, just like us. - They're just like us. - They sure are. - Celebrity stars, they're just like us. - Wheelchair, Jimmy, God's plan, Drake. Nobody knows what race he is. I don't believe that he's black and Jewish. I don't believe it. I think he might be Arab, I don't know. - And then we got this future president killer right there. - Man. - Thank you. - Yeah. Where are you at tonight? - I'm gonna be... I have a bunch of comedy shows coming up. - Oh, I think this goes out Tuesday, actually. - Oh, you're right. - So what's next to you? - So you can check me out Ben Bancus2, B-A-N-K-A-S on Instagram, benbancus.com for all tickets. I'm gonna be in Nashville. I'm gonna be in Connecticut. I'm gonna be in New York City. I'm gonna be in Chicago. I'm gonna be in San Diego, Irvine, California, Oxnard. - Your mom's draws? - Yeah, pretty much everywhere, plus a bunch of Canadian dates too. So if you're in the States, you wanna check out my tour schedule, benbancus.com. And I have my own podcast, The Bancus Show. You can check that out. I just, you know, I just talk about how much I look like a school shooter the whole time. - And rape. - And rape, yeah. - Well, I mean, I'll say this. There's not enough rape podcasts. - It's a niche. - Here's the only one I'm familiar with. We brush up against rape from time to time, but it's not like a central theme of the show. - No, and it's like the foot fetish that Bob has. That's definitely on Pornhub. You can type in rape. - You guys look like you gave up rape a while ago. - I'm getting older, you know, and my joints. It's just like, I jumped out of planes for a long time. - You guys have family, right? - Sure don't, I don't. - I got three kids, so I stopped raping a long time. I have three dogs. - So he's still raping. - Well, not the dogs. - Not the dogs, obviously, but you know, whoever comes in human contact with him, Ben, you could be on that list. - I'll tell you what, I would rape a guy to establish dominance or to exact revenge on him, yeah. - Yes. - 100%. - If Dan was wronged, he rapes. Were you in the Marines? - I was in the 82nd Airborne in the Army. - Wow. - Nice. - What, you two? - No, he worked in all of the guards. - Yeah, four towards the Italy served all of the guards. - Yeah, so I served four towards the Italy and dishonorably discharged, had an incident with rape. No, it was Alfredo. Don't really care to get into it, but thanks for asking. - Alfredo. - Yeah, dumped it on a customer. - Oh shit. - Yeah, it was hot. - And you don't get disability payments now. - Have you seen the movie Waiting? And when I went into the VA, they didn't see me. They wouldn't see me, which is weird. - Well, they don't know how to handle manicotti shells stuck underneath your toenails. - They're there for years. - Have I seen waiting? - Yes. - Yeah, I feel like, yeah. Is that what you did when you worked there? - Identical. - Did you almost identical? - Add cocaine to it, and that's pretty much how I am. - It's cocaine and showin' your balls. - That movie couldn't have been more accurate if a waiter himself didn't write it. - You do, yeah, you give me, like, I'm gonna spit in your face. - Oh, I've done worse. - I've done worse. And not at all regarding, by the way. I love you guys, I didn't do that, but there was one person in particular where I inserted my entire dick and ball sack. And I hadn't showered at that point in 36 hours into a glass of milk, about a 12-ounce glass of milk, and I dunked it in there for a full 30 seconds, and I had the other guy time it. And then I watched, he drank the entire thing. - Well, first of all, who orders 20 ounces of milk at a fucking restaurant in the first place? - Is that why you did it? - Just 'cause he ordered that? - I did not like that. - I did not like the person. - I like to drink milk, but I'm not ordering my giant glasses. - I knew him previously, and I did not like this person. - What was the race? - The rudest seven-year-old you've ever met in your life. - Yeah, I wouldn't do that. He was grown. He was grown. - Like how grown? - 22, I think. - Yeah, 22-year-old ordering a glass of milk. - I fucking know his name right now. - Say it. - Fucking coward. - Well, yeah, so what the fuck's that? There's no nothing that can happen. - Statute limitations would be well up on that, yeah. - Steve Larkin, fuck you, dude. I did that, all right, you were an asshole. - And what did Steve Larkin do to you? - Haze me in a fucking fraternity, and I just wasn't having it, man. - So this is a Columbus, and you were working at a restaurant. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And he came and a grown man that's in a fraternity in college at Ohio State ordered milk. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I don't understand. This is weirder than the shooter. - No, it's a big college thing. Like, it's weird. - Did he rip you? - Yeah, you got it right. - I wish. - For sure, you could see it in his eyes. - I wish. Hey, guys. - Look at him avert his gaze. - I am a big fan, and I take it very seriously, okay? It would have been a him, too. I would have been all over the goddamn news. - Fan of what, right? - Well, a dude on dude, like, you know, if it's gonna happen, like, obviously, I wanna be him, too. And then I wanna be able to-- - Is that where you did the most gay shit in your life for fraternities? - No. - Not even worse. - Like, after? - Yeah. - Which, where'd you do gay or shit? Fraternity or Olive Garden? - Olive Garden was pretty on the up and up, so it's mixed. Like, there was men, women, all that of shit. Fraternities is all kind of dudes. - Hollywood. - Hollywood, for sure. - Hollywood, and it's not even close. 'Cause I actually got invited to, like, gay parties and shit, so I got to see dudes fucking out in the open in front of me where I was just like, "Oh, shit." - Don't ask how we got that role for the new guy. - I know, I wish. The thing is, man, if I would have been gay, do you know how fucking famous I'd be here? None of this would exist. - It's not gay, you're okay. - I'd be fucking Captain America right now, you know? I just couldn't do it. - This is your lack of commitment-- - I know. - Commitment. - Will power. - I know. - Commitment. I didn't shit your pants on the first show. - Yep. - You wouldn't suck dicks to get in fucking, like, I don't know, no country for old man or something. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Like, yeah. - I mean, look at Kamala Harris. She hasn't accomplished anything in their entire life except for swallowing common. She's the vice president of United States. - Right, and my wife and I have this conversation, dead serious story, by the way, 'cause my wife is an actress. My wife and I have this conversation all the time of, like, if, like, Weinstein. If there was a Weinstein who had said, "Hey, I'm gonna need you to suck my dick to be Iron Man." I'm sucking his dick, right? The other movies, teen movies are bullshit. Like, who cares, right? That's not gonna change your life. But Iron Man changes your life where you're like, "All right, cool." Even my wife has said reverse it. For her, she was like, "Yeah, dude, "if you're gonna guarantee me an Oscar, "I would've gone up to the fucking hotel room." - Also, Dan, you're very wrong. - You're very wrong. - Why? - Kamala Harris was very good at her job. - I mean, she was good at putting and keeping black in the jail. - That's what I'm saying. - Yeah, she was good at that. - Did she not do her job then? - Well, no, that's not the job. - She got a pretty high conviction, right? - She did, hey, and by the way, Delco, that also got her the VP role, 'cause you don't even know who that is if she doesn't have all those bodies on her record, so you're right. - You're absolutely right, but-- - That is kind of like how Republicans, everybody says old Republicans don't like gay people, right? But until they find out that the gay guy voted for Trump, and then they're like, "You know what? "I'll suck your dick right now." - Well, apparently the RNC is like just popping off right now with Grindr. - Is it really? - It's like Grindr's Super Bowl. - Grindr's founder said that the RNC is their Super Bowl, and then George Santos quote tweeted that and said, "And you call me an asshole when I say that." - I missed that wheelchair kid getting his dick sucked. Who was that? - He's a cop, huh? - No, he can't get his dick sucked. - He's at the RNC right now. - Yeah, he only eats pussy. - No, remember, didn't he put his hand on the, on somebody's, like, Adam put it on his cocks? - I mean, he was like wrestling with some dude. - I went on a date with some girl that hung out with him, like in a Republican party or whatever, and he only eats pussy. - He can only do it. He can't, nothing can happen. - But I thought he was sucking dicks. - Oh, well, maybe, I don't know, but he-- - Well, does he feel, does he feel himself getting butt fucked by a dude? - I don't think so. - If he's in a wheelchair? - I think he's bagged up. - You think he's got a sea bag? - Yeah. - Ooh. - Is that a fetish? - Yes. - Let's say that bag explodes. Then you're in a scat porn, shit all over the bed. - If you can check-- - Wheelchairs tipped