(upbeat music) It's time for another Elsie's Little Pickles. Welcome back to The Pickle Pod, all my little gherkins. (mimicking sounds) Big week. Holy shit. - That sounded less like an air horn and more like a dying cow falling. - It did a bit, but we've got this. (laughing) - So that was kind of... - Let me just say, congratulations to Kamala Harris for raising. - I think it's been now over a hundred million dollars for the party and she did it without selling a single sneaker or bike. - Yeah, not only that, there was no bobbleheads, no flags, no koozies. There were no lawn signs. This was really pretty impressive as far as like a cash haul and it seems as if... And you know, I've got my issues with her, you know? - There's no such thing as a perfect candidate. - No, there's not. - But with that being said, I gotta be honest with you, seeing this enthusiasm, seeing the Democratic Party wake up, seeing them get over their collective side regarding Biden, whether they were totally for Biden or whether they were totally against him, but we're going to vote for him because he was the Democrat and ultimately not Trump. I mean, I think that we're in another circumstance where we're looking at another historic election the last one was historic for many, many reasons, obviously with Biden getting in and winning the nomination and then what happened with January 6th and then, you know, you all know all the shit, but this is historic in a different way and it's got a different feel in a different vibe. These are actually levels of excitement that we have not seen since '08 with Obama. And I think that because we're seeing that excitement, providing she doesn't have any major, major slips along the way, which I think that at this point, you know, you're talking about 100 days until the election, it would be pretty difficult to have a huge, huge gap that you couldn't recover from. I don't think that that's going to happen. I think that she's being very well guided by her advisors. I think she's being very well guided by the elders of the Democratic Party, whether that's the Clintons or whether that's the Obamas and the Bidens, quite frankly. So she's got a lot of Mojo on her side. With that all being said, I think that it's very important that we don't make any assumptions. This is going to be a fight to the end. - Oh yeah, most definitely. There's only a few months to the election. - Well, I mean, you're already seeing though, this is what's kind of interesting. You're already seeing the cracks in the Trump campaign, specifically around JD Vance, but you're seeing these cracks even with Trump and he's trying to use the old tricks and the name calling and you don't do that to a black woman and not piss off all of the black community, especially the black women. - That is currently happening. - Yeah, when he called her dumb as a rock, that was a really bad mistake. You know, like it would have been, I know this isn't in Trump's playbook and he only goes by what has worked for him before and what's worked for him before is the three card Monty grift, essentially. - Yes. - So what he does is he'll do things like, I'm donating my entire check as a president and we're going to donate it to wounded warriors or the veterans or whatever he says, right? Well, let me ask you this. If you're playing any con, it's just like a magic trick, right? Any con is like a magic trick, in this sense. You're distracting them by getting to look left while you're doing shady shit on the right, right? So I had this guy that I was talking to briefly and he brought up this idea and I brought up this argument. So his idea was I will win this debate between the two of us by explaining what an altruistic and kind human being Trump is and this is all, you know, Kabuki theater and this is all for performative politics but in his heart, he is a good man, right? That was the argument. And I said, okay, well, have you ever heard of three card Monty and he's like, yes. I said, all right, what's the goal? Distraction, same as I just did with you, right? So now I said, now this guy's a businessman. I go, and you're a businessman, right? And he's like, yes, I own my own business. I said, okay, so let me ask you this. As a businessman, if I told you that no matter what your salary is, no matter what you're making, whether it's 60,000 a year or 450,000 a year or a million a year, okay? If I told you that you could multiply that amount anywhere from five to 10 fold by donating that would you do it? And he's like, well, yeah, that would be, you know, I go not necessarily cash, it's not necessarily cash in hand, it will be, but just in gifts and services, let's call it. Yes. He's like, well, yeah, I mean, if I could, you know, donate $450,000 and multiply that by a factor of either five or 10, absolutely, I would do that. I said, well, that's what Trump did. And he's like, I don't get it. I go, well, first and foremost, let's look at the golf trips. How much do Trump spend a taxpayer payer money on golf trips? And where did most of those golf trips end up happening? Yep. Bedminster, Mar-a-Lago, right? Correct. So now you're charging the US government taxpayer money so that you can grow golfing. They didn't even get a discount, it was a premium. Yeah, and they charged Secret Service full boat. Now that doesn't take even into account the amount of money that his old, you know, his Washington hotel pulled in from out of towners that were looking to seek favor with him by staying there. So I'm willing to bet no matter what that money amount is that was spent on golf trips and Secret Service and everyone having to stay at Trump properties in order to protect Trump, whether that was Trump Tower, whether that was Mar-a-Lago or Bedminster, I'm willing to bet that donating his check put him in a position of multiplying his money at least five times over, if not 10 times over, if not 20 times over. And I don't know what those numbers are, but I do know that they're large numbers. I know they're in the millions and I know that his salary for four years was like 400 or 450,000. So even if he's donating that, that's a tax deduction. So now he's not only making money off the tax deduction by donating that