LIVIN OUR CRAZY LIFE
A TALK ON LOVE, HEARTBREAK & HEALING
Hey guys, welcome to live in our crazy life podcast. I'm Olivia. I'm Megan and today we're gonna talk about heartbreak on our last episode We touched lately and we got some comments from some people saying to go more in depth So we're gonna do that. We both have very different experiences of love and heartbreak, so we're gonna share our perspectives on that and then Kind of how it came full circle. So yeah So We got into relationships the summer of grade 11 going to grade 12 We were very young and this was our first ever and only ever relationship that both of us have been in We have very different perspectives on love and heartbreak from these relationships and So we're kind of gonna share our perspectives on that and then how it came full circle So we were both very like we mentioned in the previous episode. We were both very private people about You know our relationship and who we were talking to so we basically both randomly started Dating these people that we had been speaking to for a while and neither of us knew about each others And then we sat on a curb one day and we were like let's just air out everything so that we can be Matter friends, so then I was like hey, she said hey, I'm Talking to this guy like we're gonna start dating and I was like hey, I'm actually already dating this guy so yeah, that kind of put everything out on the table and the person that I dated I was basically Had a thing for since grade 9 it was a very Messy complicated situation it was someone who was in my class and I Just liked him for a very long time But he was actually a massive asshole and so nothing ever happened there We were mutuals and then we kind of didn't speak for a while and then He started Making music and I just reached out to him one time and I said hey, I like your song and he said hey I want to go for a walk so we went for a walk and then after that we kind of just Started hanging a lot out a lot over the spring and summer and then at the end of the summer we started dating How did you start my relationship? started actually I was the first to reach out to this person and then I have a few things to say I actually I want to I'm gonna share my Relationship, but then there's things that I want to say after that I've come to very much realize after After the relationship that so just keep that in mind as I speak to this relationship So I got into this relationship. I'm very young it started. I reached out to this person We started snapchat. Okay, let's just let's just snapchat. Okay. I would never use snapchat nowadays to communicate with somebody but anyways, that's how we started talking with snapchat and For the first like month we didn't really Say much to each other and then randomly one day. He just like asked how or like what was up and So we started talking we got to know each other and that day forward We talked every single day like on like you know like messaging back and forth and then you know He didn't even ask to hang out. He didn't even say let's do something like it was very I don't know then school started and We had the same English class and so it kind of forced us to like be in person and actually speak together because it was just like we were just texting on like the phone and Finally this man boy Finally says well, let's do something. Okay, so I was like, okay. Cool. Yeah, so we hung out and We I guess we just talked and we talked for a few for a few months and then he finally asked me to date or whatever and I said, okay, and from there we Our relationship kind of started off We come from different worlds, I guess you could say in high school like his friends were quote-unquote popular like I am not gonna like say they're popular, but that's just what how they like put themselves out there like that Me, I'm very by myself person independent had one friend Very different. We come from different families like it's very different. So we could because we came from different friend groups family We were both raised differently all that stuff We never really like talked about that when we were like, you know That's something you talk about and you get to know the person as time goes by as you're with them but we never did and I don't really think like his friends were always a problem in our relationship like I I would say like one thing and this guy would always turn it against me He always had to be right about everything and I'm not saying that I'm right about everything Obviously there was times where I was wrong But I'm a person that doesn't really like conflict and don't really like to start problems and start things up and but when I would like at the beginning it was just like he always tried to hide the fact that he was hanging out with like The friends and his friend group and it's like why are you gonna hide that from your girlfriend or like? He would never invite me to his friends hangouts and like in my opinion. That looks like bad on me It looks like oh, I don't want to be around your friends ever It's like if you're dating someone not every time but like sometimes There's going to be other girls and other guys and other people that are in relationships there It makes no sense for everyone to be with their partner and then him by himself because and he would say he would say like oh Like I'm trying to protect you. I just didn't think he wanted to be there But you should at least ask yeah, you should at least ask because your answer might have been no Probably would have been no to be honest because we were not friends with any of those other like us They