[ Music ] >> BHH Productions presents KB Cabaret, an original variety show. With your host, Brie Harvey. [ Applause ] >> Hi folks, welcome to KB Cabaret. My name is Brie Harvey, head writer and producer of this show. KB Cabaret is a callibou of original skits, songs, poetry and short stories. What's callibou you ask magic from a child's creative imagination? I was five when I coined that word, and it's been around my family ever since. The settings originate from my hometown, Parler City. And the stories originate from people who are-- >> Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons living or dead is entirely coincidental. >> Thank you Bonnie. That folks obviously was my lawyer. Story, my friends, the Parler City players. Judy McMahon, Bonnie DeForest, Charles Berman, John Kerry, John Montgomery and myself, Brie Harvey. Welcome to our town. Welcome to Parler City. Where our friends come, how about you play? When neighbors don't leave, they stay and chat a while. Welcome to our time to KB Cabaret. >> This time on KB Cabaret, we feature the music of the Twang Town Paramores and a best of selection of some of my favorite sketches. Welcome to our time to KB Cabaret. >> 9-1-1, what's your emergency? >> I need to speak with your EMT. >> I'm sorry, but there are no EMTs here. What's your emergency? >> No emergency. I just need to speak with your EMT. >> I just told you ma'am, there are no EMTs here. Do you have an emergency? >> Well, I just told you that I don't. All I want to do is speak with the EMT that came to my house earlier today. >> Ma'am, this is an emergency call center. Staffed only with qualified medical operators. If you have no emergency, then you need to hang up immediately. >> Okay, but when he gets back, tell him to call me. Should I leave you my number or does it just pop up on your screen? >> No ma'am, on all accounts, you need to hang up now or I will dispatch the police. Do you know where he's going next? Maybe I can meet him there. Hang on, let me grab a pen. >> That's it. I'm dispatching an officer to your location. Please remain where you are. >> But what about the EMT? Where do you keep them? >> We don't keep them anywhere ma'am. They belong to various emergency squads throughout the surrounding communities and we dispatch them as necessary. >> Oh. >> You sound disappointed. >> I am. >> Why? What makes you think we have EMTs here? >> Well, first off, I leave with my mother and she's getting up there in years. Well, earlier today, she took a nasty little fall in the garden. I told her I was going to get the weeds, but she wouldn't listen. She's like that, you know, has to be done right this minute. And it's not like she didn't know where the edge of the fountain was because she's the one who had to put in. So she's bending over, something the doctor told her she shouldn't do and starts pulling the weeds. And for some reason, stops paying attention, backs into the wall and plop over as she went. Probably serves her right, but we weren't sure if she had broken anything, so just to be safe, we called 911. You guys. And you sent over the EMT a really cute EMT. He was so adorable and handsome, and he got my mom on her feet in no time. You know, I think we had a few moments while he was here, but he left before I had a chance to get his phone number. And I just thought that you would call us to get it. So you'll do it? No. Oh, come on. That's not how it works. Well, how does it work? Oh, for God's sake. Wait a minute. There's someone at the door. Ma'am. I think it's a police officer. Ma'am, as soon as the officer. Ooh, he's cute. Ma'am. Way cuter than the EMT. Ma'am. I'm not making the same mistake twice. Well, hello, handsome. Come in. Jane, I don't see why we have to make such a big deal about me meeting your parents. I'm 44 years old for God's sake, so I'm too old for this. No, you're not. My father is very old-fashioned, and if we're going to be together, we'll need his approval. Why do I feel like I'm 15 again? Oh, oh, Mr. Burns, I'm Richard Garfield from Janie School. And she come out and play. Cut it out, Richie. Come on. Maybe you'll like my dad. And maybe the pigs will fly tonight. Quiet. Here we are. Hi, ma'am, hi, Dad. This is Richie. Well, hello, Richie. Welcome to our home. What are your intentions with my daughter, young man? Dad, you just met Richie. Give him a minute. Well, that last guy you brought over here didn't work out so well. That was 25 years ago? Now there's no use crying over spilled milk. Richie, why don't you find something on TV while Jane and I get dinner ready? Good idea. There's a Yankee game on. Pretty short with a bitch. Put on it on the ground of these shorts. I counted by growth, sets and flows, and in time, you got it. What are you watching on my TV, son? Yankee game. Is it football? No. Baseball. Sea Yankees. I don't know anything about baseball. Wow. What sports do you follow? None of them. Damn waste of time. I