The Trev and Ben Podcast
237: The Trev And Ben Podcast Episode 237
(upbeat music) - Hello and welcome to another Trevin Ben podcast. Hello Ben. - Hello, Trevin. - You all right, mate? - Yeah, you sure? - Yeah. - It's the day after the night before fucking football. - The euros are over. - I hate it. - I hate it. - I tried after the match to sort of text you with some sort of platitudes, some sort of silver lining. - Bad time to get in touch with me straight after a match. - It was. - Yeah, you're normally quite friendly but you basically said to me that no uncertain terms, I am in no mood for this right now. - Yeah, I am the worst football fan because I'm a terrible loser. I admit it and I go into a deep phase of mourning after a defeat like that and particularly when it's England 'cause it's just second final defeat and it hurt so much. I'm only just a little bit better today, a few hours have passed and I've slept. I'm still upset about the whole thing but I'm better than I was last night 'cause I go into all kinds of, I say things I don't mean. (laughing) But it was so frustrating that I feel I should probably knock on both sides of my neighbours and apologise for the language and the land 'cause I think my neighbours generally feel that I'm a nice, polite gentleman. They might occasionally hear me get crossed with my computer breaks which happens regularly and then might hear the occasional outburst but I think last night was a new low in many ways. - The mistake you made is you allowed yourself to get your hopes up. Now I was a little bit more of a realist throughout this tournament. I thought frankly we were lucky to get out of the group. We fumbled our way through every single game, changes weren't made until we went a goal down in every game. We scraped through against Slovakia so I went in expecting the Spanish to absolutely spank us and I thought we actually did better, much better than I expected. I dared to get my hopes up when we equalised. But I went in expecting failure. So you dared to dream, that was your error. - I know, well the thing is, I will remind you as I have done along the whole journey of the tournament is I said beforehand I thought we would have a disastrous tournament and I think the problem is I did start to believe because despite the poor performances and despite everything as you've just said we'd managed to sort of find our way there and Spain were the best side of the whole tournament. They didn't lose a game, they won every game. - Seven to seven. - And they were the best side. They won on the night because they were the better side. But there is that thing where you just think maybe, just maybe because luck had been on our side, moments of brilliance. I mean that's the thing, we got as far as we did on moments of brilliance, not brilliant team performances. - Exactly. - And I think you start to think well maybe this is it, maybe this is it. And I think what happens is when you've been in this little bubble of what may be and then when you, when you kick off and you just see how we've set up again and I'm not an authority on football, right? There are people who know far more about football than I do. I'm not one of these people who knows all the ramifications of formations and tactics. I'm not one of those fans, right? I'm a fan that sits and watches. I'm a bit, I'm an armchair manager but tell me a fan it isn't. - Oh yeah. - I've had this, this contradiction of feelings for quite a while about Gareth Southgate 'cause I think he's just a great human being, right? I think everybody loves Gareth Southgate. He's this amazing man who's brought England together and he's brought us some wonderful moments but he's got this talent of bringing together players of great flair and speed when they play for their clubs and making them the most dull and boring, ineffectual sides you've ever seen and we had about four minutes around the time of the goal where we started to play like I think we should play the whole time and then we just turned off again and so yeah, I wasn't happy, I was furious about it and also can I just say that you do start to look for, for omens, don't you, as you go along? You start to look for things that back up the dream and we had the whole thing. We had Jemima, Packington, way back at the start. Telling us to England, we're gonna win it, didn't we? - Where's she now? - Well, the asparagus has failed her and then we've had, throughout the week, we've had differing, I mean, I love all this so we get to the point of big finals. We've had all week the psychic animals, we had the mere cats last week, if you remember. - I do. - This week there was some cats, I think that we're doing it but here's the best thing I read this week, I know that I think because I was quite a fan of this man, I started to believe, so apparently Bruce Forsyth's ghost had predicted that he was gonna win. Now, this was a bizarre thing with Bruce Forsyth's ghost living in someone's car drinking tins of beer but he predicted that he and we're gonna win two won and Southgate was gonna get annoyed. I'll tell you how this all started, right? So there was a guy he'd been to pick up some beers. By the way, the man who's telling this story was to remain anonymous, I suspect he's making this up. - And to dodge the drink driving offense, charge, I imagine. - Well, he wasn't drinking in the car, so he says, but what happened was he, some tins started to basically explode in the back of the car and the first-- - I don't know, so why are there open cans of beer in the back of your vehicle? - Well, it was Bruce Forsyth's spectrum officer. - Yeah, but well, he knew it was Brucey because a voice appeared straight after one of the cans and exploded, saying, nice to explode, to explode, nice. - This person needs sectioning, so then this happened a few times where Bruce's voice would appear when a beer can, he