Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in Checking in on you. What's going on? How are ya? How's it going? What's up? People on the East Coast my friends still checking in on me to see how I'm doing. I have not watched anything on the news I don't watch the news. I have no idea what's going on and It's unsettling that they keep asking because I thought the fires were out and they were just sort of Hosing it down as they do afterward, but I guess not I guess it's still going so This is insane. So it is what it is. I've started to wear a mask out here I didn't have a mask on for a few days. I was like, I don't want to do the fucking mask thing again and I walked around for a couple days without a mask and my throat was killing me, right? And I was just thinking that I was just thinking like, you know All like the plastic, you know, I mean everybody has a plastic dustpan in their house, you know, and then like if like You know, if somebody has crocs in a house, I feel like you're like a crocs family You know Like just not one person then everybody gets them and those things are like, oh those rubber maybe those are rubber I don't know what it is but All I was thinking was they they better You know, since what they learned during the cleanup after 9/11 that they get these firefighters You know the right equipment so they don't destroy their lungs I Don't know what a time what a time is there's oh, you know something every time's a crazy time to be alive though You know when you think about it. I think that's why people like the 90s 80s and 90s and maybe most of the 70s at least in this country. It's like we got out of Vietnam, so that was over You know, you have your recessions fucking bankers, right? And he kind of went in and out of that we had Grenada in the 80s, you know And then we had a quick one In the early 90s over in the Middle East I Don't know There's always something going on though, right? There's always something That makes you feel like whatever you believe in is going to be showing up next week to judge you I Saw this thing with this guy who recently passed away they They posted his thoughts on the afterlife and he was a reincarnation guy Which just doesn't make any sense to me You know what I mean? Like you keep coming back until you get it right and then you You Then you get to go to the afterlife Then what I would think would be the population Would be slowly dropping rather than increasing because with each death There would be a certain percentage that finally got it right and Then also I'm thinking like if that is true the reincarnation thing that you stay here until you figure it out And human beings been walking the planet for I don't know how many hundreds of thousands millions that I can never fucking remember What scientists say or the Bible if the reading well, they don't believe in reincarnation about whatever What the scientists say, you know claim out of a fucking lake or some shit? And I'm still here. It's like how fucking dumb am I? Like at what point do you give up on the dream of like you know what I mean Like I had a lot of fucking dreams before I figured I Give stand up a shot. I had a lot of fucking dreams and One of the things that led me to stand up comedy was when I sucked at something I honestly looked at myself and I was like I don't You know I'm not good at this And I would just try to find something else so it would be weird If I was able to do that in my life and find that the right job for me learning from my failures It's as far as my career But for some reason the overall the big overall getting life and doing it right I keep I Keep doing it wrong You know that's a good sci-fi movie right that somehow everyone finally becomes aware of it right and that's why the world keeps getting worse and worse because with each like generation dying off the people that get life in A nice and courteous and empathetic or whatever you're supposed to be doing down here There's none of them left. So then all it is is just us pieces of shit and then Whoever makes us announces this is the final round And and it's the most difficult because everybody down there is a fucking moron a piece of shit or both And that's why the world has progressively gotten worse and worse and This is your last opportunity and you somehow all of you Have to set aside your petty shit Your greed your lust whatever the fuck it is that's holding you back And you got to do what's right Or else for the rest of your life you know Your life is gonna be standing in line at the deep DMV or whatever the whatever the fuck your idea of hell is I Don't know I never thought with like With like hell, I just never thought like the punishment matched the crime You know what I mean unless you were like Like a like a serial killer Like if you just like took somebody's life You know what I mean are you with some mass murdering dictator or fucking whatever like I always felt like like that justified being like you know punished forever, right? Because you took these people away from the people that they loved you took somebody's life that always made sense to me but like, you know If you just some fucking asshole that cheats on his taxes You know what I mean? You went to Vegas and you got a hooker. Well what I just don't see like and then now You shall be down there right next to Hitler. It's like really I mean, what the fuck's a big fucking leap? No, I Don't know I always felt like if you had any sort of a fucking like I Don't know so much it all it everything falls apart after a couple of questions always something you can't answer Including if you go the science way you can't answer it after a while You know what I mean? And they could be like well, you know, we haven't figured it out yet, you know So it's like all right. I'll go with that arrogance and then like you have on the other side religion which So much of it is made up of just dumb people who had so too dumb to know that they're stupid, right? And they just well that's God That God did that it's just the fucking simple answer Simple answer you know what I mean like all the you know what why does that happen? Oh, that's that's that's God He did that I Always love you have the answer and you know the sex of the product what like and All he he made us in his image all of that arrogance and all of that stuff Like I like Like you know, I definitely think the way that we behave it feels more believable to me that we crawled out of a swamp then The perfect guy created us in his image and this is the way we're behaving or maybe we're like the boss's son You know what I mean? Like he did all the work and now we're just going around being fucking hey, you know who I am, huh? God yeah, he created me in his image man Means I get to do whatever the fuck I want so So anyway Play-offs this weekend One football game one pre-determined outcome So I'll just be watching that NFC game. I can't stomach watching And it's not the Chiefs fault. It's not the fan base's fault. I just can't I can't fuck it. I just can't look at that Show anymore. All right, if I wanted to watch football like that I would watch Tom Cruise and all the right moves. You know what I mean? I'm not like, you know I'll go put on Rob Lowe and Youngblood I'll just watch a movie rather than something that's acting like it's real rather than a fucking movie Like it's a made-for-TV fucking movie at that point where you just start. They're literally casting people So anyway I've been watching college hoop And I've been following the j-hocks. I watched their last two games. I watched them come back against TCU TCU given into the pressure of the the NBA with the fancy or the European basketball courts It's fucking difficult with me with my old eyes to watch a basketball game where the floor is supposed to be The same like texture as a horned frog. It's like I get it your frogs I don't understand how you think making that little three-prong thing with your hand is supposed to be a horny toad But I mean, I'll give it to you I'll give it to you the same way Florida thinks that Clapping your arms together is oh, that's like an alligator and I don't think it is I don't think it is. It looks like you shutting Like what would you call that like a couple of pocket doors that were turned vertical? More so than an alligator. I think it's disrespectful to alligators considering how long they've been here You know and how many things that they've survived Like as much as God fucked up with people he crushed it with fucking alligators and crocodiles I mean those goddamn things. It's like if you can just live To be in like, you know, I don't know eight nine feet tall eight nine feet is that what you say? Something like that eight nine feet tall Long Then you would you have like the chance to live like how long do those things live is like tortoises? I saw this thing the other day to try to say this tortoise was a hundred and fifty fucking years old It's like what is it telling stories? Are you counting the rings on its neck? How the fuck do you know how old it is? Scientists Figure that shit out They sit there and they fucking look like how the fuck do we figure out how old are you looking at its molars? How long its beak is whatever you call it? Anyways, the Kansas Jayhawks as I as I switch between the end of the world creationism versus crawling out of a swamp over to Bread and circus. We're back to bread and circus the Kansas Jayhawks next game ladies and gentlemen is Who is it it they're playing Houston They used it. Oh Houston. What are they the cougars or whatever? They're like they're a top 10 goddamn team Taking you all the way back to five jama-slamma-slamma-jama, whatever they were Way back in the day of Clyde Drexler Keema Lajawan and all of them They're back. Let's see. Where where are they ran? I got the rankings right in front of me. They're ranked seventh Auburn War Eagle number one Duke is to Iowa State. Yes, Iowa State When was the last time Iowa or Iowa State was ranked this high in anything? Maybe Thrash metal Maybe that was the thing that that was slipknot I don't know Alabama Everybody thinks it's about football over there. Look at it. Look at that I'm trying to think the last like great Auburn basketball player I want to say was Charles Barkley, but I don't watch it a lot And he got Florida Was it Jokeem Noah played there and then he got Tennessee? I think Peyton Manning during the offseason. He played he played the two guard, right? Then Houston is number seven Michigan State Kentucky and Marquette Rounding out the top ten and then you got this some crazy teams in here I never would have thought would be in the top 20 in basketball per do that makes sense Kansas My JHawks are at 12 and 12 Texas A&M Mississippi State there's some new ones here Oregon Ole Miss Illinois Wisconsin UConn. I feel like that's low for them at 19. They must have lost some players like St. John's Formally known as the red men now known as the red storm. Here's a question. I have do the St. John's Red storm ever play in the their old arena or all of their games at Madison Square Garden because when Back East doing the play I would love to go to a game, but I want to go if I could in that other stadium which is kind of gonna be difficult because I Feel like their games will be the same time. I'll be working who knows Shout out to the Michigan Wolverines at 21 Missouri 22 West Virginia 23 Memphis Oh, sorry Missouri 22 West Virginia what? Well West Virginia 23 Memphis 24 there we go And I said what because like I keep doing that my eyes they keep failing me. I need my reading glasses. So I have them Anyway plumbing ahead here Here's another upside if you're into motorsports MotoGP and F1 are starting again next month, and I saw two crazy things Like mark mark has is You know he rode Ducati last year, but he wasn't on the official team. He's now on the official team with pecco pecco bignae and then Lewis Hamilton is driving Ferrari now a lot of people have like difficulty with that You know saying they should have I guess stuck with the two young kids that were coming up, but I Get why he would do that. I would think if you if you were a F1 driver and you had the opportunity not only to drive from Mercedes But then also drive for Ferrari and become part of the history of both of those I mean, what else does that guy have to prove doesn't he have like the most championships of all time, you know As you can tell I don't know much about F1, but I Know that people were were mildly upset By the fact that he wasn't he's looking good. Why is it you and what he wants to do? I Don't know that's like you basically have You know the Jordan of both sports or the modern-day Jordan of both sports are changing what? Factory there they're riding for which is really really going to be interesting. I can't fuck it. Wait, man And I got to tell you man. I know you watch a lot of sports, but MotoGP is the easiest thing to watch their quick races they're only 20 something laps and And they got then they got three levels of them. They got they got Moto 3 Moto 2 and then then the top one so You know I Don't know if you like passing and that type of stuff you like watching somebody riding 200 miles an hour on a motorcycle And he's trying to pass the person in front of him going 202 miles an hour. I mean if that's exciting to you That is the sport for you. All right. Let's get into the What am I doing here? Let's let's do the advertising here for the week Square space Hey folks the podcast this podcast is sponsored by Squarespace If you don't know Squarespace all one word is the all-in-one platform that makes it ridiculously easy to build a professional website Whether you're launching a business showing off your creative work or trying to sell something online They've got everything you need all in one place. 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That's policy genius calm slash bill burr B-I-L-L-B-U-R-R one word all right Well, there you have it. It's 23 minutes of your life. You'll never get back Anyway Becoming a fucking motorcycle fanatic It's weird. I Don't know. I've always liked them and now that I've been riding a little bit. I absolutely love them and I don't know. I don't know what to do about it This is not something I Saw happening, but I mean they're fucking works of art so many of them And I've been one I've been you know what I've been looking at as a bunch of the older ones It's a fucking disease, man. I just love old shit. I love old houses. I love old instruments. I love old cars trucks motorcycles I Like anything that's fucking old. I just think they're it's inherently fascinating You know what I mean That like what how it used to look the way it was built You know the technology that existed then like I've been really into a lot of those Those classic Japanese bikes You know sort of like the first super bikes and I don't mean the ones from the 80s like the 70s Some of the Hondas Particularly and I remember as a kid I used to always love them and There was this weird thing when like when I was growing up where all of a sudden foreign cars were like taken over Like my family had a 73 Toyota Corona station wagon black Gray with black interior Stickshift everyone in my family drove a stick right Poor speed and actually had a wood handle It was like one of the last years that they did that and I remember my dad. Go Christ look at the dashboard Just a piece of shit, right because it was all like plastic. Oh Christ look at this thing You know he didn't want to buy a foreign car, but it's just where we were they were cheaper, right? and Was gonna say I always loved like during that period the brake lights The way they'll red in the orange and the shape of them the way they put them together on the Datsons the Toyotas The cars and then on the motorcycles. I used to always love the Honda's rear brake light. I don't know why There was just something about it that it just really Looked great, and it looked great with the 70s aesthetic and I'm finding myself going back looking at those things You know that I have Okay, I'll tell you underrated learning how to drive ride a fucking A Harley-Davidson with the fairing once you ride one of those big ones every other bike Becomes a possibility now. I'm not talking about like those ones, you know With people get on dress like speed racer and go like 200 miles an hour and third gear I'm not talking about those things those ninjas and all I'm not talking about that shit. I just mean everything else that is sort of like What would you say what would the word be the word would be sort of user more user-friendly? More chill or whatever I've gotten really into those things like old Dakotty's and I Don't know. They're just like fascinating and then also it just seems like If I had any sort of mechanical like inclination not inclination skills Like the engine is just like the one of the cool things about a motorcycle is a fucking engine is right there I guess you got to take all the shit off on top But like compared to a car was under the hood lifting up the hood trying to fucking peek around and it was just so goddamn intimidating This shit. It's like it's like sitting right there in front of you I know it's like not as simple as that but in my simple head it is Anyway, I'm getting ready to get the fuck out of here gonna go back east do this play And I'm gonna try to figure out how I can do stand up during the time