Monday Morning Podcast
Monday Morning Podcast 4-4-11
Posted in PodcastPlay AudioBill rambles about Mom's, Adam and Eve, and Dinosaurs.
It's Bill Birds, the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, April 4th, 2011, or 2011, as I saw it. So succinctly put this weekend by the great comedian Patton Oswell. That's how he said it. He was on stage. I was doing a show with him, The Kevin and Bean, April Foolish in the show, and I noticed at some point at the Gibson Ampeh Theater, by the way, formerly known as the Universal Ampeh Theater, for Blue's Brother fans. You might recognize that name, right? Remember that? Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the Universal Ampeh Theater. Here it is, something, something going on 1985. So much music here. Today is pre-program electronic disco. That's where the fuck they did that. They were opening for Steve Martin at the height of Steve Martin's career when he had the white suit with the bow and arrow going through it. So that's the second year in a row. I've got to do that wonderful program, show, performance, whatever the fuck you call it, and it was an awesome night of comedy, but there was something learned in all the filth and funnery that I saw that night was Patton said 2011. So that's how I'm saying it for the rest of the year, because I can't say 2011. I have to slow down, 2011, 2011, see, it runs together, 2011, all of a sudden everybody in the room relaxes, "Hey, we're with a friend." We thought that that redheaded guy was was, you know, who's left-handed some of the times was a spawn of the devil. You know? That's what they used to think about redheads and people who wrote with their left hand. So basically I would, if it was still the 1800s, I would be getting the shit slapped out of me. And one of those fucking schools, you know, that they used to have on little house in the prairie where you had grades two through eight, we're all sitting in the same room. Tell me there wasn't inappropriate behavior going on there. You know, you're a senior in high school, right? All of a sudden the freshman girls come in, there's always one pervert your grade would descend onto someone who was basically a fucking child at that point. You can't tell me back in the day, in the 1800s, when people got married at 14 so they could pool together, they're shilling so they could go buy a fucking plot of land and some oxen. Huh? You're telling me some eighth grader wasn't rolling up on a fourth grader? You know, like some Catholic fucking pre-ass, I'm going to start that goddamn debating again. Speaking of which, hey, you know what? For some reason, the theme to Laverne and Shirley's in my head today, we're going to do it. I think that's been in my head before, maybe once in a while, TV that I watched way too much back in the day, pops into my head. But anyways, getting back to the Catholic church thing, somebody sent me a little Bible thing, said the dinosaurs are called behemoths in the Bible and about outer space, aliens, ships, spaceships, abductions, as talked about in Ezekiel 1. And these are from in the King James Bible. Now, after all these years of trash in the Bible, have I ever mentioned to you guys that I haven't even read the fucker thing? Oh, I've tried. I've tried to read the thing, but it's all he said it under you with. And then the fucking Polynesians said to the Persians, I mean, I can't get through it. It's like trying to read Shakespeare. But as far as I remember going to church, they said that, you know, earth was created in six days on the seventh day God rested, and I created Adam and Eve. And they were in, they were in Eden hanging out, right? Then all of a sudden, you know, he lays down some rules. He says, hey, listen, you guys are in paradise. I just don't want you to go over there and eat an apple off of that fucking tree. You know, is that so goddamn hard to not eat a piece of fruit? Who gives a shit? It's fruit. No one wants to eat fruit. The only people who eat fruit are kids whose parents are making a medium, okay, vegetarians and some 50-year-old Wall Street guy who just suffered his third heart attack. Then maybe he'll have a fucking apple so he doesn't die. But other than that, how easy is it not to eat an apple, right? But Eve, this stupid fucking whore that she is, you know, you're not going to tell me you can't do something. And because she's abroad and you can't punch her in the face, what does she have to worry about? Huh? Who the fuck is this God guy to tell me? I can't go out and have an apple. So what does she do? She marches right over there with the pubic hair blowing in the fucking wind because there's no shame at this point because there's been no sin. Everything's great. You can walk around and go pet a cheetah. It doesn't immediately or a leopard. It doesn't immediately grab you by the throat, fucking snap your neck and then drag you up in a tree so the lions can't get to it or somebody else. Maybe a fucking baboon, you know, with its psycho goddamn teeth. Do you know, that's one of the one of the fucking major adversaries for a leopard is a fucking baboon? I never knew that shit. They got those giant teeth who would have known, you know, very agile, left to right sort of movement, like a water bug. These insane things. But hey, let's get back to the Bible as far as I remember it, right? There they go, Z, you know, walking up to the fucking apple tree like one of those victorious secret whores, walking down the first fucking runway, although she's not wearing heels. She's just walking and she never steps on a Brock, doesn't step on some glass from a broken mill of light bottle because she's in paradise. She walks right over there and some snake starts, yeah, that's what happened. Some snake starts yapping in her ear, right? Like some douche on Facebook who finds your wife and her semi-hot pictures starts emailing her, right? Worm in his way into the relationship, right? So this whore goes up and what does she do? She reaches up and she takes a bite of fruit. She eats an apple. As far as I've been told, part of this nutritious breakfast, part of a balanced diet, she eats a fucking apple. Maybe she wanted to be regular, right? So she eats the apple and then God goes, what the bitch, what the fuck did I, the one thing I say not to do and you got to go do it, go fuck yourself, that's the end of paradise. And next thing you know, she's putting a leaf over a fucking clam, all right? Adam's over there. He didn't do shit, but evidently he gets punished too because it's religion, you know? The punishment never has to make sense. It just has to be really fucking scary. So now they're both fucked. Now all of a sudden the leopards want to fucking take a bite out of their ass so they got to get sharp and sticks and all this type of shit, right? And according to the Bible, all of this, that happened like fucking a couple hundred thousand years ago and then one day some nerd who's not getting pussy, he's so fucking hard up. He just starts digging in the ground, you know, he's got all that sexual frustration. He just keeps digging in the ground and one day he finds these dinosaur bones that are way fucking older than the Adam and Eve story. So it kind of kills the whole goddamn thing. Now that as far as I know is the story in the Bible, how the Bible goes down. And that's why people on the science side question the Bible. Well, like I said, I haven't read it, all right? So people who've read it, can you give me the cheat notes or are you Bible thumpers out there who think the Bible is the best book ever fucking written? Aside from the fact that when it was written, they still thought the fucking world was flat. They thought if you were gay, you go to hell and all that other intolerant horseshit in there. But, you know, I never read the fucking thing. So, you know, let me know because this guy is trying to claim, trying to claim, trying to claim that they, they address dinosaurs in the Bible, calling them behemoths, which is amazing considering we never discovered the fucking bones until after the book was written. So how does that work? Huh? When God was a burning bush and all the fish was coming out of the basket and he just sort of muttered something about behemoths and nobody understood it, but it was God. So they just wrote it down anyways. Is that what you're going to claim? Oh Jesus, oh Jesus. Who can turn their world on with her tits? What did I want to talk about