had a spate of beer cans exploding in his boot, and apparently Brucey lives in the car, and he told the man that he was more than happy to make a prediction of the final, and he predicted the England win two-wad, with Southgate then receiving the title. That's why I'm quite excited, I thought, Brucey, like, you know, what a hero to many, you know, an icon and national treasure, and if he's come back from beyond the grave to tell us the England we're gonna win, I was all over it. - Night to see you, to see you, night. - Yeah, and fortunately, Brucey was very wrong with his predictions. - So you believe this? - Well, he wasn't haunting a car. - Yeah, there's the alternative. - I'm glad the police weren't involved in this, but I imagine, of all the excuses an officer might have heard over the years, that would have been a first. - Yeah, but what would Bruce have revealed himself to the police had they have stopped him, and if the man said, you know, the car, 'cause, you know, Bruce, let's face it, it's a showman. It was a showman. So if he's got an audience of, say, two or three police officers and the car owner, he might have appeared a little tap dance on the side of the road. - Was it Brucey who used to also say when people didn't win? - Oh, didn't he do well, I don't know. - Was that Brucey? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I can't do it as well as you can. - Who didn't, didn't you do well? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Well, didn't they do terribly? - No, but you're right. I mean, we were relying on flashes of brilliance, whereas Spain were consistently brilliant. It was, it wasn't good enough. So I kind of was expecting it, but if even Brucey couldn't rally the troops, then what hope did we ever have? - Yeah, anyway, look, whatever happens with Southgate. I thank him for the ride. I thank him for the ride. I feel now it's probably time for a new chapter, and who now uses this? - Well, it's you too lately. The other big news of the week, of course, but moving on from the football, we won't mention the football again. - Okay. - The hurt is still too, it's too raw, still, really. But the other big news of the week, serious news, was the assassination attempt on Donald Trump. - Yeah, that was really quite something. The first presidential assassination attempt in 40 some odd years. - Yeah, I think Reagan was near back in '81, something like that. - It was one of those stories that keeps you up, because it was just, it's a kind of, one of those momentous historic moments, isn't it? And I got the, the first thing I got on my news was Trump rushed off stage. It didn't say anything about gunshots, or anything at that point, and then the story was unfolding. I was just glued to the telly, and as much as I despise the man, I've never hidden the fact. I detest the guy, but, but. I was just sitting there thinking, I just hope he hasn't been assassinated, because I've, I feared for the ramifications around it, and what might happen, you know? And let's face it, we don't need this. You know, let democracy decide. You know, as much as I despise the man, if democracy decides he wants, he's gonna be president, then that's gonna happen, right? - Yeah. And I mean, if it doesn't, I mean, it still could, but I mean, the, the assassination of Donald Trump could well have incited a civil war in America. It's, it's that touchy over there at the moment. - Obviously, politicians and leaders around the world of all persuasions have condemned it quite rightly. And you sort of hope that maybe this is a time when people can step back from the rhetoric, you know? People from all sides saying terrible things, you know? And I think the conversation has to be a bit more grown up now, and we really do have to step back. What I will just say though, what I will just say, and I feel that we should apologize to the people of America, because one of the upshots of this terrible event is that Nigel Farage is making a trip back to the States. - Oh, God, really, oh, I'm so sorry, Americans. - He's going to support Trump. So we're all we can say is we're very, very sorry. (upbeat music) - Triv, recently on the podcast, we've been talking a little bit about words are favorite words, what they mean, things like that. - Yes, yeah, well, we had a big thing about favorite words last week, didn't we? - Yeah, our podcast is sort of becoming the poor man's QI, isn't it, really? - Oh, yeah, I think even that's pushing the boundaries of reality. (both laughing) It's not even, is it even that interesting? - Well, that's not for us to judge, that's for the listener, surely. - I'd say we're the antithesis of QI. (both laughing) - Maybe QI is the homeless man's Trevor Ben podcast, or the poor man's Trevor Ben podcast. (both laughing) So, I was very pleased to sort of continue that trend this week because I found a collection of phrases that you and I, probably, and a lot of people still say to this day, without really knowing where it comes from, and I found the explanations as to where some of these phrases come from. - And I do like this, because these do fascinate me, because there are phrases that we use all the time, and you never think about it, really. And in a case, you think, oh, where does that come from? So, I do genuinely find this sort of stuff quite interesting. - Good, some of the details are a little vague, some of them have dates and reference points, not all of them, some of them are a little bit in the olden days type thing, but we'll get there. - Oh, I wanna see if we can give no such thing as a fissure run for their money. (both laughing) - So, the first one I've got here is in the olden days, before painkillers were a thing, you know, and surgery was a lot more painful, and it was a lot more difficult to deal with. Soldiers during the war, who had to be operated on, weren't given sort of anesthetics and