when I'm doing it going around doing spots and I'm excited to After I do the play is to do a little tour you know Like that one I did right before the holidays where I went through the central valley and I went to all of these places that I had never been to before so I'm kind of into Doing that on this tour. I want to go to a lot of places. I have never been to or haven't been to in a while So it should be fun, but it's kind of crazy the only date I have on the books right now is Abu Dhabi in July and Which would be right after the play. So I got to make sure, you know The act doesn't get too dusty, but this is all good problems to have I want to thank everybody that Has already bought tickets to go see Glenn Gary Glenn Ross. I want to thank everybody that has bought tickets to the Wiltern on the 27th I get to work with the great Shane Gillis. I've never co-headlined with him before so it's exciting. We're doing our part to try to help whoever we can with the money raised from this and how quickly it sold out is You know to testament to all the great people out here in LA. So I'm from the bottom of my heart. I really appreciate you guys coming down to the Wiltern and Shane always brings it and I plan on bringing it to and It's going to be a positive thing as we try to figure out how to hold a get out of this. All right All right. Well, that's it. Enjoy the sports this weekend. Enjoy the people in your life. All right Don't let them divide you Just fucking you know listen to people's theories. You don't have to argue with them You know we should just bring back hugging Somebody says something you don't understand just be like, oh, I'll just give him a big hug It would just diffuse every that's so fucking silly Or you do it to the wrong person you get stabbed in the abdomen, but that's where the excitement comes All right, that's it. Go fuck yourselves. We have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast Sending out love to all you guys. Look at me being all fucking mushroomy post mushroom trip guy. All right. I'll see you Hey, what's going on it's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for January 23rd 2017 what's going on? How oh? Man what a weekend holy Toledo holy Dayton holy Sydney Holy Cincinnati, holy Cleveland. What a fucking weekend I had Good Lord first of all I sat there with an afghan and some Kleenex and watched the entire women's march And I have to say I was so moved And I'll be honest with you. I haven't watched a second of it The only reason why I'm bringing it up is because like 50,000 people on Twitter like dude I can't wait to hear your take on the women's march. I didn't fucking watch it I cannot I can't I can't I did I ever tell you guys how much I Believe in protesting, but how much I cannot watch it I'm always let down I'm always disappointed. It's always just a bunch of bad chance like I watched them but Donna speech thing I did do that Just because I you know I relate to Madonna Like her I also stayed at the party too long You know I became the old creepy person still at the club. I did I did it. I've done it. I totally get it She's fucking brilliant man. She goes there, right? She knows she has all these eyeballs on her. So she's done this her entire career. This is how you stay relevant All right long after People give a fuck. This is how you stay in this. She goes in she just doesn't give a speech I mean how easy would it have been to give the speech without dropping the F word right But if you do that you're not gonna get any free press that she throws a couple of F bombs in there God knows I know how that works I've made a lot of money off that word good for you madge, right? But that's not gonna be enough because she's thinking probably in her head You know I already kind of did the drop in the F bomb thing on the Letterman interview like 20 years ago Critics will be like oh more of the same from Madonna blah blah blah. I need to take this to a new level What does she do threatens to blow up the White House? You know I got it about blowing up the White House did you did you really think that you thought about doing that Madonna? How did you think exactly how were you going to execute this plan? You're gonna put on a wily coyote suit and fucking climb the fence Do you little thing of dynamite going around you know you're backing up with the fucking wire Madonna oh, I thought of did you you didn't think about that? You just know if you say some shit like that it becomes an issue of national security no matter who the fuck says it So there you go now you get Fox news going like should we consider this a terrorist threat right Classic and then what does she do? What is the cherry on top? She sings one of her hit songs For all those women how much fucking money do you think she made? Are you with me? Hey, I said are you with me? Do you believe in love? This was off my fourth album I Believe I first debuted on on the blonde ambition tour goes a little something like this Give me a dollar, baby I like you can download this on iTunes you know you know I'm giving you a fucking break fucking everybody up there with their fucking I Don't know I got a little I couldn't watch like I had to watch some Madonna thing cuz when I heard she did that I was like this woman is she's fucking brilliant That woman is she is showbiz 24/7. That's why she's still around She did that she she should have got booed when she started singing that song people should have been like is this bitch fucking Try to get 99 cents off of me I Don't know But that's the only thing I watch it was like five minutes Well, actually I watched her speech and then I was like well I got to hear the song she sings and it was oh fucking perfect, man You know I love that she sang the lady Gaga song Anyways And of course underneath all of those there was like you know some 17 minute speech from Michael Moore That shameless better sit out there trolling for pussy, you know playing the under I understand card I really hit how he dresses like John Goodman when he was on Roseanne, you know He's always walking around with this big dumb fucking I just got done working on the on you know assembling cars that fucking hat he wears I Didn't know if there's no fucking with it. I can't sit through that fucking I can't sit through any of it and the Stupid chance and we're gonna do this and we're gonna do that and you just want to be like you're not you're not You're all gonna go home. You're all gonna get it 50,000 different fucking cars and that's gonna be the end of it You're all gonna get to say that you were there and you put your fucking fist in the I know this is cynical as shit But I mean Trump did the same thing. Did he not? His acceptance speech something else. I barely saw any of I just watched the clips when it comes when it comes to Like all of this type of shit. I just watched the highlights like if you never watch sports and all you did was just watch Sports Center You know what I mean, but you never watch the game. That's basically how I watch this shit Trump did the exact same thing He's sitting up there going and he's he's corrupt to church They're not there for you. They're there for themselves. Well guess what it stops now How Donald, how does it stop now? He sounded like a fucking some loud drunken a bar Dude, you know what I would do if I was running stuff Yeah, I kick them all up Anybody takes a dime you're fucking out of you. I mean it sounded like he Did he just rent the untouchables? It was like Kevin Costner's fucking speech in that movie like what you're the president This is what I'm worried about that guy. I'm worried about that guy because he thinks being president Is like he just bought an old casino and he's gonna go in and get all the people that were fucking You know loafing around he's gonna fire them and then replace them with it's like you can't get rid of these How are you gonna get rid of these people? How are you gonna prove that they're doing what you're saying you would have to expose them All of them Both the blue ties and the red ties the red bras and the blue bras, right? They're all gonna collectively get together and be like this guy is gonna make us all look like fucking scumbags We're just not gonna work with I mean what he said was just a bunch of it was a bunch of shit It's just was not you're not gonna do that. That's not how that town works. You're not the boss. You can't go you're fired You have to run shit by people and then they're gonna be cunts They will already Democrats are already gonna be a cunt to you because you wear a red tie And they're gonna do the exact same shit the Republicans did do a bomb Or they're not gonna work because you have a different color tie You're gonna come in and you're gonna give some tough speech, you know He should have been standing there holding like a like a piece of a two by four You know, I don't it's it was like it was very You know when you're watching a movie and you're enjoying a movie and then all of a sudden they just remind you that Oh, this is just a fucking movie because you go, you know that that would never happen That's what that speech looked like to me, but I didn't see it. I Didn't see that either. I just watched the highlights So you probably say well, why didn't you see anything this weekend? You know why because I had something a little more important in my life that happened Okay, I Had to watch the New England Patriots When the AFC Championship game there was a battle this weekend people And I don't mean women and people without voices standing in the rain wearing berets Or a prison or jumpsuit whatever the fuck Somebody was wearing on that thing. You know, it's funny, but my daughter's speech is the amount of people milling around in the background Not even listening Smiling look you listen for a couple seconds you throw your hand in the air and then you just go fucking schmooze with somebody else It was a big fucking Hollywood party and I can say that because I watched three minutes of it There was another battle going on here people and This isn't that by the way, this isn't like an anti-Trump thing. This isn't an anti-woman thing It's just one of those things of like what the fuck is everybody getting so excited about? Are you ready? I said are you ready? They're all going yes, and it's like for what what are we doing? Where are we going? What's gonna happen? We're gonna walk up there. We're gonna chant some shit Okay, you think if they walked up, let's say they walked up to the White House because I don't know where they went Let's say they all start chanting. Okay Donald Trump is in there. Okay, first of all me as a civilian Okay, I can go to a Best Buy and I can get a pair of those bows Noise canceling headphones and I can press a button and I can't even hear a fucking jet engine That I'm on or the guy talking too loud on his cell phone. I can just press that fucking thing and it's over Okay, and I'm just a citizen. Can you imagine? The pair of bows fucking headphones that you get handed when you become president So you don't have to hear the chanting of the disenfranchisor right I Bet you can't even see him You know they fit right underneath this to pay not the two-pay part the part that's still real that the Ben Franklin part of his fucking hairdo, right? Probably just sticks him in his ear You know the ladies there you probably just sat there right just with his binoculars on you know rubbing himself as he's looking out the window I'm sorry All right, oh god, when did I become such a cynic, you know what? I don't know. I like to think it's life experience, but what are you gonna do? What am I gonna do? What's gonna happen nothing? Because we all have to leave We all got to go to work tomorrow We have to go to work baby You know it's funny about Madonna showing up to this one It's like don't you live in England? Why the fuck didn't you go to that rally? I? Wanted to blow up the fucking white house. Oh, yeah, can I see your passport, please? Did you go through customs first there? Oh? Jesus just staying at the party staying at the club too fucking long What I'm doing is I'm challenging the images of what is a set now you're not now you're not you're not challenging anything I you know it If she was a guy she'd be that guy at the Christmas party who headed to you know Those guys who put the tie around their head and it becomes like you know This is their big rebellion like that. That's what she'd be that person with the fucking man tits You know saying wildly inappropriate things to some fucking intern Just walks into work on Monday just has to not look at anybody just close the door to his office and be like oh god how long How long do I have to just feel the shame of my behavior last Saturday night? Anyways, there was another battle going on it was the battle Between the city of Boston and the city of Pittsburgh. I don't know with all the screaming and yelling this fucking weekend. I Don't know if anybody noticed that yesterday in The sporting world the world that you can actually trust Well, they do give a lot of speeches a lot of locker room speeches and everybody actually is on the same team And then they go all go out together and they try to achieve a goal The Boston Bruins and the Pittsburgh Penguins played each other on the same day that the New England Patriots and The Pittsburgh Steelers plays now, I know if you're not from this country or if you just account you can be like well I mean, it's a really the Boston is the Bruins not the Patriots You guys know why the Patriots called the New England Patriots. This is really actually a sad tale about this team we were the Boston Patriots initially and What ended up happening was Because you know, they were in the AFL and it was an upstart league and All the talent lot of talent was in the NFL. Nobody really gave a fuck So in an effort to try to get more fans they switched from Boston. They thought if they said New England They could get enough people trickling down from Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont up from Connecticut and Rhode Island To maybe fill up a little bit of Fenway fucking puck or ever they played Nickerson field All these places where they played that's the reason why so anyways so the first game The Bruins come out right and they played Pittsburgh and for half the game we were doing all right, you know After half the game it was fucking two to one and Then I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened. I didn't see the game. I was I Was you know doing some other shit, but I was watching it on my phone It was like two to one. I'm like all right the hanging in there the hanging in there and then I fucking I don't know I felt like I Walked around for 20 minutes. I look back at my phone. It was like five to one we got fucking smoked so You know people giving me shit on Twitter going ah, that's one Same things gonna happen to you Patriots and I got to be honest with you. I had no Feeling one way or the other about that game yesterday as far as like, you know, what do you think's gonna happen? I had no fucking idea Nothing was gonna surprise me If the Steelers came in and beat us it wasn't gonna surprise me After the way, you know, we just look bad against the Texans and I was not you know Didn't have too much confidence in our offensive line and I know Pittsburgh always has like a great defensive line in that type of shit So I didn't know what the fuck was gonna happen. So I was very surprised and You know how well everything worked yesterday and Just fucking amazing and I was sitting there watching the game on This hospital TV, you know and the TV was so fucked up It was because you know the fucking hospital TV dude like it has like that You know like those waves they used to do when someone was going into like a fucking Like a dream sequence. That's what I was that's what it was like So I couldn't even tell what quarter was how much time was left and thank God They kept saying what the fucking score was because I can barely see it and That's all I did I just was in the hospital. I was just fucking watching football games on This fucking TV. They just had like these lines just they weren't doing like the the wavy thing. They were just sort of You know just going from left to right. We're just and they just just kept fucking going. I couldn't see what was going on. So But fortunately, I was sitting there and I watched the game with my brand new baby daughter Laying on my chest for the whole game was one of the fucking greatest arguably the greatest moment in my life Did I mention that? Did I forget to bring that up that old fucking Billy the kid list is finally a father? Yeah, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect. She's absolutely gorgeous and I'll spare you all the cliches You know that everybody says Because one thing I really did learn throughout this whole process Which is really is the guy you're observing this amazing thing is that You know just don't tell too many fucking people. That's all I can tell you You know, I know I said it on the fucking podcast, but I don't run into you guys I mean in your life don't tell too many people you have in a fucking kid because I swear to God the amount of misinformation Or even if it's good information like a lot of people don't know how to fucking convey information in a compelling way so you're just sitting there just smiling thinking when is this going