The love affair event is back at Whole Foods Market through Valentine's Day, with sales to help you celebrate that special someone. Set the tone with gifts like scented candles, and Whole Foods Market's 24-stem bunch of roses. Skip the reservation and make a sizzling surf and turf, with deals on quality steaks, lobster tails and more. Dessert pro tip? You'll find their chocolate-covered strawberries in the bakery department. Feel the love with delicious savings at Whole Foods Market. Imagine what's possible when learning doesn't get in the way of life. At Capella University, our game-changing flex path learning format lets you set your own deadline so you can learn at a time and pace that works for you. It's an education you can tailor to your schedule. That means you don't have to put your life on hold to pursue your professional goals. Instead, enjoy learning your way and earn your degree without missing a beat. A different future is closer than you think, with Capella University. Learn more at Capella.edu. Hello and welcome back to Who's the Bitch? It's me, Cara Clang. It's me, Jackie Zabrowski. And we're here to tell you who the bitch is in your life. And sometimes it might be who looking at you in the mirror. Yeah, and the bitch is looking at me in the mirror right now, and it's COVID. I have COVID, everybody. No, you're looking at the disease in the mirror. I don't know how I fucking got COVID. I haven't had it since 2022. It really got me down. You know what? You know what it is? I was literally thinking the other day. Wow, I haven't had COVID since 2022. That's crazy. You did this. You're too strong. You know why? Because you're a witch. You're a woman in total control of herself. I accidentally thought about this on my period. And now I manifest in it. You did this. I look what I did. You're too strong. You're absolutely too strong. So we're really sorry that we had to cancel yesterday's. I'm sorry. This is coming out on Wednesday, but Monday's live stream. I apologize. We had to cancel that last minute. But baby took a COVID test on Sunday and was like, oops. And I take these COVID tests just to be like, it's okay. It's not that. It's not that. It's not COVID. At least it's not COVID. But it is. Yeah, you got it. And you know I had the fucking flu a month ago. So I don't know what the hell's happening. I never get sick. It's insane. Well, I feel like, I mean, not to be like this, I don't want to blame the germongers that lived inside of you at a time. But I hear a word on the street that when you are a parent, you kind of get sick all the time. Yes. That's what they say. But like, my kids have mostly just given me little like, oh, my nose is running, you know, like little sort of viral things that just go away very quickly. I typically knock on wood, have a very strong immune system, and I fight things off very quickly. I'm also very on top of immunizations. I just got immunized against flu. Get another one. In October. In October. I don't even think I can. I think it's too close to my last one. But I will say, I believe in these vaccinations, because the last time I had the flu was a few years ago, and I was on my ass for 10 years. And this time, I was only out for like three days. Okay. And with COVID, I was really only fully in bed. Um, like half of Sunday and all of Monday. So like, I'm pretty much back. I'm pretty much feel fine, even though I sound stuffed up and shitty. Like, I pretty much feel fine. So I do credit the vaccinations with like, you know, get me having quicker like, recovery time. Yeah. Well, thank you vaccinations. Everybody get your vaccine. Get your vaccine. Man, I, my husband just got a tetanus shot. And he was like, when was the last time you got a tetanus shot? And then he complained about that tetanus shot for days. They are. Apparently, I remember they, I guess they also can't remember the last time I got a tetanus shot, which apparently my doctor said, means it's time for you to get a new time. It's time to get a new time shot. Because it's every 10 years. Yes. It makes sense that you don't remember, but it's probably like, I think I got one when I first moved to LA and we're coming up on 10 years, but I probably need one in the next year or two. No, but like, but like they, they do, they fuck your arm aches. Like your arm aches for a few days. But you know, again, bitches get vaccinated. Yeah. So my God, let's go get our tetanus shots together. That's what bitches love to do on the weekends. That's what they don't tell you about. We just go get a little tetanus shot, have a little drink. Yes. You know, watch, you know, six or seven episodes of The Traders season three. Okay. So perfect intro into what I've been doing with my lying down horizontal time. Yes. I have gone into The Traders. Now people told me, Carrie, you're going to love The Traders. Oh, you got to watch The Traders. You got to watch The Traders. I was like, sure. But listen, you guys know this. I'm a housewives person. I also have children and a busy life. I truly, the housewives have kept me so busy. Yeah. And I realize I got to just bow out of the franchises that aren't serving me. I'm such a good for you. That I'll be like, well, I got to watch this. I did finally stop like at the end of Dubai last season. I didn't watch the reunion. I was like, it's not worth it. It's like, I'm not. I did ask, you know, Cara, if Dubai was worth my time. Yeah. And I was like, because I on is in, Chanel I on is in Big, not Big Traders season three. She is a star, but I don't think she's worth. So was Carolyn Stanbury. They're not worth watching Dubai, in my opinion. Just, it's not enough. Nothing really happens. Dubai is not that. It's cool to watch a few episodes of it because it is wild how they live. They live such a different way. When differently. Like, you know, it's like they're in this fucking multimillionaire metropolis in the desert. Like it is cool. It is cool. I like to, and I like to meet those women and stuff, but I don't know. I'm on like, it's like the third season. I'm like, I don't really care. But I've just been like, oh, traders, I can't, I don't have time, but I will get to it. I'll get to it. This COVID has brought me the blessing that is the traders. Oh my God. The thing is, I've never been into survivor. I cannot watch people like get sunburned and be starving and naked in the wild. Okay. And then I've never really watched big brother because it just felt like so much time. This combines like these shows that are all about deceiving people. Yes. Which I've never really been into, but it combines it with what I like, which are like sort of like little challenges and an amazing backdrop. I'm obsessed with the castle. Oh my God, and Alan coming. Alan coming is like basically giving me my RuPaul's Drag Race little dress in there. Like you're serving. And then the Scottish Highlands are fucking gorgeous. I just wanna go out there and do these challenges. Yes. And then I do weirdly, I used to think, what am I gonna watch a bunch of people just like circle around talking to each other? I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. So I'll just like going room to room having private convos. It's like being at a party where there's all this gossip going on, but you need to see all of it. It's truly right at my alley. It's amazing. I, it's just, it's weird because I feel like it's like, we're like, Fival goes west. We're both underneath the same night sky in different places watching the traders because I just also, oh yeah. And I'm a little mouse and I'm like, how did I get these pants on? And I'm like, there are no cats in America. Yeah, I'm being cheap. The whipped cheese. Yes, yes. I also watched the traders also absorbed all of it this weekend. I just didn't, I had no idea. We were connecting so hard to this bitch extent. Just this weekend? When I was watching it? Oh my God. Just this weekend because I've also been told, since the beginning of these, like this show, but in my head, I was like, I already watched the mole. Like I already did it. I already did that thing. But I like of what the difference is, is that you know who the traders are as opposed to the mole because you never know who the mole is in the mole. Now, some people like that better, but I like the caddiness. And it's also why I immediately fell in love, which every time I've seen Bob the Drag Queen and other things, I have fallen in love, like more and more in love with him. And then this has now spurned me to start watching, which I mean, I feel like this is where you and your husband finally combine, which is Dungeons and Drag Queens, which I've been watching over on Dropout, Bob the Drag Queen. I know. Playing Dungeons and Dragons for the first time. By the way, I'll say it here and I'll say it here. Like fucking the only place I've said it, maybe. Maybe I've set it on my other podcast. When I worked on Drag Race, and I still do go back and work on Drag Race, but when I was permanently like on staff at Drag Race in five years ago, 2019, I pitched Dungeons and Drag Queens. (gasping) I pitched it as a challenge. And nobody got it and nobody understood like what I was talking about. And so whatever like it didn't even move on. And now here we are with this whole fucking series that is that and it's such a good idea. - So good. They're so fun to watch. And I never, ever thought, I was like, I know that I play D&D now, but I was like, I'm never gonna be that person. That's just sitting around listening to D&D campaigns. Cara. I can't, you, I used to be a