Monday Morning Podcast
Monday Morning Podcast 8-8-11
Posted in PodcastPlay AudioBill rambles about Reno, Guns and Nirvana.
it's going on. It's Bill Byrne. It's the Monday morning podcast for August 8th, 2011. And this week I have a very special announcement that I have to announce. Hence an announcement right here at the top of this podcast. This is something I've been sitting on for like the last six weeks. And I basically I have the biggest stand up gig of my career is coming up in a couple of months. And I know all the women are upset. He said he had announced it. Oh my God, is he pregnant? How does that happen? Is he like a seahorse? Um, anyways, there's a couple of fucking, what do you call it? Oceanographers laughing at that joke that actually know that the male gets pregnant in the fucking seahorse family. How the fuck did I remember that? But I can't remember where I put my fucking key. What to do? All right, sorry. Little hack stand up from 1980. All right, plowing ahead. I have the biggest stand up gig of my career coming up. It is so big. How big is it? You asked me that actually I have been told to hype to announce that I will be announcing it on the Opie and Anthony program. That's how fucking big it is. So I'm right now when I just got you all fucking excited to tell you that I'm not going to tell you what the gig is here on the podcast. All right, I will be announcing it live. We'll do it live live on the Opie and Anthony program. Wednesday, August 10th at 8 a.m. And the Opie and Anthony program has been nice enough to let me announce it on their show. And they will also be giving away two tickets to the front row of the biggest stand up show of my my fucking career. All right, now all you will be like, well, I don't have XM serious man. I had to buy another fucking heat lamp to grow my weed man. I can't afford the serious man. Well, don't worry. I'm going to be the second I do that after I announce it and all that type of shit. I will be then of course tweeting about it, Facebooking about it, but I will not be my spacing about it. All right, there's the deal. The biggest gig of my stand up career. It's so fucking big that I have not I've been pushing it out of my my my thoughts. So I won't get overwhelmed by it, but it's it's fucking amazing. And I can't wait to announce it. August 10th, Wednesday, August 10th, 8 a.m. East Coast time on the Opie and Anthony program. All right, there. I said it. All right, now on with the podcast. I had a phenomenal fucking week and weekend. I just worked in Reno, Nevada, everybody. For the first time in my life, I've never been to the city ever before. And all I ever knew about it was Reno 911. That's all I knew. And all I know was everybody just tell Reno. Oh my God, Reno, what a fucking shithole. Let me tell you if you want to smoke some fucking meth while fingering a fucking hooker. I'll tell you Reno's the place to do it. Right? That's all I heard. That's all I heard. And I got to tell you, I went there and I absolutely fucking loved it. Underrated for the week. Reno, Nevada. Nevada. I got like two hours sleep last night. Reno, Nevada, underrated, overrated Las Vegas. All right. You want to know? Yeah, I can, I figured out why people have been shitting on Reno for all these fucking years. It's because they don't want anybody to go there. That's why the same way I rarely tell people how awesome Burbank airport is. I let these cunts fly into LAX. Do it. Go all the way down there. Fight the fucking traffic and that's see a goddamn people there. Burbank airport. It's like this little mom and pop airport. There's never more than 11 people in it at a time. It's ridiculous. They have their little baggage claim is like outside and it's one of those little circular ones, you know, like the old Fisher price airport game you had in the 70s. That's what it looks like. It's one of those airports and it's it's in Los Angeles and nobody fucking uses it and I absolutely love it. Reno is the, the Burbank airport of casino towns. It's the shit. It's fucking awesome. Reno is Las Vegas minus douchebags and traffic. It's phenomenal. Now I'm not going to lie to you. There's definitely, definitely white trash on a scale of one to 10. It's, it's a solid eight, I'm nine. It's a fucking nine and that's saying something because you know, I could ease, oh, it's fucking 10 out of 10. I know there's worse places. All right. I've driven through the south. I've been to Memphis, Tennessee. Okay. I've driven through there. I saw, I, I just, I mean, it just was fucking horrific. All right. So I know it gets worse, but, but I'm telling you, but it, it's, it's awesome. Anything. What, what do you, what do you want to do? Tell me what you want to do. And I'll tell you where you can do it Reno. You want to go to a whore house? They got one. They got one. It's not the bunny ranch, man. Go fuck yourself. They have one 10 minutes right outside the city. They test those fucking girls all the time too. I don't know what that does. You know, if you're not testing the johns, that really doesn't help the situation does it. It's like you got a hole in the front of the boat in the back of the boat. You just keep stopping up the one on the back. We're all good here everybody. It's the same fucking vessel. I think that they should test the johns and the horse. Right. You test them both. Then I still wouldn't go in. I wouldn't wait until that cesspool of fucking semen and vaginal juices. Why would you do that? Maybe you get some ideas on how to decorate your fucking parlor. I don't know. I have no interest, but I'm just saying if you want to do it, you can do that in Reno. You know, they got all the games, craps, fucking poker, Texas, hold them, all that shit. Blackjack. I don't play any of those fucking games. They got all that stuff. Minus the douchebags. Minus the traffic. Minus the celebrities. Minus all those hot chicks who aren't going to fuck you anyways, unless they're whores. At which point they got whores in Reno. So why go there? It's a fucking hour flight from LA. It's the shit. I had the best goddamn time out there. You know, I checked out this morning. I opened my door and there was some dude passed out across the hall in front of his room. He had money. His money was underneath him, but I could see it. And he was just laying there. I took a picture of it. I got all his shit up on the M M podcast.com. It's just the fucking the town is hilarious. I'm walking through the casino and they made this announcement. They were just like Angela Davis just won $3,000. It's fucking awesome. It's it looked like the size of what old Vegas probably looked like, but for all the douchebags showed up with their shiny fucking shirts and everybody trying to walk around like they're Frankie and Dean. You're not you're not you're a douchebag. Oh, it's great. I love a shitty casino. I love white trash. They just phenomenal. The amount of fucking lays that I saw that had a fucking beehive haircut and they weren't doing it in memory of Amy Winehouse. Okay. They had that shit before she had it. They probably had it before those fucking chicks in that fucking band with that chick who left and left the three of them in Detroit, right? Ah, fuck. You know, many times I started this podcast and stopped it. This is like the fifth time and I'm just I'm just I have to plow through this one. I knew this was going to happen. It was going to start off fast and it was just going to it was going to taper off just like a plane crash on takeoff. We're in the air and that we're not. Boom. Everybody's dead. Well, what happened? Well, he didn't realize he still had it on autopilot. That's what this what this feels like right now. So I'm telling you right now, I highly fucking recommend going to Reno, especially if you want to gamble. You know, plenty of fucking tables. The the goddamn, you know, you don't have to sit down to something place and play five bucks a hand. You can probably play for a nickel. That's what I love about those cheap ass places. Every time you go to a real fucking casino, you know, just want to sit down and fuck around and feel like James Bond for half a second is your girls holding your arm blowing on the dice or whatever you crap out and fucking 10 minutes, unless you want to blow a couple of grand. There's a bunch of gamblers right now going. This guy has no idea what he's talking about. I course I don't. I told you I don't play the fucking games. I'll play like roulette. I bet he the red or black and I just stand there watching the trees like it's that simple like no one else figured out to do that. Anyways, I had a fucking phenomenal time up there. And as I told you last week, I went to