to be over and Yeah, people will fucking It's so nuts. They they whatever they went through they tell you that that's what you're gonna go through So you end up going in there and you have everybody else's experience in your fucking head swimming around when the reality is This is not their experience. It's your experience and however you react whatever you do Whatever you think and all that is fine It's your fucking experience because I was sitting there almost having like an outer body experience thinking like why are I feeling this? Why am I feeling this instead of that? I thought I was gonna feel this and blah blah blah. I was literally in my head For like fucking I don't like 15 minutes So anyways That was my fuck that was my weekend. I became a father and I got to see the Patriots go to their unprecedented 9th Super Bowl So my wife and my beautiful daughter come home today. I have to do the Jimmy Kimmel show because I'm Promoting my next stand-up special that comes out on Netflix on January 31st Taped at the Ryman Theatre in Nashville, Tennessee You know which is home of the original Grand Ole Opry and Legendary place I got to play it a number of years ago when I did Vince Vaughn's Wild West comedy tour festival thing they have out there in Nashville and Of course like every performer who goes there. You just fall in love with the place It's just a magical place. So I got to do my special there and You know very proud of this one and if you guys can get the word out and just let people know that That I got a special coming out. It's on January 31st I don't know how the ratings work on Netflix. I don't know it but basically People got to watch it if you watch it then it comes up on the thing where people can actually see it in the sea of like 20 million Shows that they have on that worldwide network, so please tweet about it Facebook about it social media about it and all that type of stuff and I hope you guys enjoy it I'm really proud of this special. I love the way it came out and all that stuff. So That's what I got going on in my wife and daughter come home tonight So that's it. This is the last time my house is gonna be quiet But I've been having a great time so far. I got my fucking diaper changing thing down my swaddle game is that like I'd say you know It's about at 80% That's like the biggest fucking thing. I suck it burping. I'm not good at that You know I mean because I mean it's only so hard you can go on a baby's back before you think like am I am I like Beating a baby right now. I don't want to do this So Anyways Anyways, oh, I forgot this too. I gotta say my apologies once again two weeks in a row To the Atlanta Falcons. I'm sorry so sorry That I doubt it many eyes Jesus Christ the Atlanta Falcons look like fucking world beaters. I have been converted and two short weeks I went from isn't this the fucking teen that had to pump in crowd noise Because it was so quiet At their fucking stadium. They didn't have to do that a couple years ago Didn't they get caught doing that and everybody laughed because it wasn't the New England Patriots cheating So that it wasn't a big federal offense didn't that happen? Isn't that the franchise we're talking about here where they got some little slap on the fucking wrist where the Patriots would have got? $12,000,000 and fucking fined and then in lost like a bunch of first round draft picks But it's okay. It's okay We got we got a little upset for a second because we saw a little red in the uniform all that's not the Patriots So then it's just sort of funny. Isn't that this franchise? Now look at the place the place is packed Places packed everybody's loud and I got to tell you something right now 80% of the people in that fucking stadium should have been hanging them's hanging their fucking heads in shame because where were you? Where were you when they were bad, huh? You know where you were you goddamn Georgia fans You can't even show up to the Braves when they make the fucking playoffs. You can't even sell out your fucking stadium. I Don't I don't get Atlanta when it comes to that type of shit I don't get it like they just then they're not a pro city fucking town. They've lost two hockey teams You know what I mean twice divorced They had the Atlanta flames Right wasn't enough to have Bobby or and all these great guys from the 70s coming to their town they didn't give a shit They were down the street right between them hedges. Hey, we watching some fucking college football That's what the fuck they were doing and wonder what the NHL say. I well what what what what were we thinking? Let's get the fuck out of here and they went to Calgary and became the Calgary flames, right? And then for whatever reasons because they're the NHL You know because they're stubborn god damn it. We're gonna put another team in there 20 fucking years later. Here you go The Atlanta thrashers, which I've never done. I didn't know what the fuck that is thrashers Right here about thrashing. I just picture somebody shaking their kid You know what I mean? And you're sitting there in the car next to him with the parking lot going I at what point do I intervene? That should have been their logo, right Some adult shaking a toddler. I know that's a bad image, but it's a tough game. It's a tough fucking game And what happened you didn't show up to those either so they they fucking move them to Winnipeg I I'm just fucking with you guys and now all of a sudden now they're great and everybody shows up, you know Everybody's fucking pointing to the hat. Everybody's you know fucking doing that that millennial thing When your teams doing well, and you start fucking vigorously nodding and turning around at the rest of the crowd That one drives me up the fucking wall the nodding thing These I think that sign language for all day Anyways, but Jesus Christ that fucking team if there's any justice in the world they're gonna go in as Super Bowl favorites, but they're not And what's great is there they're gonna be able to Use that as You know whatever whatever they say to to get them height They don't believe in us and blah blah blah blah it's not gonna be disrespect to the Falcons What it is is when the Super Bowl comes around is when a bunch of people who don't watch sports show up And they're gonna show up and be like who's playing in the game? Oh Tom Brady the Patriots. I know who this team is the Falcons The are they from Tennessee like people who don't know sports will know the Patriots and they'll just throw a hundred bucks in the game And they'll put it on the Patriots because that's the fucking team They know which affects the line because Vegas tries to get money on both sides of the ball So that's what's a gonna end. That's what's gonna end up happening That's why back with that year when the Patriots lost to the Giants, which won the first time When we were undefeated, that's why we were 17 fucking point favorites not because we were 17 point favorites It's because every mouth breathing dumb cunt that went to Vegas Put money on the undefeated team and they were trying to get money on this The other side of the ball and if you don't fucking believe me a month earlier We paid we played the Giants. We won on like the last drive the last second and we led up like 33 fucking points and won by like three or four How a month later you become a 17 point favorite to a team a month earlier You played and only one by four points if you can see you can figure out the fucking math on that one. It's beyond me. So I'm predicting that the Patriots are gonna go in they're gonna be considered the favorites and But they're not I think the Falcons are the favorites, and I think this is their year. I think they're a team of destiny Okay now people who are into superstition know exactly what I'm doing Because you're thinking hey bill your Patriots fan. How the fuck would you how would the hell could you ever say that? Yeah, I got a system here people When the Falcons played Seattle, I said Seattle was gonna win and who won those dirty birds of Georgia Dirty filthy in bread fucking birds in Atlanta, right? download birds of Atlanta of Atlanta, Georgia, right then last week they go to play Aaron fucking And the Green Bay Packers, and what did I say? Ah, you know I had a little more respect that I'm gonna go with the Green Bay Packers And what are those dirty stinking filthy fucking birds do They went in there and Green Bay got their asses By those glorified pigeons right By those fucking seagulls by those filthy dirty birds That's how much fucking goes on in Atlanta, you know what I mean even there like logo has a fucking STD right now Sorry, that was a bad joke. Anyways So I've picked against them two times and both times the Falcons went so now they're playing my team in the Super Bowl So here's my philosophy now. I'm gonna pick Atlanta Now I'm gonna say that they're gonna win I gotta be honest with you. If if Atlanta's getting points, you're out of your mind not to fucking take it. I think personally Their fucking defense is unbelievable That fucking Julio Jones is like I don't know like he doesn't even look like he looks like he's he's He looks like a full-grown adult playing with like high school kids that fucking pass he caught and he just started shredding tacklers Then that last guy gave him like two or three stiff arms like a jab get the fuck out of my face go fuck yourself right there Fred touchdown That guy's a major fucking problem. They're running back is a major fucking problem Obviously Maddie ice looking like the MVP of the fucking lead They got the three-headed monster thing going on offense and their defense I don't know anybody's fucking name. All I know is they're flying around the field Fucking up every team that I think is gonna beat him. So If they're gonna get points That's a pretty good bet if you ask me so we'll see we'll see what happens. You know what Belichick's gonna do He's gonna double fucking Julio Jones and he's gonna try to fucking do this daily and all that shit. I have no fucking idea what's gonna happen I have no idea I've been busy and I'm so happy that my wife is no longer pregnant You know other dads out there know what it's like in that final fucking The final fucking month is just so brutal where it's just like they are so uncomfortable, and there's literally nothing you can do one of the most helpless feelings I've ever had and I'm just so happy that now she's on the other side of that and I was as thrilled For her as it was for myself becoming a dad just that she did that was over so Jesus Christ, I already knew my wife was tough considering the amount of like I you I lose most fucking arguments to her because she just But watching to go through with the fuck she went through Jesus Christ whole level new level of a respect For her toughness, you know what I mean? Like my wife what she went through could literally watch like a UFC event It'd be like yeah, these guys are pussies So Anyways, we're I gotta I gotta read some fucking advertising here don't I am sitting here running my yap? All right, all right, where are we going here? Where are we going type in my password? Sorry? There we go all right, let's get to the oh here we go Jesus Christ. Oh You know what I forgot to bring up by the way Remind me. I'm gonna talk to you about this move that Aaron Rodgers does as a QB I didn't see him do it all day yesterday. I gotta talk about cuz I might forget he's got this fucking move It's brilliant right he he when they do like a seven step drop right this people rushing in from either side and the tackles a Block in them and you see that they're gonna get around him on the outside and Aaron Rodgers has just gone far back enough where that's the line to sack him So the move all quarterbacks do in that moment is they then step back up into the pocket So those guys, you know Basically they go around the outside or have to try to go to the inside and then they're back in front of the tackle Okay, but you know sometimes they still break through what he does is he starts to step up And he gets between the tackles So then those guys who are rushing to the outside then try to make a move to go to the inside and then he immediately the second They both commit to go back inside he pops back to the fucking outside and he actually with that movement Has his tackles lined up with their men. It's fucking amazing He does it all the fucking time and you know just have watching Tom Brady Jesus Christ Did you see that first sack the stealer had where like I swear to God it was like Tom The batteries if he was like a robot they shorted out for half a second He's just didn't see the guy and then he kind of did like Buddy kind of freaked out then he spun around and laid down He looked like a deer and headlights on that one. He's just not the most mobile fucking guy in the world But everybody knows that so I Don't that move is the shit and here's something I don't understand That no wide receiver ever does you know when they do like a fucking reverse double reverse or whatever and You know when the defense is stringing it out and it's not gonna work You can see it's not gonna work You know and it's just dying a slow death I don't mean when you know it doesn't work and the receiver gets the right there Fred obviously tuck the ball away But how come when it's dying a slow death. Why do they start doing this OJ fucking dancing around shit? Why don't they just throw the ball away for an incomplete rather than taking the fucking five to seven yard loss Has anybody ever seen anybody do that that that is my that's my football question for this week Is anybody seen a wide receiver on a reverse and it wasn't fucking working out of fucking nowhere Wait has anybody seen a wide receiver? Just basically do that play is what is all I'm asking for the love of God can somebody fucking tell me that they've seen that I Don't understand why they don't do that. Why the fuck would you do that? They need it. You don't get hit You don't lose a bunch of yard bill. We get all right. All right. Let me read the advertising here for this week All right. Oh shit everybody. Hey, did I tell you guys I tried to make some beef Brazil the other day That's not a fucking easy thing to do I don't know did I tell you I can't remember if I told you that on Thursday I think I did I did I Finally figured it out my recipe you got a slow cook it for 90 minutes not 60 minutes Or I have to learn how to tenderize meat a little bit better. I need to learn how to beat the meat a little You get it a little jerk up joke there. Sorry. All right. Let's um Did I talk about everything I wanted to talk about in the podcast? I I believe I did I Believe I did You know it's fucking hilarious is my wife keeps telling me to go to the firehouse to make sure the fire station to make sure that the Kid seat is put in correctly Which I think it is I mean I fucking good I think a bunch of you know I try to rip it out I couldn't rip it out. You know what I mean? And I think my fucking arms are just as strong as a two car accident, right? so I've gone over to the firehouse twice The one in my neighborhood. I've been over there two fucking times every time I've ever gone by that fucking firehouse The trucks are there somebody else is fucking washing it Every time I go by the house to fucking firehouse. Nobody's there trucks are gone. I'm ringing the doorbell and there's nobody there And I'm sitting there thinking well, maybe at least the guy who makes the fucking chili he doesn't hang back the second time I went there the the fucking TV was on so I Don't know I've been driving around my wife's car, which I didn't like it first You know all these fucking cars this shape like dinner rolls they all look the exact fucking same and But now I actually actually kind of like it. You know took me a minute. You know, it's a fucking broads car. What are you gonna do? Anyways, let's let me read some of the The questions for this week that I fucking copy and paste them today at least do that For the love of Christ No, I didn't of course not. Why would you do that Bill? If you did something like that then that would mean that you were actually fucking paying attention. All right Let's just read them from here. Okay weight loss slash fat shaming Hey, they're Billy bassinet. I actually know what a bassinet is now Congrats on pregnancy and you and the lovely Neal will make pretty good parents. That's hilarious I'm emailing you because I wanted to thank you and Joe Rogan for all of your shit It enabled me to lose a hundred and twenty pounds That's a whole person. I started back in November of 2015 dude. That's amazing And I've kept it off and continued to get to my goal of 220 pounds. I was three fifty seven when I started He goes, that's a fucking plane I think it's a gun isn't it three fifty seven Magnum Anyway, thanks for For the shame and motivation your freckled cunt good luck and best wishes to you and your growing family 2017 in the coming years Oh, and by the way go fuck yourself in the best way possible Thanks stranger You know what that means? Anyways, I'll do that's great. I could use some advice because I've been During the last few weeks. I should really say like the last two months of Neas ordeal is what I'm gonna call it because it was not a break like the pregnancy is a fucking ordeal You sick the first fucking third and then there's this, you know Eye of the storm the second trimester and