We get some terrible news and someone flys off the rails!
The Dark Society Of War!
Category 5
I'm B random and he's the king of controversy and we're your host here to talk about whatever the fuck we want, it'll get loud, it'll get messy and feelings will get hurt. Now it's time to pick the side, load up and strap in. Let's go. Welcome back to War of the Words. Today, we've got a little bit of internal controversy going on. Nothing big, but just a disagreeing point of view. We want to put it out there, we want to see what you people have to say. This is my last show, I'm done. The king says he's done. We are finishing the season of this show and I'm wrapping this show up. He's complaining. No, no, no, no, no, no fucking complaining. You're complaining you saw your bitch in like a little little problem. I got news today. My wife got her orders and we are headed to Hawaii. Very much looking forward to it. I've always wanted to go to Hawaii and then big king over here doesn't ever want to leave his couch. I hope you guys get divorced. I'm saying that right the fuck now. I hope you get divorced or I hope she dies in a fiery car accident. Hey, let's say that about my life. Like it's going to be fine. It is not going to be fine anymore because we're six hours apart. I am replacing this show with Kenny G's love and hits or some shit. This show is going off now. We're going to make it work. No, we're not. It'll be like we're going to get down to it'll be like dinner time your time. I hope I get staff infection. I hope I get staff infection in my back and I die because I am not doing this. You're doing it. We're doing it. We're doing it. At eight o'clock at night, I'd rather put a shotgun in my mouth. Don't do that. This is terrible. I obviously, I joined the military a long time ago so I could travel and we've done a lot of traveling. We've been all over the world and you're the only person I know who doesn't want to travel. It doesn't like to see places. Okay. It's not true. My parents. I'm going on a rant here. The fucking government is full of fucking assholes. They're fucking hypocrites and they're fucking thieves. They took your entire list of places and they picked number four out of five. Get the fuck over yourselves. I will give Russia coordinates to blow this fucking island up. I'm pretty sure they know where Hawaii is. I will give then the fucking coordinates to blow Pearl Harbor this Pearl Harbor this to fuck up. We will be close to Pearl Harbor. Give them both out. Just saying. It's going to be great. This is not going to be great. My fat ass is going to learn to surf through everybody who ever grows a little. How about this? I got a better idea. I'm going to make my barbecue is going to get so much better because I'm going to include a Hawaiian style. You are going to be the white version of Maui from fucking Moana. I can see it coming. I already look like it. I do. I really do. I do want to get a tattoo. I want to get like not like a tribal like taking over kind of thing. I want to get because they have tattoos if they follow meaning in your life. I want to get one. I want to design one to make one to get one. How about this? You try surfing in Hawaii and I hope you drown. I probably will because I can't swim very well. Then why the fuck do you want to surf? It's something you have to do. How about this? How about this? You should learn how to surf now and one you should drive please. I will learn how to surf here in Missouri where there is like no. Because this is fucking terrible. I hope this show blows up and it gets really really fucking big and I will fire you and get another co-host like I did will because I will do that too. I will do that again. There's no one on par. I could find one. Maybe Chuck. How about this? Maybe Chuck would be on par with my energy. The casting starts today. I have until now until April of next year to find your replacement. Yeah. All right everybody. If you want to be part of War of the Words you want to think you can stack up to this. Okay. So what do you think you can reach this bar? The bar is low as fuck. Go to the comments in the Facebook page. All right. And I want to split your what they call it your your video your it's going to be a casting call. Yeah. It's a casting call. I want to your audition. That's it. Your audition videos. Put your audition videos. Guess what? In the comments. The other Brandon has already said he can therefore he's been replaced again. He's no way he can reach this energy. No chance at hell. Energy. He thinks he's hot. What energy energy energy energy I had to put foam on my wall so I don't wake my son up while he's taking a nap. That's how much energy is coming out of this room. The energy. That's right. You have as much energy as will does to be straight. What did you say? You heard what I said. And I said it again. By the way, W W Wilkins 500 at Yahoo.com. Send that motherfucker hate mail. Tell him he's a prick and he should kill himself. You're going to make this work. You could shoot at eight p.m. You got nothing else. I am not shooting any nothing good happens at eight p.m. It will now. Nothing good happens at eight p.m. It'll be two p.m. For me. So if you are not home at eight p.m. anywhere near in Maryland, you should not be out. You will get blown the fuck off. Let's be real shot this street. I'm really excited now. I hope I hope that people just for the fun of it put an audition video. All I want to hear you say is the intro. Welcome to world of words. You know what? I'm going to send this to will so I can hire him back in your place. There's no