Monday Morning Podcast
Monday Morning Podcast
Posted in PodcastPlay AudioBill rambles about his cable company, helping someone move, and MPG debate.
What's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's the Monday morning podcast for Monday, June 27th, 2011. Oh, 11 fucking year, man. It's killing me. How the hell are you? How's it going? Things are right. Things calm down after last week's heated debate about the miles per gallon. I got tons of fucking emails from fellow conspiracy theory people from eggheads who actually know how much car's way as opposed to myself. I got some egg on my face this week, people. Although, I'm still not coming around with the miles per gallon thing. I'll get to that later as these people fucking, you know what I was surprised with? It was the amount of people gave me shit going like, Bill, you're really sounding like a moron. It's like as opposed to what? All those other episodes where I sounded brilliant. You dumb cunts. I got to make guys, I am fucking, did I just say guys? Did I just do that? I hate when the entertainers do that. Hey guys, you know, like we're all on the same team here. You know what I mean? Hey guys, we did it. We sold this theater out. I'm going to keep all the money. You fuckers can go home. Guys, I just got no big fucking battle with my goddamn cable company. A massive, I have the shittiest fucking internet. It's just, it's the worst. And I pay every fucking month. I pay these assholes. It's all, it's an all in one package, the DVD, the fucking phone, the internet, all of that shit, you know, all of it, all of it totally accessed by other fucking people as I'm using it. Phone calls recorded, just in case I say something terroristic. You know, evidently there's some huge file, filed under redheaded fuck heads somewhere in Houston that has all my shit on it. And you know, so I figure if that's going to happen, the very least is it could work. That would be nice. Do you guys think I'm a diva? Look at this guy. He's fucking, he's paying for wireless internet and he'd like to be able to walk about his one bedroom apartment. And I have it work. The fuck any ego trip is this guy on? I finally had it. I finally had it. So I call up the cable company and it's just like, uh, you know, and I don't deal with that first fucking wave. I don't deal with the infantry man. Okay, I go right. If I'm not talking to at least a sergeant, I'm not talking to anybody, right? So the guy, you know, guy picks up. Hey, can't keep the calling time one corner. My name is fucking zippa. Do is there anything I can help you with? I say, yeah, I want you to transfer me to the highest person you can. Excuse me, sir. I will transfer me to the highest person that you could transfer me to. Okay, because my demands are going to go well beyond, you're welcome to time war in a cable fucking spiel. All right. So they fucking transfer me up to this, this guy, right? And I can tell right off the bat with his whole tone of voice that he has a desk, you know, you always can tell when somebody has a desk, especially when it's a guy, you know, you can just see him, you know, sitting back, you know, he's got one hand, you know, and you do that thing where you got your hand, your forearms resting on the top of your head, you know, he's your fucking left hand sort of rubbing your right ear lobe, you know, that look, you know, the hands and your slacks, just adjusting your balls. You got a desk. All right, you got a little headset. You made it. You're out of the cubicles. You got yourself a fucking desk. People call you up. All you got to do is give them, give them your first name and some sort of serial number after that for security purposes, like you're fucking working at the Franklin Mint. So I could talk to this guy, Leo, Leo is his name, Leo from Texas. And he fucking goes, you know, I'm trying to talk to this guy. And I say, listen, I go, I want money off of my bill this month. Well, sir, what seems to be the problem? The problem is, is your company sucks. That's what I want to say, but I can't. I say the problem is my wireless internet does not work in the bedroom. It sometimes works in my office and kind of works pretty good in the living room. But according to your contract, it was going to work throughout the entire 600 square feet of my fucking one bedroom apartment. All right. Well, sir, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to hear that. Are you Leo? Are you really sorry? Before you go into your memorized speech here, are you really fucking sorry? You know? So he tells me he's sorry. And I say, look, this has got to be the 9,000th time I've called you guys about this. I don't want to go through it. I already know what you're going to say. Go out to your cable box on this side. There's a little button. If you stick a pen in there, hold it down for fucking three seconds. Reset the thing. Yadda, yadda, yadda. I want to fucking hear it. Well, I'm going to still remember technicians out there. I don't want to hear it. All right, Leo, I want money off my bill. All right. 50 times. That's what I want. 50 bucks. Well, sir, I'm showing here, according to our records, you haven't called in since March, you know, and I go, that's not true. I called like a month ago. Do you have a record? Do you have a record of that? No, Leo, I don't have a fucking, am I keeping my goddamn dear diary writing about fucking Time Warner cable? You stupid cunt. Of course I don't. All right. So we get into it. So now he basically starts saying that I haven't been called in. I haven't been calling in. And I go, well, do you ever think that maybe your records aren't accurate? He goes, well, we keep impeccable records. And I was like, well, it's nice to know something is done impeccably down there. How about you having impeccable fucking wireless service? Leo. So we go round and fucking round. You know, I try to throw my fucking dick on his table. He doesn't give a shit. What does he care? He's in middle of Texas. You know, I go, look, I'm fucking giving you guys thousands, thousands. Roy pay. I pay like 200 bucks a month. Fuck all you guys who live in your little shit-ass towns. That's what it costs to live in a real city that doesn't have a water supply. 200 bucks for the TV, for the phone, for the fucking wireless internet, all the fucking doodads, the extra channels I got, the NHL fucking thing I got, all of that. It cost me 200 bucks a month. This is my big moment. I'm throwing my dick on his desk going and I am ready to walk. 2400 bucks. You're only going to give me $25 up my bill. I want 50. All right. That's the next $25 or I fucking walk. I didn't say fuck or I walk and you're out. You're out. You're out. 2350 as far as my math is concerned and he just goes, I'm sorry. You know, calls my bluff. So now I'm like, now what do I do? So now I'm going to get, I'm going to get, I'm going to get a dish. You know, direct TV like that's some sort of mom and pop store and I can get Mr. and Mrs. Direct TV on the phone like I'm not going to be involved in the same exact fucking conversation with some other guy named Leo in some other fucking state that I don't live in. It's unfucking believe. I don't know what to do. I used all my things. I kept saying it was unacceptable. I didn't lose my temper. I'm losing my temper on this shit. I got to do it somewhere, but I didn't with him. I was saying I was like, Leo, why would I lie about this? Do you think I'm some cheap bastard? I'm not. I'm giving you guys $20 a month. I didn't even watch half the channels. I just got it so my girl would stop bitching at me. I want show time too. Ah, there's your show time. Right? Have a fucking heart. Whatever happened to the customer is always right. Well, we keep impeccable records. Do you? Do you really do? Are they leather bound? You fucking cunt. There's just no getting around it. I can't get any last name. So the best he gives me is he gives me the email to the to the president like this guy's actually going to read it. You know what the odds are? This guy actually reading it. Now what I've basically done is I've entered myself unknowingly into an email writing contest with all the thousands of other dissatisfied customers of Time Warner Cable. And I got to hope that somehow my email is going to catch the eye of this guy, you know? You know what I mean? Like some pudgy chick at 10 30 at