this week? How about the Bruins? The Bruins making the fucking playoffs? I'm predicting that the Bruins will once again make it to the Eastern Conference Finals and then what's going to happen? I'll tell you what's going to happen is they're not going to go any further. I don't know. I'm just going to say that because hopefully they'll prove me wrong. Who knows? We got a great goalie. You know what's scaring me? It's a fucking carry price. Up in Montreal has been playing fantastic. All right. And for some reason when the Bruins have a great goalie it only gets us so far, but those sons of bitches up there with Ken Dryden, Patrick Wah back in fucking '93 when they went on that implausible run. One like 19 overtime games. One of the great runs at winning the Stanley Cup of all fucking time. Who knows? I don't know. I think the Flyers will beat him. The Flyers never seem to have a problem with the Canadians. They don't give a fuck. All right, they're just going to punch you in the face. Anyways, hey, listen to this shit. You know something, what happened to me twice this week is people just, they don't hear what the fuck I'm saying. This is the classic thing when you're doing stand-up comedy, you stand on stage and you tell a bunch of jokes and everybody laughs. Everybody's having just a great time and then all of a sudden you come around to a subject that touches a little close to somebody's life and all of a sudden you're not telling jokes anymore. Now you're making statements. Well, lo and behold, once again, this happens. I don't know if you guys are aware of this, but my let it go special is now up on Netflix, the unedited version, the version that I wanted the world to see. But that dream was crushed because on Comedy Central they have advertisers and that's how they make their money, which I respect. So then, you know, they got to cut out some jokes. They got to start doing the Morse code because they say fuck every other word and then yada, yada, yada. It's on Netflix. Now it's on Netflix and you can watch that son of a bitch completely unedited. So please tell your friends, please tell your family, tell some of your enemies. So anyway, some woman evidently watched this, watched my special, my stand-up comedy special, the one where I go on and act like an ass and I'm telling jokes just to make you laugh. Just to fucking appease my ego. That's all I'm doing. So anyways, this lady starts off and she says offended by your stay-at-home mom bit. She starts off, hi, obviously I'm a stay-at-home mom. Why is that obvious? Because she said you're offended by my stay-at-home mom bit. Why couldn't you be just a supporter of stay-at-home moms? Oh, I'm being a cunt right out of the gate. Let's read this. She starts off, hi. Obviously I'm a stay-at-home mom and I love watching stand-up but I couldn't continue watching you based on your bit about stay-at-home moms. You know I love about it, it's an hour-long special and I think I opened with that joke or it was literally within the first five minutes and she had to shut it off. She says I'm really sorry you feel that way about stay-at-home moms. That's one of my pet peeves is when someone's about ready to take the piss out of me. I hate when they apologize, okay? You're not sorry. You're not sorry that I feel that way. You fucking hate me because I feel that way, all right? Stop apologizing. Oh god, my voice is cracking, stop apologizing, all right? Anyway, she goes and if it weren't for us, there would be no one to drill holes and to do all the other important jobs that you mentioned, all right? If it weren't for you, what do you just fucking meditate and you make a person? You self-centered fucking whore, can you believe she just took credit for the creation of babies? 100% credit, what about the guy who fucking sticks it in you, huh? I'm getting close, what about that part of it? That wasn't some hairy, sweaty man pounding away at your fucking womanhood. Two completion, I might add, a number of times during the course of a month, two months, possibly three months, if you got, you know, if you got some sort of issue down there, for some reason, I don't know what the fuck, I never try to do it, but I know, yeah, we're having a difficult time, we're trying to get pregnant but we're having a difficult time. It's not the fucking part, it's the impregnation part, she's just totally taking away all of that, that evidently that she just sits there and all of a sudden she's pregnant, kind of like that chick in the Bible, hanging out with that fucking hippie bum, Joseph, right? He's sitting over in the corner with his vaporizer, hey man, I know this shit looks like you're putting on weight, man, you got to layeth off the Doritos, man, right, and all of a sudden she's fucking pregnant, so evidently this broad, she's taking full credit, full credit for getting pregnant, completely ignoring the man's part of it, I'm getting close, that's the noise I make when I climax, by the way, I make, I announce to the female in a really high pitch voice, sort of a whiny voice, I'm getting close, and then I put my mouth right next to her ear and I go ugh, that's how it goes down in my world, some of the most soft, more humor, humor I've ever done, and right now there's a bunch of guys laughing, there's a bunch of females with their nose all wrinkled up, this is what you listen to, this is what you think is funny, yes bitch, this is what I think is funny, once you go back out in the kitchen and finish making potato salad, all right, the Fourth of July's coming up, that made no sense, okay, and if it weren't for us there would be no one drilling holes and doing all the other important jobs that you mentioned, I didn't say they were important, I didn't say those jobs were important, you didn't even listen to the bit, let me continue reading here, I said, Oprah said that being a mother is the most difficult job on the planet, if she said it's the most important job I would have gone with her, but she said it was the most difficult job, that's, that right there was the seed of the bit that I created, okay, just like you, creating the fucking kid, but I don't feel like I created the joke on my own, it took Oprah to say, to plant the seed, by saying that it was the most difficult job on the planet, all right, that was her climaxing into my joke pussy, oh, that's disgusting, anyways, so now I think everybody's wrinkling their nose, so here we go, so she continues, after not even hearing what I'm saying, and she said, and the reason you stay in your pajamas all day, that was a line I said, talking about women, is because you don't have one minute to change, try taking a shower and putting on clothes on with children screaming and crying at the shower door, it's 24/7, it never stops, you don't click a time card, you never get off work, it's 24/7, you have absolutely no idea until you're in it, I made a lot of money in my career, before motherhood, I earned my MBA and other degrees, I've lived and worked abroad, motherhood is the hardest job I've ever done, I've never said it's, I've never said it's not the hardest job that you've ever done, okay, all right, I'm willing to bet that you've never done a job harder than working on a fucking oil rig in the middle of the ocean, all right, sweetheart, being a mom is not more difficult than working on an oil rig in the middle of the fucking ocean, how about that guy out there who worked on one and it fucking blew up, he's got second degree burns on his back, if they're going to turn into third degree burns and then he's eventually going to explode into flames, so his only option is to jump, basically the equivalent of a three story building, he jumps off it with his raw burned up back into the saltwater of the ocean, also now covered in oil, he's covered in oil with second degree burns in saltwater, okay, he can barely fucking breathe, the fucking ocean is catching on fire because of the oil that's on the surface of the water, he has to swim out of that, get out into the ocean, but not get too far away because he wants to get rescued, now he's got to sit there treading water hoping he doesn't get eaten alive by sharks or drowned or die, I don't know what else while he waits for the coast guard to come and pick him up, now you tell me, all the mothers out there, I want you to explain to me a day that was more difficult than that, and not only that, all this woman is doing is talking about the negative aspects