Prepare yourself for: American candy, hardcore pregnancy, Tunisia, the Blood Countess, the origin of No-Hands Mick, and Coffin.
For the full show notes, visit http://flashpulp.com
The Skinner Co. Network
FC62 - Touch & Run!
[Music] Hello and welcome to Flashcast62, a Skinner Co presentation. Skinner Co. It's how babies are made. Ooh, this episode is also brought to you by Jenner's donations from Gigantor and Scott Roche. Thank you. Prepare yourself for American Candy, hardcore pregnancy, Tunisia, the Blood Countess, the origin of no-hands-mick, and cough. [Music] Hi, I'm Opoponix and you will provide me with the microfilm, Jessica May. No, I won't. J.R.D. Hello. And special guest, Gigantor. I don't got it. I got my eye on you. Gigantor may have to take off, mid-show. It all depends about the dark forces. But it's nice to have them here, and we'll certainly get some candy in them before we depart. Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. The children could be up at any moment, so we're racing against time to provide you with entertainment. It's exactly like Back to the Future, but with toddlers. Yep, yeah, just like that. It's so much scarier, too. So I follow this blog, Fashionably Geek, which is awesome, and I read this totally wicked story that just made me want to laugh at all the sad emo kids. Apparently, there's reason for emo kids to be even sadder now, because their emo hairstyle has been causing an ambilopia, an ambiopia, or otherwise commonly known as the lazy eye. Really? Because they're only using the water paint? They're getting wandering eyes. So they're getting lazy eyes. Man, you totally have emo bangs. And you have emo bangs. Not anymore. Don't scream. I had emo bangs, but then I cut them. You have emo bangs. Yeah. Because I'm not emo. I'm a rich happy emo. You can see. Yeah. I think it's most important. All of my eyes can see. But on the other hand, if you've seen that Mythbusters where they cover the eye patch myth, you'll know that feasibly emo kids can go from light to darkness and simply switch which side. That's true. And their eyes will already be adjusted to the dark, so they can go below next. That's a pirate skill. Yeah. So emo pirates. Emo pirates. Emo pirates. Let's get on this. Oh man, wouldn't it be fun for, like, Captain Pigger at once to dress up emo pirate chorus? He'd have to be really sad, though. Oh man. I'd pay money for that. I don't know that he could get his fantastic mustache to sort of sweep to the one side. Yeah. It would have to be all droopy on that. Yeah. It covers, like, his one front tooth. Okay. I have sort of a fantastic sort of horrible news story, so we should really get to. So there's this lady in Michigan. Have you heard about this story yet? I've heard of ladies. They're definitely in Michigan. In Michigan? You've heard of both of these things? Yes. Yeah. Okay. Something horrible happened at this woman the other day. Okay. In Michigan? And, uh, of the time, got together with his roommate, they kidnapped her, they brought her out to the middle of nowhere, they set her on fire, and they shot her. In that order? Yes. Mm. Okay. They did it. It's like shooting and dance setting on fire. They did it because she was pregnant with his baby. She survived. Oh, my God. She got up. She got herself to help, like, some kind of terminate, pregnant terminator. Yeah. And, uh, she's, like, fine. She's gonna recover. Everything's gonna be okay. Oh, wow. Horrific. Kinda amazing. Amazing badass. No. No, I don't take this. The baby, born by C-section. No. Immediately afterwards. So, okay, so she was ridiculously pregnant, and she was all the way ready. Yeah. She was a couple weeks. She was a couple weeks early. Oh, my God. Let me have the, let me get the details up here. Oh, my gosh. Michigan. Why are you setting your ladies on fire? Yeah. It doesn't really matter, 'cause they're tough. They can take it. Yes. It only makes them stronger. That's hilarious. Yeah. Yeah. That ain't nothing. She had herself a little drogan. Yeah, she did. And the bullet. The shot. Yeah. Oh, crap. I mean, it's not just a fire. Fire was nothing. You put a bullet in me, and that's still in enough. I know. It's nice, though. She was gonna be able to testify against them. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah. Well, they have some video footage, I guess, of them picking up items from Home Depot and a few others. Oh, my God. So, it was like, how do you get your friend to help you do that? And that you're okay with it and have to take video of it? I suppose. I guess the-- No, no, no, no. It was just security footage. It was just security footage from Home Depot. Oh, I see. I thought they were really romanticizing the kill. But you know. No, that would be too far. No, that's disgusting. No, that's disgusting. There's a line we won't cross there. They can't enjoy it. I guess the father has another baby on the way with another lady. Oh, imagine being that lady. She's like, oh, my God. It could have been me. Yeah. It's like, how did you decide which one of us to set on fire? The one who was going first. They've got her in the car. They set her on fire with lighter fluid. And I quote, "She was able to roll out of the vehicle and tries to extinguish herself on the ground. And here's two gunshots. One hits her in the upper back and she plays dead." So now, Rogers, the guy who basically playing the whole thing, is essentially trying to say that he had told his roommate, like, no, let's not do this, and his roommate just decided to go ahead and do it anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Man, it's enough that he was like, why would he would have so much jail time, even for planning that. So the fact that even, you know, it doesn't really matter. He's an accomplice to the crime. He planned it. Mathis has denied responsibility. Galasso, the cop. There is no indication there was any monetary exchange or remediation. Bowman, the lady who was set on fire and shot, was able to drive to a service station and call her mother. Wow. What? You call your mom. Mommy sent me on fire and shot me and then I drove and I think I'm going to have a baby. It's better than calling your mom when you're being eaten by bears. Yeah. Well, how much is a car? Oh, yeah. Well, how much is a car? An employee of the Shell station told CNN affiliate WDIV that employees gave them what a t-shirt when she walked in. Poor woman. Everything was bad. Turned up, the car he said. She was in a bad situation. Imagine that walking into your store. Oh, my God. The woman ended in the labor early Tuesday and had an emergency C-section three weeks before her due date. Wow. This is why he'd be for her. But at the same time, that's an incredible time. You know what? I think this is a little too bothersome and I think you might be stepping on some toes, sir. Yeah. No, it's not bothersome. It's a sign of hope, like the fact that you can survive being sent on, she's the modern day Rasputin. So, Jeff, no hope, please. Rasputin did eventually die. Maybe this lady is destined to rule Russia. You don't know. You don't know, Maine. This does sound like the beginnings of the creation of a superhero, though. Yeah. No crap. Of the child. Yeah. There was also that sort of electrical storm. Yeah. It passed on through his super durable mother. Yeah, exactly. Super durable. She's just like a tire. We'll have to come back to that later. Skinner Co will train the new superhero in their super powered division. Actually, speaking of superheroes, did you guys see that item Strasburg posted on the mob? No. A man's Strasburg. Yes, but you talk about it. Yes, bro. Oh, the comic movie thing. Sylvester Stallone recently released a statement essentially saying that action movies as was his era are now being replaced essentially with superhero movies. Well, I mean, a lot of superhero movies are action movies. Well, my immediate reaction to this was that I know the exact movie where they made the switch. It was Terminator 2. It was the first time you really involved a lot of CGI effects into a film, and they could go to a level that was above just punching and shooting at each other. I wouldn't call Terminator 2 a superhero movie there. No, but as soon as you open that can of being able to do these CG effects, like you look at Consider District 9, it's not really a superhero movie, but by the end of that film, the hero or the human protagonist at least is running around in superpowered armor and there's missiles flying around and you could. It's not a superhero movie, but it has all of the hallmarks of a superhero movie, and it's really just because that's what we can do now. So they're going to ramp. It's the Conan effect. We've discussed this before. Remember Conan starts off sword fight in two guys at the beginning, and then you get 200 issues into the comic and suddenly you have to fight six guys because just to make it look like he's badass, they kind of keep adding more and more. So that's, you know, I think action reviews, yeah, even if you look at something like Jason Statham, who is doing, I think pretty close to pure action movies, the transporter films have all kinds of, you know, semi CGI set pieces and missiles that turn around corners and things that would just not be really feasible back in, yeah. I concur, ladies and gentlemen. So I don't know. Anyway, I guess just my point is that it's more the replacement of CGI over practical effects, which is happening across the board. And I don't think we've quite enough. Well, it's cheaper. And safer for a lot of people involved. Yeah, that's a lot of it, right? Exactly. At the same time, I think there's a lot of nostalgia still in place because despite the fact that it's cheaper and safer in some ways, it still doesn't sell you necessarily as well as seeing a guy dangling from the end of a crane or whatever and actually doing it because there's so many little nuances you'll never get from CGI. Technology is only going to get better. Yeah, absolutely. And we're only going to make it more and more convincing and realistic. I know we've discussed this before, but we're just, we're still really in that Star Trek, the original series phase where you can see the strings, but you're kind of just buying into it because you know... Because you want to? Yeah. You want to enjoy the experience. But you're there for. Just with all the work that they're doing with like motion capture effects and stuff. Mm-hmm. Like all the work that went into El Anwar. