Monday Morning Podcast
Monday Morning Podcast 4-27-11
Posted in PodcastPlay AudioBill rambles with Robert Kelly and Joe DeRosa about their film "Cheat"
and it's the Monday morning podcast, a very special edition of the Monday morning podcast, and it's promised this special edition I got, not one, not two, but two special guests. So he's got to be three with me are not only two phenomenal comedians, great looking guys, but also the guys I made the hit short film from the Tribeca Film Festival, if I could be so bold, the movie Cheat, I have actor/producer Robert Kelly, star of Torgazo, star of stage and screen. What's the other movie you did? Remember you ran down the street, ran through the park and you went by and you ran into the film now? Ghost Town, I've done Ghost Town and Louie's Show, not Lucky, Louie, just Louie FX, sorry, the Louie's Show, I hear nothing but great things about that, we're going to get back to you in a moment. And then we have the Teen Idol Sensation from the Opie and Anthony program, Fresh, off his shoot off a Teen Beat magazine. We have the director and star of the movie Cheat. Joe DeRosa over there, I like that, I like how you did the director second, like a headliner, yeah. I like that, that's right, I feed your fucking ego. I like that fucking neurosis actually took my ice coffee and put it way over there so it would be on the coaster. Yeah, it's got to be on the coaster, Bob. For the listeners, I am staying in Joe's place here and Joe is such a fucking me free too. I am like paranoid, like you if you leave anything down for more than two seconds, he has to pick it up and then set it in its place. He's like Joe, you really, I got to know CD thing, that's not healthy, I know. I was here one day, I took, I took the clock off the wall and hit it. Oh, this day, I don't know when that happened, like I don't remember finding the clock and rehanging. It's your neurotic, your neuro, you have OCD, you just do it, you just found it and hung it back up. It meant nothing to you. It's in my programming. Where could you hide it, this place is so fucking, I hit it right behind that, I hit it right behind there and in between some records. I took that vase, that shitty vase that he leaves on the table. So when chicks come over and they're like, oh, he's he's artsy. I respect that. You got to do what you got to do to get in there. It's true, but you can always take it off when your friends come over. I hit that in the couch and then I hit something awesome. Well, when my friends come over, I will take it off. Oh, Joe, let me ask you what exactly what exactly that was like a phenomenal joke in your head. What is the look at his DVDs? I'm sure you have an entire system there. Yeah, comedy comedy. Well, live performance on the top shelf, then you got horror that's bleeds into sci-fi that bleeds into action fantasy that bleeds into drama that bleeds into documentary that bleeds into one more time, I'm going to hit you with this microphone. If you were dating a supermodel, Joe, let's just have a major hypothetical here. I know in your world, it's doable. Tap it, Bill. We get that first film out. I'm going to be in that director's chair with a 10 on my lap. Can I just say something real quick? They're not in that order. Yes, they are. That's in order of how he fucking gives pep talks in life. Joe doesn't live. If you have problems, Joe will give you psychological experiences from movies. It's just like, dude, it's like when it helped fiction. You want to remember Bruce Willis? It's like, what the fuck? It's not even your life. He does do that. You go, come on, Bill. This is the fucking Goodfellas moment where Ray Liotta goes in. What happened? She goes around and she makes a fucking call from the house. Remember when Adrian was running the ring and the hat fell off? That's the same thing, dude. You walled it, fell out of your pocket, but you were running to see your girl. You know what that reeks of? An unbelievably sad and isolated childhood. Joe, let's open up about that, Joe. All right. What do you want to know? When did you realize that you weren't going to be the hip swinger that you are today? Was it during elementary school? At what point did you know your place? I realized it when I invited the neighborhood kids over to swim in my parents' pool and the neighborhood bully beat me up in my own backyard with my mom in the kitchen. Like an ear shot. For what? Because he had a pool in his parents' room. He's just a dick. He was just a dick. He was just a dick. I remember my mom coming out and having to throw the bully out of our own backyard. I thought I was like making I thought I was saddling up to the tough kid. Like, I'll invite a man. He won't pick on me anymore. And no, he turned right on me in my own house. That's balls, man. That was doubly emasculating for you, huh? You had kids over, right? You still got the shit kicked out of you? And then you fantasy that you were going to kick the fuck out of him didn't happen and your mother had to come in and be the bouncer in your life, Joe. Well, the fantasy that he didn't have a fantasy of kicking the shit out of me, he had a fantasy of like the movie Bodyguard, the guy actually becoming his buddy. Then I'm getting a motorcycle rebuilding it. And he's minding that carburetor. Yeah. Yeah, I thought that was real riding on the back with his arms around his chest. Yeah, I thought that was going to be like his little sidekick. Yeah, what he said, Bubsy, you know, and yeah, it never happened. That explains your behavior in bars. Why you always talk shit? If you're in a big enough group, you will talk shit as you back out. He's one of the great shit talkers and bars while backing out. So did his version of the moonwalk. Yeah, fuck you. Fuck you. I don't give a fuck. Right out the goddamn door. Well, let's talk about the film here. Who's getting who we can hang out and shoot the shit anytime we want? We're in the Tribeca Film Festival. Let's go around the room and let's let's hear the delusional fantasies of what you hope this film will do for you. We'll start with you Robert Kelly. Well, I hope that Bobby sees it. And, uh, yeah, of course, well, I call him Bobby because I'm in the festival. You did go to one party. I did go to a party that we went. First of all, I didn't want to go to the party. You two made me go to the party. That's right. Then Joe comes into the party and says, I can actually go. I can actually go. I'll go with you. We go there. It winds up being this fantastic, great time. It's unbelievable. Scorsese was there, Elton John was there. Larry was there. Did you, did you get to meet any of those people? Well, I wanted to walk over. We met, I walked over and tapped Larry on the shoulder and said, Hey, what's up? He was like, Hey, what's up? You know, to me and Joe. Then I wanted to go over and he was over smoking a butt because he's a fiend. Did you go over and shake Elton John's little meaty stubby fingers? He always talks about his fingers aren't long enough to play the piano. Then took your business card and stuck it between his front teeth. I'm doing things, kid. I don't know if you heard about this movie, Cheat, but you will. Yeah, it's probably dressed in a Donald Duck outfit. No, he was just in a regular suit, but he was wearing literally like they look like the ruby slippers from Wizard of Oz. Like it was totally normal, awesome suit. And then his shoes had sequins all over him. And I was like, that's why he's out in John. The funniest part, though, is Dennis Larry had the host that he had to open up the show. And look, did you see that? Yeah, well, you know, I did that intentionally just to see if you. Oh, Bobby, put the ice coffee near the mixer and Joe immediately, actually, I respect that Joe does for the radio show. But you got to admit, if you just had a newspaper here from today, you'd move it. It's going to get it what? The Larry Larry went up in true comic form. I mean, he's Larry. Everybody knows him, but he still went up and these kids were on stage and he was just meandering and he kept on going and give it up for the kids. And then the guys were breaking down the stage. Give it up for these guys. They're working hard. Give it up for them. Yeah, nothing. And then he did one joke about meatloaf that kind of hit and he did it again. And it was like, oh, you could just see him fucking flound. It never ends. Yeah, there's no dignity. You would think that because you're Dennis Larry, you could walk into that hell room situation and it could just turn all around. And it isn't now cited for half a second. Oh, yeah, there's that guy from that awesome show. And I'm going back to my fucking beat salad here. Oh, you probably had, you probably had the confidence going up there, then, you know, a hundred kids from PF 17, whatever, shit school with, you know, fluorescent green shirts on all climbed up on stage and took over. Yeah. I want to hear about what did you guys, I would have probably had heart palpitations if I saw Scorsese. You know, man, it was really cool. It was like weird seeing him in real life. But then, you know, it wasn't like we watched him talk about film for an hour. He just he just introduced the movie. So you're just like, oh, fuck, there's Scorsese introduced. So how soon did your ego kick in? Were you like, well, I'm a filmmaker too. It didn't. It didn't. No, dude. You know why? You see, he was he was cold. We had to leave. It was an outdoor event. It was freezing. He wasn't freezing. I heard nobody else shiver except for him. Wasn't freezing to Bob. It wasn't freezing to natural seven layers over here. Fucking cold to me. Wait a minute. Nine minutes in the first fat joke. Here we go. Here we go. Take that. I might not be in shape. Joe, you are just a shape. Okay. You're not healthy. There's nothing about you that physically is appealing. You're fat. You're fat without being fat. Joe, you should you know what, Bobby, you really fucked with me when we were doing the levels for this. Bobby came over here just totally mellow. He already meditated. He ate a brand muffin and I'm going, Bob, do the levels. He's like test. You're you're adjusting your level though. No, I'm not just stepped on. That's not this is Bobby's. Oh, that's Bobby. Oh, you put yourself in the third whole bill. There you go. That's you step in here. Look at Joe. The control freak over there. I know what's going on. We got it, Joe. You edited the movie. Relax. It's over. I would have thought you plugged yourself in the first hole. Listen, Joe, I want to know why Bob was totally warm and you weren't now that I'm looking at your fucking adolescent Will Ferrell torso. He really is Will Ferrell in about 1992 right before he booked SNL. So he's still sort of starving yet eating cheeseburgers. He gives me hope. I'm like, that guy could make it with that torso. I got a shot. Oh, my God. We watched we were over here. He is like, he has like a female