didn't like us it was just like a high school situation thing We weren't a part of the group and that was made very very they didn't want to add new people into the group No, and they didn't like the fact that I Was dating this guy that was in the group and like they're like no We're not bringing another girl in the group It's like one of those things is just like the thing also about their group is they kind of circulate people not necessarily like this guy no, but that group that he was in a popular people whatever they would literally just circulate through each other and Because she was from the outside and not from that group it was Not you weren't invited you weren't welcomed with opening arms It wasn't a friendly situation and she would tell me about that all the time be upset that like I'm I don't feel Welcome. I don't feel like these people care for me because they don't Yeah, not even upset about the people. No, no more just my my boyfriend not laying an effort. That's yeah so after that Months go by we're still together because I don't know you're in high school. You I was you're young, right? This is the person that you think that you love or you're in love with its young love young love is very powerful It's like that's you've never felt love before so it's very new to you and that's something that is like very powerful It's like a powerful feeling you it's What you feel for this person you care for them you want to be with them all the time So obviously I wanted to make it work So we definitely had a lot of ups and downs in the relationship and it always stemmed from that the friends like that That that was always the main problem. That's something we would always fight about But I was also a person that I'm very much supportive and if you want to do something you can do that and when I got into a relationship I'm very much it like if you I always trust the person because there's no reason not to trust somebody if you're getting into Relations if they haven't done anything then you should have trust in your relationship It will never work if you don't also communications a big thing. So That's like how I kept the relationship going. It was just like just trust this person Like if they're not doing anything but like when lies are to come in and it's just it can't when someone lies It's just it's it leaves it in a bad a bad way like if someone's lying to you. It's like Every time it's like I don't know like I trust you every time if you're gonna lie about the same Also, if you're lying about silly things that it doesn't you're lying about Things that don't actually matter. Why are you lying about those things because then that just takes away trust all together There's no reason he can tell you when he's doing something. It's not a fight. It's not a problem for you So just tell you exactly so fast forward our relationship keeps going and you know school ends And I decided to go like I said last episode to nursing school, but I stayed home He took a gap year. So we decided to stay together because I Guess like why not like you're together with this person like Okay So fast forward that that year was okay, I guess Nothing really changed it kind of just stayed the same The relationship was good like we did things as a couple I Mean just kind of just like normal things like couples do. I don't know then it came to The summer of after I've done my first year school it was the summer and he was deciding which school he wanted to go to and this was we had a very big bump in our relationship here because he did not tell me Put yourself into my perspective being someone's girlfriend and How like should he have a feeling it is when I when you're the guy you're with isn't can't tell you like oh Like this is the school. I want to go to this is what I want to do with my life And he just assumes that I'm gonna be upset and is telling everybody like oh my girlfriend She's just gonna be upset that I'm going so far away like and to find out that he's going to a school That's far away like but the day that he gets accepted in the days picking a school That's when you find out and I it's not that I was very happy for him like I'm proud of him I'm glad that he's doing something that he wants to do with his life, but To for him to get upset with me and tell me that I am oh I knew you wouldn't support me. I knew you'd be upset. It's not an upset that you're going to school It's upset that like change is happening like you're leaving right and obviously that's a fear That's a valid feeling to have yeah, and So yeah, we actually broke up. He broke up with me. I came I was on a trip I went to Europe and it was the best trip of everyone on and I came home and I'm like so jet-lagged I'm like falling to sleep on the couch and you but he's like like I want to talk I want to talk about it's like nine o'clock and I'm like falling asleep and He picks me up and he breaks up with me because he's like I don't see this working blah blah blah and I'm like So he picks me up. He breaks up with me. He tells me it's not gonna work out and then But then the next day he wanted to work things out. So okay cool. That's my first mistake Let's move on to the next mistake later that summer he he goes to a concert, okay, oh my and He goes to a concert and randomly this we got into an argument I don't know what it was about. I can't remember actually, but he's like I just can't talk to you I need a few days to Sort through something and then he's gonna get back to me Okay, I remember going out for sushi with Like of some friends and he shows up and we're not on speaking terms He