told the guy who delivers the paper to pull the sports section right out of it before he traps it off here. Got me a 25 cent discount. Yeah, that's a great idea. Sorry, I don't know your first name. My first name is Mr. Mr. Burns. Oh, yes, sir. Mr. Burns. How long is this game going to last? It's only the second inning, so it'll be about another two hours or so. Well, that's too bad because Lawrence Wolk starts in 15 minutes. Oh, Lawrence Wolk. Oh, that's a good one. Did I say something funny? Well, yeah, Lawrence Wolk. Oh, you're serious about that. You actually watched Lawrence Wolk. Hasn't he been dead for like 10 years? Watch it, son. Lawrence will live forever. He's the king of champagne music. Champagne? You like champagne? Of course not. I'm a tea-toler just like my dad he was before me. Alcohol is the devil's cocktail. Right. Well, couldn't you just DVR Lawrence Wolk for this week and watch it later? DVR. Too high tech for me. VCR? Real to real tape recorder? Better get it. Change the channel. I don't want to miss the bubble machine at the start of the show. How's it going in here? Great. Your dad was just telling me about the lovely Lenin sisters. Thank you, boys. It was a real tall tapper. You know, Jane, maybe your ex wasn't so bad after all. I suppose you could get him back before it's too late. Everyone in the dining room, dinner's ready. Maybe I can catch the end of the game after dinner and Lawrence Wolk are all done. He had seven o'clock. Hey, somebody just blew it up a cow. Allen, that gun, it's still in the haught closet, right? Dad. Honey, are you almost ready? Yes, I guess so. I just got the casserole out of the oven and the table is all set. Good. You know, I'm not looking forward to this. Why not? Well, I'm meeting your boss for the first time. I know. He and his partner are nice people. I know. I just want to make a good impression. Well, thanks for inviting them. You know, this promotion means a lot to me. I know that, honey. That's why I agreed to this dinner in the first place. I just hope your boss likes it. Ben will love your cooking, don't worry. Oh, here they are. Good. Good. Hi. Hello. Honey, I'd like you to meet my boss, Ben Dover. Ben, this is my wife, Sonny. Ben Dover? I've heard so much about you. I'm good, I hope. Well, I heard a lot of nice things about you, too. May I introduce my partner, Anita Wanaman. I'm sorry? Anita Wanaman. Anita Wanaman, it's nice to meet you. The pleasure is all mine. Thank you for inviting us. Why don't you have a seat? Can I get you to a martini, a salty chihuahua, a barking spider? Just a gin, neat. Martini, with gin, please, and two pearl onions. I'll help get the drink, dear. Will you excuse me? Sure. What is the matter with you? What could possibly be so funny that you have to embarrass me? Ben Dover? Anita Wanaman? What about Ben Dover and Anita Wanaman? Don't you hear it? Hear what? Never mind. You take out these two drinks. I made the usual cosmos for us. Here we are. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Mm, very good. Delicious. Certainly hits the spot. I'm sorry? What spot did you hit? Oh, my bad. I meant-- You know, it is great that you came by here tonight. Sunny made her famous casserole. Oh, that's wonderful. When did you have it published? When did I have what published? Your casserole recipe. You said it was famous. Oh, no, not that famous. I just do what my mother told me. It really is a piece of cake. What is the casserole? I never heard of casserole as being cake. Is it sweet? No. Uh, say, did you know the McConnell call today? He said he may make us an offer on the property at Elman Third. Is that a fact? I am so proud of my Sam. He never missed the boat when it comes to sales. He is so on the ball. Why in the world would you be sitting on a ball, Sam? Ben, I sit on a ball all the time at work. It's good for the back. Forces your posture to be straight. But that still doesn't explain the boat. Sam, why don't you help me in the kitchen? So we can have dinner. No? No time, like the present. Excuses, please. You're excused. What is your problem? Can't you hear what's going on out there? Yes. You're embarrassing me with your boats and balls. I'm embarrassing you. These people take everything I say, literally. Oh, they aren't. Oh, my gosh, are you blind? No, I can see perfectly well. You are one of them. What are you talking about? An alien from outer space. I was born in Wichita. Let's just eat. Behave yourself. Fine. Here we are, dinner. This meal is delicious. Yes, very good. Oh, thank you. Did you happen to visit the new designer outlet mall that opened up off exit 70? Oh, gosh, yes. Great stores, but some of the merchandise costs an arm and a leg. Oh, my gosh. That's terrible. Why would anyone want to do that? No way. You are not taking me seriously. Really? Lady, you are not playing with a full deck. Honey. I always play with 52 cards. And what does that have to do with