of being a mother, she's not talking about how rewarding it is, you don't get unconditional love from a fucking oil rig, it's not going to be sitting there at your deathbed holding your fucking hand telling you that the oil rig is everything it is today because of you as a person, give me a fucking break, all right, and also you made the choice to become a mother by letting that guy get on top of you, getting closer, right, typical fucking broad, it's your fucking idea, she go anyways, she continues, your joke is so offensive and so totally wrong, it's disgusting, another thing, this is precious time to me in the evening, well I didn't fucking ask you to email me, good lord what a fuck g, this is a mother, look at her working with the guilt, this is precious time to me in the evening, you are watching a stand up special, that was going to take a whole fucking hour, you shut it off 7 minutes into it, that gives you next to 53 minutes to write two paragraphs, that's so full of shit, so anyways, now she's trying to make me feel guilty, like I'm taking away from her fucking day, another thing, this is precious time to me in the evening when I can be taking a shower, read or watch a show and recharge for the next day, wait a minute, you just told me that being a mom was a 24/7 job, it never stops, it never ends, here you are chilling out, wanted to take a shower, read or watch a show and recharge for the next day, Jesus Christ, she goes on maybe later tonight when one of my children get up, I'm not on Facebook, I don't waste any time on the computer and I don't complain about things, but this was so offensive that I made time for this email, oh thank you, thank you for taking time out of your day, you're unbelievably 24/7 day and you just had to say something, then this is awesome, this is how she ends her email, she says very disappointed, Jamie, I'll actually name names, this is what I love about this, this woman is obviously going to be a great mom, okay, she's dedicated to it, she's walked away from her MBA career and all that type of shit, so she can focus on her career, okay, but what you can see here is the resentment that's already building because she's already throwing out guilt onto everybody, that's what I love about mothers, alright, no one told you to become a mother, you made that fucking choice and now you actually have resentment for your fucking job and you're starting to put it on your kids, I can tell you already put it on your kids because you're trying to put it on me, you're trying to make me feel guilty that you took the time to send me a fucking, email, I didn't ask you to send me a fucking email and then you ended with very disappointed, like I'm looking for your approval, see, you're already getting your God complex because your fucking kids are looking at you like you know every goddamn answer on the planet, which you don't, Jesus Christ, so there you go, there you go people, there it is in a nutshell, that's what it's like to be a stand up comedian, you make one fucking joke, okay, about an overstatement that someone said that being a mother's the most difficult job on the planet, so what does that, that makes me think about all these other jobs, digging for coal, you know, being President of the United States and having to, having to decide that we're going to go to war and then you got to lay in bed knowing that a bunch of people are now going to die, babies, women, you know, 18 to 21 year old fucking people who signed up right out out of God damn high school to be in the Army, Marines, Navy, you got it, you got to make that, you got to lay in bed try and get fucking eight hours sleep with that shit weighing on your head, you know, that that was a joke, it's not the most difficult job on the planet, if you said it's the most important I would have gone with that, all right, I said I was arguing that it wasn't the most difficult, okay, and this is what happens, people, they don't hear what you're saying and then they go off on another tangent like this other fucking cunt, this is a guy, all right, this guy, what the fuck did he talk, where the hell is it, oh Jesus Bill, oh Jesus, look what you did, you just slowed the whole fucking thing down, oh I disagree, he said Bill love the podcast but I disagree with you on the whole music downloading thing, most of my music that I have is not bought for good reason, first of all the last two CDs I bought brand new from the store skipped in multiple CD players right out of the box, secondly artists only get about 5 to 10% 5 to 10 cents per CD which in the grand scheme of things doesn't add up to much compared to the money they get from t-shirts and gigs, now don't get me wrong, the people that just download thousands of CDs worth of stuff and never go to shows, they're the douche bags, I try to go to at least five shows a year, wow, and I go to Lala Palooza in Chicago once every three years, so am I a loser to you Bill, no you're not a loser, you're just stealing music, you're stealing fucking music and you're trying to shine it all up like hey man the artist doesn't make any fucking money, you bought two CDs from the store and they skipped in multiple places, dude you can go to iTunes and you can download music in a digital form and that doesn't skip, alright, you're trying to justify the fact that you steal thousands and thousands of dollars worth of fucking music and then you spend you know a couple hundred bucks on concert tickets and t-shirts and shit and then and there you go, I didn't steal a hundred percent from you, I completely disagree with you, I'm not saying you're a loser, I'm saying you're a thief, you're stealing and you know you're stealing, alright, I'm not a musician, dude I've bought CDs, I've bought those things, I know they start to skip but if I buy them I fucking upload them onto my computer but I do all of my shit through iTunes but I don't steal music and when I did steal it I addressed the fact that I was stealing music, I wasn't saying that I wasn't part of the fucking problem, back in the day when it first came out, my eyes fucking dropped out of my head to free music and I went to Limewire and I downloaded a couple hundred fucking songs but in the end when people presented the argument, dude you're stealing, I couldn't get around it, I was like yeah you're right, I am so I stopped so I'm not saying I'm better than you and I'm not saying you're a fucking loser, what I'm saying is you're stealing fucking music, however you frame it and go into a couple of concerts, doesn't make up for the fact that you stole the music, you know, it's like concert tickets cost money, it's like a concert ticket was free and you made a donation, you still got something out of your money, you got a t-shirt, you got a fucking concert ticket, so you're acting like those monies make up for the fact that you stole music, like you didn't get anything out of the concert ticket and putting down money for a t-shirt, you got a fucking rock show or hip hop show, whatever the fuck you went to and you got a t-shirt, that doesn't make up for the fact that you stole the fucking music, it doesn't, all right, so like I said I'm not saying you're a loser, you're a fucking thief, oh I'm on my goddamn high horse here, let's get to underrated overrated here people, a topic that I thought was dying that I'm actually pleased to say is making a comeback, oh before I do that I mentioned a few weeks ago that the short film Cheat that me, Jodarosa and Robert Kelly wrote and acted in and Jodarosa did a phenomenal job directing this movie, the short film we got it into the Tribeca Film Festival, which is one of the biggest film festivals out there, it's right up there with Sundance and all that type of stuff and I wanted to give you guys the screening times if you're actually in the New York area and you want to come down and support our film, we would love to see it down there, we're going to try to hang out as many screenings as we possibly can, there's a couple of them that we're not allowed to go to just because there's going to be industry there and they want to review the film and you know we can't be breathing down there next making them uncomfortable, so here are the screening times, Saturday April 23rd at 7 p.m. is the first screening, of course I don't have where this screening, I'm such a fucking idiot, I'll give you this information, I'll just tell you when they are, this Saturday at 7 p.m. Wednesday