Part 1 of 1
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Tonight we present a tale of slightly silly visitation and confrontation.
The Skinner Co. Network
096 - The Ad Blitz, Part 1 of 1
[Music] Welcome to Flashpulp episode 96. Tonight, we present the Ad Blitz, part one of one. This week's episodes are brought to you by Ello's words. These are not some of them. Two roads diverged in yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both. I went home, with apologies to Robert Frost. Find the Poetuses' work at http colon slash slash dancing Ella dot blogspot dot com. [Music] Sunday is gloomy, my hours are stumbled, here is the shadows I live with are stumbled. [Music] [Music] Flashpulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in modern age. Three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings. Tonight, we present a tale of slightly silly visitation and confrontation. The Ad Blitz, part one of one. Written by JRD Skinner, art and narration by Opopon X, and audio produced by Jessica May. [Music] The city of Cleveland disappeared beneath a thick grey cloud the week before Christmas. Cars, dogs, tanks, anything that entered the fog disappeared. Neither could radio, television, or cell signals, escape the blanket. An unnerving number of military and scientific personnel were sent into the haze, only to lose contact. On the third day, the general order was given to simply wait. After thirteen sunrises filled with silence, a trickle of pedestrians began to stumble out of the gloom. Their only memory of the time being that they seemed to have watched quite a lot of commercials. Relieved at the apparent lack of harm, late night television hosts began to joke about the recent improvements to the Cleveland skyline. Seventy-two hours later, the cloud was gone, and the aliens had made themselves known. They said they meant no harm, that they'd come to trade with our genetically rich planet, but that their true forms would likely terrify our primitive minds, so they'd taken on the guises of our most beloved cultural icons. This news was largely disseminated by having a brightly afrode clown from Beda Pegasi on the Today Show, along with massive ratings for the network, Stocks in the McDonald's Corporation took an immediate rise. Only the lawyers seemed off put by the sudden animation of so many beloved corporate mascots. In the following months, it became commonplace to see the Pegasans in every major city, making no effort to hide as they walk the streets as talking bearers or giant two-legged jugs full of sloshing red drink, or geckos with British accents. A brief but intense period of cultural exchange began. The world's militaries took on a gleam in their eye when presented with energy weapons to revolutionize killing each other. Scientists marveled at genetic materials and high-end molecules they were presented. The criminal element was soon frozen in carbonite. The new generation of children's toys became an excitement to all ages, and law students began to pour over complex systems of intergalactic judicial consideration. No transaction went unrecorded in contract form in triple kit, and no new novelty was presented without some price. Within a year, all that might be bartered for had been given to the aliens, and worse still, humanity began to suspect that the invaders were laughing at them behind their backs. Earth's lack of coordination had led to disaster. Each government had secretly promised swaths of land and communal protection to the Pegasans, only to discover that their rivals had made the same bargains, and that the Pegasans now owned a larger percentage of the globe than did the humans themselves. The planet's militaries reacted first. To their surprise, the new weaponry was a match for those maintained by the invaders, and their tenacity brought several early successes. Despite the victorious aggression, hostilities were quickly brought to a halt when a massive starship appeared in the Pacific skies. From deep within came a message from the Stellar Trade Commission. Cut it out or face embargo. Unwilling to risk the competition within their own race receiving an advantage, the world's forces called a halt to their march. Even as mankind was being forcibly migrated from lands their ancestors had known for thousands of years, a cabal of scientists attempted to put forward a report proving that long-term co-habitation would eventually lead to mutual ruin. The Pegasans were quick to respond with their own study, determining that another century of observation was necessary to prove the theory. They did, however, offered to submit the paperwork for the Stellar Trade Commission research grant that would be required. The criminals were too well-contained to even attempt to pop the Michelin man. The children simply shrugged their shoulders and returned to their hollow gaming. Milo P. Schwardenbach, however, was not amused. Milo was but one of the lawyers which Nintendo of America retained on staff, but he was the only one that had buried the sharpened end of a pencil into his ham and pickle sandwich the first time he'd seen a life-size Italian plumber walk past his working lunch. So he'd spent six months learning the galactic common speech, then began reading. Where diplomacy crept with tender feet, copyright law moved with steel-toed boots. After Schwardenbach was victorious in STC court, and Nintendo was awarded most of the British Isles, a flood of cases eventually retook the entirety of what had once been mankind's. There was another round of human complaints, but in the end, it was generally felt that, at least it was there, United States of Budweiser. [Music] Flashpulp is presented by http colon slash slash Skinner dot FM. The audio and text formats of Flashpulp are released under the Canadian Creative Commons attribution non-commercial 2.5 license. [Music]