dismembering people for merchandise? Oh, my gosh, that is the last straw. You're off your rocker, lady. Elvis is leaving the building. What are you saying? There's no rocking chair here or straw. And how can Elvis leave? He's dead. Oh, this is outrageous, Sam. Your wife's out of control. I'm sorry, sir. I don't know what's come into her. You know what? Anita Waterman, bend over. You two are as sharp as a marble and two fries short of a happy meal. Well, pick up your things in the office Monday morning, Sam. You're fired, sir. Come on, Anita. Let's get out of this place. Goodbye. What just happened? Don't sweat it, Sam. You may just burn a brain cell. I'm hitting the sack. [MUSIC PLAYING] Right now, I am talking with Mike and Mary Bell, Lewis. And it is a pleasure to have these two wonderful artists here on our show. Their group is called The Twangtown Paramores. And it is exciting because I just love the music. It is so wonderfully played and sung. This is folk music? Wouldn't you consider this folk music? Well, some people do. Well, what do you consider it? It's somewhere between Americana folk and I don't know what. Well, sophisticated Americana. I read, and I would probably coin that as well. I think that's brilliant. Definitely very sophisticated, beautifully sung. And folk music is Americana, after all. And how lucky are we in this wonderful country of ours? So have musicians like you. And to hear these wonderful songs-- I mean, some are ballads, some are fun, some are so different. Each one and everyone. Tell me, how did you even start this? What is your background? Give me a little history. I've been singing since, really, I was probably three or four. And saying my brother played the drum, but my other brother played the drums. My mother loved opera and cruners. And there was always music going in my house. And I tried playing the clarinet. My parents really encouraged me to play an instrument. And I was horrible. And they told me if I would put down the clarinet, that they would pay for me to have voice lessons. And so we struck a deal. And it was because I was a lousy clarinet player that I got to study voice. Let's just get into the songs here. You have some amazing songs. You know what, I'm going to go with "Heaven is Somewhere Else" first. Tell me something about "Heaven is Somewhere Else." It's got a message in it. I don't want to give the message to them. I'd like people to interpret it, as they will. But there's a message. Let's just say in the song. And any song that is worth listening to has some sort of a metaphor message that we can connect to. So why do we listen to "Heaven is Somewhere Else?" Because, well, I love all of these songs, but one of my favorites. Let's play this song. OK. [MUSIC PLAYING] You search the lights of a moonless sky with a face that no one sees. You send a prayer up toward God, through where happiness might be. You're needing to believe. You may wish upon the star we've had. All right, it's built. But that's not where the angels are. No heaven is somewhere else. Think of her in the black o' night. You're burning like the sun. She was what your world turned round. You had finally found the one. Till it all became undone, unwound, unspun. You may wish upon the star we've had. All right, it's built. And that's not where the angels are. No heaven is somewhere else. You dream about the tall green grass on some distant other side, where contentment cools you like the breeze, found another people's lives. You look far and wide, Lord knows you've tried. You may wish upon the star we've had. All right, it's built. But that's not where the answers are. So far outside yourself, no heaven is somewhere else. [MUSIC PLAYING] It's so nice to be out in a restaurant, and I don't have to cook. Well, that's why I brought you here. That's why I love you. You are a thoughtful and generous man. Why, thank you, darling. Good evening. My name is Darryl, and I'll be your server tonight. Welcome to Darwin's. Have you ever dined with us before? No. No, this is our first time. Marvelous. Well, let me explain what we do here. Here, we let you choose an experience from either of the feeding categories. What are you, an herbivore or carnivore? Well, that's simple. I'm the herbivore. And I'm the carnivore. Very good. Each of you will be supplied. You're very scared to gather your food. Then we prepare for you in our award-winning kitchen. Come with me, please. This is so exciting. I guess. Here we are, out in the forest. This looks so real. But it's not, right? We here at Darwin's try to make the experience the most authentic as possible. Sir, your spear and blade. Ma'am, a small shovel and sickle. And here, put these on, please. Are you asked to wear rubber coats and boots? Yes, sir. Things can get messy. Oh, my. You have 15 minutes to gather your food and place them in the designated trough. Your names are already on them. Ready? Hunt and gather. This is a