bizarre guitar. They have this amazing, this amazing store out there. It's called bizarre guitar. It's, it's all part of one little strip mall. It's its own building. You go in the door in the left and on the door on the right, they got guitars. Every fucking guitar you could ever want. And if you're not a cunt, they'll take you downstairs into their vault where they have easily three to $5 million worth of fucking guitars. But I didn't go in there first. I went into the other door door number one, right? I went in there and that that side of it is a gun shop. It's a guitar store and a gun shop. There's two two separate entrances. I thought the guns were going to be on the other side of the store, but they're actually two different rooms. And I went in there and it was it was amazing. I was looking at the handguns, right? I got to keep this low because I've been trying to get a handgun for a while and Nia is just not having it. I don't want a gun in the house. Okay. I don't want a gun in the house. Great. We live in an apartment. Don't fuck with me. Um, so anyways, I walk in there and I'm looking at these guns, right? And I'll tell you, first of all, I looked at like six of them and four of them starred in like three of my favorite fucking movies. You know, Magnum, they the Magnum force fucking, they had the 44 Smith and Smith and Wesson. 44 Magnum, right there. It was like 850 bucks. That's what I couldn't fucking believe how cheap they are. I know what you're thinking. I know what you're thinking. 850 bucks, Bill. That's a lot of fucking money. Yeah. But when you think about the capability that you can get to 850 bucks, the fact that I could shoot at a criminal miss, have it go through four houses and kill five of my neighbors for 850 bucks. I mean, that's incredible. Not to mention the concussion. I'm going to give myself when I fire it for the first time and that gun kicks up and hits me square in the middle of my fucking giant fucking forehead. 850 bucks. All right. Do you know what Glock cost about as much as an iPod? Isn't there something wrong with that? I can't figure off. That's fucking awesome. Or one of the major problems with this country. It was like, I can't remember what they were like two, two, 80, 350. It's fucking amazing. And I want, I wanted to get one in his Reno. They don't give a shit. They're like, yeah, take two of them. We don't give a fuck. I'm like, well, I live in Los Angeles. They're like, Oh, Jesus. And they said there was like nine million fucking, you know, miles of paperwork, which I understand because if you live in a heavily populated area, you can't be just handing out concealed weapons. But the thing about when you live out there in Reno, out in the wide open spaces in northern Nevada, we tell you something, buddy, you, you're your own sheriff. What you gonna do? Boy, you gonna call cops? Shit. You're looking at cops, buddy. Me and my fucking, they always have those redneck guys always have. I'm not worried about shit. All I need is my two friends, Smith and Wesson. All right. And then they spit into some Tupperware. You know, I had somebody send me an angry email about me making fun of rednecks. And I just want to tell that person like fucking grow a dick. All right, douche bag. I trash women. Like women are the only ones who really have a fucking right to trash me for the level that I trash because I trash them every fucking podcast every once in a while. I make funny, you fucking overall wearing no shirt, no fucking shoes wearing, you know, fish and the fish and whole, right? I'm actually envious to you, motherfuckers. You know, you know, I tell you all the people freaking out when we hit the debt ceiling. I can tell you right now who wasn't freaking out. And that's fucking rednecks. Okay. And you know why that is? Because they don't have televisions. No, I'm fucking with you. Television. What's that? Is that that magic box where they got the people in it? I'll tell you something to me. I don't I don't pretend to know how that technology works. I just don't understand how they all fit in there. You know what I'm saying? You know, it's funny as offended as people in the south are getting if I was from the south and I wore a hat with a price tag and hanging off of this, I could make a million dollars going from Alabama to Mississippi to Chattanooga, Tennessee, and you guys would all eat it up. Cause you all know somebody as dumb as this, but none of you think it's you. Well, let me tell you something. I've been to your part of the world and it ain't pretty. All right. I'm coming to Nashville in two weeks. So I got two words for you. Mop it up. Let's try to fuck it. Let's try to act like you know this company coming this time. I'm from the north. Southerners. Do you understand that? Why don't you clean up a little bit? All right. Those stories are going back over the Mason Dixon line with me. You want to stand me son? And I actually downloaded some Charlie Daniels the other day because I always love that guy's voice. And, but Jesus Christ, that is some shit kicking music. You know, I get drunk in the morning, get stoned in the afternoon. I got something and something. And I'll be just fucked a fucking baboon, but I ain't asking nobody for nothing. If I can't get it on my own. That's a line in the, in the fucking song. I ain't asking nobody for nothing if I can't get it on my own. And I just wanted to tell you people if ever there was a recipe for failure is if you're not going to ask for help in life, you know, what do you fucking Zeus? You're going to do it all by yourself? You know, no wonder your fucking living room is just outside of goddamn swamp. Why didn't you ask for a little bit of fucking help? Excuse me, a little help? Is it kind of a fucked up way to live a life? I thought it was you got any suggestions? Anything help me out with because I'm sick of wrestling pigs for a quarter. All right, I shit on them enough. What am I trying to say? I was actually trying to compliment you guys, which is basically what I'm saying is the reason why rednecks aren't freaking the fuck out about us hitting the debt ceiling is because they're armed. They can grow food or they can hunt. All right, now I'll live near a creek. If you're a redneck, you have to live near a fucking creek. It's in their goddamn Bible. If you don't live near a creek, what the fuck you going to jump in your 69. Challenge your buddy. You just going to be driving on a ground like a fucking choir. I'm envious to them as I shit all over them. I ain't asking nobody for nothing. Oh Jesus Christ. You just go to a waffle house. You know what's funny is I actually love SEC football. And I actually have no problem with the fucking South and I love working down there and I'm going to get a fucking I'm going to Jesus Christ. I just want to guess the name of the guy who's going to punch me in the face if he ever fucking hears that. It's going to be one of those inbred names. Cleetis. One of the names from Duke's a hazard. I got I come on bill. Think outside the box. Come up with a better one of those fucking hillbillies lives in the Appalachian mountains. You know, they're like immune to Lyme disease. You know, they've been bitten so much throughout their fucking the bloodline of their family tree. They did nothing nothing gets to them. Babies come out dirty feed already. All right. So anyways, I'm watching this shit the other day about the fucking goddamn that, you know, America hit the debt ceiling again and like most people in America, I really don't know what that means other than it scares the shit out of me and it doesn't really make sense how they solved it. You know, I know that it's a little more involved than my life, but I got to think here. If I maxed out my fucking credit card and I wasn't paying the bill, I don't think at any point they'd be like, yeah, let's say we give them another five granted credit. They're really going to call some gum snapping whore at a 711 and tell it a fucking cut up my credit card or they're just going to or they're just going to cut it off. They're going to do both. They're not going to give me more credit. Oh my God. This guy keeps punching me in the face. What's my next move? Oh, I know. I'll tie my hands behind my back and stick my face closer to his fist. I saw them. They were on TV. They were saying like, you know, we got to get this thing solved. So the the the the troops can cash their checks. I sit there going like what the fuck did that guy just say? Our our government is going to start bouncing checks. You know, like some fucking convicted felon staying in a goddamn motoring. This is freaking me the fuck up. Right. So I have this