way in hell. There's no way. Actually I hope you go to Hawaii. I want to see Chuck's video. I hope you go to Hawaii and the plane goes down in the middle of the fucking ocean. Oh, don't say that. All of you in it. All. You're every time I travel, I have my safety bag. You're so happy. Okay, if it goes nose diving in the Pacific, how good is your safety bag there, bow? Well, I mean, they got a flirtation, but I got I got my bag and my show me my one mother fucker. That has survived a plane crash. There's plenty. Exactly. Final destination one that got the fuck off they died anyway. You're like, oh, I got my bag. The fuck it going to. I got my five fifty core. I got my books on survival only that can't have is my knife. Get the fuck out here. You have a book on survival and your survival bag of a plane crash. I do. Your head is not going to be be fucking there to read the book. I think happens in a plane crash. Really, I mean, if we're talking about like crashing the water, it's a lot of different than crashing off side of a fucking mountain. Anyway, I thought about playing crashes. We don't have a better survival going off a cliff and go in the water home. We're talking about our difference in opinion on travel. My love to travel. Good for fucking you. I do. I love I love being in Korea when they're twice. It was fantastic. I feel like it's like a second home at this point. I could go there tomorrow and know exactly what I'm doing. You married a woman after like three weeks of the fuck up. It was eight months. Thank you. Eight fucking months. It was. It was eight months. And if it hadn't happened, then we would never have been together. So it's the name of the hat. And you hate each other. What the fuck? We love each other. What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. We love each other. I'm airing it all out. I'm trying to get the ship. This bitch canceled by April. He's doing whatever he can. Yes, I can. Special leave me. I will I will I will put some child pornography on your PC just to get you locked up by PC. That's funny. Hey, listen, we've talked about this. You'll do whatever you can to keep you safe. I will do whatever it takes for you to die. Damn. What friend you are. I'm mad as fuck about this. You were you. You had all your hopes and dreams into going to South Carolina. I would I would much rather you go to Cleveland than fucking Hawaii. What's it going to Cleveland nobody but still you're curious. Why couldn't you go to Detroit or somewhere? No, I'm going to die Detroit. Do you see a pattern for me here, sir? I'm excited for I'm excited for Hawaii. It's going to be fun. They do talk about Island fever. You are stuck on an island. Yeah. Good luck with that. And you know, but it is what you make it. I love you. The outdoors. I love exploring. We're going to go hiking in the jungle. Get lost. All right. It's going to be great. I'm going to open this up. All right. Who dies first? I want to know who dies. I have $50 on you. That's how you die first. I would be the one because I'd be the one that's adventuring places I shouldn't be. Spry has been a lava rock and being cursed by the island gods. Get the fuck out here with that much doctorate bullshit. I'm not going anywhere near an island that is surrounded by volcanoes. That is the worst made by a volcano. Hence why people should not live on it. Because that's surrounded. It's in the middle of the island. And people are probably like, look, it's beautiful. No, I'm not OK. These are the three ways. I'm not going to die. I'm not going to drown. I'm not going to be lit on fire. And I'm not going to die on a plane crash. Those are like my big three I'm not going to do. OK. I wouldn't much rather jump out of an airplane without a parachute. I know I know from experience that you won't step foot in the ocean. That's true. Because you do you want to know why I won't step foot in the ocean? Because you're afraid of jellyfish. Because nothing really attacks me on land. You don't see random sharks punching people on fucking land, do you? Not like Sharknado could be a thing. Shut the fuck off right now. You ever read The Beast? I don't know. I don't care. I think it was a beast. I had a shark that grew legs and walked on land. Whatever the beast is, I hope it eats you before April. And I hope you play this for your wife, so I can get a nasty DM again. Show us a list of this. What the fuck is this problem? Like you should know me about now. It's going to be great. No, it's not. I'm excited. I'm excited. Dude, I cannot wait to tell Madam Bostus just to cut you out. You don't want a plane, though. Yeah. You don't want to die in a fiery crash. Have you been on a plane? I am six, five, six, six on a fucking airplane. How happy do you think I am? I fucked this poor grandma's life up by all bring her in the clavicle mid fucking flight. Do you think I want to do this again for well hours? The flight we took to Vegas two weeks ago, we left in a storm and there was so much turbulence on the way up. Yep, nope. If mom was holding me like super tight, you're super scared. I would have put, I would have pushed her directly out the window. I would me in turbulence now. You know the worst part is, you know, I have this thing where I can't be on an airplane. I agree. I can't have coffee the day that I'm flying. Come on. Because I don't want to risk having to take a shit on the plane. I hope you shit yourself. I can't fit. I can't sit down. How do you think I see you and you want me to be on an airplane with other people for 12 hours, me and the other person I go with are going to be the