night, just trying to do something. Maybe I'll unbutton another button. Make it look like I'm a little easier. Maybe this this'll catch his fucking eye. So now I got to write this douche. You know, wasn't enough that I navigated their horrific fucking system. You know what I love? I love how they won't give me their last name, but my security code is the last four digits of my social security number. So anyways, now I got to fucking email this guy. I have I have a writing a writing assignment, everybody. I got to write this fucking guy, this president. And I have to somehow explain my situation. Knowing full well that he has the silver bullet impeccable records fucking round in the chamber to fire it, my gigantic forehead, anytime he wants. They got you by the balls. What am I going to do? What am I honestly got? What am I? Am I really? I'm really, really bill. You're really going to cancel your cable. And then what? Sit in the quiet of your living room alone with your own thoughts. Is that what you want to do? Huh? What are you going to do? Go out on the balcony and read a book. He's fucking bastards. You know, they know they got me. I'm paying $200 a month. I'm a fucking junkie. They know I'm not going to walk away. They know I'm going to get the cold sweats. They know I'm coming back. What am I going to do? I'm going to go across town to direct TV with there and start using their inferior product. That doesn't quite get it. I lost. I fucking lost the same way I lost the argument. Well, last week, I thought it was ridiculous that anybody suggested that the cars of today are heavier than cars back in the 70s. And of course, typical me, I read these emails three minutes before I started talking and I was like, that's fucking bullshit. You're fucking morons. Evidently, it's true. I think my big, my big era I made in that. So my apology to anybody out there who's what's the politically correct way of putting it, a car weight American sexual or something. I was trying to spin that into the touchiness of the whole gay people lately. Do you guys see that thing with Chris Brown, where he came walking out and the paparazzi would take pictures as his metermaid was about ready to write him a ticket? And he goes, ah, of course. Would you guys call him? He said, what did you, N words call him? And then he goes, y'all, N words are gay. And then the, ah, the hall of justice of gay people said that they were, they could not accept that level of hatred. Evidently, they had no problem with the N word though. Or is that outside their jurisdiction? You know, Jesus Christ. I totally understand what they're trying to do. I think it's fucking horrific that people aren't able to live who they are. That's really at this day and age. It's really fucking horrific. And I don't, I don't think it's any big deal. I think you're born that way. I've said this shit before. I think it's like, it's, it's the equivalent to when they used to try to drown people because they said they were witches. It's like that ignorant level of thought to persecute somebody because they want to go give somebody a hand job. I mean, what is the big fucking deal? As long as the other person is a willing participant, fucking leave him alone. I really don't understand it, but I got to tell you that this nitpicking about words, I don't think is far as like a public like a PR thing. I don't think that's a good way to go, you know, to become like word Nazis. I understand the thought behind it. I understand why it's annoying that gay is taken on another meaning being, what is it? I guess lame, right? I don't know. It used to mean really happy, didn't it? The gay 90s, the 1890s, then it morphed into meaning you were attracted to someone of the same sex. And now it's morphing into meaning lame. And for some reason, that's considered unbelievably offensive that the word is morphing. What about all the people in the 1890s? You know, who thought that they were just saying they were happy? Did they fucking take out their feathered pens and start giving you guys shit? I really think you ought to lighten up on that one. Because I think eventually it's just going to fade away, probably would just fade away like the word tubular. You know, there's always like every generation, they'll have some word that they fucking use, and then it just it just disappears, you know, keep on trucking. Most of the last time anybody said that, you know, just fucking let it go. Focus on the important things gay people like making sure that you too can sign the worst contract known to human beings, a marriage license, Jesus Christ, I'm calling it. I'm fucking calling it right now. Gay marriage just passed in New York City, the level of fucking misery that those people just added to their lives, you know? You haven't just, as a straight person, been jealous at how fucking happy the average gay person seems, they just seem like happy people, happy, happy people. You know, they haven't parties, they're drinking wine, they go to great restaurants, they stay in shape. There's a lot about the lifestyle that's totally appealing, but I can tell you, and when was the last time I always see a bitter guy every once in a while, but seriously, you fucking wait till one gay guy takes another gay guy for all these fucking worth. Some lazy gay guy sitting on the couch, eating fucking pop tarts and painting his goddamn toenails all day while the other gay guy's going out there, right? Putting on a fucking soup, earning the goddamn money, and then what happens? Then they go to get divorced and then old fucking twinkle toes eating his fucking sugar corn smacks, not doing shit all day. What's he going to say? Well, I supported the other gay, I supported him and I put my career on hold. That's one of the things, I can't fucking stand that. That's rank number two when I see a divorce when a woman says that's right up there with, uh, I'm used to a certain lifestyle. We obviously, I've talked about this before. Why? That's so fucking offensive to me because it's like, well, the relationship failed. You know, so now you have to suffer the way he's going to suffer. You don't want to suffer at all monetarily. I'm used to a certain lifestyle. Well, you used to be married and you used to blow the guy who paid for everything. Now you don't. So guess what? Guess what? That's right. You're back to Wonder Bread, sweetheart. It's fucking over. Go get yourself some baloney. One of those industrial size fucking things are mustard and have at it, sweetheart, because the relationship that you were 50% in failed. Does it work out that way? Fuck no. Then another thing that that is said, I'm just giving gay people their heads up. All right. Is another thing that is said is I supported him. I said, do you know, do you realize how fucking easy it is to support somebody? I'm actually burning a bit here because I wanted to do this one night. I'm just waiting for the right crowd, a yapping horse, and then I'm going to break it out. You know, the next time I go down to, I work at the Irvine Improv. I got that gig coming up later on this year. You know, and I'll tell you, if you ever just felt the need to sit on a park bench and be surrounded by a bunch of yapping horse, that's where you want to go. Just find a fucking park down in the OC. Oh shit. The orange cat, whatever the fuck it is. Go down to Irvine, find yourself a park bench, and rather than throwing out bread crumbs because you just get pigeons and seagulls, just throw out like business cards of plastic surgeons, right? And all these fucking yapping horse with the goddamn designer jeans, you know, like they're still 21, still trying to pull off the tank top at 53, you know, with their awful lack of triceps, you know, their grandmother arms, skinny, that's what's really creepy. They have skinny grandmother arms. Their arms are skinny, and they actually look a little bit cut, but you still could speedbag their triceps. It's really, I don't know, it's an odd thing. And it's so odd, the visual threw me off what the fuck I was even talking about. Oh, telling gay guys, oh yeah, so they always say that. That's what I'm waiting for. I want to do that bit about I support, you know, support something. You know how easy it is to give somebody support if it doesn't involve money? You know what? You guys send me emails this week. Go on to the mmpodcast.com, send me