check, he's also making money by charging the taxpayers for his golfing, for his Secret Service to have rooms for foreign dignitaries that want his attention. I mean, like it's really a beautiful grift and I have to give it to him for that because while everyone was looking over at the right side going, oh, how wonderful, he donated his check. The left hand was fucking pulling money out of their pockets right and left. So that's my diatribe on. That's my diatribe on that. - The Secret Service alone was over two million for two years. They were also for government spending at his properties, two and a half million. - So that's five and a half million. - Yeah. - And that doesn't mean-- - And that's the tip of the iceberg. - That's not even close. Right, that's what I'm saying. So like, no matter how you look at it, no matter how you look at it, he made far more money as president. - Yeah. - By- - I saw one, basically accounting for everything spent and it was around 16 and a half, no. - I was saying, I've seen numbers that were even higher and I don't know who's worried on that. So I'm not willing to say. But I'll take 16-- - I went with the glow figure just to be safe. - Okay, I'll take 16. Look, all we got to do is take 10. You know what I mean? All you got to do is take five. You know, I mean, like, it doesn't matter because the amount of money that he made that he donated with his tax deduction for donating it is equivalent to, let's call it, we'll call it $2 million. Okay, in the four years, we'll call it $2 million. - Yep. - If all he did was make $4 million, he doubled his money by donating his check. (laughing) So look, don't-- - And I want to add the fact that Trump came out and said he donated his presidential salary to blah, blah, blah charity. He announced that other presidents have never had to announce. - Right. - 'Cause you had to go looking for it. And they did, they did. - So, but I wonder, and I've wondered this kind of through his entire time out of office. Most presidents start work on their presidential library. Has there been any talk of a Trump presidential library? - Yeah. - I didn't think so. Because he doesn't want people calling it to libraries. - 'Cause they have-- - You could, because they could see-- - You could see that so the purpose of-- - Don't have trans reading time. (laughing) That's how sad he is. Oh, he doesn't know anything. - All right, that's all right. - The news. All right, yes, the news. - We've got, this morning, a giant explosion at Yellowstone sends tourists running for their lives. - I heard that it like fucked up the deck and everything. - Yeah, oh yeah, it was humongous. It was caught on video from tourists. - No shit. - And yeah, there was numerous people scattering that happened at the Biscuit Basin, which, first of all, it's a great name. - You can't get biscuits there. - Where was it at? I was at Biscuit Basin. - Were you? (laughing) Were you? - Wouldn't have blew. (laughing) - It's kind of like opening a Pillsbury fucking muffin thing. - Maybe there are some biscuits in those people's pants. - All right, Pat, there are, man. You go to Yellowstone, you're not expecting a fucking explosion while you're standing on a fucking-- - Oh shit, oh shit, a peer. - Essentially, or a deck or whatever fuck they call it. Unbelievable, yeah. - Well, it makes you wonder with this explosion 'cause it was an old faithful. Was just Biscuit Basin, which makes you wonder, is it just burping a little bit or is this a precursor to something bigger? And if it's a precursor-- - I am just wondering. - Yeah, if it's a precursor. - If it's a precursor to something bigger, the United States is fucked, because if Yellowstone, if that does blow, yeah, the level of devastation, at least up to the Mississippi River is catastrophic. - Yes, and in other news. The other musk says trans child was figuratively killed by the woke media virus and vows to destroy it. My son is dead. - Yeah, you don't get to cry crocodile tears when you signed off on it. And I know he's like, well, I was tricked into it. No, you weren't, you're a fucking one of the smartest men on the fucking planet. You weren't tricked. You can say that you were emotionally manipulated. I'll buy that. But you can't say that you were tricked, all right? And regardless, you signed off. So, time to shut the fuck up, you know what I mean? Like, live by your decision. You're not getting any sympathy from me on that. Whether that was the right decision or the wrong decision for your child, it was the decision that you made. No one else made that. You made that decision. You could have stopped that. But you chose based on the information you had at the time to make that decision the way you did. And that's that. That's called being a responsible adult and taking responsibility for your choices. We hear that all the time on the fucking right, right? Why, why won't they bail out, you know, student loans? Well, you got to learn fucking fiscal responsibility and you got to pull yourself up by your boots straps. But I don't have boots, sir. I don't have boots. Don't matter me. Don't matter me. Pull yourself up by your ankle skin. Other news. We're weak style. Among the throngs of tourists and cowboy attire who flock to the Nashville's famed downtown honky tongs. A small but unsettling group has distracted locals and visitors from the neon lights with Nazi salutes and white supremacist rhetoric. Where's this at? Nashville, Nashville, okay. Yeah, you know, again, we are living in amazing times. Like everyone talks about how bad it is. I think it's fucking amazing. We are witnessing all kinds of history, almost on a daily basis, definitely on a weekly basis. There's never, you're never at a loss to find something that will enrage you. But also, if you can take the step back and kind of look at it in a, almost like a history book context, this was kind of the shit we were reading about when it came to, you know, the '60s. This was kind of the shit we were reading about when they were talking about the rise of Hitler in World War II. Horrible, sure, but amazing. You know, say what you will about Trump, but he makes you tune in. You're always, whether you're for him or against