only survivors. What if we get you first class? You give me first, second, third, fourth, fifth, seventh class. I still not going. Did I ever tell you? What if we drug you and put you in the cargo? You would have to put me in a fucking coma and I would have to wake up there. We're going to put you in a coma and put you in a big ass dog crate in the cargo. Please and drop me about halfway halfway halfway halfway there please. You're coming. You're coming to visit. Ashley will make you come. Now that sounded terrible. That is not this kind of show. I will go to Hawaii when I have to identify your body. How about that? If I could eat and buy a shark, will you come and identify me? Abs to fucking Louie and I, because I'm not going to find a shark. Can't see my head. I know. I know that tattoo on his arm. I know that god awful tattoo and that person he married. You love my wife. She's okay. She has this weird vendetta that I don't like her, but after she listened to the first part of this episode, she's going to be like, wow, this confirms it. I just don't like where she works. How about that? Yes, that is always been your biggest thing. You don't like that we travel all over the place and whenever close to home. How about this? Are you going to play this episode for her? It's not going to come out for like a couple of months, but probably be in Hawaii by the time this comes out. That's not true. This is fourth in line in one more week, in a month, a couple of not in a month. I will send this to her DMs. I shouldn't make this next week's episode. This will jump the timeline, because jump into the barrel. How about this? Can you please like be like a chef or something and grow a pair of balls and leave the military? You can't just leave the military. It doesn't work that way. I got up and quit lows. You can do anything. You got up and quipped for two cheese after you got your hands wet. That is true too. Oh no. I am the living the living the living the living quitter. Come on. Oh, no, no, you can't use you're contractually obligated and if you go AWOL after I think it was I think it's 90 days now for 90 days. They put you in jail, they'll come get you and they'll put you in jail for the remainder of your contract. And it will still be better than Hawaii. You can't tell me there's nothing about Hawaii that stands out to you. Food, the culture, no, the entertainment value. I fucking watched Moana. Nothing stands out. Moana was not in Hawaii, she was Polynesia somewhere. Half of the island is Polynesia. That's where they get the sauce. They come for the sauce. They come for the sauce that I can get from Chick-fil-A. Fuck off. I miss Chick-fil-A. You have it here, bitch. I guess what I did not see on the map on Hawaii anywhere was Chick-fil-A. You actually thought Hawaii would have Chick-fil-A. Why not? Hey, McDonald's. Shut the fuck up. I hope you go to Hawaii and you go there a week and you go worst Chick-fil-A and some of my pulls out of a fucking dark gun is shoot you in the fucking face. Wait a minute. Hold on. Hold on. There's a one. Hold on. I am going to fire bomb already myself. Two Chick-fil-A's in Honolulu. That was close. And how far away is that? Let's find out. The closest Chick-fil-A to this place is 36 minutes. God damn it. Half hour. It's the best I've had in years. I want you to search. I want you to search. What restaurants are in Hawaii? If you get like a Jack in the Box or something you may have me, but I doubt it. Jack in the Box is a fucking delicious. You've never been to the West Coast, so you've ever had things like water burger. Why can't you get stationed in California? It's because no one in the right mind wants to be in California. Yeah, you're pretty much right. Let's see. I can't wait to hear this. There's a lot of white food. That's what I don't like. Little Joe's Steakhouse in the state. Who the fuck is Little Joe? Busy food, Ray's Cafe, Ruth Chris, I got a Ruth Chris, thanks. Can we open the map? I don't want to be on this tiny little thing. I do not see a-- where's that looking for you? Modem's up, Cafe. Dixie Grill barbecue. I ain't doing a lot of it, and I'm going to take a place by store. It's funny, though. There's absolutely nothing where I'm going to be. Thank God. Another hole in the wall down. So you went from-- so here's the thing. You used to live in Seattle, right? Suicide capital of the fucking world, of the world. Think of that. Okay. Don't. No. It is the suicide capital of the world. It is a well-known fact. They say that because it rains so much it makes it gloomy, and people get in that gloomy mindset. And get depressed, and they fucking off themselves. Hey, can we send Will there? They can all tell you we said most of that are all the billions of homeless people living under bridges. Hey, hey. Can we send Will there? That would be funny. Would be funny. But people-- I know I know a homeless community that you'd fit right in. Yeah. It was under the bridge on the way to the movie theater. Do they have random parades in the middle of cities about pride? Yeah. That's where he'll fit in. When did this come out? When did he become-- when did he decide he was gay? But why are you just saying that? I am not answering that question on the show. But if you really want to know, I will tell you off air. Okay. We'll talk about it later. Actually, I'm going to tell you. He called me up-- drunk as fuck-- and said he had sex with five women and didn't like it. That's what? That's when. I missed it. Say it again. So he called me up at a drunken stupor and told me how much he loved me and said that he has had sex with five women and he did not like it. Just breaking hearts. Breaking hearts. I'm breaking hearts. Breaking hearts? Breaking hearts. I'm not gay. It's not your choice. I've seen the stuff I do. I'm not gay. It's not your choice if you're breaking hearts. It's not your choice if you're breaking hearts. It's not your choice if you're breaking hearts. It's not your choice if you're breaking hearts. It's not your choice if you're breaking hearts. It's not your choice if you're breaking hearts. It's not your choice if you're breaking hearts. It's not your choice if you're breaking hearts. It's not your choice if you're breaking hearts. It's not your choice if you're breaking hearts. 