LIVIN OUR CRAZY LIFE

A TALK ON CHILDHOOD, FAMILY TRAUMA & HOW TO MOVE FOWARDS

This week we talk about how childhood can sometimes suck, everyone’s dealt a different hand and you’re lucky if you get a good one… We touch on how to accept your family situation and move forwards with your own life & how to heal your inner child.

Duration:: 20m
Broadcast on:: 17 Jul 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

Hey guys, welcome back to live on our crazy life podcast. I'm Olivia. I'm Megan and today we're gonna talk about childhood. I know some of you can probably relate to having a not so good childhood, maybe you felt like your parents were absent or maybe they went through a divorce or you felt neglected or just not loved and we're gonna touch a little bit about on that today and how we are getting through it and going through it and maybe you came from a loving home and you just want to listen and So let's get into it. Okay, so I'm just gonna tell a little bit of my story and then She's gonna do the same. We're gonna go into it. So I grew up with two parents that were together and a brother two years older than me we were raised in a house everything was normal until they until they got divorced when I turned about seven or eight I think and We weren't told anything about it. It was just they started sleeping in separate rules and then they had They got another apartment so that they could switch who was living with us and then eventually there was a frisail sign in the front lawn and we moved houses so They didn't really tell us anything about that and so we were kind of just thrown into a whole new life that we didn't we weren't We didn't have time to prepare for the rug of every single thing that I knew in my life was pulled out from under me and so I was I Don't know very confused as a kid and none of that really affected me until a little bit later in life They stayed single for about a year maybe two and then they started seeing new people I Was definitely not okay with that at the time. I think when you're a Child of divorce you always sort of think that they'll get back together or something. That's not the case Well, it could be the case, but it's most of the time not the case, but it's you being a kid So I was not accepting. I would do I would do the whole parent trap thing Try and get the girlfriend or boyfriends leave that never worked. They're actually still both in my life now my parents partners at the time and I do have come to terms with it by now, but Basically, most of my childhood was spent running away from home. My brother and I would pack nothing and go sleep on the streets in protests of the divorce and then being with new people It was definitely a mess the first couple times the police are called and it's a big deal and you know You get the attention that you wanted when you were a kid and then after that it just becomes regular and no one really bats an eye My entire childhood and now I feel I have no relationship with my parents anymore either of them I guess I was neglected a lot as a child, but looking back, you know, it's they had their own life stuff going on and it's Selfish of me. It's actually not selfish of me to have wanted their attention I was a child that they birthed and I think when you birth a child you are responsible of taking care of them, but at the end of the day, I never You know got what I deserved as a child and I still don't and that's why I don't have a relationship with them now My mom had me at a very young age She was 22 and I have an older sister become from the same father and she's five years older than me My father was never in my life like ever so he he chose drugs, which is that's what he wanted it's okay my mom she's not the right age to be a mom and Like she's 22 at 22 like you have like she was out of a grocery store working and So my grandparents really raised us for a while So I look up to my grandparents a lot as a mom and a father figure and That's who I attached to I guess my mom didn't really like that After she got a divorce with my father she immediately found someone new that lived in Canada So we moved five hours away and she just ripped us from our grandparents and moved us here and That was I guess I didn't know at the time But like as I got older older and like I kept Revitating back to my grandparents. It's just like who I wanted to be with who I wanted to see They used to drive here just for the day like just to come see us and then go back home And like I would cry in the shower because I didn't want to I didn't want to say goodbye to them I would go there for the summers to stay when I got older and my When my step guy came into my life. I was like four You would think that we would have a relationship because he's been in my life for so long, but it was never a Relationship ever maybe that's because they had two of their own kids like they had kids together and so I maybe he just never looked at To me as like his own daughter So it was more of just a respect type of thing I used to hate him like when I was younger and then all the way into like high school through high school But like just like the past two years. I've learned to like just accept what this what my life is and like My whole life like my mom was just absent like she wasn't really there a lot of things happen in My childhood like my brother got sick and so all the attention was on my brother and like my sister was in high school So was on her and I understand like I get it But like I was just pushed out to the side and like there was like a baby, too So like it was the baby the one in high school and then like my brother who was sick So I get it, but I was never like had any type of love I was just you know forced to like grow up on my own and just be by myself all the time I don't have a relationship with my mom or my stepdad right now It's more of just like I live there. So I respect you know their rules and it respects them And it's more of like a hi. How are you with like my stepdad with my mom? I'm really trying to work on it It's just like every time She comes into my room like I just feel the needs like I'm just like mad at her or just angry And like I don't want to speak to her and it's like the same thing like when I go and speak to her she It's like we just