him, he knows how to get eyeballs. That is what I think will be interesting to see with the Harris campaign, is will she do larger rallies? Will they take the chance of trying to, and I don't know that they even need to, other than from the point of view of going, okay, she did a rally as big as you, and she's got five or 10 more that are just as big as your next five or 10 more. So you don't get to play that card anymore. Like, will they do that, or does that come across in your mind as almost being petty? You know what I mean? Like, I'm not sure where I sit with that. Part of me thinks it's a bit petty to be all concerned about crowd size, but I kind of think that they're going to do that with her because I think the level of excitement's going to warrant those types of arena campaign events and rallies. - Well, I heard on NPR today that-- - Oh, you're such a snob. - You're such a snob. - You're such a snob. You listen to NPR. - NPR. - Oh my God, were you doing, were you snorting your fucking avian water too, huh? NPR. - No, I bathe in that. - Oh, I'm sorry. - But, uh. - Were you playing a flute with your asshole? (humming) - Well, part of that is because you've had a large chunk of baby boomers die in the last three, four years. - Yeah. - You know, just, I mean, I'm not saying COVID related, though that was part of it. But you have had this, where did I hear this, something like in the last three or four years or whatever, it might've been in the last two years, you've had like 20 million baby boomers pass, but you've had like 40 million younger voters come of age to be able to vote. So you're replacing the elderly with twice as many of the youth, and that's the other thing is like, all those things that we thought about Kamala that were kind of like cringe worthy, you know, like her dancing or her laugh or stuff like that, the younger generation is fucking eating it up and they're creating these, you know, mix up videos for TikTok, and they're celebrating that. And I think that that might be her secret power is that she's not trying, she's just being authentic, who she is, which is a little bit awkward and a little bit goofy, but they like that. And they like that a lot. And they're willing to create content, feel to it. - Yeah, and they're willing to create content and plaster it all over the place in a positive messaged way, not a try to tear her down way. So I think that there's going to be a, if not already, okay, if there hasn't been a wake-up call in Trump campaign headquarters and the Republican party, if that hasn't happened yet, which I'm sure it has to of, it will happen very soon. And if it's anything like Trump's response to COVID, it'll happen just a moment too late. I think, go ahead. I think that Trump put himself into a position of, I'm stuck now with JD Vance because I thought I was running against Biden. You see them going off saying things like, well, we thought we were running against Biden. You should reimburse us, right? Because now they've got, you know, they've got all these brand and fucking, all those brand and merchandise. I actually read an article about a guy who is a, making a living off of selling pro-Trump merchandise. And he's pissed off because he's stuck with like, a fuck ton of shit that's already printed, that's anti-Biden and he's not going to be able to get rid of it. He's got like 20,000 kuzis for fuck's sake. - It's as useful as Lauren Bolbart at a celibacy convention. - Yes, exactly. (laughing) - She's at her best when she's on her knees. That's a quote from her. That's a quote from her. Oh yeah, no, no, she never heard of that at all. - So she was talking about like how religious she is and she was trying to make this point of, you know, that she prays all the time. And I forget the first part of the quote. - The second God in bed is not praying. - Yeah, the second part of the quote was, what they don't realize is that I'm at my best when I'm on my knees. And I thought, oh, you didn't even read that all the way through, did you? (laughing) - And a group connected to the Heritage Foundation which is behind the 900 page project 2025 blueprint for a second Donald Trump administration claims that has used mobile ad location data to map the movements of Thomas Matthew Crooks ahead of his failed assassination attempt. Donald Trump. - So now what you're seeing is that they're saying all the quiet parts out loud again. And I don't think that they really realize, like I think that they've gotten so comfortable thinking that they were going to just, you know, take this election and do whatever they wanted and we're going to be in charge and we're going to be in power and Heritage Foundation and Project 2025 are going to, you know, lay the agenda out. I think that they thought that they were going to be basically a shadow presidency. And what we have seen come out from their, from, you know, Heritage Foundation, Project 2025 and all those that are related to it is we've seen threats of civil war. We've seen threats of not accepting the election. We've seen them go hardcore after gay furry hackers. You know what I mean? Like, like, and now we're seeing them go, oh, you motherfuckers don't understand. We have access to your phone data. - Yes. - So this is very much, in my opinion, bravado threat and I don't think it's the flex that they hope it will be. I think what they're doing is they're showing their cards way too early, you know, way too early. If this was Texas Hold 'em, they fucked up bad. - Yes. - That is not something that I think that you want out there that you have access to. And apparently all of these kind of like think tanks and political institutions do have some form of access to that information. It's not just like private security companies, it's not just the phone companies, but what they're doing is they're letting the cat out of the bag. And now when more people start hearing about that, guess what? You're gonna see people start to protest first off that they can be tracked like that. And I think we all knew that to some degree, but that was like such a brazen, I don't think we knew that it could happen at a company that's either owned or adjacent to the Heritage Foundation. I