philosophy, everybody, and it's based in paranoid thought. So if you don't like it, fast forward through the next 19 minutes of this podcast, um, I don't believe in anything other than that. I guess I don't know what I believe in. I just like insurance. I don't believe in insurance. I think it's bullshit. I think, you know, got somebody goes, yeah, you know, I'm covered. You, you're covered until you're not. You know what I mean? They tell you you're covered, but at any point, they can just say, yeah, you're not covered. So us go fuck yourself. Right? It's kind of like, uh, when you put your money in the bank and everybody go, you know, I got a bunch of money in the bank, but you know, they're all insured up to fucking undergrant yet until they're not until they're not until they decide one day that they're not going to honor that kind of like the fucking airlines when you have all these frequent flyer miles and all of a sudden they just go, yeah, if you don't use them, uh, by next Tuesday, yeah, you don't have those miles anymore, but, but I heard them. Hey, go fuck yourself with a corporation. You're a little fucking piece of shit. So I don't trust anything right. So I'm sitting there and I basically just freaked out my fucking tremendously lovely girlfriend. I freaked her the fuck out because I'm sitting there going like telling her I told the basic when I was in Reno, I called her up and told her that I bought a gun. I know I'm a dick. I just wanted to see what her reaction was. I said, listen, I went to bizarre guitar and guns. I went into both stores and I bought something and it wasn't a guitar. And she was like, what the fuck are you talking about? I said, well, they sell guns and they also sell guitars. And there's this great guy named Tony who works at the guitar place. And if you're a nice enough person, he'll take you down into the vault. And she goes, I don't want to hear about the vault. And I was like, but wait a minute. There was like $3 million worth of fucking guitars down there. They had a fucking 1959 list. Paul, they had the seventh fucking fender strat ever made. Who's insane? She goes, I don't give a shit. You like I'm telling you about that place while keeping this story going? I don't know about you guys, but I'm pretty fucking impressed. So I basically, I just, you know, she flipped the fuck out. I just shot one across the bow just to see what would happen. And she's, she's not having it. She's not having the gun in the house because she buys into all those stupid stats. You know, have you ever heard the stats that people who aren't into guns have? And then you have people who will like with the fucking NRA, they just completely cancel each other out. It's just you have two people who have two different philosophies. One, one group likes guns and the other group does not like guns. So then they just start spewing out stats. Having a gun makes you dick bigger. We did a study. And then the other side's like, the second you have a gun in the house, the chance of shooting your toe off goes up by 83%. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Either you have a gun in the house or you don't, either you want one or you don't, either you're comfortable or you're not. Other than that, shut the fuck up. Jesus fucking Christ. Do you realize how many people die a fucking year because of automobiles? Here's my stats. And everybody can have one just driving down the fucking street. Do you know if you take your car and you deliberately drive into somebody else that, you know, in their car that's considered assault with a deadly weapon? A car is a deadly weapon and they're giving them out to 16-year-olds? We need to outlaw the cars. This is the deal. If you're not a fucking moron, I don't think it's that dangerous to have a gun. How many people have chainsaws? Water them. All you gotta do is just fucking yank it. It's not in a safe. You don't have to keep it in the trunk of your car with the blade in the glove compartment. You have that fucking thing laying around. As long as there's gas in it, anybody can go out there and do something fucking stupid with it. You go out to your goddamn kitchen. Look at your fucking kitchen. You got a whole butcher's block sitting there and you got a whole set of kitchen knives. Any point, someone can just come out there, grab one and just toss it at your jugular. But you're not worried about that, but that's for toast. What if we have pork chops? How are you going to cut it up? Yeah. What if you have intruder? How are you going to fucking blast them in the fucking forehead? I want a gun. This is what I want. Feel all you gun nuts out there. I want to get a gun that I can shoot and not that I can fucking stop someone from doing something to me. But it doesn't hurt my ears. Did I just describe a BB gun? I think I did. No, my ears are my ears are junk from playing drums too long. And I went to one too many ACDC hair metal fucking concerts. And then one time I told you we were fucking I had this little landscaping company for about two minutes. And we were fucking working in this guy's yard. Next thing you know, he says, you know, I got a five shot 38. I never fired before. Next thing you know, we're down the street shooting the thing with no ear protection. After the first shot, I couldn't hear a fucking thing. It was like Tom Hanks in the end of saving private Ryan when he's just sitting there. And that's what it sounded like. And I fired the next four shots and I couldn't hear him. But God knows I did permanent damage that day. So I would like to use deadly forest without hurting my eardrums. I'm such a douche. So anyways, oh, can I digress for half a second? Do you know, it's the 20th anniversary of Nirvana's Nevermind. And I bought Spin Magazine. They had this giant article and everybody was talking about it. And for the majority of people were just like, dude, when that album came out, man, I was just like, fuck hair metal. This is something different. And it's fucking over. Was I the only guy who heard that album was just kind of like, you know, I kind of still like white snake. I did. I was too far down the hair metal trail. I didn't realize how good Nirvana was. And I hated Pearl Jam. Fucking hated them. I hated Eddie Vetter's stupid. I'm in a trance on purpose face. Even when he's sit there and he'd be fucking have his arms up and his wrists were all fucking limp and he was making those faces on fucking purpose. He looked like a like he should have been on wrestling or something. He's crazy. Eddie Vetter. I hated that fucking I still hate that fucking album. Even flow. Hated. I like their other stuff. Vitalogy. I like when he stopped making the faces. You know what he was like. He was like Mel Gibson in the first lethal weapon when he was fucking acting like he was suicidal and it was so awful. They had to make him stop. That's what Eddie Vetter was like in the first Pearl Jam. And then and then they go to fucking interview. Do you ever see that interview? Kurt Lota did. If somebody can find this fucking video, they interview Eddie Vetter and he's like literally in like the fetal position, making this face like he doesn't want to be interviewed. It's like Eddie, you don't have to do these interview. You could just say, I'm suffering from exhaustion and everyone will think you have a coke problem. But who gives a fuck? Right. So I wasn't in any of that shit. I didn't get into Nirvana until probably 1993. And by then I noticed everybody was wearing flannel shirts and smashing pumpkins and all my bands were gone banished never to be returned until that that metal show came back triumphantly to bring back my music. But yeah, I was late. I was definitely late. So I was, I guess, I mean, I guess the article would suck. I'm such a moron. I was upset that no one said that basically in the article. Like, why would they say that bill? They're trying to commemorate a fucking masterpiece of an album. Why would they have a bunch of people going, you know, I thought I didn't think anything about it. I thought Pearl Jam sucked. But I really, I was still listening to the fuck I was listening to. The fuck was I listening to in the early 90s? I actually tried to get into jazz. I was flailing and just completely not progressing in my drumming at all. So I thought if I listened to jazz, I would get better. And I like big bands swinging. And you know, I saw all the great drummers. I used to go to the regatta bar in Boston. I saw Tony Williams. I saw Tony Williams in a fucking bar that held like a hundred people. Louis Belson, I went up and shook his hand. I'm standing behind his drum kit. It was fucking ridiculous. Roy Haynes. I saw Max Roach. I saw all these