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. We're definitely getting there. It's just, you know, we're in the early days still in some ways with CGI. It's interesting. We ended up watching, what was that, a National Geographic show? It was one of those anniversary of the Titanic sinking shows, specials. He was recreating the sinking scene from Titanic, like his film Titanic, but trying to make it more realistic and it kept adjusting, like, due to all of these. Based on new information. Yeah, anything that would come up from the debris field and all of this new information. And it was fascinating because they were cut between the original scene. Yeah, they would have a side-by-side shot, right? Yeah, the 1995 scene and then they would cut to just what they were doing, not for a film, but just for their own knowledge, you know what I mean, for research purposes. But the new stuff looks so incredibly better. It was almost laughable. And it's kind of amazing how they figured some of it out. Like one was just a hatch door, they realized that the ship had moved in a different major way than they had before, like, than they had known before, or that there was the water pressure. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, many new details. It was very interesting. They'll give him flack for always being at the bottom of the water, looking at the Titanic. No, I'm going to learn some stuff. I'm a fan of these ridiculous Playboy explorers that we've seemed to have developed Branson and him and- Yeah, I mean, what else are they going to do with their time, right? Elon Musk, I guess. And who else is going to do that shit? Yeah, absolutely. What else are they going to do with this money? Feed people? Well, he's Cameron is a big underwater explorer, too, apparently. He's like- Yeah, yeah, like putting them in the first ever, whatever. Yeah, he's got all kinds of projects on the go, so he's just- I'm all for underwater discovery. Mm-hmm. That's like- I wonder, though, I do wonder if sometimes he's sitting in his, you know, cigar-smoke-smelling library, I'm sure he has some massive mansion somewhere, and it's two in the morning, and he's thinking, "Yeah, yeah, you know what? What about this desk? The dead of the Titanic. You know what about that TV? The dead of the Titanic. You know what I mean? Like, maybe he's just really driven for this, because he's like, "I made a lot of money on that, and I feel a little bit about it." Well, it's not like he made money off the Titanic sinking, he made money off, yeah. No, he just made money off making it exciting. Well, he made an epic film of that, and it's not like he's picking up on three pieces and putting on a new day. No, I think he's very respectful. He sunk the Titanic. He made that ice cube in his freezer. I'm just saying, in the idea that he could be Citizen Kane, that would be his sort of, you know, underlying secret. Anyhow, I saw this item on crack.com, and I'm not a big fan of discussing these crack.com lists, as I'm sure everyone comes across now and then, but I thought this one was pretty fascinating. It's actually spread across two articles, it's twelve fictional places you won't believe actually exist. And some of them are pretty neat. The Ewok Village from Return of the Jedi has a very close analog in a tree village in Costa Rica. I want to live in a tree village. Apparently, you can zip line between luxury huts. Oh. Mm-hmm. That's cool. Yes. Seemed very fascinating. Oh, luxury hut in Costa Rica. Tree top hut. Luxury tree top hut. Yeah. Not just a hut. But it's a luxury hut. They mention, you know, your standard underwater lab from Sequest or whatnot, Deepstar Six. Do they have an ice hotel thing? Ice castle. Well, they, no, they have an actual working underwater lab. I don't know if you guys ever heard of the Aquarius Reef base, but it's got, you know, it's not a huge thing. It kind of feels of the Yuja Cousteau era. That's pretty cool. But it's a cool little lab space that run by, I believe, the Florida University. Awesome. One of my favorites from the list was, was a home formerly owned by Dick Clark. And he didn't want to be on top of a tree? What? That wasn't good enough for him. He was worried about his hip. Well, before he was passing out a special. Yeah, he's not worried about it anymore. I'm not sure. But he had a house that was actually designed very much in the mold of a Flintstone set. Oh, yeah. It's fascinatingly prehistoric in how it looks. Yeah, it looks like it's the Flintstone house. Everything's. Yes, I remember that and it recently came up for sale. Yeah. Yeah. It's so weird. Very shaped. Why would he? But my favorite from the list I have to admit, the Lars homestead from Star Wars, actually many of the sets from Star Wars. That's pretty cool. Are all basically just actual people's houses and hotels from an area in Morocco. I don't meet. An area called Tatooine. Really? No, sorry, Tunisia. No, no, Tatooine in Tunisia. Okay. Yes. No, no. I just meant not Morocco. It was in Tunisia. My bad. That's pretty great. Although they spell it slightly different, which makes me wonder if perhaps I'm not sure I didn't go into research enough to determine if Lucas just ripped off the name and changed it slightly, or if they were worried about being sued by Lucas so they made their town name something slightly different. Seems like something you should have researched before. That's a great question, Charity. Jesus. Yes, we're going to sample from the candy box a little early. And we've decided, I asked the time traveler if he had a preference of what we were trying today because he specified he wanted it to sound really messy for Charity because it's a bit rough. But he left it up to us. And so I think we've all decided that we're going to have the what, nickel nip, nip, nickel nip, we've got to take a look at these mini drinks. And there are mini little bottles, they look like Coke bottles, wax bottles that apparently we have to bite off the end and squeeze out the interior though inside just like a tiny, tiny people. That's just. Yeah. I don't know. It's like so excited. What's the green? Not the green. Uh oh. Todler invasion. Mm hmm. Is there a pink one? I want a blue one. You guys are getting a bit picky over there. I know. You brought out yellow. Do I have one? Yeah, sure. Yeah. We'll send you a phone. Or who wanted the blue? She wanted pink. I wanted blue. Oh, you wanted blue. Just wanted pink. Yeah, I want a pink. Okay. There seems to be no liquid in the bottom. I wonder if we should squeeze the top to get it to the bottom. No, it's not doing that. No, I think what you're supposed to do is take the, just like, cap it off. Oh, I shouldn't have done that at my laptop. Would you do? Yeah, okay. I squeezed it and it juiced all over like my microphone and my stand and my shirt and my laptop. Okay, so are we going for this? Everyone seems to be. I just bit the top out of here. Yeah. Now you have to cap off. Hey. It's like cherry-freezy. Mm. It's a surprising amount of liquid in there. Okay, nickel nip. It's a little bit sturdy. This is delicious. I apologize for the sounds of eating on the knife. Oh, my goodness. I squirted it all over. Yeah. Okay. Do it away from your computer. That is the only advice I have for people with nickel nips. I can't stop giggling on a nickel nips. I feel like we're doing a PSA for some sort of medical condition. Nickel nips. I got pink nickel nips. Yeah, this is really bad, Jessica. This is like a more, this is like a jellified, freezy. It's very... Yeah, it's like a liquid-freezy. It's a little bit freesier. But it's not like two. Yeah, no, it's not. Very interesting. That's fantastic. Thanks. Thanks. While Jack Gainter was here, we did get a couple of films in. Yeah. Yeah. We watched, what was it, "Ranchers vs. Martians"? Ranchers vs. Martians. Ranchers vs. Martians. As I was calling it on the Twitter. I don't know why. I don't generally live tweet movies that I'm watching, but there was a lot to respond to in that film. And I felt like I needed to make my voice heard. I believe it. I have to say, overall, I enjoyed the film. I wish that Harrison Ford had arrived at some point. And been less angry. Well, he was just angry acting his way through the film. He did not seem really interested in being... Angry. This is like a new thing. Yeah. No, or something that apparently, you know, well, it's just the way he described it. It's like, "Angry act." Oh, "Angry act." Are we talking about Christian Bale? No, "Angry act." We're talking about Harrison Ford. He's trying to like that, though. Yeah. 'Cause Christian Bale angry acts. What are you talking about? Angry acting is like a Walmart cheat for acting. It's like showing up and instead of bringing any sort of gravitas or depth to your role, you just act pissed off the whole time. What? Yeah. It's like when you get a certain amount of wrinkles and stuff like Harrison Ford's age. Like, you don't really have to do much other than just kind of squint and look a little grumpy. But the thing is that he doesn't... There's so much character. He could be sleeping. He could be having his nap. Daniel Craig really struck me in scenes as lanky and beaten up and appropriate to the period. I thought he did a great job. There was never a time when I looked at Harrison Ford and I thought that he could have... Billy Cowboy. He could have survived a day on the Deadwood set. Yeah. Yeah. He looked tired. Yeah. He looked like he had written out of a Roy Rogers film more than any such like... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like he could have had a... like what do they say that like when they have a still in the back and it's painted. Matte painting. He could have had a matte painting of the West out there. Yeah. He's been sitting there. Yeah. And it's been totally 1960s. No budget. Yep. Silly. Not really a cowboy. Yeah. Yeah. It was unfortunate but I enjoyed the rest of the film except for Harrison Ford. Yes. Which is a sad thing to say because I love Harrison Ford. I just wish he'd, you know, try. I hadn't had much time to read so I must confess I was doing that in some mobby business while we were watching. I don't even remember what I was doing but I probably couldn't tell you what to apply to that. Unfortunately that's one of the aspects of the film. It's very cowboys roaming around and aliens showing up and not a lot of... It was beautiful though. There's gold. It didn't look so great. It was gold. I think it really was my fault though. I think I should have been paying more attention. It was sort of a mishmash of cowboy trips. I wish they had done more with the Sam Rockwell character. I felt like him and what's the other fellow? Clancy Brown. Clancy Brown. I felt like they could have done a lot more with those two characters. I felt like they would have actually fit in better in a deadwood set than... I love that you compare all Western to Deadwood. Well it's the grittiest. It's the grittiest. It's the grittiest. Oh he did kind of owl and that's like... Yeah absolutely. He's of that gritty mold. The realistic. In my opinion at this point, if you're doing a Western, the bar you need to hit is deadwood. We also got to watch In The Method Madness. Yeah that was surprisingly good. Because it was the first time for some of us. What was that