tells me meet me at his place that night So I meet him at his place and he goes I think we should break up and I said Sorry, like what like cuz it was just like just out of nowhere. He's just like I Don't see it working. I we should break up I'm like okay Okay So I'm sad man like I left his place and I'm crying on Controllably, I'm like I've never felt this before. I'm like I Felt like my whole world was like crashing down like I was so sad I was so feeling lots of emotions. I was like what the fuck like holy shit Then here's where Livia makes her second mistake He goes we're just to go visit my family back home and he goes. Yeah, we're still gonna go on that Oh, we're still gonna go back home to Ohio. So We go to Ohio and he goes oh, I fucked up like I Wanna I want to get back? Together and then when I go to school we'll break up That was my biggest mistake. I will never ever ever Disrespect myself like that ever again. I I will never I have learned from that And I will never give someone that much power in That much power where they can say to me that we're gonna stay together and when I go to school break up absolutely not I will never Disrespect myself like that again. So we did that and then you know, I'm thinking oh, we're probably gonna stay together Right now we I get my third mistake or fourth mistake was Being available for him every time he came back from school, but that only lasted for like three months, maybe um and then Yeah, I will that's when our relationship like end amended. It was like And like I think October or November like it was just done like we we were keeping in contact and stuff and That's because he didn't tell his parents that we were over and so he finally told his parents that we broke up and whatever and I Yeah, that's when it ended for us and I haven't spoken to him since Now you can show yours and we can go back to after the breakup So my relationship with the sky Was we were friends for a lot of years and then we started dating and he Wasn't at school. He wasn't in school at the time in person. He was off from school and I was still in school and I had made some new friends at the start of the year sort of I was starting to branch out and try and be a More sociable person and I had made a couple friends and I have never really had luck with Girl friends in the past. I got bullied really bad in middle school. So some of them were guy friends Yes, and it was not like that. It was not oh she was guy friends anything like that, but my boyfriend at the time Wasn't in school and then he ended up coming into school a couple months later and he We didn't speak at school basically ever because I Don't know. I guess he was like upset with me maybe a little bit insecure based off of that I had started school that year in person and I was making new friends and sort of branching out and That I wasn't always available for him during that time. I didn't really have any friends. I wasn't really allowed to be around anyone else or speak to anyone else and Lunchtime would be the time where I would go for lunch with Olivia But then it turned into us my boyfriend and I going to my dad's house for lunchtime and We would he would make music in my room and I would Sit and watch him make music in my room and I would try and be like the supportive person and help him lyrics help him with you know beats and stuff we weren't really on the same page I felt and then It progressed into a point where I wasn't To be around my family either. He was Upset and like manipulating me into thinking that Nobody wanted me around nobody liked me that It just it was every day all these things put into my head Creating all these like lies in my head and then He was not just saying about other people. He was saying them to me himself. So it got It just this is something that I will never ever ever ever ever allowed to happen to me again like I got super unhealthy because Was telling me all these things coming from him. He was calling me all sorts of names calling me a whore that I'm a liar that I'm All these words and that I didn't have a friend. I didn't have family that nobody wanted me and basically like I should go and die like all these things and then he was also into He was a really big stoner and he would smoke all day every day and that is not an exaggeration and so that also put a strain on the relationship because When I'm around somebody that's smoking all the time. I feel like you're not even fully present with me I'm trying to speak to you. I'm trying to spend time with you and you're You're not even there like I would sleep at his house I would wake up and he would be nowhere to be seen he would be outside smoking and I would like when you Think you're in love with someone you want to spend time with that person, right? Like you want to that you want that person to be your person but they're not your person because they care more about a substance than they care about you and that is like Probably one of the shittiest feelings because Like why am I not? like Enough I guess but that's a whole other point anyways So that was like a really big issue also with my family He came to my cottage. He would come into my house and my parents he was disrespectful to my friends and family obviously and They didn't want him around so I had no relationship with my family I got kicked out of my dad's house and my mom's house I feel like I'm rambling and I'm just sharing My perspective on the relationship and basically it was just an extremely unhealthy relationship and I It's I thought I was in love was the problem is that I thought I was loved and