bully. (laughing) What happens inside of my brain as I was sitting here, like cuddling on the man that I love, watching hours of people playing D&D. And he was like, what have I become Cara? Who am I like the perfect Jackie Chan movie? Who am I? Who am I? He yells, who am I a lot? (laughing) - Well, I'm obsessed. They should give Bob the drag queen extra money because I feel like he's the reason why I and a lot of people like tuned into this season. - He's so good. - I think a lot of people were like, oh, Bob's gonna be on it. And he's so smart and entertaining. And I've opened for Bob, like I've spent time with Bob. Like he is really just the best guy I like love him. - Oh, he's so wonderful. - And that makes me so happy. - So funny, so smart. Like just like brain like sharp as a fucking tack, that guy. So like. - Well, watching them play D&D for the first time, as someone that is currently playing D&D for the first time, I was like, how the hell are they just able to just make up this world? They just jump in with two feet. I have done improv for a very long time. - And I'm struggling with it. Because it's like anything you want. Like, but what do you mean? - I know. What do you mean? - Give me parameters. I thrive with boundaries. - Yeah. - But that's not the world of D&D. And I guess I don't want to say that I'm lame. It's just that, you know, I'm a different kind of creative now, I guess. - Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's an inclusive dungeon playing baby now. She does not believe more everyone. - Thank you. She doesn't. - I mean, this is just like unpaid advertising that I am obsessed with the traders and I am so into it. And it's crazy that you can just be opened up to new kinds of genres at any time in life. - Any time. - Don't, you know, I was always like, I'm not really into competition shows, even though I have watched them in the past. I'm not really, you know, blah, blah, blah, but I love this. - I feel the same way. It's why I never got into the housewives because I like my fuck shows. I want the shows and I'm like, if they're not trying to bang each other, why would I watch it? And now I've realized because deceit and screaming at people is also really fun to watch. - Also entertaining. And if you're watching New York, they are trying to fuck a lot. The old New York, they are trying to fuck. Like, oh, the old New York, they're so horny. Like-- - See, for a second, I thought you meant the reality star in New York and I was like, when is New York trying to fuck? Like talking about like flavor, like, years, yes, but okay, I will watch that. - Old Housewives of New York. Oh, I can't wait for you to get in New York. New York is so-- - That's next. - I think it's next, right? - It's just gonna take you a little longer 'cause it's long. That's like a, that's an old one. But I'm at season five of SLC and I don't know what my life is going to be afterwards, Cara Ross. - Oh, man. - Season five of Salt Lake is so fucking good. Anyway, let's move on. That's our TV corner for the day. They tell you guys what we're watching. I want to share an email that we got from Shelby before we get into the bulk of answering your guys emails and voicemails and stuff. - Love this. - You've got it. - And they write to us, boy, howdy hot dog. - Love it. - How little beautiful poetic land mermaids. - Wow. - Love that, thank you. Let me paint a picture for you. I own a shop that sells locally made goods that also focus on crafting. I host a weekly craft night at the co-op grocery store in the neighborhood. We have fun and the conversations have a wide range of topics. Today, five or six of us had a heated debate over the Zodiac signs. - Okay. - So here's my question. Who is the bitch of the Zodiac signs? There's talk of Sagittarius and Scorpios. I'm a bad gay and a Libra taboo. - Oh no. - And know nothing about the signs. Help, love y'all. P.S. I had some jazz cabbage tonight and ate a big giant bag of Swedish fish. I hope you're both engaging in self-care too. - Oh my God, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. - Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. - Yes, yes, yes. - 'Cause that's the funniest thing I've ever heard. (laughing) - It's jazz cabbage weed. - Jazz cabbage is so funny by the way. - So funny, so funny. - Thank you so much for writing to us. I love this. This was like a good, this is not a who's the bitch really. It's like a, it's like a, feel free to write us these. I think it'd be so funny if we do like, you know, who's the bitch of household spices? Who's the bitch of, you know, send us those kind of things too. We're into it. - Yes, and why is it crushed red pepper? You know it is, you fucking know it is. I love this conversation. - Yeah, this is great. I will have to say like, I'm not like totally on the same level maybe as Shelby who says that they don't know anything about the signs. I know a little bit, but like, I don't know, I know if I know like my son is such a fucking Gemini, my daughter is such an Aries, I'm a classic Virgo. I know a little bit about certain signs, but like, couldn't tell you anything about a Taurus, couldn't tell you anything about a cancer, you know what I mean? So I don't really know some of the signs. So I was looking this up a little bit and you were too, Jackie. So tell me what you found. - Well, here's the thing. I do love that they immediately throw, 'cause I also say, I know about the signs of the people that I know, they're signs and then I know more about it. Like specifically, a Sagittarius, I've got a couple Sagittarius friends and it's very interesting because I love that a Sagittarius was brought up even though when you do some Google researching, there are some lists that come up of the bitchiest Zodiac signs. And among all of them is Scorpios at the top. Scorpios number one bitch. I will say I am a Leo with a Scorpio mother and people that do know horoscopes know that that is a tumultuous household. That is two very strong personalities going up against each other. But the Sagittarius in my life aren't honestly genuinely the craziest. And I, as I got to know, because I had never really known anything about a Sagittarius except that as I found out the people in my life that were Sagittarius, I was like, oh, that makes sense. Oh, that makes sense. Oh, that makes sense because the man, they go to a beat of a different drummer. It is definitely the people that are making fun, crazy life choices that you're just like, how are they even like getting from point A to point B? But they're just enjoying life in a different Richter scale than we are enjoying life because they take chances. Now, here's the thing that could be seen as very bitchy. A person that is seen as selfishly making a bunch of choices for themselves for them to live their best lives is seen as very bitchy. Yeah. So I guess it would depend. But I do feel that Scorpios are certainly up there. I am surprised that Leos are really nowhere near the top of any of these lists, which as a Leo, when people go, oh my God, you're such a Leo because I am the most Leo of all the Leos. So if you ever have a question over what a Leo is and what they represent, just think about me and everything that I am and including my anger, including my jealousy, including like everything that makes me spicy, I am a little surprised, although Leo's natural people blazers. Okay, well, okay, so Sagittarius, by the way, is birthdays November 22nd to December 21st. So I'm just trying to think of the people of my life that have those birthdays and the couple that I'm thinking of are not that cuckoo, but I will say this, let me ask this, I guess. So the, I guess I always, hold on, let me find this little thing that I was just looking at. Like, okay, so I guess I thought, oh, fire signs are gonna be the ones that are like the craziest and that's a Leo and a Sagittarius and an Aries, which is my daughter, but I've always heard Scorpio is so, like, oh, watch out for Scorpios, they're nuts or whatever, but that's a water sign. So I don't know, maybe fire being, maybe it being a fire sign doesn't mean anything. I'm an earth sign, which I always think of like Virgo, yes, we're so down to earth, Capricorn, my husband's ultimate earth sign, very down to earth. Maybe I'm like putting something on these earth, air, fire signs that aren't- - You know what it is, you're so right, and actually the difference is, is where fire is more passion, energy, drama. - Yeah. - Water is more emotion, intuition, nurture. - Yes. - So it's more emotional, I know that. - Yes, so it's way more in the emotional, you know, but you know, it's fun 'cause in a fire sign, it's more perceived as passion instead, because it's like, oh, they're just like that. Oh, they can't even stand up like that. But also weirdly enough, I feel like we've talked about this on page seven before, not necessarily in the world of bitchiness, but just coming to like, depending on when your birthday is and how that affects you, because I do wonder if Sagittarians, they're holiday babies. - Yeah. - And we know that holiday babies often overlooked, so maybe they have to make those big life decisions. Maybe they have to be more in your face or else they'll be forgotten, because they're not a day babies. - Yeah, yeah, Capricorn's too, baby. - Yes, could be Capricorns as well, that like, Capricorns are also very disciplined, you know? They're very like, they're like, you know, a strong sense of self in a Capricorn, so it really just depends on how you view someone as bitchy. - Yes, so true, so true. - See, I've had a lot of issues with cancers in my life, and I'm not talking about the big C, I'm talking about how emotional and I think really what it comes down to is the amount of horoscopes that are like, "But I'm loyal, don't you realize I'm loyal?" It's like, all right, well sometimes loyalty can really come off as a very fucking bitchy, and I'm saying this as a loyal ass bitch myself. Yes, I stick to my guns, I'm very stubborn. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - What are you? - I'm a Virgo, baby, I'm a Virgo. - I'm a Virgo. - I'm like the most Virgo, Virgo that ever Virgo. - You are, honestly it's kind of cute 'cause together we are the most of our each individual horoscope sign, as each other could be. - I used to be like, I don't really believe in that stuff, and then once I had kids, my kids are just so their signs, like it's just, I don't, you know, it's what you put on it, I guess, or how you read it, but oh my God. - But Gemini, I hear, I imagine also up there, because as someone for a really long time, I had a lot of Gemini's in my life, and a lot of them are not really in my life anymore. - My mother's a Gemini, and my son is a Gemini. - Uh oh, yeah, but yeah, it makes a lot of sense that Oskie is a Gemini, goes back and forth, back and forth. - Yes, it's like happy sad within a breath, like it's so crazy. - Hell yeah. - So he's got twin personalities, so I don't know, who would we say are the bitchiest? Who would we say are the bitchiest? - I mean. - You're saying Sagittarius. - I think I am, and that's, you know, really I'm bucking against the lists that are out there, guys. - And I'm gonna say Gemini, 'cause my little son is a little bitch sometime. (laughing) He might hear this someday, and I love you, buddy, but you are. - I mean, it's okay, kids can be bitches too. - Yeah. (laughing) - So I'll brush your shoulders off. (laughing) - All right, well, I love that. If you have any insight into the bitchiest signs, definitely like Diamos, or send us an email, and-- - I also love this. I love that, like, thank you for asking this, 'cause like, give me a reason to talk about this, 'cause you're right. I could talk about which one is the bitchiest for three hours straight. - Yeah, yeah, for sure. And if you wanna email us, please do. And also, we shout this out at the end of the episode, but I'm gonna shout it out at the beginning of the episode too. - Whoa. - We need your calls, we want, we love it. We're getting a lot of calls. Thank you so much to those of you who have called us, left voicemails, written us DMs, written us emails. We love it. We obviously can't use every single one on the show, but, you know, keep writing us. And we're trying to get as many of on as we can. And that's, who's the bitch.com has all the info on how you can, all the various ways you can call us. - Yes, also, we will be live next on February 10th. So if you wanna call in and just talk to us live so that we can suss through a story together, we would love that again, February 10th, Twitch.tv/LPNTV. - Yes, and that's a great option for people that are like, every time I try to write this out, it ends up being like 10 million pages long. Just call us, we can help you get to that detail quicker, you know? - We'll do it together. Man, that was fantastic. - And one last quick reminder about the voicemails, they do cut off after five minutes. It's okay to send us like a second one that kind of wraps it up, but we really can't play any of them that are gonna be longer than two messages, because it gets a little bit unruly time-wise. - The love affair event is back at Whole Foods Market through Valentine's Day, with sales to help you celebrate that special someone. Set the tone with gifts like scented candles and Whole Foods Market's 24-some bunch of roses. Skip the reservation and make a sizzling surf and turf with deals on quality steaks, lobster tails and more. Dessert pro tip? You'll find their chocolate covered strawberries in the bakery department. Feel the love with delicious savings at Whole Foods Market. - Imagine what's possible when learning doesn't get in the way of life. At Capella University, our FlexPath learning format lets you learn on your own schedule. A different future is closer than you think with Capella University. Learn more at Capella.edu. - But let's jump into the first one. We've got an email that Jackie's gonna read for you. - Oh, yes. - You've got a bitch. - Hi, Cara and Jackie. I love this long time page seven loser and new member of Bitch Nation. - Yeah, Bitch Nation. - I love Bitch Nation. Can we steal Bitch Nation? - Hell yeah. - The Bitch Nation. - I love it. - Bitch Nation. - Bitch Nation. - It's so good. - Oh, put your bitch up. Put your bitch up. I've been bitching the pod all week. Thanks so much for joining us. I thought you two would be the best to ask, who's the bitch? Quick background, my husband and I have been living with his mom, dad and sister for the past four years. They are all in a weight loss program and have very limited diets. We lost programs are the real bitch. Oh, yeah, my God, but we won't go down that road. You damn right. My father-in-law, who we will call Bob, pretty much only eats fish, chicken and vegetables. Great for him, not for me. Anyway, every single time we go out to eat, Bob asks the waiter, what do you recommend or what is your favorite item on the menu? It doesn't matter if we've been there before, if it's a new place. The waiters are always kind and take time to give recommendations or ask him his preferences. Then he orders fish and vegetables. Bob always orders fish and veggies. He never takes the advice of the restaurant staff. So after years of this, one night we go out to dinner. Bob asks the waiter, what do you recommend? And the waiter goes on a 10 minute rundown of the whole menu. He was clearly swamped, but he was so kind and took so much time with us. I sat through the whole explanation, boiling with anger at Bob. I was beyond annoyed with him and when the waiter left, I said, you know you're wasting his time. Bob looked at me confused and I continued. When you already know what you want and you ask a waiter what he recommends, you're really wasting his time. Whoa, my husband pinched me under the table like telling me to lay off. And so I shut up and left it alone. It's been months and Bob still asks every waiter for their recommendations. My husband and I kind of look at each other and roll our eyes. So am I a bitch for trying to make my boomer father in law a more considerate member of society? Is Bob the bitch for wasting service workers time? Is my husband the bitch for not letting me be meaner to his dad? Thanks, love ya, I love this is great. Oh, this is great. - Your husband is definitely a bitch for not letting you be meaner to his dad. - Yes, especially if you're living with him. I mean, you gotta get it out somehow and if you don't let it out little bits at a time, it's gonna explode at some point, which I feel like, not that I'm putting this on you. I feel like I would be at that place if I was you watching it happen every time. - Four years of living, yeah, and every day, listen. The thing is, I know what this is like, it's you cannot teach old boomers new tricks in a lot of ways, in a lot of ways. In some ways, listen, my in-laws were fucking radicalized by NPR in like their late 50s, early 60s, like they went from fully red voters to blue voters, like, so you can change your minds about some things, but it's like, this sounds almost like a tick, and it also sounds like maybe this is something that your father-in-law is doing because he can't eat any of these things. He kind of just wants to hear somebody talk about it. - You hear about it. - Talk about them in a way that's like, oh wow, like he can kind of enjoy them second hand from the waiter telling him how good they are. I know that sounds fucked up, but like, that might be what's happening. - I also do wonder, and I know that, and maybe you're like, that is so not what Bob is doing, and so please forgive me. - Yeah. - But as someone that has worked in customer service, and did work in customer service for a very long time, I find myself often stopping like, I will stop in, check out or something like that, and be like, how are you doing? Are you having a nice day? And I try to connect for a moment. And I do wonder if it could be Bob being like, they do a job, this is their job, and so I'm asking them for what, I'd like to connect with them as a human being, and this is a way that I feel connected with them. Now, I'm sure you're probably rolling your eyes being like, that is not what Bob is doing. I'm trying to give Bob the benefit of the doubt here. I'm trying to give him that he's not being the bitch, because it does sound like he's just something he does. And sometimes when a boob or just some they do, but he's always done that. But I always ask for the recommendations. Why would I stop asking for the recommendations now? Because you are wasting his time. Us because in the same breath, I am also annoyed as a former customer service worker at someone wasting my time when I'm very busy. Yeah, especially the part where you said that like, yeah, the waiter was swabbed and he spent 10 minutes like going over the menu, it's like-- Going over everything. That is so frustrating. But I do think in the grand scheme of things, we're gonna try to change about boomers. This one's like, I don't know. But at the same time, Cara, if you were living with your in-laws, think of all of the things that they would do that would drive you mad. I couldn't do it, I don't think I could do it. Would you imagine? I think that you're, the fact that you're being so sweet and kind and patient and that the only thing you've done is have this very measured response. Yes. You didn't even, I thought you were gonna, I thought it was gonna be like, you popped off on him at the restaurant. Stop asking for a recommendation. Why are you doing that? Why are you doing that? Stop like, I would go crazy and you like really, I think it's so funny that you do that at some point. I think I would have a mental breakdown. That's why I just wanna say, I'm proud of you. Yeah. Because I also wonder if this is partially a manifestation of a million little things. That are annoying. That he does. That all add up over time. And this is the one thing you can point out and be like, but this is something that is not too, that's why I actually think it is, I'm happy for you that this might be something that you could slowly tackle. (laughing) Of just like, or doing, to the, if you can't change this, and maybe I'm going too above and beyond as a people pleaser here. Of doing the, like, he asks, what are the recommendations? And you go, what's your favorite? Just tell us your one favorite. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. I was gonna say the same thing. Like, you know what I mean? Just go, you know, maybe this time just ask them, what's your favorite thing on the menu? Yes, and just the one thing. Or, or like, it's shorter. It could be interesting to just, the next time you, it happens, just go, I'm just curious why you do that. Is this like, is this like, is this just something you've always done? Because you never take the recommendation, so I'm just wondering, like, don't take it from-- Is he doing it for all of you at the table? Yeah, maybe he's doing it for your guy's benefit, like the sound, like, or he's like, oh, I think waiter, one time a waiter told me that was his favorite part of being a waiter. Like, you know, who knows? Like, maybe he has a reason. Like, ask him, like, but take it, like, go at it, not from like a, like a mean, yeah, like an accusatory. Like, why are you wasting everybody's fucking time? Which is how I would probably do it. I would definitely at some point, definitely do it with my own dad. Are you kidding? Would my own dad be like, dad, knocking off? Oh my God! Just how little patience you have for your own parents, isn't it insane? How like, willing and open you are with an in-law of like, I will give them the benefit of the doubt for as long as I can, especially when you're living with them. And so there's so much that can't be said that maybe this is something that you could turn into rather than something that makes you want to turn into a cartoon steam train whistle and just blow it all out. Yeah, maybe start changing your perspective of it of like, yeah, ask why. Yeah. Why you do it? Let's get to the bottom of this. Honestly, check back with us. I'd love to know how this turns out. Please let me know. Please. But let's go out. Let's move on to our next, we have a voicemail. Yes. Thank you for calling his bitch. Tell us in the voicemail whose bitch beep. Hi, I just want to start by sitting here, I love you. I keep here from that stuff, and I've been to your lectures. This is the years of asking. Jackie, I'm a new listener, but you crack me up, so. Thank you. And this is an old situation, but I'm really curious to know your guys have not. I feel like any person I've ever talked to about it is been biased, kind of just like, just be what I wanted to hear. So I really want an unbiased. Mm-hmm. So my name is Joe, my ex is named Sam, so not me. So I dated Sam back in my early 20s. We dated for, like, a year and a half. For the last part of our relationship, it was long distance. I had this way for work, and it was me at the time, and I stayed actually grown up. But right now we should have grown up long before that. It was all just really toxic relationship. Like, if we're far enough on, I can say, like, I was not a good partner. Sam was not a good partner. We were just really not meant to be and brought out the worst of each other. And it was really nice. So basically, we break up and see the great of big friends and we probably text, you know, once every couple of weeks and if we're not that in touch, we're not good facts. I started going to therapy. I started on talking about relationship and therapy. I realized, wow, actually, it was horrible. It was really unhealthy. Sam is not a healthy person for me to have in my life. So after a few months, some quote-a-quote being friends, I basically reached back out to Sam and I was like, hey, so I can't do this, like, I don't think I should be friends. I, you know, I wish you all the best, but I really can't give her feelings anymore. And Sam picked up that and respected that battery, whatever. So this is where I guess it's like two weeks later, a mutual friend of ours died. Just radically, totally unexpected. Like, no one saw this topic. This friend passed away and Sam started reaching out to me and is, you know, calling me so upset. Sometimes the job's going to just basically want me to help her through the grieving process. And on my end, I'm like, hey, I hate him. I don't want to be part of Sam's life. And I don't think it would be fair for me to be the person that helps Sam prove this grieving process, knowing that I, at the end of it, still do not want to be a part of Sam's life. So basically, anytime Sam calls, I'm kind of fielding the call and being like, I'm really sorry. I'm so sorry it's happening. But I really can't be the person that I'm off to. And, you know, I'm trying to read your lecture, doing this friend of ours or something, but I just really never kind of help. And to Sam, I was a simple bitch who, like, did not help her and create a lot of our friends. I had just said I didn't want to be in her life, so it could, you know, it's just awful timing. But basically, the fact that I wasn't there for her, I just became the feeble person. Any mutual friends we had was like, wow, Mary, girl, wow, girl, that's awful. No, it's just not good. So my guess my question is, do you think that was a bitch who, for me, did not help Sam through this? Or do you think I did the right thing? I'm hoping it's a bitch who's crying, but I'm just curious if I can get just curious because I think much. - Okay, intense. - So much, Jill. Thank you so much for calling in. - Yeah, this is an intense one. - And I know it happened to you a while ago, but I'm so sorry that you had to go through this, and I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend, because I've been there and it's very hard and I'm sitting here left. - Yeah, absolutely. - Because I know that grief gets easier, but it never goes away. So I'm really proud of you for taking how difficult this situation was and going to therapy and starting to talk this out so that you could start working on this, because especially after a toxic relationship ends, oftentimes we're not in that place to see it yet, and it's a difficult, tentative time period when you're trying to realize like, what did I just go through? Who am I now? Who was I during that? And how can I deal with this? And I do feel that this is a bitchless crime. I feel that it is so hard to go through grief in so many different ways, and when you have someone that's connected to a person that has passed, it's hard to not reach out to them and be like, but we have each other still and you want to reach out to anyone that was connected to them because it also helps them feel, you know, more alive, helps you feel so many things that helps put your brain in order and organize it. So I don't think that Sam was being untoward with doing that. I don't think, at least I don't think they were being a bitch. I think that they were probably going through something, although you did say that it was a toxic relationship. So I'm so proud of you because one thing that I feel like people go through these kind of issues with another person and you throw away everything that had happened before and you're like, no, I will welcome that back in with open arms because they need me right now, but you needed to protect yourself. And I'm so happy for you because that's so difficult to do and I don't think that's a bitchy thing to do. - And I don't know that I could do it. Like, honestly, I think that's a really, like, look, we've talked about this before. People throw the word boundary around all the time now. Everybody's talking in therapy, speak, they're like, boundary this, boundary that. My boundary is that I'm allowed to steal from you. It's just like a thing and that's my boundary. - It's my boundary. - That's just like a thing. I'm allowed to steal from people. I just, I've made that boundary with my therapist. Like, no, listen, this is a true boundary. - Yes. - You're like, I cannot have you in my life. And even tragedy does not negate the boundary. - Exactly. - I think it's okay. Like, I think it's good that you reach back and just said, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Like, maybe I'll see you at the, like, like, I won't ignore you at the services or whatever, but I'm not gonna help you get through this point of your life because that is exactly when boundaries get broken. - Yes. - This time's like that. - Yes. - Exactly when this went up person who, and I'm not saying who have you said you were a bad partner at the time. You said Sam was a bad partner. But that is