think we thought of it in terms of, obviously the phone companies could do that, obviously the internet companies could do that, obviously the government and federal agencies, law agencies could do that, but I don't think we were thinking, oh, some fucking jack off from Heritage, adjacent foundation can do that. And I think that that's gonna come back to bite them. What else got anything? - That is it with the news, right? - So let's talk about this real quick, because I think this is, I want to get back to Kamala briefly. - Okay. - Because the thing that I think is interesting through this whole thing, and ultimately I kind of want to explore, and I've said this before, I want to break away from politics, and this is my way of doing it is through politics. I think-- - Wait, what? - Yeah, I know, it doesn't make sense now, but hold on to your shorts, buddy. The thing that I think is interesting is first and foremost. She, it's like she caught lightning in the bottle at the right time, and it's like, okay, you even though I had my hesitancies, and I don't particularly care for you as a politician, or necessarily even as a person yet, that being said, we haven't seen enough of her to really make those decisions. But this moment, people have to be paying attention to. I mean, you're talking in the first, I think 24 hours, on average, the Biden campaign was getting two to 280, 300 people volunteering per day to work for the campaign. She got like 30,000, and I think now it's up to 52,000 people volunteering for her campaign, and that's over the last 48 hours. So now you're talking, again, just an enormous amount of people wanting to get involved. Now, obviously the big talk is who's her VP pick gonna be? I still think I'd like to see Buttigieg. I think he's got something. You know what I mean? He's just so fucking smart and so good at debate and staying calm and not letting anything rattle him, and then on top of the fact that he's a veteran, and he's also a gay man who's married and has kids. I think that's really showing a lot of contrast to what is on the other side of the ticket, especially with JD Vance. With that being said, right now it seems like they're, the political pundits at least, are leaning towards others. But I still think it should be Buttigieg. I do, I think it should be, let Buttigieg go, you know? Let him out there as an attack dog. Have you noticed that the right throws out words like D-E-I-Woke? Yeah, it's all dog muscles. Inclusion, it's like the new N-word. Yes, yeah, they're trying to find a way to say these things where they can go, no, I'm talking about the program, man. I'm not talking about the person. Well, we know what you're talking about. It's very, it's very fucking transparent what you're talking about. You're heading all over the sheet. That's so, yeah. (laughing) It's all over the sheet you're wearing, man. Oh, that's funny. So, I don't know, what do you think? Where are you at now with, you know, a little bit of time that's passed between this and our last pod regarding her being endorsed by Biden? Obviously the endorsement by Biden was important. I think it was more important for party unity and not having a convention that was like hurting cats and to not make that convention like the 1968 convention. The right is trying to gaslight and say that people weren't given a choice. They didn't get a chance to vote in the primary. Well, you know what? A vote for Biden was a vote for Harris. Yeah, I don't get that argument. Let's be honest. Yeah, that argument doesn't hold the water because she was obviously on the ticket with him. So if you were voting Biden, you were voting for her as the VP. You may not have been voting for her as the president, but you were still casting a vote for that ticket. That ticket wasn't going to change. Everyone knew that ticket wasn't gonna change. So that's one of the conspiracies though. You know what I mean? I also don't think that the right really foresaw the excitement that she actually could bring and she is bringing. You know, I keep thinking to myself, wait until, you know, Beyonce or anyone else and Taylor Swift gets her Swifties involved. Oh, which is coming? Yeah, it's coming. She's coming. Beyonce already greenlit her to use one of her songs as her walk on. So when you got Beyonce giving you authority to use a song in a political sense, that's kind of showing where this is going. Yeah. And I think too, I think with Beyonce agreeing to that, I think Beyonce recognized the moment as well. I mean, this is even bigger in many ways than Barack Obama because he was a man. A black woman bring up how many-- But a man's have come out to endorse Kamala. You know, mild union has endorsed her. Yeah, I think the endorsements are gonna come in fast and furious just like the cash and the, you know, the volunteers and, you know, all that. But what I think is interesting about this and it goes to Trump too is there are so many conspiracy theories floating around right now. Up until I think today, people on social media were like, I need proof of life that Joe Biden is still alive. I mean, like, where the fuck are we going when, you know-- Why wasn't he out this weekend? Right. Well, he had COVID. Yeah. And maybe he didn't. Maybe he never had COVID, okay? That's, I'm sure, a conspiracy theory too, that this was not about him having COVID and going into isolation. This was about him going into isolation to have to deal with this decision, okay? Maybe that's true, I don't know. I don't care, it doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter, you know? He did the right thing at the end of the day and that's what we've always come to expect from Uncle Joe is-- Yeah. It may take him a minute to get there but he's going to in the end do the right thing and he's gonna do the right thing for country, first, party, second, himself, third. And he did that. He fought against it. He was just like anyone who's the most powerful position in the entire world. You're going to fight against giving up that authority before you have to. You know, that's why Trump fought so hard to not give up the presidency. That's why Biden fought so hard not to give-- Because it was at the end of the first