guys didn't improve my drumming at all. That's what the fuck I was doing. And I was hanging out with my drum teacher who was like 70 years old. I don't know if I need to add this at this point. But yes, there was no pussy in my life at that point. So anyways, yeah, I kind of missed the beginning of the grunge thing. I'm not a Gen X. I think I'm old enough to be Gen X, but I'm not. I am a hair metal fucking 80s kid. That's who I am. I watched family ties, full metal jacket. The lost boys. That was my shit. That was when I came up. I can't help it. That that's what the music I thought Cinderella was a good band. What did I know? Just a fucking redhead kid. The middle of nowhere. Yeah. So they would just everybody was just going. I just heard it and I stopped in my tracks and I was like, what the fuck is this? It's like, how did how did everybody know that? You know, I remember being annoyed by the that their first video. And Kurt goes to take the fucking solo and he pretends like he's tap like doing the tap on solo like basically making fun of all the bands that I was listening to. And I was kind of like, who's this douche? You know, you call that a fucking solo. Just basically playing the goddamn melody of the song through a fucking distortion pedal. I'm not saying any of these thoughts were right. I think the guys are fucking genius in the albums fucking unbelievable. But that's where my head was at. That is honestly where my head was at. Like I went when Axel Rose had his run in backstage with them at whatever award show that was when the the base player and now Senator threw it up in the air and it fucking crashed down on his forehead. And I believe Dana Carvey was hosting going. Did you see what that fucking guy just did? I was rooting for Axel Rose. I think the only thing that I did respectively respectively, as far as my music listening between 1988 and 1992 was I never bought Guns and Roses usual illusion one or two. I hated the fucking band by that point. When they had Dizzy and Lizzy and all these other fucking guys and they had Matt Sorum and the whole fucking band was gone. And he was running around in goddamn biker shorts. And he had that stupid white fucking windscreen. They don't hold it just. It was unfucking believable. It just went right down the shutter. So that's where I was at. I was sitting there going. And I can't believe they kicked Stephen Adler out. That guy's a phenomenal fucking drummer. Changed the whole sound of the goddamn band. Now is he left? That's what I was thinking of. I wasn't my libido of mosquito. Look at the windshield. Is that a mosquito? I wasn't listening to any of that. Yeah. Well, I didn't listen to any of it. And then that fucking dude came on. That's when I started feeling old. I think when that when that album came out. And then smashing pumpkins came out. And whatever the fuck he was singing about cats, Siamese twins. The hell was that song? I don't know. Oh, that shit. I was trying. I was trying so hard. But by then I was like 25 years old and I got to tell you it's fucking over. It's over. Music is for young people. All right, there you go. If you wanted to relive the early 90s through my fucking eyeballs there, it was Jesus Christ. Was that long enough for you? What the hell was I talking about? But I was so anyway, so I freaked out my girl tonight because I was just like, listen, evidently this country is in the same financial position as some of my pot head acquaintances. One in particular who's been smoking weed for a good quarter of a century. He this country is in the same financial position as that. So that is frightening to me because I don't know how to hunt. And even if I didn't know how to hunt, the only thing I could hunt around me is other human beings. And I'm not doing that. I had a fucking pig's head the other day and I draw the line at that. All right? So you know, you know, there's really no simple way to tell the woman in your life that you want to get a gun. You know, it's funny about me wanting to get a gun. What am I going to do with it? You know, let's say this whole fucking thing collapses and it's a goddamn police state. All right. And let's just pretend that I actually lived in a house and had a basement to hide him. So now I'm down there with my year supply of pop tarts, brown rice and water. And I got my little Glock and my little fucking box of bullets. Am I really gonna stop whatever warlord has taken over my fucking neighborhood? Well, wait a minute, why don't I become the warlord? Then I'll steal everybody else's rice eroding. That would be great. That's what I'm going to do. If I ever buy a fucking house, I'm going to gain all my neighbors confidence. I'm going to mow their lawns. Fuck it. I don't know what I'm going to do. Sweep up the streets. Jesus, look at him. And he looks like Ron Howard. Boy, do I feel safe around him? Then when the shit hits the fan as they come running out of their houses, Mark, did you see the news? I'm going to be fucking just firing it up in the air. Everybody on the ground, right? I'm going to gather them up a little cul-de-sac, right? And then I'm just going to tell them any of them moves. I'm going to shoot them in their buttocks, right? And then I'm going to go through all their fucking cabinets like the goddamn Grinch when he took everybody's Christmas tree and I'm stealing all their fucking food. Then that'll be that would be fucking awkward, right? Because then I'm going to be fucking across the street with all their food as they're sitting in the cul-de-sac. What the fuck is this guy doing? Ah, shit. I need a getaway car. I need a van. All right. It's a, you know, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's like writing a script. Okay, we, we, we're, we're, we're just throwing shit against the wall here, right? I'll basically, I'll add to this every week. So right now, I'm going to get a gun and I'm going to have a van. That's as far as I've thought about dealing with the apocalypse. No, but it ties back into what the fuck I was saying where it, it, you know, everything is what it is until it isn't. You know what I mean? Like, well, what happens if the shit hits the fan? What if people start attacking my house? It's going to be the house I don't have. Well, then you just call the police, but it's like, but if the shit hits the fan, if this is, and the shit basically hitting the fan is your, the inability to write a check to pay people to continue doing their jobs. The second that happens, it's fucking over. It's going to be pandemonium, especially in this country. As I mentioned before on past podcasts that this country, we are not one. All right. It's like gangs in New York here. It's like a fucking reality show. You know, you got the fucking Asian dude. You got the white dude. You got the fucking hory blonde chick. You got the smarter brunette. You got the misunderstood black guy. You got the black girl fucking going to slap the white guy. That's what you got that all that over and over and over again, all the way across the fucking country. I'm telling you, those rednecks, you know, it's such a gamble. Either way, you just say, you know, you basically, it's just like when you're back in Reno, but you're doing it with where you live, wherever you fucking live and you're rolling the dice. If you live in the fucking middle of nowhere with your well water, shooting squirrels every goddamn day, putting them on your fucking bagel. All right, you're rolling the dice that this shit is going to go down. And you're willing to live over there in them trees, right, middle of fucking nowhere. And me, I'm rolling the dice that the shit isn't going to happen. You know, and as of five, six years ago, it didn't look like it was going to happen. And now all of a sudden does. And that's it. I want a gun. I want a van and I'm coming to your fucking cul-de-sac and I'm taking your pop tarts. That's what's going to happen. That's my game plan. All right, let's get on with the fucking some YouTube videos for the week. This is one of this was absolutely hilarious. Oh, because I got some shit last week from from some of my male listeners. Because when that lady trashed me and all stand up comedians and I actually admitted that she was right, they were saying, fuck that. She's not right. You're a pussy for blah, blah, blah. You guys, you guys are idiots. All right. Do you know how do you win arguments with women? Do you know you win? No, you don't shut up. You don't. I'm gonna tell this is how you do it. The first thing you have to do was when you're wrong, you have to admit it. All right. You established credibility. If every fucking time they give you shit, you come at them like