exactly when bad partners try to weasel the way back in. - Oh, yeah. - Oh, I was going through a really hard time that they came over and then we ended up hooking up and blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, like, we hear it all the time. So I think it's great that you kept that boundary. I do think it's, I think if anybody, you're the bitch, but you're the bitch with boundaries, and I think you did the right thing. - Yeah, because you have to take care of yourself because a toxic person, whether she was meaning to or not, they sometimes, like you said, will use any opening to just squink right in. - And so she wants to call you the bitch in the situation letter. - Yeah, yeah, letter. You're the bitch with boundaries. - Hell yes. - And that's that. And that is that on that. Thank you so much for writing in. That one, that is like, that's such an intense amount of stuff to go through. And I hope that we, I hope you, I, you said a lot of people have been telling you what you want to hear. I hope you like what we had to say and that it wasn't, it didn't feel like we're coddling you in any way because that's truly what I think. - Right. - And with Jackie things. - Yeah. - All right, this next email, this is a nice short email. Love it. - You've got. - Hey, so long story short, after many years of estrangement, multi year each time, I cut off my mom at the age of 29 when I was pregnant with my first child. It was justified as I didn't want my children to be exposed to her abuse of intoxic behavior. I feel nothing but relief going no contact with her and everyone who is in contact with her. But here's the problem. Occasionally people will ask where my mom is or how she's been. And for the past five years, I've just stated that she was dead. Over time, I actually really did think she must have passed. She could never go so long without financial help. I just learned that she is in fact alive. Do I have to clarify with people who ask now that she's alive or am I a bitch for sticking with the she's dead story to curtail questions and having to explain myself? Sometimes when I say we are estranged, I get asked a lot of questions and blamed for the situation. Even though years of therapy have taught me that substance and physical abuse are not the child's fault. Please let me know if I'm the bitch for sticking with a story that I know is not true. Thank you. I mean, I don't know. I was about to go girl, but I mean, whether you're a girl or a boy, girl, in my opinion, you do you. - Yeah. - It's really nobody's business. If somebody's gonna find out your mom's alive and they come back to you and go, "Wait a minute, your mom is alive!" - Right. - Instead of their fucking business. Like, I think that's absolutely however you want to present your mother to other people is through your lens and like, it's, you know, I think that. - Because here's the thing. Think about if a friend of yours has said, "Oh, my mom has died." And I didn't talk to her before she died, now she's dead. Would you start asking more questions about that? I guess it would depend on how they responded to it. But I feel like you don't know anybody, anything. And as far as you are concerned, this woman is dead to you. - Yeah. - So what does it matter? If someone else finds out, and if I, okay, Kara, if you told me that your mom had passed and I said, "Oh, I'm so sorry," and I found out later on that she was actually alive, I wouldn't go to you and be like, "Why did you lie about it, bitch?" You know what I would probably think is, wow, she must have a really good reason for feeling this way. - Saying that. - And yeah, I wonder, I would assume that she didn't want her mother and her life anymore and that this person is dead to her. And I wouldn't ask any questions. So any person that would ask you about that, don't get me wrong. I'm sure that you have, you've got good friends where it's like, "Oh yeah, man, we're all just passing around the jazz cabbage." And you start talking about this because you're having feelings about it, you know what I mean? And like, that's completely all good. But you are allowed to share your personal information with whomever you choose. You don't own anybody, nothing. Unless it's literally like your mother's doctor was calling, even though I don't know why they would, and I don't think they would be able to talk to you about anything. But still, I was asked, you know, by someone that like, I kind of know, not like a good friend of mine, out with a bunch of other people, in front of other people, ask me, "Why don't I have children and am I currently trying?" And it's these kind of questions that people feel completely fine with asking someone where it's like, you know, if someone says, "My mom has passed," and someone who's like, "Prove it, bet she ain't," or asking these untethered questions that are, none, yeah, none, yeah, business, y'all. Keep on steppin' out. And I'm so sorry not to liken that to the asking of child question. I just feel like when you're asking such sensitive questions, sometimes people are just so selfish in what they feel they have a right to know about your life. - Yeah, and I totally agree, like it's so much easier to just be like, oh, my mom passed away, and then people are like, oh, so sorry. And then the conversation's over, whereas it's like, oh, my mom and I don't really talk, oh, how long? - Why? - 'Cause I was there an exciting incident. Like, stop, it's not in your fucking business. Like, I mean, of course, unless this is like a good friend of yours and you're both opening up or something, I would wanna talk about it. - Yeah, I would also say, I guess, 'cause in part of this you said, people will ask where my mom is or how she's been. I guess if it's somebody that knows your mom, then maybe it's a little weird to lie 'cause they know your mom, but still, I don't know, I just think it's like whatever. They don't know your mom that well if they're asking you about her, you know? - That's the thing. - Like, they don't know if your mom that well, so you don't know. - I don't, you just don't know anybody anything. - Yeah, I don't think they deserve none of it. - I think it's just hell no, no, if you don't know, then I ain't gonna tell ya. - Yeah. - I feel like it's also an appropriate response, dude, so it's like, well, you ain't checking up on her. - Yeah, we all tell people shit that isn't true and maybe that makes us bitches, but then we're all the bitches, so you're good. - And you're good. - Also very happy for you that through years of therapy, you've been taught that substance and physical abuse are not the child's fault, very happy for you. - And that you're breaking the cycle with your children. - Hell yes you are. - I'm proud of you, babe. - So when we make merch, it's gonna be like proud of you. I'm so proud of you. - Oh, Jackie, I just love you. - I just love you. - You're always proud of everybody, it's great. - I am, I just feel like I know how difficult it is as someone that has had to battle my own emotions and things that we've all been taught that we have to unlearn, I know how hard it is to do that. - Yeah. - And I know that it's like, who gives a fuck if you're proud of me, but I just think it's the kind of thing that like, not everybody gets to hear it all the time. And I think it's under, like that breaking the cycle of abuse is very difficult thing to undertake in a family. And I'm just happy for people that are taking life by the way. - And I do not mean for a second to demean a Jackie, I'm proud of you because it means a lot to me. - Thank you, thank you. - To a lot of people. - Thank you. - And also, by the way, if anyone asked you if you're trying, yeah, I said trying to have a good life by, which is now my new response. Are you trying is such a weird question? It's like, I'm sorry, do you wanna know how much I'm having sex with my spouse? What are you talking about? - Yeah, 'cause I'm like, I'm begging my husband a lot, but I'm also not like timing it to my games. Is that what your question is? - It's such a weird, it's such an invasive question. It's so crazy. - Yes. It's so nuts. - Anyway. - All right, let's get to our next. - But also I will say sidebar of a bitch conversation. If someone openly says like, oh, we're trying, we're trying, I feel like then it's like you can ask how the trying is going, right? Like if that person opens up the conversation, then I feel like it's fine. - Yeah, I just like to bring. - Yeah, but that's fine. I'm sorry. - Trying to have a good life, trying to sleep in and go to brunch. (laughing) - See you later. - Peace out. (laughing) - The love affair event is back at Whole Foods Market through Valentine's Day, with sales to help you celebrate that special someone. Set the tone with gifts like scented candles and Whole Foods Market's 24-some bunch of roses. Skip the reservation and make a sizzling surf and turf with deals on quality steaks, lobster tails and more. Dessert pro tip? You'll find their chocolate covered strawberries in the bakery department. Feel the love with delicious savings at Whole Foods Market. - Imagine what's possible when learning doesn't get in the way of life. At Capella University, our game-changing flex path learning format lets you set your own deadline so you can learn at a time and pace that works for you. It's an education you can tailor to your schedule. That means you don't have to put your life on hold to pursue your professional goals. Instead, enjoy learning your way and earn your degree without missing a beat. A different