then that it's just like it's fucking horrible. You know If you don't have any sympathy for your wife during a pregnancy, you're not in love with her You fucking married the wrong person. I could tell you that so anyways Anyways, yeah, I've been I put on some I put on a little bit of weight not in not in too crazy I kept hitting the fucking elliptical, but I just kept making comfort food And then what would happen was, you know, she eat a little bit of it sort of like it and Then all of a sudden would just be totally for whatever reason Hormonely would be totally turned off by like the next fucking day and I made enough for two people and I'm not gonna throw it out You know what I mean, so I got a fucking I got to finish it You know, I ate almost a whole shepherds pie myself If this beef Brazil, she goes too heavy. She couldn't deal with it. So Yeah, you're supposed to have read me a couple times a month. I've had it four times this week So But you know what I finished a day with a salad. I Never make myself salads either I just I just never know what the fuck to put in them You know what I mean, I finally just I just started with basics, right? I go to the grocery store This is what I've been doing lately has been working for me as I go there and I get that pre-washed fucking lettuce that they have in there you know because You know basic what I have a few people had to die by unwashed fucking lettuce now they wash it up for us. So you get that shit I Get three different colored peppers green red in the orange, right? I cut those fucking things up cut up some cucumbers Throw all of that in a bowl Then I got some tomatoes on the vine in a bowl outside the fridge and a little Parmesan cheese And then I just have everything all chopped up and ready to go Pre-shredded fucking Parmesan and all that so then at night when I get hungry before I do something stupid I just make a quick fucking salad a little bit of the Paul Newman's fucking balsamic vinaigrette on it I Make a face like I don't want to fucking eat this and then a couple bites in yeah, you're into it It's over you get it going. It's like trying to fucking write a term paper back in the day You can't put it off putting it off then when you finally sat down you just fucking did it same thing with eating a salad I try to do that, you know if I'm gonna eat past like seven o'clock I try to have that and then I have like a scotch It's the Ron burgundy Diet or whatever all right work meeting Dear Billy red tank. No isn't the one the the cuts I work with have Tasks me to share an inspirational quote or poem during our bi-monthly team meeting sorry Content work have asked me to share an inspirational quote or poem during our bi-monthly team meeting. Oh My god Well if there's ever a sign you got to quit this fucking job personally I'd rather tell them to go fuck themselves, but since this would be frowned upon I find myself in need of your expertise Do you have any inspirational quotes that you can share with me? So that I can keep pretending that I'm not dead inside Dude, you're not dead inside what you are is you're an intelligent human being who knows that this is silly and you're sick of being traded treated like a fucking child This is like some shit that like when I was still in school, you know had to sit there with my hands folded on my desk Dude I swear to God the corporate world is So fucking cold and so out of touch with like how human beings even fucking work or they totally understand it And this is how they just break your spirit You know what it is is you probably you guys have these mind-numbingly boring fucking jobs right They probably don't pay enough money for you to be fucking excited by it So now what they're gonna try to do is have you? You know Go out and they won't even do it for you. They won't even come up with like a fucking, you know Their own like little you know like the Raiders just win baby, you know what I mean the Cubs let's play too They can't even come up with their own. This is this is their fucking job Well look you know what you have to do But what I would love you to do is write your own fucking poem where it all rhymes and you just trash in this thing Whatever the fuck this exercises What rhymes with cunts Let's see One of the most exciting plays in baseball is when a speedy hitter lays down a bun I Am dead inside. I don't like this job And certainly not working with you cunts Consider this my last fucking day Don't worry. I don't have a gun, but I would like to say fuck all of you And your mother's - Now I'm out of a job. I don't know what I'm gonna do and then you just leave go out and get drunk I don't know what the fuck it. All right dog wins marathon. Hey Billy probably a dad. I am I'm a father now Which means I now get to fucking act like I know things that people who don't have kids. No Don't know whatever, you know, they do you don't understand your babies looking in your eyes shut up You didn't wear a condom. All right, that is your fucking big That's what that's what you did. All right stop acting like you walked in the moon. Oh Do you have a baby? Oh my god, what is it 12 billion of those fucking things? It's like saying you have a hat. All right dog wins marathon. Hey Billy probably a dad thought you liked this story But it's my hat thought you liked this story a dog left its house and started running a marathon and ran alongside runners and finished The whole thing he finished seventh congratulations. Get the fuck out of here. Now. I have to watch this video He ran the whole fucking No, he didn't Luda vine Luda vine that ran the entire 13.1 miles without a leash or human companion. Okay, first of all 13.1 miles is not a marathon Oh half marathon. Sorry See other misinformation starts he fucking called in a marathon, and then I start blaming CNN Dog wins marathon. He won half a marathon. See you already started the lie Dog gives CPR after running a fucking marathon Runners in Alabama may have bitten off more competition than they anticipated in a race earlier this month All right now it makes sense because I was like who what kind of a fucking dog owner would leave his front door wide open in the goddamn thing He just runs out and runs fucking 13 miles away. Oh Obviously somebody in Alabama a Dog finished in the top 10 in the elkmont half marathon the trackless train track on January 16th and has been Quite the internet sensation. What is a trackless train track? They used to be train tracks there Was this the underground railroad is this is how the slaves got out of there? Yeah, you know, we laid up they escaped up this way, but we could we blocked it off now. We just do a marathon Why people only marathon? I love it. They act like I do it too. Like racist white people are only in the south That's not sure where everywhere Ludvine a bloodhound lives nearby and a bloodhound. Oh, I fucking love those. That's not a bloodhound Oh, yes, it is but when it runs its faces all flying backwards. So it looks like a fucking retriever That's one of my favorite dogs ever God damn it's making me miss my dog. All right. Let's plow through this blood vine a bloodhound Lives near by the way update on Cleo is the new owners sent me a fucking picture and it was up on the couch Sleeping like a baby loving life probably doesn't even remember us because it's a dog and it lives in the fucking present and So that was that was good to see but I when I saw I was like, oh fuck Anyways, she competed without a human or leash heard owner doesn't even run That's what makes the story. You know what? I don't like this story I don't like this far. I don't like this is one of these just like let's just go. Oh all together Isn't it's there's a nice heartwarming story for everyone All right best man Hey, Billy bitch tits. That's one of the most popular ones. You guys always call me that Billy bitch tits. Is it the iteration? I do push-ups. I don't have bitch tits yet. I Recently proposed to my girlfriend. Congratulations, and we're getting married in December. Congratulations, and when my lady Ask me who I wanted as my best man. I realized I wasn't close enough to anyone to ask them I have friends and co-workers and family, but I'm not really close with them Not enough to choose one best man anyway. So with that is this a fucking pitch for a Hollywood movie? Didn't Kevin Hart have to didn't this is a Kevin Hart movie? So with that being said, what are the chances of you showing up and being my best man? If not, can you get me in touch with Joe Rogan? Thank you Where's your uh, where's your wedding gonna be at? If I got a gig If I got a gig nearby, I'll fucking do it I'll come down whatever you need. I'll me tell you something about life. There's something that a lot of people don't know about Larry Okay this guy Fucking this guy listens to the Monday morning podcast Start doing the Madonna thing. I'll just start hyping my fucking podcast That's what I'll do. I'm gonna do the Madonna thing. I'm gonna wear a beret I was like, you know when I came here. I thought about blowing up this fucking reception area Because I didn't like the cake Why is the groom on the left and not the people read from left to right? Why is it the lady first? Any I don't what the fuck would I do I don't maybe I'd do that I have no fucking idea No, I'm not gonna do it because then I have to go through the whole fucking ceremony I gotta present the ring and do all of that shit. I don't want to fucking do that. I barely wanted to be at my wedding You know in a great time. That's what I learned about myself, too I swear to God what I fucking learned about myself is the level of social anxiety that I have that The amount of big moments in my life that if I could just fast forward through them and get on the other side of them I I would gladly do it to not I mean after I have the experience I always think like well what the fuck was I so you know anxious about and I actually you know I had the like my wedding was one of the best nights in my life, but like you know my wife went into labor and shit you know, I'm driving her over there and everything and You know there was that part of me was just going like Just thinking like I hope this is over as quickly as possible And it was wasn't that was like a selfish thought it had nothing to do with like I don't want my wife going through any more of this pain Which I definitely that might have been the most emotional I got listen to her screaming in fucking pain was that was fucking brutal Anyways But like yeah, I had this feeling like if I could just like hit fast forward and just be on the other side of this thing I would do it in a second and I thought about that like my entire fucking life I've had I've had I never really realized I have this social anxiety with all of this shit Like I just want to I just get fucking through it get on the other side I'm on the other side. I made it through nothing humiliating happened now. I can fucking relax. I felt like that for like the first Probably nine years of every stand-up show that I did Like the level of relief that I had after like once I got on stage. I would be fine And then you just do when you're acting then even if you're bombing or whatever It's like it's the clock has started and with every second. It's closer. The event is closer to being over. You know what I mean? It's it's the waiting and not knowing. That's that's what is always always fucking giving me anxiety like the amount of stand-up shows that I've done and Possible situations that you go through as a comedian when you're coming up for me. It was never It was already over by the time I got on stage Because now you just go out there now you just deal with stuff and you know You tell people go fuck themselves or you plow through till they get you and you look stupid and you feel like an asshole, but Then you say good night and then it's over and then you can just fucking relax But it when you're standing there for me for me when you're standing there at the side of the fucking stage waiting or metaphorically You know going there. I mean, I don't know I can't but this was one of the craziest fucking weekends of my life You know what I mean from the women's March to Donald Trump getting sworn in to the Patriots going to another fucking Super Bowl and I becoming a dad was a hell of a hell of a four days I can tell you that and I Don't know and I'm very thankful to be honest with you know All jokes aside that I finally got to have that experience of becoming a dad because it was getting to the point of like I don't know if I'm gonna I Don't know if I'm gonna get this experience and it's it's weird. I feel like I lived my youth straight into my golden years and Now I'm the middle part. I'm just doing it. I was joking. I think I've even said this on podcast I'm like living my life like a Tarantino movie where it's like completely out of sync, you know, John Travolta Is walking by in the background, you know the diner scene in Pulp Fiction my ruining This is do I still have to say spoiler alert even though that fucking movie came out like 22 years ago 23 years ago Anyways, that is the the podcast for this week tune into Jimmy Kimmel tonight, and I don't know what I'm gonna do I don't know what I'm gonna fucking talk about all I know is I got the the pre-interview coming up What were some of the things you'd like to touch on? Huh? Well, can I do the cunt poem? From my podcast, I don't think so We shall see we'll see how this one goes. I'm very excited. I've never done the Jimmy Kimmel show and Here's something so cool that fucking guy is I met him one time and um I think I was down at logo where i'm gonna be bill bern friends on January 31st on lassianica boulevard right down here in hollywood And he came down to the show to see somebody else and I met him and I started talking to him about how bill waltz wrote this book um You know the at the height of his you know just being like the bill Belichick Vince Lombardi guy of his era He was approached to write a book on football and he wrote like You like he basically showed the outline and he had diagram plays and it was like you had to be a coach to understand the book and The the publisher or whatever the company he was doing the book with was basically like going dude You got to like We can't put this book out like you gotta be like a you gotta be like a football coach to even understand Any of this shit How about some pictures of you with joe montana? How about some family stories and blah blah blah and he was just like no You want me right write a book about football? This is it right here and he just fucking put out this thing. So the book bombed as far as not making money With just regular joe's like even myself the amount of football that I watch but amongst coaches evidently that book became like a bible And if you can find like a hardcover version you find them on the internet think they go for like three four hundred bucks or something like that and um Whatever I was telling jimmy that story and he was laughing thought you know was funny or whatever and uh And I was joking going like you know I want to actually get that book Maybe I'll finally understand the cover to defense or whatever the fucking the nickel defense and that type of shit So sure enough like fucking three weeks later. I get this package from amazon It was from from him and he actually bought me the book and um, I thumbed through it dude and i'm telling you it's like you It's look you feel like you stole a team's playbook Um So anyways, uh, so but I've never been able to do his show every time I try to do his show like something would come up So this is my first time doing it And uh, so tune in tonight. I'm hoping i'm going to go there and uh Be able to repay him by being a little bit funny on his show, but once again my new stand-up special Walk your way out comes out january 31st on netflix. Please tweet about it. Please let everybody know And um, and that's it. Thank you for listening to the podcast. I'll talk to you later. I'll talk to you I'll check in on you on thursday. All right, see This championship week. What's up everybody? Welcome back to the anything better podcast NFL edition for championship week. I'm paul versey. That's bill burr We got uh, andrew femless over there. We have of course. We have jake disnake and an undisclosed Uh location with our injury report and we are going people where he is the ladies will find him still knock his door down um dude The buffalo bills beat the ravens The the rams dude the rams I thought they were going down And going to win that game and when they when staff were threw it out of bounds. I was like, what are you going to do great games though? Both of the games were good Yeah, and I think you know, they they made too much of a thing about the ravens Messing up. They weren't given that the bill's defense enough credit I mean, okay that kid dropped the ball in the end, but like they were punching the ball out stripping and doing all kinds of stuff They were forcing turnovers so um You know, we'll see I had I thought they were all good games other than like the kc game. I literally had to shut it off dude The amount of just yeah frost promotion that was going on Yeah, so here's my theory so they cut to taylor swift and she's with some big female athlete. Yeah katelyn clark All right. Where is the deal? There's a conspiracy theory on the internet that feminism as far as the