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No, I am happy for you, but I kind of wanted you to know if Carolina. I know. I would have been happy in South Carolina. North or South, I would have taken either one on. I would have been happy in South Carolina. And you know the best part was is that if I had gone there, you and Ash would come and visit and then we just drive to Disney. Yeah. Why can't you guys go back to Seattle? I would take Seattle over fucking Hawaii. So that's the plan. That's the plan. After Hawaii, she should have one more stationing. Unless we get lucky and we can just extend in Hawaii and be there until she's done. But you're not extending anything in Hawaii. We are going to do our very best to go to Seattle or baby L.M. for her last duty station to round out her 20 years and then that will be it. We will go by the house and live our happy lives in Washington. Yeah, just go back to Washington. Hopefully by then my dad will probably be dead. Say that. What? What is that matter? You come out and live with us whenever you want. As soon as he dies, I'm cashing out his shit and leaving. Hey, there's an idea. It's an idea. How about instead of having to worry about a six hour time difference in recording, you just come and live with us in Hawaii? I am not living anywhere near you do. Look at me. Look at me versus you. You're a pacedly ghost of a man. And you two hate each other. Congrats. Here's the fucking thing. You were in Las Vegas for two weeks and you have a tan because it was so hot. Shut your fucking mouth. And you haven't left your house in doing. Guess what? Nothing bad happens in my house anymore because we're all dead. I hate to tell you this, but it's getting hard to differentiate your face from the wall behind you. Good. Good. Guess what? Guess how many times I've been sick since I've had surgery? None. Nothing bad happens in my house anymore. That I'm aware of. Nobody's. Nobody. You know who the last person in my house was? It was Chuck two days ago, that was it. I haven't seen no mouthbringers in my house. Did you ever send him that picture you took? Of what? Chuck passed out on the couch. Yeah, he has it. It's his background. That was his best picture ever. He has this picture of his buddy Chuck who came out after work long day and passed out on the couch. And he's like, scrawled out. I got him high as fuck. He was he was out. And then yeah, he looks like he's saving space for Jesus. He's saving the couch for Jesus. That was the night I broke Will's sexuality to everybody. See, you guys have a lot of fun there. I'm glad you have good people around you while I'm traveling the world. I'm glad you're traveling and leave me the fuck alone. What? Guess. Guess what I'm going to name this episode. Category five. Category five and it's going to pop up on your wife's shit. Why is your fucking episode? That's what he hopes we die from. That's fantastic. You better do it. Don't forget. I'm going to do it. Go on the sheets right now. I am going as soon as we're done recording this and I go pick up Madam boss. I'm coming back and renaming this category five and it's going right up on iTunes. Are you going to tell her when he's there or you want to wait? I'm going to tell her as soon as I pick her up. Guess what he did. I didn't do it. No, no, no, no. I didn't do it. It happened. Go get your miscreant of a wife and put her on the phone. I mean, I mean the screen, the screen, the phone. Look, she's so excited right now. She's going out to get like Hawaiian lays and stuff to bring home so we can break the news of the kids. She doesn't even know yet. I'm warning you right now. If this pops up on my Facebook, it will be the last thing I post. I guarantee it. I will tag you in it. You fucking tag me in it. I swear to anything everybody believes. I will put it on the word Facebook page directly and make sure that you see it. I am going to be in Facebook jail for at least 30 days. I can see it. I'm already blocked on fucking Twitter because of my antics. I ruined the marriage. I'm going to ruin another one. I can feel it. I'm excited. I'm excited. I'm really. I'm excited for you to come visit. You have two chances of that happening and one is slim and the other one is fucking none. Yeah. Wipe that fucking look off your face. All right. Other news. I'm excited. I got toys today. That sounded weird. Put your pocket post you away. This episode is over. What? This episode is over. What am I doing? I don't give a fuck about your star wars pocket post that lights up and makes lightsaber sounds. This light, this fucking episode is over. This has been War of the Words. We'd be random in the King. Thank you all for having an old with us and we hope you enjoyed the ride. Please stay seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Make sure you grab all your belongings and get the hell out of here. Until next time. [BLANK_AUDIO]