an email, tell me what you want to do in life, and I'll support all of you. I always wanted to drive an ice cream truck. You can do it, Larry. Just stay positive. Just put one foot in front of the other. Keep swinging away there, Larry. There you go. Who else wants some support? That's what these horrors do. All right. I'm not saying all women. I'm just talking about the horrors. So don't get all fucking offended. That's what these horrors do. That's what they do. So they sit there, you know, stretching out, getting ready to bang their tennis instructor as the guy goes off to work, you know, perfectly trimmed hedges around that semi-circle driveway in front of their fucking villa. I support him. I support him. I tell the, the, I tell the cook what to make them for dinner. I, you know, she's, they support in the way. Tiger was wife supported Tiger. She supported him by, I don't, I don't know what going tanning, getting her nails done, making sure her hair was highlighted. And, you know, doing some setups, keeping her stomach flat. I don't know. You think that's why Arnold, I don't know cheated. Do you think he just respected the maid more? Do you think that's because she was actually mothering his kids for some reason, like subconsciously, he wanted to drop his seed in her? You know, so I took a support. I'm just fucking around there. Okay. People before you take it seriously. All right. I have to admit, that was one of the most scariest looking fucking women I've ever seen in my life. Jesus Christ, Gina Simmons. All right. Let's plow ahead. Oh, yeah. So we were talking about the gas miles per gallon. Now, if you're new to my podcast last week, I was saying, how come miles per gallon on gas on cars? Sorry. Has, has been, has basically been the same since the 70s. So people were trying to suggest to me that cars weighed more back in the 70s. I said, get the fuck out of here. Those goddamn led back in the day they had metal bumpers and full size spares. Get the fuck out of here. I remember when we had a, we had like a 72 or 73 Buick Regal, two door and it took me and one of my brothers, all of our might to open that fucking car doors, like open up goddamn, like a bank vault, but two things I forgot to do. One, actually look up to stats and two, realize that I was like fucking six years old when I was trying to open it. You know, you ever think that shit? When you think it doesn't, it doesn't really snow as much as it used to? Which it probably doesn't. But as far as like the storms, remember you like, dude back in the day it was up to my waist. Yeah. And you were about three feet tall. That's why, that's why, that's why it seems so fucking deep because you could barely look over a coffee table. Um, anyway, so I'll give you guys that one. I'll give you guys that one. Okay. And I would actually love to be wrong on this one, but I just don't think I am even though I was wrong that, that cars weighed more in the seventies and people showed me a bunch of stats because God knows I'm not going to look at them. All right. And people, by the way, who actually said that I really sounded like a moron last week, I may, I invite you to listen to the first four years of this podcast and just see the reoccurring theme that that is. Okay. I don't read. It makes me sleepy. I've stated that before, I don't fucking read. All right. I go with my gut. Okay. I'll tell you this right now. I don't know how to fill a tooth, but I can go in and look at a dentist and reel in. I can, I can fucking judge that guy whether or not he's going to, he's, he's telling me the truth. Does that make any sense? Of course it doesn't. Go fuck yourself. I got a goddamn hour to fill here. This is what, this is the problem I have. I have with people who are defending the oil companies here is basically when you go back to the seventies, okay, and you prove to me that cars did, they weigh more now. Okay. So you're right on that one. But your logic though is still based in that the oil companies were telling the truth in 1976 that whatever 35 miles per gallon was the best that we could do. So you use that as a jump off point to then prove your point now that that's why cars get the gas mileage that, that, that, that they get today is basically, I have to make the leap with you that oil companies are telling the truth, that this $350 billion industry, okay, that, that is on numerous occasions, openly got in the way of any sort of progress. I remember here out in California, I think it was the late nineties. It might have been 20 years ago. I can't remember it was before I moved out here the first time or right after I left. The air quality out here was so fucking horrific. It's like, I know a lot of people still think it's real smoggy out here. It definitely gets smoggy, but usually just in the summertime. It's definitely hazy out here, but haze is not fucking smog. Smog is brown. You go hiking and you feel a burning in your fucking chest. Back in the day in the late nineties, okay, you could see this shit. So anyway, so they, they put this, they put it to the vote for a people, to the people who actually would vote on this shit, and they passed this bill that said, by the year 2000, whatever, whatever, 25% or 30% of cars had to run on something other than, you know, the gas oil, basically the gas combustion engine. They basically paved the way for the big three to then basically start making electric cars. The fucking thing passed and oil companies got together with their lobbyists and they went and they just totally dismantled the whole thing and the whole thing fucking went away. Okay, which for all you people out there who are going to explain capitalism to me, I get it. That is their prerogative to do that. Why wouldn't they get in the way of that? So let me ask you this, you're telling me that they would get in the way of that, but they wouldn't get in the way of any sort of progress just with the gas combustion engine. They wouldn't get in the way of any of that type of progress. They seem to not get in the way of anything else. Safety, they don't give a shit about, they won't get in the way of that type of stuff. Burning it cleaner, they don't give a fuck about, but miles per gallon, which is their bottom line. Like, do you guys honestly think like today, like what your car gets like that's honestly the best that science can do? That is, we are right up against the fucking wall. Is that what you're telling me? You know, considering if they just even increased it by five, 10 miles a gallon per every new car, that they would immediately lose hundreds of millions of dollars. Why would they do it? Why would they do? Why would they allow that to happen? Why wouldn't they get in the way of that? That's all I'm asking here. And you know something for all you fucking assholes out there who call me this whack job conspiracy theorist. These are my conspiracies. Bankers are fucking evil. Oil companies lie to you and insurance companies are pieces of shit. That's basically my three. And then they have enough money to basically buy elections. That's basically it. Okay. Those really aren't groundbreaking conspiracies. Are they, I'm not saying that some guy living in the fucking moon, I'm not saying I saw a fucking flying saucer come out of the goddamn ocean and fucking take a piss on somebody's sunbathing and then, you know, I saw Ronald Reagan waving out the side of it and then it took off. I'm not saying that shit. I just, I don't buy it. Okay. And I actually got emails from people. They sent me these, these links. They sent me that this link of this, this fucking kid, 14 year old kid with one of his classmates built this futuristic look in Jetson's car and they got close to 2000 miles per gallon. I'll, I'll send you the link to this. You can go in the M and podcast and look at this thing. M M, the M M podcast.com. Look at the picture this thing. Okay. And once you're done saying, well, it's not a practical car. It's not as heavy as the other ones. It would never meet the safety standards and yada, yada, yada, all that fucking shit. Do you honestly think that airbags, navigation systems, crumple zones and all that, you're honestly going to tell me that that basically knocks off 1900 miles per gallon. Are you really going to fucking sit there and tell me that you honestly think that they're not, why wouldn't they get out in the