mummy body just with the tits are dried up and sags. Oh, get your hat. Your female mummy was hard to say. But you know how bad I wanted to laugh at Joe in that moment. You really let me down. I'm sorry. It has the reserve shoe. That's why these podcasts are good, man. It's live. It's happening. There's no editing. And he's holding the mic closer to his mouth. He just completely fucked me. You know what, Bob? I hope you distorted this entire time. He's not like a goddamn cyborg. Here we go. Go ahead. Oh, yes. So yesterday we actually, we had one Netflix and we watched the other guys do Will Ferrell is fucking hilarious. Every fucking movie he does that guy's absolutely hilarious. Yeah. I remember when I was on the road, I went and I saw Blades of Glory because I was like, this is going to be an absolute hunk of shit. I don't know how to write a movie. It's not going to be any more basic than this. Let me and I had my little notepad like I was going to take notes not realizing that they turned the lights out during movies. You know, I've been to a zillion. And I went in there and he was fucking hilarious. Still a shit movie. But he was somehow still was funny. He was funny in that movie. We'll travel to the center of the earth. What was that movie? Oh, he had that land of the lost. Yeah. Land of the lost. I mean, that movie I thought was going to just suck going to be him jumping the shark, but he's hilarious when he's just running through the middle of the fucking bed. No, you know what, he does that's great is he's able to adjust what he's doing to the other person. So if the other person's going way big, he can bring it down. If they go big, he can bring it up. I think that guy's the shit. Yeah, he's awesome. On our next, we're going to send him an offer the next time we make another 12 minute movie. Yeah. You know, the difference between doing this podcast and my podcast is that I can talk about trash famous people and fucking just trash anybody because no one's going to hear it. I'm actually nervous about talking shit about certain people because people probably actually listen to this podcast. This podcast is actually doing very well. All right. I finally, I finally checked out the numbers. What are you? Uh, I don't want to brag here, Bobby, but I'm doing really well. What is it? I got about, uh, I got about 860 people listening to this Bob worldwide. I got a couple of people in Poland. Somebody in Sri Lanka. Why do I keep saying Sri Lanka? I just like it. Somebody in Iceland and Newfoundland who actually help you buy these microphones. They set your money. No, no, this is kind of all out of pocket. I just, I just added a donation button and I was very surprised people donated. They were unbelievably generous and look at me paying it forward. Look at that people. You hit the donation button. What do you get? Not only do you get an extra podcast this week, you get two celebrities. Yeah. Two breakout stars at the Tribeca Film Festival 2011. Robert Kelly and Joe DeRosa fresh off his acquittal. That's 17 year old and fucking Harrisburg. Uh, Jesus, would you stop saying that's not true. That really fucks with Joe. Yeah, please say that's not true. No, Joe, all right. Joe is back to 17. No, stop. I see what you're doing. I'm just asking questions now holding a hand. That's the thing. I held hands with a romantically, which is technically still on the book statutory rape. It's like one of those times where they still have those laws. She can't walk. That's not funny down the right side of the street. Yeah. It's two in the morning. That's not funny. Joe was holding her hand. Right. He said that she mentioned that, you know, she was getting her class ring for high school and she had big knuckles. So it was weird to try to get a ring on. So Joe was examining her hand and a chaperone saw it. And then Joe, you know, Joe, Joe gets up. I wasn't trying to fuck her when he finally flipped out. So it was a whole case. I threatened him the money. I sent him some, you know, I sell DVDs after my show. I sent some cash. I made it go away. Right. I made it go away, Bobby. That's good, man. Oh, Joe's getting wise. He's getting wise. He was taking the bait at first. This isn't funny. We just became Joe. Did you feel like you were back at your pool party when you were seven years old? You guys saying mean things for no reason, you know? Hey, Bobby, be honest with yourself because I'm gonna be real honest. If when you were a kid, if Joe lived on on your block, you would have beat him up. I would have took his moped. I would have broke his big wheel right in front of him. I would have took every lunch ticket he ever got. Joe, you look pained over there. Yeah, I'm just, you know, I'm just just listening. No, Joe, Joe is his face got all red and his glasses would steam up, which made it even funnier. I mean, when I was a kid, we tied this kid to a tree and threw fireworks at him. Like that's what we've done to Joe. He's wrong with you. I actually, I actually took a kid's moped. That's it right there, Joe. You're not wired into the fucking animal that you really are. You're actually, do you know what Joe is? Joe is a higher being when it comes to shit like that. You and me were just a couple of fucking cavemen. I took a kid's moped back in the day and a CD player when CD players first came out. He was like a rich kid. He was a only child. And he had something you didn't. Yeah, I went to I went to love and electronics. Yes. And I in college, I'm in it. I get into the English class. We go around the room. Hey, you know, hi, don't I'm Robert blah, blah, blah. And I go, I look at him. I noticed him like, Hey, what's up, man? I remember me. He goes, I remember you just still hated me. This was in college. I was 13 when I did that. I can relate to that because I lived with this motherfucker for three years. Bobby's like like a fuck like most movies. Like it's the first two acts are incredible. Yeah. And then the third act. Exactly. I just want to be walking to the street and watch this kid clip Bobby behind the fucking ear. And then you know, it was revenge for the CD player. And here's where it turns on Bobby. And by the end of this podcast, we'll be on Billy. Oh, I don't realize that that's coming. Just take your turn, Bob. I live with Bobby. You know what? I promised my my listeners that I was going to tell that story. This is Bobby. This is fucking like we had we did have a lot of good time. So one time I had I had an audition for the Conan O'Brien show and this was the second time I was going to do it. So this is probably like 98 and 99. So I'm living with Bob in this railroad apartment. We got to walk through bedroom that we're sort of sharing and then the guy who owns the place like it was you know what is fucked up as a living conditions were? I mean, we were both playing like $175 a month to live in Manhattan. So it really wasn't that bad. So I had this audition like you can see you could actually see through the floor though. Sometimes you'd look down in the super would be looking up into the living room. Yeah, when we used to give him shit, what do you mean? You could see through the hole in the floor. The floorboards were so separated. The only reason why you couldn't see the basement is because they didn't turn the light on when you walk by you just saw this this black hole. And when they would go down there to fix up and they turned the light on and this guy was Polish. So Bobby used to give him shit because the economy was good back then. He would be American number one. Poland number seven. Seven. He said something. He used to fucking legitimately piss this guy off. So they used it. That's funny, man. And they would be shoving whatever like a broomstick and screwdrivers through the fucking hole. Then a fucking kill you. To be funny or were they really angry? Yeah, they were a little bit of both. Because they were number seven and we were number one back then. Those were the days. Those were the days when Clinton deregulated the banks. Oh, yeah. Those were the days when he signed NAFTA and signed all the factories out of this country. All right. Take it easy. Jesse, the bottom. Relax. Fucking beautiful mind. Larry's Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah. Jesse the bot. That's not conspiracy theory. Yeah, he is. No, what I'm saying isn't if I said that 9/11 was an inside job. But this is the track of going down. I get it. This is so he'll talk about banks. How you can't fuck. You can't have money in a bank. Hey, banks are screwing you mortgage, you fucked. And then you go, all right, what do I do? He nothing. I have no idea. He yelled at me once before we did what we were doing uninformed at XM still. Right. And this is where switches on Billy. Four years ago. I've seen it. He yells at me before. It's like we're like two years into the. We're like two years into the fucking show, right? It's like our whatever episode. And we're sitting there trying to share what we're going to. Yeah, try to figure out what we're going to talk about. He's going, dude, this is what I want to talk about. Okay. Fucking bankers. Okay. And I go, Billy, I can't talk about the fucking bankers anymore. I don't want it. You wouldn't fucking talk about that, dude. You don't want to talk about anything. Take the mic away. You'd be professional. It's not that I don't want to talk about anything. I don't want to talk about the fucking bankers anymore. You had a fucking craze looking your eyes back then. When you were getting those baggards high rates. Oh, yeah. I thought that was it. I thought it was a wrap. No, what I did was no, no, no. I still believe that shit. But what I realized there's nothing I can do. I tapped out. I got a fucking dog. I got some gold coins. I'm talking my girl into letting me get a pistol. You're going to start growing, growing, growing, growing, growing some zucchini. You should be the last for an hour one day. You're talking to me for an hour one day. I just wave it around and scare people. You talk to me for an hour one day about the banking situation that scared the fuck out of me so bad. I was literally I was I was like what the fuck and I go what what do I do? And I'll tell you what's the sad thing because it's all true. You go nothing. You can't do shit. I got to go. I'll talk to you later. I'll tell you the classic. I can't even fucking believe this. Joe is all excited at the end of his show and we really have to dance around this topic. But the end of his show because of the fucking thing you showed him so you can accept credit cards. Yeah. Yeah. You fucking guys. Yeah. Yeah. I just want to take both. He described the downfall of Western civilization because I'm using a credit card. No, no, I didn't do Jesus Christ. Idiots. Do cash. It's. All right. And we lost. We lost the the battery power. Joe is yelling. It's a joke screaming into the mic. Joe, if you're going to yell, just do me a favor. So I don't have