term and it wasn't going to work out again. The difference is that Trump was so fucking stupid that he created all of his legal problems, almost all of his legal problems because he was throwing a temper tantrum like a fucking toddler who needed his whooby and his fucking pacifier. I want to ask, is it perhaps unfair of the Trump family to try to keep propping this old man up in front of the third? I think we all have to ask that. He's having some cognitive decline. He had his ear blown off. Yeah, I mean, all right. So again, this gets to the conspiracies. But with that being said, I want to pause that for a moment. I mean, he couldn't even get down from being shot at without his shoes falling off. My shoes fell off. My shoes. Me, my shoes. Help me with my hair. It's interesting because there are a lot of conspiracy theories floating around regarding the assassination attempt. Now, I don't know. So I'm not going to say I do know whether or not he actually got shot in the ear with the bullet. I am going to say I've watched a number of people do ballistic gel head recreations and record it in slow motion, the whole deal. I don't know, man. I don't think that you're going to end up with just a band-aid on your ear. I don't think everyone is showing the hole that gets blown through a fucking ear. In 2016, there was an incident at one of his rallies where you saw him do the back and forth look. Like he didn't-- I do, I remember doing it. Yeah, in front of the balloons popping. Yeah, it was at the one that was in the airplane hangar with the Trump plane behind him. I remember that one, yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, this conspiracy that there, see, here's the thing. Had he actually been killed, I think that we would be having a way different conversation right now. I think that we would be talking about the civil unrest in the country and all the violence in the country and how this is sparked the tinderbox at every capital in the country. I think it would have been a lot worse. I'm glad to see. I want to throw in there really quick. Not to interrupt you, but no, this Kirk's kid. I had not only tracking information on Trump, but also Biden. He was looking for the first one to come to somewhere near his area. I didn't do this. I didn't know that. So, it really wasn't about politics. It was about, I just want to kill one of these motherfuckers. Yeah. Well, he just saw an opportunity because Trump was the first one to speak in that country. I think that there's, I don't know if that's, I don't know where you got that or if that's true or not. I tend to trust you because you tend to vet your information. However, with that being said, I think that there's a lot yet to be discovered about what the motivations were and what he was up to. And I think that any news story that comes out, no matter how legit the source is, at this point, I think it's too soon. Just like I said, in a conversation I was having about the head of the Secret Service being grilled by the Congressional Committee, I totally get where you're coming from that you think in nine, 10 days after an incident, you should have some information, okay? I totally get in that. And if nothing else, that information should be, you should be able to tell me what your plan was going into this, you know, like that should be kind of on paper, I would think. However, asking that woman who has now, I guess resigned, stepped down, asking her for details that clearly she was not going to be able to provide, no one would be able to provide this suit, not to say that they wouldn't be able to eventually, but let's say you have 20 Secret Service, and I'm sure it was more in that, but let's go with 20, all right? So let's say it's 20 Secret Service. - Just an easy number to go with. - And now let's cut that in half and say it was only 10. - Okay. - You still had the local sniper, you know, community, you know, community there. You had the local police community there. And let's just say for easy numbers that combined, Secret Service, local police authority and the snipers, let's say they had 40 people. - Okay. - Now, how are you going to, as someone who's investigating what could have potentially gone wrong there, how are you going to interview 30 to 40 people in nine days and also circle back for secondary and tertiary questioning of those people based on other responses that you got or other information that you got in order, like I don't think you can do that in nine days. I don't think that that's possible. And that doesn't even take into account all the video, whether it was from all the news cameras that were there, whether that was from close circuit TV, whether that was video that was on, you know, the police themselves, you know, the chest cams. I don't know that you can go through that amount of information that quickly in nine days and be able to, with any level of confidence, give an assessment of what's happened. Now, you can go through it from a high level and go, here's where we're at in the investigation. And I think that that's where she fucked up. If she would have said, look, regardless of what you think, just getting through the interviewing process of all of the law enforcement that was there and digesting that information and then cross referencing those responses and trying to find out who we need to go back and ask more questions of that in and of itself. Even if you had a team of a thousand people working on it, you still have to do the work of going over all that information, digesting it and figuring out, okay, well, that seems a little odd. Let's go double check on that. Let's get that guy back in here or that lady back in here. Let's go back to that party store and see if we can talk to that particular cashier who was working at that particular moment or that gas station attendant or, you know what I mean? Like, this is not something, I don't know if he had to be on a toll road or anything like that to get to the event, but let's say he had to go through toll roads. Now, we're looking at getting the video information from the toll road people or maybe talking with whoever was working the lane that he went through. I mean, there's a lot more to this than