way of it? They have the money to get in the way of it. And not only that, they're not even part of this country in a way. They're borderless. They're, they're worldwide. I don't, I don't know. So I just, I, I respectfully apologize for not fucking looking up the weight of the car. I was 100% wrong in that, but I still do not think that I'm wrong or I'm fucking paranoid. I had one guy. This guy's fucking hilarious. This guy was just ripping me. Just saying this is classic old man. It's like, dude, I'm 43 Jesus Christ. This guy's going old man. Like I'm afraid of the world. I'm afraid of the fucking world. I have, I at least can sit here and tell you that I don't believe in all that religious horseshit. If I was a scared old man, wouldn't I be going to church every goddamn week? Wouldn't I be doing that stuff? Believing in the immaculate conception? I think you go on the ground people. I, you know what? That's, that's my theory. I think when you die, you go on the ground and then you become a fossil fuel for more people to fucking fight and, and, and, and, lie about the, the, you know, you know, I might, I actually, my Prius and I've actually thought about doing this. There's people granted it fucks over your warrant, your, your warranty on your car. They can actually get a hundred miles per gallon. But basically what they do is they just, uh, they just fill the ass in with a bunch of batteries. You know, which I'm sure those are great for the environment. Oh, you know what it is people? I think, you know what it comes down to the most, why has my fucking throat so dry? Hang on a second. I think it comes down to them. No matter what we do, we're fucked. But I just think that there's certain entities that just have too much fucking power. I think when you start making three hundred fifty billion dollars a year and you're nationwide, at some point, some sort of government should have some sort of power over you. And I don't really think that our, ours does. I don't. I don't think that they have any fucking power. What are they going to do? They got us by the balls. The second you start giving them shit, they put their hand on the, on the nozzle of the spicot. Go ahead. Keep talking. We'll shut this fucking thing off. Huh? You want to pay nine thousand dollars for a cantaloupe? Then shut your face. 425 a gallon. Go fuck yourself. Next question. Yes, this is our money. Um, all right, plowing ahead here. I really want you guys to look at this, okay? You guys who actually fucking do research, um, like here's one guy tells me the nineteen eighty seven hundred CRX got fifty seven miles on the highway. Weight was eighteen hundred pounds. The two thousand eleven CRX miles per gallon is forty one on the highway and it weighs twenty six hundred pounds. So I see, I see their fucking argument. So right there, it's like, all right, well, the car weighs fucking eight hundred more pounds, which is a lot when the first one only weight eighteen hundred. You're almost, you're talking about, what's that? Forty percent, weighs forty percent more. Is it getting forty percent less on the gas? No, it isn't. So that's actually a fucking improvement. I will give you that. But the jump off point, I'm not buying it. I'm not buying that we can only get five, twenty five miles a gallon in 1975. I don't buy it. I bet they easily could have got two hundred at that point. They're not going to do it. Dude, you're talking about the blue bloods at that point. You're talking about that level of fucking power. I don't know. Am I fucking crazy? You know, the other day I was sitting there with Nia. I really wanted her to be on this podcast. We started watching this thing on Bobby Fisher, the fucking chess champion. And when he started going fucking crazy and she started laughing going, this guy's just like you. You know, I was like, really, you think I'm that fucking nuts? I thought she was breaking my balls and then she kind of looked at me and just started laughing. But it really bothered me. Do you guys ever see that one? Would Bobby Fisher really just started going fucking crazy? And he would just say all this horrific like anti-Semitic shit and he was actually Jewish himself. That's when you know your fucking nuts. He was reading like, like a mine comp and like agreeing with it. That's like me reading a book like, you know, fuck the redheads going, yeah, you goddamn evil redheaded snakes. I, you know, something that the only guy didn't like about it was they tried to act as though chess slowly makes you go crazy. That there was some sort of parallel to going crazy and playing chess rather than there's crazy people who, there's people who slowly go crazy and they drive a fucking garbage truck. There's just no international garbage truck event. So none of those guys become famous, right? Isn't mental illness pretty much straight across the board? When did you guys say? You know, I might be an example of it. I'm sorry people. You know what? You know, I'm so fucking dehydrated right now. I actually helped somebody move today. All right. It helped somebody move today. Somebody, a friend of mine, she was, ah, again, I'm moving this guy fucking bail. Come on down, help me move, right? It's basically it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a relative, a friend of a relative is basically what I, so I couldn't say no. So I get over there, right? And it's the usual shit. It's a one bedroom apartment. So I'm thinking, ah, no big fucking deal. We're going to be in and out and in fucking out, usual shit happens. Person ran out of tape the night before. So everything wasn't fucking packed. And, ah, Jesus Christ, I am, I am, I am 43 people officially. I gave it a hell of an effort. I was going to play hockey tonight. I got halfway through it. I was like, dude, I'm not playing hockey tonight. The old me, the old me, I could have fucking moved to two bedroom myself. Let me talk some shit. Make, make, make me feel good. Let me tell you, whippersnap or something. The old me, I used to take the bed and the refrigerator out at the same time, put it right on my back as I finished the fucking 12 pack. I drove drunk. Goddamn, you haul running red lights. Cop start chasing me. I outran him. Even though they had a governor on the truck, I still fucking outran him because I could take those turns like nobody, right? Then I can eat McDonald's and I wake up the next day and I had a fuck. It's still at a six pack. Not now. Not now. Now I feel the fucking effects. I drank like fucking nine bottles of water at a giant fucking Gatorade, which really, okay, overrated Gatorade. Jesus Christ. What a fucking scam that is. Speaking of conspiracy, do electoral lights, does that, does that even, somebody was telling me, you know, somebody out of some guy I ran to in a fucking airport waiting to buy a cinnabon. He was telling me electoral lights don't even exist. And you know me. You tell me something doesn't exist. I fucking believe it. This is how dehydrated I am. I'm actually turning off one of the lights in my fucking bedroom right now because it's, it's, it's making me hotter. Um, so anyways, yeah, I got halfway through that shit and, uh, I forgot it's just never, it's never fucking easy. You know, you know what it is? It's taking it out is the bitch. You know, once you got the truck loaded up, then it's a joke. You get to, you get to your destination and fucking flies because everything's in that one little area. It's right in the back of the goddamn U-Haul. It's not spread out all over the fucking place. All right, let's, let's get back on the podcast here. I really had nothing funny to say about moving. I really didn't other than that it exhausts me. I made a lot, I haven't helped somebody move in years. You know, I really made a lot of mistakes. Like one of the first things you do is you fucking ask how many other people are going to be there. I assume there might be one other person. You know, your boyfriend, where the hell is he? Oh, he had to work, he had to work. He's not here. Yeah, boy. Anyways, let's, uh, let's plow ahead here with the podcast. Um, I got a couple of, I'm trying to bring the underrated overrated back. I got, I got, I have an overrated for you, working out totally fucking overrated. How many times, how, how many sit-ups have you done in your life? How many hours have you spent on a fucking treadmill? Do you