at 5.30 p.m. that's April 27th and Saturday April 30th at 4 p.m. and Sunday May 1st at 7.30 p.m. I believe I'm calling in the Opie and Anthony show this week, I believe Thursday this week, to Rosa and Bobby Kelly are going to be on there and we're going to have all the rest of the information, so I'm, what an idiot I am, why am I such a fucking moron, you know go to the mm podcast.com we'll have the actual, that's the official fan page by the way and he gets all the shit right, I'm such a fucking moron, I was so excited to tell you guys all that type of shit and what did I do, what did I do, I fucked the whole thing up, alright, feel it, do you hear that silence, the podcast is just screeched to a grinding halt and it's 100% my fault, alright underrated overrated for this week, alright underrated, this guy says ice cream sandwiches, they are made from the cheapest ice cream and the crappiest cookies but they are fucking delicious and I can eat like five, I actually had a debate with Nia on this one, I thought he was literally talking about ice cream sandwiches but she's saying because he said cookies, he means those ones that have like the chocolate chip cookies and with that generic ice cream in the middle, it's basically you know the filling that they put in hot dogs, it's the ice cream version of that and he said he can eat like five and I am right there with you, I'm right there with you, I think I could eat six but I would get sick but I could eat five just like you and I would not be sick and my body at no point would be acting like what I was doing was incorrect until about 15 minutes later when I suddenly would have to take a nap, you ever eat really bad food and you have to take a nap, you get all sleepy or as black people call it the itis, you get the itis, I told you that story a long time ago didn't I, I'll tell the tea again, the fuck I got an hour to kill here, I know I got some new listeners, I went out back in the day when I was on the the Chappelle Show Tour and it was me, Charlie Murphy and Don Al Rawlings who played Ashley Larry, we went out in 2004, mid 2004 and toured, I toured, I stayed on the tour till about the end of February 2005 and these guys used to break my balls about my shirts, all my clothes and all that type of shit, that actually turned into a bit when I did my half hour special, that whole bit, that mother fuck only has five shirts, that came from hanging out with those guys doing talent shows back in the day, Drew Frazier and all those guys, Rob Stapleton, what other room did I used to do, Capone's rooms, all those things, when I used to jump back and forth between the black rooms, white rooms, mainstream rooms, uptown rooms as I used to call them, but anyways, so these guys used to, you know, things just give me shit and that type of stuff, so we had gone out drinking or I had gone out drinking, I was brutally fucking hung over and I just didn't want to listen to that shit and we were driving from Chicago up to Vernon Hills to do the zany's up there and it was a good hour, hour and a half drive, I don't know what, but it was going to seem like five hours and I could tell that they were just going to be fucking on my shit because I was really hung over, so what I did was I asked the, I don't, somehow I walked out to try to get some fresh air and I saw that there was a Popeyes chicken like fucking two blocks up, so I ran up there and got like a fucking, I don't know, a 17 piece of that shit with biscuits and all of that shit, we were leaving right around 11 and we go and we get in the fucking limo to go up there and I bring, hey guys I got us some food and I ate one piece and watched them devour like another five, six pieces, a couple of biscuits, right, and they were already giving me shit and within fucking 15 minutes they were fucking sound asleep and I just sat there with the smile on my face with some of that greasy food in my stomach but not enough to make me fall asleep, just enough to feel comforted, right, and I had my sunglasses on and I cruised all the way up there and they slept the whole fucking way, it's one of the brilliant moves in my stand up career, so anyways, oh speaking of that shit, I'm actually getting myself into great shape here, you want to know how I've been doing it? Well I don't give a fuck, I'm going to tell you anyway, I mentioned it back in the day I got a juicer and like most things you know, when you get something new you're all about it, you're all about it for like I don't know what, right, a week, two weeks, maybe a month and then one day you just blow it off, you just fucking blow it off and then it starts gathering dust and then every once in a while you just look at whatever you bought, your iPad, you're fucking, I don't know what, you're whatever gadget you had and it's just over there collecting dust and you just have that feeling like God I used to be so fucking into that thing, you know, it's kind of like a relationship, you know you meet some hot girl, you're telling your friends, dude this is one of the hottest fucking chicks I've ever been with, she's got like the perfect hits, you ever do that? You start describing a body to all your fucking animal guy friends and then all of a sudden it turns into a relationship, you know, now it's your girlfriend and now you know I described the tits to my friends, all the fucking crazy things she did in bed, you know? And then what happened, you totally into it, you're banging, you're banging, you're banging and then just one day, you don't even notice, you just not into it anymore, yeah and then one day you're walking by and you look down and there's your pussy, just gathering dust like your fucking laser disc player and you're wondering what the fuck happened, you know, and that's the moment where you realize if you're with the right person or not, because if you decide that you're going to work at the relationship and get the sparks going again, you're with the right person, but if you're just looking at it like a fucking old VCR, you know, it's time to move on, that's what I think, so anyways, let's get back to the juicer everybody, so the juicer, evidently, is my fucking gadget sold me because I looked at it and I was getting sad going, you know what, I gotta fucking, I gotta get this thing back in my life, I gotta find where, where did we lose the magic, so I went to the health foods still, and I went in there like a little fucking, you know, vegan, I fucking go in there, right? Oh, you know what's funny, this displace, right around the corner from where I live, sells that coconut water that I absolutely love that I drank on Joe Rogan's show and that they told me they got on Amazon.com and I ordered it on Amazon.com, you know me, I'm totally fucking, I got the OCD, like whatever, when I get into shit, I get into shit and it was like 20 something bucks to get like, like 12 of these things, so it was already expensive and then, you know, if, if, you know, you just do five to six business days who gives a fuck, they charge you like three bucks, but I was like, no, I want that shit in two days, so my shipping cost was as much as the goddamn price of the coconut, I paid like 40 bucks for 12 of them and then I go down the street, when I, when I reintroduced myself to my juicer, going, hey baby, let's, you know, what happened to us, man, let's watch a movie tonight, right? I go over to the fucking vegetable place. Oh, you know what that creepy little analogy just reminded me of, I guess there's some fucking show out there where people are in love with inanimate objects, like they actually like fuck a fence or a bridge, or they want to like marry the Eiffel Tower, can somebody please tell me what that show is? I really want to watch that, because I saw that one that was fatal, fatal attractions where people have wild animals that they tried to turn, they tried to turn into, they tried to turn into pets and those people were just so fucking stupid of me that I couldn't watch the show, but I ended up hearing that that show was good because they get, they get into the psychology of why somebody gets into that. All I saw, when I saw that guy with the buffalo walking around his house, and every time he walked by him, that buffalo would slam him into the wall and he looked like Wayne Gretzky getting fucking checked by any sort of fucking normal-sized hockey player, and he'd just be like, ugh, as he would walk by, nah, she's just playing, she's