just, oh, this was a mistake and I take responsibility. I'm sorry, I quit. And that's where I feel we're at is that, oh, because that's what all they did was beat up on her. And that's great for your, you know, your Twitter account or for your social media or for your website. That's great for Clickbait, but that's not helping the problem. Somebody's gotta help the fucking problem here. And that's what I'm getting to with this whole thing is that it's a devolving, it's almost like flushing the toilet and watching it swirl down the drain. And that's what these conspiracy theories are, okay? The idea that you're gonna create a conspiracy theory regarding Kamala Harris actually being the person who's been in charge or that, you know, like they brought articles of impeachment, one fucking idiot fucking house member is like, oh, let's impeach her. Well, how is that gonna work? Then you got Mike Johnson saying his bullshit and then you got other members saying 25th Amendment and we need to make her president right now. Like you cannot, you cannot say in one breath, Biden's not competent to run for another four years and then get mad at him in the next breath for him going, yeah, you're probably right. All right, I'm gonna drop out of the race and then get mad because he dropped out of the race and then try to pull all this legal bullshit which is ensuing and all this other shit which is going to amount to nothing other than wasted energy and money. This is the race. But we've invested so much time and effort into blessing this guy. He can't just go, can we at least get reimbursed for the merchandise that was shitting all over him? No, no, you cannot. You absolutely cannot. Okay, you made it's time for you to be a big boy now and accept the fact that you made these decisions and these decisions are costing your party money just like everything else that Trump touches. It costs other people money, not him. This is donors money that they wasted. The donors should be pissed off at Trump for not seeing this. They knew it. They knew it all through the convention. Trump kept checking every time he turned around. He was checking is Joe actually staying in the race? A lot of the fucking speakers even said, should we talk about Kamala? And they said, no, focus on Biden. You made that decision. That was a tactical error. Sorry, you know, but what has come out of it is conspiracy theory after conspiracy theory after conspiracy theory. And really at the end of the day, you know what I've realized? MAGA is basically filled with flat earthers. That's the only thing that makes sense is that they are not willing to accept something that they cannot wrap their little fucking bigoted brains around. And their little bigoted brains can't be bothered with the idea that the earth is actually like every other planet, not fully circular, but pretty circular. - A lumpy globe. - A lumpy globe. It's a spaceship. They can't accept that. - No. - They will say, and this is one of my favorite flat earthers or things, not to get off on a tangent, but they will say that they won't believe that the earth is round until NASA can show them picture of one side of the planet or the top side of the planet with a boat going through the ocean. Now NASA has to show them a boat on the bottom side on the southern hemisphere upside down going through the ocean. That's fucking ridiculous. You just don't understand how gravity works. That's what it boils down to. You don't understand a lot of things and gravity is one of them. I tell you what, I'll believe the earth is flat when you show me a ship that literally sails off the edge of it. How 'bout that? - Obviously the earth isn't flat 'cause if it was flat, cats would have knocked everything off of the dark. (laughing) Cats would have knocked everything off. You're absolutely right. You are absolutely right. So, I mean, what's next? You know what I mean? And I think that these flat earthers, Maga, and I hate to say this because this is insulting to people who are actually retarded. These retarded Magas and flat earthers and conspiracy theorists through this whole thing. I think what's next is they're going to say that China, which went to the dark side of the moon, okay, brought back cheese. - When we were cleaning out the parents' house, I took some books and gifted them to a friend that collects old books. - Yes, I remembered. - And one of them was how to educate the mentally retarded. - Yes, I remember that one. (laughing) Oh, did we laugh until we cried? That was, I couldn't believe that Mom had that book. - Yeah, my friend, she was overwhelmed with joy. - Well, here's the thing, I think Mom had bought that because of a family member of ours. That she loved, huh? - You? - No, no, no, that book was older than both of us. - Oh, yeah, this book was from the 1930s. - Yeah, but you could tell that even at that, it was not something that was like, oh, I found a reprint in the '70s and I applied it to my children. It was definitively something that came out of the early to mid '60s, that edition, at least. - Along with the booklid from the 1950s, should I do drugs? (laughing) - I didn't see that one. - Yeah. - Oh, that's funny. I wonder if Mom was reading that or dad. (laughing) - You gotta know it was dad. - I gotta, I gotta hope it was dad. I gotta hope it was dad. I would love to see dad just tokin' down on a fuckin' joint and bein' like, yeah, I should've done this a lot. - Well, I think it was in preparation for us. - Yeah, that could be two. That could be two. - That's what I think. - We were a bit of a handful, but getting back to this idea of this conspiracy, there's been a lot of talk lately because the Chinese got to the dark side of the moon and landed and there's been a lot of conspiracy theories and they actually learned a lot. So it's kind of a big story that they've been out there. - Yeah, surprisingly, while there are mountains approved, the discussion around the idea of flat earth has nothing to do with evidence at all. - No. - To put it bluntly, we know more about the curvature of the earth than almost any other topic in the realm of physical science. - Oddly. - There's so many experiments, observations and demonstrations. - And