painkillers and things, instead, to sort of deal with the pain, all they had to do was sort of clench their teeth down on a bullet from a gun, which of course, gives us the phrase to bite the bullet. - Bite the bullet, yeah, well, I mean, that was the thing and wasn't it, and of course, if it wasn't soldiers in the military, they would give people a wooden spoon or a bit of wood to bite down on. I don't know whether that would, it seems to take them, I suppose it's just to stop you from doing damage to the teeth, because the pain is gonna make you grit your teeth so hard, 'cause I don't know whether biting down on anything that hard is gonna take the pain away. - Well, I'd be very anxious about biting on a bullet, because I'd be worried about it going off, 'cause I mean, that's all that happens with bullets when they hit by the little hammer thing, that's what basically ignites them, because the gunpowder's inside the cap of the bullet, isn't it, or something? - So if I really bite down on that, I don't wanna ignite the bloody thing, that would be awful. - Yeah, I'm sure they weren't giving them bullets that were likely to go off in that situation, I mean, you don't know. Well, I mean, I don't know the science of a bullet, but I think, yeah, it might be a little bit more than just the, you need something to ignite it too, I don't know, I don't know how it works, but I don't think there are any stories of that happening, are there? - No, I mean, I'm not a firearms expert either, so it might be perfectly safe. - Also, you mentioned one there, you said that not in sort of military things, but people might be giving a wooden spoon to bite down on it. - Yes. - I haven't looked this one up, but you just reminded me, you know, if you lose or come last, you're giving the wooden spoon. - Get the wooden spoon, well, yes, now I don't know where that comes from, I mean, that is-- - I wonder if it's the same thing, but the dealing with the pain of coming last, you're given the wooden spoon. - Well, I'm gonna look it up while we're talking about it, I might as well find it out. - Well, this is the most interactive of what causes, but in months. (laughing) - Or again, the most least prepared podcast out there. - No, I disagree, this shows people that we haven't, you know, researched this or prepared all this, this is genuinely happening, it's fascinating stuff. - Well, here we go, the history of the wooden spoon, dates back to the University of Cambridge in the 19th century, where the wooden spoon was awarded to the unfortunate student who received the lowest grade in a mathematics exam. - Why? - Well, it's the sort of posh team that would go on, okay, which is-- - No, no, hang on a minute, hang on a minute. The whole point of this segment is explaining why. - All right, well, that means a bit more deep research. Well, I'll keep researching while you keep talking. - So I've got a van. - I can't do two things at once. - I'm multitasking, mate. - Well, okay, I've got another one, which is also to do vaguely with war. But this one is interestingly to do with this sort of fairness of war. And what I'm gonna do with this one slightly differently is I'm going to tell you the details and wonder if you can guess the common phrase that we still use today. - Okay. - During battle, warships would use multiple flags. And the reason they would do this was when they were rushing towards the enemy, they would have all these different flags out and it was to confuse the enemy so that they wouldn't know who was approaching because they had all these flags out. And it might be an ally, it might not be. But rules of warfare dictated that every ship before actually firing or engaging in battle must display its real flag beforehand. - Oh, why? - Well, well, it's a weird thing is I mean, I think it's good that wars have rules, but I always find that a bit odd as well. You know, we've got to do things by a rule book when you're at a war, but I suppose it's, this is some sort of, I'm guessing it's just down to some sort of chivalrous. - Yeah, that's it. It's just good old fashioned fairness. - Yeah. - Like you say, fairness in war, there are rules. We have, is it the Geneva Convention, which is all about rules of warfare or is that something else? - Yes, but I think that's a relatively more recent convention. But I think it's always been rules of warfare over the years. - Yeah, like even the English used to use the longbow and when the crossbow was invented, we thought it was an unfair advantage. So we stuck with the longbow out of a sense of fairness. But this is where we get the phrase, to show their true colors. - Oh. - The warships before firing would have to show their true colors. - I thought you were going to get me to guess what the phrase was, the whole idea there. - Yes. - I must have been, I was so excited. I forgot that part of this. Yeah, would you have got it? - When I was thinking of the phrase, you know, what is it pin your colors to the mast? I was thinking sort of thinking about, I guess it's the same origin that would be. - I guess it's the same thing, yeah. - Right, do you want to know a bit more about the wooden spoon? I've done a little bit more research. - Yeah, it took you long enough. - Well, I mean, look, what I can tell you is it was given as just, it was like the booby prize. It was like, if you become last in that exam, you know, if you come top, that's like the gold medal, you know, in the wooden spoon was just the thing you got for coming last in that exam. With the v-ist, the spoon got bigger and bigger over time. Though it's weirdness, I'm actually looking at a picture of the wooden spoon, it's over five feet long. - But this isn't telling us anything. - It is telling you, I've told you exactly what it is. It's like the booby prize. - I've asked you why they came up with a wooden spoon as the booby prize, and your