Tonight, as JRD’s brain has been stolen by high-powered medication, we present a work of war and weeping, written by Threedayfish.
The Skinner Co. Network
FPGE5 - The Glorious: Augu Blautr by Threedayfish
(upbeat music) - Welcome to Flashpulp, guest episode five. This evening we present The Glorious, Alcublauter, by Three Day Fish. This episode is brought to you by Three Day Fish on Facebook. Find him at http/on/on/on/dive. (upbeat music) Flashpulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age. Three to 10 minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings. Tonight, as Jared used brain has been stolen by high-powered medication, we present a work on war and weeping, written by Three Day Fish. Thanks, Fish, we appreciate it. The Glorious, Alcublauter, written by Three Day Fish, art and narration by Opoponax, an audio produced by Jessica May. (upbeat music) ♪ The black coach of sorrow has taken you ♪ ♪ Angels have no thought of ever returning you ♪ ♪ Would they be angry if I thought of joining you ♪ ♪ You miss them days ♪ Leroy Cutter Jenkins was helping himself to a tender leg of lamb when a stranger sat next to him at the table. Almost immediately, the men seated next to and across from the pair leapt to their feet and found seats elsewhere. The would-be feasters slowed his chewing as he watched the warriors leave, then turned his attention to the newcomer. If Leroy were honest with himself, he wasn't terribly impressed with what he saw. A young man, maybe mid-20s, with the beginnings of a beer gut and long curly red hair. The stranger was wearing faded olive field jacket, unzipped showing bare pale skin, tan cargo pants, and upon his feet, a pair of bright blue shoes. Leroy would later learn, were referred to as crocs. Leroy was the first to speak. Why did the others leave? The stranger smiled, a bit sheepishly. I'm the one the Vikings nicknamed Algu Blauter. Leroy searched his memory until the connection was made. You're the one they call wet eyes? Leroy was in doubt. The bearer of that title was supposed to be as mad and ruthless on the battlefield as a berserker in the grips of bloodlust, and it had pressed old one eye himself, or so the gossipy veterans had claimed. How did you earn that strange moniker? Algu Blauter maintained his shy smile. When I'm fighting, my eyes tear up. The name was meant to mean me, I think, but as you can see, I've garnered more than respect from some of my fellow warriors. As he finished speaking, he took a healthy quaff of the fine, self-refilling need. Leroy smiled at the dispassionate way the Valhalla and celebrity spoke. He was a newcomer, relatively speaking, and Jenkins let curiosity get the better of his courtesy. So, how did you meet your glorious aunt? The small grin bloomed into a full and toothy smile. You're the first to ask. Let's see. How's a dissatisfied young man with everything? A promising, secure job, nice, well furnished apartment in a pretty neighborhood with a prettier girlfriend in suburban America. I was unhappy for as long as I could remember. I didn't understand it until I watched this war movie. I realized that there was a part of me that hungered for violence, not senseless violence, but righteous battle in the name of a just cause. Yet so many of my peers seem skeptical of anything being a just cause. So I buried my hopes for glory. Then an opportunity finally came with the outbreak. In the beginning, the news reports claimed the infected were contained, and that swift government action would quash any threat. Oh, that didn't happen. Soon my perfect suburban town was empty. Everyone, including my girl, had fled. I ended up caring for the left behind elderly at the retirement home as best I could, but the feud stayed behind like me. Radio became the sole source of news from the outside. That's how we learned that a horde of them were coming over our way. Zombies, the younger people called them. Sure enough, they stumbled up the road. Panic gripped us. Some said we should run. Others hoped they wouldn't notice us, though we all knew that we would be found. The building was too close to the main drag. I was calm, though. I felt a glimmer of something. I focused and realized it was anticipation. Knowing my heart's desire, I grabbed my last remaining possession, a hurling stick I had brought back to the States all the way from Ireland. What I has brought out the item in question, it was more a club than stick, and its design suggested an athletic purpose. Since my death, I've named it long limb. I met the horde dressed as you see me now. I admit, I could have picked better footwear, though. Light and strong, I struck down the first with a crack at its temple. Suddenly, that glimmer of excitement turned into real happiness. I was where I belonged. Leroy noted the tears that now accompanied his smile since the telling of the story. As I fought, I began to laugh at what easy prey these creatures made. They were predictable. Go for whatever is closest and rip and bite. Their advantages were numbers and lack of fear, but I felt no fear. Only bliss as I slew what was clearly an abomination. So the tears started. Happiness so overwhelming, my body physically manifested it. None could touch me, and if they crowded, I swung and battered away through. Odin told me I fought for hours. I swear to you, I felt neither the passage of time, nor the weariness of mortality. Only the madness of bloodlust and the fierce ecstasy that comes with it. Sunset was upon me and scores of corpses piled everywhere I could see when I faced the last one. A pathetic thing with half a face. It's John hinged, a gaping gash across the whole throat. As its head bobbed, I could see its neck bone. I dropped long limb, strode towards the thing, and with a quick motion, snapped its neck completely and watched as its head rolled off its shoulders. Tears were streaming down at this point. I sank to my knees, feeling like I had led a life fulfilled. As it turned out, I had. I died there. I wish I could tell you from what. Now here I am, able to do what makes me happy until time immemorial. I cannot stop the tears anymore than I can stop these cups from filling to the brim with delicious meat. Leroy, taking in all he had heard now that the story was completed, simply raised his drink to how we blatter. The goblets produced an unearthly note as they clinked together in a toast. (upbeat music) FlashPulp is presented by flashpulp.com and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons attribution non-commercial 2.5 license. Text and audio commentaries can be sent to skier@skinner.fm or the voicemail line at 206-338-2792. But be aware that they may appear in a future flash cast. We'd also like to thank the Freesound Project, found at freesound.org. For a full listing of effects used during the show, as well as credits for the users who provided them, please check this episode's notes at flashpulp.com. And thanks to you for listening. If you enjoyed the show, please tell your friends. (upbeat music) ♪ Sunday has glued me in my hours ♪ ♪ I'm number left, give it the shadows ♪ ♪ I live with our number left ♪ (upbeat music) You