I thought I was in love And that is the only relationship or love. I've ever got from somebody that I had To base off of so I didn't know any better I was naive and I was manipulated and I was not loved like looking back. There was zero love There and I went to Thailand so basically a Couple things happen and I said I needed space I needed to really think about things because I realized when I was not Had no relationship with friends or family that Hey, maybe it's for a reason and this isn't where I should be or how I should be getting treated and so I went to Thailand and Vietnam and I lived there for a A few months and when I got back I didn't speak to him really while I was away in Thailand and but I had full intentions to Try and make it work when I came back I said I need to go and do this for me when I come back. We can talk and I'm sure we can make it work that time away really showed me that I didn't I Could finally breathe and for the first time in like a really long time. I didn't feel suffocated and When I got back I was happy to see my friend obviously I was happy to like see my family because I hadn't been on good terms with any of them and So I didn't speak to him for a while and then I got back I saw him and it was so hard because he thought that it was going to be All okay, but I realized so much on that trip that I actually didn't want to be in that circumstance anymore so I told him that it wasn't gonna work. I couldn't be with him anymore and It went back and forth for a couple months where he would be calling me or and I would agree to see him and Nothing ever happened. I want to make that very clear, but I just I Had a soft spot in my heart. I had a soft spot in my heart for him because he had really hard family Situation as well, and I just when you were in an abusive relationship You don't see it until you're out of it and so I had a soft spot for him, but then It took a long time, but I finally realized that It's not my fault. I Think the thing about your ex is that he yes He had a very rough patch, and that's very very unfortunate and sad But so did a lot of people so did you so did I so did many people in this world But you don't see you and I treating people like shit because of a shitty situation You got you have to take your prop you need to if you come from a shitty situation or something happens You life keeps going you you can't dwell on all my family didn't my family wasn't there for me And we'll talk about this in another episode, but it's true. You go through shitty things You can't be a shitty person is on an excuse life keeps going You have to learn from that you have to be able to be okay with that and accept it and learn from that and he never did And he never did you have you I have that you were Before she went to Thailand like her and I are for sure friendship was good Like we were still there for each other and I saw being a friend and seeing your friend not be loved the proper way is Heartbreaking it's very sad and it pain me to see that because I would even speak to her father like and we would and her mom and like this one time she went missing and her mom was calling me in the morning and she's like Where's Megan and I said I have no idea I thought Megan was dead and because she wasn't responding to me and and she was at this guy's house and I'm I'm texting and calling this guy that she supposedly at and he's not answering either he was also very disrespectful to me and That's you come to a point when and I I do sympathize and I I understand like when you're in it You can't see it and you can't leave but as a person like as a friend like There's only so many times. I could tell her like he's not good for you like you have to leave him she would leave him and then they'd get back together and that gets very It's it's not that I wasn't there for as a friend, but it's like I can't keep telling her that no It's over and over again and as well as she's she lost her parents because they're not putting up with this like he was so disrespectful to your mom and to your father and he he really needs he he needed you at all times like he like that's all he had I guess and he needed her at all times and She's such a kind person that and like she said she had a soft spot So she couldn't naive she couldn't she couldn't leave him But I'm very glad that I pushed her to go away so bad. Everybody did everyone wanted her to go breaking boy also for me is that if I am like I The emotional side is one thing but It gets to a point when I am like physically afraid of you I Don't want to get too much into that, but I just want to say that if somebody ever ever ever Lays a hand on you. There is zero love there like there is no love and you might not see that But there is no love and that exactly is your sign you're done You're done and it's time to leave and after we get done with all the stories We'll tell like we have some stuff to say from an outside perspective, but you are absolutely done and That's how I am moving forwards now is that I do not take disrespect from anybody at all because I will never ever be in that Situation again where I'm physically afraid of the person. I am supposed to love and it's supposed to love me We broke up I And like I like I'm the type I went to work the day after we broke up and this girl like the person that I used to work with she was like What the hell are you doing at work? She's like people that get broken up with don't ever come I've never seen anyone coming. I'm like there. I'm like crying a few times I'm like yeah, but like life goes on right. I'm very much I've been through a