to fucking try to adjust the levels and put it really close to my mouth. Yeah, there you go. And just scream right into it. Okay. Red lines in the candy. What is that case you have on your phone, Bob? This is a charger. It charges a double. So you can. We really just fucked with our listeners because we would just screaming and now we're over the fight. Yeah. But we lived through it in real time. So we got to hear it come down. But they did and he was going, it's a joke and it just cuts out and then all of a sudden it goes back to, hey, Bobby, what's that thing you have on your phone? Yeah. What is that thing? It's a charger. You put your phone into it and it charges it, but it has double charge. So you can charge your phone once and twice. You know what's funny about Bob? He's so into electronics. He is in my world. He has shit that I won't have until about 2016. He's like Yankee Stadium. To me. You don't get that. It's a sports reference. No, I get it. The Yanks, the Bronx bombers. Bronx bombers. Yeah. The old fucking the Yankee Clipper. Derek Jeter. A rod. Fantastic players, phenomenal men that have ever, the best men ever. Joe, what do you think? This year in baseball, you know, it's very competitive in the American League East. I was wondering, who's your top pick? Well, Bill, you know, my top pick, you know, and they're underdogs, but I've got to go with the A's because the A's have what I call a frontline game. They drive hard and they run, they run deep. So I think they're going to come to the plate. I think they're going to fire out hard and they're going to bring it home this year. What do you think about MMA? What's your, you know, MMA, I've always loved Hoyt Gracie. Hoyt. Hoyt. Hoyt. Hoyt? He's got a name though. I call him Hoyt. Hoyt. Hoyt Gracie is what you call visceral. He steps into the ring. He knows his goals. He, he doesn't just attack his opponent. He dances with his opponent. Talk about, talk about his some of his submission moves. Well, out of all of his different submissions that he does, what's one of your favorites? I've always liked the, the crapper is a good one. That's a good one. Splinter is fantastic. What was one of your favorite fights that he did with, with who? I mean, when he fought Blackjack Mulligan, it's all just becoming wrestling. I'm happy that you came through with a day of, I couldn't think. Yeah, yeah. Because when you said this split, when you were talking about him, all his things sounded like wrestling finishing moves. The splinter, the hammer. The people's elbow. So anyways, if people are just, if people are just tuning in, I'm saying this is actually is like, this is streaming live. If your wife just came walking in and she was wondering what you were cackling about, we're hyping our film here, Cheat, that's in the Tribeca Film Festival. And with that, let's get back to the podcast because I, that was a bad time to hype it because you guys are talking about how the rock came back. It was awesome. It was fucking awesome. The rock has come back. Yeah, it was awesome. The best part of WrestleMania. Joe, do you like pancakes? Do you like pancakes? I'll do it for you. Ask me. Do you like pancakes, Bill? You know, it doesn't matter what you like. Why wouldn't you play along? Because he's stink. Because he's guy, because I know it's coming. You know, why wasn't because he's wearing a purple t shirt? Yeah, that's not really purple. It's great. Double Joe, purple Joe. No, that was the best part of WrestleMania was when they, you know, they're doing the thing with the off campus manager now, the unknown manager of the WWE. So in the middle, did you watch it? I watched the rock. I just watched when they do that thing where in the middle of the match, it goes doodidy. They're like, we've received an email from our anonymous manager. And then rock goes over the laptop and he goes, as an anonymous manager in the WWE, I think. And dude, he doesn't even have to say he just fucking looks up. The place is going apeshit, waiting for him to do it. And Bobby, I'm sitting there watching Bobby, Bobby goes, what, what, why are they cheering? And Don, his wife goes, Bobby, it doesn't matter what he thinks. And I'm like, Bob, how did you not know that? And then of course, he screams it and breaks the fucking laptop. Oh, it was awesome. Oh, I thought he was going to be that he thinks that you absolutely suck. I thought he was going to go down. He's got so many of them. This is one thing that made the rock unbelievable that he was beside the fact, but best performer I ever saw post Ric Flair is the fact that he was prolific, how he just kept coming with new jokes every week. Dude, there was nothing better than late 90s was it, 98, 99. Remember that? 2000. We used to take the nights off from stand up to stay home and watch Monday Night Raw. And we'd have Keith on the phone, a Patrice or something. And we would just be screaming laughing. And I wasn't even interested in those guys. Keith, Patrice and Bobby got me back into it. I mean, I hadn't watched it since Greg, the hammer of Valentine and I was in college. I was in college. Smackdown was every Thursday. And I was in college. Thursday was a huge, huge part bar night in my college. I ate all the drinks, bells, and shit. So we would set the VCR back, we needed to fucking do that. But the timer and all that. How was it when you figured out how to do that? It was great to tape Smackdown. We go to the bar, we get hammered and we come home at like 2am and put Smackdown tape in just trash screaming at the TV. Oh, we start wrestling in the fucking apartment. But nobody. I mean, the rock has the full package. He's big. He's good looking. And he's got mic skills. Dude, you know what I remember? I remember what we wanted to do. The rock was so big. We actually contemplated. If I was hosting a show or Bobby was hosting a show, we were going to go up and do rocks finishing move. Remember that shit when he would get you in one of those people's elbow, not the people's elbow rock bottom. Okay. We were trying to figure out a way down at the Boston Comedy Club. We just finally decided that that wouldn't stage would not. It was two by two. Yeah, we were on an earlier in the week. We were going to have just have some fake argument and was going to come up there. We just going to get, you know, when he would get you in the rock bottom, then would look at the crowd and just jump up with him, was going to slam me down. I just I just knew better. How upset would you get? Because it would happen once in a while where he'd get a guy in the rock bottom and he was just about to do it. And then the guy would reverse it and rock bottom the rock. That would make me so angry when that happened. He's so good. I actually follow him on Twitter. Team bring it because I'm part of team. And I actually remember I bought that shirt. I had bring it, the bring it shirt, and I cut the sleeves off. No, because I would still be giving you shit if I saw you in that. All right. I think you were in LA full time at that time right at the end of the apartment. I got the shirt and cut the sleeves off. Oh, by the way, Bobby came out to LA and went on a hike with me and me and my dog. He ended up walking the dog at the end of it. Yeah, the guy was out there. I had the flu. I was in a hotel room the whole time when you guys were out in Alabama around the fucking How did you like my does that a beautiful dog? Beautiful dog. If I were to get a dog, I think the next dog I get when one of my dogs dies, which is a few years, as a British bulldog or what do they call it? I know you tell me you tell you told blue nose pit bull blue nose pit bull. I just like him because they look the muscle. They got muscle. They look like a horse. Yeah, that's what you look like a horse like a little mini horse. Just a bad ass dog. What does it look like, Bob? A mini horse. A horse. I was psyched. Bob was actually he's really good with dogs. Yeah, and she took right to him. Yeah, but he actually went and did the whole hike. I stayed at the bottom at a little first of all, Bob didn't have any hiking gear and we were also on flat land and he was already getting winded. So and actually we actually dropped we actually dropped them off at a restaurant. They dropped me off at a restaurant at the bottom of the restaurant. Yeah, and I sat on the curb and smoked cigarettes and talked to my cell phone. Everybody was looking at me like a piece of shit. Oh, they weren't Bob. It was like a self-esteem. You're not you're not supposed to smoke in the front. There's a sign I was smoking it from a sign that says no smoking in the whole family. People actually respect it out there out here. It's like you're putting your cigarette out on the no smoking sign. I didn't see it. Nobody gives a shit. Yeah, that was good. That was a good little restaurant. That was an East Coast West Coast joke. Okay. So this movie, Joe, you went to the we didn't get to go Saturday night to the premiere and just to let everybody know it's a short. It's not a you know people a lot of people there is a feature-length movie. Yeah, it's a 15-minute short. We we produced can you stop with your fucking OCD. What cleaning up Joe? Stop cleaning up and you fucked up you grabbing wires. Something's fine. This is you got to learn how to deal with this dude. This is a press conference right now. You got to keep talking about the movie, dude. You know, pretend this is like the cameras. No, if I was in a press conference and you started cleaning the table, I tell you to stop. Yeah, Joe. You got to relax. No, no. I pretend like I'm like paparazzi. This is training for you. You got to just fucking tunnel vision, dude. Quick trying to fucking mindfuckers here. Yeah, you're right. Quick trying to mind fuck me. It's my house. I'll clean all I want. How about that? Because we're trying to do a show. Yeah. You're moving coffees. You're sweeping crumbs off. I get it. I get it. Stinks. Stop it. Yes. We have fucking we have more rights than you. You know, it's basically means it basically means that you're paying less attention to the conversation that's going on here. Yes. I think I haven't heard this fucking speech 800 times in the last week. You got him hyping the movie? Really? Yeah. He's doing radio with them all week. I know what he's saying. He did one. I was at the premiere. I was there. Joe DeRone is difficult to work with. He really is. That's going to be his fucking downfall. He's wordy and he's difficult to work with. Listen, he's trying to set you up to talk about you. Yes. I was going to say the big fucking night and you're cleaning the table. No, now I'm listening. So let me let me get you back on track. You see, it's a stand of comedians. One of the great things about performing live is that if it starts to go bad, you can adjust. You can do something about it. So my big fear and still, even though the film's already killed, is going down there and sitting