got six pack abs? Of course you don't. You don't. Working out fucking overrated, underrated, eating right. I've barely been fucking working out and I've just been eating right. Going back to my drinking water, no soda, none of that shit. One meal a day, I'll just have like a salad with some grilled chicken breast and fucking waking up with a flat stomach. I'm not down there with my speedos and my headband fucking lifting up dumbbells. Doesn't do shit. You know what it does? It put, it puts muscle on top of the bacon cheeseburger that you ate. Then you got that look going on, right? The muscular bloated torso look, former NFL player sort of look, you got that thing, you know, when you start getting those creases right under your rib cage, you know that? You love handles? I haven't eaten great for the last fucking 10 days. I feel, I feel phenomenal. Just reaching over to get my goddamn shoes feels better. You know what the worst is when you start getting that fat where you, you, you twist to go pick something up and you fill that extra roll? That's what I have. I have a, I have a two-roll minimum. Second, I feel that second one, a budding up against the other one. Right on my side, I say, I fuck this. That's it. Right? You know, I'm done with that shit. This podcast has gone off the fucking rails. I'm too dehydrated here. All right. Let's plow ahead. Let's skip past all these people calling me fucking morons from last week for not knowing how much cars weighed. Speaking of which, I saw a 66 Mustang convertible ground up fucking restoration was absolutely fucking gorgeous. I have to get that car because I keep going back. Oh, you just get the Dodge Challenger. It's the same fucking look. And you know what? You know what it is? When I, when I, I love the way the Challenger looks, but only when I'm watching it drive by, when I sit in the thing, I fucking hate it. It just doesn't look good. The dashboard on those old cars with all that fucking chrome and all that shit sticking out. So when you're rearing somebody at five miles an hour, you, you put an eye out? Oh, fuck. Do any of you guys follow me on fucking Twitter? Anybody? Anybody at all? I tweeted about this. I tweeted about this the other day. Do you know that I actually came across the show called impaled? There was a show on television people called impaled. And it's, it's about human beings who've been impaled at some point in their life and lived to tell about it. I was sitting there. I hit guide and I'm flipping through late at night. Just going through this total sports withdrawal right now. You know, NBA finals, NHL finals all over. And now we're just into the dog days of summer with baseball and I'm waiting for NFL training camp to start. I don't think it's gonna. So I don't know what I'm gonna do. You know, thank God hockey's off season is only like fucking 12 weeks, it seems. So I'm sitting there flipping through, you know, classic sports. What am I going to watch? The fucking Fiesta Bowl from 1982. I don't give a shit. And all the sun I see it comes up and it says impaled. And I'm like, what was that? Like a horror movie or something? So I click info on the guide and it just starts listing all these the three people who are going to be on the horrific things that happened to them. So it's just like, you got to be kidding me, right? So I fucking select it. And the first thing that pops on screen is some guy with one eye. He's got one eye and he's not wearing a patch because they don't give a fuck. They show you that you know, that there's no warnings. There's no nothing impaled. You know what you're getting. This guy has the patch off. No eyeball. Just sitting there and he's just like, well, you know, it was a typical day. You know, not not the ordinary. And you know, we got this job we were supposed to take down this wall, you know, between the garage and in the pantry. So they had a basically one of the boards in the wall was a little frustrating. And I took out the drill. And basically the fucking drill was one of those ones that it's shaped like a jackhammer where you got two handles. It looks like you like almost like the poor man. If you're going to drill for oil and you're just going to hope that it's maybe about three feet below the surface of the earth, right? But this guy was doing it horizontally and he was drilling into the wall. And he was leaning on it. The ladder gave way. And somehow the drill handle first went right down to the ground and he was falling right above it. And this thing was going straight up and it was still on and it drilled right through his fucking eyeball and right out the side of his head and miraculously missed his brain. That's a reoccurring theme on that show. And miraculously missed his brain, which is always painfully obvious because the person's not sitting there going, he can actually talk. So obviously it missed his fucking brain. They had that guy. They had another guy, this soldier who was in Iraq who fucking somebody ran up and he thought he punched him in the side of the head. The guy, he fucking stabbed him all the way down to the handle with the goddamn knife. Like, and it's somehow like all of these guys unbelievably fucking lucky. And the guy's wide away going, you see, that son of a bitch, he sucker punched me. And the fucking dude is looking at him and he's got a knife handle sticking out of his head. And there was one other one. You got to see it impaled. You know, the soldier ones were obvious. You knew that stuff happened and you felt bad for those guys, but the other ones, you're just like, why the fuck would you be on a ladder with that, that, oh, there's just anybody working construction. I swear to God, how you guys don't lose fingers every other fucking day. I hated that shit. I loved, I did grunt work. I did grunt work in fucking construction. I lasted eight days and I was like, fuck this. I'm telling jokes. This is brutal. I fucking, I'll carry the shit to you. You know, you want to fuck around with a nail gun, go for it. I'm not nailing my foot to the floor, getting a tetanus shot and I got to be back by the end of lunch. That's too hardcore for me. Um, what did I want to say? I know that I actually had information to tell you guys this week. Oh, huge shit that going on this week. Um, number one, Greg Giraldo benefit is, um, is at the Wiltern Theatre, June 29th, Wednesday, June 29th at 8 p.m. There are still limited tickets left. Uh, this is a huge event. I'm going to actually try to get on a couple of local radio stations and try and hype this event, uh, this week. But, uh, this is a huge thing. We all love Greg. Still can't believe he's gone and he's got a wife and three beautiful kids and we want to make sure that we do this every year. So they, uh, you know, doing what, try to take something so horrible and try to make something positive out of it. It's going to be awesome. It's an unbelievable lineup of comedians. I know last week, I said I would actually look up and tell you who's going to be there. I don't even know. I never looked it up. It's going to be me, Jack Benny, Jeff Ross, uh, Red Fox, Whitney Cummings, everybody's going to be there. Everybody's going to be there. So come on down. It's going to be an awesome hour. And I know everybody's breaking out their a shit. They're going to do it for Greg. And also who wants to be the guy who bond that night? Nobody. So it's going to be an awesome fucking night. It's a recession, people. It's a recession. All right. You don't have time to go out and go see one fucking headliner. Come on down to the will turn and see fucking 10 12 of them for one price. Go into a wonderful cause. All right. So I got that going on. Also, my friends overseas, I have the links for my, uh, my, my European tour that I am doing starting on October 16th at the Lester Square Theater. I have all the links. If you guys want to go and buy tickets, they're all on sale. I'm going from there. I believe I go to Oslo, then to Helsinki, then to Stockholm. No, no, I go to Copenhagen next Denmark, then I go to Oslo, then Helsinki and then Sweden. I don't know. I got all the dates up on my website and I have the links to all the tickets and, uh, we're going to have a great time over there. I'm bringing over plenty of DVDs. I'm making sure that they play on your, uh, European, uh, DVD players. I'm going to whatever the, whatever the