just playing, it's just, it was so fucking stupid, I couldn't watch it. So, if anybody can tell me what the name of that show is, people are like in love with like a door, you know? Dude, how much alone time are you spending? I mean, I haven't even heard that in jail. Well, in solitary confinement, do you get in love with the walls? I bet you do at some point. At some point, you just, you just, from just lack of human contact, you know, that man brain kicks in where you get visually stimulated, you got to get visually stimulated by something, and they would just be like, I bet it's like, at some point during the day, when the sun starts going down, right, and the shadow just hits the wall a certain way, and you just, there you are, there you are, you sweet little naughty, naughty piece of plaster. Well, you've been for the last 23 hours, shit, I want to hear it, you know? So fucking creepy. Actually, somebody is probably in jail, or has been in jail, it's going to be, oh, I'm actually, when you're in solitary confinement, there's no sunlight. All right, whatever, whatever the fuck it is, you fuck the floor. You know, there you go. Is that any prison book? I think I hit my low point when I was consistently fucking the floor. All right, let's continue on here. So anyway, I got my juicer back in my life. That's what the fuck I'm trying to tell you. So I go to the goddamn health food store, right? And, you know, it's great about going to the health food stores, even though the aisles are really skinny, much skinnier than one of the grocery stores, those fucking, you know, people who actually eat healthy are, are, they're just waif human beings. They do yoga, little wispy, little, you know, those dogs, little whippets, they just like them, you know, walking up and down the aisles with their fucking tail between their legs, trying to pick out zucchini. So I'm going in there, right? Suddenly feeling like I'm on Royds, because I look so much bigger. Ah, full of shit. There was a couple decent sized people in there, but whatever. So I go in there, I pick out all this fucking fruits and vegetables to juice. So that's how I've been starting my day people. Start my day. I fucking juice. Then I go get my fucking pit bull. We go for a walk. We go for a hike for like an hour. I come back and then I have a bull oatmeal with some, a handful of raisins thrown in there. That's how I start my day. And it's been fucking great for me. I'm not trying to preach to you people. I'm not trying to be a fucking breakfast Nazi here. But this is what I realized with me. This is how I get out of whack is if I start my day either with, I can't even just say toast to next, but if I throw the bacon in there, and it's really extra salty, then I got to throw a little jam on my toast, you know, to try to level myself off just like a fucking coke hit. Drinking alcohol to bring me down a little bit. You know, I got the salt. The salt's making me sleepy. So I put the jelly on the toast to bring me back up right there. I'm out of fucking whack. Or if I have French toast or anything you put syrup on, then my sugar goes through the roof. Next thing you know, I'm grabbing a handful of fucking potato chips, you know, like an hour later and then like for the rest of the day, my blood sugar, I don't know what it is. It probably looks like a, what do you got? One of those things with it, the heart thing, sonogram, whatever the fuck you call it, not a telegraph. What do you call that fucking thing? You know, when you're when you're laying there in the hospital and they're looking at your heart rate. That's what that's what it looks like. Salt, sugar, salt, sugar. That's what I do for the rest of the fucking day. Then at the end of the day, I take a big piece of cake and I shove it right down my fucking pie hole. That's my day. And then gradually, my white doughy stomach starts to hang over my belt and then I hate myself and then I start lashing out of people in the crowd. So there you go. That's what's been working for me. So why don't you guys give a shot? If you want to, if you don't, I don't give a fuck. Oh, by the way, 170 days without booze. And I actually fucked it up yesterday. I was at a part of barbecue yesterday and I accidentally twice had two sips of beer. Okay. So technically in my world, my streak is still going because it was an accident. But I I've I've had booze within the last 24 hours. And this is this is what I've noticed, which is really fascinating about the human brain. And I didn't realize this till I went to Stockholm, Sweden, when I did that gig over there. Remember I told you that story? And I went over there and everybody, you know, and I forgot that, you know, I didn't speak a word of Swedish. And everyone's gone, hi, Jason, hi, Jason, hi, Jason. And I was, you know, the fucking the comedian in front of me who was speaking English backstage went out there and did his whole act in Swedish and was killing. Oh, Jason, hi, Jason, hi, Jason, hi, Jason. The crowd's like, wow. And I'm freaking out going. Are they even going to fucking understand me? This is what I learned when I was in Sweden was I took for granted how much I don't read when I'm in the States. Because you just like I think when you look at a stop sign, you don't read stop. You just you're just visually looking at it. And I didn't realize that shit until I went over to Sweden and the amount of extra thinking that I had to do where I would be looking at like a car and just be like, okay, is that a taxi or is that a police car? You know, or I'd have to look at a storefront and just sort of try to because I can't read the word. It's in Swedish. It's like 97 fucking letters. I'd have to just really sit there looking as I close is there is there food in there is that what the fuck is that? That's what happened to me at the party. I opened the refrigerator door and I saw this green can and I immediately equated it with soda and I and my brain told me it was a sprite. Turned out it was seven up and right next to it was a red and white can. So I think I actually think it was just red. So in my world that was coke. So I reached for the coke, opened it up, took a sip of it thinking I was drinking Coca Cola and it was a Mexican beer and I drank it and I didn't even record it. I don't know. It was a weird tasting beer. I thought it was like iced tea and I looked down and I'm reading it. You know and I actually I'm just looking for coke and I'm looking all over the words and finally I see beer and I'm like is this. Did I just drink a beer? I was like fuck. There goes my goddamn streak. So of course Nia is laughing at me. So then I go over and grab what I thought was a sprite was actually seven up. I started drinking that and then later on the you know at the party you grabbed the wrong thing. Once again I thought I was drinking coke and I reached over and I grabbed another thing. Another fucking swig of beer. So I want you guys to know is my streak over. You know all you addicts out there. What does that mean? If you if you do that if you're in AA do you have to turn in your chip and start all over again and go up there and cry at the podium because you actually had a sip of beer. Do I get any credit with the fact that I that I opened the beer took the sip of the beer and just said oh fuck this is you know I thought this was coke it's a beer and I just set it down. I didn't have any more. Anybody? Can you help me out here? This is when I wish I took collars. I'm glad I don't take collars because I think collars really slow down the fucking show. You know half of them are fucking prank phone calls and then half the people it just takes them to God damn long. Plus I like talking. All right. You haven't noticed the fact that I rarely have a guest on this show and I could somehow keep it going for a fucking hour. You know that's not an amazing ability. That's that is an incredible personality fluff. All right more underrated overrated unpaid internships overrated. I graduated from college less than a year ago and I've been looking for a job in my area of studies for more than a year with no success. Dude my heart goes out to these fucking kids just getting out of college right now and they're one of the worst economies ever. It's just fucking ridiculous. They already overcharged you for your fucking education and these goddamn bankers screwed the whole fucking economy up. Anyways plowing ahead. He says while looking for a job I