there. And if it's not going well, that powerless feeling that I can't hit stop, I can't fix something that would have freaked me out. So I was really interested, Joe, to hear as you're sitting there, knowing that our film is going on last after eight seven seven other short films. Yes. All of which are going to be awesome because they're in this fucking huge festival. They probably made other films before. Yes. They've been in festivals. They know what they're doing. They have those glasses that says, I know how to make a film. They have those beards that don't connect that I've made many films before this. And we've never done it. We're comics. And we finally got our shit together, joined forces, put our minds together, our creativity and our moolah and our talents. Hold us that we were awesome. But now we're going to find out. And then we put it all together. How nervous are you? I got to be honest, I was more I was much more excited than nervous. Nervous is, you know, which you told me you saw a couple of films you know, well, well, if you let me finish my story, the way I was going to tell it's got an attitude to help the work with interviewing him. Would you talk to somebody? We only got an hour show. We got an hour show. Yeah, let me tell you, you're asking me the microwave. You're going to yell you fucking amateur. You remember when Bobby was screaming rock things directly in the mic, you didn't yell at him. No, because he said, don't hold it away. And I also adjust his level. You, Joe, you fucking, you got, you're eating the mic. You're right back in that pool. You're back in that backyard with the pool that I don't like about you as a man. You didn't just fucking deal with that. You tried to throw him under the bus. You pulled a coby. Shit. Fucks around on his wife. What do you do to back to just one second, both of you? You know what? I don't hate this bully in the the bully in the fucking pool. You probably pulled this shit with him too. You probably busting his balls and he was trying to keep cool, trying to enjoy the pool, trying not to choke you off. And then he fucking snapped. He probably was cleaning up around the pool. He probably put his coke down on the table and you're like, dude, can you please? Hey guys, guys, did you get all your alpha male juice out of your systems now? You good? Did you trash your buddy? Are you good now? Are you good? And I was trying to answer you. And you were sweeping off the table? No, I'm trying to answer your question. You're, you're, you're, when Joe tells a story that she plays, she'll be coming around the mountain when she comes, you know, back in 1982, she'll be coming around the mic house. You don't quit. Joe, you're the fucking story. You're the story. Do you want to bring a car? You're just doing a podcast. I never had somebody put the mic down. Wow. You want to break balls? You want to hear the story? That was the no moment. Oh my God. He put the mic down like Joey Bay are he was going to walk out. All we need is whoopi here. Joe, you're fucking. Now, not like my show. This is my show. Oh, be like if you bill O'Reilly walked off. Whatever, Joe, you know what I'm saying? You quit. Go ahead. Let's get started. No, it's not. It's a podcast. Bobby, what are you hopes going to happen? I hope that this movie, actually, somebody sees it from the festival. I hope we're up for competition, which is we keep forgetting. We're in competition. We could win an award. If we win an award, we're only competing with ourselves. That's true. If we win an award, we get to put one of those little, little leafy things in front of the show and a win an award. You know, these people when they win an Oscar, they're like, what are you going to do with it? I got it in my bathroom. I would have that fucking thing hanging from an invisible string. There's no physical award. We don't win like a trophy. Well, we don't know the answers to anything that you're saying right now. You're completely making all this up. We're going to have a award. We're in competition. We there could be a physical trophy. We don't know. It has to be one. Well, if there's one physical trophy, who's it going to? Well, maybe me, since I was the one there for everything. Let's see. There he goes. Everything. He did everything. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for us. I know Joe did everything. I know Joe did everything. You wouldn't fucking the premier. Joe did everything. Oh, it's not what I said. He did everything. You know what, just so he doesn't cry if there is what trophy will give it to Joe. You can have it. I don't know. I don't know how you can have it. I already got my trophy, Bill. My trophy was the hard work. You can sit there and fucking spoon with it. He really stinks. It's just, you know, it was fun. It was fun. It was good. And then what happened? We tried to set him up for a story, and then he quits the show. I didn't quit. I was saying now he's winning all the awards. All the work he did. I was winning the awards. You guys are so predictable. We just showed up with a couple of Hawaiian shirts on it. I get it. I get what you're doing. Yeah, we're breaking your balls. It's fun and people are enjoying it. Listen, I think that this movie, I'm going Wednesday night. Let me get it. I'm going, I'm going to everyone. Everyone. Okay. So we'll be there. We're going. You guys are going shattered. I'm not going to tell. I'm not going to tell a town gig and Joe making more money so we can make another fucking no. I just said you're not going to be at every once with the guilt. So then Sunday is the he's really a showing better than this Joe. You stop throwing lint angry. I'm annoying because I want to talk about the premier and how great I was talking about it. Joe, no, you think I was going to lead you up to that? Joe, you're better than this. The old Joe Duroza took the bait. I'm not better than this. Don't give him a pet dog. Let him fucking. I'm in a soft line. I'm trying to turn into a man. I'm in a soft place right now, Bill. I'm lonely. I'm thinking about buying a dog. I'm in a bad emotional place right now. Simple for you. Yeah, I know. Typical. Thank you. You're trying to use the fact that you're in a bad place right now to get out of this trash rather than just take it. I'm taking a tragic old time without you. I want you to sit there and go on you. I want you to stick out your lack of a man chest and just take it. Go fuck yourself. All right, Joe. So you're in the theater. What Billy finished? Your legs are crossed. So you're in the theater with your friends. Finish what you were saying. Well, no, we can go to this. You're in the theater. You go there it's packed. It's sold out, correct? The smell it was sold out. You sold out. You got some friends there. You got some industry on your side there, correct? Well, the publicist for the film, Michael O'Brien was there and Conan Smith, Bobby and my manager was there. Okay. And some of the reps from the festival were there and they were very enthusiastic about the movie. So that was great. Right. And you're alone. You know, the movie's going up last. And I had friends there too. And some of my closest friends. Yeah, I'd come with that. So Joe, you knew it was going to be like this. Not acting surprised. All right. So you're in the movie. The movie in Anthony is just going to be a war zone on Wednesday. We're all going into O&A on Wednesday. It is going to be a five-way fucking trash. I wouldn't have it any other way. No, it's funny. They're not going to hype the movie. They're going to trash it. That's what they do. It's all they do. But we don't care because all the movie, the movies, they're all sold out. So it's not like we need people to go. All the shows except for Thursday. But yeah, who gives a shit? What's one of them? So you're in the movie. You know, it gets a shit. We give a shit, Bobby. What do you want? What do you want? You reverse selling this movie? I was reversed saying it in my life. Bobby is no longer in charge of advertising for the short time. This is the answer that I was removed. I want to give Bill earlier, which I said. I am the one who set up the Twitter and the Facebook and the website and all this. No, you didn't. No, you didn't. Joe did. What? Joe did everything. Yeah, he did. I'm sorry. That's not what I meant. I'm showing the movies every famous person I can meet out in LA. That's not what I meant when I said that. I meant going to the premiere. The real work. The real work. Joe, it's so funny. He, wow, you just have a little board. You can push buttons. And he has that shitty and really burst smile and you just fall into it. No, I didn't. Well, you know fairs because we've had real fights about this stuff. So I don't want it. I don't want to reope. I didn't want to tell. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Real Joe. Yeah, you're the only one taking. You're the only one taking this seriously, Joe. What the fuck? You should just say, I know I'm an arrogant cunt and then you could have just fucking told the story. I'm not arrogant. No, you are a question. You're a job job. What you do is you just when someone starts trashing you, you just agree with it. Bill, look at your big fucking pumpkin head. I know it's awful. I can't wait till Halloween. All right. Whatever. Bob, look at your fat stomach. I know it's awful. I can't sleep on my belly. I've just sleep on my sleep. You can't sleep on your belly? No, like I'm like the elephant man. Your legs in the air. I have to sleep on my side with my hands on the thing of thumbs at all times. Oh, see that's over. Boom. It's done. There you go. Joe, we're trying to help you here. Bob, nothing. You're the same way. No, I'm not. No, I'm absolutely not. Stop dragging me into your physical health. No, he doesn't take the hand. You know what? Joe Joe's body if Will Ferrell fucked Chevy Chase. I'll take that. I'll take that. There you go. Now it's over. So Joe, you're in the movie theater. You got a big bowl of jacks stuffing them into your pie hole yet somehow not jackback. That's those fucking awful cheese puffs. If you take Cheetos, if you make Cheetos obese, all right, those are jacks. So what you asked me earlier was was I nervous. And what I was going to say was I wasn't nervous. I was excited in a way that I usually am not about a big or pressure some stand up show because I actually felt relieved that I had no control over it. I was like there was there was a certain releasing this going. That's interesting. Yep. It is what it is. It is what it is. You know, okay, so let's go down Joe. Let's go down. First two movies out of the gate look like they were shot by Tarantino. And I'm like, Oh, God, I would have crawled out of the theater on out Jesus. I was just going to suck. There we go. Third and four. All the movies were great, but they weren't all comedies. Those those no. Yeah. Well, here's the thing. Third and fourth movies were great too. And