lot of shit in my life where I Had to be strong and in the situation So I know how it works like life goes on You don't get to mope and cry for days cuz there's shit to do. Oh, I did cry Things in life and I knew that it was gonna be hard But I was like when it we first broke up because it was weird, right? That already happened I already had went through that since we were like it was just kind of like a Whatever we like actually just stopped talking it was a different type of hurt it was just it was more of like acceptance and Change in life and I finally allowed myself to Start to do things. I loved and like I Realize like I'm gonna drop out of nursing school because I don't want to be in nursing school anymore and I want to do things that I want to do and I felt like I couldn't be my full potential and my full self around this Person and there's no like hate towards this person. I actually have nothing, but I Have nothing, but care for this person. I care for this person a lot I no longer in love with this person. I don't I don't love this person like that, but I do care for them and I I people make mistakes. I want to say one thing. This is not like Putting someone down, but the way that he handled the situation the way that he treated me at the end of this The way that he disrespected me I That is not okay to do to somebody that you supposedly loved and were with for that long I Want that person that person should know that that you should never treat someone like that You don't talk to people at that way That's not how you handle things, but you know what the past of the past. You have to accept it move on I forgive this person even though they've never apologized, but I do forgive them and I think my I lost a lot of disrespect in this person my grandfather passed away and My he knew about it. My my sister posted something. He follows my sister This this this guy was with knew how much my grandfather meant to me How much love I had for this person a simple you could have done anything you could have sent your condolences to he has my Parents phone number you could have sent a message to my sister to anybody even a card to my mailbox Anything any right person would send their condolences out of my opinion that my grandfather showed you nothing But love so the fact that you couldn't even reach out is That that to me. I lost a lot of respect for this person just because I think That was that but I needed that I needed to like it was time for me to let go of this person and it's very true when they say like It's hard to let go but the moment you let go like you blossom as a person like there was so much Waiting for me in life like so much to experience and like looking back now I started doing things we started I Started we started doing things all the time like going out like actually having fun doing things But even like going to the gym like working on our own selves I got a new job like my life changed like a lot. I started a new job. I started going to the gym started traveling doing things for ourselves and What I want to say is because I'm just yeah for right now when you're in a relationship you get comfortable and you Stop working on yourself. I find not always but when you are with the wrong person You kind of turn into a bit of a grandma you do turn it to you don't want to go out anymore You don't take care of your appearance. Don't take care of your health You kind of just again you get comfortable and then when you get out of this relationship you realize Wow This whole time passed and I didn't do anything I gave all my energy all my care all my love and my time for this person and at the time You know that's okay, but when you keep none for yourself Once it is not okay because you lose so much of yourself And then you start again You start blossoming when you have all this time you have all this energy for yourself The the moment you start to not take care of yourself and your relationship or you don't care how what you're doing or you're not focusing on your own goals like you need to focus in life like to get where you Want to get and if you're not doing that and this person's maybe not holding you back But if you're not like excited to like wake up and like do something new or like get started on a project Like you are your that relationship was no longer for you No that person in my future relationships when I get with somebody I want to be I want us to be doing our own thing But you like have so much fun together like I want adventure. I want fun I want to support this person and they're dreamed and their goals and like I want and they support you too Yeah, but I want to be able to like I want to be able to tell them like about my day and like oh I'm gonna work I gotta go do my thing and they know that like and they're excited for you to do their thing they give you ideas They also have goals and ambitions and if they don't align they're also okay, and you're okay to say okay It's time to go our separate ways it is because the thing about love that I find now after being on a relationship Is that love doesn't necessarily need to be forever? That would be cool. I guess like that's the ideal situation, but realistically that doesn't happen for All the time it doesn't happen for most and so Love for me is to be with someone and you support each other you have fun most importantly Like it's it's a light-hearted thing, but you love this person and you care for this person and you're also gonna talk You're able to talk it's not like you're not sitting in their house watching movies all day like you're out doing stuff You're