about again? That was the Sam Yellen where everything was all crazy. Have you read such a cadence? Yes. Yes. That was awesome. It was incredible. That was incredible. This one will drive you absolutely mad. The riots we have because the stories could not be for the man of Sutter Kane's novel In The Mouth of Madness. Kane disappeared two months ago without a trace. Isn't he the guy that writes horror books? You can forget about Stephen King. Kane outsells them all. I need to know if he's alive or dead and I need that book. It's a sit-up. I just have to work on how it's set up. Kane's writing has been known to have an effect on his readers. See this? It's a map. This whole thing has been staged. You just get out. This is not reality. It's all happening for real, Trenna. I know this book will drive people crazy. I hope so. The movie comes out next month. I think it was the beginning scene where there's people sitting in a cafe or something. This guy starts coming out of a building or something and is walking steadily and deliberately towards this glass where these people are sitting and they totally have no idea what's going on. Then he just breaks right through it. He has to get through a certain amount of, like there was a woman with a carriage or something. He's pushing people aside but everyone in the cafe is oblivious to it until he's like right through the glass. I love those set pieces on John Carpenter's part but I felt like there wasn't enough of that. Like that was one of the golden moments of that moment and it could have used more of it. Yes. It's a great movie. I enjoy it. It really was. It was. It has a Saturday night popcorn flick. Because with that scene it wasn't just even the action of going through the glass. It was that anticipation. It was that creepy. The build up of the scene. Yeah. Like he's coming. Oh man. And they'll just turn around. It was his when they were all that, like when their faces were all distorted, that was super creepy. Make a job there was great. So it definitely, it had its moments. It's very enjoyable moments. The ending. I feel like it's a very solid film but the ending falls relatively flat for me anyway. What happened in the end? I don't want to spoil it on the air but 1995 film. Oh yeah. I suppose, right? We're like, "Hey, watch this guys." By the way, he does. You know what? This is one of those movies where, you know, the ending is going to kind of flop. It may be better than you just know. He essentially wandered into a movie theater and he's watching the movie of what he's just experienced essentially. But then he goes nuts because it's what it was. Because the whole premise is that anybody who encounters the story will go insane. So by watching his own story, he then finally goes insane when he's like the last person alive. Oh wow. Yeah. No, that's full of creepy. Yeah, you should have said that. No, I think it's fine. But save Neil's always fun. Yes. And there's no dinosaurs. I'm hoping to touch John Carpenter at Van Expo. We are. We could. You know what? If we like really meant it, even if there's like a little rope, we can just walk up really fast, touch him and run away. I'll take video. I think he likes that. Yeah. I think that's better than last week's idea because I think what we wanted to do was to get John Carpenter to stab us or roll John Carpenter up in a carpet and then stab him. There's. No, that's jail time, hun. The other was funnier because, you know, it was a living memory of, you know, yeah, I'm not really into scarification now. Yeah. No, but what I'm saying is I think this is a much better idea. It is. It is. It is. Yeah. It's a lot less permanent. I feel like if I get too close to John Carpenter, maybe, you know, maybe Kurt Russell is going to show up. Yeah. Yeah. He's just by chance. What are you doing? I heard you were dead. Anyway. What if you possibly a chance? I know what the expos I've gone to before the celebrities will have like a photo shoot. Right. So you go and eat your picture taken. Well, I mean, I've posted up a couple like. Yeah. Yeah. They were so great. You get a big, big McCready beard by the time it's August. Are you implying that I cosplay as McCready? Because you know that I've essentially got all of the gear over anything. Okay. You'll be more in the next few. So long as we can take our dog and attach tentacles to her. I've also built a tower in the backyard. Yes. You know, it'd be fun if we had like a piece of paper and there's two columns. And one is one of the columns is like the people who we want to see and the other column is like all the things that we could do that's not really non-committal won't get us in jail. And then we just like match them up of which one we'll do together. John Carpenter. Touch and run. Touch and run. Touch and run. Actually, I think you came your two time. Yeah, yeah. Depending on what province you're in. Or where you're touching John Carpenter. John Waters might be a little more comfortable with John Carpenter and I think it's not going to be. Wrong Expo. Unfortunately, I think that would probably disqualify us from the parsec awards. Yes. I know we mentioned last week that we were nominated, but I'm still quite excited. I think they have a clause in there that if you assault other people, you're not allowed to. Yeah, fair enough. Two more pieces of personal business. One, we're going to be in Toronto. That's right. There are the radio project X on the 12th. If anybody wants to come see a live performance, yeah, we'll do it live. And you can be there. And it's our first time. So I hope see through this process, I'm trying to learn not to disparage myself while we're discussing it and like all the things I'm afraid of. So yes, it'll be great. It'll be a great time had by all. And then later on, like the next month and after that, maybe we'll do it again and it'll be better. Yeah, that'll be the Black Swan 154 Danforth Avenue. You can get out of the Broadview Station Tuesday June 12th, 2012, APM for 10 bucks. You can listen to and see Invasion of the Cheese Men with Follow Up Us. Man, that's my favorite of all men. The Cheese Men. The Cheese Man. Yeah, I love little cheese men. That's how she, the only way she eats her cheese, she cuts them in a little man form. I'm going to eat this one legs first. Only when I'm angry. I do have a bit of somber news, however, to round out the popular dress. Apple. Well, it's actually not. Oh, no. Oh, no. Richard Dawson died. That's not what I was going to mention, but maybe you should, yeah, let's have 30 seconds of apples and oranges in respect for the Kissing Man. I was doing it as my tribute to him, okay, fine here it is. Apples. An orange. Apples and oranges. Pick them for me. Because I am dead. But aside from that, yeah, aside from that, we'll be moving into a summer schedule. Yes. We'll still be there for you three times a week to hold you tightly Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. And Jaredie wants you to know that we're not pot fading. It's his biggest fear. He wants you to know. This is all scheduled. This is all planned. Well, I think people appreciate a structure. I think people want to know, I feel terrible about the slippage that's been happening lately, and I'd really like to get back to a place where people would be able to feel like they can depend on our regular release. Yeah, because you can depend on us. And our regular release. Or regular. Regular releases. Yeah, that sounds another medical tradition we don't want to deal with right now. We depend on our regular releases. Actually, I think depends is what you get for regular releases, isn't it? So we'll hopefully be showing up in your pod feed every Monday, Wednesday, Friday at about lunchtime. Yes. But you're getting flashcast Monday. Flashcast Monday. Yes, you'll get flashcast Monday and then Wednesday Friday flash bulbs. Yes. Which means three partners will be broken up over two weeks, which I'm not super excited about, but six partners over three weeks sounds reasonable. And then we'll also have some video for you of the Radio Project X. Yeah, that'll be great. So that'll be a fun monthly feature. That's if we don't suck too bad the first time around. No. But if we do, we'll just like film some other people and be like, weren't they so good? Yeah, it wasn't. Look at those guys. They were great. We had on disguises, dudes, because we're so famous with a paparazzi that we can't actually go anywhere as ourselves. I won't exactly be taking a break, but we'll discuss that more in background plots. Also I'm really a horse. Really a horse. Before we can let Jack enter go, we have a few more samplings he needs to intake. Is it more pink nickel nibs? This is the last of the Chewy Sprey. I'm hoping to break into the original Sprey. I'm quite excited about that. I've never ever had a... You're going to go on a Sprey Sprey? A Sprey. Don't forget to do it into the mic for JRD. Oh, please, can I? He's trying so hard. It's like he's not even chewing. He's just going to suck on it until it dissolves it. He's going to choke on it. Better yet, we're following up this Chewy Sprey with Baconets. Oh yeah. I've noticed you guys have gone sweet to Baconet. Baconet. You may want to take a sip of your water there to clear your... How are you finding the Sprey? Yeah, a little bit of it. You can put it on a piece of Sprey. I'd actually enjoy this very much. I like sour candy and that's very nice. Yeah. Yeah. The Chewy Sprey is good. Yeah. The Chewy Sprey is good. I felt like it tasted very much like something you might get out of a vending machine. But like the higher quality, like the vending machine is the knockoff of this. It actually made me think of these candies that they had when I was a kid. There was orange ones and purple ones and they were kind of like modelled and they were really sour tasting and they had turned into gum and they were like dino eggs or something like that. Yeah. Yeah, it tasted a lot like that. Oh, the cat's going with candy. All right. Now as an independent third party observer, how much of this Baconets would you say we've managed to utilize a little bit? Percentage. Percentage. Percentage. Well, you're in the high 90s. Yeah. Let's see. Yeah. We've barely dented the top of the Baconets. Yeah. There's just been a couple forays of adventure. Yeah. Yeah. A couple. It's more like we've spilunked the Baconets that we've actually explored it. I think we just kind of wandered in a little bit. Stirted around. Baconets tourists. I think that's about as far as we can claim. Don't take a big spoonful of Baconets. Just take a little bit of the Baconets. Take a little taste of the Baconets. Oh, that's so much. That's so much Baconets. And then he barfed. Is it Baconets? Mm. Yeah. Has it like Smoky Bacon like potato chip taste? Yes. I would agree with that exact sentiment. But would you eat this regularly on a sandwich or? I don't