terminology is, I'm going to make sure that they are compatible. All right. And I'm taking care of that now because the last thing I want to fucking do is piss off the few fucking people I know over there. So that is a deal. And then the last thing, I wanted to read you guys this thing considering I made such an ass up myself, not knowing how much cars weighed, not even bothering it to look at, to look it up. Um, um, here we go. I got this email a few weeks ago. The subject of it was get off here, idiot, with three exclamation points, something I can never say, exclamation points. So it says get off here, idiot. And I'm like, what the fuck does that mean? What does that even mean? Could that be any more vague? Get off what? So I want you off my website. My son somehow downloaded you. No unsubscript line. I want you off or I will report you have no way of someone getting off here. Almost a sub virus, which she spelt S U B V I R U S E. I guess that's sub virus. Almost a sub virus. So five O's. Let's get with the program. We don't want you as a main page. So that's the email I got just calling me an idiot. Get off here, idiot. I don't want you. I want you off my website. My some somehow downloaded you. No one's subscript line. I want you off or I will report you have no way of someone getting off here. Almost a sub virus. So let's get with the program. We don't want you as a main page. So I write back sounds like you have a virus. There's nothing on my end that you cannot subscribe to mailing list or podcast. But thanks for the polite email. You like that little passive aggressiveness. Something that I say I don't like. I basically know that this person's out of their fucking mind and knows nothing about computers right out of the gate. So I rather than being like thanks for the country email. I just said polite email just because I'm trying to talk him down off the ledge because how this shit works. One person reports you and then evidently I don't know what the fuck happened. So then she writes me back. And by the way I responded within 24 hours to her and then she writes back like six days later she writes took your time responding and then act like you don't know what what you doing on purpose. Nice. Every time we open the internet we get your website and can't get rid of it because it just opens again every time. My inbox gets spammed with emails from you also. I want you to take it off now and get you page off my website. What do you mean website? I have scanned with Norton and it comes up as nothing. So you're obviously able to get the virus undetected. That's why I said sub-virus. Just get rid of it now. If you want to take this further I can just report you to the law. So I just said look just take your computer to a professional and they'll clear up the problem. Once again it's not coming from me. I've not received any other emails complaining about my website. Good luck. And then she writes never mind it's fixed now. Your page was set as the home page but it's all but it's changed back now and this is the best part. Thanks for fixing it. Her kid just basically I mean I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what to tell you because I probably would have made the same fucking mistake if I was her. I know you can basically I don't know how to do it but I know if you have a favorite website that you always go to you can set that as basically the first page that pops up. I think it's really basic and if I just actually went into I can't figure it out right now. If I went into system preferences I'm sure there's something here that I can click on. There's desktop and screen saver. I could figure it out. Jesus Christ lady. If I could figure it out really and I know how there's no hey sorry I was about ready I was having a total fucking meltdown. It's like did you learn anything about yourself there at all and I really wanted to trash her and then I realized I had one of those fucking moments when I was uh aside being wrong about the cars but look I actually apologize for calling people morons so I am better than her right now I forgot to tell you this embarrassing story I had I was going through airport security and I pride myself not only being one of the quickest people in line but I also in my own ego centric mind I am setting the standard and people behind me are learning how to be better at going through airport security so I get all my shit off like I have an entire fucking routine okay before I even hand my ID to that guy at the end of the security line my belt is already undone not in a creepy perverted way all right I already got my fucking timberlands untied my fucking watch and all metals are in my jacket pocket and zipped up all right so I'm ready to fucking go I come up I grab my two containers yank the laptop up throw the jacket in with the other bag shoes come off last boom I'm through and I'm all good and then when I get to the other side I make sure that I grab my tray and I push it all the way to the right to give other people the chance to get there so it doesn't bunch up and when I empty a tray I take my full tray and I stick it in the empty tray thus to add more space for the people behind me I'm fucking considerate so I'm flying through my routine and all of a sudden I can't find my watch this watch which was a birthday gift I got a long time ago and I'm freaking out going I can't find my watch and it was just a big black lady there going you know you can't find you want me can't find it I can't find it was right there it was right there and I'm freaking out they're like did you leave it at your fucking watch store and I'm like no it was right there I saw it in the bin and I'm freaking the fuck out I got my jack and everything's on everything and I'm fucking freaking out and I start looking around thinking who stole it so she calls over this supervisor who comes over he's got this fucking high and tight haircut and he comes walking over goes what's the problem and the big black lady goes to the to the dude she goes uh you can't he can't find his watch and the guy fucking looks in the bin then looks at me and then goes it's on his wrist I had already put the fucking thing on and then he turns around and immediately doesn't even wait for me to laugh he just immediately walks away and then the the black lady just goes you know what and she just walked away from me and they left me by myself and my face literally turned red I was so embarrassed so can I get mad at this lady I don't think I can I don't think I can all right what else do we got here overrated hot water underrated cold water everybody yeah you want to take a shower I fucking hot shower it makes me fucking sleepy makes me want to relax I lose my fucking edge I'm telling you if you ever work out whatever wash up in hot water but you end your shower with cold fucking water I'm telling you you you come out of the shower you feel you feel fucking alive it's awesome I did it today after I helped somebody move it's tremendous now I'm nodding off here on my own fucking podcast all right let's uh let's plow ahead here YouTube videos we got a zillion here I have abandoned this I keep forgetting to do these at the end of the podcast uh check out all of these I highly recommend all of these stop-motion canary islands anatomy of a super virus fire tornado lion wants to eat baby asian led Zeppelin you got to check that one out bohemium rhapsody porcup playboys now I started to watch part of these and then my fucking internet crapped out on me but just judging by those uh those fucking names oh and by the way this there's another one that I want please internet work please fucking work holy shit it works I want you guys to watch this one let me type this in here white snake drummer white snake has a new drummer for those of you who are born uh you fucking cunt hang on a second I gotta put this down so it doesn't take me four hours to type in here here we go everybody relax talk amongst yourselves white snake drummer bam here we go where the fuck is he where is he where is he where is he this guy brian tissue hope that's how you say his name you got to see him do this thing this fucking guy he also he he works out he oh no there it is here's one to search white snake drummer brian tissue he also works out on a fucking speed bag and if you play drums if you if you work out on a speed bag you hear