argue all the time So That's really that's my childhood. That's it really So now that I'm 20, I think the past like year I have come to terms and have accepted That this is that was my childhood and that's okay, and I'm actually very grateful for For it because I wouldn't be who I am today without my childhood as much as it was crappy and I would never want to treat my kids like that I'm glad that I went through it because this is who I am now and It's made me a better person and a stronger person I think when you are forced to grow up at a younger age you You mature faster obviously and you become I think you become better you become the better as a person because that's not who you want to be and I think that's a great lesson to know now and moving forward I I don't think a relationship can happen with my mom Living with her in the same house. I think Like I said last time I need to move out But just happening in six months, but I need to move out I need to get away and I need to spend a lot of time apart from her Because then I think we can work on a better relationship a better understanding of each other and just from a distance You know, it's like you visit once in a while and it's just I feel like for me that was better Because right now, it's obviously not working It doesn't work when you're two individual people that don't get along and you're living on top of each other in the same space It just never works. There's so much fighting and arguing and arguing that makes it makes the living situation unbearable and that's why You butt had so much and fight so much is because it just doesn't work. It does not work like my family situation is constant constant constant fighting When I am here and we both choose to be at home least as possible That's why we go out and do things because for us. It just does not work to be in the same proximity as them at all and so yes, we're both hoping for a better relationship with distance We actually both have been in each other's lives now for around 10 years I want to say and our You think by now our parents each other's parents would be used to us and they would maybe talk But they have no relationship between each other either and they also at the start. Yeah, they did the whole fake thing, you know Oh, sweetie. What can I get you to eat? Do not act a role that you are not and I just find it so ridiculous Now that they don't they don't even try and do that now They just yell at us and each other in front of each other and I'm actually extremely uncomfortable in front of her mom and she's extremely uncomfortable in front of my mom and it's just because Now there's not that you know soft barrier So it's just extremely uncomfortable because we are treated like we are the daughter and the daughter is not treated well So it's extremely uncomfortable. I also find touching on it another topic. I personally mourn my childhood, but I'm But I mourn it when it never was like it's very She mentioned in the previous episode that you know, she never really had a childhood So she doesn't miss it for me. I never really had a childhood. So I miss it I'm I guess I get upset that I was not I didn't have the same opportunities as other people and that I I used to get upset that I don't have the same opportunities as other people and that I Didn't get to do the things they did and that I don't have a relationship with my parents. It used to bother me a lot and and I just didn't understand because it's not fair and then as I got older now again, I'm 20 realizing that That's just the way it was and I can't I can be you know sad about not Getting the childhood. I thought I was deserved But at the end of the day, I can't go back in time and the only thing I can do is again moving forward It's not repeat that cycle if I ever have a child I would never treat my child the way I was treated I would and divorce happens. I'm not saying that that was the issue I'm saying the way that I was treated and the way that I was neglected is something that no child should ever go through And I think that a lot of people go through it So again, if you're listening and you went through a similar thing like I'm really sorry I think because of how we were raised we gravitated towards each other very much and like She is my family like this is my family She's the only person that will listen to me talk about what I'm going through and like actually care, you know And she knows everything that's going on in my life And I think that's really special and I think that if you were raised in a situation Similar to ours or maybe different or worse that it's really important to find a person that you can like call family because if you're alone and you don't have family to look up to that can be very very difficult and that can lead to a very dark place and if I just think it's very important to find somebody that Loves you and that you can love and show them that love that you didn't get and It's better. It does get better when you get older and You accept it. It's really important to accept it It's important to let it go Because if you don't and you don't have the terms you'll turn into a monster like you'll turn into like your parents or And you don't want to be that person. It's okay to feel it and go through it That's very important. You have to you have to come to terms with it and understand that that was your situation but then it's time to accept it and grow from it and Not forget it, but start a new life for yourself and All you can do is be a better person and keep trying I think that's something that happens to a lot of people is they they go through really hard situations and they don't take the time and reflection it takes to heal that and Yes, they become a monster. I Have seen it happen firsthand to someone that was really close to me. They were born into a really really unfortunate family situation but they never Grew from it. They never They never took the time and understanding To move on from it and it's difficult to move on from the situation when you're still in it I know that we are still in our situation and it's very difficult, but when you were in a really really unfortunate situation and you blame the people causing it and you you stay in that cycle of just being upset and you internalize everything then