know how regularly, but I think I could see me using it once in a while. What about dipping a chip into it? That I could see working. That would work. I'm wondering what would happen if you tried. I could see it on a burger. Making egg salad sandwiches with it. I might be interested. Mm. That is just... Potato salad. I think you need to cut it off. I think you need to cut it off. You'd need to cut it off. You'd need to cut your Baconets with something. No. Some of the Masks who just ate it from the jar. There's a lot of Baconets optimism going around the table right now, but I tell you, this is just going back into the fridge and it's not going to be touched again until somebody else shows up and we're like, "Try the Baconets." You got this Baconets. You used to try it. You used to spoon. Yeah. Wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. We got to record it. Yeah. Everybody on the internet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's Baconets in Candy. And I think that's Gigantor. Thank you, sir, for sticking around. Yes. I think by the end of the spot of bother, you'll probably be back on the road. Yes. It's a long, long road home. But... Yes. Back to the Nord. At least Jeff can play you out. Spot of bother. Hi, mobsters. Before I present this week's bit of disturbing detritus, I'd like to first give you a quick update on our ongoing battle with flesh-eating bacteria here in the Southeastern US. As of last week, there were four known cases of the infection. This week brings us a fifth. A South Carolina grandmother has become the fifth victim of the flesh-eating bacteria that has sparked terror across Georgia. Louise Thompson underwent emergency surgery to remove infected flesh from her leg and was in a coma for five days. Until being diagnosed with necrotizing fasciitis, she had never even heard of the bacteria, which attacks soft tissue and muscle. Thompson had gone to a Simpsonville doctor reporting a pain in her leg that she said felt like pins sticking in my skin, but no visible signs of infection. She ended up in a hospital undergoing emergency surgery to remove a place the size of a regular football, as reported by myfoxcarolina.com. Incidentally, after seeing the lake water last weekend, I decided to confine my outdoor activities to the forest. Do you have kids? If so, at some point you've probably been tasked with throwing a birthday party for the little darlings. You either have to put a lot of effort into producing the event yourself, or perhaps you're the type who likes to pile everyone into the minivan and go out for an afternoon of mini-golf or a few rounds of ski ball at Chequi Cheese. Well, if you'd like a little more adventure next time, a new business in Louisville, Texas has just the thing. Gun parties for kids. Instead of a groundbreaking party last Friday afternoon, David Prince had a block breaking. He and his investors used hammers to crush concrete blocks, similar to what he'll install along the walls of a building inside a Louisville industrial park. Prince is building what he is proud to call one of the highest-quality state-of-the-art air-conditioned gun ranges in Texas. There are still office cubicles inside the 17,000-square-foot facility, but he's about to transform it all into a 24-lane indoor firing range aimed at experts and novices. For real novices, Eagle gun range will host birthday parties for kids. One of the reasons we're doing this, when I had my boys, I didn't have a place to take them and educate them about how to handle a gun safely, Prince explained. I really want families to be able to take their kids here and teach their young shooters how to shoot safely. Two rooms will be available for birthday parties. The age limit is eight years old. You have to be tall enough to get above the shooting table, Prince said, "They're not going to be left unattended. Parents are going to be one-on-one, or if there's not enough parents, we'll have range safety officers here to show them how to do it safely." We're going to do a lot of education here at this range, he added. The kickoff party Friday drew a big crowd and Prince was being well-received by his neighbors in Louisville, Denton County Commissioner Hugh Coleman said he was happy to have the facility in Louisville. I am thrilled to add jobs and add to the tax base, and I think gun rights are for everyone he said, but some see things in a different way. Don McMullen is a mom raising two sons in East Dallas, and she's done some gun control advocacy in the past. "It makes me very nervous," she said. "I think eight-year-olds, developmentally, can't tell the difference between play and reality sometimes." And also to put it in a party or game atmosphere just seems to not respect a gun as much as we should respect guns, she said. "But Prince said respect is exactly what he'll be teaching. We truly believe it's right in a privilege to shoot and to bear arms," he said. "But you have a responsibility to know how to do it well. It's your responsibility to know how to take care of your gun and how to use it. Ignorance is not bliss in this situation," he added. Until they outlaw guns, people are going to have access to them and should have access to them, and they need to be educated. Take the mystery out of the guns. Eagle gun range expects to open for business sometime in the summer or early fall. So there you have it folks. When you book your kid's gun party, please drop me a line. I'd love to send along a birthday gift from good old Uncle Jeff, a box of ammo on me. Just be sure to tell me the caliber of your choice and if you'd like standard load or hollow points. I'm Jeffrey Lynch and that's this week's Spot of Brother. Oh, that's fantastic Jeff. You know, our Mr. 3 just turned into a Mr. 4, and I wish we had known we could have booked a gun party. It is a birthday party. Man, I don't know why you have to pick such controversial issues. I'm afraid that if I state my opinion. No go. I'm interested to hear your opinion. I know for some reason people seem to think that they need to have weapons in order to be like patriotic citizens, but I don't think it's really the case. I don't think it necessarily leads to more violence if you have more guns, because I think per capita we have more guns, but we have a lot less gun violence. We have slightly less, but not by much. Anywho, so I think it's a bad idea. I think they should be left for adults, people who are of an age and up to understand the risk themselves. I won't let my 8-year-old drive a car be responsible for anything less lethal. Yeah. Well, that's a good point. And I really like the point that that Donna Lady brought up that it's not really respecting the gun. You know? It's a little party entertainment atmosphere, but on the other hand, the gun should not be used for entertainment. I assume they're not going to be giving the modus party favors. No, naturally. They're like, "This is such a great learning experience." And I know an 8-year-old going to a birthday party, he's going there to learn about gun safety. Yeah. There's no way. I must admit, I may have a bit of a difference of opinion on this one. Well, I'm right, but I'll let you say what you want to say. I have a lot of fond memories for my youth, wandering around the woods with my dad. And although I was not actually using the weaponry in question, I was in those instances taught a lot about gun safety and a lot about respecting, you know, weapons. Yeah. But I don't think these parties are. When I grew up around weapons, mind you, I had different experiences, maybe some... Slightly scarring experiences. Crazy scarring experiences with loaded weapons. But yeah, I just think it's not a good idea. Yeah, fair enough. I think the point, though, to me anyway, the point is it's how you go into it, right? Like it's the... It's the intent. Yeah, I think if you want to teach your kid how to be safe with a gun and you want to teach them your shoes... On the other hand, I will not... How do we evolve? I really don't. I would not teach a kid to shoot who can't babysit. I think that eight is a little young. Yeah. I think lethal weapons, we should just get rid of them, honestly. I have no use for it in my life. If I want to overthrow my government, I don't need loaded weapons in my house. Like more people get hurt being around guns. That's just how it is. This is her corrections coming out. Yeah, oh yeah, her corrections background. Well, and there's a time and place. The prison guard. I was thinking of getting my gun license correctly. You just want to call it the carry shivs? Yeah. Yeah. Only shivs. Everyone. Everyone. It has to be hand-to-hand combat. You have to feel that shit. You can't just like shoot a guy in the back. Yeah. You're much less likely to stabs a bit. We're not much. Just people. Let's grow up. Come on. I definitely don't have the self-defense sort of outlook that a lot of people do, but I at the same time have a lot of respect for people who are regularly hunting. Yeah. I understand the colonel like need to defend your home, but come on. There's a limit. There's a reasonability limit. Yes. And I think that if you look at somewhere like nuclear weapons, everyone is slowly walking away into a place where we'll never have them again. It's just not a good idea. She's good. Yes. It's all in, you know, solidarity, put your gun away, or dismantle it, and stop fearing each other because it's all it is. I think you're very optimistic. You're very optimistic. It's very sweet of you. Then what will we do when the zombies attack? Listen guys, there's no zombies. They're not coming. That's what they said before the zombie. If you like guns, I like you too, but if you ask me my opinion, I'll get it. Yeah, I suppose. I suppose. Moving on. We do have to apologize to Jeff. Unfortunately, there was a little incident last week. Oh, I'm getting the eyes guys. Yeah, I did a really rookie mistake and I'm like a really good portion of the show that we cut out. It was like a response to Jeff and then opening up to- I assure you, it was some of the funniest things ever said in the history of the world. We're said that, yeah, sorry. No, it was utter crap. Anyways, whatever it was, it's gone. It was just fart jokes, the whole thing, fart jokes. 