answer is basic, and you've looked this up twice. - Well, yes. - And your answer is basically because they did. - Yes, I mean, it does, like, I'd imagine it just started off when they just, I don't know, they gave a cold cup to them, came first, they'd look round for some shit to give the last one, went to the kitchen and got a wooden spoon, and it grew from there. I don't know how it started. It goes back to the late 18th century. - So not only have you not answered the question, you've also added a layer of intrigue, which you're obviously not going to tell us, which is why did the spoon get bigger? - Who cares? Who cares about us? - Yeah, yeah, why did you start this barracks for? Shall we move on? - Yeah. - I promise, from now on, I will try and let you guess what the saying is that we still use today. - Okay. - And this one's quite an easy one to be honest. I'll be a bit disappointed if you don't get this one. In 15th century Scotland, criminals who were caught during the crime with blood on their hands. - Yeah. - Dot, dot, dot. - Yeah. - Go on, Jeff. - Court red-handed. - There you go. So criminals in Scotland from the 15th century who found with blood on their hands were court red-handed. - Well, that makes sense, doesn't it? - Yeah, that one's pretty easy. Here's another good one. This one, you might not get, but I like this one. In the late 1600s in England and Wales, there was a tax introduced by King William III, which was the window tax. - The window tax, yes. - You sound familiar with this. - Well, we learned about all this as school, mate. You can still see in some property, a really old property sort of around London where the windows were bricked up. - Yeah, to avoid being taxed, I'm assuming, yeah? It sounds like William III was the sort of you-layers of his time, he was a sort of sedecan of the 16th century. - Can you imagine that if somebody said, well, I think the luxury of daylight deserves to be taxed. I mean, what a, I hope he was overthrown. (laughing) - But in recent years, we've had the bedroom tax, the spare bedroom thing, didn't we? - Yeah, well, yeah, I never quite understood that, but yeah, there was that and they'd always find something to tax you on. No, that's just the want of the powerful, to just make sure that your tax on as many things as possible. With the window tax, I don't know how long that lasted, but it must've been one of the worst ideas for it's a, what is it, the corn, the tax on corn? Is that the corn law? That basically started a massive uprising. - I'm not familiar with that one. - Yeah, I think there was some taxation on to the corn and I'm sure the farmers upraised about that. - So of this one or the William III? - Yes. - What phrase from that do we have that we still use today that you might not have realized originated from then? And I'll give you a little clue to really wet your appetite. You've already used one of the words. - I've already used one of the words. - You have? - It wasn't corn. (laughing) - Okay. Okay, I've already used one of the words. I just say words, mate. I have no recollection of what I say. I just fall out of my mouth and you listen to them in any order you like, I don't even know what I've been talking about in this conversation about the window tax. - In the last three minutes you've used the word or one of the words. There's two words. - Oh, daylight robbery. - Daylight robbery. - Oh. - Yeah, the locals hated the imposed tax and referred to it as daylight robbery. - Well, it was daylight robbery. - It was? - But I didn't know that was the phrase. That's where we get it from. - Why didn't people, do you know how long that tax lasted? - I haven't done that much. - Oh, have I not done enough? - Well, I was getting into trouble for my lack of on the hoof research. You've come into this prepared with no detail at all. - Right, I'll finish, and I won't finish. I've got two more. - Okay, during the 1800s, people were often buried alive. I don't know if that was deliberately. It doesn't really specify. I think it probably was due to medical incompetence and mistakes. So, due to this, all coffins were fitted with string going down to the coffin and a little bell, to the other end, which they could then ring if the person woke up in the coffin and found themselves buried alive. So, what phrase do we still use today that originates from this occurrence? - Well, it's gonna be saved by the bell, surely. - It is saved by the bell. - Interestingly enough, I know about this. I did some research on this a while back for a little project I was working on, which is still on the back burner. One day, maybe I'll make my favorite fortune out of this idea that I've been working on. And I did some research in this. And not all coffins were fitted with a coffin bell. I think you had to pay for it. It was like an added extra if you were really afraid of the possibility of being buried alive, you had to pay extra for a coffin bell. - So, I'm just getting... I know we talked about this fairly recently, but daytime TV adverts. - Yes. I'm now seeing one selling this coffin with a bell. - Alan Tichmarsh comes on. - Yeah, scared of being buried alive. (laughing) - Well, I'm digging in my garden. I often think I'd hate to be buried under this earth whilst I'm still alive. - No more needlessly chlorine a coffin lids. - With Alan's coffin bells, that's no longer a worry. - No more bloody fingernails. (laughing) - No more scraping at woods. (laughing) - It is a concern of this, but a few cases recently, if you see need, they sort of pop up every day out again about someone in a mortuary who's been declared dead somewhere and they're waking up in the mortuary. - Yes, normally it happens in some far-flung country in God knows where, but normally in the western countries, it doesn't happen very often if at all because we're a lot more savvy about making sure people are