encountered numerous agencies that offer internships but no but none for pay. It seems how is that legal by the way? You don't pay him anything? It seems like many places take advantages of the bad economy and the desperate job seekers to lure them into doing work for free. Unfortunately I'm one of them. Dude what kind of a fucking scumbag? This is what you know I want to go undercover into corporate America and I want to see how that goes down. How is it just like the mob where you're like age not full good personal it's business. Oh you know. Well if you check out the market what the market will bear now is advantageous if you're the employer to not to take advantage of the human resources and offer them a negative cash flow contract. However they fucking do they never just come out and say hey let's take advantage of the future and pay them absolutely nothing so we can we can drive we can put rims on our flashy fucking cars. Anyways he says what do these agencies offer in exchange experience building your resume making connections with other employees promises of hiring after a short period and other bullshit like that. He says fuck that in capital letters. You mentioned in Joe Rogan's podcast how comedians should not offer their material for free in exchange for exposure and I completely agree these unpaid internships that are so popular right now need to stop. I'm more efficient than some of my full-time co-workers at my internships which are not a surprise. Oh wait which are not a surprise are part of a workers union and I work here comes my bad reading skills. I got totally confused with his parentheses. He says and I work there only two days out of the week. If it wasn't funny it would be sad so he's basically saying in those two days he does more work than the people who are members of the union. You know that's something that unions have to address here is I'm all about unions but you know just because you now have the power to lean on a shovel doesn't mean you should and that's what's really fucked over unions. Unions were a great idea and people died had their heads kicked in got shot at by our own fucking army when guys like Andrew Carnegie had the connections to bring them in like he did there and the fucking banks of the alligator out there in Pittsburgh or whatever the fuck it was that that's now a mall. All right. They needed those unions so we could avoid sweatshop the sweatshop labor conditions that existed in this country and then what happened aside from the map the mob taken over those things what happened is is guys use the unions the power of unions as a way to get over fucking paid and not to bust their ass at work anymore so then they became the exact fucking thing that they were rebelling against so I understand why corporations move their fucking companies out of this country. I also understand why that there had to be unions have you know this is what it always comes down to is people are people rich people aren't the only greedy fucking assholes out there it you know middle class and poor people if you put them in a position where they can be greedy the sad thing is most people will take advantage of this situation this is not these and these are not unique theories this is the overall theory harsh theory that most people learn when they get when they get out of their house and they get into the real world you realize that most people are cunts there's very few good people out there poor middle class or fucking rich there's very few people that will actually do the right thing so I 100% agree with that it would be you know speaking of unions it would be great if you could somehow start one you know that's what you need to do is you need to get everybody on the same page and say listen we're not saying you got to give us all of us but this fucking working for free is ridiculous yeah they're totally taking advantage of you because of the market but I guess if it's a good market you guys can take advantage of them I don't know man it's just I don't know who the fuck knows but I definitely that there's just something wrong with having kids work for fucking free all right and I will say to people who are in unions which I am 100 supportive in support of you motherfuckers need to work harder and you'll have a better you'll have a better public image now I'm not saying everybody in unions don't you know they all of them lean on shovels but you know why you got that reputation okay I'm Irish I know we got why we got the reputation for being a bunch of drunk motherfuckers because so many of us are or at least enough of us got so fucking drunk that we completely wiped out any sort of good Irishman out there all right so there you go another one documentaries underrated in the last few months I've become a big fan of documentaries especially about our corrupted economy our fucked up culture and our diet dying planet and environment I have to say these films put a really great picture as far as our civilization goes yeah I know that's why I kind of stop watching them I just try to do the right thing in my own life if I if I watch too many of those they really depress the shit out of me the present is already looking bad and I did not see a way we can dig ourselves out of this hole that we've created I just don't understand why people dismiss these types of films are they trying to avoid the painful truth absolutely I just said I was are they in denial absolutely there are ways and solutions to fix it but as long as we have Democrats verse Republicans white verse blacks versus verse Hispanics coal and oil energy verse clean energy and most importantly fucking paper money in stock markets nothing's going to change yeah this guy this is this is the exact conclusion that I came to although I don't agree that a lot of the clean energy they say is clean energy like as much as I drive a hybrid which is really a scam it's only an electric car when it's going five miles an hour under other than that it's just an underpowered gas car but it does burn clean and it does get great gas mileage but you know electric cars I mean those batteries eventually you have to dispose of those and those things wreak havoc basically human beings in general wreak havoc on the environment so I think the solution is you have to have some sort of population control and they should do it sooner rather than later because if they did it sooner we could avoid some sort of Stalin esque slash Hitler solution because that's what the fuck they're going to do I think the problem with human beings is we treat global problems the same way we a college kid treats doing a term paper we do it the night before you know remember y2k we knew that shit was coming and ended up not being a fucking problem but everybody panicked in the final two months they were talking about it for ten years that we were going to have this possibly have this fucking problem and we waited until the last fucking second and I think that the population problem is going to be the same thing the problem there's too many fucking people there's no there's nothing wrong with chopping down trees there's nothing wrong with using coal there's nothing wrong with driving a big car there's nothing wrong with any of that the problem is is that the seven billion people on the fucking planet that because that's a problem alright we need to get that number way the fuck down way the fuck down I would say under a billion under a billion people you need to do that so I think that you should just implement laws the amount of people that kids that you can have and I also think that you know you should offer people money if they to not have kids adopt kids recycle I think that they should do all of that type of stuff while they try to have cleaner burning cars and that type of shit just gradually let people kind of die off you know I that's that's what I feel you know because if you don't do that then eventually I think that we're going to run out of food run out of clean water and you're going to have the rich in their gated communities and they're going to be guarded by the black water people and they're just going to be shooting out the rest of us in their fucking heads in our heads that's that's what I think is going to happen personally you know if mother nature doesn't get us first alright that was uplifting alright let's get to let's get to advice for the week Bill year and a half ago with a year and a half ago me and this girl