over, and he's just getting pumped. - If you can think of it. - Just move my dick, if it didn't work, down there, I'd be like, can we just put it here or something? - Oh, pop it up a little bit? - Yeah. - Or just do a trans dick coming out of here. - On top, stabs and feeling? - Yeah, and connect it through the asshole in the ball sack. - Yeah. But if this dude, if this fucking presidential shooter right here said, hey, I have the power to put you in the next Iron Man, will you suck my dick after the show? The answer's yes. - I don't know that I want to spend all that time inside that suit, to be honest. - That's true, it is hot. Let's shoot it in the winter, I guess. - I think we should remake Gone with the Wind, but make it more racist. - Oh, that'd be great. - Yeah. - That'd be great. You could make everything more racist that would be better. - So we're doing it the wrong way. Disney's fucked up. Instead of making things more culturally acceptable, you should make them worse and worse as time goes on. - Yes. - I feel like we're regressing as a society. - Driving Miss Daisy? - Yeah. - If she was worse to Morgan Freeman, and she just started calling him the N word all the time, she was like, oh Miss Daisy, oh Miss Daisy. - It appears part of a colostomy bag fetish is, you basically remove the bag and then you put your wiener in the hole where the bag goes. - Yeah. - Oh, round of applause for that, I'm all in. Way to go American. - Maybe even play the angel music for that. - Yeah. - What hits something Delco? - What role do I get on that exactly, right? - Do I get to host the prices right or something after that? 'Cause they make a lot of money. - Great job too. And it's Drew's telling the time of his fucking book. - They're all having fun. They come up on stage. - They're fat. - They're fat. - Yeah. - Where the fuck is that? - They're in a sweatshirt. - There we go. - Can you imagine this is your walk out music every day? Four shows a day, you're doing this every day. - Isaiah, call the roan. Come on down. - How can you be in a bad manner, just gonna cruise in now? - Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Why is everything on a board racing? - We either have to score at one home. - I'm morning TV or like a morning radio show. - You're welcome, that's where we're headed. - Yeah. - That's where we're headed, that's where podcasts are headed. - We're headed friends. - Ah, that's exhausting. - What's up bro? - It was the opposite of a pleasure of having you. I'm kidding. 'Cause I know you're gonna kill and I have to say that legally because later on down the road, they're gonna pull this episode. - Right. - Oh yeah. - It was on that one podcast. That was the point in the show we get to the drink of bro of the week which is someone who has inspired you or helps you become the person you are today. Who'd you like to give the drink of bro of the week to? - Dave Boulier. - Yeah. - Thomas Matthew Crooks. - No Canadian. - Thomas Matthew Crooks. Like somebody who actually helped me or? - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, sure, yeah. - I'd have to say, so in Canada, the biggest comedy club chain is Yuck Yucks. And the guy who runs it, Mark Breslin, basically always he believed in me. And he's won orders of Canada for freedom of speech and stuff like that. And you know, he's the first guy to give me a good check for doing stand up and give me my first door deals and stuff like that. So I mean, if you ever are in Canada and you want to go to a comedy show, Yuck Yucks, that's, it's like our, you know, we don't have the improv or funny bone. We just have Yuck Yucks, so. - Shout out to him. - Awesome fucking, what's up? Is that an asshole? - That's a Colostomy bag hole. - Yeah. - It looks like it might be a little bit prolapsed. - Yes, it's often prolapsed, but you can kind of push it back in with your wiener head. - Ross, I need you to go ahead and make eye contact with the screen, sir. - I'm getting out of here, Dave. - My favorite part of this picture is if you look closely enough, you can see that a dog hair has got you. - No, no, no, no, no. Go to iTunes, rate the show five, starting to leave a quick review. Also, head on over to Spotify. It's just a five star, and you can walk away the same way I'm walking away from this fucking monitor right now. You're sick, Bob, and you need to be fucking committed, dude. - For Danth and Danth and Hollaway, I'm Ross Patterson. This is the Drinking Bros podcast. Good night, everyone. (rock music) (rock music) (rock music) (rock music) (rock music) (rock music) (upbeat music)