like rhythms and stuff like that so this guy basically sits down with a bass drummer snare and a hi-hat and he's riding with the speed bag for you drummers out there he's playing 16th note triplets it's a triplet feel and he plays this fucking drum groove it's fucking insane I've never seen anybody do it uh highly recommend that and all those other youtube videos that I wasn't able to wash because my fucking internet sucks and evidently they don't have any records of me calling up saying that it sucks so now it never happened that's how time Warner does business once you loved it once you guys love to do that in your own life yeah you know just getting caught you know you cheated on me yeah you know I don't have any record of that you know I just don't I I keep in impeccable records of me fucking around on you and I don't see any anything here that demonstrates that listen I'm sorry you feel that way I wish there was something I could do is there anything else I can help you with all right here we go I just want to get a device where I can start recording their phone calls when they just say that you know this this is being recorded for quality assurance and then when the person comes on I just say listen I just want to let you know that I'm also recording this phone call because I want to make sure that you know I I'm speaking to you in some sort of quality manner are you okay with that I wonder if they will be or if that's against their regulations I can't believe that guy can't give me his fucking last name gives me a fucking security and then this goddamn security number is like fucking three it's three letters it's like really you got a thousand employees that's that's fucking MLF that's it all right here we go advice hey Bill I've been with this girl for a year and a half we broke up for about a month recently and this month she dated another guy from April to May okay that's plenty of time to do the deed sometime around the beginning of May she started texting me and calling begging for me back she told me she didn't want she didn't do anything with this other and she wasn't thinking when she said yes to going out with them also she told me in this month of being together that they didn't do anything sexually oh Jesus he said that himself I like how this man thinks we've been back together for about a month now and we recently have signed a one-year lease on an apartment together oh gosh about a week ago she told me that she did have sex with this other guy multiple times oh Jesus this I'm just reading word for word what he wrote here and she thinks she may have gotten an STD from him so that's the only reason why she came clean oh Jesus did I mention that me and her are 19 and the other guy is 32 you know dude you're 19 I can see how this happened to you she failed to mention this to me too and failed to mention that she thinks she has an STD before we had sex multiple times bear back when we got back together I don't know what to do I'm stuck in a one-year lease with a whore and I might have an STD what do I do sorry this is long this is what you do you stop having sex with that woman immediately you and your relationship with her immediately you go out and you get tested immediately I bet you don't even have it I bet you don't okay if you got herpes it's gonna show up right I'm gonna shut the fuck up because I don't really know too much if you got gonorrhea or you got syphilis that you have fucking urine is gonna hurt something's gonna happen all right I think what happened was she got back together with you and then somewhere she lied saying that she didn't have sex with this guy and then all of a sudden she something happened she got HPV I don't know what the fuck something a wart a sore something popped up and she said holy shit she went to the doctor and found out she got an STD all right so now she has to fucking tell you okay because oh Jesus Christ this is such a fucking mess this is such a mess because you know what this girl is she's too young to be to be like she's afraid to be alone the second you break up she goes out with somebody else and not just goes out and bang somebody she goes out and has like a fucking relationship with this guy all right then immediately runs back to you and then signs a one-year lease so she can fucking feel safe and now she's with you and now she drops this bomb on you this is what you do I don't know if you can get out of the lease is your landlord a guy if he is have a face to face with them after you get tested and tell him that and maybe you'll luck out and just say dude can you do me a solid can you do me a solid to very least if you can't let me out can you let her out I don't want to live with this girl for the love of god maybe you can get out that way if not you know I say you walk dude get yourself tested you know get yourself tested and then fucking walk all right but this is such a fucking harsh lesson to learn you just don't have unprotected sex you just don't you just don't and you don't sleep with I know you didn't know she was a whore but just in general you just don't fucking do it you just don't do it just don't do it all right just just don't do it all right that's a fucking horrific story I hope it works out good for you you're saying you might have an STD so I'm guessing you're doing the typical guy I think where you're not going to the doctor immediately go to the doctor get yourself tested all right drop to your knees and thank god when it comes back negative which is what I'm thinking it's going to happen and everybody on the podcast how would we all say a collective prayer oh Jesus for this kid all right let it come back negative let it come back clean dude and just get on with your fucking life all right please tell me this whore is paying rent Jesus Christ I mean Jesus Christ Jesus Christ then you gotta then now you're gonna have to fucking break up with her and then you're living in the same place oh my god what a nightmare then you're gonna meet other girls fuck that dude it's only a year of your life you're only 19 Jesus Christ a lot more worst things can happen all right I'm sending you positive vibes it's coming back negatives good have a fucking talk with with the least guy tell him you'll fucking shovel his driveway every time it snows until 2018 or something just let me out of here I got to get out of here I got to get out of here all right please for the love of god let me out and and have at it with her but whatever you do wear a condom all right good luck to you sir number two hey bill maybe you can help me out with this um thing now I haven't read any of these things people so bear with me here this sounds ridiculous but hear me out I met this girl a couple of weeks ago and I've been talking to her and hanging out with her non-stop we is pretty what I guess it's she is pretty she's pretty funny intelligent and one of the most upfront and upfront and honest people I've ever met in my life in fact maybe a little too honest because she tells me every day how great cute honest and honest I am and it's a little much sometimes anyways we've been hitting it off like crazy and on Saturday she spent the night and we hung out all day Sunday about nine around 9 p.m. we got on the topic of old jobs oh fuck is she a dancer and she told me that a few years ago she worked in a pet store okay I guess wrong there was a hamster there that would bite her every day drawing blood and would attack co-workers and customers generally the hamster was a crazy douche one day her her and a co-worker decided they had to do something about this thing to put the hamster in a bag and smashed it against a wall whoa what jesus christ what a fucking left turn that was they put it in a bag and smashed it against the wall needless to say I was shocked the first thing I said was holy shit lady that's kind of crazy that makes wait that's the kind of crazy that makes her wife cut her husband's dick off I'm sorry dude that was a hilarious line and I blew it the first thing I said was holy shit lady that's the kind of crazy that makes a wife cut her husband's dick off she said she still feels horrible about it and that she killed it that way because she couldn't think of any other way to make it quick but jeez I mean I never been in that situation but that seems kind of crazy lol this seems like something straight out of a