a goddamn fucking wild dog frothing at the mouth, you got no credibility. You just a loud asshole. Every once in a while they get you there, right? You got to say they're right. And they go, oh, I wasn't expecting that. They got the guard down. See, all the ladies have their guard down this week because I said that they were right last week, which now sets the platform for me to tell you about this fucking YouTube video this week. It's X Games 17, Moto X Enduro women's highlights. Now if you thought women couldn't drive a fucking car. All right. Especially that that fucking broad that's never won a goddamn race and typical fucking broad. You can't win a fucking race. And now she's got to take a tits out and every goddamn commercial. Win a fucking race, zip up your suit, win a race, or fucking go home and make some fucking chicken salad. All right. So anyways, the XM games 17, it's basically the highlights of motocross, which I'm a huge fan of. I don't know if these girls are 18 years old, but they just it's if you're a fan of three stooges and you're fan of slapstick, they can't go over the jumps. You know, you need momentum to go over the jumps and they have logs laying there and you're supposed to fucking jump over them. They go up really cautiously and then they get right up to the log and then they gun it and then they tip over. It's fucking hilarious. That's the best part about it is in this video, there's like 20 people wiping out and they all do it going about three miles an hour. Why they're wearing helmets and fucking pads and shit is beyond me because they don't need them. So check that one out and also I have the commercial for bizarre guitars and gun shop and I want to give those guys a shout out and I don't want to thank them for how nice they treated me and Rick Dilea, the comedian who opened up for me who actually I started out with in Boston many, many moons ago and they took us down. I kind of glossed over it in that story. They have a vault downstairs and I'm telling you the guitars they have down there. They had like a Gibson Firebird from like the either the late 50s or early 60s and it was a 12 string. I've never seen anything like it. Just I took a couple of pictures down. They were nice enough to let me take a couple of pictures but they they're it was insane. It was insane. It was like the Holy Grail of it's the greatest collection of guitars I've ever fucking seen. So anyways definitely check that out. So but they make hilarious commercials. I mean, how can you not make a hilarious fucking commercial when you sell guns and guitars? Also, I talked about last week how Ada pigs head with Robert Kelly up in Montreal, Canada. I mean, I didn't really eat it. I only had a couple of bites but Bobby went fucking crazy. Ear, nose, eyeball, cheek fucking dude threw down. There's a guy. There's a guy who's going to survive when the shit goes down. Robert Kelly. Robert Kelly doesn't give a fuck. He'll eat the he'll eat the eye out of a goddamn pigs head. Okay, that's the kind of guy you want on your team when the apocalypse happens. All right. And he's a very likable guy. People absolutely love him. So he doesn't need a gun. See me? I'm a dick. I need a gun. Robert Kelly actually has a podcast too. I wish I knew the fucking name of it. I would hype it, but search him. He has an app, a one stop fucking you click on it. And everything Robert Kelly comes to fruition. I just say fruition. Anyway, so let's plow ahead here. So last week I asked to hear some fucking questions from the ladies. And I got some here we go from the ladies. Hey, Bill. I've been listening to your Monday morning podcast for about a year. Actually my boyfriend listens, but now I'm hooked, which is awesome. Anyways, I just want to say that I agree with you about the 21 year old virgin from last week. And she says what Mia, it's Nia with an N not an M. A lot of people mess that up what Nia with an N says makes sense to my wiring being a female romance and fuzzy feelings are fun, but my 10 year relationship has given me a little insight into a man's perspective. And I agree that the young man may get laid, get totally attached to the nerdy chick. And then like a little domesticated puppy dog proceed to follow this nerdy first time girl around waiting from waiting for her sexual peak, waiting and waiting and waiting then voila. He's 40 horny feels like he's wasted his youth, perhaps angry at himself and women at large. And then who knows maybe a comb over in a Corvette, maybe a serial killer who knows for the record. It's not that I don't think love works, but I do think that men have to come to that on their own fucking brilliant. Absolutely. She's basically agreeing with me that you have to fuck the demon out of you after they've realized that they want a relationship to come home to, or perhaps they realize that they don't, which is fine. But then there won't be children to fuck over and a relationship ruined. Absolutely. Now if I had freaked out Nia about my goddamn gun talk, you guys would have loved me. Charlton Heston would have been fucking high fiving me from the goddamn grave. I could have had her comment on that. Number two, actually, you know what? Let me get her for a second. Hang on a second. Okay. And with the magic of the pause button, the lovely Nia has returned to the podcast and and don't you look lovely? Thank you. Alright, listen to this. I actually got to kind of read that this girl actually kind of agreed with me last week. Remember last last week? It's a 21 year old version version. Why do you keep saying version? I don't I have like I would love to say that I have dyslexia. I am like when I have a rare case of dyslexia where dyslexia where I don't even have to be reading to do it. Right. You just mispronounce or it's all right. So who are you in a mood? Are you in a mood? Let's keep it nice. Okay. I didn't I didn't bring you on here to have you do things that I don't appreciate. Alright, so it was the 21 year old virgin. Yes. This is a lady who's saying this. All right, because I asked the broads, you know, to quit their fucking whining and write a goddamn email. Just read what was written. I'm trying to make it funny here. Let me turn you up a little bit there fucking squeaky. So I already read this damn thing. I have to I have to paraphrase now. Okay. She says basically Nia. I told her it's not Mia. Happens all the time. Makes sense with all the warm fuzzy feelings. Look at me. Don't look at the email. All right. But now that she's been a relationship for 10 years, she kind of understands that guys have to come to a point where they where they where they realize that they want to be in a relationship. You know what I mean? Yeah. So telling this guy right out of the gate to just go for the warm fuzzy might be the right thing. But I mean, you could send this this guy could end up just latching onto the first thing he ever fucking, you know, bent over, right? And then all of a sudden he comes out the other side and just realizes, you know, I wasn't in love with this girl and all this pussy I could have gotten and then it could make him a woman hater. Give me a break. That's gonna that's gonna make him a woman hater. Yeah, as opposed to what? So following, wanting to take somebody out and go on dates and stuff and having it not work out, that's a worse idea than just going out and just banging a bunch of chicks because banging a bunch of chicks and just treating them like disposable fuck toys. That that's not gonna make him just regard. I'm not saying no, no, it wouldn't it wouldn't do that at all. No, no, I'm not. I'm crazy. I'm the crazy one. Oh, Jesus. Right. He turned the sarcasm down a couple of notches. Yeah, first of all, you don't understand how guys are wired. I do understand how guys are you don't I don't understand how you're fucking wired. I would never tell you what you're thinking. You're telling me like I'm telling you right now. I didn't tell first of all, I didn't tell him how he's wired. I just said if he had the instinct, the thing is you guys are twisting everything that I set up. All I suggested was he said, Oh, should I take her out to dinner and all this other stuff or take her out and because he was talking about being a nerd and like, I don't remember what he said, but he said something about wanting to take her out and getting to know her and I said, yeah, that's a great idea. And now it's like, no, it's terrible because he's a boy. You should tell him just to fuck everybody. No, not I'm saying anyone else. It's got everybody falls in love. I'm saying this dude is he's he's in dire straits right now. Okay, if he's 16 fucking years old and he likes a