clinically and medically dead, not just a bit asleep for a while. - Yeah, but I mean, I think that's probably why, like in some ways, cremations are a better thing 'cause at least it ensures... - Yeah, they're quite final, aren't they? (laughing) - Who's if you're really afraid of that? The very limited possibility of being bred alive, then that's probably a good option to go for the cremate, although it'd be worse to wake up just as the fire is lit. - Oh, gosh. - Even if you've got a bell, there's no coming back from that, the heat is so intense that, you know, by the time they've opened the, I don't know how they open it, what is it? Like the oven, by the time they've opened the oven, you're literally toast. - The oven, I said it at 500 for two and a half hours, that'll turn out, don't it? - So maybe Barry's on the side, 200 fan. (laughing) So, some of these are a bit of a macabre, so we'll end with a nicer one, yeah. In the 1800s, when you were no longer welcome at a dinner party, the host might serve you for some cold meats cut from the pork or beef shoulder. - Oh, okay. - Why might this, what phrase might this give us, Trev? - Well, being given the cold shoulder. It is, and the reason this one intrigued me is, because at the end of a dinner party, so presumably you've just served them a nice big hot meal. - Yeah. - And now you're coming out with the cold cuts. It doesn't make much sense. - Well, well, maybe the meat was cooked earlier in the day. You know, sometimes the meat you get with your main meal isn't always piping hot, is it? But some, maybe some's been kept on a hot plate, and the other meat has been allowed to go cold, you know, if there's a lot of cooking, there's a big dinner party, you know, there might be only certain room in the oven, you know, top shelf bodies, second shelf joints. - Yeah, maybe, so the guests you like the least and you want to leave, you give them the coldest cut. - Yeah, there was, there's a thing, I don't know how true this is. Again, maybe we should look these up, but there's a thing about the, is it chewing the fat? Is it not about sort of the leftover bad bits of meat that people below stairs were allowed to eat, and they would sit around basically chewing the fat whilst talking, and that became the phrase about chewing the fat, is that right? - I'd heard that was something to do with bacon rind. - A bacon rind? - Yeah, you would, you would just sort of peel off and hand out the bacon rind to chew with your guests as you chatted away, very strange. I haven't fact checked that one, so I'll need to look that up, but it seems like the olden days, they used to get up to a lot of weird shit, so I wouldn't put that past them. - But well, yeah, I think they did used to, and they used to eat some weird stuff as well, didn't they, back then, but they, yeah. - Well, so the reason this one really stood out is, because only last week we were talking about the joys of one of our favorite cold cuts of meat, and how we wouldn't regard it a punishment at all. - Oh, yes, well, when we had cold meats and bubbling and squeak, of course. - I got a very strange text from Big Jeff. - Oh, yeah. - But I got in touch with me, and he said, "Oh, just listen to your latest podcast." Yeah, very interesting. I thought, "Has he really listened?" (laughing) But then he proved-- - 'Cause he's probably the only person still listening. - But then he proved, he listened, because he said to me, "Oh, I found a bit about bubble and squeak, quite interesting." - Yeah. - Then he said, "Did I ever tell you "that bubble and squeak changed my life forever?" - Oh, wow, now this is good. - Bubble and squeak changed your dad's life forever. - So he explained to me that when he was applying for a certain school he wanted to go to, that his elder brother had got into quite a decent school, he had to sit at an exam for it, and this was back in the day, and he basically hit around the past mark, but just shy to get into this quite decent grammar school. I think it was. - Yeah, okay, yeah. And he bribed the headmaster with some bubble and squeak. (laughing) 'Cause headmasters of posh schools, they're open to, I went to a bit of a posh school like that, and let me just say the headmaster left. In dubious circumstances where there were mutterings of misappropriation of funds, maybe he received some bubble and squeak. - No, that wasn't quite either. (laughing) - So he was basically, he had borderline failed. Well, no, let's just call a spade a spade. He failed the test. - He got the wooden spoon. (laughing) And he used that to eat the bubble and squeak. - But he had a little bit more sort of push with the headmaster because, like I said, his elder brother went there, and that always plays in your favor if you're all the sibling ghost in the school. I think it played in my favor on a school that clearly should have rejected me a lot of time before I go in 'cause my older sister went there. So they said, well, technically, Big Jeff, I think they call him Big Jeff at the time, I can only assume. Big Jeff has failed the exam, so we're not really sure if he can come in. But his elder brother does attend the school, so I'll tell you what, we'll get the parents in, so they all had a big meeting, and they were arming and arring about whether or not to let Big Jeff in to the grammar school, and at some point in the proceedings, the headmaster handed my dad a magazine. Not one of those. (laughing) And he said, out you go, boy, out you go. I need to talk to your parents. Read this article, and he pointed at the magazine. So my dad went, Big Jeff, waiting outside. He was reading this article whilst his parents talked to the principal or the headmaster of this school, and he came back in, and all of a sudden the headmaster took the magazine back off him and started quizzing him, right, on the article. And he said, "What were you reading