little awkward. I wish I knew we were going to do this. I wouldn't have worn a pin skirt and heels. Oh, blueberries! I had no idea. Oh, wait. Wait, wait, I see something. Shh. It's a rabbit. We're not going to kill a bunny, are you? This is Darwin's. It's all about survival, Claire. Carl, Carl, are you all right? I'm just up by a hair. Don't worry about me. Just a little scratched up. Ooh, what's there? Boy, he's really into this. Oh, mushrooms. Can we ask berries? Oh, oh, what's that stock? It's an onion! Claire and Carl, you have two minutes to put your food into your truck. Oh, no. I can't just eat ten berries, two mushrooms and an onion. What else is there? Where's the romaine or the spinach? Come on, honey. Let's run. We're almost out of time. Wait. I almost dug this out. Come on. Okay. Okay. That's your truck. And that's mine. Come on, throw in the food. Back to civilization. Oh, that was fun. I felt the call of the wild. The connection to my hunter ancestry. I guess, at least in my yard, I know where everything is. Here we are, survivors. Your own gatherings prepared by our Darwinian chefs. What's this? That, my dear, is a grilled wood rat. Oh. What are you eating? Apparently, um, salad? Um, is everything prepared to your satisfaction? Say, do you have some bottled wine we don't have to stomp on? Of course, sir. We carry only the best vintage wine in town, starting at $150 a bottle. Fine. Bring out a couple of those. Maybe if we get drunk enough, we'll down this meal. Yes, sir. That's the secret to our restaurant survival, sir. It's the Darwinian way. All right, we're back again and let's talk about same old, same old. Okay. Mike, you wrote this? I did. Um, I can tell you that, that particular song, I don't know where it came from. I was driving down the road and just kind of humming a song and it showed up and I can't really tell you too much for about it. You put out a recorder while you were driving and saying it? Well, don't tell his state policeist, but sometimes what I'll do is I'll have a little posted notepad next to me while I drive. Uh-huh. And I will write lyrics down. Other times I do have my iPhone recorder and I'll hit memo or something and I'll sing into it. Yeah. That's what I do. I have a phone, so I turn on my little recorder and I start singing and the different versions of something that just popped into my head. So let's listen to this song, same old, same old. It's my same old wish, I'm the same old star, same old moon, wherever you are, I can almost see you watching with me. Same old blues in the black at night, same old prayers that you'll see the light and the same old, the same old memories. Tell me if darling what's new, has there been a change of heart in you? Nothing's different here, the weather's always cold, it's just the same old, same old. It's the same old tune, same old song, in the same old tone, you sing along as we're still in heart like a stone. In the same old voice you say it's strange that I look to you to make a change of nature, same old hang up on the phone. Tell me if darling what's new, has there been a change of heart in you? Nothing's different here, the weather's always cold, it's just the same old, same old. It's the same old you, but the same old me caught a different thought, unpredictably. Lord knows what I've been thinking of, I could scratch the same old itch or I can stop and make a switch. I'll stay to mind and find a better kind of love. I'll tell you darling what's new, since there's never a change with you. I'll be moving on, cause there's nothing quite as old as the same old, same old. Yeah, I'll be moving on, cause there's nothing quite as old as the same old, same old. I love this. You do? Yes. Thank you honey. Well, I thought you needed to get away. Oh, you're so right. So what do you want to do? Oh honey, feel this bed, it is so comfortable. Yeah, a little soft, but you're right, it is comfortable. We haven't stayed in a hotel in years. Yeah. Everything is so spacious, look there's even a chase lounge and robes. And look at the 60 inch flat screen. It's a smart TV, it even says welcome, Mr. and Mrs. Richard. Hey, that's us. This is such a nice gesture. Honey, you know what I want to do. No. Let's just stay in. You know, get into these lovely robes, order room service, binge watch some of our favorite programs. Well, you don't want to go out in the town? No, we're always running somewhere. Honey, don't you want to? Okay, that's what you really want. That's what I really want. All right, so where's the room service menu? Oh, oh here it is, let's see. They have munchies, nachos, hummus and petas, olives, cheeses, spiced nuts. Ah, I'm thinking more of a dinner. That's what's so great. We can order anything we want. Oh, this looks good. Steak or plow with fingerling potatoes and asparagus. I just feel like eating good old fashioned junk food. Loaded nachos. Should I get a salad? Are you kidding me? Too