future is closer than you think, with Capella University. Learn more at Capella.edu. Are we ready to roll on down to our next email or is it a voicemail next? - It's a call, baby, it's a call. - You got it, babe, you got it. Let's jump in. - Thank you for calling who's bitch. Tell us in the voicemail who's the bitch, beep. - Hello, my name is Steven. I'm actually calling you from my bathroom at work right now because I'm really angry. - Oh no. - So anyway, we have this girl, I work at a hotel, and we have this girl who comes in after me, after my show, she relieves me. She's usually supposed to be in a 10 o'clock at night. So I've worked from 2 p.m. to 10 p.m., which is hell. Don't ever work the afternoon at a hotel, it's awful. - Well, everyone's checking, but anyway. - She kept coming in later and later, and later 10, 20, 10, 30, 10, 40. And finally, management noticed and was like, hey, you know, you can't be consistently late all the time. So she gave some sob story about how, you know, her kid and this and that, which is fine, I understand. So they ended up changing the shift specifically for her. So now I work to 30 to 10, 30, so that she can have some extra time to get her kid together, which is fine, that's fine. I understand, you know, we go above and beyond to help people and to be empathetic and that kind of thing. We get it, but you want to tell me why this bitch is now coming in at 10, 50, 11, 11, 10 at night. - No. - They changed the whole shift for her, the whole timing of the day, they changed. And what did she do instead of being grateful and being like, oh, thank you so much. Thanks for understanding, thanks for being empathetic. They, she just starts coming in later than what she's supposed to with 10, 30. And here I am, then there's since 2, 30, 11 o'clock, 11, 10, 11, 15, I don't get home to midnight after midnight. So I need to know am I the bitch because she has a kid and that's really hard and I get that and I understand that. But still other people have lives too. And I like to sleep, especially at night. So when I'm getting off at 10, 50, 11 o'clock, 11, 15, if I'm not used to that and supposed to be doing that, you know, that's just, it's hard, it's hard. So am I the bitch for not being empathetic for her child or is she the bitch for taking advantage of what the hotel staff has done for her in rearranging the schedule? Anyway, love the show, Jackie. You've just been, I can't even just tell you what kind of influence you've had on my life. - Thank you. - And it's just, it's fantastic to watch you and to watch you evolve as a person. It's just so awesome. - So sweet. - Anyway, that's it. I'm gonna go now before I have some sort of nervous breakdown. - And your is some. - All right, bye. - Yeah. - Oh my God, I love you. - Steven, I wanna come to your hotel. Okay. - Oh my God. Oh God. - Listen. - I was being triggered as you were saying, like I'm upset on your behalf. - Yeah. - I'm very upset about this. - You know, she's the bitch is the bottom line and I'm saying that as a mom, like you still have obligations when you're a parent and you have to be on time for shit. The world, like it sounds like they've made a great concession for you. Also, kids are in bed. There's no way our kids still awake at 9.30 times. - Right. That's what I was about to say. What's happening with the, how old is this kid? And what is happening that she can't make it to her 10.30 shift, that they already changed the shift to accommodate her. I would be beside myself. - No, people are gonna take what you allow them to take. I mean, you push them as far, they push as far as they think they can go. And like, she pushed before and they changed the rules for her. And now she's continuing to push. I think that's, she's being a bitch. She's being unprofessional. - I am so happy for you that you are not being as petty as I would be because I would definitely start getting to a point of my shift ends at 10.30. It ends at 10.30 and I am leaving at 10.30. I really hope there's someone there because if not, I'm leaving at 10.30. That is when my shift ends or which I am not suggesting you do this, but I feel like if I were in your place, I could definitely see myself back in the day doing this. I would just fuck things up for her shift so that I would be like, oh, oh, it's like, oh. Well, then I guess you're not all set up because I had to stay late so I didn't have time to get everything set up for you, for your shift, your overnight shift where, I mean, I imagine she's got the time because not as many people are checking in, but I'm not suggesting you do that. I just know that I used to be very petty when people would fuck because I am. I am the kind of person that I truly feel that people that are always late and are, I think that they are just disrespectful of everyone else's time. And according to me, my time is money. You are now stealing from me. You are taking money out of my pocket. The more you are late, you are. And it's like, that's ridiculous because you give them house a cookie. - Yeah. - Oh, baby. They're asking for some fucking milk. Oh, baby. - Oh, my God. I didn't know in a million years you would know that book. My fucking kids have the stuffy of it and everything. - Oh, yes. - You've given this house a cookie and now she wants a glass of milk. - She wants a glass of milk. - That's so perfect. - That is exactly what's happening here. - And then she's gonna want a fucking piece of paper to draw a picture of her family and then some scotch change to hang it up. And it's like, I'd rather fival than this mouse, okay? I don't have to teach fival shit. - Wow, so much fictional mouse talk in today's episode. (laughing) I love it. (laughing) - I guess Ratatouille's not a part of that. That's a whole other thing. - Yeah, yeah. - That's a whole other thing. But I am, I think that I would, I'm trying to give advice and not just say what I would be doing back then because it wasn't good, because let's just say the squeaky wheel gets the oral, right? - Yeah. - And I usually, as someone that went above and beyond working in customer service, I always got there early. I always stayed late. But then, you're gonna have to hear me complain when a person is consistently late. And I'm going to start requiring other things. And I'm going to start complaining about other things and more and more. And unfortunately, sometimes the squeaky wheel does get the oral. And you might need to complain a little bit more. - Yeah, I mean, maybe like you tell her one more, you tell her like one last time ago, I need to leave this job at 10.30. I have stuff to leave. - You have to leave? - I don't care if you make up another job. You go, I've got another job after this. I've got a date, I've got shit to do. - They don't need to know the real answer. - I have to leave here at 10.30. I need to be walking out of here. So I need you to be on time. If she continues to not show up on time, if it's not already happening, I would tell your job, I want overtime for the 15 minutes that I wait. I know that doesn't sound like anything, but it adds up when she's late every single day. It's a couple extra hours of overtime for you. And then if the company starts to say, "Oh, well, we don't really want to be paying "this extra fucking overtime," they're going to have a word with her. And I don't want her to lose her job if she's supporting her kid, but get it together. 10 or 15 minutes of being late, habitually, is just you need to get your shit together. You need to re- - Time management. - How you do what time you have. What is your drop dead time for walking out the door? And that has to be the time you leave. Like, sorry. - That's it. And I know that like saying, you're going to pay me time and a half is almost not going to happen. Like hell probably would freeze over. But then it's a consistent of every day, you're saying she was 20 minutes late. She was this amount of time late and start actually making notes of her being late because Lord knows too, something could happen and it's on her shift and then it falls back on your ass. And so you got to protect yourself in the same way in the world of healthcare. The only person that's going to advocate for yourself is you. Don't let this bitch steal your time. She's stealing your time. - Yes. - She should be paying you for this at this point. Ridiculous. - The only people that are, she's got kids stealing her time but she chose to have those so. - She chose it. - She chose it. - That's it. - And this is also coming from a person that works predominantly with parents and I understand the feeling of how often society tells us our time is not as important as parents' time because they've got children. - True. - And it's just, it is very frustrating and you're right, parents' lives, much more difficult than my life overall but it doesn't mean my life isn't difficult. - I'm also just not buying it at 10 o'clock at night. I'm not buying it. - What is the kid doing? - If your shift goes to like four o'clock and it's like, oh, school gets out early. - Sure. - Maybe I could see this kind of show, what's this kid doing at 10 o'clock at night? - Kids got to go to sleep, get that kid to sleep. - Or she, or you need to strong arm her into taking a different shift and sorry, if you don't have coverage, you need to figure that out. - Yeah. - Or maybe you don't work to 30 to 10 30s anymore. That's also a possibility to go advocate for yourself to work at a different time. That's not to 30 to 10 30, just to completely take this bitch out of the situation. - But