about there, boy?" And my dad, Big Jeff, started telling him, "Oh, it was about bubble and squeak." And the headmaster gave him an entire quiz, lecturing him, and reading, and questioning all the different paragraphs of the article. And my dad, like a good boy he was, at the time firing off all the correct answers to the things he just learned about bubble and squeak. - How much did you learn about bubble and squeak? - I don't know. Who's written an article about bubble and squeak? I don't know what magazine this was. - Bubble and squeak monthly. It's like, as a result of my dad's ability to recite. - Read his chives. - Bubble and squeak digest. As a result of his ability to recurge or take facts about bubble and squeak, the headmaster was duly impressed, and said, "Okay, you can come in." - Oh, there must have been more to it than this. I reckon while he was out of the room, some money changed ads. I can't believe his school's gone, "Oh, you know about bubble and squeak. Come on in." - I think it was a test on his attention to detail and his ability to retain knowledge for two minutes. But it worked, and now my dad swears that whenever he hears any reference to bubble and squeak, he attributes that to getting into his grammar school, giving him the education he got, and literally changing his life for the better. And I extrapolate this to think that if my dad hadn't got into this school thanks to bubble and squeak, he might not have got the decent job he got, which took him to Northern Ireland, where he met my mum. So if you extrapolate out and out and out, I might owe my entire existence to bubble and squeak. - Wow, there's something to be proud of, isn't it? I mean, who'd have thought? - And if that hadn't have happened, there wouldn't have been a Cheven Ben podcast. This whole thing, this whole thing we know right now is down to bubble and squeak. - So my life has been blessed by bubble and squeak, and arguably yours has been cursed by bubble and squeak. (upbeat rock music) - Now Ben, do you remember a few weeks ago, we were talking about accents, and I think we were talking about how I can't do accents as much as I'd quite like to be able to do this. - Yes, I do remember, yeah. - Well, thanks to Dan, who sent me a message this week. Hello Dan, thank you very much for getting in touch. And he sent me an article that he'd come across about accents. Now the thing is, I'm not going to attempt to do any of these accents, because I fear it may lead to cancellation. (laughing) - Okay. - So this was basically a scientific study about how people physically react to particular national accents. - Oh. - They measured the leap in heart rate when people hear particular accents. And they kind of talked about it being about attraction, accents that you find attractive or sexy. - Okay. - In third place is the French accent, that led to an 18% increase in heart rate. Well, the French has the language of love, isn't it? - Very romantic, a softly spoken French lady. - All right. - Melts my heart. - So there is a language I'm waiting to see if pops up on this list. - Okay. - All right. - I won't tell you what it is just yet. I'll tell you what it comes up. If it comes up. - But the French accent, I think that's one that in any situation, if you want to make it sound a bit sexy, you always put a French accent on, don't you? - Yeah. - You could say anything and try and make it sexy. I want to flesh the toilet. (laughing) Just put it in the French accent. I was like, oh really, you know? - It's not a sexy sentence, but it is slightly sexier than if we said it. - That's true. - In second place, the Portuguese accent. That led to a 20% increase. - Now call me a racist, but I'm not sure I could positively identify a Portuguese accent over a Spanish accent. - Okay, see if you can guess what the top, the top accent is. - Well, do I hit you with what I think it should be? - You can hit me with what you think it should be if you want. - Welsh. - Welsh. - Because I have recently been furious with how long it's taken me to get my driver's license back. I have finally, finally got it. After applying, waiting a year, it took the DVLA two and a half months to process my application. I was getting so fucking annoyed with it. However, any time I phoned up the DVLA to complain, blood boiling, where is my driver's license? The moment I got one of those lovely ladies from the DVLA with that beautiful soft Welsh accent. - Yeah. - All of my troubles just washed away. And I found it impossible to be angry with them. They're so nice. - It is a lovely accent, isn't it? It's funny, a few years ago, I mean, I'm talking probably about 30 years ago, I remember, because of what I was doing at the time, we were doing lots of recordings for call centers. Basically, you know, the on hold messages that you get when you phone up the call centers. - Yes. - And there was a thing about the accents that companies would want to use because they were the accents that people found the most calming. And at that time, the Scottish accent was the thing. And at that time, a lot of call centers were based in Scotland for that very reason, because people felt that the Scottish accent had a calming effect. It was a friendlier accent. - I tell you another one that I think for you is quite heavily in call centers. Is the jordies? - Oh, wait, yay, man. - It's hard to be angry with somebody who sounds so nice. - Yeah, that's true, isn't it? It's funny, isn't it? 