20 minutes of fart jokes. But glad to hear you made it out of your camping trip, Jeff. Yes. And you can find all of Jeff's bothersome business over at bothersomethings.com. Please go there. I believe we have a bit of a cinematic consideration. Fresh fish, a new batch of cinematic pulp with the always-listening, three-day fish. Hey, flashgassed, three-day fish here with another review of Snow White and the Huntsman. Or just a review, I should say, another review. So anyway, as the previews kind of foretell, this is pretty action-y, pretty gritty, definitely more on the grim side of a fairytale as opposed to a Disney kind of movie. And it was interesting to watch Kristen Stewart because I'm used to just kind of saying, ah, she's just the actress from Twilight and whatnot. But she, in this movie, it seemed like her acting was the same except that she was actually walking around and doing stuff, and therefore I was able to be interested in her character. She definitely doesn't bring the movie down at all. It's got quite a cast because you got Charlize Theron, you got Kristen Stewart, you got the guy who plays Thor, whose name escapes me, I'm sorry, and they all do a pretty good job. Sadly, there is kind of like a, oh, there's two guys, which I was kind of like, really, you gotta do this, really. But other than that, nothing really seemed to bother me about the movie, but nothing really stood out either. I mean, it was just a good epic fantasy type movie. I was kind of surprised to see there were some Christian overtones in this movie, but again, it didn't really take away from the movie, I was just like, oh, hey, look at that, Christian overtones. I don't mean just subtle references, I just mean there's a scene where she's doing the art bother and all that fun stuff. See, I'll just give this a yellow light, just because nothing really seemed, nothing seemed to be risky in this movie, nothing seemed to be new or different, but it's still a good watch. Something fun, it definitely looks good the whole way through. So yeah, if you got time, go see this movie. That is all, always listening. Mm, good review, Vish, thanks. Yeah, thanks, Vish. I was really wondering about that. Don't feel bad about not remembering that Chris Hemsworth is Thor, because I think it's going to be a while before he's anything but Thor, and that's no offense to him, just that's tough. I don't think the Huntsman is going to be his most memorable role. Yeah, I don't think it's going to be the one that puts him outside the cliche. You know, I had my suspicions of how this movie was going to end. I rather suspected there was going to be another male character, and that, you know, she would go through the entire movie with the Huntsman, and they would have their little romance aspect only to have, you know, Prince Jamming show up in the end and take her away. Yeah, and then it was kind of a tragic like, oh, but they had a thing, but she's going with the princesses, whatever. So I'm, for him, for Vish to say that it ends up with the sort of two-dude cliche at the moment, it is kind of disappointing a little bit. Even if it's more of a happy ending. I have a controversial proposal. Okay. I'm preparing myself. I think I see where this is going. Do you? Do you? Do you? No. Do you guys think that there's some possibility that due to the long overdue blossoming of the feminist movement, and also just women's lib in general, that in some ways female-focused literature right now is going through some really cliche forms that, if taken from a male perspective, would be really considered lame and almost crude, but because it's maybe not as old a form as the male version of it might be that-- It's acceptable. It's a little more acceptable. Well, maybe now. Because it's new and daring. It hasn't become as cliche yet. Maybe because it's like more people are reading it, they can have more money for it, and they can have this kind of genre blossom into something, a little less cliche. Because the fellow wooing more than one lady is the most cliche sort of, you know, and you don't generally, that fellow is moved into a position of unlikeability, whereas your female lead in something like Twilight, or apparently this film, your Kristen Stewart is really what I'm saying. Yeah, you've got her flop in between two guys, two, three guys, and I don't know, Sookie Stackhouse, how many she got going on? You leave Sookie Stackhouse for a while. But if Sookie Stackhouse were a fellow, you would not like him very much. Well, she's not like doing them simultaneously. It's because, at which point, why are you even judging that, people? Putting her in an empowered role, but using the same cliche in like an opposite. And you think because of the new popularity and-- Well, because of the freedom to be able to do that. And I just, I look forward to a day when we move a little bit beyond it. Yeah. Because the woman is so rarely empowered in that situation. It's usually the man that has the power when it's the man that's, you know, wooing several ladies. So to have the positions reversed and the woman is in the position of power, then you can see a little bit past the cliche of what it is for the man. Yeah, because it feels like there's a freshness there. Yeah, it isn't necessarily correct. I would also argue that it's the, it's the Brokeback Mountain problem, right? Like, Brokeback Mountain is a shell of a film. There's no real-- I've honestly never seen it. OK, it just feels very much like we're going to make a gay cowboy movie. And there's a sketch there about a couple of lives or whatever, but at the same time, it's not-- there's no fully developed plot. It's just-- It's just a structure. Yeah. A conveyance for an idea rather than a plot. Exactly, exactly so. And it would be nice to see, you know, a little bit more advanced. A little bit of everything, yes. Anyway, Justin, I just thought I had-- Yeah, yeah. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. And thank you very much, Bitch, yes. So I think we have another New York minute and a Hollywood Russell. Indeed, we do. Well, alrighty then. Before we get into this, I just want to say that his minute was 12 minutes, so I did a little bit of edits, and I've cut it in kind of half. So it will kind of abruptly end, but it's kind of at the finishing of a thought and kind of a break in the discussion, so hopefully it won't be too confusing next week. OK, so we're breaking into two? Yes, we are. I see. Hollywood Russell and the Case of the Virtuous Vixen, Part 8. Hollywood Russell has found himself in the embrace of a mysterious woman in a red dress who not only has ties to his past, but also holds the key to his future. Literally, she's holding a key in her left hand. "Russell," she said as she sat back down in his chair, "why do we always play these games with each other?" The detective looked at her. After a few seconds, he turned away and walked over to his filing cabinet. From the top drawer, he pulled out a bottle of bourbon. From the middle drawer, he pulled out two glasses. There was ice in the bottom drawer. He paid a kid $2 a week to keep it filled. Hollywood poured himself a drink, drank it, and poured himself another. After he drank that, he poured himself a third, and finally won for the woman. Things were different back when we were kids in Tennessee, he said. Back then, I was a fresh-faced kid selling fake doggy-doo door-to-door, and you were the woman who answered my knock, "Sara, how I wish you would never open that door." The woman in the red dress, "Sara," had a wistful look in her eye. "Oh, Russell, you saved my life with your cheap novelty practical jokes once, and I need you to do it again." Hollywood polished off his drink and looked her in the eye. I'm all out of rubber vomit, kid. Hi, I'm Barry, and this is your New York Minute. And I have to get something straight right off the bat. Number one, this will be longer than a minute. Number two, this is another tale my friend Marvin, he of the library pornography ring, and the friend whose father, art Lieberman, wrote both the Declaration of Independence and the Bible, and three, this will not take place in New York. Oh, it starts and ends in New York, and the people involved are on New Yorkers, but the bulk of the tale takes place in Atlantic City. But that's cool, because taking trips to Atlantic City on buses departing from Bodegas is as New York as annoying bike lanes and buildings named after Donald Trump. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to go to Atlantic City with Marvin and his parents, and if you thought Marvin was weird, you're going to hear a lot about his father this week. This is probably my first or my second trip there. I was 18 or 19 or so, and it seemed exciting, but so do bungee jumping, bull riding, and voting for a third party candidate, and who would do any of those. I was working retail back then, and a good week was when my paycheck reached as much as a hundred dollars, but I also had far fewer expenses, so out of the hundred, I had most of it to spend, and spend I would. I didn't save a drop. I took with me to Atlantic City the huge sum of about fifty dollars, and I was worried that it wasn't enough. I know they say that you should only take as much as you can stand to lose, but even in the late 80s I could afford more than that. When I mentioned this to Marvin's father that I wasn't sure as bringing enough money, he was shocked, absolutely shocked. His limit was five dollars. Let me tell you about Marvin's dad. I knew I was in trouble even before we got on the belt parkway. I'm sitting in the car, we're ready to go, here I am in the back seat driver's side. I was looking out the window, and I almost jumped out of the hatchback when Marvin's dad went up the exit ramp to the belt. He blew right past the sign saying do not enter, and another sign saying very clearly right in front of him, not an entrance. My heart started pounding, and my stomach felt like it did when I saw Starship Troopers in the movies. In other words, it felt like I was going to die. Before we hit the highway or a truck hit us, I managed to tell Marvin's dad you're going the wrong way, you better turn around. And it didn't even come out that clear. I shouted, was probably as close as I could come. And that was through my arms which are clenched tight me around my head as I assume the crash position. "Ha ha, when did they change this?" Marvin's father asked as he came to his stop and backed down the ramp. When I peeled myself from the pleather, I looked up and I saw that A) we were now going up the correct ramp, B) Marvin's father was totally calm, and C) so is Marvin. Not calm as if wow wouldn't they be great to have an around in an emergency, you could really use these guys in a disaster, no they were calm like they're used to it, this happened all the time. Marvin's father was a bad driver. He changed lanes at the drop of a hat, sometimes literally, sometimes two at a time. Then he decided that he liked the last lane better and without signaling or looking he changed back. Sometimes he'd go really fast and sometimes he'd go really slow. Most of the time he was missing the exits and not knowing where he was, looking everywhere but at the road. Me? I had already put on my headphones. Marvin had already gotten to a fight, spoken entirely in Chinese with his mother, and he was sitting there in a funk. Hey, what was that guy honking at us for? Was a typical Marvin senior question? Somehow, with God at my side, we made it to Atlantic City. Ever see