much? Okay, I'll die at tomorrow. Hm, is this all the dessert they have? Two types of brownies and ice cream? Hm, wine? Sure. Let's do this. Oh yeah. Good evening. Hi, I would like to order room service. Yes, Mrs. Richards, go ahead. She knows my name, that is so cool. We'll have the steak plow, medium well, and the loaded nachos. What kind of dressing would you like on the salad? Excuse me? The steak comes with the house salad. Oh, this is my lucky day. Do you have blue cheese? Yes, we do. Good. Blue cheese it is. Okay. Beef or chicken for the nachos? Um, no, chicken, I'll go with the chicken. Okay, will there be anything else? Oh yes, we would like to have some red wine. Okay, how many glasses? I guess we'd like the entire bottle. Oh well, that would be from the bar. I can connect you. Okay, oh, oh wait, before you do, we were wondering about the dessert selection on the room service menu. Do you have anything else besides brownies and ice cream? We don't because room service is a separate menu from the hotel's restaurant menu. If you want to ask the restaurant directly, I can transfer you to them as well. Okay. You will have to pick up the dessert order separately though. Really? Still want me to connect you? Well, I guess. Hold on. What is restaurant? Hi, we were hoping you have a wider dessert selection than the room service menu. Ah, yeah, we have cheesecake with strawberries or raspberry topping, carrot cake, and chocolate lava cake with banana ice cream. Okay, hold on a sec, honey, they have cheesecake with strawberries or raspberry topping. Uh, carrot cake and chocolate lava cake with banana ice cream. Mmm, lava cake sounds good. Okay. Um, the lava cake sounds good. Okay. Will there be anything else? Oh, well, I need to order wine. Okay, hold on, I can connect you to the bar. Okay, but wait, do I have to pick this up? I also ordered from room service. No, we can arrange that. Everything's brought up together. Room 1049, right? Yes. Anything else? Where's the wine? I'll connect you. Water bar. Oh, hi, I would like to order a bottle of house red. We recommend Wolf Trap. It's a South American red. Oh, how much is that? Just one second, I'll check. It's $35. Honey, it's $35. $35. We could probably get that for $10, somewhere else. Um, is there anything cheaper? I'm afraid that is the lowest price, and frankly, it is by far the best. Honey, she says that is the best, and the lowest in cost. Well, do you want it? It's part of the hotel experience. Okay, then order it. Okay, can you send that up to room 1049? I've ordered from room service and the restaurant. Oh, I'm sorry, you will have to pick this up. But aren't you connected to the restaurant? Yes, but we aren't connected to room service. I see. Okay, well, one of us will be right down. Honey, you want to pick up the wine downstairs? I'm in my robe. All right, I'll go down then. Where's our food? It's been two hours. I don't know, but this is the last of the wine. Call again, I'm starving. Okay, but this is the third time already. Room service. Yes, where is our food? Mrs. Richards, we told you to pick it up. What? No, you didn't. The restaurant guy said he would arrange to send the dessert with room service. No, we sent the food to the restaurant to be picked up by you, Mrs. Richards. Are you serious? It's past 11. Okay, I'll pick it up. I'm sorry, but the restaurant is already closed. What? What about our food? It's been thrown out, but trust your room. No food. We don't have any food. Well, let's just go to bed. My head hurts. But what about the food? We're reaching my jackets inside pocket. I have a half a package of winter mince in there, knock yourself out. I love room service. Well we have nowhere to go, but to listen to nowhere to go. Again, Mike, you read this song? I did, and that was sort of a personal tune to Mary Beth, and that was the tune that really got us started. I had conceived that production-wise as something a little plainer. Once Mary Beth started singing it, it's a very different production sound came to me, and that sort of became the core musical sound I had in my mind for the entire first album. That's the tune that kind of got us going. The spark. That started it all. So nowhere to go. That's the song, and let's listen to this great melody, a great lyrics. I've been tossing and twisting since 2am, so I slipped out of bed and hit the road again. Sometimes the highway is my only friend when I had nowhere to go. The wind was cold, the air was thin, I had two headlights, but I lost one land. I flew to the side of an exit ramp when it started snow. The spin and storm made me dream for a while, back through the years, back through the miles to a man who once took me down the line, just to start some status quo. Now when I think I've lost my mind, you're the only one I've found. I stand in steady, clear, do you find the world over to go. You'll see my rights from all these nights, I'll show you