'Cause I mean, we will come to the top accent in a minute. I'll tell you well, she isn't it, by the way. - No. - But it is funny how different accents give different feelings, like the bromi accent, which I like, it's not a lovely listen, but you can't help but think they're a bit thick. (laughing) - I mean, it's a terrible thing to say, but I know exactly what you mean. (laughing) - Yeah, the scouse accent, it's a slightly smug, aggressive accent. - Softly spoken scouse can be very, very nice, but the harsher end of the scale, it's rough. (laughing) - But, you know, I'd say the same about the London accent, you know, where we are, you know, the sort of harsh London accent, it's grating on the ears, isn't it? - Yes. - But then I don't want to hear a sort of, you know, sort of OR sort of accent either. I just like a sort of mid-range sort of normal voice. - Somewhere in between King Charles and Danny Dyer, that's what I'm looking for. - Yeah, it's a little raving. - The middle ground, sort of off to (laughing) Okay, the top accent is Italian. - Oh, there they are. - 23% increase in your heart rate when you hear an Italian. - I mean, my heart rate goes up when I hear Giro de Campo, but it's mainly 'cause I want to punch him in the face. (laughing) - I love Giro de Campo, I'm not having a bad word said. - How annoying. - How did he get a family fortune, by the way? How did he someone who was cooking on this morning suddenly become the host of family fortunes? - Well, that's a very good question. I don't know that, but I think he's great. I mean, he's got a bit of a sketchy history, by the way. Did you know about that? - Was he in prison? - I don't know if he went to prison, I think he might've, but yeah, he was, I think he basically burgled some other celebrities' house, didn't he? I don't know who was a singer, stole his guitar or something. - Well, we better fact check this before I-- - Yeah, probably should. - I think it's quite well known. - If this is in the idea, everything we've said is true. (laughing) - But other than that, I really like Gino, and Gino Gordon Fred, that cooking show, that's really funny, probably a little bit scripted, but isn't everything these days. But that makes sense, it's chefs on the road, family fortunes, why? - Well, I don't know, I'm not saying, I've not seen him do it, 'cause I must admit I'm a little bit sort of narrow-minded. So when I saw Family Fortunes hosted by Judith de Campo, I said, well, I'm obviously not watching that. So he might be brilliant at it, he might be the best host Family Fortunes has ever had, but I just thought, no, not watching that. You know, it was great with Max Bygroves, it was great with Bob Munkhouse, and it was superb with Les Dennis, of course. - Well, I mean, according to the stats that you've been telling us about, maybe you should give it a chance, and for some reason or another, you might find it, what was it, 26% more alluring than usual? - 23%, I mean, if my heart rate goes up, 26%, I'm gonna need an ambulance. (laughing) Here's the bottom three, the least appealing accents. Now, can I have a pop at number one when we get there? - Okay. - And I'm very wary that if I get it wrong, I'm walking the racist time route bit. - Okay. - By the way, can I just, I just wanna, I've just Googled Judith de Campo robbery, right? He stole 4,000 pounds worth of guitars at a priced platinum disc from singer Paul Young. - So I was right. - Well, right, wow. - But he's a changed man. - Isn't that good though, that life gives people a second chance? - And prison works, did he go to prison? - I don't know if he went to prison. (laughing) I think he might have gone to prison. So yeah, prison, did you learn to cook in prison? Prison, of course, I always remember when Toad of Toad Hall was in prison. I don't even remember this. (laughing) That the Jada's daughter brings him some bubble in the squeak. - Really? It's full of full circles. - Maybe while Gino was in prison, he was making some lovely bubble in the squeak. (laughing) Right, third least, alluring accent is the German accent. That only causes a 15% increase in heart rate. - Now that was gonna be my number one slot, the Germans. - What's it? - There's no reflection on the people. They're lovely people. It's just that it is famously quite a harsh language to listen to. - Again, though, if it says soft German accent, that can be quite alluring, can't it? - Yeah. - Okay. - Second to bottom is the Dutch accent. - Oh, wouldn't that feel the Dutch? No, that's surprising. - Only a 12% increase in... I'd imagine, I'd imagine that when you're in Holland, your heart rate doesn't go up a huge amount 'cause you're stoned off your box. (laughing) I'd be there. So chilled out. (laughing) I quite like the Dutch accent. I think it's a love... I like the... Do you remember when Steve McLaren tried to do the Dutch accent when he was out there? - Yeah, he got a manager's job of some Dutch team and it's... - FC 20, I think. - Yeah, and inexplicably adopted this bizarre accent. I don't know why he was thinking. - Best word of Dutch person can say? - A rangy boom. - No, sloppy. (laughing) If something very sloppy, it was a sloppy pass. I love that. Right. The least alluring accent, Ben, only increases the heart rate by 10% have another guess. You, your guess is gone, but have another one. I'm trying to think what language do I find harsh? Oh, I... I mean, your languages have been in entire countries. Can I do regionals? - Well, no, these are just national accents, which again, I think is a little bit harsh because each nation has all the regional dialects. We've already discussed the many different dialects we have in Britain alone. So it's very unfair to just say all the Italian. I mean, maybe the, I don't know, the Tuscan accent is a softer one than another region. - I was going to say, well, I know it's wrong now because we're not doing regions, but I always find mank quite hard to listen to. - Do you? - Yeah, it can be. - I think, again, it depends on the harshness of it, doesn't it? You were saying like the scouse accent, if you have a softly spoken scouse. Like someone like Carolina Hearn, God bless her. - Yeah. - The accent, softly spoken, mancunion accent. Very, very nice. So, but yeah, that's sort of no gattega. - (laughs) - The gattega