girl, okay, straight, it's not that serious. He's only 21 years old. No, no, he's up to his fucking neck and I'm never going to get laid my life. Okay. And the water is swirling down the fucking drink. All right, so he's desperate right now. So anybody fucking pays attention to I'm not saying I'm just was worried that that's what the fuck he was going to do. He's going to get sucked into a goddamn relationship. And there is that thing. And you know something to you when people fuck up in life, how often do they do they actually own up to it themselves? Like that was a stupid thing that I did. They usually don't. That's how you end up fucking why he could possibly end up hating women because he's going to blame them. Not it's that it's their fault. It's not this nerdy chicks fault that this guy hasn't gotten laid in 21 fucking years. You know, it's not her fault, but it'll end up being her fault. I mean, I'm I'm explaining resentment to you. You understand resentment. I don't need to explain that right. Yeah, but I think you're also when people talk about doing stuff like that, you're also coming from a place of fear. And I just don't believe in that. You know, I can't argue that. Um, all right, let's go on the next one. See that people I established credibility. You admit when you're fucking wrong. I do come from a place of fear. I know what you bitches is up to. All right. I'm gonna have it too. Uh, dear, dearest, William, you always brought that no one did. I just dressed it up. Oh, okay. You always, you always bitch that women don't write in for advice. Well, here you go. I met this guy a year ago. Now I want to answer this one before you go on one of your rants. Let me just answer this one. And then you tell me if I'm right or wrong. I met this guy a year ago at a mutual friend's wedding. He's fucking hot. Uh, he wore a pair of pants that were so tight. I could see everything. Wow. Good. So siege. Uh, let's just say he gift wrapped his package and it was well received. Hey, wait a minute. She keeps going with the late night jokes, but he's so cocky, but I'm pumped. She says, Oh, gee, gee. Um, I didn't think he'd have any interest in me a while later. He invited me to a party and paid me an undue amount of attention about a week later. He had me over for dinner. And when I say he had me over for dinner, that sounds, that sounds like a setup. No, but it is. Okay. And when I say, when I say dinner, I mean, yeah, it's like a bad sex in the city joke. Yes, that you've watched every episode a hundred fucking times. I have. Well, that's why I can speak on it better than you can because you haven't seen it. So anyway, read the rest of the letter. Yeah, that's it's like fucking entourage. You see one episode you've seen it. Oh my God. We have a problem. What's going to happen? Oh, it all worked out. Let's go to Vegas. Fuck you turtle. Right. No, that's the episode. No, all right, whatever. Go for shit. I watch sports. Um, anyways, and when I say, I mean, we ate, uh, I mean, this is funny. This is actually funny. She goes, I mean, he bragged about himself a lot. And we jumped into bed basically before I drained the drops from my wine glass. That's what you do with the dildo, right? I like this girl. She's fucking she's using them. Yeah. Wow. Can you believe that? Can you believe? Look at you. Just if she is she calling saying I never get laid and what do I do about it? No, she's talking about something else entirely. So don't even try to compare the two situations. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that women can think like guys too, duh. Well, I thought that that's what you were reacting to. No. Like going, wow. Like, why'd you say wow? No, because I think that's awesome. She's very being very upfront about it. Oh, well, you're you're read of wow was terrible. Well, fuck you. I'm not auditioning for your little ham radio show you have going on here. Really the one that you go, can I be on it again? You asked me to come in here tonight. That's because I felt bad because I freaked out about saying, Oh, I wanted to buy extra paper towels. They know what it was about. All right, let's fly. Okay, let's go here. We slept together about once a week for the next two months. But because he said at because he said at the first dinner that he wasn't into having a relationship, even though all his friends marveled that he's so wonderful and not yet not married, I did my best to keep a casual. So this guy basically said he didn't want a relationship. So she's keeping a casual anyways. After we hung out a bit, I started to realize he wasn't really as much of a dildo as I initially thought. And I knew I was in danger of developing feelings for him. So of course, I got more distant and he eventually he ended it saying ironically, this isn't going anywhere. Then she in parentheses says wait what I thought you said you didn't want a relationship. Oh, Jesus. All right. She goes I didn't I didn't object, but I told him I wanted to be friends and may and may have sent him an overly drippy drunk texture to last week. We had dinner and from the second he got there, his hands were all over me. He flirted like fucking crazy all night. But we went our separate ways. Here's what I want to know. Is it possible for us to date now? Like for real? Now that I know him better, I think we could really have something. But in my experience, and according to all my male friends, guys don't stay interested in someone they fuck before, especially if he got born enough to end it the first time around. What should take Bill? Can I make this happen again? And if so, how? This is what I think. I think the fact that this guy's a douche. All right. That's the father of your kids. Some guy who shows up with his fucking package hanging out, you know, like he's fucking Robert Plant and the song remains the same. That's the guy you're going to fucking breed with. And then you have dinner with him. And all he does is talk about himself. Hey, let me do this. I don't need to do it. I don't like that. You don't like me agreeing with you? No, I don't want that. I'm not I'm not in a church right now. I don't need to go. I think you know what? Okay, you know what we can talk about? You know what I think really happened? I think that his ego was bruised. This guy's obviously tremendously fucking insecure. So he overcompensates with the fucking ego. So he talks about how awesome he is. So he bangs a lot of girls and girls get all caught up in it like you do sometimes. I really didn't need to know that. I'm just being honest. Didn't need to know. Can you just shut up and let me just walk out of the room as you fucking answer this? Oh, this is it? All right. He fucking said, I tried to desperately forget what the fuck you just said there. He basically, I think his ego's hurt. The fact that she wasn't totally fucking into him, right? And then when he said, well, fuck it, it's over. He was trying to get her to fucking beg for it. And she didn't. Yeah. And she didn't. So now he's coming back trying to get her all her all into him. So then he can tell her to go fuck herself. Yeah, that's what I think he's gonna. Am I right? Yeah, he's playing mind games with you, sweetie. Run the other way. Run the other way. There you go. Yep. Jesus Christ Neil. Really? What really? He had a big dick, which is sometimes get caught up in. Why don't women, why don't women talk like that on TV? Why do you guys just fucking sit there and you act like you why don't you guys talk like that? I don't know. Why can't you guys show that you're just as big a fucking pigs as we are? Well, maybe if we, if women rallied more and got into the business of writing and producing and executing, then there would be more shows like that. But you know, women have to write this shit. We have to make it happen. Can't rely on men to do it for us. So yeah, that's it. But yeah, here's how are you? What do you mean? Who am I? I didn't want the fuck you talking about you causing revolution. You talk about big dicks. Let's move on to the next question. I'm being honest. No, people want to hear an honest answer. And you know, the situation that she found herself in is not unusual, but he is a mind. He's a game player. So, you know, she needs to go in the other direction needs to go in the other direction. Just leave it alone. You will find you will find another guy who you'll have incredible sex with who has a nice dick. And he's not going to be this manipulator. That's the thing. You can have a guy that like, all right, all right, all right, all right, multiple orgasms. And he's not an asshole. It's possible. You know what? It's hard. But you'll find them. I like how you went back to wacky