that I used to work with were hanging out a lot and fooling around all summer very nice it was pretty casual there you go that's how you set it up it's pretty casual wonderful not thinking just the art is trying to keep it there and as I've told you before what that is it's the time between your hooking up okay when you keep it a casual and that type of shit if you want to hang out and have drinks that's fine but when you get back to your place you do the deed and that's it she's got to go you can't hang out watch a movie that's when they start getting feelings it's not fair to the female you know that's what you got to do don't call them all the fucking time you got to keep it fucking casual alright continuing which is kind of hard to do when you work with them but anyways he goes it was pretty casual but that was only because we both knew I had to leave in August so we made a point to not get too serious beautiful once the summer ended I had to go back to school in Miami so our situation kind of ended but we stayed in touch then recently this last spring break I went home for 10 days when I let her know I was going to be in town she said that that we had to hang out but only his friends because she had a boyfriend which I was fine with all right dude now before I haven't read this one yet but I got to tell you right here don't hang out with her more than once alright this is what you should do in that situation she's got a boyfriend it's over alright so if she wants to hang out hang out in a public place and at the end of the night you say you got to go don't bring up sex don't fucking do anything like what you used to do she's got a boyfriend you got to walk away from that situation not to mention if you the two of you were just hanging out in any moment her boyfriend could walk in you could get the old fucking clattering to the side of the fucking head anyways so the first day I was there she came over to my house to hang out okay that's a that's a red flag right there she's got a boyfriend you come to town she immediately drops her boyfriend and comes to hang out with you alright after a half hour of that awkward catching up conversation we went up to my room to watch a movie oh geez once the movie started she made sure to drive home the fact that I shouldn't make a move on her because she's with someone else yes see right here dude she's playing with your dick she's slapping it around making it go up and then she's going hey hey hey we got to take it easy and then it goes back down again she's fucking with you she's fucking with you she's playing the up and down game from the Opian Anthony show with your dick if you guys haven't seen that yet I'm telling you look that up on YouTube the Opian Anthony up and down game it's one of the most genius bits I've ever seen fucking hilarious anyways I completely disregarded this oh so she tells you yeah yeah let me let me go back here I really have to drop my commentary here why don't I just read the rest here so the movie starts and she drives home the point that they shouldn't he shouldn't make a move on her because she's she is with somebody else so he says I completely disregard this and I put my arm around her anyways ten minutes into the movie you know what I respect that move by the way ten minutes into the movie we're in a full-on cuddle and she's doing that shit where she's running her finger up and down my arm then out of nowhere she flips around and climbs on top of me with that fuck me looking her eyes dude this is a great story she even she's even doing that pre-sex slightly heavy breathing dude I'm not I haven't read this I'm telling you she's going to pull the emergency shoot this is the Richard Pryor bit where they went to you dick it's hard enough to cut diamonds I believe is how Richard put it or mr. Pryor let me have some fucking respect here saying Richard like I know the guy she drops in to start kissing me but stops an inch from my mouth and stays there for a second or two then she climbs off and goes back to cuddling oh you know what dude you young you didn't know any better but if you were older you set yourself up for this after recollecting myself I started to say something but the second I started talking she flipped over and did it again but for a bit longer this time this time I asked her what the fuck she was doing and she giggled cunt yeah dude right there man this is the thing you got to take charge of the situation you got to tell you dick to stand down and be like look either we're gonna do this or we're not going to do this this is I actually think at that point you should have just bounced her out of there and rubbed one out that's the power move right there man that's the move that's going to make you feel better than if you even fucked her because she's still going to get something out of it she got to get laid right so fuck that you should have kicked her out right then just been like you know what this was a bad idea shut this up you have to go you shouldn't be doing this you have a boyfriend see you flip it around you put the guilt on her she leaves you fucking rub one out right then you don't give a shit that she didn't bang her and then you fucking go out to the local watering hole you know you got to run into some chick you went to fucking high school with your little older you little more manly you get the scruff going and you fucking tag her and fuck this girl she is a cunt she is a boyfriend she shouldn't be doing this shit all right let's continue where the hell was I this time though she stayed she did it for about full 30 seconds okay so we went back to cuddling for the next five minutes until she did it for a third time this time though she stayed there for about 30 seconds and she wouldn't pull and she would pull back every time I actually kiss her so that she kept the inch between us once she got off she started at giggling again which by then had gone from cute to annoying as hell and then slipped her shoes on and said she had to go see dude if you took charge in one of those you could have bounced her out we didn't hang out again after that and now I'm back in Miami I guess my question is what should I have done I guess I already answered it and what the fuck was she doing any answer would be great or even a rant about those annoying teasing cunts thanks well you know what dude I hadn't read this one I was busy this week and the guy who helps me with my podcast will remain nameless because that's how I do it sent me this thing and I'm a little late today so it's the first time I read it yeah that's what she was doing she just I don't know you'd almost have to ask a female to get into the psychology of it but I guess like I think that I don't know does she want to just see that you still want to fuck her and that like I can tell you this right now that her relationship with this other guy isn't going to work and she has major fucking that major she's she's either really immature or eventually she has major issues and she'll fuck up every relationship by doing shit like this and eventually she's going to be that old hottie hanging out at the wine bar you know with the crow's feet around her eyes you know you know that she'll just end up being that girl and then we'll look back in regret at all the good guys that she fucking dicked teased as she was playing the fucking field but this is what you do in the future the second a girl is doing some shit like that the second she said listen just so you know I have a boyfriend we can't be doing this you should have said you know what you're right let's not watch a movie and right then you kick her out so you have some sort of power all right and if you want to fuck a girl like that you should have been the one saying no you should have been the one pushing her off all right because it sounds like she has that fucking thing where you know she gets off on the fact that you want her but can't have her all right so if you're acting like you don't want her that fucks with her head like wait a minute what am I losing my pussy power and you just literally back your way into the fucking boat then you clubber over the head and then there you go you got your fish in the boat all right that's how you do that but I got to tell you in the future dude chicks like that are just a complete fucking waste of time you're already banger so you already dotted all the eyes crossed all the tees what the fuck you still doing you're there