Part 1 of 1
Read the full text, as well as the show notes, at http://flashpulp.com
Tonight we present another urban legend of questionable origin, a tale of light fingers and lighter shoes.
The Skinner Co. Network
FPSE14 - The Legend of the Lighter-Than-Air Sneaks, Part 1 of 1
[music] Sunday's gloomy, my hours are slumberless. Dear is the shadows I live with by nonetheless. Little white flowers are never making you. Not where the brach ultra-sol is taking you. [music] Angels have no fire ever returning you. Would they be angry if I so don't join in you? [music] Welcome to Flashpulp Special Episode 14. This evening we present the legend of the lighter than air sneaks, part one of one. This week's episodes are brought to you by The Way of the Gun. Hi, this is Scott Roosh, author of the novel Geneedator Crimson Sams and editor at Flying Island Press. And have I got something for you? If you like cowboys and you like samurai, I have a Kickstarter that you really need to check out. This short story anthology will have works from Jake Bible, Justin McCumber, Zach Ricks, Jared Axelrod and Doc Coleman and myself. We have some great ideas and if you go to kickstarter.scotroosh.com you'll find out more. And you will want to back it as much as I wanted to succeed. [music] Flashpulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age. Three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings. Tonight we present another urban legend of questionable origin, a tale of light fingers and lighter shoes. The legend of the lighter than air sneaks, written by J.R.D. Skinner, art and narration by Opopodex and audio produced by Jessica May. Thought to have originated in capital city during the early 90s. The legend of the lighter than air sneaks gained popularity, not coincidentally, with the rise of Nike's Air Jordan shoes. The story opens on a youth of fourteen, a boastful boy of meager means. Sometimes he's walking alone through a wooded park after a fight with his companions. And sometimes he's dallying about on his last day of a school suspension. But whatever the case, the lad discovers a pair of black, white and red high-top sneakers, barely used and surprisingly unattended. With sidelong glances and eager fingers, the boy confirms that there is no one to see him make his move. Then he snatches up the shoes. When no shouts are heard, he tucks them beneath his jacket and sprints for the safety of home. Following a brief but heated exchange with his mother, he makes his way to his basement room, where he sets his newly obtained loot upon his bed and takes up his first close scrutiny of the footwear. The shoes are invariably described as having a pattern mimicking flames on the exterior. And despite a lack of visible branding, they seem to have been made with the finest care for detail. Completing his inspection, the boy strips off his own Walmart kicks and eases his feet into the rubber and leather forms. Though he's initially concerned that the shoes may be too large for his high school age frame, they fit perfectly. Even more surprising, however, is the fact that he finds himself hovering inches from the ground, with his balance shifting as if he were attempting to stand on a icy surface, an effort at which the teen inevitably fails. After a moment of disorientation, he finds himself standing on the ceiling. Once he's regained his composure and assures himself that he's not dreaming, he strolls to the barren bookshelf which houses his stereo system, spins the volume knob to full, and begins dancing. It is only at the yelled insistence of his mother that he stops, and then it is simply because he knows that should she uncover his new find, she would be suspicious of where he located such expensive looking apparel. And rightfully so. Growing paranoid, he moves to a point above his bed and unlaces. As soon as he is free of them, the shoes drop lifeless to the ground. The next day, with his plunder safely stashed behind the same loose wall panel that houses his carton of cigarettes, the roofwalker is eager to discuss matters with his closest classmates. His fantastic claims, however, do not go down easily, in light of his long history of extravagant tail-telling. Often cited are tales of an illicit affair with the school's most desirable teacher, a supposed night of joy riding in a stolen Lamborghini, or a three-day hallucinatory peyote trip with his never seen Canadian girlfriend. And, in the end, the boy's truth-telling is not believed. Annoyed, and not known for intelligent decisions, the spurned braggart decides not only to bring the shoes to school at a soonest opportunity, but to dawn them in the very first period of his day, Jim class. Rising above the stunned crowd of gathered students, he manages to make a single dunk on the room's basketball net, then rises too far above the hoop to be of any use. His teacher, occupied with his search for a ladder or a pole with which to retrieve his floating student, does not witness the boy bump gently into the ancient skylight that rests above the room, nor the lifting of the pain from its unmaintained moors. Before anyone might realize what's happening, the sneaker'd arrow knot is outside the school, and drifting with the wind. The boy's view is made all the more alarming by the fact that he must face it upside down. Within hours, however, his weeping gives way to simple boredom and hunger. At three thousand feet, the curse footwear reaches its maximum height, and the scenery slips from afternoon to evening, then night. Eventually, despite efforts to stand upright, the flier's head begins to pound, and his vision redends. By morning, he's dead of stroke. It is not the end of his journey, however. His corpse continues its slow flight, pushed on by the air currents. The cataver sees rain, and sun, and stars. It heats, and cools, stiffens, and decays. Finally, the bloated weight is too much for its rotting ankles, and the majority of the body tumbles to the ground below. Further time passes, while the arcane gear is held close together by whatever power keeps them aloft. Aloft, that is, until such a point as the desiccated toes finally slip free of the tight laces, and the shoes fall again to the earth, to await their next unlucky occupant. Flashpulp is presented by Flashpulp.com, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons' attribution non-commercial 2.5 license. Text and audio commentaries can be sent to scare@skinner.fm, or the voicemail line at 206-338-2792, but be aware that they may appear in a future flashcast. We'd also like to thank the free sound project, found at freesound.org. For a full listing of effects used during the show, as well as credits for the users who provided them, please check this episode's notes at flashpulp.com. And thanks to you for listening. If you enjoyed the show, please tell your friends. [Music]