what's the other option, 10 30 to like seven 30? Like overnight? - That or starting to become such the squeaky wheel that you're like, I will not work if she is working the shift after me. - Yeah. - And as someone that like, I used to have to play that game as a manager of like, okay, this one doesn't wanna work with this one and this one banged this one. So now they can't work together anymore and then this one does this. And I feel like that is kind of part of maybe that's just, you know, being working at a restaurant in your 20s, but they should be used to that by now. - Totally. - You're not the bitch. - Well, thank you so much, Steven, for calling. You're not the bitch. - God, I would be so, and they called from the bathroom. Oh, I know that anger. - Yeah. - Oh, I'm just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that. I knew you'd love, I knew you'd love a from the bathroom call. - Thank you. - Let's, Jackie, let's have you read this DM. - Got you. - That is one of our, for the last one today. - Got you. - You've got bitch. - Hey, ladies, this is more of a would I be the bitch because I haven't done anything yet, but I think I might be. My friend and I, Lois, went to college together and we were both very politically active and passionate about social issues. That was 10 years ago. And I honestly feel like I've mellowed out a bit. I still believe in social causes, but I just don't have the desire to discuss them at length at every single social occasion. I hate to say it, but Lois is sucking the air out of rooms sometimes when people just want to be hanging out. I love how passionate she is, but these days when I'm hanging with my friends, I wanna be unwinding with them and joking around, not getting hyped up about the awful state of the world. I know things are awful right now with Trump getting elected. So I want to be there for her through this time, but at the same time, I feel it's taking a bit of a toll on my mental health. This has also been an issue for a couple of years now with mutual friends, bringing up how exhausting it can be. Now here's the thing, I'm a guy. I understand there are uniquely awful things going on for women in this country right now. So I feel kind of like a selfish asshole being annoyed that she wants to talk about her frustrations. I understand my privilege of not having to directly suffer some of the crap that's going on right now. I appreciate you, S, but as a gay man, I do understand how infuriating it is to not be granted rights that should be inherent. I agree with everything she feels, but the way she talks about it sometimes, it feels like she's almost using me as a sounding board to come up with good arguments against people that don't agree with her and it comes off really combative when I'm on her side. It's all like I refuse to talk about these things. I'm happy to discuss it with other friends, but they don't bring it up nearly as much and it doesn't eclipse a whole night out. - Oh, S, I am here. - So timely. - Yes. - Such a good timely. - I will say, I will say really quick, I have a friend that's like this and-- - What do you do? - I brought, I brought another friend to a party and this was right, I believe after 2016 and he was elected the first time. And I brought a friend to a party who was also a wildly left-wing person. And I left the two of them talking for one second to go get a drink and I started to hear them screaming at each other at a party where actually Jackie, it would not have been crazy for you to have been at this party or any of our friends. It was like a mutual person that we know is part-- - If I could remember back that far, I bet I would remember. And I look around and they are screaming at each other. And I'm like, you two are probably the biggest liberals at this party and look at you going after each other screaming about whether RBG should have fucking resigned while she was still alive and stuff. All this stuff, or resigned before he got elected. You know, there was like that whole argument. And I just was like, this is not, this is not constructive. And so I feel what you're saying 'cause I have friends that are like this. And I do think that people are honestly spiraling. They don't know where to put this kind of stuff. And they feel safe going to it with their friends. But that doesn't mean that you need to be a repository for her anxiety and her stress over what's happening. I think it's perfectly acceptable for you to draw a little line in the sand that says, you know what, I'm actually actively trying to not let things like politically invade my life so much this time around. I would love to go to marches with you. I'd love to go to events with you. I'd love to do some things where we're actually getting our hands in there and doing some volunteering. But I just like, I have to limit how much I'm gonna talk about this in my personal life. I hope you understand. Like maybe not make it such an issue about her specifically, but with everybody. Like I'm just limiting my political discourse right now. And I know you and I, that's something we've talked about a lot. But like, and it's not like you have to have a safe word or anything, but I think even you saying something like that to her when she starts to get into the thing, when she starts to get into her wound up tizzy, you can like start to be like, okay, well, you know, and just give a little sign or a signal that's like, I'm just gonna take a step back from this right now. Like this is kind of what I mentioned, you know, like what I- - I would recommend also, in my relationship, we often have little shorthand ways of saying things that like, oh, this feeling makes me feel like this. And so like, for instance, I used to have a lot of issues with like jealousy and other, you know, them being around a bunch of like hot horror women all the time. And I would have a lot of issues with that. And I referred to it as stranger danger. That's my stranger danger. So now when I say stranger danger, he knows what it is that I'm referring to. It's not something I really deal with anymore, but that was way more in the beginning. - Sure, sure, that's cute, though. - A shorthand with her that like, maybe this could be more of like a playful thing of like, hey, for me and my mental health, I like, I'd rather be talking about the housewives or X. I'd rather be talking about, it's like, wouldn't it just be, can we just like talk about the housewives instead? And then every time she brings it up, you're like, girl, housewives though. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Can we housewives? Like, do we have a, if you could create a shorthand that immediately does the like, oh, I should back off? Or maybe it's encouraging like, I know there's not a lot of positive things that are going on out there right now, but also changing it into okay, rather than just screaming about it, what can we do about it? What like, okay, like you were saying, get your hands dirty with it of like, okay, why do we go over to, you know, the shelter and start, you know, dropping off food? Or why do we start going and doing like positive ways? And of course, it's not going to affect, you know, the federal government being closed down and people not being able to get Medicare anymore, but it could help in other ways of like, positive ways of influencing the community, rather than just focusing on the dumpster fire that is our country, because there's just so much, I am very, I completely understand that there oftentimes I just want to ostrich and I just want to sit in my, I want to watch my housewives while they all scream at each other and just sit in it and pretend like none of it's happening. But that doesn't do anything either. And I understand that that could upset your friend. - But that's also, that's also the goal. - Right. - His goal is to get everybody throw so much shit at all of us that we can't even, that we all want to just put our heads in the sand, like shock it all, like it's a tactic, right? - Right. - So that's the goal. And I think that it's totally, like if your friend is saying a bunch of shit to you and you're going, oh yes, of course, I agree with you. I agree with you. She should not keep going. You like, I think there needs to be a way that you need to be like, - Hey, I agree with you. - I'm on your side. So I got like, you know, she needs to figure out a different outlet, whether it's like a blog or a newsletter or something else where she formulates her arguments 'cause it can't be you anymore, you know? - And maybe you even take out, even though obviously it's about all of the political things that she's getting into of just saying that like, I can't handle combative nature right now. I'm just, you know what? Our country's being run by an aggressor right now and I just can't handle combative energy right now. And that's for you. And I know again, even up top, we were talking about boundaries and people that are like, I steal and that's why boundary. But you need to protect yourself. You gotta put on your own oxygen mask before you put on somebody else's and you need, you have to also realize like, this is way beyond just your friendship. Like you need to take care of you first. And that's what matters most. And even if none of these things help and she just keeps doing it, it's time to distance yourself or just to limit the amount or you say, like you walk up and you're like, all right, I'm gonna give this five minutes. And if she literally can't get her on anything else, I'm gonna walk, I'm just gonna step