they have time and time again, revealed the curve of the earth. - I believe that's what is referred to as empirical evidence. So, but what do you think's gonna happen with this whole dark side of the moon, Chinese conspiracy theory, bullshit? Like, also, wait a minute, before we get into that, I read an article that was fucking fascinating. Apparently they've been doing like round penetrating radar or whatever on the moon, and they finally-- - Oh yeah, you're going where I, what I just read. - Oh my God, that was so cool. Go ahead. I only skim the article. - I want you to do it. I want you to reveal. - All right, so apparently, the moon has a bunch of caves that seem to have been, based on the formation, lava tubes that dissipated, right? Do I have that right? - Yes. - Okay, so it's lava tubes. We've got 'em on earth, and they follow essentially the same pattern, all right? And so what's fascinating about that is is now, they're looking at them, no matter what the space agency is, but let's just, for the sake of this, call it NASA, they're going, oh wait, this might actually be to our benefit now that we know this, that there are a bunch of these caves, because what we can do then is we can use that as a, essentially a home base for staying on the moon for longer periods of time, or even inhabiting the moon, which is fucking amazing. - When I think of that, I think of the Star Wars thing, they're trying to hide from the empire, the Millennium Falcon flies into that cave. - Why is it a cave? - That's not a cave. - Wait a minute. - That says, yeah, actually that's funny, 'cause I had the same thought, but I think that that's actually amazing, right? Now, what you're hearing online, and with a lot of these conspiracy theorists, is that, you know, wait a minute, that's no moon. - Right, exactly. - It's a trap, that's a trap, like our trap. - So I'm curious, you know what I mean? I'm curious how this is gonna go, because it's almost more conspiratorial than anything else. Now, I'm assuming at some point we'll hear, and into some degree we have, that the reason why we haven't been back to the moon is because on the dark side, there's an alien civilization, I mean, they've already settled there, it's kind of like the Gaza Strip, except different. They've got their subdivisions, where the little alien families live, and you know, everything's a pyramid shape, and blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't buy any of it, and I want to. I wanna believe in aliens, I want it to be true. I so want it to be true, but I'm not buying it, because the people who are saying it, are the same idiots that are saying all these other conspiracies, so help me here. - You gotta remember though, that the moon people are probably still upset, even after we released the political prisoner, E.T., back to them. (laughs) We weren't very kind to him. - He's such an asshole, I love it. I love you so much. - You tried to show us how to treat plants. E.T. was the secret Jedi that much has been confirmed, they're just really pissed off about it. - You know, and what gets me is that we have this problem, considering we, as a peace offering, gave them Reese's PCs. What a bitch. - As if that's enough. - Well, you know, that's the way we do things. We negotiate small. - One of the things that I have done to actually try to prove or disprove the whole dark side of the moon, and the alien things, is I have collected pieces of old record players, a couple of hangers, some tin foil to make new room. - And a speaking spell? - Just to try to phone their home. - Did you get the speaking spell with it? - That is the hard part. You'd be surprised how hard it is to find a speaking spell. - Yeah, it is. - That is the last part. - eBay $4,200 you can get one. - I did use, you remember the old owl that would tell you numbers? - Yes. - I used one of those, except I got charged $3.99 a minute for phone sex. I don't know what happened, but three hours later, I was convinced it's all the wrong number. - It's all true. - Wrong if it depends on the way it was. - So, I know that you've actually-- - I did go through a lot of napkins in motion though. (laughing) - You were watching Steel Magnolias, oddly. Who would have thought? (laughing) - So, my question to you is, is I know you're much more well versed on the dark side of the moon than I am, and probably a little bit more versed on the flat earther theory, because I know that you go into the deep, dark corners of the internet when you start researching shit. And I typically don't, but you know all the dirty little fucking-- - In total transparency, I also tried to dial up the beast, you know, level 666, I had the area code. However-- - 667-- - I think finger did, and I ended up dialing 667 and got the neighbor of the beast, not bad. (laughing) - That was me. I thought I saw your number pop up, but I can call her ID. - I don't know, man. I think that we are in a place where everything is becoming a conspiracy theory, which is why I wanted to talk about conspiracy theories about the next show. We got to do a deep dive and flatter. - All right, I'm in. Let's do that. - Like a deep, deep dive. I will present to you evidence why that is bullshit. (laughing) - I think that we're, unfortunately, in a position in this country where everything is becoming a conspiracy theory because no one trusts everything, and no one trusts anything anymore. - You don't trust, well, you know you can't trust cable news no matter the flavor, right? I don't care what the flavor is. You cannot trust cable news. - You must day and age. I love AI. It is so much fun to play with. However, it also presents a whole new wrinkle to, is that picture real? - Yeah. - Is that video real? - Yeah, there's-- - Is that voice real? - There's a video of-- - Is my penis real? (laughing) - And you can't really tell because can you trust touch? Can you? If you listen to Fox News, you can't trust your senses. You can't trust what you see. You can't trust what you hear. You can't trust what you can smell or taste. I don't know, like everything has gotten so far to hand that if nothing else, watching these videos of Kamala dancing with school kids, ah, it makes me smile. - It