part of feminism where to get women in the workforce Was done by the people that own the banks because they could only tax half the population So they kind of start hey you should get out there and work, right? So my conspiracy theory is is big pharmaceuticals upset because only half the population gets cte So now they want to start promoting female sports I mean do the the level of like how far in the background I felt the game was and listen you'd watch your Lakers game They would cut to diane cannon or jack nickelson But like the level that they have to do it. So swifties keep watching um I just felt I was just like You know the chiefs are trying to three peek Is way bigger than me looking at this this musician and hurry. Oh, it was a good play of course. She likes it Yeah, he's dating the tight end. I get it How many fucking times and oh, and she's with keitlyn clark and keitlyn clark They just fucking put thought of that and keitlyn's holding the can of pepsi and pepsi, but baba bites It's like what the fuck are we doing here? Well, I got something for you bill Your buddy paulie over here in new york I'm putting my money where my mouth is I think josh allen and the bills Overcome the chiefs overcome taylor swift and overcome the officials and beat them this week I though i listen is that ai or players really saying At least former players that go and like yeah, man. This is ridiculous. I'm like chroy aceman go and this is ridiculous No, it's not a i can be honest with you as a patriots fan. I'm getting tired Oh, they're the new patriots. We never got the red carpet like that and also It's you forgetting deflate gate Dude braiding them. Hell fucking hated us to the point. He upheld the investigation of the independent investigation Of the owner of the losing team And then we beat him in core codes. It was such bullshit And they found a loophole to still suspend our patric malds for six games When that fucking happens dude, then then you can say you're the new fucking patriots That guy hated us hated us. I i brady never got these calls the only guy that I saw Kind of have his way with officials like this was jordan in like that hey day that three year, but this is dude Uh, ex players are saying it Analysts are saying it mad dog chris ruso was going like do it like you he goes I can't take it anymore. I can't I can't even watch him. I can't watch him. I can't watch him And here's what sucks the correctly The officials did a great job all year except like except for them which sucks because they're like on their game But dude, I think josh allen and the bills are going to beat him. Well, I think they're better I called it. It's the only storyline. They had like they these sports And i'm not shitting on the nfl all of these NHL doesn't do it at all because they're they've always just spent a wild car But like the nba has storylines Football has storylines baseball has storylines and that's what the storylines is what keeps people come back the soap opera of the thing And they protect that thing at all fucking costs Especially if you only have one because if you take away, you know Taylor swift travis kelsey patrick mohomes can the chief three p if you take that away It's a really weird time in the nfl right now with this so This is always like who do you like better brady or patan, you know, man. Who do you like better? fucking Who was it back in the oh the cowboys 49ers rivalry or l way or montana? They've always had that I keep saying this every week, but like it's getting so fucking overt And then people are trying to be like like dragging the patriots into that shit is so fucking ridiculous It's like the nfl was against us That's how much they fucking hated us. Hey, I got a question for you if travis kelsey was dating a dog show But she was up there in the booth when they show if she moved tickets If she moved tickets 100 percent if it was lizzo It's a robot food if it was somebody that was like, you know, annoying Yeah Everybody would watch just to hate if the person was annoying. Yeah Yeah, don't ever forget Paul if they're annoying. It's not yeah, it's annoying It is annoying phone. I have to be honest with you. This is like Sports on two levels was an escape For men it was an escape from the news the reality of your job and the pressure of having to support your family And it was also an escape. You got away from the woman in your life You hung out with the fellas you fucking said whatever and you had a good fucking time and that shit is over Sports are now like, you know They just they they they bring everything they got the fucking military flying over, you know, there's and that's money The nfl doesn't support the troops. They make money off of them So sick of them acting like they're aligned with the truth. You get paid every time you show one Um Did I almost just went off of my wife when you said that I was gonna say it's the wife's fault I'm not gonna go there. She might hear me Um But dude, I will say and I'm gonna do something I normally don't do bill I'm gonna play devil's advocate here. I'm gonna be a contrarian. What you know, isn't me. I'm an anti contrarian, but you're going I'm easy I think you gotta give I think everybody's got to give the chiefs a little credit here dude because he finds the open man a lot and like Kelsey does it all No, they're good man. They're good More people need to compliment Patrick my home. No, I'm just saying they're good They are a good team. I'm not saying they're not a good team. Paul, but I gotta be honest with you You're what are we doing? They're they're in the fucking TSA pre-checkline going down the field They got clear and pre-check what I can tell you right now That fucking flop he did out of bounds. He should have got a three-game suspension for that was ridiculous. Oh What the fuck was that we went from jack Lambert to that 100 right 100 right and it was ridiculous. It was egregious But I think they're go Andrew. Can we get the lines for the chiefs bills? I gotta see the line here. Oh, they they fucking decided this guy was going to be the next guy They did okay, and I'm not saying he's not one of the best if not the best in the league right now But dude, is he Peyton Manning? The chiefs are two-point favorites Two-point Africa came up and just my point just laid on the ground. Paul. Is he is he Elway? Is he Montana? Is he as good as those guys? Are you saying like no you have like some fucking Dan Marino level arm No, I'm just saying the amount of praise It's just fucking insane. It is it absolutely is um And Paul came early. I remember making fun of it one of his first Thursday night games This announced I hope you're a princess watch I watch and I'm going like they s this kids the next kid How they are selling this kid this fucking heart is Brady's leaving and they're done. They don't have anybody else But yeah to your point about comparing to my home's those other quarterbacks. He's already won three zero goals He has more super goals than all those guys. So it's like it's hard to judge now and he could get a fourth this year I know but too They're fucking just letting them go down the field holding players. Yeah, that's the thing I am so sick of that like if he gets six championships. Does that mean he's as good as Jordan Michael jordan who changed the game Yeah And here's the thing dude and I hate to keep bringing this up and sounded like a broken record And sounding like sour grapes and people are going to say Paul It's because you bet on the 49ers last year dude Nick bosa would have sacked patrick mohomes three times in a row If he literally wasn't held by both shoulder pads Three plays in a row to the point where everybody on the sidelines was just going like what's going on? But that being said oh wait. Oh no, not that being said jake the snake. I'm gonna tell you what his this is manufactured This is man The way the fucking Lakers were in fucking the 2000s. Oh my god jordan's leaving What do we have? We have no storyline and all of a sudden the Lakers. Oh my god jacks going there kobe's going there Jill jacks is going there. None of them were Lakers. That was the charlotte hornet and orlando magic and the coach of the fucking bulls And they they they needed a storyline I'm not saying he wouldn't have won champion chips or anything, but this dude this shit. They were in a fucking limousine Oh, yeah No, they are there's a Comparing into the patriots um There was a stat that brady got 38 roughing the past circles in his career And I think mohomes also has 38, but mohomes obviously has played half the years So, I mean, yeah, just move right there Yes, and they learned with baseball what happened to baseball was all the records were like from fucking, you know, and Inside show billy had fucking 400 rbi's and 19 fucking o2 right and there was like It was just a game of of the past and they needed to update it So they juiced up the ball They made the stadium smaller and they looked the other way when these guys got roided up And then all of those records fucking felt and I think everybody like was like well We don't want to be what happened to baseball be the national's pastime and then become the sport Nobody gives a fuck about right so they get in a panic When there's a changing of the guard Okay, like when Jordan retires fuck who do we got now? We need a story. We need a fucking story and you need an interesting story Okay, and it's just like so they get they got all of this shit They tried to do the thing you literally saw them trying to make people give a fuck about patrick my homes and his his relationship Nobody did No So they they dropped that because that and then what was what was the uh Uh, the prototype for that it was brady and jazelle Yeah, or am I on Jessica's and naturally the way the leakers and the seltics happened naturally in the 80s and then The nba's like oh, that's our bread and butter two teams a bunch of stars battling each other and then you went into the age of the uh, the superteams Yeah Um, jake do we have any injuries for commander's eagles or bills chiefs tomorrow? I mean sunday uh commander's eagles the big one is um jail and hurts uh, there was a play where Uh hurts rolled his knee or someone rolled over hurts knee and you can see that he wasn't the same after that So we'll see if he recovers in time for this week, but um, I'm sure i'll be out there But he definitely looked hobbled towards the end of that game I think he'll like play the three passes after that Um, so that's the big storyline, but other than that. I think everyone's gonna be fair We know the big names at least we'll be out there my home. So allen jane daniels Um, you know, so anyway all right bill. I'm gonna give you the first game here What do you think commanders are getting six against the eagles what's that? I'm gonna take the eagles and i'll tell you why because as much as you're seeing You know Another superstar quarterback, um, with the commanders Uh, I didn't like how they needed to score 48 points To win the game. They still let up but how much how many points did they let up it was in high 30s low 40s or something like that I'm old school. I still believe you have to have a defense to win a game um And I just think the deeper you're going to the playoffs I don't know. What was their record this year against each other? It was one in one, but hurts got injured in the second game or got got a concussion in the second game So when when that happened the commanders came back in one Um, I still think I think everybody's gonna love the uh, six fucking points. Jesus christ All right. I'm just talking money line. I think the eagles win this game six fucking points Yeah, dude. This is tough because you know, I have this bias to say quant thing I I love them. It's hard to see them do what he's doing Um, but the commanders are on a run and I really think they're playing woodhouse money I could see the eagles pulling it off at the end of the field goal, but I love the points I'm going to take the commanders getting six. I've been riding them all year and they've gotten me here So i'll take the commanders getting six and um All right. I'll start off bills chiefs. That's surprisingly low scoring game So it's probably good to take I don't I don't think it's going to be a shooter. I think the eagles Are a really really solid team. Um And I I just don't see uh I mean, I'll be honest with you. I don't know what the fuck that game was last week The commanders 28 The second quarter the fucking game's over. No, it isn't they had to do it twice Yeah, dude. It's maddened out Dude the lions that was I mean that was my super bowl pick. I did not expect that Um Jake's when jake's been calling the lions frauds all year. He was probably happy that I mean, there are 10 point favorites and they lost by what with the two three scores But the pick six is a huge reason why the commanders had scored so many points. So I mean pick six was It flipped the entire game. So I mean the lions probably still gonna came back if it wasn't they lost by yet two touchdowns So, I mean, that's the difference of the game right there Um All four teams have not committed a turnover there left in the playoffs. So whoever wins a turnover battle probably wins these games All right turn it over then there's a flag and they get they get a fucking do over That's the piece I'm curious to see it be with this fucking cheese good full fucking rings. Fuck that shit I'm I'm curious to see it doing this shit on purpose Yeah Dude whether he is the guy or not the guy and I'm not saying he's I'm gonna be a fucking broken record here I'm just saying dude. This is uh It's manufactured You see today. They ride their bicycles. They're pedaling, but they also got a little motor on it They're just going up the fucking hill like 30 miles an hour. They got an elit They got an electric mountain bike Um, yeah They got a little fucking electric motor pushing a fucking feel and I'm not the only guy fucking saying it either It's former players are saying it too. So I don't know how long you can sit there going haters No And i'm curious to see what the officials do because everybody's saying it this week Everybody's saying it this week. So Do you know what they do? They need to have that kid from fucking rockin new year's eve Like he should be the guy commentating the game. Who's the guy who's the guy? Ryan seacrest should be announcing the game and there are tailors swift and she sits next to the fucking Whatever katelyn clark and oh my god here comes Beyonce And it's about two half times show And clap is kelsey's gonna dance with them that really is true That really is true. Chief's games have become the red carpet at the golden globes. What is a fucking variety show? It's not football I literally shut it off like I feel like i'm watching a movie about football and then they're cutting through the co-star with some shit All right, well Here's my weird feeling and prediction I think that the game is going to be a field goal And I think somebody's going to mess up and miss and I think it's going to be the chiefs I think josh allen is going to do enough to put the bills in position to win And I think he takes them out I'm going with the buffalo bills in an in a in a in not a huge upset because it's only two points But i'm going to take the buffalo bills to silence That red kingdom over there and tailors swift and I hope let me just say this I hope When josh allen and the bills are cheering and jumping around that field They go to tailors swift and that's sweet and they show everybody in there looking somber. They better do that That's my prediction. All right. What I didn't like about your prediction is you said you think josh allen is going to do enough That sounds like you're picking a game and i'm over. I don't think you you can't come in and just doing I I don't know do this. No, I mean enough by getting them to the 30 and kicking a game win in field goal against the chiefs The reps and spotify if you think that that's gonna I just thought Hold up. I can just fucking hold you On the final fucking drive If I just put my hand on your hip and it's past interference If I can take my helmet up in the end zone and the rep tells me to put it back on rather than getting an unsportsman like If my defensive coordinator can call timeout even though that's illegal and the timeout is called I need josh allen to do more than just enough Valentine's Day massacre It's like 40 Dude, I wish I wish us four for this show could be together Shacoudary board all the food and just have the cameras on us watching the chiefs. Oh, I can't eat and watch a chief's game It's that Just have just have a fucking barf bag and here's the thing I love the chief with one and dawson Joe Delaney rest his soul all the way up Todd blackledge. I fucking love the goddamn hank shram Yeah, and yeah Yeah, it's a 64 toss power trap The best sideline coach. Oh dude. Hank shram was great. Good. That's a good place. That's a good place I'm a fucking huge chief simp, but i'm a i'm a fucking football fan first, and let me tell you something Paul just a football So bill you're taking the first you're taking the chiefs 100% i'm taking the fucking chief the movie of the week I can't wait they're probably gonna have a movie of the week. They're probably already shooting it called the three key And that kid used to host the daily show is gonna fucking be Patrick Mahal Part of me thinks