up until this. And then the fifth movie was insane. It was this movie called Brink. And I was just like this kid paid for real special effects. And I'm talking. Oh, that was the one you would like this thing's definitely gonna be. Yeah. And I don't want to blow up a spot. I don't want to talk about it. But it was like he had like literally fucking Michael Bay special effects going on this thing. And I was like, Oh, man, we're done. We're fucking done. None of this has been radic. These guys. Oh, Jesus. And then the sixth movie was dramatic. And then finally, the seventh movie was this this this little sort of documentary thing that this kid did about his grandfather that was really charming and funny. And I was like, all right, cool. And then the seventh movie, the sixth that was the sixth movie, then the seventh movie was a comedy with this kid named Carmine something and it was fucking great. This kid's got a sitcom written all over him. He knows you guys are used to do comedy and stuff, I guess. So I don't hear about other people's successes. People were really laughing at that point. And then I was nervous. Now I'm like, now I'm nervous for different reasons. Now I'm like, well, fuck, I hope we get as many laughs as these two did. Yeah, we can close the festival on a fucking white one. Yeah, because our movie is like, you know, we're a little there's a little scumbag in this star film, you know what I mean? A little. Yeah. So then so then it comes on. And from the jump, laughs, laughs, laughs, fucking, it killed. It was great, crescendoed all the way up to the end, got a nice applause break. It was fucking great. Did you at any point, could you, did you have to wait to the end to be able to relax? Or was it one point where you like, all right, they're on the ride, this is going to go good. No, literally, once it got rolling within like the first five minutes, there were enough laughs that I started laughing and like actually enjoyed watching it for the first time ever probably. He told me he goes, I was I was ear to ear smile and I could just pitch a Joe wide eyed looking around a theater as the director. Dude, I would have, I would have freaked if it's because I've never, yeah, yeah, because I've never, obviously, I've never said, you know, if you look at my IMDB page, definitely. You didn't go to the premiere of the movie, that movie, you know, the other guys. The other guys? Date, date, date, yeah, yeah, no. You didn't go? No, I had a gig in like, she'll be like in such a fucking comic. Jesus, I was in good luck, Chuck, one scene. I was on the red carpet taking into view. No, but I didn't get to go to premiere. I got, they had a thing where all the cast and crew, everybody there, that I was really bummed, but it was just, dude, it's like, they tell you like six days before, and I had like sold out shows. So now I can't tell everybody to go fuck themselves at book tickets to my show. So I mean, I always, I mean, this is probably dumb, but I always just hold onto the fact if somebody really liked what I did, they're gonna try and get me, which is really stupid because you have to do something that they like and then get in their face. And here's my card and remember me and I'll send you a fruit basket and, yeah, that's that's the part of the business. I'm getting much better at it. I'm becoming a really good usher. When I went to be like Chuck, I did that small scene at the airport at the end. I looked over, Eddie Murphy was at the premiere. I looked over at my scene and he laughed. I heard that dumb Eddie Murphy laugh. That's fucking great. Made me, I was like, fucking Eddie Murphy. It was good luck Chuck. The one where Dane was in the beginning in the bar and he said that unbelievable mean shit to that girl. No. What was that one? That was my best friend's girl. Yeah, I saw that. That was funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, you know, it's, it's, it's an exciting thing, man. I was, to be honest with you, the, so when you walked out what people fucking, well, he gets the, he gets to go up after the showing and they ask him questions. Oh, that's why he thinks he said everything. I set up. See, I, I fucking hooked up Joe. So you can talk about your little story. You see that? That was good. That was good. I wanted to, for the listeners, I wanted to buy Joe, one of those director outfits from like the 1920s, where you have like those jockey pants. And then I'm going on a safari director hat, a megaphone. Yeah, that big and action and a long cigarette holder. Oh, you know, they, I got to be honest. I'm not, I'm not saying this to be sappy or blow smoke up the two of your asses, but the feeling I felt most was, was proud of you guys like watching your scenes and watching them kill as hard as they did motion is not allowed on this podcast. Yeah, I know. I was actually most, that really was my best feeling. I was like proud of my friends watching them kill it. I was like, this is fucking all right, Joe. This is how much of a sports maniac I am. I was working Royal Oak, Michigan, not bragging. And I got off stage, and I knew that the premier was that night. And I also knew that the Bruins and the Canadians were in overtime. And I got a text from you that said the movie fucking killed, but I didn't get any text from Bruins fans. So I was thinking, oh, fuck that we lose. And I actually called my Bruins friends. Well, your priorities are in order. It's good. No, but I knew that if you said the movie bombed, I probably still wouldn't have called it. I just hate the Canadians, man. We just can't lose to those guys. So game six was last night. Oh, fuck. What if they tied it up by the time this comes out still devastated from when the lights went out fucking 15 years ago, 16 years ago against the Canadians. Remember when the lights went out in the garden? Oh, yeah. Yeah, but we ended up losing the series. Yeah, but we were winning the series. We were we were in the momentum shifted after the someone pulled the plugs in the old garden. Oh, no, you know what that period of that's when I was doing so much. Hang on one second, earmuffs. We're talking sports joke. Go ahead. That was the moment when I was doing so much. You're going to earmuff that joke. There was, uh, I wish I had one for that one. Well, Bill laughed at mine a little bit. There was a little smirk. He got nothing on yours. Nothing. Just a stone face. Bobby, I don't like that he had to fucking tell the audience because it's radio. Yeah, I had to tell the audience. Yes. When you get that accent from, you don't you don't pronounce whatever those vowels are. I can't certain certain words I say weird. And then I can't say for anthropist. And, uh, there's another one I can't say. We would fill. Phil, lamp, lamp, lamp, lamp, lamp, lamp, lamp, lamp, lamp, lamp, lamp, lamp, lamp, lamp, lamp, lamp, lamp, lamp. I can't say it. We would get to it. Joe, Joe, you're smart. Philanthropist. No, you fucked it up. You fucked philanthropist. There's a there's an H after the T or whatever. I see all three of us fucked it up. So there you go. Move one of the three of us made a movie, everybody. Three and Bobby puts ours on words where they don't belong in shit. Like he's called the boss of the accent stupid. Yeah. Pizza idea. I know the other day goes, we went to get pizza and he goes, you guys ready to get this pizza? And I go, that's the first time you ever said that word correctly ever since I've known you, literally ever. I like how you guys have sort of a, a little food bond. You guys live near each other. We have food. Yeah. But I'm like the guy that can handle his drugs. You're like junkies. I'm the junk junk foodies. Joe, you're not in shake though. You're a mess physically. Wait a second. Listen, this thing about Joe, Joe is in horrific shape, but he's six, three. So it's okay. This, this thing about Joe, Joe is going to be one of those tall fat guys when he's 40. He is now. He's going to be a fat. Joe, Bob, what is that? That's only fat on my body. You're laying on your back and you still got to. Oh, look, don't suck it in. The only fat. Pick up your shirt. Jump up and down. Let's jump up and down. Let's jump up and down. Let's jump up and down. Next up is being fat. Let me ask you a question. So you, you feel good. Let me take a picture of you without a shirt and quit it. Exactly. If you were. I'm not saying I look good. I'm saying this gut doesn't mean I'm fat. Dad, no, I'm saying you don't look good. So we agree. You don't look good. You're sucking it in a little bit. Oh, Bill, no, I'm not. Jump up and down. Jump up and down. No, exactly. It's not exactly. I'm not jumping up and down. Watch it. Wiggle. See it. Yeah, it'll wiggle. It'll wiggle. It'll wiggle. Hello, grand jelly. It'll wiggle. I am out of shape. I am out of shape. You've never been in shape. I'm out of shape. I know that's my bit, actually. I've, I'm out of shape. I know. I do a joke about it. Yes, I know. Just take the hit, Joe. I am out of shape. I'm not fat though. There's a difference. I'll tell you why, Joe. That would have been great. I'm going to tell you why, Joe. This is the thing. Most guys who are out of shape the way you are, at some point in their life, they were in shape and they did some push-ups. So they still got some shoulders, some chest going on, and then they got this beer belly. Your shit is just like, your chest and your stomach are, it's just straight. It's straight down and it's all just jiggly. Right. Yeah, there's nothing is ever been out of shape. No, you've never been in shape. No, not fat. No, you look like you look like a female dog that just had a giant litter. I was trying to do that with them. I was trying to say that with the mummy, but that was much better. Thank you for punching up. But again, out of shape, not fat. Fat is fat. I'm not a fat guy. You would never in a million years look at me and go, he's fat ever, ever. You would say, that's gross. Listen, Joe, I'm going to tell you right now, you're probably clinically obese. Now clinically obese Joe is just 25 pounds over fucking weight, essentially. There's no way of 25 pounds of weight though. Joe, Joe, but the thing is, you know, you don't have any muscle, that is all fat. Bobby has muscle. Boom. Underneath. Look at that. Bobby has no yet. Joe. You have a muscle that allows you to hold that mic. You have the original muscle. Yeah, exactly. Well, I just disagree. Bobby, you know what? I don't think Joe's enjoying himself. You know what it is? I think it's because it's because it's two of them. If it was just you or just me, it'd be fine. Do you know what it is? I'll tell you what it is. I'll tell you what it is. Did I not sit there and tell you what it is? Am I taking the fat stuff? Yes. I'll tell you what it is. Joe, you don't laugh when people trash you. No, I do laugh. That's because Joe's not a comic. He's a director. Okay. All right. Let me finish. I do laugh when people trash me. This is what you guys do, though. You guys take your 10 plus years more time in this business. Now it's a regular thing. You know what this is? And I'm trying to fight against two guys that are 10 years at me. It's impossible. This is the female comic art. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's impossible. You guys link up and shit out of it. This is why he does the alternative rooms. Yeah, yeah. Don't, don't bring up the alternative rooms. I'm just fucking with you, Joe. I get it, Bill. I don't know what you're going to do. All right, you know what? Now it's not even fun. I know. Let's go back. Let's, let's, let's go back to the film. Let's let him. No, no, let's not even go back. Let's just pick a topic that Joe can feel like we like him again. Oh, fuck you, huh? Well, you know, that's a joke. I know. That's funny. It's just joking. What do you want me to? I'm Joe. What do we order you some donuts? I'm busting back. I'm busting back and you're just angry at how I'm busting back. No, I'm not, Joe, because we probably have you been upset at all during this book? No, I think it's truly been. I'm a no. This is why I'm annoyed. Shut your face. No, I'm not sharing my face. Truly dislike. I'm annoyed because Joe is my one of my best friends constantly. You constantly talk over me when we do uninformed. We do this every time I'm talking style when I'm every and in a conversation, I'm talking and you just barrel in with whatever you want to say. It's a fucking irritating and you trash and you're asking me a question about the movie and I'm trying to answer it so so people can hear about the movie and you're you're too busy going at Joe. You said this. Hold the mic away, Joe. Shut it down for two seconds. Just let me talk and talk about the fucking movie experience. I'm in a rag fest. How was a rag fest? It's how I was stating. How was the questions at the end of the movie? I think he's really mad. How Joe? Joe. Yes. How was the question? They were great. They were great. It was a fucking wonderful experience. The entire experience was what was one of the questions that you were asked. Why are the other two guys not here? Because we have to pay the bills. We have careers. No, I asked I asked because I did all the work. Joe's not having fun. So get back in the mood. So no, really, what happened? Did they ask? Did you did you announce us? Or did you just take all the credit? I didn't announce you because you weren't there. But I said our movie and what we wanted to do. Did you say who we were? Like Robert Kelly and Bill Burr. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Just for the record. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Just for the record. I don't give a chance. But they didn't ask me. I know. I know. But it didn't bring me up. I don't care. It wasn't individual. It wasn't individual. It wasn't individual. It wasn't like one person stood up and said, hey, Joe, it wasn't like that. It was like, somebody asked a question, they passed the mic down and everybody had to answer it. So you had to answer one question, everybody, the same question. Wait a minute. That's the level we're at with there's five directors and there's only one microphone. Is that the level? Well, it was just that everybody that asked a question said, this is for everybody. I want to know. Did you get asked any individual questions? No, nobody did. Everybody that asked a question said, I want to ask this to everybody. Can I ask questions when I go? Yeah. And I will announce you when you are there. So at the end of it. No, it was great being like all the directors being like, all the movie, we were saying this about New York and this was our connection to New York and it was about the soul and all that stuff. And then when it finally got to me going, our movie has absolutely no morals or message. And people ended up liking the honesty of it. They loved it. The biggest, the most frequent comment I was complimented, I received at the party after was, we loved how candid your movie was. It was really honest. I think even the word brave might have been thrown out at some point. Well, that's, that's where you. That's, that's like sort of a, I don't know, that might be a backhanded compliment. Yeah. That's been brave. Put something like that out there. Yeah. That's in the book. It was like, no, I could never imagine doing this, but they're very talented. By the way, people, I don't know if I mentioned this on the podcast ever before, but the book has been, the book, the movie has now morphed into a book. And a lot of people are asking, how can we go see this movie? There's going to be two ways. One, if we, we end up getting into other film festivals, which I think will happen because we got this, yeah, this credit. So, but it obviously won't be in every state. But however, this book is, this movie has now turned into a book. Right. So we're writing a book. And when the book comes out sometime, the beginning of next year, I'm guessing or so, the movie itself will be available with the purchase of the book. So look at us guys. We made a movie. Now we're writing a book. You know, we should be all be having a good time here breaking balls. You know, well, do you know what joke did to me the other night? This is what kind of a host Joe is. I'm laying here. Look at me. I've dropped some weight. You can tell, you know, financially things aren't working out for me right now, you know, and I'll fuck it with you. I'm laying on the couch, you know, fucking the time of night when you have dinner comes around, you know, there was nothing right. And I go second, I go to get up and say, I got to go do my spots. This guy pulls out like a fucking great a goddamn steak and starts frying it up. Giant thing doesn't ask nothing. Like, hey, Bill, you want something? Nothing. One steak. It's a bad enough that I got to watch him loaf on this fucking couch for three days. I'm going to feed them to Joe. Oh, Joe, don't open this Pandora's box. I'm opening it. You're opening it, Joe. I know who I'm renting from. Yeah, you rent 80 bucks a month to live in fucking Manhattan, motherfucker. And you got a tenant that treats this place. You got a diamond. I got I got to give Joe a compliment. Yeah, of course I do before he starts crying again. Is the fact that he is such a fucking neat freak. Unbelievable tenant. Yeah, I was. I was. Anybody who has any sort of financial head says evict this fucking loser out of this place and charge with Joe. They don't say that. I'm joking, Bill. I can't tell you eyebrows are so far down. Gee. That's nice. All right. I know I would go as far as I am doing you a favor, Bill. No, it works out. It does. I would love this bill, Joe, as a tenant. I have a sublet my place. I'm lowering my rent $500 less than what you're paying. If you ever sublet your place, I'll pay you a thousand more a month that I'm paying for coming right over. I love that. And you know, the day his body with the joints don't work has to walk down your spiral staircase and he takes a header and then sues you because he's a clumsy fuck. I'm going to laugh my ass off. There's an elevated Joe. You can just go out the front door and take the elevated down. Sounds good to me. Hey, Joe, I think you should follow through with that threat. Now it's real. You've got second. You can't move in. Really? I'm not going anywhere. Joe, do you think you're the only fucking neurotic douchebag in Manhattan that wipes up every second? We're in Hell's Kitchen. There it is, folks. Is there a million gay guys around here who can just slip in here to be the same thing? All right, actually. Swip them in. Is this the end of the story in the Bill Burr apartment? It's really not that big a deal. Yeah, renting out a fucking apartment is not that big a deal. Okay. Well, no, no, no, I'm not going to move and you ask me to stupid. Can I just say something? No, I didn't. No, I didn't. I said, Joe, if you want to take it this far, take it this far. But I think you're going to regret it and I'll end up regretting because it's working out for both of us. I didn't beg you. Listen, that's how your ego fucking read it. I'm sure. Listen, listen, who's not that easy to sublet? You should get upset now. No, no, no, but Joe, this is the thing. He's brought some real shit up. Oh, you didn't bring real shit up earlier. He keeps going your ego. He thinks that in real life. The ego shit. He means that when he says it. So I'm fucking real. The only person who's been like arguments, it keeps going. It's you. I like me and Bobby getting along great here. Okay. You know what? Switch mics. I think I think it's the red. He's got the red one. Switch mics. Now you got the happy mic. That's a happy mic. Now let's see if we can get Bob. Look at it. Look at his eyes. You got real with shit. You got real with a slam. So I got real too. Why can't we wait? I was fucking around. Look, guys, guys, guys, guys, Joe, you see the joke? I was fucking around and then you took it as real. Every time you say something real, you go, I'm just fucking around. But when I say it and I go, I was just fucking around and then that doesn't count. What kind of fucking system is this that we've worked out? All right, Joe. Yeah, you're right. It's me. No, no, it is. It is Joe DeRosa, everybody. Joe DeRosa, the money money podcast. Oh, yeah, it's fantastic. It is. It is good, Joe. Joe, don't end on a cut note. I got to wrap this up. We just promote the fucking movie. We have all these arguments have been promoting it. We have a movie this week. They fucking in the festival. Dude, this isn't like a live radio show. It's like they at this point, if they haven't shut this fucking thing off, they've listened to it. I tried to go to your website and do it, but your page wasn't coming up, by the way. Your podcast on the website. That's amazing. That never happens at my page fucking around. Oh, it does all the time. When it comes to internet shit, whenever I ask Joe, hey, Joe, I downloaded the exact same thing you downloaded. I always do something wrong. And then Joe will be like, yeah, this is kind of a weird, I could have the exact same computers, Joe, download from the exact same site, click the same button and somewhere in it, I do something. Every time I call, what's his face, Kurt? Yeah, he's just always goes, yeah, that's weird. I don't know why that's happening. So, yeah, it's me. It's me. So whatever you want to be. It's on it's on iTunes. Did you wait? Did you go to? I went to iTunes. It wasn't up yet. Did you go to billbird.com? It's a billbird podcast. I went to that. You went to that. How long ago? It didn't come up right when you tweeted it this morning. No, it takes a second. That's what I shouldn't do. See what happens is I upload it and then say it's there. I get thrilled with myself. I rub my ball bag and then I tweet. How are you doing? Joe, how are you doing with the happy mic over there? I think he's over it. I think Joe's over it. Can I just say about that apartment stuff? I know we got to wrap up. But you can't really sublet easy in this neighborhood. A friend of mine just subletted to somebody. And there's these gypsies that are going around now. They go in, they sublet and then they've extort you. They won't leave. And the rights are actually on with the tenant. But the tenant, yeah. So, you give them 20. I don't rent to gypsies when they show up with their frying. But they actually said they send in other people that look normal, nice people. What do you mean by normal? White. Oh, geez. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. So, you know, if I would have rent this out again, I would do what I did this time. I would find somebody that I know, right, as opposed to risking renting up to a gypsy. Right. I just like that using the word gypsy. Yeah, I just wanted to throw that factoid in there. Do they, the gypsies and me, the ones who those homeless people who live up in Central Park? No, all the psychic readers, all those people. You ever see the psychics fronts and those Samsung kennison scarves tied around their heads? Yeah. Yeah. They go in 20 grand to get them out of the fucking apartment. And you have to do that. And you have to pay rent. They don't pay the rent. I think that's great. So, you have to pay the rent, too. I would just turn it into our next movie. Really? Nice. Now, you know what I would do? I would just, because I have keys to the place here, I would just come in and I would put a little bit of cyanide and all the food. You kill them? Yeah. And they didn't have that almond aftertaste and then then they die. And the gypsies, they don't have any family. You have to see that movie. I just drop them in the fucking Hudson. There's a new movie called Super with, what's his name? Raine Wilson. That looks creepy. It is fucking great. Yeah. I want to see that. It's so great. It's really dark. Dude, it's dark dark. Like he goes, you know, when they do these superhero movie, the guy puts, makes his own thing and goes and fights crime and, you know, kind of beats a guy up or something. Now, this guy goes over. Guy cuts him in line at the movies. He butts in. He's like, you can't do that. He's like, what the fuck are you going to do? What's your problem? He just goes and puts his outfit on and his weapon is a plumber's wrench that he painted red. He goes back, cracks the guy in the fucking head, splits his head open. Then his wife goes, what are you doing? And then fucking cracks her in the fucking head. It was brilliant. Dude, that's why you don't, you know, you don't fuck with people. I know it's just a movie. Especially in a red outfit with a plumber's wrench. I remember at one time they had this, they picked this dude up who was, he was wanted for a double homicide and like he did the shit. He killed a husband and a wife in like fucking Massachusetts and they found him down here in New York. You know what he was doing? He was handing out those flyers for the double decker bus tours. And that's like a guy you'd be like, you'd fuck with, you know, and if you got into an argument, yeah, handing out your fucking flyers, get a real job. And this guy committed a double murder. What about that guy on the subway that just fucking just started killing people, kill this girlfriend, girlfriend's mom. Then he was on the train, this guy. Well, he just started slashing people walks up to a guy who goes, I'm going to kill you. He had a big butcher's knife, walked up to this big bald guy. He's like, I'm going to kill you. You're going to die today. This guy had to fight him, wound up doing some UFC moves like holding him. Oh, I heard him. And then the cops came and grabbed him. But the guy, you know, his whole fucking head was sliced up from this guy. You know what's sad about that is the amount of slices that you have to take as a normal person because you're not used to that confrontation. Yeah, you'd be like, what? Why are you going to try to kill me? And you'd be like, Oh, oh, like at least three before, like, that's how I would be like, I would be one of the easiest people before you fought back. You'd take a couple of slices. Oh, yeah, I would already be woozy. And that'd be the first time I might freckle down or come out to try and stop something. You know, getting cut with a knife there, you don't feel it. You don't feel the size. Oh, I felt it this morning. But you cut yourself? Yeah, really bad. You don't really feel it visual. Once you see it, then you feel it. Really? Yeah, you're really not supposed to feel it because it's so it was a red knife. Oh, it had that yeah. And all I thought about was one of those terrorists saw somebody's head off when they were alive. Ah, that's the worst. I would just literally be going once always trying to get me to watch those videos. I would just be going faster, faster. Hurry up. Yeah. Now, why would you watch that? Why would you put that in there? I know it's awful. Now that we've told horrific stories about New York, come on into the Tribeca film festival this week, Joe, we have the podcast. Come on, Joe, or week, or week, baby, we're there already Sunday. We're going to be there actually sold out, but you can come down and hang out. There's going to be a little party. No, no, no, don't invite strangers out to our rap party. Why not? Because first of all, we haven't set one up. No shit. I'm fucking promoting it. Yeah, because I don't want to talk. You're going to give comics a famous right now because of this hype. And I'm going to get a ton of emails going, where is this party? Yeah. And then when I don't respond because there isn't one, they're going to be like, they're going to be doing an arrogant dog. They're going to think you're too busy and you get stuff going on. I want to spend time with the people I care about at this party. You know, believe it or not, I love you guys very much. I want to spend time talking to you guys at this party. I don't want to talk to some kid. So what was it like working with Colin? I fucking, what are you doing? Yeah, I get that, but don't trash the audience that's coming. Jesus Jesus Christ. I love them. Listen all you want to the podcast. Oh, you don't want to interact. This is actually interesting because we, let's, this will be the last segment. This whole new phase in entertainment, we're back in the day when we were growing up. I don't know about you, Joe. You're kind of like on the fence there where you were half the old school, half the fucking new school. You know, when we went to go see a fucking show, stand up show, rock show, whatever, the act just did direct. And then that was it. You didn't get to meet him unless you were some whore. Once in a while below somebody, then you know, while you'd hang out, I remember I hung out at a couple hotels. I met deep purple. You know, you'd do that crazy shit where you'd hang out and they'd walk by. You'd get a glimpse, maybe it was fucking crazy. Now it's, it's. Yeah, now I get like emails from, I got an email from somebody who was like, you know, you should remove that contact bill off your website because I've sent you, you know, X amount of emails and you never got back to me. And it's just like, dude, I got to write back fucking everybody. I don't have to, I wouldn't have time to fucking make another podcast. I love, I love meeting people after shows. I love shaking hands. If anybody bang a couple of whores, not me. I don't like. If anybody shows, but if, you know what I mean, if anybody gives a shit about it, what I'm doing to the point where they want to meet me, I'm fucking flattered. That's, that's beautiful. What I'm saying though is, is what I don't want to do is open every event in my life to, to anybody that wants to come into. There's no winning though. I mean, the social media, it's not, it's not, we use it to promote shit, but it's, it's not, I mean, you can't, it's a lose, lose. You, I'm promoting my shows. Now you promote what, is that all you do is pronounce your shows? If you say something funny, that's not funny. There's no, you're going to take it. No, I don't read any of those. You're going to take a hit wherever the fuck you go. You got thousands of people. It's like kind of like the internet because it's hilarious. You're just basically sticking yourself on a dunking stool. But it happens exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Regular people put up a YouTube video. Well, they're anonymous. They're anonymous. These assholes can say whatever they want. They're fucking anonymous. You'll never know who they are and they can just fucking trash you. You trash them. You look like a fucking asshole to some people. It sucks. I kind of like back in the day, where you did your shit. You didn't have to fucking be out there. And if fans wanted to be your fans, they had a fucking try. They had to try, write a letter, join a club, show up and wait in front of a fucking hotel for three hours. Now any asshole can just follow you on Twitter and maybe go to your fucking show. You know what's great though? I don't want to know that trash you and then everyone else can read it. So it doesn't even matter if you fucking respond. You don't read any of your responses? I, if I put up like a sports thing or something occasionally, no, I shouldn't say I don't read any. This is what I do. Like, I'll Twitter something. And then like occasionally I will look like I don't look every, I used to fucking Twitter stuff and then just sit there reading all the shit to just see is it going good? Is it, is it? And that just was like, this is fucking stupid. But they get mad at you that if you don't respond to. Yeah, but what are you going to do? There's no win. There's, there's not. After the day you got a fan mail and they, you know, they had a lick of envelope and put a fucking stamp on it and never know if you've got it. I tell a story, I'm doing a bit of my act about a story about a guy sending me hate mail on Facebook and about that's why I hate Facebook so much because in the 90s, if you want to send hate mail, it took effort. You had to go buy an envelope and shit and write a letter and happily through it, you'd be like, am I even pissed about this anymore? I don't fucking care. But it took commitment. Now, literally from your phone in the middle of a board meeting at work as you're going, yeah, boss. Yeah, you fucking piece of shit. You know what I mean? But everything's moved up back in the day for us to actually do a fucking radio show. We'd have to actually get hired to do one. Yeah. How I can just buy this shit at guitar center. Yeah, it's good. This is fucking international. Yes, we were doing this show and people talk to people and fucking iron. No, but I'm no, but I'm saying it's the potential, the potential of the potentials is that people there? Yeah, no, but I was by no media podcast. Fuck it. If this was if I should know, we were doing this in the 