dark, but you'll see the light. Nothing's ever felt so right in this endless rodeo. I've been tossing, twisting since 2am, so that bad and hit the road again. I was thinking the highway was my only friend, but I see it ain't so. So if I tried to say it again, no I'll never follow through, 'cause if it wasn't for the love of you, I'd have nowhere to go, I'd have nowhere to go. To me, tree, what, be quiet, grab Butch and get over here. Come on, Butch, Carl needs us. What do you want, Carl? What do you mean, what do I want? We're here to break into this house. That's what I want, now listen, the lights went off about an hour ago, so they should be sound asleep by now. After I jimmy the window open, Demetri you crawl in and then open the front door to let Butch and I in. Butch, as soon as Demetri lets you in, I want you to stand at the bottom of the stairs and make sure no one wakes up and comes down to see what's going on. And then I want to- Where are the stairs? How do I know? They have to be somewhere on the first floor, just find them and stand at the bottom. Do you want me to follow Butch and wait at the bottom of the stairs with them? No, I want you to take this pork chop and give it to the dog. If they have one, then I want you to go- Is it a big dog or a little dog? How do I know? There might not even be a dog. Besides, what difference does it make? Well, I don't need any dinner tonight and I'm hungry. Some thinking, if it's a little dog, I can eat some of the pork chop and there'd still be enough left for the dog. You know, because if he's little he probably doesn't eat that much anyways. Okay, smarty pants. And what if it is a big dog? You don't have enough pork chop to keep him calm and then he'll bite you. You want to get bitten by a dog that might not be there? Just because he didn't have enough sense to eat dinner tonight? No, that- That would hurt, I think. Don't think. Just do what I tell you. Demetri, what are you doing? I only took a small bite, don't worry Carl, I'll save some. Well, you're the one who's going to get bit, but I guess that's better than your stomach growling and waking everyone up. Hey, you want a bite? No, save it for the dog. If there is one. Huh, I never would have thought about bringing a pork chop to a burglar to distract a dog that might not even be there. Man, you think of everything. Well, sometimes you just got to know these things. By the way, where's Butch? I don't know, it was here a minute ago. Hey, there he is, looking out the window. Hey Butch, open the window so we can get in. Butch, what the heck are you doing? Give me your hand and I'll help lift you through the window. You're an idiot. What? You want me to help Demetri through first? No, I want you to close the window and wait for us to come through the door. But I thought you said you were coming through the window. Just close the window. We'll be right in. I think I never listened. Shut up, you're an idiot too. You sure you don't want some of this pork chop? It's delicious. I don't believe this. Oh, I'll take that as a no. You don't know what you're missing. Oh, trust me, I know exactly what I'm missing. Come on, we got work to do. Okay, first we're going to-- where the heck is Butch? Why does he keep disappearing like that? Butch, where are you? In the kitchen. What are you doing in that kitchen? I'm going to pet the dog. I told you to wait at the bottom of the stairs, just in case. Dog? Yeah, he's so cute. I think he's a rottweiler. Butch, get in here now. Oh, it doesn't sound very happy. Neither do I. Demetri, maybe now would be a good time to give the dog the pork chop. I can't. Sure you can. Just toss it on the floor in front of him. No, I mean, I can't. Demetri, just toss the damn pork chop. It's gone. I ate it. All right, who's down there? Way to go, Butch. What did I do? If you went to the bottom of the stairs, like I told you, we wouldn't be in this mess. I've called the police, and they're on the way. [BARKING] Carl, what do we do now? And I have a gun. Run! Run! [BARKING] You know my way! No! Oh, just beeps! [BARKING] [KNOCKING] Oh, police! You're under arrest. You're at the right to remain silent. Anything you say is wrong? Excuse me, sir. Demetri, no! Don't worry, Carl. I'm not going to say anything about us planning to rob this place, or any of the others. I just want to know if there's serving breakfast in the morning. I'm hungry. Shut up, Demetri, and put your hands up before you get shot! Oh, I hope they have pancakes. Happy birthday, honey. I got you a present you're going to love. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. I love presents. But where is it? I don't see any packets. No package needed. Well, tell me. Don't leave me in suspense like this. I hired you a cleaning lady. She's coming tomorrow to clean the entire house. You'll never have to do it again yourself. I know how much you hate cleaning. Mikey, I love you. I can't believe you actually hired me a cleaning lady. I've been dreaming about this moment since we got married. You're wonderful. Yes, I am. Who is she? Her name is Svenka, and she comes from Sweden. One of the ladies at work has Svenka clean her house and highly recommends her. Svenka, what a nice name. Well, I better get to work cleaning up around here. What? What do you mean cleaning up around here? This place is a mess. I don't want Svenka thinking we're a couple of slobs. We're not slobs. Anyway, cleaning ladies are used to seeing dirty houses. That's what they do. No, she'll tell all her other customers how disgusting our house is. They'll be laughing at us behind our backs all over town. Barb, that's ridiculous. Mates don't tell secrets like that. Of course they do. Then she'll tell all the other cleaning ladies and pretty soon our house will have a reputation as a pigsty. Barb, you're being paranoid. Come on, it's your birthday. Time to celebrate. No, I'm getting out the vacuum and going over these carpets. They haven't been cleaned in weeks. But that's the whole point. That's why I hired Svenka, so you wouldn't have to do it. Oh, this is terrible. I'll have to clean the whole house before morning. I won't be able to sleep a wink. Barb, you do not have to clean the entire house. You don't have to clean any part of the house. There's a nice Swedish maid coming here first thing tomorrow morning and she'll do the whole thing for you. She's done it a million times. She won't tell anybody anything about our house. She probably doesn't even speak English. You're going to have to sit in the other room for now until I mob these floors. This is crazy. And don't use the toilet at all tonight after I clean it. Oh, sure. I'll just go next door to the Eastmans and use theirs. Good. See if you can eat dinner over there too, because I'll have to clean the oven right after I wash the windows. Goodbye. Enjoy your birthday. I hope I have time to power wash the outside of the house. Good morning, ma'am. I am Zwingka. I am here to clean your house. There's nothing left for you to do. It's all clean. Be sure to tell everyone how clean it is here. I do not understand, ma'am. You already cleaned the house. What do you need me for? I was worried what you think, so I did it all myself. Oh, wonder you look so tired. Why don't I come in and see if there is something I can do? Your husband already paid me. Well, sure. Come in, but you won't find one speck of dirt any place in this house. I hope you'll tell that to everyone in your cleaning lady's chat group. What is in the corner there? Oh, I think you missed a spot. Oh, dear. I did that corner at 4am when I wasn't seeing too clearly anymore. Let me get the mop out again. I just sit here and turn on the TV value work. And don't forget to dust bunnies behind the couch. I don't understand how you live in such field. I'm so sorry. How can I make it up to you? Can I get you some Swedish fish? Honey, I apologize for how things went last night. Let's start all over on this whole clean house thing. I bought you an alternate birthday present. Alternate birthday present? What is it? It's a Roomba, a robot vacuum cleaner. It vacuums the whole house by itself. It teaches itself the layout of the house using artificial intelligence. Artificial intelligence? If it's smart enough to do that, it's smart enough to know what slabs we are. I better get busy. Hey Roomba, are you smart enough to come down with a pub with me and suck down a few drinks? I am here speaking with Mike T. Lewis and Mary Beth of the Twentown Parramores. I cannot tell you what it is, what an honor it is to speak with you. You're based out of Nashville, Texas. Where are you based out of? We're in Nashville, Tennessee, but we're coming up to Oxford, New York, which isn't too far from you. Yep. On Saturday, March 25th will be six on the square. Actually, it's there before and we're really looking forward to coming back. I love these type of shows. It is so much fun. I cannot tell you. When I first started listening to your music, I became—you know how the hair stands up in the back of your neck and you start getting these little spumps all over your body? And you know you're not sick, but you know you're in love? Well, I fell in love with—I fell in love with your music. I truly—the sound, everything about it, it's just great. And it's such an honor to have both of you on my show. I'm a fan, I'm a fan, I have to say. I'm an idol. I'm googling about you, trying to find out who you are. Well, thank you. We're honored to be on your show. We appreciate your asking us. We're really happy to meet you and to be on your show. And we're honored to be part of what you do. So I appreciate both of you being on this show, putting up with my antics and answering my crazy questions. But truly, it is great to have you. And I cannot wait to see you in person one of these days. If not, then I'll explore them somewhere in this