you're right, but i'm just going with the better team. I think that I don't know dude. Oh Trevor, what's his face? It's gonna play Patrick Mahal They're already shooting it fault. That's how fixed it is. They already know It's called the three p And somewhere in there like the just for uh to keep the story going Taylor Swift will have some sort of uh, you know, uh ambiguous cancer tests So we can get Travis Kelsey who will be playing himself to tear up on camera And get nominated for a golden glow Soundtrack it is. Oh, yes soundtrack merch I mean, you know Oprah's gonna produce it Oprah's been kind of laying low lately. I feel like she's she's kind of like all right. I made my money You know what i mean? I don't know what this business is anymore It's like two streaming services that aren't buying anything So we'll just we'll just sort of leave it at that Um Oh, dude. I can't bill. I can't I wish I could be a fly on the wall at your house when they'd call a flag Against the bill I'm not watching it because I realized last week The nfl was playing me as a sucker going they're like I know The bill bursports fan hates that we keep cutting to fucking uh madonna, right? But fucking uh, Taylor Swift, right? But he is too invested In watching nfl games. It's still a playoff game. He will stay and watch this We are betting Yeah, we are betting that we can keep All of this stupid shit going on and all of this cross promotion and all of this shit He's gonna keep watching and dude. I just I had to shut it off I had to shut it off because it made me sad because the if you think this is going to be the last time they do this I think this is their new business model That they're gonna prop up a team even when they're not the team I'm not saying they shouldn't have won one or two of them or whatever but dude that shit last year was a fucking gift The year before was worse in my opinion when they beat the bangles on a tiggy tack call Oh dude the bangles adam and then that ada bounce. Yeah, and then the eagles game The holding call that was a phantom holding call at the end. This is one of that game. So I think that was That's like honorary degree championships That was their o2 Lakers run The 22 run. Oh, yeah, this yeah beating the sacramental king. So I mean, I don't know dude like I've just been I've been watching college basketball. I'm watching the Kansas j hawks. It still looks like hoop to me Um, I'm done with the NBA that looks like a fucking shoot around. It's it this and I'm and I'm not going out like a gentleman either I'm shitting on all the leagues I think that is the fuck I hate them See, but this is what upsets me because everything was good this year except the chiefs The chiefs ruin it was a good year Teams like the commanders with a young quarterback good officiating and they do this That's a fair point That's a fair point Everything was good except this fucking team. God. I want him to and I like him look at look at look at it Look at you. You're like, oh god. I want that's what that's what they're hoping for It's it's it making you fucking hate them. So you sit down and watch Don't fucking watch don't watch and buy the jersey of that kid On fucking uh buy a bunch of josh allen jersey this week Dude josh allen make the NFL think oh, that's where the money is because that's all they care about You saw what they did with cte they looked the other fucking way and then when they had to pay the players With the miserable final third of their fucking lives where they give them 700 bucks each Look There's a reason why I fucking beat the book four years in a row. Okay, because i'm one of the best there is Okay. Now. Let me say this. Okay. I was doing an instagram live and somebody goes. Oh verza. You don't know I go I'm better than you at this Here's the deal. Somebody is still questioning you Oh, dude. Some of these you know very few but here's the deal Josh allen is on another level. They're running game with james cook is great Their defense is not bad One little thing that they don't have that I think the edge goes a little bit getting cruel Yes The officiating crew and receivers But dude, I think the bills can go in there and control the clock with the running game And josh allen is just not a guy not going wood to make make big mistakes in a big game He's just isn't And josh allen is mvp candidate this year Patrick mohms is not josh allen is having a better year as a quarterback this year The buffalo bills are only a two-point favorite because the officiating They're a better team Uh Well, it was I This you're describing the bills going every good bill team that went in and lost the playoff game There always this guy There's no reason why charlie brown one time doesn't kick the fucking ball You know what I mean? There's no reason for that yet. It doesn't fucking happen with that You know what marvel eve is 99 years old the great marvel eve who took those bills teams And I got to be honest That means those losses never took years off his life. Thank god Right guys gonna hit a hundred he was too nice to win one He was a wholesome guy. He helped out the community played home to his wife These are not the things This is not how you win in a capitalist society. No, i'm kidding Um, that's hilarious be like yeah, dude. Never cheat on his wife. They're done He has morals It's over But guy gets concussed. He actually sits him down because he's thinking about the quality of the rest of his Dude, he was there for his kids No way they win. All right, let's okay now. Who are the chiefs playing in this made-for-tate tv movie? You're saying they're gonna be playing the commanders Um No, no, I don't know if the commanders are gonna win. I like the six points I could see the eagles winning by a field goal. The commanders keeping it close um I think in a perfect world the two cameo. What's that? Man does what does Stallone do a cameo? Oh 100 Stallone wouldn't I feel like Stallone wouldn't Still do a rocky reference No, the rock would the rock would do a cameo not sly Sly one is when when rocky wins is that not one of the greatest scores of any music ever Dude, i'll be honest with you when when Adrian was in the hospital And two and he's sitting there and Mickey's got his head down and she goes come here I want to tell you something and he goes what she goes and she goes win And then all of a sudden you hear the bell go off dude. I almost cried dude. I almost lost it I I do it when that music and then and then Mickey was what are we waiting for? I'm like dude. I can't handle this Um like a bearded eight-year-old called bursi Remember that little kid working out to the music Um, no, the the was that john williams did he do it again on that one? Was that him? No Prote that Uh, I wish forget that's uh, is that a tiny guy? Dude when they play that to real boxing. I was watching that they had like great comebacks And they they start yeah, bill comp bill conti Huh bill conti. No, I like that Dude that's I mean that's Oh Dude, that's the whole kogan when they go to drop the hand the third time and it's if my fucking stays up And he starts fucking doing this walking around Let's start going nuts dude. You know what? You know what scene in rocky isn't talked about enough and it's funny and touching in a weird way Is when he went to the priest and he like honks his honey goes go father father and he just goes the way he described He's like, you know, I'll fight. I was wondering, you know, if you give me a little prayer He just like oh rocket. He does the whole thing. All right. Thanks father and just leaves. That was so great, man It was so great. I I loved it. I loved it. Hey remember when you people used to think you could trust a priest Well, that's why he did it from the window And now we had a little weird interaction a couple a couple of decades ago You can maybe try to even it out with a little Right Your father forget the past a couple years Just wondering that's hilarious Um, I mean, I'm sorry now. He was Italian. He wouldn't have the priest was Italian Vatican is in italy. I know it's considered a sovereign stake before it's sitting right there It's surrounded by italian and the time on behind that wall call uh, you know What can you do? But hope for the best What can you do? You can turn the fucking police Parks You don't send him to a new place That's true That's true Then i'm around the league like jeff george. That's my oh my i'm go-to reference always jeff So bill you have the chiefs and the eagles in the super bowl. Yeah I yeah, there's only one football game next week. All right The other one there they're shooting for uh, you know stock footage for in trevinoa plays patric mohomes in the the chief's three feet It's already been greenlit dude Did the washington red skins with mark rippin play were they one of the four teams that beat the bills in a super bowl? the second year That was this Science second year was mark rippin and that was the great joe gibbs who won three super bowls with three different quarterbacks No one's ever done that joe thighs mint duck williams mark rippin What if we get a washington buffalo? Another super bowl. It's right there in front of them. That'd be amazing for the NFL. I think that's not the only thing in front of them The back dash Oh my god, my chief's jersey just came it's well. Yes. Did you see that? That was one of the best things he goes. Oh my new chief's jersey. It was an officiating He Went like this till he lifted it up. Letting to the point the people on espiano saying it. No, dude legends are saying it everybody said it What Tom Brady said it All right, he's a player They're not gonna listen. They don't listen anything the fucking patriots say no, but bill You made a good point about something with that that floppy did That was like so egregious like that was that was like he like waited went out of bounds And then did it like a child. It was like just to try to get the flag Which shows you he knows he's getting calls. It is it was musical theater. It was ridiculous and uh It was pirates of the caribbean paul Oh bill. We're gonna be here next week talking talking buffalo. We're gonna be here talking buffalo The buffalo bills are going in there Oh And I saw her face that pause a believer You're betting against the chiefs in the playoffs and you're betting on the buffalo bills The buffalo bills logo the buffalo should be replaced with a broken heart Which is some bills fan laying face down on a table that didn't break I'm frying with wing sauce on the side of his face Um Yeah, man. I I I don't know. I think the better team is buffalo. I think they're gonna go and win Hey paul, you're not going to get an argument here on that I think the better team was buffed. I was was still 49ers last year, but I I with confidence I'm like let me let me answer who wins the super bowl At this point at this at this juncture here who we got we got to do the picks when we find out But like well, yeah, I'm just saying right now. Who do you still think it's going to free p And then everybody's going to be forced to say oh my god Is this the greatest? Fucking team that ever fucking put on cleat. That's what it's going to be because they have nothing else I think buffalo is going to beat the philadelphia eagles in a super bowl That's what I want to happen But I think the more we talk this out bill is a great point and the chiefs are probably going to win it But I think the eagles will be there either way So, um, i'll go chiefs You know, I think the yeah So so, uh, jake to snake is with bill. He's got the eagles and chiefs andrew Hey, dude the league the guys that run are with the chiefs I actually think the bill is going to win How much more of this shit you can fucking watch How much you fucking watch? Yeah I think the bills can win. I mean, I I Thought the ravens could couldn't beat the chiefs. I mean, I'm still heartbroken over that raven's loss I'm obviously not a ravens band this season. That was rooting for him I thought they had you know the team to beat the chiefs and to win the super ball, but those That was brutal, but uh, he's given the bills credit though, man. They think oh, no. No, I listen I understand but but if but if there's like two drop balls that like really changed the course of that game And I feel bad the bad kid man. Yeah, so urn overs didn't mean the ones before those they don't count No, no, no, they do listen. I'm not again. I'm not saying the bills didn't do it I just think if you just if you add it all up, it just I think that those those two plays I mean if he catches that ball in the end zone Obviously, it's uh, I'm gonna play in the bills coach in the made for tv movie I'm gonna put a word in for me They are teaching those guys to just punch the ball out That's like a play now where they're just running and they just from behind. It's great punch down dude And it works. Oh Lawrence Taylor came up with that They've been doing that ever since then, but to Lawrence was the best at it He's like that hammer of Thor. Oh, you had your back to him Lawrence Taylor was there anybody better on defense? No Who's the closest Ray Lewis Ray Lewis in my opinion Um Ray Lewis is a good one. Uh Like like I don't I don't think anybody Okay, I would go with Ray Lewis being the closest, but there's nobody Like I don't I don't know people don't understand changing the game. Yeah, yeah was dominated the game What's his face was doing shit? You see in that clip like like that's not in the playbook And he goes well, you should put it in there because it's a dandy. You ever seen that? No, he's supposed to do he's supposed to drop back in coverage At the pro level and he rushes instead That means his guy is open and not only does he still get to the quarterback before the guy can even see the dude He's supposed to be covering isn't covered. He strips the ball and gets a touchdown Yeah Yeah, it wasn't either first highlight reel looks like a future NFL like like they you know They're high school reel Going to the NFL and the rest of these kids are going to a community college Yeah He was doing that at like the NFL level Wasn't he the first guy to stand up as a d-end not getting a three-point stand just stand up and rhett rush like that Yeah, and car cells was looking at him like what the fuck is he doing? That's so great. It's the first guy that's ride by the stadium See the lights on and be like, oh shit. I thought that game Was tomorrow and he like and he got there in the first quarter I didn't know that he's the one that started to punch the ball out He's the first guy I saw that did that because he used to be there. He should just try to set sack the quarterback and strip it Yeah No, they wouldn't they would just you just try to grab him and tackle him He's the guy at least he came up with the You know when he coming in from the blind side Yeah, that's it. Oh, dude, and I also don't think anybody looked better in a uniform Oh, then he did he looked like a freaking superhero Oh, guys. I'm getting the chills I love it Charles Tillman had the record of a bunch of us. I would say Lawrence Taylor wide receiver Uh, is it toss up between jerry rice and randy moss? Yep. I agree. He says toss up Running back is a hard one I'd have to go like as far as like power and speed um Bo Jackson and then as far as lasting longer earl campbell And then I would say, you know as far as being just elusive And explosive would be very safe enters you falter paten Walter paten was a mix of A power Back in an elusive guy like he would do that that step and then dip back out he used to do that move um And then I would say honorable mention when the guy who should be in the fucking hall of fame as far as like he was showing the future as far as his receiving ability And uh as a running back as roger kreg the fact that that guy isn't in the hall of fame is fucking ridiculous He's not on the hall of fame No, he's one like four super bowls now or three two or three He was on all those teams. Oh, somehow. He's not in crazy. All right. How about safeties? You got ed read and ronnie lot Take oh ed reads a good one Trip all mall or two well trip all miles a good one my canes was my canes a corn my canes was a corner um I think ed read statistically is the best one do we saw him smoking a cigar when we were in vegas at the super bowl That was awesome. That's cool He's a huge cigar guy um Yeah, those were all good. I don't know if people would all right. Who's the best quarterback you ever saw The best quarterback I ever saw it's I mean it's for me. It's a no-brainer. It's uh, it's tom brady I saw him. I saw him a giant stadium go 16 and oh Get the record to randy moss Randy got the record with that pass tom and randy got the record together with that pass And it was the first time in my life This is when me and you first became friends and and I've been a giant stadium plenty Is the first time in any professional Sporting event i've ever seen When brady and the offense were walking to the line of scrimmage and giant stadium is on their feet for all plays but three It looked like they were at their practice facility That calm collective knowing what they're doing. It was the most I remember just being like 70,000 screaming against them and the way they just walked up like a machine I was like dude. This is this is nuts dude. I'm watching something special here I think i'm still a joe montana guy in honorable mention dam mary knows season and 84 And him beating the 85 bears They just had no fucking defense and their coach was old And it passed him by so those are the in elway to dude. It's like elway was my el way. I would say Yeah, and then also any of those guys If if they had like uh, you know, it's like what if dam marino had bill wash You know what I mean? Because that that really is a part of it. You got to have all of those pieces You know the ownership the gm the coach and all of that so dude. What if jim kelly won two of those Jim kelly dude he never gets talked about because they lost but dude he went to four super bowls in a row Yeah, it's insane Yeah, and they had that big comeback against the uh, the oilers. Um, but he didn't he didn't play in that It was frank reg it was his backup Oh, that's right good call Yeah The 80s is when it like changed like those 70s quarterbacks. It was just it was a different game um All the the stopbacks the brad shaws fran tarkington and all of that it was It was on ten stapler bert jones those dudes it was on its way To becoming what it is and that started in the 80s with all of that But that's back when like dude just the giants alone What they did to joe montana and the quality of his life now Like they they broke him in half twice that Leonard marshall hit from behind. Oh dude. They played on fucking astroturf Yes Turf is more common now veteran stadium was like getting tackled in on like the fucking parking lot Dude, what about the first who was the first mike vic that I saw it was randal cunning ham and dude randal So what's that? Harlan grisco In my time. It was yeah, that's a little before my time. My time was randal cunning him But dude randal cunning him also had a bomb. Do you remember his arm? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah No, he's no randal cunning him was unbelievable Randal grisco was randal cunning ham 20 years before him. Yeah, we've we've pulled him up on here before I think So randal cunning ham would run around run around run around get at it and then just sling it dude. He was great No, he was incredible Oh, the honor you gotta love the honorable mentions. I love the honorable mentions I feel bad right now because I know the listeners are all screaming names that they want to fucking hear I gotta think of some Oh, i'm saying roger's breez and paid and for quarterbacks, but you know, that's more modern And we done brought up drew breeze or whatever as far as like the guy the dub flutey award The guy who shouldn't be there, but still just fucking goes out and wins you gotta go fucking drew breeze bread farm in his bank bread farm in his hay day Yeah, bread farm was always like he can't too many fucking turnovers for me. Yeah, that's sweet Yeah, they were a powerhouse though green bay was green bay was a really rough team In the early 90s. No, but bill's right He would throw across his body and try to stick it in places and just get picked off And then they would be like well. He's a cowboy. He's a slinger There really was no ramifications. He probably I bet he like historically leads Everybody in in like, you know, four or more interceptions in a game. Did we mention troy eggman? We haven't no troy very quiet Kurt Warner Terry Bradshaw current Warner with those rams team for some was amazing. Yeah. Yeah, what's it called? Uh, who was the born? Doug Williams when he was a tamper and then one one with red skins. There's been a lot of good good cubies out there Yeah, I'm thinking about all these running backs to Just like you know lt and hr. Peterson who hit the hole faster than ldania dumlinson the year he had 40 40 or whatever 30 something touchdowns Um, I had a conversation about him with somebody and they kept referring him does lt my neighbor is younger and I was like Oh, you mean ld t. It's like it's like it's like there's different generations here. I see there's lt and there's ld t But look You know, we never mentioned pate manning once which is nuts, but all right. Hey, man. Oh, yeah Jake brought him up in the run of those guys but dude listen brady went to 11 super balls. Did he go to 11? He lost four Plus four so that would be 11, right? Seven oh seven right six with the past seven who else did he lose two? He lost to the giants in seven 11. He lost two the eagles in the eagles. He lost two Then like 2017. I think dude the comeback listen the comeback against the falcons If that didn't solidify he was a dude the comeback against the falcons with the two two point conversions Dude if that didn't seal the deal dude. I I mean the guy didn't make a mistake falcons paul Um dude 28 three though dude in the third. I know I got a crazy stat about e-line manning Oh e-line. Yeah in seven and 11. He's he never want to play off game any other year except those years And all we're on the road How nuts is that? That'll never happen again To me that's one of those things being like how was e-line not in the hall of fame that somebody brings that up and it's like Huh Are they hanging the hat on that? It's a weird stat for a guy that was that good No, his stats are weird across the board He has like the same amount almost the same amount of interceptions to touchdowns his completions But he just won big games like I think you'd have to say after two and two super bowl MVPs I think he should be in there He's going to get out of his head when you're not going to get a Patriots fan being like yeah No, I don't know about that guy. We know about that guy Um Who do you think who do you think the best i think of raiders who are raiders who are the best raiders? Ben stable Rebel who is after him. Wasn't there anybody after him Jeff hoss stepler No, jeff hoss the one a super bowl of the giants Did he never play with them when i'm gatlin. You're christian something like that Ask you a fight too Oh rich Ganon rich Ganon went to a super bowl and his receivers on that team was jerry rice and tim brown Mark wilson and ice two pounds another guy you got to bring up Tim tim brown Tim brown tony gonzales as far as i can lander the great uh The greatest tight ends of all time Tim brown tony gonzales Um and tony ogates Tony ogates rusper Getting you should be in the hall of fame too. Travis. I think he's now you have to say. I think you have to say travis kelsey now Do you Dude his Yeah, he just passed tony gonzales for yards. I think last year or the you know some Oh, I had numbers like that. No, he's he's got a lot of yards. He's got a lot of this is actually one of his lowest years This is one of his worst years. I Think wrong for her. So To be honest with all I first That's today versus like the stats like ten. It's just it's a different the game changes so much That's it's like it's hard to go like era to era. Obviously kelsey would fucking dominate In any oh gronkowski dude gronkowski had hands He had like he it wasn't like he actually reached out high grabbed the ball and then Yards after the catch gronk was a beast dude. They just went after his fucking legs Yeah But they just they hit that I never saw a guy get hit low You had to it was the only way to bring them down, but they just fucking hammered He went down like a tree dude They would hit him right up. They would hit him like right above right above the knees And then his top would just crash straight down Brady loved him Brady loved going to him because he always delivered for him Yeah Yeah, um Do you have the best route? Who do you think the best rookie quarterbacks are jake 10 techs? I mean, maybe Jaden daniels The best rookie quarterbacks. I think jadon, but also I I believe ben rothlisberger went 13 and 3 his first year Ben ronk my uh Forest gump moments I went to uh, I was doing a gig in pittsburgh and I went to the mall and ben rothlisberger was sitting there Signing autographs and it was like five people In the line and no one who's that guy's that guy? He's got the long name right and dude That was like the second game of the year And then the month later. I was on tour with charlie murphy rest of soul and don elle robin's Uh ronk's and we were in uh dallas And I went to that old ugly estate and they had a little like a giant golf ball that they cut the top off of it And I went in there and by then he was already a star. That's when he was like seven and oh And uh the legend of big ben I'll say as far as what I liked about him And I don't know that you're gonna see a guy like that again. He was an old school like tough quarterback Where it was like tackling a defensive but the level of hits that that guy Took and he still didn't go down. He wasn't elusive He just he just grabbed him and you bounced off of him and he would still make the throw and the completion But you know what he was a little more elusive than you think because there are times where he like scampered away And you're like how did he not get caught because he looks so slow And they said he was that height and that big in high school when he played in ohio They go it was like the same guy, but you're right the last name makes you go. Uh that guys that's a backup last name Yeah, it doesn't it doesn't seem like it's gonna be um Yeah, that that that sounds like a fucking cleveland brown quarterback Who's backed up to chicago the next year um you guys didn't have gronk in oh seven right Why did we get gronk no, I thought those were the welker years uh Gronk would have been like Out here at the when they had you know when willis wailin comes out Yeah, we were out here during the thing and and he had just gotten drafted And I was standing there even he was fucking huge He was like just a kid and he was I heard him he was like talking or whatever And he and willis goes that's your new tight end. That's your new tight end. I was and I was just like all right Yeah, cool. That was a big guy I didn't think it was gonna be I didn't think of you know, I had no idea he was gonna be what he was Now did that patreon run with those that patreon run with the players they had from moths that year to gronk to welker to edelman And the 2010 and his 2010 and his scouting report if I remember correctly was really good But he was injured His last year in arizona and some people are like now this guy's injury prone. Like he's it's like he's not gonna Don't forget him Who I know he had his off field issues, but like for those years when we had the two tight ends. It was amazing The past one of our yeah Oh, by the way, how do we not? a movie how did we never ever mention erin rogers and he's like arguably the most talented quarterback armwise ever Yeah, that guy Well, that's my thing too. I don't I don't think do you think that it erin rogers at his best just pack at my homes played at that level yet As far as throwing the football. No, that's just basically now as a matter of fact erin rogers did the bread far across the body and actually fitted in Yeah, he got he got it in. Yeah, so Um, I love I could talk about this all the time and so Aaron rogers is going to be the last Hall of fame quarterback at the end of his career that's going to go to the jets Everybody's gonna have to fret and then fucking air that everybody's gonna be the agents are all about you don't want to go there Yeah, it's not gonna It's not gonna end well. They just show a chart of everybody that did it. Yeah so that's not I got a great story. I don't know bill you I might have told you this, but there's a great story for the show So this is a warren moon. This is a warren moon on the minnesota viking story Warren moon. I guess he was it was after the the oilers or whatever or whenever he played on the on the vikings and he had a young chris carter hall of famer and I guess he threw the ball and chris carter like he missed chris carter and chris carter Kind of did this diva flashy while come on and apparently warren moon went up to him gets in his face And he goes if you ever fucking do that again in public. He said I will bury you in this offense and nobody will ever know your fucking name It's true story Love that chris carter one of the great receivers too There oh my god John jeperson the first jerry rice, but he took the money and went to green bay Through green bay had james loftin and john jeperson In the same thing and they were playing in the frozen tundra. Oh my god. If damn marino had those two damn marino's my coach john wouldn't that's my god damn marino I'm not trying to i'm not trying to hurt buffalo bills fans here, but this was their team You had thermon months in in the back a thermon thomas Yeah, you had thermon thurmon months yet. You rest his soul Wide receiver rest his soul. Yeah, you had thermon thomas. You had thermon thomas in a backfield. You had james loftin You had andre reed You had bruce smith You had the darrel tali Bennett cornelius bennett darrel tali Don bb dude don bb and special tv They just went against The cowboys with emmet troi michael They also went up against bill bella checks jines defense And they went up against joe gibbs dude. They went up against They first of all they went up against the two masters Bella check car cells On the same fucking team and then joe gibbs And then they went up against fucking have our damn cowboys we got like 49 number one picks when he cut all those players after their hercho walker trade and Shout out to jimmy johnson picked all the right guys, too jimmy johnson is not getting enough credit Guess what give a fuck jerry johns wanted jerry johns wanted him out Fucking mood since the first time i stopped since he was with uh miami. He's just always been ear to ear grid I'm not happy with the head of hair like you ever you ever notice when uh when uh, I love his hair You ever noticed though when an owner does that when an owner wants to Gets rid of the guy that they shouldn't get rid of the team doesn't want jerry jones didn't want jimmy johnson calling the shots and he got rid of them because they had a riff and then the maras You know the maras kind of got rid of kaflin After kaflin did what he did and kaflin wouldn't shake his hand at the press conference and stuff and he shouldn't have got rid of the guy You know he shouldn't have got rid of the guy the the fucking team no it's Ridiculous spoke ego. What's his face is still saying he's going to be the gm jalen zan jerry I was just right He the fucking jm. What about rex ryan going to jet's got to pick me. I'm the best guy for the job They know i've been there. I could do it again. I'm gonna come back and i'm the guy for a job He's just basically interviewing himself on esbn My team did something similar we fired marty shot and i'm after going 14 and 2 and then we're terrible Dude marty shot and heimers an enamel. I've never seen a guy have a more dominant year And then in the playoffs be winning and then just have it stop As the worst time clock management, uh ever Falcons are up there too though Ooh The falcons in that game were up there too. They didn't run the ball. They just kept throwing up 28 to 3 Yeah, no that yeah the different size be it That the nfc central whatever they fucking call it now. They used to be the black and blue division It's some point too other than the packers the misery the misery in that lions Vikings and bears the vermuda triangle Fucking being a football fan Well, they were saying that that was the best division all year people were saying and i'm not saying that they weren't because they had Obviously if you competitive teams with their like best best division all year and like they just they got shut out of the playoffs Well, yeah, I went three first ever is when you ate great season Like the lions did and you're just one and done You know, yeah, we're far emotionally as a fan And how far ahead you've already planned And it's over in hours You know, you know, you know, you know who did that the most I hate to say it But Peyton Manning did that the most I think Peyton Manning they would go 13 and 3 and the chargers would knock them out I think Peyton Manning has 11 first round eliminations or something like that dude Well, that's why their owner had to get on the competition committee and change fucking rules To tip it to the advantage of their team and steal our options Yeah, and an owner shouldn't be allowed the nfl should not allow an owner to be on a rules committee It's a complete conflict of interest. It doesn't it's the midwest, you know, it's so it's fine Then they could make rules for indoors. They could you know what I mean? It's like for their stadium It's just rules of where you kick the ball off and where you don't when you fucking, you know, miss a field bow Whatever the fuck happened that year Yeah, it was like boss hog shit Yeah, um, did you guys hear about this happened? Overbreak because you mentioned uh, we're talking about coaches the john madon movie that they're making Oh that that's gonna be do you know who's playing john madon who? Freekeep, which they're gonna show this sunday before the game. Who's playing madon? Nicholas cage What? No, but imagine him like with makeup They're gonna do it. You got to kick the ball And you know who's playing al Davis You know kick the ball through the uprights You got four quarters one two three four over time. Why would he do that? Why? Um, yeah, you know, it's playing al Davis Who? Christian bale Oh, I heard that. I heard that that could be good. Hey, I would have thought that frank caliendo to play john mad Oh god Seriously at all his family is like, uh, maybe you could have gone with somebody else john good