passengers get off a boat or a plane and kiss the ground when they're safely ashore? Well I didn't do that. What I did was jump out of the car, literally, and move as far away from the car as I could on the off chance that Marvin senior would decide to drive on the sidewalk, over a fence, whatever, just because. We had arrived at the casino, and his mom got out and went inside, and then I was told to get back in, we weren't there yet. I thought, yeah, we're at the casino. No, that's not why we were there. Marvin was not cheap, but he was a little tight with a buck. Now his dad was cheap the way the flash mob loves candy, a hell of a lot. So while Mrs. Marvin went to gamble away her $5, us three menfolk parked the car and went to the boardwalk in search of the fabled, cheapest buffet. This is a place with an all you can eat offer that Marv senior had been to before, he raved about it. He had found the cheapest place on the boardwalk, it was maybe $3 per person. It was above a souvenir shop that sold t-shirts in the front and drug paraphernalia in the back. We climbed up a rickety staircase with half the light bulbs burnt out and found a buffet which would have had a great view of the ocean if only the windows were clean. The patrons ran the gamut from seedy to seedier, I think some depression error movies have been filmed there and the extras stayed and died at their tables. I made the first mistake, I broke Marv seniors number one rule, do not eat any bread at a buffet. They want you to fill up on bread so you can't eat any food, he explained. He took the bread off my plate, bare handed, and put it right back on the tray. I made the second mistake and ordered a soda, soda was extra, water is free, soda cancelled. He had paid his $3 and he was determined to get at least $6 worth of food and he actually said so. Now you'd think the third mistake was actually eating the food but I tried a couple of bites and didn't want to press my luck. I had survived a card ride with blind man Papa Marvin at the wheel and I wasn't about to die from some badly cooked chicken. Good senior must have tallied up the value of all the food in our plates and found that he was under his limit. He and his son got extra napkins and while looking very suspicious, but no more suspicious than anyone else there, loaded scoop full after scoop full of food into their pockets. All the while they looked around out of the corners of their eyes like bandits in an old western with rice dripping out of their pants. This place had a sort of cross between a security guard bouncer dealer there and I went outside convinced that Marvin's dad would soon be tossed down the stairs behind me. They weren't and stomachs and jacket stuffed. It was time for walking around the mall. Marbles father dragged us to the big shopping mall on the boardwalk in search of the fabled cheapest bookstore. See a pattern here? Oh, Marves senior. I have to admit, even though we're not in New York for this little go around, I find the Marvin rabbit hole fascinating. Yes, oh man, I wonder what that dude's up to now. Yeah, see you soon. I have encountered a few buffet bandits in my time. Oh, me too. No, never in my life. Oh, my university years. I know a couple of people that got kicked out of a Chinese buffet for bringing plastic bags in their purses and stuff. Never in my life. No. I know it's so embarrassing. Not to get too inside baseball, but do you recall the Chinese buffet in Banyi? No. Oh my goodness. Was it old and dry? The cheapest of all possible. I believe it. And you would still get people with like, you know, Tupperware, they're trying to sneak in there. Scoop it in. I don't like buffets. I love the idea that they went walking around after filling their pockets though. Yeah. Okay, let's do it around. It's a steamed chicken balls out of their pockets. Keep it warm. Work up a bit of a sweat. That's really good. Many birds. One stone. Anyway, I look forward to next week's entry. The bookstore. Thank you very, yeah. Thank you very much, Barry. And snacks from our pocket. Yes. You can find all of Barry's work at bmj2k.com. I encourage you to go over there. Take a look, you see. Mm-hmm. And what do we get up next? We have a horrible history. Very nice. Coming from beyond to save us from our own past, Gibraltar has found only one solution to protect us. Here, now, is your horrible histories. I don't want excuses. I want pictures. I've already got your headline, "Rish of the Time Traveler, Hero on Minus." Oh, hey, the stuff repairs up. Good. We can go back in normal. "Sciutations, my follow-up officers, I welcome you again to your horrible histories." I know, I'm sure it's fixed this time. Just here we go. Well, that didn't work. Come upstairs and sit by my fire. I'm going to tell you the tale of the blood countess. After her husband's death, she and four collaborators were accused of torturing and killing hundreds of girls. One witness attributed them to over 650 victims. The number they were convicted for was a mere 80. Elizabeth Boddlery was said to be an extremely beautiful woman. In 1610, she was imprisoned inside her, her own castle in Slovakia. Later writings about the case have led to legendary accounts of this countess bathing in the blood of her victims in order to retain her youth, and she was subsequently compared to Vlad the Impaler of Slovakia. In 1610, King Matthias assigned Gregory Torso, the Palandine of Hungary, to investigate this case. The reserve ordered two notaries to collect evidence in March 1610. The notaries collected testimony from more than 300 witnesses. All records include the testimony of the four defendants as well as 13 witnesses, priests, noblemen, and commoners for all questions. According to this testimony, her initial victims were adolescent girls from local prisons, many of whom delivered her castle by offers of well-paid work as maid-servants. Later she had said to begin killing the donors of listening to entry, or were sent to her by her parents to learn the courtly etiquette. Addictions were said to occur as well. The atrocities described by most consistently included severe beatings, burnings, mutilization of the hands, the biting of flesh from their faces, arms, and other parts of their body, phrasing as starvation and sexual abuse. The use of needles was also mentioned by collaborators in the court. Some witnesses, named relatives who had died, others reported seeing traces of torture on dead bodies, some of which were buried in the local way of yards. However, two witnesses actually saw the count for self, torture, and killed young and certain girls. In addition to the defendant, several people were named for supplying Elizabeth's Bothery with young women. The girls were procured either with deception or by force. A little-known figure named Anne Durevala was rumored to have influenced Bothery, but Durevala was long dead before the straw began. The exact number of women tortured and killed by Elizabeth was unknown, although it has been speculated the count was as high as 650, or as low as an 80 that she was actually convicted for. This took place between the years of 1585 and 1610. Many of her castle personnel estimated the bodies removed between the castles would be between 100 and 200. Durevala himself went to the castle on December 30th, 1610, and arrested Bothery in four of her service, for all the gifts of being her accomplices. Durevala's men reported that they found one girl dead, one dying. And another reported being wounded while the others were locked up. The Countess was placed under house arrest. King Matthias urged theers over the reign of the court and the two notaries who were sent to collect Bothery. Though Thursil successfully convinced the king that such an act would reflect negatively against the nobility, hence a trial against her was postponed indefinitely. Thursil's motivation for such an intervention has been debated by many a scholar. While their accomplices were brought to court, the defendants were found guilty and three of them were condemned to death. The sentences were carried out immediately, before being burned at stake. Two of them had their fingers ripped off with hot pokers, while the third, who was deemed less copo, was merely beheaded before being consigned to the flames. A red gallows was erected near the castle to show the public that justice had been done. Thursil eventually herself remained under house arrest, and was sealed within her private chambers and the tower for castle was only a small slit the bottom of the door to provide her provisions. She remained there for four years until her death on August 31, 1614, and in the end, she was only beautiful for her rats and spiders. Well, mobsters, the fire burns low, and I'm not really sure how I'm going to be able to fix this to scope this time as it seems to have transformed into a gigantic fireplace. I know that, it is hard to eat with saber teeth until lifetime. Wow, that was pretty crazy. No, I really, before we get into the meat of the content, I really totally zoned out on that fireplace transition with the histoscope I have to admit. I totally got suckered into this telling, nice and unusual. Yeah. Very nice. That's very likely. I loved the crackling. Mm-hmm. I'd actually heard of the blood countess before. Loserous battery. Yes. Mm-hmm. Now, I've heard some theories that... She was a victim of conspiracy. Yeah, local nobleman might have ganged up on her to take her land essentially. Wanted her land, maybe out her a bit of money. But at the same time, I think that it's very easy to look at something that looks really horrible and kind of doubt that it might have happened. So I'm really torn on it because I feel like there must have been considering the prevalence of serial killers and their tendency towards, I wouldn't say affluence, but a comfortable living. And serial killer doesn't tend to be somebody who can't make their way, they tend not to be poor people, I guess is what I'm saying. And so you would consider that there must have been at least one serial killer within the ranks of royalty throughout time, or multiple, really, and not just in going to war. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So I don't know. It's a very interesting tale. Thank you. Mm-hmm. Your belter. I have to admit the detail of the red gallows. I hadn't heard that one before. Yeah, that was really cool. Sounds great. Yeah. Isn't that an image? Yeah. In the biting of the face. Yeah. A lot of face biting these days. Yeah. Yeah. Reminiscent of local news. I thought it was interesting that they enlisted notaries to take the testimony. It's probably a matter of different times, and they probably just had different responsibilities at the time. But can you imagine just one of your local, at least here in Canada, a notary tends to be just some person in their little suburban house that you go to. Yeah, my mom's in the very public. Yeah, just documentation for whatever. So, all of a sudden, your mom starts taking some serial killers or going on collecting witnesses. Testimony. Testimony. Testimony. That would be crazy. Nightmares. Okay. Well, yeah, to chase away the nightmares, I believe we have the high adventure of Captain Piguard. If you love a good tale with a splash of a salty brine on your face, then prepare yourself for the adventurous expulsions of Captain Iglesias Picard. Oi. This be me polar adventure. Gah. It be not brain surgery, Mick. I spat derisively as I cheer and he spun me shiny new wheel to the left. It was a lovely brass wheel with molded grips. Oh, she was a pleasure to squeeze. But perhaps the sporty gleam that affected me thinking, for over the next few days the air grew overly chill and me ship frosty. Ah, I probably meant me other left. Or port as Mick insists. Twas the danger in urinating over the side that tipped the lads off to the air in steering. I arranged me pens and flip charts so as to diagrammatically explain that the weight of gold in our hull was dragging us down the slope inside of the earth. And given the circularity of the globe, twas as well that we continue on our present course. I was taking the long view, but in any case, twas too late now. You see, it was as cold as a snowman's seed. Too cold even for mixed sweaty palms and that frozen tight to the wheel. Our course was fixed. At least it spared my own arms from ours at the helm, but the increasingly bitter weather turned Mick Blue despite the vast murkens I had knitted him. Intugging him free, his mitt snapped off at the wrist, taking him from, "Look, no hands Mick!" to mere, "No hands Mick!" Twas a shame. But we all cheered up when this fist proved ideal for pucking about in ice hockey. As I was about to thrust Mick's fist between Billy's legs and score me third goal, the grimp acid lurched violently, tossing me mates hither and thither. I hoped we'd struck land, but was just me stern, being ravished by a courting whale. The humping whale's lusty thrusts bumped us onto a sheet of ice where we lay like an ill-used walrus. The prolonged moan of the whale was taken up by her Dr. Gunther's surgical plaything, a lad he borrowed from a circus upon whom to expand his medical repertoire. The boy's lobotomized loin brought forth a brace of sea unicorns to joust for me shipped booty. Their nasal swords clashed in a freezing spray, occasionally plowing into the grimp bastard, calling for much plug in a holes. And that be a risky matter, and the lads came out with as many holes as had stopper. Twas then that we conceived of dangling the loin half-wit child over the boughs to distract the bladed sea beasts while we seized their ivory. Our poor mech could only tow the line, and so the moon calf plunged into the sea. Twas the diverting sport of bobbing for the lad that led the narrels to mortally wound each other. And bravely I ordered me boys to mount the dying beasts, and relieve them of their horns and meat before they sank. Ahhh, a nice flow be a tedious place, and I was despairing of ever eating something other than blubber. Even spicing it with a lime marinade, only painters with the discovery that it was the limes themselves that were the source of the whale's lust. For the names of the peractical catalogue had chosen to pickle the ricketholt in limes in the urine of a lady whale. Well for one to die version and a greater share of supplies, I encouraged me men to wander the ice, especially billy nomates. But he came sliding back one day, with news of fat birds dressed as nuns. Ahhh, well that confirmed why me polar bear patrols had been so bored. I quietly inverted my compass while reassuring the lads that no reason to fear the dreaded arctic hair. The discovery of the penguin folk ignited a worrying gleam behind the tiny dark glasses upon me sore bone's nose. Ha ha ha! I have a plan man here, and first, we must capture the flippin' flap and fish and burden. Ordinarily I'd press gunter for details, but I was tired of checking me tackle for icicles, so I led a team of birdie mates out upon the ice myself. Ice is not designed with a peg leg in mind, and it was a perilous journey. We motivated the penguins once we'd found them by punting their eggs towards the grim bastard where we leapt upon them and tied them to the mast. The penguins sank into a foolish complacency once we'd bung their eggs back under them. For the next generation was the least of their worries. Gunter unveiled his new contraption with a feverish grin. "Viziz device, Viva la hora, artsy pickfits, ought viva la scaponsy ice!" I wasn't following entirely, but when the psychotic Teutonic asked for volunteers I took a closer peek. Ahh! If you can imagine a man-sized melon baller, studded with more blades than a blind barber, then you'll understand why I volunteered me first mate, Billy Noemates. The machine was swift in its evisceration. A sheet of frozen blood mist cascaded to the deck, revealing a dazed penguin and a heap of steaming gore. Ahh! We were surprised, especially when Gunter flipped open the penguin's beak to reveal Billy within. Ahh! He also seemed a mike taken aback. Gunter's cryptozoological chicenery was interesting, but hopefully had a purpose. Unlike the terrible instrument with the dwarves. In this case, he aimed to graft the least popular of me crew into man-guins, granting us aquamules to haul us from the ice. It seemed a tad extreme, but Gunter swore it would be a reversible procedure, and was our sole hope. After some vicious voting, we got all the five hybrid penguins into the water. Safely tethered lest you be worrying for. But before we could even test the doctor's thesis, black fins arose from the waves. There was not what we could do. The killer whales each picked up a penguin and wolfed him down. Yet Gunter looked arguably triumphant at the erupting foam of blood. I was not best pleased, and I told him so, although he begged me indulgence. I soon saw his reasoning for a munching upon me mate had ensnared the orcas. I wondered at the tethering purpose. The enraged fish whipped us off the ice-flow and back into the ocean. Well, it was a noble, if excessive sacrifice that saved some of our lives. I was about to offer a few heartfelt words in memory of Billy Noemates, when a flipper slapped Whitley upon the gang-pank. Well, I was annoyed, but even though Billy's survival spoiled me eulogy, I had not the heart to throw him back. For despite his fishy scent, he was far less irritating in his nunish birdery. And since I'd forgotten the names of our other saviors, there was little else to do, but celebrate our escape from the South Pole, with mugs of wild beer. All the blubber turns to alcohol, or at least to a thick floating scum. Aah! Thank you very much, Captain. That was great. I loved... Sorry. Continue. I loved the penguin, man. Yeah, yeah, the penguins. Yes. That was great. Brilliant. Your descriptions are unlike any other, that's for sure. And for more from Captain Pighart, if you'd like to read other stories he has there. And of course you would. You do. You can go to CaptainPighart.com. Thanks, Captain. Thank you. It was glorious. What time is it? So you almost said it's time for lunch, because you've been indoctrinated by it. I did. I did. By Bubble Guppies. By Bubble Guppies. But what time is it actually? Mail time. No, it's not mail time. It's mailbag. That was so cute. Okay, well, up front, as usual, I will remind you that if you have something you'd like to say about Flashcast, Flashpulp, or generally going on... That's something you want to say. Read a... I'm just a Scott Kurtz reference, but only we may have gotten. You can send your comments, questions, or suggestions to comments@flashpulp.com, or you can swing by the mob, actually. Yeah. You can search for the Flash mob on Facebook. Yeah. We're always there. Chatty, chatty. Mm-hmm. Oh, fantastic mob. Mm-hmm. Yeah, great friends. Great friends. It's my favorite mob ever. And, speaking of the mob, we got some commentary from Nutty. Oh, awesome. Slaughterhouse 5. Was Billy Pilgrim more unstuck in his mind or time? My husband describes this book as a soldier's experience with PTSD throughout his life, and I think that's pretty telling. I think that's exactly it. I really feel that, although it was included on that time-traveling list, Billy Pilgrim was really unstuck in his own mind more than anything. Yeah. But, I mean, a lot of that is, I assume, Vonnegut wrestling with his own experience. It's a World War II. He strikes me as a fairly reasonable, sensitive, like, sensitive fellow, and to have experienced the firebombing of Dresden was probably a pretty traumatic experience. I imagine that would be. Nutty was wondering if we've read Mother Night, which I have to admit, I haven't. I definitely want to look it up. She says, "The two books overlap, it's kind of neat and meta." Well, Meta and Vonnegut go together certainly, so I'll have to check it out. The boxes' travels sound far too fun, and I believe that Rich, and she now has faith in Rich the Time Travelers' time-traveling powers. Of course. As she should. Yes. But she did want to mention, and I... Yes. Yes. She, too, is not a fan of chewing sounds and wrappers crinkling. Yes, exactly so. But she did point out that we did an okay job, but I hope that we didn't annoy anybody. Because now we're going to do it again. We're going to test some original spree because we tried the chewy stuff, and I'd really like to... We... Yeah. Get to the classic format. Mm-hmm. I'm surprised that we didn't do the classic first. Okay. Oh yeah, this is totally the vending machine food. Yeah. Did you ever got... Did you guys ever when there's like vending machine food food? Oh, you're so good, though. Did you ever get the soap gum? You know, it was purple, rectangular. The soap gum, yeah. Yeah, like the ones. I remember a particular service station that I would go into just for the soap gum. You were like, "Hey, soap gum!" Why would you want the soap gum? Because it was so funny. I was a kid. I don't know. Yeah. I did a lot of stupid stuff when I was a kid. So this is... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I continued to think that we have tasted spree in the format of some sort of cheap knock-off, but that the original candy hood would be delicious. Yeah, wonka man. I wonka. He knows what he's doing. I know. Good job doing well there. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And thank you. Rich the time travel. Yeah, thank you again, Rich. Mm-hmm. For another mouthful of candy. Absolutely. Yes. And her power lines are buried where she's at, but she's on a military base, so it may have something to do with that. She also grew up in New York, though, and she's summered on Fire Island, where everything is buried. That is awesome. I want to sum her own Fire Island. Yeah. Well, I was... Or do I. I don't know. She does mention that the reason they may have been buried there was due to hurricanes, though. Okay. Now I don't. Maybe you don't visit about hurricanes. Yeah. But listen, I want to get back to this. We discussed previously how things were easier back in that area, because all of the original names hadn't been used up yet. Oh, I haven't seen names for what? Well, at the time we were discussing films, we were talking about, I believe, the Jewel Heist. Yeah. Yeah. The Jewel Thief. The Jewel Thief. That's what it was, yeah. But Fire Island. Yeah. How great is that? Pretty awesome. You clean that one early. Mm-hmm. Stamped it. Yeah. Yep. Look at some other fantastic. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Anyway. The Bowery. Yeah. New York really got in on that business early. Yeah. Way to go. So she was saying in regards to ice cream trucks, great story. I was guiding my now husband through New York City and to Long Island, his first trip down from Ontario. We are stuck dead stop traffic on Grand Central Parkway, just off the Triboro Bridge. Yeah, I know, Barry. Yeah. I know Barry and I may be the only mobsters who know what I'm talking about. So just imagine brick walls on every side and five lanes in one direction of dead stopped cars. There behind us is an ice cream truck, still playing a song every few minutes or so. We still talk about it to this day and how we wanted to kill him and what is some real experience it was. Maybe he can turn it off. Maybe. I bet you he was just being a jerk though. I know. How many people got out and bought ice cream? Yeah, that's what I was going to say. I wonder how many people just stood up and got out of their car. Oh man, I totally would. How many people kicked themselves so they didn't have change? Yeah. Less funny is how growing up she never had ice cream men because she lived in a village with a band. I'm also listeners. So no ice cream men, full of brush men, or Mormons. Well, there you go. More men. More Mormons. More men. More men. They did allow scissor sharpeners to come around twice a year though. Some people draw some funny lines, I tell you. We had a knife sharpener in my neighborhood. Yeah, we lived in Surrey, yeah, yeah. She says, "I know what the ice cream men meant in other neighborhoods, though." I knew what it meant. If they drove around, their main fare was an ice cream and they often drove after kids should be in bed. It's funny that Nutty mentions that because actually Dylan Orion on Twitter brought up the same point. He was saying that in his neighborhood, he heard the same ice cream men that Rich was mentioning, the hello guy with the hello and everything. Hello. But the fellow wasn't selling ice cream, he was selling conja out of his truck. He would just drive around. I find that fascinating. Was this a thing at a time? Is this an openly accepted? Is it still a thing? Weird. Yeah, it is. I don't know what's preferable, like the whole pharmacy route, or like some guy. How did you dress? How did you dress? Yeah, well, it brings me back to Barry was mentioning getting on a bus in front of a bodega. My only point of reference for bodegas are half baked, which is sort of. Anyway. So I learned most of what I know. Yeah. No, that is absolutely not true. That same guy lives on my coach. Yeah. He smells very bad. Thanks Nutty. Yeah, that's an awesome comment. Thank you so. How I eat more spree. I think that about closes up the mail bags, and that would be a good time to roll into. Are you a dassy? Oh, ho. This week I've been working on gloomy Sunday for our live performance at Radio Project X. I'm coming up on June 12th. If anyone would like to come, we actually have 20 free tickets. Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention that. For mobsters. I'm mentioning it right now. Look at me. I'm saying it right now. So yes, if you would like to get in contact with us, please do. And we have free tickets. So how do you feel it's going together? It's going very well. People feel better when I have the ads and script in front of me, and I know what I'm doing. Exactly in place. But I'm getting it all ready and nice and early, so it is less traumatic for me. I'm going to be so sweaty guys. I'm looking forward to it because I've got very little to do. Yeah. You're just going to enjoy. I'm sure the second go around is always way less scary than the first, so. Yeah. But yeah, very exciting, so exciting. It's such a big, fun opportunity. Like, I never would have thought that we would have this opportunity. Yeah, I don't mean to eat. We totally deserve it, though. I really hope if there are any Toronto mobsters looking at there, it would like to come along. I know it's a Tuesday. It's a bit of a good evening. But even if you're a little wherever you're from, if you want to check out, we have free tickets for you. Yeah. And if you let us know, we'll also have some free stickers for you. Yeah, and yeah, we would love to see you. Free stuff. Wee. And we'll give you free hugs. Yeah. No. The art of never raised up. So I don't really have a lot going on in the art department this week. But what's interesting going on in narration is actually this. Belive. This show going on. It's interesting because I'm not going to be the one doing all the narrating. The main narrating. Yeah. You will be introing, but not. Yeah, I'm going to do, you know, your regular intro where I introduce the story and we have a tagline and we're going to have an ad that, you know, like the main intro, but this time I am only going to be playing one of the characters. Right. Yes. Yes. It's going to be funny because nobody can replace Bunny. And what's really awesome and I think it's a great idea is the bleeping of Bunny. Yeah, we're going to try to use a horn. I'm going to use it. Honk. Oh. For all the swears. Yep. She's going to be our Foley. Everyone in the mob has a different opinion about the beeps because some of you are like, "I don't know. It's distracting." Yeah. And I totally dig that. But it's like she's sloppier and dirtier because of the bleeps, you know, like you have to keep them in. So we're going to try to get a bicycle horn or something. It may not work out. Either way, if we don't get the swear covered perfectly, we're still out to swear. Yeah, it's an adult venue. Yeah. So if you're old enough to drink and be there, then you're old enough to hear us dropping that bump. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Oh, there's beer? Yeah, maybe I should have a couple of drinks before I go on as Bunny. Yeah. Yeah. It's just appropriate to... Just right on my lines on my hand. Yeah. All right, I always need one more. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Backroom plot. So up front for writing music, I'll just quickly say that I've been listening to a lot of Jay-Z and Kanye's new church in the wild. But I'm not going to risk putting any in the episode because I'm pretty sure some crawler bots had chew up for MP3 and then slap us with some sort of copyright notice, so. I noticed you listening to it a lot via the YouTube and I could hear this one little snag of it of Kanye's and I guess because it's just the, you know, I don't know, but I could always hear it through the microphone. It's probably the ridiculous auto-tuned, too loud. There is a... There is something about it. Anyway, yeah. It's a great song. I just feel like Jay-Z is easily the strongest part of it and the rest is almost kind of throw away, but... Anyhow. Yeah. It's been writing music. Yeah. Good or bad. That's what it was. Yep. Exactly. We did a conference reparter this last week. We did. And man, was it ever popular, guys? We are so popular. I had so much fun doing that one. I got a lot of commentary. I think people are picking up on the fact that things are quickening in the butt-poking room. I actually thought you were going to give something away, but of course you don't. Of course. I just want to take a moment to go with a little aside, actually. Okay. Put out that piece. The final part, without giving too much away, takes place in a fairly rural setting. Thank you, Tibi. Yeah. Well, that's what I was about to say. Tibi, one of the monsters, went out into the wild herself and took a little video and did some pictures. It was so great. The whole thing, the album and the video. It was so great. Such wonderful nuggets of pulpy goodness. And to sort of continue on that, I really love it when that sort of thing happens because it gives me a window and a weird sort of detached scientist research sort of way into other people's experiences. Yeah. And I've never been to Oregon. Okay. Oregon? Oregon. I've never been to Oregon. It happened so kind of organically because she was like, "Oh, you know, I'm thinking about going for a walk." You're like, "Oh, well, will you take pictures carefully?" And yeah, we got this whole thing and her dog came along, ginger tea. I love that name and I love that dog's harness. I know. It was so cute. Like, it's a little coat. Yeah. I know. Anyways, we love you, Teddy. And it looks so much like our little pulpy too. I also should mention before we get back to the meat of things that I'm a horrible person. And the fellow last week was Miss Kills, Miss with a K, Hills Mountain Rambler. I miss titled him just because some of my mp3s, I think, cut off, but there you go. You can look him up on Reverb Nation and I'll certainly put a link in the show notes. Well, thank you. Thank you for clearing that up. I do think it was a hateful, spiteful thing that you did, Mr. Skinner. You are horrible. I'm enjoying finally being able to pull the curtain back on some things. Me too. With the oven situation. I remember when it was just a universe in your mind. It's so hard when I read a script and I'll know like some big plot twist just like hours before everybody else and I just want to squeeze all over the internet and I can't. Because it's not even out yet. It's very gratifying to see that people are getting as much enjoyment out of it as I get putting into it. Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, I think that about wraps it up. It does indeed. If you would like to reach out and tweet us, you can find me @jaredyskinner. You can find me @thejescame and you can find me @opopenax with a zero P-O-P-A-N-A-X. It's funny because it sounds like you're almost not sure how to spell your own name. Enjoy the show? Tell a friend. Really enjoy the show? We've got a donate button on the site. If you have comments, questions or suggestions, you can find us at flashpalt.com or email us text or mp3s to comments@flashpalt.com. Jessica May is the local channel and some musical stylists can be found at maintenance.com. Periodically. The entire run of flashpalt can be found at flashpalt.com or via the search bar or iTunes. Flashcast is released under the Canadian Creative Commons attribution on commercial 2.5 lists.