you become Equally as bad you pick up their traits their cycles and you push that on to people that love you and that's very difficult to be around because everybody has a shitty situation like I know that most people weren't raised the way that they wanted to have been raised and You can have these bad situations, but if you're not if you choose to live in that and Perpetuate the cycle forwards then that is completely on you or it's not fair to keep living in those situations and hurt everybody else around you because you Don't like the way that something happened to you and that goes for a lot of different things in life It's not fair to other people people are not going to feel bad for you forever because like she said everyone goes through shitty things and It's not really an excuse at all Life keeps going you have to keep going You cannot just treat people like shit you'll never you'll be miserable your whole life if you do that and People we live in a shitty world people don't feel bad for you If you act like how you were treated and you start treating that to people you will never Feel love back towards yourself a way to work on maybe healing your childhood trauma and you know Child situation. I think there's a couple ways to go about it I think number one, you know, come into terms with it understanding it talking about it with someone who can relate I think is really important. I think something that can help You know connect you more with your childhood that you feel you might have missed out on is connecting to those childhood things that you never got to do Yesterday we went to air riders. We jumped around. We played dodgeball. We jumped in the foam pit. We had a blast and you know going for a rollerblade or Going swimming playing in the water. Just a lot of these things that you never got to do as a kid I think You know laser tag you never got to go to people's birthday parties and play laser tag go do it yourself I think that trying a bunch of things playing soccer in a league signing up for these things can they don't really really heal anything, but I think that it's for your inner child to go and You deserve to go and try these things and do all these fun things that you never got to do because in your heart You are still a kid and you know, it's just fun things to do keep your mind off things for me I think it's important to find a person number one, but also have your independence be able to Be independent and do your own thing Like she said go and do things for fun. I think start your own tradition start your own new memories You know, like you didn't get to do that. That's okay. Start your own traditions We have started a lot of sessions. We do here we and that's really fun for us. I think There is no one way to heal and everybody heals differently For me sometimes I just sit in my bed and just brought there and you know watch movies all day Other times I just go to work. I work all the time really so that's all I'm really doing for me Healing for me is getting going to the water. So I like to go to the lake But really I like to get tossed into waves and like crash into the waves and just feel it knocking down Which is why we're going fifth jumping today But I find for me listening to music and journaling helped me the most I music is actually Like the one thing that actually healed me like I love music I'm always listening to music in my car in my headphones anywhere everywhere at the lake I think the most healing thing for me when I Feel like black is go to the lake put my music on bring my journal. Maybe read a book That for me is like the best thing there was no one way for me to heal And I'm still healing through it. Obviously. I think like I've said twice now The one way for me to heal is to move out. So I'll update you guys when I do move out and see what other advice I have for you, but All I can say is take your time And it's tealings aren't linear Sometimes you're gonna have bad days and that's okay, but find something that calms you down and Go have fun. There's only fun for yourself My last note on this is that It is so important to find your family somewhere else if you do not have one Find it in friends find it in hobbies find it in whatever works for you that is so important to have A feeling of being loved and accepted somewhere whatever it is Something that works for me when I'm feeling really blah or Really hateful and angry about a certain household issue is music full blast. I need that right in my ears I have to leave my house in the situation Maybe go for a walk and just stomp or go drive my car Windows down and just scream for me You find a certain song and you just Play it and play it and play it and play it and play it and I think I don't know why that What does this have to do with healing parental trauma? Me like that was I'm not gonna say that you find a certain song This is how we this is really how we heal we recently our song of choice has been Marvin's room. Give it a listen That's about a man. That's not about a family No recently our song of choice is a family matters my drink And you my everything you my everything No, we're just getting ready. All right. We're gonna just be back to normal family matters. It does matter. That's why you find I Think just getting out of the house and doing anything makes the biggest difference you can't be in The same contained environment where all of your problems stem from that just doesn't make sense So getting out of the house doing anything but last thing I have to say for today is that It is so important not to Contain your feelings inside of you and shove them away and pretend that you're not feeling it Because it will come out in ways that you don't even like won't even be able to control Especially like down the line when you are involved in like a romantic relationship even friendships You will hurt yourself and hurt your partner because you are not healed and you will It will just come out when like someone's trying to give you love it. It will come out and messy ways so please, please, please try to heal I think we will do a part two to this video and look back at it once we move out and Start a new chapter new life ourselves. Thank you very much for watching this episode. We hope you enjoy. We will see you next wednesday. Bye