man Nicholas cage is playing john madon Are they gonna put him in like a suit like what? They're gonna take him put him in uh, eddy murphy's nutty professor All right. Well, we're at Well, we went that was great little little memory lane little nostalgia there Uh, all right everybody those are our championship week Uh, championship week picks bill has the chiefs and eagles. I have the commanders and bills Um, hope you appreciate when you watch the kansas city chiefs the level of greatness That you are watching. I just hope that you appreciate that Dude, i'm gonna i'm not gonna mention the name now. I'll tell you guys off the recording But I was in the green room. I might have said this before I was in the green room in mil walkie or something And this guy this guy that was featuring for me nice guy Uh spanish kid tall he goes He told me a guy he opened for and it was a name that we all know And he goes yeah, I was in here open for this is what the guy said to him I guess the guy he opened for the headliner killed And he went back in the green room and he sat down and he looked and he goes i'm jealous of you bro And that feature goes why he goes i'm jealous that you got to see that set that I just had I wish I could have watched He goes I I wish he goes I wish I could have watched what I just did for an hour I'm just that kid they're alone with him And dude becomes terrifying like and dude I'm not Fucking around Like i'm jealous of you bro and he goes oh why he goes because you just got to witness and watch What I just did out there like I wish I could have watched if it was like some Kanye way And he thought he was fucking with him. He's like, uh, and he's like no, man That was like i'm jealous. You got to see that dude. He told me he was serious. I was just like what? I was like dude. That's an you know When I tell yeah, I'll tell you hey, I can't say here I got a story like that. I'm not going to say because people might figure it out. Okay Dude, I heard I had somebody bring me up one time And the level that they complimented themselves and where they put me in position to them And I was like for the first five minutes that was on stage. I'm like did he really just You can't even think of your first jokes. You're like, wait, what's like literally like Out of all the people out there. This is the only guy that comes close enough to lick my boots It was like literally like Thanks He basically told the whole crowd that I wasn't going to be as good even remotely as good as him Oh my god. I was just like Do that. I want to be like did you prepare that or just it was that Off in your head like that. You just think things like that. I would never do that Yeah, this is the club. Yeah, but like seven minutes And then I was like then I was mad at myself going. Why did I just let him get away with it? I should at least said something And then yeah, and then it fucked up like the next few minutes and then he ended up being right Dude, I was thinking about what he said that that might have been psychological warfare. That might have been the plan Oh, dude. It was a it was a fucking good one. I was just like But it was like dude. It was the same thing like what that kid said. It was like so like is was he joking like Do people like literally? Okay, you think that ship but you took to be also so unaware to say it out loud. No, that's one of the most narcissistic crazy I mean The fact that somebody thinks you're fucking around is how wild it is I don't know. I'm jealous of you dude. He goes what? You got to see what I just did And you know tell us all three of you guys because you guys got to hear my conspiracy theories about the NFL, you know I wish that I could have been you Telling me telling you what really goes on behind closed doors with you know bill bill Andrew and jake I'm jealous that you guys got to watch me give my picks as I was giving them Jealous that you got to hear me think them out and say I'm I can't believe Beat the book three four years that around Brods go. I'm just jealous that you got to experience an evening with They argue one of the greatest one bedroom apartments you're ever going to be in in your life Dude, I'm going to say that to my wife next time we get a little frisky as soon as we're done. I'm going to go I'm jealous of you You just got to have me do that to you. I wish I could have oh because when you sit there At brunch and listen to all your Thinking about their husbands. You're going to have nothing to say Because there's no way after what I just did to you. You would have any any sort of a complaint All right. Oh, that's great. All right, everybody Bronze that apartment when you leave be like it's unrentable. They can only retire a jersey. They're going to retire his apartment They've only done that to three apartments unknown burnt rentals I don't brad fit an unknown Jake the snake certain apartments After the legendary acts that happen in there just have to be retired Any Injury reports, you know, he's as always as always the mvp. Thank you. Thank you I could see jake the snake at a bar in hollywood and some chick comes up and she goes Are you jake the snake from anything better? He just gets cool. He goes depends who's asking If you want me to be Are you in jake voices? Hey, i'm the fucking i'm i'm becoming the bobby bonilla of this podcast Who's here dude bobby bonilla just got his last year's check, you know Again, I got the alan houston contract. I got a million bucks for like 30 years Dude, what is with new york in these these fucking like never-ending contracts? It's amazing Stupid It's so stupid, man That that wants soto 760 million for a fucking position player Because of stones fucking eight you guys throw it around fault You could get that New York you guys you guys like to spend Um, all right guys to get the uh, you guys know what to do to sign up and to have fun Obviously bet responsibly But uh, get the best app out there. It's a bet mgm app guys. All you got to do is download to your advice and use our code It's an easy code. It's b-u-r-r. That's burr b-u-r-r and you deposit as little as $10 um into the account And uh, if you lose your first bet you'll get 1500 back in bonus bets if you do lose Uh, you'll get the 1500 in bonus bets after the initial wager is settled and check out the first touchdown Uh, prop bet you pick any player in any end of these games to get the first touchdown and hey now It's narrowed down now. It's narrowed down. So you pick any of these players in these games first touchdown Uh, you win if in fact they don't get the first touchdown, but the second you'll get your cash back. There you go bet responsibly Hey, I just thought that cheese vegas just took the cheese game off the board They just took it or you can't bet it. It's just too fucking obvious. Everybody knows the good one I'll let you bet the bills though, do you know what i'm showing you a fall? I'm trying to jinx them I I hope so and I have no idea how bad I want to talk about all of this. Oh god I just want to see josh alan run off that field like this with his long hair On his way back to buffalo. Oh god Both games had the same over under which I thought it was 47 and a half caught my eye obviously and I like And do I like my homes and kelsey like they seem like the refs did this the refs did this Yeah, I don't like either. Um, independently you think they did they didn't it's it's a marketing plan But this shit this whole that shit done done Now Um how great what would you do if it was like 34 and And he reads a great coach too. All right. Anyway, I like any read. I like all that shit But I also like football fall. I like football. I made the best team win Well last question here. There's a light flag Did the washington commanders beat the lions because they're that good Or did the lions just have a bad day because if the commanders beat them out, right? Philly could lose which i'm excited to see Paul the lions are in the Bermuda triangle Minnesota I like that Chicago back up to minnesota. You do not want to be rooting for football within that triangle Did you come up with that the Bermuda try? That's great. Oh, but that's what it is. It's the Bermuda trying It's the NFL's it is the level of suffering Uh like the AFC has the buffalo bills and the charges All right yet jets to all in the jets That's sort of an isosceles. That's a weird looking triangle Um I don't know but it's it's the fact that they're all in the same Vision although the jets and bills are in that division What about the dolphins by the way, no dolphins dolphins. They've been living off that that undefeated season since 72 They haven't won in over 50 years They they won three years the the last time they won was three years after the only time the jets won All right, let's talk about real quick before we leave. Let's talk about the longest droughts in the NFL right now You got the cowboys You have the miami dolphins Real quick the dolphins have the longest playoff drought in the league What gets all the fucking cowboys in there like that you go you gotta go back 50 years with all these other guys are jets Super bowl or playoffs. No, no super bowl win jets 69 miami 72 Bills never They want to know title in like 60 or 61 bills never detroit lions never so cardinals 70 Yeah cardinals 77 seasons without a super bowl detroit lions 66 seasons The flight down 60 63 who cleaving browns cleaving browns 60 cleaving browns next they're 60 That's technically not true because that franchises the ravens Oh, that's right. What it is is cleveland This is the most cleveland story ever when the cleveland browns won a super bowl. They did it in vaultable I mean, that's that's hard dude. Yeah And then atlanta 59 seasons tennessee titans 59 seasons, but again, that's the titans You got a the oilers. They also used the oiler. Yeah The buffalo bills 58 seasons. Wow, that's that's an honest That's an honest 58 seasons the chargers 58 They're counting them went during the nfl afl merger Right. So that's the account. They're going back to super bowl one. They've never won one, right? But like that their last winning a title was like early 60 john f Kennedy was in office Wow I'm the fucking lion's wanted bobby lane. I don't think eyes and the hour had been elected yet Herman might have still been president. I'm not sure about that Yeah chargers then bangles then jets 56 seasons And then and then the carolina panthers and the jaguars were the expansion team in 95 and they they haven't done it right Uh, jaguars been 30 years panthers 30 years nine or 30 years cowboys 29 texans cold saints Yeah, but the dolphins are the longest playoff drought. Yeah, well, you got to understand like Those early, uh, like right up until like fucking Say the cowboys run 51 all right like so few teams like the packers had two steelers had four um 49ers had four Cowboys had four they were just eating them up The fucking redskins had three raiders had three So all of a sudden like those first like 30 fucking super bowls were shared it seemed Between a half dozen teams and everybody else was on the outs Yeah, I I saw a trivia question yesterday that said what's the only nfl team To win in four four different decades Might be the co-host Packers No, the the answers a lot of people were saying were those and the bronchi but it's the giants the giants did it in 86 They did it in 91. They did it in 07 and they did it in 11 That was a self-serving staff, but i'll give it to you No, no, I'm just saying it was a it was a thing that's a common team. I mean, I I Who am I? I I would have said it if it was another team So further to jake tancy your question the longest playoff drought if this uh Fucking ai answers correct here. It says uh, just the regular search says new york jets 15 seasons last appearance 2010 Uh, that's when they beat the patriots. I believe Oh my god. Yeah That's rex ryan. That's right. That was the rex ryan. Yeah. That was 2000 That's the last time they've been in the playoffs. Wasn't that mark sanchez, right? It was Yeah The jets haven't been in the jets haven't even been a wild card in 15 years Dude Well, I gotta be honest with you in a lot of ways that that that that jet loss hurt just as much as those cowboy Of the giants ones Because he talked all of this shit. I'm not going up there to kiss their rings We absolutely destroyed them like 52 to something in december and then Welker said boy, we're gonna put our best foot forward making fun of how rex ryan's in defeat And then fella check benched him and we just started off no pun intended on the wrong foot um And they and uh, they had that great they had that great defense And they came in and they beat us in fucking uh in fox bro. That was a brutal brutal loss Wow, jake the dolphins that looks like they they want a few years back. So they're not um They haven't won a playoff game since 2000, but they've been that's what I meant. Yes. Okay. Yeah That they get like Yeah The dolphins get like a pass nobody talks about them not winning a lot Because they are raiders Fucking undefeated season. They keep getting their balls washed about that every year But they also had a lot of good years with marino like competing So I think that's why it deals Yeah, depends on what you ask. I mean we're a little old a long time ago though But like I didn't realize that they I mean dude 2000 was the last time they're in the playoffs The 90s were just yesterday for what playoff went um Yeah, and they happen one of super ball doing 53 years Dude if the buffalo bills win fucking the buffalo is gonna burn down And then they're dude. I don't even know if the dude you know how many people are at the airport rooting them on It's like the whole fucking town goes to the airport while they're just to watch them get on the plane. How bad I want them to win dude Yeah Like they never shit Tourism dude What? That's so bad for tourism. That's that that the whole town is there It's just clearly there's absolutely nothing to do here other than to root for the bills Dude the coach came off the plane. He couldn't believe it. It was like buffalo was at the airport by like where the plane landed They're just going nuts and I was like, holy shit, man. Those people are sure reality glasses Actually seeing Niagara Falls was an amazing thing and now Dude, have you seen these fucking guys? They have these things these guys make these things The system is like 40 50 grand I think rogan got one where you can put you feel like you're in a formula one race Like the screen is all the way around you dude. They have it for like Like aviation and I'm watching this guy. I'm like this guy is flying the fucking helicopter That's nuts It's it's like to the point where you could almost log the hours. It's that real Does do it do they count as hours for real or no? Um, I know like when guys are uh, I think when Those professional ones not the one that you have in your house. I believe Somebody I'm sure plenty of people know more about this than I do But I think on When you're becoming like a pilot for united or something like that you I think you're allowed to log some of those Um, what are they called the simulator miles into your book? I believe because they're that good at this point, but I don't know I still don't see how that they could duplicate A fucking cross dude. It's that bit. It's that bit that I did that pilot came up to me All happy joking pilot in uh at JFK and he was like we're starting to give build a report He's like taps me on the thing. I swear to god He was like this happy guy like overweight and hilarious And he just goes dude, you know where I learned I swear he was talking to me like this You know where I learned to do this? Okay, he's fucking have like a delta pin or whatever for america whatever what and he goes do video games He goes to see exact same thing It's the exact same thing dude. I did a joke in my bit and I was just going he goes Yeah, he goes. It's all the technologies nuts. That's where That same thing dude and I was just like you don't have I could fucking die That's that's yeah You don't have that there's that and then this this fighting a crosswind and crabbing in You know fucking, you know in your goddamn, you know The buttons may be the same the buttons and all the things the instruments may be the same But that doesn't mean this is the you know, I became a green beret fucking PlayStation exact same thing Well, I've been to Iraq in my living room. You know how many throats I slit In that case, I'd like to say I am a jedi You're a jedi he's a jedi in a video game. No, but I know what they're saying as far as like, you know It's weird. It's like you know how to do it, but then you have to relearn how to do it for real But it's like You know, it's like the steering wheel gas pedal all of that shit's there and how you ship they they make the cockpit the exact same So you know where all the shit is and what the buttons do, but then you do still have to learn how to do it for real Did you ever hear mark wallberg talk about he was supposed to be on that 9/11 plane And he goes if I was on it dude. I'm stopping. He goes. I'm stopping it. He goes. It's not happening if I'm on it He was dead. It was you know how jealous I am of you Uh All right guys, we will see you one more week Super bowl week, uh, we will be back enjoy the championship games and uh, we'll see you next time bet responsibly have a good time You You You (upbeat music) (drum beats)