away from this. - But at the same time, at the same time, if you're saying that a lot of friends are feeling this way, if you're the one that's closest to her and you feel comfortable, I do think it's okay for you to have a sit down with her where you're like, listen, for me, like, I don't, 'cause sometimes it's hard to like be like, I'm speaking for the group. A lot of us have been talking. Like, nobody likes to hear that. - Oh, everybody's talking about me behind my back. - But I think, like, to use an example and go, you know, like the other day, we were all hanging out at so-and-so's place and it felt like we were all just like talking about the Super Bowl or whatever and you brought it into politics. And for me, specifically, I just need to be able to like find joy in certain moments of life and I can't make it all about like politics and misery and how much everything is fucked right now. Like, I wanna do actionable things with you to help, but like, I myself need to pull back away from this a little bit. Like, I hope you understand, you know? - Did you ever invite that person again to like the person that got into the fight, Kara? - Well, I really think it was the, my friend that I had with me, she is sort of like that. They're just kind of like each other. They're both kind of like that. I really wish both of them were, I was like, you guys are on the same fucking team. Why are you fighting right now? - Right. - The other guy I see all the time and he does not bring up politics up to me as well. I don't know, I'm better at like, the frequency with which I see both of these two, I can kind of more easily maneuver this, the conversation away from politics when I want. - Right. - It sounds like this is like the basis of S's relationship with Lois. - Right. - And that's why it's a little bit more, this is coming apart like a little bit more of a sticky situation. - Right. - You know? - And I also completely understand where you're like, I feel like as a man, I shouldn't be saying this right now, but I also feel like as a gay man, I think that your rights are also, yeah. - You've got to get in the game. - You've got to get in the game. - Yes, and like, don't forget that as well, that like, I don't, I feel that, no, we're all getting fucked here. - Yeah. - So don't, I feel like don't let that cloud you as much because as someone that is a woman, I would understand if someone was talking to me that is gay, that would be like, okay, yeah. No, I, I'm not as rageful towards you as of right now. - Well, and I think like this goes for like, I don't know, it's just like, are we getting anything done by sitting around and screaming into at each other about these things that we all agree with each other on? Like just yelling into your own, like sort of echo chamber or let's get out there. Let's go, like you said, let's go volunteer at a soup kitchen. Let's go donate to people or, you know. - Let's add to the actionable things. - The betterment of our community. - Yeah. - That is something that we, like it is creating, trying to create safety where all safety is now gone for many, many, many, many people. And I think there's also other ways to, sorry, we don't need to go down that road right now of trying to be good to each other. I'm just trying to encourage positivity guys because that's what we need. And I understand where you're coming from S because I know that we're not supposed to ostrich. We need to be fighting. But there are just some days when man, all of the monkeys are on our backs. - Yeah. - Every monkey has to be on our back every second of every day. No, sometimes you just wanna hang out with your friends. - You will not be the bitch if you set a boundary with her on this. I'll say that. You will not be the bitch. I promise. - Or stop inviting her around as much. I mean, that's the, I hate to be like that, but like-- - But I do think, stop, I do think, unless you're gonna say something to her, don't stop inviting her. Like if you say something to her and she keeps going, then you can stop inviting her. - And she keeps going. - You're right. - You're right. - You give her like a little bit of feedback. Like, hey, I love you and just some feedback. Like it's starting to feel like the politics thing. I'm worried about you. I think it's a lot on everybody and I'm worried about you. And I'm just like, I would like it if we could, you know, let's plan a few things that we can do in the coming months to actually get stuff done. And then let's also try to get together and go to a movie or have a brunch and talk about fucking college bullshit and do whatever and not make every conversation a full like debate descent into madness because I know that's how we all feel. - Yes. - But sometimes I do feel that's a part of the problem with the Democratic party of which I am a member. I think, I don't know. I think I'm a registered Democrat. I'm pretty positive, it's how I vote. But like, part of it is like we're all just sitting around just like yelling at each other and getting into fights at parties because one person is not exactly liberal in the same way that somebody else is. - Right, right. - Or whatever and it's like, oh my God, we're all on the same goddamn side. - Yes. - And we need to act as a team and hopefully we'll fucking figure that out for four years from now. - Oh my God. - 'Cause I'm not handling President Vance, I'll tell you that fucking much. Anyway, thank you so much for writing to us. That came via our Instagram, which is a perfectly fine way to message us if you're on the go. - Yes, please. - And a problem. - Who's the bitch, LPN? - Yes, who's the bitch, LPN is our Instagram. Just get on there, give us a follow, send us a question that way or contact us about anything. And then who's the bitch.com for any voicemails? Keep those to five minutes if you can. And then also, we'll see you February 10th for our next live stream. I will be COVID free. I will be fresh as a daisy. I will not sound so stuffed up. And that's at twitch.tv/lpntv. But that's all of that's at who's the bitch.com. That's where you get everything you need about us. - Hell yes. - And please send in stuff. If you have a friend that has an issue, ask if you can send your friends issue in or have them contact us. - We love it. - We want your scenarios. - We love your goss. - We wanna tell you who the bitch is. - We love hearing from you guys. Thank you guys so much for joining us on yet another. I'm gonna say it, perfect episode of Who's the Bitch. Thank you so much, Cara. And you gave great advice despite having thick with COVID. And I appreciate you. - From the depths of my COVID to you, everybody, just infectiously spreading advice. - Hell yes. - Thank you guys so much. And there will be another episode out next Wednesday. Don't forget to like and subscribe and blah blah blah blah. - Yes. - Like leave us a review, yada yada yada. We love you. - We love you. We'll be back next week. Bye everybody. - Bye. - This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com. (upbeat music) - The love affair event is back at Whole Foods Market through Valentine's Day. With sales to help you celebrate that special someone. Set the tone with gifts like scented candles and Whole Foods Market's 24-some bunch of roses. Skip the reservation and make a sizzling surf and turf with deals on quality steaks, lobster tails and more. Dessert pro tip? You'll find their chocolate covered strawberries in the bakery department. Feel the love with delicious savings at Whole Foods Market. - Imagine what's possible when learning doesn't get in the way of life. At Capella University, our flex path learning format lets you learn on your own schedule. A different future is closer than you think. With Capella University, learn more at Capella.edu. [Music]
This week on 'Who's the Bitch', Kara got the 'Rona despite getting the vax, but the recovery was much faster SO GET YOUR VACCINES PEOPLE. Jackie talks about Geoff's recent Tetanus shot, and Kara reveals that Covid gave her time to get into "The Traitors" at the same time as Jackie! Plus Kara stakes her claim to the idea for "Dungeons and Drag Queens" years before the current series (DRAMA).
Our first emailer wants to know which sign of the zodiac is THE BITCH, and everyone's lookin' at you Sagittarius!
The second emailer wants to know if they're THE BITCH for calling out their father in law for repeatedly (exhaustingly) wasting servers' time by asking for recommendations only to order fish/chicken and vegetables every.single.time. Or is their father in law THE BITCH for literally wasting time, OR is their HUSBAND THE TRUE BITCH for not letting them be meaner to his dad!
Our third emailer wants to know if they're THE BITCH for telling randos that asked about their (estranged) mother that she was DEAD, and now that they know the story isn't true it's still their story and they're stickin' to it.
Our final caller this week wants to know WHO'S THE BITCH when it comes to their time thief coworker literally being given special treatment and they're STILL not making it in on time to relieve them!
Our last submitter has a more "Will I BE THE BITCH" because they haven't done anything yet, but they're wanting to address their friend who's wearing eeeeveryone out with the political takes.
Got a situation in your life and can't figure out Who's the Bitch? Hit us up at Whosthebitch.com and leave us a voicemail, email or DM. You can also talk to us live on our bi-weekly Monday livestreams on Twitch.tv/LPNTV! Returning February 10th with a much less stuffy Kara