because it's an easy you thought it was an easy fucking lay when you got back which is understandable okay but the problem is is you don't have your dick in check your dick is running your fucking life you got to make the decisions all right and when you fucking do that you start winning those a lot more see women have their pussies in check that's why they always win those battles 90% of the fucking time so there you go that's the little information that I can help you with but I like I said don't ever don't ever be afraid to fucking ask a female for advice on stuff like that not only will they give you advice they actually enjoy doing it and they'll have way better advice than I do because you know because they're a fucking woman you know what I mean it's like you calling me you're asking a plumber about fucking carpentry go to a carpenter all right that is the podcast for this week I hope you guys hope you guys enjoyed it seem like a fairly smooth one right let me can I pour out some dates here people can you hang with me this long enough huh or maybe you're gonna hang with me because you run final approach oh you know what I can't stand this is what happened the other day I went out to go buy my fucking water cooler that I want to have just in case the tsunami hits out here because I live on a fault line and I always want to have at least five to ten gallons of water you know I'm already inland enough with the tsunami is not going to hit if a tsunami hits me here I'm telling you Utah's in trouble all right so I go to Lowe's hardware I go there online I look up to see if they have the one that I want and then you know and Lowe's has it so rather than just saying they only have it online I'm assuming it's at the fucking store so I jump my car and I drive over there and then they don't fucking have it they don't fucking have it and it's just you know just fucking drove me nuts so then I stop off a sporting goods store to buy a pump because my football doesn't have any air in it and this is what you do at 42 when you don't have any fucking kids you know you actually you still act like you're fucking 14 so I don't know I just had that moment when I went into the sporting goods store you know I hate when they can't fucking help me I'm asking a simple question and then I start to flip out and then they just call me sir a million fucking times you know sir I'm sorry sir but sir could you sir could you please not sir in this sir please sir thank you sir that fucking shit that's what reminds me of flying on the plane if you do anything if you have your seat back sir could you please put your seat back up sir thank you sir sir in order to expedite this sir could you please sir I fucking hate that and I that you know what I do then I threw gridded teeth just say ma'am back a hundred times I'm sorry ma'am yes ma'am thank you ma ma'am could you stop mamming me ma'am you fucking cunt ma'am I'm sorry that was a little bit of fucking half ounce of rage I had to get out there let me get back to hyping my dates here so anyways this week oh what a week I have I'm gonna be at the record theater for two shows I believe the second show is already sold out so if you want to get tickets you better fucking hustle there for you fucking cunt is the goddamn internet were not working in this room you know I really need to step my life up I'm at the record theater at this this Friday April 8th for two shows I believe they're like eight and ten or eight and ten thirty I don't know what the fuck they are my goddamn website won't come up that's in Baltimore outside of Baltimore Maryland and on Friday night I'm at the tower tower theater in Philadelphia Pennsylvania later on this month I got two more shows one is in Milwaukee Wisconsin April 22nd at the paps theater unbelievable response by the way I want to thank everybody beforehand in Milwaukee maybe that's why I had the Laverne and Shirley song in my head isn't that where that show was based at they also worked at a beer factory it's all come in full circle and on the 23rd I'll be at the Royal Oak Theater in Detroit Michigan both of those dates are selling unbelievably well both of them are going to sell out so get your tickets as soon as you can and I want to thank everybody there for like I have not I've never played Milwaukee and I have not played Detroit since I did the rich bitch tour the Chappelle show tour back and I think I did that in 04 I all I've done is I've done like kickers and that type of stuff outside of Detroit Detroit but I haven't been in Detroit so I guess it's Royal Oak I have no idea and then the last one is actually sold out it's one of those anti-social comedy comedy tour dates and that one is Jim Norton put the tour together Jim Norton from a little Jimmy from the Opie and Anthony show best radio show out there for my money Jim Norton Jim Brewer David telling myself we're all doing a comedy tour we just added some dates we have a date in Washington DC on May 13th we have one in June I believe it's at the Chicago theater these are all at anti-socialcomedy.com I believe that one is June 15th I think I don't know all of that is on anti-socialcomedy.com just click on tour dates those dates are all on sale you know please come down you get four comics for the price of one we're playing some of the most beautiful venues in the country more dates are going to follow because the turnout has been unbelievable ticket sales have been fantastic so that's a podcast for this week oh real quick Jay Miller one of my favorite enforcers of the Boston Bruins is in as in the hospital recovering from pneumonia just want to send them get well soon wishes one of my favorites and we're going to send a link YouTube video we got some great YouTube videos this week I almost forgot about those we're going to have one of Jay Miller holding his own against the greatest of all time for my money Bob Probert and what are the YouTube videos for this week oh we got some good ones I got one from that show cheaters you know that show cheaters where they got you know they basically somebody thinks that somebody's cheating on them so then what do they do they get they hired this company and they start spying on the boyfriend and girlfriend and when they confirm that they are in fact cheating they show up and confront him and this is one of the greatest ones I've ever seen they confront this kid at an ice rink after he just played a hockey game and you know usually the person who's cheating you know the dude is absolutely stunned this guy handles it absolutely perfectly he fucking breaks up with her she shows up she's like you know because the chick he's cheating with is that the ice rink she says yeah who the fuck is that you know what the fuck are you doing here and he just goes he just breaks up with her right on the spot he's leaning on his stick white wiping the snow I mean the sweat off of his fucking nose he looks like a hockey player in between periods going like yeah we got to work on our four checking and hopefully we can get that go back in the second period he wasn't even sweating he just breaks up with her she's like yeah who the fuck is that what the fuck are you doing he just goes he goes yeah we're done what do you mean we're done just like that he goes yeah it's over she goes that girl because the other girl was uglier she goes you're gonna dump me for that girl and he goes what can I say she she does it right and he didn't he didn't give a fuck he was barely looking at her he was just sitting there leaning on his stick he wasn't nervous that there was cameras there and he just fucking breaks up with her and then his girlfriend doesn't know what to do she's so she ends up getting into a fist fight with the chickies cheating on and he just sort of walks away into the locker room fucking phenomenal what else do we got we have some hippie chick trying to give a presentation to a bunch of corporate people what the hell are these YouTube videos we got Paul Orndoff hyping the hulk hulkomania workout thing that's one of my favorites and we got a couple others they're all going to be up at the mm podcast dot com and like I stated earlier if you want to send emails to this podcast the new email address is bill at the mm podcast dot com please keep them common you guys emails they get better each week that's it you guys all have a great weekend great weekend a great week alright I go fuck yourselves I'll talk to you next week [BLANK_AUDIO]