humor. It's hard because I didn't even have that. I think it's time for you to get a spinoff part cast. Because if you're going to start talking like this, I really can't frankly and honestly, though, what I do is no different from your rants and raves. It's just a different tone. Yeah, but it's my podcast. I know, but you're being my podcast. This isn't your fucking podcast. This is like, wait a minute, I get it. This is like you walk into fucking you walk into Tycho. And without talking anybody else, you start building your own fucking toys. Oh, so you don't like you don't like the toys that I'm bringing to the the you pitch them first, you pitch them first. You don't just fucking throw them out there in the goddamn meeting. It isn't that kind of a show we come back to your office. I'll see it for week. We get on here. We just start talking. You never know what's going to happen. Isn't that the exciting part? You've never annoyed me. Yeah, I'm fucking around. You think I don't know all of this shit about you. I was going to say we're very honest with each other about our past. Yeah, I didn't know you're going to sit on the fucking podcast. You're telling me not to bring up the fact that I want to get a goddamn gun, but you're going to sit there talking about a fucking dick here. Did I say anything about personal experience? No, I did not. Jesus Christ, Nia. I didn't. I didn't say when I. So what are you exactly? Okay. This is this is just becoming riveting podcast. All right, here we go. Number three. Hey, Bill, I've been a huge fan for many years and decided to finally write in. Right. R I G H T. I wanted to tell you that as a woman, I agree with your comment. It's effortless for women to nurture and make a great sandwich. She's agreeing with what I say. I currently work from home and our family nurture and make a say. I thought like nurture like the sandwich. No, nurture and make a great sandwich. Okay. All right. I currently work from home and our family watches our son while I work. Since our family watches our son, I feel he's getting just as much care as I would give him. If I was home, plus having two incomes is very helpful. I've heard you mention on several podcasts that you don't feel divorced women. This is always scares me because I can't remember how to say on this podcast. I've heard you mention on several podcasts that you don't feel divorced women who stay at home should get money from their husband if he worked during the marriage. That's not really what I said. I do agree that not all women should get money in a divorce. So my question for you is this, if a woman stays at home to watch her kids while her husband works and they and they divorce, no cheating, just regular old divorce, do you think she should get money in the divorce even though she didn't work during the marriage? Just wanted to get your thoughts in this scenario as the husband and wife both decided on that specific work arrangement. Thanks for the podcast, big fan. Oh, yes, see, as always, I probably said it in a confusing way, trying to be funny. I'm not saying that a guy should just be able to walk away from a wife and kids and the wife doesn't deserve any fucking money. What I'm saying is these women who get like 50 grand a month, 30 grand a month, 15, 20 grand a fucking month to raise kids is ridiculous. The fact that it's suddenly, you know, when you're together in only, I mean, how much does it cost a month to raise a kid? Let's say a thousand bucks. It costs more than a thousand dollars. How old is the kid? Wait, wait, wait, let's let's back. Okay. Go ahead. Tell me, tell me, get up $12,000. Tell me everything you buy. Well, it depends. It depends on how old they are. If they're in a school, if they're in activities, if they need school supplies, if they need school clothes, if they need, they don't need that every month food, if they don't need that every month dental, if they need to go to the doctor, if they have braces, if they get hurt like, all right, I give you two grand a month, two grand a month. Do you think you can keep an eight-year-old alive on two grand a month? Will there be enough cereal in the cupboard? Will he have enough clothes to wear two grand a month, 24 grand a year for a fucking kid? Do you think he can somehow get this kid some popsicles? Of course. People have done it. People have done it on much less. Everyone knows that it's why are you acting? I fucking had what? We fucking had tough skins. I knew what the fuck my school clothes were going to look like next year because my fucking older brother was wearing them. All right. They fucking handed them down. There was no iPods. There was no iPads. It was none of that shit. We were like 80 bucks each a month. The reality is I don't know how much it cost to raise a child per month. Well, I can tell you right now, it doesn't cost 30 grand. That's what I'm saying, ladies. I'm just saying when you go through a fucking divorce, this whole goddamn thing where because the relationship failed in your piss now and you're fucking angry that you're now going to take this guy for every, every dime he's worth, which is actually a cliched statement at this point. I'm taking you for everything you're fucking worth. And it's like everything. Exactly. Not 50% everything. And a lot of those cases like the ones that really stick out are the ones where this guy has this unbelievable fucking career. He's earning all the goddamn money. What kills me is that the, the, the X spouse gets to take credit by saying I supported, I supported him. Like what, what is it? That's just such a fucking tangible, supported how you can do it, honey, rah, rah, sis boom, bah, yeah, and then he goes out emotionally. Yeah. You don't think that has any value? Yeah, but I don't, it's not 50 grand a month. Does it? How much do you think that's worth? That's worth me making sure you don't starve to death and you have a nice place to live. And I'll pay for it. But how much do you think that's going to cost? How much do you think it's going to cost for all that? I don't know. Probably what, three, four grand a month? Is that include rent? Yeah. Where are these people living that three or four grand is enough for everything? About 90% of the places, yeah, we lived in New York and now we live in LA. You're getting a totally skewed how much it costs the fucking lived. Yeah, I was just in Reno. Okay. Reno Nevada, they got homes out there that look like they're like fucking almost 3,000 square feet. You can get it for 200 grand. You know, 3,000 foot square foot house in fucking Hollywood cause it'd be like a million and a half. But if you're divorced and why didn't you listen to that? I did, but I'm asking a question. If you get divorced and the kid goes to live with the mother, so the two of them need a place to live, right? So the place has to be paid for. And everything that kind of goes along with that, you know, bills, groceries, car, whatever, fuel. And then the kids got school stuff that needs to be taken care of. Okay. They have their own set of expenses. Okay. Again, this is think about all that. So this is where you can get a job and you could help with that. Absolutely. But initially, if say for some reason, somebody's been married for 10, 15 years and the couple has decided mutually that the husband say is going to be the one that actually physically goes out and does like a nine to five type job. I already agreed with this. I already agreed that the guy shouldn't be allowed to leave high and drive. What I'm talking about is the ridiculous. Yeah, because this is what ends up happening is the guy fucking pays for everything. The guy goes from living in a fucking house in a, you know, in a relationship that's allegedly working. When it's working, he gets to live in the house. When it stops working, the, the wife for the most part can ex wife continues to live in the house. He goes and lives in a one bedroom apartment. What about him? Why does he get to say, well, I'm used to a certain lifestyle. I don't know, but I also do. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, it becomes like that thing. No, so what I'm saying, what I'm saying is everybody's lifestyle goes down. Okay, you do what's right for the kid, but everybody's lifestyle goes down, but what, what I was also about the transition for the child and if the child is going from the fucking woman in this situation, perhaps behind that shit. I'm doing it for the kid. It's like fucking what's his face is ex wife. She took his championship belts and tries to say I'm holding on to these for the kids when they turn 18 sugar Shane Mosley's wife. Well, I don't know anything about that story. Well, he got his ex wife is getting his championship belts in the divorce. Really? Yeah. That's see, that's what that's ridiculous. That's what, okay, well, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah, I'm talking about how you living in a 5,000 square foot giant goddamn house when the relationship's working. The relationship fails, but what failure financially does the woman feel? The guy has to go fucking living in a one bedroom, two bedroom, if he's making sick fucking money, but the wife gets to stay in the fucking house, still sitting by the pool. Yeah, and I'm sure she's oh, so happy about it too. There's a lot of emotional damage that happens with these kind of things too. Nia, where would you rather, where would you wear? Well, where would you rather have your emotional damage in the 5,000 square foot house or the two bedroom down the street? Yes. That's what I'm saying. Nia, I'm not saying that a guy should be able to walk away from relationship. I'm not saying that the woman did make a sacrifice in that scenario where she agrees to stay home and she fucks her own career. You definitely owe her on that one. But what I'm saying is, is the owing goes to the, to such a fucking degree that financially, it's like she's still in the marriage. It's like they never left. They got that whole thing. She's used to a certain lifestyle. That's like actually not laughable in court. That's a legitimate angle to get more money that she's used to a certain lifestyle. Well, it's like, well, she used to be married. She's not fucking married anymore. There was a failure here and it was 50% your failure unless the guy went out and cheated on you or something like that, you know, which is a totally different fucking animal. I'm just talking. We fell out of love. It's not fucking working anymore. And then somebody pulls the trigger and then when the fucking wife goes psycho and says, I'm taking you for everything you've got. And then she does. I just don't think that's fucking fair. I think it's bullshit. And I don't see anything on TV presenting that point of view. Yes. There's plenty of shit on there about wife beaters and all that type of stuff. So there you go. So in answer to this, this woman here, I think if the husband and wife both agree that she's not going to work, she's going to put her career on hold that. Yeah, that's it. You can't, you can't just leave somebody high and dry like that. All right. But just because you decided to do that doesn't mean that this guy now has to, well, maybe it does because she can't earn a fucking income. If she has a 17 year gap, like, and then she's trying to get a job again. And you know, all these expenses still need to be paid that that's not like she can just jump back into her, you know, lawyer career or whatever the hell else she was doing before. It's not that easy. All right. Well, I'm not arguing. I'm not arguing that part. I'm saying I'm talking about the one where, you know, they are both fucking working. They both have jobs. Okay. And the husband is this phenomenally talented guy who's making a ton of fucking money. Okay. And that the wife gets to take credit for it. Why support it? I said that you should fucking develop the iPad or whatever. Not legitimate. What is the support? That's you're making it seem like that's just like a stupid thing. I'm not saying I'm not supporting someone emotionally. That's it. That's stupid. I'm just saying it's not it. You don't get to take 90% of the fucking money because you supported somebody. He did 100% of the fucking work. And you did you did 100% of the supporting students who get 90% of the money. Like, how does that math work? Well, if you're talking about kids, it's not just emotional support. It's running like the everyday day to day. There it is. There it is. Yeah. You draft behind the kids. But what about the kids? What about the kids? I need your championship belts. I need 25 grand a fucking month to raise two kids. It's complete bullshit. It's complete bullshit. Guys are getting fucking raped out there. They're getting raped in these divorces. No, well, I don't think it's right of you to make these blanket statements about stuff. We need this podcast. It's all about blanket statements. You've never been married. You've never been divorced and you've never had children. So your outrage is like, please ask me what I'm basing it on. Please ask me what I'm basing it on. What are you basing it on? I worked third shift in a warehouse. There was three people who fucking worked there. Drug addicts, people working their way through college and divorced men, working a fucking second job, hating their goddamn life, living in fucking one bedroom apartments, paying for houses. It was like a half dozen of them. Those guys, a particular radio personality that I know who's fucking ex wife lied and said that she supported his dream to get into show business when she didn't, according to him, of course, but I believe it. But I believe it. Yeah. I, by the end of it, she had a basically a husband and she wouldn't marry the dude because the alimony payments she was getting from the, from her first husband was way more money. So she just, she just never let the guy move in. I think that's the exception more than it is the rule. What is that based on the fact that you just don't want any of this to be true? I'm giving you an actual, actual example. You asked me what it was fucking based in, and it's also based in doing research. You know what I mean? What kind of research? What do we all kind of research? I read about the shit on the internet. I find out about divorce laws. I talk to people who are fucking divorced. I talk to people. I meet people off my shows all the time. We've been married this long. We love it. Blah, blah, blah. We decide not to have kids. We're going with dogs. You should definitely get married, blah, blah, dude. Don't fucking do it. Don't do it. I fucking talk to all kinds, that kind of research. That's the research I do. I talk to people who are married. That's what I do. It's like I'm going to buy an old car. I talk to a mechanic first. What do I look for? What can I get involved in here? How do I get a good one? Is that fucked? No, I guess not. I mean, you've never been married. You don't have any kids yet. You seem to have some strong opinions. Well, because my parents were divorced and my grandparents were divorced and it's like kind of a big thing in my life. So, yeah, I feel like I can speak from adequate experience. So, so you, so you witnessed a relationship. My parents are still together. So what I can't comment on divorce? No, I'm not saying that you can't, but you're acting like somebody who's actually gone through it yourself. And that's why you're so outraged because you yourself have dealt with this. Whatever. We're not going to see Ida and this. So whatever. What happened to you? Where did all the fun go in the podcast? I'm sending this to the serious goddamn plate because my dad and my parents and the fucking people coming over on the Mayflower, they broke up and they switched ships. Jesus fucking Christ, Nia, what the what happened? Do I have to edit out this last part of it? Why would you edit it out? I'm not going to edit it out. I'm just trying to say something fucking slightly upbeat. Oh, all right. Well, maybe I'm sensitive about it because it is something that I've gone. All right. We'll discuss it later. All right. That's the Monday morning podcast for this fucking week. Jesus Christ, Nia. What? See me in my office. I bring you on here to bring the funny. Okay. I don't you. I didn't do good this week. No, you did. Of course you did. You did great, but you took it to a fucking place I didn't want to go to. You know what? I think we have all the colors of the rainbow on this one. I keep it real, man. You just can't handle it. You know what? You're already feeling yourself. You got a couple of comments on Twitter about your performances and now look at you. You're resting on your laurels. No, I'm not. I'm just trying to bring it. Honestly, I'm speaking honestly. You are suspended for the next two weeks. No, listen, let me let me just say something. All right. Listen, everybody. That's my morning podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Don't take any shit and go fuck yourselves and everything else. I say, oh, very special announcement. Once again, I'll be making it on the Opie and Anthony program 8 a.m. Eastern standard time. Please listen. And for those of you who don't have serious XM and can't listen to Opie and Anthony, I will be tweeting about it and all that fucking bullshit afterwards. And but please tune in and and that's it. I suck at this. All right. See you.