world. Again, Mike and Marybeth from the Twentown Paramores. I will connect your website onto my website. You can find them on the Musicians page of kbcabaret.com. That's K-B-K-A-B-A-R-E-T.com. Go on to the Musicians link and find Twentown Paramore. And you will find everywhere where you can get their albums, listen to their songs and all their information. Again, thank you very much. - Thank you. - Okay. This is really a cool song. Ballad of Little Lulu. Tell me about this song. I will tell you this. This is a co-write. This is a family co-write. All right. Yes. This is me, Marybeth, and our two daughters. My two step kids. And we were at the beach. And I was coming up with different alliterations in our youngest one. Came up with a better one than I was working on. How old? Oh, at the time, I think she was just nine. But all the perversion in there is mine. I love this song. It made me laugh. It's a great song. So let's listen to Ballad of Little Lulu. [Music] In a little grass shack. Alone a kia. A couple of miles above the sea. A little Lulu lives with her family. On a mountain of ice and snow. She makes snow. Angels in her flip-flop feet. Mine apple ice tastes mighty sweet. She loves the cold and hates the heat. In the village down below. When the sun melts, her snowman's nose off. She gets so hot that she takes her clothes off. Lulu, Lulu, Lulu, Lulu. As the hula, hula, hula, hula. Too hard to handle a sunny day in school. Lulu, Lulu, Lulu, Lulu. As the hula, hula, hula, hula. Dancin' naked is the way she keeps her cool. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Lula must learn to write and read. So her dad buys her a pair of ski. Says down the trail through the mountain trees. To the village you must go. Lula skis to school on time. And then the temperature starts to climb. Mad about high noon on the hot lunch line. She's peeling off her clothes. She strips down and jumps on a table. She swirls her butt and shakes her navel. Lulu, Lulu, Lulu, Lulu. As the hula, hula, hula, hula. Too hard to handle a sunny day in school. Lulu, Lulu, Lulu, Lulu. As the hula, hula, hula. Dancin' naked is the way she keeps her cool. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Then all of a sudden on the school P.A. The whole lunch crowd hears the janitors say. I got bad news. Sorry folks, but the air conditioning just now broke. Well, the mercury hits 104. Teachers faint fall to the floor. Everyone swims. The kids all cry. Mascara drips from the principal's eyes. Panellula says. I have a thought. Here's a game that'll pull you up. She leads them all. And Simon says that they do what she does. And they undress. Lulu, Lulu, Lulu, Lulu. As the hula, hula, hula, hula. Too hard to handle a sunny day in school. Lulu, Lulu, Lulu, Lulu. As the hula, hula, hula. Dancin' naked is the way she keeps her cool. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. So remember kids don't be no fool. Study hard. And stay in school 'cause in that school might be the tools. The one day land a job. You can make a lot of money just because you learned to do what Lulu likes. Lulu, Lulu, Lulu, Lulu. As the hula, hula, hula. Too hard to handle a sunny day in school. Lulu, Lulu, Lulu. As the hula, hula, hula. Lulu, Lulu, Lulu. Dancin' naked is the way she keeps her cool. Lulu, Lulu, Lulu. As the hula, hula, hula. Too hard to handle a sunny day in school. Lulu, Lulu, Lulu. As the hula, hula, hula. Lulu, Lulu. Dancin' naked is the way she keeps her cool. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Mahalo. [Music] Well, folks, that's all for today's show. I'd like to thank all of our guests for being on KB Cabaret. I am always awed with the amazing talent out there. Thank you to my hard-working crew, co-workers, and actors John Kerry, John Montgomery, actors Junivin Mann, and Bonnie DeFarras. My amazing sound engineer and actor newlywed, Charles Berman, his assistant, Valentine Monfuega. My music engineer, David Rice at Basement Studios, who makes me sound better than I am. And a special shout-out to Christina Del Nella, who plays one mean piano, and now works the musical theater in New York City. Of course, a special thank you to you, dear KB Cabaret audience, for stopping by and listening to our show. We certainly couldn't do this without you. If any of you have a hankering to write or sing for our show, contact me, re-harvey, through the show submission page. Let me see what you've got. And sponsors, you want your name heard by over 150,000 listening audience members all over the country, and as far as Australia? Hello, mates. Then KB Cabaret is the place to be. Just give me a shout-out on KB Cabaret.com. That's KBK, A-B-A-R-E-T.com. I'm Bri Harvey, head writer and producer of KB Cabaret. See you next week on the radio. Thank you for coming, coming to stay a while, thank you for coming to spend some time, enough to have you, and share our policy. Come back again now to KB Cabaret.