started off with fake boobs and now fake butts. Now I'm looking at the golden girl scissoring. I don't know what's real anymore. (laughing) - Be Arthur, get your nose out of there. (laughing) - So if you get such you learn this back in Sicily in 1912, I don't know what's real. - Oh, picture it. - Sicily. - 1932. - I've got a dikes nose buried up my ass. (laughing) - I don't know, man. Like I said, I think everything's becoming conspiracy theory at this point, specifically around politics. And I think that that, I'm not gonna put blame on one side or the other because I think we all know where it belongs. - When you are speaker of the house, like Mike Johnson is and you say some of the stupid shit he said in the last 48 to 72 hours, well, definitely the last 48, I don't know. I just, it makes me lose faith, but then you have something like this movement which is just so full of energy and so full of hope and so full of like, we're going to do it. Like the wind has changed. It's just changed. You know, the feeling has just changed. - Well, it changed. - It's gone from two grandfathers running for the office to now somebody that's of a different younger generation. - Well, that's gonna be the argument. And that's the problem for Trump is that he created this albatross of making everything about Joe Biden's age. Well, Joe Biden's not running. And now he's the old geriatric. And there's plenty of tape that can show that. There's plenty of times where he's misspoken. There's plenty of times where he has, you know, done something sad or stupid or geriatric on camera. And now from this military general to go down the syringe, take my elbow, take my arm. - No matter how tough you want to look because you took a bullet to the ear or a piece of glass or whatever the fuck it was, I am still struggling to believe it was a bullet. I want to see the fucking medical report. I want to see a doctor other than Ronnie Jackson, you know, like a legit doctor say this was a bullet. - Have we heard anything about the assassination attempt out of the my ear pillow guy? - No, I don't think so. I don't think so. You've probably got two pillows to each side of his ears. - But I would not be surprised if he's not selling those kind of like little, my pillow bandage or ear bandages, that's really what he should be doing right now is taking all of his effort and creating just those little covers for everyone's ear that's MAGA. He would clean up. He might actually be able to get his company back. I don't know if I told you, but I was actually invited to an auction that was all of the Mike Lindell's, my pillow equipment. So I don't know if they're running on a very, very limited and small kind of skeleton crew, but there were hundreds of sewing machines. - Hundreds, you know. - In total transparency, I have a my pillow. It's a very nice pillow. - Yeah, there's not one on them. - I also have the Walmart version, which is actually even better and bigger. - And probably cheaper. - And it costs me seven dollars. - Yeah, it's cheaper. - So it's gonna be interesting to see what happens, but like I said, I think that this idea of conspiracy after conspiracy, after conspiracy, you cannot help but find yourself eventually on the dark side of the moon, wondering where did that pyramid come from? - And we're going to take a deep dive into the dark side of the moon. - Next episode? - Sure, we can split it up between the dark side of the moon and we're not talking Pink Floyd and the Wizard of Oz mixed together. - No, no, no, but we will. That has to be. That has to be a part of it. - Oh, that's gonna be a part of it. - I think really what we should do. I think really what- - And flatter. - I think what we should do is we should encompass not only the dark side of the moon, but the conspiracy theories regarding the moon and the conspiracy theories regarding the earth to kind of put into perspective how fucking stupid the conspiracy theories are regarding Trump, this election, Kamala Harris. I think that's what it should be is that we attack it from a different side. - You know what really chafes my taint? - I don't know that I want to, but go ahead. - What really chafes my taint sometimes is when the person I'm debating online because that's where most debates take place. Let's be honest, it's online. But when that other person brings up, well, that's why it's called a theory 'cause it's just an idea. No, that that is not why it's called a theory. Tell me you'd slept through science class without telling me you slept through science class. There's a difference between a hypothesis and a theory, and we will step into that more. - I think we have to, like I'm seriously shocked by the conversations I've had in the last few weeks with adults older than me and younger than me, where I thought they were actually pretty sharp people and have come to find out that they are gullible fucking fools, right? I mean, I had a conversation with this one guy, and I won't say his name, but I mean, he literally said to me, okay, mind you, this is eight, nine years after the fact, he literally says to me when I ask him, all right, you got some interesting ideas because they were fucking crazy, so I just call them interesting. I go, I get it, I see where you're coming from, you've got some interesting thoughts on this whole thing regarding the election, and I go, but where are you getting your information? He goes, you ever hear a cue? BBQ, what? And I was literally dumbfounded because this guy is a finance guy. He's like into numbers, he's into, you know what I mean, like contracts and numbers is his thing, and he goes, you ever hear a cue? And I went, oh, oh, you poor fucking fool. You poor fucking fool. - You ever watched the HBO documentary of finding you? - Yes, I did, and it was ridiculous. Just, I mean, the whole thing's ridiculous, and that's why I think we need to spend more time talking about conspiracy theories and contrasting them to the Republican party in particular, because they seem to be at this point, the largest consumers of ridiculous bullshit and believing it, and with that, that's another else's little pickles. (lively music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)