building Futures together, but also separately and then again when they don't align or when things it's okay to go separate ways That's okay. It's an understanding because it's okay love comes and goes and that's that's also okay Also like yourself love a lot of people hold back and are scared and it is a scary thing to be to go through a Heartbreak is one of the most it's a painful thing. It's hard. It's sad, but that's life and you need to When I feel like when people are in a relationship, they're always thinking like it's gonna end like what is gonna end like you're you're thinking about It's a fear. You can't you got to just enjoy it and if something bad happens in the relationship Something bad happens and that's it wasn't meant for you and everything is going to happen the way it happens and I I realized I met this person and And this person Actually is a very good guy and we can talk about this in a later episode, but I will say one thing This person this guy he made me realize this guy has a lot of Goals and ambition. He's a very he's he has a he wants to like do well for his future And he has and I realize like I'm I'm talking to this guy. It's like wow like this guy actually has like He has like a he's make me want to like work like he makes you want to make me want to do your own life And like I was like no I need to focus like I need to start things I need to do things. I need to always he's like I swear like he's always doing something work-wise and That's I have huge respect for that And my one thing for you guys is that if you are going through a breakup or something like that It's definitely gonna be okay. You are going to be okay It's gonna be really painful, but you actually need to start There is no sense of laying in your bed and crying every day this person if he's not showing that he cares for you It's time to let go. It's time to accept it if he is not he doesn't care He doesn't care that you're crying in your bed or no you may be sad He doesn't give a fuck so you know what get up go start doing something go on a run start of projects Start something fun do something for yourself because guess what? He doesn't care and he's not the only time is gonna come back is when you're doing good in your life And that's when you get to have the door closed because exact you do not invite people back that show you disrespect and also There's so much love waiting for you in the world that you don't need to turn around and look back on You know who who's behind you who's doing what why oh, he's with the new girl now None of that matters. That's great You know and you should be happy for them because there is still something waiting for you and it might be One year might be five years might be ten years down the line who knows around your timeline They're not in your right time line, but now there is so much love There there is so much love in this world go go love your friends go love your family go love a dog go to the cows Anything love on rise sunset do some of your self It's a very important. Love yourself. Look I will tell you these past six months I have never had more self respect confidence self-love like I will never allow myself to be treated a certain way anymore ever and I Am so appreciative of what I went through. I'm I'm actually very grateful for this Break up. I am so grateful for what what happened. I would never change anything I have become such an amazing person and I'm very proud of myself because It's been it was a shitty it was shitty was tough, but I'm okay. I definitely find that I'm a lot Colder now towards affection and I have a really difficult time Showing my affection and accepting it from other people. I don't really trust very easily And I think that every word out of someone's mouth is bullshit now, which I find I'm really trying to work on because that's not the right mindset to Have it's not the right mindset at all when you I'm very young still and that's not what I how I want to be thinking And that's not how I want to lead my life because there are people in my life that I care for and It's not right to automatically assume that everybody is going to behave a certain way or Treat me a certain way and I don't think that's correct And I think that I put people at a very big distance from me and I don't want to be like that anymore She only lets me love her. I only let her love me and even then I don't believe it sometimes But okay, let's not be ridiculous But I I don't want to be like that anymore So I think that I've come to an understanding that I need to be more open and if I get her or something happens That's okay because like he's moving and you feel the hurt and you move on That's a good. I feel that. Yeah, I'm living with that. My last piece and final advice is to Don't stop loving just because someone has shown you a bad side of love. There's so so much love out there for you and Love is a great great thing. It is it's a beautiful thing to be able to love someone and for someone to love you and my last piece is that never shrink yourself for anybody else if you have a big heart have your heart and feel your heart and It's always love always show love to friends family and people even if they have Done you wrong doesn't need to necessarily be love you show them But you don't need to ever return disrespect to people because that Yeah, it makes you equally on the same playing field Don't do I for an eye. Hey guys. We'll see you next week. Thank you for watching. Bye
A talk on love, heartbreak & healing through two very different perspectives.
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