Seinfeld episode but I just keep thinking about it every time me and this chicks are getting together should I just accept this is a crazy story or is this a sign that she has serious issues remember this happened years ago and she seems absolutely sane otherwise please help potential murder victim question mark dude some of you guys are really fucking funny man the way you guys write this shit I I I you but you got a minute I haven't proved with my reading I feel so bad that I butchered that goddamn line um okay Jesus Christ what do you do with this one this is fucked up on like so many different levels okay let's start with the first thing the cruelty to animals okay not only cruelty to animals like I could what she did I could do that to an aunt I wouldn't even do it to a spider I could do it to a fucking mosquito that's she basically treated a hamster like a fucking mosquito not granted a hamster okay let's try to be a little empathetic here empathetic let me try to put myself in her situation if I was younger 20 years younger and a hamster bit me every day at work and I met working at a fucking pet store what I smashed it against the wall in a bag no I wouldn't however I would do something to it I would do something you know what I would do I would take a ruler and the I would wait I would wait till it was uh falling asleep and I would just whoosh right on its fucking hamster ass and it woke up doing whatever the fuck it did I would just take the ruler and I would pin it against the fucking cage and just watch it get all upset I just I would bully it that's basically what I would do huh you like that you like that you little fucking hamster huh I wouldn't hurt it I just keep it pinned there I would frustrate it I would frustrate the living shit out of it that's what I would do I would do something like that I think I would do that but I would not smash it against the fucking wall they put it in a bag now did was it repeated strikes Jesus Christ you know some of the kids used to do in my neighborhood do you know I had a friend of mine he used to take his house cat and he put in an empty pillow pillowcase and he would fucking spin it over his head like someone like he was at a Steelers game you know that's what the fuck he would do and then sometimes he'd put it in the dryer they used to tell me these stories and I used to laugh my fucking ass off for some reason I found it funny back then now I find it absolutely horrific and uh I would never do it but if I had to do it either a dog or a cat I would definitely do it to a cat but it have to be a real douche of a cat all right so we're getting off the subject here so it's cruelty to animals and she works at a pet store so that's bizarre because you figure if you work at a pet store that means you either you love animals or you you like at a low level deal pot you you you're dealing weed on a low level you know what I mean you're that guy you're like the burnout Matthew McConaughey at least that's how they used to be but then there's the other option that serial killers you know they start off with small animals you know they watch a ton of porn then they start torturing small animals and then they gradually work their way up uh you know to a fucking human being so yeah you could possibly you could possibly be dealing with that right now then also you know you're looking at it like this is that's the mother of your children put a hamster in a fucking I could see if it was fucking 1911 rather than 2011 people back then they'd kill an animal they didn't give a fuck they just walk out what do you guys want for dinner yeah yeah let's have some goose and the fucking mom would walk out they grab the goose by the neck and then they fucking act like they were trying to start up a model T they fucking body something they just break its neck nice and quick um and then they pluck it and they cook it and that was it and that was that was dinner 1911 did you like that little piece of piece of history uh I don't dude I don't know what to tell you this is like um that's really fucking insane and at the very least um if you get into a fight with her I she's at the very least I think she's gonna throw something at you she might be one of those I have no idea dude how hot is this girl I think some of these people I need like a picture to see if it's like worth it you guys seem to be connecting on like a personality level but I really got to tell you you know that's just like something Roger Clemens would do I could picture him doing that you know he is at pose posey from the fucking dirty dozen sort of vibe about him um all right what am I doing here I'm just sitting here babbling I you know I didn't even get to the to some of the Canadian people who wrote me and tried to explain why they rioted one guy actually said that it's just kind of boring up there every once in a while you just want to go off and that's kind of like what you do so it was starting to make sense but then he had to take a swipe at the States you know basically going hey at least we're not going around the world bullying other fucking countries way to own it sir way to own it um and then there was other people who just said ah there was a group of anarchist and they came down here with t-shirts that said I'm here for the riot um I don't know I watched the video footage I saw a lot of people with Vancouver jerseys on to not jersey so no one really gave me a straight answer they really couldn't say why they rioted they just sort of did I guess evidently out of boredom so uh I don't know that's I think you know something I think that's more pathetic than why Americans have rioted we rioted against uh the World Trade Organization out here the LA riots was against the uh Rodney King beating police brutality you know I think those are those are decent reasons to burn down your neighborhood isn't it you lose the Stanley Cup that's it burn it down I don't fucking know all right listen that's the that's the podcast I really went out with a fucking whimper didn't I so anything here that's bugging me can I can I give you guys a fucking laugh can I leave on a laugh anything I don't fucking know I got nothing this this is my prediction I'm getting nervous here but the but the European thing that I'm doing I think England is gonna sell great all right I think I'm gonna have a bunch of cozy smud cuts coming out to the fucking show I think Stockholm Sweden's gonna do well because I've been there before I don't know Norway Finland I've gotten two emails in my life I think from Finland I don't think I've ever gotten anything from Norway Copenhagen I think is gonna be all right but I'm kind of nervous that I'm gonna fucking go out there and I'm gonna be sitting there in front of like the Hitler Youth in Norway or some shit and I'm just gonna be eating my fucking balls you know with my Americanized act hey you see this whole thing on a I don't Schwarzenegger is that crazy it's pretty wacky isn't it yeah um I was in North Carolina one time just having them fucking stare at me I don't know does anybody out there is any any do I have any listeners in Norway or Finland I would really love to learn that shit and all right people I'm I'm fucking out of it it's an hour and 14 minutes in all right my apologies to everybody out there who actually has some sort of science background evidently people told me that that Stan Stanley mayor the water power car is junk science and it's it's absolutely ridiculous as someone even suggests that they could do that so I lost on that one so this so you so you guys you guys won two thirds of the argument here with me all right so now that you've backed me into the corner I want you to explain to me why oil companies wouldn't stand in the way of that technology and and twofold and why you believe that what they tell you that cars get is the best that we can do why you believe that we can't get 60 miles per gallon well you know there's there's there's airbags and and and other things and satellites flying around this here come Santa Claus here come Santa Claus all right I'll talk to you next week you guys have a good week of fuck yourselves and uh how about we hope we'll pray for that kid not to get an STD and let's pray for an NFL season I don't know about you guys but you really want to go through the dog days of summer with just baseball because I don't All right.