is sort of really harsh accent. Wait, it's like when a cockney accent is so harsh, it's painful. You kind of get that with the, you know, with a mank accent, when it's like, you know, really pushing it, you know? (snores) In the sunshine. - So we've gone and reveal the most unpleasant accent. - The English. - Oh, is it really? - Yeah. - English accent is the least alluring accent. (laughs) It's not a surprise, though, is it? Let's face it. - No, not really. (laughs) (upbeat music) - Well, there we are. That's it for another Trevor Ben podcast before we wrap up. Of course, some recommendations for you. Got anything this week, Ben? - I do. It's a little bit old. I think it was from November of last year. It's a diary of a CEO podcast. I tend to cherry pick the ones I listen to because there's quite a lot of guests on there and not all of them are people I either know or I'm not interested to listen to. - But I stumbled across the episode where he talked to Magician Dynamo. - Oh, 'cause you're a big fan of Dynamo. I seem to remember that from years ago when he was on the telly, and we used to talk about him fairly regularly. - I love Dynamo. I think he's great. But I will warn people it's actually quite a hard listen. It's quite bleak at times and it does raise some fairly triggering subjects. It has a fairly positive end to the interview and sort of a bit more upbeat towards the end, but be warned, it is quite bleak. But it is a great insight and interesting to listen to, especially if you like me are a fan of Dynamo. - All right, well, that's a good listen. I've got a couple of things you might wanna listen to. There's a podcast that, again, I'm gonna admit a little bit of anger that I felt about this podcast, even though I love the person that hosts it. It's a podcast called "Where There's a Will, There's a Wake", and it's hosted by the brilliant Kathy Burke. - Okay. - And I think Kathy Burke should be made a saint. She's just extraordinarily brilliant. But the reason I felt anger about this podcast is before this podcast came along, I had this idea where you would talk to celebrities about planning their funeral, and I was gonna call it "It's Your Funeral", which I thought actually is a better title than what I was saying, Kathy. And I was just in the sort of early throes of, "Oh, that would be a good idea. I wonder who I could pitch that to." And then this came along, right? So I was a bit angry about it, but it is a really good podcast. Like just listen to the episode with Mark Steele. Do you know the comedian Mark Steele? - I recognize the name, I can't picture the face. - Well, he's a very funny man. And I've just listened to his episode, and it is brilliant. He's such a, he's sent down to Earth, but he's so funny, and Kathy Burke's brilliant. So that's a really good listen. Of course, she's done many episodes now, so you can cherry pick the people you like. - I'm sorry, just before we move on from that, I don't mean to send you into a sort of spiral about this. - Yeah. - Yeah. - This idea you had, did you pitch it to anyone before the Kathy Burke podcast came along? - No, no, I didn't. I mean, I may have mentioned it to someone, but I don't think they have any influence in the podcast. - Are you sure? - I don't think so. I mean, I don't think they know Kathy Burke. - Just double check the credits for that podcast, and make sure you all make there isn't some sort of executive producer on that note. - That would really piss me off in it. The thing is, what I would say though, it was obviously a great idea. - It's a shame. - So anyway, talking of Mark Steele, he's been doing a Radio 4 program for years called Mark Steele's in Town. And basically, he goes around the country and he'll do a sort of half hour sort of stand up about the area that he's in. And there are some brilliant ones. I've just listened to a couple of the new series, and you'll be interested in this, Ben. He's done one in East Grins did. - Really? I will listen to that. - And obviously lots of mentions of Scientology and Mormonism. - What did he make of the place without his spoilers? - Well, he's not always polite about where he is. - Say no more. - It's well worth a listen. And if you just looked at loads of series, he's done. So he may have been to where you are. So it might be worth you fighting out with you. Well, I'd see what he's got to say about it. He hasn't done the Thornton Heath or Croydon yet. But he lives in Crystal Palace. So he knows the area very well indeed. Other couple of things I'm going to recommend, just things to watch on Channel 5. There was a brilliant documentary recently. Again, I don't think this will be up your street, mate. - Oh, God, what's this going to be? - The Terracotta Army with Dan Snow. - Oh, my word. - Do you know about the Chinese Terracotta Army, do you? - Yeah, a bit. - Yeah. I mean, I didn't know a huge amount about it, but I do remember going to see some of them. When I was a kid, I bought a few over back in the '80s. It's an extraordinary story. I just didn't know all of the details about it. And the barbaric nature in which the first emperor of China went about creating them. - Okay. - So that's worth a watch. And also on Channel 5, there's been a brilliant four-part drama this week called "The Night Corner." And it's about a man's slowly building obsession with a late night talk show host. - Oh, that sounds good. - So there you go. That is good. It is a really good drama. It's just four parts, so you don't have to devote too much time to it. - Nice. - There we are, that's it. Thank you very much for this thing. Don't forget you can get in touch with the same time, wrap, chill and bend on X. We do love to hear from you, so do get in touch. And we'll catch you again next week. Till then, stay safe, stay well, take it easy. - Bye. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) [BLANK_AUDIO]