80s. We'd be breaking right now to play our mandatory spin of to shy shy. And here it is. You know what I mean? It was like, you got to do this. You can play this radio. But here, though, is that, you know, some guy tweeted me last week. I'm not I'm unfollowing you right now. I just want to, I followed you to unfollow fucking who gives the shit there you do. Yeah, but here's that you're bringing it up exactly. I care because it's like you're such a fucking loser that you, the average fucking cycle 99% of the people that follow you, 99% of the people that follow you are fucking your fans and cool people. But that 1% at least fucking lunatics, man. Scary fucking crazy sociopaths. You got to take it, Bob. You know, you don't. You can have your own app, which I'm hopefully someday. I can just. Let's hype it. Let's hype it. Bobby Kelly has this. I heard this thing's the shit on the fucking app, dude. You could you just put it out there. Dude, dude. They got the fucking app. Dude. I want fucking Billy Bird to have his own app. I'm going to be at the funny bone. Get tucky. Boom. I can tape it in. Look at that. It pops up. Let me see. 100 miles. Look at that right there. I'll be gravy. Just huck my phone. Robert Kelly near you. I would never do that. Robert Kelly will be performing at PBA Union, New Jersey fundraiser on May 5th, 2011. Okay. Well, okay. Actually, I'm going to be in Portland this weekend, but dude, your app is fucking awesome. Yeah, go to the tour dates. Yeah. Where can I go? It's really good. No, look at that thing. Dude, that's the shit. Well, how come I listen to download this thing? Go to iTunes. Just go to Apple, Robert Kelly, apps, and you can download it. And then we're updating it this week. Tour dates, the Bobcast, your podcast, Soundboard, media. Podcasts right up there. Store for your audience to listen to. Audience. Ask Bobby through this thing's fucking awesome. Right. Ask Bobby. Live updates right there. Ask Bobby. We'll see. There you go, Bob. Bob, Bob is trying to. Hey, did you guys, you know, speaking of that, this is going to be the longest podcast ever. Do you guys see that fucking thing in Rolling Stone? They got this creepy fucking article about this girl who just, everyone was picking on a fucking school. It sounded like the beginning of like a carry movie. So she fucking creates this alter ego on the, on my space. It started on my space, and she starts taking all these fucking sexual goddamn pictures of her. She checks it like 14. They don't know, they're playing with fire. She ends up fucking this fucking dude who's like 18 hooks up with their fucking rape, sir. Jesus. Dude, it's, it's one of the creepiest in the whole parents like, yeah, and then she got raped and we were like, okay, maybe we need to adjust, like our parents were fucking morons. You should, you should have seen the pictures this girl was taken of herself at 14. Like it was, it was completely Calvin Klein would have blushed. Okay? Yeah. Any fucking idiot. With a reproduction system, make a kid in this fucking world. Well, that's another thing. Here you go, Joe. Let me hear some hate. It's disgraceful. You should have to pass a series of mandatory tests before you're allowed to have a child. As Joe trash his parents up today, I'm going to grab that. I have to show you the pictures. Go ahead, Joe. Yeah, no, you should, you should have to pass tests before you're allowed to parent a kid. It shouldn't be a right. It's a prince of, it should be a privilege. It's fucking despicable. Fucking despicable. You know, it's just, I've seen it. Don't get me started. Have you ever heard Zero Tolerance Joe? I love Zero Tolerance Joe. Yeah, I should have brought something back in the day when I used to boo that I fucking really wanted to talk about a comic, a comic in Canada got sued for $15,000 and can't do that. Yeah, I don't want to get, I don't want to get legs to that fucking story. Why? Because it's, it's like the guy is no money. It's like that guy. That's the, those are the pictures. It's like a pro. It's like the guy who burned the Koran. It's like, go ahead and let the guy burn the Koran. Just don't cover it. You don't, you don't have to cover it. Just don't give the guy any media attention. There could be somebody burning the Koran right across there. I don't fucking know it. And then the psycho don't know it. And then people know that. Here are the pictures. This, this, this girl is underage. I'm not a fucker. Take it. Sorry. I would not. Jesus. Come on. You wouldn't think about it. Jesus. She's 14. Yeah. I'm not justifying it. I can't believe she's 14. Just became a vage. And I'm assuming that those are the, I'm not, you held a 17 year old's hand. Why wouldn't you fucking hold her hand? No, I didn't. I know. No, I didn't. That's right. He got acquitted. I made it go away. That's right. I'm sorry. Jesus Christ. Billy Bird is successful. So that's her now. That's her now. Did you ever hate your friends? Did you ever hate that guy? Wait a minute. But who was the, who was paying for this? These are like magazine photos. Like who paid for this photo shoot? I don't know. Like I'm a, but that one, there's like makeup and. Yeah, dude. This is professionally done. Whoever took these photos, she had a pay for this. No, but this one here is like a fucking, that's like a dude. This one isn't that kid. She's on a farm. That's like a, that's a location. That's okay. I got to be honest. These are all located. I got her mom paid for these, some of these shots, like modeling shots with those creepy photographers go, yeah, no, I don't give a fuck how old she is. She's only like 18 years old. They shouldn't be taking fucking photos like them. Where the fuck are you? Goddamn parents really did a sexual predator. Well, she's, she's probably paying for it. If she's 18, she's got every right to take pictures, like she's legal at 18. The rape stuff is awful, obviously, but yeah. But the story is basically prior to being when she was 14, these are the kinds of pictures she was taking. So maybe, maybe what Rolling Stone did is they, because she has a new website, they published them from that thing. But I'll tell you what's funny is she's got a fucking stalker, okay? Maniac, and there's all these people giving her death threats, and they said she had to relocate, and they say where she relocated to. They get the city. They're fucking idiots. Jesus Christ. So whatever. There's nothing private in this world anymore. It's done, dude. It's done. Yeah. All right. You know what's done? We got to wrap up this podcast because we all have diarrhea in the mouth here because this is going to go on for fucking ever. Let's get some, download the Bobby Kelly app at Robert Kelly, Robert Kelly. It's like the whole De Niro thing. You call me Bobby. They call me Robert Kelly. That's right. Robert Kelly. Same thing. Joe DeRosa. Joe DeRosa comedy.com. Joe DeRosa comedy.com. Where's your next performance? I met some college in Connecticut on Friday with Anthony Jessal neck. We're doing a comedy central tour up there. There you go. All right. Yeah. I can't remember this. Hey, Joe, you know something. I hope you had a good time. You know, we always end up breaking balls, and I think you did a phenomenal job directing and editing, and I think that's a major, major fucking reason. And acting. Well, yeah, why we're in the festival. We're just breaking balls here. I know. I had fun. You guys did a wonderful job producing tremendous acting, writing. We all wrote it. We all bring it in around. It's fine. I've got a little soft in the middle. I'm going through some things and you hit some, you know, we get it. Shut up. No, he's getting, he wants to get a dog. He wants to get a little Yorkshire terrier. So I'm going with, yeah, through that. We have to talk about that if you're going to do that as far as you want to take my dog, Kelby, so I can get my fucking people. Dude, he's kind of in a weird way. Give me Kelby. He wants him to die sooner. So we can get this fucking goddamn bulldog. That's the best part about dogs is it's not a lifetime. It's like 14, 16 years max. I just had a visual going above. When my dog dies, I'm going to be a fucking wreck. I am going to be a dog. I don't know. It's a rescue. I've never fucking, as you're rolling the dice. Yeah, I have no idea. I fucking love this dog. It could be two. It could be 12. I just, Joe, I'm telling you, you know what? You love about having it. You come home and there's somebody here psyched to see you. They're just happy to see it. They're not racist. They don't have any fucked up opinions. They're fucking, they're just dogs. Yeah, I got to get something in my life. It's too much. It's just going out. The last, if you hate women, don't hate women. The last thing you want to do is get a cat because they have the exact same vibe of a beautiful woman. They do. They come to you when they need something and then they just fucking take off. Why don't we get donations? Why don't we get donations? Why don't we get donations to get Joe a puppy? I think I'm going to just adopt one, man. Yeah, go down and rescue. They're fucking free. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. A dog like a pit bull or something. Don't adopt a silky because I'm telling you that it's going to be fucked up. I'm going to adopt young though. I'm not going to adopt anything over like a year. Yeah, get a puppy, but don't get a small, don't adopt like a small breed. Let's go. Why the fucking thing today? Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's do video on it. Let's go. Let's go adopt a dog today. We'll do video. We'll throw it up on the podcast. Yeah. We'll promote the film right at the end. It's all snap decisions if I've ever seen one. Let's go. Let's get it. Now, Joe, before you do all that, I got to show you how to crate train a dog because I don't want you going down doing spots and having that thing freaking out scratching up the door. Although, if you get a little one, what can it really do? A little bit of nail polish you ought to be able to cover up the question. They'll eat the corner of the molding. I was at a hotel. I came back. All the wallpaper was ripped off underneath the sink. Yeah, you got to have you got to get gum and put it back up. Yeah, you got to crate train them in the right way. All right. Well, that's the podcast. The end of the very special edition of the podcast. I want to thank everybody who's been donating to the Monday morning podcast. And I'm just going to keep doing these special episodes as a way of paying you guys back for paying me back to goddamn love fest here. That's it. Go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you. I'll talk to you next Monday and go to cheatthefilm.com. If you want to watch the movie trailer and come on out to try back a Thursday night's the last night tomorrow night that we actually have tickets to the show. All righty. That's it. Take it easy. [BLANK_AUDIO]